Voice of Reason

Groupon, groupoff: On becoming a travel discount master (mistress?)

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Sat, 30 Aug 2014 17:23:00 +0000

We leave for London in a week! A week! Don't know whether to get really excited or to throw up about leaving my babies. It maybe kind of helps that little Loki has been a lot like this lately:

adorable but also dangerous and maybe slightly deranged

When I started dreaming about this trip, I signed up to receive notifications of London and Liverpool deals through Groupon.co.uk, Livingsocial, and Wowcher. And then my inbox exploded so full of offers for afternoon teas and Brazilian waxes that it was insane. Also alcohol. Sooooo very much of alcohol.

But it was worth it, because I have scored some really great deals for things. I did have to use some self-control, though. It would have been easy to buy a ton and then basically have our entire schedule dictated by needing to use up the Groupons we'd paid for. So I really only chose things that were actually on our list. I also spent a lot of time on Yelp and Tripadvisor to make sure that the restaurant/experience/whatever was worth choosing.

I installed the Ebates button into my browsers so it could remind me when I'm on a site where I can get cash back. (For example, 6% back at Livingsocial.) So that happened too. And here's what I've got so far!

Groupon for London Fish & Chips in Covent Garden (yes, it looks like a weirdo chain but actually has great reviews)

This wasn't actually on my list, because I didn't know about it. But it looks fun.

Groupon for the Liverpool Big Wheel

Groupon for an afternoon tea.

I've never done the tea thing, but decided that a civilized afternoon tea in London is a thing I probably should do in my life. Also it's pretty much my birthday. So there. I spent, no lie, at least a month researching afternoon teas and checking out every Groupon/Livingsocial/Wowcher/whatever that came my way. I agonized. Agonized, I tell you. My salvation finally came through Christin, a lovely blog reader living in London (lucky!) who was also looking into afternoon teas. She sent me a link for the Wellington Afternoon Tea at the Wellington Lounge in the InterContinental Park Lane Hotel and the heavens opened and I may have started sweating.

You guys. This tea. Go read about it right now I am not even kidding.

And while I enjoy my afternoon tea, I can think about the part where I am sitting exactly on the site of Queen Elizabeth's childhood home, where she lived with Colin Firth until they moved into Buckingham Palace. Which turned out to be a good thing, since the house was destroyed during the Blitz of London. So, um, I guess thanks for that, Wallis Simpson?

Colin Firth not shown.

Except yay, there he is!!

Seriously. If this thing turns out to be a disappointment, I may level the building a second time.

Picture: Tolga Akmen/REX

2 for 1 Tower of London entry. (Why thank you, 2for1 London.) The red ceramic poppies filling the moat are a special installation to commemorate the 100th anniversary of WWI. Each poppy represents a British military fatality, and there will eventually be almost 900,000 poppies covering the moat.

image source Porters Restaurant

2 for 1 dinner at Porter's English Restaurant in Covent Garden. I'm leaning toward the chicken, mushroom, and bacon pie myself.

image source Porters Restaurant

And a dessert. Because culture.

2 for 1 Thames sightseeing cruises

Discounted Beatles London Walking Tour (You'll never guess who needs to see every single Beatles site in London. But I found the tour and the discount because I am awesome.)

Discounted tickets to see Jeeves and Wooster in Perfect Nonsense. But before we get too excited, is Matthew Macfadyen still playing Jeeves? Answer:

But that's ok. It will still be delightful.

And then there are the things I'm just going to have to suck it up and pay full price for:

Matilda the Musical

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime

The private taxi Beatles tour of Liverpool

Warner Brothers "Making of Harry Potter" Studio Tour

All the foods at Borough Market. (Pssst. Click on this link, but don't let the people around you hear the sounds you are about to make.)

And of course we are going to hit museums and the British Library and walk all over the place, but do any of you have some spots we should consider? Tell me now before I miss out and hate myself forever!

Dinosaur Train Swag Giveaway Winner

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 08 Aug 2014 19:47:00 +0000

Any guesses on which one secretly wants to eat the other one?
TM and © The Jim Henson Company. All Rights Reserved

Remember that one time when my local PBS station emailed me and I geeked out like a fangirl? And we had a giveaway? Yeah. Me too.

Aaaaaaaaand according to Mr. Random Number Generator, the winner of the Dinosaur Train goodies giveaway is . . . Amber!

amber said...

Loooove Dinosaur Train. All three of my kids would adore those goodies.
Liked on facebook x 3!

Yay for Amber! Please drop me an email so I can arrange to get this stuff to you.

Sadly, I didn't make it to the zoo this morning for the supercool event because I didn't get home from the Paul McCartney concert until 2am. Am getting to old for this [stuff], I tell you. Too old. It was a fun night, though!

PBS Kids Giveaway and Dinosaur Train at Hogle Zoo!

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Mon, 04 Aug 2014 18:28:00 +0000

Behold, my very first giveaway, and it's to do with public television! That's all the warm feelings, right there.

You all know how much I love me some Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, and PBS is basically my SLA dealer. It brings good things to my life, like Sherlock. It's what I watch when I'm up in the night feeding babies (Downton Abbey Season 1 with the Tiny Dark Lord, The Paradise Season 1 with Loki). Did you know they even have apps that let you watch stuff? Best. Ever.

And then I learned about PBS Kids, which is basically how the Tiny Dark Lord coped with me ruining his life (ie., creating a sibling). During those rough first ~~weeks~~ months after Loki arrived he just wanted to watch Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, over and over and over again.

proof of the Daniel Tiger love

TDL goes through phases now of loving Daniel Tiger, Curious George, Dinosaur Train, and Peg + Cat. I must say the Peg + Cat is my least favorite. Yes, it helped him learn to count by twos and stuff, but it also taught him to say things like, "OMG" and "I am toootally fuh-reaking out!!" Anyone else out there feeling me on that one?

Dinosaur Train, though, I really like. (Alternate title: "Hey, grownups. Everything you learned about dinosaurs as a kid is wrong, neener!")

Now we come to the point. This Friday, August 8th, KUED Kids (the local PBS Kids affiliate) will be at the Hogle Zoo for a "Dinosaur Train Classic in the Jurassic" event from 10:00am to 1:00pm. There will be hands-on activities and crafts, obstacle courses, educational goodies to take home, a mobile educational lab where you can try the new Dinosaur Train app, and a sneak peak of the new Dinosaur Train Classic in the Jurassic special (airing on August 18th). So if Hogle Zoo is still on your Summer Bucket List (or if you're looking for an excuse to go back) this would be a great day!

If you print this ad from their website you can get $1 off your Hogle Zoo entrance fees. Or you could stop by a Les Schwab Tire Center and grab a couple of their Hogle Zoo "Buy 1 Adult Ticket, get a Kid Ticket Free" coupons.

So, here's where the giveaway comes in. The good people at KUED are sending me a box of goodies to give to some lucky blog reader!

We've got books, pencils, stickers, a photo holder, and temporary tattoos! Your dinosaur fan will approve. And then will want to rush out and get a real tattoo because apparently that is what temporary tattoos do. Or something. To enter the giveaway, go ahead and leave a comment by 11:59 pm MST on Thursday August 7th. I'll randomly select one winner and announce it here on Friday (and I'll get in touch with you if you include your contact email in your entry).

For extra entries, here are a few other fun and personally fulfilling things you can do. You get one extra entry for each thing, just leave a comment telling me what you did!

Like KUED Kids on Facebook
Like KUED on Facebook (because hi, everyone should)
Like Hogle Zoo on Facebook
Share this giveaway on Facebook

On Thursday night we are seeing the Paul McCartney concert in SLC, so it's going to be a late night. If I can drag my sleepy carcass back down to Salt Lake on Friday morning I might see you at the zoo!

Disclaimer: KUED Kids contacted me about this event and offered goodies to give away, plus a couple of extra stickers for the Tiny Dark Lord.

Baby Bear knits and also items for sport

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Thu, 31 Jul 2014 13:00:00 +0000

Have been doing a bit of knitting for the two nephews I have coming. Both my brothers and their wives are expecting boys--one in August and one in September. I found a cute newborn bear hat pattern and decided that these Alaska babies need this in their lives.

