The Verbosery

What the Hell Have I Been Doing?

2013-06-07T16:20:00.000-07:00

SweetPea, the Monkeys and I ran an aid station for the inaugural Gold Rush 100K. While the Monkeys and I have volunteered for several events for TBF Racing, this was the first time any of us had worked an ultra marathon. Would you believe they actually put us (me) in charge of the whole aid station? As aid station captian, I was not only in charge of making sure everything was set up and running smoothly, I was also serving as a race official. I had to power to ask a runner to stop, to collect information about a runner who was dropping, and to answer technical race rule questions (Ok, there was only one).

It was a lot of fun, and I 'd love to do it again.

The trail leading to our aid station.

Oh, wait! I am! Way back in December I requested a volunteer slot at the upcoming Western States 100. While working Gold Rush, I got an email offering me a coveted position working the cable crossing. That's right! I get to spend one whole night standing in a freezing ass river helping runners into and out of the water. I can't hardly wait!

I ended up having to leave the Gold Rush aid station early so that I could go and teach yoga. Not just any yoga class but my yoga class! Not only was I offered a time slot to teach yoga, but we're trying a whole new style of class, so I've been fortunate to be able to design the class. I think it's really awesome, and I think you should come!

The next weekend, we took the dogs to Grandfather's house so they could romp and play in his backyard. It's a split level yard, so there's lots for Bixby to jump up and down and climb under and of course he loves to drink from the pig pot.

Then we went to a party and had a great time, as you can see.

One morning, while driving the Monkeys to school, this dude walked on out into the street and sat down. As I was driving towards him! Even after taking the time to snap this photo, he was still sitting there. I had to drive around his ass. In fairness, he looked kind of old and raggedy. Maybe he was hoping for an out?

Speaking of Monkeys and school! Did you know that I had two graduates this year?

MonkeySee graduated high school.

MonkeyDo graduated junior high.

As you can see, we've been pretty busy. While I still feel guilty about neglecting you guys, I don't want to post for the sake of filling space. Hopefully I can get back to a more regular posting schedule as the summer holiday allows some brain cells to regeneration.

Here's hoping, anyway!

Is This Thing On?

2013-05-17T16:30:00.000-07:00

I know that it's been way too long since I've posted and I owe you lots & lots of updates. Right now, though, what I have for you is this:

I am really in love with what happens when you google my name right now.

And Then I Jumped, Anyway

2013-04-25T16:30:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, my dad would take us hiking frequently. Northern California is fantastic for getting out in nature. We have miles and miles of trails, rivers, canyons, mountains, and lakes that are accessible throughout most of any given year. I remember exploring a lot of places.

In my head, this is the girl I've always been. Exploring outside, in the sun and the dirt, over rocks and under trees, and - hell yes - in the water. This is the girl whose heart pines for a Jeep. The girl who feels like she's part mountain goat and still hopes to go on a multi-day hiking/camping trip.

Somewhere along the line, we stopped hiking as frequently. Maybe life got in the way. Maybe I got too much up my own teenage ass about the way I should be and how much that didn't include being sweaty and dirty and sunburnt. While I've made some half assed attempts over the years to get back to this place, they've never really stuck.

No matter how much I enjoyed it.

Two rounds of Yoga Teacher Training later...

Last year, we hiked twice up to the same spot under Foresthill Bridge. We took different routes both times, one significantly easier than the other. But when you're (still) so far removed from your fitness and from that girl who was part mountain goat, even the "easier" route sucked. And allergies.

>
See the red trail? That. We hiked that.

Oh my fuck, the allergies.

There we were, in this gorgeous place, out in the middle of everything I love, and I was miserable. Sure, part of it was because my allergies were making it hell, but part of it was because I was too up in my head with anxiety about the hike back and my allergies and a bunch of other stupid shit that, honestly, I should have let go of so I could actually be in the moment.

This year, again, we hiked twice.

The first time to that same spot under Foresthill Bridge. We took the "easier" route to get there, and then took the long way back out so we could tackle a big climb. While the climb was certainly not easy, it was much easier than the climb was last year, and I managed it with a lot less direct, physical assistance (although I am very grateful to my group, who hung out with me, encouraged me, and gave me a hand up when I needed one).

It was a really awesome day.

On the last day of class, we went on a completely different hike.

For those familiar with the area, we hiked Lake Clementine Trail.

Lake Clementine Trail has a long, slow incline with a well maintained trail and lots of shade. It's a beautiful trail and a pretty easy hike. You end up here:

Then you climb down a rocky bank to get out onto the rocks under the waterfall, where we sat in the sun and the mist, exploring, goofing off, taking pictures and having lunch.

