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Christmas shopping, 3yo style

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 19:49:00 +0000

Yesterday, I took K to the dentist for her 6-month checkup. Allow me to interrupt myself only one sentence into the set-up by bragging on my daughter: she was great. In fact, there was a boy across the hall, about 6-7 years old, who was carrying on so that the dentist actually had to take his hands out of K's mouth and go tell the little boy he was not allowed to speak to the assistants that way. I actually appreciated him looking out for his staff like that. Go, dentist man! As part of that little lecture, he said, "I have a 3 year old little girl across the hall who's handling this better than you." After that, I think every assistant there walked past our exam room to peek in on my little girl who was so well-behaved. Praise the Lord!

Anyway, the hygienist asked K what she wanted for Christmas. K said, "A gingerbread man." This wasn't quite news to me, as she'd said it before, but I didn't know she was serious till yesterday. She's not actually getting a gingerbread man for Christmas, though I think she'll be distracted enough by what we did get them. This little fact is important.

So there was a kerfuffle with birthmom not showing for the visit today, and I decided while we were still in town to take the kids shopping to find something for Matt from them. And since he wouldn't be able to bring them back into town (40 minutes one way) to shop for me, they'd choose something for me, too, and then I'd forget it until Sunday afternoon.

Here's how the conversation went:

Me: K, what do you want to get for Daddy for Christmas?
K: A gingerbread man. A toy one.
M: Well, Daddy doesn't play with toys, and K, that's something you want. Buying a gift for someone means buying something they want, even if you don't like it. What do you think Daddy would want? What does he like to do?
K: Ummm...work...and cook. {note: Matt makes meals most of the time in our home so I can save my strength to deal with the kids during the day.}
M: Well, what does he like to do for fun?
K: Play games.
M: That's a good idea! What kind of game would you like to get him?
K: One he can play with ME?
M: Okay, that's possible. How about a video game he can just play by himself?
K: Umm...okay. Yes. Let's do that. Mommy, can we buy me some more toys?
M: No.

{pause}

M: Do you want to get me something, too, while we're out?
K: Yes.
M: What do you think you might want to get me?
K: Umm...something pretend. I want to give you pretending with me. I'll be the Momma and you be the baby and I'll put you to bed. But give you a bath first, and feed you supper.
M: Okay, I do love pretending with you, my dear girl. Anything else?
K: No, just pretending.
M: Is it okay if, when we pick out a video game for Daddy I look for something for me, too?
K: But, Mommy! I've giving you pretend! That's all I want to give you.
M: All right, honey.

{At the video game store, though, I found a game I wanted for $10 and got it anyway, getting chuckles from those around us as I told the kids they were getting it for me.}

Then we went to lunch. Did I mention I hadn't planned to do any of this? I didn't have any of their stuff we usually cart with us if we eat out, but they did beautifully. Again, servers from the restaurant kept walking by our table, asking if we needed anything, just so they could peek at the kids.

Have I mentioned that I love my children? Still thanking God for such an incredible Christmas gift.

Gotcha Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 14:06:00 +0000

One year ago at this time, this was us. Look at how happy Matt looks! Look at how terrified I look!

And then the children came home. An hour earlier than we were expecting them. I hadn't planned on making lunch, but now we had caseworkers sitting around our living room throwing paper at us asking for our signatures, and my first act as mother was on display to all these people we'd tried to impress over the past several weeks. What would they say about how I cut Kaylee's pb&j sandwich? Would she even like it? And what about Riley? He seemed ok...and then terrified (and why not, really?).

Anyway, for the next two months, all Riley wanted was his bottle - an act of reversion that expresses grief for one who couldn't express it any other way. Once we understood that, it made things much easier. Kaylee's grief was a bit harder to deal with, because we're just now learning that the girl we thought she was wasn't completely the real Kaylee. For instance, it took her a year to come right out and ask us for something without being prompted with, "Kaylee, would you like...?" or "...do you need...?". We went grocery shopping on Tuesday afternoon/evening and finally, for the first time, I heard, "Mommy, please can we buy this?" My heart soared - she finally trusts us enough to ask for things!

In terms of their relationships to us, Riley doesn't know anything's off. He doesn't know we're not his birthparents. Visits with birthmom are visits with a woman he hangs out with a couple times a week. Kaylee's sad still, most of the time still unable to express why (though we can guess). But the previous foster families have all but faded from memory, and she tells us she loves us every day.

Personally, things that used to phase us don't even register now. Snot? No problem. Poop? It stinks, so let's get it taken care of. Crayon on the wall? Well, that phased me just a couple of days ago, but that's because it's the first time it's happened, and the ads are right: Mr. Clean Magic Eraser is magic.We respond when we used to just react. Not that this is a surprise, but...well, in a way, it is: we truly enjoy our children. We love spending time with them. We love talking with them (especially Kaylee, although Riley now thinks he's talking back, and I'm starting to understand what he's trying to say). Kaylee's becoming quite the little jokester, and Riley is still a little flirt, wherever we go.

We almost can't go out in public ever without someone commenting on how there's no denying whose children they are. We just laugh and say thank you, but what we really mean is "thank You!" Only God could have given us children that mirror us so well. Kaylee has Matt's coloring and sense of humor and my mom's height. Riley has my coloring and Matt's height (we think). You have to catch them in the right light to see they look anything alike themselves, and yet, all of us together are like complimentary colors on the color wheel. We're not all the same shade, but somehow we fit together.

It's still awfully lonely parenting in these circumstances. Oftentimes, we have more appts than days they occur on each week, large group situations still send Kaylee into a tailspin, and she's still learning who she's supposed to love, obey, and trust, and why. We think we see a light at the end of the tunnel with a very important hearing on January 3, but you know what they say about lights and tunnels. It might be a way out; it might be an oncoming train. But we know that our times are in God's hands. We know that He's led us this far and whatever He leads us to next is His good and perfect will. Obviously, we pray every day that His will includes these children, us, and permanent all in the same sentence.

And so now, as ever, we wait, but we have the grace of knowing we wait on the Lord, ultimately, not the court system, caseworkers, or even birthparents, and in that we take courage and hope.

Oh, one of my favorite things about this? Being able to listen to this song again:

No news in almost six months means something got delayed

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 21:09:00 +0000

So the last post said the next hearing would be in September. And it almost was.

Hearings, hearings everywhere and nary a decision made
One of the attorneys requested a continuance for personal reasons, so September's hearing was continued until October 4. Everyone was gathered for October's hearing, but then word came that Birthmom wouldn't be there for medical reasons, so it was essentially just continued to today.

At the October hearing, however, the judge did rule on the county's motions to have hearings on change of goal and termination of parental rights. She not only granted those motions for a hearing; she also rolled them into one hearing (normally it would be two separate hearings) set for early January. So that was a positive.

Given that, we weren't expecting anything really to change after today's hearing, and we were right. A lot of testimony was heard from various service providers and even Birthmom herself. Matt and I are so impressed with the judge's ability to sift through everything she's hearing and reading and make fair decisions. We hadn't thought to pray about or for the judge who'd be assigned this case, but the Lord certainly provided faithfully! The county had requested a reduction in visitation (currently two supervised visits with Birthmom at a neutral location each week), but given the testimony today, the judge didn't feel that was the right way to go. And frankly, we agreed with her ruling and completely understand it.

