Visions of my heart.

I did everything

2023-11-24T08:19:00.005+02:00

I did everything I was supposed to do

I led an unlikely band into a battle designed for loss

We battled beyond the strength we knew we had

And we won

Yet my victory was hollow

And feels like loss instead,

I stand empty and broken

Unsure of myself.

Was any of it worth it?

Am I who I thought I was

Can I put my pieces back together again?

The world didn't stand and applaud,

The accolade did not come

I wasn't the giant I expected to be among men

Instead I was broken

A shadow of my former self.

Don't give me hope

The pieces may never mend

Don't promise me joy

Because when you are broken in as many ways as I have

I may never come back again

This is what it is

I am broken

A shadow of my former self

Familiar Stranger

2023-11-24T08:17:00.000+02:00

I looked up just as she walked in,

Perfection,

She was the one I was waiting for,

Yet neither of us knew it,

I'd never seen her before,

Yet she seemed so familiar,

Like the stranger I've missed all my life,

A familiar stranger.

She looked back at me,

Mystery,

Her eyes betrayed the same thoughts,

The same hidden recognition,

She knew me, yet she didn't,

She missed me,

As I did her,

A perfect stranger.

Our eyes locked,

Excitement,

I waved and she waved back,

She smiled and I smiled back,

I stood up and she turned to me,

She walked to me and I reached out,

Our hands touched

And I knew I'd been waiting for her.

We embraced,

Passion,

Not a word spoken but a meaning known,

Our hands locked and we danced,

We looked into each other's eyes

And held each other close,

The embrace lasted a lifetime

With a stranger strange no more.

The path I have coveted so

2023-11-05T17:07:00.001+02:00

It's been a while since I last turned these pages,

Gosh it's been ages,

The pages were a compass for who I am,

A beacon to guide me time and again,

But of late they have become heavy,

My hands all to weary,

Or maybe I have grown afraid of what I will find,

Even though it all resides in my mind.

I'm afraid of who I may have become,

No, no, not who I have become,

Perhaps who I may become,

Not today's but tomorrow's someone,

And I fear not because I fear the worst,

But what is one to do when they may become the most,

The most of their hopes,

The hopes that one dared dream beyond hope.

Ah, this is a crossroads I wish to savour,

The culmination of my lifelong endeavour,

Yet it's scarier than I ever imagined,

More daunting than I've ever envisioned.

How can it be so frightful to near your dreams?

Your own dreams.

Perhaps now I will open the pages more,

And embrace the path I have coveted so.

Faithless

2021-07-26T06:01:00.000+02:00

My soul, my life, my heart,

Once one but now apart,

My faith, my dreams, my hopes,

Sliding down treacherous slopes,

Once in my life I was so sure,

That I was beholden to a divinity true and pure,

But now I know nothing anymore,

Beyond life, is there much more?

I look into my soul and expect to see darkness,

But as my beliefs wave across dream's pathways,

I still see brightness,

I still feel brightness.

This means I can't be entirely lost,

That my essence is more than a ghost,

I feel I have gained by questioning my belief,

That my soul has let out a sigh of relief.

I am so much more for asking hard questions,

I am a deeper being for having reflections,

I fear that what we were told is not the only truth,

What really is the truth?

I stand convinced that I am on the right way,

Granted, I may no longer pray,

But I stand in my convictions today,

Faithless, as some may say.

I dreamed that I had died

2021-01-08T06:56:00.000+02:00

I dreamed that I had died,

Not a soul stood by my side,

I was in a place no words can describe,

Yet I knew I was no longer alive,

I was no longer me nor was I was one,

I was with things yet to do and deeds done,

I was many people some I did not know,

The world was around me from above and below.

Noone explained this place to me,

Yet I felt like a place I should be,

I felt feelings I never knew,

And with time these feelings grew,

I shared the space with those I loved,

And that feeling grew as I moved,

Colours shone bright and new,

The ones I recognised were but a few.

