Enjoy!

∞ “Do not speak unless you can improve the silence.”  Proverb

∞ “Silence is as deep as eternity; speech, shallow as time.”  Thomas Carlyle

∞ “Silence is the mother of truth.”  Benjamin Disraeli

∞ “Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has a purpose.”  Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

∞ “An inability to stay quiet is one of the most conspicuous failings of mankind.” Walter Bagehot

∞ “Silence is a source of great strength.”  Lao Tzu

∞ “Silence is a fence around wisdom.”  German Proverb

∞ “Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

∞ “Nothing is more useful than silence.”  Menander of Athens

∞ “Silence is a sounding thing. To one who listens hungrily.”  Gwendolyn Bennett

∞ “I have often regretted my speech, but never my silence.” Publilius Syrus

∞ “True silence is the rest of the mind, and is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment.” William Penn

For some thoughts on the power of silence, see “Silence is Golden…and Pauses are Too.”

Comments welcome!

photo credit: frances cominciotti

Related posts:

1. Silence is Golden…and Pauses are Too

I invite you to pause and think about this: everything you say, you already know.  There isn’t anything you can say that you do not already know, or think that you know.  When you are talking, there is very little space for receiving knowledge, input or feedback from another person. Perhaps we were better off as children when we didn’t know as many words!

Silence is a Powerful Communication Tool

As shared in “There is No Such Thing as a Table for Two”, each of us is complex and unique.  Even if you do your best to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, you truly cannot know exactly what they are thinking or feeling.  You can, however, give them the space to openly share with you by practicing silence. 

As presented in “The 93% Impact of Nonverbal Communication”, most of what we communicate is nonverbal.  Silence is perhaps the most powerful nonverbal communication skill you can use.  You cannot be 100% present with another person if you are talking because talking is a mental, or thinking, activity.  To be truly present with, and for, another person as shared in “Seeing from your Heart”, you need to get out of your head and into your heart.

Silence Says a Lot

Saying nothing is saying a lot. Silence says that you are open to being 100% present in the moment, open to learning, and open to truly understanding the other person’s ideas, feedback, input, thoughts and feelings; it says that you are open to the positive development of the relationship.

“Do not speak unless you can improve the silence.”  Proverb

Practice Silence each Day – 3-5 second Pauses

Practicing silence does not need to be taken to an extreme – talking is an important and necessary part of life and successful personal and professional relationships.  One way to use the power of silence is to pause in silence for 3-5 seconds after someone finishes their train of thought.  This gives them the space to continue, or to go deeper within themselves, and to share more with you.  In reality, you don’t know when they are complete with a thought anyway, so this would mean you would practice more and more silence!

At the same time, you can wait 3-5 seconds after you complete a thought before moving on to your next thought.  This space gives the other person the opportunity to provide you with input. 

Very Smart Girls share more by talking less.

photo credit: jos dielis

Related posts:

1. Quotes about Silence
2. The 93% Impact of Nonverbal Communication
3. Seeing from your Heart

Ugh…who wants to talk about time management?  I do because time is limited and one day each of us will take our last breath, so let’s use our time wisely…and joyfully.  What do you do, and don’t do, with your time?  Do you manifest your goals and dreams?  Do you try to squeeze as much into one day as you can without looking at the bigger picture?

Importance of Time Management

To manifest what you want, especially in the physical world, knowing where you want to go and being organized is important.  This is especially true in the workplace.  It is important for you to be on time for work, to be on time for meetings and to deliver your promises on time. Period. 

Consistently meeting your commitments, on time, is self-honoring and builds trust within yourself and with others. And since trust is the foundation to successful personal and professional relationships, to be true to your word and to fulfill your commitments is essential. 

Definition of Time Management

Wikipedia has a good definition of time management, “Time management refers to a range of skills, tools, and techniques used to manage time when accomplishing specific tasks, projects and goals. This set encompasses a wide scope of activities, and these include planning, allocating, setting goals, delegation, analysis of time spent, monitoring, organizing, scheduling and prioritizing.”

Take note that the definition does not say “doing, doing, doing.”  Your goal may be to relax and do nothing! Or to have more fun.  What are your personal and professional priorities? Do they intersect? Do you have a personal mission statement?

Time Management Resources

You can find many resources and tips on time management- you can have lists, create a project plan, avoid distractions like television or drop-in visitors, allocate a specific amount of time for a task and set clear intentions on what you want to accomplish in that timeframe, learn to respectfully say “no”, get a good night’s sleep and communicate your commitments to others.   

As shared in “Take a Hike…Really!”, physical movement is important to overall wellness and you need positive energy to achieve your goals and dreams. 

