Velvet Chronicles

6 years later and I’m still missing you like crazy

2018-02-19T02:45:00.001+08:00

I haven’t blogged for the longest time. Not even the birth of my 4th child.

But today, I wanted to type out about my memory 6 years ago. Every Chinese New Year is always a painful phase for me to get by.

22 Jan 2011 marks my 30th day of confinement after delivering Rania. My first princess. I was so eager to take a step out of the house. Get a breather.

It was the first day of Chinese New Year.

My parents and little sister were supposed to drive up to KL on that day. Everything was set. Luggage, hotel and time to leave home.

5.30am my phone was ringing like crazy but I was too deep into sleep. Rania was giving me a hard time at night.

Alfi was in the toilet. He quickly came out and he said ,”B, your sister has been calling you. It must be something urgent. You better call her back.”

Calls at that hour are always never pretty.

I called back.

My sister was crying over the phone to ask me to go to Changi General Hospital. Dad wasn’t breathing. He is all blue.

I said ok.

I sat on my bed. Rania still asleep. I told Alfi what happened.

“I can’t breathe. I don’t know what to do.”

“Ok you sit down for a while. Let me prepare the diaper bag”

“What diaper bag. We don’t have a diaper bag”

But he got it all done. God knows how he could think so fast during an emergency. I was still sitting there. Breathless.

“You better get ready. We got to go. You cannot do this.”

“I don’t know what to wear.”

My head wasn’t thinking at all. My dad. My pillar. My strength. The man who brought me up, accepted my character and gave me space to grow. The man who I can share with him my anger and frustration. My dreams and my hopes. And all he will do is to motivate and listen.

He listens.

“Anything. Just anything.”

We rushed to the hospital and Dad already completed his operation. He was blue. I touched him and I cried. I told him to be strong.

But it was during the Chinese New Year that the ambulance response was late. It was during the Chinese New Year that they were understaffed. Didn’t help that they had trouble bringing my dad down from the master bedroom to the lift and from the lift to the ambulance.

Today, I did my prayer. And as usual I do some quick simple doa. Same doa. For my family.

Then Dad came to my mind.

And I said, “Oh Allah, please tell my Dad that I miss him very much. Please tell him that i try not to think of him because I still have not gotten over his passing. Everytime I think of him, I will have tears lingering in my eyes. I can’t. I have to be strong for my family. My spouse and children esp needs me. I need to attend to the worldly matters as part of my responsibility. Pls tell Dad that I always miss him. It’s just that I have to get by the day.”

I recited Al-Fateha for my old man and I cried and cried and cried in the middle of the night while everyone was asleep. My husband and 4 children.

I cried like 6 years ago. I forgot how painful it was until today.

Dad, I know we will reunite later. Alfi always remind me, this world is temporal.

I love you Dad.

Maths made easy - because I said so!

2017-02-08T23:39:00.000+08:00

While I was at work, I was tagged on Facebook asking how I would deal with this maths question. It was said to be a Primary 4 maths question.
For me, maths and work don't mix. Its like I run 2 different tracks.

So here is the Primary 4 maths question.

Lisa had $5620 while Milly had $3850. After both of them spent the same amount on travelling, Lisa had four times as much money as Milly. How much did both of them spend on travelling?

The first thing that came to my mind was,"Hey.. this is easy isn't it"
I got down to doing it and I came up with an algebraic calculation. Then I turned to my husband,"Wait.. do P4 students learn about algebra?"
He would know better since he is currently helping a P5 kiddo now.

"Nope"

Dang! I was at my dead end.
I looked at the solution which was 'primary school friendly' and I could not make sense of the solution.

I almost hyperventilated. Is this Primary 4?!?
I mean that is the question most parents put across to one another right?
We are not able to accept the fact that the education system is getting tougher than during our time.

I stared at the question.
Then I asked myself, "How would I explain to Rania this question?"

Since I have only been mentoring secondary school levels, it is very hard to bring myself down to the Primary School level. I am not used to it. (I have to start getting used to it though with Rania starting P1 next year)

I started by drawing tables. We all learn mathes using the table right?
Again, I asked myself, "How would I explain to Rania this question?"

It took a while till I figured a solution which was very child (and parent friendly!)

Unlike the confusing solution I saw previously, I thought this was self explanatory for parents and they will be able to explain to their children. As for the kiddos, I believe they will have an easier time to understand these concepts and apply it correctly for similar questions.

Draw the table and look at it! Stare at it! You will see it!
Haha!

I do not scare my students with Maths. I let my students embrace them.
If given a choice to do Literature or Maths, I will choose Maths anytime. Reason is simple. Maths is a qualitative subject where 1+1=2. Period.
No examiners can penalise me for the answer 2.

It is not like Literature where I need analyse and explain ideas through my linguistic skills. I am not a linguist.
I am a very straightforward and structured person.
If the student is faced with this question, then know what topic they are questioning. Recall concepts. Structured application. And there you are done.

My materials for teaching is very simple.

1. Mathematics textbook
( I don't agree schools not using textbook and give notes handouts to teach. There is no shortcut in maths!)

2. Ten years Series/ Assessment book
(Topical - to recap the topic till perfection)

3. Calculator

4. Stationery
(And i insist my students never work on sums with a pencil. Because this means the level of confidence is not there since you feel you can erase away at any time. You cannot do your sums in pencil during exams can you?)

During my classes, whether group or individual classes, I run through concepts with the students. I let them see and understand the concepts.
Once they have, we start doing examples where these concepts are applied. At the same time, the concepts learnt are recapped.
Only then the students will start to understand and see the correlation.

I will not talk during the whole session (actually most of the time I talk.. which is why I always award myself with a bigger cup of drink. LOL!) but I will get students to do a related question after each example. THIS IS KEY!
Explain. Apply. Reinforce. Explain. Apply. Reinforce.

This is very important.

Which is why those who come for tuition, not prepared and do not get your homework done, please don't waste your parents money.
Of course I do get students who said "CCA is tiring." "Too many homework in school"
But i tell them everyone has 24 hours a day. Plan it right. Play with the phone lesser. Burn the midnight oil like many of us did.

As long as you don't keep applying the concepts and keep reinforcing the steps, there is no way you will brilliantly get it right during tests.
No two scenarios of a question are the same. But these two scenarios call out for the same concept of solution.

Its like:

Scenario 1: Patient having hives from eating seafood.
Diagnosis: Allergy
Medicine: Anti Histamine

Scenario 2: Patient having swollen lips and eyes from cleaning a dirty room.
Diagnosis: Allergy
Medicine: Anti Histamine

The scenarios are different. But as doctors, the concept is the same. Hives, swollen lips and eyes are signs of an allergy. With this concept, you apply the solution which is anti histamine.

Get the drift?

In fact, very often the big mistakes made by students are:
1. Skipping steps and try to do short cuts
(because they think they will complete the paper faster, which more often than not it is a "tidak-apa attitude")

2. Try to mentally solve the calculations
( also part of a "tidak-apa attitude")

3. Work the solution halfway and if it "doesn't look right" or "answer looks wrong", they stall and think they are stuck.
(When actually their calculations and methods are right)

4. Rushing through questions as if finishing it first will win them D-trophy. (tee hee!)

And maths is a good practice for you to be structured. When your working is structured, your flow of thought is structured and your errors are minimal. Even if you feel you were wrong along the way, it easy to understand your own working backwards.

During O level preparation, I let the students realize that there is probably only a handful (handful = 5) of formulas to remember.
I see so many kinds of faces.
The "are-you-serious-face". The "you-kidding-me-face". The "yeah-right-face".

But I have proven this right time and again.
As long as you understand the concept, there is no need to memorize the formula. Its all in the logic!
How did you think I managed to turn my own C grades to A's. :)

Primary school parents, don't be stressed. Refer to the textbook. Understand the concepts and try applying it. Always take reference.
Don't look at the question and immediately panic.

(Thumbs-up!)

Anyway, its been a few years since I handled Primary School mathematics and this is truly refreshing!

I am a working mummy

2016-09-20T15:39:00.002+08:00

Maybe some have heard or known but maybe some have not.
I hang my boots as a stay-at-home mum and picked up my heels again to be a working mummy.

Yes I did! After 20 months being at home. That's how old Radiah is today.

So for many SAHMs who welcomed me back then, it is time to bade me goodbye as I leave the boat.
But I pray you will not label me as a traitor to my children. For leaving the children behind in the hands of caretakers while I earn my dollars and cents.
I pray you do not look at me buying gifts for my children as an act just to appease them.
I pray you do not look at me as a woman who prioritize money over the well-being of the children.

But to be honest, I do not actually care about the label put upon me. Because only I know my intentions and I will only do what is best for my family.
I am a mother and a wife before anything else.

I have been on both sides of the world. Being a working mom and being stay at home mom.
I love being a working mom and I love being a stay at home mom. I am a woman and naturally I am fickle like that.

But in honest truth, whether working or not, I would love to have my kids by me 24/7
Is that possible?

Well I thought so.

So after I delivered by third sweetheart, I waved goodbye to the organisation I was working with for 5 years, determined never to return. Then I picked up my passion I built 10 years ago. I was telling myself 'Ahhh.. now I truly have the time to build whatever I would love to.'

So I continued trading which many ladies are doing today. Buy low; sell high. The cutting edge will be on the number of following and your own marketing. I know it is not easy but I thought since I already had a head start over the decade, why not? Every road surely has its challenges but I figured I got it.

Not how I would imagine it to be though.
I thought with my own office I was able to launch products and work from the comfort of home. Easy isn't it. Mail outs every 2 to 3 days in a week. Reply to customers at the comfort of my bed or while bringing the kids out for play.

Again to cut long story short, I thought it was easy. I thought so.

I underestimated being a stay at home mom. Ok wait.. there is a difference being a stay at home mom with a maid and without a maid. I was a stay at home mom without a maid. Of course the level of satisfaction is different but there I have my children asking for me from the moment they open their eyes till the time they close their eyes. Sometimes at night with their eyes closed also they can still call out for me.

I probably:

change 10 to 15 diapers a day.
Go into the showers up to 12 times a day (2 of which are mine).
Prepare food like every other time.
Make 15 milk bottles everyday.
Get the laundry is done everyday.
Iron everyone's clothes
Send Rania to school.
Check on her school work
I am a person who must make my bed everyday including mopping it.

