vicissitude

On Being a Woman Scientist

2013-10-23T09:36:00.000-07:00

On my first day of kindergarten my Mom made me promise that I would go to college. As the story goes, my reply was “Ok, Mom, but can I finish kindergarten first?” I’ve been lucky to grow up with two very supportive parents, who pushed, pulled, and cheered me through twelve years of private schooling, four years of undergraduate school, fours years of graduate work for my M.S. and now are helping me work through my PhD.

Education, for my parents, was always a privilege. My Mom was told she wasn’t bright enough to go to college, most of my Dad’s family expected nothing of him. For their families, education was not a priority. My parents proved them wrong. My parents both went to school and raised five kids, I was the “law school” baby, famously colicky the night before Dad’s Bar exam. My Mom finished her undergraduate degree at forty, and taught for a year just to prove to herself that she could.

We ate dinner together every night, debating and discussing politics, ethics, medicine, science, and poetry, always with the “good book” –a very large dictionary – nearby. My parents worked hard to provide us with a good education, spent many nights helping us with homework, and teaching us to write as we worked on reports and essays for school. They always pushed us to get professional degrees “Be a lawyer! Or a doctor!” and the house rule was that our family does not turn in sloppy work, even if it meant staying up all night to perfect the latest project.

My sister and I are both in doctorate programs now; she’s in physics, I’m in ecology. My younger brother is a talented musician who is working hard at producing his own album and building a name for himself. My parents are immensely proud and brag about us every chance they get.

But. As beautiful as this story is, it has not been easy for me, nor my sister. I have struggled as a woman in the sciences. I’ve dealt with sexual harassment, lacking support of my instructors, discrimination at work, and a high level of competition from my classmates.

As a student, I’ve sat through uncomfortable office hours, where my questions were met with smirks, struggling to get my professor to focus on my face, and trying to ignore the occasional, less then subtle innuendos -- and soon I began to bring a friend to office hours with me.

Socially, being a scientist can be difficult. Intelligence can be intimidating to some men, and when your friends introduce you as the brilliant scientist, people try to be interested, but their eyes glaze over after a minute or two and eventually they wander off.

Working in the sciences, as an academic, I’ve made a conscious effort to become part of the “’ol boys’ club” – to do otherwise would be to miss out on essential networking, opportunities, and conversation. Being in the club usually means meeting for drinks, discussing current events, academic policies and office politics, while also tolerating/ignoring/biting-your-tongue at the comments about the “little ladies” at home, the attractive students in class, or the new secretary’s well-fitted wardrobe. While this gives me a strong advantage in my field, and will continue to, I hope that in the future I’ll find a more inclusive environment, with colleagues that are conscious of the degree of respect I deserve to encounter.

Suicide Prevention at OSU

2013-10-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

I recently attended Suicide Prevention Training, held by OSU's UCAT and facilitated by Stephanie Rohdieck on 9/17/2013. The training workshop focused on skills to identify at-risk behavior, and provided statistics regarding at risk populations at universities.

This training was not an easy experience for me. Suicide is a very deeply personal topic for me. I’ve lost several friends to suicide. The word suicide resonates deeply with me. Culturally, there is a stigma surrounding it, a negative connotation that there must have been something wrong with the person. For me, however, the word suicide means that something has gone very wrong in a person’s life, and when they needed it the most, no one was there to help.

I have done extensive reading regarding the potential warning signs and prevention, this training was specific for universities and I am glad I attended it. However, when discussing suicide at a workshop there is some air of superficiality to it. Not by the facilitator, who did an excellent job communicating the information and conveying her own story and emotions regarding suicide, but among those attending the workshop itself. There was an air of separation in the workshop, distance from the reality of at-risk individuals. While I am certain every person in the room would do their very best to help someone who was suicidal, I got the distinct impression that the majority were there for the certificate and only going through the motions.

The choice to end your life comes only after all hope has run out. Only when enduring whatever pain, physical, emotional, mental, is too much and the effort to cling desperately to life is too much does a person choose suicide. The idea of seeking out help doesn’t occur to them, because who could possibly help with such a deeply personal issue? For those at risk for suicide, there is no other escape. It’s a dark, bleak, and painful world they live in, and many people do not have the strength or will to continue in it.