Time Consciousness Marble Exercise

Many years ago I read about a method to remind us to use our time wisely.  You put marbles into a jar (or pebbles, or whatever you like!).  The number of marbles you put in your jar reflects how long you expect to live times the frequency that you want to pull a marble from the jar and reflect.  Let’s say you are 25 years old, you expect to live to be 100 years old, and you want to look at your goals and how you spend your time once per year.  You would put 75 marbles into your jar and pull out one marble per year. 

I suggest that you put your marble jar in a place where you can see it each day. 

“Do not squander time for that is the stuff that life is made of.” Benjamin Franklin.

Time Proceeds Anyway

In reality, you cannot manage or control time.  You can only manage yourself and what you do with your time. Time proceeds with or without you having a personal or professional vision or intention.  Although, as shared in “When your Relationships are Good, Your Life is Good”, your intentions guide your thoughts, attitude and actions; therefore, your intentions influence the outcome of your desired experience. 

The intention of this article is to heighten awareness about the importance of time and what you do, or don’t do, with your time.  How did I do?

photo credit: Brit.

Your body, your thoughts, and your feelings are interrelated.  For example, if you are scared, your heart tends to race and your thoughts may be limited or not as clear as they usually are.  How can you utilize this information?  What can you do for optimal physical, mental and emotional wellness? Take a hike. 

Why take a Hike?

Considering that the physical, mental and emotional parts of yourself are connected, which of these three variables may be easier for you to change right now?  Often, it is more straightforward to engage in physical activity than it is to change your feelings or your mental attitude. 

Studies show that exercise releases endorphins in your brain which results in what is commonly called a “natural high” or “runners high.”  The positive mental and emotional effects of taking a hike, or a walk, can be immediate.  

 “To keep the body in good health is a duty…otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.”  Buddha

Physical Activity

You do not have to exercise rigorously to experience the benefits of nurturing yourself on the physical level.  Other ideas include stretching, taking a gentle walk, yoga, tai chi, meditating, acupressure, dancing or getting a massage. You may want to “warm up” by eating healthy or drinking plenty of water, which are physical nurturing activities. 

For many, walking or hiking in nature is more calming than working out indoors.  Although connecting with others who have a common interest, such as in a yoga class, is great too. Experience different things and do what works for you.

Breathe Deeply

I cannot say enough about the benefits of deep breathing.  As shared in “Breathing is Not an Option”, you’re going to breathe all day anyway, so why not make the best of it?  Studies show, and eastern cultures have known for centuries, that proper breathing habits can increase calmness. And the great news is that you have personal control of your breathing habits, you can practice rain or shine, and it’s free!

My 2010 intention is to easily, gracefully, and joyfully breathe deeply each day. 

I welcome your thoughts.

photo credit: funkgirldeluxe

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1. Breathing is Not an Option
2. What is Wellness?

What do you see when you look at someone?  Do you focus on their physical attributes, their clothes, their circumstances, their behavior or their beliefs?  When you see through “thinking eyes” it is easy to judge situations and people.  

Thinking Eyes versus Seeing from your Heart

When you see someone primarily with “thinking eyes” you tend to do things like compare, contrast, project based experiences into the future, play old stories in your head, insert your own preferences and judge.  You are likely to want to take action and/or control or fix someone or something. 

To see someone as a whole and perfect human being, as someone who is always doing their best, you must feel kindness, compassion, appreciation and reverence. To do that, you need to get out of your head and into your heart where these feelings reside.  You need to see from your heart. 

“The heart has eyes which the brain knows nothing of.” Charles H. Perkhurst

Nonverbal Communication

As shared in “The 93% Impact of Nonverbal Communication”, 93% of the message you send is through nonverbal communication such as body language, voice tone, gestures and facial expressions.  How you truly see others and what messages you send is primarily a silent effort; words only count for 7% of the message you send.  Where you are coming from is far more important than what you say.

Nonverbal communication is a two-way street.  To truly hear someone is to also listen and acknowledge their silent messages.

Attitude and Intention

As shared in “When your Relationships are Good, your Life is Good”, the great news is that you have complete control over 2 powerful relationship communication skills, your attitude and your intentions.  Are you willing to set an intention to truly see, and be with others, from a place of acceptance and unconditional kindness?  Can you see, and be with, yourself in the same way?

“Be kind whenever possible.  It is always possible.”  Dalai Lama

Very Smart Girls see from their heart.

photo credit: marimoon

Related posts:

1. Silence is Golden…and Pauses are Too
2. The 93% Impact of Nonverbal Communication

Enjoy!

