Uthando-Love

2015-05-29T02:35:00.002-07:00

‎WAKEUP‬! - 'Lady G', is what I heard this morning, I know only my shoe family addresses me so elegantly. I was glad to hear her voice, though intrigued as we only speak when we celebrate the arrival of the new diva, and when we're on a - choose me, choose me - rampage when getting dressed. it was a concerned voice so I sat on my bed - 'we had a meeting recently and the family chose me as the spokesperson to relay the message' said Stiletto Kusukamaphepha - Ohh Yes! the...y have names. I listened, she cleared her throat (the top part of the heel) 'we concurred that we feel abused actually the correct word we agreed on is "worn out", because you have not brought in a new member in a loooong while' my eyes began to water, there was a knot in my tummy. 'we are not happy' she continued - I didn't want her to see the water in my eyes so I looked away. '... and you haven't danced in us for, what seem like... forever , and!...' raising her voice 'let alone dates - what is happening to you' I couldn't hold back the sob, my shoes only speak the truth. I cried out loud thinking about my other families, I thought - Holly!! - the underwear family is next, imagining what they will be saying - my mind was busy buzzing, I thought of sexy blue - saying something like "I haven't felt a man's hand ...", I forced my self to stop the thought, - too much.. I cried out loud 'universe - do something already before the ear family thinks less of my femininity'.
Love always.
GugutheCoach

2015-05-13T08:14:00.000-07:00

#WAKEUP! - Black sister, we were raised to be wives, to serve men and their families. We live a vulnerable life – of always availing ourselves so that we can be chosen. No one ever uttered the love word when we were growing up, we long to hear it. We hear it all the time said by men to their women on television, we like what we see, it melts the sister and she gives in, we want that for ourselves, the first guy who says it – we melt, we give in, our legs become weak and vulnerable they automatically open. We let men inside our being – they enter –us, our sacred space. We cling and hope he is the one. They literally come and go.

#WAKEUP! - Black brother does what he saw growing up, speaks what he hears all the time from his uncles, that women are as good as cars, once used they are useless, they say what they know. Remember black fathers are never around; they are dead, in prisons, in mines, and in big cities or sleep walking. A man has to work for his family, they are told, a man is the head, he has to provide, and so he sells his soul, steals, begs and borrows to prove his manhood. They left the wives in the homestead, to slave away in the Promised Land, when nature calls, there will always be a willing candidate – seeking attention to satisfy her need only buried within her.

#WAKEUP! - Black family & teach Self-love, model self-worth. We are only told to do for others, ‘put others needs before your own’ – our elders say. #WAKEUP! Be selfish – love yourself first in order to love your neighbour. Treat yourself with kindness, sincerity and dignity until it becomes a part of you.

#WAKEUP! - Black mothers are teaching what they know even when they know it does not work, it is sheer nonsense - it didn’t work for them, when they saved themselves for the one, as they were lying vulnerably, they asked themselves, is this it? They were taught to satisfy him, not themselves, as long as he is happy, keep quiet and be a good black woman. #WAKEUP! black mothers, it is not your daughter’s fault that she feels worthy, she wants her ecstasy spot tickled, she searches with the knowing that it is there somewhere, so she searches on, and brings the out of wedlock seed home for mum to look after, and return, in search of greener pastures.

#WAKEUP! - Black sister, please stay with your children, bring them up through thick and thin then cut the umbilical cord, with love when they reach maturity, you have done your part – Kahlil Gibran once wrote “your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life longing for itself. They come through you but not from you”. When you leave them with black mothers, black mothers take out their own frustration on your child, beating him, scolding him unnecessarily, sending him to church, telling him not to question authority. Besides they are passé, the universe is continuously moving.

#WAKEUP! - Black sister, you are not aware that you are producing another societal statistic; you might meet your child in rehab or in therapy if not in a coffin. Remember black mother’s spot was never tickled; she held back, she never lived for herself, so there is bitterness towards her own life. Be not their scapegoat of their own misery. Happily ever after became a myth, it saddened her, she stopped to dream, she gave up, built up resentment which manifested through her body image. She gave up, totally.

#WAKEUP! - Black sister, when you stay with your kids you bring them up to be the man you would like to marry, but you don’t even know that man because you and your children are fatherless, even when you make him up, he is a ‘Hollywood Celebrity’ so in reality he does not exist. So black sister raise your son and daughter the best way possible, teach them to question, teach them to be misfits, to follow their heart and trust themselves before they trust their teachers. #WAKEUP! Be a non-conformist role model.

#WAKUP!- Black brothers and feel… we know, you are not expected to feel, black man don’t cry, you are told, hold it in. You have no reference of a black man role model – You hear about Steve Biko, You hear of Martin Luther jr, You hear of Malcom X, you fear death – you admire their bravery but you are scared, You hear of Nelson Mandela, and you honour him but fear prison, You hold back. Black sisters expect so much from you, and you freak out even more – You start acting out, drinking too much and living a lie – your longing to be in partnership with a solid woman is bottled deep within your being – but the pressure is on, black sister expects you to be Denzel Washington, when you only want to be yourself.

#WAKEUP! - Do you know that black sisters love you more when you show vulnerability and openness, saying ‘I don’t know how it’s done, I am willing to learn along the way, - I am in touch with my emotions, I do cry, I do fear’ the awakened black sister embraces you and says ‘thank you for your honesty, let’s learn together’. the awakened black brother will then take responsibility for the unclaimed seeds ignorantly planted in fertile wombs and he becomes the awakened black father.

#WAKEUP! - stop repeating the pattern that is not working. #WAKEUP! ask who ‘I’ is, you will find ‘I AM’ you then become conscious, aware of your greatness. You steer clear of coercion, of trying to fit in – you run for cover –. The ones, who laugh at you, secretly admire you, for your courage to be the archetype and they chose whether to remain in the stereotype of a black nation that is associated with filth. #WAKEUP!

ALL IS WELL

Love

GugutheCoach

2015-05-04T04:28:00.001-07:00

#WAKEUP!

You have been told about god, who is a white old man, you have been told to fear him for you are sinners. Now you live your everyday life as sinners, you pray each day “Oh father, We are not worthy to even call your name, forgive us, sinners, we don’t deserve this life, but we are here in your mercy because you sent your ‘white’ son to die for us – so we can enter your kingdom” – this is when I open my eyes, leave the room and later ask not to be included in the ‘we’ part for I know my worthiness.

You live in lack because your father is so far removed from earth; even his son as well is living in the mansion in heaven, after his death. You doubt if you will ever get the reward to see him when you die, because of your unworthiness. You are so black, your soul does not comprehend why you are praying to an external god – when the soul IS god, the source, the creator. - your emotions are unsettling because of your blackness, it will be such a privilege to enter your white father’s mansion upon death, while alive you don’t even enter your white neighbour’s house here on earth. You only enter it in your inferiority, to serve not share. #WAKEUP!

#WAKEUP! -A friend or a stranger asks how you are doing; the first thing you mention is negativity - the ailments, the headaches, and the unruliness of the youth -. Listen to yourself; you are in deep slumber -#WAKEUP! didn’t the only book you own, the black book tell you to count your blessings every day. But you’ll rather not, better to portray a picture of suffering, how can you be happy when others are starving. That is selfish, it is not blackness.

#WAKEUP! - You complain because you have given your power away to your father in heaven, you do not own it anymore, how are you reading the black book that you love so much – doesn’t it say “yea are gods”, have you ever questioned the meaning of that, that you are created in your creator’s image, you have all the power …within you – no, you return the power to the owner of the power, because you are undeserving, helpless sinners. You follow the anointed and chosen men who interpret the black book for you from their own perspective.

