Viscous Lidocaine

New Home

OrangeMagritte — 2007-04-17T07:44:17-05:00

Please find me here

Coffee, black

Onward!

new pictures of innards

OrangeMagritte — 2007-04-09T10:38:32-05:00

I didn't post the colonoscopy pictures, mostly because the werent' that interesting, but today's ENdoscopy shall be, i just know it.

Really, someone find something wrong, i'm sick of throwing up detroit every morning.

I have a good new friend who has agreed to take me to the procedure and return me to the Hefriend's house for babysitting post anaesthesia.

the parkinson's is at bay, at least it isn't worsening.

Don Imus is an idiot of the highest order.

viscous lidocaine

OrangeMagritte — 2007-04-05T15:34:15-05:00

so, i'm in a hospital bed, with a tube up my nose, down my throat, just kinda waiting to see what the the hell is wrong with me. i've had two days of throwing up blood, among other things.

it is not the most comfortable thing to have a tube down your throat just kinda waiting to see what the hell is wrong.

i'm hoping that what is wrong presents itself, well, presently, so i can go to girlbar night, but i have been told that I may be admitted.

I really need to eat. And sneeze. And I look really funny.
But the best part was all the viscous lidocaine they employed to numb my nose and throat

have you read this?

OrangeMagritte — 2007-03-31T13:42:32-05:00

Another reason to move back to Canada:

The [US] federal government must allow meatpackers to test their animals for mad cow disease, a federal judge ruled Thursday.
Yes. You read that correctly. The US Department of Agriculture was trying to prevent meatpackers from testing the animals they slaughter for human consumption.
Creekstone Farms Premium Beef, a meatpacker based in Arkansas City, Kan., wants to test all of its cows for the disease, which can be fatal to humans who eat tainted beef. Larger meat companies feared that move because if Creekstone tested its meat and advertised it as safe, they could be forced to do the expensive test, too.

The Agriculture Department currently regulates the test and administers it to less than 1 percent of slaughtered cows. The department threatened Creekstone with prosecution if it tested all its animals.
How are you doing so far? Slap yourself in the face, this is not a bad dream and it's not a hoax.
Last July, the department cut its testing by about 90 percent. Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns said testing should reflect "a very, very low level" of the disease in the United States.
That would be about the same time the USDA felt the effects of a $2 billion budget cut.

Of course, a Canadian found this linky. Alberta beef, here I come.

how do you dx without complete sentences?

OrangeMagritte — 2007-03-28T01:51:38-05:00

Rebecca, they told police, had been diagnosed when she was just 2 1/2...

This sentence should never exist. But, wait! There's more!

[Psychiatrist] Kifuji told police Rebecca had been her patient since August 2004, when she was 2. She said she based her diagnoses of ADHD and bipolar disorder on the family's mental health history, as described by Carolyn Riley, and Rebecca's behavior, as described by Carolyn and briefly observed by her during office visits.

Wait for it...

...Pharmacists at Walgreens in Weymouth called Kifuji twice to complain that Carolyn Riley was asking for more Clonidine, even though her prescription was not due to be refilled yet, according to state police.
Once, Riley said she had lost a bottle of pills, and another time, she said water had gotten into her prescription bottle and ruined the pills, according to police.
Kifuji authorized refills, but after the second incident, she began prescribing Clonidine in 10-day refills instead of 30-day supplies, investigators said.
On Aug. 16, a prescription for 35 Clonidine tablets — a 10-day supply — was filled at Walgreens, even though the Rileys had obtained a 10-day refill only the day before, investigators said.
Walgreens spokeswoman Tiffani Bruce said: "The scrip was filled as written, as it was prescribed by the doctor, and all the appropriate information on the medications was given to the family."
After Rebecca's death, police found only seven Clonidine tablets in the family's medicine tray; the pharmacist said there should have been 75. All together, prosecutors say, Carolyn Riley got 200 more pills in one year than she should have. [emphasis mine]

Want a quiet kid? Overdose them. Dead, they're really really quiet.