There were so many things which I wanted to do for myself and I couldn't do.
But yes, I slept a happy woman. I sleep every night with pride and knowing that I took care of my cubs. I was there at their every fall. I was the one making their milk every time they are thirsty. I know the kind of food that goes inside their mouth.
Being a stay at home mom means I get my 10-min power naps in the cab or when the kids are having their afternoon naps or just anywhere.

During the 20 months which I was at home, the family did alright. Of course financially we were not as lavish as before. It was a sacrifice. Still I felt there were times were still able to eat nice food and kids still get their toys. I am so glad that my children are not very picky. During crunch times, $2 toys from Daiso make them happy.

Until we explored into a business adventure and explored it beyond what we thought was capable. That was when things took a downhill.

I would not say I suffered a loss or my own business suffered a loss. Whatever that I went through, the whole family went through with me. I probably felt so wrecked ad exhausted beyond words. It took me many months to recover financially and be on my feet again. It was not just financially that impacted me. It impacted me psychologically, mentally and I was drained.

Still, I was very lucky.
I was lucky that my losses took me only a few months to regain me back on my feet. I was lucky that I had people who believed in my intentions. I was lucky that I had many loved ones who told me that I would come out from this experience with greater maturity. It was definitely a lesson to learn and remember.

Like I said, whatever impacted me, impacted my family as well.

So I sat down one day and thought through the whole idea of being a stay at home mom.
Was I able to do with less? Not eating out most times? Not going out as much as I would like to? Take the buses and trains more than the cabs? Not buying any bags? or shoes? Not even getting myself new clothes?

Yes yes yes yes yes....

I am a very simple lady. Simple-minded as well.
During this stride, I learn a lot about humility. It pains you when people think you are unable to afford some things in life. It pains you when people puts you at a level below them.
But I have learnt to take the bullet. Swallowed the bitter pill.

I told myself it was God's way to teach me humility. Well, the lesson was a long time.
Long is subjective. In my case we were not looking at months. We were looking at years where I had to bite the bullet.
But after a while I got used to it.
I smile at during those instances. Because I know life is a wheel. I was up. Then i came down.
Today may be your day. Someday, my day will come. I kept my faith.

My husband always say my level of tolerance is very high. But I always reminded him that it is not up to us punish people or put them in their places. We leave it all to the Divine One.

My heart was very heavy to return back to work. I discuss this with the husband and he being the awesome one, he said he has no right to make me return to work because the responsibility to feed the family was him. Not me.
But I shared with him that the economy is on a downturn and we would not know what the future would hold for us.

Of course I had my breaking points. I had moments where I questioned God and His Intentions (which is awfully wrong to do). I wondered how long more. And those were also the times where we got our greatest test from the business ventures we did.
There were many payments we did not receive. Commissions we were not paid. We were shortchanged for the work we did.
But that was business. It was not like a 9 to 6 job which quantifies for $x every month, no matter how little or how hard we worked. Business is a risk.

Still, those who did what they did, I only prayed to Him that He took care of my family. My children especially, for they did not understand anything which was going on. I made sure they were carefree as much as they can be.

Hence, despite all that, I thank Him for the health he gave my whole family. I thank Him for the solid rock marriage I was in. It was a gift.

I took my last straw.
I consulted a close family friend and asked if I should go back to the working world. It was a short and simple question, to which I was given a short and sweet reply. "Yes."

So I finally swallowed the fact I was going to bid goodbye to my SAHM title. I worried a lot about the children. I wondered if they could go through the days without me.

Within 2 weeks, I secured a role. Again in the IT industry, after 11 years, that became my second passion. Well, I didn't think I was going to be selected. There were probably 40 of interviewed (or more). 4 selected. I was one of them. It was mind-blowing.
I was crying in happiness. I hugged my eldest daughter and she said, "Come siblings. Give mummy a hug. She got a job."

Funny thing, when the husband asked about my remuneration, I laughed and I said,"I have no idea."

3 weeks into the role now, alhamdulillah things are settling down. The whole family is getting into a regime and the children are so adaptable. I totally underestimated them.
Radiah did not ask to be breastfed during office hours. Riduan is so well-behaved. Rania stepped up to take care of her other siblings. I am so blessed.
The moment I stepped into the car, greeting everyone, that is the time when I immediately hear squeals, shouts and cries all at the same time. I will always smile.

Nothing beats coming home to the family. In life we all make sacrifices.
It is important to remind yourself that the sacrifice we make need not be the same as the others. While other mummies sacrifice being a SAHM, there are mummies who sacrifice by heading to a 8-hour job. Sacrifice is never quantifiable.

Am I pleasing myself for the fact I head back to work? No.

As I always say, keep the intentions right and let Him pave the way for you.

I know who I am.
I am a mummy. A wife. A working professional.
This itself is fi sabilillah.

Instagram yay!

2016-02-26T09:49:00.001+08:00

I was previously a Blackberry lover. I made the switch and threw my first love when it does not support the Instagram app.

Today I am an iPhone fan, never going to look back and never going to make the switch - for now.

But that aside, I am an Instagram freak. I have an Instagram husband and Instagram kids. It means a husband that never gets in the photo frame and the kids which always have to get into the photo frame.

During my Apple apps update, I was so excited to learn that Instagram now supports multiple accounts on a single device.

Isn't it amazing!!!

I mean I have been struggling managing two accounts @nuramima and @herclosetllp that I used my iPhone 5 as my other working phone for my online business. Now, there isn't a need to. There is no need to take pictures on my iPhone 6, send over to the iPhone 5 and then upload it in Instagram.

As it says "you can now switch between multiple accounts quickly and easily"

I agree!!

So here is what you need to do:

1. Login to one of your accounts

2. Press the 'Settings' button on your profile page atthe top right hand corner. Then you can see the link below.

3. See the 'Add Account'? Hit that on your screen

4. Key in your other account username and password and it will lead you to another account.

Notice that at the bottom right hand corner shows your profile picture too! So you know which account you are at.

5. To switch accounts, just hit on your profile name and you will see options of your other account. Or add other accounts if you like (how many lives do you actually have?)

Say hello to simplicity. Again, we have technology which makes our day a little easier and much happier.

Have a good Friday everyone!

Xxx

Vagisil - Everyone's bestfriend

2016-02-24T02:54:00.000+08:00

This should be everyone's best friend.
Well, it has been mine for the longest time! 10 years maybe! And I really want to share this with my readers.

For many years I have with sharing it with my lady friends and mummies but they seem to give me that 'ARE-YOU-SURE' look. I really cannot help but to give them the 'CAN'T-YOU-TELL-IM-SERIOUS' look in return.
Well, it all started when many ask me what was my secret to having flawless skin.

*cough*cough*

I do not have flawless skin. (Happy now?)I have a slightly an uneven skin tone and dark eye rings which I have to thank my genetics for that. Yes, dark eye rings can be genetic and I had mine confirmed by a doctor.
But I have to admit that I do have almost zit-free skin. I used to have a T-zone issue - long time back.

Of course Vagisil is popularly known as a cleaning liquid to wash and clean our lady bits. I always wonder why they have these products because we were taught since young to wash with soap during showers and during visits to the toilet. Nonetheless, I share with the ladies that I use it as a facial wash.

YUP. FACIAL WASH.

Ok, are you going to give me that face again behind the screen?

But truly, this is the one and only facial wash you will ever going to need. I am not a fan of skin solutions because I think they are overly expensive and I really do not have the capacity, be it time or energy to cleanse my face, use tons of cotton wools and toners which are overly drying to the skin. What more moisturisers. Gosh! I hate going to sleep with a sticky face.

So everytime I wash my face in the shower or when I need to take my abolution, I always do it with a 20-cent coin size of Vagisil. Wash it over my face and it cleans make up! Of course for waterproof ones, you need probably about $1 coin size of Vagisil. As for me, I only use foundation, eyebrow colour, eyeliner, blusher, sometimes a little mascara, rarely lipsticks which will be gone after a meal and too lazy to reapply again. So the make up washes off in a jiffy!

Why Vagisil as a facial wash?

1. It works on all skin types.
Vagisil is pH balanced so it is really useful for acne prone skin. As for me, I no longer have T-zone skin. In fact, it will not even leave your skin dry because of balanced pH. So really, this is truly a cheaper option to the many facial wash that you have been trying.

In fact, there are some of Vagisil formulation that contains probiotics and can help to clear up blemishes.

2. It is nicely scented.
I swear upon this. It is awesomely fresh yet sweet smell which is a bonus on top of the clean feel you have on your skin. Of course you can opt for the unscented version.

3. It is hypoallergenic.
I am allergic to 1001 things and when I knew that this formulation was hypoallergic, I was so delighted to use it without much thought.
It is really meant for delicate skin isn't it? Well, why not for the face.

4. It is way cheaper than your bottles of your skin care.
That I need not explain any further.

I am sure the gentlemen will have some reservations using them. Well, if you have a wife, just squeeze out some for yourself. She would not know the different. There is a large amount of love to be shared. Typically a bottle can last myself(only) for 2 months or so.

If you have yet to be married, well, just transfer it to another clear bottle. No one will notice.

Well, there was a day when I was home with the 3 kids alone and preparing lunch. I was happily cutting away the chilli and a couple strands of hair was tickling my nose. Without thinking, or more like a reflex action, I pulled those strands of hair away. Within moments, I felt the piercing heat from the chilli on my nose and cheeks.

I was panicking and had no idea what to do next. The pain was getting intense. I went to the toilet to wash it off and contemplated to apply some toothpaste on it to cool it down. But when I entered the toilet, I saw my facial wash aka Vagisil and I washed my whole face with it.

Trust me, the pain and heat subsided and I felt very clever. Vagisil is pH balanced, hence it neutralises the acidity of the chilli on my skin! Tadaa!

Someone I knew has eczema and when I shared with her about the pH balance of this, she used it as her shower gel. Apparently, she shared that it didn't dry her skin and she felt like the wash didn't rip her off her body moisture!

So ladies, if you are still wondering which facial wash can serve you best, I hope you will give Vagisil a shot. I'm pretty sure it can be love after first wash!

What happens in 2015 remains in 2015

2016-01-14T01:54:00.000+08:00

First blog post in 2016. I am too old for resolutions. I am taking life one day at a time.
I am already too tired to plan everything ahead and then get disappointed at times. So, it is always more exciting when impromptu.
For example, since I got married, I never plan for a child. And then they came like popcorns! Pop! Pop! Pop! 3 times.
See! What a joy!

Lol!

As much as I am looking forward to 2016, I am also very scared of what the future holds for me and my family. I only and always pray that we will all be kept in good health and in His blessings. I am more than happy to say goodbye to 2015 but at the same time, treachery onto a unknown future is scary as well.