#WAKEUP! - You are sick because you have given your power to the doctors, once they tell you ‘you are sick’ you believe them, they prescribe medicine for you to take every day for the rest of your life – you do not question them – they now own you, you own nothing of yourself because you are unworthy –hospitals are full of black people – you cannot wait to tell the first person you bump into about your ailment, you forget to tell them about the lovely blessing of breathing, of being able to walk, of seeing, of touching, of experiencing the new day, of mother earth supporting, feeding, grounding you each day.

You become so afraid, you build your own hell, you burn with guilt, you then go back to church, god has condemned you, you promise him, to be obedient and wear the church uniform so that you do not burn in hell when you die, it still does not resonate – something does not gel. It does not feel right and you know it in your heart. #WAKEUP! stop bribing your made up father. BE your own father; take ownership of your life, question, question, question. In the beginning, it might be scary to do something different from your fellow blacks, then you begin to feel the presence of pure energy that does not judge nor condemn you – it reminds you that you are beautiful and you are worthy. You spend more time in SOLITUDE, and you know you are special. It is time to #WAKEUP! - to start appreciating the colour of your skin and it ripples to others, now this is what I call BLACK CONSCIOUSNESS.

Love

GugutheCoach

2015-04-30T02:35:00.000-07:00

#WAKEUP! #WAKEUP#a

Black is beautiful, we say. I agree black is indeed rich and beautiful. What makes us not to model the beauty we say we are. Is it because black is associated with evil, darkness, is this the reason we do not separate our being from the colour of our skin. We often blame it on the past, oppression, slavery, apartheid.

Before this - ignorance was bliss – black people were a proud nation with values and morals – this is when they didn’t know any other colour, or any other ways. We didn’t even know we were black until we were told by the white people. We then saw the difference; they introduced a different way of living, which was the beginning of our evolution.

Evolution does not happen smoothly, IT IS ROUGH, from the mountains to the caterpillars.

We struggled through apartheid, which is still embedded in us after years of freedom. We still see ourselves as inferior – I’m sure at this stage you might not use the phrase black is beautiful – you still refer to yourself as ‘black’ for beauty has not been introduced yet. You only know what you know - black, inferior, servant, unworthy... the list is endless – you accept your unworthiness –

By not questioning – your unhappiness – you complain, gossip, and still remain in your less-ness.

Once you realise that you are unhappy. It is a nudge to #WAKEUP!, DO something different from gossip and complaining as you have been doing it without seeing different results or improvement of the situation.

Questioning any situation brings about FEAR of the unknown – this is a great stage where Anger is re-activated – now the volcano is about to erupt, and bring about change.

Acting on our anger channels us to change what we do not like.

You start wanting to go where fear leads you – you can see that something is wrong. This is the awareness stage. You can see when you enter the ‘black zone” where black people live, you notice the difference. You notice what you cannot change, for instance the structure of the black residence is structured differently from where you work – there is not much you can change about the structures – they are rigid. You become angrier. You realise that the only change you can achieve is ‘YOU’.

Curiosity is now birthed through comparison. You now know what you like and what you do not like and something so strong inside you confirms that - COMPASSION.

Compassion allows you to do things differently, YOU START BEING THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO LIVE. You start picking up litter in your neighbourhood and do this with such pride because you now remember who you are – you are beauty – you are love – you start doing this with dignity, without giving a damn what others think of you. You start living from the inside out.

You remember our forefathers who gave the land away, in exchange for a black book, you honour their stupidity as wisdom – you give thanks and ask for their guidance, and you surrender by saying ‘the black book’ is blinding our society, how can we open their eyes so they can see that there are more books to be read, even better, how can we redirect them to their inner wisdom.

You honour our leaders who fought for our freedom so that we can experience the evolution that the white people brought and see it for what it is – opportunities – development and civilisation. You start seeing the beauty of this land and you want to join in to keep it beautiful and contribute to the economy.

Compassion and Love allows you to see everything in a positive light, you start seeing yourself as the citizen of this land and want to work in preserving its beauty, by joining hands with like-minded beings to awaken and to nudge those who are ready to #WAKEUP!

Love.

GugutheCoach.

2015-04-14T15:04:00.002-07:00

dusttodust.com

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

…so the relationship was ephemeral - . I say to myself ALL IS WELL and IT IS WHAT IT IS and Gugu moves right along.

I decide to embark on unconditional Love - what a challenge. I love no matter what.

In 2012 I started having seizures, and they became frequent, it worried my loved ones, I remember Alex volunteering to walk the government hospital journey with me, which included long queues and early mornings, him witnessing my invisible veins as the nurses were trying to draw blood out of me, it took him on a totally personal journey while I was in my own WTF zone – trying to understand the whole fuss. It turned out to be the most amazing experience for me, when I witnessed Love first hand.

My boys witnessing me at my weakness, scarring the SHIT out of them, while I was out of it – there was ‘nothing’ – out of body – out of life experience, BUT when I regained consciousness – the PEACE FULL NESS I felt was beyond bliss – while the physical body was wounded, bitten tongue, blood oozing out of my lips. When they reiterated what they witness – I had no clue – I only asked them why they didn’t take a video as I had no comprehension to what they were talking about. To me it felt like I had just woken up from the most peace fullest sleep ever.

The Zulu healing women said to me, ’you will not need to take any medicine after performing a traditional ceremony that was supposed to have been done at your birth’ – surprise, surprise when you have been born by a mother who was raised by the German Lutheran missionaries, and there is a secrete trace of German in her own blood – she knew nothing of the sort, though she was married to a core Zulu guy, who decided to kick the bucket within five years of their married life = obviously she did what she knew best, raising her kids religiously and not traditionally. We all do what we know.

So it turned out I was born with a veil and it was not acknowledged at birth as it is what connects me to my ancestors, the no physical world and reason for my seizures was because I was stuck between the two spheres, the physical and the non-physical. Ever since the ceremony I have never had any attack, an esteemed homeopath confirmed this. It’s been over a year – I celebrate and I am grateful to be the chosen one.

I am learning to look at any experience as an experience, nothing less - nothing more. I am learning not to put conditions to any situations, not to put labels to anything, to accept LOVE as it flows through me. The gratitude I have towards life, towards family, friends – especially when challenging times are upon me, to be vulnerable, with the knowing that my strength is made perfect in my weakness – this liberates me. To open myself to love – pure love .

It is blissful,

I LoVe you – you are playing a big part in my life – I cannot bring myself to judge you – or hate you, coz that will mean I am judging me and hating me – the best thing to do is to thank you for showing up.

The next chapter is being written and only the gods know why you have been drawn into my existence, why we had, or have the interaction. I embrace it and I surrender and remain open to the guidance.

Love

GugutheCoach

2014-09-17T23:55:00.004-07:00

TrueLies

The pressure we put ourselves through in avoidance of judgement. When interacting with others we care more for acceptance, instead of being different and living in one’s truth, we have been conditioned to fib. Once we unlearn who we are not and learn who we are, the discomfort of fitting in becomes unbearable, tossing and turning in the box, until we get rid of the box. Once one lives in awareness, the pressure wears off. I have chosen to stand out in ‘my’ truth, to engage only in conversations I have interest in, to ask when unsure, to answer with a question, to listen to my body, environment and others, to say No without feeling guilty, to say YES because I agree, to feel, to connect with others on a higher level, to look beyond the physical into infinity, to see GOD in every situation.

I care about being misread, being misrepresented, just because someone knows a little about me; it does not mean they can say they truly know me. I am here to LIVE only for me; sorry! if I don’t agree with you, I hope you get over it as soon as you start minding your own business, for now let me BE.

