WELCOME TO VICTLINK

how to get your girlfriend back without losing your mind

2011-09-24T07:39:00.000-07:00

There are certain things in life that can make you feel as though you are losing your mind. Serious financial difficulties can make you feel that way, enduring through some kind of a personal tragedy can make you feel that way, and the ending of a relationship can also make you feel that way. When you are on the 'losing' end of a break up, meaning you are the one who got dumped, it does not feel good at all. And as you think about what went down and think about what you could have done differently, it can send your head spinning.
You can end up with way more questions than you do answers and searching for those answers can be quite difficult. Before you lose your mind, you want to really take a step back and look at things from as much of an outsider's perspective as you can. It can be hard to do that, but it can also be very effective for gaining some much needed insights into what went wrong and what you can do to make things right again.
Here is some much needed advice on how to get a girlfriend back without losing your mind:
1. Admit to yourself that you have your faults and that it is okay to have faults.
Your ego can take the biggest hit when you get dumped. It can make you feel like maybe you are not worthy of a girlfriend or that there is something 'wrong' wth you. Don't get caught up in that cycle of thinking. Just admit to yourself that you do have your faults and that everyone has their faults in relationships and that this is perfectly okay.
2. Allow yourself to think about other things besides your ex girlfriend.
You need clarity of mind if you are going to get your ex girlfriend back, and you need clarity of mind if you are going to be able to move on. So, you have to allow yourself to be able to think about things other than your ex girlfriend. Thinking about her 24 hours a day, seven days a week will only do one thing. It will make you go crazy. And you do not need this at all.
3. Act as if you are going to win her back, keep your confidence up.
Sometimes you have to act as if you are already on pace to get what you want so that you can be confident and make the right decisions. When you have a mind full of doubts, things tend to become cloudy and unclear, and you really need to be able to have a confident mind when you are trying to win back an ex girlfriend.

How to get your boyfriend back.BE PATIENT

2011-09-24T07:35:00.001-07:00

How to get your ex boyfriend back? This is something which may require a great deal of patience and time. What you need to do is behave in such a way that suggests you are fine with the current situation while still remaining open to the possibility that he'll want you back.
When you are dealing with emotions and relationships which have ended it pays to understand that things rarely go as you would have expected and this is why you will be rewarded if you take a patient approach to matters such as this. Some people can be impetuous in the way they act but this is one situation where that really won't benefit you.
Begin by looking at all the things that may have gone wrong between you. Although this may be difficult for you, it is something you will have to do at some point. It is a very good way for you to learn and this is why it is worth taking some time to analyze all that happened. This will also help you to change and grow as a person.
Once you identify where things went wrong you can be sure that the mistakes of the past won't ever be repeated. It's also wise not to assume that by acting in a sweet and romantic way those advances will be rewarded. Often, when you are too forthright it can make you appear weak. If you want to get him back it is best to remain strong and to keep your feelings to yourself.
If you have the urge to talk this matter over then only do it with people who you are very close with. Never talk about romantic issues on social networking sites as these can be accessed too easily. Take care when you happen to be around any of his friends in case they go off telling him things you don't want him to know.
When you are aware of how valuable patience can be then you have to bear in mind that even though emotions may be fraught you still have to be in his company at some point. You may find this to be difficult to begin with but it will all be worth it in the end. There will be a stage where nothing seems to be happening and this is when you need to call on your reserves of patience.
Instead of worrying about it, use this as a time to focus on other important parts of your life such as work, studies or spending more time with friends or family. Life does go on even when you are going through difficulties with relationship. Never neglect other aspects of your life by moping around thinking about a difficult situation.
Time will pass and there may come a time when it looks like the waiting game has paid off for you. When this happens take care not to rush things and begin very slowly taking the time to benefit from the lessons you have learned from mistakes which were made in the past.

