Village Memorial

Welcome to Village Memorial

2017-10-09T20:31:00.000-07:00

www.villagememorial.com

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PO Box 1255
Red Lodge 59068

Tear Catcher Cremation Urn

2016-02-20T19:14:00.000-08:00

Tear Catcher Cremation Urn

As tear catchers have fallen away from use in contemporary mourning ritual, we developed the concept for a dual purpose urn incorporating tear catching so as to revive interest in the homage.

Tears: A Measure of Grief
Tear catchers (aka tear bottles, lachrymae) have been used in mourning ritual by the bereaved for thousands of years. The tradition has evolved from antiquity with Egyptian pharaohs, Persian sultans, Roman warriors, wealthy Victorians to Civil War relics displayed in museums around the world in every culture and religion.

In fact, reference to collecting tears in a bottle can be traced as far back as to Psalm 56:8 where David prays, "Thou tellest my wanderings, put thou my tears in Thy bottle; are they not in Thy Book?"

Our original design surrounds a loved one's remains with actual tears. The grieving becomes part of the memorial art making process which is visible in the final piece. As the prototype could not be made by hand we used a combination of SLA Stereolithography 3D printing that brought together modern rapid prototyping techniques with ancient tradition. The culmination of which is in this smooth organically shaped tear form crafted in a pearlescent glazed glass-like finish.

Rather than utilizing old methods from traditional tear catchers (placing one's eye into the bottle opening or wiping ones face with the bottle), the inner tear bottle stopper is fin shaped in order to be removed from the bottle and used for cleaving tears from ones face. This design collects more tears, while being both more comfortable and private for the mourner.

Our bottle is also much larger than traditional lacrymatories. This is because we designed the bottle with a reservoir similar to a dolls “refilling milk bottle” which spreads the tears across the face of the bottles inner body rather than pouring its volume into the larger cavity of the vessel. The result is a memorial object that is much more unique, impressive, distinctive, beautiful and personal.

Approximately 200 tears will fill the ½ oz tear reservoir. As shown, the urn is translucent which allows one to see the cremated remains inside.

Funerals and Personal Hopes

2016-02-16T08:00:00.000-08:00

Art of the Funeral

A funeral is a collaborative work of performance and art. The funeral is a time for family and friends to support one another, and share intimate memories. A misconception is that a funeral is solely for those who are religious. It is as much a moment of reflection as it is a series of events providing tasks and activities to undertake as an expression of feelings.

Weeping for Ourselves

It is important to note that as much as we grieve for our dead, attending a funeral is just as much about weeping for ourselves. Roussell, describing anticipatory grief writes, “some people have feelings of guilt and anxiety over having too little time to settle issues and put things in order for their loved ones.”1 For others, attending a funeral establishes emotional stability and security through the unspoken promise of reciprocation.

What do you hope people will remember about you after you die?

Supporting One Another

Funerals offered communities the chance to support to one another. For example, in a scene from the French motion picture “Amelie,” the lead character daydreams about her own funeral. She watches the procession on television and weeps at the sight of people mourning her death. We can identify with this girl. We are at center of our own universe and therefore secretly wish for others to mourn our own deaths. The funeral rite gives us the opportunity to act for others as we would wish them to act for us. When we grieve for others, we subconsciously grieve for ourselves.

We want our presence to be missed, our deaths to be mourned, and for a death to have meaning. It explains why we host lavish funerals and grand memorials. We yearn to be remembered. Our lives must have had held some meaning. Attending a funeral reminds us that we will someday merit the same honor, respect, and display of affection. To not hold a funeral is not to observe this sacred pact.

What do you hope people will remember about you after you die?
Do you have special plans or hopes for your own funeral?

¹ Roussell, J.O. (1999). Dealing with Grief: Theirs & Ours. Staten Island, NY: Alba House.

Funeral Directors Help Facilitate Grief

2016-02-15T08:00:00.000-08:00

When a person dies, the world seems to continue right along as though nothing has happened, and to the bereaved this experience can be isolating. A funeral director helps the family by making sure that their beloved is cared for and honored while facilitating the organizational and legal aspects of the arrangements. According to Worden, “often the immediate family members are in a dazed or numb condition and the service does not have the positive psychological impact that it might have.”2 While this can be an issue, these families still benefit from just being with those support them through their loss. They want to be comforted. They want to be with those who understand their loss. The funeral is a supportive place to show respect for the dead, and surviving family and friends.

Do you think Americans need to be more open to public displays of grief?

The funeral home and or cemetery are the socially acceptable places for mourning. This leaves Americans with few places where it is acceptable for grief to be displayed openly. In American culture, we are taught to hold back public display of pain so we do not make others uncomfortable. We are encouraged to shed tears privately, out of sight. This can create disenfranchised grief. Worden recommends, “some type of ongoing contact with these families might be considered for the purpose of grief counseling.”2 The funeral meets a family’s spiritual, psychological, and social needs as they share the pain of losing someone loved. The funeral rite gives us a universally understood social tradition to observe for coming together. Thus, the funeral is one of the few events where people are not judged as harshly for showing emotion. This makes the funeral director's job of creating conducive atmosphere for healing all the more important. By offering the bereaved a place to address these feelings, funeral directors help to facilitate grief and allow survivors to find meaning through the funeral rite.

How have funeral directors helped you or a loved one?
Do you think Americans need to be more open to public displays of grief?

² Worden, J.W. (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy. A Handbook for the Mental Health

Visit a Cemetery this Valentine's Day

2016-02-14T08:15:00.000-08:00

It's Valentine's Day, and for most people it signifies a time for romance, sweet gifts, and happy couples enjoying a day that focuses on love. But what about a surviving spouse, family member, friend or partner of one who has already died?

Holidays provide a perfect opportunity to reflect on the memories that keep a loved one alive in spirit. While some like to visit friends or family to reminisce, others enjoy looking through old photos or reading old letters. Visiting a favorite and memorable place, special to your loved one, can also be a thoughtful way to spend the day. Visiting the cemetery to remember a loved one by cleaning the grave, dropping off flowers, or just spending time, is another meaningful choice.

Whatever you decide to do this Valentine's Day, remember your loved ones, living and past, and have a Happy Valentine's Day.

VM Book Reviews: When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

2016-02-13T17:12:00.000-08:00

Paul Kalanithi's book, "When Breath Becomes Air" takes a deep look at what it's like to have a terminal illness and to explore one's own mortality. "Severe illness wasn't life-altering, it was life-shattering."

Paul's perspective on mortality is colored by his years as a talented Neurosurgeon, having to often face the terminal diagnosis and life-or-death choices his own patients have faced. "Like my own patients, I had to face my mortality and try to understand what made my life worth living."

He shares with us a glimpse of life in medical school, and notes how it "sharpened my understanding of the relationship between meaning, life and death." And he poses important questions like, in the face of terminal illness, "What makes life meaningful enough to go on living?"

As a neurosurgeon, Paul's decisions must be made cautiously and with compassion. "Life and death decisions and struggles...surely a kind of transcendence." He shares the challenges of helping families make important decisions, such as, considering what the patient might want after a traumatic brain injury, "an easy death or to struggle between bags of fluids going in, others coming out, to persist despite being unable to struggle."

Paul describes his role not as "as death's enemy, but as its ambassador." "The call to protect life -- and not merely life but another's identity; it is perhaps not too much to say another's soul -- was obvious in its sacredness."

This book read quickly and Paul's part was most eloquently written. We learn a lot from Paul, his compassionate care, and his journey through acceptance of his own mortality.

Have you helped a friend or loved one face a terminal diagnosis? What was the most important lesson you learned?

Smart Shovel Grave Detection Instruments

2016-02-12T19:49:00.000-08:00

Graves don't necessarily correspond to headstones, and headstones can be lost or missing. In older cemeteries, changes of ownership and poor record-keeping can make it difficult to determine the locations of unmarked graves. Grave detection instruments are therefore used to locate graves without disturbing them. Grave detection instruments are also utilized when cemeteries seek to expand into older parts of the cemetery.

Locate hidden or unmarked graves at old historic cemeteries using this ground-penetrating detection device. Scan for vaults and coffins. The smart shovel is a rugged portable locating device. The smart shovel is a geophysical instrument for locating buried human remains. Additionally the device can be used for locating underground markers, lost treasures, and ferrous objects. The device works best in sandy soil often found in flood situations, and produces limited results around rocky terrain, tree roots, and heavy vegetative cover.