As far as helping students, I try to be aware of the wellbeing of all my students. Establishing a good rapport with students is essential. If I ever have to discuss at risk behavior with a student I know that I’ll be doing my best, however awkward, uncomfortable, and emotional the confrontation/discussion may get.

Week 10!

2013-10-21T09:19:00.001-07:00

It's week ten and I'm working my brain to mush.

I aced my first class, which is good, but it was yet another water ecology course, so it doesn't really count as far as I'm concerned. I'm taking two new seminars for the second half of the semester, in addition to the "parade of faculty" graduate seminar.

The first seminar is on writing in hight impact journals. The publish or perish mentality is thriving, as expected, in the ecology/evolutionary biology field. I've been told I should try to write every day -- which is not difficult as I'm working to get my preliminary experiments planned and my proposal perfected. I may start posting about some of the journal articles I'm reading -- be prepared for extreme nerdiness. I may try to do a review paper and meta-analysis for my thesis, too. I'm still trying to get my master's work published too.

The next seminar is an introduction to R. "R is a free software environment for statistical computing and graphics." My statistics know-how is need-to-know only -- that is, if I need to know it, I can look details up in a book and muddle my way to understanding. I know enough that I can interpret statistics from journals etc -- but I'm lacking practical knowledge (i.e. how to run the programs). I've used SPSS almost exclusively, but I'm finding R to be much more elegant and direct. I am by no means a statistician. But hopefully by the end of this seminar I can code some things in R and analyze my own data.

It's been a stressful start, though. I've been sick, stressed, and sleepless -- which doesn't help my 12-16 hour days. BUT I absolutely LOVE being in school, doing research, and talking science with other, equally nerdy people. There's something truely satisfying about being able to discuss the ideas and topics I'm learning and developing with people who are interested, engaged, and sometimes even excited about the science.

I'm teaching, too. This term I'm teaching outside the department, doing intro biology labs, which are a piece of cake since I've taught them using essentially the same techniques and the exact same book for lecture. There are about 620 students taking just this section of biology, and I'm working with about 60 of them (two sections of ~30) for the labs.

Teaching is great. For me it helps to reinforce the basics of biology, while also reminding me that I need to be able to communicate in a way that someone who is new to biology will understand. Having to explain (repeatedly) the simple concepts is a fantastic way to reinforce it for yourself.

In terms of research: I'm probably going to do a project examining interactions between bees and wasps and parasitoids, and the different landscape and habitat variable that might influence those. That's a really REALLY broad idea, and of course will need to be narrowed down -- I like the idea of studying the mechanisms of parasitism, and the various tri-trophic interactions at play.

Hopefully the rest of the semester goes a bit more smoothly -- and I DONT get the flu!

Dude.

2013-08-11T23:54:00.001-07:00

School starts in two weeks. Orientation is next week. Holy eep. :)

Moved into new apartment and enjoying it so far. Columbus is confusing and campus is HUGE but I'm sure I'll get the hang of things. I have a million and one things to do and must not stress out. Posting a blog at 3 am may be an indicator of stress.

It's ok.

I'm a badass.

Birthday Wishes 2013

2013-04-24T09:47:00.001-07:00

Dream day: Dinner with family, as pictured. Steaks and grilled veggies. Everyone dresses up. Bow-ties are present. Croquet is played. Sinatra. Little gifts would be nice. Wishlist below.

Dinner:

(Recipies and images from pinterest, see my board here!)

Wishlist :)

tea. tea accessories. the nerdier the better!

I want to make my own clothes.

BOOKS! Always books! Cookbooks, especially ethnic cooking and old world baking
Anything on sustainable living, agriculture, and livestock, especially goats!

this is pretty cool too.

Other thoughts: Doggie boots, Doggie backpack, Wool socks, Car survival kit, Seeds. Board games. SLR camera :) Anything Doctor Who. (there's a bathrobe. or a tardis for my desk)

Mostly, though, I want to have dinner with my family.

YAY!!

2013-03-27T13:38:00.003-07:00

Guess who's going to get her doctorate in 4-6 years? This girl!

I'll be working and studying at OSU in the department of Evolution, Ecology, and Organismal Biology (EEOB)!

I am beyond excited!

I will be done teaching at BGSU in five weeks.
I will have the summer to find an apartment in Columbus, move, and get settled.