LEARN HOW TO CATCH CHEATING SPOUSE

2011-09-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

If you know how to catch cheating spouse it will certainly help you provide evidence against them if you ever think of filing for divorce. Just doubts and misgivings are not sufficient to prove that your spouse is unfaithful and if you decide to tackle them they will only be more careful and cover their tracks in the future. The most fundamental signs of a cheating spouse are when their approach towards you changes all of a sudden. They might decide to begin buying you gifts all of a sudden or take you out once in a while as a way to let out some of the guilt feeling. On the other hand, they might be irritated with you most of the time as if it were all because of you that they were forced to have this affair.
Being conscious about other kinds of spouse infidelity signs is an essential way of having the knowledge of how to catch cheating spouse. If your spouse behaves guiltily then that is a sure giveaway that he is being unfaithful. For instance, they might keep their cell phone hidden from you or close the laptop lid when you near them. They might even start keeping the phone bill hidden away as their lover's number might very well be on it and might ask for their bill to be sent to their office so that you are not able to set eyes on it. These are just a few signs of a cheating spouse.
Yet another sign of infidelity for certain is the routine of the spouse. They might begin to spend increasingly extra time in the office on the pretext of working overtime or leave for work even earlier in the morning than otherwise at the same time making sure that you not get to see the pay stubs. While they are at home, you can catch cheating spouse it they act restless like they want to be elsewhere or might be very distracted as if their mind was someplace else. Other signs of a cheating spouse could be when they ask to change your regular sexual routine, expecting you to try new methods. Also, they may suddenly have a renewed interest in taking care of their appearance, changing their hairstyle, getting a new wardrobe, using makeup or perfume on a daily basis and working out in the gym.
If you want to catch husband cheating or wife for that matter, you can check the odometer against the mileage that is normally required for your spouse to travel from home to office and back and you will soon know if there are unaccounted miles there. You could also have called ID enabled on your phone keeping the unit hidden away from your spouse so that when they leave home you can check if there are any numbers that are not familiar to you. You can catch cheating spouse by looking for lipstick traces or unfamiliar strands of hair on your spouse's clothes or perhaps even a hint of cologne or perfume that is not familiar among other signs of a cheating spouse.

Get her back

2011-09-24T07:29:00.000-07:00

Get Her Back - But She's Dating Someone New? by victor

in Relationships (submitted 2011-09-24)

If the love of your life has walked out on you and is now dating someone new, can you get her back? Of course it's possible to get her back. Should you get her back? Now that I will leave for a future conversation. Let's talk about her dating someone new.
Now depending on how long you have been separated it's very likely the new relationship is nothing more than a rebound relationship. This type of relationship is her way of validating herself. It tells her she is OK. She is simply allowing herself to have this new relationship to keep from having to deal with the emotions she too is experiencing.
And therein lies the key that will actually help you get her back. She's in this new relationship to deal with losing you.
The reason she left will have to be dealt with eventually, most likely you have some changing to do, some things about yourself that you may need to improve upon. But at this point what matters is not why she left, or even who called the thing off. Whats important is the fact you experienced a real love.
Practically any relationship built on real love can be salvaged. Now only you can determine if it should be salvaged, but that is a different subject.
Back to the rebound. She is most likely focusing on what she perceives to be the problem in your relationship. I'm guessing she is now seeing someone totally different than you?
And this is good news for you for a couple of reasons.
1) If she is now into someone totally opposite of you, you can be assured she is still thinking of you. Her attention is still on you as she examines this contrast in styles. She is checking out the greener grass is all for now.
2) Based on the type of guy you are and taking a look at the kind of guy she is seeing now should give you some insight into what she thinks the problem with your relationship is. You can take this time to improve yourself in those areas.
Just relax and let the rebound run its course. They never last long. Think about it, she was attracted enough in you and your traits to fall in love with you once. Those are the traits she desires. She will soon see the flaws in this new fling, it's temporary - he doesn't possess those traits she desires - you do. You'll soon be looking good to her again.
Here some thoughts on to handle this situation:
* Do not plead with her and try to convince you are the love of her life. That you are the only one that is right for her. It is much more powerful to let her find this out on her own.
* Do not apologize. Now, if you really pulled some bone head move - Say you're sorry once - sincerely mean it and then drop it. It does not come up again.
* Do not under any circumstances make verbal promises to change. Words are meaningless to her right now. Show her you have changed.
* Do not cast blame onto her or yourself. She will come to decide on her own as long as you don't force her to defend herself.
* DO NOT EVER BEG! This only proves that she was right in leaving you. No woman wants someone who's self-esteem is so low as to beg. Please just trust me on this one. This is just not cool.
If you would additional information on the above pointers a great reference is Ex2 - System and much more information can be found on that subject there.
If your ex is going out with someone during your break up do not freak out, it's very likely it is nothing more than a rebound. And they can actually work in your favor and make it easier to get her back.
This new guy is doing more than making you look better. But don't simply sit around twiddling your thumbs during this period. Start making those improvement to make yourself look even better. Remember your traits she was initially attracted to - Improve those to get her back.

pls post your comment.

Neco Result is Out

2011-09-24T05:13:00.000-07:00

Check 2011/2012 Neco June/July Result-Neco June/July 2011 Result Checker

Posted: 23 Sep 2011 09:19 PM PDT

Check 2011/2012 Neco June/July Result –Neco June/July 2011 Results checker-The National Examinations Council(Neco) has
finally released the results of the 2011/2012
Examinations held June/July. The Results can now be access from
the board’s official website ( www.mynecoexams.com/results/default.aspx ) using the
new scratch cards from NECO.
To check your Result, follow the five
(5) simple steps above. You can also
email or print your result Cards are available in all NECO Nationwide
1. Select year Examination Type
2. Select year of examination
3. Enter your card PIN number
4. Enter your Examination Number
5. Click on “Check My Result” button
Victor wish u all Gud luck. Don,t Forget to drop Your Comment Below!

