Verbiage Spillage

$100 Note

2010-05-23T17:02:00.005+10:00

It's a slow day in a dusty little Australian town. The sun is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich tourist from down south is driving through town, stops at the local motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The Motelier gives him keys to a few rooms and as soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the $100 bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his drinks bill at the local pub.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the motel and pays off her room bill to the motel owner with the $100.

The motel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything.

However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the Australian Government's stimulus package works.

Ray Martin Go Away

2010-02-06T16:03:00.000+11:00

I grow tired of the constant push to erode Australia History.

I see it in the beautiful old houses that get knocked down, cleared away to make room for the sake of greed . . . oh I mean for the sake of sub-dividing and building multi flats . . . oops, they are called apartments now.

I see it in the beautiful old building for the sake of . . . oh hells bells see the above reason.

And now, NOW Mr Ray Martin is pushing to change the Australia flag which is the oldest piece of history our beautiful Nation has.

Like the history or not, it is ours and we should use it to grow a better Nation and learn from past errors but not change the flag and pretend that will be OK for 'everything'.

The Australia flag is sacred, as is the flag of every Nation around the world.

Our flag must NOT be changed, it must NOT be used as a piece of something disposable.
Why is Mr Ray Martin so ashamed of our Nation and our flag, so much so that he pushes to change it.

Perhaps Mr Ray Mmartin needs to address is own 'ghosts' rather then use our proud Australian flag as his 'therapy'.

New World Survey . . . NOT!

2009-08-10T19:35:00.002+10:00

NEW WORLD SURVEY

Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And Finally . . .

In Australia they hung up because they can't understand an Indian accent.

Thomas The Tank Engine

2009-07-04T20:24:00.005+10:00

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying,

'All of You B*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks.'

The horrified mother went in and told her son,

'We don't Use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed Playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,

'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for traveling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'

She hears the little boy continue,

'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us Today'

As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen.'

Image courtesy http://www.dltk-kids.com

Who's On First?

2009-07-04T15:36:00.007+10:00

If Abbott and Costello were alive today, their very famous Who's On First sketch may be very different in the age of computers:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office...

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on 'START'...

You Can Not Fix Stupid

2009-06-28T19:45:00.005+10:00

Any one can place an advert in the paper or shout from their soap box, even 'stupid'.

Yeah right and milk comes from a carton!

This 'stupid' most likely votes and drives AND may have already reproduced ! ! !

Duck Season 2009 Is ON!

2009-06-28T19:41:00.000+10:00

2009 Duck Season Announced

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Field and Game Australia Inc. fga@fga.net.au
Date: 2009/2/4
Subject: 2009 Duck Season Announced

Dear Duck Hunters,

MINISTER JENNINGS ANNOUNCES VICTORIAN GAMEBIRD SEASON

The Victorian Government has today announced a limited 2009 season. The 49 day season will start on Saturday 21 March and finish on Friday 8 May 2009.
The bag limit TOTAL is Five (5) birds per day of which at least three (3) must be wood ducks.

NOTE: Black Duck, Grey Teal, Chestnut Teal, Mountain Duck may be taken as long as your total of these species is not more than two birds per day.

NOTE: Pink Ear, Blue Wing Shoveller and Hard Head ducks are banned in 2009.
This is the shortest duck season every announced by the Victorian Government.

The Government's Press Release:

Media release
From the Minister for Environment and Climate Change
Wednesday, 4 February, 2009
MOST RESTRICTED VICTORIAN DUCK SEASON EVER
The shortest, most restricted duck season ever will be declared for Victoria to ensure that duck numbers remain sustainable into the future. Environment and Climate Change Minister Gavin Jennings today said he had considered advice
from the Department of Sustainability and Environment (DSE), which advised against a season and the Government’s Hunting Advisory Committee, which had proposed a less restricted season.

Mr Jennings said a 49 day season would run from Saturday March 21 to Friday May 8.

The Minister will seek detailed advice from DSE regarding the implementation of restrictions which form part of his announcement today. “Following a waterfowl count later this month, a number of key wetlands are likely to be closed
because they will provide refuges for breeding. These and other restrictions form part of the safeguards against over-harvesting of duck numbers,” Mr Jennings said.”