I wasn't quite that daring, but I did end up barefoot and climbing all over rocks, taking photos, exploring, and hanging out. It was fun. More than just exploring the area, I was exploring what I was capable of. Reconnecting with my core and my confidence.

It was freeing.

After Clementine Falls, we hiked back down the trail and stopped about halfway down, at a "beach" that was mostly rocky outcroppings above the river.

Jumping into the river started almost immediately.

I hadn't planned to get wet (we were warned before that there would be an opportunity to get in the water). I didn't plan to jump into the river. I didn't want to. I was afraid to. I didn't trust my strength as a swimmer to get back to shore. I didn't trust my ability to climb up wet rocks to get back out.

I am terribly, irrationally afraid of falling.

I stood on that damn ledge for so long.

Other people jumped. I was cheered, encouraged, cajoled. I talked myself into it and out of it and back again. I thought about every video I'd ever seen where someone attempts to jump and falls badly. I thought about how far down I would go once I hit the water. I wondered if I would hit the rock ledge under the water.

I thought about all the things, all the fears, all the irrational bullshit.

And then I jumped, anyway.

You guys.

It took a really long time to fall.

I could hear everyone talking and cheering for a long time. And, yes. On the way down, I was wondering why I was still hearing words, why I could listen to entire sentences. Then I hit the water, slowing & finally stopping before swimming back up to the top. I made it back to the rocks and, with help, got back up out of the water.

It was really awesome.

It had come down to the understanding that the regret of not jumping would far outweigh the fear of the jump, and that it would last much, much longer.

This is the girl that I want to be.

Dirty, wet, and sunburnt. Over the rocks, under the trees, in the water. Part mountain goat.

But more than that...

I want to be the girl that jumped, anyway.

Rendered Speechless

2013-04-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

I have so much to tell you that I don't even know where to start.

Wisdom

2013-04-12T16:30:00.000-07:00

Mountain Posing

2013-04-11T16:30:00.000-07:00

I wanted to tell you a story about this hike, about getting here and back and about how different it was this year than last year.

But I don't really have the time to tell that story right now. So I will just share how much sweeter it was to practice yoga and teaching on the side of a mountain this year, with allergies that are largely in control.

So much more awesome.

Crow Pose - Breaking the Seal

2013-04-09T16:30:00.000-07:00

A few years back, SweetPea and I attempted to take the Monkeys to the California State Fair. It was a ridiculously hot August day. As we were cruising the parking lot, hoping for a decent space, SweetPea turned a corner and slid a tire into the corner of the liftgate of a bobtail van, slicing the tire open.

The driver of the van attempted to get Babe, our truck, up on a jack to change the tire for us. Three different types of jacks failed to get the tire off the ground. He even tried adding blocks to the jack to increase the lift height. It was like that tire commercial where the tires pull up chunks of concrete when the mechanic tries to lift the car. Our truck was notorious for tire problems and we always had to call a tow truck because that's what it took to get Babe off the ground enough to change the tire*.

Throughout my adventure in yoga, I have had several occasions where partner or acro yoga was practiced, usually with the purpose of lifting or de-weighting your partner. While I usually participate, I don't generally make much of an effort to allow myself to become airborne. In fact, my memories of most of these practices involve my desperately trying to just keep my feet on the floor. I'm sure a large part of it is just not wanting to subject my 242 pounds to another person, but the rest? I don't really know.

I have, however, noticed a consistent and determined need for my feet to be on the floor.

Well.

I guess I should say that I have noticed a need for my feet to be in contact with a surface, grounded in some way.

If you've ever seen me walk my feet up a wall while in downward facing dog, you'll understand why this surface doesn't need to be a floor.

This weekend, Francisco Morales-Bermudez of Synergy came out and, yes, we did some acro/partner/thai massage yoga & yoga assisting. I tried really hard to keep my feet on the floor, y'all. I participated in the thai massage based yoga assisting practice. I participated as a base and flew my practice partner.

I tried really hard.

Finally, with Francisco serving as a spotter, and in a pose where the person serving as base physically picks your feet up off the floor (did you see that one coming?), I was brought completely up off the ground.

I'm totally not here to tell you about how the experience was an epiphany, euphoric, amazing, because I'm not sure that I would frame it in any such way. But my feet came off the earth and I was safe and supported and it was a deeply new and unusual experience for me.

In a way, it changed the standard.

For most of my yoga practice, inversions** and arm balances have largely eluded me. There are practical reasons for some of these, attributable to the dimensions of my current physical shape***, that may or may not eventually be addressed through continued practice. While I have been able to get up into crow pose, it is usually for just that barest breath of stillness on the way back out of the pose.