The larger issue, saith the story, is diagnosing kids. Really the larger issue is parenting. Should the Otherh and I decide to breed, there is every statistic against us that we'd have a sprog with something in the way of mental health issues. We're both bipolar, he's Asperger's and I'm ADHD. But because we're in such a brave new world, we can procreate. There's no law that says we can't. I know parents of very young bipolars, and while it's great they can diagnose young, it's also something of a sad story that they have to do so. However, our encyclopedic knowledge of mental illness and the like would probably prepare us for the worst and have us hoping for the best. We both figure we started exhibiting symptoms of depression younger than 10 yrs old. But 2 1/2 ? Tantrums are something that I figure just happen with kids. Parents, it seems, who medicate the life out of their children are missing something in the "what is a kid" department. Again, I'm no expert, because I'm not a parent, nor do I really plan on being one at this point.

I know a lot of adult bipolars who don't know what their meds do. This kid was given Clonidine, traditionally a blood pressure-reducing medication. I know this because when I tried it, I got sicker than shit because I already have pretty reasonable blood pressure. Clonidine is used off label in psychiatry often for people with compulsive behaviour. Like overeating, or addiction. What the hell it was doing in a safe and legal manner being used for a 4yo is beyond me, but I'm not really up on child psychiatry.

When Michael Riley decided the kids were "acting up," he told Carolyn to give them pills

...

The point, which I'm having a hard time making, is that generally, people are sheep. and sheep are stupid. And a kid is dead because she was too exuberant. Medication doesn't regulate exuberance. for bipolars, it regulates mood imbalance. Imbalance.

Health watch, head meds, all that shite

OrangeMagritte — 2007-03-22T08:24:00-05:00

I can't get out of bed, really, and I have two dependent dogs, and a mtg today at the community centre. I have to address something with an mdoc that thinks I'm an hypochondriac, which I'd give anything to be over sick all the time. I haven't gotten my mail all week, and don't know what to expect when I do. One of my meds isn't for anxiety at all but to treat Parkinson's, of which I'm exhibiting symptoms, which doesn't mean I have Parkinson's, it means I have "parkinsonism", a side effect of headmeds. I want to take a long drive to the coast, I can't afford it yet, but will soon, very soon. I have to get out of bed today to sign the Otherh's contract, since technically they're employing my employee, but I don't want to move at all. At all. I'm going to feed, water and walk my dogs soon here and then hope they can play alone because I just can't face the world. I really don't think this whole "treatment" thing is working at all and I can't find another pdoc to save my mind. I made two new friends over the past two weeks which is very nice. I don't know how to keep going like this, but I've decided work is out of the question. Well, others decided it was out of the question. Eventually I'll be stable, I hear, but I just don't know how. I'm losing weight again, which is a sign that I feel good about eating in the future, or that I just can't give a shit about food, either one works for me, I have pants that fit.
I hear the news sometimes, and I know I could read it if I wanted to, but I've just been convinced that this atmosphere of fear mongering isn't very conducive to a paranoiac depressive with flights of mania.
My birthday is next month. Odds on me making it?
I miss Canada.

bad news

OrangeMagritte — 2007-03-19T11:38:48-05:00

I can't decide whether to keep my dogs. I may be going back to work very soon, and the Otherh is virtually guaranteed another gig, so I'm thinking that here with the moth, who doesn't really deal with them, isn't the best place for them. Any pet lovers feel like a trip to Austin to pick up a pair of puppies?

On going back to work:
I am nervous I may get a job. I am unsure I am stable enough to work, but on the other hand, I am really unsure if I should stay un-working, for the stress of doing sfa day in and day out is getting to me. The "there's always grad school" option is for shit right now because we really need some income. If I do go back to work, I'm not going to blog about that, for the dooce factor, of course.