To further ensure duck populations are not adversely affected, recreational shooters will be
restricted to a maximum bag limit of five game ducks of which at least three must be Wood
Duck, with a total ban on the taking of Blue Wing Shoveller, Pink Ear and Hard Head.
In addition, duck hunters will be subject to a range of strong penalties up to $2685 for breaching
any one of the conditions.
“Recent high rainfall events in Queensland and New South Wales had increased the likelihood
of breeding events,” Mr Jennings said.
“Aerial counting across the eastern states shows the Game Duck Index in 2008 has increased
by more than 87 per cent from 2007 and the Wood Duck Index has increased by more than 84
per cent,” Mr Jennings said.
“The specific bag limit for wood ducks is partially due to the fact that the species is subject to
Authorities to ControlWildlife – permits available to landholders to protect crops and dams.
“Applications to the DSE from farmers to control wood ducks have increased significantly, almost
doubling since 2005 and increasing by more than 20 per cent compared to the previous year.
“These factors seem to indicate a growing numbers of wood ducks in Victoria. There will be an
extensive survey of wetlands across the State at the end of this month to determine which sites
are unsuitable for inclusion in the season.
“Many of our wetlands are already dry and will not be available for hunting. Other areas will be
identified through the summer waterfowl count as not being appropriate sites because they
contain significant numbers of fragile species or are breeding refuges.
“DSE will review refuge sites across the region closer to the commencement of the season to
determine which areas should be closed.
Media contact: Nick Talbot 03 9651 5799/0408 473 278 www.premier.vic.gov.au
“The timing of the review will ensure that the conditions of the chosen refuges are suitable for
the protection of waterbirds. These changes are aimed at protecting waterfowl not only in
Victoria, but across the whole of eastern Australia.
“Wood ducks feed on pasture and are therefore more likely to be found on farmland than in
wetland systems and all duck hunters must ensure they seek the permission of land owners
before entering private property.”

To View FGA's response Click Here...

The Victorian quail season commences Saturday 4 April and closes Tuesday 30 June 2009. The bag limit remains twenty (20) birds per day.
Happy and safe hunting...

Copyright 2002Field & Game Australia Inc. All rights reserved. Address: P.O. Box 464, Seymour 3660 Tel: 03 5799 0960 Fax: 03 5799 0961 Email: fga@fga.net.au

Getting Even

2009-06-19T17:08:00.001+10:00

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.

We didn't know what to call her so we named her "Pussycat."

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.

My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye.

The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office were full of people waiting to see the doctor.

A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.

He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" then he closed the door.

Now T H A T my friends, is getting even!

Link Exchange Requests

2009-06-11T22:31:00.000+10:00

Hands up who is sick of getting these . . .

. . . you and me both!

I mean why do these people bother writing you a b$#* s%$# e-mail when you know darn well it's all lies, lies and more lies.

Take a look at this e-mail I received today:

[quote]

Dear Webmaster,

I have visited your site http://www.american-cocker-spaniels.com and found it quite impressive. John dearest this is NOT my site, it is a site belonging to a webring I once managed that has the HTML version of the webring code on the site and you got my e-mail address from the NavBar. If you wanted to contact the site owner you needed to write them on THEIR e-mail address found on THEIR site.

I am dealing with a site which is based on the same theme of yours and looking for high quality related sites who can give me link backs. Hells bells John I just don't see how THEIR site and your site are based on the same theme, but hey maybe I missed something. Be damned if I can find it! Me thinks you didn't even go to THEIR site John darling! My site is having a PR of 4 and if you will give me a link back then definitely our site will also get benefited.

This would be a win situation for both of us and I would really appreciate if you add my site with this information.

Link Details:

Title: Lap Band Surgery

URL: http://www.topsurgeons.com/

Description: TopSurgeons is a premier provider of surgical services on the West Coast. We offer Lap Band surgery, plastic surgery, cosmetic surgery and dermatology services. The Lap-Band surgery is proven highly effective in helping morbidly obese patients lose excess weight.

Thanks & Regards,
John B.
topsurgeons@dwtseo.com
http://www.topsurgeons.com/

[/quote]

John clearly didn't look at the site just wrote a standard e-mail asking for a link exchange. He lost any credibilty he may have had in writing lies, lies, lies!