Crow Pose

Even as I've gotten stronger, in general and in my yoga practice, crow pose has continued to elude me.

Well, shit, girl. Your feet have to leave the floor to be in Crow Pose.

Sunday afternoon, after my adventure leaving the floor that morning, our class participated in a fundraising event, Flow 4 a Cause. By the time we got there, I was physically exhausted. Between our practice that morning and our adventure the day before (which I'll tell you about tomorrow), I was so tired. My legs were toast. I didn't really think I had an actual yoga practice left in me.

During the flow of a practice that I did, indeed, still have in me, we came through to crow pose. Nice & easy, taking our time to play with it. I was actually taking a rest when the practice came to crow pose. Maybe because I'd dreamt about it the night before, maybe because I was feeling more confident about getting my feet off the floor, I stepped back up to play with it.

I've done this so many times that I can do it from memory.

Get my knees up up up onto the backs of my arms, hips high, core engaged, taking more and more weight onto my arms until I can release one foot from the ground.

This time, though, there was a steadiness at this point. My body felt solid in the pose, those last wiggly toes gripping more out of fear and habit than necessity, until they just let go.

And, no, it wasn't just that easy. It took a couple of tries before I could do it without wobbling promptly back out. Even then I wasn't there for more than a solid breath.

But I was there.

The seal was broken. My feet had floated free of the earth.

Suspended in space.

Just as safe as before.

*Only once was a jack ever successful, and this was managed by a dapper gentleman in designer jeans who showed up in a two seater Mercedes Benz. Really.

**By "inversions" I mean poses like head stand, shoulder stand... the ones where your feet leave the floor.

***Look, this isn't a crack about my size, and I'm not putting myself down. Some of the arm balances are beyond my reach right now because of the shape of my body. I'm ok with that. You should be, too.

PS: one of my biggest (irrational) fears is falling. Which I think totally explains most of this experience.

Wordless Wednesday - Goofballs

2013-04-03T04:30:00.000-07:00

Monkeys Against Cancer - Another Bald Head

2013-04-02T16:30:00.000-07:00

On March 11th, we went down to de Vere's Irish Pub for the great shaving. MonkeySee raised a total (to date) of $330, a full 165% of his $200 goal! Thanks largely to your generous donations.

At the end, he got a goody bag full of stuff, including...

Shampoo & conditioner?

He ended up shaving his beard, too, although I still don't have a decent photo of him completely shorn.

I know I am hopeless behind on blogging, and I promise that I think of you often & am hoping to blog on the regular again at some point. Eventually. Maybe.

Monkeys Against Cancer - Another Year, Another Head

2013-03-01T16:30:00.000-08:00

The last time he shaved his head for St. Baldrick's, he looked like this:

This time, he looks like this:

What a difference four years makes.

You can donate to MonkeySee's campaign here.

Fitness Apparel for Tightwads - An Oxymoron?

2013-02-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

When I first started my "fitness journey", I got really lucky.

Really.

I found three sports bras at WalMart for about $10 each that were comfortable, easy to wear and super supportive. I have tried to find these bras again to no avail.

Lucky, I'm telling you.

Now it's four years later and did you know that, for runners, especially, sports bras have a "mileage life", much like our shoes? This depends on a number of factors, but the going consensus is that your sports bra should not have a birthday.

Four years later, my sports bras are clearly showing signs of giving up the ghost. They're mostly still sound, but there's a concerning amount of give that I know is new.

Not only my bras, but my pants, my workout tops, a lot of the stuff I wear regularly to work out is leaning towards needing replacing. Just ask the holes in the bands of my yoga pants.

There's a part of my brain that looks at all the really awesome fitness stuff that thinner people wear and that part of my brain is so jealous and can't wait to be smaller and be able to fit into these clothes. Then there's the entire rest of my brain that responds with:

"Please. You are such a fucking tightwad there is no way you'd pay that much for workout clothes."

Totally true, y'all.

Totally.

So I'm about to embark on the daunting task of replacing fitness gear while appeasing the tightwad and the artsy fartsy sides of my brain.

Wish me luck.

(this is totally what happens when I'm avoiding writing about stuff I'm supposed to have been writing about. Stupid Squirrel Brain.

Birthday Weekend - In Photos

2013-02-26T16:30:00.000-08:00

Birthday Deadlifts. What else?

I had to start writing down each day's workout. It always starts with "Good morning!" and the date. Then I have to list the plates to load. Apparently I cannot maths in my head at 5am. Who knew?

A birthday tradition is always mini golf. This year, it was Monster Mini Golf, where we met this guy. He reminds me of Bixby.

Later I had a margarita.

