Rarely do you come across a movie that is simultaneously terrible and incredibly quirky. Nightmare Weekend is one such gem, and it's important to understand the background of the actors and filmmakers involved in order to fully appreciate its eccentricity.

Charley Brewster, a horror film aficionado, suspects that his neighbor is a vampire. While his family and friends believe it's just his obsession with the Fright Night films hosted by actor and vampire hunter Peter Vincent (Roddy McDowall), Charley has valid reasons for his suspicions. He notices multiple women entering the neighbor's house late at night and never leaving. He witnesses his neighbor loading what appears to be a body into their car and then hears about a similar body being discovered the next day. When Charley tries to go to the police, he inadvertently reveals his suspicions to his neighbor, Jerry Dandrige, making himself a potential target.

Despite his doubts, Charley turns to the only person he knows who might be able to help: Peter Vincent. However, Vincent, like everyone else, thinks Charley is delusional and has his own issues to deal with after recently being fired from his show. When Dandrige shows up at his house and Charley narrowly escapes, he goes into survival mode. In a desperate attempt to prove to Charley that his neighbor is not a vampire, his girlfriend and best friend pay Vincent to come over. The plan seems to work until Vincent notices that Dandrige has no reflection, leading him to fear that his on-screen persona might not be make-believe after all. Charley now fears for his safety more than ever, but the only one who can help them is terrified of the truth.

Fright Night, a masterpiece of the '80s horror genre, remains a beloved and influential film to this day. From the talented mind of Tom Holland, known for writing Psycho II and Child's Play, this film stands as his greatest achievement, according to the public. The film's relatable simplicity and consistently gripping plot allow it to stand out among other horror films of its time. It skillfully maintains an air of mystery and tension without relying on cliches, while still incorporating moments of humor to prevent it from becoming too dark.

While the film has some minor issues towards the end, such as a vampire suddenly gaining the ability to turn into a werewolf and another transforming into a beautiful woman with long luscious red locks of hair within a short time-frame, these are minor details that can be overlooked for the overall enjoyment of the movie.

Overall, Fright Night is the perfect starting point for fans of '80s horror films looking for a true classic. Featuring a talented cast of familiar faces, this movie successfully captures the essence of classic horror while keeping the story simple yet effective.

8/10

Since the birth of film, the mysterious fantasies regarding wax museums have always been a tantalizing subject matter for horror film creators. Going back as early as the 1924 German silent film Waxworks, the fascination with humanoid wax creations coming to life and wreaking havoc on unsuspecting townspeople has always been an easy way to creep out viewers. But one film dares to be a little different. Instead of following the tired trope of a serial killer dipping his victims in wax, the late '80s film Waxwork takes a more supernatural approach. Does this approach manage to breathe new life into a decades-old concept? Or does it melt before the plot of the film has the appropriate time to cure?

Waxwork follows a group of teenagers as they attend a special midnight opening of a mysterious wax museum in their quiet residential neighborhood. Upon entering, two teens are transported to another dimension while exploring the exhibits. One faces a werewolf, played by John Rhys-Davies, while the other, the seductive China (Michelle Johnson), is trapped in a castle with a family of vampires. Despite realizing the danger, the two teenagers continue to play along like it's a game, unaware that they may not make it out alive.

The remaining two of the group, Mark and Sarah, who resist being drawn into the waxworks decide to leave when they can't find their friends, assuming they ditched them. However, when their friends fail to show up at school the next day, Mark becomes concerned and seeks help from the police. The detective dismisses his claims, but does mention that several people have gone missing recently. Mark returns to the museum with the detective where he is scolded for wasting his time, but the detective eventually becomes intrigued by how eerily familiar some of the statues at the museum resemble some of those reported missing, and decides to investigate further. Later, Mark learns from his Grandfather's friend that the owner of the waxwork is conducting an evil ritual and each exhibit contains the spirit of the evil represented by the wax figure. Each victim that is lured into the exhibit opens a door for the evil to enter the real world, and once all eighteen exhibits are activated, they will all come alive and cause chaos in the world.

Despite its positive qualities, Waxwork ultimately loses momentum quite quickly, especially after the death of China (Michelle Johnson) - the film's most attractive and engaging character. While it does deserve credit for attempting a new spin on the overused theme of wax museum horror, it seems that little thought was put into executing this concept as effectively as the setup promised.

