USMCrazy

My Trip

2013-03-22T05:22:00.001-07:00

The first week of my snowboarding trip was a success, although we had all kinds of crazy conditions in Stowe, VT. It rained, it was hot, then freezing cold blowing all kinds of snow. But all in all a great time! Did my first two races ever and faired pretty well. Axel was a huge hit and we went to two very large banquets. It was probably the largest events that I have been to beside the Redskins game. With Axel there it went fairly well. I didn't really have any anxiety or freak outs because he was there with me.

During all the traveling we were both treated terrific. United and Southwest had no problems with Axel and security through the airports in New Jersey, Colorado, and Richmond were all a breeze. Although many people thought he was a bomb sniffing dog it all went over very well.

Colorado was awesome!!! I got to train with some very awesome people and a wonderful organization called Adaptive Action Sports. The conditions were fantastic and I progressed so much over the course of the week it was amazing. I do think however that I broke my ass!!! I ate it really hard taking a jump at the end of the week and can barely sit down!! I really don't think I have been in that much pain in a very long time. Seriously contemplating going to the docs.

Although the trip was outstanding and I learned so much and made so many connections, it was too long I think. I haven't been away from Elizabeth that long since my last deployment and it definitely made me realize that I hate being away from her and I have no idea how we did it 4 times for over 7 months each time. She was awesome taking care of the kids and everything crazy at home while I was gone and I can't thank her enough for caring enough to help me try to realize another dream of mine!

So glad to be home and so happy to have made so many great new friends!!!

We Will Win

2013-03-05T14:06:00.002-08:00

The United States Marines are a violent killing machine

We got our guns and our large packs

We already went and whooped Iraq

Once the war was over, we tried to be nice

And tried to be fair.

But now these little fuckers are back in our hair.

The little shits are using little booby traps

And bombs and guerilla warfare,

They are just not playing fair

They’ve killed some of us and we’ve killed a lot of them

But in the end The Marines will win

They’re having a little uprising and doing a lot of dumb shit

But God as our witness and the greatest country at our back

The United States Marines will never Quit.

Whats Going On

2013-03-04T00:46:00.001-08:00

It has been quite a few months since my last real post. There have a ton of ups and downs, people have come and gone, parts of my life have changed, others haven't. I have hit some very significant milestones, but have also been set on a course that is exceptionally and frustrating as hell.

I guess I will start out with getting Axel. He has not only been amazing for me but also for the family. The kids love him and Elizabeth misses him when he's gone. Lets put it this way, I have been able to go to a Redskins game at Fedex Field with some very good friends because of Axel. I wouldn't have been able to do that before, unless I was smashed out of my mind and then I would have had to leave early. But it went in to overtime!!! Axel and I have also taken several trips to Colorado to snowboard. I have really started to get into that with the hopes of competing soon. I have been able to train with some of the best in the country and look forward to competing.

The Family and I were able to go to Vail, Colorado for a once in a lifetime trip because of two amazing organizations, The Vail Veterans Program and vacations for Vets. They paid for airfare, lift tickets and the place to stay. Unbelievable. No words can describe what those organizations did for us. But if it wasn't for K9s for Warriors, who gave me Axel, no way any of that stuff would have happened, would never have left my basement.

I have also been able to attend many of my kids lacrosse games, baseball games and was even able to coach my younger sons basketball team. Coaching 8 year olds was definitely an experience.

Im kind of all over the place here, and don't really know how to keep it all organized right now, so Im just gonna write what I think of, Im sure I will miss stuff so hopefully I can get it next time.

We have had one of our friends write a series articles for the Free Lance Star which will be published in their big Anniversary issues. He has interviewed many of our friends and family and has spent countless hours with Elizabeth and I, interviewing us and gaining our perspective on living with PTSD, TBI and trying to deal with it all. We have also had a photographer following us on many occasions, to train and gain insight on our daily lives, to accompany the articles. It has all been kind of in the background I guess, until we read the first segment the other day...then it was right there! I guess reading it makes it all the more real. It really isn't anything that I haven't talked about before, I guess I just suck at writing and it sounds so much more real and pathetic when it comes from someone who can write. I am excited, apprehensive, worried, scared, hopeful and all kinds of other emotions waiting on the publication of the story. He has done a terrific job writing it, I just hope it is received well.

Obviously the other huge thing is I retired from the Marine Corps, which I already wrote a little bit about in one of my other postings. But besides the obvious, the other huge part of this is, is my pay has STOPPED. None of my retirement benefits have kicked in, NOTHING. Not that its enough to pay the damn bills anyway but still, NOTHING. The social security benefits that I applied for in August, yea nothing no word. I cant get anyone of the damn phone. Unemployment I applied for the day after I retired, got denied because they are stupid. Said I didn't earn any wages for last year. What the fuck is that?? I have no idea when any of this shit is going to kick in, we are barely staying afloat. If it wasn't for the Semper Fi Fund helping out with a couple grants my mortgage wouldn't be paid. And yes there are people to call, and people to yell at, but it doesn't put money in the bank to pay the bills. And I have applied for no less than 100 jobs. I have gotten two phone calls. Nothing else. If the benefits and the SS would kick in we would be ok...but if not, FUCKED wont even come close to describe what will happen. I hoping beyond hope right now that something with the snowboarding comes through. The sponsors. But knowing my luck at this point nothing will happen.

I am sure there is plenty of shit that I have forgotten, that will come to me later. Hopefully I will be able to remember and be able to write about it. Thank you for taking the time to read my nonsense. It definitely does help to see that people do read it...at least it raises some type of awareness...

Washington Redskins!!!!

2013-02-28T09:31:00.000-08:00

Unbelievable!!! Just want to say Thank you so very much to Dave Ellis from the Free Lance Star and the Washington Redskins!!! I am speechless. What a wonderful and classy organization. To Dave, I cant thank you enough!! Absolutely amazing!!

Bitter sweet retirement

2013-02-27T06:00:00.001-08:00

Today is officially my last day in the Marine Corps. I've the last 13 years of my life doing something I've loved. Unfortunately in the last years it has become unbearable to even put on a uniform, but as this day comes and goes I sit here and thank everyone for every moment that I had the privilege to serve with you.

To all those that fought beside me, who bled with me, those horrible sleepless nights in a god forsaken country, not knowing what was going to come next. Dragging though the mud, hour less convoys and endless patrols. All of you are forever in my memories, if you ever need anything I will be there, no questions asked.

To those that paid the ultimate sacrifice and laid down your lives so that I could be here with my family I will never be able to pay you back. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. As u sit here with tears streaming down my face I thank you.

To my family and friends, thank you for always standing by my side and sticking through the incredibly tough and difficult times. Elizabeth without I am sure I would not be here where I am today. I love you all

The Anna King Story

2012-11-13T09:58:00.001-08:00

Just a little over a week ago I was introduced to Anna King, whom is 13-years-old living in The Woodlands, Texas, by one of my best friends that lives in her neighborhood. My friend was telling me about her day and how she spent it with the most amazing girl she had ever had the pleasure of meeting. She went on and on about Anna King, so I had to see what the fuss was all about. Before I tell you about coming to know Anna let me her story.