I have recently opened myself to a sacred relationship with a wonderful man. I have become the feminine being that I have always wanted to be. I trust the divine process from the day of our first encounter, from the moment I said a little prayer sitting lonesome in a stadium full of people who were in celebration – I was not celebrating anything in particular on that day, I was happy to have been invited by a special friend to an event to celebrate women, I celebrate each day, I do not need a declared day to celebrate something. Looking up to the sky, wearing sunglasses, with teary eyes on a pavilion in a stadium I uttered a prayer “God! What next?” as I often throw questions to god I now realise that I never wait for answers, now I KNOW the divine ALWAYS answers, this time he answered immediately (maybe he always does, answer immediately all the time, am I listening? - becomes my mantra, my meditation). A lady sitting with a gentleman behind me nudged me, asked for the program I was carrying, I gave her, next thing business cards were exchanged, as they say the rest is history...I do trust I am always where I am supposed to be.

I have lived a lie, wanting to appear strong, when inside there was turmoil, dressed up meanwhile, inside I am bare. NOW, I am receptive - aware of the love I have for me, the vulnerability I show openly, the gentleness I treat myself with, the respect I have for me simultaneously flows easily to my man – yes I said it – my man. I see so much of myself in him, I see the man I have prayed for, saying “Yes, you asked for it, now GET IT”. Before, I thought I am not worthy of LOVE, I judged myself, saying who will love a divorcee, a mother of three, a failure who has failed to support her children, an existential woman who follows the wind – though, still, I refused to settle for less, I chose to wait. The answer is who else can love ME unconditionally none other than me. Now I see the love I have for me reflected right back at me by a man who is also dealing with his own life journey.

Some might say it is too soon to talk, I do not care, I will always be confident because I sent a prayer, it was answered. Time frame Only exist in the world, I operate from another dimension, a higher vibration where I follow my heart and wish for the best, why wait if it feels right. I am not a conformist, I will not die an unlived life – so I will be truthful to myself, I don’t know what tomorrow holds, what I know is the feeling I have NOW, it is the present, a gift straight from the divine. The three month waiting period is not for me, I will LIVE now, judge me if you may, I’m cool with my choice, I do not live in regret.

Yet, my life still goes on, interesting enough, it is topsy-turvy, It is like looking for a needle in the haystack, I don’t know how to get out of some situations, doing the work I enjoy but the pay is a laughing stock, my boys’ future in my palm, my wellbeing and that of my mother’s is stirring right back at me, the question is still ‘God!, what next?’ I still live in the knowing that the answer is right under my nose. Am I careless? am I playing with fire? Am I jeopardising the lives of those that are dependent on me? What am I doing? Who am I fooling? If I’m fooling myself, have I forgotten that I promised to settle only for quality, what guarantee do I have that I will achieve that which I call quality, what guarantee do I have that I will not? Apparently the answer is in the question, so many questions – the answers are right there. I only need to live in integrity, the dangerous zone, the vulnerable zone, where judgement is indirectly invited, am I sure that I do not care, maybe I care enough not to care. Bring it on – I am tired of crying at night, and smiling during the day... endure Gugu, persevere Sisi, the end is near, the world promises – what if the end is the beginning? I ask myself. – what the fuck! I believe there is neither the end nor the beginning. I chose to be a butterfly, remember before it turns colourful and beautiful and decorate the earth - it is struggling in the cocoon trusting the process of BEAUTY. It is said Darkness is before dawn, I say darkness exist in the dawn – it is all happening at the same time.

YIN=YANG

Love always, it is well – so said my man.

AS IT IS.

GugutheCoach

2014-09-15T07:53:00.002-07:00

Great is Thy faithfulness, oh God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
to Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness,
Great is Thy faithfulness,
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Die Katastrophe naht: Die kleine Schmetterlingsmalerin Mumbi (Uainab Ebrahim, links) mit ihrer Mutter (Gugu Mhlongo)

2014-07-16T08:36:00.000-07:00

The Awakening

2013-12-03T23:16:00.000-08:00

As I was watching the movie - Long walk to freedom by Anant singh - with my best friend last night, there was a shift of perspective in me - it dawned on me. I was so AWAKENED in a humbling and subtle way.

My life has become a continuous AWAKENING journey - .

Mandela used his natural gift - Anger! Yes - anger is a gift - a natural signal that identifies an opportunity for growth and healing. Once this gift has been owned and channelled properly it can transform one’s life from negative to positive. The rage that Mandela demonstrated, was the beginning of his healing process.

Had he denied it, we wouldn't have seen his POWER.

When my ex husband use to beat me up, he was dealing with his own frustration and he used anger to feel powerful by belittling me, he used a defence reaction as he felt threatened now I understand there was a POWER struggle between the two of us. If he channelled his anger appropriately he’d love himself, nature his wife and that would make him feel POWERFUL in a positive way. He was going through his own AWAKENING journey as I was also going through my own - unbeknown to us both. If I didn't flee I would have been abusing him in return by allowing him to abuse me. Ironic!!!

When Nelson Mandela was in prison he was serving his life purpose, his life purpose has nothing to do with anybody else and yet he was serving for the whole. He was not there as a 'father' to his children though he fathered them. According to the societal expectations, he was supposed to shun his dream and make sure that he provided for his family on a daily basis. Winnie, Mandela's wife was in and out of jail herself living her life's purpose. Their children continued to grow as they were also in their own AWAKENING process.

When you realise your life purpose - you give your all to it, you understand your anger energy and you dedicate your life into transforming it into passion - .

A parent is a conduit to his children. The universe or god makes sure that the children are fed. If they die it is still part of the process and if they live, they also live for what they came to this world to achieve. Whether you were raised by a single parent or in an orphanage, you still live, there is no lucky and unlucky situation because at some point in your life when the AWAKENING process takes place - there is some hardships that come with the experience.

My boys last saw their dad when they were five and three, today they are twenty and eighteen. They went to the best schools, are great in sports and drama, they always have a shelter, food and clothes. They are on their own life journey - they have their own anger, as they are already going through their AWAKENING process. The transformation of Anger to Love goes through a ‘difficult’ process of FORGIVENESS and it starts with the 'Self' – once one masters the process of self forgiveness one learns to let go of any grudge in their system.

My prayer is that wherever their dad is - his journey has taken him through a healing process of anger transformation - whenever I think of him I wish he is using his energy to create beautiful music as that was one of his gifts.

Forgiveness is the ultimate form of LOVE. After 27 years of imprisonment Mandela opted for peace when a lot of South Africans expected revenge. Mandela's had risen to POWER.

A woman who is holding negative energy (i.e. grudges, hatred, blame) in her system, attracts illness, she has no friends, she is always complaining and blaming others, she is not aware that she brings this unhappiness into her life, when she stops and look at her hand, she’ll see that she is to blame as one finger points at others the other four are pointing right back at her.

We are in charge of our own happiness.

After qualifying as a Consciousness Coach, I knew that my purpose is to support people live the life they were born to live and I committed to living my purpose.

I am awake are you?

