Utopian Hypocrite

Anyone for Hyderabad?

noreply@blogger.com (Anirudh) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 18:15:00 +0000

For years I have wanted to describe Hyderabad as it ought to be described; but I haven't really bothered to strain my cerebellum to pry facts and anecdotes, marshal them, and dish them out in an ornately coherent way, when strangers on a sojourn to The City of Pearls pitched me a rather difficult question - What's Hyderabad really like?

I say it's a difficult question because, when you live in a city with a great history you begin to take it for granted. It's even more difficult when a sublimely attractive woman asks you , for you want to give her the best, unadulterated juice that one could possibly give. All this hoping against hope that she would become your friend, and perhaps, if things fall into the right place, you could hang out for sometime on a Saturday evening in lieu of watching the good old episodes of 'Friends' on Star World.

'What's so special about Hyderabad?', Pratiksha inquired in a fervent tone. We had met at the Aero Express Bus Stop previously and had spoken about this and that before a chauffeur-driven Honda City came to pick her up. Her question was innocuous, and considering that it was only her second visit to Hyderabad, you wouldn't call her ignorant and supercilious. I say supercilious because I believe you might have observed the so in her question. And you wouldn't be in the wrong, if you surmised that she was from Mumbai. I ventured to answer her question by comparing it to Mumbai, but I pulled myself together as it struck me that it was ridiculously impertinent. I wanted to compare it to Delhi but I perished the thought at the last minute owing to the descriptions of the place that my friends who had stayed there hitherto had given me. I don't mean to give you the impression that Delhi is any less. But I simply believe that Hyderabad is categorically distinct from the Capital of India in its own singular way. If you got the building blocks of the argument, would you convince yourself that Bangalore and Chennai are way beyond the borders of the argument? Otherwise, I must urge you to read on.

The next moment I thought her question was a dig but a genial smile on her face ascertained the genuineness of her question.

However, when I started to marshal the facts in my brain, I realized how difficult it was to describe Hyderabad. No doubt Hyderabad is known internationally and the International Airport as well as the innumerable IT companies has made it truly global. And, of course, the more you think about it , the more closer you get to the precipice of ineffability. But Hyderabad, as I know it, is far more than the Biryani , the Paradise , the GVK One Mall, the Tank Bund, and the Necklace Road. It's neither a place where celebrities' children with super bikes ram into some sort of a heavy vehicle on the Outer Ring Road , nor a study center inundated with prolific "educational institutions" - albeit not completely wrong.

Hyderabad, as fellow Hyderabadis will most definitely accede, is full of sunshine and splendor. I don't mean to give you the impression that Hyderabad is impeccable, pristine, and all that sort of rot that makes a city eligible to be officiated as The City Of The Year, if an award like that exists, but what I am merely hinting at is that it is a city where great things transpire at both godly and ungodly hours, if you like classifying time as I did, with equal chance. It's also - as only the Hyderabadis can manage - both Indian and Hyderabadi in the same breath. We are definitely not like the residents of a certain city who , upon arriving at another place in the same country, start dividing people based on geographical location. To them, the world is binary. To Hyderabadis, the ethos subsumes the Utopian ideals.

Further, the Prince is as much a fixture as the comedian from a low-budget movie. Venerable tradition of the city sits adjacent to the innocuously funny expletives coined by Hyderabadis squandering time at the New Sea World Cafe. Aadabs and Namastey Mamas/Chichas are as common as Sania Mirza's short skirts(Or must I say Saina Nehwal ? ) .

Lastly, and most importantly, what else could more euphonious than Hyderabadi Hindi , a brand of Hindi that is bequeathed to anyone who comes to city with aspirations? After all, Hyderabadi Hindi is laced with eccentricity, exaggerated propriety, geniality, snobbery, nonchalance, and most definitely an unabashed delight for all good things of life.
But how was I to explain this intangibly complex theory to Pratiksha? As I tried to explain, her eyes started to glaze over. At first she seemed intrigued. Then a bit flummoxed. Finally, vexed. Ironically, Pratiksha didn't have time hanging heavy on her seemingly smooth palms. She was pressed for time. I don't know about India at large, but I am sure that Hyderabadis have a concept called style of life. In India if being Hyderabadi is a metaphor for a style of life, Hyderabadi Hindi is its apogee.

So I decided to give her a slice of it and delineate the gist of my theory by means of an example.
I hailed the autowallah who occupied only one quarter of the driver's seat in a bizarre fashion , despite the fact that there were no passengers in the auto. Having nonchalantly aligned the front wheel of the auto in the direction that led to the place we were standing, the autowallah sped towards us with considerate speed before suddenly decelerating.

