Usman's Blog

Perfect Woman

2011-08-30T13:27:00.002+04:00

PERFECT WOMAN

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their car. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated causing the perfect couple and Santa Claus to have an accident.

Who was the survivor ?

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

If you are a Women stop reading here, this is the end of the joke.

Men read on.

Since there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, so the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was an accident. By the way, if you are a woman and you are still reading this, it illustrates another point, women never listen either.

Ha ! Ha ! Ha !

Sholay Movie

2011-08-30T13:25:00.000+04:00

A family saw "Sholay" movie. After returning back to home, husband romantically asked his wife: "Nach Basanti Nach"

Child added: "Nahin Basanti Is Kute K Samne Mat Nachna"

Software Husband

2011-08-30T13:22:00.000+04:00

Software Husband

Husband (Returning late from work ) : "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in."

Wife : Have you brought the grocery ?

Husband : Bad command or filename.

Wife : But I told you in the morning?

Husband : Erroneous syntax. Abort ?

Wife : What about my new TV?

Husband : Variable not found ...

Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.

Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied ...

Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny ?

Husband : Too many parameters ...

Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.

Husband : Data type mismatch.

Wife : You are a useless nut.

Husband : By Default.

Wife : What about your Salary ?

Husband : File in use ... Try after some time.

Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?

Husband : System is unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot.

Wife : Are you going to drink some wine ?

Husband : File system is full.

Wife : What is the relation between u and your Receptionist ?

Husband : Only user in my WRITE group.

Wife : What is my value in the family ?

Husband : Unknown Virus.

Muslim Girls

2011-06-06T00:06:00.000+04:00

A guy asked a Muslim Why do your girls cover up their body and hair? The Muslim guy smiled and got two sweets, he opened the first one and kept the other one closed. He threw them both on the dusty floor and asked the guy If I ask you to take one of the sweets which one you will choose? The Man replied The covered one. Then the Muslim said that's how we treat and see our women.

What Love Must Be.....!!

2011-05-27T13:19:00.002+04:00

"Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists. . . . When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence"

Mud Therapy – Mud Treatment

2011-05-23T23:16:00.002+04:00

Mud treatment has become very popular because of several reasons such as detoxifying skin, blood circulation , purifying skin and anti-aging treatment. In a spa treatment the mud which is used contains several types of clay and minerals in it. However, there are types of mud treatment which can be used with a different variety of mud.

Peat Therapy

Peat therapy is one type of mud treatment which has several uses such as detoxification, insomnia, relaxation, arthritis, musculoskeletal pain, infertility and stimulation of immune system. It is a type of mud which contains sulfur, humic, water, cellulose and fulvic acids in it. It can be applied as a hot or cold pack. One may also add this mud with hot or cold water. This peat therapy can be applied in one’s house or can be done at a spa.

Peloid Therapy

This mud therapy is used to treat skin diseases, sciatica, osteoarthritis, rheumatoid, gynecological as well as common problems such as blemishes, wrinkles and blackheads. Peloid therapy is very expensive and it can be performed in a mud treatment spa. This mud consists of virgin clay, minerals and humus.

Parafango Packs

These packs help in the degradation of the collagen and elastane in the skin. It not only soothes the muscle but also reduces localised swelling around the joints. Parafango pack contains volcanicmineral ash, extract of the seaweed and paraffin in it.

Mud Masks

This type of mud treatment helps in treating skin blemishes as a part of anti-aging treatment. Mud Masks are inexpensive and are easily available at any beauty store. Mud masks contains dyes and perfumes in it which may cause allergic reaction to individuals who have a sensitive skin.

Mud Therapy

2011-05-23T23:14:00.000+04:00

Mud therapy is being used by people to treat diseases since ancient times. It is believed that the earth has healing powers which are refreshing and invigorating for the body.

The material used for mud therapy is mostly clay, taken from 4 inches below the surface of the earth. The clay should be free of any impurities such as pebbles, decaying matter etc.