Friday I had the day off. We ended up having to go for a ride, because Gomi wouldn't stop spinning and woo-woo-wooing at the front door.

Saturday I went to a workshop on deadlifts at Body Tribe.

Photo by Chip Conrad

Then we went to a tattoo fundraiser for a local burlesque group. Bunny!

Catsup - A Quickie

2013-02-25T16:30:00.000-08:00

To give you a quick update on some things I hope to be able to cover in more detail soon:

1. While I did not make my fundraising goal for Yoga Teacher Training, I did get close enough to be able to get there. For that, I am filled with gratitude for the Universe and, specifically, each of you. Thank you.

2. I had an appointment with an allergist that clarified my food allergies. The short version is that I only have to listen to food allergies that affect me in certain ways. Wheat stays on the "avoid" list because the eczema in my hands is a special circle of hell and, honestly, I really hate having gas. Corn syrup will stay on the "avoid" list because it gives me headaches and it's really just toxic sludge. Really. Everything else I can eat at my discretion, which will probably change during allergy season. So huzzah for that!

3. I turned 38 last Thursday and had a long, busy, gloriously weekend that I will tell you more about tomorrow.

4. Everything is changing. Nothing is changing.

Tomorrow there will be a picture post for you, and I'm hoping that's going to buy me enough time to actually write some groovy shit down for y'all. Fingers crossed!

Philosophical Monkey

2013-02-07T16:30:00.000-08:00

Are you tired of hearing about yoga teacher training, yet?

Oh, good!

Today I have for you:

Reasons Why the Monkeys Are Awesome!

Our actual favorite subject!

I drive the Monkeys to school every morning before continuing on to work. This task can be draining because it is a lot of driving and traffic and stop lights and idiots and OMG is it summer break, yet? Recently, however, we have had discussions on our drive that have absolutely made my day and made me so grateful these Monkeys are our Monkeys. I thought I'd share a couple with you.

1. Philosophical discussions about the world of Harry Potter, how the series grows with the intended audience during the time it was being written, and how the cast is not spared from the tragedy of what is, essentially, war. So frequently stories involving a cast that centers around younger characters spares these characters the horror of loss, death, disfiguration. J.K. Rowling digs the knife right into your heart and takes down even your favorites without remorse. To me, this is what makes this series and her as an author so extraordinary.

Especially when you compare this to certain other book series' that shall remain nameless. Ahem.

2. Philosophical discussions centered around rap songs about the extravegance of the rapper's neuvea riche lifestyle in contrast to the frequently impoverished lifestyles of their intended audience.

3. Evidence that our Monkeys have been raised post-"Traditional Marriage" and, largely, outside the scope of what our society deems gender-normative.

To whit: MonkeyDo proclaiming "That's Mr. Potter. He's Mrs. Potter's wife." (Yes, she did figure out for herself that she was wrong.)

Our Monkeys are pretty fucking awesome.

Christmas Eve at ~~our house~~ Monster Mini Golf.

I Am I - Be the Universe

2013-02-06T16:30:00.000-08:00

In the middle of my posts extoling the reasons that you should support my yoga teacher training, I posted a rant.

It wasn't long, it wasn't vulgar, it certainly wasn't my best rant.

But it was a rant.

That, my friends, opened my eyes to the biggest and best reason you should support my yoga teacher training.

I know that most of my normal blog readers would not describe themselves as yoga people. You may go to yoga, you may even enjoy it, but you don't really consider yourself a yogi. You probably don't wear lululemon or lucy and your mat is likely not a manduka. You probably don't understand why purveyors of yogi gear eschew capitol letters.

Actually, neither do I.

If you're like me, you are maybe perplexed by a typical yoga teacher's calm, loving, gushy-sweet demeanor. Intimidated by her soft spoken ways, lithe body, organic vegan juicing ways.

It can be hard to consider a guru so far from what you might consider acheivable for yourself.

And then there's me.

Y'all know me.

I drink. I cuss. I yell at other drivers for being fucking idiots. I'm too fat and too cheap to buy fancy yoga duds. I get in my big ass van and drive my dogs to Starbucks for coffee.

I'm not saying any of this is what you should aspire to be. It certainly isn't very becoming of a yoga instructor, especially not one that knows enough to know that yoga isn't just about the practice of movement. It is, in fact, a complete life style that touches on all of these things and builds normal, flawed humans into lovely and loving yoga instructors*.

But me?

I am, like you, a work in progress.

A perfect, complete, beautiful work in progress.

I teach in yoga clothes I bought on sale at Target.

I put songs in my playlists that shove right up against the bounds of propriety.

I may always say "fuck" under my breath when I forget where I was going while teaching a class.

I will laugh too loud.