Next generation detection device: This product is the first and only detection device to incorporate a shovel head and sifting capability. (Patent Pending)

Smart Shovel: Portable, Precise and Simple to use

Penetrating Radar Detection

In order to preserve our historical record and sacred sanctuaries, Village Memorial is developing the smart shovel to locate graves, coffins, vaults, and headstones wrought from natural disaster or disrepair. This product has a wide range of applications aiming at developing new techniques for finding old, unmarked, damaged, destroyed, or removed graves in cemeteries with affordable noninvasive ground penetrating radar detection. In flood situations, sand soil and debris can upturn, relocate, or conceal cemetery graves and and irregular landscapes of strewn debris may necessitate handheld devices to circumnavigate terrain. Hand held cemetery search devices allow searchers to visualize what lies beneath the surface of the ground without major excavation.

G.P.R. - Ground Penetrating Radar identifies unmarked graves by sending microwave radiation signals deep into the ground . Similar to a cellular phone signal, G.P.R. records cross sectional differences in radar beam signals to tell you where things are. Differences in the soil, tree roots, gopher or tortoise holes or graves can all be mapped. Bodies buried naturally are identified by targeting belt and boot buckles. Once the grave site is located, rod probing can be employed to certify the location of a grave.

Cemetery Underwater After Hurricane Katrina

During Hurricane Katrina, graves were displaced. Japan's 2011 Tohoku earthquake and tsunami moved graves miles from their original location. Most recently, Hurricane Sandy displaced casketed remains in Crisfield, Maryland.

Different materials have variable specific densities reflecting energy in different ways.

Integrating Invisible Technology

Product Details

*Note: Cemetery Prospecting at a historic cemetery battleground is illegal. This product is intended for locating graves, not treasure hunting.

Mass Fatality Disaster Relief

2016-02-11T20:15:00.000-08:00

Our Sterilization Roundhouse is a unique, first of its kind, design that would efficiently and inexpensively process decedents in a disaster situation, stalling further decomposition, thereby preserving tattoos, fingerprints, and identifying characteristics of each person.

Irradiation Sterilization safely, efficiently and cost effectively adds weeks to the time available to identify remains before they are too deteriorated. Thus, the Sterilization Roundhouse grants disaster workers additional time to find, research, and identify the dead.

Lastly, this preservation helps families achieve closure with a funeral.

Our design concept would also safely sterilize medical supplies and equipment using safe, affordable irradiation.

Disaster Problems Solved by Irradiation Sterilization

* Slows decomposition of human remains
* Clean Food and Water
* Sanitation
* Medical Care
* Disease Prevention (kills pathogenic bacteria, prions)

Sterilization provides sterile food, water, medical supplies, waste, miscellaneous.

Most single use products are only safe if sterile, (i.e. bandages, syringes, latex gloves.)
Sterilization ensures preservation, safety and integrity of these valuable tools.

The Mortuary Bunk Wheel is easily rotated manually by its operator.

Operating Protections Ensure Control and Reliability:

* Shielding panels
* Perimeter Guarding Devices
* Sterilization at approximately 5 cents per pound
* Cobalt-60 Source has a half life of 5 years

This design is specific to disaster relief because it's modular and can be scaled up depending on need. Single, double and triple configurations share the same irradiation source; adding efficiency without increasing processing costs.

End users are countries, states, cities, municipalities seeking recovery from natural disasters and philanthropic organizations.

* Today, food and product irradiation facilities have been proven safe, healthy solutions to problems of bacteria and decomposition.

* The CDC and World Health Organization approve of gamma irradiation use.

* Every year, millions of people die in disaster situations from lack of access to clean water, lack of proper sanitation facilities, and other preventable related diseases.

Results

* After disaster mortuary relief is completed, the irradiation facility can continue to process food and waste materials for the area. Therefore, the irradiation facility has the potential to enable economic growth for these communities while ensuring monetary gains for investment in redevelopment.

* In generating nuclear power, the use of Cobalt 59 adjusters in reactors produces a byproduct of Cobalt-60. The cost of particle accelerators doesn't correlate with the depreciation in other markets, Gamma irradiation remains the most inexpensive, efficient method of sterilizing materials for the future.

Operation

With Cobalt-60’s consistent decay rate, calculating dwell period for decontamination is accurately predictable. (Diverse batch materials of varying densities require varying doses past the cobalt-60 source for optimum treatment.) Online tracking allows for minimal attendance during operation.

Primary Work

* The robust and reliable delayed decomposition and sterilization of deceased human remains for identification, transport to families for funeral, cremation or burial.

* Also, irradiation ensures safe preservation and integrity of millions of dollars worth of trucked in relief goods such as: bandages, syringes, latex gloves. Over 40% of the world's single use medical supplies and devices are sterilized in this manner.

This project competed in the "Create the Future" Design Contest from Tech Briefs in 2011.

See the entry details on their site.

Tradition in Hmong Funerals

2016-01-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

Fear of death is ubiquitous. What precedes death is as unwelcome as one's prospects in the afterlife. In Anne Fadiman's book, “The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, A Hmong Child, Her American Doctors, And The Collision Of Two Cultures”, she describes the rituals and traditions of the Hmong people.

Central to Ms. Fadiman's theme in the book, is the fact that the Hmong are a death-denying culture. Death is not acknowledged by the Hmong and they cannot speak of it. The Hmong use beliefs and rituals to help redefine the problem of mortality.

Hmong Funeral Rituals

These are all part of the elaborate collective ritual performances for the dead. These rituals take place over 3-days and include:

Burning incense
Stylized lamentation and Chanting
Dancing
Drum beating

Playing a Qeej - The qeej player is meant to guide a dead person’s soul back through the twelve heavens. Without a qeej player at the funeral, it is believed that a soul cannot be guided on its afterlife travels, cannot be reborn, and might make surviving relatives physically ill. In fact, if the qeej player is good, it is felt that the soul will have no trouble following directions in the afterlife. (A qeej player plays Ger Xiong Qeej Funeral Song in video below.)

Washing the body
Dressing of the body in special garments. Ideally, funeral garments are brought to a terminal person in hospital. The belief is that if the dying person is not dressed properly before death, once they die the family will always dream of the deceased as being unclothed or naked.
Honoring the deceased with animal sacrifices. The animals are often live chickens, calves and/or pigs which are expected to be companions in death for the deceased.
Spoken guidance of the deceased back to the place where one’s placenta is buried.
Laying to rest the deceased in a hand sewn coffin
Carrying the deceased on the shoulders. To not carry a deceased relative on their shoulders is considered disgraceful.
Burial on a sloping mountain. The Hmong believe that not burying the dead is terrible.

Hmong funeral tradition emancipates the deceased’s spirit. Performing death rituals helps to relieve death anxiety and provides opportunities to feel positive about having completed a folkway or custom on behalf of a loved one.

After death, the Hmong ask their deceased ancestors for guidance as a sign of respect. Benevolent spirits summoned home secure good fortune for family in the coming year through a “Soul calling ceremony”.

Remembrance of the deceased in dreams also helps them deal with their death. The Hmong believe that their fortunes are divined by interpreting their dreams.

Sadly, some Hmong living in America fear they will not receive a proper funeral ceremony that respects their cultural rituals or that they may not find a good burial space here. For these individuals this can be more important than any other thing in the world, and thus these families opt to send their deceased loved ones back home for the funeral.

How Hmong Beliefs Shape Medical Care

Photo by Bob Tubbs/Wikimedia

Further death denial by the Hmong people has extended to taboos against modern medical practices including avoidance of blood tests, spinal taps, surgery, anesthesia, and if possible, autopsies as well. Avoidance of these activities distance Hmongs from harm and thus death.

Hmong families fear leaving loved ones in hospital and their rooms are usually crowded with family members. The hope is that by demonstrating love, the loved one will be spared from death, either in the physical world or symbolically. To be revered by one's family is wealth, and this love for a family member is seen as a barrier against death.

A doctor should never tell a Hmong family that a child is going to die. They do not understand the different tenses such as “you will die”, “you may die”, “you could die”, or “it would be better to die”. They believe it makes death come closer to the child. It means that the speaker of such words plans to kill the person, because how would he/she know otherwise. Therefore, prognosis is read as a threat and any reminders of a terminal designation could bring relatives of a terminally ill patient to act aggressively. Instead of saying, “when you are dead,” to the Hmong say, “when your children are 120 yrs old", as this conveys the magnitude of the situation while allowing the family to avoid confronting death openly.

Do you or your family have beliefs that shape your feelings about death?

What funerary rituals do you find comforting or helpful?

K9 Search, Rescue & Recovery Gear for Dogs

2016-01-26T21:14:00.000-08:00

Cadaver Dog Gear as shown here includes a Kevlar Jacket for high visibility. This luminescent ballistics canine vest identifies and protects service dogs.

Also shown is the K9 Responder Pack, a waterproof hard shell "turtle pack" comfortably transports first aid materials, instructions, and communication to survivors in disaster zones.