On bad news:
I was perusing medicalnewstoday.com and found this gem:
Franco Benazzi [concludes]: "Bipolar disorders, especially bipolar II and the related bipolar spectrum disorders, are much more common than previously reported, and treatment…is much understudied. Controlled pharmacological studies are greatly needed, and should stratify samples taking into account the frequently mixed profile of bipolar disorders".
(emphasis mine)

Today is the 4th anniversary (like it's a good thing) of the start or end or something of the "war". msnbc is bragging about reporters and morale. i will not be blogging about the "war" because i don't like it and i think it's a terrible thing to celebrate, or mark, or whatever.

if you're a luck-wishing sort...

OrangeMagritte — 2007-03-16T18:18:17-05:00

send vibes of luck. the Otherh has a pending offer for monday and I'm going on a 2nd interview on tues., so we could be DINKs very soon.

and that would mean we could eat.

Open Letter. Don't

OrangeMagritte — 2007-03-14T16:14:28-05:00

To whom it may concern,

whomever you are, stop leaving comments regarding colonoscopy preps, drugs in canada and anything else advertisey. i find it distasteful that you google for bucks and drop your shit on my blog.

thanks,
OM

where have i been?!

OrangeMagritte — 2007-03-12T14:42:32-05:00

i've been sitting in cafes. honestly. and listening to barenaked ladies. and drinking coffee like i have money to do that with.

the job hunt for the Otherh continues, and I'm hunting as well, but I've been warned that if I don't churn out the Great American Novel soon, my chances are going to be slim that I'll ever do it.

Who knows about the fiction, I'm still considering grad school, wanting to move back to Canada and have been perusing what candidates do about health care and immigration. So, yeah, I've had a lot of coffee lately.

Happy Anniversary

OrangeMagritte — 2007-03-03T16:29:32-06:00

Happy Anniversary, Baby. We can do anything.

just nothing to say...

OrangeMagritte — 2007-03-02T09:44:42-06:00

so, i'm cancer-free in the colonic region, which is good news.

my pdoc didn't fire me for being afraid of the phone.

we're not being evicted this month by sheer force of luck.

and i ate spaghetti last night.

i'm getting a referral to an endocrinologist and i'm going to go visit the campus of UT to find out about grad studies.

i'm going back to bed.

Health Magritte, v. march

OrangeMagritte — 2007-02-26T08:50:56-06:00

Today i get to prep for a colonoscopy. this includes drinking everything i consume today (no, i mean broth, gatorade, broth broth gatorade water) and taking an inordinate number of laxatives, both OTC and rx.
I made the fam laugh when i looked at the veritable jug of Miralax powder and noted its adorable dosing cup secured to its cap. i said, how sweet. a dosing cup. Useless, as i have to take the WHOLE FUCKING JUG.
Tomorrow is the proceeeedure. No one calls it like it is, this will be my second proceeedure in 2 months involving anaesthetic. I am a great fan of anaesthesia. Huge. Love it. Wish i could get some at home.
Wednesday I get to talk to an mdoc about my adenoma. Right now the armchair md'ing we do, the Otherh and I have thought that maybe my inordinate weight gain and all around slothiness isn't a depression symptom so much as a factor of the pituitary tumour i'm sporting. There's a medication tx for it, so I'm going to approach for that. The downside of the med treatment is that it's a dopamine agonist, and the last thing i need is to go stark raving psychotic.
Thursday is the pdoc that I haven't fired. I'm considering getting a longer appt with him to tell him that i'd like to fire him but I can't find anyone else in a reasonable amount of time who can rx the psychotropics and/or will rx the psychotropics, and it's no good that he's the pdoc all my mdocs would ref. to me anyway. So he (i hate this bugger so much) gets another chance.
Friday I'm taking off from anyone having anything to do with medication.

The big hope this week really isn't that they'll find something wrong with me, but it's that the Otherh's interview people will call him and say "Come, work for us!" sometime in the early part of the week, preferably around 930 this a.m. so we can all rest a little easier knowing that work will be had soon.

I watched the oscars all day and all friggin' night. I have new found inspiration to go write a script. perhaps i'll see me some movies in order to do so.