∞ “The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

∞ “Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” Eleanor Roosevelt

∞ “Our entire life consists ultimately in accepting ourselves as we are.”  Jean Anouilh

∞ “Accept yourself as you are.  Otherwise you will never see opportunity.  You will not feel free to move toward it; you will feel you are not deserving.”  Maxwell Maltz

∞ “To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness. This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad. It seems almost paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly.” Eckhart Tolle

∞ “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.  I will meet you there.” Rumi

∞ “Of course there is no formula for success except perhaps and unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.” Arthur Rubinstein

∞ “Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all of your heart.” Marcus Aurelius

∞ “If you’re in a bad situation, don’t worry it’ll change.  If you’re in a good situation, don’t worry it’ll  change.” John A. Simone, Sr.

You may want to read “Acceptance and Patience”.

Comments welcome!

 photo credit: frances cominciotti

Related posts:

1. Acceptance and Patience

Have you ever wanted someone to feel differently?  Have you ever told someone they should not feel a certain way? How do you feel when someone does not acknowledge, accept or value the way you feel?

Feelings are Non-Negotiable

If someone is feeling a certain way, the feeling is real.  You know the feeling is real because they are experiencing the feeling – it’s here!  Feelings are not negotiable.  You may genuinely want someone to feel a different way; however, it is selfish and illogical to try to change reality to match your preference.

Do not be in the business of trying to talk someone out of their feelings!

When someone tells you how they feel, sincerely saying “I hear you and I hear what you are saying” is powerful. This statement encourages an honest, non-judgmental, supportive and positive experience for both parties.  It is a remarkable statement because you focus on hearing them, hopefully they feel heard, and you are not agreeing or disagreeing with them.

Willingness, Flexibility & Choices

To experience more positive relationships you can choose to create the best possible environment for success. If someone tells you they are frustrated when you do a certain thing, you can choose to be considerate of (not responsible for) their feelings.  You may not agree with how they interpret a particular situation; however, you can choose to modify your behavior in ways that are reasonable (to you), caring and sincere.  It is not about trying to manage, control or be responsible for someone’s feelings. It is about genuinely taking someone’s feelings, needs and feedback under careful consideration. 

Mutually and maturely sharing feelings, with the goal of a positive outcome, is a cornerstone to relationship success and personal growth.

Feelings & Responsibility

Even if you consciously create an environment that is favorable to more positive outcomes, you are not responsible for the feelings of others.  You are only responsible for your feelings. What does it mean to be responsible for your feelings?  You acknowledge, feel, accept (without judgment), understand, manage and appropriately express your feelings.  A tall order indeed, but worth it!

∞ Very Smart Girls know that feelings are non-negotiable
∞ Very Smart Girls are not in the business of trying to talk people out of their feelings
∞ Very Smart Girls do not talk themselves out of their feelings

 I welcome your comments.

photo credit: Geir Halvorsen

“Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

On my way to write an article about patience I discovered a significant prerequisite for peace of mind and patience – acceptance.  After all, how can you be patient if you don’t acknowledge and accept what is present in your life?  When you resist or judge reality your outer world will reflect your inner discomfort.

Acceptance versus Chaos

Try this.  Say the word acceptance out loud.  Do you feel a sense of peace, grace and relief?  Acceptance rides on the calming energy of knowing that everything is exactly as it should be.  The opposite is to believe that life is haphazard and chaotic; this belief will not lead to patience, peace of mind and joy.  Accept what is.  Better yet, embrace what is.

Acceptance is a Choice- Your Choice

Your current life situation may not be your preference, and you may want to change things in your life; however, you must start with accepting what is present.  Acceptance is not apathy.  It is a choice and the choice is yours to make.  Specifically, do not judge yourself, others, what is present in your life or the world in which we live.

Non-judgmental acceptance is a prerequisite for patience, calmness, happiness and successful personal and professional relationships. 

Acceptance is a strong branch to perch on, especially in high winds.  Very Smart Girls accept without exception.

Quotes on Acceptance and Patience

∞ “Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” Eleanor Roosevelt

∞ “Our entire life consists ultimately in accepting ourselves as we are.”  Jean Anouilh

 ∞ “Accept yourself as you are.  Otherwise you will never see opportunity.  You will not feel free to move toward it; you will feel you are not deserving.”  Maxwell Maltz

∞ “To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness. This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad. It seems almost paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly.” Eckhart Tolle

 ∞ “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.  I will meet you there.” Rumi

 ∞ “Patience is the companion of wisdom.”  Saint Augustine

 ∞ “A man who is the master of patience is the master of everything else.” George Savile 

∞  “He that can have patience can have what he will.”  Benjamin Franklin

∞ “The years teach much what the days never know.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

photo credit: John A Ryan

As always, comments welcome!

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1. Quotes about Acceptance

How do we send, receive and evaluate messages? Is the message you want to send, the message that is likely to be received?  Studies show that spoken words account for only 7% of the total meaning of our communication; 93% of communication is nonverbal!

