Utterly Phoebe

Pop Quiz on Prostitution in the 1800s

2011-11-09T11:34:00.000-08:00

Now that my book is finished and I have a little more time on my hands, I'm getting back to one of my more favourite activites: digging through books of useless sexual trivia. It's absolutely fascinating what these authors discover. Like the following tidbit of information I found in Erica Orloff's and JoAnn Baker's "Dirty Little Secrets".

In the chapter "Can't Buy Me Love", Orloff and Baker have a sexual trivia pop quiz.

Ready?

Question: "What happened to Chinese prostitutes past their prime in San Francisco in the mid 1800s?"

Give up?

Answer: "They were forced to kill themselves. Prostitutes past their prime were taken to 'hospitals' where they were given a single bowl of rice, a lamp of oil, and a cup of water. These women knew they were brought to these filthy places to die. Usually these women had venereal diseases or otherwise were ill. They were locked in a room until the oil in their lamp ran out. By that time, they were usually dead due to starvation, though some committed suicide, perhaps through hanging. If they were still alive after the oil lamp burned out, they were murdered."

Holy good mother. What a horrible fate. Especially for those poor women who 'gave' so much and got so 'little' some times.

Bless Me Father, Women's Forbidden Sexual Fantasies of Love and Lust

2011-11-09T11:09:00.000-08:00

Well, fellow erotica readers, it's out. Finally. I have to tell you, at the rate I was writing this thing, what with every day life interruptions, I pretty much figured my third book of erotic short stories, "Bless Me Father" was destined to sit on my computer's hard drive forever. Or until I found some time when I was 80. When even I would find little use for it.

Anyway, it's published and up on both Smashwords and Amazon. Check it out! And if you get a chance, write a review. I'd love to hear what you have to say about it.

Bless Me Father, Women's Forbidden Sexual Fantasies of Love and Lust: Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Father-Womens-Forbidden-Fantasies-ebook/dp/B0062BIWN8/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1320865606&sr=1-2

OR

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/101089

Sexual quickies and literature

2011-10-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

"Wait--what about the foreplay?" asks the heroine in a Peter De Vries novel as she's pulled into the bedroom.

"Later," (the hero) pants. "Later!"

Best BJ ever?

2011-09-22T13:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, women, I've got a tip for you. The next time you go down on your partner, rest your vibrator against your cheek. (Its vibrations will indirectly stimulate the penis.) Now stand back and watch the show.

Y'll can thank Dr. Natasha Janina Valdez (A Little Bit Kinky) for this.

Gloria on Gambling

2011-09-20T11:30:00.000-07:00

If I found myself nodding in agreement with the quote below, does that make me bitter?

"Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do, and I gave the common-sensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage."

~Gloria Steinem

You can't keep a good man down

2011-09-18T10:10:00.001-07:00

In his book Useless Sexual Trivia, Shane Mooney writes that the male fetus can get an erection during the last trimester of gestation.

Who knew?

Better than chocolate…

2011-09-12T11:23:00.000-07:00

Well, I wouldn't go that far. But if you're not the head cheerleader for the taste of your partner's spunk, there may be a solution. Blend the below ingredients. Then, have your partner drink the magic elixir an hour before the fun begins.

2 tbsp agave nectar

1 cup soy milk

1/4 tsp ground cinnamon

1/4 tsp ground ginger

1/4 tsp nutmeg

1/4 tsp ground cloves

Source: A little bit kinky, by Dr. Natasha Janina Valdez

And the winner is...

2011-09-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

A team of evolutionary biologists at the State University of New York at Albany released a paper in 2003 speculating the ridged glands of a man's penis are used to remove a competitor's semen before he deposits his own. Author Mary Roach, Bonk, writes that this makes sense given the last portion of a man's ejaculate has a natural spermicide used to kill a future donor's seed.

--Mary Roach, Bonk, The Curious Coupling of Sex and Science

Isabella: Raunchy and Ready

2011-09-07T12:22:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to let you all know that my second book of erotic short stories, "Isabella", is now on Smashwords. The book is a passionate, erotic, and compelling series about the sexual exploits of a young, single woman in Europe.