This past April Anna King was a normal 12-year-old girl who was athletic and excelled in competitive sports and loved to win. One of the first things you will notice about Anna is she talks like a natural born leader.

In April Anna's life changed dramatically when she went in for a chest x-ray to be checked for pneumonia. The doctors noted her heart was mildly enlarged, so she was referred to a pediatric cardiologist. The follow up with the pediatric cardiologist revealed shocking news. Anna had been living with a rare heart condition, dilated cardiomyopathy, which means her heart has become diseased and has worn itself out. Anna is in need of a heart transplant and has been put on a waiting list with 73,387 active transplant candidates.

Now Anna and her family are working with a transplant team at the Texas Childrens Hospital in Houston and waiting for a new heart. Her family believes that Anna’s love for her life and the people in it was so big that her heart just could not keep up with her. Those supporting Anna and her family pray that Anna will get a new heart that is meant for her; one that will keep up with her enormous capacity to love, to laugh and to live the life she is meant to live.

After reading about Anna on her website and visiting her Facebook support page, where Anna posts videos of her signing cover songs and playing guitar, I came across a video of her talking about her condition and how it has effected her. This is when Anna did not only inspire me, but my heart went out to her. She had touched me very deeply with her optimistic outlook, her courage, her sense of humor, and most of all her mental toughness. Anna King has taken what life has thrown at her and adapted to the situation by not letting it consume her life or beat her down. With that competitive spirit, we spoke about earlier, Anna has mustered the mental strength to face her disease and say, “You will not get me down, because I am going to survive.”

To be honest I have seen this type of character in men and women before. I served with them in the United States Army as an Infantryman. That is why Helping Heal Heroes and myself decided we needed to share her story with our brothers and sisters in the military community.

Since we started spreading the news about Anna and The Anna King Project the men and women of the United States Military community have come out in full force to show Anna and her family that with our strength in numbers that “Anna’s Army of Optimist” now has a real Army supporting her. In less than one week the Facebook page for Anna and her family: Humor Heals the Heart, has increased by 3500 likes, 8000 shares of the page, status updates, and of the videos of Anna singing. There has also been thousands of kind and encouraging comments left on Anna’s Facebook page since Helping Heal Heroes broke the story. U.S. Service Members stationed in the United States, Afghanistan, Iraq, Bosnia, Germany, and Korea have started following Anna King’s story and reached out to offer her their support while being inspired by her warrior spirit. Veterans from every branch of the military are also showing up and offering their support to Anna and her family. Several Veteran owned businesses have been in contact with Helping Heal Heroes to offer various means of support to help raise awareness and donations for the Anna King Project.

While the U.S. Military and Veteran communities raise awareness and donations for The Anna King Project the attention gives Anna a wider audience and larger platform to raise awareness for her cause. Anna’s cause is simple she only wants to make everyone aware of how important it is to be an organ donor to those hanging in the balance.

So until Anna King gets her new heart she can have ours!

It Happened Again...

2012-10-23T04:32:00.001-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,

It happened again...it wasnt me this time, but a close friend. Discriminated against because of her service dog. Please Read, Please Share. Get the word out.

We had our first access issue on 19 October, 2012. My husband and I had gone out for a date to one of our favorite restaurants. We had been there before with Chauncey without issue. It started when my husband and I entered through the patio and a waitress stopped us and said ‘no pets’. I calmly told her that Chauncey was not a pet, he was a service dog and by federal law he is allowed to accompany me. She obviously didn’t believe me, but told us we could take a seat anywhere. Our waitress brought us menus and got our drink orders just before one of the managers came out to our table with the same line “I’m sorry, we don’t allow pets”. Once again, I explained that Chauncey is not a pet; he is a service dog and tried to explain that he was allowed by federal law. She smiled and walked away. As our server brought out our drinks, I noticed that the manager and a couple other staff members were staring at us through the door. A few minutes later, the owner came out.

Now, mind you, I chose a table in the corner, away from the other guests which I often do so we can eat in peace without the other guests fawning over Chauncey, as well as to keep the staff from having to navigate around him. I also chose this table because it was the only one where I could have my back to a wall (PTSD). So, here we are, sitting away from the other guests (inside was packed, another reason we chose to sit outside), and he comes out with the exact same argument. He starts trying to say that the Health Department doesn’t allow animals. I tried to tell him that by federal law, he is allowed. Every time I tried to speak, he cut me off. He was trying to make it obvious that he wanted us to leave without actually telling us to leave; however I was NOT about to leave, at this point I had lost my appetite but was going to eat out of pure spite. Every time I tried to tell him about the ADA laws, he kept going on and on about how he has to follow local laws. My husband tried to explain that federal trumps state and local but he didn’t want to hear any of it. He told me that since I didn’t have an obvious disability (“you’re obviously not blind”) and didn’t have any documentation to prove he was a service dog that Chauncey couldn’t be there. I told him that by federal law, he couldn’t require documentation. Then he asked me “well, what do you need him for anyway”. I tried to explain that he couldn’t ask me that question and that’s when he started getting even more rude.

I told him he is violating my rights and his response was “yea, and I’m a democrat, but that’s neither here nor there”. He was extremely condescending to everything I tried to say to him. He tried to make the argument about liability “if your dog bit someone”, continued with the health inspector malarkey, and just went out of his way to interrupt me every time I tried to speak. Finally, when it became obvious that he wasn’t going to be able to bully us to tuck tail and leave, he says “well, since its quiet out here, I’ll let it slide this time”.
As this is going on, my husband was pulling up the ADA access page from the ADA.gov website. He tried showing the owner but he said “I’ll look that stuff up on Monday, but I’m going to go by the local laws, not that stuff”.
I had the president of K9s for Warriors (where Chauncey and I graduated) call the owner and he was apparently just as condescending to her.
By the time we finished our dinner, I was still shaking and my husband was livid. By the way, the entire time this was going on…Chauncey was lying at my feet, he never moved and never did anything to draw attention to himself. By the time we left, there were several other customers sitting around us…none of them had a problem with Chauncey being there.
K9s for Warriors will be sending him a certified letter on Monday explaining the laws. We’re hoping this (and his own research, if he actually does it) will cause him to do the right thing…which at this point would be a sincere apology and retraining for his staff. If not, we are prepared to contact the ADA as well as the local news media.

If you would, please take a moment to let Side Car Cafe know what you think about businesses that discriminate against anyone with a Service Dog, an invisible disability, and our Veterans. PLEASE be polite!

**edited to add: Chauncey was wearing his service vest that evening. It is a Digital ACU (army uniform) print with two large patches that say “Service Dog” as well as other patches.

**PLEASE READ** I want to thank everyone for taking the time to share this blog and to voice your opinions and support. However, it has been brought to my attention that some people are leveling threats through the phone and email toward this business. It was NEVER my intent for any threats to be made against this man or his business. I am truly sorry that some people took this to an extreme. For those who have acted honorably, thank you. For those who haven’t, please stop immediately!

