Disclaimer: The following post might offend you. If you are not able to keep an open mind, or read it with a pinch of salt, I would suggest that you stop reading right now. Thanks, and have a great day ahead!

I met up with a business associate for lunch the other day, and he shared with me his observations about the fairer sex here on our sunny island of Singapore. He is not from Singapore. He has lived here for close to 20 years. 

As this is the first time we are meeting, at some point in the conversation, I said, "Oh, I am not Singaporean, I am Malaysian." He replied, "I could tell!" I was quite surprised. "Really? How?" One of the key reasons I was rather puzzled is because we were conversing in English. In the earlier days when I first came to Singapore, the taxi uncles would ask after a few minutes of conversation, "You are from Malaysia, right?" And that was because I spoke with a different Mandarin accent. Now, I think my accent has completely changed, and I never get that question any more. 

Anyway, back to questioning my friend. He said, to my surprise, "Singaporean girls do not laugh. They only laugh from the throat, but not from the belly." He went on to share, "The word to describe them is 'constipated'."

I immediately jumped to the Singaporean girls' defence. "I am sure that it is just some of the Singaporean girls that you have met. It cannot be all." He said, "Come on, I have been here for close to 20 years! I have met many Singaporean girls…" I said, "I still think it is a generalisation!" He gamely challenged me, "Well, you just go and observe from now on…!" Just in case you are wondering if he is single, he is happily married with teenage children. 

The above is my friend's personal opinion. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion, and that's his. Whether his opinion is true or not, it did set me thinking. I think Singaporean or not, male or female, we probably come across as 'constipated' at some point or other in our lives.

I love to smile, I love to laugh. I usually get these comment a lot. "You smile a lot!" or "You love to laugh, don't you?" or "Is it really so funny?" The last question came from a Singaporean guy friend of mine. Perhaps it is because my Chinese name has the word "Laugh". I am not sure. If Chinese name has a part to play, I sure am glad that both my kids have the word "Happy" in their Chinese name.

When I hear something funny, I do not worry about looking silly or looking 'unladylike'. I will just laugh. And when I laugh, I would really vibrate with laughter. Not very 'glam' I must say. But I do love a good laugh. 

One of the key advices I always give to my clients or even blog readers when going on a date is, "Be happy! Smile! We all love to be around happy people!" Perhaps I should change my advice to,

"Do not be afraid to laugh! Laugh with your date, laugh at yourself! Even if nothing comes out of it, at least you have had a good laugh!"

In my humble opinion, think it is definitely better to come across as 'unglam' than 'constipated'. And like the saying go, "Laughter is the best medicine!" According to Wikipedia… Laughter has been shown to lead to reductions in stress hormones. When laughing the brain also releases endorphins that can relieve some physical pain. Laughter also leads to a stronger immune system!

My dearest readers, so when was the last time you laughed? Like really, really laughed? What are you waiting for? Go and have a good laugh at my expense!

Image Source: www.housepaintings.net

Related posts:

1. Dating Singaporean Men…
2. Another Wedding… this time in KL, Malaysia! :)
3. The Test of Time

Have a wonderful weekend, my dearest readers!

***

“Aiyoh, you can’t do it one-la! You might look like him, sound like him, hair also thinning like him, but my friend, you are no Li Ka-Shing, you know! Stop dreaming-la!”

“Girl ah girl, you know mummy love you right? Mummy wants you to succeed, but you know, for people like us, we must be contented with what we have. This is the best you will ever be.”

Contest Chair, distinguished judges, ladies and gentlemen,

When was the last time someone poured cold water on your dreams?

When the last time someone close to you, despite well-intentioned and well-meaning ask you to stop dreaming?

Nick Vujicic was borne with a rare disease – a devastating disease where he was borne without all four limbs – yes, no arms and no legs. He was bullied mercilessly because he is different. They taunted him, they gawked at him, they laughed at him. At 10, he almost drowned himself. After he read a newspaper article about a man despite being severely disabled who went on to live triumphantly, he decided, “I will not kill myself. I will lead a full life. I will make my life matter.” Without hands, he learnt to write with his mouth. Without fingers, he learnt to type with his toes. Without arms and legs, he learned how to surf. And last month, he even did something even our Singapore government has failed to get many of its young citizens to do, he got married.