I will hug too hard.

I will get mad if you drive too slow.

I will take you where you don't want to go solely because you will follow me there.

Someday, with work and with practice, I will be able to get you out of your head and into your body, heart, and soul, so that, together, we can strengthen and stretch and fill them with love.

To get there, I need the Universe.

I need you.

*You can read more about the Eight Limbs of Yoga here. If you've ever wodnered why yoga teachers are that way, this will probably shed some light for you.

Do You Need a Reason?

2013-02-05T16:30:00.000-08:00

As my fundraiser is winding down, I've taken to plastering facebook & twitter with reasons you should support my yoga teacher training.

Including sales of scrubs and baubles, I'm about 30% of the way to my goal. Which is pretty cool, except the part that I'm still about 60% from where I need to be.

I'm reposting the reasons I have so far here, and will be following up with another post on the subject tomorrow. Eventually I should be able to shut up about this and move on to our regular shenanigans. Right now, though, I'm making one last push to get across the proverbial finish line.

Reason #183 why you should support my yoga teacher training: I put the song Mad World In a class playlist on purpose.

Reason #37 you should support my yoga teacher training: I know why yoga should be part of any athlete's training program (even yours!).

Reason #97 to support my yoga teacher training: I know how to leverage yoga to move into grief & create space for new.

Reason #3: because, like me, you believe yoga should be available to anyone, regardless of ability or economic status.

Reason #23: Because, like me, you believe in the power of community.

Reason #42: Because, like me, you believe that any body can be a yoga body.

Reason #7: Because savasana is best started with guided meditation & a side of melted chocolate.

Reason #5: Because you believe in dreams, too.

Reason #19: Because you believe yoga teachers should come in all sizes.

Reason #111: Because I cuss like a yoga teacher.

Reason #89: Because it's easier to practice being out of your comfort zone from the safety of your mat.

Reason #119: Because I know how amazing it can be to start your day with early morning yoga.

Reason #7: Whether sweat, tears, or the ocean, I believe there's little that salt water can't resolve.

Reason #13: Because you know how far I've come.

Rolling with my Monkeys

2013-02-03T04:30:00.000-08:00

When the three of us are out walking somewhere, the Monkeys, for some reason, feel the need to each walk exactly at my side, one on each shoulder. It's weird and awkward and I frequently feel like I'm walking with an entourage or my very own body guards. Mostly it feels like we're too large of a group to fit whatever space we're in.

We were in Target the other day, and I attempted to get a snap of this so you could see what I mean. What we ended up with was not even close but way too epic not to share.

Bixby the Preteen Girl

2013-02-02T04:30:00.000-08:00

Bill the Dog has been posting photos with his buddy Frog, so I wanted to get a photo of Bixby with Ollie. Usually you can find Ollie crammed so far down Bixby's face it's a wonder he's not choking. The lighting is pretty bad in our house, so I figured we could get a nice shot outside. Apparently, though, One does not play with One's Ollie where others might see. MOM.

I Love the Month of Love

2013-02-01T16:30:00.000-08:00

Oh, February. Tiniest month of the whole year, yet filled with to the very brim with good shit.

February is one of my very favorite months in the whole, wide calendar.

Why?

Because it's my birthday, duh.

There are actually many reasons that I love February, and it being my birthday month is only one part of that. Here is a short list of things I love about February.

1. The annual Fill the Boot for Burns drive. Firefighters hang out in one of the busiest intersections in Sacramento County and dash through traffic collecting dollars in, well, boots to raise money for the Firefighter's Burn Institute (FFBI). The FFBI was started after a local tragedy 40 years ago. From their Mission Statement: The Firefighters Burn Institute is a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization founded by the Sacramento Area Firefighters Local 522 in 1973, for the purpose of establishing a local burn treatment facility; providing recovery programs for burn survivors; providing fire and burn prevention through public education; funding education for burn team professionals, firefighters, and burn survivors; and supporting burn treatment and rehabilitation research.

It's one of my favorite fundraisers of the year, and I make an effort to drive through that intersection more than once during the weekend.

2. Flowering Quince will be blooming soon! One of my very favorite flowering plants. I love how a winter-barren bush of twigs becomes a sudden explosion of fantasticly fuscia color. I love seeing the contrast of aggressively cheerful pops of color on branches otherwise void of life and light. It is a marriage of the dichotomies of alive and dead and this blend is one of my favorite things.

3. It's the month of love! What would a mushy, gushy, sticky sweet Piscean Girl like me love more than a whole lot of love? Not much, let me just say. Ordinarily I love all the parts, including all the decadent treats that go along with.... Why, America, why do we associate love with food? This is why we're all fat prudes.

