I have grace (Quotes about Grace), silence (Silence is Golden…and Pauses are Too), acceptance (Acceptance and Patience),  inner peace, and serenity on my mind and in my experience.  

Below is an excerpt from As a Man Thinketh by James Allen written over 100 years ago.  It speaks to professional and personal benefits of serenity. 

“Calmness of the mind is one of the most beautiful jewels of wisdom.  It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control.  Its presence is an indication of ripened experience, and of a more than ordinary knowledge of the laws and operations of thought.

A man becomes calm in the measure that he understands himself as a thought-evolved being, for such knowledge necessitates the understanding of others as the result of thought, and as he developes a right understanding, and sees more and more clearly the internal relations of cause and effect, he ceases fuss and fume and worry and grieve, and remains poised, steadfast, serene.

The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater his success, his influence, his power for good.  Even the ordinary trader will find his business prosperity increase as he develops a greater sense of self-control and equanimity, for people will always prefer to deal with a man whose demeanor is strongly equitable.

The strong, calm man is always loved and revered.  He is like a shadow-giving tree in a thirsty land, or a sheltering rock in a storm.  Who does not love a tranquil heart, a sweet-tempered, balanced life? It does not matter whether it rains or shines, or what changes come to those possessing these blessings for they are always sweet, serene and calm.”

Very Smart Girls know that serenity is an inner reality with many outer benefits.

Comments welcome.

photo credit: picisa

Related posts:

1. Silence is Golden…and Pauses are Too

Enjoy!

∞ “Gracefulness has been defined to be the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul” William Hazlitt (1778-1830)

∞ “I know nothing except what everyone knows- if there when Grace dances, I should dance” W.H. Auden (1907-1973)

∞ “Grace is the absence of everything that indicates pain or difficulty, hesitation or incongruity” William Hazlitt (1788-1830)

∞  “Rain is grace; rain is the sky condescending to the earth; without rain, there would be no life” John Updike (1932-2009)

∞ “Grace is to the body, what good manners are to the mind” Francois de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)

∞ “It is a rare and difficult attainment to grow old gracefully and happily” Lydia Maria Francis Child (1802-1880)

 ∞ “Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait” Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

∞ “By “guts” I mean, grace under pressure” Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)

As for my quote:

∞ “Grace is the outer expression of your inner reality of peace and harmony” Jo-Ann Downey

Grace is a tall order indeed; it goes hand-in-hand with acceptance, forgiveness, patience, courage, faith, and wisdom.   Grace is a gift you give yourself and others, especially in the face of a storm.

Comments welcome!

photo credit: cuckove

Related posts:

1. Quotes about Acceptance
2. Quotes about Silence

How many thoughts do you have each day?   Should you believe everything you think?  Can your very own thoughts sabotage you?  How can you have more positive thoughts?

Number of Thoughts per Day

It is estimated that we have between 12,000- 60,000 thoughts per day.  This range is attributed to factors such as your level of creativity, personal and professional problem solving requirements, whether you tend to be a thinker, and your career.   At an average of 36,000 thoughts per day, we have a thought every 2.5 seconds.  What a great opportunity to fill your day with positive thoughts!

Train of Thought

Thoughts tend to build upon each other.  It is not likely that after having a thought like “this is not going well”, that you would have the thought “things are in harmony.”  Thoughts, positive or negative, connect to each other like compartments of a train- they pull each other along in the same direction.

Watch your thoughts and get on the positive thought-train going in a positive direction. Once you are on the train, stay on it for as long as you can.  You have complete power over your thoughts, so why not get on the best train as often, and for as long, as you can? It’s your choice.

Thoughts and Results

We navigate our lives, take action, and make decisions based on our thoughts; however, we unconsciously think and do things throughout most of the day. In many ways, this is a good thing.  For example, it would not be effective or efficient to learn how to drive each time you get into your car. 

On the other hand, being on cruise control, or living without conscious intention, may cause you to drive yourself into a ditch!  Your relationship with yourself and others may not be as harmonious as you would like.  Or perhaps your results and outcomes may not be as optimal as you would like. 

Since thoughts precede every action, and action determines results…choose your thoughts well. 

“The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them.” Albert Einstein

Thoughts and Emotions

Since thoughts and feelings reinforce each other, the more peaceful your thoughts, the more peaceful your feelings and vice versa. You are more likely to make better decisions if you are at peace.  If you are not sure of what you are thinking, pay attention to how you are feeling. 