12 Simple tips for Relationships

2011-09-19T16:12:00.001-07:00

One of the most common questions we hear is, "How do we make our relationship work?" The answers are complicated, varied, and, after a while, can start to sound like muddled platitudes. But these commonplace sayings get repeated because they work. With this in mind, we pulled together 12 cliches that, in fact, reveal simple, tried-and-true advice for having a healthy, happy relationship. Read on and let us know what you think:

1. Mind your manners. "Please," "thank you" and "you're welcome," can go a long way in helping your partner remember that you respect and love him and don't take him for granted.

2. Variety is the spice of life. Studies have shown that dullness can lead to dissatisfaction with a relationship. Trying something new can be as simple as visiting an unfamiliar restaurant or as grand as a backpacking trip through Sri Lanka. Discoveries you make together will keep you feeling close. Video Advice: My Wife Won't Tell Me Her Fantasies

3. The couple that plays together, stays together. Find a sport or hobby that you both love (no, watching TV does not count) and make that a priority in your relationship. Camping, biking, building model trains... whatever it is, find something you enjoy doing together.

4. Fight right. In order to have productive arguments, keep these rules in mind. Don't call your spouse names. When things get really tough, take a break from the argument. Let the other person finish his/her sentences. Don't initiate a discussion when you're angry. 9 Things To Say During A Fight

5. I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine. No one likes demands (unless you're in a BDSM role play), but everyone can appreciate a compromise. If you want your lover to do something and you're not sure he'll be agreeable, the quickest way to avoid a confrontation is to sweeten the deal. For example: "Sure, I'll watch Monday Night Football if you take me to see the next movie of my choice."

6. Two heads are better than one. Being in a relationship basically means you've made a merger; you've not only joined assets but inherited the other's problems as well. Rather than looking at his problems as merely his own, tackle them together. For example, if he's gaining weight, rather than pushing him to diet on his own, enroll in an exercise program together. Fun And Free: The Exercise Date

7. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Maintain your own friendships and occasionally have a night out without your significant other. Doing things without your s.o. not only makes you miss him or her, it also keeps you sane. And, in case the relationship doesn't work out, you'll still have your friends.

8. Sound it out. It other words: communicate! Talking out the tough subjects—money, religion, fidelity, raising kids—will not be the most fun you've had, but it'll be valuable.

9. Laughter is the best medicine. Learn to laugh at yourself and at silly mistakes. If he throws your $300 cashmere sweater in the dryer, laughing it off is, in the long run, better than getting angry. It's is just a $300 cashmere sweater, not the end of the world.

10. Keep your eyes on the prize. Yes, he forgot your co-worker's name for the tenth time, but it probably doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. If you keep your perspective fixed on the goal—to be in a happy, functioning partnership—you're less likely to get tangled up in every minor annoyance. Remember, you both want the same thing. Seven Ways To Stay Happy (All Year Long)

11. Quitters never win. Find a ritual and keep it alive, no matter what. Whether it's alwayskissing each other good night, renewing wedding vows every year, sleeping in as late as you want once a month or committing to having sex once a week, pick something that makes you both feel good and stick to it, even when you're tempted to skip.

12. When the going gets tough, the tough get going... to therapy. Studies show that couples who seek counseling during rocky periods are more successful in resolving their issues than those who don't. Whether its from a religious figure, counselor or mental healthprofessional, getting an expert to help sort out strife is as wise as forgoing self-installation and hiring a plumber to put in a new sink.

What keeps your relationship strong? Let us know in the comments.

When it is okay for men to cry

2011-09-19T16:02:00.001-07:00

. The death of a loved one. There are few things more painful that the thought of separation from those dearest to our hearts.

2. The death of your beloved pet. A pet can feel like a member of the family. Whether a horse or dog, the bond between a man and his faithful animal runs deep.

3. When you first see the new life you and your wife created. Many a man has found himself choked up as they cradle their newborn son or daughter.

4. When you propose to the love of your life and she says yes. This should be one of the happiest days of your life. You found your best friend.

5. At the altar as you get married. Everyone in attendance loves to see the husband-to-be get a little misty eyed as his blushing bride walks down the aisle.

6. When your beloved car or truck, especially your first one, gets totaled. There’s a bond between a man and his wheels that when severed, can really sting.

7. Visiting sites that pay tribute to those who laid down their lives for others. Whether running your fingers over the names at the Vietnam War Memorial or watching the oil leak from the sunk USS Arizona, contemplating the sacrifices made by your fellowman should make you tear up.