Entrepreneurship struggles:
In 2015, Alfi and I made a decision to take a break from work. Embark on entrepreneurship and spend more time with the family especially when our third baby was coming. Was it easy? No. It was hell. But we pulled through the year and we made many triumphant memories along the way.
If you know of everyone sharing with you the goodness of entrepreneurship as if it is a bed of roses, never believe them 100%. The road is tough. It takes more than just resilience and perseverance. If you are doing a side business while working, it is a different story altogether. Alfi and I relied entirely on our skills and network to have things going in the house.

We aren't millionaires but we definitely came out of 2015 feeling proud that we pulled through thus far. We came out of 2015 stronger than we were before. Smarter, or shall I say more knowledgeable than we were before. We see more colours of people. We realised that the grass is not necessary greener on this side, as what you read in web journals on entrepreneurship. We sat back and reflected how we survived 2015 with 3 kids and we had no idea. It was the rezeki and barakah of our precious gifts - our children.

Will we continue this route? Insya Allah. We leave it all to Him to guide us and see if this route is best for family.

Desperately a Housewife:
It was the year that I changed my status from being a working mom to a housewife. It was not by choice to be exact. I had a tough pregnancy because of work discrimination. I guess after the third pregnancy over a span of 5 years in the same company, they think I am productive at night instead. Oh well. It was not a place to stay anyway. I couldn't drown myself in toxic environment anymore.

Here is the big but. But when I thought I was game to head back to the workforce after my maternity leave, I was held back totally by my baby girl. Largely due to the stress levels I had during my pregnancy and delivery, Radiah had reflux for 6 months and was intensely stress and clingy baby, only wanting to suckle on the good stuffs (you know what I mean). I was lucky that I had Alfi at home with me most times because I no longer had a maid (I refuse to die standing with one). Being a housewife was not a choice. I was in a situation where I could not go back to the workforce. I truly believe it is God's work to make my life as such. It makes me grounded and stay put.

In brief, as much as all the stress I had with a newborn and 2 other very young children, not being able to see my bank account magically have money inside at the end of every month, I was deeply happy. Even when Alfi had to leave his whole family behind for 2 weeks to di his Umrah. I really thank my mom for putting up at my place during that time, tolerating the cries, the mess, the riot, everything!

Truth is, I was happy that I managed to see my children grow up from morning till night, everyday for the whole of 2015. I was there when the kids are sick at every moment. I was there to cook and feed everyone in the house which makes me realise the depth of love I have for my family. I was there to make sure that the kids were having enough nutrients and water. I was there to make sure the kids were able to spend time in playgrounds and with their Nani.

Those moments are precious.

Of course, we kept our expenses lean. Alhamdulillah despite the periods we had stormy weather, we felt we gave the kids more than enough. In fact, they refused to have a bibik (maid) at home which is a trophy statement for me.
I became smarter in spending and even working out the household expenses. The children still have nice clothes and they get to have whatever they like to eat. Toys was every week or so. Mummy gets a bag or two in a year, a shoe or two. I don't need much. I want a lot! But never needing them. (Needs vs Wants)

Yes, I have a husband who gives me all his earnings and let me decide on expenditure. I will end up just making sure he has cash in his wallet, petrol in his car, season parking settle, remind him of insurance and road tax and of course check his account if he has some money to spend.

But trust me, without a maid, I save a lot (and I really mean a lot!) of money!

2016:
The husband and I are looking forward to 2016. We made ourselves smarter this year than last year. We learn about people well enough. It is also the year where Rania will start school. Schedules and priorities will change. Another year of settling down, hoping to find a new home. Another year of changes. Both Alfi and I are tuned, maybe immune but we take a day at a time.

To my family,
We have braved the storm in 2015. A year we hope to normalise and tie the loose ends. Each and everyone is a gift from God to me and the 5 of us is what I treasure most.

May we snap many more pretty pictures and weave beautiful memories together in good health.

In summary, this is how I will showcase my 2015.

To many good days in 2016, AMIN!

Radiah - A birth story out of the ordinary

2015-12-24T04:33:00.001+08:00

It is almost a year that I blog and now that I am resuming, I want to share about my birth story with Radiah.
One of the reasons for the major delay was that I was not sure if I wanted to share this delivery story. I contemplated for the longest time in my life. At the same time, Radiah was also a challenging baby that you can literally get nothing done for many months ahead of her birth.

But I do have readers (amazingly!) who wonder and ask if I were to ever blog again. Haha! I know definitely that I will still want to blog for many years to come.

So, as usual, I want to share because every birth story is unique and every delivery is etched in a mother's mind. So even after almost a year, I can share with you my journey as if I had delivered yesterday.

So close to 34 weeks, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (GD). I felt my world crumbling on me. If you know me well enough, I am such a food lover. I eat over many occassions - through stressful times, happy moments, disappointed moments. So to be striped off the joy of food was living torture for me. I was hospitalised for 3 nights and being put on a diabetic diet. It suck big time. I probably lost weight and grumble that I do not have enough to eat. I mean, whoever loves dry plain biscuits and sugarless milo for tea or the fish that they served me for lunch was smaller than my palm.

When I was back home, I needed to prick myself 10 times a day to watch my sugar diet and it continued for the next 3 weeks. At that moment, I felt for the diabetics out there. I was lucky not to be on insulin but to prick my fingers 10 times a day makes it so painful because after a while, you do not know which point to poke anymore and everywhere is swollen. I was in the brink of tears.

My mom advised me to blend long beans and drink the juice twice a day. Damn! That was really diuretic. I did nothing but head to the loo every hour or so. It didn't help too that I was late into pregnancy and the baby was really pressing on the bladder.

Then my cousin advised me to drink apple cider vinegar (ACV) before meals. Gosh! Whoever loves the taste and the smell of it? But like I said, I was desperate. I poured a tablespoon of ACV to half a glass of water and drank. Within moments, I was a little dizzy. I knew I was low on sugar because I hadnt eaten anything. Took a sugar test. 4.4.
I was damn excited. So I grabbed anything to eat to ease my dizziness.

So I suffered a week and spent the other 2 and a half weeks eating whatever I wished for. Whatever the throat wants, the throat gets. But the trick is to drink half a glass of ACV before every meal. So I carry a syringe of 10ml of ACV (I used my kiddo's medicinal syringe) everywhere I went. Kept my sugar in check and my gynae was pretty happy about it.

I swear this was my best friend.

Still I was keen to be induced at 37 weeks, since baby was getting bigger and I wanted to get off the diagnosis of GD. So at 37 weeks and 3 days, we planned for an induced labour. Placenta was still low and baby was expected to be 3.2kg.

Alfi and I were excited to have her out though we always wondered how we are going to manage with 3 children. But we comforted ourselves that it was the same question we have everytime we had another baby and we have always survived - Alhamdulillah!

Somehow I do not look very pretty or good during girl pregnancies. But it is really a small price to pay to have your little one.

This was me on 23 January, 8.30am going to the labour ward. Super huge and I insist that I brought 2 extra home pillows.

Looking back, I was huge, weighing almost 90kg. Which wasnt my heaviest pregnancy. Ranis still holds the record for me being at 93kg at full term.

When we were assigned to our labour room, I was super relived that I had the same orientation of the room as I delivered Rania and Riduan. Somehow it gave me a better sense of settling down.

Labour wards were full. Nurses and midwives were busy. So not to trouble everyone, I asked for an epidural to be given to me. I learnt my lesson during Riduan's delivery that it was damn painful to burst the water bag without the epidural.
So the anaesthetist came. A chinese guy and did a splendid job compared to Riduan's delivery.

I rested and oxytocin was wired in. Contractions came and I was handling it pretty ok. Nothing dramatic. Alfi even managed to catch some sleep and so did I.

8 hours into the contractions, I was 5cm dilated and I knew my epidural was running out fast so I called for the nurses top up ASAP before it was too late. I could go from 5cm to 10cm in 20 MINS!!!

Within 40 mins, I was fully dilated and was ready to go. The midwives switched off the epidural (which I don't understand why!) and made me push to crown. I told myself,"this is easy peasy."I was expecting to see my baby in 20 mins. But I was wrong.

The whole ordeal took me 90 mins with contractions coming in every other minute. The nurse made me push and push and I kept asking her if I was crowning yet. She kept nodding and I was getting pretty irritated. Of all times, the delivery period is never a time to test anyone's patience!

With my legs open, exhausted and sweating, no one was telling me what was going on. I was holding up to so much pain. I wanted to scream,"GIVE ME A C-SECT NOW!" I wasn't crowning yet but I already felt the head in between my legs. The nurse insisted I kept pushing. I thought she was crazy. I only had 2 dates prior to delivery and water since I had to keep my sugar on a low.

Everytime I pushed, I felt the baby kicking me up on my diaphragm. It was a feeling I never felt before in my previous experiences. I started to sweat and told the nurse to keep the temperature down. She said,"It's very cold already. You not cold ah?"

"No. I am sweating and I am giving birth so I need the air con." I made Alfi turn the temperature down. Still I felt warm. So I told Alfi to fan me. I had no idea what he used. It wasn't a moment to remember such memories. I told him to fan harder and faster. I got thirsty and kept asking Alfi for a few sips of ice water.

With every push I made, I still felt my baby kicking me up. She was kicking my stomach up and I felt like vomiting all the water I have drank. I was still sweating and the back started to hurt that I told Alfi to fan me and press on my back and I kept telling him "Harder b. Harder!" He was very exasperated.

I kept on with my istirghfar throughout the whole ordeal. Seek God for forgiveness. At the same time I prayed for whoever had seek for my prayers.

Then a Malay nurse came in. She was very determined to help me get the baby to crown. I found a new sense of motivation. It was too late to do a c-sect and I cannot bear the pain any longer. So I decided to put my mind to it. No more water. No more pressing on the back.

This time around, I wanted to make sure I did it - quick. I asked her if my baby was coming out. She said that my pushes are strong and good but the baby doesn't seem to want to come out. I kept telling my baby not to kick me. So the next contraction came and again and again and I pushed and I pushed and Alfi pressed under my breast bone to make sure the baby wouldn't kick me.

That too, I had to tell him to press on my stomach harder. And I saw him press so hard that he shivered and I felt no pain. Still no baby. The Malay nurse read the istighfar with me each time I was waiting for the next contraction. When the wave came, she raised her voice, giving new motivation each time,"Ok Mima push now. Don't give up. We can already see the head. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10 and rest."