In the end, Waxwork may still be worth a watch for die-hard genre fans or those who appreciate the classic 1980's style, but prepare to be disappointed around 35-40 minutes in when you start questioning where the plot can possibly go after eliminating half the cast (including the most interesting and beautiful character), and leaving you with the two least compelling characters who must somehow carry out a rather ridiculous conclusion on their own, with help from a group of elderly men from the local assisted living facility.

5/10

Meg Peters (Krista Allen) is tired of the revolving door her dating life has become, she even has a wall in her apartment dedicated to her past dates and what was wrong with them.  So she bleaches her hair and tests the theory that blondes have more fun.  Not soon after this transformation she meets Van Martin (Michael Bublé), the owner and singer of a local swing night club.  Meg and Van hit it off, Van is clearly smitten with her, but Meg quickly puts his photo up on her wall with the notation of "friend",  because like everyone else, he doesn't meet all the criteria of the man she's dreamed of being with. That man, she thinks, is Brad Wilson (Brody Hutzler), a former high school crush and surf mimbo whom she runs into at the beach while enjoying the day with Van. 

Van goes out of his way to reconnect the two, thinking it will somehow win him points with Meg, but instead it sparks a relationship that leaves Van holding the bag.  When Van realizes he's stuck in the "friend zone", he soon finds comfort in the arms of Meg's best friend Liv Watson (Maeve Quinlan) which causes Meg to question if she's made the right decision picking the immature former high school "hunk".  Will she realize the mistake she's made before it's too late, or will the revolving door of her dating life keep spinning out of control?

Totally Blonde is a film that requires an asterisk denoting it as a guilty pleasure. About five minutes in you may contemplate jumping ship due to the campiness level, yet something kept me watching. It must have been the strange mashup of bad sketch comedy style acting (including at least three rip-offs of classic Jim Carey one-liners) mixed in with the standard romantic comedy film tropes, all helps to keep you guessing whether this is supposed to be a farce or a legitimate romantic comedy.

One notable surprise is the performance from then unknown singer Michael Bublé, who in a film this messy actually gives a moderately good performance, the songs are enjoyable, and overall he helps to ground a story-line that would otherwise be an unmitigated mess. As for Krista Allen there is no denying her sexual draw, but her portrayal of the ditsy blonde is more akin to an extreme over-the-top impersonation of Pamela Anderson. It takes a little time to get used to, but the offset to Bublé's performance helps to balance it out.

Overall, while Totally Blonde is by no means a well made film but it has it's moments and none of them are slow or dull, in fact the progression of the plot and the relationships between certain characters progresses comically fast.  It morphs the popular phrase, "so bad it's good", into "so blonde it's good".  Whether it's supposed to be a farce on the popular film genre, or an actual bizarre attempt at a legit romantic comedy, it oddly enough has some redeeming factors even though it's a complete mess of a film.  If you're a fan of romantic comedies, Krista Allen or Michael Bublé, then I would say give it a watch.  If you could care less about any of those three then it probably won't be your cup of tea.

6/10

For years I've struggled to take in the filmography of French director Jean Rollin, known for his artsy Gothic foray in the French horror genre, only to find myself quickly losing interest.  Fascination was my latest venture at reviving that endeavor, though not my first attempt at watching the film, which centers around a thief who double crosses his gang and escapes into the woods and seeks refuge in an elaborate isolated castle.  Upon investigation he discovers two lovely young ladies are residing there (Brigitte Lahaie and Franca Mai) and holds them hostage, naively unaware that he is actually the prisoner in the situation.  

As the film progresses, Elisabeth (Franca Mai), becomes infatuated with him and insists that he leave before nightfall, warning him of the group of people that will be arriving there for a ceremony.  But the lure of the physical beauty of the women, the lingering threat of his gang lurking outside the boundaries of the property, and his curiosity of this elusive ceremony entices him to discover what secrets the castle holds.  Will he be able to escape when he realizes his error in heeding the warning, or will curiosity kill the cat burglar?

Fascination, in the vain of every Rollin film I've watched thus far, relies heavily on mystery, sexuality and atmosphere, all aspects most of his films accomplish quite well.  The question is whether his very artsy, more visual approach to film-making is a palatable style for you.  The story is simplistic, at the heart of it is a group of bored socialites mixed up in satanic cult rituals out of a perverted pleasure, masquerading as an Edwardian era vampire film.  Most of Rollin's works are difficult to traverse unless you enjoy this unique style of story telling.  But in this case you have the added benefit of the presence of Brigitte Lahaie, supporting your attention with sporadic nudity and the haunting scene of her draped in a black cloak, wielding a scythe.