My Part In The Fight...Maggie Diaries

2012-10-12T08:56:00.002-07:00

I thought that I would put down in words what it is like to be on the outside looking in at the affects of PTSD on people you love ….”the mother-in-laws view. I was privileged to be at the births of all my grand babies. The love was instant and the bond grew daily for each and every one of them. I was always welcomed in their lives no matter where they were. I have spent hours with them, working on projects, reading, making posters for their Dad’s return. Sharing in their excitement and anticipation each time Jason returned from deployment. Sadly with each deployment I saw what they could not. I saw a sadder Dad return, visibly broken in some way.

I wasn’t really aware of what PTSD as it applied to returning soldiers. I as many, thought Jason was just going through a “readjustment period”. He would do everything he could to appear happy. It was in his eyes that you could see the sadness. He had lost that twinkle. The sadness and isolation he would fall into got worse with each deployment. The last one to Afghanistan truly stole his heart and soul.

I can remember the excitement everyone was feeling about his return. Jason would write to Elizabeth and say he was counting down the days to get home to her and the kids. He missed all of them so much and he wanted nothing more than to be there with them and be a family again. I received emails from him and he was like a little kid …just couldn’t wait to be with all of them again.

I was in California prior to Jason’s return. I made T-shirts for the kids to wear the big day. Posters were going to be made. The “Welcome Home” sign for the garage had arrived. All the planning and preparations were on schedule. Jason returned with great fanfare provided by the kids and Elizabeth told me later on the phone that when Jason stepped off the bus she could feel and see in his face that something was terribly, terribly wrong.

The wonderful, happy and loving man that went away for 7 months returned a very broken and damaged man. E had sent me the pictures of him and I could see it too. The twinkle was gone, Jason had this deep blank look on his face and he looked troubled and sad.

Jason retreated into himself and isolated himself from everyone which he had done before but this time was different. Hearts were broken and a sadness took over the family like I have never seen before. I went out to California to find Jason to be standoffish, non communicative and agitated. The laughs the giggles the rough and tumble Dad was still somewhere else.

This was heart breaking for me. I wanted to do something to make it right. I have always tried to be there for the kids , Jason and Elizabeth and help them when they needed help. This time was different. I had to stand back and let things go and not do anything but watch and wait.

Elizabeth had her suspicions that Jason was suffering from PTSD and suggested I read up on it.
I read everything I could about soldiers returning from war. What the symptoms for PTSD might be and how love ones should deal with it.   Sadly Jason fell into each and every symptom and with Elizabeth’s amazing fortitude and drive to get Jason to seek help, he was finally diagnosed with PTSD/TBI.

Jason had been hiding what he had gone through, how he had been injured and he was bottling it all up.
The truth was out and now the healing process had to begin.

As a mother and a grand-mother you want happiness for your children. When that happiness is threatened or attacked you what only to do everything to make it better. PTSD doesn’t allow that. You have to step back and watch and keep your distance. The fight is something that the soldier and his family have to find the strength to endure and make better. I have watched , listened , cried and prayed from the outside only to be frustrated and helpless by what was happening to my children

I will admit there were times when I felt uncomfortable being at the E and Jason’s house. I would go and find a place outside and cry. I would end up staying up all night because the thoughts in my head wouldn’t stop long enough for me to sleep. Through all this I just felt strongly that I needed to be there for the kids and for Elizabeth.   For nothing more than to watch the kids so Elizabeth and Jason could be together without interruption to plan how they were going to attack this demon that had entered their lives. The two of them were not going to give up. They made the decision to fight the demon and fight it together.

I have been around for awhile and seen marriages come and go over the simplest obstacles. I am not the best example of “Happily Ever After”. I think I did a good job raising my kids though. They have made me so proud, and the one thing that just fills me with happiness is that they all love each other very much. The bond that they have is something I could never have imagined but I am grateful for every day. They all have compassion, love and support for each other which is the most prized thing.

Elizabeth and Jason have had rougher times than any other couple that I have ever known. I went through some nasty stuff but that was just a misfortune compared to the pain and suffering that Elizabeth and Jason have endured over the years. The courage and love that is between these two couldn’t be made up if you tried.   This is what is keeping them both afloat. Jason has taken amazing steps to fight his PTSD and Elizabeth has stood by and supported him every step of the way. Many times at unsolicited opinions and ridicule of others.

I have listened, cried, and a couple of times went off because I couldn’t keep things bottled up inside anymore. Did it help …no. If anything it just made things worse. So you are probably asking why did you do it?   I can only say that I was trying to protect my daughter and my grandchildren. I had hoped that I could take away some of the hurt and pain that Elizabeth was feeling just for a bit and make that helpless feeling that I was experiencing maybe go away.

As many of you know I do spend a great deal of time with the Tristan, Colby and Peyton. I love them more than anything in this world and I would do anything for them. Having the privilege of seeing them whenever I want and being with them regularly is a blessing and makes my life brighter. I have been able to be there with the kids when they are sad about Jason and worried that Dad just isn’t feeling good today. This is my way of helping them and helping me cope with the frustration of not being able to fix things.

I think of Jason as my own son and I feel the pain of his illness deeply. I support him fully and want only the best for him. Whatever is asked of me to help him find peace within himself I am here. Jason and Elizabeth are a beautiful couple and they have 3 extraordinary children and deserve to find their happiness again. I know that the battle is far from over when Jason returns from treatment and we will all need to continue to battle with him . One thing is for sure, I have faith in both Jason and Elizabeth that those days will come again. I hope and pray that the smiles and giggles will return and the dark days will be less and less.

I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart.
I am never without it, Anywhere I go you go, my dear……
                e.e. cummings

Me, Axel, and a bunch of other shit.

2012-10-02T16:57:00.000-07:00

After one very exciting weekend for the whole family, Axel and I have finally settled in. The kids obviously were extremely excited and bouncing off the walls the first day. They followed Axel everywhere, and I mean everywhere!

I started this post the weekend I got home and put it to the side for a bit. I was still adjusting to everything and unfortunately fell down one of my proverbial rabbit holes of mine....granted i wasn't in the basement allot so i consider that a victory. But got into some very major arguments that turned out very badly and hurtful. All my fault as well...no one else's. But I have rectified those disasters that I created and will move forward on a positive note.

I have been having an extremely difficult time trying to get to sleep the last couple of weeks since I have been back. I think, no i know its because im finally off my pain medications. Many of you probably already now that pain meds are in themselves a life saver, but can be devastating as well. After having had to use them for so long just to be comfortable as well as self medicating for other things, it had gotten out of hand for me. I wasn't buying off the street or doctor shopping, I had legit scripts. But I was using way more than I needed. Well I made the decision to stop and stop cold turkey. Ill be honest it hurts like hell. The hot and cold flashes, irritability, fatigue, anger, its all there and it sucks....and can last for weeks. I dont want anymore and dont think I need them, so im ok there, its just dealing with this shit now.

Axel has been great and right beside me the whole time just making sure im ok. He follows me everywhere, hes already seen me angry and knows to come sit down by my side.