But there were some other things that came to light that make it less and less reasonable to reunite the kids with Birthmom. She herself even noted the strength of the children's bond with us. So now we wait for January. Given the holidays and our busy schedule, it should come pretty quickly.

Morning by morning, new mercies we see
The delays have been frustrating, but you know what? Matt and I have come back time and again to the fact that the Lord so very obviously brought these children to our home and - whether permanent or not - intends to do something in us and through us by their time with us. Obviously, we hope for permanency, and I imagine the moment of "Adoption granted" often. But we are so thankful for His grace, for granting desires of our hearts in things we didn't even know we were wishing.

I wish you all had the ability to get to know our kids the way we've come to know them. K has such a sweet, caring spirit. Although she's a firecracker when it comes to getting her own way (the boiling water of the foster care system has revealed the contents of all our hearts!), she's quick to restore and has even begun seeking forgiveness of her own volition. She loves pigtails, pink and purple, asking us what our favorites are (last night: "Mommy! What's your favorite clock?"), reading, cuddling, and singing. She knows several hymns (all the verses since I am, after all, my daddy's girl!), including Great Is Thy Faithfulness; Holy, Holy Holy ("Oily, oily, oily"); How Great Thou Art (Had to teach her to say "the wart" since she thought "Thou art" was really "the Lord" and just couldn't fix it herself); and Jesus Loves Even Me, which she calls, "I am so glad that our Father in Heav'n tell of His love in the book He has given." Riley's growing into knowing his own mind and recognizing that he's a separate person from us. When he first came, he was completely Daddy's boy, but recently he's switched primary allegiance to me. He loves to laugh, and is very affectionate, to the point that if we're not quick enough to kiss a boo-boo, he'll kiss us. He loves his Dog-dog, his sister, his sister's stuff, phones, and being read to. He's starting to learn how to pretend, and since K pretends all the time, copies whatever she does, down to putting on her dress-up purple heels, throwing a purse over his arm, stuffing Dog-dog into the stroller and wandering around the house to go "grocery shopping." We think we need to find him some boys to play with! :) Words cannot express our joy in God for granting us this time with both of these children.

That's not to say that everything's been all sunshine and roses. We are, of course, sinners trying to parent sinners. And as I just heard someone say recently, "Whenever two or more are gathered in His name...eventually conflict's bound to happen!" Although there's been conflict with one another (because really, Kaylee and Riley don't think we always know best for them...can't understand why!), we've had much conflict within our own souls as the Lord has revealed pockets of sin and idols we're trying to worship instead of Him. But He is gracious with us, and is teaching us to be gracious with each other.

So thanks for praying with us. Keep it up! We are incapable of continuing through this and beyond. He must do it in us, and promises to do so.

And for those of you on our newsletter list, one is coming. Probably for Christmas. But we may wait until after the hearing on January 3. In the meantime, we do think of you, our friends, often. Please let us know how we can serve you in prayer.

No news is...still news

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 20:32:00 +0000

We are six months into this journey, with still no end in sight. Haven't posted anything for a while because 1) I have so little time to write that I just don't bother trying, and 2) nothing's really changed from the last time I wrote.

Except that K and R each had a birthday; R's walking and trying to run (when last I wrote, he was still launching himself on his tummy to get somewhere); K has dropped our names entirely, calling us just Mommy and Daddy; and we're more convinced than ever that we are indeed very great sinners and Christ is a very great Savior...and that's about all we know.

We attended the 12-month hearing today (the children have been in foster care for 12 months next Tuesday), and while the kids' caseworker was hoping for something more decisive, basically nothing has changed that directly affects us. The kids (and therefore, we) still have 4-5 appointments scheduled each week until the next hearing (in September), including twice-weekly supervised visits with Birthmom. The judge granted additional services (additional parenting classes and some homemaking skills training) to Birthmom, with the caveat that it's time to get it in gear and prove that she can not only put the effort in to living a life that can accomodate her children, but that she can maintain that fairly independently. The judge cautioned Birthmom that at the next hearing, the county by law has to basically give a thumbs-up or -down in terms of her progress, and if it's thumbs-down, the judge will have to consider the long-term needs of the kids. In other words, at 15 months, if the county doesn't believe that she has made progress quickly enough or that she will be able to maintain any progress she's made, the judge has to consider changing the goal to adoption and beginning the process of terminating Birthmom's rights. Not to say that will happen, but that she's headed toward that eventuality unless she makes some serious changes right.now.

I'm still keeping up with my daily "loves" on Facebook, and I recently wrote something for a series my friend, Gina, is doing on how to practically offer encouragement and help to those around you. She writes for women, and if you don't read her blog, I believe you should. Gina is Word-anchored, Christ-centered, and God-fearing, in the true sense of the description. My post there is a little darker than the funny little stories we normally tell on Facebook. It's not that my status updates are less real or honest. What I typically post on FB is a way to discipline my mind to focus on the evidence of God's grace and sovereignty in our lives, whereas the post for Gina's blog specifically mentions some of our needs arising from the more challenging aspects of the season we're in now.

So our news is that nothing's changed, except that our bond with the kids - and, we hope, theirs with us - grows daily. God is still on His throne, and He still saves us from ourselves (sanctification) every day.

Life as we know it

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 20:02:00 +0000

Just remembered that I haven't posted any sort of update in a while.

The kids are here, and have been for three weeks. We've settled into a sort of routine; that is to say, we have a good routine most days, but Tuesdays and Thursdays are absolutely horrid days. Can't post a lot publicly, but suffice it to say that in a foster situation, there are going to be very bad days for the children involved, especially when they're this young.

I don't have a lot of time to post here on the blog, but I do try to discipline my heart to find three "Loves" each day, and I post those on Facebook. These are positive things either for our own hearts, positive interactions with the kids, or about the process we're in. If we're not Facebook friends, please feel free to contact me there.

If you're praying for us, here are the newest prayer requests:

1.) For the process: that certain details would be resolved quickly. These things include the goal (currently, still listed as reunification instead of adoption), and issues with the birthmom. We're very glad to have great caseworkers involved.

2.) For the kids: that they would both bond with both of us. Right now each of them likes one of us better. Good thing that Riley likes Matt and Kaylee likes me. :) But we'd like them to bond more closely.

3.) For us: learning how selfish and sinful you are is never a pleasing prospect, but that's right where God has us. Particularly me. Please pray that we would not run or hide from these revelations, but that we would be drawn to the cross, to His grace, to humility, and to transformation.

In the meantime, life as we knew it has ended. A little girl is asleep on my bed because she's too sad to sleep in her own (she was reprimanded for not being quiet during quiet time). So much for getting some rest myself! :)

From my journal

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 13:24:00 +0000

Wrote this, this morning...wasn't planning to post, but in all the excitement, there's an aspect to this whole story I don't want to forget.

And today, our babies come home to us.

We've been to town more times than there have been intervening days between that phone call and now. We've moved rooms and built things in closets and child-proofed and prepared physically in just about every way possible.

Spiritual preparation...that's harder to judge. How does one prepare to take into home and heart someone who may not be there permanently? Birthmom's still in the picture. Birthmom wants more time. Birthmom now has a home...but will they ever go back to her? Only God knows. What I know now is that we've been ordained to love and care for them, whether they like it or not, for now.

