We all have personal voids and disappointments in our lives,  but I believe that ministry itself is fraught with a depth and breadth of longing beyond our own places of emptiness.

~Nancy Going

It’s the Advent tension of ministry, right there in our faces. 

~Nancy Going

FAMILYING:  The relational processes the Spirit uses to form faith.

At Vibrant Faith, we are desperately aware that both of the institutions in our society that have historically functioned as the greenhouses for the nurture of faith—the church and the home – are experiencing tremendous change.  Daily life for families has changed dramatically: the impact of social, technological and economic realities. The church often finds itself scrambling to respond and engage people, much less lead them.  There is new urgency about the processes of faith formation.

That’s why we are proposing a new/old focus for engaging this reality: FAMILYING. We’ve been talking about it here for the last several weeks.  Here’s a re-cap of what we mean by familying:

Familying focuses on the relational processes that are the vehicles the Spirit has always used for the formation of faith.

Familying has rich biblical and historical Christian roots. Jesus’ ministry from beginning to end a process of familying.  The earliest glimpses we have of the Christian church are the stories of their familying.

Familying processes happen powerfully within both blood and non-blood relationships.

Familying happens most significantly in extended family groups.  This is NOT and has never been the work of the parents or the nuclear family functioning alone.

Evangelism is a natural outcome of familying.

The FAMILY itself is not the end goal. Familying is for the sake of the God’s mission in world.

Programs that allow for multiple generations to be a part of a church community together can help the process of familying.  But  impact-rich Familying relationships don’t end with the program.

Familying happens through the kind Developmental Relationships as described by Search Institute:  Express Care, Challenge Growth, Provide Support, Share Power, Expand Horizons. Many adults, however, do not know how to have these kind of relationships.

Familying creates developmental relationships for the sake of vibrant faith in Jesus Christ.

Familying can happen as powerfully through local faith communities and families as well as camps and other para-church organizations.

Familying does just happen.  But there is every sign that it is “just happening” for fewer people, especially children.

Familying is a deep, natural human desire.  This desire is often at the root of misguided attempts to fill one’s life.

At Vibrant Faith, we believe that as local faith communities are able to structure themselves for familying they will thrive.

Here are FIVE FAMILYING questions for your ministry:

1. Who in my church is in need of FAMILYING?
2. Who in my church community is being intentionally “FAMILIED” by my church?
3. What systems or programs in my church intentionally create space for FAMILYING by your church community?
4. How could my church use our skills in FAMILYING to connect with our community?
5. What skills will you need to teach to help others to FAMILY?

~Nancy Going

It is time for some truth. Here’s the tough reality: neither our churches nor our world is currently set up to family. That’s the hard position from which we at Vibrant Faith are sending out this urgent call to re-focus on this central task of Christian life. We are not pretending that anything less than an act of God lived out through God’s people will change American Christianity’s ability to family the current and next generation.

Why does being structured to family matter? Because familying is the relational process that the Spirit uses to form faith.

We know that as you continue re-claim this powerful focus for forming faith, there are significant challenges that might get in the way:

People no longer connect faith in Jesus with a “know and be known” community. It’s American individualism; it’s our mobile society; it’s a failure of the church to be church; it’s the results of a “me and Jesus” Christianity. It’s all those things. The number of people living in extended families has dissipated until it is no longer the norm and often physically just very hard to do.  At the same time our churches have more and more lost the ability to BE defining community for people.

But have you ever stopped to wonder about what drives the popularity of several television hits of the last 15 years? Friends, Modern Family, Parenthood, Downton Abbey… These are all examples of extended families in action, and we love watching them. People connect with these families at a deep level because these shows reflect our heart’s desire. Maybe familying is simply built into us. That wouldn’t be surprising, since familying reflects what it means to be made in the image of this triune God of ours.

As you face the challenges of structuring to family, you will need to re-connect people’s faith in Jesus to their deeply buried desire to know and be known, and help them find that in and through extended family-like Christian community.

People believe that the nuclear family is the key family unit. Those people who have nuclear families, that is. The nuclear family (one set of parents and their children) is currently the default American picture of family.  When the church talks about strengthening and encouraging families, we too focus on the nuclear family.  But living in an intact nuclear family is a life situation that people in our country are as likely NOT to have as they may have. In 2013, almost half the children born in the United States were born outside of marriages. The divorce rate still hovers between 40 and 50 percent.