I'm just saying.

There is a lot to love about my favorite birthday month, and I can go on and on.

What's your favorite thing about February?

Allergy Girl in an Allergen World

2013-01-31T16:30:00.000-08:00

When I went in for my physical recently, it seemed like a brilliant idea to ask to have a food allergy panel run. I was already pretty sure that I am allergic to wheat, so wouldn't it be a great idea to find out what else I'm allergic to?

No.

No, it would not.

Because if you do this, you're likely to find out that you're allergic to things like peanuts, walnuts, and sesame seeds. You may even find out that you really are allergic to wheat (just like you thought, yay you!).

And, then.

And then you might just find out you're allergic to corn.

I Know, that sounds so easy right? Sure you've leaned heavily on Mexican-based foods since giving up wheat, and you're going to have to give up tortilla chips, and tacos, and tamales. And, yes, there's all that corn syrup that's in, like, everything. But that's not that hard, right?

OH how wrong you are.

You see, this is America, the land of milk and honey. And, by "milk and honey", we mean "corn and corn derivitives".

When I started doing some research into my food allergies, I discovered that corn is used to make all kinds of stuff. The "printable" list of corn allergens is five pages long and includes fun shit like citric acid, brown sugar, vanilla, and iodized salt.

Iodized.

Fucking.

Salt.

It's not that I have any special attachment to iodized table salt, and generally prefer to buy sea salt for our home, but that one tiny thing signifies the most daunting aspect of a corn allergy: it's everywhere.

Even the most thoughtfully prepared meal can be ruined by a simple shake of salt into the boiling water.

Really?

I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself with this, because Squirrel Brain pictures all the family meals, holidays, birthdays, occassions to eat out or eat together, the long days running errands, and the late nights with no time to cook: all the times we rely on being able to grab a quick bite, or eat food someone else cooked.

I'm trying to just focus on one step at a time.

Purging my diet.

Purging my cupboards.

Purging my grocery lists.

Changing habits.

It's daunting.

Double sided, color coded, list of ingredients to avoid.

My main focus right now is the big things. The obvious ones. Practicing reading labels to find new things. Prioritizing whole food, home cooked eating. Planning, planning, planning.

I'll let you know how it goes.

A Quick Listy Post

2013-01-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

I'm here with a quick list-post, because I'm sure you're sick of looking at the same posts over & over again.

You're welcome.

1. Some idiot emailed me & asked if his company could advertise on my blog. I don't get these very often because my blog isn't that big. Once upon a time, I thought I might be able to build this blog up enough to monetize it the way some of the bigger bloggers do, but that ship has long since sailed and I love my small, devoted following (you love me, right?)(RIGHT?).

I'm not going to sell advertising on my blog because I value the fact that you're here reading my drivel and, when I need money, I will ask you for it directly.

Duh.

Furthermore, no fucking way am I selling advertising to you in the form of blog posts. Nobody comes here to read someone else's writing, and I'm not going to post it and pretend it's mine. That's ridiculous.

Finally, it's actually insulting when the dude has clearly never even read my blog. Seriously?

2. I had a physical recently and requested that my doctor run the food allergy blood panel.

Stupidest thing I've ever done in my life.

I plan to post more about that this week, and will probably be referencing it repeatedly in coming months.

Including off-site donations & jewelry sale (singular)(so far!), I'm up to $195 towards Yoga Teacher Training. That's pretty exciting, but there's still a long way to go. I'm hoping we get more action around payday.

4. I got to make some scrubs over the weekend, and was reminded, yet again, how much I dig spending time that way. It truly is on my list of things I'd rather spend my life doing.

Cuppa Joe Coffee Scrubs

Chuck Norris: A Consolation Prize for the Rest of the World

2013-01-23T04:30:00.000-08:00

We haven't had real television in the house for years now. We get no reception and I refuse to pay for cable. We get shows from netflix or redbox and we burn through television series this way.

Recently we've started watching Supernatural. We're only in season four, which is awesome, because I think we've got at least three seasons left. The older of the two Winchester brothers is Dean. He's a classic rock loving, wise cracking, ass-kicking guy, and he's kind of a favorite in our house.

What you probably don't know is that my dad is also named Dean, a connection not lost on either Monkey. Which explains how the following conversation* came about recently:

MonkeyDo: Who would win in a fight: Dean or Grandpa Dean?

Me: If they were the same ages they are now or if they were the same age?

MonkeyDo: If they were the same age.

MonkeySee: Grandpa Dean.

MonkeyDo: Yeah.

MonkeySee: I think that, if you adjusted for age, there's nobody that Grandpa Dean couldn't beat. It's like Grandpa Dean's that really tough guy that you'd never know because he doesn't use it unless he needs to.