And I haven't been excited. I haven't bounced off walls. I haven't cried all that much. I've processed my lists and made decisions and argued with Matt about doing things my way, and I've prayed and I've prayed and I've prayed. And today, I fear. My heart has words for this post, but not for what I really want to say. What I want to say isn't words - only the Spirit can understand and translate. English is not enough, even if I could speak it with the right accent.

Our gain is loss for a lot of people today. Only You can work out the balance in the end. I'm thankful for their foster family, for what they've sacrificed in caring so well for K & R. I praise You for holding them in a family not just stable, but loving, and one who loves You. I thank You for choosing us. But I know this means a different plan for them, one they are grieving. Lord, I finally get to rejoice today, and You remind me to weep with those who are weeping. Thank You for teaching me to weep over the last nine years of waiting.

As we all count down hours today, help the children. They won't understand, not really. Help the foster family. They do understand, and this is happening at least partially because of their choice, but it wasn't an easy choice. And help their birthmom. Today is scary for her, too; the authorities have chosen a permanent resource for the children, and it's not her.

You have given us so much today. But in Your world of paradox, our gain is loss to a lot of people. Thank you for blessing us. Help us. And help them.

Psalm 113:9 | Part 5

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

He gives the barren woman a home,
making her the joyous mother of children.
Praise the LORD!
Psalm 113:9, ESV

The day before Thanksgiving, the children's caseworker called our caseworker and asked her to schedule the interview as soon as possible. And after meeting us, their caseworker was satisfied. We're the permanent resource she was looking for.

N, the children's caseworker, mentioned something about a quick placement. Our caseworker had said something about before Christmas, so we were prepared for something like that.

"What about next week?" she asked.

Mental tail spin ensued. Remember, we'd been planning and preparing for school age children. We'd been expecting a wait of at least 6 months just to find a match, and then at least a couple months of visits before placement. But for a toddler, and a baby? We had nothing. NOTHING.

As our adoption process became more real, I had finally started to pay attention to mothering things, actually reading mom blogs, and Facebook status updates about my friends' children (and learning from them), I always skipped over the infancy stuff. I skipped over potty training, laughing a little bit to myself the whole time: "I won't have to deal with that, at least!" I've always maintained that God likes to look down on my plans and laugh - not at me, but with me about what He's going to do.

He's laughing now. Guess who's gonna have to potty train! We are!

Guess who needed a crib. Guess who needs car seats. And a high chair! A stroller! Bibs! Diapers! Little baby shoes and socks! Toys! Board books!

I could barely contain all the list making. I think this is how I process things - I make lists. I knew the emotions would come - and they have - but I process by planning and making lists, and this would require a doozy.

We set about preparing, and a couple of days later came to an agreement with the caseworkers and the children's foster mom for December 15. Lord willing, the children are coming to live with us tomorrow afternoon.

Pictures to follow. Right now, I need to get back to breathing.

Psalm 113:9 | Part 4

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

He gives the barren woman a home,
making her the joyous mother of children.
Praise the LORD!
Psalm 113:9, ESV

"The little girl is two and a half...and her younger brother is 18 months. Their caseworker wants to meet you as soon as possible. How's this week look?"

We scheduled the interview for the following afternoon at our home, and then called a few strategic friends and family to ask them to pray.

When it came time for the interview, N, the children's caseworker, sat on the couch and began to tell us about the children, the two-and-a-half-year-old, and her younger, seven-month-old brother.

"Wait. We thought he was 18 months," we said.

"No, he was born this past spring," N responded.

A baby! God might give us a baby! I think I might've stopped breathing at that point.

She went on with more details, and seemed to be winding down. Matt and I looked at each other. N was done, and she hadn't asked us a single question.

"Do you have any questions for us?" Matt asked.

"Not really," she responded.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out. "I need things spelled out. Is this official?"

"Yeah," N said. "There's a hearing on Thursday, and then I'll call you and we'll work out placement details. You're my only family, and I'm satisfied."

At that point, our caseworker, D, who was also there, filled in some more details. The week of Thanksgiving, the county decided that a concurrent plan was best for the kids. Think of the whole process for waiting children as a red bar and a blue bar. The red bar is the foster care portion, which continues until a permanent placement. The blue bar is the permanency portion, which begins with that permanent placement. A concurrent plan means that the two bars overlap: the county sees that the original goal of reunification is less and less likely, and so they want to move toward permanency as soon as possible, even though parental rights haven't yet been (and still may not be) terminated. They look for a permanent resource (aka, "forever family") for the children so that as soon as rights termination happens, adoption can be pursued with no further disruption to the children. This is the purple overlap.

N doesn't usually work with D; in fact, she spoke with another Bethany caseworker, J. We'd met J once, back at February's information meeting, and spoke with her for a couple of minutes. When N described the situation, J, somehow, immediately thought of us. She told N about us, and then called D. Our caseworker and the children's caseworker spoke about us, and D emailed our profile over. The day before Thanksgiving, N called D and asked her to schedule the interview as soon as possible.

And N was satisfied.

To be continued...

Psalm 113:9 | Part 3

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Part 1, Part 2

He gives the barren woman a home,
making her the joyous mother of children.
Praise the LORD!
Psalm 113:9, ESV

Exactly (!) one month after we signed our family profile, the phone rang.

We thought it was Matt's mom calling to find out if her second son, Phil, and his family had left yet. They were visiting us for Thanksgiving (and we had a delightful time!), but needed to head home.

"Oh, HI, [caseworker]!" said Matt. I sat straight up in the chair. A phone call from her is unusual.

While we were on vacation earlier in November, she'd emailed us to let us know she'd submitted our profile for a sibling group of three. From what we read of their profile, we were probably a good match. I'd finally resigned myself to not hearing anything more about it at least until after the new year, and maybe not even then. After all, in this process, it's not like they send rejection letters if they like someone else better. This call had to be about them, I thought. Has to be.

Sure enough, "I'll hand the phone to my wife," he said. "She's better at writing down details."

I think I made sense when I spoke, and if you look at my page of notes, my hands weren't shaking at all, but I'm positive my heart was beating louder than my voice was speaking, and my entire body was vibrating with expectation.

"We have a potential match for you," will always ring in my ears, I think. This was the phone call we'd been waiting for...but it was too early! We hadn't been waiting long enough!

"It's a sibling group of two..." Wait. What? Not those other three? Not the three I'd been praying for, trying to pray with a lack of personal interest, praying for them simply because we knew about them? Not them? I actually may have deflated just a bit.

"The little girl is two and a half..." Oh, a younger one! Couldn't believe it.

"And her younger brother is 18 months." Younger brother? The two and a half year old is the older one? More unbelief.

"Their caseworker wants to meet you as soon as possible. How's this week look?"

To be continued...

Psalm 113:9 | Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Part 1

He gives the barren woman a home,
making her the joyous mother of children.
Praise the LORD!
Psalm 113:9, ESV

Back when Matt and I first made the decision to adopt, I struggled hard between domestic infant adoption and children already waiting in the foster system.

We attended an information meeting at Bethany Christian Services in February of this year. The timing can only be described as incredible. Just that week, a family in our church was celebrating the first birthday of their adopted daughter, and were dedicating her the following Sunday. To celebrate with them, Matt structured the entire service around the topic of adoption, and was preparing a message on God's spiritual adoption of believers from Romans 8. As the Bethany reps presented, one of the phrases we heard over and over was, "Everyone wants a baby." We knew that children in the foster system are in desperate need of families who love them tenaciously, and I wanted to be broad-minded about it, but I was secretly one of those who could only picture adopting a baby.

