(Get your mind out of the gutter, what did you think I meant?

Last week Vancouver Magazine posted an article called “Do Vancouver Men Suck?” http://www.vanmag.com/News_and_Features/Do_Vancouver_Men_Suck

In turn it triggered a lot of controversy about this subject. Social media was abuzz with this discussion, male and female. Even CTV news interviewed yours truly about exactly this subject.

I hear the same thing almost daily but of course this is a generalization and no I don’t think all Vancouver men suck! Sure, there may be a few but there are also many great ones. If there wasn’t I would never be able to make any lasting matches and my results speak for themselves.

So why did Vancouver men get this bad reputation? According to the recent polls and conversations women say it’s because they are basically lazy, they take no initiative. Why is that American and European men seem to have no problems dating women in Vancouver? I asked some of them, they tell me if they don’t make a move with women in the USA there are 20 men that will, so they strike while the iron is hot. They have learned to trust themselves and not be afraid to try. They have confidence, something that seems to be missing here! The bottom line is women want men to be gentlemen and they want to be pursued.

How can Vancouver men step up their game?

- Initiate first contact with women in person instead of on social media
- Dress to impress, you can be casual and well dressed at the same time,
- Do a little work if needed to gain that confidence that attracts women
- Never wear runners on a date unless you are going for a run or hike
- Stay off social media on a date and that means texting too
- Pay attention to your date not the waitress or anyone else
- Throw away the bad lines, show up, on time, be honest
- Be a gentleman, pull her chair out, let her walk first,
- Don’t expect her to split the bill or pay
- Stop trying to bed everyone, everywhere, immediately

I would love to have your input, what do you think about Vancouver’s men?

Men If you are struggling do you think you will try changing your behaviour? We all know doing the same thing over and over is the definition of insanity.

If you are one of those good men what have you done that gives you a leg upon the competition?
I look forward to your comments.

www.match-works.com

I have known for 5 years that I had Fuch’s Dystrophy, to sum it up, it means my cornea’s are dying. Last Friday I had my first cornea transplant and cataract surgery in an attempt to save my sight. In an effort to inform and possibly help someone that might be facing a similar problem I am sharing my experience via another blog. If you would like to read about this I have included the link below.

http://myeyesarefuched.wordpress.com/2011/12/10/diagnosis-fuchs-dystrophy/

I am still a Matchmaker, dating coach and blogger I am just on a short detour for awhile while recovering.

www.match-works.com

Even if you are comfortable on your own most of the time, there is something that screams “poor me” when you are faced with the possibility of a holiday alone.  I was very fortunate to have a lot of dear friends who invited me to share their homes and families over the years, they have no idea how much that meant to me.

It is not a surprise I created a Business helping others find their match. I truly believe everyone deserves to find someone special, humans are not meant to spend their lives alone! We all want to be loved and appreciated especially over the holidays. I struggle every holiday listening to Christmas songs, it`s almost as if they are written to tear our hearts out. The holidays DO NOT have to be heartbreaking, even if you are single! Here are a few ideas that might help:

Socializing 101 offers lots of helpful ideas, check it out.  http://www.match-works.com/vancouverdating/index.php/2010/11/21/socializing-101/  

Try inviting other single orphans to your house and sharing a POTLUCK holiday dinner. Everyone can bring their favourite dish. So easy and so much fun!

What about volunteering your time at a hospital or homeless shelter, there is always someone out there worse off than you are! When we offer a helping had to others we stop feeling sorry for ourselves!

Van Dusen’s Festival of Lights Show is an amazing way to enjoy a snowy evening with another single friend. I could go one and on but if you google your local area activities you are bound to find many more events to check out and don’t forget to socialize with everyone, everywhere! http://vancouver.ca/parks/parks/vandusen/website/events/fol.htm

Like anything in life the holidays are what we make of it. So what are going to do?  I wish everyone the very best holiday season! Now get busy and start planning a fabulous one!

