victory light.

MERO MAILBAG 1/27 - "CALL OF BOOTY"

2012-02-15T14:54:00.003-05:00

THIS IS PROLLY HILARIOUS AND CONFUSING TO 12 YEAR OLDS.

RIGHT HERE IS ANOTHER #KNOWLEDGE REQUEST THAT I FEEL LIKE I GET ALOT BUT I'M NOT SURE BECAUSE I FORGET SHIT AND I REMEMBER SHIT THAT I NEVER ACTUALLY READ WHICH IS WILD CUZ DON'T THAT MEAN I'M A PSYCHIC? ANYWAY, HERE IT GO..

Dear Mero,

My boyfriend is addicted to video games. I mean like not the occasional "hey I'm about to hop online real quick" addicted, I'm talking like he turns down morning sex to play gears of war. I don't want to be annoying because as much as I hate XBOX live I still want him to have some sort of fun but something has got to give. Its to the point where he lies and says he's going to sleep then miraculously ends up online an hour later. I know that video games are essential to a man's existence but I don't want to turn into psycho girlfriend and smash his x box. I know its not me because we have bomb sex so it irks me that skyrim is more important than chopping me down. What do I do and/or how do I justify his excessive video game playing?

Thanks so much,

MJ

YO MA, FROM MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE I ONLY TURN DOWN BOX FOR VIDEO GAMES WHEN I HAVE A SURPLUS OF PUSSY B. LIKE IF MY PHONE IS EXPLODING WITH SEXTS THATS WHEN I BE LIKE "NAH YOU NEED TO CHILL MA I GOTTA FINISH THIS MISSION"

UNLESS THIS NIGGA IS FUCKIN OD BITCHES ON SOME PRIVATE PUSSY BROWSING SHIT YOU NEED TO DO SOME WILD SHIT TO GET HIS ATTENTION BACK. HERE'S SOME SUGGESTIONS

LET HIM HIT THE PEANUT BUTTER: YO OF ALL THE MOMENTS NIGGAS NEVER FORGET IN LIFE THEY DONT FORGET A BITCH TELLIN THEM TO TAKE THE BATIHOLE B. IF YOU TELL YOUR MAN TO HIT THE PB HE WILL STOP PLAYIN ASSASSINS CREED LIKE A LIL GOTHIC MEDIEVAL HOMO AND START LAYIN DOWN PIPE WITH MORE FREQUENCY B. WATCH A P-NO AND IMITATE WHAT THEY SAY B. OR HIT UP MY HOMEGIRL @KRISTINAROSEXXX AND ASK HER WHAT SHE SAYS IN HER EROTICAL FILM ROLES B. IT'S PROLLY SOMETHIN LIKE "OH YEAH, FUCK MY FUCKING ASS BABY"...NAHMEAN ONCE YOU EQUIPPED WITH THE LINE YOU GONNA USE YOU GOTTA DEPLOY THAT SHIT AFTER ABOUT 5 MINUTES OF VAGINAL POUNDING B.

FIND OUT IF HE HAS SOME TYPE OF FETISH SHIT: YO IF THAT NIGGA IS INTO FEET, GET A PEDICURE OR SOME SHIT B, YOU FEEL ME? GIVE THE NIGGA A LIL FJ OR SOME SHIT. IF THE NIGGA IS INTO ASSES OIL THAT SHIT UP AND DO SOME SHIT LIKE THIS. IF THE NIGGA IS INTO NIPPLE TORTURE AND PEEPEE THEN YOU NEED TO GO ON MATCH DOT FUCKIN COM AND GET THAT NIGGA THE FUCK OUTTA HERE B CUZ NEXT THING YOU KNOW HE'S GONNA SHOW YOU THIS SHIT AND TRY TO MAKE YOU THINK SHIT IS ALL GOOD.

OD TOPPINGTON: GIVE THIS NIGGA TOP MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY AND THEN JUST DO THE FAT GIRL TRICKERY THAT FAT BITCHES DO WHERE THEY TOPPIN YOU OFF AND WAIT TILL YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LEAN YOUR HEAD BACK THEN THEY JUST SIT THEY BIG ASS MUSTY PUNANI ON A NIGGA PP ON SOME DECEITFUL SHIT. HE MIGHT LIKE IT OR HE MIGHT BE FEEL BETRAYED AND USED B. EITHERWAY IT DON'T MATTER CUZ THE NIGGA AIN'T PLAYIN DOMINATION SCREAMING AT 12 YEAR OLD IOWANS LIKE "THEY'RE TAKING FUCKING B DUDE!! FUCKING B!! I'M DEFENDING C DUDE GO FUCKING DEFEND B DUDE!! FUCK!! FUCKING VIRGIN!!...BABE CAN YOU GRAB ME A CAPRI SUN?"

YO THAT'S ABOUT IT B. IF THAT DON'T WORK THEN YOU FAT OR THE NIGGA HAS HAD ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU CUZ SEX IS LIKE 50873 SPOTS AHEAD OF HEXIC ON MY "SHIT I LIKE TO DO" LIST B.

AS FAR AS JUSTIFYING IT B IT AIN'T REALLY NO JUSTIFICATION FOR CHOOSIN VIDEO GAMES OVER PIPIN YOUR GIRL. THERE IS HOWEVER JUSTIFICATION FOR DOING THAT SHIT AS OPPOSED TO WATCHIN A FUCKIN PRIME TIME DRAMA SERIES ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND SHIT THAT HAS NO NUDITY OR DRUGS OR VIOLENCE. SO IF "CHOPPIN YOU DOWN" IS GIRL JARGON CODE FOR JERKIN THE NIGGA OFF DURING COMMERCIAL BREAKS WHILE Y'ALL WATCH GREY'S ANATOMY THEN YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT SHIT MA. LETS BE HONEST RIGHT NOW NIGGAS NEED TIME TO DECOMPRESS AND WE DO IT DIFFERENTLY THAN Y'ALL. MY WIFE WILL GO DRINK WINE WITH HER HOMEGIRLS AND MAKE SOME DISGUSTING EXOTIC WHITE PEOPLE DREAM DISH, I ON THE OTHER HAND DECOMPRESS BY DOING EYEBALL EXPLODING BONG RIPS IN BETWEEN BLUNTS AND PLAYING GAMES THAT INVOLVE DIGITALLY KILLING NIGGAS AND YELLING PROFANITY AT CAUCASIAN TWEENS IN THE FLYOVER STATES ONLINE.

THAT'S ALL THE #KNOWLEDGEDARTS I GOT FOR YOU MA I'M OUT. I'M WATCHING TROY RIGHT NOW ALSO I'M EATING VALIUMS & DRINKING GEORGI CUZ I AIN'T GOT NO WEED AND IT'S THE SCENE WHERE BRAD PITT FIGHTS THE OTHER NIGGA AND MAYBE I'M WILD DRUNK RIGHT NOW BUT I'M BOUT TO GO TO THE BODEGA AND CHALLENGE AHMED TO A SWORD/SPEAR FIGHT AND PUT IT ON YOUTUBE.

I LOVE ALL Y'ALL HOLLA AT ME. CALL ME ATRILLES.

MERO MAILBAG 1/28 - "RECESSION EMPLOYMENT KNOWLEDGE"

2012-02-15T14:41:00.004-05:00

HALF THE JOBS IN THE PAPER JUST BE A 27 DOLLAR BULLSHIT PHONE SCAM.

A LIL MAILBAG JOINT...I BEEN GONE FOR A MINUTE BUT I'M BACK WIT THE JUMPOFF.

What up Mero...I'm a 18 year old nigga livin in queens who's looking to be employed so i can not be an unemployed broke on xbox-live-all-the-fuckin-time ass nigga. you got any decent advice on how to increase chances of hiring? online applications are blowing mine OD and the shit is im just looking for a regular job not Head Master at Important-Niggas-Incorporated. Greatly appreciated fam

YO I FEEL YOU B SHIT IS REAL OUT THERE MY NIGGA THE ECONOMY IS ALL FUCKED UP AND GETTING A JOB AT MCDONALDS FEELS LIKE TAKIN OVER FOR MY NIGGA STEVE JOBS AND GETTING PAID IN FIBER OPTIC EUROS OR SOME SHIT B. HERE'S WHAT YOU GOTTA DO MY NIGGA.

1) GET A HAIRCUT: YO THIS PROLLY HAS NO BEARING ON WHAT THE FUCK TYPE OF JOB YOU GET BUT STILL IT SOUNDS GOOD LIKE WHAT YOUR GUIDANCE COUNSELOR MR. SILVERBERG TELLS YOU IN HIGHSCHOOL WHEN YOU'RE "BUILDING YOUR RESUME" & SHIT LIKE THAT. SO GET A HAIRCUT B...CUZ ALSO YOU MIGHT GET SOME PUSSY IF YOU HAVE A SHAPEUP AND DON'T LOOK LIKE RON JEREMY EATING SPAGHETTI. SO IF YOU GET A JOB AND SOME PUSSY BY ACCIDENT THAT'S AN EXCELLENT LOOK B.

2) BE HYGIENIC: YO THIS IS KINDA OBVIOUS B IF YOU LOOK WILD HOMELESS AND SMELL LIKE WOMBAT PUSSY NIGGAS WILL NOT EVEN ALLOW YOU TO SIT INSIDE AN EAMES CHAIR B. THEY'LL ESCORT YOU OFF THE PREMISES WITHOUT TOUCHIN YOU PHYSICALLY. THIS ALSO WORKS FOR GETTIN PUSSY AS WELL MY NIGGA BECAUSE GIRLS LIKE DUDES THAT SMELL LIKE AXE BODY SPRAY AND USE AXE BODY WASH, MY PERSONAL FAVORITE IS SNAKE PEEL THE CITRUS REALLY GETS ME GOIN IN THE MORNING! YO IMAGINE I DID THAT B?? IMAGINE AXE PAID ME TO FRONT LIKE I BATHE WITH THAT LIQUID DATE RAPE? I WOULD DO THAT SHIT FOR A CHECK B. THAT'S HOW BROKE I AM SON I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT STANDARDS OR WHATEVER OTHER SHIT SYNONYMIZES WITH STANDARDS B...BUT YO, WASH YOUR ASS AND YOUR ARMPITS AT LEAST B. AND UNDER YOUR NUTS DOGS CUZ IF YOU DON'T YOU COULD OFFEND NIGGAS AND NOT GET A JOB/PUSSY.

3) DRESS LIKE YOU WANT A JOB: NIGGA IF YOU WEAR A MISKEEN SHIRT TO A JOB INTERVIEW, YOU DON'T REALLY WANT A JOB B. NAHMEAN? YOU CAN'T GO TO THE FUCKIN GOOGLE OFFICES LIKE "YO WHAT'S GOOD WHITE MAN, HERE'S MY FUCKIN RESUME IT'S FULL OF RETAIL JOBS AND I WORKED IN A MAILROOM ONCE B SO I'M OD QUALIFIED" AND WEARING A FUCKIN AKADEMIKS VELOUR SUIT THAT SAYS SOME SHIT LIKE "STADIUM AKADEMIKUL NI99AS" ON IT ALL CRAZY FONTED OUT. WEAR A FUCKIN SHIRT WITH BUTTONS B THAT YOU TUCK INTO YOUR SLACKS. NOT DICKIES NIGGA ACTUAL SLACKS. CUZ ALOTTA YOU HOODRAT NIGGAS THINK DICKIES IS FUCKIN FORMAL WEAR YOU NEED TO CUT THAT SHIT OUT B. DICKIES IS FOR LAYING ON YOUR BACK ON A DOLLY AND ROLLING UNDER A CAR TO CHANGE A PART B. THAT SHIT IS GREASY WORK ATTIRE. YOU CAN'T MAKE A MILLION DOLLAR DEAL IN DICKIES B...YOU CAN ONLY MAKE A MC CHICKEN.

4) USE YOUR BEST WHITE GUY VOICE: YO WHEN I USED TO GO ON JOB INTERVIEWS I WOULD PREP BY WATCHIN NIGGAS LIKE BRIAN WILLIAMS AND ANDERSON COOPER & SHIT THE NIGHT BEFORE NAHMEAN? THEN GO IN THERE AND DUPLICATE THEY WHOLE VOCAL SWAG. DON'T TRY TO BE COOL AND FUNNY B WHILE ALSO SOUNDING LIKE FRENCH MONTANA MY NIGGA THAT SHIT WILL LAND YOUR RESUME IN THE "SHRED THIS SHIT" PILE ALONG WITH THE NUDE PICTURE OF YOUNG BOYS YOUR INTERVIEWER HAS IN HIS DESK. MY WHITE GUY VOICE IS SO IMPECCABLE I GOT SEVERAL JOBS OFF THE STRENGTH AND CONVINCED AN OLD WHITE WOMAN THAT HER DAUGHTER GETTING PREGNANT BY AN IMPOVERISHED DOMINICAN FROM THE BRONX WAS A POSITIVE LIFE CHOICE. SO BASICALLY IF YOU WANNA HAVE THIS TYPE OF SUCCESS GO IN THERE AND PRONOUNCE YOUR R'S B. SAY SHIT LIKE "AS WELL" AND "ESSENTIALLY"...DON'T SAY "BASICALLY" CUZ NIGGAS RUINED THAT WORD AND MADE IT SYNONYMOUS WITH NIGGAS WHO TALK ABOUT TUPAC IN POLITICAL SCIENCE CLASSES.

YO IF YOU USE THESE TIPS YOU CAN'T GO WRONG MY NIGGA, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR RESUME AIN'T SHIT. YOU GOTTA IMPRESS THEM WITH THE PERSON...AND THAT PERSON SHOULD WALK UP IN THERE BROOKS BROTHERS DOWN AND SOUNDING LIKE BOB COSTAS READING STEINBECK. AIGHT?

#KNOWLEDGE

COACHELL NO NIGGA

2012-01-14T00:48:00.003-05:00

ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN B

YO WHITE PEOPLE ARE LOSIN THEY MINDS BECAUSE COACHELLA (WHICH IM TOLD IS A MUSIC FESTIVAL) IS ABOUT TO SELL OUT OR SOLD OUT OR WHATEVER. SO WHILE MINORITIES IS SHOOTIN THEYSELVES OVER JORDANS THAT SOME AMPUTEE CAMBODIAN ORPHAN MADE IN A SNEAKER FACTORY DEATH CAMP, WHITE PEOPLE BOUT TO START KILLIN EACHOTHER WITH POISONOUS TEA LEAVES OR SOME SHIT...IDK IF YALL KNOW THIS BUT WHITE PEOPLE ARE TOTALLY AGAINST GUNS, REAL WHITE PEOPLE, NOT WHITE TRASH. WHITE TRASH LOVE GUNS AND ALSO RACE CARS. (THE ONES THAT LOOK LIKE REGULAR CARS NOT THE SHITS THAT LOOK LIKE LITTLE CORNY TOYS THAT SOME GUY WHO WANTS TO BE JAPANESE MADE UP)

YO THIS IS THE COACHELLA LINEUP B.

THE SHIT IS LIKE A WHITE GUYS IPOD WHERE HE HAS WILD MISOGYNISTIC RAP SPRINKLED IN WITH SHIT LIKE "ARCTIC MONKEYS" AND "GODSPEED YOU! BLACK EMPEROR" WHICH I BOTH HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE OR SOUND LIKE. BUT I DON'T LIKE BANDS THAT HAVE A STUPID FUCKIN NAME THAT HAS A PUNCTUATION MARK IN IT B. LIKE YOU JUST PUTTIN YOUR FANS IN A POSITION TO LOOK LIKE DICKHEADS WHENEVER PEOPLE ASK THEM WHAT THEY FAVORITE BANDS IS. LIKE IF I ASK A WHITE NIGGA WHAT HIS FAVORITE BANDS ARE AND HE'S LIKE

"AWW DUDE, FUCKIN LIKE...THE BEATLES! DUH RIGHT! HAHA! LIKE OBVIOUSLY THE BEATLES...UMM, JOHNNY CASH LIKE ALL HIS OLD STUFF, 2PAC *DOES W WITH FINGERS* WESTSIIIIIDE! HAHAHA! RIGHT? WESTSIIIIDE! AND DUDE MY ALL TIME TOTAL FAV IS "GODSPEED YOU! BLACK EMPEROR"

THEN I SMACK YOUR FACE OFF BECAUSE YOUR SMACKABILITY LEVELS WAS PEAKING AND THEN YOU MENTIONED A BAND NAME WITH A PUNCTUATION MARK AND YOU HIT 100% SMACKABILITY.

ANYWAY, THIS SHIT IS LIKE THE ILLEST DISPLAY OF CAUCASITY CUZ NIGGAS BE LIKE "OH MAN COACHELLA IS SO AWESOME BECAUSE LIKE, I HAVE SUCH AN ECLECTIC TASTE IN MUSIC AND LIKE I'M SO CULTURED AND I TOTALLY KNOW ABOUT JIMMY CLIFF" THEN THEY ACT LIKE THEY'RE REAL SUPER HYPE BECAUSE SOME BANDS REUNITED OR WHATEVER THE FUCK. "OH DUDE I'M SO FUCKING STOKED TO HEAR "ONE ARMED SCISSOR PERFORMED BY THE ORIGINAL AT THE DRIVE IN LINEUP DUDE! EVEN THOUGH MY BROTHER CAN PLAY THE GUITAR AND SOUND EXACTLY LIKE JIM WARD DUDE IT'S NOT THE SAME MAN LIKE THE FUCKING INTENSITY IS GONNA BE SO INTENSE AND FUCKING GNAR DUDE, TOTALLY AMAZEBALLS"

YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE GONNA FLOOD INSTAGRAM WITH PICTURES OF THOM YORKE DOING HIS LITTLE "BABY PEEING ON HISSELF AND ALSO BEING ATTACKED BY BEES" DANCE? LIKE OD,000,000 B. AND OUT OF THAT OD,000,000 80% ARE GONNA JUST WRITE "AMAZEBALLS" AS THE CAPTION MY NIGGA. AND I'M GONNA HATE LIFE AND KILL SOMEBODY THAT DON'T DESERVE TO DIE.

MUSIC FESTIVALS IS BELOVED BY CAUCASIANS B. BUT DIFFERENT SPECIES OF CAUCASIANS GO TO DIFFERENT FESTIVALS MY G SO LEMME PUT YOU ON. SO YOU DON'T GO TO LOLLAPALOOZA EXPECTING TO MEET AND INTERCOURSE WITH A GIRL WITH GLASSES AND "TRADITIONAL AMERICAN" TATTOOS (IE: ED HARDY LOOKING SHIT)

LOLLAPALOOZA: THIS SHIT IS FOR NIGGAS THAT WOULD PAY TO SEE GUY FIERI MAKE A BACON WRAPPED CHICKEN WING STUFFED INSIDE A TRIPLE CHEESE SAUCE HAMBURGER LIVE B. THIS SHIT IS FOR NIGGAS WITH FROSTED TIPS B. IF YOU HAVE HAIR COLORS IN YOUR HAIR THATS NOT YOUR ACTUAL HAIR COLOR AND ALSO YOU HAVE A 311 TATTOO, THIS IS YOUR SHIT B. IF YOU'RE LOOKIN FOR BITCHES THAT WEAR SKATE SHOES AND BACKWARDS TRUCKER HATS AND SMELL LIKE HOT YOGURT AND DORITOS, YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE MY NIGGA BECAUSE THEY FINNA BE EVERYWHERE IN THIS BITCH. I THINK THEY HAVE AN ADULT SIZE BOUNCY CASTLE AT THIS SHIT AND THEY GOT A BOOTH WHERE THE NIGGA FROM SMASHMOUTH WILL JERK YOU OFF TO "HEY NOW YOU'RE AN ALLSTAR" FOR $50 (OR A FEW GRAMS OF METH).

BONNAROO: YO IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT A MUSICAL LINEUP CREATED BY A "COOL DAD" THAT WORKS IN AN OFFICE FOR LIKE AN ASPIRIN COMPANY OR SOME SHIT WOULD LOOK LIKE, THIS IS IT B. THIS SHIT IS FOR NIGGAS WHO WEAR BEANIES IN THE SUMMER B. IF YOU'RE A WHITE NIGGA THAT DRESSES LIKE A PERUVIAN LLAMA SHEPHERD THEN THIS IS YOUR FESTIVAL B. OBVIOUSLY THEY HAVE A WHITE PEOPLE ACCESSIBLE RAPPER INVOLVED IN THIS SHIT. LIKE YOU'LL NEVER SEE CAPONE & NOREAGA PERFORMING "STICK YOU" AT BONNAROO B. JAY-Z WILL COME OUT AND DO "HARD KNOCK LIFE" AND "SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT" AND PROLLY A DOUBLE ENCORE OF "EMPIRE STATE OF MIND" BECAUSE IN ORDER FOR CAUCASIANS TO FUCK WITH YOUR MUSIC AS A RAPPER IT NEEDS TO BE APPROPRIATE FOR A CAR COMMERCIAL.

LILITH FAIR: THIS SHIT DON'T EXIST ANYMORE BUT IMA MAKE FUN OF IT ANYWAY CUZ IT'S WILD SLANDERABLE. YO LILITH FAIR WAS THE TYPE OF SHIT YOU GO TO IF YOU HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOUR ENGLISH PROFESSOR FROM FRESHMAN YEAR AND YOU WANNA SEE WHAT SHE'S UP TO AND WHAT COLOR HER BIRKENSTOCKS IS (THEY BROWN)...THIS SHIT IS NAMED LILITH FAIR BECAUSE "LESBIAN MOM FEST" PROLLY AIN'T DO WELL IN FOCUS GROUPS. APPARENTLY THERE AIN'T ENOUGH LESBIAN MOMS IN THE UNITED STATES TO SELL TICKETS TO CUZ CARLY SIMON OLD GRAY PUSSY ASS SAW THE NUMBERS AND SMASHED HER FOOT WITH A HAMMER TO HAVE AN EXCUSE TO PULL OUT AND QUEEN LATIFAH TURNED DOWN A CHANCE TO BE SURROUNDED BY THOUSANDS OF ADORING VAGINA SUCKERS B SO YOU KNOW THIS SHIT WASN'T SHIT. WHEN QUEEN LATIFAH SAYS "NO I DO NOT WANT TO DO U.N.I.T.Y FOR A PACKED HOUSE OF MENOPAUSAL VAGINAS SUCH AS LIKE MYSELF" YOU KNOW THE TICKET SALES WAS WORSE THAN CHARLIE SHEEN'S "HELP ME OVERDOSE ON COCAINE" TOUR

WMC: YO WMC STANDS FOR "WINTER MUSIC CONFERENCE" WHICH MAKES IT SOUND LIKE SOME SERIOUS MUSICAL EVENT AND NOT WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS, WHICH IS NEW JERSEY MULTIPLIED BY 20 AND RELOCATED TO MIAMI. YO MY NIGGA, MIAMI TO GUIDOS IS LIKE MECCA B. NIGGAS BOW THEY HEADS IN THE DIRECTION OF MIAMI WHEN THEY BLOW DRY THEY HAIR B. NAHMEAN NIGGAS TANNING BEDS POINT IN THE CIRCUMFRENCE OF THE HOLY LAND B. YOU KNOW YOU ABOUT TO SEE GUIDO DJ'S BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS IN TANDEMS THAT SOUND LIKE A CONTRACTOR/DELI/CHEESE COMPANY NAME NAHMEAN LIKE "PROZULLI & TUTTI" OR "PIRELLI AND GENARO" OR SOME SHIT B. OR IT JUST BE ONE NIGGA WITH A WILD GUIDO'D OUT NAME LIKE "DOM CARMEFREDI" OR SOME SHIT. IT'S ILL THAT THESE NIGGAS MAKE WILD MONEY FLOWS MAKIN MUSIC THAT SOUNDS LIKE MY HOUSE PHONE RINGER WHEN THE BATTERY IS LOW. IF YOU WANT TO BE BOGGLED BY THE AMOUNT OF POORLY EXECUTED FAKE TITS AND THE THOUSANDS OF FLUID OUNCES OF ACQUA DI GIO THEN THIS IS WHERE YOU WANNA BE SLIME. YOU PROLLY WILL LEAVE WITH HERPES THOUGH. (DEFINITELY)

AIGHT YO SO THERE YOU HAVE IT. THAT'S MY TOTALLY UNINFORMED FACTS ABOUT MUSICAL FESTIVALS FOR NIGGAS LIKE SUCH AS MYSELF THAT DON'T GO TO MUSIC FESTIVALS. I LOVE Y'ALL PLEASE CONTINUE TO SUPPORT MY SHIT CUZ I'M STILL BROKE...AND BY SUPPORT I MEAN TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW THAT I'M THE FUNNIEST NIGGA EVER B, USE PHRASES LIKE "ITS REALLY WITTY AND LIKE ANTI-INTELECTUALISM-INTELECTUALISM YOU KNOW?" AND SHIT LIKE THAT. NAHMEAN? AIGHT GOOD LOOKIN ALSO SEND ME MONEY VIA PAYPAL, HIT ME ON TWITTER AND ASK HOW YOU CAN DO THAT @THEKIDMERO...AND THE MERO MAILBAG IS AXEDAKID@YAHOO.COM

I'M OUT

#KNOWLEDGE

URBAN COKEDREAM ECOSYSTEM

2012-01-13T23:53:00.004-05:00

...SMH...I GOT NO WORDS B.

YO NIGGAS NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THEY URBAN COKEDREAMS B. YOU KNOW HOW MANY NIGGAS ON TWITTER IS CEO'S? NIGGAS BE CEO'S OF RECORD LABELS THAT DON'T EXIST B. NIGGAS DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT CEO STAND FOR B. NIGGAS BE EXTRA THUGGED OUT CEO'S...NIGGA WHEN YOU SAY "I'M THE CEO OF SHOOT-A-NIGGA RECORDS" I AUTOMATICALLY STOP LISTENING TO THE WORDS YOU SAYING B. YOU WANNA BECOME FURIOUS? ASK ONE OF THESE "CEO" NIGGAS WHAT CEO MEANS B. THEY'LL TELL YOU SOME SHIT LIKE "CIROC ENTERTAINERMENT ONTRAPANOOR" OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT. SPEAKING OF CIROC, THAT SHIT IS THE ALCOHOL OF CHOICE FOR NIGGAS THAT HAVE CHOSEN SELLING DIMES OF WEED AND WEARING TRUE RELIGIONS AS A CAREER PATH B. IF YOU WANNA IMPRESS AN "URBAN MODEL" (AKA EVERY BITCH I FUCKED IN HIGHSCHOOL THAT GOT HER TITS DONE) SHOW UP WITH A BOTTLE OF CIROC AND A BOTTLE OF PATRON. IF YOU DON'T GET A BLOWJOB FROM THE "SHOW MAGAZINE WEB HOTTIE OF THE HOUR MISS 12/20/11 3PM" THEN YOU PROLLY NEED TO MENTION ONE MORE TIME THAT YOU'RE THE CEO OF "SWAqqNIqqA$ RECORDS" AND YOU'RE LOOKING TO PUT HER IN THE VIDEO FOR YOUR SINGLE WHICH RIGHT NOW IS JUST A HOOK YOU GOT IN YOUR HEAD THAT GOES "I GOT TRUE RELIGION JEANS ON AND I'M DRINKIN CIROC" THEN YOU MENTION YOU MET DIDDY AND HE WANTS TO SIGN YOU TO A "CIROC DEAL" WHERE HE PAYS YOU IN CIROC AND CANS OF PINEAPPLE JUICE. OBVIOUSLY THIS IS A COKEDREAM THAT NEVER HAPPENED BUT YOU TRYNA GET PUSSY SO A LITTLE EMBELLISHMENT GOTTA OCCUR.