Self : Narayanguda aate kya, miyan ?
Pratiksha was stunned when she saw every element of my body transmogrify into a pacca Hyderabadi. I saw her wince and heard her cough a deprecating cough.

Autowallah : Kitte logaan hain?
Self : Do logaan. Aate kya?
Autowallah: Aajaoo.. Baitoh..Sevaanty rupees do saab.
Self: Kaiko Seventy? Aisa nai hota,anna.. Meter Chalra na? Kya toh bhi bol re tum
Autowallah : Itta saaman hain na.. Aur..Subah se girakh nahin mila saab. Chalo Baitoh..
Self : Mereko samajh mein nai aara.. Tumhari Meter chalri naa? Chaalees rupayee hota. Jyada Kaiko dena?
Autowallah : Kitta dete aap phir?
Self: Meter pe aa jao.
Autowallah : Sixty de do saab.

I didn't utter a word for few seconds.

Autowallah : Chalo, meter ke upar paanch rupayee do. Bas.
"Hamare ko bhi paise pedh pe nai ugre, anna..", I said in an authoritatively sympathizing way as I lowered my neck to get into the auto.

And the conversation about the status quo of Hyderabadi autowallahs began in the language that is best understood only if one experiences it first hand.

Meanwhile, Pratiksha gave me a berating look that translated to 'Real gentlemen won't give a fig'.
'Huh! Hyderabadis and their idiosyncrasies' , she mumbled.

I was dumbfounded. Fortunately, yes that's right, Pratiksha missed the point as well. In her view, this was all beneath contempt.
'So, what do you think about Hyderabad in general?' I asked her.
'Huh! A sort of a shoddy place?', she replied brashly.

'No not at all', I affirmed.
'Then you have some sort of a weird taste, not to mention the jarring effect of the language', she added.
'No . I am quite sure you have got it all twisted.'
'In that case', she said tucking a strand of her hair behind her wet ears, ' I don't seem to get the heart of the spirit of this city.'

Now tell me fellow Hyderabadis and others who have got a grip on what I have been driving at, could I have disagreed?

-Anirudh Sreerambhatla.

Reminiscences of Old Chimpu

noreply@blogger.com (Anirudh) — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 12:59:00 +0000

This is a different CHIMPU!

If you clicked on the link to this article on some godforsaken website with a sunny hope of reading something about someone you think you know, I must say that you hit the bull's eye. So much so that, if I were to rate you based on this incredible talent of yours , I'd scribble a couple more than the maximum mark on your answer sheet. For,I believe, you have bumped into the right sort of stuff. But if you think you don't know the person I mentioned in the title , don't worry. You'll probably discover him for yourself , if I succeed in painting this old chap, Chimpu, with the sort of colors that made him so entertaining in an era where classes were devoid of girls and 'lol' was only in the dictionary of junta who either had a 'yahoo' or a 'hotmail' account. Well,I would perhaps be commended by all my school mates when I say that those were good times . And , if you sat in that blasted 'Hindi' class , where incredible things transpired at the drop of a chalk - or shall I say at the utterance of a certain number with a pronounced Hindi accent, you'll either accede to whatever I said with an honest laugh--I know you are guffawing-- or reread the innuendos I have just sown, only to tighten your shoelaces as I plan jog along with you on a rather funny memory lane. However, if you are still befuddled and haven't yet got a tenacious grip on the subject , read on, for I think you might scoop this thing in with relish.

Chimpu --I don't know what he did to earn this sobriquet, but I was told that this nick had been given to him somewhere in the 90s by a certain batch-- was our Hindi teacher, who perhaps had the habit of chewing Paan or something of that sort which in turn rendered his Hindi-speaking tongue red. I wouldn't go so far to state that he didn't know other languages , but I'd say that his English diction was conspicuously distinct in a school where one could find 'Speak English' posters almost on every wall in the premises. Although he had a cheerful disposition towards life and a unique way to teach Hindi , if he was allowed to teach during those 45 minutes, he would always ram into some sort of trouble which , more often that not , popped up in the form of students. I don't mean to say that he was at fault , but owing to the fact that my friends and I , quite forcibly, put our beans to work to contrive some ingenious scheme on a daily basis, one could go so far to say that the Sword of Damocles was always hanging over his head. Poor old chap, who instead of banging his fists on the table in order to silence us when we made some sort of noise, which you can experience only if you ventured into some sort of a dense forest during a dark night, coined a new phrase 'sshqq beta' , which almost sounded like 'Isshhq beta'. And what ensued? Quite rhetorical , I believe. Group A starts laughing , group B(in the same class) takes this as a signal and bursts out into a frenzy , Group C joins the chorus only to amplify the intensity, and so on and so forth. I mean, the effect was inductive,the class became raucous, and Chimpu's miseries compounded-- so to speak.