Love

GugutheCoach

Longing

2013-09-20T07:10:00.001-07:00

Longing

The you in me or the me in you – go figure I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about my mother how I wish she sees things the way I do and I know that she wishes I can see things her way as well – so my friend said to me ‘where will she begin to unlearn’ – I actually had an aha moment you know that light bulb moment, that I have to worry about my own life not other people’s lives. I realised it is my ego that thinks I am right and others are wrong. The stuff that irritates me about other people, I must learn to stand aside and ask myself what it is about me that irritates. This is an awareness process that brings me back to the ‘I’, the source, it all starts with me. I have noticed that most things are easier said than done – I have used inspirational quotes from philosophers and great leaders without realising their deepest meaning, I pretend to understand them theoretically and not from a practical point, – they really sound musical, these quotes hold a deeper meaning than I realise. It is a good start to want to experience the meaning of the quotes, then comes the actual experience which is the doing and thereafter in the end you realise it was NOTHING actually… what am I going on about, let me use one of my favourite quotes ‘life begins at the end of a comfort zone’ – Wow! It sounds great to say it, it sounds really clever and philosophical especially when giving advice to a friend after reading it for the first time without trying to understand it. Yeah!! Friends regard me clever, they think I understand this game called life, what they don’t know is I’m also in the field fumbling along – I just read the manuals from different authors and I memorise and remember what I can,… flip! When I realise the advice I gave them, I am the one who needs it the most. It is like looking in the mirror and talking to myself – so the friend is the mirror reminding me to take an honest look at myself, I sound like Michael Jackson right now - ‘I’m looking at the man in the mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways – no message could have been any clearer – if you wanna make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make that change’. The point I’m making is it all starts with me and it all ends with me. The people I attract into my life are a reflection of me, how? A guy who is afraid of commitment who wants to care for other people and deny himself pleasure, he does not understand that a beautiful woman like me can love him, he thinks he does not deserve me, he comes up with all kinds of excuses not to be loved. Where do I fit in here? For I know for sure that I want all the attention now, I deserve to be loved; I am ready to allow someone to care for me. – How can this guy be a reflection of me – when I look at this thoroughly - we are definite opposites *** What I need to do is to thank him for his honesty, close the chapter and move on to the next book, figuratively speaking. He was in my life to help me accept and face the fact that I am entering a new stage of my life of being in an honest relationship that is a reflection of me. (SCARY) The fear of waiting, fear of what if I don’t meet the one, fear of being alone, f o r e v e r!!!! O M G - I tell myself I will settle for him even though he has about 80% of what I want in a guy, I tell myself I will compromise the 20% - in this way I’d be denying myself happiness, wholeness, I’ll be settling for second best to what I asked for.

My Master Marc Steinberg told me in my face that when I think someone is withholding and not giving his all it is actually not the other person it is ME.
“We all project onto other people parts of ourselves that we disown, that we deny”
What one suppresses within, one suppresses without.
What one gets upset with within, one gets upset with without.
What one condemns within, one condemns without.
What one fights within, one fights without.
- Words by Marc Steinberg – founder of Consciousness coaching

As scary as it is - I need to push myself out of the comfort zone and face my fears and allow myself the pleasure that I deserve and trust that what I have ordered will be delivered on a silver platter only if I let go, then I ask myself that I have been in the discomfort zone for a while now – the waiting is uncomfortable – how much patience can one person bear, damn, the discomfort of wanting to share intimacy, laughter, ice cream with a close mate is not nice at all. – It is all part of the mystery of living a wholesome life.

When I find you, I would have found me.

Lots of Love
GugutheCoach.

Rock bottom

2012-10-29T03:27:00.001-07:00

Add caption

Rock bottom

Vulnerability is uncomfortable…this is where I find myself most of the time, most of my life. By choice and by fate. I don’t want it anymore – I’m described as “strong” – I want to be weak now… When I tell the universe – the higher power – god, that I am ready to live the life I love, this is when it becomes tough and others are ‘wondering’ why I don’t do like everyone else.

The answer is I don’t enjoy doing something for the sake of doing it. I want to enjoy what I do, I want to feel alive, I want to lose myself in the process - so why is it frowned upon. Parenting is not my strongest gift, coz I do not do it like everyone else, I’m detached, I put myself first – It’s labelled selfish…I call it empowering. This vulnerable and uncomfortable life makes me become the subject to others who do it the proper way, and it affects them –.

I have no reference of what I do, I trust that it is achievable, then it cost me relationships and money. I feel like hiding until I achieve it, there is no timeline to it, I claim time and space sometimes and it’s achievable. Now I’m dealing with claiming relationships and money it requires me to stick to integrity, I am loosing relationships and money - I’m sticking to integrity – it sounds twisted. I feel weird and crazy and out of my mind, people are telling me left, right and centre about options – I thank them and trust my creation, I’m asked why do I want to create when there’s a system that has been followed forever, I tell them I’m not a good follower.

When I say I want to be weak now, I mean I want to be in a relationship where I’m treated like an egg, a fragile piece of art, I want things done for me, I want the feminine part of me to be more apparent, it is only noticeable when I’m pregnant and when I’m doing motherly things, my appearance is entirely feminine and I’m proud of that. The stuff that I find myself doing and the way I do it is highly masculine, from hugging to the way I relate, in my previous relationships I was the head of my household, the breadwinner, the decision maker. I acknowledge that opposites exist simultaneously; it is evident that I am balanced. In my family I am the only daughter surrounded by three brothers, I was gifted with three male children, I have enough male friends and I relate easily to them than to my lovely female ones. I now want to be able to be the master in the kitchen, (by the way, the guys I dated are great in the kitchen, except for the guy I was married to, I never even tasted a boiled egg by him). Is it a fantasy? I wanna be cared for, thought for, spoilt in a good way, I want to cook for my loved ones, I never even cooked that much for my kids coz I was always at work, I wanna plan holidays for us, go shopping, go to a spa once in a while, do what women do…that’s all I want and it is not too much to ask.

Amazing that in 2012, I only have two goals set financial abundance and a man who is also aware of his femininity and masculinity. It must be balanced, his appearance must be absolutely masculine and he must be willing to treat me like a lady, he will not regret it.

The financial part of my goal is confusing coz for the past twelve months I have not earned money, I have hit rock bottom and I have not paid my bills and I am deep in debt, I am experiencing the opposite of financial abundance and the exciting part of it is I am not feeling poor at all, friends are amazingly generous, they offer me their cars to drive when I need to, they buy me new clothes, they take me out, they offer their homes for me to stay when I’m in their areas, they parent my children and more. I am experiencing luxury without even working for it, others are saying I earn it because it is what I would do to others – and it humbles me.

Same with the relationships I am attracting, a few new men approach me, they are the total opposite of what I wish for, I find myself experiencing the opposite. At the moment the guys that approach me are called rich coz the only thing they have is “money”.

I am rich in spirit
Love
G

The Knowing

2012-07-30T00:20:00.002-07:00

The Knowing.

This journey is not easy… this I’m writing from the depth of my heart, with tears streaming down my face. A conscious journey is not for sissies, I tell you….!!

Growing up questioning and not conforming has led me to this path of Joy and Anger. My granny told me never to question the bible and that made me more curious then I questioned it more than ever before, it’s funny when you tell someone not to look down – that’s what they do - they look down. When I had my first period as teenager my mother told me not to play with boys, well she was not specific as to how not to play with them, but that afternoon I found myself in the company of my three guy friends and at the back of my mind I was aware of my mother’s words but I disregarded them on purpose, she didn’t make sense to me coz I only have brothers and most of the times I played with them. Growing up - we were not to answer back nor ask questions when parents talked to us, so they spoke to us not with us. I was very close to my stepdad but as soon as I finished high school he couldn’t stand the sight of me this led to me staying away from home during holidays, I couldn’t dare question why he was always fighting with me, my mother supported me visiting friends and relatives instead of questioning what was going on in her home and when I asked about it later on in my life she says she was protecting me – I blamed her for a very long time but now I know that we only do what we know.

I became a parent at the age of twenty two, it was unplanned, I met a guy in Jo’burg, away from home, we moved in together within a month of dating and within three months I was pregnant. I was petrified, first of how I was going to break the news to my mother, secondly, I did not know what to do with the baby once it was born. Thinking about it now honestly I didn’t associate pregnancy with birthing of a human being that I will be responsible for – I guess words and experience were two different things – understanding was far from me, I agree one hundred percent if one could have called me naïve at that time, because life was happening as if I had no control, it was like I wasn’t part of it, things happened to me, I had no power.. or I didn’t know that I was born complete with power, and this realisation has been a process. There is so much I didn’t know, I gave so much of my power away, to the father of my kids, whom I was married to. I gave my power away to my employers, to situations, to animals and plants, now I am also realising that I gave my power away to money, to god – It controlled me, and I allowed it! The realisation that I can claim my power back scared me but the determination gives me so much courage.

