tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636Thu, 07 Jul 2011 23:30:37 +0000Zach GalifianakisjokesPortlandpodcastchicksBettie PageKyle Harbertfabulousmountaingolden girlsfrangelaBetter when you're nakedunicornSteve Ageewagonbaby donkeyFrench BulldogHeaththank you for being a friendComedymaronbabevodkaExcusesunicorns are fucking awesomeOrigamiGlamazonMarc MaronmariaIda MariaducksSarah Silverman ProgramSolomon GeorgioORI don't want to cleanmy husband loves mesiamese catsVeronica Heathhit showsMassive Attack26hackBarnyardandyMary BirdsongGeorge CarlinIndependencebirthdayAngelLlamaveronicarockAndy Kindlerbff'sawesomekindlerjake ryanstealingsketchmarcBad ass motherfuckervh1pop4th of JulyRest In PeaceBagdad TheaterbamfordMaria Bamfordveronicaheathcomedystupid tattoo unicorn trampstamFreak Showburrito boyabsolutold peopleRIPKate Flanerywriters blockskinny bitcheatingReno 911Pin-upFavorite SongAdult ADHDfunThe Officesong of the weekhealthDanielle RadfordLegendcandyBlogbest week everOpen Mic"When life gives you lemons, throw them at people.... because laughing is good for you."http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Veronica)Blogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-1738332088201761381Mon, 11 Apr 2011 02:57:00 +00002011-04-10T20:21:16.093-07:00OrigamiducksFrench BulldogAdult ADHDExcusesI don't want to cleanmy husband loves meThis is my go-to Top 10 list for not cleaning the apartment. It almost works most of the time with my husband. 1. It's raining  2. There's a ghost in our apartment 3. I'm a little hungover 4. Hey - look at that dog over there  5. Our bed is too comfortable and is literally holding me hostage  6. We don't have any neighbor kids that I can pay to help me 7. My arm hurts 8. I'm learning origami http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/kvPnNu7atEM/reasons-why-i-cant-clean-my-apartment.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/kvPnNu7atEM" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2011/04/reasons-why-i-cant-clean-my-apartment.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-4922584313390539608Sat, 02 Apr 2011 23:05:00 +00002011-04-02T16:13:15.532-07:00siamese catsComedywriters blockveronicaheathcomedyWriters block sucks. I feel like my brain has been constipated for soooo long. I realized that I can be sad about it, and avoid it... OR ....I can start tweeting, blogging, and violating the internet everywhere I can with writing and maybe it'll start unclogging my brain. Here's hoping. : /(Pic: http://www.explodingdog.com/)http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/2TBEeVCNS10/act-like-nothing-happened-and-maybe-no.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/2TBEeVCNS10" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2011/04/act-like-nothing-happened-and-maybe-no.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-1414859100731701663Tue, 15 Dec 2009 02:30:00 +00002009-12-14T19:34:31.657-08:00I'm back...I'm going to try this one more time.I think we all know a 'list person' and if you don't...you do now. I figure I'll post a few lists to catch my few readers up on things since my last post.Biggest thing that happened in my life in 2009:* Michael and I eloped January 5th, 2009. We told our families on Fourth of July Weekend. Everyone is fine now....although we do have to have a "real" http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/fFu3zlvktXY/aaaaand-she.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)4<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/fFu3zlvktXY" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2009/12/aaaaand-she.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-8301267582607367467Thu, 12 Feb 2009 21:19:00 +00002009-02-12T13:25:17.905-08:00bff'sthank you for being a friendgolden girlsawesomehit showsold peopleIf any of you are taking notes:If it comes with the choice of a bracelet or necklace, I'd like the bracelet. In silver, not gold...gold looks tacky on me.http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/Y3cGVzNh_jA/i-want-this-for-my-birthday.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/Y3cGVzNh_jA" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2009/02/i-want-this-for-my-birthday.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-3207834494524456557Fri, 06 Feb 2009 22:01:00 +00002009-02-06T14:23:43.617-08:00I am such a horrible blog parent, apoligies.So..I promised some updates, so here's one. I'm getting married! Woot. (I'm still not certain that I can pull off the 'woot' hmmm.)Michael proposed on New Years Eve...I said yes.Wedding is set for August, but if you can't make it to the wedding, feel free to mail presents to me directly. Happy, happy girl...http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/ANFumWtr_a0/gonna-be-mrs.