If anybody had an excuse to be depressed, Nick does.

If anybody had an excuse to stop trying to make his life matter, Nick does.

Yet, Nick has travelled around the world, gave speeches and motivated and inspired three million people.

If Nick can make his life matter, what is our excuse?

When I was 14 years old, I was told by someone whose opinion I should trust, something that I would remember for the rest of my life. This someone is none other than the headmistress of my secondary school. I can still remember that fateful day, where she stood in front of the entire class, stared long and hard at me and told me, “You are good for nothing!” My cheeks started to burn red and hot tears formed in my eyes. I bite my tongue as I knew better than to retort the headmistress.

10 years later, I quit my banking job to start a dating company with my husband. I was scared, I was worried, and do I have what it takes to make it? We worked very hard, and now our business spans across three countries. With God’s grace, we have touched thousands of lives and created hundreds of happy marriages. We have been featured on Bloomberg, Forbes, CNBC Asia and many others.

Fortunately for me, I never believed her .

Someone might have put us down, step all over our dignity and pride. There’s no excuse. We still can make our life matter.

I recently caught a movie and something the main character said struck a deep chord with me.

She said, “I will never be one of those women, who stay silent and pretty on the arm of her husband. Or remote and alone in the kitchen doing the washing up for that matter. One’s life must matter, Denis, beyond all the cooking and the cleaning and the children. One’s life must mean more than that.”

This was said by Margaret Thatcher, the first and only female UK Prime Minister. In those days, it is remarkable for a woman for a woman to become a Member of Parliament. She herself never thought she would see a female Prime Minister in her life time.

The odds were against her. People laughed at her screechy voice. Her opponents were conspiring for her to fail.

When the time came to prove her mettle, when her country needed her, she stepped up and made her life matter.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Whatever we do, wherever we are in our life journey, we can make our life matter.

If you want to start your own business, just do it. It does not matter that you have to start out small. It does not matter that your friends think you are crazy. In fact, I have learnt that the crazier they think you are, the better it is!

If you have chosen to be a homemaker, then ace it. Go all out and be the best homemaker you can be. Cook up a storm for your family so they can’t wait to come home for dinner every night. Bring up not just well-educated children, but also children that are compassionate and well-mannered, children that will make a difference to society.

You can do it. Start dreaming again. Make your life matter.

Contest Chair.

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Dear Violet,

My experiences in dating has been nothing but a complete failure. I read your success stories on how couples have found true love on net dating sites or through social events or other avenues. 

I tried being more socially active since many years ago when I was an undergraduate. I tried net dating, attended parties etc to know more individuals from the opposite sex but it always turned out to be hi-bye affairs. However, despite the strings of failures, I have never stopped trying. I began to evaluate the reasons of failure, "Why no guys were ever remotely romantically interested in me" I thought it was because of my physical appearances and presentation.  I worked hard in improving my looks, and even read up on books on dating and communication. But time and time again, with every attempt of meeting new guys from dating sites, or social events, it always turned up to be yet again a hi-bye affair or guys simply ignored me during social events, choosing to chat with other ladies.

My strings of failures really set me back. I have tried improving my looks, changing my social and communication skills but i always end up with failure. To be honest, I am totally hurted and rejected. Year after year, my attempts in trying to foster even friendships with the opposite gender have failed…  I can't help feeling rejected, unwanted, ugly and worthless while I see ppl getting attached one after another. I have also received my fair share of criticism about my looks from guys who have participated in these social events. I just met a guy this year and he tells me once again, he is not looking for a special one. I think im being written off again because of my looks.

I'm getting depressed. should i give up? It seems like a hopeless and endless situation.

Sincerely, P

Dear P,

Thank you for your email, and I would like to commend you for picking up the courage to write in!