Baby wasn't coming out still. I cried. Look at the husband who was already pale. He knew I was very good at pushing out a baby. He had no answer for me for the first time. I told him I was in so much pain but all he could do was to rub my hands and say,"Selawat banyak banyak"

"Where is the gynae?" I kept asking. "We called for her. She should be on her way."
When the gyanae came in 15 mins later, I managed to ask out loud,"Where were you?" Apparently she was stuck in class.
So she took her apron and gloves and told me to push.

"Ok Nuramima, you ok?," she asked.
"No. Baby is not coming out."
"Ok we wait for the next contraction."

Before I could say anything, the next wave came and I pushed and by then she probably figured out why. I felt some hand intervention (God knows what happen) but finally my little baby was out. She cried and I breathed out in relieved. But I was wondering why they never put the baby on me immediately.

So the senior sister said,"Your baby is a little swollen, probably because she was stuck inside for quite sometime and she came out facing upwards towards you." Now that explains the kicking and painful labour.
I was like,'OK.. so are you going to show me my baby?'

When they finally put her on me, I cried. Not out of happiness this time but out of sympathy that she went through what she did.

They quickly took her away, cleaned her up and let Alfi give her the azan. After which when my gynae was sewing me up, there were a team of doctors who came around my baby and I was trying to hear what they said. But I was super exhausted and had zero energy.

Everyone was busy and no one would be able to answer me if my baby was going to be alright. Again, I lay there helpless.

I had a marginal placenta previa and the baby was unable to turn and she had a hard time coming out as the placenta is blocking her way. I am so thankful that we did not have to go through any forcep or vacuum because my pushes were hard enough.

But even after saying so, I look like a major wreck after the whole ordeal.
Nonetheless she belongs to our family and we will love her no matter what.

We hid her bruise and swell in this picture which covered her left side of forehead and eyes.

Her Nani was, as usual, the first one there to see if she is doing ok.

The same day, her siblings met her.

We slowly figured that because my placenta was low, she only moved one side throughout the third trimester. Plus the placenta was covering her forehead and eyes that the whole area was swollen and bruised and that would also explain how she came out facing up because she was not able to turn!

My poor baby. She must have been so traumatised that she refuses to be with anyone but me and went through digestive reflux over the first six months.

I texted my aunty who is a Captain Midwife in Oman and shared with her my experience. I showed her pictures of my baby and she told me that it was normal. Posterior birth has longer labour and delivery is much more painful. She assured me that the swell and bruise will subside in about 2 weeks. Indeed she was right!

Radiah in the next couple of days in the hospital.

We had rough months. Really rough.
She wasn't a happy baby for the next 7-8 months. But Alhamdulillah, we are settling down now. Which is why I can probably spend a little more time at night to write up an entry blog.

Today she turn 11 months. Everyone is more approachable to her because she is smiling and laughing a lot more. She is truly a fighter in every sense, including being fiesty to her other two siblings when they take away the toys in her hand.

Happy 11th month baby.

A lot of people advise me not to share my birth journey but to me this is knowledge to be shared with everyone. Not many will experience a posterior birth. The chances are small but you can understand what to do and see the signs if you happen to come across with one. But yes, I shared the story almost a year later. Because I wanted to settle down with my little one and my family of 5 now.
It has been a storming 2015 for us but Insya Allah that only proves our resilience and may Allah grant us ease in our journeys ahead.

Over many years, I have readers who reach out to me with queries on my wedding, my pregnancies, fashion. Those who drop me a note to seek opinion on parenting matters like "What stroller should I get?". Please keep them coming if you have any to ask. I am more than happy to reply.

Till the next news on pregnancy and delivery. I am not planning on another one soon because I want to spend a little more time with the 3 children. Rania is growing up too fast and Riduan and Radiah are always fighting for my attention.
No, I am not done yet, Insya Alllah! May Allah give me health, strength and rezeki!

Amin!

Stir Fry Garlic Chicken Recipe

2015-04-03T13:43:00.001+08:00

Being in my own place now means that I can no longer say,"Mum, I feel like eating...."

Now, if there is something I would like to eat, I better find a place that serves the dish or cook it up on my own.

On another note, being a housewife with 3 young children while juggling an online business is no joke.

Some wonder why I still employ a domestic worker.

I tell you why.

I cannot possibly look into my orders daily, launch products, take pictures, handle the kids, cook and clean all in a day. I need my dose of heading out of the house, getting fresh air, even it means just getting a cup of decaf coffee.

So I leave the cleaning to the helper, though I will still clean up again after her.

With time of an essence, I am a fan of putting everything in a single dish. Meat and vegetables.

As promised to my Facebook friends, here is the recipe for my stir fry garlic mushroom.

Serves 3-4 pax

300g of chicken breast

1/2 cabbage thinly sliced

1/2 pkt of Xiao bai Cai

1 onion

4 tbsp garlic*

1/2 tbsp ginger*

1 cube Knorr vegetable stock

2 tbsp osyter sauce
1 tbsp sesame oil

Salt to taste

* I always keep ginger and garlic, already blendered for ease of cooking.

Method:

1. Cut the chicken breast into cubes and mix it with a tbsp of garlic and a pinch of salt. Fry the chicken until meat is cooked and drain chicken.

2. With the same wok and oil, add on the onions, garlic, ginger and chopped chilli if you like, and fry until fragrant.

3. Mix in the chicken and add the osyter sauce, sesame oil and vegetable stock into the wok.

4. Add in the cabbage and Xiao Bai Cai and stir well. (Sometimes I omit the Xiao Bai Cai)

5. Salt to taste and garnish with spring onions and fried shallots.

Best eaten with sunny side up eggs. To those who would like to add up a little more spice to the dish, I will thinly slice some garlic and cut green chilli padi and soak them in fish sauce.

Definitely a winner!

Happy cooking and if this recipe is a winner or if there is anything you have tweaked, do share with my readers!

Hell yeah I cook!

My 37-week Journey

2015-02-03T13:48:00.001+08:00

I find a terrible sense of urgency to write up this blog entry. Everything was in a state of craziness for the longest time that I was too exhausted to blog, despite missing in writing.

On 19th January, me and the little girl inside hit 37 weeks! Technically we are full term and baby girl can be popping out anytime.
Oh yes, I have been having ALL the pre-labour symptoms since a few days back. All of it!
So mummies, if you are getting an SG50 baby this year and will be in my shoes soon, here are all the symptoms that you might have.

1. Backache
In this 3rd pregnancy, I have the worst backache ever! It doesn't help that I am making 2 to 3 trips to the toilet every night. Getting up from bed after sleep is a chore. I will be walking like an old woman to the toilet.
I am not as mobile as I would like to be during this pregnancy. I love walks. I can go for walks but now, I will have to take a 15-minute break to rest my back after a long walk. To kick off the walking pace again would also be a chore. But me being me, I really cannot see myself sitting down and resting at home. I feel so.. so... useless.

2. Leaking
Hahahaha.. I leak ever since my first pregnancy. It is and will never be the same again and we all have to live with that in exchange for the beauty of pregnancy and seeing an adorable mould coming out from you.

I used to think sanitary pads are meant for those times of the month. Oh well, not for me.

3. Contractions
Oh yes! I started having Braxton Hicks pretty late into the pregnancy. Sometime around 33 to 34 weeks. That is considered late for me because my children have a habit of coming out 3 weeks earlier than due date. But, this time around, my pre-labour contractions are the most painful among all my 3 pregnancies. I am beginning to think that I am getting old.

It's always tempting to go to the hospital and see if it is due, especially over the last few days but I had to hold back. There was no regularity in the contractions. Then again, I never experienced that. In my first pregnancy, my water bag leaked and I was induced. In the second pregnancy, I was dilated and I was induced.

I faced real contractions delivering Riduan because my epidural wore off. I remembered tearing in pain begging for more epidural. So until i reach half that stage of pain, I will hold off the hospital visit.

4. Cramps
I probably have not had my mensus cramps in the longest time. Since Feb 2013. That makes it almost 2 years when I conceived Riduan, breastfed him and conceived the third child. But yes, it was all coming back to me now.

5. Pelvic Pressure
This has been my accompanying friend for the longest time. When my bladder is full. When I walk. When I bend down to pick up things. My baby girl was already head down at 33 weeks, so this is really no surprise.

6. Baby 'drops'
This too I experienced earlier in the pregnancy, when I was about 34 weeks. Suddenly, I can walk longer, breathe better and laugh harder! I thought it wasn't so obvious, but everyone seems to be noticing it too.. so I definitely can't go wrong.

7. Diarrhea
I am a constipated person by nature. No amount of vegetables can help me with this because it is just what iron does to me. So instead of going to the loo once in every 3 days, I am doing it 3 times a day now. And it is very different feeling.

8. Stop gaining weight
Just a week ago, I lost half a kilo and baby gained 600g. So that makes me 1.1kg lighter.
I would think this is partly due to the change of diet I have since I am controlling my sugar intake and also my new regime of taking the organic apple cider vinegar which helps with weight loss. I also follow the chinese tradition of drinking long bean and tomato juice for diuretic purposes. It's nice to feel lighter despite carrying a rice sack weight in front.

9. Nesting period
This time around, my nesting period kicked in very very much later. Maybe at 35 and 36 weeks or so. I wait for nature to take its course.
But when it came, I was arranging my baby's clothes, re arranging the laundry area and my kitchen. I even am having half the mind to clear up my store. Lol!

So to sum up this pregnancy, I really did not have the best of times (though all makan cravings have been checked and satisfied).Work had been obsessively demanding, creating a lot of unnecessary stress. I had a difficult time keeping Her Closet in regular momentum. I come home late or exhausted that I get too tired to spend time with Rania and Riduan. Not a single date with my husband till I was on hospitalisation leave.

It was also the time when we moved in to our home in Ang Mo Kio and my leave was not cleared. There was no way of settling down. Till today we are still trying to settle down. Then, there were other home issues which made me and hubby taking up a lot of time to normalise for the family.

Hopefully 2015 will spell out a better year for us both and for the family. Here is the journey of my pregnancy for through the 37 weeks.

At 11 weeks, during Eid, still have the urge to wear heels.

15 weeks

16 weeks

18 weeks

20 weeks

23 weeks
I think I look the best here. Not too big. Not too small but well, it was not the end of the journey.