How did I give my power away?

By settling for less than what I am. By not questioning hard enough, by allowing other people and situations to control me. By living in fear.

How do I know I am more than what I am settling for? I just know.

There is this knowing we are all born with, it is in the core of our being and we all know it because we are all made of the same fabric. When I follow stories of great leaders like Nelson Mandela, Jesus, Martin Luther King jr, Mahatma Gandhi and many others, they trusted their knowing more, they questioned authority, they didn’t conform…even if it killed them, they risked their lives for their truth.

What is my knowing telling me?

My knowing warns me of danger before hand and when I didn’t have my power back, I wouldn’t listen to its nudge, then I found myself in relationships and jobs I didn’t enjoy, I did it for survival and for security. I feared god because everyone else does and I gave all my power to god in fear of his punishment – how can I give power to the owner of power, I was powerless. How can I fear LOVE!!!!!!!!! I gave all my power to money, money has its own power, and it doesn’t need mine. I gave my power to animals, by fearing them and I disregarded plants.

My knowing guided me to have my power complete and intact within me, instead of fearing I love. Love helps me to see animals for what they are; they are living their lives and minding their own business, unless I interfere with them. Plants feed, nourish and heal me, the mountains and the forest is my home. God is love so if I live in love, I am one with god so basically I am god and so I am source, I create my own reality though it is not easy to believe that until I unlearn all the teachings that I have been questioning throughout my life. My knowing is what I do, meaning I only do what I know – my knowing has becomes my job, my talent, it is what I am good at, whether it’s dancing, singing, teaching, painting or writing – it is what makes my heart sing when I do it. It leads to money - money flows my direction because I know that I do not need to suck up to god for blessings or ‘kiss ass’ to a boss for a raise through pretence. This knowing is in synchronicity with life. All becomes one. I am one with god. I NOW choose relationships; I don’t find myself in situations. I am in charge.

What I’m still dealing with is the people that came to this world through me – my children – I am responsible for them, the truth is my discoveries about my life confuse them and I am aware of it and they find me weird and untrustworthy. With every realisation, I unchoose or let go of what is not in synch with my truth, like quitting a job and moving to a different town or unchoosing a relationship because I was in it for fear of being alone. Life becomes shaky and I trust that every situation is temporary – while on the other hand they feel disorganised because they have to adjust to new arrangements and my knowing tells me it is also appropriate for their own journey for We are one with ALL.

One Love

Gugu

Sunshine on a cloudy day

2012-06-23T06:21:00.002-07:00

In the middle of a storm I have learnt to be still and calm and I wouldn't say I have learnt to enjoy it coz that would be a lie..I just become aware of what is happening and I become fully present in it. This might not mean anything to someone who reads about being present but has never practiced or experienced what they read.

when I was about 13, my mum sent me to a shop, to buy something that she urgently needed - I think it was one of those moments when you make tea and you realise there is no sugar - I ran into the shop as I got out half a second later the rain was pouring outside - people were gathered on the veranda of the shops talking about different things, others complaining, others surprised at how fast this rain came as I was about to sprint into the rain to hurry home someone said it will pass soon, coz it came too fast, and an elderly woman said if I ran in the rain I would get sick L, so I decided to wait with them - while we were waiting a boy my age was walking in the rain wearing nothing, but his underwear - my first reaction was of envy, that he is lucky but when I saw that he was crying like a baby I got confused - thinking I'd be jumping up and down coz it's something we did a lot - played in the rain and had fun - anyway in my confusion one of the older guys on the veranda assumed that the boy's father was training him to be a 'man' and he went on to explain that in the rural Zululand fathers use to send their boys naked in the rain to herd cows - this trained them to be strong. From that day on I made a choice that I will also choose tough over easy - in anything I did, regardless to say that at home I hated cleaning the house or washing dishes, but what I really enjoyed was to clean the stove - we had a coal and wood stove - I enjoyed the texture of ash on my hands, when we visited my granny I enjoyed smearing cow dung on the kitchen floor, it was their way of cleaning floors - it made no sense then - most people hated it but I loved if for some odd reason. I felt odd.

the oddest was when my ex - husband use to beat me up and once he hit me so hard on the bridge of my nose and it pained like crazy and I told myself I will allow myself to feel this pain without pretending, from then I made decisions like when I have a headache I will not numb the pain by taking painkillers, I will go to the gym to make friends with pain, I will deliver my babies without any anaesthesia... this has become part of my life. In the middle of a storm, I relax into it', I do not analyse whether I like nor dislike it - I just allow it to be. the storm passes eventually...then I find that I am a better person not in comparison to anyone else but a better person than the one I was before the storm.

In life there are storms and sunshines and we need to experience all of them equally without any analysis, as people we tend to only want to experience the sunshine and when the storm comes we moan and groan. I find that if I do not welcome the storm, it keeps on visiting me – especially when I think I’m clever than the universe and use ways to dodge it – the storm visits me more often than others whom I compare myself to, in my eyes they seem to be forever basking and enjoying the benefits of the sunshine.. If I endure the storm, there are benefits as well. I find people in the city only want to talk about their successes, they never mention their ‘failure’ – a breakup, repossession, shortage – so much pretence, when you mention any ‘negativity’ you are experiencing – you get cut out of the circles. Ooh my gosh!!! On the other hand in little towns people are always talking about their ailments, hi blood pressure, arthritis – they embrace it and when I say I never get sick then we don’t relate coz I have nothing to complain about. It’s like they look for negativity to report, nothing positive when a conversation is going well they have a way of spoiling it by saying something like ‘if it wasn’t for my weight .. I’d be enjoying my new car better’
I enjoy not talking when there's nothing to be said.
WTF – let’s live this life it has its own laws, it has opposite sides as the coin.

Love

Gugu

JOY

2012-06-14T08:57:00.000-07:00

I find myself in a state of Joy at all times. This state allows me to detach and see things as they are, to hear what is being said and listen to the actual message, to feel... to feel? Feelings are not what I thought they were anymore.. I feel nothing anymore. Someone might think only a dead person does not feel - I don't know about dead people - what I know is what I thought were feelings before was actually my head telling me so. It sounds contradictory - it sounds cold -.
when I am alone I do not feel lonely - I feel aloneness then I choose whether or not to be in a company of others, mostly I choose my own company - it is scary to be alone - I still choose it and it is safe to be with others - I am afraid of safety.
I still maintain the same state of joy in the scary company of myself - what on earth has gotten into me. I have totally lost it.
I have actually found myself with this realisation, the layers are peeling off. I get upset and when I check the state is still Joy. It doesn't make sense - and I like things that do not make sense. I rely on none-sense.
I want to see and experience what it is I am afraid of, running away from it is like running away from myself, so does this mean I scare myself - what could be so frightening about me, if others like my company isn't it inevitable that I will enjoy my company too.. apparently not. We spend so much time with others coz we are running away from ourselves. it means there is something scary about ourselves.
What could be scary about me - is it because I am Powerful, I am Beautiful, - so why would I run away from such positivity, is it because I do not believe it - does is overwhelm me? Yes it does. Will running away to spend time with others help me realise my power, beauty etc... they will not realise it unless I have realised it first.
I am not scared to be alone - when I choose to be with you it is because I want to share myself with you.
When I'm with you I am still with myself more than I am with you and I wish you the same.
Be with yourself and you will find the JOY of Life then choose to share yourself with others - total BLISS.