It is not easy to see people around you getting hitched, and you are still single day after day, month after month. I know how that feels, because as I was growing up, I am always surrounded by more more attractive and beautiful friends. Guys usually only approach me because they want to be introduced to my pretty friends, or they would like to get more information about my friends. As a result, I used to have inferiority complex about my looks. Growing up, being not too well-acquainted with make-up and dressing up, I did not really know how to make myself more attractive. Thus, I started developing myself in other ways e.g. taking up leadership roles, community service, public speaking etc. At the end of the day, the time spent on self-development was well worth it, because it not only helped me develop my self-confidence, it also helped me meet my husband. 

I really applaud you for your efforts in terms of improving your first impression, honing your communication skills and widening your social circles!!! You are definitely on the right track.

Here are some suggestions to help you further increase your dating chances:

1) Get Professional Advice on Grooming and Make-up: Often, it is much easier and more effective to have the professionals tell us how we can improve our outlook, rather than just working on it ourselves. I have invested in both an image consultancy course as well as a personal make-up course. I have to say the personal make-up course is one of the best investments I have made! A good make-up teacher can teach you quick tips and techniques to instantly enhance your features. Check out the numerous YouTube videos that demonstrate the magic of make-up and you know what I mean!

2) Rediscover Your Passion. As much as you would like to spend time finding the right man, I would like to encourage you to spend time on yourself, doing something you enjoy as well. It is important that you have a hobby, an interest, something you are passionate about. It would make you a much happier person. If you are focused on just finding the right man, you might come across as too needy or desperate, and that would definitely send any man running. 

3) Explore Alternative Platforms of Meeting People: Men are very visual creatures. And many tend to judge harshly on physical appearances when put in a dating-focused environment. Thus, I would suggest that other than online dating and going for dating events, you could also explore alternative platforms of meeting new people i.e. places or environments where dating is not the main or only agenda. For example, having rediscovered your passion, you can enrol in classes related to your passion. Or, if you are interested in community service, you can be a volunteer. Dating is a numbers game, hence, the more people you meet, the better.

4) Stay Positive: What we focus on expands! If you keep thinking you are not going to succeed, chances are you won't. I know it is not easy, but do your best to stay happy and positive. Find a happy song that would instantly cheer you up. Go out with your girlfriends and indulge in a romantic comedy when you are feeling down. We are all attracted to happy people. So, you will be surprised how far your smile can bring you!

In short, my answer to your question is "No, you are not unwanted, ugly and worthless. And PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP!" You are on the right track and I am sure if you take into the suggestions I have given you, you will definitely increase your chances of meeting the right person, someone who is truly worthy of you…

Take care, and happy dating!

Love, Violet

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1. Not ‘Single, Desperate & Ugly’ at all!
2. “There are no ugly people, only lazy people?”
3. “Violet, why are you SO desperate?”

2011 is another of those years where I look back and think… "Is this one of those years that has just passed by unceremoniously?" Because as compared to say 2010, I can't seem to identify one single successful milestone. When I shared this with Jamie, he said, "You are being too hard on yourself. Look through your calendar, and I am sure you will realise that you have accomplished a lot…" Thank God for the significant other… always logical, practical and eternally supportive.

I did go through my calendar, looking for glimpses of inspiration, and to be honest… secretly hoping I have some successes that I can share with you in this 'annual report'. However, I am still unable to identify many or any worthy feats I felt that was worth sharing.

And just about then, I read a newspaper interview with the Acting Minister of Ministry of Community, Youth and Sports, Chan Chun Sing. He was asked to give his opinion on the declining birth rate in Singapore. He shared that he would not put pressure on his children to get the best grades in school. More importantly, he will nurture them into disciplined, determined and responsible people. The reporter quipped, "But that's not society's definition of success…" Chan then explained that he believes that it is up to us to redefine the definition of success. "There are many roads to 'success' ", he said.

Which led me to think… What is my definition of success?

My definition of success like many others' are "Wealth, financial freedom, high-flying career, fame…" In other words, no failures. The reason I felt that I do not have many 'successes' to share this year is because even though I did embark on several new projects this year, most of them either did not pan out well or did not achieve the level of results that I wanted. This of course has caused me many endless frustrations throughout the year.