24 weeks

26 weeks

28 weeks

30 weeks
I begged Alfi to bring me to KL to have my feast before I got heavier and could not manage the two kids. It was not an easy trip but we survived!
We booked a hotel at Westin to make it easier for us to head down to Pavillion. Basically we only stayed at B1 and eat and eat and eat.

31 weeks

32 weeks
Some thought I was pregnant with a boy because I did not grow as wide as a girl pregnancy.

35 weeks
Diagnosed with gestational diabetes, it was hell till I found a remedy and resumed the joy of eating again.

36 weeks
Still 0cm dilated during the check up.

37 weeks
The final stretch. Met the gynae at 37+3 days and was already 2.5cm dilated so we scheduled an induced delivery the following day.
I am not a person who can live with anticipation nor someone who would be calm with surprises, hence the willingness to be induced through normal delivery.

Pregnancy has always been a joy for me. To know that I was given the opportunity to carry a little one inside me is a gift. To know that the little one carves out another milestone for the family is too precious to let go.
There is only so many times a woman can go through pregnancy - biologically. So every one is memorable for me.

The target was 5. We have hit 3, past half way mark. I do not have many more chances and the clock is ticking.
If He gives, we shall embrace. That's all I would say.

Till the birth story of my little princess.

I am watching you

2014-09-05T09:45:00.001+08:00

Being a mother for almost 3 years, I still go to work with a heavy heart every single day,
I can only count a handful number of times when I leave the kids with my mom or sis so that I can date the husband.
I want my children everywhere with me. Even though it is tiring. Even though I am pregnant with my third baby.
And I have this habit that I do not like to bring my helper when I head out. I prefer quality family time.
I prefer to be doing everything. I prefer the non-existence of a stranger.

I think not many can understand or adopt my style. But that is me.
My family is exclusive to me.

I have to admit my weakness is my paranoia. Especially when I head to work and leave the kids behind with the maid.
Which mother would not right?
It heightens for me when I have my own place to stay and I need to plant a seed of faith that my children will be taken care of.

Alfi always knows how to calm his wife. So off he went to get a home camera for me to view the kids from work.
He fixed up the camera. He help me download the app, set up the account and all I needed to do was just to launch the application and I am a happy mommmy!

I am really appreciative of such things, really.

This is the camera he bought and we only placed one first in the living room. The camera can rotate about 270 degrees and comes with 16 hours recording.

Details of the camera can be found here.

So go get your hubbies purchase this for a peace of mind. We bought it for $199 in Challenger but it is really worth it!

The picture could have been clearer but I picked on a lower resolution so that the streaming is faster. It could also take pictures while you watch.
The best of it all is that I can call them from my iPhone and watch them on my phone at the same time. So it is very heartwarming to actually see how they talk to me on the phone.

Work still continue as usual as I plug my earphones to hear what is going on in the house and at the same time I will be able to see movement in the living room and kitchen. I can even hear how many time Rania sings her 'Let it go' songs.
I will know when the maid should switch on the TV, or make sure Rania is not standing too close to the television.
If they are not in the living room for a long time, then I will call to check where they are and what they are doing.

There is a speaker function when I can call out for the kids or the maid just by talking through the phone. But I will not do that unless in case of emergency and the helper needs attention.

Many asked me if the maid knows that I installed a camera to look at her. Again I left that to Alfi.
She has no clue!

Apparently, he made it look as it we placed a long item on our bookshelf. So glad I married an engineer.
Haha!

So ladies, go get a home camera and get a peace of mind. It is priceless!

Welcome to the family!

2014-08-29T10:45:00.000+08:00

Many whom I have shared that I am pregnant again, gave me different reaction.
Some could not believe that I conceived again soon after Riduan's birth. Some cannot believe how I even let myself in the situation. Some even thought I was crazy. Some was not very happy that it was too soon. Some became speechless. Some thought I am a pretty strong woman to be able to put my mind on number 3.

Many who knew me also would have known that I wanted a big family. As big as it can get because my heart can fill them in.

But I always had one principle. Let God decide when is the best time for my pregnancy.

I admit, I never expected myself to get pregnant again so soon and at the same time, I was quite apprehensive because I was still trying to juggle with two children and work was indeed so demanding that I am not sure if there is any work-life balance anymore (or even is there such an ideal?)
I went through a phase after delivering Riduan that both will cry for milk at the same time. Both will seek for attention at the same time.
How to even think of number 3?!?

But I was going to make sure that I would not want to carry on the guilt like how I did with Riduan.
So I made myself embrace the pregnancy very quickly the moment I found out. I knew He plans the right time for the family to have another child though it seems tough.

Workplace is becoming very toxic and I needed to move house, all during my pregnancy. I am exhausted to my bones.

But I still lie in bed and thank Him for all that He had arranged for me. It could have been worse for me and the family. So my little baby is really a saviour for all of us.

I have been unknowing about the pregnancy and there were no tell tale signs for the longest time.
6 months after delivering Riduan, I still did not have my monthly cycle. I read up and since I was semi-breastfeeding, some forums mentioned that it could take up to 8 months for the cycle to come back.

So I gave myself that timeframe. Anything more than a year, I will head down to visit my gynae.
Still, I was taking my pregnancy tests every 2 weeks and all came back negative. But there was a time when Alfi went Hawaii and I lapse with my checks because I thought it was not necessary. Who would?!?!?

So there was a day when we had to send Rania to KK for her croup and Alfi insisted that we fill up our tummies a little from Mac'D so that we will not go hungry.
If you know me, Mac'D was a favourite of mine!
But on that day, I wanted to puke at Mac'D. I forced down a Fillet and did not like it.

Of course Alfi thought that it was strange. It is just not me. He thought he did me a favour so he told me to do a home-test.
After we headed home from KKH, I settled the kids down and did my test at about 2.30am.

I went straight to the room and told Alfi,"B, I'm pregnant."
With his eyes half-open, he said,"Why do you always have to tell me in the middle of the night? Congratulations."

The following day, I quickly scheduled a session with my gynae and met her a few days later. I was actually quite curious how long have I been pregnant.

Gynae: When was your last mensus?
Me: Never had since my second delivery.
Gynae: Wah the sanitary pad company don't get money from you.

So she checked the size of the foetus and confirmed it to be 8 weeks.
8 weeks?!?!?!?
I was pregnant 8 weeks and I didn't know. I only thought I was bloated and was gearing up to get my cycle back again.

But we were very happy. I had no prenatal care and I pray everything is ok.

At 15 weeks, I asked the gynae if we could see the gender. I saw Riduan's at 16 weeks. I was very happy when she said,"I see very penyet (flat)and got equal sign."
Yeay!! Finally Rania will have a sister. I know what it is like to have a sister and I really wanted one for her.
So the other 2 children (after the 3rd one) can come in any gender. My mind is at ease.

Alhamdulillah.

This is me at 14 weeks

15 weeks

And today 16 weeks.

Come beginning next week, I turn 17 weeks! That's pretty quick isn't it!!!

I still feel bloated some days and the stomach is bigger. This time around I take care of my food intake better.
Especially when work can get merciless.

I have the same symptoms when I was pregnant with Rania but milder so I can only be thankful. The asthma, the pimples, the nose redness are all milder than with Rania. In fact weight gain has also been slow which makes me estatic. I am still wearing size M of maternity clothes. (Big Hurray!)

At the end of the day, I love being pregnant. I get a little bit more attention from the husband and he insists no public transportation for me. He makes sure I am getting enough rest and making the maid do most of the things. He succumbs to my cravings everytime. The world is just mine when I am pregnant.
So why do you think I do not mind going through this again and again.

Please pray for the well-being of me and the little baby inside. May we have a nice bond and incubating journey together.
Amin!

Another move. Another phase.

2014-08-25T18:09:00.000+08:00

It has been a very long time since I feel this exhausted.
We moved back to our home after two and a half years at my mom's place after dad passed away.

I wished we could stay a little longer because I could be more dependant on more people.
But at the same time, the space would not allow us to, especially with another child on the way.
So after a long time, we are now home-bound. It is a time when I truly get to experience life as a mother and a housewife.

Back home, I suddenly feel in control. I must make a decision what to cook and not ask around if anyone is cooking. And cooking is not my forte.
My friends and social peers have been getting messages from me on recipes. I go to more supermarkets so I can remember where I can get some things which are not available in other supermarkets.

In my home, the system and structure is my own. I get to tell the maid exactly how I want it to be done. How I want it to be arranged.

When we moved back in, I was doing most of the cleaning. 70% of the cleaning compared to the maid.
A lot of people told me to just leave it to the maid but I insist on setting standards. Put a benchmark on cleanliness. Create a system. Then just get her to follow suit.

Because of the many moves Alfi had made and we as a family making the third move, there are a lot of boxes to clear. Toys to clean. Painting works are on hold after we have completed the children's room and the master bedroom.

Our sofa is still covered with a blanket. We have yet to purchase our dining table.

I am taking it one day at a time. A lot of people are expecting us to host a house warming.
But it is really not my style. I do invite groups of families and friends from time to time but that is about it.
I really don't believe in taking up people's time to show my house. If we are close enough, I rather cook up something simple and you can pop by for us to share some stories.

We will still take a few more weeks to settle down, definitely.
Being on my own with the family means that I am more hands-on more than before. The kids are like in my face all the time. I really enjoy it.

Believe it or not, I don't only feel more like a wife, I feel more like a mother too!

I cannot be more thankful. They are truly the reason why I would wake up every morning and do it all over again.
It is true when people say you have to move out after getting married. After almost 4 years, I can slowly understand why.

The men who will never meet

2014-08-20T12:00:00.000+08:00

I was typing a blog entry about something else and wanted to compliment it with pictures.

I was looking back again at the old pictures and stumbled a picture of my late dad a year before he passed away. Then I remembered some of the pictures I snapped last night.

Quickly I put them together. Side by side.

Immediately I broke down in the office like a flowing river. There goes my make up but I could not hold it back any longer.

It has been a while since I cried about my late Dad.

The resemblance is so uncanny, Masya Allah. I was just writing about how Riduan was a Mecca baby when I was trying to come to terms with my loss. And I promised myself to let Dad go the moment I completed my Umrah.

I didn't think I would be presented with this gift. I am still ashamed of how I didn't want a baby boy when it is such a precious gift. Another flesh and blood for me to look at each time I miss my Dad.

There is just so much in life to thank for.

Life is just that beautiful.

Mad World

2014-08-10T03:08:00.001+08:00

The world is a crazy place to live in.

All of us do face challenges in life regardless of all the smiles we post on social media. It's no secret.

That's just how life is.