I woke with a start,

As though my body and soul had been apart,

What I dreamt was beyond what I could comprehend,

My mind swirling in a bend,

I knew there was more to being,

More than heaven, hell, earth or what I was seeing,

I dreamed that I had died,

Not a soul stood by my side.

Source of life

2020-11-23T06:29:00.005+02:00

A source of life,

Streaming through the windows,

Lighting up the walls,

Giving the trees a glow,

Oh, the trees,

Taking in the life source

And giving back

What more could we ask for?

A burning blaze a million miles away

And a source of life here at home.

Tumbling down

2020-11-10T04:28:00.001+02:00

It came in an unlikely way,

On a day like any other day,

One man sought to defy the norm,

And that deed torched the storm.

He riled and railed,

Fought and wailed,

He put flame to ceremony,

Torched decorum steeped in history.

The world watched, powerless,

They behind him shocked, speechless,

We knew then as we know now,

That what we knew was tumbling down,

That which held it together was no more,

Shaken like never before,

It was tumbling down

All tumbling down.

The pandemic

2020-11-02T03:14:00.000+02:00

We have seen death,

We have seen pain.

We live with sickness

We live in fear.

We need to keep hope,

For without hope, we are lost,

One million and more dead,

How many more will die?

The light flickers low

2020-11-02T03:11:00.001+02:00

We never thought it would get this far,

We thought we were safe,

We thought it was someone else's problem,

But now it burns all of us.

Millions have been buried,

Millions of funerals, millions of tears,

Families have cried and they still cry

Children left alone to grow before they are grown.

Even more lie in beds,

Not knowing if tomorrow they will cause tears

Or if they may go home

To those they love.

When will this end?

There seems to be no end,

When is there joy?

There seems to be no joy.

The light flickers low,

For many, it has gone out,

We cry across the world and seek hope,

We are each others hope.

The girl who made the stars

2020-11-02T03:00:00.006+02:00

That night had been as it was foretold,

Dark, quiet,

The moon had hidden itself from sight,

Even the animals gave way to night.

A single flicker danced in the night,

A flame. a fire,

With one girl dancing around it,

Her feet barely touched the ground.

The dance was as it was foretold,

One which no one had seen before,

Yet a dance they would all remember,

A dance we would all remember.

As she danced, those around her swayed,

Certain to make no sound,

They knew the time was to come,

The time that had been foretold.

The rest was as it had been foretold,

The dancing girl reached for the flame,

As her had touched the ashes they began to rise,

One by one, they rose,

Until thousands...no millions...rose to the sky,

Each flew higher than any man had been

Brighter than any had seen,

That is the day, the girl made the stars.

Tomorrow

2020-10-21T17:33:00.003+02:00

Fear is an opportunity for courage,

Sadness is an opportunity for joy,

Despair is an opportunity for hope,

And death is a chance for rebirth.

There has never been a comeback without loss,

Nor a recovery without failure,

Never been healing without pain,

Nor has there been resurgence without defeat.

So, though we fall today, tomorrow we rise,

Though we fail today, tomorrow we thrive,

Though we bleed today, tomorrow we heal,

And so, we hold on to tomorrow.

There's always hope

2020-10-13T03:54:00.002+02:00

I had a dream

Where I was taken up to a mountain

From where I could see all the world

I was told to look to the north

Where I saw war and rivers of blood

The screams of men, women and children were so loud

So loud that they became silent,

I tried to avert my eyes and wipe the tears.

I was told to look east,

Where I saw the world tear itself apart,

Disease and disaster bedevilled the land

I tried to avert my eyes but could not.

I looked to the south

And my heart sank

Poverty and pain riddled the land

I still could not avert my eyes.