This one is for the Alaska baby who will live in Utah. It's a washable blend and turned out super tiny. I warned Coolboy and Aubrey that they might need to stick it on him as soon as possible--perhaps while he is crowning--if they want to get any use out of it.

Baby Bear Hat (free download)

Check out how tiny it is on this 3-month-old:

A sweet nephew on GH's side

I just enough yarn left over to make these to go along with the hat:

Baby Mitts by Susan B. Anderson

I knit this next one in some leftover Patons Classic Wool and made it a larger 3-6ish month size, as it's going to the baby who does live in Alaska and will probably need hats year-round.

Baby Bear Hat by Gilda Knits (free on Ravelry)

The stars aligned enough for me to get to see my former domestic partner, even Amyjane, during her recent family vacation to Utah. And of course the first words out of my mouth were, "I need to put a hat on your baby and take a picture." Baby Jensen was a delightful model, even if he's too big for the hat.

I want to eat his arms and legs so much

Baby knits really are the best. They are so fast to make and the recipients lack the coordination or language skills to refuse them or yank them off. Win win! Cannot wait to see the two little heirs in them.

I also finally finished a project I'd promised a friend. You may not be able to tell from the way my assistant is modeling them, but they are golf club covers in University of Miami colors. Go ~~Cranes~~ Canes! (For that is what Internet tells me I should say.)

Golf Cover Clubs with Initials by Lion Brand Yarns (free pattern)

And now it's time to knit a few things for moi. Here's what I have in mind:

Spring Beret (free pattern) by Natalie Larson.
Image by Ravelry user chikka.

And this:

$5 in Paris (free pattern) by Anna Maliszewski.
Image by Ravelry user Caudagali

And so it begins (alternate title: Canning like a sister wife)

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 04:58:00 +0000

Seven years ago I posited these questions after a Relief Society lesson that was possibly titled "Jesus Wants us to Can Peaches."

Also? What's up with canning and all that? Why should we do it? If I already have a year's supply of peaches from Costco then shouldn't I be good? Why on this sweet earth should I spend a Saturday up to my elbows in sticky nastiness just to give myself botulism? I mean, if you like to do those things and you like knowing where your food comes from and it gives you a feeling of satisfaction, then that's wonderful and I say more power to you. But what if you just don't care?

And now I am totally that person turning my kitchen into a sauna and giving myself botulism. Not because I thinks Jesus wants me to, but because I actually do get a kick out of it. What can I say? Maybe it's living in a pioneer house that makes me want to do pioneer things (except not polygamy). And somehow stacking up my bottles of food up in the shelves makes me think cozy Lara Ingalls Wilder-y thoughts about how our winter shall be plentiful and safe and there will be no twisting of hay to create fuel. (And then yesterday I find a stash of 20 bottles of canned peaches from 2012 that I'd forgotten about and think, "Aw, crap." I may just give up on peaches. Clearly I am not getting through them.)

This year I actually grew real beets instead of shriveled acorns. So this was my first attempt at pickled beets. Am very hopeful that this will be good. These won't have high fructose corn syrup in them like the ones I usually get at the grocery store, so that will at least be an improvement, right?

The beets also did me the favor of making me think I was dying when I went to the bathroom and everything was pink. Thanks for that, beets. Nothing like a colon cancer scare as a reward for eating superfoods.

I've also done a big jar of 10 Minute Refrigerator Dill Pickles, which are delicious even if everyone else in my family prefers Western Family pickles like losers. Once I turned my kitchen into a steam-room with the beets I figured I might as well embrace being a sweaty stinky sticky mess and do some pickles too. I did the Hamburger Dill Pickles recipe from the Ball Blue Book of Preserving--this lovely blogger has included it here if anyone is interested.

Possible future projects include:

Dill pickle relish
Zucchini relish (also from the Ball Blue Book)
Plum jam if my trees produce
Canned pears if the 8 million baby pears on my tree turn out to be worth dealing with

That's where we are, expect updates whether you want them or not. But while we are talking updates, check out this progress on the Operation Best Friends (Because Maybe if I Say It Enough Times It Will Be True) front.

Behold: The Dark Lord consented to sit in a cart with Loki. Cannot overstate the big deal that this is.

Usually TDL does his best to stay well out of arm's reach of little Loki, and he may have a point.

Progress, friends. Progress.

If a garden grows unblogged . . .

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Thu, 17 Jul 2014 19:31:00 +0000

Was chatting with Desmama last weekend (because I get to do that, neener) and she asked if I planted a garden. She said she didn't know since I hadn't blogged about it. SO. Fixing that now!

I did plant a garden, and it's actually growing! Maybe there is something to that whole "not gardening while pregnant" thing. (Sorry, pioneers. I realize you didn't actually have a choice--with regards to gardening or pregnancy.) I'm determined that this year my little spot is not going to be the neglected, overgrown, probably-concealing-plumbing-equipment-somewhere-in-there plot.

But yes, check it out!

spaghetti squash, beets, buttercrunch lettuce, rainbow carrots, and tomatoes

The spaghetti squash is trying to take over the world, Pinky & the Brain-style. And this year I'm actually getting beets bigger than an acorn! The people at Anderson's Seed & Garden told me to work bone meal into the soil at planting time, and I've actually been thinning them like you're supposed to. I'm experimenting with replanting the thinned beets over by the green beans and some of them actually seem like they might recover.


peppers & petunias

I was gifted a big flat of little petunia seedlings and read that they are good for gardens. So I've thrown some in and if nothing else they are pretty.

more carrots, green beans, sugar snap peas

pickling cucumber & dill

Check it out! The dill came up this year! I shall be a pickling goddess!

butternut squash, zucchini, yellow squash

baby pumpkins, sugar pie pumpkins, corn

cantaloupe, trying to not get smothered

I'm going to be scientific and keep a tally this year of how many zucchini I get from my two plants. I'm up to 7, starting last week. Need to start making friends with my Zucchini board on Pinterest. I was out weeding a few days ago when my neighbor (GH's great aunt) called out to see if I had any zucchini yet.

Me, while standing up: "Yep, just got 4 yesterday!"

Great-aunt: "Oh, that's too bad."

I turned around to see that she had her arms full of them. To be helpful, I took two and made Whole Wheat Chocolate Chunk Zucchini Bread. Because I'm a giver. I baked it in my mother-in-law's oven so I wouldn't have to heat my kitchen up. This has actually helped me to eat better: "There's a Ghirardelli brownie mix right here, but . . . I'd have to turn the oven on. Ugh, never mind, I'll just eat this carrot."

Because my brain is too damaged from the heat

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 19:37:00 +0000

There is no air conditioning in my house and I forgot to leave the bay windows open last night so it was already like 76 degrees in the living room when I got up.

I'm sure the pioneers are shedding a tear for me right now.

The only way we can get the boys to sleep at night is to prop fans up in (probably dangerous) positions on furniture so a breeze reaches them. And then I retreat to my room with the running window AC unit and feel all kinds of guilty. I'm pretty sure someone with a Mother Heart would let the kids have the air conditioning.

Let's hear all your favorite places to get out of the heat, preferably ones that would work with an infant and a toddler! (Please don't say the pool. Because that sounds like work.)

Here are the ideas I already have:

My bedroom
The library
My mother-in-law's house

Aaaaaand those are all of them.

Update #5: The fruit of my loins

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Thu, 03 Jul 2014 22:29:00 +0000

The super villains are doing fine. Please indulge me while I record a few things about them, since this is basically the only place I'll be doing that.

The No-Longer-Tiny Dark Lord

TDL and his great-Grammy

Jim Gaffigan says, "The person who came up with the term "terrible twos" must have felt really foolish after their kid turned three." TDL decided to skip the terrible twos and instead hit three with a vengeance. Let's just say there have been a lot of feelings.

During Loki's 6-month check-up I asked the pediatrician what to do about TDL. He was having constant meltdowns and was cranky a lot of the time (thank you, nap, for abandoning me). Her response? "Preschool." Which is funny, because I used to think, "Why would I ever want to send my precious, precious baby to school? It's expensive and also I just want to keep him here with me and love him always." Yeah, this year killed that. Someone please take him so he can yell at you instead of me for a couple of hours.