As I reflected on this, I suddenly had an epiphany… Steve Jobs would have been the epitome of success for many. Yet, as cancer slowly took over body and his life, I believe something he wished for, something that none of his success could buy is… to regain his health. To have more time to spend with his family. To watch his children grow up.

Closer to home… I have attended many funerals this year. Many of which were precious lives snuffed out by cancer. There were three deaths that I took especially hard. Not because the others who have passed on were not precious in my eyes. But it is because I felt that these three people had their lives cut short, their dreams unfulfilled. They died so young. Too young. They would never have the chance to see their children grow up, graduate, get married. Nor would they have the chance to grow old with their loved ones. Nor would they get to experience doting on their grandchildren. Yet… even as they battled cancer knowing that they did not have long to live, they were determined to live a full and complete life. They continued to inspire the people around them with their unyielding passion and perseverance. 

And then I realised… with all that I have been blessed with, what right do I have to complain? Why am I here whining and lamenting? The problem is… my definition of success.

I HAVE TO redefine success. Success is not about material wealth. Success is not about keeping up with the Joneses. Success is not about living up to societal expectations. Because when people are at their deathbeds, their dying wish have never been, "I wished I could have made more money or I wish I have run more businesses…". In fact, I read a report this year about the 5 biggest regrets that people have when they are dying, and the one that struck a chord with me is… 

I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

It has finally dawned on me that:

Success is not a destination. It is a journey.

Success is not defined by others. It is defined by what you hold most important to you.

So, what is success?

Success to me is…

A happy marriage, a happy family.

A healthy body, a healthy mind.

Ability to make a difference in people's lives.

With my newly redefined meaning of success, the year 2011 has actually been an extremely successful year!!!

Jamie and I celebrated our 6th year wedding anniversary and our 11th year of being together. He has always remained my rock, my anchor, my cheerleader. Despite my hectic travelling schedule, I have spent a lot of quality time with my parents as well as my two wonderful children. Through Corum and Cara, I have learned to play, to laugh and to smell the roses.

I have never felt healthier… having lost weight and maintaining the weight loss with occasional exercise (I should do more!) and healthy eating.

And everyday, I am making a difference to people's lives through my chosen vocation. Wedding bells have been ringing throughout the year. And we have also been informed of many 'Lunch Actually Babies'. And thanks to my unique profession, I have also been invited to share my journey thus far at many meetings, forums and conventions – giving me a chance to inspire others to either pursue their own entrepreneurial journey or to be in a happy and fulfilling relationship, or both.

Yes, year 2011 has been a SUCCESS! Wow, isn't it amazing how a slight change of perspective changes EVERYTHING?!

To all of you – my family, my friends, my readers who have touched my life in one way or another, I would like to take this opportunity to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart… thank you for making a difference in my life.

And as we usher in the year 2012, I hope you too will take some time to reflect on what success means to YOU…

Happy New Year my dearest friends!

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Yes, when I was growing up, that was my goal. To get married by the time I am 26, and to have my first child when I am 28.

I am very blessed… when I finally got married, I actually 'beat' my goal by a year. Jamie and I got married when I was 25 and he was 29. And among our friends, we are one of the few that so-called 'married young'.

Why did I have a target to marry by 26 years old?

Come to think about it… I am not sure. Perhaps I grew up in a family where my parents are deeply in love, and have a stable marriage. I am sure they have their set of marital challenges like everybody else, but they managed to ride through the storms and they provided me with a happy and secure family environment.

Having such a goal since young, I have never been shy to share this goal with people whom I know or guys whom I am dating seriously. I know, I know… some people would ask,

"Aren't you afraid that guys would run away?"

"Aren't you afraid that guys would think that you are desperate to get married?"

"Violet, why are you SO desperate?"

In life, we all have goals and dreams. And at the beginning of every year, we will often set new year resolutions… setting our goals for the upcoming year. And since we can set goals for our career, our health, our travel plans… in other words every single aspect of our lives, why can't we set a goal for our lifelong happiness?