During my quick lunch or tea break dates with my husband on weekdays, we share a lot of things going on in our lives. That includes work, family and of course our children. We have a very open communication and always agree to disagree. Or agree to really disagree.

The reason why we practice this is because we are each other's confidante. If we can't agree to disagree then it is pointless to share and probably as time passes by, there will be lesser things to talk.

One of the things we always contemplate between us was how challenging it was to get married. How challenging it was that we had a house and a child very quickly. How our lives change with a blink of an eye when my dad left us and the dynamics of family change again. And then we were blessed and tested with another baby. We were always trying to manage how to operate productively.

Over the time, we got better financially. We handled the children better. Career and business ideas were progressive.

Then we are now blessed with our third baby probably when Riduan was only 7 months.

How do we operate now?

Challenges at work also hit us head on for the two of us. Needing to bring home the bread and butter, we are each other's advisors to manage situations better. While Alfi is very protective by nature and always teach me the fine characters to carry myself well in the office, I deem myself as his 'First Lady'. I never fail to attend his company gatherings, engage everyone and after that share my thoughts of his colleagues and subordinates.

Life being married is different. Life as a mother is different. My priorities change and took a 180-degree turn.

Some may understand. Of course many do not. Some assume and some give us a real good (sarcasm for tough) time. Some paint pictures which are false and some really put oil to fire.

Whatever the situation, I do not retaliate. Maybe a mere 20-30 percent only to stand up for myself a little. But most times I avoid those people. I refuse to engage. I will never bring myself down to that level.

In times like this, I raise my two hands and seek from Him to protect my family. Give us health and berkat rezeki. I pray for my marriage. I pray for my husband and his future. I pray for my family.

Then I pray for myself.

Today, I made a mental note that I will never forget the things I go through over the past few years. I will not make myself forget. These are valuable lessons. Something that schools will never teach you. I will not forget the people who give me a hard time when I least needed it because it serves me as a reminder how nasty people can get.

There was a saying. Forgive and forget.

I forgive. Most times I do.

But never once will I forget.

Insya Allah in time the wheel will come back up for me. I have faith.

But my life experiences will always remind me what I have been through and make me stay grounded.

This is life. All of us were promised to be tested.

It is a mad world.

Eid Mubarak

2014-08-05T14:47:00.000+08:00

Since my late dad passed away, celebrating Eid was no longer the same.
I came to a point where I am just going through the motion. Deep down, I silently envy those with full family pictures.
I wished I could have that framed up on my wall. But I was nowhere close.

I never experienced celebrating a Eid with a full set of grandparents.
Neither did my children.

It's fate and undeniable but nonetheless, it didnt stop me from feeling that way.
So no matter how I tried to cheer it up, it is never the same. And it doesn't help that Alfi doesn't enjoy celebrating Eid either.

Now I can only depend on my own little family of four to have a complete picture.
Otherwise it is will never be complete.

Wishing all my readers and Her Closet customers Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.

I am not a very small person by nature and many always wondered how I can fit into a baju kurung every Eid. I will share those details with you ladies very shortly!
This is a must-stay-tune-and-read-post.

The next few days will be a hectic time for me & family. I will be shifting back to my home. It has been two and a half years since I left the place to stay with my mom and since the family is expanding, it is a good time to move back and have our own space.

Though only 13 weeks into pregnancy, my nesting phase is already here.
Maybe because of the shift.

Everyday I search for ideas on how to design my tiny 5-room flat where resource and having children is a constraint. Now that it is no longer myself and Alfi, I have to consider how I am going to arrange utensils and food stuffs in my kitchen, what colour of furniture do I purchase, what furniture would be child-friendly, what kind of rugs do I buy and what kind of curtains/blinds do I select.

Engaging an interior designer will be expensive, especially with a growing family like mine where I spent $600 on diapers and milk alone, I need to be smarter in managing the family's finances.
Well, stay tuned too to see how we unfold settling down in our new space.

I hope time is on our side that we can have a small gathering at our home towards the end of Eid.

xoxo

Life is always a struggle

2014-07-17T13:23:00.001+08:00

There was a period of time in my life, just recently, where I suffered from a burnt-out.
Alfi said I needed to focus and probably I will get things done. In a way, when he said that to me, I was a little upset.

I know he meant well, always giving me the motivation because he knows my limit is never to put myself a limit.
I am famous for pushing myself which I think I got that from my late dad.

I tried managing and dividing my time nicely but somehow things do not work like a clockwork.
With a family, 2 kids and a job, there is always something cropping up at the undesired timing.

I would plan to do Her Closet mail outs every morning before work and then head down to the office.
Lunch and then head home. Dinner, chill, settle the kids and when they tuck in, I will work on Her Closet.
Weekends are allocated strictly for tuition in the morning with the rest of the day strictly for family.

Sounds easy.

In reality, it isn't.

There can be instances where the kids are not well. Or I have an early morning meeting offsite and cannot do my mailing. Tuition has to be shifted because of family commitment. Orders cannot be replied because the moment the kids sleep, I will be right next to them sleeping.

Even on weekends, everyone seeks your time that it is very challenging just to have some nice time with your own family of 4.

So it is tough.

I was so burnt out that I made a plan. A plan to quit my corporate job and focus on entrepreneurship.
Alfi is a business consultant who advises a lot of SMEs daily so he is a free asset to me and I thought with my passion and his guidance, we would make a good team.
Plus, I had it with work. There was no work-life balance at probably the salary I am getting. Work had its own issues and it really pulled me down.
All i wanted to do was to go home and see my children because they never fail to lift that huge burden off my shoulders.
I enjoy giving them their evening showers, play with them, make them milk, wash them with every dirty diaper and at the same time, making sure Alfi had everything he needed to make himself comfortable at home.
It made me feel like a SUPER Mom.

So on 28th June was the day I had planned to 'throw letter'. I am so confident that I would make it on my own with tuition/enrichment classes, Her Closet and blogging. Social media is my forte and I knew with the focus, it could work much more for me.
Alfi & I sat down and calculated the risks and advantages.

It seemed like a very good plan. Send out my resignation letter, serve my one month notice and it was time to move back to my home in Ang Mo Kio.
It would be a fresh beginning for me and the kids. They would wake up to see me every morning. To date, Rania still wake up crying at times but always looking for me every single morning. I had no heart to bring myself to work (though when I am at work, the brain works differently)

But I was very geared up. I shared these plans with some close relatives and friends and they were very supportive.
For me, it was not an easy way out. It was a plan I thought was wise. A plan better for the family.

Come 28th, Alfi was in Hawaii. I called him to say if it is ok to 'throw letter'.
He told me to hold it. His instincts have always been right so I did not question (though I really wish I could but I was not in to spark off another baseless session).

I held my letter back.

I held my letter back but everyday I question what was in store for me. It did not take me long to find the answer.
We believe He is the best planner of our lives. So I have learnt to accept and move forward, keeping the valuables things in life close to my heart.

I always smile when I see the siblings interact with each other. How they would play (rough most times and I will rarely mediate).

How we our lives have changed so much just by having these wonderful gifts from Him

And most of all, I love how my children cling to me like I am their lifeline.
Nothing beats the unconditional love I get from both of them.

Life is always a struggle and a never-ending challenge. It will never change.
It is a promise for us on this Earth. But I am always so thankful of the gifts, the mercy and the love He gives me.

It makes my journey more bearable.
Much more bearable.

Welcome aboard Riduan!

2014-06-16T16:52:00.000+08:00

This birth story is coming in very late but it doesn't matter.
Because every birth story is unique. You can give birth 10 times and you have 10 stories to tell.
Thanks to the maids (yeah I changed 4 in 8 months) that all I ever was doing in the house was orientation and getting all stressed up because they are just getting on my nerves. Please don't judge me because I am very nice to maids.
I believe they are here to find money to bring back to their home but alas, not many have that mindset.

But yeah, so far my pregnancy with Riduan was pretty smooth. Asthma was at bay despite whenever I am hit with flu, it will drag for two weeks. This birth story is a must write. Because I wrote one for Rania.
So if I am planning to have 5 kids (6 is bonus, 7th heaven is the limit), there will be at least 5 birth stories to tell.

With Riduan, again, I was hospitalised on 1st October for high blood pressure and then on hospitalisation leave for 2 weeks. In between, I went for another check up at 36 weeks. I was already 2cm dilated. So gynae suggested that we arrange for a delivery the following week. Otherwise if there was any pain, I have to check into the labour ward.

Challenging times because Alfi would not allow me to carry Rania and he said I must have a lot of bed rest. I was going to die if it was bed rest!
I insisted to go out and take a walk. Window shop. Have coffee. Whatever that makes me get out of the house and breathe the air outside.

So on 10th Oct, I felt aching pain and heavy down there. I checked into the labour ward thinking that I was going to deliver but was sent home because they felt that it would be too premature to induce. Baby was 36week +4 days.
I found out later on that there were not enough beds. Everyone wanted to give birth on 10-10.

So I was having Braxton Hicks and was in pain on and off all the time. I told Alfi I wanted to deliver because I rather have him out then having to withstand the pain. Again we realised it was a bad date. 13-10-13.
We called the hospital and again they said all beds were full. Darn.

15th Oct was Hari Raya Haji. I was glad I booked my scheduled induce delivery on the 16th. I was playing with the holidays and making sure that Alfi could spend as much time with me.
16th Oct was also full but luckily mine was pre-booked.

We were told to arrive the hospital at 6am on that day but since I have trouble sleeping and I didnt want to rush to the hospital.
I was heavy and any anxiety will not help.
Before I left, I gave Rania kisses and hugged her till Alfi was ready to go. I felt very emotional that she was no longer going to be the only child. I enjoyed splurging all my attention to her and that was going to end.

So we arrived the hospital at 8.30am. Of course got some warning from the nurses but who cares. I am with KT Tan.
*lol*

A revisit to the labour ward. It was the same configuration during Rania's birth and I am only happy and comfortable to accept it. Somehow I feel a different configuration may affect my senses. hahaha! I am not very receptive to change actually.

These are always must take pictures.

The anticipation of the new baby.

I knew what my birthing plan was going to be. Epidural.
I was not going to let medical technology go to waste. I wanted to be as comfortable as I can when I deliver.
I had no pain delivering Rania and the anaesthetist was awesome.

Apparently, my fate with Riduan was not the same. As mine was induced labour, they had to break my waterbag and since I looked comfortable, I was not given my epidural. They yanked me up there again and again. I bled and bled but the waterbag was not broken.
At the third try and so much prayers to Him, they manage to break my waterbag.