So. Preschool. I've got that locked down for fall. We start paying for it about the time we get to stop buying baby formula, so I will still feel like I'm coming out ahead!

I don't mean to make it out that he's terrible all the time, because he can actually be so incredibly sweet. When he's not being, you know, the other thing. And the meltdowns have gotten better too.

He loves numbers and letters and music. And in the last couple of months he started reading. So that's been fun. He still quivers and shakes when he gets excited. He started Sunbeams this year and loves it. Also he's kind of starting to have a sense of humor. It's just too bad it's the kind of humor that involves adding the word of "poop" to things.

The first (and last) time TDL agreed to get in a cart with Loki

Still will have nothing to do with Loki. It's not that he is mean or tries to hurt him, he just doesn't see what the point of him is. He ignores him completely, and moves away if Loki gets close. A few weeks ago TDL kept opening the front door during a big rain storm and I finally went over to tell him to stop, only to find that he'd set Loki's bumpo seat and several of his baby books and toys out on the front porch. In the rain. Also he told his Primary teachers that he does not in fact have a baby brother.

Loki

I basically cannot even deal with how precious Loki is. He just turned 9 months old and is sitting up, scooting backwards, and cutting his two bottom teeth. He's been taking his time with the physical milestones--except for smiling and laughing. He had those down early. This boy is a little ray of angel sunshine. He loves everyone and everything.

There's actually not that much to report on him, other than that he's awesome. And if I'd known I could make such gorgeous babies I would have sold some eggs or something to put myself through college. I could have made millions.

Millions, I tell you.

Doing the Fast Metabolism Diet

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Tue, 01 Jul 2014 13:00:00 +0000

02/2016 update: I'm doing the diet again after my 3rd baby (holy cow, I'm so very outnumbered now) so I've made a couple of updates for things I'm doing differently this time around. I'm also sharing my original spreadsheet, so go ahead and make a copy to play around with!

08/2016 update: So . . . I followed FMD faithfully last February for weeks and made absolutely no progress. Which was incredibly frustrating. So then a friend told me about macros and helped me get set up, along with some short workouts I could do from home. Started working immediately and was fabulous. I didn't have to cut lists of foods out of my diet, it was easier to eat out and make room for treats or favorite foods, and I spent less time food prepping and less money on expensive ingredients. And now I don't recommend the Fast Metabolism Diet any more. And that's my story.

So a few of you have expressed interest in checking out the diet/eating plan I used to lose my baby weight. It's The Fast Metabolism Diet by Haylie Pomroy. I wanted to throw out a bit more information in case it might be useful!

The idea is that you follow this for 4 weeks to get your metabolism back on track, and then keep going for as many more weeks as it takes to reach your goal weight.

Let me get this out of the way first. You can expect to lose between half a pound to a pound a day from the first day you start this. No lie. That is what (usually) gave me the willpower to just stick to the eating plan--knowing that in the morning when I stepped on the scale I will have lost weight.

For each phase there is a master foods list of all the vegetables, grains, fruits, proteins, fats, and condiments that are allowed in each phase, along with the recommended exercise. You use that to pick things you like and plan your menus. The book also gives you portion sizes depending on how much weight you want to lose. If you want to lose more than 20 pounds, your portions actually need to be bigger.

This is what a week looks like:

Phase 1 (Mondays and Tuesdays) Unwind Stress and Calm the Adrenals

High glycemic (fruits and grains), moderate protein, low fat

Grains don't include refined sugars, wheat, or corn. Oatmeal, brown rice and quinoa are fine, as are pastas and breads if they are made with alternative grains. (My mom had to tell me that "sprouted bread" means that Ezekiel bread in the freezer section.)

The point of this phase is to persuade your body that it's no longer in an emergency "fat-storing" situation and to level your blood sugar.

Phase 2 (Wednesdays and Thursdays) Unlock Stored Fat and Build Muscle

High protein, high vegetable, low carbs, low fat (ie, the hard one. But it's just 2 days!)

The point of this phase is to push your metabolism to build muscle and burn fats.

Phase 3 (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) Unleash the Burn

High healthy fat, moderate carbs, moderate protein, low glycemic fruit

This is the phase where you are burning stored fat.

Here is what I ended up eating a lot:

Breakfasts:
Phase 1: Old-fashioned oatmeal w/blueberries and cinnamon (and sometimes some unsweeted applesauce to make it a little sweeter)
Phase 2: Egg white omelets with spinach, mushrooms, and sometimes bell peppers
Phase 3: Nut butter and blueberries on toast or fried egg & tomato on toast

Lunches:
Phase 1: Open faced turkey or roast beef sandwiches or turkey chili (recipe in the book)
Phase 2: Lettuce wraps with roast beef, mushrooms, and peppers inside
Phase 3: Turkey chili w/avocado, lettuce wraps w/deli meat and hummus, or sprouted wheat wraps.

Dinners (modified for each phase): fajitas, spaghetti over zucchini noodles or spaghetti squash, chicken bratwurst, lean hamburgers, shish kabobs, petite sirloin steak, sweet potatoes, burritos with ground beef or turkey and vegetarian re-fried beans, lots and lots of zucchini

Snacks (morning, afternoon, and sometimes evening):
Phase 1: Fruit
Phase 2: Lunch meat dipped in mustard
Phase 3: Celery w/nut butter or veggies w/hummus

So . . . now for the advice stuff.

Planning: Doing this takes a lot of planning. Take some time to read the book, to plan your menus and go grocery shopping and maybe eat any desserts you really wanted to fit in before you cut out sugar.

I created a Google Docs spreadsheet (I love me a Google Docs spreadsheet) with a table for each week. I entered in all the meals and snacks I had planned. Having the whole week planned out made it much easier to stick to the eating plan.

Groceries, Buying of: Eating "clean" the way Pomroy recommends (raw nut butters, nitrate-free meats, sprouted grain breads, tons of vegetables and fruit, etc.) can get expensive. I wasn't familiar with some of these items and ended up spending a lot on groceries. If I'd spent more time looking around and comparing prices, I could have spent less. So maybe do some price-checking at your grocery store, the health food/organic store, Costco/Sam's, maybe even Amazon for non-perishables before you start spending money.

Example: Raw almond butter at my local health food store was $18. Then last Saturday I snuck into Trader Joe's during a SLC trip and saw Trader Joe's brand raw almond butter for $6.99. There's also the option of making it yourself, which requires a food processor and a pound of raw almonds ($6 or less).

One smart thing I did was buy single servings of raw almond butter, raw cashew butter, and raw pecan butter at Natural Grocer. That way I could be sure I liked something before I went out and bought (or made) a 16 oz jar.

Another way to keep the grocery bill in control is to check out your weekly grocery store sales on Grocery Smarts before you plan your week's meals. So you'll know who's having a great sale on steaks or strawberries or bell peppers. I've been taking advantage of BBQ season sales on things like steak, lean hamburger patties, and chicken brats.

Cooking for other people: You don't really need to cook separate dinners for the other people in your family. They can eat the same thing you are eating, but they might add cheese or sour cream or a hamburger bun or flour tortilla, etc. Fact: GH lost about 10 pounds at the same time that I was doing this. He wasn't doing anything different, all we can figure is that it must have come from eating the dinners I was making. Or he has a tapeworm.

Slip-ups: Of course there were days where stuff happened and I just didn't stick to it. And there were days when I couldn't resist a bite of ______. The "just a bite" didn't seem to really affect things too much. And, actually, just a bite was usually really satisfying. But more than that and I'd start feeling gross, and the next morning on the scale I'd see that I didn't lose anything, or that I'd gained something back.

Eating Out: It's hard when you're not eating at home. It's really hard for me to stick with it when I'm at a restaurant or a party. Once when we had Sunday dinner at my in-law's I ate my meal before I went over. She understood and wasn't offended. But it's so hard for me to be surrounded by dinner rolls and desserts and all this stuff without trying some--and then trying some more. So that's where the willpower has to come in.

Let's see, other things:

Get on Pinterest. There are loads of pins with recipes designated as "Phase 1," "Phase 2," etc. This can help when you're in a meal planning rut.