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)1<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/ANFumWtr_a0" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2009/02/gonna-be-mrs.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-3692659664495810646Thu, 22 Jan 2009 07:26:00 +00002009-01-21T23:32:51.797-08:00Until then...stay cool. (like me in this hat).(or this beefy unicorn power vest)(or this guy who I may or may not have slept with in the early 1970's)http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/AxV5cakCUzo/some-pretty-big-updates-are-coming-very.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/AxV5cakCUzo" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2009/01/some-pretty-big-updates-are-coming-very.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-3682583811154526042Fri, 19 Dec 2008 18:58:00 +00002008-12-19T11:02:12.337-08:00Song: Chinese Translation M. Ward - Chinese Translation I love this song...I love the unique sound and the smile it brings in the depths of it's heavy subject...hope you enjoy...Lyrics:I sailed a wild, wild seaClimbed up a tall, tall mountainI met a old, old manBeneath a weeping willow treeHe said now if you got some questionsGo and lay them at my feetBut my time here is briefSo you'll have to http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/NYEstP_3TF4/song-of-week-1216-1221.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/NYEstP_3TF4" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/12/song-of-week-1216-1221.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-7263276214818622690Thu, 18 Dec 2008 23:01:00 +00002008-12-18T15:53:02.808-08:00unicorns are fucking awesomeI do bad ass stuff on snow days....http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/GoLHp_HzxxQ/what-do-you-do-on-snow-days.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)2<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/GoLHp_HzxxQ" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/12/what-do-you-do-on-snow-days.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-3962036251588305483Tue, 16 Dec 2008 22:21:00 +00002008-12-16T14:52:22.991-08:00Last Friday, Joe Wilson(Funny Los Angeles Comedian/Radio Host/Air Seller) and Robert Yashumura(Funny Los Angeles Comedian/Radio Host/Cool-glasses-wearer) asked me and fellow Portland Comic, Jesse Alison to be guests on their Los Angeles based Comedy Podcast, 5 Top Radio. A fun time was had by all. Black jesus, a goat with huge balls, Jesse leading a sing along, Joes flaming neighbor, Robert http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/SREENJI6PA0/5-top-radio-and-i-made-podcast-baby-of.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/SREENJI6PA0" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/12/5-top-radio-and-i-made-podcast-baby-of.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-6996983539799956835Fri, 12 Dec 2008 19:21:00 +00002008-12-12T12:26:24.661-08:00GlamazonRest In PeacePin-upBettie Page "I was not trying to be shocking, or to be a pioneer. I wasn’t trying to change society, or to be ahead of my time. I didn’t think of myself as liberated, and I don’t believe that I did anything important. I was just myself. I didn’t know any other way to be, or any other way to live." Bettie PageBondage Glamazon. Exotic. Pop Culture Icon. Bad Girl. Pin-Up Legend. Survivor. Fresh-Faced Beauty. http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/CvplDoCefts/rip-bettie-page-1923.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/CvplDoCefts" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/12/rip-bettie-page-1923.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-5177892258327658680Mon, 08 Dec 2008 22:10:00 +00002008-12-08T14:15:02.574-08:00burrito boybaby donkeyI google imaged 'Burrito Boy' (a small burrito joint that we ate at in Eugene, OR that had the BEST burritos ever at 2:30a.m.) to send to a friend to make her smile and all I got was a picture of this baby donkey. Now I want a burrito (both the food and the donkey).http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/RKudyRpRyPo/i-googled-blank_08.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)2<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/RKudyRpRyPo" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/12/i-googled-blank_08.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-6678170536877209867Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:35:00 +00002008-12-08T14:18:48.715-08:00Angelsong of the weekMassive AttackThis song has a personal meaning to it. A very good friend and one of my favorite people was recently going through a very hard time. He was very sick and I did everything I could to help him. I am happy to say that he is getting much better now, and he said this song was for me. Therefore, my inner attention whore would like to make this song my song of the week.'Angel'By: Massive AttackLyrics:http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/EObOOkLJfss/song-of-week-128.