One hour later no pain and then they kicked in the oxytocin.
Bearable pain came in an hour later. I was dilated 3.5cm 3 hours later. It felt like eternity.
Family and friends were probably anticipating a quick delivery especially when it was the second one.

So I requested for the epidural, hoping I can relax and dilate faster.
I was shocked when Alfi was not allowed during the procedure, followed by disappointed and scared.
No one can comfort me like Alfi does. Plus during the procedure, I will squeeze Alfi's hands and he will just have to take the pain. I cannot do that with a nurse!!! Oh well, I did and she released her hand.

The anaesthetist I got was also sucky. She was pan-asian and snobbish and I could feel that she didn't do as good a job as the previous one I had.
I was still feeling pain and discomfort because she gave me half the dose than I previously had. During the labour process, I was told that I could only press for the morphine every 15 mins. And I did.
Little did I know that the more you keep pressing, the machine is intelligent enough to know that patient is in pain and release the morphine faster.

Towards the end I was really suffering.

At 6.50pm I complained of pain. Epidural wore off.
Nurses check and I was 5cm dilated. I was like,"what?!?! half way more to go?"

I didn't want to be a pain too so since I was only 5cm dilated, I let them take their time a little.
Then in 20 mins, I complained of pain again. They checked me and I was fully dilated.

Yes! It was 5 cm in 20 minutes!!!!

I was crying asking for epidural. Plus I was hungry so the gynae was saying,"ok you hungry right? Quickly push and after that can eat."
In my head I was like,"what the hell!! come lah come lah let's push. Get it over and done with!!!"

This time around, I knew how it feels like to have the real contractions and having to push a baby.
I was asking myself what did I get myself into and I swore I was not going to go through this again. But I am a very objective person. So I just wanted to get the baby out.
I pushed more than I needed to with Rania. Probably because Riduan was a bigger baby.

3 pushes to crown and 6 pushes for Riduan to greet all of us. The moment he came out, I was so relief and tears flowed down my eyes.
Two times in a row Alfi cried at my delivery and again he gave me a peck on the forehead and another on the lips.

Moments after delivery

We welcomed guests with goodies. I have this habit of staying a bit longer at the hospital so that I can recover better.
I am patient enough to bring the baby home. Plus, I am more comfortable for guests to come by my ward to visit me and the baby.

During my stay, I try to spend a lot of time with Rania. I feel for her that she was no longer the only child.

Here was Riduan at Day 1 to 3 at the hospital

Yes I bottle fed him from the beginning. Nurses warned me that the baby will get confused with a mother's nipple and the bottle's nipple. I think its bullshit. When the baby is hungry, they will surely accept ANY nipple.
Today I am still breastfeeding Riduan. Not fully since I am already at work but I have been successful. He still wants to latch to me, especially before his naptimes.

3 days later it was take home baby.

8 months later, here is my baby boy.

I know I have said so much about not fancying a baby boy but I am here to declare that I swallow my words.
He is such a smiley and friendly baby that it is so easy for anyone to fall in love with him. Everyone adores him with his carefree nature.

I'm sorry son. It was just me and my hormones that got the better of me probably but I am here to love you for the rest of my life.
Rania is my sunshine. You are my wombat.

I love you both. Not equally. Not the same. But very much sincerely.

Shoot & Snap

2014-06-02T17:17:00.000+08:00

I have been a very good girl. I have kept my hands together when it comes to gadgets and 'toys'.
The last expensive item I bought for myself was a Surface RT which aided me at work and is very helpful if I need work to be mobile for me.

But recently, I have been getting a little cheeky and stretching a bit of my dollars in view of being 'productive'
Thanks too with the support of Alfi because he knows my passion for photography, blogging, social media and running my baby business.
So while he does not get to fully enjoy gadgets, he just needed to hear from me the return of investment purchasing an item and then he comes onboard the excitement.

Yeah, we are just suckers like that.

Last month I made a purchase for Shttr. It is an inexpensive purchase actually and I think after this, a lot of selfie addicts will get a piece of this.
For USD$40 with a small stand and free shipping, Shttr is a very slim and lightweight camera phone shutter connected via bluetooth.

Its awesome to be able to take photos more comfortably. I need not tell my sister to hold the phone while I press the shutter.
Yeah! Now you know!

Having a group photo is also easier!

To really know what a Shuttr can do for you, here is the youtube video you can watch but be careful NOT to fall in love with it.

My Shuttr is in white. What will yours be?

Alfi was off to Hawaii for a week and of course there were a lot of stories to share when he came back.
I suspect he is not done with his stories just yet but one of the things he shared was that he saw someone using the Sony QX-10.
He was just explaining to me verbally how it looks like and what it can do and I was like,"You serioussssssss?!?!?"

Within 2 days (at least I let him recover from his jetlag) we were at the Sony store and in under an hour I came out smiling!!
I was initially so keen on the Canon Powershot S120. It was a no brainer since I am a Canon fan and my previous point-and-shoot was a Powershot S95 before it was caught drowning in my handbag filled with 1.5L of water.

Sony QX-10 was more affordable and when I bought it last night (yes, just last night) I managed to get the casing (so happy that it's blue!), 2 micro SD cards and 1 mini tripod (which I surely will convert it into a mini monopod!). The whole package was just $349.
Can you see all the heart shapes on my eyes?

The flexibility of taking the picture with the camera, or the camera attached to the phone or doing selfies and videos. These data files goes straight into your phone and to your social media in a flash!!!

This was the picture taken with studio lighting. The picture definitely looks wonderful.

Here are those taken under normal light.

Available in 2 colours, I was so undecided which one to choose!

But the salesperson said white was a winner. Lucky I picked that. Look how the colours of my gadget now matches!

To many more selfies of me and me and me with the kids!

Go check it out!

I missed you!

2014-05-05T17:44:00.000+08:00

Indeed I miss writing on this blog. This blog keeps my sanity in check, I swear. So I kinda lost some of my sanity now.
I missed my readers. I used to get a few emails/watsapp/facebook chats but those have reduced over the months.
Thanks to my work schedule which is more hectic than ever and also to the previous helpers I had which didn't help me at all.

Riduan is turning 7 months now!
How time flies and there is not even a birth story about him. Trust me, I do plan to have that written out, if you still like to read it.
Nonetheless, I will still have it blogged soon because it is not fair that Rania has a birth story and Riduan doesn't.

Life as a mother of two now is so different. It is challenging but surely rewarding.

Their smiles, their antics - its really one of a kind.
Insya Allah to many more blog entries to come over the next few days.

This is just to kick-off the long silence.
I am not going to stop rattling off.

That's for sure!

Pack that bag

2013-10-15T13:57:00.001+08:00

Unlike the daily bags, I am always more anxious about the hospital bag.
At 33 weeks, I started packing my hospital bag and this time around, the bag is different from the bag that we packed for our firstborn.

This time around we did not only have mummy & daddy's list.
We had a list for mummy, daddy, Rania and baby.

Mummy's list:
1. Vanity wear (the comfy ones of course)
2. 2 sets of clothes (one to wear in the hospital in case I refuse to wear the off-beat maternity dress and one to wear home)
3. Thermal socks (something I wear throughout my stay in the delivery suite and also during the hospital stay)
4. Toiletries
5. Slippers for use in the toilet & hospital
6. Tumbler to keep my drinks warm or cold
7. Milo 3-in-1 & other sachet drinks

Daddy's list:
I did not interfere.

Rania's list:
1. 1 set of PJs in case she wants to stay over with Mummy.
2. Bottle detergent
3. Baby Blankie (dual use for my breastfeeding as well)
4. Diapers
5. Wet wipes (only because she cannot use the Pigeon wipes provided by KKH)
6. Small towel

Baby's list:
1. Go home outfit

Then I have a hospital handbag which I IG-ed earlier.

1. Microsoft Surface Tablet
2. Book of Zikir
3. Tissues (wet/dry/antibacterial - kiasu much?)
4. Bag of medicine
5. Bag of wires - tablet charger, USB wires, power bank to recharge my phone
6. Wallet & Maternity Medical Book.

To all the mummies-to-be, hope this helps!
Wishing you a wonderful journey as well.

xoxo

What to expect at 37 weeks: The delivery plan

2013-10-15T13:35:00.001+08:00

This will probably be my final entry prior to delivery.
On the 9th Oct, I went in for my regular check up and my gynae wanted to check if I was dilated.
The past two check-ups, I was 0cm dilated. Even when I was going to deliver Rania, I was 0cm dilated in the delivery suite.
I believe my cervix is so hard that it refuses to open.

Which explains the 36 hours in the delivery suite with Rania, 2 Pitocins and intravenous oxytocin which only made me dilated 3.5cm after stretch.
Without being able to handle the rhythmic contractions, I finally opted for epidural.

4 hours later, I was fully dilated and 4 pushes later after crowning, Rania made her parents cry with her first cry.

So this time around, I was expecting the same. So when the gynae put her hands deep in, she looked stunned.
She said,"You are already 2cm dilated. You want to give birth today?"

Ok wait... what? I am dilated? Give birth today?
I was not mentally prepared though the hospital bag was.
So I said no.. let's do it naturally but the gynae warned it was going to be anytime.

We set another appointment on the 16th Oct to induce the baby out if nothing happens along the way.
I was thinking,'Man that sure won't happen. I'd probably come back before that.

But that didnt happen too.
I had regular pain. My contractions come and go. My backaches and tailbone gave me hell.
Sleep is no longer in my dictionary.
For a constipated person who heads to the loo once every 3 or 4 days, I am dumping it every day at least once now.

All signs of pre-labour but the labour didn't come.
The anticipation got so high with Alfi & I but eventually we decided, 16th it shall be then.
I would not hold it in any longer because I have become pretty much immobile and my little boy is already 3kg from the last time I checked.
He made a record of putting on almost half kilo in 3 weeks!

His big sister was only born at 2.565kg!

So while waiting for the little boy to pop, I have been on hospitalisation leave.
Resting as much as I can.
I have been sleeping a lot these days, especially the past couple of days, as if the body knows that it will go through labour soon.

But Alfi and I are also spending a lot of time with Rania before she gives up the title of being the only child. She knows that her days are numbered and getting more and more clingy each day, as if she is going to lose her mummy.

So all our attention currently is with her

She is becoming a big sister soon!

We also managed to celebrate Alfi's birthday with all his families. Something simple and no-fuss, just the way he likes it.
A lot of us anticipated I will give birth on Alfi's birthday but then again, that didnt happen.