I grow so tired of it all.

Wysong V Purina ~ A David and Goliath Battle

2009-02-21T13:32:00.000+11:00

with permission:

Yes I work there, I am a nutrition tech and can say without a doubt Wysong wants to do best by the animals. Dr. Wysong writes and encourages raw feeding at every opportunity. Even if you don't feed it, don't plan to, don't want to, what is happening to Wysong is just WRONG! Many good dog foods have been ruined by the big guys buying them out, and while at this point, Purina/Nestle intends to try to make money off Wysong when they were using the procedure to enrobe
probiotics on their kibble foods for over 25 years - and they don't even use this supposedly invented technology in their own foods.

Wysong is the first probably of many they will try this with - to ruin them and force closure from legal fees or running them into the ground with their undeserved 'royalties'.

This affects all of us, from our choices of what to feed our pets, to their choice to hit when the economy is at its worse, possibly forcing more companies out of business and the loss of more jobs.

Read and pass on - Wysong needs all the support they can get!

www.wysong.net

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - Wysong Corporation

Contact:

989.631.0009

989.631.9280

Wysong@Wysong.net

www.Wysong.net

Wysong vs Purina ~ A David and Goliath Battle

Midland, Michigan—Nestec S.A. (better known as Nestle), parentcompany of Purina, a pet food manufacturer based in St. Louis, Missouri, and Wysong Corporation, a health education and nutritional development company in Midland, Michigan, have filed suits against one another in the Eastern District Federal Court in Missouri.

The suits are related to a technology invented by Dr. Wysong in the early 1980's to enrobe pet and human foods with probiotics. These are health giving organisms, such as found in yogurt, that can boost the immune system, fight pathogens, produce nutrients and growth factors, and help digestion.

Although Wysong did not seek a patent, it has used the technology in both animal and human foods since the early 1980s. Due in large part to Wysong's educational efforts and product development, probiotics have become a part of the collective health consciousness of the public and food industry. Of late, many natural pet food companies have begun using Dr. Wysong's technology as well.

Nestle/Purina obtained a patent granted in 1999 for the same technology. To this date, however, Purina has not incorporated probiotics in its own products—although its patent describes in detail the many health benefits of probiotics. Instead, it is attempting to prevent Wysong and other companies from using
probiotics unless a licensing fee (tax) is paid to Purina.

A patent is not valid if the invention (prior art) exists in the public domain prior to the patent. The evidence of Wysong's prior art for over fifteen years before the 1999 Nestle patent was granted is, according to Wysong, incontrovertible and ample. In fact, in 2004 just a portion of Wysong's prior art evidence swayed a European
patent review board to deny Nestle/Purina a like European patent.

These facts have been repeatedly made known to, but ignored by Nestle/Purina. Purina's ultimatum is that Wysong either pay sales- based licensing fees (essentially, a tax) going back six years and forward into the future, or pay for expensive patent litigation that can run into the millions.

Wysong, a small family owned company, is unwilling to pay licensing fees to the multibillion dollar Nestle/Purina for what amounts to Wysong's own invention, and consequently now finds itself being sued by a company literally hundreds of times its size. Purina takes the position that since they were granted a patent they intend to enforce it and extract commissions from all natural pet food companies using probiotics.

Wysong argues that the patent should have never been granted by the United States Patent and Trademark Office, is invalid and unenforceable, and that any attempt by Purina to use the threat of litigation costs to force licensing fees is unethical and illegal.

Wysong publicized and used the technology in products distributed nationally for more than 15 years prior to the patent. Therefore, Wysong claims that the patent holders copied Wysong art and did not fulfill their duty to reveal this to the patent office when filing.

Thus, Wysong has either filed or is exploring the filing of claims against Purina for Sherman Act violations/patent misuse, misleading the United States Patent Office, failing to comply with the U.S. Patent Laws, including 35 USC §101-103, 111-113 and 133, improper attempts to monopolize the market, unfair competition, antitrust violations, false advertising under the Lanham Act, state claims for
deceptive trade practices, RICO violations, and punitive damages under the Clayton Act.

