Very Smart Girls (tm)

The Best Reason to Live in the Present Moment

Jo-Ann Downey — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 22:22:32 +0000

What is the best reason to live in the present moment?

Joy, Peace, and Love happen in the present moment.

“You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.” Henry Drummond (1851-1860)

“The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.” Abraham Maslow (1908-1970)

As always, comments welcome. The name you type in the comment section (for example, Jo-Ann, Jo-Ann Downey or Jo-Ann from Boston) will appear on the site. Your email address will NOT appear. If you provide a website URL (for example, your business or your blog URL), it will be linked to your name so that others can learn more about you.

photo credit: acolyteH

“I Hear You” is the new “I Love You”

Jo-Ann Downey — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 18:23:29 +0000

Have you ever wanted someone to truly feel that you are listening to them? Have you ever wanted to lovingly acknowledge what someone was saying even though you didn’t agree with it? How to you acknowledge feedback from someone, especially if you don’t agree with it?

People want to be Genuinely Seen and Heard

As shared in “Seeing from your Heart”, to truly connect with someone is to see them as a whole and perfect human being, as someone who is always doing their best. To do this, you must feel kindness, compassion, appreciation and reverence for the person…and to do that, you need to get out of your head and into your heart where these feelings reside.

As shared in “5 Tips of How to Listen Effectively”, one tip is to close your mouth! Silence says that you are open to being 100% present in the moment, open to learning, and open to truly understanding the other person’s ideas, feedback, input, thoughts and feelings; it says that you are open to the positive development of the relationship. Silence is underutilized, yet very powerful.

“I hear you”, “I hear what you are saying”, “I hear you and I hear what you are saying”

In addition to nonverbal communication (“The 93% Impact of Nonverbal Communication”), verbally acknowledging a person is an act of kindness and grace. If it is unnecessary to seek clarification through “Communication Checkpoints”, then simply and sincerely say “I hear you”, “I hear what you are saying”, or “I hear you and I hear what you are saying.”

“I Hear You” is the new “I Love You”

When you are truly present with someone and listening to them, in both personal and professional situations, genuinely saying “I hear you” is an act of kindness and compassion. To authentically say “I hear you” has the same energy as if you said “I appreciate you”, “I see you as a divine human being”, “I am connected with you in this moment” – all feelings of love.

You can always say “I Hear You”

Saying “I hear you” is all-embracing. It can be used in personal or professional relationships, with people you know well or with people you encounter in your daily course of life, and in both positive and negative situations. And, ”I hear you” does not indicate or imply that you agree with them or what they are saying! For example, someone may tell you that your hair is too long. You might not agree with them, however, you can acknowledge their opinion by saying “I hear you” or, if authentic, “I hear you and I will take your input into (careful) consideration.” In fact, this may stop a potentially negative or judgmental conversation

Having these 3 word phrase on the tip of your tongue could prove to make your life more positive, authentic, and flowing. You can’t go wrong with genuinely saying “I hear you” to anyone at any time.

Very Smart Girls say “I hear you” every day, even if it is to themselves.

Very Smart Girls know that listening to themselves and their intuition is of the upmost importance.

photo credit: mercal crifasi

Quotes about Actions Speaking Louder Than Words

Jo-Ann Downey — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 01:00:00 +0000

Enjoy!

“Well done is better than well said.” Benjamin Franklin

“Be content to act, and leave the talking to others.” Baltasar Gracian

“The shortest answer is doing the thing.” Ernest Hemingway

“Action is eloquence.” William Shakespeare

“The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps – we must step up the stairs.” Vance Havner

As shared in “Actions and Reactions Speak Louder Than Words”:

“Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement.” Alfred Adler

“As I grow older I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.” Andrew Carnegie

“A person’s actions and reactions reflect their inner reality.” Jo-Ann Downey

And as shared in “The Volunteer Wellness Effect”,

“The only ones among you who will be really happy are those that have sought and found how to serve.” Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965, Nobel Peace Prize)

photo credit: vastateparkstaff

Actions and Reactions Speak Louder Than Words

Jo-Ann Downey — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 01:55:28 +0000

Have you ever felt like you were getting mixed messages from someone? Has someone’s actions, or reactions, ever surprised you? Have you ever wondered what someone was thinking?

Thought Precedes Action

To get insight into what someone is thinking simply look at their actions because thought precedes action. What people do, especially over time, represents their intentions, priorities, attitudes, and beliefs. Actions are very revealing.

“Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement.” Alfred Adler

“As I grow older I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.” Andrew Carnegie

Actions and Reactions Speak Louder Than Words

As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words because it is easier to talk about something than to actually do something. Actions, in the form of reactions, are particularly insightful because reactions tend to be more spontaneous and less internally censored towards doing the “right” or “acceptable” thing.