While there are so many amusing incidents -- 'The ink spilling incident of Shashank' ,'The train alarm incident' of which I was an integral part, 'Standing on the bench just for the sake of it and deliberately falling down', 'Handwriting classes in Hindi' which most of us took lightly, 'The Dictation hour' which would later turn into a mass malpractice hour, and so on-- that would positively captivate your senses , there is one such incident that I would like to bring to your notice. And , it's arguably the most ingenious trick contrived by one of our friends. You know who it is and what it is... Yes, you are treading on the right path.... Bingo, it's 'The Agarbatti incident'. Well, it so transpired that one day Chimpu made an allusion to the fact , if I'm not wrong, that a teacher is tantamount to God or something on those lines. And , my friend , Anshul , without giving things a second thought, lit an agarbatti and fixed it underneath the teacher's table . While Chimpu was reading the lesson , he saw some sort of smoke engulfing him . You shouldn't be stupefied when I say that , instead of taking a 180 degree turn and looking underneath table by following the trail of the smoke, he stooped down and looked through the gap of his legs. I mean, only a bird under the influence of social lubricants would resort to something like that. It wouldn't stop there. His inquiries involved a lot of scrutiny which were usually relegated to the leaders of the class. And when the culprits were found --only in petty cases when the leaders knew that he wouldn't behave in an unprecedented manner-- he would write a note to the parents. The note usually read as follows : Pen not bring textbook nothing, which meant that the student practically didn't bring anything to the class. Another note went as : Parents to meet to hindi teacher. And I think you can decipher it and make the necessary changes . Well, sometimes we took the liberty of jotting down such remarks even without his intervention . Pure routine, you see!

We always liked to atone for our sins. You know how it is . Kneel down, get out of the class, and so on and so forth. The punishments inflicted upon us were not malignant, so to speak. I mean, they never blotched our escutcheons. We were always ready to make our way out of the class, for he would enunciate his popular sentences. The dialogue usually ran as follows:

Chimpu : Beta now phirsst get out!

Student : Sir, please sirr.. Bas ek baar chod do sir..! ( Once I pronounced it as 'chodd do sir' and corrected myself immediately just to divert the topic)

Chimpu : Beta, maine kahan na.. Phirsst get out..

Sometimes he would kick three students out of the class..However, he called them 'outstanding' students.

But when kicked three of us out, the main dialogues would be - Both of three get out ..or maybe All of you stand in a straight circle.

We would take pride in the fact that we were sent out by him, not to mention that it was very easy to return to the class. We would resort to the then popular ruse-- 'Sir, Madam had called us, and so we went out' and then ensconce in our places. The drama was only to buy some more time and make sure that a few more friends accompanied us. We would bask in that glory.

We used to close the doors and the windows of our class , only to hear him say-- Open the doors of the windows, let the 'Air phorce' come in. Some of us even went so far to append it by saying, 'Sir, shall we call the army too?'

And the class would go berserk .

The roll call would be the starting point of our mischief. You see, this man Chimpu who used to don on a Safari suit , had a peculiar way of enunciating the number 'seven'. He used to pronounce it as 'seyvonnn'...And we preyed on it like ferocious animals. The roll call would go up to seventy or so even though there were only 60 students in the class. Numbers which have seven in it were brutally abused.

You shouldn't picture this man as an imbecile person, even though he was gullible enough to believe that we would submit our class works(we never had a homework book) on 30th of February. He was highly educative when it came to topics pertinent to sex . We never used the word sex. We called it Kamasutra in order to give it a Hindi touch, so to say. This man had great insights into societal issues and we pounced on it. You see, whenever a subjects related to females popped up, we jumped onto it. We asked questions like 'Sir, aaj kal ke ladkiyan bahut bigad gaye' . ' Bahut chote chote vastr pehente hain, sir' ..

Chimpu :' Bahut sahin baat bolen aap, par ye topic nahin hain mere dost!'

Once he quipped to one of my questions by saying, 'Sex ek kala hain beta' ..