I'm planning some time on the beach, camping, exploring, and fun having for the summer, as I'll be busy being a scientist for the next several year and won't likely have another summer off for a long long time.

Have I mentioned my excitement?

Purge.

2013-03-16T23:32:00.001-07:00

I made a choice about a year ago to only project positivity into the world. Only speak of the good, the bright and beautiful. Only of my successes--not the struggle it took to get there. I figured that the struggle was Understood, an Unspoken context that the world would know, presume. Maybe I was wrong, maybe it was my own self-denial my own reluctance to admit that I too struggle. Sometimes, Sometimes the fear of ending up alone, the unwillingness to admit your weaknesses and then certainty in the future I'll be home a bit too much.

Still, I think I'm doing pretty well for myself. I mean I am being laid off, but I've applied to Doctorate programs. This was making the best son of a shitty situation. But there is still that uncertainty. I haven't heard back from the programs yet, and I suppose majority of my anxieties from that. Well I am confident that this sucks I want to take, I've been hatching all sorts of alternate plans in my hand.

Overall I am happy, though, that's a choice. I choose every day to project the positivity into the world and for myself. But sometimes when it's hard to sleep, or my anxieties get the best of me I wonder. Did I make the right choices? Does anyone ever know that?

The idea of going back to school, while I'm excited for the research and the opportunity to expand my career, does scare me. Throwing myself back into poverty seems like a foolish choice. But I think in the long run it will be better. I hope.

Then there is the whole dating thing. My last relationship ended on very poor terms. And while I would love to explore the options of a new relationship, I'm not ready. Which is frustrating for me because, eventually I do want The whole picnic fence, kids and wonderful,beautiful American dream. Is it still attainable for me? Or will I, as a woman who has chosen science and academia as my field, have to sacrifice the family and the relationships that I want in favor of my career?

I like to think that I will rise to the challenge. But there are definitely moments of self-doubt, sometimes those moments tend to linger. I feel as if I have to do this on my own, and I think that's one of my biggest flaws, I don't know when to ask for help. I know that having a support system is essential to success, and I know that I have a support system that truly believes in me. It's just that sometimes it's Difficult to get over my own pride, stubbornness, to ask for help when I need it.

For now I'm okay. My future is uncertain, but I have the love of my puppy dog, and my family, and I know that I'm strong smart.

Although I could use a few good luck charms.

Zombies, Oh My.

2012-12-11T16:56:00.003-08:00

Since the topic of zombies was constantly being brought up by the zombie enthusiasts in my environmental studies class I did an optional talk/discussion on several of the ways nature has already "zombie-fied" the world a few weeks ago. It of course, included some of the things discussed in this article. That being said, does anyone else worry about how desensitized the world is becoming to everything violent? The popularity of apocalyptic scenarios is a little alarming. The world is terrifying (and awesome) all by itself. Why do we need it to come crashing down around us?

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/11/science/parasites-use-sophisticated-biochemistry-to-take-over-their-hosts.html?smid=fb-share

Final exams, semester 1

2012-12-11T16:22:00.001-08:00

Final exams this week. I love being on the teacher's side of this. I've been telling people all day that I feel like Gandalf. Anyway, this picture is what happened while giving an exam.

Wish list

2012-11-25T18:49:00.001-08:00

Backpacking stuff:
Lightweight single person tent
All season lightweight sleeping bag
Gregory Baltoro 70 hiking pack

House Stuff:
Twin bed frame
Sharp knives
Wii and Zumba game :)

Books!
Cookbooks, especially ethnic cooking and old world baking
Anything on sustainable living, agriculture, and livestock, especially goats!
Peterson field guides
Current general and biology GRE practice books
Reading HG Wells these days

Pet stuff
Doggie boots
Doggie backpack
Small nylabones
Cat furniture
Laser.

Wool socks
Gift cards for clothes: khol's, JCP, torrid, lane Bryant
Earrings

Car survival kit

Seeds.

Board games.

SLR camera

Anything Doctor Who. (there's a bathrobe. or a tardis for my desk)

You won't get what you want if you don't reach for it.

Kyle DeForrest - "La La Land"

2012-10-03T14:57:00.001-07:00

The latest from my incredible younger brother!