(2016 update) If you have an iPhone or iPad, download the app. It's $3 and is worth it for the food lists alone, so you don't have to keep going back to the book to see which fruits/veggies/proteins are allowed in each phase.

Stevia is allowed as a sweetener, but I wouldn't bother. That mess is disgusting. Like sweet baby powder straight from a sweaty butt-crack disgusting. (2016 update: I just bought xylitol to try with baking this time around, will see how it goes!)

Mustard is just about the only condiment you can use, so treat yo'self to a kind you like.

If you have a grill, this is the time to use it. I ate shish kabobs at least once a week.

Turning zucchinis into spaghetti noodles? Surprisingly good.

Baked sweet potatoes with cinnamon on them? Tastes like dessert.

Good luck, you will be amazing!

Update #4: Passport

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Mon, 30 Jun 2014 13:00:00 +0000

Remember the tax return and me trying to get a passport? Despite the best (read: worst) efforts of the people at Sam's Club's photo department, I did get it. See how pretty?

Picture inside? Not so pretty.

And then, miracle of miracles, the stars (and the ticket prices, and the childcare options) aligned enough for us to use them.

I'm going to LONDON!!!

LondonLondonLondonLondon!!!

(Like, the REAL one, not one of the fake ones in Ohio or Texas. The actual actual London. With the Queen and English chocolate and cheeses and Benedict Cumberbatch.)

GH and I leave in September, the day after my 35th birthday. (Also, 35? Seriously? How did that even happen??? Well, there's no better place to celebrate turning the age of Olde than in London, I'm sure.) My mother, who shall be counted among the angels, is coming down to Utah in September to visit the forthcoming heir of Coolboy and his wife. I caught her in a weak moment and she agreed to extend her trip and stay at my house to watch Loki and the Dark Lord for a week.

She is the best, all glory be upon her.

This trip is basically all I eat, sleep, and breathe at the moment. I've created the Google Doc Budget Spreadsheet and the Google Doc England Itinerary. I spent days looking at apartments on Roomorama. My Pinterest boards are going crazy with walking tours and yarn stores and food markets, oh my!

GH, who is (understatement) a Beatles fan, is the reason we are spending a couple days in Liverpool.

It's been fun researching a city I don't know and figuring out all the fun things to do there. Including, of course, a guided Beatles tour.

Also? The thought of a 10-hour transatlantic flight without children seems like the very height of decadent living to me. I will be able to read! Or knit! Or knit while---sorry, whilst reading! I can eat foods while they are still warm! I can take naps! Nobody will talk to me or ask me things! I will (let's hope) not get other people's pee or poop or vomit or milk on my clothes! And just to add to the awesome, I booked with British Airways, like I'm Kate Winslet or someone.

I am so, so, so excited.

Aw yeah. Pretty much the same thing as a day spa.

Update #3: Weight Loss for the Win!

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 27 Jun 2014 14:57:00 +0000

Please forgive this post if this isn't the kind of thing you care to read. (But come on, if you've stuck it out through Butthole Therapists and Bladder Spasms then clearly you have an amazing tolerance level.)

Yesterday I hit my post-baby weight loss goal. Since January I've lost 22 pounds. And I kind of can't believe it happened. I did something that required self-control! About food! Which is not something I am known for!!

After the Dark Lord was born, I got back down in the pre-baby-ish neighborhood without too much effort. But then I think my metabolism decided to stop enabling my bad habits. (Oh, 30s. Between the crapped-out metabolism, back pains, and white hair and also white eyebrows I'm not even kidding, you are such a gem.)

So by the time I got pregnant with Loki, I was already at least 10 pounds overweight. And then during the pregnancy those 10 pounds each found a friend and that's what I was left to work with.

I lost the first 10 pounds tracking my calories with the My Fitness Pal app, but then I just hit a wall and wasn't making any progress.

I read about the Fast Metabolism Diet, checked out the book from the library, and started it last month. That's how the next 12 pounds came off, and I really recommend it if anyone's interested.

You eat lots of food, but you cut out sugar, wheat flour, dairy, corn, and drink a crapload of water. (And then when you break and eat ~~two~~ three cupcakes at a child's birthday party your system just might revolt and make you violently, violently ill. Heads up there.) I did have some weekends (and, you know, longer weekends) in there when I just gave it up because of restaurants or events or parties. ("Hey, it's my sister's wedding! Let's eat all the things!") So then it would take a couple of days to get back on track.

Ready for pictures because that's the kind of post this is?

December 29th

June 26th

I feel great, not only because it's really nice to be able to wear all my clothes again, but because my body just feels good with all this actual good real food in it. Here's hoping I can remember that feeling so it can help me curb my, ahem, tendencies moving forward.

Ok. Thanks for bearing with me. Y'all are the best!

Update #2: My Welsh Love

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Tue, 24 Jun 2014 14:00:00 +0000

Oh yeah, this happened:

I met Ioan Gruffudd and he put his arm around me and we took a picture together. It was brief, but it happened.

GH was at the Comic-Con FanXperience in SLC this spring, because that is where the attractive (and some not-so-) nerds go. I drove down to SLC with the kids to meet up with Jenny and her kids. We checked out the Natural History Museum of Utah, including its special exhibit on chocolate (read: why we were really there).

After the museum, GH snuck me into the Salt Palace with an extra press pass and I that is how I got to meet one of my favorite imaginary boyfriends ever. (Check my archives for proof. I mention him at least 20+ times. Like here. And here.)

Le sigh . . .

Ioan winked at me while I was waiting to see him and I swear I stopped breathing. And then he called Loki "a little beauty" which, true, and also just look at how much we have in common, we both think Loki is beautiful . . . ahem.

Many thanks again to my good husband for sponsoring this special moment. I promise that if I ever meet Natalie Portman I will hang on to her for dear life until you can get there. Let's hope she's not litigious. Or a biter.

Other Comic-Con moments, all of which were lost on the Tiny Dark Lord:

He was too afraid of Olaf to even get in the picture.

A tiny Tardis! Precious . . .

Update #1: Spitfire's Wedding

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 20:02:00 +0000

Do you ever have that thing happen where you have a million stories to write about and then you sit down and [ . . . . blank . . . . .]?

Yeah, me neither.

But I miss writing, and I already miss all the stories that are just lost in the ether now because I never put them down. So. Here's hoping I don't get a hand cramp.

Update #1

My sister Spitfire done did got herself hitched. What's even better, she married one of GH's 2nd cousins, for he has several. And by "several" I mean eleventy-dang-million. So now she and I are sisters by blood and cousins by marriage. Our children will be 1st cousins and also 3rd cousins. Which might mean that they should extra not get married to each other.

Here's the happy couple. Isn't it kind of gross how beautiful she is? And I greatly approve of Second Cousin, who needs a real blog name. He invited us all over to his parents' farm earlier this spring to have our very own private Baby Animal Days. So he pretty much had me at "baby lambs." My love is cheap.

Also, I love Spitfire's dress so much. When she tried it on for me in the shop I started crying and blubbering, "Oh, you're a bri-yi-yi-yi-yied," which I think helped her make the final call. None of the other dresses made me cry. And then when she put it on again later for her bridal pictures I cried again.

Note: Feel free to hire me for my wedding-dress-selection services. My rates are quite reasonable. (Like, embarrassingly reasonable. Basically just find a sitter for my kids and throw some half-melted chocolate at me and I'm yours.)

Spitfire's colors were light and dark purple, and it just so happened that her wedding (May 24th) fell right when all the lilac trees were still in bloom, including the ones in my yard (the ones that used to belong to GH and Mr. Spitfire's mutual great-grandmother). We gathered up a ton and put them in mason jars for centerpieces. Everything was so beautiful.

There was, though, an awkward moment in the temple during the wedding ceremony. Because there is no exchange of rings during the formal ceremony, the couple usually exchange them right afterwards. But the sealer (officiant) forgot and was wrapping things up when Spitfire reminded him about the rings.

Sealer: "Oh right! Sorry, I forgot about that. Well, as you know, in Western culture the ring is made by adding heat and pounding to a thin piece of metal to form a circle, symbolic of [yadda yadda] . . ."