Emergency response is a dangerous job. This high visibility K9 prismatic ballistics wear allows moisture from sweat and heat to escape. Retains reflectivity when wet. Light weight, adjustable loop closures prevent snags.

Rugged hard shell hydration pack affords an expandable zipper waterproof sealed pocket for transporting first aid trauma kit, radio gear and DIY life saving instructions. Reflective straps with adjustable non corrosive metal buckle for custom fit.

Trauma gear included: Burn gel, wound sanitizer, cold compress, trauma pad, bandages, blood stopper, etc.

The benefits to K9 recovery gear is that it: improves response time; enables the safety of first responders; augments intel, retrieval, and delivery capabilities; and it protects the Search & Rescue animal from hazards when put at risk in dangerous situations.

Disaster and Emergency Responders At Risk

When a disaster occurs, such as a tornado, building collapse, landslide or earthquake, it may take as long as an hour or more for first responders to arrive.

Law enforcement investigators must search to locate victims of disasters. Victims are often scattered, buried, or concealed.

An additional delay in response time can occur when there is a need to identify an unknown danger (such as an act of bio-terrorism).

The goal is to ensure human safety when entering treacherous or heavily contaminated areas.

Where Search and Rescue Dogs are Used to Find Victims

Search and rescue dogs can provide assistance when the environment is difficult, dangerous or time consuming. Oftentimes, search and rescue dogs can go and help when and where humans can't.

Search and Rescue dogs may be more easily able to search and locate victims in situations such as:

*Unsafe Buildings
*Rubble Search
*Deep Water
*Heavy Brush
*Steep Hillsides
*CBRNE (Chemical, Biological, Radiological, Nuclear, Explosives)

Delays in Emergency Response - Preparing for Hazardous Materials

CBRNE Hazardous Materials Decontamination

When an area is deemed too dangerous for human first responders to enter, there is a delay in response.

Each contaminated disaster area must be confirmed first. Then backup is called. Then teams are deployed. Then decontamination stations are set-up. After that, once responders are geared appropriately, then can begin the response efforts. This may occur hours later and the lost time can mean the difference between life and death.

Red Cross Working Dog from 1909

Working Dog in Wartime

K9 teams are trained in a variety of tasks including: Tracking, Trailing, Patrol Utility, Area Search, Search & Rescue Area Search, Building Search, Explosive Detection, Accelerant Detection, and Cadaver Search.

How Search and Rescue Dogs Help in Disasters

K9 First Aid Dog The goal in using emergency rescue dogs, is to take advantage of a their specialized senses, size, and weight to find disaster survivors and remains in rubble.

The work of K9 (canine) Emergency Responders is vital, as they may enter contaminated sites ahead of first responders to accomplish important tasks such as:

*Deliver first aid materials and or instructions to survivors
*Retrieve & deliver objects
*Signal detected materials to handlers
*Take video surveillance or audio recordings
*Comfort survivors
*Recover human remains

All this work can take place before responders are ready and able to enter a disaster area. Most notably, it is done without endangering human responders.

Wedding Rings After a Spouse Dies

2016-01-26T08:00:00.000-08:00

My mother, still wearing her wedding rings, overlooking my stepfather's casket at graveside.

This week, photographs of Celine Dion at her husband René Angélil's funeral show her removing their wedding rings from a "ceremonial pillow" atop his casket and then placing both of their wedding bands on her finger.

There are a variety of religious and ethnic customs surrounding funeral services and also with relation to what happens to the couple's wedding rings after death.

Some of the traditions for the surviving spouse after the funeral/burial include:

Wearing your wedding ring on the ring finger of the opposite hand.
Wearing your wedding ring on the same hand (sometimes this will be for the remaining years of life, or until the time feels right to remove it, or until one has chosen to remarry.)
Wearing your wedding ring on a chain as a necklace pendant.
Discontinuing wearing any wedding rings.

When deciding what to do with a spouse's ring who has passed, this too can vary depending on each family and/or culture's traditions.

Some feel it's most proper for the spouse to be buried with his/her wedding ring that he/she always wore during life.
The ring may be kept and given later to a child or grandchild as a family heirloom.
The surviving spouse may decide to wear both rings (his/her own plus, the ring of the spouse who has passed); sometimes wearing both rings on the same finger.

Something to keep in mind is that if your spouse has chosen cremation, jewelry, like wedding rings, will melt down and become destroyed during the cremation process. Thus, you must decide if you wish for the ring to go with your spouse/partner when he/she is cremated.
Of course, most decisions are made by what is most comforting to each individual, and thus customs and traditions will vary from person to person.

Have you any advice or comforting tips to offer a surviving spouse when it comes to wedding rings after the funeral?
If a spouse/family member chose cremation, what did your family decide to do with his/her wedding ring(s)?

Recipe for a Great Eulogy

2016-01-25T11:54:00.000-08:00

Many people find writing a eulogy to be a daunting task. An interesting eulogy was found in the book written by Debbie Reynolds, "Unsinkable: A Memoir".

In the chapter where she discusses her parents end of life wishes and their funerals, she mentions how her daughter, Carrie Fisher, wrote a touching tribute to her grandfather (Debbie's father). As Ms. Reynolds says, "When Daddy died, Carrie wrote a tribute to him that captured so many of his wonderful qualities."

Recipe for Ray (by Carrie Fisher)
(Printed in "Unsinkable: A Memoir" pages 111-112 by Debbie Reynolds)

"take one small stubborn Texan
preferably lean
ad a big busted gal from
                    therabouts
that answers to Maxene
fold in some railroad work,
                    a depression
two kids and a move to LA
beat in a bunch of baseball
(and) you've begun your recipe
                    for Ray
take your small stubborn
                    Texan
and gently remove all his
                    hair
build him a shop
outsdie any house he's got
and stik a radio there
sift in some well chosen
                    words
a kind heart beneath
leathery skin
stir in some peanuts and
                    coke
a tndency to smoke
sprinkle in dome "Dear Lord"
                    Help us jump in."
[Daddy's version of Grace]
add a dash of the sweetest
                    smile
some Palm Springs and a
                    little Ouray
fold in a favorite chair
the funny walk that gets him there
add "and the farmer hauled
                    another load of
hay" [Daddy's phrase for B.S.]:

This recipe for Ray
can be cooked up anytime
it simmers in our hearts
it fills us up real fine."

We thought this idea of a "recipe" made the eulogy a simple and fun way to include all of a friend's or loved one's cherished qualities in an easy to read format.

Have you ever been asked to write or have you written a eulogy?
What helpful tips can you share?

Home Funeral Wake for a Pet

2016-01-19T06:55:00.000-08:00

Pet Home Funeral Wake

The Backyard Burial Company aids families in loving tributes to their pets as well as pet funerals, burial and cremation.

When a pet dies, preparing a home funeral vigil can be a healing way to say farewell.

Bringing loved ones together to acknowledge the years of happy memories with your pet, brings us both peace and closure and allows the healing process to begin.

While some families choose to lay out their pet to view, others may prefer to hold the vigil with their pet safely inside his/her casket (as shown above).

Here are some tips and traditions to help you create a meaningful, spiritual and touching tribute to your beloved pet.

Flowers - We use flowers to decorate and beautify the casket, altar and grave space. White flowers are reminiscent of heaven. Yellow flowers symbolize earth. Purple flowers are used for mourning.

Photos - Remind us of our beloved pet, happier times and cherished memories. Set up several favorite photos around the wake/altar.

Pet Treats and Toys - Arrange your pets favorite toys and treats as part of the altar to remind you what he/she loved best.

Pet Blankets and Sweaters - Inside the casket, lay your pet upon his/her favorite blanket. Some families prefer to dress their pet in his/her favorite sweater. Others may tuck the pets clothes or blankets inside the casket with their beloved pet. Your pet's favorite blanket may also be draped atop the casket for a personalized look and cozy feel.

Colored-Paper Cut-outs - Draw and cut out shapes that remind you of your pet.

These paper cut-outs can be taped to the casket or laid out around the altar. Some people use dog bones for dogs or fish shapes for cats. Hearts are also a popular choice. Although any color you prefer may be used, certain colors are associated with healing: green and white.

Candles - Candles give off soft warm light that is healing to the soul. Candles have a historic connection to our world, due to their use in rituals over the years. Candles can be used for meditation and focus and although any color may be used, certain colors are especially associated with promoting healing: magenta, turquoise, red, yellow, green, orange, blue, and lavender.

Incense - Burning incense not only fills your home with pleasant smells, but is also used to promote healing. Although any fragrance of incense is part of a meaningful tribute to your pet, certain fragrances are associated with healing properties: amber, carnation, cedar, cinnamon, citron, citronella, cypress, eucalyptus, gardenia, honeysuckle, juniper, lavender, lemon, lotus, myrrh, peppermint, pine, rose, rosemary, sandalwood, and violet.