So today will be spent a nice quiet family time. Just the 3 of us before mummy checks in to the delivery ward. I would not know how long will it be till all is over but do stay tuned to my VC Page for delivery updates.

So till the next time!

xoxo

What to expect at Week 34, 35, 36

2013-10-05T04:15:00.001+08:00

Writing a 3-week update will be quite a lengthy one.
Here was me at week 34. Still glowing in pregnancy.

In a way, I am glad my arms and hips did not get any bigger though everything else did.
During my 34 week check up, I was suspected of gestational diabetes because the sugar levels since Hari Raya was still seen in my urine.
I was awfully nervous.

Within the next day, I was asked to come back for OGTT.
Oral Glucose Tolerance Test
It required me not to eat and drink for 12 hours and I had to be in the clinic by 9am.

Upon arrival, they took my blood and you know how phobic I am with needles. Worse, the husband was not around to give me that physical support.
After the blood test, I was asked to drink what it seems like a 500ml laxative drink.
So sweet and a lot.

The moment I finished the drink, I was light-headed and the stomach didn't feel well.
Still no food and drinks.
I wanted to vomit but the nurse did not allow me to do so because it would nullify the whole test.
Waiting time - 2 hours.
It was a terrible two hours.

I was lucky I brought the maid with me to help take care of Rania while I cringe at the sofa in The Private Suite.
2 hours was up and they took my blood test again.
I was very eager to get it over and done with.

The minute it was over, I was in search of food like a glutton.
Still the whole day continued with me heading to the toilet to shit and a tummyache.
Later that evening KKH called me up. I was nervous to the bones!!!
Alhamdulillah all cleared!!!

So I went on my hooray mood with my foodie again.
Here was I at 35 weeks.

Rania is becoming extremely clingy to me.
She refuses anyone if I am around. She makes it very hard for me to clean her up in the toilet.
With everyone else, she gives them an easy time.
Doesn't she realise that mummy's tummy is getting huge!!?!?

Entering 36 weeks, my stomach was huge huge huge.
There are some who still wonder there are twins in there. Oh well, as a mother, don't you think I will be the first to know.

It is heavy and I wont bluff you.
I would like to believe that I weigh more water than fat but we shall see.
I have passed the 90kg mark and weigh more than when I was pregnant with Rania.

The boy too at this my 35th week check up weighed as much as his elder sister when I delivered Rania at 37 weeks.

So other than the weight gain and sugar in my urine, all went well.
Now at week 36, I started to have dizziness and didn't think much about it. I thought I was just looking up and down too fast.
Come my check up, my BP shot a high of 150/94 and there was protein in my urine and my sugar was rated 4 out of 4.
That was super high.

My gynae only checked if my cervix was open.
Still closed.
I was immediately put on a wheelchair and wheeled to the delivery suite. I was a nervous wreck.
It was my first check up without Alfi and Mum and Rania was with me.

The nurses quickly ran a fast drip into me and took blood samples.
Needles at the delivery suite are always nasty. They are not only long but the needles come with tubing and for someone who is so scared about needles, I wonder why I allow myself to deliver again and again.
Don't we all mothers wonder?

So now I am on hospitalisation leave for 2 weeks which my gynae estimated I will deliver.
She is not only an awesome gynae. She is awesome with giving MCs and hospitalisation leave.
Not a very friendly gynae.
She was not my favourite when I was pregnant with Rania but when I saw her on the job delivering Rania and how the nurses and even the doctors are scared of her, she became my #1 choice.

I will be seeing her again in a few days time for another check.
My stress is about completing the tasks at work before I head off for my maternity leave, my orders which I still have quite a bit more to do.

In the next post, I will share how I planned out my delivery and my holiday bag.
So if you are a mummy-to-be, stay tuned.
Who knows you can pick up a tip of two :)

xoxo

What to expect at 33 weeks

2013-09-17T17:58:00.000+08:00

They say every pregnancy is different.
Well, that is very true indeed! In both pregnancy I faced and am facing, there are both joys and challenges during those weeks.

While pregnant with Rania, my asthma was at the peak and a lot of money was spent on medical expenses.
With Rania, I grew wide. With this little boy, I grew forward. Alfi can already the little boy's legs kicking up under my breast bone and many times, I feel uncomfortable sitting down and yet my legs are not able to carry my weight long enough.
Eating would mean that I need to feed small reasonable portions more often.

Reflux has been in my dictionary for the past few weeks.

I am already as heavy as my last day of pregnancy with Rania. I gave birth to Rania at 89.7kg.
I am now 88.6kg. (whoever counts a kilo!)

Technically I have 3 to 4 weeks to go till I hit 37 weeks.
My gynae gave me the heads up that I should be giving birth around this time frame since Rania was born at 36 weeks + 6 days.
My waterbag leaked and I was already at the delivery suite at 36 weeks + 5 days.

At 33 weeks, needless for me to say that I am no longer as mobile, my back is breaking all the time and working is now a chore because I need a short lie down after a couple of hours each time.
So most of the time, I am working from home because of the convenience of the bed when I need a short break.

For the past few weeks I started having sleepless nights only that the past few days have been worse.
I cant seem to sleep.

The pillows are too low. The pillows are too high. The stomach is an obstruction to turn left or right. The little boy doesn't like it if I lie flat. To turn is a chore. It does not help that Rania creeps up to me to sleep close to me. Stomach is too big that I cant breathe well. Night visits to the toilet is a daily affair!

It is frustrating!

Last night was an epic example where I slept at 1.30am, woke up 6 times till 4am to head to the loo to pee.
In those 6 times, the longest I slept was 45 mins and woke up frustrated.
That is minus waking up to Rania's pampered cries, her milk at 3am.

Then at 4am, I decided to watch TV. Just when I napped for 10 mins, the little girl was up crying and ate her cornflakes.
There goes Mummy's sleep till 6.30am.
The next thing I knew, I woke up at 10.30am.

Anyway, I was teaching a topic on Sexual Reproduction to one of the students and how sperms carry 23 chromosomes and so does the ova. How the nucleus carry DNA materials.
Then that night, I went out for dinner and bought my iPhone 5 casings at Cineleisure for $2 a piece!
After picking out the colours, I realised, the colours didn't differ much.

Later that night, I told Alfi,"This is how it will look like when we have 5 kids."

Some will have your character, some will have mine. Some will have your stronger character. Some milder.
But surely there will be at least one who will probably be more colourful.

Then I said, "Guess what, in every family, there will always be what we would call a black sheep. So I am not sure if this permutation will happen to us."

Yes, as much as I am excited to see our male by-product, I am very anxious about having to handle two children and their respective antics.
The thoughts did not go away since I got pregnant. There is definitely an element of fear and anxiety.

I pray Allah will give me the strength over the next few weeks to hold the pregnancy to full term and more strength to take care of the children after giving birth and showering them with so much love - equally.
Urgh~
The biggest challenge.

Till the update on Week 34!

xoxo

Pregnancy cravings

2013-09-11T15:30:00.000+08:00

Cravings.
Every pregnant woman go through this phase at least once.

I have my very own set of cravings with this pregnancy and they are way so different from the time I was pregnant with Rania.
I started off having cravings for spinach badly. I could eat all of them by myself.
In fact, I also like all types of vegetables especially brinjals, kangkung, butterhead lettuce, wild rockets.
Going to a supermarket, I must always tell myself to refrain from taking too many vegetables from the shelves.

I am now in the phase of steamed broccoli and carrots that I can get cold turkey not having them.

This was the time was I was crazy about butterhead lettuce, wild rockets and biting on ice cubes!!

Then occasionally I requested Alfi to dine in at Paul's because I must have their plain croissants with butter and strawberry jam. I can have 3 at one go!

Or how Hari Raya ended and I still ordered 150 pcs of sarang semut only to eat it and affect the sugar in my diet.
Adoi!

Most nights I feel conforted going to bed with my cup of milo and 5 pieces of Hup Seng cream crackers.

And in times where I prefer to work away from office, I will pick a quiet Starbucks outlet and have my decaf Iced Latte with Cheese bagel and cream cheese.
Carbo is always a must for me!!!

C'est La Vie

xoxo

Anticipating motherhood all over again

2013-09-10T18:40:00.001+08:00

Everyday I have there is always the same thing I am thinking about.
What kind of mother I will be when I have 2 little ones with me.

Apart from the joy of receiving another tiny pair of hands and feet in my arms, as parents, I also realise that this tiny being is relying on Alfi and I for the next 25 years (I am estimating growing up + education + getting married)
It is the same fear we had when I was about to give birth to Rania but we prove to survive wonderfully with our first child.

Then I started anticipating what kind of mother I will be.
I have seen mothers who show favouritism, whether or not they are in denial and I do not quite fancy it.
Like I mention in my previous post, I see a lot of mothers putting their sons on the pedestals and turn a blind eye on what is wrong.
And I was also very upfront about how much I despise such mothers and yet here I am having a son.

Many weeks pass and I wonder if I was going to be that typical mother.
Not the typical type which has favouritism of the son but favouritism of my daughter. I wondered if I will be fair and just to my two children.
I wondered if I am able to embrace each of my child's shortcomings and be there for them equally.

But I think that is hard.
Very hard.

It will be very challenging to be a fair mother.
In that sense, it's easier when you have only one because your focus will only be to one.

If things go as I anticipated, I will be delivering in 5 weeks, once I reach full term.
Things in the office are still as busy and I am starting to handover a few things before I head off for my maternity leave.
Tuition has kicked off nicely now that the Eid fever is over and kids are having their exams.

At this stage, I do get overexhausted and sometimes I will sleep without knowing what happens to Rania.
Things slowed down because I am not as capable to do things as quickly and efficiently as before.
I swear it sucks.

Rania is craving for a lot of attention and there is only so much of energy I can spare it.
It is when she is asleep at night that I will hug be able to hug her longer, stare at her face longer and kiss her (gently) more.

When this came to realisation, I have planned out my time to balance work, tuition, home business and my family.
I also did not realise that I have not taken any child care leave this year and so it came timely!
I would love to spend 6 days with my princess (without her dad) and make sure she feels that mummy is always here.

That is the least I can do for her. She gets to be the only child for just a few weeks more.
I am not sure if mothers share the same sentiments as me when they are about to receive their second child.

So yes, I am anticipating motherhood all over again.
I pray I have healthy children. I pray I will be the mother my children do not find it hard to love. I pray that things will fall nicely for me.
Insya Allah.

xoxo