Vignettes from a Random Life

Baby Tigers, Injured Hawks, and Puppies. Oh my!

2011-11-07T19:36:00.000-08:00

Today was a total fail at the gym. The intent was to go get my Hatha yoga on, but alas, this wasn't meant to be. I arrived a full ten minutes early at Lifetime Fitness to find that the class was full. Sad. Day. So, I sat down at my favorite exercise machine and selected a program that I thought would suit my needs. Typically, I'm a multi-tasker and I like to get several things done at once, as mentioned in, "Yoga Frame of Mind." This time, my touch-screen wasn't working, captions weren't available on the channel I selected, and my phone died just as I was about to load up my tunes on Slacker Radio. So, what's a girl to do?

I pedaled, and pedaled and pedaled. After about twenty minutes, I realized the reason I had yet to break a sweat. I was on level two. Level two is about as pathetic as it gets. The only thing more pathetic is level one. So, I kicked it up a couple of notches, as Emeril Lagasse would say, and got ready to, "go hard" at level three.

I am a huge fan of Ms. J from America's Next Top Model, so I loved it when he made an appearance on Real Housewives of Atlanta. Watching him tell it like it is really helped me unwind, relax and sink into my 40 minute pre-programmed workout. When my BFF showed up at the gym with my daughter and her little munchkin, we walked them to the daycare center and, after many trips to the women's locker room to retrieve water bottles, ID cards and headphones, we headed upstairs to the bikes again where I found out some truly shocking information.

Apparently, some individual in a brown and white van tried to abscond two children from my daughter's school! BFF and I talked about it as we cycled vigorously at level three and I was so sad to hear that my fears are founded. The world is, sadly, every bit as unpredictable and scary as I didn't realize it was when I was my daughter's age. BFF works in social work, so she's totally dialed in to things potential abductors might say to small kids. When she told me to have the conversation with my little one about not getting into a van with someone who might claim to have a baby tiger, injured hawk or puppy inside, I burst into nervous laughter. WTH?!!? I am going to have to be thinking outside the box and hyper vigilant if I want to protect my little ones from the big, scary world out there.

Then again, maybe a simple, "Don't talk to strangers," will suffice.

Would anyone really have this in the back of their van? I don't think so...

Times They are a Changin'

2011-11-06T07:11:00.000-08:00

I absolutely adore the Holiday Season. Images come to mind of falling back into bed when I realize I have an extra hour, cute little snowmen with whatever we can find for buttons and a nose, and the cookie crusted smiles of my children on Christmas Eve. However, one thing I do NOT like about the current time change system is trying to get back to normal in the Spring. Man does it suck to stay up late, as we tend to do in the winter, and then find that you have to get up (and struggle to get sleepy kids up) an hour earlier the next morning.

I actually found out a few years ago that Arizona doesn't even participate in the time change rule. I suppose I understand, given that they have so many hours of sunlight already, but California surely has more sunlight than Arizona, right? Then, there's the whole bit about Indiana. The residents in that state must have a hell of a time during the winter months with eighteen counties on Central time and the rest on Eastern time.

This brings to mind our public school system and the fact that we still give summers off. As a teacher, don't get me wrong, it's a huge shift in my sanity, frame of mind and happiness when I realize that Memorial Day is around the corner. However, does it really make sense for our students to stay out of school for three months in the summer when they are academically behind the rest of the world?

I believe the original idea was for children to have the farming season off to help their families cultivate and harvest crops. This totally made sense for the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries when we still had somewhat of an agrarian society. Today, I'm sorry, but it doesn't make a lot of sense. I won't bore you by going into the sordid details of my classrooms and the general lack of preparation, manners, initiative and, for that matter, brain power, exhibited by the majority of today's cyber brain-addled youth. Instead, from someone who is in the trenches every day, let me ask you to trust me (and Matt Damon), times need to change.

Yoga Frame of Mind

2011-11-05T10:42:00.000-07:00

Yoga is supposed to be invigorating, relaxing, stimulating...it's supposed to be a lot of things. One thing it is not supposed to be is expensive. I joined Lifetime Fitness this week with the family to see if perhaps I could begin to do yoga on a daily basis without paying $60/week and sweating out my hair extensions. After a few small eBay purchases to ensure a fashionable start to my new healthy beginning, I headed to the gym with kids in tow.

Day One - Hatha Yoga - Holding poses for three minutes was work and I wussed out a couple of times but surprisingly, I liked it. At the end of fifty minutes, I finally felt myself relax. Unfortunately, I tensed up when I had to walk through "meat-head market" aka the weight lifting area and get ogled by lots of smelly dudes with too much testosterone. I didn't actually see any of them chest bumping, but I'm pretty sure they did it when I wasn't looking.

Day Two - Vinyasa Flow - This was an amazing work out that kept me moving and really worked all body groups. I wasn't too into the head stands and other "heart over head" positions that supposedly get the lymphatic system moving, but, I got to improve my practice and relaxation, so that was good.

Day Three - No yoga at all. I missed the class because I had to make an exchange at VS, so, I did cardio instead. I supposedly rode seven miles. I'm not sure if I believe that, but I WAS impressed with the fact that I could watch Real Housewives of Atlanta, work out, text message my girlfriends, stare at other people on the sly, listen to Slacker Radio AND work out all at the same time. Go me! Afterwards, I enjoyed a swim in the pool with the kids and a dip in the hot tub which was, after all, the icing on the cake.

At this stage, it's looking like it's going to be worth it. No, the yoga studio isn't as hot or intense as it was at my previous studio. But, it's still pretty damn great, and my hair is looking none to worse for the wear. It looks like I'll be heading back to eBay to purchase some more cute yoga gear in the near future...

My Ultimate Goal - Parsva Bakasana

My Dog Eats My Underwear

2011-11-04T21:08:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful crisp Fall day in Denver. After lazing around the house trying to avoid doing chores, I decided it was finally time for clearing up the remains of my garden, settling lawn clippings in for their long winter's rest on the side of my house, and picking up dog poop.

My son and I walked through the back yard looking for poop, because he's especially good at spotting it. I walked behind him and picked it up with a Wal-Mart baggie over my hand (because nobody in their right mind is going to use those poop picker-upers that just smash a ripe dropping in half and crumble the dry ones). Half-way through picking up turds that had been gently baking in the sun, I spotted something that seemed to be out of place. It had lace. It was pink. It looked like a pair of my pink lacy underwear that had gone missing a few days prior. Upon further investigation, I discovered that it WAS my pink underwear, or rather, scraps of my panties interlaced with doggie doo. Oh. Joy. I am now forced to accept the fact that not only is my dog eating my underwear, his little doggie stomach can't even digest it and so he is unceremoniously crapping it out.

So, I am now on my second set of all new undies from Victoria's Secret that I've had to purchase because...my dog eats my underwear. Yes, it's true, I have a dachshund mini that is extremely fond of eating and swallowing my underwear. I refuse to believe that it's my underwear (clean and dirty) that has a particular attraction for him, but nevertheless, in order to avoid giving any more money to Victoria's Secret than I have to, it looks like I'll be heading to IKEA for a taller (and doggie proof) laundry basket this weekend.

Suspect Zero

My MANY missing pairs of panties