How to Cancel Negative Thoughts: Cancel, Cancel Technique

The goal is to increase the quantity of positive thoughts throughout your day- every day.  If you have a negative thought firmly and gently say “cancel, cancel” silently to yourself.  If your first thought is negative or judgmental, why not give yourself the opportunity to have a second thought? 

Some techniques use a single “cancel”, or“stop”, or “no more.”   I like “cancel, cancel” because it shows that I mean business, it does not potentially delay or judge your current thought, and it doesn’t give unnecessary power to your thought.

Very Smart Girls choose their thoughts well.

Any thoughts? 

photo credit: ramson

110 words of pure wisdom!  It is interesting that the author of The Measure of a Man is unknown/anonymous.  Was this poem a gift to others without the need or expectation of anything in return?  As shared in “The Volunteer Wellness Effect”, the secret sauce of giving is to serve as if no one is watching; to come and go without the need for anyone to know you were there. The higher your serving consciousness (in other words, the less your ego is involved), the greater the wellness effect for others…and for you.

The Measure of a Man
Author Unknown/Anonymous

Not “How did he die?” But “How did he live?”
Not “What did he gain?” But “What did he give?”
Not “What was his station?” But “Had he a heart?”
And “How did he play his God-given part?”
Not “What was his shrine?” Nor “What was his creed?”
But “Had he befriended those really in need?”
Not “What did the piece in the newspaper say?”
But “How many were sorry when he passed away?”
Was he ever ready with a word of good cheer,
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?
These are the units to measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of birth

How do you walk through life?  What do you measure and how do you measure up?

Comments welcome!

photo credit: steven harris

The health of your friendships effects your overall health and wellness. As shared in “What is Wellness?”, being your best possible self – physically, mentally, and emotionally –  is what wellness means to me.  Step away from the computer, leave work on time, schedule “friend time” on your calendar….friends are an important part of life and are good for your health.  Studies show that friendships prolong life and promote brain health as we age!

Benefits of Friendships

∞ Moral support and encouragement
∞ Fun, adventure & a variety of life experiences
∞ Social interaction  
∞ Source of information and wisdom
∞ Problem solving assistance
∞ Increased self-esteem
∞ Sense of belonging and purpose
∞ Better ability to manage stress
∞ Healthy habit role models and support system
∞ Opportunity to share and expand your accomplishments and joys
∞ Assistance during challenging times

Good friends are good for your physical, mental, and emotional wellness. In fact, just knowing that you have friends is beneficial to you. 

∞ “We do not so much need our friends’ help that helps us, as the confident knowledge that they will help us.”  Epicurus (BC 341-271)

Step Away from the Computer!

To have good friends, you need to be a good friend.  In today’s hectic world you need make a commitment to spend quality time with friends.  In doing so, your intentions and attitude (“When your Relationships are Good, your Life is Good”), your listening skills (“Silence is Golden…and Pauses are Too”), how you see others (“Seeing from your Heart”), and focusing on open-ended questions (“Open-Ended Questions Build Relationships”) are essential communication skills.    

Choose your Friends Well

Not all friends are good for you. If someone causes more stress in your life, only connects with you to complain or when they need help (“bad weather friends”), or participates in unhealthy behaviors, then you need to reconsider your friendship.  Friends support each other through difficult times, however, joy should be present.  Good friendships are a two-way street and the ability to give and receive feedback in a healthy way is essential for long term, positive friendships. 

Quotes about Friendship

∞  “ I keep my friends as misers do their treasure, because, of all things granted us by wisdom, none is greater or better than friendship.”  Pietro Aretino (1492-1556)

∞ “ Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow-ripening fruit.” Aristotle (BC 384-322)

∞ “ Friendship makes prosperity more brilliant, and lightens adversity by dividing and sharing it.” Cicero (BC 106-43)

∞ “True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost.” Charles Caleb Colton (1780-1832)

∞ “ The only way to have a friend is to be one.” Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

∞ “ No man is useless while he has a friend.” Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)

Very Smart Girls know that good friends are good for your health.
Very Smart Girls know that you need to be a good friend to have good friends.

Comments welcome!

photo credit: Ed Yourdon

Related posts:

1. Open-Ended Questions Build Relationships
2. What is Wellness?
3. The Volunteer Wellness Effect

Did you do your homework?  Did you complete your business plan?  Did you get the job you wanted?  Did you take out the trash? Do you sometimes feel that someone’s question is really a statement, a request, a judgment, or a directive?  