As you face the challenges of structuring to family, the moving target that is the nuclear family will be a challenge for the intentional creation of families of faith. However, structuring churches to develop and nurture families of faith will become a welcome gift — for both a vibrant faith in Jesus and for human thriving.

This is where we get to most profoundly re-connect to who we are as followers of Jesus. Have you noticed that the story of Jesus shows him familying from birth? Much of the biblical narrative tells of his drawing together, sharing his days with and profoundly changing the lives very disparate people–including but moving beyond his blood family. Even in death, in his last words, Jesus was familying from the cross:

“When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing beside her, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, here is your son.’ Then he said to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home.
John 19: 26-27

Familying is inherently challenging.  Structuring to family will be too.  But creating and tending families of faith will change everything.

~Nancy Going

I love bridges. But I didn’t used to.

A couple of days ago, I drove over the causeway bridge that leads into St. Petersburg, FL. It’s a long bridge with a super high point. It was a beautiful drive. As I began the ascent a memory came to mind:

When I was a child we went on a family vacation to Galveston and I experienced my first tall causeway bridge. I’ll never forget looking up and seeing that bridge that seemed to go straight up into the clouds and not come down. I remember the lump in my throat and the butterflies in my stomach. And I remember the climb that seemed to go on forever and there was no end in sight until we got all the way to the peak of the bridge. And then it happened – my dad said, “Whoa! Here we go!” And the descent ensued with laughter from me and my siblings and a huge, “Wow!” as we headed down to the other side.

Are you looking at a bridge with fear and trepidation in your ministry? Are you hoping for change but not sure how to get there?

Maybe you need a bridge.

Many congregations are in need of a bridge, a bridge that leads to the place that you know you need to go but seems a bit scary. Where do you want to be? One of our consultants Jim LaDoux has great insight on the image of being a bridge to 21st Century Faith Formation. Check it out.

At Vibrant Faith, we see ourselves as people who accompany leaders and congregations as we pass over the scary bridges, knowing that God is with us all the way. There is no question that as we lead the church in the 21st Century, we need to look at innovative ways to equip the church to be God’s love.

And that’s faith. It’s like looking up to the top of the bridge trusting that there is hope on the other side. And boy, when we make that descent we can enjoy the rush of God’s life-giving Spirit as we are led into the future of the church. And we can joyfully say, “Here we go!”

Don’t be afraid of the bridge.

 ~ Tom Schwolert tschwolert@vibrantfaith.org

There they were — reportedly there were millions of them, camped on the edge of the promised land.  Moses knew he wasn’t going with them.  Moses also knew that there was so much that they likely didn’t understand about the land and the very different shape their lives would take in that new land.

The shape of worship and the traditions that had become their way of life as the children of Israel in the wilderness were about to change dramatically. They couldn’t fully fathom it yet, but the customs that they had grown into for survival over generations of necessity just weren’t going to work as lasting patterns for following the Lord their God as they settled and became immersed in this land.  They were about to leave the world of the wilderness and move into the land that God had promised, filled with “cities you did not build, wells you did not dig, vineyards you did not plant.” (Deuteronomy 6:11)

Have you ever thought about what it was like to be THOSE parents, headed with the children they loved into that new land?  Yes, it was a land filled with milk and honey. But it was also a whole new world, filled with people who didn’t share their God or their way of living.  There would be consequences as their children became natives of this new culture. Did they sense how hard it would be to make sure their children continued to worship the Lord their God?

So here are the five things Moses told them to do: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

Moses knew that the ways of here would not be enough for there.  He knew it was going to be about remembering what God had done, and literally attaching that story to their children and doing it in multiple ways in the midst of everyday life.  He didn’t tell them to take the Ark and immediately build a temple.  He told them that only FAMILYING the faith would have an impact in this new world.

So here we are. We too are looking at a new land.  We are heading into a boundary-less, technology-driven new world where 4000 churches close their doors each year.  Whew.  Not surprisingly, the customs and church cultures that we have known for the last several generations don’t appear to be working in the same ways in THIS new land either.  But this is the only world our children and grandchildren will know.