THE REALITY IS THAT YOU GOT A LAPTOP WITH FRUITYLOOPS ON IT AND YOU SELL DIMES OF WEED. YOUR MUSIC SOUNDS LIKE THE SOUNDTRACK TO A NINTENDO GAME ABOUT MIDWESTERN WIGGERS...GET THE FUCK OUT MY FACE B.

THEN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN YOU GOT THE PUERTO RICAN ITALIAN NIGGAS THAT'S CEO'S OF A "PROMOTIONALIZING ENTERTAINMENT EVENTS" COMPANY. NIGGA WHAT EVENTS ARE YOU CREATING THAT ANYONE THAT'S NOT A BITCH WITH FAKE TITS TRYNA FUCK SOMEBODY IN A VNECK CARES ABOUT? OH YOUR COMPANY IS SO UPSCALE WHAT'S IT CALLED AGAIN? DIOR LOUBOUTIN EVENTS? THAT'S CLASSY B, WHEN I THINK OF PUERTO RICAN GUIDOS WEARING VNECKS I AUTOMATICALLY THINK OF GAY FRENCH FASHION DESIGNERS THAT MAKE CLOTHES YOU SPEND YOUR ENTIRE INCOME TAX CHECKS ON, AND WOULDN'T EVEN SPEAK TO YOU UNLESS YOUR WORDS CONTAINED ALEXANDER MCQUEEN'S SOUL.

"THAT'S A HOT SHIRT BRO!"

"BRO I GOT THIS GUCCI VNECK WIFEBEATER ON SALE FOR $4000 AT THE OUTLET!"

NIGGA GO FUCK YOURSELF. IF I WANNA BE SURROUNDED BY SWEATY SHIRTLESS NIGGAS WHILE LISTENING TO THAT NIGGA THAT WEARS THE GIANT MOUSE HEAD I'LL GO WORK OUT AT A GYM IN NEW JERSEY. GET THE FUCK OUT MY FACE NIGGA YOU SMELL LIKE WHEY PROTEIN AND SWEATY AQUA DI GIO. ALSO THESE NIGGAS OWN ALOT OF WATCHES AND STAND IN LINE OVERNIGHT FOR "EXCLUSIVE" SHIT.

TO COMPLETE MAKE THE CYPHER COMPLETE YOU GOT THE "URBAN MODEL"...THIS BITCH HAS A FAT ASS AND TITS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN PURCHASED (THE TITS USUALLY ARE, ACTUALLY IN 2012 THE ASS USUALLY IS.) AND SHE WAS/IS A STRIPPER THAT HAPPENED UPON SOME SEMIFAMOUS SAVE-A-HO PENIS, MAYBE A RAPPER, MAYBE A DJ, MAYBE THE CEO OF "CLAPPANIGGADOWN RECORDS". THERE'S MAGAZINES AND INTERNET NOW SO A BITCH OF THIS SPECIES THAT WOULD NEVER BE SEEN ROAMING THE WILDERNESS OUTSIDE OF 181ST & ST. NICK OR DYCKMAN NOW BE ON THE COVER OF SMOOTH AND SHOW AND KING OR WHATEVER...ALL THOSE MAGAZINES FOR NIGGAS THAT HAVEN'T DISCOVERED YOUJIZZ OR SPANKWIRE YET AND BE JERKING ILLZ TO HEAVILY AIRBRUSHED PICTURES OF BITCHES IN SWIMSUITS THAT WAS JUST BUTT NAKED & HAD A DILDO IN THEY ASS AT SIN CITY OR CRAZY HORSE. IF YOU WANNA GET THESE BITCHES EXTREMELY HORNY YOU JUST NEED TO BE CONNECTED TO A LEGITIMATE RAPPER BY 5 DEGREES OR LESS. FUCK OUTTA HERE MA, BUT FEEL FREE TO BLOW ME FIRST.

THE PUERTO RICAN GUIDO PROMOTER GETS THE URBAN MODEL TO "HOST" A PARTY OR BE A BOTTLE WAITRESS (PS, BEING A "BOTTLE WAITRESS" IS THE GATEWAY DRUG TO STRIPPING B) OR SOME SHIT AND SHE IN TURN BRINGS IN THE CEO OF "GUNZ-INDA-AYR RECORDS" WHO SPENDS HIS REUP BUYING A BOTTLE TO TAKE BABY SIPS FROM WITH HIS "ARTISTS" WHICH IS JUST THE NIGGAS THAT BUY WEED FROM HIM AND RAP IN HIS CRIB HIGH. THEY HAVE A SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP B, FUELED BY CIROC, WEED, SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT AND BLOWJOBS.

#KNOWLEDGE

PS

SHOUTOUT TO @LITERALPORN FOR THE PUERTO RICAN GUIDO PIC. AND SHOUTOUT TO ALL YOU HOES IN DENIAL. I LOVE YALL.

YOKO ONO IS FUCKIN CRAZY B.

2012-01-13T23:43:00.003-05:00

THIS BITCH IS CRAZY B.

YO USUALLY I WOULD INCLUDE THIS SHIT IN MY "DICKHEAD NIGGAS ON TWITTER" SHIT BUT THIS BITCH IS FUCKIN NUTS. SHE DESERVES HER OWN BLOG POST B.

FIRST OF ALL LOOK AT THIS BITCH. SHE LOOKS LIKE A LESBIAN MAGICIAN DOMINATRIX B. WHAT DO YOU TELL YOUR STYLIST (IN HER CASE HER STYLIST IS THE VOICE OF JOHN LENNON SHE HEARS WHEN SHE EATS SHROOMS) IN ORDER TO END UP WITH THIS OUTFIT MY NIGGA? DID SHE SAY "I WANNA LOOK LIKE TPAIN IF TPAIN WAS A JAPANESE BONDAGE GRANDMA...ALSO I WANNA WEAR A SCARF." ???

THIS BITCHES TWITTER IS SOME NEXT SHIT B. LIKE I KNOW THIS BITCH WAS A HIPPIE AND WHITE PEOPLE JERK ILLZ FURIOUSLY TO THE MEMORY OF THAT WEIRDO JOHN LENNON BUT BITCH YOU HAVE MAINTAINED YOUR WEIRDNESS LONGER THAN FUCKIN LL COOL J HAS MAINTAINED HIS FACIAL AND THERE'S NO BOTOX TO HELP YOU STAY WEIRD. THERE'S JUST DRUGS...AND JUDGING BY YOUR TWITTER YOU MUST BE ON OD AMOUNTS OF DRUGS B. YOU CAN TELL WHAT TYPE OF DRUGS SHE'S ON BY WHAT SHE TWEETS B. PEEP IT...

COCAINE

♬ Yoko Ono Plastic Ono Band - Moving Mountains http://bit.ly/thuHGB

OBVIOUSLY THIS BITCH IS COKED UP WHEN SHE POSTS HER MUSIC CUZ I HAVE NEVER NOT ONCE IN MY WHOLE LIFE EXPERIENCE HEARD ANY NIGGA BE LIKE "YOU HEARD THAT NEW YOKO ONO?" BITCH I KNOW YOU WERE SUCKIN JOHN LENNON'S DICK FOR YEARS BUT I DOUBT THAT YOU COULD SUCK THE LOVE AND ADMIRATION OF WHITE PEOPLE OUT THAT NIGGAS DICKHOLE WHEN ALL YOUR MUSIC SOUNDS WORSE THAN THE BEATLES (THE BEATLES SUCK B SORRY)...NAHMEAN IF I MARRIED NICKI MINAJ I WOULDN'T BE LIKE "I'M DONE EATING YOUR SURGICALLY ENHANCED ASS FOR TODAY NICKI, I WANNA DO AN ALBUM" THEN GET IN THE BOOTH AND START SINGING SOME OL BULLSHIT. CMON YOKO DON'T NOBODY WANNA HEAR YOUR AUDIO COKEDREAMS B KEEP THAT SHIT IN GARAGE BAND IN A FOLDER CALLED "DON'T EXPOSE HUMAN EARS TO THIS BULLSHIT B"

WEED

Were Adam and Eve social outcasts from another planet?

BITCH WHAT? DID YOU JUST LEAVE THE DISPENSARY WITH THAT BULLSHIT B? YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY SMOKIN SOME LOUD RIGHT NOW CUZ THAT'S THE TYPE OF SHIT NIGGAS IN SANDALS TALK ABOUT IN BETWEEN BONG RIPS IN A TOTALLY SERIOUS WAY. NAHMEAN LIKE I'M POSITIVE YOU ACTUALLY BURDENED A REAL LIFE HUMAN BEING WITH THIS QUESTION AND MADE THEM TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT FOR 3 HOURS WHILE YOU ATE 2 POUNDS OF EDAMAME OR FLAX SEED OR SOME OTHER VEGAN CORNY FUCKSHIT. I KNOW WEED IS THE OLD PEOPLE DRUG OF CHOICE BUT YOU NEED TO GO PLAY XBOX OR SOME SHIT INSTEAD OF POSITING THESE DUMB ASS QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE AND THE MOON AND STARS AND SHIT YOU OLD DYKE.

LSD/MUSHROOMS

Give wings to things around you so they can fly.

O...K. BITCH WHY WOULD I WANT THIS SANDWICH TO FLY? WHY WOULD I WANT MY BOOTS TO FLY? WHAT'S THAT? MY FACE IS MELTING? NAH NAH IT'S NOT YOU'RE JUST ON WILD OD SHR---WHAT? WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING NUMBERS AT ME YOKO? NO YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE YOKO JUST FUCKIN BE EASY BITCH AND TURN THIS FUCKIN BJORK CD OFF B SHIT IS GONNA MAKE YOU KILL YOURSELF. OBVIOUSLY THIS BITCH WAS ON HALLUCINOGENS AND WAS WALKIN AROUND HER "FLAT" "GIVING WINGS" TO RANDOM OBJECTS IN HER CRIB B. TELL ME YOU'RE NOT PICTURING THIS OLD ASS BITCH "GIVING WINGS" TO HER MICROWAVE AND LAUGHING AND CLAPPING AS IT "FLIES FREELY TO ITS BORNJUGATION" (SHE MADE THAT WORD UP)

ECSTASY

If the butterflies in your stomach die, send yellow flowers to your friend with a note of love.

THE BUTTERFLIES IN YOUR STOMACH ARE CAUSED BY MDMA YOU OLD CRAZY BITCH. ISN'T 79 TOO OLD TO BE DOING ECSTASY B? FUCK YOU ON TWITTER FOR INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO LTJ BUKEM OR SOME SHIT WHILE A SWEDISH LESBIAN RUBS YOU DOWN WITH A NOTE OF LOVE B. THIS COULD ALSO BE SOME SHIT SHE WROTE ON HALLUCINOGENS B SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T REALLY TELL WITH THIS BITCH MY NIGGA. BUT I'M PRETTY SURE SHE TAKES E PILLS AND LISTENS TO "AMBIENT MUSIC" WHILE SHE WRITES "INTROSPECTIVE" TWEETS LIKE THIS B.

HEROIN

WHEN THIS BITCH IS ON HEROIN SHE DOESN'T TWEET SHE JUST LAYS THERE LOOKIN LIKE THIS.

#KNOWLEDGE

CONTEMPORARY ART IS BULLSHIT B

2011-12-22T03:30:00.003-05:00

THIS IS ART.

YO BACK IN THE DAYS NIGGAS DID ART ON THE WALLS IN CAVES...NIGGAS DREW BUFFALOES CHILLIN AND GETTIN SPEARED AND NIGGAS RUNNIN WITH DINOSAURS AND SHIT LIKE THAT. THAT SHIT WAS THE FIRST ART RIGHT? BOOM, ALSO BACK IN THE DAY NIGGAS DREW EACHOTHER AND DREW LANDSCAPES AND SHIT. THIS WAS LIKE IN THE 1600'S B I KNOW I TOOK ART HISTORY ONCE SHIT WAS CORNY BUT I LEARNED ABOUT OLD ART & SHIT LIKE THAT...ANYWAY NIGGAS BASICALLY DID ART CUZ THEY AIN'T HAVE CAMERAS. NOW NIGGAS GOT CAMERAS AND TAKE PICTURES OF BUFFALOES SO THEY AINT GOTTA DRAW THEM ON A WALL WITH A ROCK.

NIGGAS STILL DID ART THOUGH, AND THIS IS WHEN ART CHANGED B CUZ NOW NIGGAS WAS JUST DRAWIN WHATEVER AND CALLIN IT ART. NIGGAS STARTED PAINTING MAD CIRCLES AND SQUARES ON A PAPER AND BEING LIKE "THIS SHIT IS CALLED GUERNICA B" THEN IT WAS A WRAP. NIGGAS STARTED ANALYZING SHIT AND SAYING SHIT LIKE "THIS IS AN IMPORTANT PIECE FOR THIS PERIOD"...CRAZY NIGGAS STARTED DRAWING WILD SHIT AND SOME SMART NIGGAS WERE LIKE "OH SHIT I'M BOUT TO MAKE CRAZY BREAD" AND DREW A SQUARE ON A PAPER AND SOLD THE SHIT TO SOME DICKHEAD WITH A MANSION FOR 50000 DOLLARS. THEN THAT OTHER NIGGA STARTED SPLASHING PAINT ON SHIT AND WAS AN ALCOHOLIC AND NIGGAS MADE A MOVIE ABOUT HIS LIFE STARRING ED HARRIS B!! NIGGA I ONCE SNIFFED A XANAX OFF A BITCHES VAGINA WHILE HER FRIEND PULLED A NEVERENDING STRING OF ANAL BEADS OUT HER ANAL CANAL!!! NIGGAS AIN'T MAKIN A MOVIE ABOUT MY FUCKIN LIFE STARRING ED HARRIS IN BLACKFACE!?! THAT'S NOT BETTER THAN SPLASHING PAINT ON SHIT AND DRINKIN MOONSHINE?! THE MEXICAN NIGGAS THAT JUST PAINTED MY APARTMENT IS ARTISTS? YOU SHOULD SEE THESE NIGGAS DROP CLOTH! NOW YOU GOT NIGGAS LIKE BANKSY DRAWING AN X OVER A PICTURE OF PARIS HILTON IN A MAGAZINE AND SELLING IT TO BRAD PITT IN RETURN FOR 80G'S AND A DOGGYSTLE FINGER IN THE BUTT BLOWJOB FROM ANGELINA. NIGGA, THE SHIT TEENAGERS DO TO SUBWAY POSTERS THIS NIGGA DOES AND THEN SELLS IT FOR A BAJILLION MARTIAN DOLLARS. SHIT IS OUTTA CONTROL B.

I KNOW A NIGGA WHO RANDOMLY PAINTED LINES ON A CANVAS AND WAS WILD HYPE!! LIKE OD PROUD OF THE SHIT AND TOOK OD FLICKS FROM EVERY ANGLE AND WAS LIKE "MY ART"...ART? NIGGA THAT'S SOME SHIT LITTLE NIGGAS DO WHEN THEY PLAYIN IMAGINATION TIME...THEN WHEN THEY GET BORED THEY RIP THE SHIT TO SHREDS. NAHMEAN THAT'S SOME SHIT I DOODLE WHEN THE COLLECTIONS AGENCY PUTS ME ON HOLD. NOWADAYS A NIGGA WHO KNOWS THE RIGHT PEOPLE CAN PUT A PLASTIC CUP ON A TABLE AND SPIT IN IT AND SELL THE SHIT TO TOM HANKS FOR ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY SWEDISH DIAMOND NIPPLES B. SO I HOPE HE SELLS THE SHIT FOR A MILLION DOLLARS AND THEN BUYS ME AN AUDI FOR THE FREE PROMO.

CONTEMPORARY ART IS BULLSHIT B YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST. SHIT IS CRAZY CUZ NIGGAS WILL SEND YOU TO SCHOOL FOR THAT. THERE'S WHOLE COLLEGES FOR NIGGAS TO PRACTICE PUTTING A CHAIR IN A KITTY LITTER BOX NEXT TO A BOOK OF MATCHES AND WRITING A WHOLE FUCKIN ESSAY ABOUT WHAT IT "MEANS". THEN THEY MEET NIGGAS THAT DO THE SAME SHIT AND THE SHIT IS THE ILL CRAZY CIRCLE JERK AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT ONE OF THEM BLOWS UP AND THE OTHER ONES IS LIKE "I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM HE'S SO TALENTED! HE'S A VISIONARY!" THEN THEY WAIT TILL THE NIGGA IS HUGE NO HOMO AND SELL THE SHIT THEY STOLE FROM HIS PORTFOLIO WHILE THEY WAS AT SCHOOL. NAHMEAN BASICALLY YOU COULDA BOUGHT A HOUSE IN WESTCHESTER WITH A "SITTING ROOM" AND AN ETHNIC MAID BUT INSTEAD YOU OPTED TO SPEND 6 FIGURES TO LEARN HOW TO "INTERPRET" A PHOTOGRAPH OF A FIRE HYDRANT. THAT'S WASSUP MY NIGGA, AT LEAST YOU CAN NAMEDROP AT PARTIES WHILE YOU COKEDREAM ABOUT YOUR BIG OPENING.

IMAGINE IF EVERYTHING ELSE WAS LIKE THAT THOUGH? NAHMEAN ON SOME EVERYTHING IN THE REAL WORLD WAS LIKE IN THE "ART WORLD" LIKE IMAGINE IF A NIGGA WENT TO A DELI AND WAS LIKE "YO AHMED LEMME GET A SALAMI AND TURKEY ON A HERO WITH SWISS" AND THE NIGGA GAVE YOU 3 CRACKERS AND A LIGHTER AND WAS LIKE "THIS IS MY INTERPRETATION MY FRIEND"...OR IF A COP PULLED YOU OVER AND FOUND A GUN IN YOUR WHIP AND YOU WAS LIKE "THIS IS PERFORMANCE ART RIGHT NOW OFFICER I'M DOING A PIECE ON HOW SOCIETY'S NORMS ARE CONSTRICTING ME AESTHETICALLY" OR SOME OTHER STUPID SHIT AND THE COP WAS LIKE "WOW THAT'S REALLY FRESH AND INSIGHTFUL, YOU HAVE ANY SHOWS COMING UP?"

FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT SHIT B. DRAW SOMETHING COOL NIGGA. NAHMEAN LIKE MY NIGGA ESPO @ FIRSTANDFIFTEENTH.NET (HOLLA)

#SHOUTOUT TO MY NIGGA HENNESSY YOUNGMAN @THEREALHENNESSY

I'M OUT

#KNOWLEDGE

RAPPERS ARE LIARS B (DUH)

2011-12-22T03:20:00.003-05:00

ALL THESE NIGGAS ARE LIARS, ESPECIALLY 2PAC.

RAPPERS ARE PROFESSIONAL LIARS MY NIGGA.

THINK ABOUT IT B. HOW MANY TIMES YOU HEARD A RAP SONG AND NIGGAS SAY SOME SHIT THAT'S CLEARLY NOT TRUE. USUALLY THE SHIT HAS TO DO WITH DRUGS BUT IT COULD BE ANYTHING B. I DON'T EVEN THINK NAS WAS REALLY IN THE LEX WATCHIN KATHIE LEE & REGIS WHEN HE SAID HE WAS. NIGGA WAS IN HIS HOUSE EATIN A BOWL OF CHEERIOS AND SMOKIN A LITTLE JOINT WRITIN RHYMES. I THINK ITS SOMETHING ABOUT RAP THAT MAKES NIGGAS WANNA EXAGGERATE SHIT. JAY YOU REALLY LOST 92 BRICKS? WHERE DID YOU LOSE 92 KILOS OF COCAINE MY NIGGA? DID THAT SHIT GET THROWN IN THE GARBAGE BY ACCIDENT WHEN YOU WERE EMPTYING YOUR DIAPER GENIE? 92000 GRAMS OF COCAINE FROM SOUTH AMERICA IS NOT SOME SHIT THAT YOU JUST FORGET ABOUT LIKE ITS A FUCKIN PAIR OF GLOVES OR SOME SHIT THAT YOU LEFT IN YOUR MOTHER IN LAW'S NISSAN B.

NIGGAS ARE LIARS. RICK ROSS LIED ABOUT HIS WHOLE EMPLOYMENT LIFE B AND THEN WHEN NIGGAS FOUND OUT HOMIE JUST PRETENDED LIKE THEY DIDN'T FIND OUT AND MADE MUSIC THAT WAS SO CRACK FIRE NIGGAS FORGOT ABOUT THE FLICKS OF HIM DRESSED LIKE CARL WINSLOW. THEN EVERY RAPPER STARTED DOIN JOINTS WITH HIM CUZ THEY REALIZED "WE ALL PRO LIARS ANYWAY SO FUCK IT." PERSONALLY I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF THE NIGGA WAS A LIBRARIAN AT A DILDO STORE BEFORE HE STARTED RAPPING B. MC HAMMER IS THE MOST ENJOYABLE SONG EVER WHEN YOU DRIVING DRUNK DOWN THE CROSS BRONX AT 4AM.

THAT SHIT IS CONTAGIOUS B, EVEN WHEN YOU GO TO PARTIES AND NIGGAS START A CYPH AND EVERYBODY RAPPIN & SHIT NIGGAS ALWAYS JUMP IN ON SOME FIBBERY SHIT LIKE "YO I'LL SHOOT 20 NIGGAS OFF THE PLANET OF THE EARTH!!! I BEEN FUCKIN BITCHES IN THE ASS SINCE THE YEAR OF MY BIRTH!!!" ...UHHHH NIGGA YOU GOT ARRESTED ONCE FOR DRINKIN AND HAVIN BENCH WARRANTS WHEN WE WAS IN FRONT OF JULIO'S BUILDING AND YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY TO VANESSA CAMACHO WHEN YOU WAS 16...YOU CAME TO MY CRIB WITH A BLUNT TO CELEBRATE. I REMEMBER. WHY THE FALSEHOODS? ALSO I HAVE AN INFANT SON AND THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN BE "FUCKIN BITCHES IN THE ASS SINCE THE YEAR OF YOUR BIRTH" NIGGA BECAUSE YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OF YOUR MOTOR FUNCTIONS B. MY SON CAN'T EVEN PUT FOOD IN HIS MOUTH WITHOUT MAKING A GIGANTIC MESS B...I KNOW FOR A FACT HE CAN'T FUCK A BITCH FROGGYSTYLE IN THE ANAL.

I THINK THE ONLY OTHER JOB WHERE YOU COULD MAKE A MIYYIN OFF LYING IS...I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT IT PROLLY GOT SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE INTERNET...

OH SHIT DUH...YOU COULD BE THE PRESIDENT! OR LIKE A CONGRESSMAN AND SHIT B THOSE NIGGAS LIE ALL THE TIME AND GET PAID LIKE A BITCH. EVERY CONGRESSMAN THAT EVER RAN ALWAYS TRIED TO FRONT LIKE THEY COULD MAKE SOME SHIT POP OFF IF YOU VOTE FOR THEM. UHHH ACTUALLY NO YOU CAN'T NIGGA. ALL Y'ALL DO IS SIT IN A LIBRARY TOGETHER AND DO FAKE VOTES ABOUT SHIT THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT. ALSO CONGRESS PEOPLE HANDLE THE SITUATION WHEN SOMEBODY THAT PLAYS A SPORT GETS IN TROUBLE FOR SHOOTING STEROIDS IN THEY CHEEKS. THIS IS JUST FROM OBSERVATION AND ALSO TAKING POLITICAL SCIENCE CLASSES THAT I PROLLY SHOULDA PAID MORE ATTENTION TO BUT I WAS ON ACID AT THE TIME AND I COULDN'T LOOK AT PROF. FELDMAN IN HIS FACIAL CUZ HE LOOKED LIKE SKELETOR AND I THOUGHT HE WAS FINNA KILL ME.

BUT WHATEVER B, IF YOU RAP, LIE NIGGA! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. THAT SHIT SOUNDS OFFICIAL B. I FUCK WITH RICK ROSS AND OTHER "WHOOP RAP" HEAVY (SHOUTOUT TO SAM FOR THE GENRE) CUZ THE SHIT SOUNDS GOOD. I DON'T LIKE "I RAP ABOUT EVERYDAY LIFE" RAP NIGGAS CUZ THEY SOUND CORNY AS FUCK. LIKE NIGGA IF YOU RAP ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH GIRLS AND BEING HEARTBROKEN GET THE FUCK UP OUTTA HERE B. IF YOU AIN'T ON A TRACK TALKIN ABOUT CARS AND MONEY AND HOW YOU GET FRESH ETC OVER A LEX LUGER BEAT, I WOULD RATHER LISTEN TO A PITBULL LICK HIS NUTS B. NOT PITBULL THE ARTIST I MEAN LIKE AN ACTUAL DOG PITBULL. (ALSO I DON'T THINK PITBULL CAN LICK HIS OWN NUTS NO HOMO).

ROCK MUSIC NIGGAS ALSO LIE BUT THEY MAKE UP CORNY SHIT THAT DON'T EVEN MAKE NO SENSE AT ALL BUT THEN THEY PRETEND THAT IT DOES. WHITE PEOPLE BEEN DOING THAT SHIT FOREVER AND CALLING IT "LITERATURE" AND THE SHIT IS SO DEEP THAT YOU GOTTA PAY THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO HEAR SOME OLD WHITE NIGGA TALK ABOUT IT IN COLLEGE. LIKE HAVE YOU NIGGAS READ VICTORIAN NOVELS? THEM SHITS IS IN A LANGUAGE THAT LOOKS LIKE ENGLISH BUT IS NOT B. BASICALLY THEY WROTE SHIT ALL STUPID TO COVER UP THE FACT THAT THEY MAKIN UP SOME BULLSHIT THAT'S NOT AT ALL TRUE.