I also just got my findings back from the Marine Corps and the VA. I am not going to post my percentages as of right now...I don't think it's pertinent at this point. I am being medically retired from the Corps and will be considered medically disabled. Obviously with being shot, blown up and all my PTSD problems its warranted. But it's definitely not enough to pay the bills, I have to get a job and get one soon. I think that's what probably scares me the most...actually scares the hell out of me.

All I've known for over a decade is the Marines, I lived, breathed and bled for my Marines. Not for this country, not for the flag but for my brothers...those who where right beside me. Please don't take that the wrong way. I'm as patriotic as the next guy if not overly patriotic, hell I got three US flags tattooed on my body and I was born on the Fourth of July for Christ sake (not that that was really my choice) but I'm not naïve. I might have signed on the dotted line because of those things, but, and I've talked about it before, once your there and fighting it's not about that. It's about you and the Marines to your left and right. Killing them before they kill you. Surviving and getting the hell home.

I know I was really all over the place in this blog but I haven't posted in awhile and needed to talk about all that. I feel like I'm in a much better place with E and the kids and the rest of my family now. I still have my bad days but it just know it can get better...

St. Augustine and Service Dog Test

2012-09-19T19:07:00.000-07:00

Everyone,

I want to apologize for my negative post yesterday, but I was extremely pissed off that a service member (yes he is Army but we are on the same damn team) that served his country and his fellow soldiers honorably and with out wavier could be screwed so horribly. Hes been through 2 congregates and 2 senatorials and he still does not have his benefits. BULLSHIT. Thank you very much for your help and support. We are working on it but it takes "time" as every single person on the phone with VA benefits has said, guess 18 months ain't enough. Ok im done with that right now for this post.

Today when went down to St. Augustine Florida to get the dogs out and about around a bunch of people, o and to let them get a little bit of history, lol. All the dogs did really well. No problems at all. We had lots of people approach us and say what a great thing the dogs were and some were actual supports of K9s! So that was fantastic.

Tomorrow we have a huge day! We take our AKC Canine good citizen test and the ADI Assistance Dog Public Access Certification test. The dogs and I and the rest of the warriors have pretty much through out the 3 weeks here at k9s been doing the test everyday. Our dogs have completed each task on each test a hundred times. Now its time to do them in a successive order and be evaluated by Bret. I envision a pretty easy day tomorrow. We actually plan on doing most of the test at the Jacksonville airport while we wait for my lovely wife Elizabeth to arrive. Im sure she will be thrilled to have 3 huge dogs giving her kisses as she comes through the turnstiles.

Well Im off to get some sleep before our big test!!! Axel is already curled up and passed out on my legs! Good night, wish us luck.

Last week at k9s and trying to help others.

2012-09-18T09:11:00.001-07:00

The last 2 weeks have been pretty crazy here at k9s for warriors. You all have read, heard and eventually watched it all. Thank you for continuing to read and sharing it. Your comments and thoughts have been extremely beneficial and motivating. Axel and I as well as my family are so grateful for your support.

This last week were are preparing for Axel's and I's good citizen test from AKC and ADI's public access test. Once Axel passes that he will be good to go and my new battle buddy can go everywhere with me! Bret and k9s for warriors has done an awesome job at preparing not just me and Axel all the other warriors and their dogs for these tests, so it will be a breeze!

Just in the last few days I have had some great opportunities to help some others in need, just like k9s has done for me. As some of you might have seen on Facebook, I put a call out for help for a young Army Vet and his wife. He was medically retired from the army and his benefits still hadn't started after almost 18 months. and they were hurting so bad they couldn't put food on the table. It was so bad their car had been sitting in the driveway, out of gas, for almost 3 days. But with the help of a few very special people and K9s for Warriors; my organization 'The Life After War", thru Western Union, was able to send them 100 dollars over the weekend and get some gas in his car and some food on the table. We were able to raise a little over 300 dollars more so they can keep food on the table for at least a little while. I am in the process of helping them complete applications for some other non-profit organizations for immediate assistance grants, unfortunately its taking a little bit longer than usual because I am helping him fill out the applications. His Traumatic Brain Injury is pretty significant, so if he reads to long he gets sick and throws up. But with him, his wife and I, we will get it knocked out. It just takes time to get them filled out and get decisions.

***As I was writing this, I got a call from Jeremy (he is the Army Vet) they are going to shut his power this Friday.***

If you can help please go here and donate "The Life After War"

I know everyone is hurting and you cant help, I understand. Please do not think that I am begging or trying to get you all to give up your hard earned money for someone that is not in desperate need of help. I have had several terrific people also send boxes of goodies too! Which in fact when I talked to Jeremy and his wife, they absolutely loved!! Unfortunately, now I need to get him money to keep his power on.

One organization, Hope 4 the Warriors is also getting them in contact with a Veterans Assistance Person to help navigate through the VA benefits stuff and to unfuck his paperwork. Because 1 month not getting paid is messed up, but 18 months is atrocious!!! He is very ashamed and hurt because he cant take care of himself or his wife. Its very embarrassing for him, and hasn't actually asked for help, I and all of you that have helped, are doing it because we know he needs it.

Thank you all so much and I will finish the rest of this blog some other time, but I am to concerned for Jeremy and need to figure out of to get him help and soon. Im very upset that I cant just write him a check and make his problems go away.

My ABC First Coast News Interview

2012-09-15T20:54:00.000-07:00

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, Fla. -- When several veterans with their service dogs got the boot from a Jacksonville Beach surf shop, a post on a veteran's angry blog led to an apology and a new supporter.

Marine Corps Captain Jason Haag now goes everywhere with his new best friend, his dog Axel. He received the dog from an organization called k9sforwarriors.org based in Ponte Vedra Beach. The group has matched 37 wounded warriors with trained dogs. Veterans say the dogs have turned their lives around. Haag was deployed several times to Iraq and Afghanistan from 2003 to 2010, suffered traumatic brain injury, and he suffers from post traumatic stress disorder. He is now waiting for his medical discharge from the Marines.

"I couldn't come out of my basement for 30 days at a time. Being with Axel, having the dog and what k9's did for me got me back in the public to be able to enjoy myself again," said Haag.

While training with his new dog recently, Haag, two other vets and their trainer visited the Surf and Skate Shop at Jacksonville Beach. Their four dogs were with them. The store owner, Gary Messer, asked the veterans and dogs to leave, saying they were a disruption. The veterans said they tried to explain the dogs were service animals but got nowhere. They quickly left.

Haag was devastated. "He could have derailed my whole life, and turned me back to square one." Haag soon wrote an angry post about his experience on his blog he calls USMCrazy. He says it got 10,000 hits and readers expressed their anger at the business."We got a lot of phone calls and started to realize they were vets and there was more going on here than I realized as a store owner," said Messer. Messer says he did not realize the men were veterans involved in such an important program.

Had he known he says he would not have approached the group and asked them to leave. "We thought it was a dog training school where they were here using our floor plan to train dogs. "Messer called the vets and had them return to the store soon after the incident so he could personally apologize. "He extended his hand to us," said Haag. "We felt it was heartfelt and genuine, and we accepted his apology." Haag and his fellow veterans hold no ill will toward Messer, who has done his research and is now one of the group's biggest supporters.