If you would like some help finding that special someone to share future holidays with contact me at 778-30-1204 or at the very least send me your profile for consideration as a possible match. http://www.match-works.com/Database.html

www.match-works.com

The surprising thing is the younger (first timers) are generally more open minded, less judgemental and carry way less baggage into their search. They are more apt to make compatibility the top priority when looking for their best friend and lover to share their life with and raise a family. Considering they have a  much bigger playing field already it is no wonder these matches are so much easier to complete.  It is the (second timers) men and women in their 40`s plus who tend to be more unrealistic. They completely forget that their playing field is now drastically smaller than when they were in their 20`s or 30`s and their wish list can become so unrealistic that sometimes I doubt that anyone can ever live up to those expectations, at any age.

Here are a few examples:

The top requirements I get from men in this group is young, hot, slim and extremely attractive, no matter what they look like themselves. Beauty can get really ugly if she treats you like a doormat and you have nothing in common. Besides hot is often closely related to selfish and crazy.

The top requirements I get from women is tall (6`plus) even if they are 5′ themselves.  I have dated many tall men and trust me height is no guarantee of a good man.

They won’t travel further than 1/2 hour away to meet someone. Some of the best matches I have made consisted of someone traveling well over 4 or 5 hours away.  Matchmakers often match people all over the world, but these people are open and interested in finding the right match not the right address.  

Not everyone falls in love at first sight (and those are usually just lust at first sight anyways) yet most people expect to know in one date. Some of the best relationships blossom from a deep friendship.

They limit their selection to Caucasian only, often they themselves are not Caucasian but they won’t even consider dating within their own nationality. (discrimination is limiting, no what what your nationality)

They put financial expectations ahead of personality traits. Money cannot buy you Happiness! Look at the Kim Kardashian marriage.  

They believe there is someone out there that is perfect and they will never have to do any work to make the relationship work, that is just not reality, any relationship takes an effort on both sides.

I can go on and on but I think you get the point. I have been fortunate enough to find great matches for many happy clients but the best way to help yourself is to be completely honest about the things you really do need in a partnership. I think the bottom line is we all want to be loved, respected and appreciated by our partners and  to be able to enjoy  each others company. Matchmakers do not have a magic wand, contrary to popular belief they cannot pull Mr. or Mrs. Perfect out of a hat, but they can assist you in finding a great match, if you work with them. Even if you don’t use a Matchmaker you would be well advised to seriously assess your wish list and stick to what you really need to be happy!

Yes the playing field is much smaller for second timers but it is possible to find someone and have a happy, healthy, lasting relationship. I guarantee if you are a little more open minded and limit your expectations to what really matters you will find someone that is a good possible match. Best of luck and if I can be of help please call me at 778-330-1204, please keep in mind no one is Perfect, including you and me!

www.match-works.com

In  theory I agree with  this poster about love but I also feel compelled to add to this mindset.  I have learned  through experience that just because a relationship starts with a blinding hot fever of passion does not mean there is a lasting love attached. Sometimes it is just that,  blind passion! That’s OK if a night of passion is all you are looking for but if you desire a lasting romance and true love you might need to look further.  Often a relationship that starts out like a raging fireball runs out of fuel quickly, fading away leaving nothing behind but the scared ruins. Why? Because there was no substance, nothing to keep that fire burning!

I have learned that we do not always recognize love or chemistry immediately. Sometimes the deepest and truest love can grow where you least expect it, from a tiny ember that slowly builds over time until it completely envelopes you with a blanket of warmth.  I know of what I speak and trust me there was no one more surprised than me, even though everyone else seemed to see it all along!

Most people tend to think we know almost instantly if there is a possible physical connection and unfortunately we often confuse that passion with love. After years of making the same mistake over and over I discovered that love and passion can grow over time! A dear friend of mine had told me many years ago that sometimes it can grow out of friendship and I believe my comment was, “I have never seen it happen, I don’t think so! ” But I have been proven wrong!