Especially because of what he was studying right then, Matt came to believe very strongly that the foster system was the direction we should go, and I have to admit it was a large-scale spiritual battle to follow him there. I finally remembered and put into practice what I teach "my" ladies all the time: submission is an act of faith, not in my husband so much as in the God I serve (1 Peter 3:5-6). The question was not, Do I trust Matt?, but Do I trust that God will lead our home through my husband? I say I do, so it became an issue of putting feet to my faith.

Into the foster system we went. We began planning and preparing for school-age children (over the age of 5). It was a major spiritual battle for me for a while, letting go of the image of the baby, facing and turning over to Him my fears about characters already set and turbulent histories they would remember.

The paperwork phase wasn't nearly as complicated as I expected it to be...had I known, we would've gotten it done a lot sooner! But it was finally done, our caseworker completed our family profile (aka, homestudy), and we settled in for a long wait and a lot of searching. The average wait was around a year, the caseworker said, but she had one or two families who'd been waiting for two years. I determined to not get my hopes up, and God was gracious. We began looking, but didn't wonder at each picture or profile, "Are these them?"

Exactly (!) one month after we signed our family profile, the phone rang.

To be continued...

We work; He works in us.

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 21:47:00 +0000

This is a great follow-up for everyone who was able to attend the missions conference.

Psalm 113:9

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 01:23:00 +0000

Secrets, secrets are no fun...especially because when I'm holding onto a secret, I can't write. I work really hard at being appropriately transparent when I post, and when there's something I can't say, I feel like I can't write at all. But after a year of keeping mum on something really big, we're finally ready to be open about the biggest thing in our lives over the past several months.

So here's the secret:

He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children.

Psalm 113:9

Lord willing, this will be true of us and our home sometime in the next year. Matt and I have been officially approved and licensed as an adoptive family with Bethany Christian Services to adopt children currently waiting for their "forever family" in the foster system.

We've been through the training. The mountain of paperwork has been scaled. Our home, and our psyches, have been studied and condensed to several paragraphs that will, we hope, convince some county officials somewhere that we will be good parents to a child or children they know. We're officially in the waiting/matching phase. We're open to any gender, any race, up to the age of 10, and sibling groups of up to 3.

Here's what we don't know:

Where he/she/they is/are.
Who he/she/they is/are.
What he/she/they've been through and might still be going through.
When God will bring us together.

Here's what we do know:

Our child/children is/are out there somewhere.
They're out there because they've experienced some sort of very serious trauma.
God has ordained us to be their parents because their biological parental relationship has already been broken beyond repair.
Our child/children is/are not broken beyond repair, but they're seriously wounded.
The Lord knows who they are, where they are, and He will bring us to them at the right time and in the right way.

So pray for us as we wait. Pray for him/her/them. And rejoice with us as we await with joyful anticipation the day that He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children.

Chance to see us!

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 14:49:00 +0000

If you're in or near Richmond, VA November 3-7 and don't already know about this, my husband is speaking for Immanuel Baptist Church's missions conference at 7:00p each evening (Saturday evening is a banquet for which reservations are required, I think). You can get more information at Immanuel's website or check out his summary below. Please pray for him as he prepares to speak. We'd love to see you there!

Calling the World to Christ

Missions Conference | Immanuel Baptist Church | November 3 -7, 2010

The Church of Jesus Christ has been called as God’s vessel to accomplish God’s mission for God’s glory. The call on the Church is both individual and corporate, lived out as individual believers gather in local bodies and work together to fulfill God’s plan and purpose of redeeming lost humanity to Himself. God is calling out of the nations a people for His own to worship Him and He has chosen to use those people to declare His worth though the Gospel. This is the mission of the Church; every believer has been called to fulfill this mission. So we need to know and understand what it is God has created His Church to be and do. This is the call. Dr. Glenn Daman clarifies this call when he writes,

Christ did not leave the church idle. He gave his people the three-fold responsibility of proclaiming the gospel of Christ, transforming others into faithful disciples, and recruiting those disciples for the service of the kingdom of God. This mission is continual in its scope (“end of the age,” Matthew 28:20) and universal in its application (“all nations,” Matthew 28:19). Every church in every location during every time period has this same responsibility. The church is to both be and do.

Clarifying the Call (Wednesday): 1 Peter 2:9-10

If the Church is to call the world to Christ, then we must understand what God has called her to be and do. God has called all believers to proclaim the excellencies of Him who called us through the Gospel. We need to know who we are so we know better what to do.

THE CONSECRATED CALL (Thursday): Isaiah 6:1-8

If the Church is to call the world to Christ by proclaiming the excellencies of Him who called us through the Gospel, then we must start with a right vision of God. The heart of missions is worship of God; we must understand who God is and who we are in light of Him so that we might clearly communicate His message.

THE CALL OF THE NEW CREATION (Friday): 2 Corinthians 5:9-21

If the Church is to call the world to Christ, we must clearly understand the specifics of the call as it relates to motive, message, and ministry in missions. God’s commission is to represent Him as new creations. We have been redeemed with a purpose; we are saved to worship God and bring the message of the Gospel as ambassadors of the King.

THE CALL TO CLARITY (Saturday): Colossians 4:2-6

If the Church is to call the world to Christ, we must proclaim our message clearly. Both corporately and individually, we need to examine the opportunities God in His sovereignty gives us to proclaim Christ.

THE CALL TO CONFORMED COMMUNITY (Sunday morning): Ephesians 4:1-16

If the Church is to call the world to Christ, we must understand that we have been called to walk in a manner worthy of our call as God’s people. As we are conformed to the image of Christ, we live the call together within relationships characterized by Christ-likeness.

THE CALL OF CHRIST (Sunday evening): Luke 5:1-11

If the Church is to call the world to Christ, then we must take seriously the call Christ has placed on all of our lives. What is the purpose to which God has called us to as believers? What is our personal responsibility in fulfilling God’s mission? What is it that God is calling each believer to do?

The local church

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 16:26:00 +0000

Desiring God is posting a series this week on the local church. Check it out!

Updates 'n such

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 12:00:00 +0000

I know, I know. I haven't written anything of substance for two months.

For pictures of what we've been up to instead of writing, take a look at the church's web albums.

Let Freedom Ring took place on June 27 and was a huge, if hot, success. We enjoyed larger attendance than in years past, no rain, and some of our long-time favorite musical guests, as well as a new favorite, Clear Run, out of Delaware, Ohio. One of our own shared his experiences from overseas deployment with the PA National Guard last summer. There was a pie-eating contest, and two of our larger families swept the duck race! A great event, a lot of fun!

Our church hosted VBS last week, and it seemed to be one of the best years in recent memory. We had a steady stream of 60 kids, and attendance only went up as the week went on! The kids - excuse me, cadets - took off on a Galactic Blast as they learned about creation, the nearness of a very big God, salvation, and even a little bit about sanctification. Check out the albums from days 1, 2, 3, and 4. There aren't any pictures from Day 5 because part of my job, as photographer, is to put together a video of the week for the closing program, and I don't often have time to take more pictures. The video's currently on Matt's work computer, but I'll upload it soon.