Messer has met many of the veterans and the more he hears their stories, the more he wants to help. "We've been meeting the vets and talking to the vets and learning more and more about how this program helps them. We are hoping in the future to be a regular stop for them." Head canine trainer Brett Simon calls it a mis-communication that has worked out well in the end. " I think a lot of people got informed about service animals and what they do for these guys." Messer says he is going to begin raising money next week at his store to help k9sforwarriors.org. He says they will be at his store during the big air show next month to share their story.

Today at the Beach

2012-09-14T19:32:00.001-07:00

Today Axel, Reagan, Bret and I headed down to the beach to do some training, just us. Axel and I got some one on one time with the trainer. Dan got let off early this morning so he could drive back up to Tampa to surprise his wife and kids and spend some quality time with them over the weekend and Jessie took Cooper to the doctor with him to check on his hand that is broken from an earlier injury. Shari aka Mom hooked Jessie up, she got him in with the top Orthopedic Hand Specialist in Jacksonville. He was booked out for months and Mom got him in. K9s will do anything and everything for their warriors!

After they saw the specialist, Jessie got to meet the young lady that donated Cooper to K9s for Warriors. She is his namesake, Edith Cooper, whose husband was a Navy Veteran. Edith is a great supporter of K9s and Coop is named after her Husband.

So while everyone else was off doing their own thing, Axel and I went out to the beach to train, it was either that or sit on the couch in our underwear and do nothing all day. But Axel didn't have a clean pair and he said we haven't known each other long enough to share! We worked on a bunch of different things, cover and block again, which Axel is coming along nicely with. We even asked a young lady that was out just enjoying the beautiful day if she would help us. We had her walk up behind me while Axel was "covering" me. He did what he was supposed to do and stayed right there beside me but unfortunately he did not give me any kind of signal, no raised ears or tail wag. Reagan, Bret's service dog, who has been working for awhile, stands up when someone approaches while she's "covering". It's not a problem at all with Axel and he is right where he should be with training, its just something we have to teach him, bump me with his nose, stand up or wag his tail.

After those exercises and the nice young ladies help we moved on to a little "off" leash work. Not so of a big deal when he is working, because he will always be on a leash, but I do have three crazy kids at home and we will definitely be playing outside! So i just want to be sure that everything is good and he comes back completely when I call, not when he wants to come back. Because as most of you that have dogs know, it can be extremely difficult to get a distracted dog to come to you when called. So we took about a 30 foot leash and basically just let Axel get distracted, once that happened I would shout his name and tell him to come. If he did not obey that command I would give a correction (just a quick leash tug) and say it again. He did a great job and only had to be corrected once if I remember correctly. So I was really proud of him and feel very confident that we will not have any problems once we leave K9s and go home, because we put him through the ringer with the distractions, birds, other dogs, Bret, he did great. We also did just basic heel commands (him walking beside me) off leash as well just to get him more in tune with me. He also did fairly well with this. He did need to be corrected a few times but by the end was stopping right beside me, turning when I turned and sitting right where he needed to be even without a leash!

All in all it was a great training day! Axel did great and it was pretty cool to get the one on one time with the trainer Bret!

Then we decided while we waited for Jessie and Coop that we would hit up the local establishments that make Jacksonville such a great town. We went back over to Jax surf shop to talk to the great guys over there. I ended up finally getting a new pair of flips flops with the gift card that an awesome young lady left there for us anonymously. So whoever you are THANK YOU so very much, from the bottom of hearts. The guys their also said they would hook me up with an awesome deal on a GoPro video camera which both of my boys want...and so do I! They are a great surf shop and k9s definitely have some great supporters for life!

After that I got to learn something new! Don't laugh at me because I didn't know! I have been seeing stickers all around here that say "salt life" had no idea what the heck that meant. But we went to a local restaurant called Salt Life, and I think anyone would have said oh hey thats what those stickers are for! Nope! "salt life" is a way of life, its beach life, laid back, chilled out and just being at the beach. So not only did I learn something new, I got to eat at one heck of a restaurant!

Today definitely didn't seem like we did all that much, but after writing it we got a lot of shit accomplished!! Really proud of Axel and having a great time here in Jacksonville. The community is incredibly supportive of our troops and what K9s for Warriors is doing. But Im also really excited because its one day closer to my amazing wife Elizabeth coming out here!!! Wouldn't be where I am with out her!

Even the smallest feel the affects...

2012-09-14T18:56:00.001-07:00

When I decided to uproot my very comfortable life and move to Virginia Beach/Norfolk for graduate school, I didn’t know what to expect. All that I knew, I loved! I was going to be studying dance by day, and teaching dance by night.

My first day of teaching, I walked in, set my bag down and grabbed the roster. There was a list of 16 unknown names: little dancers who I would be teaching for the next 9 months. Little dancers whom I would get to know, and help develop their knowledge of dance.

As the dancers began to walk in, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for class. But nothing could have prepared me for what happened.

I begin teaching chaine turns. Chaine is a french work that means “chain.” It is where a dancer keeps their knees nice and straight, and turns in tight half circles linked together (hence: chain). Before I teach it turning, however, I stress the importance of pulling up through the legs, and keeping their knees nice and straight. So I said, “Everyone walk like a wooden solider! See how you can’t bend your knees?”

Just then, a very quiet little girl, head facing toward the ground, little hands clasped together, walks over to me. I bend down to her level, and she whispers, “Can we please not talk about soldiers? My daddy is one, and I already miss him more than I should.”

It was as if my breath was taken from my body. Suddenly, I remembered: I am in a military community where a large majority of my students have one or more parents serving in the military, some of which currently have parents overseas.

I write this blog to thank that little girl for reminding me of so many things:

1. Thank you for reminding me of those who are out there every day, away from their families, serving our country. While I’m here worried about pointed feet and tucked tushes, there are people out there worried about how to keep our country and our freedoms safe.

2. Thank you for reminding me that the battle isn’t just being fought overseas; there are families right here in our communities fighting every day to survive without their loved one. There are families who have lost loved ones, or are counting down the days until they get a hug again (not knowing if they ever actually will).

3. Thank you for showing me how big even the littlest heart can be. There she stood, so full of love, so proud of her daddy, completely supporting not just his “job” but his life. It so clearly reminded me how powerful those little clenched hands can be as they help her mommy make dinners, pack lunches, and get through very long days without her husband.

4. Thank you for reminding me that life isn’t always as simple as “walking around like a wooden soldier.” Sometimes, (and for this little girl - right now - “sometimes” is “all of the time”), sometimes life is messy, painful, and overwhelming. Sometimes, you miss someone so much your heart can’t take it. Sometimes, you wish so deeply for someone’s presence, but nothing happens. Sometimes, even tears from a little girl can’t materialize what she prays for the most. Sometimes (all of the time) none of that makes sense.

I gave the little girl a very tight hug. I told her I’m so thankful for the work her daddy does, and I’m sure he will be home very soon. I told her, “We will wait for him together. And we will dance our hearts out for him every dance class until he’s here to watch how amazing you’ve become as a ballerina!” She smiled, and quietly walked back to the line of dancers, as if she held onto a very special secret.