I'm not really sure what it is about my dad that leaves people with that impression, but it's a pretty common assessment of him. Sure, he's a mechanic and a hunter, and he was raised in a family of Manly Men during an era of Manly Men, but none of that necessarily makes him more of a badass than the next guy.

Who am I kidding?

My dad could totally beat up your dad.

But he's much more likely to drop a hand down on your shoulder, look you dead in the eye, and follow "You know..." up with a detailed explanation of why he thinks you're wrong. Because, yes, my dad could totally beat your dad up, but he's just as comfortable using his words to prove his point.

He was born a badass.

My dad's on the left, circa 1973.

Happy birthday dad. May you kick ass for many years to come.

*This conversation is totally paraphrased because, you know... My memory's shit.

Be the Universe

2013-01-21T10:21:00.000-08:00

Apparently, when I wrote number four, the Universe took that as a personal challenge.

Specifically the part where I intended to not participate in formal Yoga Teacher Training this year.

The thing is that, strictly speaking, it really isn't in the budget. While we can juggle to make things happen (and will if we have to), it's not really a position that I'd like to be in or that I'm comfortable putting my family in.

To that end, I'm trying to make some extra money to pay for the training. I figure that, if the Universe thinks it's funny, then it certainly can help get me to my goals.

Yes.

You are the Universe, too.

Just for a moment I am going to assume that you are interested and willing to help me further my training. Maybe because you believe in me. Maybe because you'd love to take a class I'm teaching. Maybe because you've read my blog for years and you maybe feel obligated. So just for a moment I am going to assume, and I'm going to tell you all the ways you can help me reach my goal.

1. I have some stuff for sale at Fat Femme Laboratory. Because I don't plan to reopen my etsy shop right now (or possibly ever), ordering something is a little weird. If you're on facebook, you can message me with your request, or email me directly using the "contact the verbosery" email on the blog. I can let you know if what you want is still available, and how to get it in your hot little hands.

Just a note that the scrubs that are currently available are the first scrubs that I have ever offered for sale, and likely to be the last scrubs for sale at least until summer. Until now, the only way you could get a scrub was as a gift. I've gotten nothing but amazing feedback on these scrubs and use them myself. They are fantastic scrubs and unlike anything you'll find elsewhere.

2. Every book you buy contributes $9 to the fund.

3. Chip in directly. Don't have a need for baubels or trinkets? Want to just contribute directly? Whether $5 or $50, every little bit helps me get closer to my goal and is greatly appreciated.

Now the important question: what the hell is this paying for?

First:

Yin teacher training, one day intensive: I heard amazing things about this class when it was presented last year and I'd love to be able to participate this year. Registration is $99.

Second:

Yoga Assistant Training (25 hours): I took yoga assistant training last year and it was awesome. Assistant training is a great way to focus on pose alignment and the intentions of each asana. This year's training program is being offered by the Yoga Seed Collective and is being taught by an Ayurvedic practitioner and will be covering assisting from a different perspective than the training I took last year. I am really excited about this and the way it will help my assisting practice become more meaningful. I have been offered to take this course for free, as I am already assisting at the Seed (the All Bodies class on Monday nights, in case you're new here). While I am touched and honored by the offer, I would love to be able to pay my way into this class. Since the Seed is a non-profit, paying for the class helps them to help others. You can read more about the Seed's mission here. $239

Third:

Yoga Teacher Training at East Wind Yoga (100 Hours): I took their teacher training last year and was offered the opportunity to take this training at a discounted rate. I see this as an opportunity to deepen and expand my knowledge and experience. I loved this training last year and am looking forward to it again this year. $475

Grand total for all of the training is $813. Anything extra that I receive will go towards books and gas.

So, look. I don't like asking you guys for money. Does anyone? But something I learned last year in yoga teacher training is that, when you don't ask, you may be depriving someone of the opportunity to be of service. I also learned that I need to learn how to live with an open heart. Part of that is being willing to be open to what the Universe can provide.

Wordless Wednesday - Just a Quick Trip

2013-01-16T04:30:00.000-08:00

New to Fitness - A Primer

2013-01-14T16:30:00.000-08:00

It's a new year and a new round of New Year's Resolutioners at the gym.

I've been fairly fortunate that my gym has not been inundated with people on their New Year's kick. Hopefully that's not a bad thing that means my gym is struggling to survive. Hopefully it's just because I workout at asscrack o'clock when nobody else wants to be there.

Those of us who are gym regulars cringe during this time of year because there are so many new people who don't know what they're doing or are unfamiliar with that particular gym or maybe just don't understand that not everyone else is new and that maybe they shouldn't try to correct the big dog. Or get in her way.