BASICALLY IN SUMMATION ALL I'M SAYIN IS YOU GOTTA BE A REAL ASSHOLE IF YOU THINK FAMLAY GOT SO MUCH COKE HE GOT COKE IN JAIL...OR THAT OJ THE JUICE MAN GOT A CHARGER THE SAME COLOR AS THUNDER (WHAT COLOR IS THUNDER B?) BUT YOU COULD LISTEN TO BOTH THOSE SONGS IF YOU NOT A BITCH ASS NIGGA AND ENJOY THE SHIT OUTTA THEM B. AT LEAST I CAN. IDK ABOUT YOU EMOTIONAL ASS NIGGAS THAT WILL LISTEN TO SOME SHIT LIKE THIS AND BE LIKE "WORD!!" *POUNDS CHEST AS TEARS WELL UP*

NAH NIGGA GET OUTTA HERE GIMME A LONGNECK BOTTLE OF HENNY A 6PACK OF HEINEKEN AND A BLUNT AND PUT THIS ON B ...IN AN HOUR I'LL CRASH MY CAR INTO A SCHOOLBUS GRAB THE IPOD OFF THE AUX CABLE AND VACATE THE SCENE.

I'M OUT

#KNOWLEDGE

FAT NIGGAS NEED TO CHILL B

2011-12-22T03:12:00.002-05:00

THIS NIGGA GOT 2 EXTRA ASSCHEEKS B

REMEMBER THE NIGGA THAT WAS MAD AND TRIED TO SUE CUZ THE AIRLINE MADE THE NIGGA PAY FOR TWO TICKETS CUZ HE WAS FAT THEN A MUHFUCKA AND TOOK UP TWO SEATS? FAT PEOPLE GOT ALL UPSET ABOUT THE SHIT AND STARTING WILIN OUT...IDK IF THAT SHIT ACTUALLY HAPPENED OR IT WAS A WEEDNAP DREAM BUT I THINK IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

ANYWAY THAT SHIT IS RIDICULOUS CUZ THAT MEANS FAT NIGGAS THINK THEY GOTTA START A SPECIAL CIVIL RIGHTS GROUP OR SOME SHIT TO PREVENT CRUELTY AGAINST FAT NIGGAS. ARE THESE NIGGAS SERIOUS B? IF YOU BORN BLACK AND WHITE PEOPLE CALL YOU NIGGER AND DO FUCKED UP SHIT TO YOU CUZ YOU BLACK THEN YOU NEED A SPECIAL GROUP LIKE AL SHARPTON TO DEFEND YOU B. IF YOU MEXICAN AND POPO ARRESTS YOU FOR DRINKING MODELOS IN THE STREET AND FIGHTING EACHOTHER THAT'S OBVIOUSLY RACIST AND YOU NEED A SPECIAL GROUP TO PROTECT YOU FROM INJUSTICES B. IF YOU A FAT NIGGA THAT EATS MAD TWINKIES AND YOU PUT SHIT ON TWINKIES LIKE CHOCOLATE & SHIT AND SPRINKLES AND YOU EAT LIKE 8 OF THEM SHITS AND THEN YOU DO EXPERIMENTS AND FRY THEM SHITS AND EAT FLUFF OUT THE JAR AND YOU BREAK A SWEAT DRYIN YASELF OFF WHEN YOU COME OUT THE SHOWER YOU DON'T NEED A SPECIAL GROUP TO DEFEND YOU B. YOU NEED TO CHILL AND NOT PUT A WHOLE STICK OF BUTTER ON YA PANCAKES B (WHY YOU EATING 12 PANCAKES ANYWAY MY NIGGA? FUCK IS YOU DOIN?)

YOU A FAT NIGGA AND ITS YOUR FAULT YOUR FAT B. NIGGAS DIDN'T MAKE YOU EAT 4 BIGMACS FOR DINNER EVERY DAY THAT ENDS IN "Y". THAT'S YOUR FAULT NIGGA SO BASICALLY DEAL WIT IT. I DON'T WANNA SEE NO FAT PRIDE NIGGA. "OH MERO BUT GAY NIGGAS GOT GAY PRIDE, WHY CAN'T FAT NIGGAS HAVE FAT PRIDE? ALSO WHAT ABOUT FAT GAY NIGGAS?"...LISTEN B NIGGAS GOT GAY PRIDE CUZ GAY NIGGAS CAN'T RESIST SUCKING WILD DICKS B, THERE'S SOME NIGGAS THAT GO TO JESUS CAMPS FOR GAY NIGGAS FOR JESUS TO HELP THEM IN THEY QUEST TO STOP SUCKIN WILD DICKS AND THEY CAN'T EVEN DO IT, SHIT IS GENETIC B THEY GOT A SUCKIN WILD DICK GENE. YOU FEEL ME?

ALSO, GAY NIGGAS BE GETTIN PERSECUTED ALL THE TIME B. DIDN'T THEY BEAT SOME GAY WHITE NIGGA TO DEATH AND TIE HIM UP TO A TREE OR SOME SHIT? AND THE OTHER GAY NERD VIOLINIST NIGGA THAT BODIED HISSELF CUZ HE GOT CAUGHT ON SKYPE GIVING ANOTHER NIGGA THE BATI...NIGGAS BE CATCHING MAJOR L'S OFF THE STRENGTH OF THEY GENETIC INABILITY TO NOT WANNA SIT DOWN ON AN ERECT PENIS B...ALL YOU FAT NIGGAS GOTTA DO IS GO FOR A JOG OR JUST BE LIKE "I'M NOT FINNA EAT THIS BACON AND HOTDOG SANDWICH I MADE WITH 2 MICROWAVE PIZZAS AS BREAD"...FUCKIN FAT BITCH. YOU DON'T NEED A GROUP TO REP YOU B YOU NEEDED PARENTS THAT WHIPPED YA ASS WHEN YOU TRIED TO EAT A WHOLE BOX OF CHEWY CHIPS AHOY IN FRONT THE TV INSTEAD OF BRINGING YOU MILK AND CALLING YOU "MOMMY'S CUTIE LIL CHUBBEROONI!"

I'M OUT

#KNOWLEDGE

HOLIDAYS & SHIT LIKE THAT

2011-11-29T03:01:00.002-05:00

THESE NIGGAS ARE WAY TOO HAPPY

YO THANKSGIVING JUST PASSED OR WHATEVER AND SOMEBODY HAD ASKED ME TO WRITE A GUIDE TO THANKSGIVING...SO I SAYS TO MYSELF I SAYS "SELF"

IMAGINE I STARTED THIS SHIT LIKE THAT? FUCK OUTTA HERE NIGGA.

ANYWAY YO ONE OF Y'ALL (I FORGET WHO, SORRY.) HAD ASKED ME TO WRITE SOME SHIT ABOUT THANKSGIVING OR AS WE DOMINICANS CALL IT "SANGUIBI"...AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF "YO THERE'S NO WAY I CAN DO THAT" NOT BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE OR WHATEVER LIKE THAT BUT BECAUSE THE "THANKSGIVING GUIDE" WOULD BE LIKE 3 SENTENCES B. SERIOUSLY.

-TELL WIFE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER YOU BOUT TO EAT SOME XANAX SO THEY CAN HOLD YOU DOWN IN CASE OF "OH SHIT YOU PUNCHED YOUR GRANDMOTHER" EMERGENCY

-EAT SOME XANAX

-PROCEED TO CHILL THE FUCK OUT AND DRINK CABERNET

THAT'S IT B. THE XANAX WILL HAVE YOU EATING LIKE KHLOE KARDASHIAN, AND NOBODY WILL SAY NOTHIN SIDEWAYS TO YOU BECAUSE THE STICKS YOU ATE WILL HAVE YOU EMANATING CHILL NIGGA VIBES LIKE A FUCKIN HUMAN VERSION OF A BOUTIQUE THAT SELLS HATS FROM FRANCE OR ICELAND AND WHEN YOU WALK IN THIS IS PLAYING. IF YOU START ACTING A LITTLE ROWDY OR STRANGE YOU CAN DO THIS.

THAT'S IT. HOW THE FUCK AM I GONNA POST THAT AS AN ENTRY B? THAT'S LIKE TROLLING YOU NIGGAS. (I'M ABOUT TO GET OFF THE INTERNET FOREVER CUZ I JUST USED "TROLLING" IN A SENTENCE.)

SO I FIGURED SINCE EVERY HOLIDAY IS BASICALLY LIKE THIS I'D DO A LIL SHORT INSTRUCTIONAL FOR MAJOR HOLIDAYS YOU MIGHT USUALLY SPEND WITH FAMILY, OR NOT...NAHMEAN THESE GUIDES ARE BASICALLY JUST GONNA TELL YOU HOW TO MOVE IN A ROOM FULL OF FAMILY MEMBERS YOU DON'T SEE TOO OFTEN. YOU DON'T WANNA LOOK CRAZY BUT AT THE SAME TIME YOU WANNA HAVE FUN & SHIT LIKE THAT WITHOUT ENDING UP ON SOMEBODY FLIP CAM TAKIN A PISS IN YOUR GRANDMA'S CLOSET CUZ YOU ATE TOO MUCH KLONOPIN AND DRANK A BOTTLE OF SMIRNOFF TO THE FACIAL.

CHRISTMAS

YO CHRISTMAS IS GOOD B CUZ YOU GET GIFTS & SHIT LIKE THAT BUT IT ALSO SUCKS BECAUSE YOU GOTTA PRETEND YOU'RE REAL THANKFUL FOR THE $5 GIFT CARD TO BEST BUY YOUR UNCLE GOT YOU...LIKE NIGGA WHAT THE MOTHER FUCK AM I POSED TO DO AT BEST BUY WITH $5 B? BUY ONE AAA BATTERY? IT COSTS $5 TO WALK INTO BEST BUY MY NIGGA. I'M DOMINICAN SO CHRISTMAS EVE IS WHERE NIGGAS GET TOGETHER AND DRINK COQUITO & SHIT AND GET WILD FUCKED UP AND EAT PERNIL. WHITE PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS AND MY WIFE STILL DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IT BECAUSE WHITE PEOPLE WAKE UP AT 4AM ON CHRISTMAS MORNING TO WATCH CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS AND DRINK HOT COCOA AND JERK EACHOTHER OFF OR WHATEVER OTHER TRADITION NIGGAS HAVE. IF YOU HATE YOUR FAMILY CHRISTMAS SUCKS, IT ALSO SUCKS IF YOU POOR CUZ YOU GET OLD NAVY SWEATERS WITH SOME FLIPFLOPS AND MAYBE SOME SHAVE GEL.

OH SHIT HOLDUP "WHATS YA POISON" JUST CAME ON MY ITUNES

AIGHT IM BACK...

NEW YEARS

YO IF YOU SINGLE AND YOU CAN'T GET PUSSY ON THIS DAY YOU PROLLY LOOK LIKE JR MARTINEZ WITH CHICKEN POX AND HAVE THE SWAG OF AN BLIND AUTISTIC BABY MY NIGGA AND YOU SHOULD KUNG FU YASELF. TODAY IS PUSSY DAY B. BITCHES ALL OVER THE WORLD THAT NEVER DO DRUGS IS DOIN DRUGS TODAY AND THEY WEARING NICE UNDERWEARS AND THEY JUST SHAVED THEY PUSSINGTON THIS MORNING B. BITCHES WAS GETTING BRAZILIANS AT 7AM ON NEW YEARS EVE B. LIKE THEY AIN'T EVEN EAT BREAKFAST YET AND THEY GOT SOME KOREAN BITCH TEARING THEY PUSSY HAIRS OUT IN ANTICIPATION OF SOME DICK B. THATS WHAT YOU WORKIN WITH TODAY B. YOU NEED TO GET IT TOGETHER AND GET ALL YOUR DRUGS EARLY BECAUSE DOMINICANS ARE LAZY (ALL YOUR DRUG DEALERS SHOULD BE DOMINICAN) AND THEY WON'T EVEN PICK UP THEY PHONE CUZ THEY TOO BUSY SMOKIN WEED AND GIVIN SOME WAXED PUSSY THE ECSTASY DICK. GET YOUR SHIT IN ORDER BUT YO WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT SMOKE WEED EARLY B. YOU NEED TO MAXIMIZE YOUR NIGHT AND BE ABLE TO REAP THE BENEFITS OF THE ONE DAY BITCHES WILL LET YOU HIT THE PEANUT BUTTER RAW. IF YOU SMOKE WEED EARLY YOU'LL PROLLY JUST STAY IN YOUR CRIB DUMB HIGH EATIN ICE CREAM AND WATCHIN NETFLIX AND NOT EEBN REALIZE ITS NEW YEARS AND THERE'S MORE CHEEKS IN THE STREET THAN PIGEON SHIT.

GO TO WHEREVER YOU WERE GONNA GO, YOU PROBABLY ALREADY PLANNED THIS CUZ NEW YEARS IS THE DAY WHEN NIGGAS THAT DON'T EVER PARTY, PARTY...YOU CAN'T JUST ROLL UP TO A NIGHTSPOT LIKE ITS A TUESDAY NIGHT B. YO I PREFER HOUSE PARTIES IN THIS SITUATION CUZ YOU CAN SNEAK OFF AND FUCK SOMEBODY AND THEN EMERGE BACK INTO THE PARTY AND GET MORE FUCKED UP. MAKE SURE YOU GOT A RIDE HOME ALSO B CUZ WAKIN UP NOT IN YOUR BED FUCKED UP & HUNGER OVER WITH DOODOO ON YOUR DICK IS NOT THE POWER MOVE YOU WAS THINKIN BOUT LAST NIGHT.

I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF ANYMORE HOLIDAYS B. ST. PATRICKS DAY IS BASICALLY LIKE AN EXTRA NEW YEAR FOR WHITE PEOPLE. THE SAME RULES APPLY EXCEPT THE NUMBER OF SHAVED PUSSIES IS LIKE 75% LESS. AND BITCHES ARE DRESSED LIKE IDIOTS B, BUT YOU'LL BE DRUNK SO YOU WON'T CARE THAT THE BITCH SUCKIN YOUR DICK IN THE STALL AT PADDY'S MCPUB IS WEARING GIANT SHAMROCK SUNGLASSES AND GREEN LIPSTICK.

HALLOWEEN IS CORNY IF YOU'RE AN ADULT BUT BITCHES ARE DRESSED LIKE COMPLETE HOES B. LIKE BITCHES WILL HAVE THEY LABIA OUT AS PART OF THEY COSTUME B. BASICALLY EVERY GIRL IS DRESSED AS "A GIRL WHO IS GONNA BE 69'ING WITH MERO AFTER THESE JAGER BOMBS" YOUR ABILITY TO ENGAGE PUSSY IS DOUBLED IF YOU HAVE A "CLEVER" COSTUME BUT ALSO YOU LOOK LIKE A FAG B SO YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL HOW YOU DO IT. NOTICE I SAID "ENGAGE" CUZ IF YOU'RE DRESSED LIKE SCRAPPY DOO OR SOME SHIT BITCHES WILL TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT BUT YOU GOTTA SEAL THE DEAL WITH ALCOHOL DRUGS AND CONVERSATION. IF YOU DO IT RIGHT YOU COULD HAVE THAT SEXY COP/SEXY MAID/SEXY HOOKER/GIRL THATS JUST CHILLIN IN A BRA & PANTIES/SEXY STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE SITTING ON YOUR FACIAL BACK AT YOUR CRIB WITH ONLY THOSE STRIPED THIGH HIGHS ON. NEXT YEAR I'M GOING AS A GYNECOLOGIST.

I GUESS THAT'S IT MY NIGGAS, IF I FORGOT ANYTHING THAT'S WHAT THE COMMENTS IS FOR, LEMME KNOW I'LL EDIT THIS SHIT AT A LATER DATE AIGHT?

100

#KNOWLEDGE

WHITE NIGGA HALL OF FAME (ACTRESSES)

2011-11-29T02:45:00.003-05:00

YO THIS IS THE WHITE NIGGA HALF OF FAME FOR ACTORS WITHOUT DICKS B.

ELLEN PAGE

YO ELLEN PAGE IS POPPIN RIGHT NOW IN WHITE PEOPLE ACTORS STRATOSPHERE B. SHORTY LOOKS LIKE A FANCY LITTLE 10 YEAR OLD BOY DRESSED UP AS AN ADJUNCT PROFESSOR AT A PRIVATE HIPPIE COLLEGE OR SOME SHIT B. LIKE IF I WALKED ONTO SARAH LAWRENCE CAMPUS I WOULD EXPECT 50% OF THE FACULTY TO LOOK LIKE THIS BITCH AND THE OTHER 50% TO LOOK LIKE A GAY VERSION OF JOHN MALKOVICH (IDK IF THAT NIGGA IS GAY OR NOT.)...YO SHE WAS IN THAT MOVIE WHERE SHE KILLED THE WHITE RAPIST NIGGA, AND SHE ALSO WAS IN THAT MOVIE WITH LEONARDO DICAPRIO WHERE THE NIGGA HOOKS YOU UP TO A SUITCASE FILLED WITH PCP AND YOU HAVE SOME WILD DREAMS ABOUT SHOOTOUTS & SHIT LIKE THAT IDK I WAS HIGH WHEN I SEENT IT. ANYWAY THE PLOT IS IRRELEVANT BUT SHE WAS IN A MOVIE WITH LEO D WHO IS IS ALREADY IN THE WHITE NIGGA HALL OF FAME FOR MAKIN CLASSICAL WHITE NIGGA MOVIES LIKE TITANIC AND SHIT LIKE THAT...BTW YALL I ASKED MY CAUCASIAN WIFE "YO WHAT CLASSICAL WHITE PEOPLE MOVIES WAS LEONARDO DICAPRIO IN?" AND SHE SAID "...UHHH...I DON'T KNOW HON, OCEAN'S ELEVEN? WHY DON'T YOU GOOGLE IT?" SO I GOOGLED IT AND I AIN'T GET SHIT. WHITE PEOPLE LOVE THIS BITCH THOUGH.

NATALIE PORTMAN

YO SHORTY WAS IN "THE PROFESSIONAL" WITH THE FRENCH NIGGA WITH THE WEIRD GLASSES...WHICH WAS AN ILL MOVIE AND I THINK SHE SMOKED A CIGARETTE IN THE SHIT WHICH WAS ALSO THUGGED OUT. SHE ALSO IS VERY FRAGILE LOOKING LIKE ELLEN PAGE WHICH IS WHY MOST WHITE NIGGAS LIKE HER CUZ WHITE DUDES LIKE WOMEN THAT ARE WILD FRAIL BECAUSE THEY OWN PHYSICAL COMPOSITION IS LIKE AN ANEMIC PARAKEET HATCHLING AND IF THEY HAD A BITCH LIKE THIS THEY WOULD GET NERVOUS AND TEAR THEY ACL OR SOME SHIT TRYNA 69 WITH THE BITCH. NAHMEAN SO IF THEY GOT A BITCH LIKE NATALIE PORTMAN OR ELLEN PAGE THAT WEIGHS LESS THAN THE BAG OF WEED IN MY POCKET, THEY CAN DOMINATE THE CHEEKS. YOU FEEL ME? SO THEY APPRECIATE THAT AND SUBCONSCIOUSLY NIGGAS WILL GO WATCH HER IN A MOVIE EVEN IF THE SHIT INCLUDES ASHTON KUTCHER WHO HAS ACTING SKILLS COMPARABLE TO ME ON OD KLONOPIN AND HENNESSY. SHE IS IN WHITE PEOPLE CLASSICS LIKE GARDEN STATE AND STAR WARS B. THIS BITCH PLAYED ANNE FRANK ON BROADWAY AND WENT TO HARVARD NIGGA!! LIKE HOW CAN YOU EVEN FUCK WITH THAT B? (YOU CAN'T) ONLY JULIA ROBERTS CAN BANG WITH THIS BITCH CAREERWISE.

KATHERINE HEIGL

REGULAR WHITE BITCHES THAT LISTEN TO KELLY CLARKSON LOVE THIS HO B PROLLY CUZ SHE IS IN GREY'S ANATOMY, THAT SHIT TRANSCENDS RACE AND IS ENJOYED BY PEOPLE WITH PUSSIES EVERYWHERE, BUT IT WAS POPULARIZED BY WHITE BITCHES THAT WEAR UGGS WITH LEGGINGS AND COLLEGIATE HOODIES. I HEARD THEY HAVE RITUALS WHERE THEY WATCH THAT SHIT AND DRINK YELLOWTAIL AND EAT ICECREAM AND TEXT THEY EX BOYFRIENDS THROUGH TEARS. SHORTY ALSO WAS IN A JUDD APATOW MOVIE WHICH MEANS WHITE NIGGAS THAT DRINK MONSTER ENERGY DRINK HAVE PROLLY JERKED ILLZ TO HER AT SOME POINT...THAT DOESN'T REALLY GIVE YOU WNHOF CREDENTIALS BUT IT'S A GOOD FUN FACT TO KNOW, NAHMEAN? ALSO I JUST GOT CONFIRMATION FROM MY WIFE THAT SHE IS NOT IN GREY'S ANATOMY CUZ SHE DIES FROM CANCER IN THE SHIT. WHICH AUTOMATICALLY PUTS HER IN THE WNHOF CUZ IF YOU DIE FROM CANCER IN A MOVIE/TVSHOW YOU ARE IN THERE NO QUESTION.

KRISTEN STEWART

YO DO YOU KNOW ANY WHITE FEMALE 13-21 THAT HAS NOT SEEN THIS BITCH ROMANTICAL VAMPIRE WEREWOLF LOVE STORY MOVIE? PROBABLY NOT. IF YOU DO THEN THEY LYING TO YOU CUZ THEY THINK IT'S CORNY TO ADMIT THEY SEEN IT, AND THEY SECRETLY GOT ALL THE BOOKS UNDER THEY BED...ALSO THEY PROLLY FANTASIZE ABOUT BEING THIS BITCH AND HAVING TAYLOR LAUTNER TURN INTO A WOLF AND EAT THEY PUSSY OR SOME OTHER JUVENILE SHIT. THIS BITCH HAS TERRIBLE POSTURE AND HER MOUTH IS ALWAYS OPEN BUT THAT'S COOL CUZ THAT'S WHAT MOST TEENAGE WHITE BITCHES BE TRYNA LOOK LIKE NOWADAYS UNLESS THEY TRYNA GO THE OTHER WAY AND LOOK LIKE KIM KARDASHIAN...AND BY "LOOK LIKE KIM KARDASHIAN" I MEAN WEAR ASS PADS AND SUCK AS MANY BROWN DICKS AS POSSIBLE. IF YOU ARE A "COOL" WHITE BITCH IN HIGHSCHOOL THIS BITCH IS YOUR PROTOTYPE B. YOU WANNA LOOK LIKE THIS BITCH AND ROCK TOMS AND STAY DIPPED IN BB DAKOTA & SHIT LIKE THAT WHILE STANDING LIKE YOUR SHOULDERS WEIGH 4 TONS. SHE IS A NEWCOMER BUT WHEN YOU INFLUENCE WHITE VAGINAS MORE THAN DR. DREW IN HIS PRIME YOU GOT A SPOT AT THE ROUND TABLE OF WHITE NIGGA FAME B.

JULIA ROBERTS

YO, TWO WORDS, PRETTY WOMAN. THIS BITCH STARRED IN PRETTY WOMAN B (WITH RICHARD GERE WHO IS ALSO A MEMBER OF THE WNHOF). SHE WAS IN STEEL MAGNOLIAS AND ERIN BROCKOVICH AND RUNAWAY BRIDE, MYSTIC PIZZA, FRIED GREEN TOMATOES, MY BEST FRIENDS WEDDING, I'M WRITING ALL THESE DOWN THAT MY WIFE IS TELLING ME B. SHE'S RATTLING THESE OFF LIKE SHE'S SAYING THE ALPHABET MY NIGGA. JULIA ROBERTS IS THE BOSS DON OF ROM COM. SHE INVENTED THAT SHIT MY NIGGA SO BASICALLY HER BUST IS IN THE ENTRANCE OF THE WNHOF AREA DESIGNATED FOR WHITE WOMEN ACTORS B. THERE AIN'T REALLY TOO MUCH I CAN SAY ABOUT THIS BITCH BESIDES THE FACT THAT NO OTHER WHITE ACTRESS OLD OR NEW CAN BANG WITH THIS BITCH (I DON'T CARE ABOUT NO MERRYL STREEP OR HELEN MIRREN B THOSE BITCHES IS OLDER THAN VERMONT'S STATEHOOD.)...ALSO SHE POPULARIZED THAT "SKINNY WHITE WOMAN THAT LOOKS LIKE A STARLING WITH NO TYPE OF ASS" LOOK THAT WAS THE MAJOR MOVE IN THE 90'S. IM PRETTY SURE SHE WAS VOTED MOST SEXY OR SOME SHIT AT SOME POINT IN HER CAREER WHICH IS BRAZY CUZ THE BITCH LOOKS LIKE A BABY BIRD WITH TEETH AND SHAKESPEAREAN HAIR. BUT YO, SHORTY IS THE DON MEGA POP ICON WHITE ACTRESS B. SHE'S THE TOM HANKS OF ACTORS WITH PUSSIES.

THIS CONCLUDES THIS PIECE OF WHITE PEOPLE HISTORY, GET THE FUCK OUT MY FACE B ITS 2:30 AM AND I'M SITTING HERE EDITING THIS SHIT AND I AIN'T EVEN GETTIN PAID B. I'M BRINGING YOU NIGGAS FREE JOY!! WHEN YOU GO TO THE CHINESE MASSAGE JOINT AND THAT BITCH BRINGS YOU JOY SHE CHARGES YOU LIKE $100 B! WHY DON'T YOU PAYPAL ME SOME EUROS MY NIGGAS, NAHMEAN PUT ME ON THE ROAD TO RICHES WHICH WILL BENEFIT YOU CUZ BASICALLY WHAT I WOULD DO IS THROW MONTHLY PARTIES CALLED "ALL MY NIGGAS PARTY" AND ALL MY NIGGAS THAT FUCK WIT ME AND SENT ME MONEY COULD COME AND CHILL AND DO DRUGS AND I WOULD HAVE DJ'S PLAYIN MUSIC & SHIT.

AIGHT ENOUGH COKEDREAMS, SEND ME MONEY THOUGH. THEKIDMERO@GMAIL.COM HOLLA.

MERO MAILBAG 11/29 "MY ROOMMATE IS A FUCKIN DICK B"

2011-11-29T02:36:00.004-05:00

THESE NIGGAS JEANS IS SO DISTRESSED THEY NEED PAXIL

Hey @THEKIDMERO what's your advice on dealing with a shitty (i.e. obnoxious, rude, or otherwise hard-to-be-around) roommate and/or coworker?

