When you have a headache…

When you have no energy…

When you’re absolutely exhausted and sleepy…

When your mind feels loopy and hyperactive…

Ever stop and think, that maybe you’re just hungry?

Maybe you just need a nap.

Maybe your body is trying to tell you something.

Think about it. When your body feels off-kilter, instead of popping a pill or “powering through” with it, could you stop and pause, right now, and ask yourself–

Am I just hungry?

Do I need sleep? Do I need to eat? When was the last time I consumed something other than straight-up caffeine?

Oftentimes, we “chug through” our lives, convinced that the signals our body is giving us are just things to ignore and “overcome.”

But sometimes, maybe the reason we have a headache, or feel exhausted, is because we haven’t eaten enough.

Or because we haven’t nourished other hungers– emotional, spiritual, mental hungers.

Or maybe we haven’t even acknowledged the existence of those hungers in the first place.

What would happen if you recognized your hungers?

What would happen if you nourished your hungers?

What would happen if, when you’re tired and need energy, you took a nap or had a snack or simply took a break?

I’m Sui (sway) Solitaire. I share my journey on cynosure. I help warriors and revolutionaries (such as yourself!) love themselves and their bodies more. I recently wrote and published a new book, The Thing About Thin, about body image, eating disorders, resistance and what really matters.

If you liked this post, I invite you to get more goodness on the list and dive into love + inspiration from the blog to your inbox!

Let’s connect on Google+!

I wanted to thank all of you recovery warriors for being such a wonderful community, supportive of ViR and fellow recovery warriors. I am grateful to watch each of you fight, learn, grow, and share your journey.

As I share these top 10 posts of 2011, please feel free to let me know what topics you would like seen here in 2012! I truly believe in the power of feedback, so if you have any topic ideas please let me know!

I Love Myself

Announcing Weight Stigma Blog Carnivals

My Eating Disorder Would Have Loved “My Plate” (written by Jenn of Belief Hope Trust)

April Self Love Letter Challenge

50 Positive Affirmations

BMI, Education & Extra Credit for Weight Loss

I binged and it’s ok

Stop Self Hate

Demi Lovato and Eating Disorder Recovery

Why I binge. (this is written by the amazing Sui from Cynosure)

Two topics are certain to quickly end a discussion with many people in recovery: God and gratitude. Ironically, the only two things proven essential for long-term and enjoyable recovery are those very two subjects. If we can hardly talk about those two essentials for recovery continuance, then we are surely destined to again be clutched by our deadly disease.

For many of us (including Webster’s dictionary), gratitude is expressed as a feeling. This feeling is much like the feeling described when examining our relationship with a Higher Power. It usually consists of a generous amount of modesty seasoned with appreciation, joy, and relief. At the first thought of gratitude, some of us are apt to bow our heads, say a genuine ‘thank you’, and then go on about our day. Some of us even bring our concept of gratitude into daily meditation and prayer by listing off items for which we are thankful. Always, and no matter the form, after we express gratitude we stand firm in our bedrock of spirituality, for we are neither arrogant nor self-pitying, and we feel in communion with humanity. Is gratitude really this easy to master? Yes!

However, once we experience living in recovery for a period of time, we come to realize that recovery asks much more of our expression of gratitude than simply feeling appreciation. We often find that gratitude must take an active role in our lives if we are to grow in recovery. Gratitude transforms from a noun into a verb. Only by trial and error do we learn that to remain spiritually fit, our expression of gratitude must become a main staple in our recovery. We suddenly realize that our degree of active gratitude is the direct result of our state of spiritual humility.

Much like how we express laughter when we experience humor, we express gratitude when we experience humility. As we spiritually mature, we discover that active gratitude is our new appropriate response to spiritual fitness, instead of how we acted in the beginning of recovery when gratitude was our emotional reaction to a sudden awareness of intense appreciation. For example, at the beginning of my recovery, the very best I could express for my gratitude were phrases like, “I’m grateful to be alive” or “I’m grateful to not have had that happen to me”. After several years in recovery, my expression of gratitude drastically changed. Instead of only expressing thankfulness based on selfishness (i.e. thank you for MY cat, thank you for not leaving ME in a gutter), I actively express my gratitude by my involvement in service. Because I am grateful to be in recovery, I meet with newcomers and share my story with them. I make coffee for meetings, I reach out to all people in recovery, and I try to practice the principles of recovery in all my affairs.