I looked west and sought for hope

But I saw none

The cries and pain were just as bad

If not worse

My heart bled

My soul cried

I turned and asked if there was any good

I was told to look more deeply

And I did

Everywhere I turned there were glimmers of light

Within the darkness there were bright sparks

People who decided to see the best

Those who decided to do something noo matter how small

I understood the message

No matter what the world holds

There is always hope.

I think of you

2020-10-08T04:29:00.002+02:00

I think of you

Constantly, desperately, incessantly,

I need you

Wantonly, passionately, deeply,

I yearn for you

Hopelessly, intensely, longingly,

And I long for you

Fervently, helplessly, hopefully.

Freedom!

2020-10-06T04:41:00.005+02:00

Freedom! Freedom!

Dignity! Dignity!

The fists punch the air

A symbol of defiance

A hammer for peace

A weapon of resilience

We cry freedom!

The fist stays in the air!

Clenched

Strong

Resolute

Defiant! Defiant!

Freedom! Freedom!

We cry freedom!

We still hurt

2020-10-05T07:48:00.005+02:00

Though our tears fall no more

Our hearts still hurt

Though our voices no longer cry

We still hurt

Though we no longer have words to say

We still hurt

Though we silently hope

We do so while we hurt.

We have cried before

We have shouted

We have screamed

We have defiantly filled the streets

When we cried

They killed our voice

When we shouted

They shot us down.

So now our voices are silent

Now our tears are dry

Our hearts never lose hope

Our resolve remains unshattered

We are filled with hope for freedom

We are filled with hope for peace

So, as we silently persevere

We still hurt.

You gave me life

2020-02-14T12:42:00.002+02:00

From the moment you came on this earth,
My life has never been the same,
I see sunshine on rainy days,
And blooms deep in the snow,
I see joy where there was sorrow,
And life where none lived,
They say I gave you life,
But I know that it was you who gave me life.

I learned to sing songs,
I learned to live in colour,
The thought of you opens the heavens,
The sight of you - magical.
I did not know what it meant to live,
Until you came into my life
They say I gave you life,
But I know that it was you who gave me life.

For Ruva & Chichi

Crossroads

2020-02-14T12:39:00.000+02:00

Do I go left or right?
Fight or flight?
Do i stop or do I keep moving?
Is one way winning and other losing?
Shall I trust trust a gut feeling?
Or pray to learn God's willing,
I stand unsure of what to do,
Which way is true?

Perhaps all destinations are the same,
Maybe its not a zero sum now,
Or one holds gold and the other some other,
All ends with some bother.
The fear lies in what I do not know,
And where I should go,
The pain of uncertainty looms high,
Yet the decision is nigh.

I've done all I could in this wait,
I have left all to fate,
I'm in an uncertain state,
Knocking alone at the pearly gate,
The leap I must now take
Believe in the decision I make,
To see what life unfolds,
As I stand at crossroads.

Each Heart is Gold

2019-07-22T16:27:00.001+02:00

Each day is a miracle
No matter how small
Each moment is a blessing
No matter how short
Each second is a difference
Even if we want more
Each life is precious
And each heart is gold.

It hurts

2019-07-03T11:28:00.001+02:00

It hurts,
Either way, it hurts,
If you hold on, your hands will bleed,
If you let go, you suffer loss,
But either way,
It hurts,
It will always hurt,
But which hurts more?

The brutality of life,
Prepares our minds for loss,
But our hearts are never in tow,
Never ready,
Yet we should be,
Because life is loss,
To live is to lose,
Yet, it still hurts.

Forever is but a dream,
And those that dream awake,
The pain of life is not as sweet,
It is unpredictable,
Unrelenting,
Unforgiving,
Uncompromising
And it hurts.

I wish there was a song,
Or a tune to hum,
Or a verse to help,
Or words, any words,
But there are none,
There will never be,
There is only hurt,
There will always be hurt.

Strangers

2019-01-24T16:59:00.000+02:00

I stand in a crowded place,
yest I still feel alone,
I see these faces every day,
Yet they are still strangers,
They may as well be walls,
Or lamp posts that I walk by each day,
No one looks at the other,
We are just strangers, one after another.

