Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs.

But, all of his neighbors’ were strict Catholics … and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.

The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass … and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now dear, you are a Catholic.”

Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved………………until Friday night arrived.

The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs once again filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa’s backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:

“Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now dears…. you are a potato and tomato”!

‘Why do we shout in anger?’ A saint asked his disciples, ‘Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?’

His disciples thought for a while, one of them said, ‘Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.’

‘But, why do you shout when the other person is just next to you?’ asked the saint. ‘Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you’re angry?’

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.

Finally he explained, ‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.’

Then the saint asked, ‘What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small…’

The saint continued, ‘When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.

‘MORAL’ said the saint: ‘When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return!’

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger ?" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s degree and the woman gets her Master’s.

A little boy asked his father,"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married ?" And the father replied, "I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it."

Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?". Dad : "That happens in most countries son."

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why; but when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why?- Affair!?

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the Husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it."

A man inserted an ‘advertisement’ in the classifieds : "Wife wanted". The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine."

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : either the car is new or his wife is new.

A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" the friend asked. The woman replied, "A Billionaire."

· When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than
to let him keep her. – David Bissonette

· After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin;
they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
– Sacha Guitry

· By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher ! – Socrates

· Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from
achieving them. – Anonymous

· The great question… which I have not been able to answer…
is, ‘What does a woman want? – Dumas

· I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs
with me. – Sigmund Freud

· ‘Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time
to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner,
soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.’
- Anonymous

· ‘There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic banking. It’s called marriage. – Sam Kinison

· ‘I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me,
and the second one didn’t.’ – James Holt McGavra

· Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
- Patrick Murra

· The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to
forget it once…. – Nash

· You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
- Anonymous

· My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. – Henny Youngman

· A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
- Rodney Dangerfield

· A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. Next
day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You
can have mine.’ – Anonymous

· First Guy (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’
Second Guy: ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’ – Anonymous

Once a Businessman was interviewing persons for a post of Branch Manager for one of his divisions. He asked the same question to all the persons who attended the interview. His question was “ How much is 2+2 ?” An Engineer, a Mathematician, a Physicist, a Logician, a Social worker, a Lawyer, a Trader and a Chartered Accountant were attending the interview.

When the businessman asked the question “How much is 2+2?”:-

The Engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth and finally said, “ It lies between 3.98 and 4.02”.

The Mathematician answered, “ In ten minutes I can explain to you and show that it is neither more than nor less than 4, by two alternative methods.”

The physicist said, “It is in the magnitude of 1×101"

The logician paused for a long while and then said, “This problem is solvable.”

The social worker said, “I do not know the exact answer, however, I am glad that we discussed an important question.”

The lawyer said, “In the case of Stevenson vs. Robinson and others, 2+2 was indicated to be 4 by the learned Judge .”

The trader asked the Businessman, “ Can you tell me whether you are going to buy or sell so that he can answer accordingly.”

The Chartered Accountant looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair, went to see if anyone was listening at the door and pulled the drapes. Then he returned to the business owner, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, “What would you like it to be? We will make it according to your requirement.”

1. Bhagwad Gita is like our mother. She reveals the art of healthy, happy and holistic living. She tells us ‘never worry and get despondent’, there is always a way out of every grief, however enourmous and choking it may appear to be. 

2. Always remember that all grief is just because of some wrong understanding, and is never given by God or destiny etc. So whenever you come to any crossroads, just approach a wise man and request for the right knowledge.

3. You can see life either from your personal point of view, or factually, from the God’s point of view. Individual-centric perception is of a limited and divided world, full of endless misery; while the vision from the point of view of totality is a divine scenario – one, blissful and all-embracing. How and What we ’see’ is always our personal discretion and freedom.

4. The lives of self-centric people, who are always driven by their personal likes and dislikes, is very isolating, limiting and above all choking. They live a highly stressed life, with indecisiveness glaring at them at every crossroad. Success binds these ignorant ones as much as their failures do, and the tragedy is that irrespective of what they achieve and experience, they continue to remain condemned as a seeker.

5. The wise see the world factually; they are awake to the truth of themself and the world, which is one. They live an extremely blissful, blessed and also an inspired life. Their cup is full, not because of anything but inspite of everything. Their fullness does not manifest in the form of inactivity, but as selfless and dynamic life for the welfare of one & all. World remaining same, it is just their ‘vision shift’ which made all the difference.