It is through prayer and meditation that we remain teachable, for that is all that prayer is – a symbolic action proclaiming that I no longer consider myself queen of the universe. Within the first seconds of prayer and meditation I am cloaked with humility, for my egoism and self-righteousness are muted. My spirit becomes aligned with the serenity that recovery delivers me. It is then that I remember I would not be, nor am I able to remain, in recovery without giving back what was so freely given to me. And that spiritual place – that moment of peaceful and clear humility that we are ordained to pay forward – is the active gratitude which will allow us to live our lifetime in recovery.

Lauren L is blogger for promiseofrecovery.com and rainbowrecoveryclub.org and is author of recovery novel ‘Kinked Sober’. Twitter: @24HRMiracle email: promiseofrecovery@gmail.com

We often address ad campaigns that we hate, protest, think send dangerous messages, etc. I think it is also important to share the positive ones we come across.

There has been a lot of news on how products are marketed especially to children. There are campaigns set up in many countries who demand junk food not be advertised to children. I am not really going to get deep into policy, because it is a pretty large topic and best addressed in a separate post.

So lets focus on positive advertisements!

Cuties does it right. The children do the speaking, from their point of view. It can easily be seen as advertising not only to the children, but to the parents as well. They promote fruit (which is SO rare) and is catchy, short and positive.

We need to not only remember to bring up the negatives in ad campaigns, but also to counter and promote the positive ones we enjoy!

Hope you enjoy the ad!

There was another new study analyzing the people who are seeking bariatric surgery and whether there are maladaptive or disordered eating behaviors. I continue to read these, and think “OK people - it is time to address this!” We need to have more screening for people who are seeking bariatric surgery to see if there are underlying disordered behaviors that need to be addressed, because a surgery like this (or any other surgery or cosmetic procedure) will NOT solve the underlying issues and struggles an individual may or may not be having.

To be clear: I know not all people who seek bariatric surgery are disordered, or have a diagnosable condition. However – this is why screening is SO important. We need to have a procedure in place that can help guide primary physicians and specialists to help guide the patient in their own best interests, including both physical and mental health, because they are intertwined, and we cannot afford to separate them any longer. I worry about the commercials and ad campaigns that surround this procedure/surgery because I do not think it addresses any concerns, and makes it seem as simple as an office visit. The images and messages that go along with bariatric surgery are UGH at the very least, making the focus of health on weight loss, which many of you know I will say is NOT the entire complex picture of health. Blah.

As for bariatric surgery in general – I know some of you may wonder about my position on it and I think I will just say this – I know it is extremely dangerous, a last resort in many cases, and have heard of some terrible personal stories from people who have gone through this. I have heard these surgeries go on to trigger people into disordered eaing, and overall I need to say – I am not a Doctor, and honestly bariatric surgery is not my area of expertise. I do think screening for disordered behavior is in my area, so I will leave my comments and opinions in that area

If you are unfamiliar with what bariatric surgery is – here is a wiki link sharing the brief overview.  There are a lot of studies on bariatric surgery, its effectiveness or not, and if you are interested I recommend you reading up on the studies!!

Here is the new study summary for those who are interested:

Addictive personality and maladaptive eating behaviors in adults seeking bariatric surgery.

Today there was an important study I saw in my daily research for eating disorder news and studies. Obesity is not a criterion for BED. In fact, BED is not uncommon in nonobese individuals. There are more similarities than differences between the nonobese and obese individuals with BED. The severity of the psychopathology does not seem to be related to BMI. More awareness of the existence of nonobese individuals with BED is needed.

This study and studies like this are SO important!!!  I think it is SO important that we raise informative, research driven statistics and information to dispel the myths and stereotypes that surround binge eating. We have a far way to go, especially in a country that has decided to make it a way to fight “obesity” (this is a topic too large for today, but most of you know I feel; how damaging and harmful this war is not only for our health, but for the children growing up in a calorie, weight focused, looks only society).

I just want to remind people that the tickets are now on sale for the Binge Eating Disorder Association 2012 National Conference! The agenda for the conference indeed looks to be truly exciting!

There is no shame, and people who struggle with BED come from ALL sizes, weights, shapes, genders, cultural backgrounds, socieoeconomic status’, etc.