A newsletter is in the works, but the mailing list lives on my computer, which is in the shop. So we'll get it out as soon as we can.

Finally, last week, as you may have already read, one of our church families lost their home in a major fire. They are doing as well as could be expected. The authorities can't actually determine what started the fire, but no one was home at the time, and even their two cats and dog were outside. The children did lose their two hamsters and fish, though. In an advertisement for small-town living, someone driving by saw the fire and called 911; emergency personnel responded within 5 minutes (a miracle for our area). Someone else pulled over and ran into their garage and began pulling out their tractor and all of the tools. By the time it was over, fire companies from all over the area showed up to lend assistance, folks brought water by, and the family was looked after and taken care of by friends and family in the area. We praise God for protecting them, and surrounding them with so many who were willing to give of their time and energy to help.

Urgent prayer request

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 17:11:00 +0000

Please pray for the K family in our church; we just got word that their house burned down today. They were all out at the time (Dad was at work, Mom and the two children were shopping), so they are all safe. We don't know the extent of the damage yet, but early reports are that it's bad enough that they won't be able to get back in it.

Thanks.

Girls Gone Wise In A World Gone Wild

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Sun, 16 May 2010 23:33:00 +0000

Title: Girls Gone Wise
Author: Mary Kassian
Publisher: Moody Publishers
One Word Review: Recommended

From the publisher:

Inundated by popular culture, many women have lost their bearings and no longer trust the internal compass that intuitively affirms those things that are good, true, and noble about womanhood. And as Jesus’ favorite and most powerful teaching tactic was the parable, it is appropriate that Mary Kassian walks the reader through the compelling tale of the wild versus wise woman found in Proverbs 7. Girls Gone Wise In A World Gone Wild will captivate, convict, and challenge women to become decreasingly wild and increasingly wise.

Girls Gone Wise has been a joy to read! At first I wondered if it was meant for me - most of the pictures on the website are of young women (college-age or younger). But then I read the introductory chapter. Mrs. Kassian says:

A woman can be a Girl-Gone-Wild at any stage of life...It's easy to convince ourselves that if we don't happen to be young or single, and if we're not risque, and if we stay a couple steps behind the cutting edge of fashion a propriety, that the Girl-Gone-Wild label couldn't possibly apply to us. But the truth of the matter is that it's not just over-the-edge, single, college-age girls who qualify as Wild Things. According to Scripture, there is a measure of Girl-Gone-Wildness in all of us. (10-11)

And then she tells a quick story about a seventy-year-old grandmother who attended a conference to learn how to handle her granddaughter: "I see now that it's me who is a Girl-Gone-Wild." If a grandmother qualifies to read and apply this material, I figured that I certainly do, too.

I've often been taught that it can be best to teach Truth without teaching falsehood; in other words, it's not necessary to learn about the culture to know that something is wrong with it. And while that can be true, I found Mrs. Kassian's compare-contrast approach extremely helpful, especially given that she's written about things like attitude, habits, appearance, body language, boundaries, entitlement, speech, and influence (and much, much more!). The world system does a great job of promoting itself as attractive, the only effective means to get what you want, the only possible way to make yourself happy. Its propaganda is extremely subtle as it deceives our already-easily-deceived hearts, because it's masterful at disguising the destruction that accompanies a girl-gone-wild. Instead, we're told that wild behavior is fun and brings happiness and gratification, while holiness is so not fun, and only brings misery and boring weekends. That's a lot of pressure for social creatures like women to endure. Wild women are attractive; holy women are mousy. Wild women get positive attention; holy women are laughingstocks. Who really wants that?

So Mrs. Kassian goes to work. And of course, she starts with the heart, the foundation for everything else the book examines:

The first and most important characteristic of a Girl-Gone-Wise is that Jesus Christ occupies first place in her heart...The inclination of a woman's heart is, by far, the most important factor in determining whether she will conduct herself in a Godly way...The remaining points of contrast in this book focus on the ways girls ought to "walk." But all these can be traced back to this first and central matter of the heart...

"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:22). (33)

The Gospel pervades her writing -- she does an excellent job of explaining that behavior doesn't ultimately matter if we're not rightly related to God through Christ. Behavior does matter, of course -- what's the point of the book if it doesn't? -- but doesn't determine whether God chooses to accept us or not. After some recent books I've read that disregard or misdefine the Gospel, this is a much-needed breath of fresh air.

Girls Gone Wise can be a quick read because it's so conversational, but it shouldn't be. The book's website offers a ton of resources to go deeper, including questions to aid in processing each chapter, small group resources, a video blog (starting this week), and even some quizzes to help women diagnose their own hearts (and no, the quizzes aren't just for the young women among us) and challenges to help undo some of the damage a world-gone-wild has done.

This would be a great resource for a girls' study in a high school or college youth group, a women's Bible study or Sunday School class, or even (especially) a mother-daughter Bible study. What a great tool for older women to teach the younger women what is good (Titus 2:3-5)!

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain," says Proverbs 31:30, "but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Ever wonder how to recognize that kind of woman? Have you wondered how you'd know if you are one? Using a chatty (in a good way!) writing style, humor, dedication to truth, and a no-holds-barred indictment of the wild ways of ungodly culture, Mary Kassian guides woman of all ages into a greater understanding of what it means to be a woman who walks in wisdom, fearing God.

Rest in the right place

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 21:08:00 +0000

I can't tell you how I was looking forward to vacation last week - a week at the seaside! Heavenly! I absolutely love the ocean. You can stand on the shore and, if it's the right time of day, you can pretend that there's no world existing behind you, that it's all faded away, that there's only you and water and God. It's a glorious feeling, and I had been preparing to bask in the ocean-rapture for weeks.

We had a lot to do to prepare, but I wasn't worried - I'd been having some really good weeks recently, feeling almost normal! I'd been sleeping pretty well, and, aside from a bothersome cough, I felt like I had strength to accomplish ministry and homekeeping at the same time! That hasn't happened for years now.

And so we left on a sunny-but-cool Friday, delighting in the fact that we'd have a short amount of time to ourselves, and then family would join us and we'd have lots of fun just being.

Picture from InterfaceLift.

And then God allowed a flare.

If you have fibromyalgia or know someone who does, you know what I'm talking about. Exhaustion creeps up and then slams you to the ground. In the resulting pain from said body slam, you can barely think or respond to those you love. Sleep, the thing you want most desperately, is nowhere to be found. I slept until 11am almost every day, because pain kept me awake at night. When I did get up, I had barely enough energy to get dressed and go downstairs. Because I didn't want my family to think I was lazy or selfish, I tried to do as much as I could by myself. I felt like I was wasting the days, so I bypassed my Bible and just went on down to be with people I see only a few times a year. We even had plans for a special dinner out, but I couldn't bring myself to change into the "smart casual" dress code for the restaurant we wanted to go to, and settled for a cheeseburger (not really a horrible trade) and CSI reruns.

When the day came to leave, I felt worse than I had all week. We got home and I resented the very sight of the "[Hometown] - 1 mile" sign on the road into town. I wanted to throw eggs at it.

We'd barely been home for an hour when someone called my husband in need of his help. They were half an hour away, in the emergency room with an injury from a circular saw, and had no way of getting home, and I resented them for interrupting the last vestiges of my vacation. I woke up on Sunday resenting our church family - who I actually really love! - because they wanted something of me. I resented western PA because it has no ocean. I resented my husband for, well, for no good reason, just because he was closest.