Change

2012-08-14T22:07:00.001-07:00

There's so much that has changed in the past week I don't even know where to begin. My thesis defense was successful. I'm teaching at Bowling Green State University. Life is awesome, if a bit overwhelming. Found an apartment, moved, started my job. Classes start next week. I've got a million things to do before then. Loose ends to wrap up at Cleveland State. I'm finding that prioritizing very important right now. But I'll get there.

legendary

2012-07-01T10:22:00.001-07:00

So, scientific research is amazing.

You work your ass off and hope to figure out some timy bit of information, and when you do you hold it up to the world and say "HEY! Look at what I found!"

And for that moment you know something that no one else in the world ever knew, saw things that no one had ever seen.

Its some kind of powerful.

And then you take that little grain of knowledge and say"Here's why its important. Here's why the world should care."

And in that moment you become legendary, like you're leading humanity into the unknown.

Its awesome.

Working hard to finish. My world is amazing.

I am aged. :)

2012-05-29T15:03:00.003-07:00

My 25th birthday is in 11 days. Woo? I'm doing pretty well I think, almost done with my master's, have a lead on a good job (teaching!), life right now is mostly hard work and hoping. I think that's a good place to be, though. It'd be nice if I didn't need to worry about money so much, but I don't think that really ever ends, for most people that is. Still, this girl dreams.

There are things I need, things I want, and things I think are awesome. Some things fall into all three categories. So, here's another wishlist.

Seeds. Especially interesting, old, and "heirloom" seeds. For all kinds of plants, not just foodstuffs. Some day I'll have some dirt to put them in, but I like the idea of starting my collection now.

I need some tools. I don't own any. These ones are green, and pretty awesome. :)

A wire basket for the back of my bike would be nice.

and and air pump, patch kit, and WD-40? That's be uber useful.

Some stuff for cleaning my car would be pretty cool too.

And of course, I could always use some hiking socks. :)

If I had the money I'd buy myself an SLR camera kit and a few photography classes so I learn how to use it. Alas. Someday.

2012-03-29T08:46:00.001-07:00

If getting a master's degree was easy, everyone would have one.

I keep telling myself this.

Wishlist :)

2011-12-08T21:27:00.000-08:00

Welcome to commercial America-- All the christmas ads have got me thinking of some of the things on MY wishlist. Who knows, maybe some fabulous friend or family member will make a little magic for me. :) So here it is:

Seeds :) I'm starting a collection

I ALWAYS Need Socks! Especially wool hiking socks!

Hiking Boots from KEEN

For summer hikes, canoe rides, kayaking, beach/island visits :)

I really need a futon.

Back to work.

2011-12-08T15:48:00.000-08:00

End of another semester, and it's been a busy one!

ONE statistics class,

TWO ESA conferences (ecology and entomolgy),

THREE research papers in the works!

(see what I did there?)

As if research and my statistics coursework weren't enough, I've been kept busy with work as (1) a tutor (2) a Structured Learning Assistant and (3) a Success Coach (think academic advisor, peer mentor, and motivational speaker wrapped up into one job).

In the next 5 months I'll be analyzing data, writing (hopefully publishing), and (again, hopefully) graduating with my Master's in Environmental Science. When I'm done with that, I'll get my doctorate, somehow, but I'll worry about that later.

Back to work.

Occupy Cleveland Kyle DeForrest sings the Hit //Welcome to the Revolutio...

2011-11-18T17:03:00.000-08:00

Occupy Cleveland-Kyle DeForrest "99 to 1"- 11-17-11 019.MOV

2011-11-18T17:02:00.000-08:00

ESA-RENO 2011 OVERVIEW

2011-11-17T11:30:00.000-08:00

The past week I’ve had the opportunity to listen to seminars, workshops, and symposia, speak and network with top researchers in my field, and learn new strategies, theories, and discoveries in entomology. I’ve been in Reno, Nevada at the 2011 Entomological Society of America’s Annual meeting.

I presented a poster on my research (parasitoid wasp diversity in urban agro-ecosystems) and received incredibly insightful and constructive feedback on my work. I am actively looking for doctorate programs, and ESA was an incredibly valuable opportunity to speak with several potential advisors as well as students from their labs. This first impression will really help down the line (in the next few weeks) when I choose which schools/labs to apply to.

Among the conversations I had, several were on the different opportunities available to those who hold a phD in entomology and ecology. Understanding how state and private university assignments differ, the opportunities available in industry, and the ongoing and ever changing systems of sharing the knowledge gained by research has really helped to develop my own understanding of the field of entomology, and how it can relate to EVERY OTHER SCIENTIFIC FIELD.