I celebrated four years booze free on Saturday and it was only when I read my post on ViR sharing my two year anniversary to see how far I have come and changed in recovery. It seems like at year 2 I had some shame and concern about sharing my story or experiences with alcohol. I questioned if I would drink again. I was overly sensitive and worried about being limited to individual diagnosis’s.

My perspective and growth has changed drastically in two years. I no longer am concerned about labels, or diagnosis boxes. I simply do not care, because no one person fits perfectly into a box that was not meant to define identity, but to help guide treatment, and research. I had eating disorders, struggled with alcohol abuse and dependency, and struggling with cutting, anxiety, panic attacks, and loss of self. I had these struggles, but these struggles do not define who I am now, or who I was then. My identity and my struggles are separate.

I no longer questions whether I will drink again, because I simply do not have the desire to drink. Being sober is my normal now. I cannot imagine drinking, getting drunk, being hung over. In fact, a week ago I had an awful nightmare where I relapsed and the compulsion to drink after drinking just once, returned with a vengeance. I felt sick when I woke up, because it is not who I am now. I do not crave nor want to drink. I don’t even struggle with cravings, triggers, or what-ifs. After four years I am happy to live my life authentic to myself, and alcohol never allowed me the ability to listen and respect my authentic voice, because I couldn’t hear it when drinking.

I no longer feel any shame about my story. I am willing to answer anyone’s questions, and I currently blog over at HealthyPlace and share current research, news, and personal experiences of addictions to help debunk the myths of addiction, and help show people how complex these struggles are. Sure, I don’t share every detail of my past, because the topic doesn’t come up, but I consider myself an open book, and if someone asked me about my past, I would gladly share any part of it.

I still don’t go to AA, and never have had a sponsor, but let me be clear – I am consistently in recovery mode. Being an activist, advocate, mentor and social media recovery person, helps keeps me in recovery. I always feel supported, and have met so many wonderful mentors, friends, and allies, that I found my own way in recovery; and one that works for me.

I cannot possibly share everything single amazing thing to come from sobriety and recovery. I do know, if I wasn’t sober, none of my current life would be possible. And that is a blessing. A gift.

I am grateful and humble for this journey.

I am proud of myself for the fight within me to change my life.

I have kicked, screamed, crawled, walked, ran, and pursued the life I want. I am after all a Scorpio, determined, and however stubborn and emotional I may be; it has helped me in recovery. We often hear of the traits that make us more susceptible to eating disorders and addiction, such as perfectionism, impulsivity, OCD, sensitivity to critiques, etc, however these characteristics can also help make us THRIVE in recovery. My determination and pain in the ass attitude that kept me down in the depths of an addiction, have also given me the swift kick in the ass to continue to fight to prove people wrong, that I could in fact live the life I want. If anyone knows me, if someone says I cannot do something – better watch out, I will set out to prove them wrong.

I hope by having this blog, and doing my advocacy, people can see that recovery is possible, no matter how far you have fallen. I fell a million times, and yet kept pushing forward. I am truly grateful for so many people and things in my life. I am proud of myself. I keep repeating that statement because often we do not give ourselves enough credit in this journey. We have the right to be proud of all the hard work we are doing in recovery or life. We deserve our own love, affection, and kind words!

My gratitude’s:

• My family, my guy and extended family (which includes blood and non-blood)
• Waking up to sunshine on a Sunday morning
• A brisk sunny walk or run
• Deep connection with my feelings, awareness of my emotions
• The ability and mindfulness to say “I am sorry”
• Colored gel pens!
• Never having to be reminded of what happened the night before
• Financial security
• My new car!
• Social media – my friends, allies, mentors. I adore so many people I cannot possibly list them all.
• My recent choice to pursue roller derby to be social, active and meet new people while kicking ass!
• The journey towards authenticity, self love, and honoring my body, mind and spirit
• Making jewelry, art collages
• Pinterest (had to add! I love it lol)
• Holidays with family
• The ability to see when I am being an ass, over emotional, over reactive, and catching it very early on in order to adjust, re-focus, re-align, reflect, apologize and move forward
• Knowing that the journey is like nature, constantly changing, beautiful, complex, and ever-surprising.
• I don’t have to, nor need to know all the answers. I like not knowing, and learning.
• Self-love, care and kindness are a daily investment, and one that has never given me anything but blessings.
• I can pursue anything in this life, there is no limit to my life, unless I put one on myself – and I refuse to do that!

Thank you all for being part of my journey. There are so many people I have known for years through this work, and I adore and appreciate each one of you.