My attitude was just as bad yesterday, and still pretty foul this morning. I finally prayed that God would show me my heart. I told Matt I didn't think I was angry at God, I just needed more rest. More sleep. More quiet. More ocean.

And then I began working on my Bible study material for next week. In an effort to learn before I teach, I often treat the study guide questions as an opportunity to journal, and so I write stream-of-consciousness as I respond. Well, looky there - I just wrote "God stole my vacation."

So that's what's going on! I know Truth! I'm a teacher and mentor and discipler! I don't get angry at God! I really didn't know. My heart is deceitful, you see, and desperately wicked.

And what I learned in that one statement is this: I was expecting to find rest there, at the seaside, when rest can’t be found there if it’s not first found in Him! My vacation time became an idol I served, thinking true rest was dependent on the right circumstances, the right geographic location, the right weather. Not true. The fact is that no matter what our circumstances are, no matter how our calendars look (busy or free!), no matter how many people are around or not around, true rest is found in Christ alone. If I'm not looking to Him for perfect peace and rest, it won't ultimately be found anywhere else. As Piper said last week,

Yes, God wants you happy. But he doesn't do it with circumstance. He does it with himself. He does it with the gospel. And he does it in and through circumstances.

This is a call for faith—huge faith—that God is good, God is for us, and God is using all these things for our deep happiness now and our perfect, unsullied happiness forever in the age to come.

I forgot that for a week or so. I thought happiness was found at the seaside, but I was wrong. Happiness is found only in the One whom even the wind and the waves obey.

She Walks In Beauty

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 12:00:00 +0000

Title: She Walks in Beauty
Author: Siri Mitchell
Publisher: Bethany House Publishers
One Word Review: Recommended

From the publisher:

During New York City's Gilded Age...The game is played amid banquets and balls. The prize is a lifetime of wealth and privilege. The rules will test friendships and the desires of a young woman's heart. Clara Carter is the social season's brightest star...but at what cost?

Clara always intended to debut with her best friend, Lizzie, if she had to debut at all (and honestly, she deeply hoped she'd be able to do something else), but when the DeVries heir returns unexpectedly from a European tour, all those plans are moved up a year, and she must make her social debut in...two months! That is no time at all to learn all the social graces, like which of the dozen forks she's supposed to use for a lemon, how to communicate with a fan (note: itching your lip can lead to disastrous consequences!), how to dance with grace and elegance, and how not to LEAD when dancing. Add to that the gowns, undergarments, gloves, hats, shoes, and cloaks that must be ordered and life gets a little insane. It seems better when Lizzie's mother, too, decided to move her debut ahead by a year, but then the girls realize they have both been commanded by their families to "catch" and marry the DeVries heir, without any thought for what they themselves may want, and who they themselves may actually love.

Being a girl, the whole idea of a social debut has always intrigued me, considering that, to at least some extent and in some strata of society, this still happens. The publisher's not kidding when they describe it as a game - all the ins and outs and manipulations and maneuverings were mind-spinning, and for all the glitz and glamour, I'm really, really glad I never had to go through that! But it does make for a highly readable novel!

This was another book "won" through LibraryThing's Early Reviewer program, and, frankly, I was a little disappointed to receive it. I'd requested a couple others that I wanted more. But I was pleasantly surprised at the quick wit, light tone, engaging characters, and page-turning plot. Usually in Christian fiction, you know right at the outset who's gonna end up together, and the fun of the story is waiting to see how it'll happen. In this one, I had some suspicions (and saw straight through one plot point immediately), but I honestly didn't know how it would turn out. That made it a more-than-usually fun read!

The major criticism I have for this novel is really the same for any other "Christian" novel: most of the time, it's more inspirational in genre than actually Christian. There is very, very little mention of Christ (if at all), no use of the Word to reveal God (in fact, one character's mother is said to have taken her entire theology from the hymnal). The turning point comes not with a spiritual crisis that is resolved by falling on the mercy of God extended by grace through Christ, but instead by a self-help crisis that is resolved by the thought that maybe God loves us just as we are.

Does He? Yes. Is that the extent of it? Are we suddenly made right with Him because we get that He loves us? No. God may love His creation, but He is holy and just and must deal with sin. There's no mention of any barrier in a relationship with God except not really understanding that I'm okay as I am. It's true that we don't have to (indeed, we can't) clean ourselves up before coming to Him, but part of His unfailing, immeasurable love is that He loves us too much to leave us as we are. After we are made right through justification (having Christ's record applied to us, declaring us righteous), He begins the process of sanctification (actually making us as righteous in practice as we are in position). Nothing like that is even mentioned.

As I've said before, I'm fully aware that a novel isn't intended to be a theological treatise, but if it misdefines God, or leaves Him hazy at all (and this one does), it's just as much a lie as if God was completely misrepresented. Surely the truth of His character must transcend even a made-up story.

That said, I really enjoyed She Walks in Beauty. I don't imagine it's good for any author's ego to hear that, after six books, a reviewer had never heard of them, but I hope to remove that difficulty with the fact that after reading this one, I intend to look forward to reading more of Mitchell's work.

Don't worry, Momma, I'll bring this one to the beach! :)

Did the wedding kill them?

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 20:50:00 +0000

We're here, but have been swamped and I've not had much imagination in writing anything for over a month! The week after the wedding, we left for a conference and a short visit with family in the midwest. Then we came back, caught up, and looked ahead to the beginning of March. March means that all of our spring activities begin again in earnest.

Matt and I are both leading Tuesday night Bible studies. I'm counseling/discipling three friends, and Matt is working with one young man and will begin counseling another married couple soon. He's also working closely with a man who is planning to eventually go into full-time ministry. They meet once weekly and Matt is looking forward to delegating some ministry responsibility to our friend. Matt also leads a marriage Bible study once a month and generally tries to keep up with all the church administration without much active help. I don't mean that no one else does anything, but he's gotta keep track of church supplies to be ordered, Sunday School curriculum, whose turn it is to serve communion, some event planning, service planning and preparation, etc. Please pray for him - as solo pastor, he carries a heavy load.

We have much to praise God for in all this! The Bible study I lead on Sunday mornings and Tuesday evenings seems to be really making a dent in the lives of the women taking part. Matt has a few men who are serious about entering into training to be an elder, and we are trusting that the fruit of this extra time spent will be a full elder board come election-time in the fall. One woman I've been working with has made some huge strides as she has learned to rely on the Spirit for strength to obey, and has chosen to make the Gospel central in her thinking, not just to remind herself of what Christ has done, but as it gives her strength and focus to obey. The young man Matt is working with has also been measurably changed. Even when his family doesn't come to church, he is there. He has seized opportunities to serve, especially in places we wouldn't have expected to see him. What an encouragement to see God at work!