What is an Open-Ended Question?

Unlike closed-ended questions, open-ended questions require more than a one or two word response.  Open-ended questions have an inviting quality and they encourage authentic responses and two-way communication in both personal and professional relationships.    

Open-ended questions typically start with “why”, “how”, or phrases like “I would like to know more about”, “Tell me about”, or “I am interested in hearing more about.”   

Attitude and Intention

As shared in “When your Relationships are Good, your Life is Good” and “Seeing from your Heart”, where you are coming from (your attitude and intention) impacts the success of your communications and your relationships. 

Since closed-ended questions often have a controlling and/or confining quality, it is best to use open-ended questions whenever you can.  If you find yourself using closed-ended questions, you can check in with yourself and evaluate your attitude and your intention(s).

Examples of Open-Ended and Closed-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are often phrased as a statement that encourages a response from someone.  

Closed-ended question:  Is your project on time?
Open-ended question:  I am interested in hearing about your project.

Closed-ended question:  Do you take Main Street to work? 
Open-ended question:  How do you drive to work?

Closed-ended question: What is your favorite movie?
Open-ended question:  I would love to hear about your favorite movie.

Closed-ended question:  Do you like this city?
Open-ended question:  What is your impression of this city?

Benefits of using Open-Ended Questions

∞  Facilitates enhanced levels of cooperation and understanding
∞  Provides the opportunity for others to express themselves more openly and honestly 
∞  Encourages others to provide information including their ideas, concerns & feelings
∞  Assists in creating a positive learning and sharing experience  
∞  Allows others to share what is present for them 
∞  Shows respect and interest in others
∞  Encourages others to flow with their thoughts and feelings & allows you to support this flow
∞  Demonstrates your willingness to invest time with others

Very Smart Girls use open-ended questions to build personal and professional relationships.

What is your favorite open-ended question?

photo credit: SirioIG

Related posts:

1. When your Relationships are Good, your Life is Good

Ah..isn’t it great to truly see a person and to be truly seen by someone?  As shared in, “Seeing from your Heart”, when you see someone primarily through your “thinking eyes” you tend to do things like compare, contrast, project past experiences into the future, play old stories in your head, insert your own preferences and judge. 

See people through your heart-center; judgments of others be gone!

When You Know A Fellow by Edgar A. Guest (1881-1959)

When you get to know a fellow, know his joys and know his cares,
When you’ve come to understand him and the burdens that he bears,
When you’ve learned the fight he’s making and the troubles in his way,
Then you find that he is different than you thought him yesterday.
You find his faults are trivial and there’s not so much to blame
In the brother that you jeered at when you only knew his name.

You are quick to see the blemish in the distant neighbor’s style,
You can point to all his errrors and may sneer at him the while,
And your prejudices fatten and your hates more violent grow
As you talk about the failures of the man you do not know,
But when drawn a little closer, and your hands and shoulders touch,
You find the traits you hated really don’t amount to much.

When you get to know a fellow, know his every mood and whim,
You being to find the texture of the splendid side of him;
You begin to understand him, and you cease to scoff and sneer;
For with understanding always prejudices disappear.
You begin to find his virtues and his faults you cease to tell,
For you seldom hate a fellow when you know him very well.

When next you start in sneering and your phrases turn to blame,
Know more of him you censure than his business and his name;
For it’s likely that acquaintance would your prejudice dispel
And you’d really come to like him if you know him very well.
When you get to know a fellow and you understand his ways,
Then his faults won’t really matter, for you’ll find a lot to praise.

Comments welcome!

photo credit: hien it

We all have needs.  Are you afraid to express your needs because not expressing them holds a hope inside of you that there is always a chance that you will get what you want? Are you afraid to express your needs because they may not manifest?  Do you support or assist others in fulfilling their needs? Wouldn’t it be great to support someone’s needs and put a smile on their face?

Wants, Needs, and Requirements

As shared in “Not All Upsets are Created Equal”, wants are wishes or nice-to-haves.  A need is something that is truly important to you, your well-being, and your peace of mind.  In personal and professional relationships needs are often negotiable, although we are not always conscious of this opportunity.  Requirements are deal breakers and they are not negotiable.

It can be easier to identify and fulfill requirements versus needs because needs have a negotiation factor, it’s easy to minimize your needs (and hence yourself), and there is often a human tendency to put the needs of others first.  Oh…and there is the “I don’t want to appear needy” factor as well. 