8. Describing a really spiritual experience. Feeling touched by a higher power can be really affecting.

9. As an athlete, after the final game/match/event that you will ever play in. You’ll never be in as good shape again. You’ll never experience this level of camaraderie again. You’ll never push yourself so hard every day. Go on and let it out.

10. While watching any of the following movies:

Field of Dreams
Brian’s Song
Shawshank Redemption
The Pride of the Yankees
Old Yeller
Iron Giant
Life is Beautiful
Saving Private Ryan.
Rudy
Braveheart
Dead Poets Society
Friday Night Lights
We Were Soldiers
Gladiator
Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid
The Champ
Glory
It’s a Wonderful Life
More reasons
1. When you favorite sports team loses. I get really into sports. But crying when men who don’t know you from Adam lose a game means you’ve got way too much invested.

2. When those around you are looking to you as a source of calmness and strength.Sometimes your loved ones need you to be a rock.

3. To the point of irrational thinking or paralysis when you have a job to do. I wanted to strangle Upham in Saving Private Ryan when he cried in the stairwell while his fellow soldier was being killed. When you have a job to do, get it together.

4. When you don’t get your way. Little boys cry when they don’t get what they want. Men are disappointed, but resilient.

5. When you’re frustrated. Crying because your overwhelmed and don’t know what to do is a cop out. You don’t have the strength to think of a solution, so you cry so you don’t have to think at all. Man up and figure out your next move.

6. In baseball. There’s no crying in baseball!

When Is It Okay for a Man to Cry? | The Art of Manliness

2011-09-19T15:55:00.000-07:00

When Is It Okay for a Man to Cry? | The Art of Manliness: "be "

'via Blog this'

When Is It Okay for a Man to Cry? | The Art of Manliness

2011-09-19T15:54:00.000-07:00

When Is It Okay for a Man to Cry? | The Art of Manliness: "be "

'via Blog this'

Long Distance Relationship Tips - Home

2011-09-19T15:27:00.000-07:00

Long Distance Relationship Tips - Home:

'via Blog this'

HOW TO LEAVE A BAD RELATIONSHIP.

2011-09-19T14:48:00.001-07:00

In Nigeria, especially when you are a woman of a certain age (Basically 24 and over), a breakup is treated like a death by many around you.
“Ah ah after all you have invested in the relationship”
“Don’t let another woman come and enjoy your work o”
“So what if he cheated on you/never called you/slapped you/was a terrible boyfriend/You don’t love him, all men are like that now, he will change”
You hear all sorts of things from all sources, mums/aunties/friends etc…
Even in situations when its not technically a “bad” relationship, sometimes you just know he is not the person you are meant to be with but because of pressure stick with it.
When I spotted this article, thought it was helpful and might help someone.Falling into a relationship is easy. But extricating yourself from one is quite another matter. Most of us will do all we can to put off confrontation – but the cleaner the break, the easier it will be for both of you to move on

STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIS BEHAVIOUR

Women tend to be better than men at making excuses for their partner’s apathy.

He never rings when he says he will? He must be very busy at work.

But our natural understanding can blind us to the truth. People show us who they are all the time, we just have to be brave enough to listen.

Stop making excuses for him, and suddenly you can see your relationship far more clearly – and whether you still want to be part of it.

The most common cause of anger at the end of any relationship is a sense of betrayal triggered by the fantasy one partner has created about the other.

DON’T WASTE MORE TIME DEFENDING YOUR MISTAKE

How many years are you going to wait for that wonderful man you fell in love with to re-appear?

No one wants to be proved wrong, which is why so many of us choose to stick with a bad relationship rather than admit we made a bad choice.

But staying in an unhappy relationship for five years is a mistake – and staying in it for a lifetime is a catastrophe.

Far better to stop defending the decision you made way back when and start considering a new decision based on what’s happening now.

Life can be hard enough without choosing someone difficult to share it with. No one finds it easy to end a relationship, but the sooner you recognise what’s happening and take control, the less hurt you will suffer.

REMEMBER WHO YOU USED TO BE

Women are also more likely than men to make changes during a relationship, and it’s easy to forget you were once an independent person with an enjoyable life.

Now is the time to review those changes. Perhaps there are friends you stopped seeing because he didn’t like them, or interests you no longer had time for?

People who socialise recover more quickly from a break-up, and being with friends who are fond of you feels good.

The best partners are people who like themselves. Resolve to be that person and your choice in men will improve.

Why? Because we only go after what we think we deserve.

SET NEW RELATIONSHIP STANDARDS

The fear of history repeating itself stops many of us from enjoying dating again, but you can protect yourself from previous mistakes by compiling a list of standards for potential new partners.

Choose behaviours that have hurt you in the past, and begin each sentence with: ‘I will not go out with a man who… doesn’t do what he says he will / makes me feel stupid / refuses to talk about the future / never has any free time.’