We've asked you in the past to pray for our church, as we believe that we're under some sort of directed spiritual attack, and have been for a couple of years. Please continue; the fruit of the attack is really being seen now in some of our families. One elder stepped down because it seemed like family life at home was getting out of control. Pray especially for the wives in these families. Of course, the men aren't perfect, but - and I can say this because I too am a woman and am in need of your prayer - at least some of the problems seem to center on women in the church. We're not looking at the breakup of marriages or anything that serious, but disunity, contentiousness, and bitterness are working themselves out in marriages and in relationships outside the family. We're not in any major crisis, but some of our folks are growing very weary, spiritually speaking. Relying on God for strength and grace when you've done for yourself (so you think) for 40+ years is exhausting, and they need steadfast hearts. Please pray as we try to encourage these folks to keep seeking God's face, to keep worshiping Him, to keep serving Him.

We are looking forward to a week off next month as we travel to see some of Steph's family, and then the race begins again with major outreaches in May, June, and July! God is good to give us just one day at a time!

As much as we need you to pray for us, we'd love the opportunity to serve you by praying, too! If there's anything we can be praying about with you, please let us know!

Living out a chick flick

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 13:00:00 +0000

For part 1 of the "Surprise! You're getting married" story, click here.

Sunday: C expresses frustration that we all share a secret she's not in on. When I remind her that she's always wanted B to plan something romantic without prompting from her, she responds, "Well, start small! Like a dinner or something!" She also laughs about the fact that her pastor can lie to her so well - he pretended to know nothing about the trip. Little does she know!

Monday: Matt, B, and I went shopping for outfits for the little boys and a new suit for B. C didn't know I was part of the trip, and was actually a little put out with B for making Matt go out on his day off. Hee-hee.

Tuesday: Emailed C with her husband's "request" that A & I take her shopping for something special for their anniversary trip. Initially, the plan was to send home an invitation requesting that she be ready to leave the house by 8:30 on Saturday morning, but, as was mentioned before, C is nosy. After discussion, we figured the invitation, no matter how cleverly worded...

Original wording:
Because I love you and
I praise God for the gift
He gave me in you
Allow me the delight of celebrating
our tenth wedding anniversary
in a special way

Please be ready to leave the house
Saturday, January thirtieth
by half past eight o'clock in the morning

Casual dress is appropriate
Pretty hair, makeup, and nails are optional

Now C, I'm serious about this:
DON'T ask questions
DON'T try to guess
DON'T try to weasel any information
out of the kids --
they honestly don't know anything

Love, B

...would only pique her curiosity and she wouldn't rest until she knew something. So we decided to invite her on a shopping trip instead. By now, she was convinced they were flying to Florida and we were taking her bathing suit shopping.

Wednesday: Waiting, waiting... "Please don't let her find out! Only a few days to go, and we think she's still clueless!"

Thursday: A. came to stay at our place for a couple days (she lives an hour away). We had to hide her car at her parents' house so Little Miss Sneaky-C wouldn't see it.

Friday: A & I decorated while Matt, B, and the boys did some final outfit things. Bad news: the smaller sized shoes and smaller sized outfit fit the older boy. More shopping needed. Good news: Little B, Jr. loved his tie!

Meanwhile, younger daughter announced to C that morning, "Daddy said I can't go to the birthday party tomorrow and I'm okay with that." Oh, Miss Sneaky-C! Got her thinking. After some discussion with B, she decided that he must be taking her for a special anniversary dinner, perhaps with Matt and me (Matt's birthday was last Sunday).

Don't know if I mentioned it before, but C's brilliant creativity often results in grandiose (in the best sense of the word) plans. So part of her mind went to the biggest possible: "He's not actually planning a WEDDING, is he? No, couldn't be. No way he could pull that off."

Saturday, 8:30a: A & I pick up C for the "shopping trip." As we pull away from the house, A nonchalantly tells C that the gift on the seat next to her is a belated anniversary gift. C opens it to find a pair of gold heels. "Huh," she says.

8:45a: A accidentally slips with some information about driving our car the previous day. We change the subject quickly. C says nothing.

8:50a: I make a strange turn, ostensibly heading toward one of the area's largest malls. It's actually another way to get to the same place, but happens to go past B's mom's house.

8:58a: We get close to B's mom's (who I'm not supposed to know), and C points it out. I slow down and say, "Let's stop and say hi!" From the backseat: "Oh no..."

8:59a: The secret's out, thanks to the wedding gown hanging from the ceiling fan in the kitchen. Surprise, C, you're getting "married" tonight! Shock and amazement ensue as the dress, put together using someone else as a model, needs no alteration. None!

10:00a: A, C, and I head into town for girly things, lunch, and a bit of shopping for jewelry and some last-minute makeup needs.

2:00p: A. speaks with her boyfriend and tells him about the day, and he says, "You're basically living out a chick flick in real life, aren't you?" Yes, yes we are.

3:30p: We arrive at the church, and C gets her first glimpse of the cake and decor.

4:00p: Hairdresser arrives, and we get to work getting beautiful!

4:30p: Little girls arrive with B's mom and The Dress, and get changed. Overheard: "Do we get to wear these dresses the rest of the night?...Awesome."

5:55p: Candles lit in the sanctuary, then music started.

6:20p: Sweet little B, Jr. chooses, for a moment, to not be so sweet. He's not going down that aisle. There are too many people, and he's just downright scared. C hides behind a closed door while we call for reinforcements in the form of B, who talks his son into walking. That's enough said about that.

6:30p: Supposed to start processional. People still arriving, some in jeans. They knew it was a vow renewal, but no one quite expected this.

6:40p: Processional (Canon in D). Each little girl walks in with one of the little boys (who get down the aisle beautifully). Double doors open, and C begins, then stops about halfway. B heads up the aisle to meet her, and escorts her the rest of the way (yes, that was planned, but it was an emotional moment nonetheless!).

Heart-warming and sweet moments and flashbulbs ensue for the rest of a very lovely evening. C, although in a daze, pronounces everything good. Later on, she mentions that the only thing she would've changed was the sleeves on the little girls' dresses (she would've preferred sleeveless). And we all went home, tired, but thrilled at the grand success.

Surprise! You're getting married today...

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 13:00:00 +0000

[If you're a boy, this may be waaaaaay more information than you want...just fair warning.]
10 years ago, dear friends of ours were married on the fly in sweatshirts and jeans. They had already planned to be married in February, but circumstances motivated them to marry sooner, so one Thursday in January, they came in for a premarital counseling session, told the pastor what was up, and he married them that night, with the choir as witnesses, and with family showing up with thirty minutes' notice.

They were always fine with that, for the most part, but there was still this wistful "what if?" What would it have been like if they'd gone the whole nine yards with The Dress, The Cake, and The Party?

2010 would see them celebrating their 10th anniversary, so back in September, Matt, another friend (A), and I approached the husband (B) with an idea: we'd like to throw you a wedding, and we want to surprise your wife (C)! He thought it was a great idea - he'd been wanting to do something like that, anyway! So the four of us put our heads together and got to work.

What in the world made us think surprising a woman with a wedding she hadn't planned was a good idea?
We actually agonized over this, even as we became more and more entrenched in plans. I know how I'd have felt, and for that reason, actually had more misgivings than the others. Ultimately, we justified all this for two reasons: (1) Her husband truly wanted to bless her with this, and as their friends, we were more than happy to help him make his desire a reality. She's a faithful wife, busy mom of four, and a willing and joyful servant at church, essentially doing a lot of giving with little recognition. We wanted to throw them a party without making her go to a lot of work. (2) Chalk it up to orneriness or whatever you want, but, frankly, we wanted to pull one over on her, and we were confident that, together, we would make plans she would be pleased with.