6. The motherly Gita prescribes one integrated approach to prepare our minds for enlightened living, and never suggests any ‘different independent paths’. She suggests that may all your faculties – intellect, heart and actions, get lovingly directed and dedicated to the feet of God. Art of such an inspired, integrated, holistic and selfless living is called as Karma Yoga.

7. Karma Yogi lives an inspired and dynamic life. They see themselves as instruments of God. Their entire life alongwith their deepest motivations are all seen as the blessing and wish of their beloved and benevolent master, and whatever they do is always their humble offering at HIS feet. Such a ‘connected’ person always lives overwhelmed, getting infinite love, and reciprocating as best as they can.

8. Gita tells that Yoga, the art of blessed and positive living, prepares us for something more profound and sublime, the ‘Brahma-Gyana’, the direct knowledge of the absolute. The journey ahead does not lie in doing or not-doing anything whatsoever, but in just opening of our eyes, fully. For this we need to humbly approach a knowledgable and enlightened guru. The process of subsequent enquiry alone is true meditation.

9. Brahma-Gyana is like fire, it burns off ignorance and all its products. All thoughts and also the very ego drop, and then the timeless and transcendental divinity stands unveiled as their very Self. Brahma-Gyani is the enlightened one, the free one. He sees himself pervading the whole world, as the very self of all. He is divinity incarnate. He is a blessing for one & all. Love for all is as natural to him as light is to sun, and they never grieve. The motherly Gita coaxes and guides all to the portals of such an awakened, magnanimous and enlightened living.

by : Poojya Guruji Sri Swami Atmananda Saraswatiji

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.

Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.

He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO.
I have decided to choose one of you. "The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today – one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.

Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.

By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn’t have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by — still nothing in Jim’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn’t say anything to his colleagues, however.
He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil – He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company
brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.

Jim told his wife that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot.
But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety
of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful — in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.

Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees,and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!"

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed – Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer!

His name is Jim!" Jim couldn’t believe it. Jim couldn’t even grow his seed.

"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said.

Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead – it was not possible for them to grow.

All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new
Chief Executive Officer!"

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends

* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness

* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment

* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective

* If you plant hard work, you will reap success

* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

* If you plant faith, you will reap a harvest

So, be careful what you plant now;
it will determine what you will reap later.

"Whatever You Give To Life, Life Gives You Back"

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy .. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community. If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay. If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.

The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional condition to the debate to make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute

1. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers…..Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.

2. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head…Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.

3. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine….Harbinder pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay." An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God common to both our religions.

Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us…He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us..

Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins…He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.

He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh. "What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here…I told him not one of us was leaving.

Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs…I let him know that we were staying right here."

"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.

"I don’t know", said Harbinder, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits (phone numbers).

The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy: ‘Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): ‘I already have someone to cut my lawn.’

Boy: ‘Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now.’

Woman: I’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.

Boy: (with more perseverance): ‘Lady, I’ll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach, Florida.’

Woman: No, thank you.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store Owner: ‘Son… I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.’

Boy: ‘No thanks,

Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.

Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!’

Isn’t it strange how a 20 rupee note
seems like such a large amount when
you donate it to temple, but
such a small amount
when you go for shopping?

Isn’t it strange how 2 hours seem so long when
you’re at Temple, and how
short they seem when you’re
watching a good movie?

Isn’t it strange that you can’t
find a word to say when you’re praying,
but you have no trouble
thinking what to complain to God?

Isn’t it strange how difficult
and boring it is to read one chapter
of the Bhagwad Gita, but how easy
it is to read 100 pages of
a popular novel ?

Isn’t it strange how everyone
wants front-row-tickets
in concerts or games, but they do whatever
is possible to sit at the last
row in Jagran?

Isn’t it strange how we need to
know about an event for
Temple in advance so we can
include it in our agenda, but we can
adjust it for other events in
the last minute?

Isn’t it strange how difficult it
is to learn a fact about God & to share it
with others, but how easy
it is to learn, extend and repeat gossip?

Isn’t it strange how we
believe everything
that magazines and newspapers
say, but we question the words in the
Religious Scriptures?

Isn’t it strange how everyone
wants a place in
heaven, but they don’t want
to believe, do, or say anything
to get there?

Isn’t it strange how we send
jokes in e-mails
and they are forwarded right away,
but when we are going to send
messages about God, we think
about it twice before we share
it with others?