I feel so very lucky to be a mother and every day I know that it’s a huge responsibility and with it comes guilt and worry but also heart-bursting love that continuously regenerates me and lets me know that it’s all worth it. I also feel very lucky to still have my Mom around and though she doesn’t live in the same city, we are close and I love her very much. I also loved my Mother-in-law and wish she was still around so she could see what an amazing boy her grandson is growing up to be. I’m also grateful to have a Step-mom who I’ve grown close to and appreciate for the love and support she gives my Dad. And finally, in my work, I am so very honoured to meet moms-to-be and new moms. Photographing women for both belly and baby portrait sessions allows me to relive all the excitement and awe of becoming a parent. It’s just such a powerful, emotional time which is why, although I love cute shots of baby on their own, I always love to capture Moms with their newborn, like my beautiful client Stephanie and her sweet baby boy below.

Becoming a mother is when we finally ‘get it’. We finally know all that our moms did for us and how much they love us – so completely to the core. And so to all my fellow mothers, Happy Mother’s Day! You are AMAZING!

I hope this helps give you a little bit of insight on the realities of a newborn portrait session. I know the first 2 weeks are a crazy time for any new parent so adding a portrait session in the mix can be tough but it is an investment you will not regret as they change so very quickly at this stage. More often than not, I hear parents regret they didn’t take the time. I am one of them. I didn’t even realize how small the window was and first did a proper session when my son was 2 months old and only got a few useable images. So if you know anyone who is expecting a baby and thinking about doing a newborn session, please share this post with them. If you want to schedule a session with me, please contact me with your expected due date. Gift certificates are also available and make great shower gifts. I also offer a special if you would like a maternity session as well. Please click here for details. After the newborn session, maternity is the other type of session many people regret not having done. Don’t worry if you have stretch marks (I have Photoshop!) or don’t feel you have that perfect basketball belly, pregnancy is an amazing time and having images done professionally where you will look beautiful will be worth it.

Yesterday we said goodbye to Anne and her husband who headed back to Ottawa and greeted my Dad and his wife who will stay with us for the week. They will also be joining me in India so we were pouring over the itinerary and brochures I picked up at the Incredible India booth were I was helping out on the weekend. We also started planning a trip to New Mexico for this coming May. My husband went to a United World College near Las Vegas, New Mexico and his favourite wilderness instructor is retiring and invited us to join one of his last hiking trips in the mountains near the college. Since my Dad also retired a year ago, they have the time to join us on this adventure as well. I’m not sure how well my four-year-old will do on the hike so we may have a plan B – stick to base camp and do short hikes around there. He is excited about taking a plane and I can’t wait to start introducing him to new experiences now that he’s older.  I love this stage of his life – so curious, with a wild imagination and contagious joie de vivre. I actually had a moment today when I knew I would miss this age, possibly more than any other… But I am also excited about what lies ahead. He’s a bit young for India but one day…

Starting a business and being self-employed as a professional photographer and graphic designer is hard work and takes a huge leap of faith as well as determination to get through the slow periods or the days when you feel everyone else is more successful than you. I’ve learned to tune out what others are doing and focus on my work and wonderful clients and my own successes. I may not be pulling in a 6-figure salary but I am happy and feel an immense sense of gratitude for all that I have in my life, the people and the opportunities that are coming my way. I love the work that I do and am passionate about continuing to hone my skills and perfect my craft. I love that there is a new chapter in my career that is opening up so I can help others find that passion too. Before the tour in India, I will be teaching photography workshops to those interested in learning how to get out of auto or program mode and create images with more impact and meaning. Please sign up for my newsletter by clicking here, to be the first to know about them and other specials I offer. Don’t worry, I only send 2-4 a year so I won’t be spamming your inbox!

So this March Break may not be a complete break as I have a few projects I’m working on, but being here at the cottage does allow me to recharge my batteries, think clearly and take a breath and appreciate my life. I hope you manage to do the same! It’s an exercise we really should do every day.

Today is International Women’s Day and to celebrate and honour all the beautiful women that touch our lives, I am offering complimentary sessions (regularly $225 + tax) to women who want to treat themselves to a fabulous day of pampering, along with a girlfriend, sister, mom or daughter. So book your session time, take a day off work, go to your favourite salon to get your hair and makeup done then come to my studio for a complimentary portrait session. Afterwards, make sure you’ve got a sitter booked so your honey or the girlfriends you came with can take you out on the town because you will look and feel fabulous! I will be taking only 2 groupings a day, on weekdays only, starting Tuesday, March 20 until Friday May 11th. The first appointment each day will be at 11am and the second at 2pm. The sessions will last 1-2 hours. Do you have more than one BFF or sister or daughter? No problem, the more the merrier! Though I probably can’t fit a whole soccer team in my studio.