WORD THIS SHIT IS SO REAL B CUZ LIVIN WITH A CORNY ANNOYING ROOMMATE OR WORKIN A 10 HOUR SHIFT WITH A OBNOXIOUS NIGGA AS YOUR COWORKER CAN FEEL LIKE YOU THE WEBMASTER OF WWW.BLOWINMINE.COM MY PAL. YOU COULD ALWAYS JUST KILL THE NIGGA BUT THEN THAT CREATES PROBLEMS FOR YOU SUCH AS LIKE YOU KILLED THE NIGGA AND YOU PROLLY WILL HAVE TO ENTER A PRISON FOR SEVERAL DECADES. (THIS DOES NOT APPLY IF YOUR ROOMMATE IS 3 YEARS OLD AND IS YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOU ARE A MARGINALLY ATTRACTIVE WHITE WOMAN.)

IF YOU DON'T GOT THE ABILITY TO BODY THE OFFENSIVE ROOMMATE/COWORKER HERE'S SOME LITTLE STEPS YOU MIGHT COULD TAKE TO HAVE THEM BE LESS ANNOYING AND MAYBE EVEN BE YOUR FRIEND.

BE RUDE BACK: SOMETIMES NIGGAS DON'T REALIZE THEY'RE BEING RUDE TILL YOU DO SOME RUDE SHIT THEN THEY BE LIKE "NIGGA THAT WAS EXTREMELY RUDE!" THEN YOU HIT THEM WITH THE STALE FACE LIKE "SON I JUST TOLD YOU YOU SMELL LIKE THE CAMEL RIDE AT THE BRONX ZOO JUST SO YOU COULD REALIZE YOU WAS BEING OD RUDE TO ME"..."YOU SITTIN NEXT TO ME AT 6AM AND LISTENING TO PEARL JAM WHILE YOU EAT DORITOS AND FART DORITO FARTS IS VERY RUDE BEHAVIOR"...AFTER YOU BREAK IT DOWN LIKE THIS IF HOMIE IS STILL BEING RUDE HE OBVIOUSLY THINK YOU BUNS SO YOU EITHER GOTTA DUFF THE NIGGA OUT OR OPEN HAND SMACK HIS FACIAL. THOSE ARE YOUR 2 OPTIONS CUZ IF YOU JUST LET IT ROCK THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW THAT NIGGA IS GONNA BE STANDING IN THE DOORWAY WITH HIS DICK OUT DOIN THE TROMBONE FLOW WHILE YOU TRY TO PIPE A SHORTY YOU BROUGHT HOME. STRAIGHT DISRESPECT.

DO SOME FOUL PRANK TYPE SHIT: YO IF YOUR ROOMMATE IS THE TYPE OF ANNOYING THAT'S LIKE A MILLION LITTLE CUTS SITUATION LIKE HE LEAVES PISS ON THE TOILET SEAT AND PUTS THE MILK BACK IN THE FRIDGE WITH 2 MILLILITERS OF LIQUID IN IT AND LEAVES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL ON WITH THAT ONE LAST SQUARE THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN USE CUZ YOU PULL IT OFF AND THE SHIT GETS RIPPED TO SHREDDINGTONS...THEN IF YOU LIKE "FUCK IT" AND TRY TO USE IT YOU GET WILD DOODOO ON YOUR FINGERTIPS...IF YOU'RE DEALING WITH A NIGGA LIKE THAT YOU CAN DO ONE HUGE FOUL PRANK AND IT WILL BE LIKE A WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED OFF YOUR SOUL B. IT DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE SOMETHING THE NIGGA WILL NOTICE. LIKE YOU COULD CALL OVER A CRAIGSLIST HO AND PLEASURE HER VAGINA WITH THE NIGGAS TOOTHBRUSH B. THEN HE'LL BE BRUSHIN HIS TEETH WITH $40 VAGINA NAHMEAN? THAT'S FOUL B. YOU COULD PISS IN THE NIGGAS SOCK DRAWER. THAT SHIT IS SO OUTRAGEOUS HE WON'T EVEN STEP TO YOU ABOUT IT, NAHMEAN LIKE PICTURE YOURSELF ASKING YOUR ROOMMATE "DID YOU DO PEEPEE INSIDE OF MY SOCK DRAWER B? CUZ IT SMELLS LIKE PISS AND MY ANKLE SOCKS IS MOIST" YOU CAN'T EVEN VISUALIZE THAT CUZ IT'S SO WILD.

LISTEN TO THE WORST MUSIC EVER AT ALL TIMES: THIS MIGHT TAKE AN EMOTIONAL MENTAL TYPE TOLL ON YOU B BUT IF YOU PREPARE YOURSELF MENTALLY TO LISTEN TO MAROON5 FOR 3 DAYS STRAIGHT ON BLAST AND YOUR ROOMMATE ISN'T EXPECTING IT, YOU WILL WIN B. THE NIGGA MIGHT EVEN BE DRIVEN TO KILL HIMSELF BY WEARING A FEDORA TILL HE OD'S ON CORNINESS...THE NIGGA MIGHT HANG HIMSELF WITH SHOELACES WHILE WEARING A "VINTAGE" TSHIRT UNDER A BLAZER. IF YOU PLAY LADY ANTEBELLAMY FOR 3 DAYS STRAIGHT WHAT YOU THINK IS GONNA HAPPEN TO YOUR ROOMMATE? THE NIGGA IS GONNA GO CRAZY AND PROLLY SHUFFLE OFF THE ROOF OF THE P'S. THIS IS THE ILL REVENGE PLOT B BECAUSE LMFAO & MAROON5 & LADY ANTIBELGIUM AND OTHER SIMILAR SHIT IS SO FUCKIN CORNY AND TERRIBLE THAT EVEN THAT "@IRESPECTFEMALES" NIGGA WILL PUT A GLOC IN HIS MOUTH AFTER TOO MUCH EXPOSURE TO THAT SHIT.

HAVE KIDS: YO SON, TRUST ME, KIDS CAN BE THE MOST ANNOYING BEINGS ON EARTH B. (ON EARTH LIKE THE WHOLE EARTH) IF YOU WANT I'LL RENT YOU MY SON FOR LIKE A COUPLE RACKS A DAY (ALSO DURING WORK HOURS CUZ MY WIFE WILL PROLLY FROWN UPON ME RENTING OUR CHILD) I'LL BRING THIS NIGGA TO YOUR CRIB AND SET HIM LOOSE AND LET HIM PULL EVERY WIRE IN YOUR HOUSE AND KNOCK DOWN EVERYTHING THAT'S ON YOUR SURFACES B. ALSO HE WILL CHEW UP ANY IMPORTANT PAPERS THAT ARE WITHIN HIS LITTLE BROLICK ARMS REACH. NIGGA WILL START SHRIEKING FOR NO REASON WHEN YOUR ROOMMATE IS TRYNA HEAR THE DIALOGUE IN "DONNIE DARKO" AND WILL FART IN THE NIGGAS FACE AND LAUGH ABOUT IT ON SOME DISRESPECTFUL SHIT. BASICALLY AN INFANT/TODDLER IS LIKE A PITBULL THAT'S NOT HOUSEBROKEN AND USED TO LIVE ON A FARM B, IF YOU LET THE NIGGA LOOSE IN AN APARTMENT HE WILL VIOLATE YOUR WHOLE SHIT IN ABOUT AN HOUR. THE DIFFERENCE IS A PITBULL WILL SIT DOWN AND CHEW YOUR AIR MAX FOR 45 MINUTES AND FOCUS ON THE TASK AT HAND. MY SON WILL THROW ALL YOUR MAIL ALL OVER THE PLACE AND RANDOMLY CHEW WHATEVER HE FEELS LIKE THEN HE'LL CRAWL OVER TO WHERE YOUR TV OR WHATEVER APPLIANCE IS AT AND PULL THE CORD TILL THE SHIT FALLS DOWN AND SHATTERS B. THEN HE'LL CRAWL OVER TO YOUR COUCH AND KNOCK YOUR CHAI LATTE RIGHT ONTO THAT MUTHAFUCKA. HE WILL SHRIEK WITH JOY AS HE DESTROYS THE CRIB. YOUR ROOMMATE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE THIS AND AS AN ADDED BONUS IF HE PUTS HANDS ON MY SEED I WILL DECAPITATE THAT NIGGA AND PUT HIM IN A SUITCASE AND LEAVE THAT SHIT ON 168 & AMSTERDAM.

BE HONEST: YOU COULD JUST BE LIKE "NIGGA YOU ARE FUCKIN ANNOYING" AND EITHER GET INTO A FIGHT WHICH WILL RESULT IF ONE OF YALL HAVING TO BOUNCE (THIS WILL HAPPEN IF HE'S NOT WHITE.)...OR YOUR ROOMMATE WILL BE LIKE "AM I REALLY? WHAT DO I DO THAT I ANNOYS YOU? LISTEN, I'M REALLY SORRY AND I'LL TRY MY DARNDEST TO IRON OUT THE KINKS SO WE CAN GET ALONG FAMOUSLY!" (THIS WILL HAPPEN IF HE'S WHITE.) EITHER WAY THIS IS THE MOST DIRECT WAY TO DEAL WITH THE SHIT BUT IN REALITY ALOTTA NIGGAS WON'T GO THIS ROUTE BECAUSE IT PUTS YOU IN A POSITION OF HAVING TO BE A GROWNUP AND ALOTTA NIGGAS WANNA BE LITTLE PETER PAN BABYDICK MICHAEL JACKSON NEVERLAND TYPE NIGGAS AND NEVER BEHAVE IN A GROWED UP FASHION YOU FEEL ME? NIGGAS BE 38 AND STILL "WORKING ON THIS NOVEL" OR IDK, DJ'ING AT A BAR FOR FREE OR SOME SHIT WHILE THEY SELL A LIL 6 GRAMS OF YAY BIWEEKLY. NAHMEAN IF THIS IS YOU YOU NEED TO REVALUATE YOUR LIFE G. YOU CAN START BY BEING DIRECT AND TALKIN STRAIGHT TO YOUR ROOMMATE.

YO MATTERFACT AFTER 30 YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE ROOMMATES ANYWAY CUZ YOU SHOULD BE MAKIN ENOUGH TO SUPPORT YOURSELF WITHOUT SHACKIN UP WITH SOME NIGGAS AND SNIFFIN YAKELBERRY WITH THEM EVERY OTHER DAY WHILE YOU REMINISCE AND TRY TO FUCK 3RD TIER 20 SOMETHING HOES. NAHMEAN AFTER 30 I DON'T CONDONE NIGGAS HAVING ROOMMATES B, YOU EITHER LIVIN WITH YOUR SEEDS AND YOUR WIZ OR YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE AND MOVE OUTTA MANHATTAN/BROOKLYN AND STOP DREAMIN YOUR LIL SOCIALITE DREAMS NIGGA WHICH IS THE PURE ESSENCE OF COKEDREAMS PLAYA. ADMIT DEFEAT MOVE TO LEONIA, PLAY SOFTBALL AND TELL THEM YOUR COKEDREAMS B, THEY'LL LOVE IT . THIS APPLIES TO NIGGAS THOUGH NOT BITCHES BECAUSE I AM A SEXIST AND ALSO GOLDEN GIRLS WAS CUTE, BUT IMAGINE "GOLDEN NIGGAS" THAT SHIT WOULD BE CALLED "LOSERS" CUZ THAT'S WHAT YOU BASICALLY IS.

AIGHT MY NIGGA, HOLD YA HEAD

#KNOWLEDGE

MERO MAILBAG 11/15 "DEFEND [YOURSELF IN] BROOKLYN

2011-11-15T01:41:00.003-05:00

YO HERE'S A LIL SOMETHIN FROM THE MAILBAG.

hey mero,

i need your advice. i was born and raised in wisconsin and i'm probably gonna move to brooklyn next year to go to art school. currently i live in a city of 200k with an annual crime rate of like 0, so i was never taught the steps i need to take to not get mugged/raped/shot at in big cities. how much risk is there of getting crimes and shit committed against me in new york city, and could you give me some advice on how to handle myself in the different boroughs? basically, when i'm an art student from the midwest living in brooklyn, how should i avoid getting my shit fucked up?

thanks

ps: if it matters im half black and a girl

YO I RESPECT THE FACT THAT YOU HIT ME UP FOR INFO ON THIS SINCE ALOTTA NIGGAS BE COMIN FROM LIL TOWNS AND JUST THINK THEY CAN GO COP DUST UPTOWN LIKE NO BIG DEAL THEN SINCE THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD NIGGAS COP DRUGS SUCCESSFULLY THEN THEY GET SACKED UP LIKE "NIGGA THAT SHIT IS NOTHIN BABY I WENT UP IN THE PROJECTS LISTENING TO RADIOHEAD ON MY IPHONE5GS THOSE NIGGAS AIN'T EVEN DO SHIT B" AND THAT'S HOW NEIGHBORHOODS GET GENTRIFIED & SHIT B. THAT'S WHY WHITE PEOPLE TURNED BROOKLYN INTO A GIANT GARDEN DAY CARE ART GALLERY (I SEENT IT)

TRUTHFULLY THIS DEPENDS ON WHAT PART OF BROOKLYN YOU MOVIN INTO. 90% OF BROOKLYN IS SO SOFTINGTON YOU COULD GO CAMPING ON THE STREET IN A TENT MADE OUTTA MACBOOKS AND EUROS AND WAKE UP THE NEXT DAY CHILLIN AND EAT A VEGAN OMELETTE & SHIT LIKE THAT B. NAHMEAN LIKE THE MOST DANGEROUS THING THAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN TO YOU IS YOUR COKE DEALER WANTING TO KICK IT AT YOUR CRIB AND WATCH YOU BLOW THAT MOUSE UP YOUR NASAL WHILE HE SMOKES A BLUNT, AND HIS BABY MOMS TRACKS HIM WITH THAT IPHONE FINDING SHIT AND TRIES TO BEAT YOU UP...BUT GETS ARRESTED OD FAST CUZ YOU LIVE ACROSS FROM SOME NIGGAS WHO'S THE NEPHEW OF ANNA WINTOUR OR SOME RICH NIGGA SHIT.

ON THE OTHER HAND IF YOU LIVE DOWN THE BLOCK FROM UNCLE MURDA YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE EASY AND FOLLOW SOME RULES CUZ YOU MIGHT GET YOUR TOP BLOWN OFF BY A STRAY AK ROUND WHEN YOU GO TO THE BODEGA TO GET SOME OREO CAKESTERS CUZ YOU GOT SOME CRITICAL MUNCHIES. IN THE 15 SQUARE BLOCKS OF BK THATS STILL WILD COWBOY TOWN YOU GOTTA ADHERE TO CERTAIN RULES B. (FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER 3-4 YEARS UNTIL WHITE PEOPLE SUCCESSFULLY GENTRIFICATIONALIZE THAT SHIT, YOU FEEL ME? AIGHT SO IMA LACE THIS LITTLE SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR BOTH PARTS OF BROOKLYN CUZ BELIEVE IT OR NOT THERE'S RULES YOU GOTTA FOLLOW EVEN IF EVERYONE IN YOUR BUILDING LOOK & BEHAVES LIKE SETH GREEN IN "PARTY MONSTER"

HOOD RULES

-DON'T GO OUTSIDE LOOKIN LIKE A WEIRDO: NIGGA DON'T DRESS LIKE RAINBOW BRITE SNICKERDOODLE MAN IF ALL THE NIGGAS IN YOUR HOOD WEAR CARHART JACKETS & CHAMPION HOODIES TO THEY KIDS BAPTISMS. I MEAN WHATEVER B IF YOU DRESS LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN SWIZZ BEATZ AT AN AWARDS SHOW AND COCHISE FROM THE WARRIORS, DO YOU, JUST DON'T BE RUNNIN AROUND THE BLOCK LOOKIN LIKE THAT AND ALSO LOOKIN NIGGAS IN THE EYES. ALL IT TAKES IS A "FUCK YOU LOOKIN AT NIGGA?" AND AN UNSATISFACTORY RESPONSE FROM YOU TO GET YOUR FACE SPLASHED LIKE A BABY POOL FILLED WITH AUTISTIC SPECIAL ED KIDS. SO YO KEEP THAT FEATHER BOA IN YOUR FUCKIN CLOSET TILL HALLOWEEN B DON'T WEAR THAT SHIT TO GO TO MEET YOUR COUSIN AT THE TRAIN STATION Y'ALL WILL BOTH GET ASSAULTED LIKE A BASKETBALL WIFE.

-DON'T WALK AROUND LOOKIN EXPENSIVE: YO MY MAN JEYBEE ONCE REFERRED TO SOME WHITE NIGGAS IN NEW JERSEY AS "WILD SOFT AND BREAKABLE B LIKE THEY JUST GOT OUT THE SHOWER" DON'T WALK AROUND LOOKIN BREAKABLE B WITH YOUR IPHONE/IPAD/EXPENSIVE OBJECT SWANGIN...PUT THAT SHIT IN YOUR FUCKIN POCKET B. IF YOU LOOK LIKE A VICTIM AND ARE WALKIN AROUND WITH SOME STEALABLE SHIT. NIGGAS WILL WALK RIGHT UP TO YOU LIKE "RUN THAT SHIT" AND THEN YOU GOTTA EITHER FEEL OD SHEEPISH HANDING OVER YOUR DEVICE THAT COST HALF A RACK, OR GET YOUR FACE TENDERIZED BY A NIGGA NAMED TYQUAN. KEEP THAT SHIT TUCKED IN.

-MIND YOUR NECK: YO I KNOW WHITE PEOPLE LOVE TO GET IN THE MIX OF SHIT BUT CONTROL YOUR WHITE SIDE IF YOU SEE TWO BROWN PEOPLE ARGUING/FIGHTING DON'T GET INVOLVED IN THAT SHIT B. MIND YOURS AND KEEP IT MOVIN, CUZ NIGGAS WILL BOTH TURN AROUND LIKE "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?" AND JOIN FORCES FOR THE 30 SECONDS IT TAKES TO STOMP YOU OUT/CUT YOUR FACE/SHOOT YOU IN YOUR JIBS. IF YOU'RE EVEN SEMI FAMILIAR WITH WORLDSTAR YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN NIGGAS ARE HAVING A DISAGREEMENT IN THE HOOD. SETS GET CLAIMED AND SOMEBODY GETS PUT TO SLEEP ON DIGITAL VIDEO B. UNLESS YOU WANT THE NIGGA ON THE FLOOR DOING A BACKBEND WHILE SNORING TO BE YOU, GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE WHEN YOU SEE NIGGAS DOIN THAT LITTLE PANTS-GRAB SHUFFLE THEY DO BEFORE THEY SCRAP. OR VIDEO IT FROM ACROSS THE STREET AND BE LIKE "OHHHH SHIT NIGGA WORLDSTAR! WORLDSTAR!" TO TRICK NIGGAS INTO THINKIN YOU NOT FROM WISCONSIN.

- SHOOT A NIGGA FACE OFF: THIS CAN BE DIFFICULT TO PULL OFF CUZ YOU MIGHT GO TO JAIL OR GET SHOT IN RETALIATION BUT IT IS DOABLE IF YOU DO YOUR RESEARCH...IF YOU HANG AROUND LONG ENOUGH YOU'LL REALIZE THERE'S AT LEAST ONE PERSON IN THE HOOD THAT NIGGAS DON'T FUCK WITH AND HE MAY EVEN BE AN ASSHOLE BY GENERAL CONSENSUS. IF NIGGAS HATE DUDE ENOUGH TO NOT BE WEIRDED OUT WHEN YOU BODY HIM THEN YOU CAN BODY HIM AND THE HOOD WILL MAKE UP A NEW NICKNAME FOR YOU SINCE YOU CAUGHT A BODY. NIGGAS WILL START CALLING YOU "40 CAL JESSICA" OR WHATEVER LIKE THAT. JUST BE CAREFUL THAT YOU DON'T DO IT IN FRONT OF A CRACKHEAD BECAUSE CRACKHEADS WILL SNITCH ON YOUR REAL QUICK IN EXCHANGE FOR $5 AND A MCDONALDS COUPON.

GAY ART HOOD RULES

IF YOU LIVE IN A GAY ART HOOD OBVIOUSLY THERES A DIFFERENT SET OF RULES YOU NEED TO ADHERE TO NAHMEAN CUZ THE RULES UP THERE DON'T EVEN MAKE SENSE WHEN YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE THREE WHITE NIGGAS FROM TOPEKA THAT ARE A "BAND" CALLED "THE TELEVISED NUANCE" OR SOME OTHER NONSENSICAL SHIT NIGGAS AT PITCHFORK WILL FINGER THEY ASSHOLE TO.

-SAY HELLO TO EVERYBODY: DUH NIGGA EVERYBODY IS AN ARTIST IN A GAY ART HOOD AND THEY ARE FUCKIN DYING TO TELL YOU ABOUT THEIR "PROJECT" THEY ARE WORKING ON ARTISTICALLY (A CHAIR MADE OUT OF CRAZY STRAWS) OR "SHOWS" THEY GETTIN READY TO PLAY (IN THE BASEMENT OF THEY BUILDING)...THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE FRIENDS IN A GAY ART HOOD. OBVIOUSLY HAVE SOMETHING YOU'RE "WORKING ON" TO DROP IN CASUALLY SO NIGGAS DON'T THINK YOU AREN'T AN ARTIST, BUT DON'T TALK TOO MUCH CUZ THEN THEY'LL THINK YOU THINK YOU'RE MORE IMPORTANT WHICH IS THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO GET OSTRACIZED IN A GAY ART HOOD.

-KNOW MINORITIES: YO THIS IS LIKE THE GOLDEN GOOSE IN A PLACE LIKE WILLIAMSBURG B CUZ NIGGAS FROM FARM TOWNS THAT WERE TOO COOL FOR THEY FARM TOWN LOVE THE IDEA OF DANGER (THAT'S WHY THEY CAME HERE) AND THEY ARE SECRETLY SCARED TO DEATH OF MINORITIES...SO IF YOU COME THROUGH WITH A DOMINICAN DUDE (DOMINICANS ARE WILD EXOTIC TO NIGGAS FROM IOWA) IT'S LIKE COMIN THROUGH A PARTY WITH A TIGER ON A LEASH, NIGGAS WILL BE OD NERVOUS, BUT THEY'LL THINK YOU'RE THE FUCKIN MAN. IF THE MINORITY SELLS DRUGS OR HAS A CRIMINAL RECORD THAT'S WILD BONUS POINTS B. IF THAT DRUG IS COCAINE YOU JUST BECAME THE MOST POPULAR PERSON IN THE GAY ART HOOD AND YOU BOUT TO BE MOBBIN AT LEBAIN OR SOME OTHER WILD HOMOEROTIC ESTABLISHMENT WITH GAY FRENCH NIGGAS WEARING VNECKS AND PORKPIE HATS.

-HAVE DRUGS: GAY ART NIGGAS LOVE DRUGS B, BECAUSE ALOT OF ARTISTS/MUSICIANS/ACTORS DID OD AMOUNTS OF DRUGS AND SOME EVEN DIED FROM IT. LIKE FOR EXAMPLE HEATH LEDGER IS REVERED BY GAY ART NIGGAS BECAUSE HE OD'D ON DRUGS AND THE BATMAN MOVIE HE WAS IN IS THE ONLY MAJOR STUDIO FILM THAT GAY ART NIGGAS WILL ADMIT TO WATCHING, THEY WILL EVEN SAY THEY LIKE THAT SHIT CUZ HEATH LEDGER ATE MORE XANAX IN ONE NIGHT THAN I DID MY SOPHOMORE YEAR OF COLLEGE. ASK ANY GAY ART NIGGA WHO THEIR FAVORITE WHATEVER IS AND IT WILL BE A NIGGA THAT OD'D ON DRUGS OR FUCKED THEY WHOLE LIFE UP ON DRUGS. LIKE IF YOU ASK A GAY ART NIGGA WHO THEY FAVORITE BASKETBALL PLAYER IS THEY WILL BE LIKE "LEN BIAS DUDE! HE WAS TOTES FUCKING GNAR!"

-BE A GAY ART NIGGA (DUH): OBVIOUSLY THIS MEANS IF YOU'RE A GIRL YOU HAVE TO GET GLASSES EVEN IF YOU DON'T NEED THEM AND WEAR DYKED OUT MOTORCYCLE BOOTS AND NEVER TRIM YOUR PUSSY HAIR MORE THAN ONCE EVERY SIX MONTHS. YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL WITH THE GLASSES THING THOUGH YOU GOTTA REALLY STUDY BEFORE YOU COP A PAIR BECAUSE NOW THAT SHIT HAS BECOME A TREND AMONG PUERTO RICAN BITCHES WITH FAKE TITS AND PUERTO RICAN BITCHES WITH FAKE TITS IS THE ANTITHESIS OF WHAT YOU TRYNA DO RIGHT NOW IN THIS GAY ART HOOD SITUATION. YOU ALSO SHOULD PROLLY INVEST IS SOME STUPID FUCKING HATS AND TIGHTS IN COLORS THAT STEVE JOBS INVENTED. ALSO SMOKE CIGARETTES FROM EUROPE AND IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD OR FIND EURO BOGEYS THEN SMOKE MARLBORO REDS. IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU AT GOODWILL AND YOU DON'T KNOW IF THE ITEM YOU GOT IN YOUR HAND IS APPROPRIATE FOR A GAY ART HOOD YOU JUST GOTTA ASK YOURSELF 2 QUESTIONS, 1) WOULD A LUMBERJACK WEAR THIS AND 2) WOULD A GAY SOMALIAN PIRATE WEAR THIS? IF THE ANSWER TO EITHER QUESTION IS YES THEN YOU GOT THE GREEN LIGHT. IF THE ANSWER TO BOTH IS YES THEN YOU SHOULD WEAR THAT SHIT TO EVERY GALLERY OPENING YOU GET INVITED TO (THERE WILL BE MANY)

NAHMEAN SO BASICALLY I JUST TOLD YOU HOW TO SURVIVE IN BROOKLYN B SO YOU'RE WELCOME AND HOLLA AT ME WHEN YOU TOUCH DOWN IF YOU NEED DRUGS*

*JUST KIDDING I DON'T SELL DRUGS AND NEVER HAVE EVER NOT ONCE AIGHT?

KNOWLEDGE FOR YOUR CRANIAL.

CHIMO VALLEY

2011-11-15T01:38:00.002-05:00

YO THIS NIGGA SANSUSPY WAS PIPIN LITTLE BOYS B IN THEY BATI!

NOW THIS NIGGA JOE PATERNO WHOLE 120 YEAR CAREER IS FUCKED UP B CUZ HIS MANS WAS A CHIMO. IN A WAY THAT'S FUCKED UP BUT IN A WAY IT MAKES SENSE NAHMEAN. ALTHOUGH I'M AGAINST THE FIRING OF PATERNO CUZ BASICALLY THE NIGGA AIN'T SEE SHIT HISSELF HE WAS JUST TOLD SOME SHIT AND HE DID HIS DUTY AS A WHITE NIGGA AND SNITCHED TO HIS BOSS. AT THAT POINT THE BOSSES SHOULD BEEN LIKE "YO THIS NIGGA IS TOUCHIN LIL BOYS PP'S IN THE SHOWERS." AND THEN THE COPS ARREST SANDUSKY.

