now what - are these threats anything to worry about?

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 08:23:41 -0600

EDITED to file under Legal Issues and add another clarification:
Background - My prick-ly STBX and I have week-on/week-off custody of our two lil girls.

I found out over a month ago that I had to travel for work from Sunday to Friday of my week with the girls. I asked the Jerk to trade weeks as we had done when HE needed it. Instead he insisted on keeping them for three weeks in a row - forcing me to forfeit my week.

Well, now he has to travel for work the same week - from Wed thru Friday. He was insisting that I need to cancel or reschedule my work trip. Since it's occurring during the V-day week, he's alleging that it's really a romantic rendez-vous and not a biz trip.

When I found out he would be out of town on certain days, I asked my mom to come down and watch the girls for the days he is unable to that week. She's already booked her tickets.
This morning, he sends me this latest round of threats...

1. He says I am abandoning the children during my week.2. He says I cannot leave them with my mom for an extended period.3. He says my parents are put on the no-pickup list at both centers. 4. He says that if they pick up the kids, he will hold the school liable as well as me.

Is he just bein' a blowhard again? We have joint legal and physical - can one parent specify which individuals cannot pick up a child from a care center???

Thanks as always for any guidance.

Do I even need to let the children go to him during this period? It's my custodial time and the only language relating to "inability to exercise care" is listed below.

Update to STBX and excessive tardies in his care

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 09:29:30 -0600

So I did the analysis and it's not as "throw-the-book" at him as I had hoped. He's only outpaced me by six unexcused tardies. Actually, I know he kept her home instead of bringing her in late on at least 2 occasions (he called me to see if i could work from home and watch her!) but it only matters what the school knows.

Him -
6 Absences (Excused)
2 Tardies - Excused
14 Tardies - Unexcused

Me -
1 Early Dismissal - Excused (Doctor)
1 Tardy - Excused (Doctor)
8 Tardies - Unexcused

Is it still ok for me to send him a warning?
Does it matter that he obviously did not check her backpack or he would have seen this note in her backpack addressed to him and stapled? Or the library books that get lost on his time, or his refusal to cooperate with medical supplies to the school - asthma plan, seizure plans, etc.?

Thanks guys!

This deal feels like I'm being HAD

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 19:38:14 -0600

STBX lost his job in October and filed for modification of support. First, he enrolled the elementary school-age child in a double-the-average cost aftercare in September, which I expressly told him I could not afford to pay 45% of. He refused to disenroll her when he lost his job, despite my repeated insistence that he do so and that I would work with him to find babysitters or watch her myself in the event he had an interview.

How hard is it to watch a first grader and conduct a job search??

Now the offer before me with 72 hours left before the hearing is to agree to a "cap" on my monthly contribution which is an increase of $150 from original settlement but $60 less than what 50% would be. And now he wants me to cover the last four months' at the new rate he is proposing - pay him $150 x 4 for the last four months.

My atty wants me to take the deal because it is the sure path to preventing me from having to pay a lot of money both in childcare and legal fees. I pointed out that I think any reasonable person would agree that STBX brought the overpayment on himself - he knew before enrolling her that I couldn't afford 45% of it. What did he expect to happen while he was unemployed?

Atty told me to push my argument in front of the court, it will cost me at least another $3k in legal fees vs. the $600 I'm looking at in signing the deal.

I'm sure my atty is correct - but I just feel like i'm being HAD!

Pendente Lite - Can you schedule a hearing for one complaint and introduce new bigger complaints

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 10:25:27 -0600

We've been separate six months. Four months in STBX lost his job and sued me to pay more towards childcare costs, rather than reduce the costs of care.

Couple of letters exchanged and I thought we were close to a settlement but he's been on the warpath lately and I think we are going ahead with this pendente lite hearing at the end of the month. (He started a new position beginning of the month.)

My question is - the request for hearing was filed with the objective to adjust the split of childcare costs. Can he show up and argue for full custody that day? Or would that be another pendente lite hearing?

Oh what fun... Daycare warned me that I may have to look elsewhere b/c Dad has pattern of late pickups!

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 08:18:19 -0600

You all are so helpful. Please advise me on path forward on my latest conundrum.
Fact 1. The public school attendance official sent a warning letter that Kid 1 has been absent 6 days, late 18 days, etc.

Fact 2. The Daycare told me this morning that I may have to look for another school for Kid 2 because her dad picks up past the closing time at least once a week - and he never calls to let them know what's going on.

Fact 3. My STBX is a known jack@$$.

Fact 4. My atty told me that STBX's atty thinks STBX is a big fat jerk (ssh- don't tell anybody).

For the benefit of the kids and STBX (tho he won't view it as that), I would propose that I have them 70% during the school year so that their academic progress isn't jeopardized by his busy schedule.

btw thanks Spaz. I see clearly the error of my ways from September by not elevating it to the Court at that time. I was pennywise pound-foolish trying to prevent a legal tab (again). BUT now it would seem I have "actionable intelligence" to argue for a change in care time.
BTW - most daycares here close at 6pm and Kid 2 is 3.5 years old and has attended there since 18 months. Kid 1 also attended it prior to "the big time" - elementary.