More is at stake than a giant company out muscling a small one. If Purina succeeds, they will, in effect, be imposing a tax on all companies who have followed Wysong's lead and now use probiotics. This tax will significantly increase the cost to manufacturers, distributors, and stores, as well as to consumers wanting to use
healthy pet foods. Over time, this could amount to hundreds of millions of dollars in increased costs for the natural pet food industry and their customers.

For updates and a lively forum, visit www.Wysong.net.

Company Policy For 2009

2009-01-27T22:39:00.010+11:00

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.!

Enjoy the Holidays! Sincerely, The Management

Bullshit

2009-01-25T08:48:00.002+11:00

You'll have all heard the buzz phrase for cross bred pure bred dogs, designer dogs. No need to tell you there is no such breed as Labradoodle. It's just another mutt!

Well it appears there is in fact a new designer breed, BULLSHIT.

Seems a good name for ALL 'designer dogs', haha haha haha! Or is that what comes from the mouths of those who breed them . . .

Oh sorry 'designer dogs', hehe hehe hehe!

Two Days Post Stitches Out

2009-01-24T22:22:00.001+11:00

All things considered my hand is OK .

Sort of.

I think.

But Friday was really bad.

I decided I would give it a shot at making coffee for myself.

As I proceeded to place the sugar bowl lid on the sugar bowl, as you do, it slipped and I grabbed it with my right hand jabbing the lid top into the cut.

Of course it started to bleed! What do you think!!!

Tears streamed down my face before noise came out of my lungs and I just made it to mum's bed before I fell to the floor.

Hells bells!

I can not describe to you the pain, in mere human words. There just aren't the words to suit the level of pain.

That was yesterday, Friday. Today is Saturday and I am pleased to say I am using both hands and all fingers to type this post.

I have began to write with my right hand.

I even showered without the plastic bag on my right hand and managed to dry myself without help from mum.

Managed to even put on my bra without mum's help.

So I am feeling some what more positive about the surgery.

I am really happy that all the pain in the elbow has totally gone and no more pins and needles or a numb hand. LOL, I think my left hand has had a bit of a fright and it doesn't hurt either!

The cut is still quiet tender and today I was supposed to begin massaging it with hand cream quite firmly though it's to painful to press too hard and I don't like to look at it or the feel of it.

I really need to get over how I feel and see my hand, soon!

I don't want my brain to reject my own hand!

No images as yet . . .

Florida Braces for MSN Battle

2009-01-24T17:02:00.000+11:00

Cross post with permission

Florida Braces for Mandatory Spay/Neuter Battle

Take Action!
Write your State Representative today!

January 23, 2009

A Mandatory Spay/Neuter (MSN) bill has been introduced in the Florida Legislature. HB 451, sponsored by State Representative Scott Randolph, would require every dog and cat over 4 months of age to be sterilized, unless they meet highly restrictive criteria for exemption.

Mandatory spay/neuter has failed everywhere it has been tried. Even so, animal rights activists continue to propose it as a one-size-fits-all solution to pet population issues. NAIA staunchly opposes mandatory spay/neuter because it does not work, harms animals, harms pet owners, and harms the community.

Visit NAIA web site to read the full text of HB 451.

Better solutions exist for addressing excessive shelter populations: supporting responsible ownership, encouraging adoptions, and limiting pet imports. Each year hundreds of dogs and cats are imported by rescue groups specifically for adoption. This foreign influx poses a health concern for both humans and pets and competes with Florida shelter dogs and cats for new homes.

The time to mobilize is NOW. Experience in defeating similar bills in other areas shown that early and continuous opposition by the grassroots constituency and recognized authorities is the most effective way to defeat this bill. If you live in Florida, you can start by writing your State Representative outlining your concerns about this bill, using the talking points provided. Begin building a relationship with your State Representative. Encourage your friends, neighbors, and family members to do the same.

If you live in Florida, please TAKE ACTION now on behalf of pets and pet owners!

If you received this forwarded message from a friend, please sign up HERE for our Action Alerts to stay informed about HB 451 and other anti-pet legislation.

JOIN OUR 17 YEAR MOVEMENT!
DONATE TO NAIA TRUST NOW

Stitches Are Out

2009-01-22T21:02:00.001+11:00

Honestly I am the biggest sook!

Period!

I first went into the consulting room and saw the surgeon who was present during my Carpal Tunnel Release surgery last week.