And before he knew , the bubble of laughter burst.

You know there are times when you are sitting in a mundane class, you feel like pulling a prank like we once did. It so happened that when Chimpu tried to hit Shashank , Chimpu hurt himself . Blood was oozing out and there was practically no danger. But I still vividly remember that Shashikanth, Phani and I rushed to him, told him that we would go and call the ambulance . We came back after the bell had rung and told him that we couldn't contact the ambulance driver . Well, I think he would have smiled when he got to the staff room.

Well, that's Chimpu for you and that's what I was driving at . And when I say they were good times, I sincerely mean it . I mean, did you ever get the chance to perpetrate something of this magnitude on a large scale? It was a non-taxable lucrative business.

And let me for once state something categorically. However hard we may try to imitate this old chap, he still remains inimitable. Well, he's indeed our Inimitable Chimpu.

If someone said that Chimpu was a social glue that bound us together, fortified our friendship and was the reason for our unswerving unity, well, yes., I couldn't agree more with that fellow..

So, can I take this opportunity to wish you guys 'Happy Friendship Day' ?

-Anirudh

(I still remember his phone number. And if anyone meets him , do tell him that I could send him a copy of it in Hindi. My handwriting is still 'Atee Sundar' .. And , I believe 'Mahabharath ke Arjun ki tarah teer seedha nishane pe laga hoga?' )

PS: If you found anything amusing in this , please bear it in mind that I wrote it while I was NOT listening to a mundane lecture. And if you found something bland or something written in a hasty manner, please understand that I was being tortured by some female teacher.

Have you been through 'it' ?

noreply@blogger.com (Anirudh) — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 18:45:00 +0000

Have you ever been in a situation that took a turn on its own? The question usually begins with an innocent inquiry, you reply , without prevaricating ,with an equally considerate answer , then suddenly , without anyone knowing , the person questioning trods onto a delicate territory, jumps to some sort of a bizarre conclusion and upsets the apple cart. Or worse, the situation could get embarrassing.

If you still haven't got a grip on what I have been trying to drive home , I can assure you, rather categorically , that it's not the sort of question Simi Garewal asked Deepika Padukone on 'Simi Selects India's Most Desirable'. Not even close to what Karan Johar asked John Abraham on one particular show.And it's definitely not the sort of question-- to which the answer could be a calculated spiel--the HR guy hurls at you when he/she thinks that you're too smart a bird for their company. You may be thinking at this point as to why I haven't described this quirky situation by means of an example, which could fortify what I intend to convey. But, if I were to paint it using the few colors that make my case , I'd only be resorting to crude generalizations and oversimplifications of the matter at hand. Wouldn't I?

So, if you think that you have been through S#!T - let's just call it so for time being- do share your story. And, if you would allow us to be a bit callous this one time, we might even ROFL..

-Anirudh..

Where do we stand?

noreply@blogger.com (Anirudh) — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 07:51:00 +0000

As a child,you've told lies but as a parent you hate being lied to.As a parent,it's embarrassing to see your child throw tantrums but it's okay if you got irascible and called it "Work Pressure".

As students,we always want state-of-the-art technology and reputed faculty with deep insights but as owners of institutions we find reasons to back up our incapabilities.As young Entrepreneurs,it's(excellence) an objective and a driving force but it eventually boils down to a lofty ideal.

As a student,you desperately want that extra mark even though it wouldn't make any difference but as a Professor you are reluctant to award it.

As a student,you disliked the teacher who played favorites and today as a teacher some of your students are too special to you.

As a student,it's okay to indulge in malpractice but as a Principal you abhor it.

As a customer,you bargain to get maximum discount but as a businessman you spin business models to maximize profit and strictly condemn bargaining.

As an employer,you like to see your employees working late ..but back home you don't like working members of your family staying late at work.

As a victim,you want the jury to be on your side but as an offender and a law-breaker,you want all the forces governing the system to take your side.

As an Engineer,you disliked precision but as a consumer of a product,you want it to be impeccable.

As a pedestrian,you crossed the road at wrong places creating chaos but as a driver of a vehicle,you speak about traffic rules.

As an artist performing on stage,you want claps and not clamour.. but as audience,you like hooting.

As a traveler,you swooshed past a driver signalling for lift... but when you were helpless on the highway you wanted that speedster to pull-over.You don't want to travel that extra mile but you want everyone at your rescue in dire situations.

"Are we two-faced?Do we practice double-standards and nepotism?

And How many images do you see as reflections when you look into the mirror-one or two?

