Last week, I went to a one day live workshop with Jack Canfield, and was considering, along with the accountability partner he recommended and the mastermind group that frankly I’m not in the mood to participate in, how I could execute on the principles better.  I very much like the content, and the success is in the action, not in the knowledge.

The idea of doing this on my blog popped into my head earlier in the  week.   One of the things I am developing on my journey of self improvement is a better connection with my intuition, so when this idea showed up, I decided to act.

By doing this publicly, I have some built in accountability to actually do it, and you can join me in both the journey and in the conversation.  There is the possibility of some free virtual coaching should you decide to join the conversation.

According to Jack Canfield, it takes anywhere between two to three years to master the principles in this book.  So, my original idea of doing one a week isn’t realistic.  What I am going to do then is spend anywhere from two weeks to a month on any given principle with the idea that some will be easier than others.  And, I reserve the right to revisit those that may need more work at a later date.

So, let’s get started.

The first principle is “Take 100% responsibility for your life.”  This means I have to take responsibility for the level of my results, the quality of my relationships, the state of my body, my financial wellbeing… everything.

My first thought is to resist.  And I’ve been doing this principle for years now.  The question, “How did I create this?” is a hard one to ask when it feels like external sources contributed to the outcome.  Knowing that I am the only person whom I can 100%, I know cognitively that it’s an important question to ask.  And, up to now, I have resisted.

A reminder that I am not yet there of this happened just this week.  The fitness manager at one of the clubs where I teach changed the schedule with less than a days’ notice, without asking any of the instructors about their availability.  As we’re all scrambling around trying to find people to cover our classes, my first thought was, “I can’t believe she’s making this our problem!  She changed the schedule, she should be the one who has to figure out how to cover it.”

Imagine a buzzer a la Family Feud.  Wrong answer.  In a world in which Circimstance/Event + My Response = Outcome, what is this really buying me?  So far… stress and resentment.

A better response would have been to pick up the phone and request that she do the work.  Another response would have been to postpone the changes until next month.  Another response would be to quit.  Another would be to request input into the changes.  So many choices!

To be successful in living this principle, we have to do three things:

• Follow the “No Complaints” rule.  I’m still working on that one, too, and I’ve done a decent job of adopting this one.
• No excuses.  Up to now, this one is really hard.  Sometimes things feel like they’re out of my control.  And, whether the lack of desired outcome may be a result of my ignorance, well that’s still on me.
• No blaming.  I am cause, not effect.

The advantage of living this principle is that it trains our brains to notice and respond more quickly.  More about this later!

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann

p.s. – Please do read the chapter “Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life” and post your results below.

Think about it.  Who changes their oil anymore?  If I could even locate the oil pan at this point, I don’t have the wrench that would get the oil filter off the car.  And, it would get my nails all funky, and who wants a coach with funky nails?  (I know, an excuse for everything.)

I have clients who want me to “fix them” without their involvement.

Even though we know that exercise and CBT work just as well if not better than anti-depressants for many clinically depressed people, most people would rather just take the drugs than actively participate in their recovery.

We buy the solutions, and when there’s no solution to buy, we complain about it.

It’s very subtle, how our consumerism has created a consumer mindset over the last twenty years.   What I mean by a consumer mindset is that we expect others to do the dirty work.  We’re a nation of sideline sitters, people who participate by either bitching about the people playing on the field or Monday morning quarterbacking the failures.

It’s turned us into victims of circumstance.  And, don’t we feel that powerlessness?  Victims of a bad economy.  Victims of insurance companies.  Victims of poor government.  Victims of the companies we work for.  And on and on.

Today, I request that you do something different.  Be the creator of your experience.  That means, actually doing something different.

Today, be the objective observer.  Just watch and reflect on these questions:

• What if listening created communication?
• How does your interaction with your direct supervisor create the supervisor’s behavior?
• What small change can I make that could impact the outcome of this experience?

Let me know what you notice by leaving a comment below.

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann Jacobs

p.s. – this was adapted from an interview on You Tube with Peter Block.

Here’s an exceptional article about communication, collaboration and the importance of setting the right tone:  http://gmj.gallup.com/content/125291/Collaborating-Means-Communicating.aspx

Enjoy!

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann

Turns out, new research has shown that the brain hears things differently based on whether the person saying them is in the “in” group” or the  “out” group.

Like it or not, the unconscious brain makes many judgments because it has to distill millions of inputs into what’s relevant in a way that makes sense to it.   In groups, we have higher trust and lower trust relationships, whether we’re conscious of it or not, and when the unconscious has decided that someone is in the “out” group much more of what gets said gets filtered.