What’s the catch? None really, except it’s for women only, it’s first come first serve so space is limited, there are no evening or weekend appointments and the last day to participate is Friday May 11, 2012. That’s right before Mother’s Day so turn it into the perfect gift for Mom! Oh and only the session is complimentary, all prints, products and digital files are sold separately but as a group you can purchase a collection together or build your own with my à la carte list. Finally, I will require a $50 non-refundable retainer that you will be able to use towards your order. This is to guarantee your spot and avoid last minute cancellations.

This is about celebrating our beauty and strength as women and the special relationships we have with each other. Life is short, love yourself as you are right now and let me help you see you the way those who love you do.

Use the contact form, email me or phone me at 613.859.9584 to reserve your spot.

P.S. If the images below look familiar, I took them at a charity fundraiser for the AIDS Committee of Ottawa last year. It was an awesome girls’ night out!

India Through the Lens will take place at the end of November 2012 and includes a visit to the Taj Mahal at both sunrise and by moonlight. The cost can be with or without air and includes all hotels, transportation, most meals as well as a rickshaw, a camel and an elephant ride. Having spoken to friends who have traveled there before, this tour is extremely good value.

I’ve now created a new page on my site called travel. Please check it out for more details on the trip.

If you feel your photography skills or knowledge are not up to par, fear not, I will be offering workshops leading up to the trip so you can at least nod your head knowingly when talk of fast glass, ISO and f-stops comes up. Details coming soon!

I hope you can join me in discovering the beauty of India, through your lens. To book your spot, please contact Lavina at Indus Travels by phone at 1 866 978 2997 or email lavina@indus.travel. For a PDF version of the flyer below, please click here.

See you tomorrow!

On January 14, I had the pleasure of photographing women at the I Am Beautiful Photobooth set up at Billings Bridge Mall to promote the FAB Women Charity Gala on February 6th (that I will also have the privilege of photographing). The Gala will raise money for the Hopewell Eating Disorder Support Centre, dedicated to helping women with eating disorders.  I don’t know any woman who is truly happy with their body but it’s especially hard as a teenager when they lose that childhood innocence and self-love as it’s replaced with comparison and self-criticism and trying to figure out how to fit in. Add to regular peer pressure the influence of the media dictating what beauty is. I am a photographer so does this mean I am part of the problem? Personally, I hope to be part of the solution.

When I was 13, I suffered from depression. It was brought on by anxiety that began when I started high school. I was always very shy and a people pleaser so although I had good friends, the pressure of trying to fit into this new environment proved too great. In January of grade 9, my volleyball team lost its last game of the season. That bummed feeling never went away. It took weeks but eventually feeling blue turned into feeling badly about myself. This self-hatred drove thoughts of suicide into my head. I felt that I was just a burden and shouldn’t exist… period. I was THIRTEEN! I would perform tests to prove it really wouldn’t matter to anyone if I no longer was around. I’d hide out in the dark hallways of the school after hours during practices for the school play (I was the props girl for a play with 3 props), nobody missed me.  I would make a note how long it took a friend to call me to make plans (not initiating any calls myself) so inevitably they became fewer and far between, only proving to myself that no one liked me. Of course, it’s a catch 22. I was probably no fun to be around if I was glum all the time and didn’t really want to talk with anyone. I also started burning photographs of myself because I thought I was so ugly. I even burned negatives (somehow today’s equivalent of just pressing delete isn’t quite as dramatic). To punish myself further, I deprived myself of food. I wasn’t worthy of being nourished. Although I didn’t have an eating disorder, this aspect of my depression allows me to empathize with those who do. It all stems from a lack of self-love. I was already thin but somehow, I felt twisted pleasure in watching the numbers drop on the scale. It meant I was that much closer to disappearing. What kept me alive? The thought of what it would do to my parents and extended family. They still loved me even though I thought I was unlovable. I couldn’t bare to hurt them.  Oh and Prozac. After confessing my thoughts to some of my close friends, they put a call into Children’s Aid. That just opened a can of worms as they tried to get me to confess that my parents were to blame. However, it did wake my parents up to what was going on although there was some denial at first – perhaps being so young and still functioning at school and getting good grades simply confused them as to how it was possible. A trip to my family doctor then a psychiatrist got me the prescription I needed. I also saw a psychologist but that form of therapy really didn’t do much for me at the time. I was only on medication for 6 weeks but it did the trick.