The best partner is someone who shares your values.

If you couldn’t live with yourself if you acted that way, the chances are you will find it very difficult to live with him.

Always bear in mind that it’s far easier to choose well in the first place than attempt to change a person six months down the line.

BELIEVE THERE IS SOMEONE BETTER OUT THERE

The only way to find out if there’s someone better for you out there is to first believe it could be true.

There is never a good reason to give up hope, so stay away from doom-and-gloom stories, and change the subject when friends complain there are no good men left.

And don’t be put off by a string of bad relationships. It doesn’t mean you’re hopeless at picking people – we’re all guilty of showing our very best side at the beginning.

It just means that when the danger signs started to show, you chose to ignore them. Being ‘unlucky in love’ simply means you haven’t got out of bad relationships fast enough.

DON’T EXPECT TO BE HAPPY IMMEDIATELY

The reason so many people rebound back into bad relationships is because they expect to be happy the minute they leave.

But you left to give yourself the chance to find happiness. It’s like cleaning out a room so you can start to repaint.

It doesn’t have to happen today, but know that you are working towards it every day. When you believe you can be successful, you lose that (hugely unattractive) feeling of desperation.

Meeting new men and flirting can become a pleasure as you’re not constantly worrying about the outcome. When you’re not in a hurry, you can enjoy people for who they are.

And despite all their problems, relationships are still the very best things in life.

21 things that can make a man to burst into tears

2011-09-19T14:41:00.001-07:00



RANKING OF WHAT MAKES GUYS CRY The death of a family member or close friend Watching a sad movie or TV show A girlfriend breaking up with them The death of a pet Breaking up with a girlfriend Watching a happy/heartwarming movie or TV show Listening to an emotional song Seeing their significant other cry Experiencing personal injury/physical pain Fighting with their significant other When they’re overjoyed by a personal success, such as a promotion Reading a sad book Reading/hearing a tragic story in the news Getting fired, or being severely disciplined at work Reading a happy/heartwarming book Reading/hearing a happy/heartwarming story in the news Attending a wedding The death of a favorite celebrity An emotional sexual experience When their sports team wins When their sports team loses

make money online

2011-09-18T16:07:00.001-07:00

http://www.webhostingpad.com/10227.html

Business and investment

2011-09-17T18:50:00.000-07:00

Business & Investing
Saturday September 17, 2011

Everything Is Obvious: *Once You Know the Answer
by Duncan J. Watts

The Myth of Common Sense

Every day in New York City five million people ride the subways. Starting from their homes throughout the boroughs of Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, and the Bronx, they pour themselves in through hundreds of stations, pack themselves into thousands of cars that barrel though the dark labyrinth of the Metropolitan Transportation Authority's tunnel system, and then once again flood the platforms and stairwells-a subterranean river of humanity urgently seeking the nearest exit and the open air beyond. As anyone who has ever participated in this daily ritual can attest, the New York subway system is something between a miracle and nightmare, a Rube Goldberg contraption of machines, concrete, and people that in spite of innumerable breakdowns, inexplicable delays, and indecipherable public announcements, more or less gets everyone where they're going, but not without exacting a certain amount of wear and tear on their psyche. Rush hour in particular verges on a citywide mosh pit-of tired workers, frazzled mothers, and shouting, shoving teenagers, all scrabbling over finite increments of space, time, and oxygen. It's not the kind of place you go in search of the milk of human kindness. It's not the kind of place where you'd expect a perfectly healthy, physically able young man to walk up to you and ask you for your seat.

And yet that's precisely what happened one day in the early 1970s when a group of psychology students went out into the subway system on the suggestion of their teacher, the social psychologist Stanley Milgram. Milgram was already famous for his controversial "obedience" studies, conducted some years earlier at Yale, in which he had shown that ordinary people brought into a lab would apply what they thought were deadly electrical shocks to a human subject (really an actor who was pretending to be shocked) simply because they were told to do so by a white-coated researcher who claimed to be running an experiment on learning. The finding that otherwise respectable citizens could, under relatively unexceptional circumstances, perform what seemed like morally incomprehensible acts was deeply disturbing to many people-and the phrase "obedience to authority" has carried a negative connotation ever since.1

What people appreciated less, however, is that following the instructions of authority figures is, as a general rule, indispensible to the proper functioning of society. Imagine if students argued with their teachers, workers challenged their bosses, and drivers ignored traffic cops anytime they asked them to do something they didn't like. The world would descend into chaos in about five minutes. Clearly there are moments when it's appropriate to resist authority, and most people would agree that the situation Milgram created in the lab would qualify as such a moment. But what the experiment also illustrated was that the social order that we take for granted in everyday life is maintained in part by hidden rules that we don't even realize exist until we try to break them.