How mud therapy can benefit you

Mud therapy is especially good for treating skin diseases. Wet clay absorbs toxins in the skin. The clay is then thrown away after drying.
Mud applications increase the beauty of the skin. They increase blood circulation, energize skin tissue, improve complexion and clear spots and patches on the skin.
Mud therapy can be used in conjunction with other treatments to heal chronic inflammation caused by internal diseases, bruises, sprains, boils and wounds.
Mud packs have been found to be useful in treating diseases relating to general weakness and nervous disorders. The cooling effect of mud packs can also bring down fever.
Some diseases which mud packs can help treat are scarlet fever, influenza, measles, swellings, eye and ear troubles, gout, rheumatism, stomach troubles, kidney problems, liver malfunction, diphtheria, neuralgia, sexual disorders, headache, tooth ache and other general pains.
Applying mud to the abdomen can cure indigestion, flatulence and intestinal obstructions. It is also helpful in amoebiasis, colitis, enteritis and other bacterial diseases.

Natural Tips for Healthy Hair.

2011-05-21T00:05:00.000+04:00

Natural tips for healthy hair

For Dandruff

Massage the Scalp with pure coconut oil. This will also help growth of hair.
Apply coconut oil which has been boiled with small onions for about 20 minutes. Wash it off with a mixture of green gram powder and water drained from cooked (boiled) rice.
Apply a mixture of almond oil and gooseberry juice with finger tips on the scalp.
Apply the warm mixture of olive oil, lemon juice and coconut oil. Do a steam -towel- wrap for 15 minutes and wash the hair with a mild shampoo.
Apply a paste of fenugreek and mustard to the scalp.
Mix Shikakai powder with the water drained from the cooked rice and wash the hair with it.
Crush the leaves of five petal hibiscus flower and take the juice. Wash the hair with this juice.
Heat oil with a little camphor. Apply the oil in the scalp and massage for 10 minutes. After 30 minutes wash the hair with a herbal shampoo. Do the steam -towel- wrap for 15 minutes.

For Healthy and Shiny hair

It is better to apply castor oil for a healthy growth of hair.
Wash hair with tea once in a week.
Apply besan in the hair and wash it with water drained from the cooked rice.
Soak a handful of gooseberries in a cup of milk for two hours. Make a paste and apply on the hair.
Apply the mixture of an egg white, 2 spoons of castor oil, 1 spoon glycerin, in the scalp and hair. Wash it after some time.
Massage hair with warm coconut oil an hour before washing. Let it soak. Cover your head with a hot towel and wash your hair after an hour or so.
Boil a few hibiscus flowers in coconut oil. Filter and use this hair oil to control hair loss and thinning.
Do a 'steam-towel-wrap' once in a while, if your cuticles are damaged, as this steaming opens out the pores and absorbs the oil.
Soak 1 teaspoon fenugreek in curd and keep it for a night. Apply it in the next morning.
Boil coconut oil with the juices of curry leaves, basil, hibiscus flower and gooseberry. Apply on hair, keep it for sometime and rinse.
Take a cup each coconut and mustard oil. Soak half a cup of curry leaves in the oil mixture and keep it for a night. Next morning, heat on a slow fire till the curry leaves turn crisp. Remove from heat and add two to three camphor balls. Allow oil to cool and then strain. Apply oil to hair roots using cotton wool along the parting and massage in circular movements. Leave the oil overnight and shampoo the next morning. Repeat twice a week.
Add a lemon peel to a 'shikakai' and 'amla' mixture while washing your hair.

For Graying

Take a little Mehandi , an egg, juice of half a lemon, one table spoon of instant coffee powder. Mix it together and apply on the hair. Wash it after 45 minutes.
Boil one cup of dried gooseberry with 4 cups of water. Add a pinch of sugar in it. Keep boiling till the quantity of the liquid reduces to one cup. Mix 2 cups of Mehendi, an egg, juice of a lemon and the gooseberry solution and apply on hair. Wash the hair after two hours.

Natural Conditioners

Henna is a herbal treatment with good conditioning abilities.
Egg white is a good conditioner for hair.
Deep condition with curd, beer and egg.
Mix a little vinegar in warm water and rinse your hair with this solution. This will add bounce to dull and lifeless hair.