YO FIRST OF ALL THATS THE ONLY SERIOUS INPUT I GOT IN REGARDS TO THIS SHIT B IT'S KINDA CRAZY HOW THEY ETHERED THAT NIGGA PATERNO AND NIGGAS DON'T EVEN REALLY SAY SANDUSKY'S NAME B. IF YOU DIDN'T WATCH SPORTSCENTER ALL DAY HIGH LIKE I DO YOU WOULD THINK JOE PATERNO WAS THE NIGGA JERKIN LIL BOYS OFF WITH HIS MOUTH IN BATHROOM STALLS. NAHMEAN AND BASICALLY THIS NIGGA PATERNO WAS ABOUT TO BREAK A RECORD FOR BEING THE ONLY NIGGA TO BE STILL COACHING AT THE AGE OF 137.

LOOK AT THAT NIGGA SANDUSKY THOUGH B, ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO FIND THIS NIGGA GUILTY IS SHOW THE JURY A FLICK OF THAT NIGGA LIKE "THIS NIGGA IS OBVIOUSLY INTO FINGERING 5TH GRADE BUTTHOLES B, NO FURTHER QUESTIONS" THEN THE JUDGE BANGS THE GAVEL LIKE "I SENTENCE YOU TO GET SODOMIZED OD IN YOUR ANAL TILL YOU HANG YOURSELF IN YOUR CELLIOT" THAT NIGGAS WHOLE SWAG IS "I KISS BOYS ON THE PENIS" B. I WAS WATCHIN THIS DOCUMENTARY ON HBO ABOUT SOME DOPE FIENDS WHERE SOME OLD HOMOS PAID A JUNKIE NIGGA TO SUCK HIS DICK (YES I WROTE THAT RIGHT) THE OLD NIGGA PAID A STARVIN JUNKIE WIT 3 TEETH FOR PERMISSION TO TOP HIM OFF!!! THIS IS WHAT THIS SANDUSKY NIGGA REMINDS ME OF B. THAT NIGGA EVEN GOT A MOLESTATION ASS SPEECH IMPEDIMENT SHIT B.

THEN THEY INTERVIEWED THE NIGGA AND YOU KNOW WHAT THIS NIGGA SAID? HE ADMITTED HE "SHOWERED AND HORSED AROUND WITH BOYS"...MY NIGGA YOU GAY. OBVIOUS. WHY YOU SHOWERING WITH KIDS MY NIGGA? I DON'T EVEN BATHE MY INFANT SON B SO THAT NIGGA CAN HAVE HIS PERSONAL GENITAL PRIVACY SPACE B I JUST FILL THE TUB UP AND THROW THE NIGGA IN THERE AND COME CHECK ON HIM IF I DON'T HEAR NO SPLASHING. UNDER WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES IS IT COOL TO BE IN A SHOWER WITH A 10 YEAR OLD B? DID THE NIGGA PASS OUT IN A MUD PUDDLE AND YOU CLEANING HIS NASAL PASSAGES SO HE CAN BREATHE? EVEN IF YOU ARE THAT'S STILL WILD GAY B. YOU NOT SUPPOSED TO DO NOTHIN THAT CAN BE INTERPRETED AS EROTIC WITH 4TH GRADERS NIGGA. SHOWERING IS EROTIC B, CUZ I BE SHOWERING WITH MY WIZ SOMETIMES AND I CATCH A LIL TOPPINGTON IN THE SHOWER NAHMEAN CUZ THE SHIT BE SEXY AND YOU KNOW HOW THAT GO...ANY SITUATION IN WHICH MY WIFE WOULD BLOW ME IS NOT A SITUATION YOU SHOULD BE IN WITH LITTLE JEREMIAH YOU FUCKIN PERVERT.

BY ADMITTING THE SHOWER SHIT YOU BASICALLY JUST ADMITTED TO HAVIN THEM SIT ON YOUR LITTLE GRAY PENIS JERRY...AND WHAT THE FUCK DOES "HORSE AROUND" MEAN B? IS THAT OLD WHITE NIGGA JARGON FOR "I 69 WITH ELEMENTARY SCHOOL BOYS" C'MON MY G, THE JIG IS UP. IF YOU WAS A REAL NIGGA YOU WOULDA BEEN LIKE "JOE AINT KNOW I WAS BLOWIN INFANTS IN THE LOCKER ROOM" AND JUMPED ON THAT GRENADE FOR YOUR ORGANIZATION BUT NAH, YOU DID THE COWARD MOVE AND EVEN THOUGH IT'S OBVIOUS YOU BE SITTIN AT HOME JERKIN ILLZ TO OLD FLICKS OF JONATHAN LIPNICKI AND YOUR WHOLE SPOT IS BLOWN, YOU STILL INSIST ON PRETENDING YOU AIN'T ABOUT THAT CHIMO LIFE B.

THIS NIGGA IS DISGUSTING B AND IF KARMA IS REAL THAT NIGGAS ANAL CANAL IS GONNA BE PENETRATED BY MORE BLACK DICKS THAN AMBER ROSE.

AS A DAD NIGGAS LIKE THIS ARE THE WORST SCUM OF THE PLANET TO ME B CUZ IF MY SON CAME TO THE CRIB ONE DAY LIKE "DAD THIS NIGGA TRIED TO TOUCH MY PP" I WOULD DEAD ASS RUN UP IN THE BUILDING WITH MULTIPLE FIREARMS AND COLUMBINATE THE WHOLE ATHLETIC DEPARTMENT. THEN I WOULD SUE THE NIGGAS TO PIECES AND BUY MYSELF AN ITALIAN SPORTSCAR WORTH MORE THAN KOBE BRYANT'S HOUSE TO EASE THE PAIN AND MENTAL ANGUISH. I WOULD ALSO SMOKE WILD AMOUNTS OF BUD WITH MY SON WHILE WE LISTEN TO MOBB DEEP (AS THERAPY). ALTHOUGH I WOULD TRAIN MY SON TO MAKE AN ICEPICK OUT OF A FORK AND STAB ANYBODY ATTEMPTING TO MOLEST HIM IN THE NECK WITH THE SHIT, SO THIS IS JUST SOME HYPOTHETICALS NAHMEAN?

AIGHT I'M OUT THERE'S NO BASKETBALL YET B SO BASICALLY THAT MEANS I HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION TO MY FAMILY WHICH I WAS NOT EVEN TRYNA DO AT THIS POINT IN THE YEAR. THANKS ALOT TO ALL THE FUCKIN JERKOFF NIGGAS INVOLVED IN THIS SHIT I HOPE BILLY HUNTER GETS INTO A FATAL ACTIVATOR ACCIDENT B.

#KNOWLEDGEDARTS B

100

PS I WROTE THIS WHILE LISTENING TO "YOU KNOW WHAT IM ABOUT" BY LORD FINESSE AND BIG L SO IM ABOUT TO GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY KNOCKOUT DOLO.

THE AMERICAN ROYAL DIVORCE

2011-11-02T01:41:00.003-04:00

#MONEYTEAM

"DUH NIGGA" SHOULD BE THE HEADLINE ON ALL THE TABLOIDS B. INSTEAD OF "DIVORCE SHOCKER! KIM&KRIS SPLIT!" OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THE SHIT IS GONNA BE NOW.

YO FIRST OF ALL IT BUGS ME OUT THAT NIGGAS REALLY THOUGHT THIS BITCH WAS GONNA STAY MARRIED TO A NIGGA FROM THE NEW JERSEY FUCKIN NETS B. THIS BITCH WHOLE LIFE EVER SINCE SHE SUCKED RAY J DICK HAS REVOLVED AROUND HER MAKIN AS MUCH MONEY AS POSSIBLE AND LEVERAGING HER RELATIONSHIPS & SHIT TO GET PAID. NAHMEAN SHE HAD TO MARRY A NIGGA THAT WAS SOMEBODY BUT WAS ALSO A NOBODY. YOU FEEL ME? CUZ OBVIOUSLY SHE WAS GONNA DEAD THIS NIGGA AFTER ALL THE CHECKS CLEARED.

I DON'T KNOW THIS BITCH PERSONALLY BUT SHE STRIKES ME AS WILD DUMB, LIKE I FEEL LIKE SHE GOT TOGETHER WITH THIS NIGGA CUZ BOTH THEY NAMES START WITH A K. I'D PUT MONEY ON THAT B, OBVIOUSLY SHE WOULDN'T TELL NOBODY THAT CUZ SHE WOULD LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE BUT I THINK THAT WAS IT. IN GENERAL I THINK NIGGAS WHO NAME THEY WHOLE FAMILY ON SOME ALLITERATION SHIT ARE DUMBER THAN ELI PORTER SNIFFIN RUBBER CEMENT. ALSO, WHEREAS MY WEDDING PUTS ME IN THE HOLE FOR 5 FIGURES THIS BITCH MADE LIKE 10 MIL TO MARRY THIS NO JUMPSHOT HAVING ASS NINJA TURTLE SUPERCUTS YELLOW NIGGA. SO BASICALLY THE SHIT WAS A SETUP TO GET PAID, THAT NIGGA MAYBE WAS IN ON IT TOO CUZ IF I'M A MILLIONAIRE SPORTS PLAYING ASS NIGGA, I'LL FIND A BITCH WHO HASN'T FUCKED RAY J. CUZ THAT'S AN INDIRECT L. AS A REGULAR NIGGA THOUGH I WOULD EAT THAT BITCH ASS IN FRONT OF MY WIFE & SON B AND THEY WON'T GIVE A FUCK B CUZ IT'S ABOUT TO BE A PAYDAY FOR THE MERO CLAN.

ALSO THE OUTPOURING OF SUPPORT FOR THIS HO ON TWITTER WAS FUCKIN CRAZY B!! YO I CAN'T EVEN BE COOL WITH A BITCH THAT THINKS KIM KARDASHIAN HAS MADE SOME TYPE OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS IN LIFE B.

"MERO YOU JUST MAD CUZ YOU BROKE AND SHE'S MAKIN MONEY, SHE ACCOMPLISHED MAKIN MONEY!"

OK BITCH THAT MAY BE TRUE BUT THIS BROAD WAS ALREADY RICHER THAN RICHIE! THERE WAS NO NEED FOR HER TO GO AND ENDORSE SHAPEUPS OR DO WHATEVER ELSE SHE BE DERN WHEN SHE'S NOT DEEPTHROATING BLACK COCKS...LIKE I SAID BEFORE YOU FUNNY ASS HOES WITH YOUR BLOWN OUT HAIR AND CAKEUP THAT WAS CRYIN DIGITAL TEARS ON SOME CHRIS CROCKER SHIT VIA TWITTER ARE FUCKIN SUCKERS B. IF YOU THINK THIS HO IS SITTING IN HER MANSION CRYIN ABOUT THIS YOU NEED TO HOLLA AT ME VIA EMAIL BECAUSE I HAVE REALLY GOOD INVESTMENT IDEAS FOR YOU. BITCH YOU ARE CORNY AND I PRAY TO PAPA DIOS THIS SHITTY HUMAN ISN'T WHAT MY DAUGHTER ASPIRES TO BE CUZ I'LL FLY OUT TO L.A. AND HANG THE NIGGA FROM MAROON 5 IN FRONT OF HER CRIB. IDK WHAT THAT WILL ACCOMPLISH BUT I'LL FUCKIN DO IT B. I WILL ALSO DESTROY EVERY FEDORA IN THE CITY. (THAT'S OD, YOU KNOW HOW MANY FEDORAS THERE IS IN L.A.? THERE'S MORE FEDORAS THAN MEXICANS.)

SHIT LONGER THAN KIM KARDASHIAN'S WEDDING TO THE NIGGA THAT LOOKS LIKE BLAKE GRIFFIN HAD A RAPE BABY WITH LITTLEFOOT

- AVERAGE PIZZA DELIVERY

- LADY GAGA'S NUTSAC

- MIKE TYSON VS MARVIS FRAZIER

- THE AMOUNT OF TIME IT TOOK ME TO WRITE THIS SENTENCE.

- 50CENT'S CORNROWS

- ROGER EBERT'S CHIN

- THE LINE OF COKE RAY J BLEW UP HIS NASAL BEFORE HE TOLD THE "I BEAT UP FABOLOUS" STORY

- THE LOVE LETTERS JOE BUDDEN WRITES TO SEX WORKERS

- A GAME OF TIC TAC TOE

- PARIS HILTONS ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENT LIST

- THE COMBINED LENGTH OF THE DICKS ON ALL THE NIGGAS IN "FAR EAST MOVEMENT"

NAHMEAN THERE'S ALOT MORE BUT I'M LAZY AND I JUST BLESSED YOU NIGGAS WITH OD AMOUNTS OF KNOWLEDGE SO DON'T GET GREEDY.

PLEASE STOP RAPPING

2011-11-02T01:25:00.006-04:00

YO ALOTTA RAP NIGGAS RAP TOO MUCH AND PROBABLY SHOULD STOP RAPPING FOR A WHILE (LIKE FOREVER) HERE'S A FEW NOTABLE NIGGAS THAT NEED TO TAKE IT EASY FOR A SECOND

SKILLZ

YEAH I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING RIGHT NOW..."WHO IS THIS GUY?" TRUTHFULLY I HAD FORGOT ABOUT DUDE TOO TILL I SAW HIM AND HIS JOHN WATERS MUSTACHE ON THE BET CYPHER RIPPITY RAPPING IN A JACKET FROM 1995. YO CAN SOMEBODY PUT ME ON TO THIS NIGGA EVER HAVING A "HIT" RECORD B? LIKE I REMEMBER "THE NOD FACTOR" ON RAP CITY BACK IN THE DAY WHERE THIS NIGGA WAS RAPPIN IN FRONT OF ELECTRICAL WIRES OR SOME SHIT BUT CAN THIS GUY GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE? NIGGA HAD CARVED OUT A LITTLE NICHE FOR HIMSELF DOIN THOSE YEARLY RAP UP SHITS BUT WHO REALLY DROVE AROUND LISTENIN TO THAT SHIT? THIS NIGGA IS A "GHOST WRITER" FOR NIGGAS SUPPOSEDLY AND HE SHOULD PROLLY STAY THAT WAY CUZ THE LAST TIME THAT NIGGA WAS ON TV MY TV WAS 20 INCHES AND WEIGHED 8000 POUNDS. THIS NIGGA IS THE PLAYSTATION 1 OF RAPPERS B. LIKE THAT YOU BOUGHT AT GAMESTOP AND DIDN'T EVEN COME WITH THE DEMO JOINT. THIS NIGGA NEEDS TO GET INTO REAL ESTATE OR DOG GROOMING OR SOME SHIT B. PLEASE STOP RAPPING.

JOE BUDDEN

HOLY CANOLI THIS NIGGA IS THE WORSTESTEST EVER EVER. IDK WHAT IT IS ABOUT THIS NIGGA BUT HIS WHOLE SWAG IS JUST "NIGGA THAT WORKS AT JCPENNEY BUT HAS GREAT CREDIT AND BUYS BURBERRY SOMETIMES (BURBERRY MY NIGGA.)" LIKE THIS NIGGAS ENTIRE SWAG CAN BE FOUND IN RESIDENTIAL AREAS IN NEW JERSEY B. IF THIS GUY WAS IN A MOVIE HIS ROLE WOULD BE "NIGGA SMOKING BUSTDOWN IN FRONT OF BARBERSHOP IN THE RAIN" THIS NIGGA MAKES MUSIC FOR NIGGAS WHO SPEND $500 ON DRE BEATS HEADPHONES AND PUT THEM IN A VELVET POUCH WHEN THEY GET OFF THE 12 BUS AND WALK INTO THEIR JOB AT KMART. THIS NIGGA INVENTED EMO RAP AND WIFING STRIPPERS. I WOULD BREAK WEED UP ON THIS NIGGAS CD'S BUT THAT MEANS I WOULD HAVE TO FIND ONE AND I DON'T THINK THEY EXIST IN THE PHYSICAL UNLESS YOU COUNT THE MOOD MUZAK PARTS 1-29 THAT THIS NIGGA DROPS MONTHLY TO HIS LEGION OF ADORING NEON COLOR JORDAN FUSION WEARING FANS. THIS GUY MADE IT ON MY FIRST EDITION OF "TOP 10 DICKHEAD NIGGAS ON TWITTER" AND IF YOU DO IT TO YOURSELF AND READ THIS GUYS TL YOU WILL BE FULLY AWARE OF WHY. THIS NIGGA IS PART OF THE WACK NIGGA SUPERGROUP DAUGHTERHOUSE, AND CLEARLY IS FEELING HIMSELF DUE TO THIS FACT. I MEAN THE NIGGA TALKS ABOUT HIS "CATALOG" LIKE HE'S FUCKIN JAY-Z BUT PLEASE MY NIGGA...PLEASE STOP RAPPING.

NELLY

I MEAN, IDK IF I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO NIGGAS THE REASONING BEHIND THIS. THIS NIGGA MADE "CHIMMY CHIMMY COCO POP" INTO A SINGLE AND INVENTED VOKAL. (HE INVENTED THAT SHIT B, WHAT THE FUCK DOES VOKAL MEAN?)...THIS NIGGA HAD ONE OR TWO JOINTS BUT THAT STILL DON'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT HE WORE OVERALLS WITH NO SHIRT AND A BANDAID UNDER HIS EYE LOOKIN LIKE A CLOSETED TRACTOR DRIVER. THIS NIGGA ALMOST REDEEMED HIMSELF WITH THE TIPDRILL VIDEO BUT THEN HE WENT AND APOLOGIZED FOR THE SHIT AND DID A SONG WITH A COUNTRY SINGER? NIGGA WHAT TYPE OF COKEDREAM SPAWNED THAT B? NIGGAS WAS IN THE STUDIO BLOWIN THAT PABLO UP THEY NASAL AND MURPHY LEE TOLD YOU YOU SHOULD DO A COUNTRY SONG? I MEAN FINANCIALLY I GUESS IT WAS A GOOD IDEA CUZ YOU GOT PAID BUT DID ANYONE THAT NEVER GOT JERKED OFF BY THEY COUSIN LISTEN TO THAT SHIT? THIS NIGGA NELLY ALSO DROPPED A DOUBLE ALBUM THAT WAS SO BAD I TELL MY KIDS IF THEY ACT UP "PAPI IS GONNA PUT ON SWEAT/SUIT!! I SWEAR TO GOD B!" AND NIGGAS STRAIGHTEN RIGHT OUT. THE LAST TIME I SEEN THIS NIGGA HE WAS WEARING A SLEEVELESS DENIM BUTTON UP ON THE RED CARPET. MY NIGGA PLEASE STOP RAPPING.

EMINEM

SOME OF YOU NIGGAS LOVE THIS GUY BUT AT THIS POINT THE NIGGA PLASTIC SURGEON MUST HAVE DID SOMETHING THAT FUCKED UP HIS BRAIN CUZ HE'S BEEN KICKIN OUT WHAT I LIKE TO CALL "SELF ESTEEM GUIDANCE COUNSELOR JOINTS"... LIKE SONGS THAT A HIGHSCHOOL TEACHER WOULD ROLL UP LISTENING TO TO LOOK "COOL" BUT "POSITIVE"..."IM NOT AFRAID" MADE ME BULIMIC BY ACCIDENT B. THAT WAS THE WORST SHIT EVER. THEN THE NIGGA CAME ON THE BET CYPHER AND WAS LIKE "BOOBIDY BOO SHOOBIDY SHOO KICK A FETUS IN A PENIS AND I REALLY MEAN THIS!" AND THE NIGGAS IN DAUGHTERHOUSE AMPED IT LIKE "OHHHHHH!!! SON GOT BARS!!!" WHEN IN REALITY THAT SHIT WAS CORNY AS FUCK. THIS NIGGA HAS MALE ON MALE BLOWJOB SKITS ON HIS ALBUMS AND DRESSES UP AS A WOMAN IN HIS VIDEOS ALL THE TIME. NIGGA LOOKS LIKE CARRIE ANNE MOSS IN A WARMUP SUIT B, IDK WHAT THE FUCK THIS NIGGA DID TO HIS FACE OR IF HE'S JUST GETTIN OLD BUT HOW THE FUCK YOU LOOK LIKE MERRYL STREEP IF SHE WENT TO SUPERCUTS? EVERYTIME YOU RAP IT'S ONE OF THE TWO STYLES I MENTIONED AND YOU PROLONGING THE CAREER OF WACK NIGGAS WITH NO REGARD FOR THE EARS OF THE PUBLIC B. ALSO, THIS NIGGA WEARS JORDAN BRAND EVERYTHING, NOT EVEN JORDAN WEARS JORDAN BRAND EVERYTHING. PLEASE STOP RAPPING.

PAPOOSE

THIS NIGGA MAN...MY NIGGA, HAVE YOU RECORDED MUSIC THIS DECADE? A LABEL GAVE THIS NIGGA A MIL AND CLEARLY HE SPENT IT ON DUST AND PELLE PELLE LEATHERS CUZ THE NIGGA HASN'T RELEASED ANYTHING I'VE HEARD SINCE HE DID THAT ALPHABET SONG. THEN HE MARRIED REMY MARTIN WHO IS CURRENTLY DOING WILD JOINTS FOR PLAXING HER HOMEGIRL. THIS NIGGAS WHOLE SWAG IS "THE NIGGA IN FRONT OF THE BODEGA ON HIS NEXTEL CHIRP IN 2011" THIS NIGGA LOOKS LIKE THE TYPE OF DUDE THAT WEARS A LEATHER AND TIMBS WITH SHORTS IN THE SUMMER. SHOUTOUT TO KAY SLAY FOR CONVINCING THIS NIGGA HE WAS THE BEST SHIT SINCE BLOWJOBS CUZ NOW THIS NIGGA IS ON TWITTER TELLING HIS 12 FOLLOWERS THAT HE'S THE "KING OF NEW YORK" IN LIKE 29 DIFFERENT WAYS. THAT NIGGA IS CHALLENGING RAY-J FOR "COKEDREAM KING" OF 2011 B. THIS NIGGA IS NOTORIOUS FOR HAVING PUNCHLINES SO BAD THEY SOUND LIKE THEY WAS MADE THEM UP TO MAKE FUN OF HIM. WHEN YOU SAY SHIT LIKE "ILL SHOOT A NIGGA IN THE HIP AND WATCH HIM HOP, I CALL THAT HIPHOP" THEN YOU NEED TO BE BANNED FROM ALL RECORDING DEVICES FOREVER B. THIS NIGGA SHOULDN'T EVEN BE ALLOWED TO LEAVE NIGGAS VOICEMAIL MESSAGES B. PLUS THE NIGGAS WHOLE DELIVERY IS WAY TO EXCITED FOR ME B CHILL THE FUCK OUT TAKE A XANAX OR SOMETHING B WHAT'S WITH THE URGENCY MY NIGGA? DO I REALLY NEED TO HEAR YOU SAY "I SU WOO LIKE A WUTANG LAWSUIT?" AS SOON AS POSSIBLE? "YOU SAY YOU ALL ABOUT CHEESE, WHAT YOU SOME KIND OF MOUSE?" MIGHT BE THE WORST SHIT I EVER HEARD. PLEASE STOP RAPPING.

ASHER ROTH

YEAH I LIKE COLLEGE I LIKE COLLEGE BEER PONG SMOKIN BONGS...DID THIS NIGGA EVER DEVIATE FROM THAT TOPIC? IF HE DID, DID ANYONE GIVE A FUCK? THIS NIGGA LOOK LIKE HE SHOULD BE SELLING IPHONES AT THE APPLE STORE B. LOOK AT THIS GENIUS BAR IN THE FACE ASS NIGGA. OBVIOUSLY THE NIGGA HAD TO CREATE THIS "I'M EXTREMELY WHITE" LANE FOR HISSELF CUZ NIGGAS WAS NOT GONNA BUY ANYTHING ELSE FROM THIS NIGGA. MY SON LOOKS LIKE HE TEACHES CHEMISTRY AT A COMMUNITY COLLEGE. HOMIE IS THE RAP EQUIVALENT OF TRAIL MIX, WHITE PEOPLE LOVE IT, AND THE REST OF US DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DO. THIS NIGGA FUCKED HISSELF UP BY CREATING THAT LANE THOUGH CUZ EVENTUALLY WHITE COLLEGE KIDS WAS LIKE "FUCK THIS NIGGA WE WANNA LISTEN TO LIL WAYNE" OR WHATEVER LIKE THAT AND IT WAS OVER FOR ASHER. WHO BTW HAS EXACTLY THE NAME I WOULD GIVE THIS NIGGA IF I JUST SAW A PICTURE B. LIKE IF YOU SHOWED ME A PICTURE OF THIS NIGGA AND WAS LIKE "MAKE UP A NAME FOR THIS NIGGA IT WOULD EITHER BE "MAXWELL CHILDS" OR "ASHER ROTH" B. PLEASE STOP RAPPING.

SHYNE

YO THIS NIGGA WAS FUCKIN GANGSTA B. OPERATIVE WORD "WAS" I WILL ALWAYS HAVE FOND MEMORIES OF THIS NIGGA CUZ I DID OD AMOUNTS OF DRUGS AND VARIOUS PUERTO RICAN GIRLS JERKED ME ILLZ INTO THEY BOCAS TO "SHYNE" (HIS FIRST ALBUM) BUT THIS NIGGA WENT TO THE BING AND LOST HIS FUCKIN MIND B...THIS NIGGA IS AT THE WAILING WALL RIGHT NOW DRESSED LIKE HE LIVES IN CROWN HEIGHTS B. NIGGA DID 10 JOINTS AND BECAME AN ORTHODOX JEW B. IDK WHAT THAT NIGGA WAS THINKIN BUT HE CAME OUT SOUNDIN LIKE MUSHMOUTH FROM FAT ALBERT B. LIKE IMAGINE THIS NIGGA DOIN A SHOW AND THE BEAT TO "THAT'S GANGSTA" DROPS AND THIS NIGGA COMES OUT DRESSED LIKE MEL BROOKS IN "ROBIN HOOD: MEN IN TIGHTS"...WHO IS OPENING FOR THIS NIGGA B? MATISYAHU? SHYNE MY NIGGA YOU NEED TO GO REVISIT THE PUFFY DAYS BEFORE THE NIGGA THREW YOU UNDER THE BUS AND GET BACK ON SOME GANGSTA SHIT AND GET OFF THIS ROSH HASHANAH MATZO BALL FLOW. I UNDERSTAND YOU STILL ON SOME GANGSTA SHIT BUT I CAN'T REALLY GET DOWN WITH YOU BEING WILD GANGSTA IF YOU HAVE 100 LITTLE BELTS TIED AROUND YOUR ARM AND A TINY BOX ON YOUR HEAD MY NIGGA. PLEASE STOP RAPPING.