So where do we(in general) stand? " I asked Praveen.

" I believe our position is precarious and is in a limbo.",Praveen replied instantly.I knew it was well-rehearsed answer.

"What else can we do? Put your feet in my shoes and then re-consider the present-situation.You see,they are immutable facts.Why can't you see it from my standpoint and proceed further?" Praveen said in a rather overwhelming tone.

"Praveen,my feet are too big for your shoes!" was my riposte.

You might also like : So You Call It As Food For Thought And Points To Ponder?

: The Story Of B'wood Actor Dilip Kumar

Image Courtesy: http://www.gearfuse.com/

-Anirudh Sreerambhatla

The Story of B'wood actor Dilip Kumar

noreply@blogger.com (Anirudh) — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 11:10:00 +0000

Travel by Kingfisher Red a couple of times,I bet you wouldn't feel comfortable in a national carrier like AIR INDIA.But,if it's the only flight available at that instant of time,you wouldn't mind swiping your VISA credit card at a cash counter where "Bon Voyage" is wished with almost no movement of facial muscles by a sari-clad woman who is usually as old as your elder sister's married friend's mother.Well,who doesn't like svelte figures in micro-minis?

Air India's service is pathetic-No second opinion to that-But,when you own an Apple product or any equivalent,you wouldn't bother even if it were a five-hour journey.
It becomes even more interesting if your neighbor,the aisle passenger,is a woman in a chiffon sari and is breathtakingly beautiful.To me,she's beyond the list of adjectives I had once mugged up to describe women of her kind.And according to the odds that I had established statistically,she could hardly possess the kind of wisdom that a man would be jealous of.
In India, where the dogma:"Maintain a light year distance from men" still prevails,Gauri had the nerve to start the conversation.After we shared a few light moments,she told me a story.
And the story of this journey is the tale I want to recount today.

"You see that old man in seat 24C.He looks more like veteran B'wood actor Dilip Kumar,doesn't he?"
Gauri was right.Indeed he was a doppelganger of Dilip Kumar.
"You see,this man reminds me of something profound.",Gauri said enthusiastically.
"During his hey-days,they say Dilip ji always chose the fastest and costliest mode of transport.I don't remember the place to which he was travelling but I'm sure it was a flight journey and it was business class.Like any other actor of his stature,he too was a natty dresser and craved for attention.The business class didn't disappoint him.Some said 'Salam',while others greeted him with genial smiles as he came back from the restroom.Dilip ji reacted accordingly.After all,he's an actor.He sat down and grabbed the daily.The stewardess served food.But,Dilip ji was piqued because his neighbor didn't give him the respect he deserved.The passengers say that he was restless for quite some time.His neighbor was calm and reading the newspaper.They say Dilip ji's neighbor never displayed any emotions while reading the newspaper until he(Dilip ji) introduced himself.

"I'm Dilip Kumar.I'm an actor."
"Haan.I know you."The old man replied."I've seen your movies ...Nadiya ke par ,Aan , Jugnu..Aap bahut achi acting karte hain."

Now that Dilip Kumar's ego was satisfied,he started talking about his movies to pass time. He spoke as to How tiresome the shoots were,how they finance movies,how they raked in huge profits,why people like him and finally about his stardom.In short,he told him all that you would like to know if you met him.People say he even revealed some of the contemporary B'wood secrets.

The flight landed.Before he bade goodbye,Dilip Kumar thought it would be rude on his part if he didn't ask the old mans name.

"Saab,Mein toh Bhool hi gaya.Aap ka naam kya hain?",he asked respectfully.

"Mera naam Ghanshyam Das hain.Log pyaar se G.D.Birla bulate hain."

"What ?? He was G.D.Birla??? And what happened after that" I asked her eagerly.
"Yeah..It was G.D.Birla himself.Well,I've no clue about that.But if I were him,a mild stroke would've definitely ensued."Gauri said in a mocking tone.

She continued,"Now that you've listened to the story so patiently,I would like to tell you something more.
Don't surmise that your co-passenger is a jerk or a lame guy just because he's not rummaging through his backpack for his MACBook or updating his Facebook status via a smartphone or flaunting his swanky electronic gadgets. He might as well be a billionaire.And who knows he might be contemplating over a 100 cr project deal!
You see,looks are deceptive!"

PS:Your views can be posted as comments!