“A person’s actions and reactions reflect their inner reality.” Jo-Ann Downey

Actions and reactions speak louder than words; however, words are powerful because they hold intention and create direction from which you make decisions. Please see “Intention Series: What is an Intention? Why are Intentions Important”, “How to Create Powerful Intentions”, or “The Secret Sauce of Intentions”. Clear intentions can guide action, but action (or non-action) brings words into reality.

Mixed Messages or Missed Messages?

If you feel like you are getting mixed messages it is time to ask yourself if you are truly getting mixed messages or if you are ignoring the messages that are present. Like you see in the photograph above, are you trying to make a Stop message into a Start message? Or are you ignoring the Stop message altogether? If you say Stop to someone, what is their reaction? When someone says Stop to you, how do you react? Observing your actions (not taking an action is also an action) and reactions are just as important as observing others. Honesty and courage, with yourself and others, is required.

Harmony exists when actions, reactions, and words match up. Remember not to miss the good messages in your life as well as the challenging ones!

Very Smart Girls don’t miss the real message.

photo credit: richard anderson

Quotes about Money and Life

Jo-Ann Downey — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 02:06:42 +0000

Enjoy!

“Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one.” Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

“Man…Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him about humanity

“Money often costs too much.” Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

“Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, bit it will not replace you as the driver.” Ayn Rand (1905-1982)

“Money is not required to buy one necessity of the soul.” Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

“The use of money is all the advantage there is in having it.” Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

“If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability.” Henry Ford (1863-1947)

“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.” W.C. Fields (1880-1946)

“Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.” Josh Billings (1818-1885)

“Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.” Josh Billings (1818-1885)

And for my 2 cents!
“Money often overpromises and underdelivers.” Jo-Ann Downey

photo credit: papillonner

10 Quotes about Life & Purpose

If You Spot It, You Got It

Jo-Ann Downey — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 00:42:00 +0000

What upsets you? Do you get upset if someone breaks a promise to you? Where does the upset come from? And how can you use outer experiences to learn more about what is going on inside of you?

Definition of Psychological Projections

According to Wikipedia, psychological projection is a psychological defense mechanism where a person subconsciously denies his or her own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, which are then ascribed to the outside world, usually onto other people. Thus, projection involves imagining or projecting the belief that others originate those feelings.

In other words, If You Spot It, You Got It. Think about it. You cannot experience a feeling if you do not have an actual inner experience of that feeling.

“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” James Allen (1855-1942)

Disowned Aspects of Self

Negative thoughts and feelings stem from judgments. For example, if you are upset because someone breaks a promise to you then you judge them as bad or wrong.

Let’s put If You Spot It, You Got It (or projections) into practice. In this case of a broken promise, you can look at whether:

1)     You exhibit the same behavior with others- do you break promises to others?
2)     You exhibit the same behavior within yourself- do you break promises to yourself?
3)     You can see yourself doing the very thing you are judging- would you break a promise to someone if something more urgent came up?
4)     You trust the universe to provide for you regardless of what others may do- what is your trust level?

Can you see that you cannot have a feeling without having a relationship with that feeling? Do you disown aspects of yourself and project them onto others?

“It is wrong to think that misfortunes come from the east or from the west; they originate within one’s own mind. Therefore, it is foolish to guard against misfortunes from the external world and leave the inner mind uncontrolled.” Buddha (563-483 B.C.)

So What Do You Do?

When you find yourself upset (judging) be aware that while you are pointing one finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing at you. This is an opportunity for you to take responsibility for your feelings, approach the situation in a more emotionally mature and calm way, be more compassionate with yourself and others, and cultivate better personal and professional relationships.

The Good News

The good news is that projections work both ways! If you experience someone as kind and joyful it is because you have the inner experience of kindness and joy. See the best in others (or at least not judge) and, in a way, you are really doing yourself a favor!

photo credit: idhren

Acceptance Poem

Jo-Ann Downey — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 15:13:50 +0000

I am experiencing an abundance of self-acceptance and acceptance of others. I hope you enjoy the poem I wrote. As discussed in, “Acceptance and Patience”, acceptance rides on the calming energy of knowing that everything is exactly as it should be. Your current life situation may not be your preference, and you may want to change things in your life; however, you must start with accepting what is present. Acceptance is not apathy; it allows you the space to gracefully take your next best step.

Acceptance by Jo-Ann Downey

A gateway to peace and joy
Magic and reality
Acceptance

Shunning details
No push, pull, good, bad, right, or wrong

Freeing you from the need to forgive
Steady breath of timeless relationships
Acceptance

photo credit: denise carbonell

As always, comments welcome! The name you type in the comment section (for example, Jo-Ann, Jo-Ann Downey or Jo-Ann from Boston) will appear on the site. Your email address will NOT appear. If you provide a website URL (for example, your business or your blog URL), it will be linked to your name so others can learn more about you.

