Viralroots

CNN Hologram Almost Star Wars Cool

2008-11-04T19:19:00.001-08:00

Help me, Wolf Blitzer, you're my only hope!

Who knows how long this video will be up for, but it's sorta sweet. CNN has unveiled this hologram technology that projects 3D renderings of remote correspondents into the studio. It's like, the future, or something.

Black Panthers Guard Polling Place

2008-11-04T15:40:00.000-08:00

Ahh, it's just like election day in Sierra Leone. Good times.

Find Your Polling Place With Google Maps

2008-11-03T22:29:00.000-08:00

It's election day. Do you know where your polling place is? Let Google tell you with this handy little maplet.

CNN will be live for the next twenty plus hours. It's like Gulf War 1 all over again.

We're taking a survey. What do you think we should do with this blog after the election is over?

We've made it pretty clear that we don't particularly like either candidate. But we do like gambling. And intrade.com says that the money is on Barack Obama. Money talks, and the money is giving Obama 347 electoral votes and McCain 191 electoral votes.

I'm watching CNN right now. Was that Dave Chappelle on stage with Joe biden? It sorta looked like him.

If you vote in California and you like other people telling you how to vote, here's he official Viralroots Voting Guide:

STATE MEASURES
1A. No
2. Yes
3. No
4. No
5. No
6. No
7. No
8. No
9. No
10. No
11. Yes
12. No

May the best man win. And if he doesn't, please, try not to resort to violence.

This is Philip Marlowe, signing off.

Viral Video Of The Week

2008-10-23T20:41:00.001-07:00

Sorry for not posting in a while, but I've basically spent the past two weeks searching endlessly for this video. It's so sad, yet I can't stop watching. Skip to about 2:30 in to see this poor girl take the fall of a lifetime. Oy.

At Least We Have Sarah Palin

2008-10-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

Another day, another 360 points down the poop shoot. At least there's Tina Fey and her impression of that Ice Road gremlin to keep up smiling. PS, I just heard a guy on CNN say, not playing the stock market is pretty sound advice.

Viral Video Of The Week

2008-10-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

Duh, Homer Simpson Tries To Vote For Obama.

Below is a rant. And not even a good one. So if that doesn't float your boat, just watch the Simpsons video and move on.

I've been an absent leader this week. I just recently discovered that I have a day job. So I'm gonna make up for it by just saying a bunch of random shit right now.

Firstly, everyone is insane.

I love that Sarah Palin won last night's debate simply because she survived. I'm sick and tired of feminists bitching about glass ceilings, but god forbid Joe Biden raise his voice to a girl.

Anyone who can even pretend that Palin is ready for DC or adds something to the ticket is entirely delusional. It's not even a discussion. It's simple physics. There's not an industry in the world that would hire someone this unprepared to be their CEO's backup. Arguing otherwise is like saying you can flap your arms and fly to the moon.

By the way, if I ever found myself having a conversation with someone that speaks and gestures and behaves the way she does, I'd probably blow my brains out. Could you imagine asking someone questions that consistently either answers different questions or doesn't answer at all? If she's VP, there might be heads of state slitting their wrists in meetings.

Maybe I'm an asshole because I'm from a big city, but it seriously blows my mind that anyone of this personality type can tie their shoes, yet alone make it into the public spotlight. I've only seen people like this in the movie FARGO and on the show Ice Road Truckers. God help these people.

I could just keep on posting links to the Katie Couric interview etc, but PETA says I can no longer beat dead horses.

Senator McCain: Congratulations, you blew it. And I wait with baited breath for you to "make famous" those responsible for the billions of dollars in pork attached to this bailout bill that you voted for. At least you were neither "absent" nor "present" this time.

I could go into our downward spiral towards socialism and rip into Obama and talk about how Schwarzenegger threw us Californians under the bus, but this has been exhausting. I'll save all that for another time.

BANKING HOLIDAY

2008-09-29T12:36:00.000-07:00

I should probably be busy in the lab writing amazingly witty blog posts and honing my comic stylings, but I opted for jumping out my second story window instead. In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea. When I decided to jump, the DOW was down 700 points. But as I lay in the bushes, I can hear the radio from upstairs and it seems the DOW has recovered and is only down 563 points now. Drat. I always jump the gun. In the meantime watch this "shocking video unearthed" of Democrats being dumb and inter-titles made by a ten-year-old. Okay nevermind down 748. And they keep blaming the Jews!

Sarah Palin Swimsuit Beauty Pageant Video

2008-09-26T18:48:00.000-07:00

CORRECTION

Ignore the below Viral Video Of The Week. It's crude and I apologize. My Bubbie already called and said she fell out of her chair when she saw it. Shame on me. Rather, enjoy the sensual curves of Sarah Palin in a one-piece sweatin it to the 80s. And when I say sensual curves, I mean dumpy ass. What's next? John McCain hosting a 1992 wet t-shirt competition in Ft. Lauderdale? No wonder my people love him down there.