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/EObOOkLJfss" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/12/song-of-week-128.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-8645980461622605771Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:13:00 +00002008-12-08T14:19:36.206-08:00ComedyVeronica HeathFreak ShowORPortlandOpen MicI would like to remind my 4 readers that I am hosting a Thursday night comedy open mic every thursday at 9pm at Portlands Mt. Tabor Theaters' Legacy Lounge.Every comic gets 6 minutes in 'the pit' (the stage is a little below the audience...it feels funny, but good - think back to the first time you watched grandma porn).It's a fun, VERY COLD (bring a jacket and be prepared to drink lots of http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/6mgc13k7pj4/freak-show-comedy-at-mt-tabor.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/6mgc13k7pj4" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/12/freak-show-comedy-at-mt-tabor.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-3883938053664551278Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:01:00 +00002008-12-08T13:03:41.182-08:00I google imaged the word 'Calm' and this came up:So new age. Hot.I love google image. I'll be doing posts like this often.http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/-YSOl17iZ8Y/i-googled-blank.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/-YSOl17iZ8Y" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/12/i-googled-blank.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-1726463419050693296Mon, 01 Dec 2008 19:47:00 +00002008-12-01T11:54:17.462-08:00Favorite SongIda MariaBetter when you're nakedBy Ida Maria....Better when you're naked. I cannot stop listening to this empowering, fun song.Lyrics:Oh the clever things I should say to you They got stuck somewhere Stuck between me and you Oh I'm nervous I don't know what to do Light a cigarrette I only smoke when I'm with you What the hell do I do this for? You're just another guy OK, you're kind of sexy But you're not really special But I http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/3uDB1Y9aJvg/song-of-week-121.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/3uDB1Y9aJvg" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/12/song-of-week-121.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-5413559609325103380Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:16:00 +00002008-11-19T10:30:11.809-08:00Thanks to Mrs. Virginia Jones for filming and editing...here is the video, as promised...Lizzy in EugeneA few of you have asked me how the night went for Lizzy after that. I'll give you a hint...Will Clark was my favorite FIRST BASEman. Other than that...I'm going to let a picture (with missing lip gloss) tell a thousand words....Like Alysia said...only the best for our girl....http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/rvnbUTgQEMI/lizzy-date-gate-2008-video.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/rvnbUTgQEMI" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/11/lizzy-date-gate-2008-video.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-4090275977925289292Tue, 18 Nov 2008 23:52:00 +00002008-11-18T17:23:49.039-08:00Last weekend, Virginia Jones, Alysia Wood, Lizzy Pilcher, and I went to Eugene, Or for the NW Womens' comedy festival. A lot of shit went down. Alysia blogged about our weekend in detail. Alysia is a hilarious woman who has the patience of a new york cab driver unless it's something fun. I love her for this. Alysia wanted feedback on her blog from Virginia, Lizzy, and me...so, please welcome a http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/MvtPHT5ings/female-comics-invade-eugene-or-guest.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/MvtPHT5ings" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/11/female-comics-invade-eugene-or-guest.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-9059700149102107795Mon, 17 Nov 2008 07:50:00 +00002008-11-17T12:49:47.390-08:00Monday, November 17th, 2008 at The Fez Ballroom When the clock strikes 8pm, puffs of cigarette smoke, sorted drunken comparisons of the star of the nights' coital prowess, and clinking of vodka-filled glasses will cease momentarily as a man...not a tall man, nor a man clad with hair...but a man whos years of experience, amplified opinions of his observations, http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/1TX8_ywu-bI/roast-of-auggie-smith.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)1<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/1TX8_ywu-bI" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/11/roast-of-auggie-smith.