But it’s okay, children of God.  We’ve been here before.  God is still using that reluctant servant Moses and has already given us the tools to handle this:

1. Impress.
2. Talk.
3. Tie.
4. Bind.
5. Write.

See you there.

~Nancy Going

One toy that has not changed a bit is the hula hoop. There’s nothing you can do to innovate it. It’s simply a round circle of plastic that comes in various colors. Pretty basic, and it has never changed.

When I was a kid, everyone had a hula hoop in the neighborhood. Occasionally we would gather all the kids together on the block and have a contest to see who could hula the longest to be the hula hoop champion. I must confess: I was not very good at it and never won the championship. It always seemed to be the girl from down the street who was in dance class and could just go on forever without any effort. But hey, it brought everyone together for lots of fun and laughter. Oh yeah, and it was “groovy” and we wore bell bottoms.

Another circle that hasn’t changed is the circle of relationships that we all need surrounding us in our walk of faith, even in the forever changing landscape of ministry. If your faith is central to your life, I’ll bet you could sit down right now and write down the names of 5 people who have influenced your faith. After all, it’s how God chooses to show up in our lives – through the hearts of others. When we are encircled by a supportive, faith-filled circle we tend to stick around in the church and our faith tends to become the central compass of our lives. During the last few years of working with a youth group, I had them interview each other, and one of the questions was to have them make a list of people in their circle. There was always a marked difference in the youth who had several on that list and the ones who had one or two.

So leaders of churches, do these two things:

1. Write down the names of at least 5 people who have nurtured your faith over the years. Then write them each a hand written letter thanking them. Even if they are no longer living, you can still write the letter. It can be transformational.
2. Begin to cultivate circles of faith nurturing relationships in the lives of the young. Start with what they do have. Ask them. Then explore with them how you can grow that circle. (also, see yesterday’s post)

So don’t worry about having the coordination to be a hula hoop champion. How about championing circles of relationships?

 ~ Tom Schwolert
tschwolert@vibrantfaith.org

“God sets the lonely in families…” Psalm 68:6 (NIV)

“Familying is the relational processes that the Spirit uses to form faith.”

I had this great conversation last week with a former student who recently adopted two girls from Ethiopia to join the three they already had. What a wonder! As they were in Ethiopia adopting one, they met their soon-to-be-fifth daughter. They knew that they could and should bring her into their family too. There is no doubt that God set another daughter into their family. I asked her how she possibly does it. And she said, “I don’t. We have other adults who are helping us raise our girls.” Some of them are blood relatives. Others are related to them by faith. They are familying. (Shout out to Amanda and Kevin Burke!)

You may not be ready OR able to family the way the Burke’s have, by adopting. But that shouldn’t stop you from jumping into the process. Here are three ways for YOU and your church to begin:

1. Begin by extending your own family.
Familying happens most significantly in extended family groups. No matter how busy you are, you can do this. In fact over time, it might make your life less busy. So who are people from your faith community who could share more of your life? Are there people from outside your faith community that you might want to family with?   God never intended for parents or the nuclear family to function alone. You have a unique opportunity to play with this — for CHRIST’s sake. Choose one way that you can begin to take a step this fall. You could try an act of hospitality; you could try a virtual group for relational connection and prayer. Just make sure you include adults and kids together. This is an absolutely essential first step for you.

2. Identify those who Family.
This will be a critical step for the future of your church. I mean that. Start to notice the lives of people at your church, and begin making a list of those who “FAMILY.” Do they share their resources, stay with people over time, share Christ’s love, share pain and grow together? They may family well with their own extended family, or they may be the kind of family who gather “non-relatives” to create family. Either way, take note of those people, and how many of them God has given your church — whether you or your church have been the recipients of their familying or not.

3. Begin to think about, notice and make a list of people inside and OUTSIDE your church who need family.
Just observe and take note for at least two months. Don’t do anything with what you are noticing yet, other than begin to pray for those people. Remember that familying is a spiritual process. See what the Spirit begins doing as you begin to notice.

I’d love to hear about it when you are ready for some next steps!