Above are just a few examples and ideas to help you create a healing and meaningful funeral or memorial tribute to your pet. We hope these ideas inspire you and your family as you remember your pet together.

Are you in the Portland area? Please contact The Backyard Burial Company.
We aid families with pet funerals, pet burial and cremation. Let us know how we can help: 503-512-0755.

Funeral Etiquette - How to Thank Others After a Funeral or Memorial Service

2016-01-18T02:48:00.000-08:00

After a funeral or memorial service, sometimes we are unsure of how to properly thank friends, family and others who may have taken part in the services, sent cards or flowers, brought food or kindly helped in other ways.

Here are some etiquette tips on how to acknowledge others:

Try to send your acknowledgement cards within a week to 10 days from the time of the service when sending thanks for flowers, gifts, and other acts of kindness.

If friends and neighbors performed personal services, usually no card is necessary as they are often so close to the bereaved family that they are thanked in person.

Letters and cards received from friends require some written words. These notes can be written on the inside of your regular acknowledgment cards. If your loved one was a prominent person or public figure, a regular acknowledgment card without a written note is acceptable.

It is not considered necessary to acknowledge visits and calls made by friends to the home or to the funeral home, as usually some member of the family has seen them and/or spoken with them already.

Sympathy cards received by your family members do not usually require a written response.

When acknowledging other acts of kindness including pall bearers, honorary bearers or friends who may have offered a car for transportation or other services, it is proper to write a personal note. The regular acknowledgment card may be used for these notes.

Have any funeral etiquette tips you'd like to share? Please share them here.

Memories of September 11, 2001 by Kim Gordon

2016-01-12T21:00:00.001-08:00

What do you remember about September 11th, 2001 and the days afterward?

For those of us who lived out of state when the trade towers were hit, our experiences were vastly different. We have our memories that were mostly shaped by television coverage and the reactions within our own communities.

But Kim Gordon, formerly of Sonic Youth, lived in New York City at the time and shares a little about what that time was like in her recent memoir, "Girl in a Band".

"It was a surreal, terrifying day. People....were wandering around... in a daze."

"The next morning...the streets were empty. I got very emotional thinking about New York as I looked down to where the towers once were and I saw a big nothing. It felt like the end."

"Every morning I got up early and turned on CNN just to make sure nothing else had happened, and I woke up in the middle of the night, too. This is still my sleep pattern."

"Later I found out that most of the power downtown in the financial district ran directly underneath Murray Street....Murray Street itself had chain-link fencing on both sides of the sidewalk and for months it was one big gaping hole, with the sidewalks and pavement regularly wetted down to dissolve the dust still permeating the air. 'Is this to wash away the dust of all the people killed in the towers?' I kept thinking."

It's hard to imagine being so close to the events that changed our world that tragic day.

Please share:
What do you remember about September 11th and the days afterwards?
What happened in your community after September 11th?
How did your friends and family deal with and handle the tragedy?

VM Book Club Review: Sum It Up by Pat Summitt

2016-01-07T00:36:00.000-08:00

In her book "Sum It Up", Pat Summitt gives an open and honest look at her early onset Alzheimer's, while intermittently discussing her career memories, both good and bad, leading up to and during her coaching of the "Lady Vols".

Early in the book, she describes how "a memoir is not a documentary. We think we keep an accurate record of ourselves in the bean-counting tablets of our minds,but we don't. None of us sees or remembers everything about one's life; memories are unreliable - they smudge and fade, like disappearing footprints in the sand. We're too busy standing in the middle of it to remember everything perfectly." It's a good reminder to all of us, that even without dementia, our memory is not "perfect".

She describes life with Alzheimer's like footprints in the sand being "washed away by the surf". Her earlier memory lapses had her asking "people to remind me of the same things over and over". She would have to ask "three times in the space of an hour, 'What time is my meeting again?'" and still be late. Her close friends noticed she "would forget the most important conversations". Although she said she typically lost car keys and her cell phone, she now "lost them three times a day".

At first she thought her memory loss was caused by "a reaction to medication" since she was on a "handful of prescriptions for various ailments." She also found it difficult to get out of bed in the morning, because "in bed there were no challenges. No worrisome situations that required a decision. No conversations in which I feared I might make a telltale slip-up." This led her to become "increasingly hesitant and withdrawn, to the point that" she began avoiding meeting with "players one-on-one."

Alzheimer's began to affect her coaching as well. "I grew confused in the heat of a game" and there were "strange empty moments when I couldn't' call up the right term." After spending four decades teaching herself to "see ten players at once, the whole ninety-four feet of hardwood and all the movement on it" she was starting to see "an indistinguishable blur, flashes and bursts."

She describes her "short-term factual memory" like "water", "events are a brief disturbance on the surface and then it closes back up again, as if nothing ever touched it." She notes however that her long-term memory "remains strong", which she likens to the fact that the events were recorded "when my mind was unaffected". She feels that her emotional memory is intact, "perhaps because feelings are recorded and stored in a different place than facts."
Her doctor described Alzheimer's as "hugely unpredictable". In some people it moved quickly but others were "able to stay active and engaged for many years." Pat decided to fight and stay engaged in coaching as long as possible. "When you learn to keep fighting in the face of potential failure, it gives you a larger skill set to do what you want to do in life. It gives you vision."

When she decided to step aside as head coach to become "head coach emeritus", she went public with her Alzheimer's diagnosis. Her hope was that the "audience might see the disease in a new light: as something that could be managed, lived with in a purposeful way. The great stigma of it was in thinking it robbed us of all dignity and value. Sometimes, I thought we strip people of their capacities faster than the disease itself does."

As Pat describes it, "People with mild to moderate stages of dementia have far more abilities than incapacities...just because certain circuits of memory or swiftness of synapses may fail, thought and awareness and consciousness do not."

Also interesting were Pat's descriptions of her career as head coach, her coaching style and relationships with the players. She addressed several tips and great advice for building and maintaining hardworking, award-winning teams.

Do you know someone with early onset Alzheimer's? What has it taught you?
If you were to be diagnosed with early onset dementia, would you continue working? Why/why not?

Planning a Funeral Like Comedian Mindy Kaling

2016-01-05T13:47:00.000-08:00

Has anyone in your family left detailed funeral/memorial plans?

In Mindy Kaling's book, "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?", she devotes an entire chapter to planning her own funeral entitled: "Strict Instructions for My Funeral". True to Mindy's comedic form, some of her requests are undoubtedly amusing. Yet, she also lists some serious requests which are typical in funeral planning.

Mindy opens with, "You might think this is presumptuous, but consider it a favor to you, because at the time of my death you will be so distracted with grief that your ability to plan will be compromised." This is incredibly accurate. Families truly have a difficult tiime planning a funeral while grieving.

Mindy suggests a "dress code"; mentions who is allowed to attend "no current wives or girlfriends of my exes"; decor "No candles. I hate candles."; and what type of music she prefers, "I hate original music" and "no assembly of past members or anything is allowed to sing" (referring to her a capella group from college).

Discussing the reception Mindy says, "There should be food at my funeral. I hate getting invited to something and there's no food. Something tasteful and light. No pasta....no hot food at all. Small savory finger sandwiches, scones, coffee. Basically an English tea." What she describes as an "English Tea" is strikingly similar to the most common foods served at funeral receptions -- cookies, coffee, punch and tea.

She has strict "guidelines" for speakers at the funeral. "Don't let them turn this into a roast for me. You know how I feel about roasts." And she insists, "please, no religious stuff...I'm not making some big atheist statement but I want this to be solemn because people are so upset I'm dead."

Mindy also recommends that guests be given a "gift bag" at the funeral which will include four items:

A photo of her at her "most beautiful." (This is the most common type of photo used in newspaper obituaries.)
"An energy bar or trendy body spray from whichever company is sponsoring the funeral." (Here is an interesting idea, as so many people need help funding a funeral that some type of sponsorship could be a huge asset.)
A drawing she made as a child of "an astronaut."
"A letter from the president talking about my impact on the creative community."

She closes the chapter with "Do all of this and you will know that I will rest in eternal peace." Who wouldn't love to have such detailed instructions to follow from a loved one?

The rest of Mindy's book is a clever and fun read. However, this funeral chapter was truly the most inspiring because people simply don't plan ahead often enough, and we all wished they had. Hats off to Mindy for this inspirational piece.

Has anyone in your family left detailed funeral/memorial plans?
Will you leave detailed funeral/memorial instructions for your family? Why or why not? Please share.

VM Book Club Review: Maude by Donna Foley Mabry

2015-11-20T13:47:00.001-08:00

	"Maude" in an engrossing read that takes the reader through the twists and turns of American life from the late 1800's up through the late 1960's. We see life through Donna's grandmother Maude's perspective. She describes in detail the lifestyles that once were the norm for many Americans including how families dealt with profound loss, untimely deaths and early funeral traditions. Through Maude, we learn about the fascinating transition from living before electricity, indoor plumbing and toilets, washing machines, microwaves, cars and telephones to how the American way of life changed as each of these became part of everyday life. "Maude" also describes how the World Wars affected American society. She explores the transitions of early societal expectations on women and womens' rights (including when women first voted), and how marriages and families changed over the years. The book is a well written and enjoyable read. Have you read "Maude" yet? If so what were your impressions of the book? Have you read other non-fiction books which capture American History in such an enthralling way? If so, please share.

Farewell to The Colonel

2015-11-16T15:49:00.000-08:00

The Colonel, Copyright: Viki Kind

Re-posted with permission from bio-ethicist, author: Viki Kind

"I am sad. My chicken died while we were on vacation. Apparently, the neighbor's dog killed The Colonel. The Colonel used to tease the dog constantly thru the fence. His mistake was jumping over the fence into the dog's yard. RIP"

Tribute to a Miniature Schnazuer

2015-11-02T12:15:00.000-08:00

In honor of Day of the Dead (el dia de los muertos) we're posing a lovely tribute to a miniature schnauzer...

I will never forget my dear friend "Pepper". Pepper was my trusty miniature schnauzer and a wonderful companion to me during my years of turbulence as a pre-teen up into my very early twenties.

Never one to turn down any piece of food, including such oddities as raw garlic and lettuce, she was never what one would refer to as "svelte". She was forever motivated by food, and happily and quickly learned a great many tricks when food was the reward. She once learned how to speak on command within only an hour of training with reinforcement in the form of ripped up pieces of left over Belgian waffles. Hence, her resemblance to a stuffed sausage, or as I used to describe her plumpness -- a gray little trash can body on pencil legs.

Her eyes were most unusual, not the dark chocolate brown one normally sees on dogs, but rather a creamy brown shade of caramel. I always considered her unique eye color to be indicative of her remarkableness, even after I learned that light eyes in a miniature schnauzer were considered to be a fault by the American Kennel Club.

Pepper was more than a pet to me, she was a family member. Growing up as an only child meant that my pets over the years have always been more than merely cute, furry, showy companions as we have often seen as part of the Hollywood celebrity fashion craze (i.e. Paris Hilton carrying a toy Chihuahua on the red carpet), but more like substitute siblings for me.

I actually never felt i missed out on the sibling experience while growing up as an only child. In fact, I rather liked it. I am certain that my pets, Pepper especially, had a great deal of influence over my lack of loneliness and the appreciation of solitude I developed as an only child.

Pepper, will forever be missed.

Today is Dia de Los Muertos or Day of the Dead. Do you have a special tribute to share about a pet that has passed? Are there any pets from your childhood that you remember? What was special about them?

History of Day of the Dead (el Dia de los Muertos)

2015-10-20T00:07:00.002-07:00

A Look at Day of the Dead - el Dia de los Muertos

In this video, we explore the origin of the Day of the Dead celebration. We review the development of the holiday, the history behind it, some of the practices, influences, attitudes, and special traditions of remembering loved ones in the Latin American culture.

Come See our Day of the Dead Crafts in our Etsy Store

Please tell us: What do you like best about Day of the Dead? How do you celebrate?

Roadside Memorials: A Place to Grieve or Safety Concern? by Madison Moore

2015-07-21T22:19:00.000-07:00

Exactly 4,800 daffodils planted in the shape of a heart bloom along the Route 611 bypass in Doylestown, Bucks County, where nine-year-old Holly Huynh was killed in a horrific, high-speed crash caused by two racing cars on the eve of Thanksgiving 2012.

About seven miles away in Hatfield, an array of balloons, flowers, and a photograph of 15-year-old Dennis Kee sits in the overgrown grass off the shoulder of Route 309 near Mill Road. Kee was walking on the shoulder with his friends on April 26, 2013 when he was struck and killed by an intoxicated driver who was speeding and texting.

And a "ghost bike" sits at the busy crossroads of West Girard and Ridge avenues in Fairmount to remember and celebrate the life of Jay Mohan, 26, a popular filmmaker and Temple University graduate who was struck and killed by a car May 9 as he rode his bike home after taking in a movie with his girlfriend.

By telephone poles, corners and highway sides, roadside memorials mark the sites of fatal accidents – in which a life took a last breath. Some are maintained frequently with new teddy bears, pictures or other meaningful memorabilia. Others are weathered from rain and snow, or covered in grass left unmowed.

Roadside memorials often become a part of a daily commute or a weekend trip to the shore, and no matter the season, their existence fosters two viewpoints in the community.

PENNDOT'S 'BALANCING ACT'

In Pennsylvania, there isn’t a formal policy stating rules and regulations of roadside memorials. Instead, PennDOT views them on a case-by-case basis. Over time, maintenance crews will remove them. (New Jersey limits their duration.)

“It’s a balancing act,” said Charles Metzger, PennDOT's community relations manager. “We try to be sensitive to the family.”

While respecting the family's need for a grieving period, PennDOT does recognize that some memorials can be “visual distractions” or become roadside projectiles. Metzger said that people have called and complained from time-to-time, but “it’s not a raging problem for our maintenance crews.”

That’s why PennDOT refers families to their Adopt-a-Highway program, where the name of the lost family member or friend can be placed on a blue and white sign — a memorial that is a permanent fixture, and won’t become washed away with bad weather.

As part of the program, family members conduct quarterly cleanups along the stretch of highway they have adopted to fill the requirement of having the memorial sign.

A 'COMMUNITY PURPOSE'

For many in the community, these “organic” memorials that serve as reminders for motorists, whether it’s to slow down, stop drinking, or put the cellphone away.

Kimberly Cambra, an executive director at CB Cares, a Doylestown educational foundation, said she suggested a flower memorial for Holly Huynh (pictured left) to Bucks Beautiful, an organization that seeks to enhance the beauty of Bucks County with roadside flowers and gardens. The group planted thousands of daffodil bulbs at the crash site.

Roadside memorials are “a personal matter of the heart,” Cambra said. “People do whatever they deem necessary to hold someone’s memory and keep them alive. Especially those that are too young to die.”

Leslie Gearhart of Dublin Borough, who frequently drives by the Holly Huynh flower memorial, said roadside memorials “fulfill their community purpose – to remind you of ones who have, usually, tragically passed.”

She believes, however, that municipalities should have rules or policies regarding the distance from the street in which they are placed and what items can be used to decorate.

Gearhart said a roadside memorial on Dublin Road in Hilltown Township sits “very close" to the road, and uses reflective tape – like that seen on the back of an emergency worker. A new fluorescent uniform shirt is hung every few months, “because the old one fades.” Earlier this month, Gearhart noticed the shirt portion was moved further back from the road.

That memorial remembers 24-year-old Ricco Rios of Norristown, a refuse collection worker who was killed on the job in July 2013 when the trash truck he was riding in fell into a ditch. A black cross marks the spot of the tragedy.

A PLACE TO GRIEVE

Other residents say that if roadside memorials do not compromise driving safety, there is no reason they should be an issue.

“As long as like anything else on the road, they don’t obstruct a driver’s view or cause a hazard, or violate any existing property/safety ordinances, I think they are fine,” said Mariann Davies of Doylestown.

Dan Harrah of Doylestown said the roadside memorials “definitely” draw attention, whether it is “good or bad.”

From firsthand experience, he thinks they are an acceptable form of grieving.
“I had a friend growing up that died in a motorcycle accident,” Harrah said. “A few of his closest friends would set out flowers every year on the anniversary of his death.”

Elizabeth Casey, a grief counselor in Quakertown, said the sites can be a very “sacred place,” and often times in a sudden death, it can be the place where loved ones can grieve and come to terms with what happened.

Ghost bikes, a somber type of roadside memorial adopted in the early 2000s by the cycling community, are often used to remember riders who are killed or hit on the street. Painted all white, a bicycle is locked to a street sign near the crash site. A small plaque or poster may tell more about the person. These memorials also serve another purpose: they stand as quiet statements in support of cyclists' right to safe travel.

The Jay Mohan memorial, chained to a traffic light at the intersection, includes a list of terms to describe the Brewerytown resident, including "Visionary. Educator. Goofball."

STORIES OF LIVES LOST

Not all memorials are seen from the window of a car. For one Portland, Oregon woman, she has a personal mission to find roadside memorials and “shrines,” telling the untold stories of lives lost.

Her journey mostly stays within the border of Oregon, but Jane Cushman, a licensed funeral director and embalmer, has also traveled to Washington and California to find roadside memorials, jump out of her car, and snap some photographs.

She plans on turning her pictures into a book, along with the stories to go along with each one – so they become more than just a memorial on the side of the road.

Cushman said she felt like roadside memorials were a subject that “wasn’t being documented,” so five years ago she began photographing them herself.

“It’s still really exciting because they’re all so different,” she said. “You don’t know when you’re going to find them and sometimes, you only have a short window.”

In the state of Oregon, much like Pennsylvania, roadside memorials aren’t considered illegal. The state of Oregon maintains memorials for pedestrians or bike riders, but there is no allowance for automobile-based roadside memorials, according to a 2007 study on state laws and policies on roadside memorials.

“I think that's part of the reason cities don’t like them, if they become rundown and they look like rubbish,” said Cushman.

The photographer said that from the shrines she has seen in Oregon, a lot of family members or loved ones really take the time to refresh the memorials, during times like the anniversary of the death or the deceased person’s birthday.

Cushman has been drawn to these memorials because they reflect the vision of her and her husband’s start-up funeral services company, Village Memorial, which helps families celebrate lives in ways that are special and unique.

Cushman said that these memorials are just another way to recognize the deceased and that roadside memorials are a part of the healing process for families. “People doing things on behalf of the deceased is helpful,” she said.

Our Video on Roadside Memorials

**The article above originally appeared in The Philly Voice on July 15, 2015 and was re-posted here with permission of the author, Madison Moore. All Roadside Memorial Photos included in this re-posted edition are the property and copyright of Village Memorial. Any re-posting/copying of these photos is violation of our copyright.**

About Burial Shrouds

2015-06-12T08:59:00.001-07:00

A burial shroud is a distinguished wrap for the body; also referred to as burial sheets, winding-cloths or winding sheets. Shrouds can be made from white cotton, wool, linen or other material that is made of natural fibers.

The shrouded body can be delicately carried with attached natural woven straps or inserted bamboo poles, and transported by hand to the natural setting. The shrouded body may simply be laid directly into a casket, or easily carried alone. Shroudage is much lighter than the usual (100 lb. to 300 lb.) weight of a casket.

The folds and ties of this shroud (at right) are patterned after a Japanese gift wrapping method, where presents are enclosed in material, not paper.

Shroud of Turin

The Shroud of Turin dates back to the Middle Ages, likely between 1260 and 1390. It's made of herringbone twill, composed of flax fibrils, sized 14.3 ft. by 2.7 ft.

Shroud of Grushetskaya

This was Agafya Grushetskaya's shroud, daughter of Russian Noble, Semyon Fyodorovich Grushetsky & Mariya Ivanovna Zaborovskaya, she married Tsar Feodor III of Russia, becoming Queen (Tsaritsa). She died in 1681, aged 18, from childbirth complications.

When are burial shrouds used?

Some religions require the use of a burial shroud wrapped around the body prior to burial. For example, Jews use a burial shroud or "Tachrichim" and Muslims use burial shrouds of white cotton or linen shroud referred to as "Al kafan".

The shroud is often wrapped around the body and the wrapped body is placed inside the casket for burial. Green burial grounds usually require the use of either a biodegradable casket or a natural burial shroud for burials in their cemeteries.

If you choose burial, would you use a burial shroud? Why or why not?

Portland Oregon Support Network

2015-06-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

Aging, End-of-Life and Bereavement resources in and around the Portland Metro area.

In-Home Hospice

Southwest Home Care and Hospice
100 E 33rd Street, Suite 201 Vancouver, WA 98663
360-696-5100

Serenity Palliative Care and Hospice
6975 SW Sandburg St., Ste. 190 Portland, Oregon 97223
503-639-0600

Specialty Comfort Care
503-747-3021

Community Home Health and Hospice
"Keeping pets and Families together during Hospice"
14508 NE 20th Ave #201, Vancouver, WA 98686
360-253-4626

In-Home Health Care

Adeo Home Care
7145 SW Varns Street, Suite 104, Tigard OR 97223
503-670-7260
Adventist Health - Home Care
503-251-6303
Amedisys Home Health Care
NE – 503-253-5155
SW – 503-619-1020
Comfort Keepers - Home Cargivers
19365 SW 65th Ave., #205 Tualatin, OR 97062
503-855-4415
Home Instead Senior Care - Elder Care - Aging in Place
East Portland – 503-335-0626
West Portland – 503-248-0695
Washington County – 503-530-1527
Vancouver, WA – 360-253-6028
Home Watch Care Givers
503-254-8343
Right At Home - Caregiving at Home
503-574-3674
Sinai Family Home Services
503-542-0088

In-Home Medical Equipment

Long Term Loan Program
104 SW Clay St, Portland, 97201
503-233-9511
All in One Mobility Home Medical Equipment
12833 NE Airport Way, Portland, OR 97230
503-255-5005
Adventist Health Home Medical Equipment
5835 NE 122nd Ave, #105, Portland, OR 97230
503-261-6070

Food Delivery

Option 1 Nutrition Solutions - Food Delivery
1-888-885-2386
The Grocery Bag - Residential Grocery Delivery
503-245-4595
Store to Door of Oregon - Home Food Delivery Services
2145 NW Overton St., Portland, OR 97210
503-200-3333

Family Caregiver Daytime Respite Care

Lambert House
2600 S.E. 170th Ave., Portland OR 97236
503-760-2075
Marie Smith Health & Social Center
4616 N. Albina Ave. Portland, OR
503-335-9980

PERS - Home Medical Alert Services

Columbia Medical Alarm Inc.
Offering Philips Lifeline service to the Portland / Vancouver Areas
503-644-4736

Mobile Medical Services

American Medical Response
503-231-6300

Advanced Directives

Compassion and Choices of Oregon Advanced Directives Forms
A variety of forms available for download incluidng dementia provision, values worksheets, and more.
Oregon POLST Registry - Advanced Directives - Medical Wishes
3181 SW Sam Jackson Park Rd. CDW-EM Portland, OR 97239
503-418-4083
Five Wishes for End-of-Life Advanced Directives
FIve Wishes lets your family and doctors know your final wishes.
US Living Will Registry for Documenting End-of-Life Wishes
Online advance directive registry, offers secure access of advance directives to healthcare professionals anytime, anywhere.

Bereavement Support and Classes

Portland Adventist Medical Center Grief Classes/Support Meetings
10123 S.E. Market St. Portland, Oregon 97216
503-251-6105
Providence St. Vincent Hospital Medical Ctr.
10 to 11:30 a.m., first and third Tuesdays, Pastoral Care Conference Room
7 to 8:30 p.m., second and fourth Tuesdays, Conference Room 3
9205 S.W. Barnes Rd., Portland, Oregon 97225
503-291-2261
Tuality Community Hospital
Surviving the Loss
335 S.E. 8th, Hillsboro, Oregon 97123
503-681-1700
Health & Lifestyle Center
1885 NW 185th Ave, Aloha, OR 97006
503-215-6595
SW Washington Medical Center
Grief and Bereavement Support Group
P.O. Box 1600
Vancouver, Washington 98668
Providence Portland Medical Center
11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m., first and third Tuesdays, Pastoral Care Conference Room
4:30 to 6 p.m., second and fourth Tuesdays, Pastoral Care Conference Room
4805 NE Glisan St., Portland, OR 97213
503-215-1111
Providence Willamette Falls Medical Center
1:30 to 3 p.m., second and fourth Tuesdays, Providence Willamette Falls Community Center
1500 Division St., Oregon City, OR 97045
503-656-1631

Children's Grief and Bereavement Care

Legacy Hospice
2275 NE McDaniel Lane McMinnville, OR 97128
503-220-1000
Camp Erin - Grief Support for Kids
6410 NE Halsey St., Suite 300 Portland, OR 97213
503-215-2273
Me, Too. and Company Children's Grief Support Group
P. O. Box 10796, Portland, OR 97296
503-228-2104

Physician Aid in Dying - Resources and Information

Dying with Dignity

Blogs

News and Magazine Articles

2011 - January 24: New York Times - "With Poem, Broaching the Topic of Death"
2010 - October 7: Prospect Magazine - "Matters of life & Death"
2010 - June 18: New York Times - "What Broke My Father's Heart"
2010 - January 11: New York Times - "Facing End-of-Life Talks, Doctors Choose to Wait"
2009 - September 14: Newsweek - "The Bitter End"

Other Refences

Oregon's Death with Dignity Act

U.S. Department of Health & Human Services - Organ Donation

Hemlock Society

If you know of or offer other resources you feel would be helpful for folks, please let us know so we can add them to this page. We thank you for your input.

Funerary and Memorial Cultural Glossary

2015-06-10T07:30:00.000-07:00

Some words have jumped out at us over the course of our work with funeral and memorial culture. This glossary explores the psychology of aging, death, dying, as well as funeral and memorial customs as reflected in language.

~A~

Active Dying - the process of physically dying; permanent cessation of bodily functions
Advance Directive

Advance Directive - a written document that indicates what types of medical treatments a person wants and whom the doctor should talk to when a person is unable to speak for himself/herself. This document is the combination of a Living Will and Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare.
Age-related Grief - Grief as that occurs in relation to one's age. The grief over lost youth.
Agnostic Funeral - funeral for a person who neither believes nor disbelieves in a deity, agnostics claim neither faith or disbelief
Al Kafan - (see burial shroud)

Arrangement Conference

Aqua pyre - (see hydro cremation)

Arrangement conference - the meeting with the funeral director in which you make plans for your loved one's funeral or memorial and the preferred method of disposition
Art Coffin - craft coffin used in memorial art therapy to write special messages and decorate with special artwork in tribute of the deceased

~B~

Basket Casket

Basket Casket - a casket that is fabricated of a natural woven material, often wicker, willow, bamboo, banana leaf, and seagrass
Bereavement Coordinator - coordinates the grief counseling to the families of the recently deceased
Blended Family - generally consists of one female and one male and the children from their prior relationships; may also include children from their present relationship
Burial - also referred to as interment; generally refers to earth burial at a cemetery or a natural woodland burial
Burial Basket - (see basket casket)
Burial Doll - effigy created in likeness of missing person for the purpose burial rites in memorial art therapy; promotes closure for families of missing persons
Burial Garments - clothing selected and worn by the deceased for burial or cremation
Burial Pod - biodegradable papier mâché burial container
Burial Shroud - cloth wrapping placed around a decedant in preparation for burial (see photos of burial shrouds )
Burial Swaddling - cloth used to wrap infants that have died in preparation of burial
Burial Tree - tree planted in memory of the deceased, may or may not be placed at the gravesite

~C~

Cadaver - a dead human body used for the purposes of medical research, study, anatomical dissection and transplantation.
Casketry - selection of burial coffins and caskets found in a funeral home's merchandise display room

La Catrina

la Catrina - Originally drawn by Jose Guadalupe Posada, La Catrina is a female skeleton caricature of the rich and wealthy and sysymbolizes that no matter how much money we have, we cannot escape death. La Catrina is used in many Day of the Dead (el dia de los muertos) decorations and statues. (See Day of the Dead below)
Celebrant - a person who officiates a personalized and meaningful memorial or funeral ceremony

Celebrant
Cemetery Arts - monuments or art installations present at cemeteries for the purpose of memorialization
Chevrah Kadisha - In the Jewish faith, a group of men or women from the synagogue who are assigned to care for the dead
Columbarium - an standing structure with spaces (niches) where cremated remains are secured
Committal service - a brief graveside service held before the casket or urn is placed into the ground or columbarium
Contemporaneity - existing or occurring in the same period of time
Corpse - a dead human body
Corpse Dog - (also incorrectly referred to as Cadaver Dog) dogs used for locating the dead in disasters
Coroner - an official in a community responsible for researching unexplicable, violent and or sudden deaths
Cortege - a procession of vehicles driving from the funeral service to the place of disposition (usually the cemetery)
Fire-based Cremation
Cremation - the Greek originated method of reducing the dead body small bone fragments by fire (flame based) or present day, by treated water (alkaline hydrolysis) (see hydro cremation)
Crone movement - A movement that takes its name from the archetype of the older woman, as a symbol of wisdom and strength (also known as crone energy)

Crypt - an above ground burial site inside a mausoleum

~D~

Dia de los Muertos / Day of the Dead Skeletons

Day of the Dead (el dia de los muertos) - a holidayy, usually celebrated on November 2nd in Mexico and other Central and South American countries when people honor and pay tribute to deceased relatives by decorating the grave and setting up an altar of food and gifts as tribute to the deceased at home. Skeleton imagery and statues are often used as part of the decorations. (Learn more about the history of the holiday by viewing our video on Day of the Dead.)
Death Doula - one (can be either a male or female) who aids the dying through the final dying process and often prepares the body for viewing once death has occurred.
Death Midwife - female version of death doula

Oregon has Death with Dignity Law Since 1994

Death with Dignity - in Oregon, a 1994 Measure established the U.S. state of Oregon's Death with Dignity Act (ORS 127.800-995[1]), which legalizes physician-assisted dying with certain restrictions. Passage of this initiative made Oregon the first U.S. state and one of the first jurisdictions in the world to permit some terminally ill patients to determine the time of their own death. (Visit the Death with Dignity national center for more info)
Decompiculture - refers to how decomposing organisms could be grown or cultured for a variety of uses, for instance to decompose waste; in human burial, refers to cultivating fungi for the purpose of facilitating corpse decomposition.
Direct cremation - immediate cremation without a funeral or memorial service
Direct burial - immediate burial without a funeral service
Disaster Mortuary - an emergency response mortuary team deployed to a mass fatality disaster for the purpose of preserving the dead for identification (visit DMORT - Disaster Mortuary Operational Response Team)
Disaster Veterinary - an emergency response veterinary team deployed to disasters for the purpose of collecting, treating and caring for displaced animals (Visit the AVMA Disaster Veterinary page)
Doll Urn - anthropomorphic doll used to hold cremated remains, often in the form of a soft stuffed animal or bear
DNR - Stands for Do Not Resuscitate. It is a request to not have cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) if your heart stops and/or if you stop breathing

~E~

Embalming Fluid

Embalming - (see hygienic treatment)
Entombment - placement of a casket in an above-ground structure (mausoleum)
Enzyme Hydrolysis - (see hydro cremation)
Ethical Will - a document written by the dying to pass along ethical values, life lessons and wishes for the surviving loved ones; a practice that originated with the Lakota Sioux and the Hebrews (read more on ethical wills )

~F~

Family-Led Funeral - (see home funeral)

Family Led Funeral
Fantasy Coffin - Decorative coffins made in bright colors and bold shapes that are themed in celebration of the way the deceased lived; an idea that originated in Ghana
Final Disposition - the performance of final services pertaining to the dead (Next of Kin decides this for each person)
Fluctuating capacity - when the patient sometimes has the mental ability to make his or her own decisions and sometimes does not have the ability
Funeral - a ceremony honoring the life of a person who has died where the body is present for the service (not to be confused with memorial which takes place without the body present)
Funeral Fundraiser - a fundraising effort used to aid a family in the funeral expenses of a loved one, often in the cases of unexpected deaths
Funeralogy - the study of funeral rituals, ceremonies, culture and customs

~G~

Ghost Bike

G-Burial - abbreviated version of green burial
Gerontophobia - the fear of growing old, or a hatred or fear of the elderly.
Green Burial - natural earth burial without the use of chemicals, graveliners or crypts, usually in biodegradable containers (read more on green burial)
Ghost Bicycle - a bike painted entirely white (including tires), that is affixed where a fatal bike accident occurred (usually in an urban setting or on a roadside), in memoriam of one who has died; the practice of which originated from the United Kingdom (see a ghost bike )
Grave liner - concrete slabs used instead of a vault, to support the earth load inside of a grave (not used in green burial) (see how a vault supports the earth load)
Grief Facilitator - (see bereavement coordinator)
Guardian
Guardian - A court-appointed person who is assigned to make decisions for an incapacitated person. This person may also be called a conservator. This person is often in charge of medical decisions and or financial decisions.

~H~

HIPPA - Health Information Portability and Accountability Act; A law that protects medical information and gives individuals the right to decide who will and will not have access to his/her own personal health information (see more info on the HIPPA act )
Holistic End-of-Life Care - focused on continuity of care from aging well, dying, death, funeralization and after care
Holographic Will - a will that is written entirely by hand of the person the will belongs to
Home-Funeral - a funeral that is held in the home of the decedant; it may be with or

Home Funeral

without the assistance of a funeral director, but can alleviate the need to move the deceased to a funeral home (read about home funerals) (also known as family-led funeral)
Honorarium - the charitable fee typically paid to a clergy person or celebrant for officiating the funeral or memorial ceremony, or for the musicians or soloists for their performances in the ceremony
Humanist - Humanism is a broad category of ethical philosophies that affirm the dignity and worth of all people, based on the ability to determine right and wrong by appealing to universal human qualities, particularly rationality, without resorting to the supernatural or alleged divine authority from religious texts.

Hydro Cremation

Hydro Cremation -the environmentally friendly version of cremation that reduces human remains to small bone fragments through the process of hydrolysis, using water, heat, agitation and an alkali solution (also known as bio-cremation and resomation) (read more about hydro cremation)
Hygienic Treatment - the intravascular cleansing of the circulatory system of the dead human body for the purposes of slowing putrefaction and for disease control during extended viewing or travels (also known as embalming)

~I~

Iatrogenic illness - induced inadvertently by a physician or surgeon or by medical treatment or diagnostic procedures & iatrogenic rash
Identity-stripping - All persons flying on commercial airlines would be identity-stripped by a database that would include their names, phone numbers, addresses, dates of birth, their traveling companions and itineraries, how tickets were paid, rental car information and destinations, names and addresses of businesses the passenger has used, all information about their current and past car ownership and even newspaper subscriptions. Gullette's use is different. Gullette's idea is a more personal loss/sense of identity, whereas the above definition refers to an exposure of one's personal information.

~J~

Jinazah - a funeral or funeral prayer for Muslims (in Islam)

~K~

Kin

Kin - one's relatives, referring to blood relationship. (Next of kin has right of final disposition for one who has died.)

~L~

Life cycle - The biological cycles of life from conception to death.
Life Story Review - the review and collection of one's biographical history and important life events, often in a hospice setting, but sometimes collected during pre-need funeral arrangements (how to collect a life review)
Living Will - a written document that indicates what types of medical treatments are desired. This can be specific or general. It can also be called an Advance Directive.
Living Funeral - a pre-death celebration of life to honor one who is nearing the end of life; the tone is often celebratory, but can be serious in nature as well (read more about living funerals and activities )

~M~

Memorial Art Therapy

Mausoleum - a small building in a cemetery that where a body is interred above ground
Memorial - a service or ceremony honoring the life of a person who has died, the body is not present for this service. Cremated remains (ashes) may or may not be present. (Not to be confused with funeral)
Memorial Adventure - the process of scattering a loved one's ashes on pilgrimage to location(s) of special significance (read more about scattering ash stories and travels)
Memorial Art Therapy - the therapeutic use of art to address and heal grief; artwork made in memory of one who has died; can include works that incorporate a loved ones cremated ashes, artifacts or hair (cremation jewelry with ashes incorporate into the art piece)
Memorial Ecosystem - the biological community of interacting organisms within the cemetery environment
Memorial Fundraiser - (see funeral fundraiser)
Memorial Telecast - the transmission of funeral/memorial services over the internet or television
Memorialogy - the study of memorialization and remembrances
Mortuary Arts - the science and study of preserving human remains for the purpose of viewing
Mourning Wear - clothing that communicates one is grieving, historically this was worn for a designated period of time after a death (see photos of historic mourning clothing)

~N~

Niche - a space in a cemetery columbarium that holds cremated remains (ashes) permanently for visitation

~O~

Obituary

Obituary - a notice placed in a newspaper that announces the death to the community, covers a briefly write up on the person's life and may or may not invites readers to attend a funeral or memorial
Ontological - the branch of metaphysics dealing with the nature of being.
Out Funeral - a funeral that celebrates the lifestyle preference of the individual in addition to honoring the deceased

~P~

Private Property Burial

Pallbearers - the people who carry the casket from the funeral ceremony to the hearse and from the hearse to the gravesite
POLST - Physicians Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatments, which is a doctor's order form that documents the patient's wishes, not only about CPR but for other end-of-life choices. (Visit Official POLST website for Oregon)
Private Property Burial - burial on one's home property, the legality of which is usually determined by local ordinances (view more info on private property burial)

~Q~

Quasi -Property Theory - the legal theory pertaining to the dead human body whereby rights to the body are only associated with disposition purposes only; no other property rights to the body exist.

~R~

Rental Coffin / Rental Casket

Rental Coffin - a coffin that is used purely for the funeral service and not utilized for final burial or cremation. It is designed to accommodate a fitted liner which the body is laid within, the liner is then placed inside the rental coffin and removed immediately after services, usually used in cases of cremation
Restorative Art - a term that refers to repair of the dead body to make it presentable for final viewing

~S~

Sindone or Tachrichim aka Burial Shroud

Second Burial - when a body is exhumed after some time, then cremated and placed in a family columbarium (usually occurs in traditional Asian cultures)
Secular Funeral - a funeral service focused on celebrating the individual's life and accomplishments; not religious or spiritual in nature
Sindone - (see burial shroud)
Somatic Death - activation-induced cellular death, cessation of life

~T~

Tachrichim - a Jewish burial shroud that is typically handsewn and made of white linen
Thanatology - the study of death

~U~

Cremation Urn

Urn - A container used to hold the ashes (cremated remains) of one who has been cremated. Urns are presently offered in a variety of shapes, sizes and materials. (see photos of handmade plush cremation urns or handwoven cremation urns)

~V~

Vault around casket

Vault - a concrete or metal container into which the casket is placed in a traditional cemetery burial (green burial grounds require that vaults not be used) (learn how a vault is used to support the earth load)
Village Memorial - When family, friends and neighbors (community) comes together to celebrate a life, and or participate in end of life care.
Visitation - a scheduled time for family and friends to view the person who died (also referred to as a viewing)

~W~

Water Cremation

Water Cremation - (see hydro cremation)

~X~

~Y~

Yahrzeit - anniversary of the death (in the Jewish faith)
Yizkor - a memorial service that is recited 4 times a year (in the Jewish faith)

~Z~

Zenetery - a cemetery that is styled in the tradition of the Japanese Zen Garden
Ziegler Case - a metal container that is gasket-sealed and used for shipping human remains either inside of a casket, or on its own

Are there any words or meanings you found especially interesting? Are there subjects or terminology that you feel should be included here? Please share.

Village Memorial

Welcome to Village Memorial

www.villagememorial.comComing SoonPO Box 1255Red Lodge 59068

Tear Catcher Cremation Urn

Tear Catcher Cremation Urn

Funerals and Personal Hopes

Art of the Funeral

Weeping for Ourselves

Supporting One Another

Funeral Directors Help Facilitate Grief

Visit a Cemetery this Valentine's Day

VM Book Reviews: When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

Smart Shovel Grave Detection Instruments

Smart Shovel: Portable, Precise and Simple to use

Penetrating Radar Detection

Cemetery Underwater After Hurricane Katrina

Integrating Invisible Technology

Product Details

*Note: Cemetery Prospecting at a historic cemetery battleground is illegal. This product is intended for locating graves, not treasure hunting.

Mass Fatality Disaster Relief

Disaster Problems Solved by Irradiation Sterilization

Sterilization provides sterile food, water, medical supplies, waste, miscellaneous.

Operating Protections Ensure Control and Reliability:

Results

Operation

Primary Work

This project competed in the "Create the Future" Design Contest from Tech Briefs in 2011.

See the entry details on their site.

Tradition in Hmong Funerals

Hmong Funeral Rituals

How Hmong Beliefs Shape Medical Care

K9 Search, Rescue & Recovery Gear for Dogs

Disaster and Emergency Responders At Risk

Where Search and Rescue Dogs are Used to Find Victims

Delays in Emergency Response - Preparing for Hazardous Materials

CBRNE Hazardous Materials Decontamination

How Search and Rescue Dogs Help in Disasters

Wedding Rings After a Spouse Dies

Recipe for a Great Eulogy

Home Funeral Wake for a Pet

Funeral Etiquette - How to Thank Others After a Funeral or Memorial Service

Memories of September 11, 2001 by Kim Gordon

VM Book Club Review: Sum It Up by Pat Summitt

Planning a Funeral Like Comedian Mindy Kaling

VM Book Club Review: Maude by Donna Foley Mabry

Farewell to The Colonel

Tribute to a Miniature Schnazuer

History of Day of the Dead (el Dia de los Muertos)

A Look at Day of the Dead - el Dia de los Muertos

Roadside Memorials: A Place to Grieve or Safety Concern? by Madison Moore

PENNDOT'S 'BALANCING ACT'

A 'COMMUNITY PURPOSE'

A PLACE TO GRIEVE

STORIES OF LIVES LOST

Our Video on Roadside Memorials

About Burial Shrouds

Shroud of Grushetskaya

When are burial shrouds used?

Portland Oregon Support Network

Aging, End-of-Life and Bereavement resources in and around the Portland Metro area.

In-Home Hospice

In-Home Health Care

In-Home Medical Equipment

Food Delivery

Family Caregiver Daytime Respite Care

PERS - Home Medical Alert Services

Mobile Medical Services

Advanced Directives

Bereavement Support and Classes

Children's Grief and Bereavement Care

Physician Aid in Dying - Resources and Information

Dying with Dignity

Blogs

News and Magazine Articles

Other Refences

Funerary and Memorial Cultural Glossary

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www.villagememorial.com

Coming Soon

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Red Lodge 59068