Victoria Stewart.ca

Movember EcoLol Stand-up Comedy Fundraiser a Green Drinks TO Event

Victoria — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 15:55:33 +0000

A healthy earth makes for healthy men's bottoms and we are all for that!

@FunnyGreenMommy host: Victoria Stewart
Marilla Wex, Brantford Comedy Festival Rising Stars contest winner 2011
Becky Bays, One funny Mo-Sista
Timothy Allen, He's reused.
Rose Giles, She's Green and red all over?
Matt Shury, Public transit enthusiast!
David Tsonos, he's a second hand comedy Diva
Robin Crossman, "To The Eco-Laundry Room Robin!"
Kirk Hicks, He's bearded for Movember
Chris Maclean, Laundry has never been so funny
Stephanie Vittas, Overconsumption A Cautionary Tale
Darren Pyle, bottom of the Dirty Dozen pile of Mo-comics

$5 tickets
For Prostate Cancer
Tuesday Nov 1 8pm
The Eco-Laundry Room
2741 Danforth
Networking 6pm until show time at 8pm

01 November · 20:00 - 23:00

The Eco Laundry Room on Danforth

2741 Danforth

Toronto, ON

Facebook Event: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=118023471639706#!/event.php?eid=235933833122689

Movember team donation page: http://mosista.co/ECOLOLgreendrinksECOLAUNDRY

Mom-ics @ Comedy Bar The Mom-ics are thrilled to come to the Comedy Bar...
Mom-ics Stand-up Comedy Show Hottest and funniest moms in Canadian comedy. Victoria Stewart, Don't...
Funny Green Mommy Rap! All you SUV Mom's are goin' down! The Three R's...

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Mom-ics @ Comedy Bar

Victoria — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 15:36:55 +0000

The Mom-ics are thrilled to come to the Comedy Bar Sat Nov 5th, let's face it children aren't allowed at bars so it's a nice break.

We'd love it if you came out and laughed at our adventures in kid wrangling.

Host: Rose Giles, Who's the fairest Momic of all!

Featuring: David Tsonos, Toronto's newest Step Daddy
Shelley Kidwell, one funny hot Momma.
Zabrina Chevannes, She'll give you a time out you'll never forget.
Victoria Stewart, Rounding out her mom jeans and the show!

05 November · 20:00 - 21:30

Comedy Bar

945 Bloor St W

Toronto, ON

Comdey Bar event listing for Mom-ics @ Comedy Bar:

http://www.comedybar.ca/calendar.php

Mom-ics Stand-up Comedy Show Hottest and funniest moms in Canadian comedy. Victoria Stewart, Don't...
Mom-ics @ The Casbah ...

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Funny Green Mommy Rap!

Victoria — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 15:18:05 +0000

All you SUV Mom's are goin' down!
The Three R's are in effect!
Funny Green Mommy's in the House, Oh Yeah!
Rollin to the preschool,
I'm helping to keep the Earth cool!

Your SUV's are a licence to kill,
My bike ride's a licence to thrill!
Yeah I'm Crunchy!
But your SUV makes you look fat!

I'm a Single Mom, no bling on my finga
Macaroni and string is my favorite
bling bling!

My eco-ride keeps me fit, no mom jeans on my hip!                                                                                                                               Cl
Cruisin' for an organic bike mechanic,

I've pimped my bike ride,
BPA free bottles on the side!
You like that wagon I'm draggin'?
My child bike carrier
got the crossing guard flaggin'

Lot's of room in my carrier's trunk
for all the kiddie junk!

I don't care whatcha say I'll pump my bike all day
My eco-ride gets my heart pumpin'
My rhymes get the kids jumpin'

I'm out to Green the city, lookin' pretty
On my bike I glide,
Pickin up my son curbside

Lookin' for Green Products store-wide
My Green Detergent has no phosphide                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            If you wash in cold put your hands up!
If you air dry put your hands up!
And if you believe individuals can make a difference
PUT YOUR HANDS UP!

Chemical Free Kisses, I'm the Green Mom of your wishes!                                                                                                                                                                                                           I don't kill Whales over fish, fishes!