Viral Video Of The Week

2008-09-26T10:21:00.000-07:00

For the record, I just wanna say that I'm by no means proud of posting this video. That is all.

Top 5 Hurricane Ike Clips

2008-09-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

There's sorta nothing funnier than reporters facing certain death in the name of responsible journalism. Here are some of the highlights from hurricane Ike live coverage.

1. Geraldo Rivera takes a nasty fall into raw sewage. He even says he's "gonna be the star of YouTube now."

2. Weather Channel reporter blown away by huge gust, keeps reporting.

3. Drunken Dancing Chicken Wastes Anderson Cooper's Flavor.

4. Reporter broadcasts from inside giant swells.

5. (Not hurricane Ike but too funny to not post) Female Weather Channel reporter gets blown into a truck screaming.

Happy Monday!

2008-09-22T10:30:00.000-07:00

Viral Video Of The Week

2008-09-19T12:17:00.000-07:00

Here at viralroots.com, our top secret proprietary algorithm crunches away 24/7 so that on a fairly regular basis, we can bring you the Viral Video Of The Week. And the algorithm is never wrong. Sometimes it feels wrong when the the Viral Video Of The Week happens to be Ninja Cat, but I assure you, it's not. Don't blame the algorithm. Blame the tubes. Kisses. Marlowe.

Hilarious Anti Sarah Palin T-Shirt

2008-09-17T16:48:00.000-07:00

I know our readers aren't exactly the sharpest in the tubes. In fact, when I was showed this I was told it was pro Palin. Well, clearly it's not. You see, once upon a time, a movie came out called JUNO. And JUNO was about a teenage girl having an unplanned pregnancy. She chose to keep the baby. And then, a gal no one heard of named Sarah Palin won the Republican vice presidential nomination. And it just so happens that she has a pregnant teenage daughter. Just like Juno. Hence the T-Shirt. Get it? [Anti Sarah Palin T-Shirt]

MORE ANTI SARAH PALIN T-SHIRTS

New Barack Obama is Boring

2008-09-17T10:29:00.001-07:00

What happened to Obama the celebrity? Because Obama the politician is boooorrrriiinngg. He needs to stay on message. Meaning, talk about change, not about what change is. The devil truly is in the details. Make me believe you'll make things better. Don't tell me how. Another $1000 in stimulus? Please! If a thousand dollars could change my life, I'd make a deposit at the sperm bank. And Wall Street regulation? Snooze! Crack down on lobbyists? I don't actually think the average American can tell me what a lobbyist is. And as a private detective/c-list blogger who does know what a lobbyist is, I really don't think a crack down will effect the way I live. I really prefer Obama acting all schticky and cutesy like he did on Letterman.

Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton on SNL...sorta

2008-09-14T14:12:00.001-07:00

Watch Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton on last night's season premier of Saturday Night Live. The two women address sexism in the campaigns. Its hilarious...check it:

Viral Video Of The Week

2008-09-13T11:54:00.000-07:00

This is the latest Microsoft Bill Gates/Jerry Seinfeld "commercial" but it's really more of a short film. It's four and half minutes long and is totally hilarious. Bill and Jerry are feeling out of touch with reality, so they go stay with a normal middle-American family. And hilarity ensues.

Sarah Palin On God And War With Charlie Gibson

2008-09-12T11:53:00.000-07:00

Well, at least she backpedals like a real politician.

A brief transcript from the interview:

GIBSON: You said recently in your old church, “Our national leaders are sending U.S. soldiers on a task that is from God.”

[PALIN speaking in an archive clip]: Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right, also for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders are sending them out on a task that is from God.

GIBSON: Are we fighting a Holy War?

PALIN: That’s a repeat of Abraham Lincoln’s words, when he said, first he suggested, never presume to know what God’s will is, and I would never presume to know God’s will or to speak god’s words, but what Abraham Lincoln had said, and that’s a repeat in my comments, was, let us not pray that God is on our side, in a war, or any other time. But let us pray that we are on God’s side. That’s what that comment was all about, Charlie.

Obviously, what Palin says at that speech bears no resemblance to her own explanation given in last night's interview. I've done a little Googling and there's no possible way anyone in their right mind could construe Palin's words as some sort of re-imagining of Abraham Lincoln's words. Now, Lincoln clearly spent a lot of time speaking of god. But, within the context of invoking god as justification for policy, it seems Lincoln was implying the complete opposite of what Sarah Palin said in her speech.

Abraham Lincoln's quote from wikiquote: "Our task should not be to invoke religion and the name of God by claiming God's blessing and endorsement for all our national policies and practices—saying, in effect, that God is on our side. Rather, we should pray and worry earnestly whether we are on God's side."