Overall, out of the handful of Rollin works I've watched thus far, Fascination stands out as the most memorable both in execution, plot and cast.  It's an easier film to get through than some of his earlier vampire centric works, which are visually beautiful but lacking the depth of plot to keep most viewers attentive.

7/10

If you're looking for an artsy Italian thriller that moonlights as a giallo on what would likely be the toiletry budget of a modern Hollywood production then Interrabang is for you.  

Ninety eight percent of the film takes place on the beach of a small island and focuses on three women, Valeria, Anna and Margherita. When the carburetor on their boat fails they are left stranded by Fabrizio, the photographer who brought them there for a photo shoot. He hitches a ride on a passing speedboat to seek out a replacement, leaving them to fend for themselves in an area that maybe the refuge for an escaped killer who was recently reported about on a radio broadcast they heard upon their arrival.

With a possible killer loose the girls proceed to disregard the potential danger and spend their time lounging around on the boat and the shore of the island (even after they find a dead body at the bottom of a cliff). Its through this period we get some insight into the personality of the characters. Valeria (Haydée Politoff) is Ana's (Beba Loncar) bratty little sister who despises Ana because she controls her money and in her opinion her life, shes into reading giallo books and wears a necklace with a combination question/exclamation mark which is the symbol for "interrabang".

Ana is Fabrizio's wife, while she appears high maintenance she puts up with her husband's blatant womanizing even when its right in front of her, as is the case with his model Margherita. This is likely because of his success and the money it brings. Margherita (Shoshana Cohen) is the model, and Fabrizio's young play thing, she's sexy, flirty and incredibly naive. None of the women especially like each other, and with a similar stuck up personality it's not too hard to see why. This creates an even larger wedge between them when the dashing Marco shows up and showers attention on both of them.

Marco (Corrado Pani) claims to be a poet, yet in the back of everyone's mind (including the viewers) its more likely Marco is the escaped prisoner.  Despite this possible threat the women keep interacting with him, flirting with him, and even pass up a couple opportunities to get off the island when a police boat comes by asking if they've seen any sign of the escapee.

Interrabang is not a film for the impatient viewer, it's quite devoid of dialog, and what there is serves little purpose but to distance you from caring about the fate of the characters due to their complete self involvement and blatant disregard for the potential danger they are in. They allow themselves to be wooed by Marco and at a point actually become jealous of one another, competing for his attention. With that said it does garner some curiosity as to what the ultimate conclusion will be, and an almost sadistic desire to see these narcissistic women have some karma delivered to them.

In the end, if you manage not to call it quits before the hour mark you will be rewarded for your patience when the film finally stops teasing you, the plot starts to progress, and things finally get interesting. Then in the final fifteen minutes a truly surprising series of twists and turns salvage the film from being on the level of an artsy film school project.

Overall, Interrabang does live up to it's cryptic definition.  A majority of the time you will question what the point is, and when is something going to happen, with a payoff that actually is exciting and fairly well done.  It's simply too bad you have to sit through so much meandering to get to it.  A more balanced dosage of the two would have made for a more interesting and well rounded story.  But as it stands Interrabang is comparable to a low budget film school interpretation of a giallo without any of the real ingredients.

6/10

Newbie adventurer Bell Cranel becomes the talk of the town after narrowly escaping death at the hands of a minotaur and running through the town square covered in blood, screaming at the top of his lungs.  But being rescued by the lovely blonde female adventurer "The Sword Princess" Ais Wallenstein brings with it a personal determination he needed to push himself to the next level and that opens up a whole new world for him.

Is It Wrong To Try To Pick Up Girls In A Dungeon? is an anime set in a RPG style world where people take on the profession of adventurers traversing the local dungeon to battle monsters.  Through this they level up their abilities and skills and make a living by collecting stones from the creatures they defeat exchanging them for money at the local repository.  These adventurers are apart of Familias aka guilds that are overseen by higher beings (gods and goddesses) who have taken on human form and serve as the heads of the Familias and are the ones who administer the leveling up of their attributes.

Bell is the sole member of the lowly Hestia Familia, led by busty goddess Hestia who is very much infatuated with Bell and is more interested in keeping him to herself than excelling the status of their Familia.  But when Bell falls for the lovely Sword Princess, Ais Wallenstein, his determination to get to her level in the hopes of impressing her ignites in him a rare skill that begins a very rapid leveling up of his attributes.  Hestia keeps this a secret from him, for fear of losing him, but she quickly learns she at the very least she has to support his new found desire and abilities.