Foods That Help or Harm Your Sleep

2011-05-13T22:06:00.000+04:00

Dairy foods contain tryptophan, which is a sleep-promoting substance. Other tryptophan-containing foods include poultry, bananas, oats, and honey. Try drinking warm milk before sleeping at night which may help you get good sleep.
Carbohydrate-rich foods complement dairy foods by increasing the level of sleep-inducing tryptophan in the blood. So a few perfect late night snacks to get you snoozing might include a bowl of cereal and milk, yogurt and crackers, or bread and cheese.
Being a patient of insomnia, try to eat a snack before going to bed. Don't take a heavy meal which can tax your digestive system to disturb your sleep. A little food in your stomach may help you sleep better.
Food rich in fats may trigger your sleep disorder. Besides, you will gain weight also by eating high-fat foods like burgers and fries, etc.
Evening cup of coffee might disrupt your sleep. Even mild caffeine can cause sleep disorders. For better sleep, cut all your caffeine source foods afternoon.
Some over-the-counter and prescription drugs contain caffeine, too, such as pain relievers, weight loss pills, diuretics, and cold medicines. These and other medications may have as much or even more caffeine than a cup of coffee. Check the label of nonprescription drugs or the prescription drug information sheet to see if your medicine interferes with sleep or can cause insomnia.
Lying down with a full belly can make you uncomfortable, since the digestive system slows down when you sleep. And spicy cuisine can lead to heartburn. Make sure to finish a heavy meal at least four hours before bedtime.
Protein, an essential part of our daytime fare, is a poor choice for a bedtime snack. Protein-rich foods are harder to digest. So skip the high-protein snack before bedtime and opt for a glass of warm milk or some sleep-friendly carbs, like crackers.

Dreams

2011-05-10T23:33:00.000+04:00

Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.

Professor aur Jootey

2011-05-08T23:45:00.000+04:00

Ek professor sahib jaldi main ja rahay they ke begum ne kaha:

"Aray paan to khate jain"

Professor sahib palat ker ayay, muh main paan rakha aur dobara chalay gey.

Begum: "aray wo jootey"

Professor sahib boley "Abhi jaldi main hoon, aa ker kha loon ga"

1 out of 250,000 (Joke)

2011-05-08T22:56:00.002+04:00

A car is crossing a large bridge when a policeman pulls him over.

“Congratulations!” the officer says. “This is the 250,000th car to cross this bridge and you’ve won $250,000.”

“Great!” the man says, “Now I can finally get my drivers-license!”

His wife, sitting next to him hits him on the head and says to the officer, “Don’t mind him, he always lies like this when he’s drunk!”

And Grandma, who was sleeping in the back of the car, finally wakes up and yells to the man and woman: “See ? I told you, you’ll never get far in a stolen car !”

Quote

2011-05-06T19:41:00.002+04:00

May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, The foresight to know where you are going, And the insight to know when you have gone too far.

Slideshow: Improve Your Immunity

2011-05-03T23:52:00.000+04:00

Slideshow: Improve Your Immunity

8 Glasses of Water

2011-05-03T23:45:00.000+04:00

Make Drinking Eight Glasses of Water a Day a Habit That's Easy to Keep.

Health experts tell us to drink lots of water but that's not always easy to do. We have lives that keep us busy and often out of range of a drinking fountain or cold water. Try putting eight-ounce bottles of water in your freezer. Don't fill to the top as you want to allow room for ice to thaw. Grab a frozen bottle of water as you leave your house in the morning and keep it in your car. When you get back to the car, chances are it will be nicely thawed and cold to drink. Another idea is to wrap it in a towel and carry it in your briefcase or handbag. Take it with you to the office or wherever you go. You can refill the bottles and always keep some frozen in your freezer, ready to go.