And then . . . "Now, as you exchange rings, remember that in your marriage there will be much heat and pounding. . . [really really long pause] . . . "

. . . which was just too much for certain members of my dirty bird family. I tried not to snicker and instead did the Full On Scary Blush, which is where the purple color starts at my neckline and then moves its way up. Jenny was watching me, she can attest. We were all catching each others' eyes with "Where is he going with this?" expressions.

Sealer: " . . . such as trials. But you will get through them together."

And then everyone could release that breath they'd been holding. Probably the groom's family was fine because they are decent people.

Here's our crew outside the temple afterward, including my grandmother who flew up from Louisiana.


GH and I just like to ruin family photos with our faces

Kind of like some other people.
I forgive them though because they agreed to wear
bow ties and kill me with their cuteness.

Handsomest boy in the history of ever, I tell you.

The Spitfires are now in Thailand for 3 weeks like jerks, where I very much hope my sister is heeding my request to please not get trafficked. So far she's sent emails about her bidet misadventures that have us all dying laughing and she's getting to feed bottles to baby tigers, so it seems like a good trip so far.

Dewpoint by Laura Chau, modified with half sleeves

Because my dress was basically sleeveless, I knit this shrug to go with it and barely finished in time. The yarn was the perfect color and I'm happy I was able to wear it to the wedding, but it actually turned out a bit big. I don't plan to redo it though, so baggy it will have to be!

Party in Panguitch, Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Tue, 01 Apr 2014 18:15:00 +0000

We made it home safely just as everyone got sick and it started to snow. Wheee!

Trip highlights:

I need to get a guest room for the Tiny Dark Lord to sleep in. Kid never got out of bed and slept like a log as soon as we put him down. Must have been a combination of exhaustion + nothing to get up and play with.

Also, the Tiny Dark Lord really is the best. He was just up for anything, and spent the whole time telling us how great everything was. "I love this bunk bed, Mom!" "I love hiking!" "Oh, this is so very beautiful!" "This is my one special rock from hiking!" I will cherish these memories when he's a teenager sulking his way through our family trips (or trying to get out of them altogether, which was my tactic as a teenager).

Loki was also great, aside from the constipation issues. He was fine in the Ergo carrier and even fell asleep in it a few times. He's just so chill and happy. I love him.

Our friends John and Loni brought their little guy Max, who is around 18 months old, and he and TDL actually enjoyed each other's company. The best was when they both rode in a double stroller around town and just jabbered at each other. GH's theory is that the Dark Lord can still remember Max's language ("Baby") and so was comfortable conversing. (Or it has something to do with being a Parseltongue.)

Max also loved little Loki and paid him way more attention than the Dark Lord ever does. Loki, in turn, loved Max a whole bunch.

Panguitch has lots of dogs and cats roaming around. And lots of red brick buildings.

We learned the small town business customs in Panguitch. The stores and restaurants don't list their hours. If it's dark and locked, that's how you know it's closed. When our friends asked an employee at Joe's Main Street Market (the local grocery store) when they close for the night, I think he said something about sundown. Plus you've got the whole tourism and not-tourism season happening. So I bet more places are open (and open for longer) during the summer.

Burgers at Henrie's Drive-In are good. And cheap. The friends who grabbed their shakes, though, said they were kind of icy. So maybe watch out for that.

Bryce Canyon National Park is pretty. And expensive. It's $25 per car to get into the park, but you get a 7-day pass. Of course no one could double up with us in the Accord because our two car seats take up the whole place. Yet another opportunity to dream about a Swagger Wagon. (The other opportunities involve TDL pushing open his door and narrowly and/or actually hitting the car next to us in parking lots. But I digress.)

The couple who doesn't have kids did all the long hard-core hikes, and the rest of us did easy baby stuff. We did the Sunrise to Sunset hike one day and the Mossy Cave trail the next. We weren't there at a great time of year for Mossy Cave, because the waterfall wasn't running yet and the ice in the cave was almost melted. And it kind of seemed like you could do Mossy Cave for free, since it's before the park entrance where you pay your $25. Just a little something to think about . . . There was a big group of teenagers there on a "prom date," which (I believe) is a Utah (or Utah-influenced) thing for extending the prom festivities all day

On our way out of the park we took Kim's recommendation and stopped for lunch and pie at the Bryce Canyon Pines restaurant. It was a little pricey for sandwiches and burgers, but everything was good and the portions were huge (like, you could probably share, especially if you're going to get dessert). GH got the chicken cordon bleu sandwich and I got the club sandwich on marble rye (which I could not finish). They also had some of the best fries I've ever eaten. I didn't want to ask how they made them so good, because it probably involves double-frying or batter or some other artery-clogging thing. Loni ordered Dr. Pepper and they brought it out to her in a quart-sized mason jar. And then gave her a huge refill for the road.

Sorry about the poor lighting . . .

And then . . . came the pie. It's about $5 a slice, which should be your cue to share. I wasn't picking up on cues, though, so GH and I each ordered a piece, like idiot people. I got coconut cream, which was tasty. He and John ordered the strawberry banana (plus ice cream) and oh my word. That stuff really was so good.

On Sunday morning we packed up and drove home. When I wasn't driving I got to knit, and we watched the beginning of Saturday night's General Women's Meeting on my phone until I couldn't get a signal anymore. The drive home took a lot longer (6 hours instead of 4.5) because we stopped for lunch at In-N-Out in Centerville and then had some lovely snow to deal with. The boys were really good, though:

I had the iPad loaded up with movies, but I never had to give it to TDL. He was happy with his magnetic drawing pad and took a long nap.

On the whole, the trip was a success! We might try it again some day.

Party in Panguitch

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 28 Mar 2014 22:56:00 +0000

We decided to some awesome parent-style partying this weekend, which is called "go be parents in a different place but at least your friends are there too."

We are in Panguitch, Utah, because our friends have access to an house in town. And it's a really nice house with room for the 6 adults and 3 kids.

Things so far that I was smart about:

Driving the 5 hours at night while the boys slept

Remembering to pack diapers and formula

Remembering the Dark Lord's blue potty seat, without which he refuses to go near the scary porcelain beasts that are toilets.

Things I've NOT been so smart about:

Forgetting the baby monitor

Forgetting a 2nd pair of pants for the Dark Lord

Showing TDL how to climb bunk bed ladders. (Good thing I only showed him how to go half way up! Oh wait, crap. He just figured out the rest.)

Not arranging to have a non-constipated baby.

Not realizing that constipation was the reason why little Loki spent all night crying before presenting us in the morning with the massive rock-solid Easter Egg he'd been passing.

This is me learning, see.

Today after a delicious breakfast of French toast, scrambled eggs, and bacon, which I did NOT make, we took a drive to Bryce Canyon National Park and did a short hike with the kids.

(Friends' child not pictured in case they are not cool with that)

Now off to explore downtown Panguitch and wonder who exactly lives here and what they do for jobs.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I tell you what, Costco never would have pulled this s***

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Thu, 13 Mar 2014 20:29:00 +0000

Because I am bad at filling out W-4s (but adequate at producing babies) it turns out that the gub'ment people owe me some money this year. And I am using that money to get passports for the Gentleman Husband and myself. It's freaking me out not having one, because I'm sure I will end up missing out on some amazing last-minute adventure. (And yes, maybe I do have my life confused with the lives of TV and movie people and folks with, you know, money, but a girl can dream.) I realize it's not uncommon to be an American without a passport, and have previously defended my fellow Americans from the scoffs of the British on that very subject. But still. I want one.

Of course, once I get one I will want to go somewhere with it. That's the bit I'm still trying to sort out. But it won't matter because I will never get our passports processed and it's all Sam's Club's fault. They keep screwing up our pictures! We all went in on Saturday and took our passport photos (mine, GH's, and the two boys) because they only charge $5 per photo instead of the $15 per photo that the passport office charges. I'm trying to be thrifty. In my picture I'm trying not to smile but also thinking about international travel which makes me want to smile and so I ended up looking a bit smirky.

Today GH and I met up at the Post Office on his lunch break for our passport application appointment (which, yes, you have to make). Aaaaaaaand both of our photos were too small. Like, the girl who took our pictures didn't zoom in enough or something. So we made a new appointment for tomorrow and hauled ourselves and the kids back to Sam's Club for retakes. (Note: I had no make up on and was wearing a hat over my disgusting, matted down hair.)