This first season follows Bell through his development of fighting and magic skills, personal confidence and building a team that can support his growth.  Along the way he has to deal with new found fame and divisiveness from those who resent how quickly he's is leveling up, which also makes him of great interest to gods and goddesses like Freya and Hermes.  It also brings with it a new found level of admiration from the ladies that Bell is incompatible of dealing with, as neither is Hestia who becomes insanely jealous of every woman who is around him.

Overall, Is It Wrong To Try To Pick Up Girls In A Dungeon? is a very fun series that seems to take a lot of inspiration from fellow anime series Sword Art Online, and Greek mythology (especially Clash Of The Titans) and gives it it's own light fluffy spin with a spreading of fan service mostly centered around boobs and Bell's face being smashed into them, you know typical ecchi stuff!  Though unlike some of the more notorious ecchi Bell is hardly seeking them out, he's simply seems to be a magnet for them.  What I liked most about the series is it finds a good balance of levity and drama and is not heavily focused on dungeon battles and the RPG style aspects that a series like Sword Art Online tends to focus on.  In this it manages to set itself apart and not simply be another RPG anime clone but its own lighthearted adventure series with good character development and interesting story-line.

7/10

As a fan of international cult films I've stated a few times that comedy is one of the harder genres to transcend cultures.  It's very much like cuisine, what is popular varies quite differently from country to county, it's not like other genres where the main staples are relatively similar.

Up Pompeii is a pretty good representation of British humor (at least during this period), and British comedy is not for everyone.  The film is based off a television series that ran for two seasons (14 episodes total) starring original lead Frankie Howerd as Lurcio, the head slave of a Roman politician.  The film follows Lurcio around as he prepares for the orgy that his master is throwing, his accidental discovery and involvement in the plot to kill the visiting Emperor Nero and the subsequent eruption of Mount Vesuvius. 

My initial viewing of Up Pompeii was about twelve years ago and to put it bluntly I wasn't impressed.  Considering this was during my exodus from Hollywood films into the the broader universe of cult cinema I figured after over a decade perhaps my opinions of it may have changed, well... they haven't.  The film is still as bad and forgettable as it was the first time with the major issue being the story's reliance on juvenile sexual innuendo.  It's the cornerstone of the film that's mildly amusing at the start, but quickly becomes repetitive as they run out of orgy jokes and start rehashing them again in slight variations.  

What's most unfortunate is how Up Pompeii wastes the ever so stunning pairing of Madeline Smith and Julie Ege whose combined five minutes of screen time is a crime in and of itself.  Smith plays Erotica (a good name), the daughter Lurcio's master and a veritable sexpot.  Every brief scene with her she's got some guy on top of her, it's a running joke and the only point of her character.  Julie Ege, my favorite of the two, is Voluptua, another character known for her sleeping around yet unlike Erotica it's only consistently referred to and only visually portrayed that she is a notorious flirt.  Her role is the meatier of the two and she has a nice array of sexy attire.  Still for a story that relies so heavily on sexual innuendo, the writers wasted two actresses that they could have milked a lot more screen time out of. 

Overall, Up Pompeii is a pretty lackluster experience.  The only decent aspects are the production value of the sets and the limited screen time of Madeline Smith and Julie Edge.  Had either of the actresses been in a more supporting lead role it possibly may have salvaged the film on eye candy alone.  Julie Ege's red toga outfit with the gold snakes is essentially the cherry on this melted sundae, and her promotional photos for the film are by far the best thing to come out of this. 

In the end, Up Pompeii is basically a short format comedy series stretched out into a film, with brief nudity sprinkled in an attempt to hold attention.  You get a brief shot of Madeline Smith's breasts, but if that's what you're after might I suggest The Vampire Lovers, a much better film where you get to see much more of Madeline and the added bonus of Ingrid Pitt.  As for Up Pompeii it's too reliant on repetitious grade school locker room humor for my taste, with repetitious being the key complaint and not so much the innuendos which in moderation, variation, and a well written story can work, but there's none of that here.

3/10

Wakana Gojou is a socially awkward teenager who spends his free time trying to perfect his crafting of hini dolls.  Marin Kitagawa is the hot popular girl and social butterfly who spends her free time professionally modeling and obsessing over her favorite anime and manga characters.  When their two worlds collide will it be a perfect fit or a hot mess?