Once I tried to look someone in the eye,
I tried to smile,
I thought of saying hello,
But the words would not form,
Sometimes I bump into people for a little contact,
Some apologise while others shout,
But I don't mind,
Its the connection I yearn.

We are still strangers in a crowded place,
Familiar strangers,
We would know if someone didn't belong,
Or if someone was new,
Yet we don't belong either,
We mean nothing to the other
We live a life alone,
We are all still strangers.

Enemies at the gate

2019-01-24T13:52:00.004+02:00

The scent of fear feeds their blood lust,
Their chopping fangs give up their thirst,
Driven mad by an insatiable hunger for pain,
Inflicted on others for their personal gain,
Wary of them I tread with care,
Of their schemes I am very aware,
For they exhibit very little thought,
With that I will never be distraught.

They dream to see me in chains both hands and feet,
Yet they will see only defeat,
They yearn to see me bloodies and in tears,
Yet with guile I overcome my fears,
They speak ill and evil to all,
Yet still I do not fall,
They prophesy a dismal end for me,
Yet I still stand and they can see.

The enemies gather at the gate,
In a frenzied state,
Slings and arrows aimed at me,
I fear not how this can be,
For we vanquish all foe,
Completely till they no more,
I pity them all,
As they meet my vengeance once and for all.

Easier not to believe

2018-12-05T11:45:00.001+02:00

Its easier not to believe,
Because the alternative brings me pain,
To think of the journey i have walked,
And that a father who loves me would let me walk so,
That he would gift my every day with pain,
That my cries would never be heard.
I felt as though I cried to an abyss
Where noone would hear me.
The expectation made the sorrow greater,
The failure tore my heart to shreds,
The tears burned deeper than my soul,
I wonder if I will ever be whole.
So I find comfort in the thoughts I have,
That noone is letting me down,
That in this life I need just me,
I will be the pillar by which I stand,
For belief brings me more pain.
I know now more than ever,
That it is easier not to believe.

I try to conceal

2018-12-05T11:34:00.003+02:00

The shimmer in my eye betrays it all,
The darned window to the soul,
It shows what I try to hide,
Reveals what is kept inside.

She haunts my every dream,
She radiates like an untouched beam,
I need these feelings to go,
For she must never know.

I try all I can to conceal the way I feel,
But that thief, my heart does steal,
I turn away so my eyes give away no more,
As I have done many times before.

The Traveller

2018-03-31T08:48:00.001+02:00

I yearn to see things I have never seen,
To be places I have never been,
A sense of adventure awakens my soul,
The Adrenalin makes me whole.
I chart my course on a map of the world
Seeking no fortune or gold.
I seek a prize that few embrace,
A feeling of presence and grace.

It points me north towards Europe
Where Rome embraces me with ancient buildings,
The cobbled streets make me feel at home
And the chipped walls make me want to see more.
Venice, oh you city on stilts,
Your charm woos me so,
And London, and Paris too
Don't forget the beauties Spain has to hold.

It points me East towards Asia,
Where I have seen the great Wall in China,
Malaysia I wish conquer soon,
Thailand too.
I travel around Africa where nature is an amazing diversity
The seas, the plains and the rolling hills,
Such a beauty to behold
And even better to set my feet.

I am a traveller at heart and in deed
I find my heart yearning to go far and wide
To climb hills and mountains
To embrace cultures beyond my own
Beyond the place I call home,
For riches are not in what I hold
But truly in what I behold
As a true traveller must.

Angel Eyes

2018-03-31T05:59:00.001+02:00

You look across and you smile,
You have no idea I've been staring for a while,
You have no idea what I see when I look,
Yet to me you're an open book,
I smile back to conceal my desires,
And the fact that in me you light raging fires,
Then I see the twinkle in your eyes,
In your angel eyes.