Why are we so afraid to be termed as 'desperate'? Why are we so scared to declare our true intentions? Why are we so worried that we cannot even set our own rules? Instead, we're being ruled by what others want. And some of us are so afraid that we will even go out of our way to tell others… "I don't really need to get married…" when deep down, that's what you truly and deeply yearn for.

With everything in life, you will not succeed unless you have a dream, a strong belief and an action plan.

If you do not even dream of getting married, why would you end up being married?

If you do not believe you would ever be able to get married, chances are you won't.

And you can dream and believe all you want, but if you do not do anything about it, then it's highly unlikely your dream girl or prince charming would just fall from the sky.

Life is short. Do not spend time worrying about what others might think of you or say about you. You cannot please everyone, and neither should you. Do what you think is right. If you are not going to 'fight' for your own happiness, nobody will.

My wish for you in 2012…

For those who are single and looking… be bold. Dare to dream and set a goal for your lifelong happiness. It might not happen overnight or it might not even happen in the year 2012, but if you have a dream that you truly believe in, and you work towards your goal, you can only be one step closer to finding love.

For those who are in a relationship not sure where it is heading… be courageous. What was your dream? Was it to get married by the time you are 26, 28, 30 or 35 years old? Whatever it was, put your foot down and declare your intention. The right guy or girl would not run. Yes you heard me right. He or she might feel very uncomfortable or even scared, but the right person would not bolt. If he or she quits on you, then he or she was never the right one to begin with.

For those who are in happy and fulfilling relationships… be thankful. I am really glad that you have made the right choice. Treasure and cherish your partner for you are truly blessed to have found one another.

To my dearest readers, Merry Christmas and have a wonderful year ahead!

If you feel that this post might benefit your single friends who are looking for love, please tweet it or share it on Facebook. Thank you in advance!

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Have not updated my blog in months. And the significant other has started to nag me. 'When was the last time you blogged?' he asked.

The reason for the lack of blog posts is usually the same. The lack of time. Or more often the lack of inspiration.

And I guess, the truth is…

The strive for perfection.

I am unable to post up a blog post that I do not feel strongly about. In other words, I refuse to write for the sake of writing. Maybe I should. Because then, I would probably have more frequent posts, and more regular readers.

The strive for perfection is also often the bane when it comes to singles looking for a mate.

Is he tall enough? Is she pretty enough?

Does he earn enough? Is she slim enough?

Is he really nice? Or is he faking it? Or why is he SO nice? There must be something wrong with him.

And when we finally meet the right person, we realise that, they are not perfect after all. Because we have come to realise that it is not possible to find someone who's perfect. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and more often than not, we have many flaws.

It is better to build a relationship with someone who is 'not so perfect' but whom you love, rather than spend your whole life trying to look for that perfect someone, only to be sorely disappointed to know that he or she does not exist. 

And so, what is the definition of perfect?

After being in a relationship with the significant other for 11 years, and being married for 6 years… I have realised that… life's perfect when you are contented…. and happy. It's all in your state of mind.

When you are feeling fulfilled and blissful, everything is perfect…

You can't search out perfection. Perfection will come searching for you! When you have finally put away your check list syndrome, get rid of your emotional baggage, lower your defences, open up your heart… and go into the relationship with an open mind, and a positive attitude.

All the best in your path to meeting perfection…!

P/S I promise I would work on posting more regularly instead of seeking perfection.

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Honestly, I was quite put off with the movie title at first. Love in Space? Hmm…

However, I was attracted to the star-studded cast (Aaron Kwok, Eason Chan, Rene Liu, Xu Fan, Angelababy), and hey, it's a love comedy after all right? Thus, when offered a pair of tickets by omy.sg to catch the preview screening, I decided to give the movie a chance.

To cut the long story short, the movie revolves around a mother and her three daughters who have achieved much in life, but there's something missing in all their lives… you guess it… L.O.V.E. As the story unfolds, we are introduced to the mother and the three lovely daughters – their lives, their aspirations and their love matches.

The movie explores many different themes of romantic love.