YALL NIGGAS NEED TO JUST RELAX.

I'LL HOLLA

WHITE NIGGA HALL OF FAME (COMEDIANS)

2011-11-02T01:11:00.007-04:00

YO WHITE NIGGA HALL OF FAME ON DECK B THIS TIME IMA INAUGURATE COMEDIANS B

"MERO YOU DID ACTORS ALREADY THOUGH"

NIGGA YOU WANT BLOG POSTS OR YOU WANNA ASK ME QUESTIONS? ANYWAY, SOME OF THESE NIGGAS AIN'T MAKE NO MOVIES I THINK...AND IF THEY DID THEY WAS WACK SO THEY DON'T COUNT.

STEVE MARTIN

THIS NIGGA IS A WHITE COMEDY OG. WHITE PEOPLE LOVE THIS GUY EVEN THOUGH HE PROBABLY SAID 2 FUNNY THINGS IN HIS WHOLE LIFE. WHITE PEOPLE CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT IS FUNNY ABOUT THIS NIGGA RIGHT HERE? HE LOOKS LIKE A COMPOSITE OF ALL MY WIFE'S UNCLES B. I YOUTUBED THIS NIGGA AND DID NOT CRACK ONE SINGULAR SMIRK B. THIS NIGGA LOOKS LIKE HE DOES JIGSAW PUZZLES WITH GLASSES ON B, LISTENING TO JAZZ & SHIT BAREFOOT. THIS NIGGA WAS ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE IN THE 70'S (?) WHEN EVERYONE LIKES TO PRETEND THAT SHIT WAS FUNNY. THIS NIGGA PLAYED A CHARACTER CALLED "WILD & CRAZY GUY" (I THINK) AND THE WHOLE JOKE WAS THAT HE SAID "IM A WILD & CRAZY GUY!" AND DID SOME WEIRD SHIT WITH HIS HANDS B. IDK IF I'M MISSING SOMETHING (I'M NOT) BUT THAT'S THE GIST OF THAT WHOLE SHIT TO ME. REGARDLESS THIS NIGGA IS IN THE WHITE PEOPLE HALL OF FAME BECAUSE OF HIS OG SNL STATUS AND ALSO HE HAS WHITE HAIR. WHITE PEOPLE LOVE NIGGAS WITH WHITE HAIR B. IF I DYED MY HAIR WHITE AND KEEP DOIN WHAT I DO I PREDICT I WILL BE HUGE IN THE WHITE COMMUNITY BEFORE 2013. THIS NIGGA ALSO STARRED IN "THE JERK" WHICH I NEVER SEEN BUT EVERY WHITE MOVIE CRITIC WITH GLASSES PUTS IN THEY TOP 5 COMEDIES. I SALUTE YOU STEVE ENJOY YOUR STATUS AS A HALL OF FAME WHITE NIGGA.

DANE COOK

I KNOW WHITE PEOPLE LIKE TO PRETEND THEY DON'T LIKE THIS NIGGA ANYMORE BUT THE REASON HE CAN AFFORD $500 BOOT CUT DISTRESSED DENIMS IS BECAUSE WHITE PEOPLE PUT HIM ON THAT WHITE COMEDIAN PEDESTAL. HOMIE INVENTED TELLING SHITTY JOKES AND FORCING YOU TO LAUGH BY SCREAMING THE PUNCHLINE!!!!! LIKE THE NIGGA WOULD BE LIKE "WHY DO THEY GIVE ME CHOPSTICKS AT THE CHINESE FOOD PLACE? WE'RE IN AMERICA DAMNIT!!!!!!!" DOG, THAT SHIT WAS NOT FUNNY AT ALL. I UNDERSTAND YOU SCREAMED IT BUT THAT STILL DON'T MAKE IT FUNNY. I KNOW ALL COMEDIANS DRESS LIKE JERKOFFS BUT THIS NIGGA DRESSES LIKE HE COULD BE THE BASSIST IN NICKELBACK B. THIS NIGGA DRESSES LIKE HIS NAME IS "JESSE FAUGHTRY" AND HE IS A COUNRTY/ROCK SUPERSTAR. THIS NIGGA IS IN THE WHITE PEOPLE HALL OF FAME BECAUSE HE BLEW UP DOING COLLEGE TOURS AND ALL WHITE PEOPLE GO AWAY TO COLLEGE AND SHIT LIKE THAT SO BASICALLY Y'ALL CATAPULTED THIS NIGGA INTO STARDOM BY DOING OD BONG RIPS AND THEN GOING TO SEE HIM LIVE AND LAUGHING YOUR TITTIES OFF EVEN THOUGH HIS BEST "JOKE" WAS PROLLY SOME SHIT ABOUT BONERS THAT WAS NOT FUNNY BUT YOU WERE HIGHER THAN A KITE BEING FLOWN BY A MARTIAN SO YOU LAUGHED. THIS NIGGA IS LIKE THE CRISS ANGEL OF COMEDY B AND HE'S CATCHING A BACKLASH BUT SO DID BARRY BONDS AND THAT NIGGA IS ALSO IN THE HALL OF FAME (FOR BASEBALL THOUGH NOT CAUCASIANS)...SHOUTOUT TO YOU DANE COOK FOR YOUR FROSTED TIPS AND YOUR INDUCTION INTO THE WHITE NIGGA HALL OF FAME.

JON STEWART

THIS NIGGA IS THE DON OF WHITE COMEDY RIGHT NOW. AS LONG AS FOX NEWS EXISTS THIS NIGGA WILL BE THE DON B. THIS NIGGA IS THE HOST OF THE DAILY SHOW WHICH IS A FAKE NEWS SHOW FOR COOL WHITE PEOPLE. IF YOU DON'T WATCH THIS SHIT YOU CANNOT CALL YOURSELF A TRUE CAUCASIAN B. JUST TO PUT THE SHIT IN PERSPECTIVE, THE DAILY SHOW IS RADIOHEAD AND JON STEWART IS THOM YORKE B. THAT'S HOW BELOVED BY WHITE PEOPLE THIS NIGGA IS. HE TALKS ABOUT POLITICS AND MAKES FUN OF REPUBLICANS WHICH IS A FAVORITE PASTIME OF WHITE PEOPLE OTHER THAN LEGALLY DOWNLOADING BEATLES SONGS FROM ITUNES OR RUNNING MARATHONS TO SAVE DOGS OR SOME SHIT. THIS NIGGA IS IN THE WHITE NIGGA HALL OF FAME BECAUSE HE IS VERY GOOD AT INTRODUCING CLIPS OF REPUBLICANS SAYING STUPID SECRETLY RACIST SHIT. MY SON LOOKS LIKE EVERY NIGGA THAT GETS ON THE DOWNTOWN TRAIN AFTER 86TH STREET AND EVERYTIME HE SHOWS A CLIP OF A REPUBLICAN SAYING SOME DUMB SHIT THE CAMERA SWITCHES BACK TO HIM AND HE'S MAKING THIS FACE. THAT FACE RIGHT THERE BE HAVING CAUCASIANS IN THE VIP SECTION OF CLUB LOL...HAVING A VIP INVITE ONLY LAUGHING PARTY. I WELCOME YOU AND YOUR FACE TO THE WHITE NIGGA HALL OF FAME JON.

CHEVY CHASE

THIS IS ANOTHER STEVE MARTIN TYPE NIGGA, YOU KNOW HOW NIGGAS BE TRYNA SAY "BILL RUSSELL WAS THE GREATEST BASKETBALL PLAYER EVER" AND THEN YOU YOUTUBE HIGHLIGHTS AND ITS 8 MINUTES OF THAT NIGGA IN TIGHT ASS SHORTS CATCHIN REBOUNDS? THIS IS THE SAME SHIT B. THIS NIGGA WAS IN THOSE NATIONAL LAMPOON MOVIES AND NOT EVEN THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL VERSION OF ME LAUGHED AT THAT SHIT B. WHITE PEOPLE FUCK WITH THIS DUDE BECAUSE OF HIS OG STATUS. THE SHIT IS THAT COMEDY WASN'T REALLY FUNNY BACK IN THE DAY B. I THINK THE ONLY OLD COMEDIAN THAT MAKES ME LAUGH IS RICHARD PRYOR. BUT THIS NIGGA CHEVY WAS ON SNL AND SHIT SO YOU ALREADY KNOW HE'S IN HERE. REGARDLESS OF THE FACT THAT THE NIGGA LOOKS LIKE A VIRGIN SERIAL RAPIST AND HAD THE WORST LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW SINCE CARSON DALY, WHITE PEOPLE STILL RIDE OUT FOR THIS NIGGA AND HE STILL GETS CAMEOS IN MOVIES & SHIT B. IN THE EYES OF A CAUCASOID THIS NIGGA CAN DO NO WRONG CUZ HE WAS IN CADDYSHACK WHICH IS ALSO IN EVERY WHITE NIGGAS TOP 5 COMEDIES. SHIT BAFFLES ME MORE THAN KIM KARDASHIAN'S POPULARITY. WELCOME TO THE ANALS OF THE WHITE NIGGA HALL OF FAME B.

JEFF FOXWORTHY

YO THIS NIGGA RIGHT HERE IS REPPIN FOR THE REDNECK WHITE PEOPLE THAT DON'T LIVE IN CITIES WITH BUILDINGS TALLER THAN TREES. THIS NIGGA INVENTED THE "YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK" SHIT WHICH IS JUST A "YOU'RE SO STUPID..." JOKE REARRANGED TO SOUND ORIGINAL. SHOUTOUT TO HIM FOR WORKIN THAT ANGLE. THAT NIGGA ALSO INVENTED WEARING MIAMI VICE BLAZERS WITH COWBOY BOOTS. JEFF YOU LOOK/SOUND LIKE A WASHED UP NASCAR DRIVER B...ALSO HE GOT RICH WHEN HE SAW "THE ORIGINAL KINGS OF COMEDY" (WHERE THE 4 BLACK DUDES DID A COMEDY TOUR) AND SAID "OH SHIT! IMA DO THIS WITH 4 REDNECK COMEDIANS!"...CHA CHING! SO BASICALLY THIS NIGGA IS ALSO RESPONSIBLE FOR "LARRY THE CABLE GUY" AND AMERICA'S FASCINATION WITH REDNECKS...I'M SERIOUS B LOOK AT EVERY REALITY SHOW THATS OUT RIGHT NOW AND TELL ME THOSE NIGGAS AIN'T REDNECKS B. NIGGAS GOT SHOWS ABOUT TOW TRUCKS AND TOBACCO FARMS & SHIT. THIS IS THE NIGGA THAT BIRTHED THAT SWAG B. SO NEXT TIME YOU'RE WATCHIN "TENNESEE TOW TRUCKERS" ON TLC OR WHATEVER THE FUCK SHOWS THESE NIGGAS BE ON, SALUTE THIS NIGGA B CUZ HE'S THE JAMES BROWN OF THAT SHIT.

I DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE COMEDY SO I ASKED MY WIFE AND SHE SAID "TINA FEY? IDK, NOONE ELSE IS WHITE, THAT'S A COMEDIAN...UMMM...DANE COOK IS WHITE RIGHT?" THE ONLY WHITE COMEDIAN ACCORDING TO MY WIZ IS TINA FEY...BUT SHE DOESN'T THINK ANYTHING IS FUNNY EXCEPT FOR WHEN SHE SAYS SOMETHING WRONG AND I REPEAT IT IN QUESTION FORMAT...LIKE THE OTHER DAY WE WAS LATE AND SHE WAS IN THE KITCHEN AND I WAS LIKE "YO WHAT ARE YOU DOIN?" AND SHE SAID "I'M JUST MAKING A GLASS OF WATER" AND I SAID "MAKING A GLASS OF WATER? HOW DO YOU MAKE GLASS OF WATER MY NIGGA?" AND SHE STARTED CRYING LAUGHING. #KANYESHRUG

YALL BE COOL IMA GO CHECK MY PAYPAL AND TRY TO PRAY SOME MONEY INTO IT. *TEBOWING*

DRUNK SEX

2011-11-01T23:51:00.005-04:00

SHOUTOUT TO LUIS (@LUIS_DEE_ES) FOR BRINGIN THIS TO MY ATTENTION

BASICALLY.

YO I KNOW ALOTTA YOU NIGGAS BE GOING TO BARS & CLUBS & SHIT LIKE THAT ON THE LIL WEEKEND FLOW OR IF YOU'RE A DEGENERATE WITH NO RESPONSIBILITIES YOU BE UP IN THERE ON A RAINY TUESDAY...AND YOU OBVIOUSLY THERE FOR ONE REASON, TO GET PUSSY. (DUH)...I SWEAR PROMOTERS AND WHOEVER PLANS THESE THINGS ARE DICKS CUZ NOBODY GOES THERE TO HEAR A DJ PUT RECORDS ON B LETS BE REAL. UNLESS THE DJ IS ONE OF THOSE NIGGAS THAT MAKES HIS OWN MUSIC AND THEN PLAYS IT...CUZ THEN THE NIGGA MIGHT COULD HAVE A LIL FANBASE POPPIN OFF AND PEOPLE WANNA HEAR HIS MUSIC. THAT'S RARE B CUZ ALOTTA THESE NIGGAS NOWADAYS SHOW UP WITH A LAPTOP AND PLAY MUSIC FOR NIGGAS WHILE THEY DO DRUGS & DRINK ALCOHOL. IT AIN'T NOTHIN ELSE TO IT. IF YOU'RE A GOOD LOOKING FEMALE TRY THIS, GO TO A CLUB OWNER PARTY PROMOTER AND BE LIKE "I DJ" AND WATCH NIGGAS PUT YOU ON. THEN SHOW UP WITH YOUR IPOD, A LAPTOP AND SOME BIG ASS HEADPHONES AND JUST PLAY A PLAYLIST. BOOM MERO JUST GOT YOU A JOB BITCH YOU'RE WELCOME.

BUT YO THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS SHIT B. THE POINT IS THAT IF YOU BAG A BITCH AT A CLUB AND TAKE HER HOME SHE IS OBVIOUSLY GONNA BE DRUNK B. SOBER BITCHES DON'T GO HOME WITH NIGGAS THEY JUST MET UNLESS YOU THE TYPE OF FEMALE THAT LOOKS LIKE A DINOSAUR HAD A BABY WITH A ORANGUTAN THAT SMELLS LIKE A URINAL CAKE.

'MERO I DON'T SEE WHAT YOU'RE GETTING AT..."

CALM THE FUCK DOWN MY NIGGA I GOTTA DEVELOP THE KNOWLEDGEDART FOR YOU B THIS IS NOT A POLAROID PICTURE B YOU NEED TO CHILL...

SO YOU TAKE THIS BITCH HOME AND YOU'RE KISSIN ALL SLOPPY AND SHIT AND SHORTY IS GRABBIN YOUR DICK LIKE SHE'S CHANGING GEARS IN A CIVIC & SHIT...SHIT IS WILD RECKLESS RIGHT? OH SHIT MY NIGGA SHORTY IS TOPPIN YOU OFF WHILE YOU SPANK HER! OH SHIT SHORTY IS LETTIN YOU HIT THE PEANUT BUTTER MY NIGGA OH SHIT THIS IS CRAZY!! YO!! SHE JUST LET ME HIT THE PEANUT BUTTER AND IS TOPPIN ME OFF NOW I THOUGHT THEY ONLY DID THAT IN PNO?!

AT THIS POINT YOU FEELIN LIKE MANDINGO DICK VAGINA WARRIOR AND SHIT LIKE YOU OWN THAT PUSSY B CUZ SHORTY IS LETTING YOU HAVE YOUR WAY WITH HER ORIFICES BUT GUESS WHAT PLEHBWOY? THAT BITCH HAS A LITER OF CAZADORES IN HER SYSTEM MY NIGGA SO THIS SHIT DON'T COUNT. 99% OF BITCHES LOSE ALL THEY INHIBITIONS WHEN THEY GET DRUNK B, SOME OF THEM DO IT WILD OBVIOUSLY BY SHOWING YOU THEY PUSSY AT THE BAR OR BELONGING TO A SORORITY...BUT OTHER BITCHES WAIT TILL THEY GET HOME BEFORE THEY RELEASE THE CLITORAL RAGE B. EITHER WAY THEY ALL HAVE ONE THING IN COMMON. THEY ONLY DO THAT SHIT WHEN THEY DRUNK. DON'T BELIEVE ME? ATTEMPT SOME EVEN SEMI WILD SHIT ON A SOBER FEMALE MY NIGGA. IF YOU FUCKIN SHORTY AND TRY TO HIT THE PEANUT BUTTER WITHOUT WARNING OR NUT ON HER FACIAL WATCH THOSE TEXT MESSAGES YOU USED TO GET EVERY 15 MINUTES START TO DRY UP. CUZ NOW SHE'S TEXTING HER HOMEGIRLS BEIN LIKE "DAT NIGGA IS A FUCKIN FREAK YO I THINK HE GAY ON DEE LOW HE TRY TO PUT HIS FINGA IN MAH ASS" (SHE'S PUERTO RICAN)

SO BASICALLY WHAT YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND IS THAT IF YOU WANNA DO SOME WILD SHIT YOU GOTTA LUBRICATE SHORTY'S SENSES WITH SOME ALCOHOL B. BUT DON'T MIX UNLESS YOUR IDEA OF "FREAKY" IS SHORTY THROWING UP ON YOUR DICK AND THEN THROWING UP ON YOUR BED WHILE SHE SHITS ON YOUR BED AND CRIES.

ON THE OTHER HAND NIGGAS ARE DISGUSTING GROSS PERVERTS AND WILL PRETTY MUCH LET A FEMALE DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS AT ANY POINT REGARDLESS OF A NIGGAS DRUNKENNESS PERCENTAGE. UNLESS THAT SHIT COULD BE CONSIDERED "GAY" CUZ NO NIGGA WANTS TO GET INTO A FIGHT WITH A FEMALE IN PUBLIC AND SHE HITS YOU WITH "NIGGA THAT'S WHY YOU LIKE TO GET FUCKED WITH A STRAP-ON YOU LITTLE HOMO ASS NIGGA!" CUZ THEN YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH FINISHED AND GOTTA DEACTIVATE YOUR FACEBOOK & SHIT AND NIGGAS MAKE A FAKE ONE OF YOU AND PUT "GETTING FUCKED IN MY BUMBUM" IN YOUR "INTERESTS"

NAHMEAN SO IF YOU'RE A FEMALE AND WANNA TIE A NIGGA UP AND SUCK HIS NUTS WITH TABASCO SAUCE ON THEM WHILE HE PLAYS ROCK BAND WITH A BLINDFOLD ON YOU CAN PROLLY JUST DISCUSS THAT SHIT OVER BREAKFAST AND BE DOIN IT BY BRUNCHTIME. IF YOU'RE A MALE YOU NEED TO GET THAT DARK LIQUOR OUT IF YOU WANNA ATTEMPT THE FINGER IN HER BUTT DOGGYSTYLE BJ OR ELSE YOU FINNA GET SHUT DOWN LIKE NINO BROWN, AND ALSO BITCHES WILL PUT YOU ON "DONTDOITGIRL.COM" AND SLANDER EVERY ELEMENT OF YOUR FUCKIN LIFE B.

I'M OUT

#KNOWLEDGE

SDTWxIMNOTATOY PRESENT: DURAG RAP VOL. 1

2011-10-21T21:55:00.004-04:00

YO MY NIGGAS AT SDTW (@SKIP_CLASS) AND IMNOTATOY (@MORONICWISDOM) PUT TOGETHER THE MOST DURAGGIEST COLLECTION OF RAP MUSIC YOU COULD EVER CURATE B. NAHMEAN? DIRTY SOUTH RAP FOR YA DURAG FLAP. IF READING THE TRACKLIST DOESN'T MAKE YOU WANNA SMOKE DUST AND RIP YOUR GIRLFRIENDS GUTS OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET (AND EAT THEM)...YOU MIGHT COULD NOT BE TRILL ENOUGH.

DOWNLOAD THE SHIT

PEEP THE TRACKLIST THOUGH.

HOLLA.

#PRESTIGIOUSKNOWLEDGE COMING SOON

DICKHEAD NIGGAS ON TWITTER PART 2.5

2011-10-21T01:38:00.005-04:00

YO MY NIGGAS WHAT'S SHAKIN, I WAS GONNA DO 10 BUT I GOT STUCK AT 6 AND 6 IS A FUNNY NUMBER SO I TOOK #6 OFF TILL I CAN GET 4 MORE...FEEL FREE TO SUGGEST NIGGAS IN THE COMMENTS.

@ITSAYYSIAN

THIS NIGGA IS A LITTLE ASIAN NERD THAT SAYS SHIT @URFAVWHITEGUY THINKS IS TOO CORNY TO TWEET. SO BASICALLY THE NIGGA JOKES ARE THE TYPE OF SHIT YOU WOULD WITNESS IN A DISNEY SITCOM B. THIS LITTLE NIGGA IS DISNEY CHANNEL SHOW IN THE PHYSICAL FORM OF A CHINESE INFANT DICK BIRD NIGGA. LOOK AT THIS NIGGA B. THIS NIGGA LOOKS LIKE A FUCKIN GAY FILIPINO HIPHOP JONAS BROTHER FROM TAIWAN B. THIS NIGGA IS PROLLY NICE AT STREETFIGHTER AND JERKIN ILLZ TO ANIME BUT TERRIBLE AT SAYING WORDS TO FEMALES WITHOUT SHITTING ON HIS MAXI PAD.

FUCKNIGGA TWEET

"I hate it what I make plans, get excited, then my mom says no.... -__-"

TELL ME THIS AIN'T STRAIGHT OUTTA THE SCRIPT FROM AN EPISODE OF "SUITE LIFE OF ZACK & CODY" OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT B. NIGGA YOUR MOMS IS DOIN YOU A FAVOR BY SLAYIN YOUR PLANS TO GO TO A FUCKIN TAMAGOTCHI TOURNAMENT B.

@Vinnyguadagnino

THIS NIGGA IS FROM THE JERSEY SHORE SO THIS SHIT IS LIKE "DUH" AND ALSO LIKE SLAPBOXING A BABY WITH DOWNS BUT THIS NIGGA IS WIDELY VIEWED AS THE "SMART" MEMBER OF THE CAST...WHICH IS LIKE BEING THE FLYEST NIGGA AT FAT CAMP B. SHIT IS INVALID CUZ ALL THEM NIGGAS & BITCHES ONLY KNOW HOW TO SPELL VALTREX CUZ ITS IN THEY MEDICINE CABINET. THIS NIGGA IS WILD CORNY B. WILD OD CORNY AND HE BE TRYNA BE INTROSPECTIVE SOMETIMES AND SOUNDS LIKE A DICK B. THIS NIGGA GETS RETWEETED SO HEAVY HIS FUCKSHIT IS ALWAYS IN MY OCULAR B. THE FUCKED UP SHIT IS THAT THESE NIGGAS PROLLY GOT ANOTHER 2 SEASONS LEFT IN THEM B. SO BASICALLY I GOTTA DEAL WITH THIS FUCKNIGGAS PHILOSOPHICAL SMART DUMB NIGGA TWEETS FOR 730 MORE DAYS B. THIS NIGGA NEED TO ONLY TWEET ABOUT TECHNO MUSIC AND CORNY GRAPHIC TEES.

FUCKNIGGA TWEET

"Some dudes smack asses and some wait patiently until girls wanna ask for it"

MY NIGGA WHAT? TILL THEY ASK TO GET THEY ASS SMACKED? WAS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE DEEP? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU MY NIGGA? HERPISTOTLE? GO FUCKIN RIDE A SEESAW NIGGA FUCK OUT MY DIGITAL GRILLATIN B.

@courtneystodden

YO SLIME...THIS BITCH RIGHT HERE B...WOW...THIS IS THE BITCH THATS '16' AND MARRIED THE CRAZY OLD NIGGA FROM 'LOST', MONEY IS LIKE 78 AND THEY DID AN INTERVIEW WHERE THEY TRIED TO PLAY IT OFF LIKE A GRANDPA FUCKIN A BITCH THAT HASN'T HIT A BONG IN A DORM YET IS SOME OD BASIC SHIT. THIS BITCH IS A MORON MY G. STRAIGHT UP. THIS BITCH IS SO FUCKIN VAPID SHE MAKES PARIS HILTON LOOK LIKE FUCKIN AYN RAND B. YOU KNOW THAT NAS LINE WHERE THE NIGGA SAYS "MY LIFE IS LIKE A DONALD GOINES NOVEL"? IF YOU READ THIS BITCH TWITTER FEED HER LIFE IS LIKE A HARLEQUIN NOVEL. THIS BITCH SOUNDS LIKE HER WHOLE LIFE IS HER MASTURBATING IN A FREDERICKS OF HOLLYWOOD B. EVERYTHING THIS SILLY HO TWEETS ABOUT IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S RUBBIN HER CLIT FURIOUSLY WHILE SHE DOES IT B. SHE COULD TURN GETTING COFFEE AND CIGARETTES INTO AN EROTIC FANTASY FOR DIVORCED MOMS B. THAT'S HER WHOLE PROSE FLOW MY NIGGA...HER WHOLE FLOW IS "HORNY DIVORCED MOM ON ZOOSK" B. BUT THE BITCH IS 16 THOUGH.

FUCKNIGGA TWEET

"Wrapping myself up inside of this lovely late night as my delicate loved ones joyously join me in sweet conjunction; Family is Bliss! ;-x"

SEE WHAT I MEAN B? IF YOU JUST READ BEFORE THE SEMICOLON (SHOUTOUT TO HER FOR USING A SEMICOLON THOUGH) YOU WOULD THINK THIS BITCH IS SUCKIN HER BOYFRIENDS BALLS B. DELICATE LOVED ONES IN SWEET CONJUNCTION? THAT'S HORNY MOM SLANG FOR SUCKIN NUTS B. IN REALITY THIS IS A TWEET ABOUT THIS CRAZY BITCH HAVING A VISIT FROM HER NANA OR SOME SHIT.