Fair trade organic coffee, tea or me?
I'll pick you up on my bike!

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Mom-ics @ The Casbah

Victoria — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 17:51:50 +0000

Featuring: Veteran Comedian Simon Rakoff of the CBC's Debators, Who's Your Daddy?! http://www.simonrakoff.com/
Rose Giles MILF Comic extrodinaire, She'll give you a time out you'll never forget
Shelley Kidwell one hot funny Momma http://www.facebook.com/kidwellshelly#!/pages/Shelley-Kidwell/186464581406719
Victoria Stewart rounding out her mom jeans and the show http://www.facebook.com/#!/www.victoriastewart.ca
About Momics: The hottest and funniest moms in Canadian comedy
Awards: Coolest moms: 1990-2011
Gender: Female
Personal interests: stand-up, baking, hot yoga, frozen yogurt
Venue: The Casbah is a premium bar and live music venue in the heart of Hamilton's downtown scene. Live music, DJs, specialty cocktails, micro draft beer. Casbah is more often than not booked by outside parties and promoters. It is available for private functions, birthdays and other social engagements. Contact us for details.

CASBAH and CASBAH LOUNGE
306 King St W | Hamilton | 905 521 4441 or 905 741 7625

Web: http://www.casbahlounge.ca/
Advance Tickets: http://www.casbahlounge.ca/UPCOMING_SHOWS.html
Page: http://www.facebook.com/CasbahHamilton
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/#!/CasbahHamilton

Mom-ics Stand-up Comedy Show Hottest and funniest moms in Canadian comedy. Victoria Stewart, Don't...

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Mom-ics Stand-up Comedy Show

Victoria — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 17:54:21 +0000

Hottest and funniest moms in Canadian comedy:

Victoria Stewart, Don't make her give you a time out
Host: Diane Johnstone, star of TO fringe festival Desperate Church Wives
Gerry Hall, our Dad-mic, Whose your Daddy?!
Headliner: Shelley Kidwell, MILF Momic extrodinare!!
Casbah Lounge Hamilton, come and enjoy an independent craft beer in a sexy lounge
Sat Aug 6th, 7pm
$5 tickets
AFTERMATH will be doing a song after the Comedy

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PB and Pickle Grilled Sandwich

Victoria — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 15:41:44 +0000

Peanut Butter and Pickle Grilled Sandwich

2 pieces Sunflower Seed Bread, good quality

Natural Crunchy Peanut Butter

2-3 large Garlic Dill Pickles, cut length wise

Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Assemble sandwich by spreading a good thick amount of Natural Crunchy Peanut Butter. Cut Garlic Dill Pickles lengthwise and arrange on top of the bottom piece of Sunflower Seed Bread. Put some Extra Virgin Olive Oil in to the pan and grill the sandwich on both sides. Enjoy this extra crunchy savoury sandwich.

While I was living in Tasmania I ran a cafe, a older lady came in one day and asked if I "ever toasted my fingers" I replied "I'm careful not to burn them when I'm cooking". You see they call grilled sandwiches, toasted sandwiches and while I had heard of finger sandwiches and toasted sandwiches, I had never heard of toasted fingers. I believe we call them toast soldiers or finger sandwiches in North America. So sometimes I cut my grilled sandwiches up into soldiers for my son Blair. We also divide them into rank based on size, as I don't care if he plays with his food a bit ,as long as he eats good healthy food. My son and I love this healthy sandwich there is something so satisfying about crunchy hot and salty food- I don't have to worry it's all good for us.

Pickle Jokes for Kids

What's black and white and green and black and white?
Two Zebras fighting over a pickle.

What did one pickle say to the other? You mean a great dill to me.

What is the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know you should stop talking to your pickle

Love,

Victoria and Chef Blair Xx

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All Singing, All Dancing, All Dinky Car!

Victoria — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 14:17:41 +0000

Blair's Dinky Car Rock Opera- Move Over Meatloaf!