You might also like the post: 24C--A Travelling Etiquette Or A Mere E-Ticket:
-Anirudh Sreerambhatla

So you call it as Food for Thought and Points to Ponder?

noreply@blogger.com (Anirudh) — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 20:03:00 +0000

Do you value MontBlanc writing instruments more than the thoughts you pen down using it?
Are you a customer who bargains to get maximum discount,but deep down your heart you fancy being a businessman ?
Do you value your Tag Heuer wrist watch more than your time? Do you value it because SRK is the brand ambassador?
Do you judge a book by its cover ? Do you believe that a rich heart may be under a poor coat?
Do you value ostentatious clothes more than the person wearing it?
Is Blackberry phone a status symbol?
Do you wear NIKE T-shirt to show off or because it's comfortable?
Do you value the accent with which one speaks more than the underlying thoughts?
Do you believe in image more than the person?
So you believe you can dunk because your dad bought you a new pair of Adidas Basketball shoes?
So you feel you can dump her because your neighbor is hotter?
So you believe you can win over her because you have deep pockets?
So you want to be a feminist to win over her? And that's PLAN-B?
So he designed his own version of Counter-Strike using C++?
So an Audi to tame your temper tantrums?
So you feel you rockkkk?
So you value status more than humility?
So you believe in Nityananda more than GOD?
So it's the Maoists and Not you?
Do you value the end more than the means?
Do you use the word 'dude' so that the so-called elite accept you?
Do you wear those Ray Ban goggles to conceal your emotions ?
Do you value quantity over quality?
So you value contacts more than relationships?
Do you think that's the only road to success?
Do you value gifts more than the thoughts behind them?
So alcohol's cool?
So you slapped her because she didn't do her homework?
So you despised him all these years,and now when you wanted to tell him you liked him,he's no more?
So If I'm into business and I wish to rake in,I've to be unethical?
So you've an ethnocentric view?
So I should be obsequious to my neighbor,otherwise he wouldn't come to my rescue in dire situations?
So it's marks and not concept?
So it's knowledge not wisdom?
So it's okay if I can write an essay on Energy Crisis and NOT turn off the lights while going out?
So your passion is Wild Life Photography because Madhavan(3 Idiots) succeeded in it?
So it's love and not lust?
So you can be a contrarian and call me cynical?

So F#$k you !!

So you think I've gone off the rails??

If you liked this,try Emerging India : A poignant report
-Anirudh Sreerambhatla

Emerging India : A poignant report

noreply@blogger.com (Anirudh) — Wed, 26 May 2010 07:29:00 +0000

Write an essay on Emerging INDIA....... (8 marks)

Ans:

Given the general scene of Indian system,it is difficult to lie doggo, shut your gob and watch junta blabber shit.If someone showers encomiums on the present day India,check out for a sarcasm tag.If s/he looks up to India,believe me it's only with sardonic amusement.

Without entering into a long discussion of the possible solutions to the problems that beset our 'system' ,allow me to list the problems.

Note:Please Don't write the following in your Social Studies BOARD Exam.Refer Vikram/Prabhakar or some cheap ass guide to score maximum marks.