Sono Bisque Doll wa Koi wo Suru aka My Dress-Up Darling, is my first foray  into the more romantic comedy niche of anime.  The twelve episodic series follows socially awkward teenager Wakana Gojou whose life consists trying to keep a low profile while going to school and spending all his free time making hina dolls, an obsession he acquired from his grandfather who makes and sells them for a living.  It was this obsession that led him into a somewhat reclusive existence when a childhood friend basically called him a freak for liking hina dolls.  This experience seemed to scar him and ever since he's kept his passion a secret and decided he was better off not trying to make friends for fear they might too reject him.

That's all about to change when the class hottie (Marin Kitagawa) walks in on him in the school sewing room making clothes for his hina dolls.  He freaks out thinking she's going to make fun of him, but instead she freaks out that he knows how to sew and begs him to help her make a cosplay outfit that she's been working on to no avail.  He reluctantly agrees to help her and so begins what appears to be at first a rather one-sided friendship based on Marin's desires to do the "perfect cosplay".  Ironically this occurs not long after a scene where Marin tells Gojou that other students are taking advantage of his kindness and he should learn to say no to them.

But as the story progresses Marin discovers she may have feelings for Gojou, and Gojou learns that there's more to life than sitting in his room painting dolls all day and in the process discovers a talent that he didn't know he had by bringing joy to people through his cosplay outfit design skills.  It's a standard teenage trope story-line with a slightly different spin.

My Dress-Up Darling seems to receive a rather split response.  On one end many people seem to love it, while another group of people seem bent on panning it for its use of fan service and "ecchi" scenes.  I have to take issue with both opinions.

First off for the casual viewer fan service in the anime realm is typically referring to female characters in skimpy outfits or outright nudity in more extreme cases.  And ecchi is a tag for a sub-genre of anime that features playfully suggestive, or sexy scenes, typically these center around a male character getting awkward around beautiful female characters who are dressed in skimpy outfits. In the case of this series there is a fair amount of each but not to the extreme of many other series that are also considered "ecchi". 

Also in the case of this series these scenes actually appropriately fit into the story line and would accurately represent reactions that the characters would have.  Let's not forget My Dress-Up Darling is about a teenage guy who up to this point in his life has had relatively little interaction with anyone other than his grandfather and he's thrown into an uncomfortable position where the hottest girl in school, who moonlights as a professional model, is begging him to help her. 

She's not shy about her body and he's shy around everyone, and now all of a sudden he's making sexy cosplay outfits for the hottest girl in school... none of the mostly tame fan service scenes are out of place or a stretch in this case.  In fact they add most of the comedic elements in the series because Gojou is such a innocent and shy person he's not used to being exposed to someone like Marin, and his reactions to her overly aggressive personalty is genuine and accurate for a teenager in his position.  So I would assume a majority of people slamming the series for this are women who don't understand teenage male hormones.

On the flip side I don't quite agree with the rave reviews either.  While I'll agree the series has some top of the line art, music and dubbing I did not find the story to be anything overly amazing.  The plot of socially awkward guy who breaks out of his shell with the help of the popular hot girl is nothing new, and it's not approached here in a way any better than I've seen it done many times before.  In fact after a while Gojou's ongoing awkwardness around Marin even after they've spent weeks hanging out together gets a little tiresome, especially in situations where it's not even needed like him simply sitting next to her in a Manga Cafe.  If Gojou is still that nervous around a beautiful girl who by this point clearly likes being around him it's almost impossible to believe he can even step outside his house on a daily basis without having a panic attack.

With that said it will be interesting to see where the series goes if it gets a second season. I'm not sure how much more they can milk the cosplay angle as that too gets a little played out near the end.  And while this is tagged as a romantic comedy, the only real romance is between Gojou and his dolls and Marin and her anime characters. Marin does "fall in love" with Gojou halfway through the series but never acts on those emotions and Gojou is too naive to catch on, I mean he can't even sit next to her without breaking out into a sweat!  So calling the series a romance is a little of a stretch, still there is a decent lesson that is pounded into the viewer as Gojou learns that everyone has insecurities they deal with no matter how popular or successful they are.  Again it's not an earth scattering discovery and something that really shouldn't take twelve episodes to flush out, but it's something.