And now I must away, for there's a dog trying to eat my couch. my vintagey gold couch that's 8 feet long and weighs more than my house.

more notes from a small town

OrangeMagritte — 2007-02-21T11:11:36-06:00

our post office is very tiny, but very efficient (mostly) and quite friendly. today while i was waiting to send a box, one of the clerks there was engaging a fellow in bright, cheerful conversation as he filled out his forwarding info. asked how was his wife (used her name) and hoped that their trip to (other country town) would be healing for her. it was so quaint. and then the priest came in, italian he was and explained that someone had lied to him, and all clerks were all ears and helpful in locating his mail. it was just a nice thing. then i went to pay (Dearly) my water bill and the admin there knows who i am by sight, even though all i do is drop off my water bill once a month.

there were some aspects of this when i lived in L.A. and TO, things like the coffeeshop knowing who i was, and the guy who sold cigarettes remembering what i smoked. but the post office? not so much.

a good mood!

OrangeMagritte — 2007-02-20T09:02:26-06:00

I'm in this fantastic mood! How do i keep it?

For now I'm going to just be giddy cheery happy playwithdogsish etc.

trying...

OrangeMagritte — 2007-02-19T07:29:43-06:00

I'm trying to think of how to phrase how I feel about the legislation introduced by Domenici and Kennedy and others, but I don't know quite how I feel about it yet. Most of me is saying "not good enough," which is sort of what they're saying too...

Domenici called the bill "a winner for millions of Americans" who have mental illnesses. "What we are doing here is simple fairness," he said. Kennedy said the bill represents a historic compromise between the health insurance industry and proponents of equity in mental health coverage. He added that while the bill is not perfect, it is a "very important down payment."

More later, when I've had more coffee, and after I sort out this clusterfuck of an article.

tonight there was live music, oysters, and more appointments set

OrangeMagritte — 2007-02-15T22:39:27-06:00

Remember that whole business a few weeks ago, fair reader, when i had that "procedure" and i posted those fab-u pics of the innards? more are coming...

Survey says: colonoscopy!

This procedure is covered in detail, I'm sure, somewhere over at dooce, but the gastro. was kind enough to mention they "lube the tube". Really.

Yep, in a mere eleven days I will advance to years beyond my current youthfullish ones by undergoing this procedure usually advertised to those over 50. Anyone for versed?

So after getting this fantastic news, the Otherh and I took in some actual Live Austin Music with a friend and his sister at a very yum delish louisiana-cuisine-serving cafe. Oysters were consumed, so we've made a hasty exit (after three hours) and are now sitting next to each other, each on a laptop, under our respective methods of music assumption. He hath the minidisc and I've got a working ipod.

The moods have not totally sucked lately, but tomorrow I'm auditioning a new pdoc to address the "i can't really do anything" thing. This includes cooking dinner and walking dogs, two things I know I used to not be able to live without.

For those of you playing along at home, i have one more ologist to find, this being an endocrinologist, otherwise known as She/he who can fix the tumor. Medicare's website lists 16 within 25 miles of me, which is good! Unfortunately, they all want referrals, or have the wrong phone number listed, or have receptionists who can't hear. "HelLO? Cha-shh. Fuck."

Some time i'll remember this winter to a bunch of people sitting around a very large table. Talk about the "slightly cold days of '07" when the rest of the country was under like 5 feet of snow. we were in a shopping mall today and I'm not kidding, there were women wearing fur. It was 38 degrees outside. Not very fur-trappy sort of weather imho.

The Otherh saw a news blurb on his gorgeous blackberry that keeps fucking up about some "politician [i've] never heard of" deciding to vote with democrats about not upping the number of troops in Iraq. And it was news. Big news. First story on Google kind of news. And as much as I really lurve not being beholden to news for the time being, i always get a little head rushy when the Otherh feels compelled to tell me something he's read or heard about what's going on in the world, because if someone is not beholden to the news *ever* it's the Otherh.
Which actually brings me to a good point he makes about "news".