Quotes about Forgiveness

Jo-Ann Downey — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 02:04:26 +0000

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)

“Forgiveness is choosing to love. It is the first skill of self-giving love.” Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)

“The truest joys they seldom prove, Who free from quarrels live; ‘Tis the most tender part of love, each other to forgive.” John Sheffield (1647-1721)

“One forgives to the degree that one loves.” Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Louis B. Smedes (1921-2002)

I welcome your comments! The name you type in the comment section (for example, Jo-Ann, Jo-Ann Downey or Jo-Ann from Boston) will appear on the site next to your comment. Your email address will NOT appear. If you provide a website URL (for example, your business or your blog URL), it will be linked to the name you typed in name so others can learn more about you.

photo credit: jophielsmiles

Over-Responsibility

Jo-Ann Downey — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 20:33:27 +0000

Being responsible is a good thing, but how do you know when you have tipped the scales into over-responsibility? Do you trust others to make their own decisions? Do you feel responsible for things that are out of your control? Do you feel that you are the only, or the most, responsible person in your life? Are you healthy? Do you nurture yourself or run around trying to make everything perfect?

Definition of Responsibility

Dictionary.com does not have a definition of over-responsibility; however, their definition of responsible includes being accountable for one’s actions and decisions, and being the agent or cause (of some action).

My definition of responsible is consciously making healthy choices and compassionately allowing others to make choices for themselves; being the healthy change agent in your life.

“Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

Over-Responsibility and Trust

I believe over-responsibility and trust are correlated.

-          Do you trust that you can make good choices for yourself?
-          Do you trust that you can handle the choices of others?
-          Do you trust that everyone is doing their very best?
-          Do you feel responsible for the feelings, thoughts, choices, or outcomes of others?
-          Do you trust in an abundant universe?

When there is a lack of trust there is often a need to control and move in to over-responsibility.

“Forcing an issue often spoils the desired outcome.” Abraham Lincoln

Over-Responsibility

Over-responsibility has the essence of control, force (versus flow), fear, and lack of trust (in yourself, others, the universe). This is very different from offering assistance, or being of service, to yourself and others. In fact, being of service to others is part of a healthy and rewarding life. As discussed in “The Volunteer Wellness Effect”, the higher your serving consciousness (in other words, the less your ego is involved), the greater the wellness effect for others…and for you.

Over-responsibility is ego-driven and a sure path to burn out.

When are you Being Over-Responsible?

You are being over-responsible when you:
-          Take responsibility for the feelings and choices of others
-          Judge the decisions, feelings, and thoughts of others
-          Take credit (good or bad) for others
-          Give unsolicited advice (verbally or non-verbally!)
-          Compromise what you believe is healthy for you
-          Blame others for your life’s choices, situations, or results

Responsible Actions to Assist others:

It is natural for us to want to assist others. Here are ways that you can assist others without being over-responsible:
-          If someone CAN do something, let them (regardless of their age or the situation)
-          Genuinely offer assistance to others (without attachment to the outcome and without judgments)
-          Follow through with your assistance
-          Remember that assistance does not have to be something huge- it could be a smile or sitting in silence with someone
-          Provide input (not advice) if asked
-          Let others have their experience- people learn, and build self-esteem and self-confidence by experience

People grow by effort- do you want someone to grow or do you want to control? Look at how beautifully the woman in the picture is allowing the little girl to have her experience while silently holding for her.

Very Smart Girls are responsible for themselves and compassionate towards others.

photo credit: nlnnet

I welcome your comments! The name you type in the comment section (for example, Jo-Ann, Jo-Ann Downey or Jo-Ann from Boston) will appear on the site. Your email address will NOT appear. If you provide a website URL (for example, your business or your blog URL), it will be linked to your name so others can learn more about you.

I’ll Take That Bet

Jo-Ann Downey — Wed, 18 May 2011 18:56:23 +0000

This poem was inspired by my teachers, my soul-friends, my experiences, and this inspirational quote:

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881-1955)

I’ll Take That Bet
by Jo-Ann Downey

I’ll take the bet that every human being is a miracle.
I am a miracle
and so are you.

I’ll take the bet that we are all divine beings having a human experience.
I am a divine being having a human experience
and so are you.

I’ll take the bet that the greatest experience on earth is love.
I am love
and so are you.

I’ll take the bet that my thoughts in this moment create my next moments.

photo credit: hien it

Comments welcome! The name you type in the comment section (for example, Jo-Ann, Jo-Ann Downey or Jo-Ann from Boston) will appear on the site. Your email address will NOT appear. If you provide a website URL (for example, your business or your blog URL), it will be linked to your name so others can learn more about you.