This affects the social pecking order in your group.  If you have a customer in the “out” group, it may impact the service you provide to them.  Having members of your team in the “out” group will eventually lead to those members feeling less valued (trust me, they know something’s off), and that can lead to all sorts of less than productive behaviors in response, such as disengagement, mediocre work or active sabotage.

Many times, we know who’s in the “out” group and the “in” group because it’s as simple as dislike and like.  (Back to my premise that respect isn’t enough… it is better to like your colleagues.)  Other times, we have to pay a more attention to our intuition to clearly see who’s “in” and who’s “out.”

The beauty of being a human is that we have pre-frontal cortexes that handle logical thought and are connected to every system of the brain.  So, we can consciously override that system when we decide that we want to be more inclusive.  This take more energy and effort, and sometimes our intuition is on to something.  There are some people who don’t belong in our “in” group, and that is a different issue to be addressed.

The better approach for when we don’t have a decent reason for banishing a colleague or customer for the out group is to build relationship.  We work better with people we know, like and trust.

Today, be the objective observer.  Who’s in your “in” group and who’s in the “out” group?  What changes to you want to make?

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann Jacobs

This is never more true than in a low trust organization.  How many times have you been in meetings where heads nod in agreement only to have nothing done?  It’s insidious because we think the group is on board when they aren’t.

We can work with opposition and disagreement.  Honesty lets us know where we stand and know where we may need to negotiate, whereas, we often miss lip service.

In a non-resilient, less-than-adaptable, entrenched-in-the-same-old-same-old culture, people see change as a larger threat than in those organization that are more nimble, and therefore, people resist as though there is a physical threat.  And, these folks have learned that if they just nod their heads and not do anything, the executives will eventually get tired of pushing the boulder up the hill by themselves and quit.

The best thing a leader can do in periods of rapid change is to get out in front and plan it, rather than manage it at the end.   By the way, I don’t like the term “Change Management” because by the time we get to the management piece, we’re behind it instead of in front of it.  I think the more appropriate term is “Change Leadership” because we’re talking about creating a sustainable future.  Make sense?

So, the first thing to do is figure out… before the change takes place…. during the proposal stage… is who the constituencies are, how they benefit and how they lose.  Remember to look at social threats as well as changes to process.

Then, decide how you’re going to measure the change.  What does success look like, not just at the end, but during the process?

And, how are you going to reward the small steps in between?  People change through positive feedback, and you want to reward people for “feeling the fear and doing it anyway” (~Susan Jeffers) because that’s the only way they will do it again for the next steps.   For the brain, change is a risk, which means that you’re overriding the fear response when going out on a limb.

Be aware of the lip service.  One of the best ways to see whether you have real agreement and accountability early is to ask for specific action and commitment.  Oftentimes, we get busy and expect people to connect the dots for themselves.  They’re busy, too, and if you’re proposing something that isn’t important to them, they’re not likely to put that much brain power into figuring out what you want.  So, be specific, reward when they deliver, and ask questions when they don’t.

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann Jacobs

Photo by Nur Hussein - find the pic on Flickr, the story is hilarious!

We hear a lot about being results-focused and results-driven.  Results are important, and somewhere along the way, we’ve lost sight of the importance of the journey.

Case and point.  In 1959, Cuba had an illiteracy rate of 23%.  Post Castro revolution, in 1961, it was reduced to 4%.   Let’s just say, this wasn’t the kindest of processes, and yet, if the focus was on the result to wipe out illiteracy, they were astoundingly successful.

We do this in our organizations, albeit in less stark ways (most of the time).  In many organizations, when there is a particular result required, the company values, the work/life balance, attention to detail, good decision making, etc. go right out the window. 

This becomes a real issue when we are engaging in activities that by their nature are processes.  We’ve become so used to getting a result that if we don’t get a result or we don’t get the result we want right out of the gate, we call it a failure and quit.  Change course. 

(Now that I think about it, some corporate change initiatives look an awful lot like what I’m describing.  We do it until the first set-back and then it’s scrapped.)

Learning new behaviors is a process.  Sometimes we get the results we want, sometimes we don’t.  The point is that if we don’t acknowledge and reflect on the process itself, we can’t make lasting behavioral change.

Consider this.  10,000 seems to be the magic number for learning how to be an expert.  Daniel Coyle talks about this in his book “The Talent Code.”   Jose Bowen, the Dean of Southern Methodist University’s school of music, said in an interview on Kris Boyd’s radio show “Think” that until a kid has logged 10,000 of good practice time, they don’t know whether they’ll have the talent to be a professional. 

Brain science backs this up.  The concept of practicing often and correctly is important in making the distinction between good and great.  So, here, the focus on a good process is what ensures the good result.