I told him I was feeling a bit like The Borg was taking over my body, starting with my right hand.

I told him I couldn't even look at my hand, it felt wierd.

He reassured me the worst of it was over and done with and encouraged me to look at my hand once the bandage was removed.

I did manage to look and seriously it really made me uncomfortable but I continued to look.

The surgeon (Jason) was reassuring me that my hand looked really good. Colour was good and not much swelling or brusing and said I had to rub sorbolene into the scar which made me feel ill.

It took all my will to just look at it now he tells me I have to touch it!

He left saying the nurse would be in to remove the stitches.

Kerry came a few minutes later and I told her I was very scared and anxious and really didn't want to be there.

She positioned a chair next to the bed so I could place my right hand on the bed then began to cut the stitches.

Man that felt wierd and in parts felt like a pin was being stuck into my palm.

Not long after she began I told her I was feeling sick.

She brought in a bottle of H2o, nice and cold.

A big drink, then a lay down on the bed so if I passed out I didn't fall and hurt myself.

Did I tell you I am a big sooky-la-la?

A real big-girls-blouse!

I said to Kerry that I was feeling like the scar would open up when the stitches came out and all the insides of my hand would ooze out. She did reassure me that would not happen.

She removed another stitch or two (I lost count) and stopped to give me a chance to take a breath. With that I looked at my hand to see two huge blood leaks and just fell short of passing out and throwing up.

All stitches out, Kerry placed a peice of tape over the scar and said the hand therapist would be in to talk to me about hand exercises.

Collen came into the room and introduced herself then asked me to come down to a different room. She pulled out a sheet with 4 exercises sketched on it and written description under each one.

BTW, I had al ready been doing the circle one since days 2 after surgery, just couldn't touch my thumb with little finger yet.

Another exercise is to point my fingers at 90 degrees, bending from the closest joint to the palm.

Another is to make a fist.

Another to bend the tips of my fingers towards my palm, making them touch the base of the closest joint to the palm.

Last one was to flex my wrist to make a limp hand and a stretched back hand.

You know how I said I felt like the scar would come open and my hand would ooze out from it . . . well the scar is coming open at the fingers. No my hand is not oozing out but I don't like the look of it!

I'll see if I can pluck up the courage to take some images of my hand and post at a later stage.

But hey don't hold your breath!!!

Six days Post Op

2009-01-21T21:45:00.000+11:00

Well it's six days after my Carpal Tunnel release surgery and things are a tad better though the very tip of my middle finger is still trying to decide if it is numb or not. Go figure!

Tomorrow I go to Casey Hospital Out Patients to have the stitches out and see 'the' cut THEY made last week.

The instant relief was the pain in the elbow and shoulder and of course the hand but the surgery pain is a pain in the rear!

I still can't make a circle with my thumb & ring finger and my thumb & little finger. I guess tomorrow I will find out what's up with that.

I have no strength to speak of as far as the right hand goes. That is some what of a concern but I guess tomorrow will be the day for answers.

I am nervous about getting the stitches out.

Not sure if I will be able to look or not or if I will be able to go through it without the fearful crying.

It's funny really because I can watch no end of cutting and operating on my Weimaraners and I can tend to humans with bleeding yet I am nothing more then jelly when it comes to yours truly . . . actually I think I am even more wobbly then jelly.

Carpal Tunnel Release Surgery - MINE!

2009-01-16T08:40:00.003+11:00

Yesterday (Thursday 15th January 2009) I went in for much overdue Carpal Tunnel Release surgery on my right hand.

To say I was a tad nervous, would be an outright blatant lie . . . I was shit scared!

Now this is very routine and simple surgery. Takes about 20 minutes and the job is donr BUT for me it was a major deal. I have never had to go to hospital and the last time I was in hospital I don't even remember it. It was the day I was born.

Leading up to this surgery I did nothing but complain about this and about that, totally and unequivocally absorbed in my own life problems. SHIT, I was really, I mean REALLY scared and as far I was concerned my "stuff" was more serious then anyone elses or anything else.

I arrived in hospital at 1000 as requested.