Based on this experience, and having subsequently moved to New York, Milgram had begun to wonder if there was a similar "rule" about asking people for seats on the subway. Like the rule about obeying authority figures, this rule is never really articulated, nor would a typical rider be likely to mention it if asked to describe the rules of subway riding. And yet it exists, as Milgram's students quickly discovered when they went about their little field experiment. Although more than half of the riders asked eventually surrendered their seats, many of them reacted angrily or demanded some explanation for the request. Everyone reacted with surprise, even amazement, and onlookers often made disparaging remarks. But more interesting than the response of the riders was that of the experimenters themselves, who found it extremely difficult to perform the experiment in the first place. Their reluctance was so great, in fact, that they had to go out in pairs, with one of them acting as moral support for the other. When the students reported their discomfort to Milgram, he scoffed at them. But when he tried to do the experiment himself, the simple act of walking up to a complete stranger and asking for his or her seat left him feeling physically nauseated. As trivial as it seemed, in other words, this rule was no more easily violated than the obedience-to-authority "rule" that Milgram had exposed years earlier.2

As it turns out, a big city like New York is full of these sorts of rules. On a crowded train, for example, it's no big deal if you're squeezed in against other people. But if someone stands right next to you when the train is empty, it's actually kind of repellant. Whether it's acknowledged or not, there's clearly some rule that encourages us to spread out as much as we can in the available space, and violations of the rule can generate extreme discomfort. In the same way, imagine how uncomfortable you'd feel if someone got on your elevator and stood facing you instead of turning around to face the door. People face each other all the time in enclosed spaces, including on subway trains, and nobody thinks twice about it. But on an elevator it would feel completely weird, just as if the other person had violated some rule-even though it might not have occurred to you until that moment that any such rule existed. Or how about all the rules we follow for passing one another on the sidewalk, holding open doors, getting in line at the deli, acknowledging someone else's right to a cab, making just the right amount of eye contact with drivers as you cross the street at a busy intersection, and generally being considerate of our fellow human beings while still asserting our own right to take up a certain amount of space and time?

No matter where we live, our lives are guided and shaped by unwritten rules-so many of them, in fact, that we couldn't write them all down if we tried. Nevertheless, we expect reasonable people to know them all. Complicating matters, we also expect reasonable people to know which of the many rules that have been written down are OK to ignore. When I graduated from high school, for example, I joined the Navy and spent the next four years completing my officer training at the Australian Defence Force Academy. The academy back then was an intense place, replete with barking drill instructors, predawn push-ups, running around in the pouring rain with rifles, and of course lots and lots of rules. At first this new life seemed bizarrely complicated and confusing. However, we quickly learned that although some of the rules were important, to be ignored at your peril, many were enforced with something like a wink and a nod. Not that the punishments couldn't be severe. You could easily get sentenced to seven days of marching around a parade ground for some minor infraction like being late to a meeting or having a wrinkled bedcover. But what you were supposed to understand (although of course you weren't supposed to admit that you understood it) was that life at the academy was more

like a game than real life. Sometimes you won, and sometimes you lost, and that was when you ended up on the drill square; but whatever happened, you weren't supposed to take it personally. And sure enough, after about six months of acclimation, situations that would have terrified us on our arrival seemed entirely natural-it was now the rest of the world that seemed odd.

We've all had experiences like this. Maybe not quite as extreme as a military academy-which, twenty years later, sometimes strikes me as having happened in another life. But whether it's learning to fit in at a new school, or learning the ropes in a new job, or learning to live in a foreign country, we've all had to learn to negotiate new environments that at first seem strange and intimidating and filled with rules that we don't understand but eventually become familiar. Very often the formal rules-the ones that are written down-are less important than the informal rules, which just like the rule about subway seats may not even be articulated until we break them. Conversely, rules that we do know about may not be enforced, or may be enforced only sometimes depending on some other rule that we don't know about. When you think about how complex these games of life can be, it seems kind of amazing that we're capable of playing them at all. Yet, in the way that young children learn a new language seemingly by osmosis, we learn to navigate even the most novel social environments more or less without even knowing that we're doing it.

COMMON SENSE

The miraculous piece of human intelligence that enables us to solve these problems is what we call common sense. Common sense is so ordinary that we tend to notice it only when it's missing, but it is absolutely essential to functioning in everyday life. Common sense is how we know what to wear when we go to work in the morning, how to behave on the street or the subway, and how to maintain harmonious relationships with our friends and coworkers. It tells us when to obey the rules, when to quietly ignore them, and when to stand up and challenge the rules themselves. It is the essence of social intelligence, and is also deeply embedded in our legal system, in political philosophy, and in professional training.