@Scottdisick

YO TRUTHFULLY I HAD TO DO THE KNOWLEDGE ON THIS HOMO CUZ HE WAS SUGGESTED TO ME BY ONE OF MY TWITTER FOLLOWERS, THIS NIGGA IS THE BABY DADDY OF THE KARDASHIAN SISTER THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A BROLICK MEXICAN EWOK. HE ALSO IS REAL ARROGANT FOR A NIGGA WITH PAT RILEY HAIR AND NO RECOGNIZABLE TALENT EXCEPT GETTIN THE RIGHT BITCH PREGNANT. I PEEPED THIS NIGGA TL AND HE IS THE 2011 KEVIN FEDERLINE B. (REMEMBER THAT NIGGA?) THIS NIGGA IS A BIRD B, NIGGA LOOKS LIKE A BABY EUROPEAN QUAIL THAT PLAYS SOCCER IN SUNSHOWERS MY NIGGA. NIGGA TALKS ABOUT DICKS MORE THAN PEREZ HILTON IN DM'S B. NIGGA IF YOU GONNA SELECT A CATCHPHRASE YOU SHOULD PROLLY TRY TO PICK ONE THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU BE ON CRAIGSLIST LOOKIN FOR MALE MASEUSSES & SHIT B. YOU LOOK LIKE A RICH DYKE THAT'S ALSO A SERIAL KILLER.

FUCKNIGGA TWEET

"@robkardashian I'm down to tub it and get our dicks super wet"

MY NIGGA WHAT? YOU WANNA GET IN A TUB WITH THAT HERBATROSS NIGGA ROB KARDASHIAN AND "GET YOUR DICKS SUPER WET"??? FAM, ARE YOU TROLLING THE WHOLE WORLD WIDE WEB B? YOU'RE A FUCKIN IDIOT MY NIGGA, YOU NEED TO EITHER GO DIE OR HOP ON THE POPOZAO REMIX AND THEN DIE.

@Stevenundefined

THIS NIGGA WAS ALSO SUGGESTED TO ME AND HOLY SHIT THIS NIGGA IS THE MOST EMO-EST WHITEST CHILD ON THE FACE OF THE WHOLE GALAXY B. THIS NIGGA IS THE PERSONIFICATION OF A SEQUOYAH PREP SCHOOL SONG B (SHOUTOUT TO MY WIFE'S NIECE FOR THAT ONE)...THIS NIGGA IS SO ASSCHEEKS THAT IF YOU SHOVED HIM THE NIGGA WOULD SHATTER INTO A MILLION CRYSTAL BABY TEARDROPS B. EVERYTHING THIS NIGGA TWEETS SOUNDS LIKE A DIGITAL SUICIDE NOTE B. WHO ARE YOU MY NIGGA? BABY MORRISSEY? LOOK AT THIS NIGGA B. "WILL YOU BE MY CUDDLE BUDDY?" CMON MY NIGGA IF A FEMALE COMES WITHIN 30 YARDS OF YOU YOU PROLLY START WEEPING UNCONTROLLABLY B. THIS NIGGAS HAIR IS ASTOUNDING SON. THIS NIGGA IS THE PROTOTYPE OF WHAT 7 YEAR OLD WHITE BITCHES THINK IS "CUTE"...THIS FUCKIN FRAIL YOUNG DYKE IS WHAT'S POPPIN IF YOU'RE A 5TH GRADER FROM IDAHO B.

FUCKNIGGA TWEET

"Take me back to the days when losing a game was the worst thing i knew"

WHAT DAYS NIGGA? YOU PROLLY CRY SO HARD AFTER LOSIN A POKEMON BATTLE YOUR MOMS HAD TO TAKE AWAY YOUR GAMEBOY SO YOU WOULDN'T CUT YASELF WITH THE SHIT. IF I EVER SEE YOU IN THE PHYSICAL IMA SMACK YOU BACK TO THOSE DAYS B.

THESE NIGGAS IS ASSHOLES B, BUT YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT. AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS UNLESS YOU WANNA GO ON A HOMICIDE SPREE AND NEED TO WORK UP YOUR FURY INTO BLOODLUST MODE.

I GOT 5 MORE FOR YOU TOMORROW STAY TUNED...

#KNOWLEDGEDARTS

RIDIN THAT SLUT WAVE

2011-10-19T01:59:00.002-04:00

YO SOME OF YOU NIGGAS OUT THERE PUTTIN IN MAJOR WORK RIGHT NOW. LIKE YOU TRYIN TO FUCK A FEMALE WILD HARD. NIGGA JUST WATCHED AN ENTIRE MOVIE BASED ON A NICHOLAS SPARKS NOVEL B THATS HARD! MY NIGGA YOU JUST WENT TO EAT VEGAN THAI FOOD B, THEN YOU BOUGHT TICKETS TO SEE MARIAH CAREY LIVE?! YO MY NIGGA IF YOU SIT THROUGH MARIAH CAREY LIVE YOU REALLY WANNA FUCK A BITCH B...YOU ARE REALLY PUTTING IN WORK. THEN WHEN YOU GET HOME SHORTY WILL KISS YOU ON THE CHEEK, GIVE YOU A LONG ASS HUG, AND MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT THE POSSIBLE OUTCOMES/CONSEQUENCES OF RAPING THIS BITCH RIGHT NOW. I KNOW YOU PROLLY WANNA AVOID ALL THAT SO IMA HIT YOU WITH THIS CRUCIAL LIFE #KNOWLEDGEDART B.

EVERY FEMALE HAS A PHASE WHERE THEY WILL FUCK ALMOST ANY NIGGA THAT MEETS ANY ONE OF THEIR CRITERIA.

"WHAT YOU MEAN MERO?"

I MEAN THAT IF A FEMALE IS LIKE "IN ORDER FOR ME TO ACCEPT YOUR PENIS INTO MY BAGINA HOLE, YOU GOTTA HAVE A CAR, A JOB, YOUR OWN PLACE, BE CUTE, NOT BE A PSYCHO, HAVE AN ABOVE AVERAGE SIZE PENIS" ETC ETC ETC...IT VARIES FROM WOMAN TO WOMAN. BUT WHEN THEY IN THEY SLUT PHASE ONE OR TWO OF THOSE THINGS IS GOOD ENOUGH, SO IF YOU HAVE A JOB YOU CAN END UP TAKIN THE TRAIN HOME TO YOUR MOMS COUCH AND PUT YOUR TINY PENIS INSIDE A BITCH THAT WOULDN'T FUCK YOU TO SAVE HER MOTHER FROM ANAL CANCER UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES. THAT'S WHAT I MEAN.

ALL YOU NIGGAS PUTTIN IN THAT HARDBODY WORK NEED TO RELAX UNLESS YOU LIVE IN WEST VIRGINIA OR SOMEWHERE MOST OF THE BITCHES IN YOUR VICINITY HAVE A SEVERE ADDICITON TO HOMEMADE DRUGS AND TACO BELL. ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS STAY IN THE LOOP WITH A FEMALE AND EVENTUALLY THEY WILL TEXT YOU A PICTURE OF THEIR TITTIES AT 3AM SIGNALING THAT THEY WANT TO JERK YOU OFF WITH THEIR BUTTHOLE UNDER THE STARS. DON'T MAKE OVERT ATTEMPTS TO SMASH B JUST KEEP IT COOL AND THE SLUT PHASE SIGNS WILL ARISE MY CHILD. YOU BOUT TO RIDE THAT SLUT WAVE (SHOUTOUT TO SAM)

SLUT WAVE KEY CLUES & SHIT

-RANDOM LATE NIGHT TEXTS THAT HAVE AN OD SEXUAL TONE: IF A BITCH HITS YOU UP AT 2 IN THE MORNING TALKIN ABOUT "I BET YOU WISH YOU WERE WITH ME" FOLLOWED BY A PICTURE OF HER DOING THAT ASS POKING OUT THING IN A MINISCULE DRESS THAT LOOKS LIKE ITS MADE OUTTA WET TISSUES...SHE WANTS YOU TO BEAT, THESE SHITS ARE NEVER SUBTLE, THEY MAY START OFF THAT WAY BUT THEY END UP WILD BLATANT. I ONCE HAD A GIRL TEXT ME "COME TO BK WE'RE HAVING A PARTY" AND I WAS LIKE "DAMN THAT SHIT IS DEEP, IS IT POPPIN?" AND SHE WAS LIKE "COME THROUGH I WANNA SEE YOU" AND I WAS LIKE "IDK...THAT SHIT IS A JOURNEY" SHORTY SAID "I GUESS YOU DON'T WANT ASS THEN"...I WENT TO BROOKLYN (DUH)...THEN I DID THAT SHIT WHERE SHORTY IS BLOWIN YOU AND YOU PUT YOUR FINGER IN THEY BUTT BY ACCIDENT BUT ON PURPOSE.

-RANDOM SEXUAL SHIT ON SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES: IF THIS BITCH IS CONSTANTLY POSTING ABOUT SEX THEN SHE WANTS SEX, IDK HOW MUCH CLEARER THIS SHIT CAN BE BUT SOME OF YOU JOE BUDDEN FAN TYPE NIGGAS NEED YA HANDS HELD THROUGH LIFE. IF YOU ENGAGE THE BITCH CUZ SHE POSTED "THIS IS PERFECT SEX ALL DAY WEATHER" ON TWITTER, THEN THE SHIT MIGHT COULD END IN DM'S THAT END IN PENETRATION. ALSO, "TODAY IS PERFECT SEX ALL DAY WEATHER" MEANS "I'M SO HORNY MY PUSSY LOOKS LIKE IT COULD BE IN "ALIENS, PLEASE RESPOND.'

-SHE'S ON BLENDR: YO GAY NIGGAS IS REALLY AHEAD OF THE GAME WHEN IT COMES TO FUCKIN INDISCRIMINATELY. GAY NIGGAS APPROACH EACH OTHER BASICALLY BEING LIKE "I WANNA FUCK YOU" ON SOME RANDO SHIT AND BE GETTING ASS THAT WAY. IMAGINE BEING A HETERO NIGGA AND DOIN THAT SHIT? YOU WOULD GET SMACKED IN YOUR FACIAL FEATURES MORE THAN ALL THREE STOOGES. NIGGAS CREATED AN APP FOR GAY NIGGAS CALLED "GRINDR" WHICH IS BASICALLY BUTTHOLE GPS FOR GAY DICKS. "BLENDR" IS THE SAME SHIT BUT FOR NIGGAS THAT PREFER THEIR ASSES HAIRLESS AND NOT BLOWN OUT LIKE PAULY D WIG. IF A BITCH IS ON BLENDR SHE KNOWS ABOUT GRINDR AND IF A BITCH KNOWS WHAT GRINDR IS ABOUT THEN SHE'S LOOKIN TO GET SOME BEEFINGTON. IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND HAS THE BLENDR APP ON HER PHONE, GO GET TESTED.

-OTHER HARDBODY COME-ONS: NIGGA IF YOU'RE AT A PARTY AND SHORTY IS DANCIN ALL UP ON YOU ALL CRAZY CARESSING YOUR FACIAL AND BURNING A HOLE THROUGH YOUR GRILLATIN WITH HER RAPE STARE THEN YOU GOTTA BEAT (DUH)...ALSO IF Y'ALL IN A GROUP WITH MAD NIGGAS AND BITCHES AND SHE COULD GRAVITATE TOWARDS ANYONE AND SHE CHOOSE YOU THEN SHE PROLLY WANTS YOU TO BEAT SO PUT THAT MINIATURE WORK IN B, SAY SOMETHING FUNNY. I KNOW IT'S HARD FOR SOME OF YOU NIGGAS BUT HERE'S A TIP. BITE ONE OF MY JOKES B. JUST DON'T FUCK IT UP. IF YOU GET PUSSY THEN YOU GOTTA THROW ME THE ASSIST AFTER AND LEMME GET SOME TOPPINGTON FROM SHORTY.

THIS IS JUST SOME CLUES B THERE'S MORE BUT THESE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES. SO YO IF YOU HAVIN PUSSY STRUGGLES JUST CHILL MY NIGGA AND HEED MY KNOWLEDGE B. SHORTY WILL CATCH THAT SLUT WAVE AND YALL WILL BOTH BENEFIT FROM IT MY NIGGA SO JUST HAVE PATIENCE B. LIKE MY NIGGA FRENCH MONTANA SAID "PATIENCE IS A VIRTUAL" (I SWEAR TO GOD HE SAID THAT B CHECK MY FAVORITES ON TWITTER MY NIGGA.)

AIGHT MY NIGGAS IMA HOLLA
#KNOWLEDGEDARTS

LIFE STRUGGLES V

2011-10-19T01:48:00.004-04:00

YO MORE STRUGGLES MORE KNOWLEDGEDARTS YOU FEEL ME? RIGHT NOW I'M HAVIN STRUGGLES GETTIN THIS NEW WEBSITE POPPIN OFF CUZ ADSENSE IS COWARDS AND THEY TRYNA SLAY ME AND EVERYTIME I HOLLA AT THEM THEY SEND ME SOME ROBOTIC EMAIL SAYIN THE SAME SHIT I JUST ASKED THEM SO BASICALLY WHAT I'MA DO IS GO TO THEY HEADQUARTERS AND SMACK THE SHIT OUTTA THE FIRST NIGGA I SEE IN A BLAZER. IF YOU GOT A PAYPAL AND YOU WANNA HELP A NIGGA OVERCOME HIS STRUGGLES LEMME HOLD SOMETHIN B THEKIDMERO@GMAIL.COM

YO BUT Y'ALL NIGGAS IS HAVIN STRUGGLES OF YOUR OWN I UNDERSTAND THAT B SO I'MA HELP YOU WITH YOUR SHIT REAL QUICK

I WANNA KILL MYSELF STRUGGLES: YO YO YO HOLDUP MY NIGGA CHILL, YOU WANNA BODY YOURSELF MY NIGGA? YO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS SLIME? THAT MEANS YOU DEAD AND YOU NOT COMIN BACK THAT SHIT IS NOT LIKE YOU JUMP OFF A BRIDGE AND IF ENOUGH PEOPLE MISS YOU YOU COME BACK B. NAHMEAN? NANA'S TEARS CAN'T BRING YOU BACK MATTHEW, THAT SHIT IS REALER THAN CRACKIN THE SCREEN ON YOUR IPHONE B. BASICALLY WHAT YOU GOTTA DO IS THINK POSITIVE. REMEMBER THE NERD VIOLIN NIGGA THAT MERKED HISSELF CUZ HE GOT KNOCKED VIA SKYPE GETTIN FUCKED IN HIS BATI? THAT WAS A RASH DECISION B CUZ BASICALLY HE COULDA SUED NIGGAS OR SOMETHING AND THEN JUST BEEN LIKE "I'M GAY! HEEEYYYY!" AND DO A RAINBOW MAN DANCE YOU FEEL ME? ITS 2011 B THERE'S NOT ALOTTA SHIT THAT YOU SHOULD MERK YOURSELF FOR B. THINK ABOUT HOW YOUR LIFE IS BETTER THAN NIGGAS IN WAR TORN AFRICA GETTIN RAPED AND THEN GETTIN THEY DICKS CUT OFF WITH AN ELEPHANT HORN B. (THAT SHIT HAPPENS EVERY 31 SECONDS IN AFRICA B DEAD ASS.) SO BASICALLY YOUR LIL CORNY STRUGGLES ABOUT NOT GETTIN NO PUSSY AND YOUR GIRL LEFT YOU PALES IN COMPARISON TO GETTING FEMALE CIRCUMCISED WITH A SABER TOOTH TIGER CLAW B.

I LIVE IN AFRICA STRUGGLES: OH SHIT NIGGA YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE ASAP B, I'M SURE YOU COULD GET A JOB WEARING BOOTLEG BAPE HOODIES AND SANDALS HERE B. NAHMEAN JUST COME THROUGH AND SELL DURAGS & TSHIRTS & SHIT AND MAKE SURE YOU WEARING AN ALLOVER PRINT HOODIE AND YOU WILL PROSPER B. YOU COULD EVEN DRIVE A CAB THAT SMELLS LIKE BAKED BEANS AND HORSE DICKS.

DIETARY STRUGGLES: YO MY NIGGA I FEEL YOU, YOU IN BAD SHAPE OR WHATEVER AND YOU PROLLY WANNA GET BROLICK AND BE ABLE TO FUCK YOUR BITCH FOR MORE THAN 4.7 MINUTES BUT YOU IN POOR HEALTH & SHIT LIKE THAT SO BASICALLY YOU GOTTA MAKE SHORTY RIDE YOU AND PRETEND LIKE IT FEELS CRAZY GOOD SO SHE DOESN'T MAKE YOU GET ON TOP AND START PIPIN CUZ THAT SHIT WILL WEAR YOU OUT B. THAT SHIT IS LIKE DIGGING A DITCH MY NIGGA IT SOUNDS REAL EASY AND BASIC TILL YOU IN THAT BITCH DIGGIN. YOUNG NIGGAS THINK THIS SHIT IS A GAME TILL THAT MAGIC SWITCH FLIPS AND YOU CAN'T JUST PENETRATE THE BAGINA FOR 45 MINUTES UNINTERRUPTED. YO YOU GOTTA EAT RIGHT B, THAT DON'T MEAN YOU GOTTA BE A BITCH ASS NIGGA AND EAT A HEAD OF LETTUCE FOR LUNCH & SHIT AND PRETEND YOU ENJOY EATING TOFU SOY ALMONDS WHEN YOU GOT THE MUNCHIES & SHIT. YOU JUST GOTTA BE EASY AND NOT EAT A WHOLE BOX OF EGGO WAFFLES WITH ICE CREAM EVERYDAY ON SOME MAMMAL DISGUSTING FAT NIGGA SHIT. PERSONALLY I ONLY DO SHIT LIKE THAT ON SATURDAYS B. NAHMEAN JUST TO KEEP MYSELF IN LINE SO I DON'T END UP LOOKIN LIKE THE FAT DOMINICAN COKE DEALER WEARING A CARDIGAN & SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT & SHIT.

GET SOMEONE INVOLVED WITH YOU B TO HELP YOU OUT. BASICALLY IF MY WIFE SEES ME SITTING ON THE FLOOR EATING A WHOLE BOX OF CHIPS AHOY SHE'LL BE LIKE "IDK IF YOU'RE AWARE OF THIS BUT YOU JUST ATE AN ENTIRE BOX OF FUCKING COOKIES" AND SHE SAYS IT IN THAT WHITE LADY "I'M JUST SAYIN" VOICE B SO IT REALLY HITS HOME. ALSO, GO FOR WALKS & SHIT, INSTEAD OF DRIVIN TO GO GET WEED, WALK TO THE WEED SPOT B. IF YOU TAKE THE TRAIN FOR ONE STOP WALK THAT SHIT INSTEAD...NAHMEAN THAT SHIT WILL BURN CALORIES & SHIT. YOU FEEL ME CUZ BEING WILD FAT SUCKS CUZ YOUR BALLS STINK OD AND YOU GET BODY ODOR IN AREAS YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE IT B, LIKE YOUR TITTIES.

I'M TOO HIGH STRUGGLES: YO YOU TOO HIGH? NIGGA CALM THE FUCK DOWN NO I AM NOT GONNA CALL YOU A FUCKIN AMBULANCE NIGGA CUZ THEN THE COPS IS GONNA COME AND SEE ALL THESE DRUGS ALL OVER THE PLACE LOOKIN LIKE WE ON THE SET OF ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S LIFETIME MOVIE. JUST CHILL THE FUCK OUT B COME SIT DOWN OVER HERE. CONCENTRATE ON YOUR BREATHING OR SOMETHING B. WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T FUCKIN OD ON MY COUCH NIGGA CUZ I'LL JUST DRAG YOU TO THE TRAIN AND PRETEND YOU DRUNK AND LEAVE YOU THERE B. SORRY BUT I DON'T WANNA SEE COPS UNLESS THEY DOING SOMETHING I CAN SUE THEM FOR (THAT DOESN'T INCLUDE SODOMY).

IF YOU TOO HIGH AND YOU PANIC THAT'S THE WORST THING YOU COULD DO, ONE TIME I ATE A WHOLE BUNCH OF OXYCONTIN THINKIN THEY WAS SOMETHING ELSE AND I COULDN'T EVEN STAND UP BUT I AIN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOIN ON. SO I DRAGGED MYSELF OUTSIDE AND SAT DOWN INSIDE A FREEZING PUDDLE AND TALKED MYSELF OUTTA MY HIGH. MIND OVER MATTER NIGGA. ALSO MY WHOLE ASSCHEEKS WAS SOAKED WITH ICE PUDDLE WATER SO THAT HELPED. ONE OF MY NIGGAS WHO I WON'T NAME TOOK WAY TOO MUCH XANAX ONCE AND PASSED OUT ON THE COUCH AND PISSED ON HISSELF TWICE B. TWICE. NIGGA YOU ARE TOO HIGH WHEN YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOUR EXCRETORY SYSTEM B. YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU DOIN IN THE FIRST PLACE SO YOU DON'T GET SO HIGH YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. WHEN YOU ON THE CORRECT AMOUNT OF DRUGS YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOTTA DO AND EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE.

NAHMEAN THERE'S A LITTLE LIGHT SHIT TO HOLD YOU DOWN WHILE I MAKE THIS POWER MOVE TO MY NEW DOMAIN, SPEAKIN OF DOMAIN THIS MY SHIT.

NIGGA I'M WAAAAVYYYY!!

#KNOWLEDGEDARTS

BET HIP HOP AWARDS

2011-10-12T12:12:00.004-04:00

YO FIRST AND FOREMOST Y'ALL SHOULD HIT UP WALE ON TWITTER @WALE AND THANK THE NIGGA AND PREORDER HIS ALBUM AND END ALL YOUR TWEETS WITH #AMBITION AND ALL THAT, CUZ I TOLD Y'ALL THESE PUNK ASS GOOGLE ADS NIGGAS GOT MY LITTLE LAUNDRY MONEY JAMMED UP AND I WASN'T GONNA UPDATE TILL I MOVED TO A NEW DOMAIN (I'M WORKIN ON IT) BUT HOMIE PROMO'D ME (NO HOMO) SO I GOTTA DELIVER.

BET HAD A HIP HOP AWARDS, I HAVEN'T WATCHED BET SINCE THEY CANCELED RAP CITY (WHY?) AND BET UNCUT (WHY?!) SO SHOUTOUT TO WHOEVER REMINDED ME TO WATCH THE SHIT WHILE I WAS SITTIN ON MY COUCH GETTIN DRUNK BY MYSELF AND BEING IRRESPONSIBLE. (I THINK IT WAS CECE SO SHOUTOUT TO YOU)

YO FIRST OF ALL OFF TOP THIS SHIT WAS CRAZY BECAUSE IT LOOKED LIKE THERE WAS 37 NIGGAS IN THE AUDIENCE B...THAT SHIT LOOKED LIKE A FLORIDA MARLINS GAME IN SEPTEMBER. I COULD BE WRONG MAYBE I HAD ONE TOO MANY BUT THAT SHIT WAS LOOKIN LIGHT. LIKE THERE WAS MORE NIGGAS AT SARAH PALIN'S MOVIE PREMIER B. WAS IT RAINING IN BET COUNTY?

NOTABLE ASSHOLES

YO THIS NIGGA TYRESE HAD ON A TSHIRT THAT SAID @TYRESE, LIKE THAT SHIT IS EVEN NECESSARY. NIGGA YOU ARE THE MOST FAMOUS DUMB NIGGA ON TWITTER B! NOBODY THAT'S ON TWITTER DOESN'T KNOW THAT YOU'RE ON TWITTER.

DA BRAT TOOK A BREAK FROM BEING A BROKE LESBIAN TO HOST THE SHIT BUT THE BITCH WAS DRESSED LIKE STEVE HARVEY IN CASTLEVANIA B. LIKE SHE WENT TO HER STYLIST AND WAS LIKE "YO I WANT MY LOOK FOR TONIGHT TO BE "CHOPPER SUIT VAMPIRE DYKE" CAN YOU DO THAT?"

THERE WAS A DUDE THERE WITH A BEARD THAT LOOKED LIKE AN ARABIC VAGINA B. I HAVE NO IDEA WHO HE WAS BUT MAJOR SHOUTOUT TO HIM FOR HAVING THE MOST AWKWARD BEARD SINCE CHAZ BONO

SWIZZ BEATZ CONTINUES TO BAFFLE ME WITH HIS RELEVANCE B. THE NIGGA CAME OUT ON STAGE DRESSED LIKE A GAY PARISIAN GRAFFITI ARTIST THAT MARC ECKO MADE UP.

PERFORMANCES

MY NIGGA DMX CAME OUT AND KILLED A LITTLE MEDLEY OF HIS JOINTS BUT SINCE THE WHOLE AUDIENCE WAS BLACK I KNOW AT LEAST 6 NIGGAS SAID "PAUSE" WHEN HE SAID "ALL YOUR MANS THAT BEEN TO JAIL BEFORE SUCKED MY DICK!"...ITS A TESTAMENT TO MY NIGGA DARKMAN'S SWAG THAT HE CAN TALK ABOUT GETTING BLOWJOBS FROM MEN TWICE IN ONE SONG AND IT BE ONE OF THE BIGGEST HITS OF HIS CAREER. BUT IF WE DRIVIN AROUND AND THAT SONG COMES ON AND YOU SING THOSE LINES WE NOT FRIENDS NO MORE.

MMG CAME AND RIPPED IT DOWN, SHOUTOUT TO THEM ESPECIALLY FOR GETTING JOHN LEGUIZAMO TO COME OUT AND SING THE HOOK FOR MY NIGGA WALE. ALSO, I SING "IM A BOSS" WHILE I DO EVERYTHING SO SHOUTOUT TO MEEK, I JUST CHANGED MY SON'S DIAPER LIKE "LITTLE DOODOO ON MY WRIST, BUST DOWN!" ALSO SHOUTOUT TO THE BOSS RICKY ROSS FOR WEARIN LUXURIOUS SILK PYJAMAS IN THE CYPHER B "DASS CLASSY"

LUPE FIASSHOLE CAME OUT WITH HIS LITTLE EDDIE MURPHY BABY DREADS DRESSED LIKE A CHARACTER FROM A TIM BURTON ANIME MOVIE AND SANG SOME SHIT THAT I NEVER HEARD IN MY WHOLE FUCKIN LIFE. NIGGA HAD THE WORDS UP ON THE JUMBO SCREEN AND I WAS STILL LIKE "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NIGGA TALKIN ABOUT? GET HIM OUTTA HERE." NIGGA HAD THE NIGGAS FROM LADY ANTEBELGIUM AS HIS BACKUP BAND AND HE MADE ERYKAH BADU SING LIKE THE BITCH FROM THE CRANBERRIES AND WEAR A FEDORA AND A MUSLIM OUTFIT, I'M SURE THERE WAS A "MESSAGE" BEHIND THAT BUT I HAVE SEX WITH WOMEN AND DON'T READ "MANGA" SO IT WENT OVER MY HEAD. THAT SHIT WOULD HAVE BEEN OD EMOTIONAL IF I GAVE A SHIT ABOUT WHAT THAT NIGGA WAS TALKIN ABOUT BUT I NEVER WATCHED DRAGON BALL Z SO I CAN'T RELATE TO THAT NIGGAS MUSIC. TOO $HORT INTRODUCED THE NIGGA AND WAS LOOKIN LIKE HE BLEW SO MUCH COKE UP HIS NASAL HE THOUGHT HE WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE, NIGGA WAS DOIN THE BUC NASTY SHAKE.