Arrange Marriage vs Love Marriage

2011-04-27T22:54:00.000+04:00

Arrange Marriage :
2,00,000 : shadi par
4,00,000 : jewellery par
50,000 : shadi ki rasmo par
.
.
yani, shadi ke teen dino ka kharcha: Rs 6,50,000
yani shadi ke 1 din ka kharcha : Rs. 216666.6667
1 ghante ka kharcha : Rs. 9027.7778
aur 1 min ka : Rs. 150.462963
.
.
.
Uff Tauba Tuaba..

Love Marriage :
Rs 100 : stamp
20 : notery
50 ki varmala
10 photo ke
Total 180 Rs.
paisa aapka pasand aapki faisla aapka

Dua

2011-04-23T23:38:00.000+04:00

Haste rahen aap hazaron ke beech mein,

Jaise haste hein phool baharon ke beech mein,

Roshan ho aap duniya mein iss tarah,

Jaise hota hai chand sitaron ke beech mein.

Koun Thi Wo??

2011-04-23T23:30:00.001+04:00

Husband Aur Wife Hotel me gaye. Tabhi 1 Lady Ne Hello Kiya, Wife Nay Pocha: Koun Thi Wo??

Husband:-Tum Dimagh Kharab Mat Karo, Main Pehle Hi Pareshan Hun K Woh Bhi Yehi Pochay Gi.

Wife & Husband

2011-04-23T23:27:00.002+04:00

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

From Words till Destiny - Watch!!

2011-04-22T21:18:00.000+04:00

Watch your thoughts, they become words.

Watch your words, they become actions.

Watch your actions, they become habits.

Watch your habits, they become character.

Watch your character, they become destiny.

Asthma Warning

2011-04-17T22:04:00.001+04:00

Many people with asthma are able to exercise safely, but new research suggests that dehydration may increase the likelihood of an attack.

Researchers at the University of Buffalo, New York, found that individuals with exercise-induced asthma experienced a significant decrease in lung function when dehydrated.

It is speculated that dehydration can cause bronchospasm, which is a constriction or tightening of the airways of the lungs.

Feel Good About Yourself!!

2011-04-17T22:02:00.000+04:00

Feel good about yourself. When you feel good, you look good. People are attracted to and feel comfortable with people who respect themselves. Liking yourself and respecting yourself doesn't mean you are conceited, it just shows others that you care about your body. A fun, light personality makes everyone comfortable. Be yourself, be warm to others, and feel great. Soon enough, others are bound to notice.

Variety

2011-04-15T14:31:00.000+04:00

Some activities can be used to fulfill more than one of your basic exercise requirements. For example, in addition to increasing cardiorespiratory endurance, running builds muscular endurance in the legs, and swimming develops the arm, shoulder and chest muscles. If you select the proper activities, it is possible to fit parts of your muscular endurance workout into your cardiorespiratory workout and save time.

Tera Haath Haath mein ho agar

2011-04-14T14:55:00.002+04:00

Tera Haath, Haath mein ho agar,

To Safar hi asle hayaat hai.

Tere har kadam per hain manzilen,

Tera pyar gar mere saath hai.

Meri baat ka meri hamnafaz,

Tu jawad de na de mujhe.

Teri ek chup mein hai chupi,

Woh Hazaar baaton ki baat hai.

Meri zindagi ka har ek pal,

Tere husna se hai juda hua.

Tere honth thirke to subah hai,

Teri zulf bikhre to raat hai.

Tera Haath Haath mein ho agar,

To safar hi asle hayaat hai.

Hum To Woh Log Hain Jo

2011-04-14T14:54:00.000+04:00

Hum To Woh Log Hain Jo
Na Kisi Ke Dast-E-Shumar Main Hain
Na Kisi Ki Nigaah Ke Hisaar Main Hain
Yun Jaise Ho Koi, Sadiyon Ka Be Antt Safar
Sehra Sehra Phirta Koi Khaak Basar
Kia Poochte Ho Ke Kon Hain Hum
Jaan Lo Humain To Tumhain Maloom Ho
Hum To Woh Log Hain Jo Jeevan Dey Kar Bhi
Kisi Ke Dil Main Maskan Na Bana Paye
Yun Jaise Koi Madham Si Kiran
Kisi Rozan Se Ubhre Aur Doob Jaye...!!!