GH: Yeah, but that's what most people probably look like after an international flight anyway.
Me: Tired and pissed off with crappy hair? Sounds right.

Unfortunately, the woman at the photo lab was the same one who took our initial pics on Saturday.We took the new pictures. (This time I looked like I was staring with dead eyes of hate at the camera, which, not far off.) We grabbed a not-at-all-healthy lunch at the food court while we waited for the new pics to process since that's all we now had time for. GH went back to work, and I got the new photos. The employee tried to wander off while I opened them, but I called her back over.

Me: My husband's photo still looks really small. It's barely bigger that the one from Saturday.
Her: No, it's fine. I checked it.
Me: Really? It's smaller than mine. I'm worried that they won't take it at the passport office.
Her: Well . . . I mean . . . I coooouuuuld resize it . . . if you really want . . . (translation: if you really want to be an anal cow about it) but I checked and double checked and I'm positive it's the right size.
Me: And if it's not?
Her: Then you can just come back in!
Me: Yeah, except that would mean I've been in here three times. I don't want to come in three times.

I knew she had to be sucking crack balls, so I drove straight to the post office, hoping that TDL wouldn't pee his pants, and showed the guy at the passport office the pictures. He burst out laughing and told me that not only was GH's picture way too small, but it wasn't centered and there's no way the government would accept it. Also my picture was now too big. And then I said the word of Whore and I really hope TDL didn't hear me. He says they get the worst photos from Sam's Club and Walmart (shocker). Your best bet if you don't want to pay $15 for them to do it at the office? Walgreens, who charges $12.

Ugh. So now I will call Sam's and speak to a manager and explain that they need to get their staff freaking trained if they are going to take people's money in exchange for something they claim is a passport photo. And when you don't know how to do your job the right response is not to tell the mom dragging kids around that she can just keep going back and forth between Sam's and the post office. And I want all my money back and I won't be giving them another chance to get it right because they are awful.

You know Costco would have gotten it right the first time. I'm just saying.

UPDATE: I just got a call from the woman at the passport office (the one we had our initial appointment with). I guess when she came back from her lunch break the guy there told her I'd come in. So she was calling to tell me to go to this specific store to get our photos tonight by 7pm because she knows that GH is rushed for time tomorrow and that way I can just come in by myself and get everything processed. THAT is some service! Way to be, government agency!

Whiny McWhinerston covered in vomit

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 07 Mar 2014 17:54:00 +0000

Except it's not just vomit. It's also drool, and pee, and poop, and formula, and spit-up, and sometimes the food that I spill on myself all by myself without any help from children.

Little Loki has started projectile vomiting again. Am praying this does not mean I need to switch formulas again because the only options left are soy or hypoallergenic gold dust. Since he doesn't seem uncomfortable I'm hoping this is just a temporary weird thing. And that one day I will stop getting hosed down in cottage cheese.

It's hard being the most beautiful baby that has ever happened.

The Dark Lord and I are potty-training. He does really well, except for the part where he doesn't tell me he needs to go to the bathroom until he has already done it. In his pants. And then he's all, "I need to pee!" And I'm like, "Well, clearly you don't, because you already did it." I'd been putting a diaper on him at night but every morning the diaper was dry. So last night I kept him in his underwear with the plan of taking him to the bathroom as soon as he woke up. I make such awesome plans, I tell you. What happened instead was that he woke up with dry underwear, crept downstairs in ninja silence while I slept, started playing with his toys, and then released 12 hours of stored-up urine onto the carpet. That's when he called me.

I will not even TELL you about this morning's poop adventure. Just know that it involved a trail.

I swear I'm not cut out for this. There is so much less poop at the library. And when someone does poop on the library carpet or furniture there is at least a chance that I won't be the one to clean it up.

Plus GH's car has been in the shop for the last twelve million years (read: 10 days) so I'm stuck at home in the rain without a car and it is maybe turning me into a crazy feral kind of person.

Am living for tonight, because we have tickets to this fancy cool showing of Lawrence of Arabia put on by the Salt Lake Film Society at the Broadway. There is going to be champagne, which I will not be able to drink even though I could really use some I bet, and a red carpet which I will walk on in a dress not covered in bodily fluids SO HELP ME.

In other, also positive news, I finished knitting that cowl I was working on and I love it!

Here's hoping your weekends do not feature you wearing bodily fluids as accessories and/or perfume!

DIY Free Heart Banner

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 21:35:00 +0000

In an effort to stave off or at least minimize The Februaries, I am decorating for Valentine's Day. Here is what I made today:

Cute, right???

It only took a few minutes while the Dark Lord and I hung out on the living room floor in our pajamas. (It's a snow day, which in my language means "day where it's snowing so I think I'm just going to stay in my pajamas.") I made a large one for the living room's bay window, and a smaller one for the window over my kitchen sink.

sink full of filthy dishes not shown

Want to make one too? Of course you do. We should call this "Crafts for the Cheap, Lazy, and Unskilled" ("Me, me, me . . . ")

Materials:

paper (construction, scrapbook, whatever)
scissors (not the fabric kind--turns out that's a bad choice)
needle
Baker's Twine (or sewing thread, embroidery floss, dental floss, etc.)

Instructions:

Cut out lots of paper hearts using whichever method you learned in elementary school.

Thread your needle, then pull your thread through the heart from front to back, and then from back to front. Going through the hearts twice is how you will keep them facing front nicely instead of twisting and spinning all around.

Now do a bunch more, get them adjusted the way you want them, and hang that puppy up! Then celebrate just how dang festive you are and maybe eat some chocolate.

The Dollar Store has been my friend this Valentine's season. I bought a wreath that may look ghetto in this picture but is actually pretty cute on the door.

Other Dollar Store finds:

window clings
treat bags
Valentines for the Dark Lord which feature jungle creatures imploring us to save the rain forests
red and white candles
glittery heart confetti
red candy

This lovely display is what happened when I tried to find three red and/or romantic things in my house to group together. That's candy in the vase on the left, our wedding album on the right, and a Christmas ornament that didn't make it back into the Christmas bins in the middle. But it has a glittery Eiffel Tower inside, and what could be more romantic than that? The Dark Lord is a huge fan of the glitter confetti--that's his handiwork.

So now my house looks very Valentinesy. It also looks very messy, which might possibly negate the mental health benefits of my decorations. So. Going to go address that now, maybe.

Book group 2014

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Thu, 30 Jan 2014 23:55:00 +0000

Have I told y'all about my book group? It's only the best ever. Desmama and I started it back in 2007 and then I mourned its absence in my life after I got married and lived too far away. My sister Jenny did pour into my wounded bosom the balm of sisterly consolation, however. (Translation: she let me join her awesome book group.) I returned the favor during her brief stint in Logan by sending her to mine.

Only then I moved back to Cache Valley (why hello again, Smell of Cows!) and one of the things I was most excited about was getting back together with these ladies. It's such a great group. People have come in and out but this great core is still there. We've got single ladies (aaaand cue Beyonce, wow am I current), married ones, Mormons, not-Mormons, SAHMs, working girls (no, not that kind), liberals, conservatives, and everyone is just lovely. It would be great to find a lesbian and a woman of color to really round us out, but this is Cache Valley. There's only so much to work with.

I hosted in January, because we were supposed to read I am Half-Sick of Shadows during the month of December. And now we know not to do that again. Trying to read a book during the holidays, even a light page-turning Christmas mystery about English people, is just a dumb idea. It was probably my idea, which explains the dumb.

Because I was in charge of the food, I decided to make a cake. I did not choose the cake featured in the book, because when I looked it up I realized that like many other English desserts (bless them) the one the de Luce family ate suffered from some kind of inferiority/rationing complex. "If we add raisins and a pinch of sugar to bread we can call it cake! Lovely!" (No, no you can't.)

I made a pound cake instead. I made it from scratch after choosing the best recipe I could find. I put love into that cake. I wiped down the inside of the pan with butter and Pam. It was to be served with fresh blueberries and cream whipped by me. And here's how it turned out:

Grrrrr.