I never could have foreseen have what social media would give to me, and am grateful for a walk home, an inspiration, and pursuing a vision.

Today I am sharing Part II with Jules of Big Girl Bombshell, who addresses here seeking progessional help, co-morbid conditions, insurance struggles, and what families can do to help those struggling with binge eating. Check Part I of the interview if you missed it!

Did you seek professional help for BED as the primary diagnosis, or are you looking for someone who specializes with eating disorders and other co-morbid conditions?

I sought help for BED as the primary diagnosis about 5 months after my aha moment. It was an additional 20 lbs later. It had consumed me. The professional that I got has been a god send. Her specialty is Trauma and PTSD. I had no idea that the PTSD was the main source of my binge eating. It is a disassociation technique used to cope, for me.

Have you set up treatment yet? How did you go about seeking services?

Yes. I am currently intense outpatient treatment. I contacted my primary care physician asking about classes for emotional binge eating and was referred to psychiatry. I had an intake appointment and started with one on one. Two months later, I was put in intensive treatment where I am currently. I am about 6 weeks into my treatment program.

What struggles have you faced with health insurance and seeking treatment?

Where I have struggled with insurance is with a supplemental short term insurance that was promoted as helping and supplementing a primary disability payment.

My doctor filled out forms, had several phone conversations, wrote a letter discussing my diagnosis, and sent office notes (all with my knowledge and permission). This still did not give them “sufficient” information and they denied the claim supplemental income for my latest time off. While it is becoming more and more recognized as a treatable addiction or “mental health” issue, lack of understand of all the symptoms can lead to a denial of claims. It is frustrating, especially when you are ready, willing and able to take on the treatment that the insurance issues become more of stressor and your doctor’s professional diagnosis can be overridden by an insurance company. This part was all new to me.

Why is treatment so important for BED and PTSD?

Treatment is SO important for BED and PTSD because this is NOT something you can do alone. Our behaviors are our survival. They are engrained in us and no matter how hard you try to change, you cannot see how your everyday actions are part of the root of the problem. Our thought patterns and our choices become based on actions that got us through the rough spots. It was my doctor who told me if losing weight was simple you would have already done it. You know more about healthy eating and exercise then I could ever imagine.

What I am learning is that our bodies hold on to memories, especially trauma. Until you start to work through these memories, you cannot understand the full impact. Your body physically responds to a thought, a memory, or something you see or hear as though you are still right there in the original moment. It can happen so quickly that unless you have a trained professional to slowly guide you through all of it you probably won’t even notice it.

What can families do to help a loved one who’s struggling with ptsd and binge eating disorder?

The best thing that family or friends can do is listen. Do not minimize the impact of what they are going through. It will feel like a whirlwind of emotions coming at you especially when you least expect it, but try to imagine what it is for them. They are going to appear to be a whole different person to you. Do not tell them what they can and cannot do especially with food. That food has been their best friend and their survival. Loved one’s with PTSD and BED have to learn to do opposite of what they have always done, there is a lot of grieving for the food, for the survival behaviors, and a hell of a lot of pent up emotions. Gently help them to feel safe in the present moment especially when they are learning to connect with their body. Go for walks with them or just sit and talk with them. Hear what they are saying but do not give advice on what they need to do, other than what their doctors are instructing them to do.

It is also best if the loved ones learn more about PTSD and seek professional help themselves.

Thank you so much Jules for sharing your experiences, your journey and look forward to hearing more in the future! Have any questions for Jules??

When I was contacted by Jules who blogs at Big Girl Bombshell who offered graciously to do an interview for the ViR readings about her struggles with binge eating and PTSD I was honored!! I am so grateful for her voice, for being so open and honest about her struggles, and her journey from struggle to the ah-ha moment where she wanted to seek professional help. Thank you Jules for being a true voice in recovery!

Jules blogs at Big Girl Bombshell–just another girl/woman who wants to be a Bombshell inside and out. I have always believed its the attitude, not the scale –

Now, the next chapters of my journey are trying to find happiness within by learning to connect with myself. It is the most important factor of my recovery.

I hope that everyone who remotely feels like they may have an eating disorder seeks professional help because you don’t know what you don’t know, even if you think you do.

Can you tell us a little about yourself and your struggle with Binge eating? How and when did it start?