Between the mother and her love match, it is about companionship between two people in their twilight years, two people sharing the same interest – cooking. Will love blossom?

Between the first sister and her fellow astronaut (that's probably where the cheesy movie title comes from…), it is about lost love found. They used to date each other, but due to some misunderstandings, they broke up. Will they rekindle their long lost relationship?

Between the second sister and her match, it is about putting aside prejudices and differences, and working together to make a seemingly impossible relationship to work. Will it work?

And between the youngest sister and her beau, it is a love story between a superstar and a 'commoner'. Will she choose love over her career? After all, she has signed a contract to not be in a relationship for 5 years.

Out of the four love stories, the most touching story for me is the love story of the second sister. It is a most unlikely match because she is a cleanliness freak (she actually has to see a psychiatrist for her condition), and he is a rubbish collector. Well, to be fair, he is the only heir in the family-run business, but unfortunately he is involved in the daily operations. They had a false start to their could be relationship, and at one point, it seemed as it their relationship would not stand a chance. But as fate would have it, they ended up bumping into each other again, literally. What really made this love story work is also the chemistry between the actor (Eason Chan) and the actress (Gwei Lun-Mei). 

I would give this movie a 7 out of 10 rating. It is entertaining enough, there were many scenes that got the whole cinema laughing out loud. It is touching enough, quite a number of scenes made me tear. And I did walk out of the movie theatre, feeling that it is time well spent. Even hubby who was initially dragged there to watch the movie had a good time. That says something! 

The movie is out in all major cinemas today in Singapore, Malaysia and Hong Kong. Go catch it now! 

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Recently, an associate shared with me that she and another colleague of ours are very envious of me, because I have snagged such a great guy. My hubby Jamie comes across as a good husband as well as a good father. They even said that my hubby's type of man is probably in extinction. It is not possible to find a man like that anymore.

When I shared this later with my hubby, I said with mock indignant, "How come nobody says that you are a lucky guy?" Hubby said without missing a beat, "I am a lucky guy!" See, I love this man! 

Jokes aside…. I thought it is long overdue that I share some tips with my dear readers on how to 'snag' a great guy, as truly, I know and believe with all my heart that I am blessed to have met and later 'snag' my dearest hubby. I give thanks everyday to have such a wonderful husband and fantastic father for my children.

So, here's my 'secret' step-by-step approach:

Step 1: Ask yourself, "What is my definition of a great guy?"

Problem is, we are often looking at the wrong things. Before I met Jamie, my definition of a great guy or at least an ideal guy for me is someone who is outgoing, talkative, life of the party… and of course he must be witty and humorous. Anybody who have met Jamie would definitely NOT have used the above adjectives to describe him.

In fact, when I invited him to come for my high school reunion, he asked if he could bring a book, and I said OK. And when he first met some of my ex-colleagues from the bank, they actually asked me, "What do you see in him?!" because he was so quiet then and did not say much. 

I am definitely blessed because even though I must admit I was initially attracted to Jamie for biologically-driven reasons, when I got to know him better, it was beyond the surface. I realised that he is indeed my soul mate because among others, we share the same values and same life goals. It no longer mattered that he is not outgoing, talkative and life of the party…! Now, I wondered what was I thinking then?!

The most brilliant diamond is often hidden underneath what might seem like a rough rock. Look beyond the surface. Your perfect match might not come in the package that you expect, but if you could just spend some time to get to know him better, he could be the perfect guy for you.

Step 2: Being happy on your own

Are you happy on your own? Or are you looking for a man to fill the huge empty space in your life? Is this an important question, you might ask? Yes it is. Because depending on your answer, the approach you take to life and finding a man would be very different. 

A woman who is happy on her own comes across as self-assured and confident, and of course happy. A woman who has a huge gap to be filled usually comes across as needy. And being too needy will definitely send most guys packing.

Basically, men want to be with women who are happy, who are contented, who are positive and optimistic. Why? Because when they imagine a future with you, they want to feel warm and fuzzy inside, and not shudder in cold sweat. No man wants to be part of a quarrelsome household. If during the dating and courting stage, you are already complaining and nitpicking about everything under the sun, chances are, he will definitely think twice of continuing with the relationship. 