And so that is our plan: To dance, every day, with hearts full or love and thanks, in honor of her daddy and for all of the other mommies, daddies, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends, all of whom we eagerly await their hugs, love and presence.

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Sheena Jeffers is a dance educator throughout Virginia. She is currently teaching in Hampton Roads while completing her Masters in Dance Education through Old Dominion University. Follow her adventures on Twitter: @SheenaJeffers or LIKE her blog on Facebook: Ballet Shoes & Bobby Pins.

Axel and I

2012-09-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

Well its been few days since my last post. I apologize for that but I have been pretty spent with all the craziness that happened in the first week. There have been so many great things that have come out of the surf shop incident. The store owner has had us back several times and has become extremely genuine in his desire to help further the general publics education on service animals, as well as possibly hosting an event in support of k9s for warriors.

Yesterday, the 11th anniversary of the attacks on our country was pretty rough for me. I was extremely somber all day, and actually lost it several times through out. Just remembering all the people we lost and what that day started. I have lost so many friends since that day, it has become just a day to remember everyone. I just hope that they know I have never and will never forget them.

Everything here at K9s is going well, Axel and I are coming along nicely. Today we actually went over the cover and block. Cover is when the dog will sit at our side and watch our backs and alert us if someone is coming up behind us. This task/command is a little more difficult for the dog to comprehend because they are taught from day one to sit down right beside us. The other command we learned today was block.

This command is when the dog comes in front us, fully extended and does exactly what the command says, blocks. He puts distance between us and another person, giving us that comfort of having something there in between us. All the dogs did very well with this command and we used it several times in a couple of the stores we went to today. We have also been working on a command called corner. Its used to lead us around corners, the dog will lead up and around a corner, say an isle in the grocery store, and look around it. By his body language, ears up, tail wagging or down we the warrior knows theirs something there and it wont startle us.

On Monday we went to this crazy zoo/antique/crazy knick knack place. It was awesome!!! I guess its a little famous down here with the locals. But its got a punch of crazy parrots that talk, wallabies, monkeys, a donkey, peacocks and some other stuff. They also had a bunch of great cars to!! My words cant do it justice so will try to add as many pictures as possible.

On an ending note, I have a special guest blog that I will post tomorrow from a family friend, that Im sure you all will find heart warming. Till tomorrow!!!

A Great Thing out of a Bad Thing

2012-09-08T17:40:00.005-07:00

Well another great thing has come to fruition out of a bad thing. Another awesome organization has contacted me because of the situation that happened with the surf shop. Free Life Co saw my blog post and left a comment, so I decided to reach out to them.

They are an awesome company. They produce awesome vinyl stickers and give the proceeds to wounded veterans organizations. They have some pretty sick designs!

I actually got to talk to the founder Shannon last night and was able to set up a meeting for Saturday. Shannon, her brother Sean, and their sister came all the way over to the dog house today to meet and talk.

After explaining both of our goals and what we hoped to accomplish, The Life After War and Free Life are now partnered together to help raise money and awareness for wounded veterans and PTSD. We have some really awesome ideas to expand and we help wounded vets as much as possible! Im extremely excited, the goal is to have a decal on every vehicle, snowboard, motorcycle and bike from here to California!!

Please help spread the word, go check out our website and grab an awesome sticker that symbolizes freedom and everything the United States stands for as well as help our wounded Veterans. 6 bucks gets you an

Free Life Co Website

Free Life Facebook Page

Here's our Mission Statement:

To display our loyalty for our heroes, all of whom contain the depth of faith, to go as far is as needed, to keep us FREE.

FREEDOM is what makes America the most admired country in the world. We have started a campaign called Free Life to raise money for the heroes who fight for our FREEDOM.

For each decal sold, a portion of the proceeds will go to a charity to show our appreciation towards the efforts and sacrifices US troops go through to keep us safe.

We Thank all the men and women in uniform for their sacrifices that defend America today and the future of all generations.

What is Free Life?

Free Life symbolizes FREEDOM.

So if you can

Another Day At K9s

2012-09-08T12:22:00.001-07:00

Friday at k9s!! Sounds like it should have been an awesome time.....well for some reason it really wasn't. Not really sure why. Just was in a bad mood Friday afternoon. Wouldn't be an exceptionally big deal if it was not for Axel. They told us when we first got here the dog is an extension of us, that every emotion, feeling and mannerism goes right through the leash to the dog. Now I will tell you all, that I thought this was some happy horse shit and just some crap that they tell everyone. Im sure just like me, you all have heard some form of that line before, for all sorts of things. Well I can honestly say, I am a true believer in it now!

Axel had been doing great all morning, and then I got frustrated and pissed off (for no real reason, or at least I dont know what it was) and his whole demeanor changed. He became less responsive, started to act up a little bit, and all together just seemed pissed off. It was crazy. I couldn't believe that that happened. Once I realized what had happened and that I was affecting Axel and our training, I made a conscious effort to change my attitude and be more positive. Once I did that he started to respond better, became more well behaved in general and made me that much more happy because we were succeeding in our training again.

So after being pissed off for no reason we took up the local Surf shop, Jax, and went over and shook their hands. They saw the blog about us being kicked out and wanted to extend an invitation to us and show us what a real surf shop was like. Well the crazy thing was, the surf shops are right beside each other ha!! Crazy. Well the guys were great and super cool. They even have given us a free surf lesson. Not sure if we are going to be able to take them up on it but its still really awesome. Will probably just let another class use it. All in all not a bad day.

An Apology

2012-09-06T17:48:00.000-07:00

As most of you know last 24 hours have been kind of a whirl wind. I have been training here at K9s for warriors getting to know and love my new battle buddy Axel. Then we, all of us wounded veterans at k9s, not just me, had what could have been a huge misstep. We all were kicked out of a local surf shop here in Florida. Not because we were being to loud, or our dogs were fighting, or making a mess. But just because we had the dogs, we were discriminated against. Just like if someone was denied service because of race, religion or sexual orientation.

Needless to say it was a very trying time for all of us. I was hoping writing and posting my blog, like I usually do when something upsets, it would relieve some of the stress and put me more at ease. Unfortunately, it did not, and I actually became more agitated. Which sometimes can happen when I write about things that I am deeply passionate about. None of us (the wounded vets) really got any sleep last night which made training with the dogs pretty trying this morning. We all became frustrated easier and it most certainly affected the dogs and their behavior, they became less responsive and more stubborn, it all pretty much snowballed from there, going around in circles.

Fortunately, for us, Bret and Shari are terrific trainers and have been dealing with Vets for a long time, they easily sensed something was off and took it easy for the most part and also kept us here at the dog house in our "safe zone." Now this is a little counter intuitive of K9s training but what was necessary because of the circumstances. It just goes to show all of us that the staff at K9s is strictly in tune with its warriors and knows absolutely what they are doing.