So how does photography fit into this – other than burning pictures of myself? A couple of years later was when my passion was really sparked and I even became the president of the high school’s camera club. It became a way to hide – whether in the darkroom or behind the lens. I could be invisible but still have a voice through my images. The shy observer of the world. I could block out everything else and see the world in a new, more focused and creative way. I was in awe with nature, its beauty and power. My curiosity grew and I wanted to explore the world and tell stories so I applied to the Image Arts: Film Studies program at Ryerson University. There, my self-confidence grew but I still preferred being behind the camera.

I finally braved getting in front of the camera on a university trip to Italy. I had heard someone, somewhere say how much more interesting pictures were when people were in it. I thought back at all the shots I’d taken during my travels and how boring they must look to someone who’s never been and also, as an adult, how nice it would be to look back and see myself within those frames, living the experience instead of just recording it. So this was a turning point!

What finally got me to see really my own beauty, strength and uniqueness was first my wedding and then having my son. My wedding was such a happy day filled with love and connection, not just with my now husband but all the friends and family that came to our celebration. Our photographer captured that emotion and in happiness, there is beauty. Feeling like a princess in a gorgeous dress meant I felt beautiful and that made me realize that it’s not how you look but how you feel that will make you look gorgeous in pictures. Next came my son. The pictures of me with him throughout his first year are some of the best I’d ever taken. My happiness so apparent. It’s authentic and genuine. Because he loves me so completely, I was forced to love myself too. I’m still so proud and amazed that my husband and I created such an awesome little person.

So although I still have days when I am hard on myself, they are few and far between and I don’t shy away from putting myself in front of the camera and being confident that I look good because I love who I have become, especially when I think of how close I got to missing out on the fabulous life I’ve lived so far.

As I’ve gotten older and wiser and realizing how precious life is, that’s what motivates me to capture everyone’s unique beauty and amazing life stories. Starting my business has been one of the best decisions I’ve made. It was scary and it can still be a roller coaster ride at times but it’s given me purpose and I know that my work touches people and makes a difference in their lives and not in a superficial way. Photographs of people we love are treasures that keep them alive, always. I lost a cousin to suicide a few years ago who had two young children under the age of 3 at the time. It seems like such a waste when there is help and there is hope even if you don’t see it. You just need to reach out. I’ve also lost family and friends to cancer far too soon. Life is unpredictable. It has ups and downs but we only have one life and one body so be kind to it, love yourself for the simple fact there is only one of you. When you have a hard time doing that, try to see yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you, a parent, a friend, a partner, a child. You are important to more people than you can imagine. Don’t hide when a camera comes out. Show how you feel in those pictures so that those who love you now and when you are gone can see just how amazing and special you are. Rather than put a photo of your cute baby or puppy as your profile pic on Facebook, put a great one of YOU – that’s who your ‘friends’ want to see. Be happy with who you are, other people think you are great so you should too. If you are not there yet, think of your older self and what you think they’d tell you right now. I would tell my thirteen-year-old self that I love her and to hang in there cause her life is going to be amazing. If you are feeling completely overwhelmed with sadness and self-hatred, please get help. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed. With the right help, you will get better.

Love yourself, it’s the key to happiness and it’s the greatest gift you can ever give yourself. Trust me.

If you want to help a great cause and have a FABulous night, join me next Monday, February 6th at the FAB Women Charity Gala at the Westin Hotel. Tickets are $75 with the proceeds going to the Hopewell Centre, a great organization dedicated to helping people overcome eating disorders. Need a bit more convincing? Here’s a taste of what will be happening during the evening:

- Super food stations
- Delectable Dessert Bar
- FAB Signature Cocktail
- Fashion Show presented by Three Wild Women and Queen Mother Maternity
- Stroll down the Fab Lane
- Dance the night away with Hot 89.9
- Get your photo taken on the red carpet
- Silent Auction, Live Auction, Raffles and Door Prizes (Note: I’ll be giving away a session package to one lucky bidder!)
- Greetings by Honorary Chair, Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau
- Live entertainment  by Amanda Rheaume and Kimberley Dunn

If you’ve made it this far, thank you! It’s not easy to go back and talk about a dark period in my life on something as public as a blog but if it can help one person somewhere, I’m happy to share my experience.