For something we refer to so often, however, common sense is surprisingly hard to pin down.3 Roughly speaking, it is the loosely organized set of facts, observations, experiences, insights, and pieces of received wisdom that each of us accumulates over a lifetime, in the course of encountering, dealing with, and learning from, everyday situations. Beyond that, however, it tends to resist easy classification. Some commonsense knowledge is very general in nature-what the American anthropologist Clifford Geertz called an "ancient tangle of received practices, accepted beliefs, habitual judgments, and untaught emotions."4 But common sense can also refer to more specialized knowledge, as with the everyday working knowledge of a professional, such as a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer, that develops over years of training and experience. In his address to the annual meeting of the American Sociological Society in Chicago in 1946, Carl Taylor, then president of the association, put it as well as anyone:

By common sense I mean the knowledge possessed by those who live in the midst and are a part of the social situations and processes which sociologists seek to understand. The term thus used may be synonymous with folk knowledge, or it may be the knowledge possessed by engineers, by the practical politicians, by those who gather and publish news, or by others who handle or work with and must interpret and predict the behavior or persons and groups.5

Taylor's definition highlights two defining features of common sense that seem to differentiate it from other kinds of human knowledge, like science or mathematics. The first of these features is that unlike formal systems of knowledge, which are fundamentally theoretical, common sense is overwhelmingly practical, meaning that it is more concerned with providing answers to questions than in worrying about how it came by the answers. From the perspective of common sense, it is good enough to know that something is true, or that it is the way of things. One does not need to know why in order to benefit from the knowledge, and arguably one is better off not worrying about it too much. In contrast with theoretical knowledge, in other words, common sense does not reflect on the world, but instead attempts to deal with it simply "as it is."6

The second feature that differentiates common sense from formal knowledge is that while the power of formal systems resides in their ability to organize their specific findings into logical categories described by general principles, the power of common sense lies in its ability to deal with every concrete situation on its own terms. For example, it is a matter of common sense that what we wear or do or say in front of our boss will be different from how we behave in front of our friends, our parents, our parents' friends, or our friends' parents. But whereas a formal system of knowledge would try to derive the appropriate behavior in all these situations from a single, more general "law," common sense just "knows" what the appropriate thing to do is in any particular situation, without knowing how it knows it.7 It is largely for this reason, in fact, that commonsense knowledge has proven so hard to replicate in computers-because, in contrast with theoretical knowledge, it requires a relatively large number of rules to deal with even a small number of special cases. Let's say, for example, that you wanted to program a robot to navigate the subway. It seems like a relatively simple task. But as you would quickly discover, even a single component of this task such as the "rule" against asking for another person's subway seat turns out to depend on a complex variety of other rules-about seating arrangements on subways in particular, about polite behavior in public in general, about life in crowded cities, and about general-purpose norms of courteousness, sharing, fairness, and ownership-that at first glance seem to have little to do with the rule in question.

Attempts to formalize commonsense knowledge have all encountered versions of this problem-that in order to teach a robot to imitate even a limited range of human behavior, you would have to, in a sense, teach it everything about the world. Short of that, the endless subtle distinctions between the things that matter, the things that are supposed to matter but don't, and the things that may or may not matter depending on other things, would always eventually trip up even the most sophisticated robot. As soon as it encountered a situation that was slightly different from those you had programmed it to handle, it would have no idea how to behave. It would stick out like a sore thumb. It would always be screwing up.8

People who lack common sense are a bit like the hapless robot in that they never seem to understand what it is that they should be paying attention to, and they never seem to understand what it is that they don't understand. And for exactly the same reason that programming robots is hard, it's surprisingly hard to explain to someone lacking in common sense what it is that they're doing wrong. You can take them back through various examples of when they said or did the wrong thing, and perhaps they'll be able to avoid making exactly those errors again. But as soon as anything is different, they're effectively back to square one. We had a few cadets like that at the academy: otherwise perfectly intelligent, competent people who just couldn't seem to figure out how to play the game.

(Continues...)

DATING TIP: How To Flirt And Why

2011-09-17T18:34:00.000-07:00

DATING TIP: How To Flirt And Why

I want to talk about the concept of "flirting", and why

it's SO important that you understand exactly what it is and

how to do it with women.

To begin with, women know what flirting is, and they

respond VERY differently to flirting communication than they

do to typical social communication.

If you understand flirting and sexual tension, you can

begin conversations with women and have them INSTANTLY

feeling ATTRACTION for you.

If you DON'T understand how flirting and sexual tension

work, then you're either going to have to become famous or

make a LOT of money to be successful with women.

I'm going to suggest that you learn how to flirt well,

then do it RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING in your interactions with

women to SET THE RIGHT TONE.

Think of flirting like playing.

Remember when you were a kid and you used to "play fight"

with your friends?

What's the difference between "play" wrestling and "real"

wrestling?

And how do you know the difference when it's happening...

when your friend runs up and pushes you down, then jumps on

you and tries to pin you?