In today’s instant and online world we have all become impatient and often expect to know deep passionate love immediately without putting in any time or effort to see if you even like them.  Sometimes we place people in our friendship status rather than a loved one because we overlook their true potential or thinking we need something else. Often it is our past experiences or beliefs that impede our vision. Blind lust or what we may perceive as passion can confuse us and drive us into making wrong choices and we ignore what feels comfortable right from the get go. Think about your best friendships, there is usually a true comfort with each other,  admiration,  respect, appreciation,  empathy, kindness, consideration of each other, a joy of sharing things and times with each other (good and bad).  Unconditionally!That’s why they are your best friends right? Aren’t those the things you want in a lasting love?

Some of us are so afraid of losing that friendship that it holds us back, but what if you are both shortchanging yourselves? What if there is more a lot more? If you are both open it may also develop into that Mad Passionate Extraordinary Love we all want! If someone is important enough for you to want to keep them in your life as a friend maybe there may be something more or they may infact just be a friend. Just in case, it might be worth a second look!  

Have you ever had love grow from a friendship? How long did it take you before you realized what you had? I would love to have your comments on this subject. 

www.match-works.com

I have loved my children unconditionally all their lives, it was something I couldn’t explain or control it just grew as they grew inside me. Thank god it did because I did not grow up in a home with parents that gave me Unconditional Love. (yes I am aware this may explain everything.) I have always yearned for it but never seemed to find it, but maybe it’s just because I didn’t recognize it. For whatever reason it took me a very long time to understand what it was, what it felt like and where it came from. Thank god for a friend who showed me by example!

It did not start out as something I recognized as Love at all, at least not in an intimate form that I recognized. I knew immediately that this person was someone that I admired but I did not recognize what a huge part of my life they would become or the lessons I would learn from and with them. I knew fairly quickly that I had a huge amount of respect for him and I wanted him in my life, but I didn’t feel what I normally felt as a physical attraction. Thinking I needed to feel that frenzied feeling immediately I put him into a friend only place in my head and heart. He said he understood and accepted that, which only made me admire him even more.

Over time I got to know my friend better and my friendship and respect deepened so much I knew that I loved who he was, as a person. I recognized that he appreciated, respected and was proud of me exactly the way I was and I felt exactly the same way about him. I was so happy to have him in my life, I could share anything with him and never felt he judged me or was disappointed in me in good times and bad. He was my rock! I couldn’t understand why my feelings weren’t more. Maybe it was because I had never really had it before or maybe it was because I didn’t understand that Love could feel so safe and comforting. What I had perceived as Love before had always involved some sort of turmoil or angst (just like my childhood).

Recently my friend has been in very dangerous situations. I became terrified that he might be hurt, that I might lose him. All I wanted was for him to be safe, healthy and happy. I realized that I never ever want to lose him from my life, I would do anything for him, I would give my life for him just as I would for my children. I could no longer confuse how much he really meant to me I finally realized that I Loved him Unconditionally. I also finally recognized that what he had always given me was Unconditional even when I didn’t know what that was! I have had Unconditional Love right in front of me for so long and didn’t even know it!

Yes, it took me a long time to recognize it, some of us are slower than others and some of us need to be taught how to Love Unconditionally. I just know I am so grateful to have finally gotten the Lesson and the Love. I wish you all the best in finding it yourself. Just remember it may not be where you expect it or you may not recognize it if you have never had it before. But when you get it, you get it!

Special Thanks to my dearest friend for your patience, understanding, acceptance, faith, respect and of course the Lesson. The student finally got it!

Today I took part in an activity on Facebook that was  indirectly supposed to cause awareness for breast Cancer, I immediately got a very angry e-mail from someone saying it was a slap in the face to anyone that has suffered with Cancer.  I do understand her anger, because Cancer is brutal but I thought it was misplaced. I realized that her anger was not with me or facebook but with Cancer itself. My thought process is that any time we create awareness about this horrible disease it is a good thing, even if it is done with a seemingly silly method.  But I thought maybe I could do a little more.