So, back to the results focus at work.  If we’re not paying attention to doing things in the way that we want to do them in the future… the process… and rewarding the process successes along the way, how do we ever get out of fire fighting?  By focusing solely on the result, we accept inefficiencies and poor practice in the path.

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann Jacobs

On the Wagon? Photo by Craig

So, we’re about halfway through January, and even though I suggested that resolutions are a waste of time, I bet some of you made them anyway.  How’s it going?

For those of you who are on track, congratulations!

For those of you who’ve already broken down, how about trying something different this year.

My fabulous mentor coach, Ken Abrams, reminded me to set a different set of goals this year.  Instead of setting “Do” goals (e.g. I am going to grow Vivid Epiphany into $1M in revenue), I was to set “Be” goals.

Not to knock the usual SMART goal setting model.  It has it’s place.  Thing is, most of us are so focused on what we want and how to get it that we forget about who we are.  The What-How-What-How-What-How cycle is exhausting.  And, does it sound a little hamster-on-a-wheel-ish? 

Going from the premise that when I get right, the world gets right, I set some be goals.  The one goal that Ken had for me, which I rephrassed in a way that I could better understand, adopted and which I’d now like you to consider adopting is this:

“I am utilized in this world for what I was made to be.”   Ken’s version is “I’m used for what I’m built for.”  Pick the one you like best.

What this means is that there are all sorts of things that I was made to do, and all sorts of things that I wasn’t.  For instance:

• I am made to be of service to others
• I am made to be a leader in this world
• I am made to have fun

Conversely, I am not made to put up with people’s crap.  Capiche?

Now, some might say, how is this useful?  It’s useful because it puts the idea into your unconscious about what will make you happy.  And, you can look at what you’re doing and feeling to see whether it aligns with what you were made for which gives you the conscious choice and the unconscious tool to keep on keepin’ on or change course.

So, who are you meant to be?

Whatever it is…

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann Jacobs

Photo by Delos

What if, like gasoline, your brain power and attention were a limited resource?  And that once your attention tank was empty, your thinking ran on fumes?

Turns out, the latest brain studies indicate that this is indeed the case.  Our attention is in limited supply, and we work in ways that squander it.

In his new book, Your Brain at Work, David Rock labels tasks as Level 1, Level 2 and Level 3.  A level 1 task would be something like sifting through email and deleting the irrelevant stuff.  A level 2 task is a little more complex, like perhaps scheduling a meeting.  A level 3 task is something like creating a sales pitch or solving a computer problem.

What does this mean to most of us, who really need to be spending most of our day on Level 3 and above tasks? 

It depends on how you work.  I’d hazard a guess that if you’re like me, the first thing you do is plop down in the morning in front of your computer or mobile device and start going through email.  (See the attention tank start to drip fuel.)

Maybe you return some phone calls.  (Drip)  Maybe you start instant messaging. (Drip)  Maybe you post something on social media. (Drip)

Most of us spend our freshest time, when our tank is fullest, getting the small stuff out of the way, so that by the time we get around to what’s important (or what most needs our full thinking capacity), we’re running on less than a full tank.

So, what if you made a new rule that no one was to look at email until 10am?  Would the world come crashing down around you and your team?  What if you made the rule that the first hour or two in the morning was “maximum productivity” time and that only higher thinking tasks were to be done in that time?

Maybe that’s not altogether realistic considering the environments in which many of you work.  And, why not focus on the possibilities?

Armed with this information, what do you think you can and will do to use your brain to it’s max?

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann Jacobs

p.s. - This has ramifications on your kids, too.  Video games deplete the attention.  It’s why that old rule of homework first turned out to be a good one.

“Busy” is also where Managewhiches get tripped up.

Case Study 1:
Jennifer was on the receiving end of some “unpleasant” news. Her company was cutting back on hours for its hourly employees and reorganizing some of its work, and everyone was informed that “changes were coming” via mass email. Jennifer’s hours were cut in half (as she discovered by looking in the system for her schedule) and some of her duties were reassigned (as she discovered in an unfortunate incident when she showed up to work and someone else was doing her job).

Jennifer brought up to her management that as a process point, this isn’t the best way to deliver bad news.  In the case of the reassignment, there was nothing communicated, and it made for an awkward moment for both employees and the customers that were there to witness the exchange.

The response Jennifer got from her managebitch was thanks for the feedback and please refer to the mass email.  Afterall, with X number of people to manage that she was “too busy” to contact people directly.

Here’s what Jennifer inferred:

• My managebitch talks a good game about appreciation and caring, but she doesn’t care enough about us to take the time to communicate with us directly when there’s sensitive or bad news to deliver
• My managebitch always has to be right (that one comes from making it Jennier’s “fault” when her work was reassigned)

I look at Jennifer’s managewhich and wonder what it must be like for her to be so afraid that she can’t admit when she’s done something poorly or when she’s made a mistake.  And, I bet she learned this behavior from someone else in the organization.