The answer is YOU JUST KNOW. It's obvious to humans (and

other animals, by the way) when someone is "playing" and when

they're serious.

Flirting is similar.

If you start talking to a woman and say "Hi, you're very

pretty. You probably have a boyfriend, right?" in a normal

tone of voice, you're NOT flirting.

On the other hand, if you say "Hi, I realize that you're

probably shy because you get no attention from men... so I

thought I'd come over here and pay attention to you..." it's

OBVIOUS that you're not being serious. This is flirting.

how to communicate

2011-09-17T17:53:00.000-07:00

Your ability to communicate is the most important skill you can develop to get on to the fast track in your life and career. Perhaps the most important thing you do in business is to solve problems and make decisions, both by yourself and with other people. A major reason for meetings in the business organization is problem solving and decision making. The key to effective problem solving and decision making discussions, is for you to all go through the process systematically. Clarify the Problem Right at the beginning, you ask the question, "What exactly is the problem?" Clarity of definition will resolve 50% of the issues before they go any further. When discussing a problem, be sure to focus on the future over the past. Ask the question, "Where do we go from here?" "What do we do from here?" "What are our options for the future?" Too many problem-solving discussions end up focusing all of the attention of all the people present on what happened in the past and who is to blame. The effective executive uses this type of communication to focus on where the company and the individuals are going, and what can happen in the future - the only part of the equation over which anyone has any control. A second element in effective problem solving communications, is for you to talk about the solutions instead of talking about the problems. It is for you to keep the attention of the individuals in the meeting focused on the possible solutions and what can be done rather than what has already happened. The discussion of solutions is inherently positive, uplifting and has a tendency to release creativity amongst the group. A discussion of problems is inherently negative, de-motivating and tends to inhibit creativity. You can become a positive thinker simply by becoming a solution-oriented person rather than a problem-oriented person. If you get everyone in your organization thinking and talking in terms of solutions, you will be astonished at the quality and quantity of ideas that will emerge. Putting These Ideas Into Action, First, take some time to be absolutely clear about the problem that is under discussion. Give some thought to what an ideal decision or solution would accomplish. Instead of focusing on the situation as it is, talk about the situation as you would like it to be. Second, keep the conversation focused on solutions, on what can be done in the future. The more you think and talk about solutions, the more positive and creative everyone will be and the better ideas you will come up with.

Ability to communicate

2011-09-17T17:48:00.003-07:00

Lucille Mulhall: An Athlete Of Her Time

2011-09-17T17:43:00.000-07:00

Lucille Mulhall: An Athlete Of Her Time
Get Author Circle Updates. Join Now to receive promotions related to this title and author like special advance previews, sweepstakes, updates and more! terms

Before the turn of the twentieth century, most women would not dream of engaging in “men’s work.” Women were expected to ride sidesaddle, wear skirts, and most women did not race their pony like lightning after a prairie wolf. Regardless of society’s rules, these were the things Lucille Mulhall loved. Growing up on her family’s ranch in Oklahoma, she learned to do cowboy chores: rope, train horses, and brand cattle—and she did it better than most men.

Recognizing his daughter’s natural talent, Colonel Zack Mulhall encouraged Lucille to enter the world of show business. From steer roping competitions to vaudeville acts to Wild West shows, Lucille entertained enthusiastic crowds. Her skill and perfect sense of timing, as well as her small stature and feminine demeanor, made her an audience favorite. Heralded by Will Rogers as America’s first “cowgirl,” Lucille Mulhall became an inspiration for women everywhere.

Marriage wahala-- HOW DO YOU HANDLE THESE THINGS

2011-09-17T17:41:00.001-07:00

I know the readers of this story would ask why do I choose to bring a question before them as my topic but life is all about questions true or false? Enough about why, lets go for how. How do feel when u observe certain mishaps that happens in this great country of ours. Now, am going to talk about a woman, who got married and started looking for the fruit of the womb, for a very long time . This lead to family crisis; it was not a happy marriage life for the couples. Countless times her husband threaten to send her packing as he desperately needed a child as the years went by. Now , in a confused state and fears of the tumors in her marriage, she carries out all measures to secure her marriage and means of getting a child of her own. Mind you, she came from a polygamous home. She later met a man whom she knew had a home and not a house. She then later befriend him for reasons I don’t know why. Ok o…… , that’s to say this is another man she has grew interest for. Her elder sister con drive her from family house say he don thief .She later got pregnant for that man and gave birth to a boy. After some elements of care the father showed, he later dumped her and her son. Now tell me ,after searching for a child for years and found none, she’s now fortunate to have one but a boy who has been abandoned by his father. There so much you would be expecting from this article of mine, just hook up with me and see what would become of this boy and so many girls who fall in and out of love.