The cars moved from the ground to the counter and were organised into three rows, then as a hush descended over his human audience, the cars began to sing. The two rows of cars began to sing "Ariel's song but like boys". So it was basically "Aaah ah. Ah ah aaaah ah" but in a manly four-year-old's baritone. After several songs the cars were rearranged into a different tableau. The narrator informed us that the choir of boy mermaid cars were now going to be the audience. It was then that we were privileged to witness the monster truck's rap "Dun du dun-dun" repeat and when that beat is so fresh, repeat several hundred more times while spinning around and poppin' wheelies. The narrator then informed us that the monster truck was so loud that you couldn't hear the singing cars.

Another rearrangement of the cars and we were once again treated to the sweet sound stylings of the mer-cars. And then just like that it was all over. Blair had smashed all of the old theater conventions, while not throwing the baby out with the bath water. His usage of the dithyrambic all boy mer-car choir was brilliant. The narrator giving a play by play reading of stage directions made one feel like they were themselves actors receiving direction. Mixing in a hip hop dancing monster truck to drive the plot forward disrupted the serenity of the dinky car chorus. That haunting rap is a sad commentary on modern society. Mr. Rappin' Monster Truck you loud beat is a reminder to us all to take out turn and to listen to others.

Rumors of a movie are already circulating like wild fire. It has been my great pleasure to have witnessed the evolution of this drama, from the first time he mobilized his cars on the window ledges of my Nan's sun room when he was two years old until it's final production. If you see nothing else this year see Blair's rock opera- so cool it doesn't even have a name. I can only weep and hope for a follow up play however what could possibly follow that. I for one will never be the same, conventional theater will seem dull after that spectacular.

When you have kids you sure don't need t.v! Love,

Victoria Xo

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Walk Greenly and Carry a Big Purse

Victoria — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 16:51:19 +0000

It's getting harder to spot the Green guys at the grocery store since now most places don't give out disposable bags and so everyone has to remember to bring in a re-usable one. Oh well the sacrifices we have to make for the environment. You can usually spot the Greenies because they are wearing eco-friendly clothing or displaying Green messages on their t-shirts and buttons. You can sniff out the Eco-blokes but I have a hard time with the patchouli oil, it just smells nasty like a ferret. Instead consider a essential oil that is less musky.

The most definitive way to spot a Green guy is by his murse or man purse he's carrying. Some call it their satchel but it's a man bag at best. I accept the murse hey, it pays to advertise your enviro-pouch and your politics. And, I can compliment you on your murse while I'm checking out your other assets. Viva la eco-man bag! Hey, maybe the reason Green guys use murses like the boys in high school used to use books- must be all the organic carrots they've been eating!

I too walk Greenly and carry a big purse. I've been labeled a bag lady, even by the friends who later ask me for one of my famous "purse sandwiches". People are always asking why my purse is so large, I take the opportunity to tell them it's a great way to never forget your re-usable bag again because essentially you've up-sized your purse to fit tons of groceries and other sundries. Also it's so I can carry my re-usable coffee cup, cutlery, wash cloth in a bag, and my packed lunch. The more you can make at home and take with you the more money you save while you are saving the earth from single use plastic and other packaging. You do have to accept that you look like a homeless person once your bag reaches a certain size but it beats juggling your lunch bag and your purse and a re-usable bag full of things you've bought. I've also heard style experts say that you should carry big accessories so as to make yourself appear smaller.

If you do get a Green boyfriend, they will invariably run out of room in their murse and ask you to hold stuff in your purse. It's also a good rule of thumb to carry a bigger purse than your boyfriend. Plus you don't want them borrowing your purse so make it big and girlie. The more money you save by packing snacks the more money you'll have to furnish your eco-love nest. My dream space includes a lovely organised closet with plenty of his and her hooks for our various purses and murses. I'm a romantic at heart so I also carry around my notebook to write ideas and poetry in, maybe one day I can carry a boys note book in my overly large bag. Think of your bag as being able to hold all that you have in your heart, your commitment to the environment, your life and your love. The next time you think you see a homeless lady and a man with a purse just remember it's just your friendly neighbourhood Green couple. Just give them a wide berth and they won't pamphlet you- unless you make eye contact or litter!