As a Gym Hippo*, I'd like to provide some tips and tricks for those of you who are new to the fitness experience. I wrote something awhile back that speaks to how the fitness world can work better for non-athletes and that post speaks to a lot of tools you can use to help achieve your goals, but this post is specific to you, the New Kid at the Gym.

1. Own What's Yours (You are not a mind reader.)

A couple of months ago, a blog post went viral that spoke to the experience of one fat woman at the gym ("Hello Fellow Gym Goers Look at my Fat Butt"). It is an experience that many of us can relate to and I don't want to invalidate it as a legitimate experience.

However.

None of us are mind readers. As much as we feel like we may know what a person is thinking when they give us that look, we genuinely don't. Sure, maybe they're thinking horrible thoughts about you being at the gym. But probably they're thinking about how they shouldn't have stayed up so late last night, or how they're muscling through a killer headache to get their workout in. Or you happen to be on "their" treadmill and they're trying to stifle the urge to hipcheck you off of it.

Yes, there are people who go to the gym for the sole purpose of not ending up fat. In my experience, the vast majority of gym regulars are there for fitness: to become fitter, faster, stronger, better than they were yesterday. Not because they want to lose an amount of weight, or stay a certain size, or lose a certain number of inches.

That feeling you get when you see someone look at you and you're sure they're thinking awful things? That's the voice of your own self-doubt. That horrible voice in your head that tries to convince you that you are not Worth It.

And you should absolutely, positively shut that lying bitch up.

2. Get Professional Help

I know. You've barely talked yourself into being able to fit a gym membership into your budget, you for sure don't have the extra money for a personal trainer.

I get it.

I do.

Most gyms offer group classes for free (or a small fee). Take them.

Yes.

Yes, you can.

Because nobody is going to judge you for taking a break when you need to, modifying a movement, or leaving the class early. Take the classes. Listen to your body. Don't be afraid to push yourself.

You can do more than you think you can.

3. Get Accountability

This will mean different things for different people.

Maybe you join a fitness challenge or get a gym buddy or blog your workouts. Make yourself goals that involve how many times you go to the gym, how long you work out for, take a certain number of classes in a week. Goals like "I will finish three fitness classes this week" are the goals that will get you progress. Not "I will lose 2 pounds this week".

4. Nutrition Counts

Even if you workout for an hour every day, that's only 4% of your day. You still have 23 more hours to fuck it up.

I love this video & think it's a great demonstration of what I'm getting at: "You can't out train a bad diet."

Working out is awesome, don't get me wrong, but you can't follow it up by eating the same crap you've probably been eating. You don't have to change everything overnight, and attempting that would set most people up for disaster. But what you can do is make numerous small changes that add up. Sure, I can give you a list, but there are so many examples online. My suggestion is to eat as close to real, whole foods as you can. Hell, just start by reading In Defense of Food. It's not a diet plan, it wasn't even written by a nutritionist or a diet expert. It was written by a journalist who did a shit-ton of research to bring you some amazing information you're not going to get from someone trying to sell you a meal plan.

5. Build a Community

Possibly the biggest tip I can give you.

When I first started, I wanted to do everything myself, by myself. I was ashamed and embarrassed and felt like I should be able to figure this out on my own. Doesn't everyone figure this shit out on their own?

No.

They don't.

Building a community gives you not only more resources and help, it gives you a cheering squad when it gets tough, people who check in on you when you've been absent, and, most importantly, friends who support and encourage your new, fit lifestyle.

6. Don't Bite the Big Dog

You're new here. She's not. Part of learning how to workout in the gym is learning how to share space and equipment and how to share space with people who are working out in a way that you maybe don't agree with.

My pet peeve? Plate slammers. You know the ones that sit on the weight machines and make the plates slam on every rep? I'm pretty sure that means they're doing it wrong, and it kind of makes me want to smack them. But I'm not their personal trainer. I don't know their story. As much as I'd love to go tell them off, it's not my place and I sure the fuck do not have the training or experience to know for sure that what they're doing is dangerous**.

So I roll my eyes, turn my iPod up, and hope I can ignore them.

Because all I can control is me.

Photo courtesy of Chip at Body Tribe - Flipping tires is a ridiculous amount of fun.

Well, kids, that's all I've got for you today. Do you have some tips & tricks that you'd like to share with fitness newbs? Just fill in that fancy sharing box below!

*Gym Hippo: Because I'm not thin enough to be a Gym Rat

**The only time you should step in and offer a correction to someone is if you do happen to have the training and education to know that a person is doing something likely to cause physical harm. And, even then, be prepared to get told to stuff it.