Are you currently happy? If you are not, find out why. Fix that first. What is your childhood passion? Go pursue your passion. What is a hobby you have been dying to pick up? Do it now. Where do you want to travel to? Apply for leave and pack your bags. When you are a truly happy person, guys will flock to you like bees to honey. Because honestly, we are all attracted to happy people. 

Step 3: Rediscover your Kindness Quotient

Many men, when asked what attracted them to their wives, did not say that because she was pretty or beautiful or even sexy. Many actually said, because she is kind. Are you shocked? Some has also called it the 'Specific Act of Kindness'. Men like women too have certain soft spots and insecurities. Some women worry about coming on too strong. If he is the right type of guy, he probably would not think badly of you. He would just be touched that you are so thoughtful. 

Jamie has shared with me that an act that won him over was when I bought him fizzy cola candies from the nearby cinema, and I dropped them off at his place. To me, it was just a random act, as I happened to be watching movies with friends, and I knew that he likes fizzy cola candies. But for him, the act has spoken volumes.

Another girl I know dedicated her time to helping the guy lose weight even before they become an item. She was so patient, supportive and encouraging, and the guy was so completely touched by her. They eventually got together and he gave her one of the sweetest marriage proposals I have ever heard. And he absolutely adores her.

Men do not like materialistic women. Men do not like opportunistic women. Men do not like to be taken for a ride. In short, men are not stupid.

Instead of thinking of what you can get from the guy, think of what you can give him. And actually, a great guy is not looking for much. He is simply looking for someone who appreciates him for who he is, and someone who is not afraid to give or wear her heart on the sleeve.

At the end of the day, like anything in life, your mindset will determine your behaviour which will in turn determine your actions. If you do not believe that it is possible to 'snag' a great guy, because they are an extinct species, chances are… you won't!

All the great guys are NOT married or gay. There are actually many wonderful men out there if you bother to search and scour. Keep your eyes and mind open, and I assure you, you will be surprised that your 'great guy' could be right under your nose!

Happy dating! 

Related posts:

1. What is your Dating Mission Statement?
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People have often asked me, "When a first date does not progress beyond a second date, what is the main reason?"

The answer given by singles is often the same.

"No chemistry."

When people talk about chemistry, they are hoping to feel the sparks, the 'electricity' or the flutter in the heart. But honestly, if you asked me, that's usually 'lust at first sight' and not 'love at first sight'. 

Love needs not always be 'at first sight'. Let me share with you a Lunch Actually success story that I have just heard today. *super happy*

They are both from the financial industry. He is about 10 years older. When they first met at the first date arranged by us, she was actually not bowled over by him. In fact, she said, "Could you find me someone taller the next time?" and "I don't think I am comfortable dating someone who's not within my age group…" and "He talks a lot about work!"

What did touch her is his personality – his consideration and his kindness. Even though he was late for the first date, he apologized and bought her dinner (we do arrange dinner dates when requested by our clients  ). And subsequently when he knew that a relative of hers was undergoing an operation, he checked on her right after the operation to see if everything went OK. 

And now… a year later, after getting to know each other better, they have found the perfect match in each other. And they are tying the knot!!!

Love at first sight can be an extremely romantic notion. But if she has decided not to go on a second date, and subsequently a third and fourth date, because she did not feel the sparks at first… she would have missed out on the chance on finding her soul mate.

Hence, to all singles out there is… when you are contemplating a second date and you feel that there's no chemistry…

Give him/her a chance. Give yourself a chance. Give love a chance.

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3. 3 Little Words… I Love You!

Close to two years ago, I made a 20 hours journey from Singapore to Rochester, United States with much joy and happiness in my heart as I was going to witness the happy union between two wonderful individuals, my best friend Dr Yap Tsiao Yi and her boyfriend of 9 years Dr Tan Tow Shung.

Last Friday, I made a one hour journey from Singapore to Penang. But this time, it was with a heavy laden heart. Tow Shung has returned to the arms of the Lord last Wednesday on 18 May 2011. When I first heard the news, my first reaction was shock, followed by grief.