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-6302304526756436382Mon, 17 Nov 2008 07:40:00 +00002008-11-16T23:46:25.127-08:00I wrote this on November 5th, 2008. Last night we witnessed history. It doesn't matter if you vote Donkey, Elephant or other...history was made.We have all been affected in different ways by this nonsensical 8 year reign of inefficiency, irresponsibility, and incompetence. I say that with little bias towards either party. When you get down to it, although I am personally very pleased with this http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/iXQE0eBrIoI/yes-we-can.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/iXQE0eBrIoI" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/11/yes-we-can.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-2650617580284951320Mon, 17 Nov 2008 06:31:00 +00002008-11-16T23:08:04.515-08:00Ok...so sometimes people are assholes, whether they mean to be or not...I am an asshole because I have been depriving my 3 readers of bloggery since late summer...and for that, I am sorry.There have been oh so many things that have violated (both in the fun and not so fun way) my life over the last few months...I suppose I'll have to catch you up.This could be fun...or...extremely damaging and http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/qgGYlmuO-6U/sowwie.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/qgGYlmuO-6U" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/11/sowwie.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-4659730283067537160Fri, 18 Jul 2008 18:06:00 +00002008-07-18T11:34:25.206-07:00Bagdad TheaterSolomon GeorgioComedyVeronica HeathDanielle RadfordKyle HarbertYou know when you're like "Man, it's Friday night...I'm kind of bored, but I don't know what to do..."? Well, lucky for you, we've got a great show at the Bagdad Theater in Portland tonight! (I wanted to make that as cheesey as possible...mission acomplished, I assume)This is the poster that I wanted to use to promote the show:This idea was brutally rebuffed by my friend, John who told me that I http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/WICbaPuREaQ/because-its-friday-night.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)1<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/WICbaPuREaQ" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/07/because-its-friday-night.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-5841228612623774087Wed, 16 Jul 2008 23:31:00 +00002008-07-16T16:36:18.994-07:00I love this....http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/wffiSeVm0xM/how-to-pay-bill-when-youre-pissed-off.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/wffiSeVm0xM" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/07/how-to-pay-bill-when-youre-pissed-off.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-5184908927535397268Tue, 15 Jul 2008 18:57:00 +00002008-07-15T12:06:45.758-07:00Zach GalifianakisComedyabsolutsketchZach Galifianakis and I would be married or bf and gf or just best friends forever...but until that happens...I want to share what I see as pure hilarity, and beauty...and finally, brand new...EPISODE THREE!!!! YAY!(P.S. You can also check out more Zach sketches at www.funnyordie.com)You're welcome.http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/SZSrzF5U4nY/in-absolut-world.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/SZSrzF5U4nY" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/07/in-absolut-world.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-5583077239763012776Sun, 13 Jul 2008 22:25:00 +00002008-07-13T15:42:55.537-07:00It's too hot to think today, so I'm going to post up an old blog of mine from another place. The main reason I like this blog is because of the hilarious arguments this starts between D&D and science geeks (whom I LOVE). Please Enjoy...Do you think dragons were ever real? I mean, I get it, Dinosaurs were BEFORE dragons, so they def. would have found a dragon skeleton by now...but what if they http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/oRTH0XZUM3A/dragons.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/oRTH0XZUM3A" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/07/dragons.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558990767493765636.post-435246689542356614Wed, 09 Jul 2008 21:32:00 +00002008-07-09T14:35:28.753-07:00What kind of world do we live in when the Zoo doesn't have koala bears? WHAT A WORLD! (enraged fists towards the sky). Seriously though, the Portland Zoo doesn't have koala bears (or camels, or big turtles). Penguins make up for some of the missing animals, but still. I'm just a little sore about it. Or maybe I just wanted an excuse to blog...who knows. Don't judge me (to my face).http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~3/b-20M9VqXus/zoogestions.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Veronica)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/VeronicaHeathComedy/~4/b-20M9VqXus" height="1" width="1"/>http://veronicaheathcomedy.blogspot.com/2008/07/zoogestions.html