So how DOES one go about planning a surprise wedding?

We began making official plans in October. A & I chose the color scheme first (sage, wine, and chocolate - C's favorite colors), then put together the flowers. We searched dress patterns and enlisted B's mother to make C's gown and special dresses for B & C's two daughters (A & I would choose outfits for their two sons later on). We got B's okay on the dress pattern, and went to work! Other friends and family were more than willing to donate time and talents to make this an event to remember. A asked two of her close friends to help her with the cake, and also set up a "catering staff" to help with food prep and serving. I asked another friend of ours to donate her gifts as hair stylist. Everyone we asked was thrilled to get on board, and excited about keeping it as quiet as possible!

Even folks they didn't know were happy to get in on the secret! Matt and I did premarital counseling (which lasted into post-marital discipleship) for a couple who married back in October. When we got together in December, S asked if we could use anything she had left over. I said I'd take whatever I could get, so she lent the many candle holders we used in decorating for both the wedding and reception. And there weren't just a few! We were able to light the sanctuary almost exclusively with candlelight!

B's job in all this was to give us direction when we weren't sure what C would like. He also chose their vows and the wording for the exchange of rings, and helped me choose just the right music. He worked with Matt on building the rest of the ceremony, too.

B put together a guest list - just family and a few very close friends - and invitations were sent just after the New Year. Now came the test! We had a few scares after the invitations went out but even though folks found out who didn't need to know (and talked about it), still she was unaware.

So how did it all stay a secret?

1. We specifically did not tell the children or anyone else until we needed to. We all know that, for kids, it's just so stinkin' hard to keep a secret! And also, C can be nosy (you know we love you, C!). If she started suspecting anything, we knew she'd go right to the kids and pump them for information!

The girls' first clue was when they tried on the dresses their grandmother made them (a week before the event). The boys found out the day before the wedding. That night, sweet little B, Jr., when praying at dinner, thanked God for the day they spent with Pastor Matt and for their new clothes. His dad jumped in with "Amen!" as quickly as possible! After that, B Jr.'s comments were restricted to "Secrets...Pastor Matt said don't tell!"

2. C is a stay-at-home mom, but picked up some temporary work in the school system covering for a woman on extended leave. This was a literal God-send, since if she'd been at home during the day, we would've talked more frequently and I would've gotten weirder and weirder around her. So she kept busy working and thinking about other things...

3. Right before Christmas, a mistake on the school calendar proved to be a major help to our secret plans. B hoped to surprise C with a long weekend away, but when he found out there was school on the day they planned to leave, though the school calendar said there wasn't, he had to fill her in about the trip. He told her nothing more beyond that it was going to happen. Her attention then became fixed on that weekend, making her "blind to all else that moves." We were able to act sneaky without her guessing the real reason! Beautiful!

4. We purposely kept the group of people involved behind the scenes as small as possible. It meant more work for the four of us, but it was worth it!

So that's the how...tune back in Friday for how it all played out!

I'm a lazy bum.

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Read this post yesterday from Desiring God. I've had a goal for more than three years to memorize Philippians, and haven't done it yet...but then I read about Jon Bloom's sermon from Hebrews... Wow.

Laying down nonsense

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:43:00 +0000

Last week (or was it two weeks ago?) I was studying Abraham's decision to, in faith, sacrifice Isaac. The study led me to question what Isaacs I might be holding onto in my own life. Has God asked me to sacrifice anything that I'm holding back? I came up with an answer, but didn't write it down, hoping that maybe I would forget about it.

Then earlier this week, my friend Alyssa posted something on Facebook about the same story, and I was reminded of this lesson I think I'm supposed to be learning.

Here it is: right now, my Isaac is the belief that I have a right to serve God AND feel well physically. I've been holding back serving (or, at least, serving with a good attitude) because I don't feel well, to the point that I've resented anyone asking something - anything - of me. It's true that I need to be wise in my use of time, and I can't do everything that surfaces as an opportunity. God hasn't called me to meet every need I'm aware of. But I haven't even been asking Him about whether He wants me to serve here or there, I've just been saying no in the interest of self-protection.

There are a few things I do because I have to - there's literally no one else around who can do it. But I noticed in myself the ugly desire for everyone close to know how much it costs me. Ugh. That is just selfishness and pride and it digusts me.

Could it be that God intends for me to serve Him even when I don't feel well so that He gets more glory? So that He can use me more effectively, because more of "me" is out of the way? So that the surpassing greatness of the power is from Him and not me (2 Corinthians 4:7)? (Not that 'surpassing,' 'greatness,' or 'power' were ever words that described anything I do.) Could it be that He - in love and grace - wants me to feel just how much dust I am (Psalm 103:13-18), and that He doesn't intend - while I'm on this earth - to allow me to feel better?

If this is what my heavenly Father has determined for me, then I need to be careful to respond in trusting obedience, and lay down my cherished belief that in order to serve God best, I must feel most like myself.

Yeah, now that it's in black and white, that belief really doesn't make any sense at all. If it did, why would Paul boast in his weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)? Why would John recognize that he must decrease in order for Christ to become pre-eminent (John 3:28-30)? Why, if I need to feel most like myself, would God work so hard to make me like Someone Else (Romans 8:29)?

Aaron

noreply@blogger.com (Steph VG) — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Guest post by Charles Spurgeon via Jim Lowery

Now the main point in what has been said is this: we have such a high priest, who has taken His seat at the right hand of the throne of the Majesty in the heavens...
--Hebrews 8:1

AARON
George Herbert

Holiness on the head,
Light and perfections on the breast,
Harmonious bells below, raising the dead,
To lead them unto life and rest.
Thus are true Aarons dressed.

Profaneness in my head,
Defects and darkness in my breast,
A noise of passions ringing me for dead
Unto a place where is no rest.
Poor priest, thus am I dressed.

Only another head
I have, another heart and breast,
Another music, making live, not dead,
Without whom I could have no rest:
In Him I am well dressed.

Christ is my only head,
My alone only heart and breast
My only music, striking me even dead;
That to the old man I may rest
And be in Him new dressed.

So holy in my head
Perfect and light in my dear breast,
My doctrine tuned by Christ (who is not dead,
But lives in me while I do rest)
Come, people: Aaron’s dressed.

God’s people...come to Him with their gifts and thank-offerings —- these alone can draw near to Him or will even care to do so. But how shall they draw near, for even after being reconciled by the blood they continue to sin? There is iniquity even in their holy things! How shall they come to God without someone to stand between them who shall continually bear for them the iniquity of the “holy things which they shall hallow in all their holy gifts”? There is need of One who is “able to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by Him, seeing He ever lives to make intercession for them.”

That sacred Person is provided by God in Christ Jesus our Lord and thus the way to present acceptable sacrifice has been made clear for all the blood-washed people of God!... How glorious, how beautiful is the Lord Jesus in the eyes of God! Let me now add how beautiful is He in our eyes! The unveiled sight of Him will be our Heaven! Our present view of Him is our salvation, comfort, strength and sanctification. Oh, the glory of Christ!...

When you have Christ’s head and breast, and doctrine then you are ready for service and may say, “Come, people: Aaron’s dressed.”

(Quoted from Charles Haddon Spurgeon in Sermon 2153 [July 6, 1890; Vol. 36] on Exodus 28:36-38.)