Verbal versus Nonverbal Communication

Albert Mehrabian, Ph.D., is known for his studies on the relative importance of verbal and nonverbal communication.  He formulated the 7%-38%-55% rule: 7% of the total meaning of our communication is from spoken words, 38% is from vocal variables (such as voice tone) and 55% is visual (such as facial expressions).  Wordless messages impact 93% of our communication effectiveness.

Your actions, attitude and intentions are more important than what you say.  Naturally, this applies to both your personal and professional relationships.

Communication= Verbal + Vocal (how you say it, the tone implied if the delivery of words) + Visual (body language, facial expressions)

Types of Nonverbal Communication

∞         Touch (a pat on the back, holding hands)
∞         Gestures (a nod, a wink)
∞         Facial expressions (a smile, a frown)
∞         Eye contact (direct versus indirect- up/down/sideways, blink rate)
∞         Body movements (smooth, erratic)
∞         Body language/posture (crossed arms, leaning forward, hands tightly clasped)
∞         Personal effect (clothing, hairstyle)
∞         Voice quality, tone, pace and noises (grunts, sighs)

Cultural and environmental factors (lighting, room temperature) also influence communication results.

Nonverbal Communication- Observe yourself, Observe others, Take action

Take an objective and honest look at yourself and others. Are you fully present with yourself and the person you are with? Are you sending, or receiving, conflicting messages? If you observe yourself in a closed body position, such as having your arms crossed, are you willing to uncross your arms and see what happens?   If you notice that someone’s body posture is closed, are you willing to open up a dialogue? For example, “ I sense that you might be uncomfortable, is that accurate?” 

You may want to change a verbal or nonverbal communication habit by using a 33 day process.  Please refer to “2 Essential Guidelines to Create a New Habit” and “When your Relationships are Good, your Life is Good.”

Remember, words are important too.  Words have energy, and listening skills are critical for effective communication.  Very Smart Girls use verbal and nonverbal communication skills wisely.

As always, I am interested in your thoughts.  Comments welcome!

photo credit: Ed Yourdon

Related posts:

1. Seeing from your Heart
2. Silence is Golden…and Pauses are Too

Doctors and scientists agree that people who volunteer are more likely to be happier and healthier than people who don’t volunteer.  Serving others awakens, energizes and exercises your heart both physically and, most importantly, emotionally.  We exercise our minds and muscles, so why not exercise the qualities that come from your heart such as kindness, compassion and joy?  An effective way to exercise your heart-center is to volunteer.

The Power of Service- 2 Nobel Award Recipients

“The only ones among you who will be really happy are those that have sought and found how to serve.”  Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965, Nobel Peace Prize)

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.” Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941, Nobel Prize for Literature)

Survey on the Health Benefits of Volunteering

According to the 2007 Corporation for National & Community Service report entitled The Health Benefits of Volunteering- A Review of Recent Research:  

∞ “Those who engage in volunteer activities are less likely to suffer from ill health later in life and may be introduced into a positive reinforcing cycle of good health and future volunteering.”
∞  “Some of these findings also indicate that volunteers who devote a “considerable” amount of time to volunteering (about 100 hours per year) are most likely to exhibit positive health outcomes.”
∞ “Research demonstrates that volunteering leads to better health and that older volunteers are the most likely to receive physical and mental benefits from their volunteer activities.”

Ways to Volunteer or Serve     

∞ Donate your time
∞ Make a monetary contribution
∞ Donate blood
∞ Purchase products and services from organizations that support charitable causes
∞ Dine/shop in places that support food banks
∞ Proactively & consciously send positive thoughts to another person or to a group of people
∞ Random acts of kindness- smiling, joyfully providing driving directions to someone        

Volunteer Wellness – The Chicken or the Egg?

It’s not clear if happier and healthier people tend to volunteer, or if volunteering makes you happier and healthier.  From my perspective, it doesn’t matter, just jump in.  You may want to start a volunteer journal and capture your feelings, mental attitude and experiences after you volunteer.  

Or warm up to it- observe others and see how you feel.  In the photograph, did you notice the woman smiling as she observes the couple helping the elderly man?

The Volunteer Secret Sauce

As discussed in “When your Relationships are Good, Your Life is Good”, your attitude and intentions assist to create the best outcome. Are you serving from an ego perspective, or out of guilt?  It is best to serve authentically.  I often use this service intention:  It is my intention to serve with skill, joy, grace and ease for the highest good of all concerned.

The secret sauce, for me, is to serve as if no one is watching; to come and go without the need for anyone to know I was there. The higher your serving consciousness (in other words, the less your ego is involved), the greater the wellness effect for others…and for you.

Very Smart Girls volunteer and energize their heart-center.

I’m interested in your thoughts.  Comments welcome.

photo credit: Ed Yourdon

Related posts:

1. What is Wellness?
2. Take a Hike…Really!