At Vibrant Faith, we believe that as faith communities are able to structure themselves for familying, they will thrive.

~Nancy Going

Every congregation must reflect on two key questions:

• How can our community of faith be a tangible witness and authentic expression of Christ’s love?
• How can we actively participate in what God is doing in the place we live?

The insights of Paul Sparks, Tim Sorrens, and Dwight Friesen in their book The New Parish: How Neighborhood Churches are Transforming Mission, Discipleship, and Community(IVP Books, 2014) can be a big help.

These authors/pastors contend that there are four dominant conceptions of church in the west, and that knowing which is the prevailing mode can make it easier to highlight your congregation’s strengths, and call forth what’s missing. How do you see your congregation in the following four characteristics?

The Seeker Church

Organized around felt needs, this church takes seriously how the gospel connects with the culture of the people in their region. This church thrives on gatherings where everything relates to people who are exploring and searching what they believe about Jesus. Only secondary energies are used to connect with what God might be doing in the area. Can become somewhat consumeristic. This church puts great stock on its worship area. It’s where everyone gathers.

The Heritage Church

This church puts primary energy into passing on beliefs, rites, rituals, and core distinctives of following Christ from within their particular tradition. This church is likely deeply committed to the process of formation through programs of catechesis and discipleship. Without a dynamic living tradition shaped by the Spirit, this church can find itself organized around static rituals, and calcified into a set of denominational beliefs and liturgical practices disconnected from everyday life. This church likely has extensive educational facilities that are (or were) heavily used by all ages.

The Community Church

Central to this church is deep authentic relationships with God and with one another. This church seeks to retrieve a sense of familial relationships, where each person can, and is even called to, contribute as a meaningful participant. This church seeks covenantal relationships and deep mutual commitment. Requires a heavy investment of time and energy. Mission often becomes an awkward add-on, because the meaning of church has not included life with people outside the community. This church is not too attached to physical structures. Where two or three are gathered . . .

The Mission Church

This church simply seeks to join with God in God’s mission in the world. Every aspect of this church should be engaged in God’s redemptive plan. Mission is not a project, program, or even a priority, rather, it is the very existence of this church. This church runs the risk of becoming colonial—having “the answer” for “those people”—if it has few or no mechanisms to recognize and receive God’s formative work for the church itself. This church may likely run a soup kitchen or any number of social services.

If you had to put your congregation into one of these four categories, which would it be and why?

As you have certainly concluded by now, each of these churches emphasizes one essential aspect of church life:

• Seeker church = Sunday service
• Heritage church = identity formation and preserve tradition
• Community church = interpersonal relationships (i.e. familying)
• Mission church = participating in God’s renewal of creation

What is also clear is that all four expressions must be present in a faith community in order to effectively respond to the two key questions above.

- Leif Kehrwald

You could write a book you know. That’s right. Just write 1667 words each day for 30 days and you will have yourself a 50,000 word novel. Just ask Matt Cutts, who works for Google. He’ll tell you that you can accomplish just about anything in 30 days. Take a moment to watch the video below. It’s a great motivator for trying new things.

So really, ask yourself that question. What would your book be about? You see, we all have a unique story. You have something unique to share with the world. Your journey is not mine. I can’t tell your story the way you can tell it. Not only is this true for you and I as individuals but it is also true for faith communities.

Each faith community or congregation has it’s own story. Some of those stories are difficult to hear and others are of incredible testimonies of God in our midst. Yet it seems that so many leaders feel like they are stuck with the story they have. It’s as if this is who we are and nothing will ever change. But I know that deep down, that’s probably not true for you. You want to write a different story. You want to be a part of a different kind of faith community, one that is beaming with a vibrant calling to make a difference in the world. You are hopeful but you are just not quite sure how to move forward.

There is hope. Is that not the foundation of our faith? Are we not called to write new chapters and to co-create along with our Creator? I keep seeing these 30 day challenges online to do this or that. Leaders of faith communities… what would your 30 day challenge be? What is the next chapter in your book? What is the chapter you would like to see written about your faith community?

We must never be afraid to try something new.

 ~ Tom Schwolert

Let Vibrant Faith help you write new chapters in your ministry. Contact us.