I hope you'll take the time to check it out. And remember that you can sample the first 20% for free.

Here's the link to my author profile: http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/PhoebeVBrooks

Here's the direct link to my book: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/85662

Don't be afraid to spread the word, especially if you know someone who appreciates a good, raunchy yarn.

Put out or pay up

2011-09-07T11:37:00.000-07:00

Headline on AOL news page: "A French judge awards woman $14,000 because her husband failed to have enough sex with her."

Better watch out all you men out there. One way or another you're going to be putting out.

The ever-adaptable woman

2011-08-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

"Women are Angels.
And when someone breaks our wings,
We simply continue to fly...
... on a broomstick.
We're flexible like that."

* I'd love to attribute this to someone, but I don't have the foggiest who said it, wrote it, thought it. All I know is that I did none of it. I merely enjoyed it.

You gotta love those studies...

2011-07-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

A Japanese study found that 30 minutes of passionate kissing can relieve both respiratory and skin reactions for people with allergies.

--"The Complete Idiot's Guide to Superchared Kama Sutra"

Well, fine then...

2011-07-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

A conversation between my daughter and me…

Daughter: "Lean over. I want to give you a Wet Willie." (Translation: saliva-drenched finger in the ear.)

Mama: "Uh, no."

Daughter: "Please?"

Mama: "No, my doll, I don't want a Wet Willie."

Daughter (petulant and annoyed): Well, fine then. I'll just give one to myself."

The Morning After

2011-07-18T11:20:00.000-07:00

"The morning after their honeymoon the new bride says, 'You know, you're really a lousy lover.' Her husband replies, 'How can you tell after only 30 seconds.'"

--The Complete Idiot's Guide to Supercharged Karma Sutra

The unlikely trio: religion, sex and humour

2011-07-17T12:40:00.000-07:00

"I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child."

—Woody Allen, Clown Prince of American Humor

Sex Scenes...

2011-07-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

"I like the old story of the illicit couple who are in bed making love when they hear the front door bang open, 'My God, it's my husband,' she whispers. 'He's probably got a pistol!'

'Where's your back door?' asks the lover in a panic.

'We don't have one!' she says.

'Where would you like one?' asks the lover.'"

From "101 Best Sex Scenes Ever Written" by Barnaby Conrad

Pucker up

2011-07-08T11:50:00.000-07:00

What is it about red lipstick? It takes about five hours to put on and five minutes to eat off. The result: a mouth that looks like a baboon's butt.

Seriously, not the look I'm going for.

Correct me if I'm wrong...

2011-07-07T13:49:00.000-07:00

...but when you push down on your car's accelerator, it's supposed to speed up, right?

If so, could someone have a word with my car? It seems to have other ideas.

Undecided

2011-07-06T22:44:00.000-07:00

So I'm trying to come up with my blog's name. You know, something light, catchy, memorable, yet meaningful. I'm stressing. Which, admittedly, doesn't take much. But it's like naming a child. There's no getting round the fact that you're branding an individual for life. That's not something to be taken lightly. Shit, if you do, you may as well start shovelling money into that therapy fund you'll be needing down the line.

Here, with this blog name, I'm branding myself, aren't I? But it's late, and I'm tired, and I'm totally uninspired. But there's also no such thing as 'sitting on something' in my world. So I head to this name-generating website. I'm told to plug in any key word and it'll spit out the varous options. Options. Okay. I like options. So I type in: Phoebe. As you would, right? The blog's about me, after all.

Well, let me tell you, I wait no time at all before I'm offered the below:

* Phoebe of the Enlighted Weasel
* Icky Phoebe of the Act Cracker
* Phoebe Amigo of the Undecided Freezer
* Permanent Phoebe and the Manic Asylum
* Sushi Phoebe and the Stinking Puck

Yupe. We've got us some real contenders here. But I'm sticking with "Utterly Phoebe", and feeling just that tad bit 'vanilla' for my decision.