After a long day of obedience training here at the dog house and some class room work going over some of the nuisances of Service dog training, like leash handling, grooming and stuff like that we all sat down with Bret to talk about the surf shop owner. He had called earlier in the morning and asked if we would come back to the store so he could apologize. Bret brought us together and asked each of us if we wanted to go back to the store and here his apology.

Now we all had some pretty strong feelings about this guy, that he's a "D" bag, why waste our time, etc. Not to mention, the out pouring of support also produced some valuable information about people that had dealt with him in the past, in that he has never been really nice or hospitable to his customers. With all that being said, we decided that in the best interest of every service member that is going to come behind u, those around the country, the large media coverage that has been generated because of this, we felt we could do allot more good by going to accept his apology. That awareness and education would be much more influenced by positive than negative. And just like the President of K9s for Warriors said on their Facebook page, this program is all about second chances.

The dogs, at least 95% of them are getting a second chance through them being rescued from being put down. Jessie's dog Cooper was only hours away from being euthanized when he was rescued by K9s. I was in the darkest depression of my life, on the verge of losing everything and know I have my second chance. So we all decided it would be best and in tune with everything to suck it up and go back to the store.

So this afternoon we loaded up all the dogs and us and went back down to the surf shop. The owner was very cordial and polite. He explained that now that he knew that we were all veterans, that he really wanted to be involved with K9s and hoped that Bret would bring the veterans and their dogs through his store in the beginning of training and at the end. He also said he should really pay attention more to what was going on and that he thought we were just training dogs for other people. He then asked who "Jason" was and I spoke up and said it was me, it was then he finally reached over and shook my hand and apologized. It was at this point that one of his employee's, Sierra, spoke up and thanked me for my blog and told me she cried when she read it. I thanked her repeatedly for reading and for her kind words (she had posted a very nice comment).

We made some small talk for a few minutes with the store owner saying he would be a part of K9s, which I suggested he host an event or help raise awareness for PTSD and service dogs. I also explained to him that I had no desire to ruin his business (which I don't) but I hoped that we could use this opportunity to help educate and raise awareness for business owners such as himself. He got pulled away to handle the cash register and told us we could get a T-shirt and a hat on him. I picked a little sundress for my daughter and a cool "penny" skateboard for one of my sons.

All in all I feel that for us veterans it gave us good experience on how to handle a bad situation that unfortunately will most certainly happen again. I can only hope the store owner learned some stuff about our wounded services members and service dogs.

I Need Your Help

2012-09-06T08:09:00.001-07:00

All,

As you know I am in training right now getting my new battle buddy Axel. K9s for Warriors is an amazing program. They have literally saved my life. I am not just saying this as some cliche. I was in my basement doing nothing, withering away. Drinking to much, using pain medication like it was candy, being horrible to my family. I was dying, from the inside out. K9s for Warriors with the help of my new best friend Axel saved my life. I am the happiest I have been in years. My relationship with my wife and kids is on the mend and doing so well. I cannot thank K9s enough, how do you repay someone that saves your life?

Well you can help me do it by voting for them to get them a HUGE donation so they can help so many more wounded vets like me. Here is the info:

Chase is giving away $5Million dollars to 196 charities, please help K9s For Warriors be one of them! Click on the link below and vote (you can vote twice), "share" this link with all of your friends and family (everyday) and ask them to vote too please. This contest runs until September 19th. Be patient the app is slow but helping K9s For Warriors serve our brave warriors & rescue dogs is worth the wait! Thank you for your support :-)

https://www.facebook.com/ChaseCommunityGiving/app_162065369655?app_data=ein|27-5219467

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE vote, share and tell everyone!

One Hell of a Second Day

2012-09-05T19:11:00.001-07:00

As I'm sure most of you already know me and the rest of the K9s for Warriors class was kicked out of a local surf shop today because of our dogs. I know some people might say whats the big deal, or just don't go back there, or even how can this guy be so stupid its against the law. Click this link and leave a comment for his store on face book, Surf and skate surf shop

This is how it all went down. All of us, which is 3 warriors, 3 dogs and Bret our trainer and his service dog, so in total 4 people and 4 dogs. We had did our normal routine, had our morning walk, then some obedience training at a local park. Then to mix it up we went to Target and walked the whole store and got a couple things. It actually went allot better than yesterdays outing where all the warriors had some type of panic attack at the grocery store. Everybody at the park and Target were fabulous. No staring, lots of hello's, comments on how beautiful the dogs were and how amazing they were. Most importantly, they all kept their distance and knew not to pet the dogs.

Next, we went to Chili's. Let me just say this, I hope every restaurant I go to is this accommodating and friendly. They were outstanding. The dogs and the warriors all did great. No problems at all. It was turning out to be a great day.

So because it had been a great day thus far, you gotta end it on a high note and hit some Florida beaches right? So we did. We went down to the beach, walked along the sand and even went out on the pier. The dogs were doing their jobs perfectly, all of us warriors probably felt as comfortable as any of us have been out in public in years. It was going fantastic.

So Bret, our instructor (who has his own service dog) took us back along the boardwalk type area and told us we were going to go into one of the surf shops on the way to take a look, get something for our families, put the dogs in another different environment and get out of the sun. So yes we were going in the store for a break, but also to look for something for our families or ourselves if we felt so inclined. (I actually had a t-shirt in my hand when we got kicked out).

Well we walked into the store and were greeted by 3 or 4 young women employees, who all smiled and greeted us very friendly. We had only been in the store for about 5 minutes when Jessie (my next door neighbor) starts calling for Bret from somewhere in the store. Bret and I had gone into the back part of the store where I was looking at the new Vans shoes for my two boys. I had already grabbed a t-shirt for my daughter. (so his bullshit excuse of us not buying anything doesn't fly). Bret and I start walking back towards the front and this tall surfer looking guy walks up and says "I'm the owner and I don't like that fact that you brings these dogs in here to train and cool off" "you disrupt my business, my employees leave and go pet the dogs (which also isn't true because they aren't allowed to pet them), you take up way to much space so the other customers cant move through the store (we were the only ones in there) and you don't buy anything (already covered that one) And then he asked us to leave.

At that point Bret calmly explained to him the laws regarding service dogs and he said he didn't care he was the owner. Bret continued to speak to him CALMLY and very respectfully, I reiterate that because 1) its true and 2) he handled it extremely well and is a top notch instructor and man. He showed us all (the warriors) how to effectively handle that type of situation. But at that point myself, Jessie and Dan all became extremely agitated, nervous, and decided to leave the store. Bret followed out a few moments later.

Now to sum this all up, and to be perfectly honest, getting kicked out is not even the biggest point, at least not for me or Jessie. It has taken us years, not months, not weeks, but years to get to this point again in our lives and to go back out into public and into a store we do not know and do not feel safe in. This guy wasn't just disrespecting us with our service dogs, he was fucking with our lives. Our well being. If Bret had not been there, and wasn't able to talk us down after we got outside, there is a good possibility, no a damn certainty that Jessie and I would not have gone back out. We would have just gone back to living like god damn hermits. I would have gone back to my basement and him to his garage. So this guy didn't just fuck with us and our dogs, he fucked with our lives. God damn him.