Love Always
Gugu

Reflection

2012-05-07T01:13:00.000-07:00

GugutheCoach

As I reflect and look at my life NOW. All I have achieved and all I have lost. My father died when I was three I lost a big part of my life, I gained independence and strength. I gained a father figure in my step dad and male figures in my uncles. I gained a hard working mother.

My life has been easy and sometimes difficult, sometimes by choice and sometimes by fate, I am still grateful, nonetheless. I can never change anything about me – I embrace my imperfection and my beauty, without them I don’t know what life would have been. I have learnt from my constipation to let go of stuff and remain unattached sometimes I want to hold on a little while longer and nurse a broken heart when an expectation was not fulfilled – I have learnt that it is all part of the process, sometimes I want to curse, shout, scream avenge and I realise I will only be making matters worse. Everything is a lesson, a reflection, a mirror – a kilo gained teaches me something and a kilo lost remains a lesson. unfriending friends and unchoosing relationships teaches me about holding each other’s hand until we have crossed the bridge. When it’s time to part ways, it is time to part ways even if I still want to hold on a little longer – and there are no if’s and should have’s about it – like, if we did it this way it would have… – well, it didn’t, let’s get over it and move on. Going through a rough patch humbles me and I totally welcome it the same way I welcome sunshine. I have learnt that in lack there is so much gain – in pain there is joy, all simultaneously.
I commit to myself – to life - to god - to purpose. What does this mean?
– I can only define it for myself, if I can – at times, it makes no sense even to me - The people that are ready to understand will and the ones that are not ready to understand will not and that is when judgement, blame and curse happens. It is also fine.
Nothing is wrong. It is all part of the plan - as painful as it is sometimes it makes sense when I get to the other side of the pain – I can never change what happened – it is gone – the only thing I can do is choose to be totally alert. The commitment and the effort will determine the outcome. Kicking and screaming when I achieve a different outcome will not help at all.
When I was in the job market I would apply for position, prepare for interviews and when I did not get the job in the end – I would blame it on everything else but me. I once got a promotion to lead a certain department and within six weeks I got demoted, Ohhh! the tears, embarrassment, resentment and Gossip that came with that was so much and when I looked at it later on I saw it as a blessing – climbing a ladder of a wrong building – so to speak. It is exactly what I deserved but at the time I did not see it that way. It was all pretence from my side thinking power and money and I missed the big picture – that job was not what I wanted. In the past, I have hooked up with guys without communicating my wants and plans and when they carried on with their wants and plans I felt cheated, the relationship ended or a potential guy ‘in my head’ ends up being a one night stand. When I look at it now it was my own doing that got me in the situation, when I felt used and hard done by – I realise I played a bigger role in that outcome.
As happy and sad now in my creations I remain unattached to the outcome, sometimes I want the outcome to come sooner. My patience and integrity gets tested when something that is disguised as the outcome appears and I check and I realise it is not quiet what I ordered. – Do I justify – and settle for second best instead of waiting for the order?
Namaste!

With Love

Gugu :-)

Listening

2012-05-04T00:49:00.002-07:00

GugutheCoach

Lately, I’m noticing that I do not like talking; I only speak when spoken to and answer what I need to answer. I have become a good listener, since I started observing myself in conversations. Gosh!! I have learnt to pay attention – It is so good to listen to other people when they talk, it is also a polite thing to do. I use to hear people talk to me and answer just to sound clever or to appear as if I understand the subject or just wanting to voice my opinion – ‘put words together Gugu, say something they might think you doff ‘ I guess that’s what I use to tell myself - NOW it gives me pleasure to not talk at all. To listen with interest without analysing, to pay attention and be interested in the talker and see passion in their lips, their eyes, their being. – My presence is what is important in my listening and making other people feel special. I choose to be present in conversations.

Do we want to be heard or listened to? That’s my question - I realise that we like the sound of our own voice– do we really?

Are we even listening to ourselves when we speak, do we care about what we say, is it facts we talk about or we are just using our voice coz we have it, do we even know we have a voice, do we even know that it has a sound - the voice has a sound -YES!, OK’- when the sound is empty it makes the loudest noise, this sounds like a contradiction, as I observe each time I converse the story always goes to what could have been – how can I talk about what could have been if it didn’t happen. Talk about what happened and not the assumptions –. I get lost in empty sounds.

I noticed from my previous relationships that I fought with my partners because I wanted to be heard – not listened to, the higher my partner’s voice went – mine will be even higherer. When I lowered my voice my partner would listen, what a realisation – I make sense when I listen to myself talk, then we reach consensus – accord - . Agree to disagree in harmony. When I listen to myself speak - people listen. Listening is a gift that I want to continue working on until I master it.

Recently I was blown away by an old friend - a guy - he spoke in his language to me, he knows I don’t understand Shona, he didn’t need me to answer him and believe me I don’t want translation, Priceless – music to my ear. I told a friend recently that my next relationship will be with a guy who does not speak my language and I don’t speak his – we will have beautiful silent conversations – it will be perfect. One woman I know is going out with a deaf and mute guy and she says it is her best relationship ever.

I treasure conversations – what makes a person want to speak with me is an honour – that, says HELLO! I see you, do you see me? Interestingly enough this morning I wanted to put my theory to the test to see what makes people start conversations – sitting at Mugg & Bean having my cappuccino while waiting for my breakfast I looked around the restaurant to see who can I strike a conversation with – there were no people at the tables closest to mine, anyway when the waiter came with my fruit salad I asked him to ask the gentleman that was having a big breakfast by himself if I could join him – the waiter was unsure in the beginning - when the conversation between my waiter and the gentleman took longer than expected – I knew already that the answer was a NO. Well, what fascinated me more is the conversation that happened between that particular gentleman and the other gentleman sitting at the table next to him – mission was accomplished for me I do not know what they spoke about, I don’t really care – what I care about was seeing them share laughter - Wonderful! Acknowledgment. I am because you are.

I have been sent as a messenger, I am the message – the word itself for the word is God!

Namaste!
Love G

This Life.

2012-04-19T06:04:00.001-07:00

This Life.

GugutheCoach

I am living this life as is – uncensored, raw. I have learned to remove labels from it, they confused the living daylight out me. This Life, is what is – it is neither this nor that. It is the pain I allow to tear my heart and I feel it without label, it is the cold that penetrates my skin to the core, I am opening myself up to experience it all - the heat that burns my skin without setting it alight, the laughter that makes my belly vibrate with so much Life. It is the longing for another human being to hold me and it is the joy I find in solitude, it is wanting to be understood and it is not having words to explain what I am feeling. It is loving unconditionally – wanting to be more and then realising that there is no less there is no more it just is.
It is the tears I cry in happiness when I have voluntarily entered the zone of discomfort and my head spins and tells me I am playing with fire – and I go for it anyway. It is the joy I feel for someone who has died there is a knowing in me that they are in a chosen space. When I look in the mirror I see life looking back at me it says this is it. In conversations I hear fear sounding as words, I hear none stop noises and in silence I am deafened by the words of wisdom, the words of Love.
The life that happens inside my body, the community that communicate in communion makes me feel alive, everything is linked and it works – my system works organically without any interference, the system of the forest works and it is sustained organically, the system of the soil works beautifully – you plant a seed and it grows – it is a promise, a given, an inevitable.
What life is not for me is (dis)organised crime, religion, politics, education, health, marriages and I do not subscribe to it and I have nothing much to say about it. What I know is it can work if it is left to take its own natural shape.
I choose to stick with what I know works for me – Life. Oh how I love Life, I am committed to live it to its fullest.
With Love
Gugu

CHOICE

2011-11-08T01:09:00.001-08:00

I haven’t blogged in over a year. I decided to stop for a while when I discovered Consciousness Coaching. I consider myself enlightened –but every time I pick up a book, meet different people, attend transformational courses – I discover that I know absolutely nothing about anything – I am making peace with this knowledge on a day to day basis.