In the end, I did enjoy My Dress-Up Darling, it's a fluffy moderately naive teen story that definitely managed to hold my attention, and provide a decent diversion.  Is it the best anime ever?  No, but for what it is it's a nice palette cleanser.  The series also ends in a spot where if it doesn't get a second season at least you're a not left with a cliffhanger.  While I would have liked a little more main character growth it's a satisfying ending and I don't regret watching it if it simply ends here.

7.5/10

William Bumiller is the owner of a state of the art health club in Los Angeles, California that is managed almost entirely through a computer system designed and maintained by his late wife's brother David.  Though it's been over a year since his wife's untimely death there is still tension and bad blood between them as David believes William is responsible for his sister taking her life.  So when a string of "accidents" in the gym start occurring is it David acting out? Is the system on the fritz? Or is the ghost of William's dead wife out to ruin his life?

As a giallo fan the mystery / suspense approach a majority of the film traverses down combined with a healthy amount of gore and beautiful women left me pretty entertained.  That was up until about the last twenty minutes when the film pulls a 180 and decides it wants to be an over-the-top supernatural American horror and spirals into insanity, and sort of ruining what had been up to that point a relatively balanced underrated 80's B-movie.  Ultimately this is a film that will split viewers into two camps.  You'll either love the cheesy over-the-top nonsensical ending and be bored with the meat of the film, or find enjoyment in most of it until the big party at the end and think it spirals out of control into a bloody mess.

Either way Death Spa does offers it's fair share of camp, it's got plenty of 80's American flare (which is my favorite decade for American film) and a lot of beautiful women in spandex or very little at all.  Had the ending been more akin to the rest of the film this would have a been a solid new favorite for me, but even with that it still ended up being a pleasant surprise overall as I wasn't expecting much going in.

6/10

Model Jenny Cooper (Charlotte Lewis) has a problem, she's "hung up" on a guy who never calls her back, her life has become consumed by waiting for him to reach out and call her.  It's an obsession she'll soon regret when she tries to call him while out one day only to dial the wrong number and awaken an evil force that won't let anyone come between her and them.

Directed by Ruggero Deodato, most known for Cannibal Holocaust, Dial: Help seems to gets an overwhelming panned response from an otherwise hardcore Deodato fan-base.  Not being overly familiar with his work perhaps provides the benefit of enjoying this film for what it is and not what the director has been known for doing in the past.  Jenny accidentally dials a phone number for a defunct lonely and suicidal hotline which has been out of business for twenty years.  The building is basically abandoned, yet somehow the phone number to that particular office is somehow still in service.  Her call releases a negative force built up over time from all the depressed people who had called in and starts stalking her, calling her at all hours with strange voices and dial tones on the other end. 

At first the supernatural force appears to be protecting Jenny, saving her from an assault in the subway early in the film.  But quickly things turn sour and it starts knocking off her close friends one by one, so it appears the energy wants her all to itself.  With no one else to turn to she seeks the help of her new neighbor, a native Italian, whose all too happy to help out a pretty foreigner, but totally unaware what he's gotten himself into.  

Being a big giallo fan I found myself enjoying this film a little more than I probably normally would.  It looks and feels very much like late 60's to 70's Italian thriller with simply the substitution of a murderous supernatural energy for the stereotypical sexually frustrated serial killer.  Charlotte Lewis (probably most well known for her role in The Golden Child, with Eddie Murphy) is incredibly easy on the eyes and puts forth a decent performance in what appears to be a rare starring role.  Granted this is a ridiculous premise for a film, but if you're simply a fan of the ambiance of the Italian thriller, and the Gothic backdrop of Italy then Dial: Help might be worth a glimpse.  It may not be one to call home about but it's not completely devoid of a dial-tone.

6/10

Sex Kittens Go To College is a star studded blending of 1960's television and film personalities, a ginormous horny robot, a drum playing / book writing chimp, and a ten minute striptease scene all packed into one, leaving you wondering if you aren't watching something from the mind of Ed Wood.

When Collins College hired Dr. Mathilda West to be the new head of their science department they never imagined she'd show up in the form of a a busty platinum blonde bombshell.  Recommended to them by their giant campus robot computer "Thinko", Mathilda West (Mamie Van Doren) steps off the train and immediately turns heads, even causing the football team's star player to faint. 

Mathilda quickly begins to stir up some controversy among the staff, some are afraid her looks will ruin their school's credibility and cost them an upcoming grant, while others are smitten by her.  In both cases her looks overshadow how overly qualified she is, and more hijinks ensue up when one of the teachers learns of her past occupation as a dancer.