STRESS.

2011-10-27T18:16:00.000-07:00

Doc says I've got to reduce my stress, so I did some research. Stress can kill brain cells, add fat, unravel chromosomes, shorten telomeres (increase aging), cause low IQ and mental disabilities in offspring (yes offspring, this is SCIENCE)(when fetus is exposed to high stress levels), and shuts down nonessential body systems (digestion, immune). Top ways to reduce stress? Social interaction, especially connecting with and helping others. (Check) Taking on leadership roles. (Check) Taking action and producing change. (Check) SO. I've formulated the Better World Hypothesis: Work towards creating a better world, help others, take action, be creative, and TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. Stress will be reduced. Health will be better. Awesomeness will be at maximum. If everyone does this: World Peace. As long as we can all reach a consensus. (Studies on Baboon societies prove this -- I think it could work for our species too.) I'm a scientist. I can handle this.

Side note for Occupy crew: In baboons it took six months to reach a consensus with the rest of society, hang in there!

Connecting People with Decision Makers

2011-10-16T20:34:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that one of the biggest issues today is finding ways to connect decision makers with citizens. While citizens should take personal responsibility for maintaining their knowledge of and taking action on today's issues, the great majority do not. This standard of ignorance has begun to shift, one example being the Occupy Wall Street protests and the anti-occupy groups that represent the opposing opinions. This shift, from a largely apathetic nation to one with increasing public awareness, brings forth a question: Who is responsible for the continued education of the nation? Yes, the responsible citizen seeks out an unbiased source of knowledge and will make decisions based on their own opinions. But precious few seem to take the time to do this. Americans want easy answers to difficult questions, this is due in part to our evolution into a low context culture.

Is it then, the responsibility of government to present the information? If so, how can that information be presented in a way that is cost-effective, simple to manage, and easy to access?

There are several issues linked to this problem, the country's failing school systems, for example. If students graduating high school can barely read, how can they process and understand the importance of complex issues? How many will vote based on advertising alone? How many will not vote at all?

I don't have all the answers, and I know that there will always be the apathetic, I only hope that it will become an apathetic few. Fixing the school system, enforcing transparency in government, eliminating corruption, and finding the dynamic, intelligent, and honest few who have the ambition and vision to lead this country is a difficult task. Keeping those decision makers connected to the people is even more difficult. Social networking and other technologies are the future of communication. Design must meet government, and find a way.

Dispatch from Cleveland: Occupy Wall Street Moves to the Midwest - The Takeaway

2011-10-12T16:18:00.000-07:00

Dispatch from Cleveland: Occupy Wall Street Moves to the Midwest - The Takeaway

So, my brother was interviewed by the BBC! Check out his facebook page @ http://www.facebook.com/kyledeforrestmusic

13 Things

2011-10-04T20:49:00.000-07:00

I am:

1. Starting an environmental education outreach program with a student group on campus.
2. Volunteering twice a week as a "Conversation Partner" in an English as a second language assistance program.
3. Working 20 (really closer to 25) hours a week as a tutor, structured learning assistant, and success coach.
4. Going to the Cleveland Museum of Natural History twice a week to database my 2010 insect collection.
5. Statistics class.
6. Learning how to run. Slowly.
7. Being an awesome dog-mom.
8. Reading two papers a week on parasitoid wasps, urban ecology, urban entomology, and/or other cool science.
9. Getting materials together for my doctorate program applications (eep)
10. Getting materials (DATA) together for the Entomological Society of America conference in Reno, NV, November 13-17.
11. Figuring out football and trying (really) to be interested.
12. Reading my new American Entomologist.
13. Trying to not lose my mind.

love,
Klaire

Change!

2011-09-24T22:37:00.000-07:00

In the past month much much much has happened.

1. New Apartment
2. New Car (Named Gloria)
3. New Dog (Named Zoey)
4. Reunited with Charlie (the cat)
5. New Courses! (Statistics, eep!)
6. New plan (more on this later!)
7. New club + outreach program! (woo!)

Upcoming events:
November: Entomology meeting!
December 1st: Applications due for PhD programs (eep)

SO MUCH TO DO! (So little time.)