Needs versus Requirements

Try to think of needs as flexible requirements.  Honor and respect your needs, and the needs of others, as if they are as important as your deal-breaking requirements.  Remember, if your needs are not met, your peace of mind is at risk.  When your peace of mind is at risk, your relationships (with yourself and others) are at risk.  

Needs are important…really important.   

Ways to Identify & Express your Needs

You can spot an unmet need because it often has an emotional component such as fear, anxiety or upset.  The first thing is to remember is that you have choices and that needs are worthy of being expressed, supported, and fulfilled.  You can fulfill some needs yourself.  If others are involved, you can open up a conscious dialogue and discuss possible creative solutions.  Naturally, this is best done when everyone involved is calm and centered. 

Here are some conversation starters for your consideration:

∞ “Would you be willing to have a conversation about creating a deeper/better/more productive/more  harmonious relationship?”

∞ “Would you consider having a conversation with me about my heart’s desire?”

∞ “I would like to understand your needs.”

∞ “I would greatly appreciate it if we could take the time to share our needs with each other.”

It is a great practice to start conversations, especially of this nature, by stating your intention.  For example, “My intention is to gracefully express myself to you in a way that has a positive impact on our relationship.”  For more information on intentions, see “When your Relationships are Good, your Life is Good.”

What are your personal and professional needs?  Do you ask others what their needs are?  How do you support your needs and the needs of people you care about?

Very Smart Girls know, and maturely express, their needs and requirements.

Comments appreciated!

photo credit: albert law

Related posts:

1. Not All Upsets are Created Equal

Do you sometimes want to know the answer to something, or the outcome of a situation, right NOW?   Do you sometimes rush to get a project, or an errand, done?  Do you sometimes walk as if you are walking through a bad neighborhood when you are not?  In your hurry, do you sometimes break a dish, make a mistake, or feel anxious?  

In a Hurry…in a Worry?

When you are in a hurry, it is likely that worry, or another negative emotion, is present.  I’m not talking about the “I have 10 minutes to get to my appointment” hurry where the root cause is typically a time management issue (see “Time Management & Time Consciousness”).  I’m talking about self-imposed hurry that comes from an emotional or mental place.  Examples include “I need to work faster (to be/feel valued)” or “I need to have the answer now (to be/feel in control).”

Perhaps you are in a hurry to talk to someone, to state your “case”, to produce a result, to get an answer, or to know why something did or didn’t happen.  This type of hurry comes from a place of fear, desire to control someone or something, or anxiety. 

“Do not be in a hurry to tie what you cannot untie.” Proverb

“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit.  Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.”  St. Francis de Sales

What is Going on?

What are we really doing when we are in a hurry?  Maybe we should look at what we are not doing when we are in a hurry.  We are not in acceptance, we are not living in the present moment, we are not patient, we are not trusting, and we are not calm or patient.  Being in a hurry does not yield the best decisions, outcomes or relationships.  Your best decisions and outcomes are typically realized when you are calm, accepting, and patient.  Please see “Acceptance and Patience.”

“No one can get inner peace by pouncing on it.”  Harry Emerson Fosdick

Life = Experiences

We are the sum of our experiences, so why rush through your life experiences?  If you want the future to be now, then you are missing the experience of the present; essentially, you are missing your life. 

Sometimes it is best to take the slow road and enjoy the ride, the scenery, and your fellow travelers.

Very Smart Girls pause when they find themselves in a hurry.

I would love to hear your thoughts. 

photo credit: fatboyke (Luc)

Related posts:

1. Acceptance and Patience

Enjoy!

∞ “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”  Cicero

∞ “Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us.”  John N. Mitchell

∞  “I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”  G.K. Chesterton

∞ “We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”  Thornton Wilder

∞ “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.”  Epictetus

∞ “If the only prayer you said in your whole life was “thank you,” that would suffice.”  Meister Eckhart

 ∞ “There are two kinds of gratitude: The sudden kind we feel for what we receive, and the larger kind we feel for what we give.”  Edward Arlington Robinson

∞ “Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.” Henry Ward Beecher

 ∞ “Gratitude is the memory of the heart.” French Proverb

For more on gratitude, see “The Unique Power of Gratitude”.

What are you grateful for?

photo credit: frances cominciotti

Related posts:

1. The Unique Power of Gratitude