I looked at my life and discovered that people claim to know me. And I ask myself how can these so called friends and family claim to know me when I do not have a clue about me. An old primary school friend who is a friend by virtue of the fact that we have known each other for so long and we have been drawn into each other’s life and have done things together, when we are together she always reminds me of the past stories, our conversations are about the past, she remembers things ‘I’ did when I was at school – I appreciate this and I look at her and ask myself as we continue to spend time together from time to time if she really wants to know me –and I really want to get to know her NOW. – I open myself up each time we are together and I talk about what I am finding out about myself and I hope she is listening.-

My journey fascinates me. I am discovering new things about me each time and I remain unattached because these things about me are not who I AM. I have made drastic changes in my life - I made a decision to change the things that don’t serve me anymore. Firstly I stopped doing jobs I don’t like – I realised I took these jobs for money - SURVIVAL – I do not want to survive anymore – I LIVE. I wake up to the life I was born to live, I know I wasn’t born to make ends meet. Secondly I let go of control, I have three sons that I have been controlling -by making excuses for them, working because I have them, I find that I have almost ruined their lives, there is some damage I have caused them. I did not support the GREATNESS they were born with, I dictated, shouted and screamed making myself a victim for being a single parent forgetting that it is a choice I made, I have FREED them from my cage. Thirdly I have moved away from a place I pretended to like JOHANNESBURG, I enjoyed hustling and bustling, I was up there with the high flyers and I felt empty and sick to my core, I opened doors of possibilities and I have decided to close those doors before they get shut in my face once I get found out that I am actually tagging along - I do not conform –. I fake d it and it worked for me while it lasted.

Now I have moved to my home town the small forest town that natured me and taught me all the values I needed when I was growing up and those values have remained embedded in my system, they have guided and guarded me and I am grateful that my values have directed me back to where I belong and to where I need to be – In this way I find I have SUCCEEDED. I take my hat off to the people who have remained true to this town and did all there is to do and I still take my hat off to my peers who are still chasing the rat race in the big city and hoping that one day they will make it big.

I embrace the power of CHOICE!

Yours in Love

Gugu

Orgasm

2010-09-29T04:50:00.000-07:00

Orgasm

…Is always associated with sex and food. When having sex one always anticipate orgasm – or climax which becomes the culmination of the act of sex for some people – others enjoy the act itself and dread the end, others rush to the end because they enjoy the thrill of an orgasm. When food is delectable it is mostly referred to as orgasmic by some, they will say it is mouth watering which makes sense because it goes in the mouth so the tongue produces so much saliva in preparation to the taste. During foreplay – the mouth does water and other parts of the body.

When we treat ourselves to sex – we need a partner – most of the time. In other words we need another body to work ourselves to ‘orgasm’ but when we do reach orgasm we lose our bodies. There is no way that one can reach an orgasm if they are holding on to their bodies. At first when one attracts a partner they want to have sex with, that partner has to have a body and body parts that are needed for the sexual act, that is step number one. Then they have to stroke, caress and embrace each other’s bodies until the parts are ready for the act – then there is penetration so that their bodies are interconnected – they become ONE – which means they share their physical and non physical – a lot gets shared and transferred during this session, two bodies become one, Breathing (which is the spirit) becomes synchronized and there is a rhythm that is not rehearsed that bonds the two bodies. The thoughts stop – Full stop – then the two are in another world – boom - and something takes over - the beauty that surpass understanding is reached. It’s unexplainable, one cannot tell the other what exactly it is that they were experiencing and feeling.

Earlier on I said we lose our bodies in order to experience orgasm – There are a number of people who do not reach orgasm because they hold on to their bodies – they think about their cellulite, stretch marks, the past abuse or their mind is elsewhere and their bodies are not fully present – they think too much – and that is the problem right there - thinking -. Especially during the beautiful act of sex – people that experience super orgasm are people that shut their brains and let go of everything and be in the moment – whether the dogs have been fed or not whether one boob is bigger than the other, or one was sexually molested as a child, let it go and be fully present in the act. That is the only time when size don’t matter - Nothing matters!

Sex is a spiritual act – it was created for enjoyment – orgasm is a spiritual realm that we tap into. Other people do not need sex to tap into the orgasm realm – it’s a place of total peace and joy – it’s unexplainable. People who are highly spiritual tap into this energy easily. Most artist are always in this realm. Others smoke some herbs to experience it.

When one is in orgasm, creation takes place. It is a spiritual space of conception –children get conceived, music is composed, a beautiful painting gets done, ideas are being born. It is a state of madness if you like, when an artist is in that space they just want to be left alone, when a person is experiencing orgasm, they don’t even want their partners to touch them at that point. One spiritualist said orgasm in Hebrew means ‘small death’ to me it explained it all – because death is a spiritual state where we shed our bodies completely.

When in orgasm - the language becomes different - people speak in tongues. The trance is not embarrassing – we’ve all seen dancers – they look abnormally beautiful – when the orgasm spirit takes over, They lose themselves they don’t care what the others think of them. Climax is the best moment of sex and orgasm is the best state to be to experience God…

Lots of Love

Gugu

Uthando-Love: Who I am - Why I am here

2010-07-26T12:06:00.000-07:00

Uthando-Love: Who I am - Why I am here

Fear

2010-07-08T15:27:00.000-07:00

What stops us from living our best life is fear.
The mind always reminds us or alerts us about danger. It (the mind) always tries to protects us by replaying the previous experience of ourselves and others or warning us of the result. So when you want to do something that you have never done before, the mind (rewinds) reminds you how you failed or got hurt the last time you stepped into the unknown if it doesn’t succeed at reminding you, it fast forwards to scare you even more and , it plays the ’what if’ game. The mind is never in the present time if you haven’t befriended it, it’s always in the past or future. When you step out of the comfort zone, you challenge the mind – it gets confused - you then control it. it doesn’t control you. I get fascinated by people who are always stepping out of their comfort zone to do the things they always wanted – no matter what – they shut the negative noises in their head that tells them they will never do it and they go on ahead and do it anyway. They face their Fears head on. The brain experiences a mind shift, which gives them courage and confidence to always succeed.
Recently I met a guy who is living with 40 snake in a tiny room for 121 days. He is a normal guy who likes snakes - he is risking his life by facing his fears obviously his mind has forewarned him of the danger and what might happen and he chose to ignore that and fulfill his dream. www.snakeman.co.za, http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2010/07/07/4624670-one-man-one-room-40-venomous-snakes-,
My confession is fear of commitment – well I said it - I am willing to let go of it. I am ready to commit to another human being and share life with them, my mind is constantly reminding me of my failed relationships and it is also putting me down by scaring me that I WILL never do it. Watch this space…
At the centre we are daring you to face your fears by taking part in our Karaoke with a difference. We know you’ve always wanted to sing on stage but the mind tells you – you can’t sing. Who cares if you can or can’t sing – do it anyway.
Lots of Love.