BIG SEAN CAME OUT AND DID HIS THING THAT HE DOES WHERE HE'S OD GENERIC. I THINK ROSCOE DASH WAS THE DESIGNATED HOOK SINGER FOR THIS EVENT B CUZ THAT NIGGA WAS ON STAGE MORE THAN BUSTA RHYMES. BUSTA RHYMES "WON" LIKE 29 AWARDS CUZ "LOOK AT ME NOW" CLEANED UP B. I THINK THAT WAS THE ONLY SONG THAT GOT ANY AWARDS. THEY WAS ABOUT TO GIVE LL COOL J'S LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD TO THAT NIGGA CHRIS BROWN B. THAT NIGGA REINVENTED HIMSELF AS A BAD ASS PLAYBOY GANGSTA NOW. LIKE BEFORE HE WAS LIKE "HOW I'M POSED TO BREATHE WITH NO AIRRRR" ALL SOFT AND KRUMPIN WITH A TEAR ON HIS CHEEK, NOW HE'S ON BET IN A RAP CYPHER RAPPIN ABOUT "SUCK MY DICK FUCK THE MEDIA" AND BEATING UP NIGGAS FROM ODD FUTURE AND BREAKING THEIR SKATEBOARDS IN HALF.

LL COOL J GOT HIS 15TH LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD AND SPIT SOME SHIT OFF HIS STRUGGLE IN MOTION BLACKBERRY THAT MADE BUSTA RHYMES GO "WOOOOO!" (BUT TO BE FAIR BUSTA RHYMES GOES "WOOOOO!!!" WHEN THE DRIVE THRU GIRL GIVES HIM AN EXTRA PACKET OF SPICY RANCH SAUCE WITH HIS BK ONION RINGS, HE ALSO GOES "WOOOOO!" WHEN HE GETS THE LAST OREO CAKESTERS OUT THE VENDING MACHINE.) THE NIGGA COOL JAMES STILL LOOKS LIKE A NINJA TURTLE HAD A BABY WITH A GOOMBA FROM MARIO BROTHERS. BUT I SALUTE HIS LONGEVITY B ("ILL BOMB" IS STILL THE SHIT, AND IF YOU CAN'T AT LEAST GET A FEMALE TO JERK YOU ILLZ TO "DOIN IT" YOU MUST LOOK LIKE A BURN VICTIM.)

ODD FUTURE WAS NOT THERE, WHICH I'M NOT MAD AT FOR TWO REASONS, 1) THEY ARE FUCKING CORNY AND 2) THEY AREN'T BLACK.

THE "CYPHERS"

BET HAD CYPHERS WHERE THEY HAD NIGGAS SPIT WRITTENS TO AN INSTRUMENTAL AND SOME OF THE NIGGAS THEY HAD RAPPIN I'M SURE DJ PREMIER WAS ASHAMED FOR. WHO'S IDEA WAS THIS?

THE CYPHER WITH TWO CHAINZ WAS ILL CUZ I HAD NO IDEA THAT NIGGA COULD RAP, LUDACRIS NEEDS TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THOSE SIDEBURNS THO, THAT NIGGA LOOKS LIKE WALT FRAZIER JR...BUSTA RHYMES LOOKED LIKE A NIGGA WHO WORKS THE COUNTER AT AN AUTO PARTS SHOP B. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT NIGGAS WARDROBE FROM THE LATE 90'S B? THAT NIGGA USED TO DRESS LIKE A FUCKIN AFRICAN GENIE EMPEROR.

THEY HAD ANOTHER CYPHER WITH THAT BLIND NIGGA THAT'S AT EVERY RAP BATTLE, HOMIE BUGS ME OUT CUZ HE ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE HE'S LOOKING AT SOMEONE WALKIN DOWN THE BLOCK AND HE JUST STANDS THERE SWAYING BACK & FORTH LIKE HE'S LISTENING TO KENNY G IN HIS HEAD...DOM KENNEDY I HAD NEVER HEARD OF IN MY LIFE BUT ALOTTA PEOPLE TOLD ME TO CHECK FOR DUDE AND HE CAME THRU IN THE CYPHER. HIS FLOW WAS ON POINT, BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHY HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A NIGGA THAT WAS JUST AT A YANKEE GAME AND WAS CHAGING INTO A HILLBILLY COSTUME BUT STOPPED HALFWAY. NIGGA HAD ON CUTOFF SHORTS FROM DELIA'S B.

THE MMG CYPHER WAS NECESSARY CUZ THEY NEEDED TO PUT IN A COUPLE RAPPERS THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT INTO THE MIX, ALSO MY NIGGA ROZAY NEEDED A CHANCE TO LET HIS ARABIAN SILK BEACH PAJAMAS GET THEY SHINE ON.

THE CYPHER WITH ESTELLE I DIDN'T GET CUZ SHE'S NOT A RAPPER TILL I REALIZED THEY WERE TRYNA BE INTERNATIONAL WIT IT BUT IDK WHY THEY GOT FREDRO STARR TO RAP IN FRENCH AND THEN SUBTITLE IT LIKE IMA READ SOME FRENCH BARS ON MY TELEVISION B FUCK OUTTA HERE NIGGA. WHAT HAPPENED? WAS TONY PARKER TOO BUSY SEXTING WHITE WOMEN?

THE CHRIS BROWN CYPHER WAS FUNNY BECAUSE THERE WAS A DUDE IN IT WHO DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A RAP NAME WHO I NEVER NOT ONCE HEARD OF. I GOOGLED THE NIGGA AND IT SAID "DID YOU MEAN EVERY NIGGA EVER?" TYGA LOOKED LIKE THE CHINESE NIGGA FROM THE HANGOVER DRESSED AS A KARMALOOP MODEL (I KNOW I SAID THAT ON TWITTER NIGGA FUCK YOU FOR NOTICING)...TYGA LOOKS MORE ASIAN EVERY TIME HE APPEARS ON MY TV SCREEN. THE NEXT TIME I SEE HIM ON TV HE'S GONNA LOOK LIKE BAI LING DRESSED UP AS KREAYSHAWN.

EXCEPT FOR JOELL ORTIZ AND YELAWOLF THE SHADY CYPHER WAS OFFICIAL, AND BY OFFICIAL I MEAN IT WAS HOT IF YOU'RE A FUCKING CLOWN THAT WORKS AT JCPENNEY IN CONNECTICUT AND ENJOYS SHITTY PUNCHLINE RAP FROM 2002. THEY EVEN GAVE THESE NIGGAS A BEAT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO SOUND WACK OVER TO MAKE SURE THEY SHIT SOUNDED COOL. I WANT SOMEBODY FAMOUS TO COME OUT AND KEEP IT REAL AND SAY THAT SLAUGHTERHOUSE IS A COLLECTION OF CORNY NIGGAS THATS WASHED UP TRYNA COMBINE FANBASES TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD THEIR ADDICTION TO RHINESTONE HOODIES, FATIGUE SWEATPANTS AND MITCHELL & NESS HATS. ALSO, IDK WHAT THE FUCK EMINEM TELLS HIS PLASTIC SURGEON CUZ HE NOW LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE A WIGGER ELLEN DEGENERES B. EXACTLY.

THAT'S ALL I GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT CUZ WRITING AN IN DEPTH PIECE ABOUT BET IS LIKE WRITING A IN DEPTH SEASON PREVIEW OF THE WNBA B. NOBODY GIVES A FUCK SO IT'S A WASTE OF ENERGY, ALSO ADSENSE IS PLAYIN GAMES SO THIS IS ABOUT TO BE 10000 LOST HITS. FUCK.

PS TRACEE ELLIS ROSS COULD FUCKIN GET IT WITH HER GOOGLY ASS EYES.

"PLEASE SLANDER THIS"

2011-09-30T02:35:00.001-04:00

SOME NIGGA EMAILED ME THIS WITH "PLEASE SLANDER THIS" IN THE SUBJECT LINE LOL...OD CRYPTIC B NO MESSAGE & SHIT...IF YOU THE NIGGA THAT SENT ME THIS, WRITE SOMETHING NEXT TIME B CUZ THIS WAS JUST CHILLIN IN MY SPAM FOLDER...ANYWAY I WANNA SLANDER THIS BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS? IS THIS A CHINESE HOOKER PLANKING ON A BIKE RACK? IDK WHY I EVEN THINK THIS BITCH IS CHINESE BUT SHE GOT THAT CHINESE AURA B (DON'T ASK)...ANYWAY PLANKING IS CORNY (SORRY) BUT I'M A GROWN ASS MAN MY G. I'M NOT LAYING DOWN ON A SHOE DISPLAY AT TARGET OR SOME OTHER FUCKSHIT TO MAKE SOME MUTHAFUCKAS ON THE INTERNET GIGGLE. I'M DOIN FINE IN THAT DEPARTMENT WITH THIS HERE BLOG B. I GOT KIDS NIGGA, ONCE YOU GOT KIDS YOU CAN'T DO "KID SHIT" LIKE THAT CUZ YOU GOTTA PASS YOUR EXCESS FUCKERY ON TO THEM SO THEY CAN DO SHIT LIKE THROW WATER BALLOONS FULL OF HOT WATER OFF THE FIRE ESCAPE ONTO NIGGAS HEADS.

ANYWAY, I WOULD LOVE TO SEE WHAT THAT BITCH DOES IF A SHOOTOUT BREAKS OUT WHILE SHE'S IN THAT GIANT CHINESE FINGER TRAP B. THAT BITCH WOULD START SPINNIN AROUND LIKE A DUSTED CAT FALLIN OUT A WINDOW, NAHMEAN? LIKE PUT A MOUSE IN A BOX AND LIGHT THAT SHIT ON FIRE AND THATS WHAT THAT BITCH WOULD LOOK LIKE B. OD FRANTIC LIKE A HUMMINGBIRD CAUGHT IN A SPIDERWEB OR SOME SHIT.

AIGHT SO LEMME SLANDER THIS BITCH REAL QUICK HOLD ON.

AHEM

YO MA ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU LAYIN IN A BIKE RACK YOU FUCKIN STUPID BITCH, GROW THE FUCK UP. I BET YOUR PUSSY SMELLS LIKE RASHEED WALLACE B. I BET YOUR PUSSY LOOKS LIKE A BULLDOG WHISTLING B. I CANT SEE YOUR FACE BUT I BET YOU LOOK LIKE A CHINESE VERSION OF RYAN HOWARD WITH ACNE SCARS B. I BET YOU LOOK LIKE BAI LING HAD A BABY WITH A NASCAR DRIVER. GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY DIGITAL FACE WITH THIS SHIT B. DON'T LET ME SEE YOU IN REAL LIFE BITCH I'LL THROW YOUR FACIAL IN THE HAMPER.

AIGHT MY NIGGAS BE EASY DO THE #KNOWLEDGE

100

COSPLAY MY NIGGA?

2011-09-30T02:29:00.003-04:00

THESE NIGGAS ARE DEAD ASS B.

YO NIGGAS REALLY DO THIS THOUGH. NIGGAS REALLY GO BUY A FUCKIN DRAGONBALL Z COSTUME OR DO SOME HOMEMADE ELABORATE CRAZY SEAMSTRESS SPECIAL FX SHIT TO DRESS UP LIKE A CARTOON CHARACTER B...NIGGA YOU ARE A FUCKIN ADULT. WHY YOU DRESSED UP AS FUCKIN POKEMON B? ARE YOU 7? DO YOU JUMP AROUND GOING "PPPPSSSHHHHAAWWW! CCRRRRACKKKK!! CHARIZARD GO!" IF YOU DO YOU NEED TO CHILL B THAT SHIT IS NOT WHAT'S POPPIN IN THE STREETS. I ALREADY GAVE Y'ALL NIGGAS THE KNOWLEDGE ON ANIME. THEN I REALIZED THAT SHIT GOES BEYOND ANIME CUZ NIGGAS DRESS UP AS FUCKIN SCOOBY DOO AND GO TO CONVENTIONS AND MEET A BITCH, OR A NIGGA, IT'S IRRELEVANT CUZ THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK B AS LONG AS YOU DRESSED UP LIKE CLIFFORD OR TOUCAN SAM OR WHATEVER GIVES THEM A BONER. THEN YALL GO TO THE TELLY AND FUCK IN YOUR COSTUMES B. SON, A VERY LONG TIME AGO WHEN I JUST ENTERED THE PUSSY GAME I GOT UNCONTROLLABLE GIGGLES WHEN MY GIRL AT THE TIME STARTED PUSSY FARTIN LIKE CRAZY WHEN I WAS SMASHIN. I THINK IF I WOULDA HAD TO FUCK A BITCH DRESSED UP AS DIDDY KONG I WOULDA THROWN UP LAUGHIN B.

MY HOMEGIRL CC AND MY NIGGA SKIMASK SHOWED ME TWO EXCEPTIONS OF BITCHES DRESSED UP THAT I WOULDA PROLLY SMASHED BUT THAT'S IRRELEVANT...IF YOU PUT A FUCKABLE BITCH IN ANY CLOTHES SHE'S STILL FUCKABLE B. I'M NOT ONE OF THESE NIGGAS THATS LIKE "I WONT FUCK HER , HER OUTFIT IS CORNY" IF THE BITCH IS A 10. THE NIGGAS THAT SAY SHIT LIKE THAT ARE SECRETLY GAY AND JERK ILLZ WITH A TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE IN THEY BUTT. I DON'T CARE IF A BITCH IS WEARIN GLASSES IN THE SHAPE OF A TOASTER AND JNCO'S B. IF SHE LOOKS LIKE FUCKIN SCARLET JOHANSON WITH A BLACK GIRL ASS WHAT THE FUCK DO I CARE IF THE BITCH IS WEARING STARBURY'S MY NIGGA? ONLY A FUCKIN WORM WON'T ACCEPT SOME BAD BITCH PUSSY BASED ON OUTFITS.

THAT SAID, THE MAJORITY OF THESE BITCHES ARE NOT HOT B. THEY ARE MOSTLY THE SAME BITCHES THAT BE ON XBOX LIVE AND WARCRAFT AND SHIT B...WILD ANIMAL CUBS MY NIGGA. BITCHES YOU WOULDN'T FUCK EVEN IF YOU HAD JUST CAME HOME FROM 20 JOINTS IN A SUPERMAX. IF YOU GO TO ONE OF THESE CONVENTIONS ITS LIKE THE STAGE AFTER A STRIPPER IS DONE DANCIN, A BUNCH OF 1'S AND A COUPLE 5'S SPRINKLED IN THERE BY ACCIDENT. USUALLY THE BITCHES AIN'T FAT NAHMEAN CUZ THEY ONLY SNACK IN BETWEEN ROUNDS OF HALO & SHIT. SO ALL THEY EAT IS GOGURTS AND PB&J SANDWICHES. THEY GOT THAT "I SIT AROUND ALL DAY" PHYSIQUE WHICH MEANS THEY PROLLY WILD PALE AND WHEN YOU GRAB THEY ASS IT FEELS LIKE WHEN YOU PUT DEFROSTED CHICKEN BREAST IN A ZIPLOC BAG B. NO TYPE OF FIRMNESS TO THE SHIT MY NIGGA. YOU GOTTA POUR THEY "GAMER CHAIR" ASS OUTTA THEY MUDD JEANS B. THESE BITCHES ALSO HAVE THE WORST POSTURE EVER. WORSE THAN SIAMESE TWINS B. STICK YA CHEST OUT BITCH YOU LOOK LIKE QUASIMODO LOOKIN FOR HIS CHANGE HE DROPPED. I'M GETTING AN ANTIBONER JUST THINKIN ABOUT IT B. MY DICK JUST TURNED INTO A PUDDLE ON SOME ALEX MACK SHIT.

THIS SHIT IS WILD CORNY CUZ IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT YOU ARE BASICALLY THE NIGGA ON FORDHAM THAT HANDS OUT FLYERS FOR WIRELESS WORLD, EXCEPT YOU AIN'T GETTING PAID TO DRESS UP AS SPONGEBOB SO YOU LOOK LIKE A ILL JERKOFF DICKHEAD FOR NO REAZ. GOOD JOB MY NIGGA. YOU PAID 3 STACKS FOR A CUSTOM MADE TONY THE TIGER COSTUME AND FLEW OUT TO PEORIA FOR THIS CONVENTION AND ENDED UP FUCKIN A MARRIED FATHER OF 3 IN THE ASS BECAUSE HE WAS DRESSED UP AS LITTLEFOOT AND THAT SHIT MADE YOUR PP ERECT. NOW THAT'S A REAL THING THAT REALLY HAPPENED...LEMME PUT YOU ON TO SOMETHING B, WHEN YOU PLAY A SCENARIO OUT IN YOUR HEAD AND THE SHIT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE IS DISSIN YOU, THAT MEANS WHAT YOU ABOUT TO DO IS WILD CORNY. YOU FEEL ME? IF I WAS TO SAY TO A STRANGER "NIGGA YOU DRESS UP AS WINNIE THE POOH AND FUCK NIGGAS IN THE ASS" THAT SHIT WOULD PROLLY RESULT IN FISTICUFFS...SO PUT THE FUCKIN MASCOT JUMPSUIT IN THE GARBAGE AND GO FUCK A FEMALE DRESSED AS A FEMALE AND NOT YOGI BEAR.

#KNOWLEDGE

WHITE NIGGA HALL OF FAME (ACTORS)

2011-09-30T02:19:00.003-04:00

YO SO I DID A WHITE PEOPLE HALL OF FAME FOR MUSICIANS AND THESE IS SOME WHITE PEOPLE HALL OF FAME CAUCASOID ACTORS B. MAYBE I'LL DO ACTRESSES NEXT.

RYAN GOSLING - FIRST OF ALL THIS NIGGA LAST NAME MEANS BABY GOOSE RIGHT? SOMEBODY WANNA FACT CHECK THAT? WHITE PEOPLE LOVE GEESE CUZ THEY REMIND THEM OF OLDEN TIMES B...ANYWAY BESIDES HAVING A PERFECTLY BALANCED WHITE NAME WITH VERY HIGH LEVELS OF CAUCASITY, THIS (CANADIAN!) NIGGA STARRED IN THE NOTEBOOK! THE FUCKING NOTEBOOK NIGGA! EVERY WHITE FEMALE ON EARTH (AND BEYOND) HAS SEEN (AND CRIED DURING) THE NOTEBOOK B...AND THIS NIGGA STARRED IN IT. PRETTY MUCH ANY MOVIE WITH TWO WHITE PEOPLE KISSING IN THE RAIN IS A HIT WITH WHITE FEMALES B. TRUST ME I KNOW, MY WIFE IS WHITE AND SHE'S SEEN THIS MOVIE TWELVETEEN TIMES AND CRIED EVERY TIME. I'M ABOUT TO WRITE A MOVIE CALLED "KISSING IN THE RAIN" AND MAKE IT ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE RUNNING TOWARDS EACHOTHER CRYING AND KISSING IN THE RAIN. THIS NIGGA LOOKS LIKE HE SHOULD BE SINGING ABOUT LOSING SOMEONE SPECIAL WHILE PLAYING AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR B. I'M NOT 100% BUT I THINK THIS NIGGA IS PRETTY NEW SO HE'S BASICALLY ROOKIE OF THE YEAR AND IS ALREADY IN THE WHITE NIGGAS HALL OF FAME FOR ACTORS. I SALUTE YOUR WHITENESS SIR.

LEONARDO DICAPRIO - DO WHITE GIRLS STILL LIKE THIS NIGGA? I REMEMBER GROWIN UP WASN'T NAAANNNN BITCHES IN THE HOOD THAT LIKED THIS DUDE ON A SEX LEVEL BUT EVERY WHITE GIRL I KNEW WANTED TO EAT THIS NIGGAS GRUNDLE HAIRS IN A SALAD AND MARRY HIS BALLS. GUESS WHAT? THIS NIGGA IS THE DON OF TEENAGE WHITE PUSSY B. EVEN IF HE FELL OFF HE STILL HAD EVERY TEENAGE WHITE PUSSY ON SMASH THROUGHOUT THE 90'S AND STILL BE FUCKIN MODELS EVEN THOUGH HE LOOKS LIKE A HUSKY IRISH TERMITE THAT IS ALWAYS CONCERNED ABOUT SOMETHING. THIS NIGGA STARRED IN TITANIC B. TITANIC IS PROLLY ONE OF THE HUGEST WHITE PEOPLE MOVIES OF ALL FUCKIN TIMES MY NIGGA. EVERY SINGLE WHITE PERSON IN THE ATMOSPHERE (MALE AND FEMALE) HAS SEEN TITANIC B. IF YOU WENT TO ANY THEATER THAT WAS PLAYIN TITANIC AT ANY TIME, YOU COULD PROLLY COUNT ABOUT 500+ LL BEAN APPAREL ITEMS IN THAT BITCH. WHITE PEOPLE LOVE THAT MOVIE SO MUCH, THEY FUCKIN BOUGHT CELINE DION ALBUMS OFF THE STRENGTH OF THAT SHIT. YOU KNOW HOW REAL SHIT GOTTA BE FOR NIGGAS TO PURCHASE A CELINE DION FULL LENGTH ALBUM B? THIS NIGGAS BOX OFFICE JUICE WITH CAUCASOIDS HAS STOOD THE TEST OF TIME B. I COMMEND YOU ON YOUR EXEMPLARY CAUCASITY.

RICHARD GERE/ROBERT REDFORD/HARRISON FORD - THIS IS ALL THE SAME NIGGA I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT YALL NIGGAS TELL ME B. THIS IS ONE DUDE THAT HAS THREE NAMES I GUESS FOR TAX REASONS OR WHATEVER LIKE THAT. HE PROLLY USES A DIFFERENT NAME DEPENDING ON WHAT MOVIE HE BOUT TO DO. OBVIOUSLY HE'S NOT GONNA BE LIKE "IM ROBERT REDFORD" AND DO AN INDIANA JONES MOVIE AND HE'S NOT GONNA BE LIKE "IM HARRISON FORD" AND DO A MOVIE ABOUT A GUY WHO FALLS IN LOVE WITH SOME BITCH THERE AND THEN THEY HAVE PROBLEMS BUT THEY FIX IT AND LOVE EACHOTHER AND LIVE IN A BEACH HOUSE, HE USES HIS RICHARD GERE IDENTITY FOR THAT. IDK WHAT THE ROBERT REDFORD IDENTITY IS FOR, I GUESS INDIE FILMS? ANYWAY THIS NIGGA WAS IN PRETTY WOMAN, INDIANA JONES, I THINK THIS NIGGA WAS ALSO IN "THE GREAT GATSBY" AND IF YOU DIDN'T WRITE SOME BORING ASS FUCKSHIT PAPER ABOUT THE GREAT GATSBY FOR A COLLEGE ENGLISH CLASS AND TALK ABOUT THE PARALLELS BETWEEN JAY GATSBY AND MORRISSEY THEN YOU AIN'T REALLY A WHITE GUY AND YOU NEED TO TURN IN YOUR PRIUS AND COTTAGE CHEESE DOUBLES CUZ YOU AIN'T ABOUT THAT CAUCASIAN LIFE AT ALL. THESE NIGGAS ALL LOOK LIKE HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPALS WHICH IS THE HOLY GRAIL OF WHITE ACTOR NIGGAS B. WHEN YOU GET OLD YOUR LOOK GOTTA BE "HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL AT THE HAMPTONS" OR ELSE YOU FAILED...LIKE MICKEY ROURKE. CUZ THAT CATFACE DEVIATED SEPTUM ASS NIGGA BE DRESSIN LIKE A MEXICAN WRESTLER TO GO TO THE STORE AND GET MILK. NIGGA HAS LITTLE EXTENSION BRAIDS & SHIT, WEARIN ROB ZOMBIE HATS B. THAT NIGGA LOST B AND HE LOOKS LIKE PANTHRO WITH A NOSE JOB AND VENUS WILLIAMS BRAIDS.

TOM HANKS - YO IF WHITE ACTORS WAS GREEK GODS THIS NIGGA IS ZEUS' POPS B. THIS NIGGA IS THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA (IF THAT MEANS HE'S THE DON OF WHITE ACTORS, CUZ I'M NOT SURE WHAT THAT PHRASE MEAN.) YO THIS NIGGA WAS IN FORREST GUMP B AND CASTAWAY B. OD ICONIC WHITE FILMS. THIS NIGGA BEEN ROCKIN SINCE THE 80'S DUMB HARD B NIGGA IS MOVIN CAUCASIAN UNITS LIKE A MUTHAFUCKA. HE ALSO LOOKS LIKE A RICH WHITE DAD. SO WHEN YOU LOOK AT THIS NIGGA YOU EXPECT HIS IPOD TO HAVE EVERY BILLY JOEL SONG ON IT. THIS NIGGA WAS IN PHILADELPHIA FAM!! MY MAN PLAYED A GAY NIGGA WITH AIDS B!! YOU KNOW HOW ILL THAT WAS FOR WHITE PEOPLE?! WILL SMITH BLEW UP WITH WHITE NIGGAS WHEN HE PLAYED A GAY HOOKER B. BEFORE THAT THEY WAS JUST LIKE "ITS THAT NIGGER FROM FRESH PRINCE"...ALSO, CAM'RON MENTIONED HIM IN A VERSE AND CAM ONLY MENTIONS HANGIN OUT WITH THE WHITEST WHITE PEOPLE. I TOLD Y'ALL NIGGAS BEFORE THIS NIGGAS WHITEST ACCOMPLISHMENT WAS CREATING JULIA ROBERTS FROM ONE OF HIS RIBS B. THEN HE CREATED CHET HAZE AND ON THE 7TH DAY HE RESTED OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT. THIS NIGGA IS ALSO A SCIENTOLOGIST? I THINK? MAYBE NOT BUT THAT'S JUST LIKE BONUS WHITE PEOPLE POINTS B CUZ REALLY, IT'S FUCKIN TOM HANKS WE TALKIN ABOUT HERE B. IF THIS NIGGA GOT BONUS POINTS ITS LIKE GETTIN EVERY QUESTION ON A TEST RIGHT INCLUDING THE BONUS JOINTS SO YOU GET A FUCKIN 110% ON YA SHIT. TOM, AIN'T NOBODY FUCKIN WITH YOU B. NOBODY BUT YOU WAS WHITE ENOUGH TO DO "CHARLIE WILSON'S WAR" I SALUTE YOUR LEAGUE LEADING CAUCASITY AVERAGE. (NOT EVEN DOING A MOVIE WITH MARLON WAYANS COULD BRING HIS SHIT DOWN).