I texted Jenny to moan about the cake, and she suggested that I take the part that stayed in the pan and, like, glue it to the rest of the cake with frosting.

Here was my response to that:

this was after I ate half the crumbs with my hands because I was just that mad

So much for my cake. The ladies just carried on and ate mangled cake with blueberries and cream, much as an aristocratic English family fallen on hard times would have done (except their cake really would have been just bread.)

We also brought our book ideas for this year. Last year I suggested a spreadsheet voting system (because you know I love me a spreadsheet). I created a Google Drive document with all the suggested titles and a link to the Amazon description/reviews, plus notes about the title's availability. (Some suggestions turn out to be out of print, others have book club sets at local libraries or are really cheap on Kindle.) And, of course, spaces for each member to put an "X" next to the titles they would like to read. People have about a week to decide which books they are most interested in and vote for 11 of them. I count up the votes for each book and the top 11 are our picks. Then people shout out for the month & book they'd like to host (usually this ends up being the person who suggested the title in the first place).

Considering how complicated I made it, I think it's worked out pretty well and we've ended up with a good lineup, last year and this year. Each book has several people who really want to read it. And if a book turns out to be a dud then it's not like one person will feel responsible. A bunch of people will!

Here is what we'll be reading in 2014

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
The Sheltering Sky by Paul Bowles
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
How Green Was My Valley by Richard Llewellyn
A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans
My Year with Eleanor: a Memoir by Noelle Hancock
Wonder by R. J. Palacio
Kitchen Counter Cooking School: How a Few Simple Lessons Transformed Nine Culinary Novices into Fearless Home Cooks by Kathleen Flinn
USU Common Literature Experience 2014 pick (they haven't announced it yet)
The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman
Unbroken by Laura Hillebrand

And here are a few suggestions that didn't get enough votes but I'm adding them all to my Goodreads list.

Anybody else want to add what you'll be reading with your group?

Bread makes you fat???

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Tue, 28 Jan 2014 21:29:00 +0000

Have started trying to get this baby weight (and the last baby's weight) off, which is a delight. Things I have been doing:

1. Borrowing my mom's jeans, and also finding a pair of my usual Old Navy jeans in a bigger size at Deseret Industries for $4. (Note to self: Always check DI first for jeans, because I'm going to wear the knee out of the $4 ones just as fast.)

2. Bundling up the kids and taking them for walks. I went one day and my lungs were burning by the time I got home. Thought it was because I was out of shape but really it was because there was an inversion and I was doing the equivalent of sucking on an exhaust pipe. The other day we had the worst air in the country. Since then I've been checking and just about every day is a bad air day. So much for nature.

All bundled up and ready to go breathe him some cancer!

Fell asleep in the baby carrier. I cannot get over his lashes.

Remember my dream house that I will never be able to afford?
This was in front of it. In-sane. For scale, those noses are made of traffic cones.

3. Letting Jillian Michaels shout at me while I try not to throw up. Am alternating between 30 Day Shred and 6 Week Six-Pack and the one called Start Putting on Your Workout Clothes Only to Discover You Tweaked Your Back Out While You Slept Last Night So I Guess Never Mind. The only time I can work this in is during the morning when Loki is asleep and the Dark Lord is ~~rotting his brain~~ learning to read in front of the telly. I tell you though, I can feel now that there is something happening underneath my tummy fat besides my ribs. And that's a nice feeling. Plus, sometimes I have company:

4. Tracking my food and exercise on that My Fitness Pal app. If anybody else uses it and wants to friend me on there, my username is sjwestern. Except I think it's freakishly hard to look people up on that thing so my feelings won't be hurt if no one does. It is actually motivating to me, reading what everyone else is up to. "So and so lost 783 calories doing an hour of Zumba." "This chick burned 823 calories pulling cars up a hill." Because then I think, "Yeah, I'll just eat less today." I'm going to go try out a Zumba class this week, because there's nothing so fun and effective as standing confused in the middle of a bunch of stomping, gyrating women.

5. I did finally get back into my jeans, though. Rejoice with me! And yes, I still have to do the rubber band trick and may need to for the next while, but I'll take it. And now my sweet mom can have her jeans back.

Has anybody else worked out anything that actually helps you eat better and get in shape? I'd love any tips you have for me!

ps. I've linked in the sidebar to my Pinterest and Instagram accounts, since I bet that's where a lot of us are spending all that time we should be using to exercise or write a novel or solve world hunger.

The Future of You Being Lame on Facebook

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Wed, 22 Jan 2014 16:50:00 +0000

I just read The Future of Us last night and wrote a Goodreads review (2 stars) but realized there was still more I wanted to say about it. Here is my expanded review!

I really wanted to love this book--I love the premise. High-school junior Emma logs on to AOL for the first time in 1996 (using one of those CD-ROMS that came in the mail, remember those?) and sees her future Facebook page. Thinking it's a computer virus or something, she calls her friend Josh over to look. Once they determine that this is real and not a glitch or elaborate prank, they both become obsessed (wouldn't you?) by the details of their future lives, which change based on even the small decisions they make now. Emma's future self doesn't seem happy, so Emma is frantic to change her trajectory, whereas Josh is blown away by his future (rich and married to the most beautiful girl in their high school) and doesn't want to do anything that might jeopardize it.

I'm the same age as Josh and Emma, so I enjoyed the references to "life in the olden days" (Scrunchies, Discmans, figuring out this whole "World Wide Web" thing). I also liked the way the authors address the idea that your future is always static, and that ultimately we need to make the choices that make sense for our current lives and choose to be happy now, rather than moving so rigidly towards what we assume will be our perfect, happy future.

I think part of my problem with the book was Emma. If I were her, I would be LESS concerned about who she marries (in her future she keeps being stuck in what appear to her younger self to be loveless marriages) and MORE worried about not becoming the annoying whiner FB makes her out to be. Judging by her future updates, we have:

Texting & surfing the Web on her phone while driving
Complaining about her spouse & airing their dirty laundry
Really vague posts meant to invite questions (haaaaate)
Using the word "hubby"
Choosing the "It's Complicated" relationship status
Still loving "Glee" in 2012, after the show stopped being any good

I now need to go look at my Facebook page and see what my 16-year-old self would have thought of it all. Off the cuff thoughts:

Oh my gosh, I don't get married until I'm almost 29?? I did go to BYU, right? What on earth went wrong? Was I in a coma for 8 years? Cute husband, though.
Curly hair? But the bangs and the long hair that takes 50 minutes to blow dry straight was really working for me!
Um . . . what's with all the F-words? And how is there even such a thing as a "Mormon Feminist"?
Look at all these pictures! I must spend a fortune developing film!
Knitting? Okay, granny. Everyone knows cross-stitch is where it's at.
I lived in England? Twice? Okay, that's awesome.
Librarian? Wow, looks I really embraced that spinster track, didn't I . . .
Wait, DEMOCRAT??? Why, did something happen to the Republicans?? (Answer: kind of)
Wow. I have the two most beautiful boys in the entire world. I'd better get going if I'm going to have 4 more.

What about you? What would your teenage self think if they saw your Facebook profile?

Readers, Dad. They're called readers.

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Thu, 16 Jan 2014 16:28:00 +0000

I did read some books this year--not as many as I would have liked, of course, but still. There was reading. One time I saw another blogger's New Year's Resolutions and one of them was "Read four books this year." I remember being so confused and gobsmacked. I mean, how could you avoid reading four books in one year? Seriously! I think her other resolutions were things like "Learn how to make own croissants" and "Go sailing in the Maldives or some s***," and she probably accomplished them. Which just goes to show that maybe I don't use my down time as productively as I could.

Anyway. There was a stretch this summer where everything I read was disappointing, but thankfully I got back on track. Here were a few favorites from 2013.

Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide. This was the 5-star book for this year. I had to be in the right frame of mind to finally pick it up and read about cheery things like sex trafficking and women without access to education or maternity care. But I'm so glad I did. And there's actually quite a lot of cool, uplifting stories about what these women are able to do once they get treated like, you know, humans.