The Moth saw on the news this story. I found it by looking for it, after she and i had a bit of a chat about it over orange juice at 3a.m. The blip is full of shitty erroneous statements, even bad psychiatry, because anyone experiencing these sorts of manias really should be considered in the realm of psychotic, and not bipolar type II. hypomania can be a thrill-a-minute, especially when it's the fun kind (i know few people who have the fun kind anymore, but the Otherh get 'em), but if you're hiding under your desk, friends, please consider yourself warned that paranoia is a psychotic symptom, not a sort of energetic euphoria. (eu=good, phoria=mood).

The point the Otherh makes is this, and it's valid: "if they get shit so far wrong when I know about what they're talking, how much shit do they get wrong when I don't know about what they're talking." I see this reasoning, much more than I necessarily agree that news is just gossip writ large.

things the moth says that make sense....

OrangeMagritte — 2007-02-15T10:42:29-06:00

i actually turned on the news to a hearing about Anna Nicole Smith's DNA/dead body etc. TheMoth came down in the midst of my horrorshow watching and I said, "why is this news?" She said, very sagely,
"how can we miss a day in the death of Anna Nicole?!"

The thing that gets me, and will ultimately send me to some npr station this afternoon is this: they don't refer to her as "Smith", when they would do that for nearly anyone else. They keep calling her "Anna Nicole", which to me seems rather off.

a very expensive case of heartburn

OrangeMagritte — 2007-02-10T10:04:25-06:00

recently, (like thursday) a friend of ours went to an urgent care clinic (covered by his admittedly sparse insurance for a mere $25) complaining about chest pains.

they ran an "indeterminate" EKG, which could mean "anything" and decided he should go to ER. At ER they said "well, there's a lot it could be" (i paraphrase), and decided to admit him to the hospital for stress testing. this would take all day friday, round figures.

Our friend is a fit 40something who exercises regularly and eats fairly well, and he drinks here and there, mostly because I do, and we're over there an awful lot. (let's just sayhe drinks one glass of wine, i have four.)

He performed really too well on his stress tests for them to suspect that it was much more than heartburn, and eventually sent him home with an rx for Protonix, but said he could just use double-doses of prilosec if he wanted, either would work.

Because the Hefriend is in good shape, he & his wife (the Shefriend) opted for pretty minimal insurance, and figured they'd just pay for it a lot if he ever had to get admitted to the hospital/er/that kind of thing. Not everyone is experiencing a plague upon them as i am, it seems. I have tonnes of coverage, and i use it. He has nearly none and he doesn't. except this week.
But because The HeFriend *did* get admitted, he will probably pay upwards of Two Thousand Dollars for the privilege of that Protonix rx. SheFriend complained "It's 2007! Why can't they just tell me what's going on with him?!" I understood. They joked about the bill, but it was obvious it still smarted.

In Toronto, I had reason to be rushed to hospital and spend a night in a crisis-care unit. Details not important. The whole thing was no charge because I was under OHIP at the time. (which was soon to expire with my work visa.) No charge. and there _was_ something rather wrong with me, requiring copious amounts of IV things and oxygen, etc.

What I want to know, really, is these people who believe we have salient health care in this country--what in the hell is going so well in your life that you don't have to worry about bills? Are you, all of you, so well-off that you're in cloverfields of insurance and/or gold?

It occurs to me that even with insurance, your ass is not entirely covered. Neither is your heartburn.

so i finished a book...

OrangeMagritte — 2007-02-05T23:25:58-06:00

Year of Wonder by Geraldine Brooks.

Aside from the interesting thing connecting the village at the center of this story to AIDs, the nut of which i heard about in the middle of reading this, it's a well-written bit, except for the end, which smacks of a miniseries ending or something.

Right now it's after eleven and the Otherh is trying to get another laptop up and running on the wireless. I'm considering throwing my right-now useless Ipod out the window, and I'm thinking that I only have two errands tomorrow.

i have new pictures! Soon to post to some photo album off to the side there, but here is the little dog getting the big dog into the house.