India is a country where

People watch the movie "Kites " despite scathing movie reviews.
'Aishwariya Rai nude video' has more views when compared to Naveen Garg's video lectures on YouTube.
'Sania Mirza wet ass and big tits' is a popular way to advertise one's site on YouTube.Rakhi Sawant's videos are downloaded to polish one's HINDI diction.(Although I'm quite sure you know the actual reason)
'Heroine changing dress,hero enters' is the main plot of a movie.
Phillipines women are considered beautiful.People propose to them over Yahoo chat.
Novels and Blogs are read NOT for pleasure,but to improve vocabulary.
Crores of money is spent in making Balayya's,Vijayakanth and Uday Chopra movies.Might as well incinerate it[money].
Lankini and Stinky were born.They aren't considered as anti-social elements.
Soap operas run for more than half a decade and don't move an inch.
'Sex and the City' and Savita bhabhi's comics are considered to be guides for Sex Education.
American T.V shows are tantamount to 'pop-a-pill' solution for fe/male libido.
Mills and Boon novels are non-details for class-6 in some international school.
IPL is NOT regarded as a divisive factor.
Nicole Faria would represent India in the Miss Earth 2010 Pageant.(It seems she's burning the midnight oil to educate herself on environmental issues)
Karan Thapar's hardcore journalism is NOT accepted by politicos.
SRK is a role model and his movies are awesome.
Sania Mirza's engagement and her second round exits at Wimbledon make it to the front page of the newspaper.
"S","P","V" words are still considered blasphemous.
Big-B's acting skills are compared to Marlon Brando's(THE GODFATHER)
'Unlimited' download means 15 GB (Eg: TataPhoton Plus)
Media for once couldn't connect the dots: Nityananda ...Vivek Oberoi ... Karan Johar.
BPO employees earn more than Junior Doctors.
Grannies say,"So jao ..Nahin toh Mayawati aayegi" to put their grand children to sleep.Huh! that's the plight of our politics.
Lalu raked in 900 cr via a fodder scam.
Mayawati's wealth is because poor people donated Rs.5/- and Rs.10/-.They say she won their hearts!!
The movie "WEDNESDAY" was appreciated,but people still contemplate over Ajmal Kasab's verdict.
"India of My Dreams", "Child Labour" & "Technology- a boon or a bane" are the topics for essay writing and elocution.
Global warming and deforestation are 8 Mark questions.
Electives become compulsory courses.
Profs have arrears in the subject they teach.(I know a few.Just can't take names.)
Kapil Sibal and Gautam Ganguly decide the fate of education system in INDIA.
Kindergarten education,Studio XPS 16 with RGB LED,UnderGrad have the the same price tag.
'Rigid Syllabuses and portions';Essay-type questions and fixed patterns of question papers;'derivations' ,'theory'(as opposed to 'numericals');'in-course' problems(as opposed to 'out-of-course' or 'banished' or shunned problems).
If a teacher doesn't know a particular topic,s/he can give it as self study topic or can ask a random student to give a seminar.
Algorithms are meant to be traced.
Physics and Mathematics are divorced.
F=ma is a mere equation;Mass times acceleration is accepted as a physical interpretation of force and is usually awarded maximum marks.
The model answer to the question "What are the applications of quantum mechanics?" is

i)The hydrogen atom

ii)rigid rotator

iii)Harmonic oscillator

iv)The particle in a box

v)Heisenberg's uncertainty principle

Why only these five and no others? Because it's a five mark question,of course!!

Greek Mythology is a non-detail for class-8 whereas Mahabharata is a some random book one might find in city-central library.
Kalpana Chawla got recognition amongst the Indians only after her death.She made it to the Competition Success material and preliminary round questions of Bournvita Quiz Contest only after her death...ATM inventor was acknowledged as Indian-born after his death..Until then,Indian newspapers were only concerned of rape cases, divorces and other scandals.
The populace believes in glib talk...
Sri Chaitanya and Narayana Jr.Colleges claim to be world leaders in providing Education.
Radio stations advertise 10th, 12th and IIT-JEE results.
Class one maths teacher evaluates Intermediate answer scripts.
Multiple colleges claim that JEE rank-1 is from their college.
Neighbours and relatives are more bothered about your exam result.
Novels and Blogs are read NOT for pleasure,but to improve vocabulary.

..... ad infinitum...

Okay..I repeated the last point.But isn't that the only way to score maximum marks??

You can add more points by commenting...

-Anirudh Sreerambhatla

(Laughter cannot obliterate the truth.It's a reflection of our society.We are in an imminent danger.)

ADOBE :An Abode For the Creative

noreply@blogger.com (Anirudh) — Tue, 25 May 2010 12:56:00 +0000

The following article was published in Volume-2 Issue 5(April '10) of TECHKNOWSCOPE[Technical Newsletter of the Department of Computer Science and Tech{KNOW}LOGY Club]..

NOTE: The following article was a PREVIEW.

If Pablo Picasso were to be reborn and the thought of retouching his paintings, without marring the existing subtleties and beauty, occurred to him, I bet he would have sought the Adobe for its creative suite, in particular, its photoshop which comes with an array of tools.

With its release date approaching, Adobe is all set to unleash its upgraded arsenal by launching Adobe Creative Suite 5 (CS5), on April 12, 2010.

In this article, I shall brief you on the three major software distributions (Photoshop, After Effects, Flash) .

Adobe After Effects (AE) CS5 (64-bit only):

Good news for junta using 64-bit OS as After effects (AE) CS5 is shipping only as a 64-bit application. Rendering and previewing would be at its peak as AE CS5 has the potential to utilize more RAM. Experts also hope that this would put an end to “Out of memory errors”. Like others, Adobe also decided to reap maximum from the hardware by supporting 64-bit.Although there is no word ‘bout the Adobe system requirements but if you wish to upgrade to Windows 7, you might want to reach out to the 64-bit version.