If you look at your family and friends I will bet you have many people who have been touched by this nightmare.  Personally at age 6 I lived with my grandmother  for a year before she died infested with it (there was no awareness in those days). My mother (breast cancer) and uncle (prostate cancer)who caught it early, battled and won the fight.  My nephew who was diagnosed at age 4 with childhood Leukemia,  he was given radiation, chemo, a bone marrow transplant which finally put him into remission and he died a few weeks later from a cold because he had nothing left to fight with.  My Step grandfather (prostate cancer) who went undiagnosed till too late and lost his battle. Three dear friends (various female cancers) who fought with all their available strength but succumbed in the end.  I myself have already dealt with A typical cells and had early detection treatment with great success,  thank god, because I was aware!

Cancer is a bitch and does not care if we are male, female, whatever age or religion, it hurts everyone it touches. The best chance anyone has is early detection. I am not saying running around yelling that the sky is falling all the time, but be aware of your own body. Have a pap test, have a mammogram, have a prostate exam, check any lump that you discover, pay attention to that mole or brown mark, be aware of any lump or change in your breasts including an inverted nipple, if you are  rapidly losing weight, bruise easily all of a sudden, are feeling tired a lot or any notable change in your body, get it checked! Every one of us has lost someone to this horrible disease, it has to stop! I know it can be scary or you may think I will do it later when I have more time. DO NOT WAIT AND THERE IS NOTHING SCARIER THAN FULL BLOWN CANCER!  If you have anything of question make that appointment today! Please I beg of you! Your friends and family will thank you! http://www.cancer.ca/~/media/CCS/Canada%20wide/Files%20List/English%20files%20heading/Library%20PDFs%20-%20English/Early-Detection-Women_2011.ashx

http://www.bccancer.bc.ca/PPI/Screening/default.htm

http://www.cancer.org/index

http://www.cancer.org/Healthy/FindCancerEarly/index?ssSourceSiteId=null

www.match-works.com

I am a die hard fan of So You Think You Can Dance  and recently Sasha and Twitch had this very sexy hip, hop dance number.  If you have not seen it you absolutely must watch, but be prepared it is hot, hot, hot. Now Sasha and Twitch are performers and putting on a show but they certainly did manage to portray that elusive chemistry. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXKFiNfCo-c

See what I mean! (It was even better when I watched it on my TV, you could really see the connection). Let’s talk about that chemistry, most people jump headlong into a  relationship when they find this but is it really a good thing?

Lets break this down a bit, there are actually a few types of chemistry:

Sexual chemistry is based on a mutual magnetic, euphoric, animal like attraction that is based on physicality and sometimes nothing more. (some people refer to this as their type). It can make you feel invigorated, energetic,vibrant and powerful. It can also leave you feeling helpless to resist but it can be short-lived if it is the only connection. I refer to this type of chemistry as train wreck or roller coaster chemistry. Like an out of control ride it may feel overwhelmingly exciting and intoxicating and often blinds you into making bad decisions. Unfortunately this feeling  can come to a screeching halt at the end of the track. What started out as a great ride often ends up with a pile of bloody carnage and broken hearts. If you are over 35 you probably know exactly what I mean! I have taken this ride a few times, but I think I know better now. Don’t quote me on this. I have learned never to say never.   

Romantic chemistry is similar but can also include intellectual, creative, emotional, and or spiritual connections as well. This attraction is often linked to some similar positive and negative personality traits to important figures in our earlier life (unfinished emotional baggage). Not always a good thing, it can become toxic.

Toxic chemistry can often cause couples to break up and get back together in hopes of trying to resolve this unfinished emotional baggage. But if we are emotionally mature and willing to work through the issues, it is also what draws us in and makes us want to make the effort. The positive is the more obstacles, trials and tribulations we overcome as a couple, the deeper our relationship grows.