Healing

2010-05-31T12:45:00.000-07:00

During my speech when we launched the centre, I used the word healing a lot, I said ‘a lot of people need healing’ and ‘we will help people heal’. One of my best friends highlighted to me afterwards that I should be specific when talking about healing because someone might have a wound on their leg and expect us to heal it at the centre. At first I thought about it defensively – I thought – duh! we are a Spiritual Centre so of course we do heal any kind of wounds – but when I thought about it later - It occurred to me that she was right – I did not explain in detail what healing is.
To heal is to cure something that is not in its natural form. When a relationship needs healing it means there is something in the relationship that is not the way it is supposed to be, it means there is some unhappiness. Doctors heal the symptoms, the individual knows what caused the sickness. The Individual may not be aware of the cause of their sickness or unhappiness.
We are born complete. We have all the healing powers within ourselves. Because of the upbringing – and the conditioning we have managed to give our power away - to the systems – to medicine, to religion, to education and so forth. We are the cause of all the diseases, sicknesses and unhappiness in our lives. To answer my friend’s concern – it is true when you have a wound that needs healing, at the centre we will help You heal the wound.
It is so amazing how disconnected we are from ourselves - For instance - A woman wants a baby because she believes that she CAN have it , she has no doubt in her mind that she is a woman. When she doesn’t fall pregnant she starts doubting herself, she doubts the creator, she blames abortion, she blames women who abandon their infants - - still she wants to have a baby – she disconnects from who she is – she has become angry without realizing that she is jeopardizing her chances of falling pregnant. She consults her doctor, the doctor runs some tests on her body, he does not find or he finds something, the therapy process begins – on the body –she still does not fall pregnant. The soul was not part of the therapy process with the doctor. This woman refers to herself as ‘spiritual’ – but she does not consult her soul with her decisions. How do we help this woman heal? As a spiritual centre, everything we do is of the spirit, we help her connect with who she is. And everything else falls into place. Once she connects with herself, she discovers that she does not really want to have children, she wanted to do it because she is married. She wanted to please someone else, because someone said to her married people have to have children. What if the husband does not want children as well, who was she pleasing then – her womanhood, her parents and friends who also do not know the real her – how could they know her when she does not even know herself.
The suffering of the spirit manifests itself through the body. When we are ready to face our suffering – truthfully – we heal.

Spiritual Initiation

2010-05-11T01:42:00.000-07:00

When one goes through spiritual initiation, it is when that person is ready to do the work they came to this world to do. We are all born with our special gifts, our unique talents, we do not really understand this until we are awaken to it . Some people realize their gifts early on in their lives e.g. Michael Jackson, his Father initiated him early in his life by pushing him to the point of awareness. For a person to realize their full potential, there’s always a price of hardship to pay, even people who were born from well off families they talk of hard times before they make it big e.g. Sir Richard Branson. When your talent is extra ordinary, the price is even higher, e.g. Dr Nelson Mandela, his task was huge, it was to free South Africa and the whole World was to learn from his work. Spending time in prison was his initiation, his alchemy – he was being taught humility that is why when he was released from prison he was preaching forgiveness because he understood what the act of forgiveness does. He was operating from another state of being that knew the truth - that if we hold anger and hold grudges or wanting revenge we would have never been free as individuals and as a Country.
When we are being initiated, the mindset shifts from negative to positive.
When our work or our calling is to free the spirits of other human beings, we have to go through spiritual initiation. Spiritual Teachers undergo initiation, which is a practical process and Pastors undertake training, which is a theoretical process. When you are being initiated, there is not much teaching from the Master, the Spirit becomes the Teacher and Guide. The Master provides the platform and set rules and then observes. The Initiate gets pushed through hard work to exhaust the body because once the body is exhausted the spirit comes alive and transformation takes place. By submitting completely to the experience without questioning, the Initiate learns humility. When the Initiate begins his journey he does not know what his calling or talent is – by asking the Higher Power or God to reveal this to them, they begin to understand their talent - by shutting the five senses and listening to the voice of the Higher power directly. Then the Initiate gets elevated to another dimension and shares the same space as the Source, which is God’s energy, they begin to understand the truth. They then role model the truth by living in total faith, they become childlike where they experience euphoria at all times. Once their initiation process is complete – they trust the gift and they live it.
A lot of people are wanting to be initiated or to be spiritual alchemists, what they don’t realize is – It is a call. It is something you were born to do, once you heed it - it then becomes a full time job. One needs to be ready, and surrender totally – to the unknown. The people who use to know you misunderstand that you are not the same person anymore – you have become extraordinary. It’s not an easy journey ….but…It’s Awesome!

The meaning of spirituality

2010-04-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to be ‘spiritual’
When we are born, the spirit which comes from the non- physical place enters the body which is of the physical world. When we are children, the spirit outweighs the body, which means we act more on instincts, we trust, we love unconditionally, we live in the present moment - meaning we are truthful to our feelings, when we don’t like something we show and when we laugh, it’s real – take a moment next time you hear that giggle from a child -. Children do not know wrong or right. Then we grow up to be told that some things are wrong and some are right, we are told there is good and bad – we stop trusting our instincts we begin to live in fear . We stop loving unconditionally, because we get given conditions t – we forget the freedom of living in the present. The spirit becomes suppressed then our body outweighs the spirit, - we begin to question, to think, to blame, to scheme, to calculate -. We live fully in the world because the body is of the world, we satisfy the physical by accumulating worldly possessions or pleasing the flesh and ignoring the needs of the spirit.
When the spirit feels ignored – it tries to get some attention in different ways, some people get ill, some lose their worldly possessions, some lose their minds – there is no peace – . There is turmoil between the spirit and the body. Remember that the body carries the spirit, the spirit owns the body – it’s not the body that owns the spirit – this is why we always say I have a body or my body – because the ‘I’ is the spirit. The biggest confusion comes when we say I have a spirit then who is the ‘I’ – can the ‘I’ be the body?.
When the spirit wants attention it guides the body to the places where there are people who understand the spirit. Then we get given a choice – whether to listen to the spirit or to the body.
When we chose to listen to the body – we become the body - life goes on appreciating what belongs to the world more than what belongs to the spirit. When we belong to the world, we analyse, we judge, we worship the tangibles, we satisfy the flesh -. We see wrong and right. We live in fear. We do things that will help us escape from ourselves – we eat excessively, we drug our senses, we talk continuously, we fear the silence and aloneness.
When we chose to listen to the spirit – we become the spirit - we have to go through what is called death – we die from the physical. We get re-born in spirit though we are still in the body. We remember to be like children again - we live in total truth – we live in peace. We see beauty in everything without analyzing and without seeing wrong or right. When we meet another being we see the spirit and not the body. We trust our instincts, we trust the guidance that comes from the Source -Higher Power or God who lives in the non- physical. Then we let go of controlling what belongs to the world because we do leave it behind eventually when we return to the non- physical place where we came from.
We have a choice to be or not to be -.The spirit knows.

How I know that I am who I say I am

2010-04-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

My life is not perfect, well, according to the world. Sometime in my life I hit rock bottom, I lost a job, money and some of my material posessions. I became scared of myself when I was alone, I noticed that I couldn't face the person I had turned out to be. I realised that I didn't really know me. I started pushing myself into doing things that scared me like sitting still, alone without any escape. As hard and scary as it was, those moments compelled me to question myself the biggest question - who am I? I began to enjoy the aloneness, I wanted to do more so I started running in the mornings or afternoons to see if the person I really am would come to the fore, then I ran races, once anything became comfortable I changed the partten, or let go of it all together, I gained courage to turn down invitations that did not agree with me, it became my lifestyle to just do what feels right to me - some friends thought I was being selfish, naive, aloof - I took it as a complement, to me it meant I had achieved something. I found peace that I did not understand, the peace I talk about is within me - my world around me is still not perfect, things are not how I had envisaged but the peace is the happiness that most of us strive for, and I know for a fact that it is what I had been yearning for, it is so hard to describe it especially to the people who are close to me who know my world - others understand exactly what I talk of while some still think I need this and that, the truth is they are right I do want not need this and that but the happiness I have is what others try to find in their material possessions - . I'm in total bliss, ecstacy - I understand and I want it for you because I know that once you have it, just like me you will want to make love to the world - honestly. - I am who I say I am