A Ruff Day

2012-09-04T18:41:00.001-07:00

Today was our first real day of training here at K9s for Warriors. All of us here were very excited and ready to go train. Our expectations were extremely high and so were our spirits. We all have been waiting for this day for some time.

We started out the day with just a nice slow paced walk to get the dogs (and us, the handlers) used to each other and to know how to have them heel. Which is just walk on our left side with a loose leash. The other reason was to keep their attention, to not get off track with all the commotion and distractions. All the dogs and handlers did fairly well, and will continue to get better as we bond and become a better team.

After that we took a break and let the dogs get water and rest. They are just like people and have about a 15 to 20 minutes attention span. They also will get tired just like us and need to rest, recuperate and drink water.

Then we moved onto some basic obedience training. Just sit, lay down and heel. But the handlers also had to practice leash handling and get the basic commands down. You would think that that would be fairly simple, but when you toss in hand signals to go along with each command, you can jack it up fairly quickly! So, us and the dogs must master the basics before moving onto the complicated tasks.

After a short break we loaded up the van with all of us and the dogs and went to the grocery store. This is the first exercise outside of the "doghouse" and to most people and those who dont have PTSD or aren't affected by it, its seems like a relatively simple tasks. Now don't get me wrong, I have been to the grocery store a hundred times. But its not MY grocery store, its not the one that I know the employees at and feel SAFE in.

I started out on this next tasks feeling extremely confident (most likely overly confident) and ready to attack this simple task head on! I started out relatively well and went around with everyone else getting groceries and even saying hi to some of the shoppers in the grocery store. But right at the end of our trip we got sandwiches from the deli counter. Im sure exactly what triggered me, it may have been the extremely loud noise that came out of the the intercom or the few people that started to gather around the deli area. But I started to have a panic attack.

I could feel my heart rate start to race, I started to sweat and my hyper-vigilance kicked in something terrible. I started scanning every where, looking for exits, watching everyone and everything looking for threats. Bret the instructor noticed i was starting to spaz out and told me to move off a little ways and talk to Axel (my dog). Once I touched the leash and started moving, Im pretty sure Axel noticed something was wrong and actually started to walk a lot closer to me, close enough that my leg would kind of brush along his side. Just feeling him there started to calm me down. Once I got in the corner, Axel sat down right in front of me and I started to pet him. Within 3 to 4 minutes my heart rate was coming down and I stopped sweating.

I now know with some more training and as our bond develops and grows stronger, Axel is going to help me go back to places I haven't been to in years!

Once we got back to the "dog house" Bret gave us all a very long break to be able to get back into our safe zone and to decompress. He is outstanding and not only understands the small nuisances of each dog, but can really sense when one of us is having a problem to.

After that long break we had a class to go over some very important stuff in our training booklet: the training log, basic commands and what they mean, and a few other things we were done for the day. All in all a long day, but very rewarding.

2nd Night At K9s

2012-09-04T05:20:00.001-07:00

Well last night went better than the first. The first night I only slept for a couple of hours and Axel really didn't warm up to me all that great. He slept in the bed but down by my feet. I was a little worried about that to be honest. But last night after another good day of just bonding and getting to know each other he slept right beside me. We actually shared a blanket lol! Thats because my room is the only one with an A/C unit and I had it about south pole temperatures in there.

Im also pretty sure he woke me up last night from a nightmare. At the very least he laid his paws on my chest to try and comfort me because I was thrashing around, when I woke up he was right there with his paws on my chest staring at me. Awesome, completely awesome. We have only known each other since Sunday and he is already getting in sync with me.

K9s for warriors is going to save my life.

First Day of Training

2012-09-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

Today was me and Axel's first real day! We had a pretty good night last night, he slept right in the bed with me. I didn't really sleep all that much because I was a little to excited but was very relaxed and felt completely safe. That's the first time its been like that in a very long time.

This morning all we did was fill out the required paperwork, got our training manuals, some collars and a couple other assorted items to help with our training. Then I took Axel out for his first walk, which went extremely well. He stayed right beside me the whole time. Got to come back to the doghouse and play some fetch and hang out. Also got to meet Sandi from k9s for the first time! She is awesome!!!

We did cut the day short because of the holiday but just those few things and the pups were ready to relax and enjoy their time in the new house (new to them lol). Overall its been a great start to an awesome experience!

Met My New Battle Buddy Today

2012-09-02T17:56:00.002-07:00

Hi all, just wanted to give a quick update on me and my families next step in our lives, that will most certainly change it forever, for the better!!

I left this morning for K9's for Warriors this morning! I was so excited and had a great weekend with my family and my best friend Steve. It was a great send off to start my journey to get my life back. The Veterans Airlift Command flew me down to Florida for free.They are also a great organization helping out wounded Veterans. The pilots were great guys!

I got into Florida around 1 and 30 minutes later I got to meet Axel!!! He is such an amazing pup! I call him a pup because he is only 9 months old, but he weighs almost 100 pounds already and is still growing. Shari (aka Mom) is an amazing young lady and I am so grateful to meet her. I also got to meet Oscar who is a great dude and former Marine. He showed us all around and put Axel on I on the right track. Jessie my next door neighbor and good friend is also here, which has made the transition in being in a new place all that more comfortable. The other guy is ex army named Dan and seems like a great guy who has a lot of the same problems that Jessie and I do.

I am excited to start this journey to get my life back! Shari and all the people from K9s are such amazing people for doing what they do! I will never be able to thank them enough. I will continue to post through out the training for the next 3 weeks, please keep reading and watch us grow, bond, and become an inseparable team!!!

A Huge Supporter cont...great info and links

2012-08-29T05:10:00.000-07:00

”When Our Troops Come Home” http://whenourtroopscomehome.com/get-free-books Free E-Book By Ken Jones, PhD “Life After Combat” Free E-Book By Ken Jones, PhD

Military Veterans PTSD Reference Manual http://www.ptsdmanual.com/ Free, online version of a book written by 1SG "Bub" Parrish - a Vietnam Vet

Make the Connection http://maketheconnection.net/conditions/ptsd More Resources and Fact sheets from the VA

Real Warriors http://realwarriors.net/active/combatstress/overview.php Offers information on PTSD and on the bottom of page it has links for other sites within the military focused on PTSD

AfterDeployment.org http://afterdeployment.org/ A wealth of information including reference materials, self-assessments, workshops , including a peer to peer forum. This site is great for soldiers, past and present as well as their families

U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs NATIONAL CENTER for PTSD Resources and Fact sheets for Veterans and their families offered by the VA Helpguide.org Fact sheets about PTSD

FamilyOfaVet.com http://www.familyofavet.com/PTSD.html offers a multitude of information including helping your children understanding PTSD.

Mayo Clinic http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/DS00246 Offers fact sheets on PTSD written by Mayo Clinic

About.com Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) http://ptsd.about.com/?nl=1 Offers fact sheets on PTSD written by Dr. Matthew Tull

National Institute of Mental Health http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml Offers fact sheets on PTSD

Gift From Within http://www.giftfromwithin.org/html/military-family-resources.html Offers an abundance of information regarding PTSD