Attack Ads: McCain Hits Hard With Lipstick and Fact Check

2008-09-10T10:21:00.000-07:00

I gotta admit, Obama is sounding desperate in his off-the-cuff speech. It's like he's willing to say anything. It's vaguely reminiscent of the flustered Hillary Clinton that emerged. The Obama people gotta figure out a better way to manage this whole Palin thing. The Karl Rove handbook says go after her strengths. I can see how it's difficult when her greatest strength is that she's a she.

Sarah Palin Wins Vagina Vote

2008-09-09T13:56:00.000-07:00

Hot off the presses from Reuters:

"Before the Democratic National Convention in late August, Obama held an 8 percentage point lead among white women voters, 50 percent to 42 percent, but after the Republican convention in early September, McCain was ahead by 12 points among white women, 53 percent to 41 percent, the poll found."

This point swing is something we haven't seen in a very long time. Back in the university days, we used to call a swing like this "statistically significant." How refreshing. Is Samantha Bee right? Are women abandoning that whole pro-choice thing to get a woman into the White House? Just like that, huh? If Democratic women believed in god, I'd say they just sold their soul for vagina. Now of course I sell my soul for vagina every friday and saturday night at bars and clubs, but I sorta expected more from the fairer sex.

John McCain Is NOT A Maverick

2008-09-09T10:59:00.000-07:00

Latest attack ad from Barack Obama. "John McCain is more of the same." I didn't get a chance to talk about McCain's RNC speech, but in case anyone cares, I actually thought it was pretty good. Not that I know anything at all about campaign strategy, but it seemed to hit the notes it was supposed to hit and it struck me as sincere. Surprised?

John McCain Wants Ron Paul Support, I Laugh

2008-09-03T10:46:00.000-07:00

The Washington Times is reporting that John McCain has his sights set on Ron Paul and his supporters. This is totally hilarious because John McCain is a socialist. "Mr. Paul has refused to endorse Mr. McCain, and Mr. McCain's operatives have refused to let him address the Republican National Convention. " In fact, it seems that the McCain people are playing hard ball by restricting his camp's access to the convention. Says statesman.com,

Paul spokesman Jesse Benton said later that Paul can go to the floor like any Republican House member. But, Benton said, the party has yet to agree to permit Paul to be accompanied by a political aide and someone to keep watch over him.

“We thought we had an agreement over the weekend” enabling Paul to circulate with two aides on the floor among some 260 delegates in his camp. “It looks like there is a hang-up.”

All very interesting stuff. These people really know how to win over your support. I'm sure after being treated like Ralph Nader, Ron Paul is dying to hand over his donor list.

And here's Ron Paul at the Rally For The Republic:

John McCain Picks Running Mate, Makes Crazy Video

2008-08-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

Alaska: Coldest state, hottest governor.

You've no doubt heard that John McCain has picked Sarah Palin as his VP running mate. I'm really conflicted about this. I like Sarah Palin because, well, she's sorta hot. So there is that. However, if I had to make a list of people more out of touch than John McCain, my list would consist of the homeless, the mentally ill, and those who live in Alaska.

Anyway, here's a video from McCain called "Convention Night" in which he perfectly channels Dr. Evil by oh so insidiously trumping Obama. Mwahahaha.

Attack Ads: Confusing John McCain Ad Boggles Minds

2008-08-28T12:12:00.000-07:00

The latest attack ad coming from the McCain camp is called "Remote Control." I'd like to think I'm a fairly bright guy, but I found this video confusing as shit. Within the video is TV. And on that TV is random clips of global violence. And this is a fancy TV, because it has Picture-In-Picture. And the Picture-In-Picture displays more random clips, but of various politicians talking about Obama's lack of experience. And then Chris Dodd comes on, which is just weird cuz I haven't thought about him in like years. It's all very strange and I think It's supposed to mean that Obama's lack of experience caused the conflict in Georgia but I'm not really sure.

Dennis Kucinich's DNC Speech

2008-08-26T21:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm stoned, so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. I just watched Dennis Kucinich's Democratic National Convention speech. Wow. That little man is a great speaker. He was clearly an evangelical preacher in a past life. And the way he gyrates at the end, wow, just like a penguin. And look at the dems eat it up. Aren't they cute? By the way, Elizabeth Kucinich was just named fourth most beautiful person on Capitol Hill by thehill.com. I'm hungry. Oh so Kucinich's speech was called "Wake Up, America", which vaguely has a neo-nazi ring to it, but what do i know. So here's a picture of Dennis and Elizabeth Kucinich. And the speech below.

Barack Obama Look-Alike

2008-08-26T11:19:00.001-07:00

With all the craziness of the DNC, it's important not to lose sight of what's really important. Such as the Barack Obama look-alike. According to this video, he's a Cuban-American reporter. And he looks exactly like Obama. But then, he speaks. And he starts looking exactly like Tony Montana, political prisoner.