I was admitted for surgery a short while later during which I broke down in tears. The administration nurse was fantastic, she was very understanding and caring. So much so that she took me to my bed after the administration process was completed. Another wonderful nurse came to ask me some questions and to comfort me and reassure me about the whole thing. She even said I could talk to the anesthetist about that side of it.

A lady anesthetist came over shortly after the second nurse left and began to talk about what she would do, speaking ever so gently and the whole time reassuring me and encouraging me to ask anything I wanted and to express any concerns I had. She suggested that I could think about having a sedative as well as a local aneathetic though I was so scared and over whelmed by everything that I had no idea what I wanted RE: the surgery but I was very clear that I did want the pain to go away without being chopped up!

After she left I dosed off to sleep, waking up a while later to go to the toilet. That done I went back to bed and dosed off again. I woke up again to go to the toilet though I have no idea why . . . I had not eaten or had anything to drink since 2330 the night before! As I was heading back to my bed the nurse asked how I was to which I said I was feeling sick and wanted to go home. She walked back to my bed and talked with me for a while. of course it was the nerves talking! I was so scared that I just wanted to run away.

Shortly after she left a male anesthetist came over to talk to me. HE gave me a mind sedative which relaxed me a little. Some 20 minutes later I was wheeled into the operating room and it all just went so slow yet so fast.

I started to get all worked up and asked for a General not just Local anesthetic but that was not going to happen, just more gas to relax me.

It was all done in about 20 minutes.

Here is a really good video clip of the surgery I had. It goes for an hour but well worth it to see exactly what goes on. Thanks to Google and to OR Live for providing this excellent video footage.

YouTube has a few clips also that may interest you:

Carpal Tunnel Release for carpal tunnel syndrome, by John Mahoney, M.D., more at www.DoctorMahoney.com

Australian Letter of the Year -At Least It Should Be!

2009-01-01T16:39:00.002+11:00

A fabulous characteristic of Australians is that we are far more direct and outspoken than others when dealing with the sort of elected wanker who wouldn't otherwise get the full drift of what they were trying to communicate.

Below is one such wonderful communication...

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's license, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!...

Boy!

I apologise, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bull! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my friggin' address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal Idiots workin' there!

And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a stuff whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another friggin' copy of my birth certificate, and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Nooooo.. that'd be too friggin' easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our friggin' heads cut off, and then having to find some high society wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo..the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ...you friggin' morons

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.

P.S Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!) I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am; You know.. someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FRIGGIN' PAKISTAN!!!......a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.'

You are all FRIGGIN' idiots

A Chritmas Tale

2008-12-20T19:15:00.001+11:00

A CHRISTMAS TALE

T'was the night before Christmas, he lived all alone

in a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone,

I had come down the chimney, with presents to give,

And to see just who in this home did live.

I looked all about, a strange sight did see:

no tinsel, no presents, not even a tree,

No stocking by mantle, just boots filled with sand.

On the wall hung pictures of far distant lands.

With medals and badges, awards of all kinds

A sober thought came through my mind -

For this house was different, it was dark and dreary

I found the home of a soldier, once I could see clearly.

The soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone,

Curled up on the floor in this one bedroom home.

The face was so gentle, the room in such disorder:

Not how I pictured an Australian soldier.

Was this the hero of whom I'd just read -

Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?

I realised that families that I saw this night

Owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.

Soon round the world, the children would play,

And grown-ups would celebrate a bright Christmas Day

They all enjoyed freedom, each month of the year

Because of the soldiers, like the one lying here.

I couldn't help wonder, how many lay alone

On a cold Christmas Eve, in a land far from home?

The very thought brought a tear to my eye.

I dropped to my knees and started to cry.

The soldier awakened, and I heard a rough voice:

"Santa, don't cry, this life is my choice

I fought for freedom. I don't ask for more.

My life is my God, my country, my corps."

The soldier rolled over, and drifted to sleep.

I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.

I kept watch for hours, so silent and still,

And we both shivered from the cold night's chill.

I didn't want to leave on that cold, dark night

This guardian of honour so willing to fight.

Then the soldier rolled over, and with a voice soft and pure,

Whispered "Carry on, Santa, It's Christmas Day, all is secure."

One look at my watch, and I knew he was right.

"Merry Christmas, my friend, and to all a Good Night".