Tow Shung was diagnosed with advanced stage metastatic esophageal cancer in Oct 2007. He was only 29. Tow Shung went to Chung Ling High School in Penang before pursuing his medical degree at IMU (then known as IMC) in Kuala Lumpur. He was on the Dean's List. He was the President of the Student Council. Later, he went off to complete his medical degree at McGill University together with Tsiao Yi. Thereafter, he started his medical career at the world-renowned Mayo Clinic. He had an amazing and bright future ahead of him. 

Many people would have asked "Why me?" Many would have curse God. Many would have turn away from their faith. But Tow Shung never did that. His faith in the Lord has never wavered in the last 3 years and 7 months. Tow Shung passed away peacefully at home, lying on his bed, with his wife and best friend Tsiao Yi by his side. And at his bedside table was his bible and other Christian literature.

At the wake service, his soon-to-be 90 years old grandfather shared his memories of Tow Shung. His grandfather said that Tow Shung was a great organiser – he organised his 50th, then 60th wedding anniversary celebration. Tow Shung promised to organise his 90 years old birthday this year…

His mother shared that one of the best qualities of Tow Shung is his sense of responsibility. Even when he was about 4 years old, she could rely on him to look after his baby sister and report on all the important things that have happened while his mum was away.

His younger sister shared about his humility and his consideration for others. She told us about how towards the last few weeks of his life, as his body started to jerk uncontrollably at times and he would drop his utensils or food at the dining table and he would apologise profusely, when their mother would be happy to scold the table instead.

His father spoke about reading the many well-wishes and kind notes on the blog that Tow Shung has created on Caring Bridge to share his journey with cancer. Yes, Tow Shung called it a journey. His father was overwhelmed and in awe with the many messages left on his blog… knowing how many lives Tow Shung has touched and inspired: doctors, nurses, patients, friends and strangers alike all around the world.

Many have written about him in their blogs and their Facebook statuses. One young medical student is so inspired by Tow Shung that he has decided to start a medical blog. He said Dr Tan Tow Shung is his role model.

Tow Shung was not only a serious student but he also knows when and how to have fun. His buddy, a fellow doctor, shared the beautiful memories and fun times they had while studying abroad in this video. 

I never got to know Tow Shung as well as I would have liked as he and Tsiao Yi were based in the US, and me in Asia. Yet, reading his blog, I have been deeply inspired by his strength and his courage as he journeyed along the last 3 years and 7 months. Many would have given up and turned bitter with life. Many would have just stopped living, and just let cancer take over their life. But he did not do that.

Tow Shung went on to complete his specialist studies at Mayo Clinic. He tied the knot with his college sweetheart Tsiao Yi after 9 years of courtship.

It was a very beautiful and touching wedding and I am so grateful that I could be there to witness their testament of true and unconditional love. Many were initially apprehensive of their union as he has stage 4 cancer. However, my brave best friend never hesitated as she said 'yes' to his marriage proposal. In the last 3 years and 7 months, she has been his greatest supporter, his caretaker and his pillar of strength.

As they returned to Malaysia last year, he could have just stayed at home and rest, we would all have understand… but yet he continued to touch lives and inspire others as he joined Penang Medical College as a lecturer.

The pastor at the funeral service was right… Tow Shung has lived a full and complete life. Tow Shung has lived his life to the fullest.

At the funeral service last Saturday, there was not one dry eye in the church. Tow Shung has touched all of us in so many ways. He was a faithful believer, a loving husband, a filial son, a caring physician and a loyal brother, nephew, cousin and friend.

His strength and his courage would continue to inspire us all. His positive take on his journey as a cancer patient will always remind me that…

We ALWAYS have a choice. We can either curse and complain when life throws us a curve ball. Or we can face up to it and make the best out of life and live our life to the fullest. For that, I forever thank him…

Tow Shung, till we meet again on that beautiful shore…

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1. My Best Friend’s Wedding
2. Till death do us part…
3. When 2 becomes 1