The long term effect of this is that the trust is gone.  It may have been expedient and less time consuming to send the mass email, and it was also impersonal and insensitive.  Before you tell Jennifer to grow up, let’s remember the important role that emotions play in the workplace.  She may suck it up and put on a nice face, but inside, the trust is still gone.

Case Study 2:

Glenn was promoted to director 5 years ago.  At one time, he was considered “high potential,”  and he’s 2 years past when he “should have” received his next promotion.  Glenn doesn’t get it.  He works hard… and lot… on data points, reports, designs, etc.

Glenn overheard someone say that he isn’t seen as “executive material.”  Unfortunately, he didn’t feel comfortable hitting that person up for more information, even though the evesdropping was unintentional.  He asked me what I thought.  Truth is, I’m not onsite shadow coaching, so I don’t have as much information as I might.  If I were to guess,  it is that he’s doing stuff he might want to consider delegating.  Getting work done through the efforts of others is one of the definitions of a great manager.  You don’t see VP’s mucking around in Excel formulas. His “too busy” may be saying “not executive material.”

Case Study #3:

Robert is consistently woefully behind on his email.  The result is that he responds to the most urgent of the emails without checking the back history or whether there is a more recent update.  The result is that he ends up reacting, instead of responding, without all the facts.  Rarely does this work in his favor.  He usually ends up tripping all over himself, and when he’s called on it, he’s honest…. too much email.

“Cant manage my email” = “Can’t manage my work” = “Ineffective manager.”  This is an administration problem better fixed than named as an excuse for doing a poor job.

So, when does “too busy” work?  When you’re saying no to doing too much.

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann Jacobs

Corporate America has taken one of it’s better opportunities for engagement and celebration and turned it into a administrivia-laden stress-inducing B.S.-laden process that’s designed to control compensation as opposed to inspire great performance.  In the end, most people feel demoralized.  (If your experience is different, I’d love to hear about it.)

All that said, you have the power to make the experience different for your folks, and I recommend that you do.  Here are three things you can do this year to make the annual review a win for your staff:

Understand thoroughly how the performance management and review process works in your company.  Rarely does it work the way it’s documented, and be very candid with your staff about what’s involved.  For example, most companies don’t disclose that they score on a bell curve (I.e. there are only so many “Exceeds” to go around).  This is important for setting expectations, because you may think that Jane walks on water, but Jane’s “Exceeds Expecations” may get reduced when management 3-levels up makes the final cuts.

DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT (did I say do not?) promise anything about raises, promotions, or bonuses unless they have been approved by HR.  I mean it.  If there is a place to get burned, this is it.  What happens is that you want to be a good guy and you tell someone to expect good things, and then, later in the part of the process that you’re not involved in, your person gets knocked down to fit in the bell curve.  Not good.

Acknowledge and celebrate successes.  Do it privately in the review.  Hit what’s good about that person hard. Look for opportunities for development (”how you can be even better next year”) as opposed to ways to make the person wrong. That said, if there is a true performance issue, be direct and kind and address it. Have a team lunch or pot luck or conference call to celebrate your team and your appreciation of the efforts they make and who they are.  One thing that one of my clients did that I think is really special is that she wrote down 2 or 3 things that she appreciated about each person on her staff and shared that at their final meeting for the year.

Here are three things you can do for next year:

Plan for success.  Create goals and objectives that are meaningful and doable.  If your success depends on another group, get together and align those goals.  Nothing like getting left holding the bag at the end of the year, yes?

Teach your staff how to write out their accomplishments in the STARS format and have them do it throughout the year.  It’s good for their resume, and it makes life easier for you.  You’ll have a mostly filled out review at the end of the year.  Review these along with performance issues during the year. You’ll have your comments all ready to go.  And, you’ll have much more specific documentation at your fingertips for when it comes time to influence others as to why your people deserve raises and promotions.  There is little better for managing down than getting people raises and promotions.

And, for next year… if you lack the influence and negotiating skills to get wins for your staff, consider putting that on your personal development plan.

This year, I am going to do something special.  At this time of year, I offer a “Close Out the Old, Bring in the New” complimentary consultation for anyone who wants to set themselves up for success in the coming year.  In addition, this year, I am going to send the accompanying worksheets to all of eZine subscribers.  If you’re not a subscriber on the eZine (and I don’t know why you wouldn’t be if you love my blog), I’m giving you fair warning so that this is coming so that you can receive it.   Sign up right here:

Be Your Best You Today,
Carolann Jacobs