This poem was written by an Australian Peacekeeping soldier stationed overseas. Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to all of our Service men and women for our being able to celebrate these festivities.

Trisha Walsh-Smith - I'm Going BONKERS

2008-12-14T09:45:00.001+11:00

I was watching the Sunday show this morning on 7HD and heard this song as I tapped away on my computer. It actually got me out of the computer room and in front of the television.

Well needless to say I was Googling to get more information about this woman.

I searched YouTube and have now subscribed to her Channel.

So here is TRISHA!

Go Girl ! ! !

Who is your Friend ? ? ?

2008-12-14T08:39:00.002+11:00

Who is your real friend?

This really works...!

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?

P.S. Please DO NOT do this. This is just for you to read and maybe put a Grin On Your Chin.

Chris Isaak - Wicked Game

2008-11-25T19:57:00.000+11:00

I am a huge Chris Isaak fan.

Chris Isaak ~ Wicked Game lyrics

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I knew somebody like you.

No, I don't want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you. With you. (This world is only gonna break your heart)

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you and,

I want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you no,

No, I want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I... (This world is only gonna break your heart)
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

Nobody loves no one.

HELP GET A VIC DUCK SEASON IN 2009

2008-11-19T21:13:00.000+11:00

HELP GET A VIC DUCK SEASON IN 2009

A decision will be made on the 2009 Victorian Duck Season soon. To help secure a season, complete your details below, click go and this petition will be sent directly to Minister Jennings.

Alternatively, you can download the petition by Clicking Here... and mail it to the Minister.

SUBMIT A PETITION NOW!

Dear Minister Jennings,

Please allow me to take this opportunity to urge you to declare a duck season in 2009.

As you will be aware, environmental conditions have improved considerably since the years preceding the 2007 and 2008 ‘no season’ decisions. Floods and subsequent duck breeding in Gippsland (2007), NSW, QLD and across Northern Australia, earlier this year has been widely publicized as the best waterfowl breeding conditions for many years. Australia’s ducks are essentially ‘drought proof’ as they are extremely mobile and move around the continent in response to favorable conditions.

Like many hunters I believe that the suspension of duck hunting in 2007 was an over-cautious decision however it was accepted by the broader hunting community. However, and as you are undoubtedly aware, that the decision to declare “no season” in 2008 did not enjoy the same level of support.

Leading scientists have reviewed hunting seasons in the past and have found no detrimental impact on the survival of the legally sought species. In this vein I would draw your attention to the findings of the Scientific Panel Review of Open Seasons for Waterfowl in New South Wales which was chaired by Dr. Richard Kingsford and which concluded that “hunting has no effect on waterfowl populations” Minister, I would respectfully remind you that duck hunting has been demonstrated to bring significant economic benefit to much of rural Victoria and especially to the north west of the state which has struggled under the drought conditions of recent years.

The declaration of a season in 2009 will be welcomed by those communities.

Mr. Jennings, I recognise your government has shown strong leadership through the State Game Initiative. As a duck hunter, I am hopeful this initiative will provide tangible benefits and hunting opportunities. I look forward to your announcement of a duck hunting season in 2009.
Yours sincerely,

*Name
*Surname
*Email
*Postcode

The Human Race

2008-10-17T08:12:00.002+11:00

A little girl asked her father:

'How did the human race appear?'

The father answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question.

The mother answered,

'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her father and said,

'Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and mum said they developed from monkeys?'

The father answered,

'Well dear it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers.'

Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls

2008-10-16T22:29:00.001+11:00

Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls

Those of you who have/had animals will probably appreciate it more. It is a story that is hilarious in itself and the person that wrote it is a good writer and made the story even better. Enjoy...

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program . For those of you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.

Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.

Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.

Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving f or family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.

I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.

I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.

I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours. Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. The rolls were ready to go in the oven.

It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.

I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproario us laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.

God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.

We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.

He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.

His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk.

He assured me that, not unlike mos t binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.

Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.

My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.

Now I know you probably don't believe that do gs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it.

Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.

Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made tr ips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes in must come out' and Jasper was no exception.

Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.

This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of wa ter from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure.

We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sist er's house.

I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.

It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to: 'How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.'

And how was your day?

(Not sure if this IS in fact truth or fiction but it was just too funny not to share)