Most people say they always know if there is chemistry right away and I would have to say for years I believed that. But sometimes it can grow and evolve out of friendships, shared values and similar backgrounds. Either way we should try to remember that chemistry although wonderful is not the only thing needed when considering a possible relationship. If you feel it immediately make sure and keep your head about you, while you get to know this alluring creature. It is just as important to check for timing, personality compatibility, similar activity levels,  life goals, life paths, as well as family values and core beliefs.  I look for these things when matching my clients before I introduce them, so if they have sexual chemistry when they meet, they have a great shot at a relationship.  I believe it is why my matched clients have had such good results.

Author Barbara De Angelis  of Are you the one for ME?  has a few great questions to ask yourself about your potential partner.

If this person never changed one iota for the rest of their life, could you stay with them and would you be happy?

Would you like to have a child exactly like this person and would you be proud of them?

Great questions and pretty simple to answer aren’t they?

Ah Chemistry, it makes your potential partner exciting, stimulating, and so alluring, just try to make sure you keep your head long enough to see if you also like them.

www.match-works.com  If you would like to start your own search call me directly at 778-330-1204.

Or You may be a match for someone I am searching for already, if you have not sent me your profile, what are you waiting for? http://www.match-works.com/Application.html

Recently I read an interesting article about  a study that found “couples that are grateful tend to be happier and share a deeper longer lasting love”.  This information came from  Cameron Gordon an assistant psychology professor at the University of North Carolina. The study being published in a issue of the journal Personality and Individual Differences, included 50 couples who were together an average of 20. 7 years, with participants ranging in age from 21 to 67. Cameron Gordon and his co- authors asked them to fill out a daily questionnaire for two weeks and then examined the connection between their feelings of gratitude, their expressions of thanks to their partner and their overall satisfaction with their relationship. 

The statement made me ask, which comes first, are we more grateful and happier because we have a deeper relationship, or if we were more  grateful for our partner  would that help us to build and maintain a deeper, happier, more loving relationship?  Which comes first the chicken or the egg? I think it brings us back to that old thought process that “Happiness is a Choice”! Being grateful can also be a choice! So if we were more grateful for our partners wouldn’t that  in turn make our partners feel more loved and appreciated and more inclined to return the love. Isn’t that what we all want to be loved and appreciated by our partners? So maybe it all starts with being grateful!

With the  ease of the internet, reaching out online and “virtually” touching someone has become so immediate it has resulted in a throw away mentality and unrealistic expectations. This misconception has given people the idea that there is someone out there that they will never ever have to do any work to maintain a relationship and that is just not a reality. NO matter how good of a match someone is for you, YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE TO MAKE AN EFFORT IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN IT. Sorry but it is true. Any relationship in your life that is worth while takes an effort on both sides. The  positive outlook on this is  “you do it because you want to, not because you have to”. 

I always look at how realistic people are about a relationship before agreeing to take them on. If they tell me there is someone out there that they will never have an argument or disagreement with I tend to think they are being unrealistic. If you never have a disagreement with someone it is because there is no passion and if you have no passion for anything  just think how boring that would be.  My first marriage was exactly that, we never ever fought or had any difference of opinions because he  never seemed to have any.  I made every decision, even when I would beg for his opinion he would say “whatever I want was fine”.  That may seem like a wonderful thing but it really isn’t.  What I wanted was his opinion and participation, Obviously the marriage ended. But  it makes me wonder if I had just been more grateful for him maybe things would have been different.  Don’t get me wrong when I married him I  thought I was or I wouldn’t have married him, but over the years I got bored with his lack of participation and lost respect for him. I have to ask,  how could I have maintained being  more grateful? He seemed to be grateful for me at the time but not enough to share his true feelings, he could not always have been in total agreement with me? I have learned over the years that no one values a doormat and that really loving someone means we need not be afraid to be honest and tell them if we don’t agree with everything they say or do.  Even though we become a couple does not mean we need to loose our own individuality, that is who they fell in love with. In the long run it is the trials and tribulations that we overcome together that actually bonds us even closer allowing us to be happier and isn’t that something to be grateful for? Like I said before which comes first?

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