Still Alice. This novel is about a brilliant Harvard professor who starts forgetting things. When she gets disoriented during a jog, she visits her doctor and is diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease. Alice and her husband, with their three adult children, are all trying to cope in their own ways as she deteriorates. I couldn't put it down, even though it was pretty heartbreaking in places.

Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures. This will never win the Nobel Prize for Literature, but man it's what I needed to read after little Loki was born. I just sat on the couch and howled, then tried to read parts out loud to GH. I think my favorite story was the one about the road trip where her husband had to hold their child in the air on the side of the road while he did his business.

Where'd You Go Bernadette? This book was a fun read that was also really well-written. Bernadette doesn't fit in with the other moms in Seattle (and she doesn't want to). When her agoraphobic tendencies get out of control, she disappears after a failed intervention. The novel is made up of the emails, FBI files, and ER bills compiled by Bernadette's teenage daughter as she searches for her mom.

The Rosie Project. Hilarious and touching. This book is maybe what would happen if Dr. Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory wanted to find a life partner. In this version he's Dr. Don Tillman, an Australian genetics professor whose social awkwardness (think Asperger's) masks the fact that he's a very sweet guy. Don embarks on "The Wife Project" armed with a survey he's designed to weed out unsuitable matches. But when he meets Rosie, a woman who meets none of his requirements and causes all kinds of upset to his orderly life, he keeps looking for reasons to spend time with her. (Note: the Kindle version is only $1.99 right now, so if your library doesn't have it this would be a great way to check it out!)

What about you guys? Any favorites I should put on this year's to-read list?

Oh . . . January. How thou dost suck.

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Mon, 13 Jan 2014 23:04:00 +0000

I think the Februaries may be starting early this year. I'm already losing my mind and turning into some kind of cave witch. Unfortunately, a vacation doesn't appear to be in the cards because I just gave all my money to Intermountain Health Care in exchange for delivering my baby and breaking my bladder. It's amazing the rent they charge for those clear plastic shoe boxes the babies sleep in.

Other weighty winter thoughts:

I just discovered a reason to consider shaving my legs. Turns out if your leg hair gets too long it might get snagged in the fiber of your jeans somehow and then you will think a hobo spider crawled up your pants leg and bit your calf and now you are going to die and it's really too bad because you never did get that vacation. This could happen several times.

I'm trying to finish this infinity scarf before the winter is over. (Except I shouldn't worry because it will never, ever be over.) Isn't it pretty? It's 100% wool so I hope it doesn't turn out to be too warm to wear.

I could eat little Loki to pieces. He basically just waits for people to make eye contact so he can light up and try to express with his whole body just how delightful he finds whoever is looking at him. Last night I spent hours getting him to sleep and finally laid him down around 11:30pm, and of course 15 minutes later, just as I was falling asleep, he woke up and started crying. I got him up and began a stern lecture about his inconsiderate choices, but he just looked up at me and laughed and laughed as though this was the best moment we've ever shared, ever. And even though my back and shoulder were dying from holding him and I will probably walk like an orc forever, he was being so stinking cute that it kind of was.

Cool dude. NOT cool dud.

The Dark Lord, since he turned 3 a few weeks before January 1st, is now out of our ward's nursery and in Primary. I worried a little about him because he's the youngest in his Sunbeam class, and hoped he wouldn't have a hard time adjusting to the change and having to sit still for so long. But he seems to be fine. When we drop him off he's like, "Uh, bye now . . . " He loves to sing and catches on pretty quickly, and apparently this year they are learning a song about gender roles. So that's . . . special. (And by "special" I mean " . . . really?")

With all the aunts and uncles and cousins he has,
TDL gets birthday cake like once a week.

He decided he was done with his crib last week, about the same day I decided I was done listening to him break his crib. So now he's in a twin bed and is having a merry time dropping his binky and Cow between the wall and the bed so that I have to move the heavy wooden bed frame in order to retrieve them. And yes, he still has the binky when he sleeps. I haven't had the heart to chuck it (he had a cold this last week) but I will soon. Like maybe tonight, the next time he drops it behind the bed. Depending on how cranky I am I just might retrieve the thing, march it into the bathroom and flush it down the toilet while he watches, and then put in a pair of earplugs. Also set up some sort of automatic savings transfer to pay for the therapy bills later.

January, friends. January.

Complaining about fasting makes it really work

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Sun, 05 Jan 2014 22:15:00 +0000

Today is Fast Sunday. I've managed to get out of a lot of these by being pregnant, but I'm not any more. This, despite TDL asking me the other day if I have another baby brother in there. When informed frostily that no, there are no other baby brothers gestating, he started giggling and swatting my tummy. "Do you have one? It's in there! It's in there! Tee hee hee, cackle cackle cackle . . . "

Humph. Little toot, calling me fat. You'd think he wouldn't be so keen to get more baby brothers since he just barely started acknowledging the one he has.

Anyway. Not the point. We are fasting as a ward for someone who really needs the extra faith and prayers, so I'm for sure doing it. After feeding the Dark Lord his lunch and getting a batch of Rhodes rolls rising for dinner, I immediately cleaned everything up (which is not my usual way) so I wouldn't be tempted to start licking the leftover dip and ketchup off TDL's plate. Or spraying PAM directly into my mouth.

And now for a topic that is not my related to my disgusting lack of self control, last Sunday was little Loki's baby blessing. My parents were in town and GH's family came and we all had such a nice day.

He wore the baby sweater I made for him, but it looks like I should have started putting him in it earlier because it's already snug.

Couldn't you just die at this face? I swear his eyes are going to be blue, which fills me with a delight I can't even express in words, just in gifts and money and ponies. Also filling me with delight is the part where he is maybe maybe starting to accept the idea of a pacifier being a useful and comforting tool, instead of reacting like I'm trying to stick actual dog poop into his mouth. Winning!

Christmas Highlights

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 03 Jan 2014 16:36:00 +0000

At the beginning of December I read an article someone linked to on Facebook that was written for the mothers of "littles." The basic message was, "I get that you're looking at Pinterest and seeing all these things that you think you need to do with your kids during the holidays to be a good mom, but that crap will probably just stress you out. You've got enough to do already. So take it easy. Your kids won't remember every craft you did. They just want to hang out with a happy, relaxed parent."

For me, this was very good advice. So I lowered the Pinterest-fueled bar and instead took it easy. Some days we stayed in our pajamas for way too long and watched Christmas specials on TV.

My mom gave us this advent calendar, and I swear it was TDL's favorite thing in the world ever. When we got him up in the morning that's the first thing he talked about and the last thing as we put him to bed. "It's number eighteen! We get to open eighteen! Let's see what's inside! Nineteen is tomorrow!" And then we realized that he remembered all the numbers and their picture, so we would quiz him at random places, like in the car. "What's number 6?" "The mom with the cookies!" "What's number 18?" "An angel!" Kid's pretty much a genius. Or Rain Main.

Saw Santa at the library and TDL was totally cool about it. When asked what he wanted for Christmas, he replied, "Presents."

Drove to Preston for the Christmas lights. Ate dinner at Big Js for the diarrhea.

Braved the single digit temps to see a live nativity in Nibley. TDL was beyond impressed with the real-live camel. It was penned next to the little barn where they had the Holy Family (plus hand warmers) set up, and the camel came over and stuck his head in the window. So people walking through turned their heads to see a camel face about 2 inches from theirs. Lucky for us, he seemed friendly and not spitty.

On Christmas Eve we made cookies to leave out for Santa.

Christmas Eve dinner (really a spread of appetizers and finger foods, which was awesome and a great way to get in your Christmas calories) and carols by the piano at GH's aunt's house. Since TDL loves singing (current faves are "Jingle bells," "Rudolph," and "We wish you a merry Christmas,") this went over well.

What went over less well was the much-too-late bedtime. He had a meltdown and wouldn't wear the cute Christmas pjs I bought. Then he insisted on wearing the Christmas stockings. We had to put him to bed like that and then go change him once he was asleep.

Christmas morning with a roaring fire

A digital camera so he will stop breaking mine

Special Christmas oatmeal. For the kids.

The Tiny Dark Lord made a Christmas ornament for Loki. You can tell how impressed he is.

Loki with his new activity mat and toy
I hope everyone had a great Christmas!

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