With the commotion that Mathilda is causing just by her presence on campus everyone seems to be oblivious of the two mobsters "Boomie" and "Legs" who showed up on the same train asking for the whereabouts of Thinko, who they unknowingly think is a person.  Seems Thinko not only has a thing for dancing girls but he's also been raking in the dough through gambling on horse races, the two goons have been sent by their boss to put a stop to his gambling.  In the process they manage to get themselves mixed up with Brigitte Bardot's sister who latches onto one of them like a female version of Pepé Le Pew.

By no means is Sex Kittens Go To College is a good film, it's bizarre, it's incredibly campy and it's all over the place.  It's like a weird dream you might have that seems cohesive and normal while you're asleep but when you wake up you question how your brain came up with such a mixture.  The whole giant robot plot-line with the two mafia rejects seemingly from the Three Stooges throws this film into Ed Wood territory, especially when Thinko blows a fuse and has a 10 minute wet dream where he watches a striptease performance (which is uncensored on this international cut, and no unfortunately it does not feature Mamie or the other actresses). It's oddly reminiscent of Wood's Orgy Of The Dead, which considering that film didn't come out until five years later perhaps influenced him.

The miraculous thing is how such a mess of a story managed to acquire a well known cast of actors, names like Tuesday Weld (The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis), Martin Milner (Route 66 & Adam-12), Maila Nurmi aka Vampira, Conway Twitty as himself, Jackie Coogan aka Uncle Festor from The Addams Family, Brigitte Bardot's little sister Mijanou, and probably more recognizable 60's film and TV actors.  

Now for credit where credit is due, Mamie Van Doren actually is a pleasant surprise.  Having a preconceived impression of Van Doren as a low budget Marilyn Monroe I had low expectations going into this, but still even with the mess of a story and the over-the-top campy acting from most of the cast Van Doren actually puts forth a solid performance.  Yes she's drop dead gorgeous, (hotter than Monroe any day of the week) but she can also act, and sing (which I had been aware she was pretty good at).  She was quite believable in the role, granted it didn't hurt that literally everyone else around her acted like idiots. 

With Mamie giving a solid performance, and being pleasant on the eyes, followed by a chimp who pops up throughout the film providing the best laughs, Sex Kittens Go To College straddles my list of "so bad, it's good" titles.  It's a horrible film, but the fact that Van Doren could pull off such a solid performance in the midst of such a mess really impressed me. And I have no problem expressing a likely unpopular opinion that Mamie Van Doren beats Marilyn Monroe in any "sex kitten" battle, both in terms of looks and talent.

6/10

Just when I thought the Deathstalker series couldn't get any worse the third incarnation proves me oh so wrong.  Deathstalker And The Warriors From Hell introduces yet another actor, John Allen Nelson, into the role of the film's title hero.  Much like Deathstalker II this version of Deathstalker is still a sharp turn from the original Rick Hill portrayal and proceeds with the wise, cracking pretty boy albeit a little more toned down.

Once again Deathstalker finds himself tangled up in more "princess drama" when he and his sorcerer friend are ambushed in a small village during a raid by the henchmen of an evil wizard named Troxartes.  They are looking for the second of half of a crystal which when reassembled will lead to a lost city of wealth and power.  Turns out one piece is in the possession of an under cover princess, played by Carla Sands, but she only lives long enough to get Deathstalker roped into her quest.  Not to worry though she's got a twin sister whose betrothed to the evil wizard!

Production value of this outing is the lowest thus far in the franchise, filmed in Mexico on a shoestring budget it definitely shows, even the soundtrack is equivalent to something out of an 8 bit RPG Nintendo game, and the story is a reheating of plot points from the first two films.  The casting is no better, while I like John Allen Nelson better than John Terlesky in the role of Deathstalker I still don't like this frat boy version in comparison to the hardcore Conan type portrayed by Rick Hill.  The main villain Troxartes, played by Thom Christopher, ranks as the worst in the series so far and is reminiscent of an over-the-top off Broadway performance. 

Then the women... the only consistent aspect this franchise has had is great eye candy, something even the horrible Deathstalker II excelled the original film in, this one gets it all wrong.  Aside from Claudia Inchaurregui, as Marin with her stereotypical poofy 80's hair, the two main actresses are simply bland and unimpressive in comparison to their past counterparts.  And don't expect nearly the level of skin shown in this outing either.