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The Purple Dress

Victoria — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 12:55:14 +0000

I took my son to the Sound of Music Festival yesterday. We listened to the Kid's entertainment and then we made our way to the rides. I stopped to look at some sundresses on the way. I was looking through the rack and couldn't decide. Blair having found one that he thought the loveliest said, "Here is a purple one for you Mommy, you can have it for your wedding!". "Yes it's pretty, but can't I have it now?" I replied. "No it's going to be for your wedding" then he added "but that won't be for a long time". I decided that I didn't really need a new sundress.

I thought that might be an end to the awkward public questions but no, "When are you getting married?". "When? I need to find a man first" I said heading out of the dress tent. "When Mommy?" and since the street has no ears, I asked "Who do you think I should marry?" I wasn't prepared for this answer "You just pick one. Pick one Mommy, just pick a boy!" he seemed to be a bit exasperated with my stupidity on the subject as only four-year-olds can be with their parents. Maybe it is just that simple? Pick your favorite dress and then "just pick a boy!"

We went on to the rides he bravely went on rides I would never have gone on at his age. I did try to have a look around for a boy, but only the circus man spoke to me. A clown with a stuffed monkey in a baby carrier came past and I did say to him "they can be very difficult at that age, can't they" but he told me that it isn't real and that he just wears it "to make people smile". I tried to say that I knew it wasn't real and that I was making a joke but he assured me "everyone thinks it's real, so don't worry".

What was the moral of the story don't be too chosey but don't marry just any clown. Not as awkward as when he asked me in Zeller's when I was going to have a baby but close!

Love, Victoria xo

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Why Wine and Dine? When You Can Wine and Pollute!

Victoria — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 13:49:32 +0000

Now two evils in one! Kill your liver and the environment, with one easy single serve wine in a plastic cup! You'll be the envy of your friends by proving that indeed you do have more ass than class with Le Froglet Wine!

Single serve= single gal! It's just not sexy to hate the earth and your pallet to that extent, tsk, tsk! Buy a bottle share it with some friends. Sure you have to have a cork screw but then again, I've never trusted a gentleman who did not carry a Swiss army knife.

Satan, himself describes it as glue and tin foil top notes with just a hint of Bisphenol-A. Sure to linger in the environment, for as long as the memory of this wine, laced with chemicals leached from it's packaging, lingers in you!

''I pulled at the foil and nothing budged. I then remembered yoghurt top syndrome where you can easily cover yourself with the gooey stuff within... It gave way with a muted pop and droplets of red wine showered the wall. A small victory for my shirt, and a disaster for the paintwork." Charlie, cluelessaboutwine.co.uk. Apparently, he took two sips after getting past the sharp foil and plastic edge of the glass and spit it out into the sink- quelle suprise! You'd think that something that was destroying the planet would be at best functional and at least quaffable- quelle dommage!

The back story on all this is that the inventor. whom I shall not glorify here brought the invention to the UK's Dragon Den and was unilaterally rejected by every Dragon. His pitch was that was that it is for people who want an "impromptu picnic" and for commuters to enjoy it on the way home on the train. Kill me if my dates ever so stupid as to put so little effort into a picnic that they feel the need to use alcohol in plastic cups to impress. I'm sure only a lady of ill repute and an environmental conscience to match would be impressed by Le Froglet. Once you cut your lip on the packaging I'm sure you'll be in the mood for a kiss.

In an age where we are all Greening out bedrooms as well as our courtship habits, surely this product is never going to be an aid to L'Amour. Only a leisure suit Larry would think to pull this move, one wonders if he would also try to serve you a Hungry Man's TV dinner followed by Capri-Sun fruit drink for breakfast? Surely this retro-sexual is extinct, then again I found this: advise for single men on e-how. Ladies if you ever do encounter this beast or his single serve wine beverage, be sure and point out, that this is specifically the reason that you are ending the date. Hopefully he will learn from his environmental faux pas!

Love, Victoria x

Thank-you to Fake Plastic Fish: Live life with less plastic. for calling attention to this hellish product. Visit her blog to find out lots of ways to cut down on your use of plastic.

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