Adobe Photoshop CS5:

According to the news making rounds on the internet, Photoshop is up with yet another stunning feature -“Content Aware Fill”. This robust feature was demonstrated by removing the dirt without sabotaging the background shadow. Another demo was conducted with an imprecise panoramic photo which was later stitched together. To my amazement, the empty areas were automatically filled in between and around the completely stitched photo.Photoshop CS5 comes with new image editing tool. A particular demo depicted an edifice with a hole which was filled using a series of completely new steps. That’s all for now on photoshop...

Adobe Flash CS5:

New features in Flash CS5: (To name a few)

1.New Text Engine: Text can now be handled in a more improved and better way with the introduction of more control features. To mention a few important, advanced styling and layout options, right to left text option, columns, threaded text blocks have been introduced.

2. Embedding Fonts: Embedding fonts is now quick and easy. Fonts embedded can be FLA based instead of Text based. A user friendly window provides all the functions associated with the embedding fonts.

3. IPhone Capabilities: Flash Pro CS5 introduces an application packager that can be used to deploy flash applications on iPhone.

4. Integration with Photoshop CS5: Graphics of Flash CS5 can be edited in Photoshop CS5 and so they can be exchanged between the both directly.

Image editing, graphics and animation have become ubiquitous. With the advent of CS5, experts say that there would be an unprecedented escalation in the visual effects and motion graphics industry.

-Anirudh Sreerambhatla,Navneeth Suresh, Ravi Kommineni(GPRS)
(Supports THE PANDAVAS in all their Endeavors)

Symbian : OPEN SOURCE

noreply@blogger.com (Anirudh) — Thu, 20 May 2010 04:52:00 +0000

The following article was published in Volume-2 Issue 5(April '10) of TECHKNOWSCOPE[Technical Newsletter of the Department of Computer Science and Tech{KNOW}LOGY Club]..

ANDROID USHERS, SYMBIAN “HI-FI’S” THE BAND WAGON

IF YOU CAN’T BEAT ‘EM JOIN ‘EM

“Our vision is to become the most widely used software platform on the planet and indeed today Symbian OS leads its market by any measure. Today's announcement is a bold new step to achieve that vision by embracing a complete and proven platform, offered in an open way, designed to stimulate innovation which is at the heart of everything we do.”

-Nigel Clifford

Symbian is a pioneer in the mobile OS industry. If Android is the pied piper of Hamelin, Symbian is the rat that danced to the tunes of open source and joined the band wagon.

Some say the transition would take Symbian leaps and bounds, while others are skeptical about its functionality and user-friendliness. We are here to shed light on the pros and cons of Symbian as open source (if this doubt ever occurred to you).

PROS:

Any mobile geek would be well aware of the fact that all Nokia phones use Symbian OS. Nokia not only reaps the fruits of the transition in terms of ideas, but also succeeds in minimizing its economics as it has to invest almost nothing. All that Nokia has to do is worry about the aesthetic appeal rather than concentrating on the compatibility issues of the OS.
For all the programming freaks out there, this is a major opportunity to prove your mettle. Get the code, fix it, modify it and watch your version of Symbian float in the open market or (if you’re lucky) on someone else’s phone! Developers, just go wild.
If you’re skeptical about its lucrativeness, we have to say you are wrong. This movement creates a lot of business opportunities and paves way for creativity, imagination. Existing mobile corporations can employ “programming freaks” to modify the platform, suiting it for required applications.
The Symbian source code is 100 percent open and available to all giving it an edge over Android which released only one-third of its code. This code is ten years worth of effort. If we were to print this code on A4 sheets and put it end to end, its length would be 250 miles.

CONS:

The move to open source is not all sugar, spice and everything nice. Like everything, it comes with a price. As different developers take the open source code in different directions, there is an element of risk of platform forking and creating some confusion as far as which Symbian is compatible with which Symbian smartphones.

Although we observe a paradigm shift in the approach towards open source, Android is the biggest move. Symbian, on the other hand, is trying to learn the ropes and maintain its place as the number one mobile OS in the market.

-Anirudh Sreerambhatla,Navneeth Suresh, Ravi Kommineni(GPRS)
(Supports THE PANDAVAS in all their Endeavors)

Comic Strip-2:FT LANKINI and STINKY

noreply@blogger.com (Anirudh) — Wed, 19 May 2010 04:29:00 +0000

This space needs no introduction..I'm pretty sure you're familiar with the characters..

Note:If the images aren't clear,click on it..if you still can't see them clearly,press ctrl + to magnify..

STINKY@School: