Vincent

鄭秀文 - 不要驚動愛情

2016-07-26T00:07:00.000+08:00

[Verse1]
．　　C　　　　　G/B
很想輕(撫)你　所以避(開)你
．　　Am　　　　　　F
寧願用(距)離　去令你(好)奇
．　　Dm7　　　　　 Em
迴避過(眼)神　先偷偷(喘)氣
．　F　 Dm7　　　　G　G7
吩咐(手)臂( )　放在原(地)( )
．　　F　　　　　 G　　　 Em
傳聞浪(漫)太快　愛(戀)都走得(快)
．Am　　　　 F　　　　　 G　　　　C G
才(會)　遲遲未(步)向你　說(一)世愛護(你) ( )

[Chorus1]
．　　C　　　　 G　　 Am　　　 Em
情太過(洶)湧像深(海)　而(我)卻會忍(耐)
．　F　　　　 C
但求(來)日你醒(過)來
．　Dm7　　　 G
這份(情)像翅膀(打)開
．　　　C　　　 G　　 Am　　　 Em
還沒有(相)擁別意(外)　神(教)會我等(待)
．　F　　　　　 C　　　 Dm7
待情(流)像細水　(才)去承諾(你)
．G　　　　 C
拿(一)生兌換(愛)

[Verse2]
．　　C　　　　　G/B
很心急(擁)抱　所以在(禱)告
．　　Am　　　　　　F
求甜蜜(以)前　帶著你(慢)步
．　　Dm7　　　　　 Em
遊歷過(旅)途　等一天(終)老
．　F　 Dm7　　　 G　 G7
生老(病)死( )　一起細(數)( )
．　　F　　　　　 G　　　 Em
原來慢(慢)靠近　更(珍)惜這一(吻)
．Am　　　　 F　　　　　 G　　　　 C G
而(我) 停留是(為)了你　要(給)予你護(蔭) ( )

[Chorus2]．　　C　　　　 G　　 Am　　　 Em
能為愛(戀)學習按(耐)　情(信)寄進心(內)
．　F　　　　 C
但求(能)學會倚(靠)神
．　Dm7　　 G
愛被(馴)服過更(精)采
．　　　C　　　 G　　 Am　　　 Em
連地老(天)荒亦不(更)改　時(間)永遠等(待)
．　F　　　　　 C　　　 Dm7
等你(情)願那天　(才)去承諾(你)
．G　　　　 C
無(止)境那份(愛)

[Outro]
．　F　　　　C　　　　　F　　　　C
我用(沈)默叫醒(愛)情　你用(期)待做你(反)應
．　F　　　　G　　C
繼續(行)近直至(開)始(愛)

Crushed

2016-07-12T05:58:00.000+08:00

I'm that cancer that should be deleted.

I always thought people always misunderstand me. They don't have patience with me. They think I'm that boring, negative, emotional crybaby that they don't like to be around with.

At this point, I think they're right. I have difficulties in explaining myself. Whatever I say seems to be wrong, and they sound so right from other people's mouth. I think I have another kind of mid-life crisis - the inability to express myself.

I tried. I really tried. I prayed. I really prayed. I thought being abnormal is good - we are told to be the outliers anyway. But at this point, this abnormality is nothing but a disability in me.

I moved from a city to another, thinking that it is them who don't appreciate, not patient, not loving, not caring. But I guess now it is clear that the problem is me, not them. I am that cancer. I am that negativity and destruction.

Of all the weaknesses a human can possess, I guess the inability to communicate is the saddest, unfair, brutal lack that one could ever had. Moses was given Aaron. But what do I have? Nothing.

I am sad. You probably already put me under the "again-crybaby" category. But at this point I don't really care much about what you think. It's not like you guys haven't looked at me that way before.

Don't worry. I know Christ died so that I can live again - although a life of not-supposed defeat. Perhaps one day I will figure these out.

Or perhaps not.

When you tried your best but you don't succeed...

So is it half full, or half empty?

2016-06-06T03:43:00.001+08:00

Some people is like cancer. You wish you could delete them.

The Cost and the Cross

2016-04-09T15:36:00.001+08:00

On one hand, I know I love to care about others, seeing them growing up and stuffs like that. On the other hand, it's also opens up myself to be hurt.

And because I am struggling with self-esteem, I get hurt so easily - by people whom I love, people whom I opened up myself to.

That's when words count. Words destroyed. And this pathetic little guy got hurt. A big chunk of confidence were disintegrated, just like that.

People in this world are selfish, suck it up. Regardless of whether they are Christians or not, regardless of how much we talked or promised to God that we want to be Christlike, to the very core, human still fail. Accepting that we are all sinners and that is the norm of it, move on - that's what people would say.

How much does it take to destroy a person? I asked myself. The only good thing about me being stubborn is that I refuse to accept that this is what God intended. No, His intention is beyond all these broken sins. We are all created in His image. That's how it should be. That is the standard. Yes we have all fallen too far away from that. But this is not the state that I'm gonna settle with. Because God is real.

But yes, I'm still human. In this crossfire between Godly Standard and Human Norm I got hurt. The struggle between Godly Standard and Human Norm destroyed me. It got amplified by the fact that I'm a low self-esteem person. I sucked up a lot. And now it burst. It tore down the confidence I'm trying to build in myself.

Jesus, why would you die of sinners like us? Of course, the grace abounds stronger. That price of sins - we failed to understand. It's death. That's the exchanged currency - the exchange that we have. The exchange that we can't give. Nevertheless, the exchange that God sees noble.

It hurts so so bad, just because I'm not Jesus. I felt the same hurt and disappointment that God is feeling, every time we sin. The difference is that He hasn't given up on us, whereas for myself, I feel discouraged, alone, hurt, unappreciated, and pathetic. Yep, I did promise myself that I will not rant, but this blog, today you need to withstand the storm.

I feel like quitting everything. But then again, it's the same with people, no matter where I go. And I don't know how to face this either. Quitting life isn't an option too. And hence the struggle.

Yeah and that's pathetic. But sincerely, what can I do?

Reinvent

2016-03-13T07:20:00.001+08:00

The past glories - they are the sign that tells me that I am able.

The past failures - they are the indication that tells me that I am growing.

Time and tide wait for no man.

How can I keep failing to see this, to remember this?

No, do not be trapped in this.

And yes. I can. It can be done. I just need to persist, and see it through.

It is time. I can hear the calling. I can feel the breathe. I can taste the power.

I know. It is now -

to reinvent, rebuild, and reestablish.

That is what the heart longs for.

And I obey.

Confront - that's the first step that I will do.

Grace Story - Before

2016-01-14T19:21:00.001+08:00

I ask you,
"How many times will You pick me up,
when I keep on letting You down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory,
how far will forgiveness abound?"

And You answer,
"My child, I love you.
As long as you're seeking My face,
you'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

People warned me about the emotional turmoil that I might be facing as I go through the transition period. Friends shared their job-seeking experience with me. Family keeps encouraging me to continue to apply for job. And I keep telling myself, "this is just another valley of life; go through it."

I know they all love me so much.

But much truth to say, I'm in a bitter state. I'm bitter with life, with God. I don't know why has He not saying anything at all, let alone opening doors somewhere for job. I mean, if there's a time for Him to speak into my life, now is the time to do so.

(Say something...)

As someone who constantly needs to know what's going on, I am panic. I am disappointed. I am frustrated. I am... bitter. Last new year's eve was the first time in my life when I couldn't figure out what my plan for this year is. I mean, let's just skip the part about executing plans, I do plan. I sat there, starring blankly into this A4 paper. The only thing I could write:

"Get a job."

That's all. It's because I don't know where I'd be or what I'd be doing. First time in my life I have zero control of my life situation. But I couldn't sit idle. So I started to plan.

I planned to go back Malaysia.
I felt that perhaps this is the right thing to do.

I took the benefit that I have a flight ticket from JPA to go back. Firstly to celebrate Chinese New Year with my family for the second time in my 8 years time in Germany. Secondly to try to find a job in Malaysia/Singapore. Thirdly to run away from certain people, whose presence around me will cause me hurt (people like this do exist).

Changing environment is the best move I could make so far. I'm convinced of it.

At this point my friends already told me tons of times, that

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'."

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

And I know as well that I have been encouraging people to look at the next verse:

"'Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord.

Jeremiah 29:12-14a NIV

I mean I did call on Him, and come, and pray to Him. Friends who prayed for me told me that God heard my prayer and He knows my situation. That

"'So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!'"

Luke 11:9-13 NIV

But honestly, I know my complaints don't deserved to be heard AND fixed by God. I know if He were to do something about my situation, it is all by His grace. I want to learn what His grace really means, though the biggest one is already done at the Calvary. A gracious act of sacrifice for my reconciliation with Him; a price that I could never pay.

Even so, I did tell Him I want to know about His grace. (Probably I should say to myself "You get what you asked for").

Grace.. What have you done...?

I don't know how to, and I'm not even sure if I could do it, but the song from Laura Story really touched me this morning. I've listened to it many, many times. But this morning as I was doing my quiet time, the lyrics of the song struck me. I was cut to my heart.

"(He answers) You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace."

Although I thought I have understood it, I need grace. I am so incapable, so weak to understand this. Then I started to learn what Paul meant:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

2. Corinthians 12:9 NIV

Then I was reminded again of the Israelite community as they were at the Desert of Sin.

Exodus 16

They complained (as I do) and God heard their grumbling (and mine). I am still grumbling against God. But as He was so patient with the Israelite, so is He with me now. The time will come where the Glory of the Lord will become apparent to me. And He will respond to my grumble. Just as how He had responded to the Israelite community's grumbles, so will He to mine.

The funny thing remains: We all know how great God is. We all read and heard and know that He is Jehovah Jireh - God who provides.

I understand these by head. But not my heart. It's too dangerous, too risky. But just as Peter stepped out of the boat onto the water to experience walking-on-the-water, so as the act of having faith in God - To hear His voice, and do accordingly.

Hey, so I actually need not to be worry at all, right? So pray for me, if any of you still reading this blog. To understand this in my heart. Knowing what the Lord would do, pray that my faith will be strengthened.

This is grace; this Qi Hao Story. (Part 1)

Life is..

2015-11-18T01:04:00.004+08:00

It is not going well. It is not going well.

looking forward...?

2015-10-21T05:38:00.001+08:00

Well, people start to ask me about my future. What's next after Master?
PhD?
Work? Germany? Malaysia? Somewhere else?

What about potential partner? Still single?

Found job?

Slowly fear creeps in. Not because I don't have answers to these questions. But another uncertainty of life comes in. I have been reading "boymeetsgirl" by Joshua Harris (yep, the one who wrote "I kiss dating goodbye".

Perhaps, the thing that I should try to overcome is "peace". Despite being this bubbly person, I'm rather old-fashioned and when it comes to decisions, often I do not be in peace. Because there's no algorithm to life. Whatever ways that my mentors had couldn't fit 100%. That's where I fall into dilemma of life.

I need inspiration. I need conviction.

Conviction to be in peace despite the uncertain things going around. Now I know about this peace comes from God. But I don't know this peace. Conviction to trust in Him.

Just. Trust. In. Him.

My future, my job, my partner, my life, my... whatever.

Just trust. In. Him.

Trust - an element that left scars within me. Since then I built some walls around this thing called pride. Though I easily trust any people, but I just couldn't trust God. Simply because I don't want to face the truth that perhaps what God has for me isn't what/whom I want (to be with). I couldn't just bury everything and move on.

Just trust in. Him.

Of loyalty and trust, and there isn't many whom I see worthy of that. People hurt each other for their own benefits. Friends betrayed. Lies told. One way out of this is to choose people to be around. But even then there's not many of them.

JUST TRUST IN HIM.

These are lies. I just don't dare to submit to Him. "Thank you, God, I can handle this." Said by the hypocrite. Because I couldn't live in unknown, uncertain, not-knowing. I tried, I failed, it hurt. No, I will learn to trust in Him. To have peace in putting trust in Him.

Thursday's presentation will be a good start to practice trust.

Keep me in prayer.

2015-10-15T04:36:00.001+08:00

sure, you can look down on me. :)

Dream

2015-08-03T16:22:00.000+08:00

Woke up from a dream.
A dream of having someone.
Someone who backs me up.
Someone who supports me.
Someone who affirms me.
Someone who appreciates me.
Someone who empowers me.

Who allows me to go forward.
Who allows me to face any Goliath.
Who allows me to be who I am to be.
Who allows me to be set free.
Who allows me to be.

Me.

It felt good.

It makes me wonder:
Maybe I'm too arrogant to see anyone else doing better supporting job than I do.
Maybe I'm too judgmental to see anyone's love languages.
Maybe I'm too ignorant of the things that others sacrificed for me.

Or maybe just because I know,
I don't want my heart to be conformed to pattern of the world:
Everyone has his/her own agenda;
everyone wants to defend his/her own 'territory';
everyone doesn't want to invest in thing/people that doesn't reap lucrative return;
everyone just mind his/her own businesses;
just ain't nobody got time for that.

I feel, alone in this world.

but alas, it was a good, good dream.

KoGnoLohgy - Chapter 1

2015-05-13T00:38:00.001+08:00

Closing a chapter, it means not so that one could move on.

Rather, it shows you hold no longer regrets nor grudges in it.

That is what makes you move forward.

I came to observe, to listen, to speak. I saw, I heard, I spoke.

Yeah, no regrets. No grudges.

There were happy times, there were sad.
There were times of dismay, there were hope.
There were times you wished, there were times you wished you have never.
And thru these new encounters appeared. Greater faith, greater hope, greater love.

Spiritual Fathering With Legacy.
That is, discipleship.
That is, Kingdom of God.

I close this chapter in KL. Thank you people, thank you. Until we meet, again. :')

(Don't cry, cuz it's alright)

What I gained and lost

2015-05-07T02:11:00.001+08:00

Starring at this ceiling makes me realize that,
1. I don't have much time,
2. Some things not meant to be,
3. Reunion is something valuable,
4. The consequences of whatever mistakes that we make leads to suffering of not just ourselves, but people around us as well.

Or maybe I should just shut up, when no one asks for my opinion.
Or maybe I should stop giving people hope and chances.
Maybe I should stop giving myself some of these too.

No. It's not meant to be so. It shouldn't be. It mustn't be. Faith, hope, love - they remains. Love never fails.

Mess, is what we are all in.
Mess, is sometimes not from ourselves.
Maybe that's why it is called a beautiful mess.

We ignore the one who adores us,
We adore the one who ignores us;
We love the one that hurts us,
We hurt the one that loves us.
Irony of life.
Iconic of you and I.

How high? How deep? How wide? How strong?

2015-04-17T06:43:00.001+08:00

That healing is in your hands.

I know stress is mounting on me. Slowly but surely. Thesis, exams, new church team, new leadership team, badminton progress... That's how high the stress it could be.

I know I need to go deeper. Into friendship with my treasures, going beyond casual friends, into the understanding of my exams and thesis in order to pass. I need to dwell into His Word more to have great foundation for the church. That's how deep I need to go.

I know the wide distance hurts, where I just can't be there when I know my cousin fainted. Separated from family and friends. Detached from all the world, trying to live according to His standards. That's how wide I feel now.

I know I need to be strong. Stronger to face temptations. Stronger to face uncertainty. Stronger to face the hurt from relationships. Thought I overcame, but to find myself feeling so weak, so useless. That's how strong I need to be.

But how high? How deep? How wide? How strong? No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands. Now by Your Grace I stand, healing is in Your hands.

We're more than conquerers. You keep us by Your love.

God, let me be healed. Inside out.

https://youtu.be/gvciIVl6gRI

4Granted

2015-02-27T02:32:00.001+08:00

I do wonder, why are we taking other people for granted?

A little act of someone opening door for us, are we showing gratitude to them?

Are we so obsessed with our own lives that we forget theirs?

This love that we receive from others, are we appreciating it?

This same love that we give to others, are we being stingy and calculating whether they deserve it or not?

Individualistic is so strong. We are so inward-minded.

No, I still fight to be different.

I be that difference.

Love is an action. Action is natural.

Love is,
natural.

Standing strong. 2015

2015-01-06T19:34:00.003+08:00

It sucks a lot when I have to burn my supposedly head-start in my life.
Mistakes are costly.
Ignorance is bliss until when it is caught up with you.
What a way to start 2015.

But complaining doesn't (and won't) help either.
(Un)expected things come and go.

I was once told, "we face troubles and difficulties all the time, the challenge is not how big they are, but how much we can withstand and how fast we recover from it." The technical term for it is "down-time". This is my down-time.

If I don't face it now, when will I learn?

Reanalyze. Restrategize. Reprioritize.

That monster is back...?

2014-11-14T17:41:00.000+08:00

We all dream dreams. They are normally sweet and nice. But not this time.

It was a scary dream. Not a nightmare, but in the dream my old-self resurfaced. The one that throws stuffs, destroy stuffs, screaming and shouting etc. In the dream I was fighting with all my siblings combined. Why? Just because ~~one thing~~ (Edit: It was Hohes C, an orange juice brand in Germany, funny thing about dream is that we always forget the details about it) that I couldn't find. And one thing led to another, and I wanted to take some stuffs in my badminton bag. Couldn't find, and I start smashing whatever I could see as well.

And my older brother said, "no one is going to give you what you're looking for if you continue with that attitude."

(Heck, I'm actually surprised that my brain still register his voice.)

It happened in my old house before we moved. I don't know why but that old house is rather memorable to me: seems like a lot of dreams happened there.

Mentally not feeling well. Even I myself is afraid of what monster I was in the dream.

The only question I ask now is: Why bringing this up at this time?

Decided... again.

2014-11-01T03:41:00.000+08:00

Procrastination is always fun and easy.

But this time, I say to myself:

It's time to move on.

The more you try to prolong something, the more tense it will get.

I don't want to prolong the stay in NRW anymore. It's time to move on.

I thought I could preserve some of the emotions here. It has to go.

It's time to make summary of this chapter, and move on into the next.

I have fear, yes.
I have a little bit of stubbornness, yes.

There's no point to wait. There's no point to wish. It's time, my heart says, to get done with my studies, to get over with the feelings, to get anew what is prepared for me.

It's time to restart the engine.

My Cup Overflows

2014-10-20T16:59:00.000+08:00

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..
This book is getting more and more interesting. Proverbs indeed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the table of your heart.
Then you will win favor and a good name
in sight of God and man.
Proverbs 3:3-4

3 不可使慈爱、诚实离开你，要系在你颈项上，刻在你心版上。 4 这样，你必在神和世人眼前蒙恩宠，有聪明。箴言 3:3-4

I feel the warmth from Him, when His love came down from heaven, touching you, overwhelm you...

久久的一次发泄

2014-10-18T23:03:00.001+08:00

到了某个时候，
人都会坐下来想：
自己所做的一切，
到底还值不值得呢？

等待，一段不知情的小路。

靠的，只是一个相信。

如今长存的有信，有望，有爱这三样，其中最大是爱。
哥林多前书 13:13

2014-08-07T06:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder, what did I do wrong? Where did I do wrong? How did I do wrong?

To be honest, I'm quite tired. Tired of dwelling in this repetitive cycle.

Again and again and again.

Different people. But same loop. Why?

Different subjects. But same loop. Why?

Different occasions. But same loop. Why?

那一个重复的话题。

What is the thing that I should learn but I missed it, again and again and again?

Nights like this are the time where I feel so stressed.

I feel so useless.

I feel so small.

I really want to say I refuse to bow down. I refuse to give in. But I don't know how much I can persevere in this.

Experience tells me I always gave up when I was just that close to victory. I really can't see that step though.

撑得很幸苦啊。

Innovation Indeed

2014-05-15T06:45:00.000+08:00

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

Sorry for the sudden burst of blog posts. Hey at least I updated this blog right? and the extra effort to change the theme if you haven't notice them. Been around for quite some time already.

------

When it comes to future, I'm always unsure about myself. A part of wants to be a specialist. I don't mind sitting in front of computer facing thousands (yes, literally) lines of programming codes without finding it bored. On the other hand, what I'm doing with my studies now is exactly the opposite - being a Automatisierungstechniker (someone who makes automate things) - I only need to have generally sufficient knowledge to put mechanical, electrical, economical, social etc. world into one automated, ideal world. Sounds pretty good, but for now I'm stuck in limbo state - I'm half a bucket of everything.

Why do I say this? I recalled myself telling my mentor that I want to be a specialist in one of his think-tank working groups during Malaysian Christian Network (MCN) meetings. I was kinda sure back then. Today in my Innovationsmanagement (it's German but you figured out what it means don't you) lecture, our professor invited a CEO from one of the founder of O-Flexx GmbH to give a speech. His name is Holger Ulland and he was a mechanical engineering student in this very university - Universität Duisburg-Essen - the one I'm currently studying in. You can even find him in YouTube. O-Flexx is a company that was found in 2006 and they are working on thermoelectric generators. Quite impressive according to his presentation about the company.

So what's the relation? He studied mechanical and he found the company together with another guy who studied electronics. But he's dealing with administration and sales sides of the company while the other deals with the technical side. Yes, administration. But that's not the whole story yet: He's somewhat like me - he's a feeler and emotional (yeah, he somewhat emotionally confessed that out of thin air, which I thought it was unnecessary), which is exactly the kind of person who shouldn't be going into administration side at all. Those are considered weaknesses that can potentially be harmful to the company. I always thought that people like us - the feeler - cannot go far in terms of running a company. How devastating it could be when we exert too much emotions during decision making.Yet there he is, standing live in front of me, talking to us.

The leadership position doesn't belong to those who think, those who have visions, those who are bold in making decisions, even if it could risk the survivability of the company itself. Indeed everyone, including the feelers, can be in that leadership position in a company. In my context it is the house church that I am leading now.

I've been rethinking about my stand regarding the specialist or generalist topic for quite some time already. At the end of the lecture he told us one important message that left me wondering, hard. To the extend that I missed my tram back. The next one is 30 mins later by the way.

He said, we as soon-to-be graduates should start thinking (if haven't) our own strengths and work in towards field (Meh!). Unlike sports, our weaknesses in professions are just normal and cannot be work on. It is our strength that makes us excel in what we do. I know I've heard similar statements from people around me, but this time, coming from people like him, the statement is somewhat clearer. I belong to one of those who hasn't really think much about what my strengths are. And not just that, the false humility that has plagued the Chinese community seems to be strong in me as well. It's still a struggle to accept it when people praise me in things that I do well in. Except badminton, I have long passed that struggle because I know I'm good in it.

That causes me to hold back of my thoughts and ideas. It is because I think there must be someone who has better ideas than I do, although most of the times it turned out that my ideas weren't too shabby after all. It is also because I want to give absolute truth. I don't want to give thoughts to people if I myself do not sure 100% whether it will turn out good or not. And I don't like the idea to point people towards certain direction or imparting ideas on them, because it leaves a trail back to me, if the situation turns out to be bad ("He told me so!"). I had done these quite a few times and I blamed myself hard for that after that. I didn't want to take the blame for decisions make by others. Anything except when it comes to my faith in Christ.

The person who doubts and remain immobile will always be the one who accomplishes nothing in the end. The one who dares to make a move will find out whether the outcome is good or bad. The outcome for those who doesn't will remain as what we called Schrödinger-cat observation - You know it could be good or bad, but you are not certain which one of the two.

It takes wisdom, then, before making a bold move. It also takes courage to bear the consequences, especially when things don't turn out to be what we expected. Then it takes courage again to recover from the fall.

It doesn't matter if we stumble or not, but how fast we can (and want to) recover when we fall.

So the lesson for me to learn here is to be bold to take move. Such a revelation and reminder as I start to doubt myself, not just as a master student, but also as a house church leader.

Hope these stick this time.

Solo Worship Night

2014-05-13T06:46:00.002+08:00

The rain outside.
The tiredness within.
The worry of the exams.
House church.
Relationship with people.

No, let me just spend this rainy night with You, Lord.

Let me just cast all of my worries upon You, for You said,

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:30 NIV

Let me just cry out to You, for You're where my help comes from.

My help comes from the Lord,

The Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:2 NIV

Let me proclaim that You reign, my Lord, let Your Kingdom reign.

You, Lord, reign forever;

Your throne endures from generation to generation.

Lamentations 5:19 NIV

It's another reminder for me again and again, of that moment when Jesus was crucified on the Cross.

And when they had come to the place called Calvary, there they crucified Him, and the criminals, one on the right hand and the other on the left.

Luke 23:33 NKJV

But the other, answering, rebuked him, saying, “Do you not even fear God, seeing you are under the same condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds; but this Man has done nothing wrong.”
Then he said to Jesus, “Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom.”

And Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.”

Luke 23:40-43 NKJV (Italics mine, read Luke 23 for whole context)

Imagine yourself being that person, being told that you will be with Jesus in Paradise. Will worries for the exams, relationship with people, all the wealth this world can offer, all the glories that this earth can bear, means anything to you than this assurance that you can have that is in Christ Jesus?

Calvary - Hillsong Live
Glorious Ruins - Hillsong Live
Holy Spirit (Bryan and Katie Tolwalt) - WorshipMob
God I Look To You (Jenn Johnson) God Be Praised (New Life) Our God Reigns (Delirious) - WorshipMob

One of the best worship nights ever, in my life. Should have more such night spent with God.

Das Festival 2014 - Wir sind am Ende!

2014-05-13T02:35:00.000+08:00

Are you going? I'm excited!

1. Meeting new people
2. Hearing new stories
3. Serving in kids ministry
4. Babyphone-sitting LoL
5. Surprise me, God.

It's the last BIG Christian camp by Hoffnung Deutschland (Hope Germany). Next year we will multiply into smaller Festivals.

If you're reading this, and you wish to go, head on to Hope Germany Website and register!
Ask me if you need any help.

Book 3 - In The Grip Of Grace by Max Lucado

2014-05-13T02:25:00.000+08:00

..::*+ Small Talk +*::..

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39 NIV

How powerful is that.

p/s: Sorry this took awhile to be uploaded. I finished reading this book more than a month ago.
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To be honest, my perspective of life got changed after reading this book. Perhaps I didn't speak this out, but i always had the idea that I have to do a thing to deserve ONE blessing from God. So I made a lot of promises to God, which in the end failing most of them, hopefully in return of His blessings.

Max Lucado started the book by telling "The Parable of the River". About 4 brothers got "washed away" by the gushing riverflow and stuck in some no-man-land. Then their person is revealed and is compared to Paul's letters to the Romans (Romans 1-2)
1. The hedonist - The one who traded the Glory of God who lives forever for worshiping idols of the earth. Mostly because they couldn't wait for the eternal.
2. The judgmentalist - The one who points at the hedonist and patted himself and say, "at least I'm not as bad as they are". They think they can judge others.
3. Legalist - The one who thinks his own effort is enough to bring him back to God. Or tries to. And in the end they'll give up because none of their effort seems to bringing them back to God.

"Not because of what I've done, but because of who You are"

Who Am I - Casting Crowns

4. The one who patiently waiting for the fifth, older, and stronger brother to come to save them because the Father sent him.

It's a great start to see and how these can actually relate to the people in this world today - just either one of them.

What A Mess I'm In!
That was exactly my thought half way through the book. When we talk about God's justice, the standard is so high that ALL of us fall short of it. It's so easy to fall under temptation of this world - fame, wealth, position etc. And the moment when we seek after all these worldly things, we are considered sinners. He is a jealous God, after all. And it is impossible for anyone to be sinless. And thus it is impossible for anyone to be total righteous before God.

For the wages of sin is death.

Romans 6:23a NIV

So technically you and I are meant to be.. dead.

Credits Where Credit Is NOT Due
Despite the fact that God's standard is so high, He's also a loving God. And here comes the famous quote:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16 NIV

And that's Jesus. Our salvation is secured thanks to Jesus who is blameless and sinless, yet was given as the wage for the sins we've committed, committing and will commit. It is this Grace of God that was given to us so that we could come back to God. It is this gift that we're not deserved that our relationship with God is restored to how it supposed to be, back in the Garden of Eden, before the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil incident.

Often, however, this credit is not given back to Jesus who has done so much for us. The price that He paid on the cross wasn't big enough for us to understand how much God loves us. The gift, which is given to each and everyone of us, is left unopened by some of us, because it's just too good to be true. If you want something, you need to work for it - that's how things are in this world. But it is exactly because this gift is not from this world that the Grace of God works differently - It is because you're undeserved that it is given to you. (Now open it if you haven't!)

And the great thing doesn't just end here. His love endures forever. This love that He has for you, it's eternal. God doesn't hate you just because you sinned against Him. He loves you more than you could ever imagine. And we are called to do the same.

Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Romans 12:9b NIV

It comes back to the power verse that I quoted in the beginning of this post:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39 NIV

The thing is, the whole topic about God-Grace-Sin is so simple yet sounds too good to be true. But the fact is: it is true. It is when you're in the grip of this grace, you get to see the whole core about this God.

And I'm so blessed to have given a first-hand experience of this grace. Here's my testimony on April 7 2014:

So here I am, sitting in Starbucks Forum. And suddenly this guy approached me, begging for money with a paper scribbled with some broken English. He was just another beggar, I thought.

Reminded of the conversation I had with Jien-Mae yesterday regarding giving, and I was reading Lucado's regarding freely giving just as we are given(pg110), I decided to give 2 euros. Practically 50% of the cash I have on myself now.

Then he kept asking for more, kept pointing at his paper (I've read it but have no idea what's it about). He's now looking into my eyes, full of pity. And I looked at his, a little frustrated.

Suddenly my phone vibrated - Facebook notification of a comment made on my status from Gloria who helped me a lot to know Christ.

That's when I realized his other hand was 2 inches from my phone and tablet. That explained his awkward positioning of his paper which was then beside my bag. That's when I quickly took away my gadgets. That's when he turned and fled.

That's when I understood how much God loves me. I am, in the grip of His marvelous grace. Felt like crying, not because of I was nearly get picked, but stunned and amazed by His protection over me. Our God is greater.

In short, read the book. I highly recommend this book. Ask from me if you want to read the book. I think this book gives a perfect picture of the whole grace and salvation that Christianity is preaching.

Sir, you know

2014-05-02T04:56:00.000+08:00

Then one of the elders asked me, “These in white robes—who are they, and where did they come from?”
I answered, “Sir, you know.”
And he said, “These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore,
“they are before the throne of God
and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne
will shelter them with his presence.
‘Never again will they hunger;
never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat down on them,’
nor any scorching heat.
For the Lamb at the center of the throne
will be their shepherd;
‘he will lead them to springs of living water.’
‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.’”
Revelations 7:13-17 NIV

I'll tell you what, I want to be one of them. As simple as that. As pure as that. Let no distractions nor wealth nor power nor women nor pride nor anything else in this world take away this very hunger of mine to seek Him.

He is God, the Who-I-Am, and there is no one else who is worthy, none beside thee.

Let the Spirit of the Lord, Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, Spirit of counsel and might, Spirit of Knowledge and fear of the Lord, to fill me inside out. (Isaiah 11)