I have struggled with binge eating since childhood. I didn’t know that’s what I did until later into my adult years. Food was my only friend. I started dieting in the end of the fourth grade with the help of “concerned” relatives. They were trying to take away my best friend and that is when the alone feelings started. Hearing things like “you are so pretty if only you would lose weight.” “it is easy, you’re not trying hard enough” “Your lazy and stupid and fat and ugly” instilled the feelings of not good enough and all I wanted was to be the “good” girl but I felt that would not be seen until I was thin.

What do you think contributed to it?

My upbringing is the sole contributor to my struggles with binge eating. I grew up in an emotionally abusive, domestically violent, alcoholic home. I was sexually abused for years. Each day was lived in fear and it instilled the irrational belief that if I was just good enough I could stop it. It sent me on a path of always trying to prove myself while feeling all alone.

You mentioned you struggle with PTSD, can you share more details about this struggle?

PTSD is post traumatic stress and most commonly associated with war veterans. Growing up as I did, one could look at it as a war zone. Actually, I have what is clinically called Complex PTSD because it is reoccurring traumas. I did not know that common everyday behaviors I have, often called survival techniques, were based on the struggles I have had as an adult. The simplest of things can trigger the PTSD. Things such as a boss criticizing a task, common every day, around the water cooler comments can hit you when you least expect it. These days, even reading an interaction on Facebook, Twitter, or a blog post can send the PTSD whirling. Something as simple as no comments on a post or someone not responding to your tweet can bring forth feelings of not being good enough or liked enough.

What challenges have you faced with both BED and PTSD that may not be understood by others not having gone through this particular situation?

Challenges with the BED are the assumptions that I don’t care about myself, I have no will power and that losing weight is simply doing the math of Calories in – calories out. If it was that simple, I would have done it before. It reinforces the “something wrong with me” and I just need to try harder. I am discovering, through treatment, that binge eating is my primary disassociation tactic when I feel shame, fear, and anger.

Challenges with the PTSD are that on the outside I appear to be one person but on the inside it is a totally different person. The thoughts, the constant reminders, and being driven to constantly be better, do more, not being able to slow down and being so disconnected from my body that it is like being two different people.

What was the ah-ha moment that motivated you to seek professional treatment and support for your BED/PTSD?

My ah-ha moment was slow in coming. I have been on a path for many years to try to get healthier. I worked on many of the emotional things that people these days often do by “self-help”.

Visualization, positive affirmations, changing our thoughts, being grateful, seeing the good in everything, alanon, and much, much more and it all put me in a fairly good space but something was still not “right”. I had lost weight on a healthy program and was learning to exercise every day. When I hit a certain weight, it all changed but I did not see it until about 4 months later when I was having difficulties at work, got the worst evaluation I have ever had, gained back all my weight plus an additional weight. I started noticing that I was bingeing at work and having trouble concentrating.

Stay tuned tomorrow for part two of my interview with Jules!

by Sui Solitaire

I binge when I need more: rest, sleep, food, spiritual sustenance, love from myself. I binge when I misinterpret my hungers, when I don’t honor my hungers.

I binge when I’m hungry: hungry for more.

Hungry for more life, more joy, more of what I know I deserve… but scared to make it happen for myself.

I binge when I forget that feeling my feelings allows me to be my best: vulnerable, open, empathetic, loving, giving. I binge when I forget that honoring my emotions and letting myself feel however I feel lets me connect with myself, connect with others, and experience true empathy.

The thing is, I don’t binge for no reason.

I don’t binge because I’m weak.

I binge when I’m actually trying to be too “strong,” when I put too big a burden on myself.

I binge when I forget how amazing, wonderful, loving I am. I binge when I forget about my basic goodness.

I’m Sui (that’s sway) Solitaire. I write on cynosure about love, growth, presence, eating, and body image.

I started binging when I was 11 years old. After I was assaulted on my 16th birthday, I began restricting and purging. After recovering and embarking on the journey of loving myself and my body, I share the story of my journey to help you on yours.

I see recovery as a journey, not a destination; as a result, I’m always learning and growing.

Get my work via RSS or email, and get on the list for a free guide to mindful, loving eating and exclusive updates.

Play with me on Google+, Twitter, or Facebook.

]]> http://www.voiceinrecovery.com/blog/2011/10/19/why-i-binge/feed/ 7 http://www.voiceinrecovery.com/blog/2011/10/19/why-i-binge/