Interesting tidbit, the lead actress who played the dual princess roles, Carla Sands (then Carla Herd), seemingly as found more success as a business woman and now as a politician, she was Trump's US ambassador to Denmark and in 2022 is running for Senate in Pennsylvania.  That's probably the most interesting factoid regarding anything or anyone in this film.

Overall, Deathstalker And The Warriors From Hell comes off as a very dull remix of the first two films with nothing at all that excels it above the other two entries.  Granted it's not unwatchable, but neither is paint drying.  I will concede that the one thing this film does better than the last is it takes itself more seriously, it's no where near the level of slapstick comedy as the previous one.  A couple scenes were even actually a little unexpectedly somber.  Unfortunately this is probably the film that might have warranted hamming it up a bit to at least keep the reheated plot interesting.  If you want to watch this train wreck I'd suggest watching the MST3K version, at least you'll get some entertainment from the commentary.  Below is a highlight video as a couldn't find any trailer for the film itself, probably another expense they couldn't afford. 

2/10

Stan (Gianni Garko) is using his medieval family estate for his latest glamour photo shoot with a spicy Gothic torture theme.  This gives him and his business partner the idea to turn a portion of the castle into a swinging night club, The Dungeon Disco, and except for a little push back from the head master of the local religious school things go off without a hitch, that is until two of Stan's ancestors in the cellar wake up to see what all the noise is about!

Dracula Blows His Cool is a campy romp that provides it's share of eye candy from German actress and model Bea Fiedler and relative unknowns Betty Vergès and Linda Grondier.  The story is a mixture of tongue and cheek comedy with a balance of stereotypical vampire film tropes thrown in for mild suspense.  This balance combined with the steady flow of female eye candy, and the beautiful Austrian backdrop, ultimately help keep up the pace of the film and stimulate most viewers (at least the male ones).

To get to the heart of the matter Dracula Blows His Cool is not a horrible film, it's simply not a memorable one either.  If you're looking for something to blow some time it checks a few boxes and delivers an average performance.  The most memorable parts of the film for me were Betty Vergès as the smokin' hot Countess Olivia, and the shower scene with Linda Grondier and Count Stanislaus lurking behind the curtain followed by their encounter directly after.  These were good aspects of the film's ability to mix camp with some classic horror / thriller tropes, not to mention Linda Grondier is smokin' hot as well.

6/10

Money can't buy happiness, and beauty is only skin deep.  Two age old adages that hold water, but in the case of La riffa (The Raffle), money can get you out of debt, and beauty can get you the money to do it.

Monica Bellucci is Francesca, wife of a wealthy businessman who gets a call late at night that her husband has died in a car accident.  Possibly worse than the emotional trauma of losing him is when the facade of their lifestyle and relationship is quickly revealed to her.  Francesca is immediately informed of the amount of debt her husband accumulated over the years with his business dealings, totaling in the hundreds of millions, debt that she is now responsible for.  On top that she learns he'd been cheating on her with an older (much less attractive woman no less) and that on the night he died he had been coming back from her place.  Worst of all, everyone she considered to be her "friends" knew about it and never said a thing to her.

At first Francesca seems to deal with everything in stride, selling off all her possessions, getting a normal job, living in an empty apartment, but learning of her husband's infidelity and that she was the only one blind to it became a breaking point for her.  That's when she devised the plan of the raffle.  Now single, and broke, her only asset was her looks and she quickly finds herself as the object of desire of many wealthy men in town, so she decides to capitalize on this.  The plan is to raffle herself off, whoever wins gets her for four years, and she gets 100 million dollars for each of those years plus expenses for her daughter and gifts.  The raffle will be limited to 20 participants, carefully chosen, at an entrance fee of 100 million dollars.  Whoever wins gets the lump sum of all the entrance fees totaling 2 billion (less a percentage to her lawyer), and her to do whatever they please with.

The idea is an instant success and it turns out everyone who joined were friends of her husband, even her husband's mistress joins the raffle.  It's at this point she begins to have second thoughts about following through with this and asks her lawyer to call it off and return the money, but he says it's too late to back out now.  Things get even more murky when she hits a scrawny little man with her car and after nursing him back the health finds she can't get rid of him.  Even worse she finds herself falling in love with him, but in only a few days she'll be raffled off to one of her husband's friends.

I was surprised to find The Raffle to be a pretty well put together film, while the concept is definitely a little over the top, the story is well paced, written and executed.  What I liked was how the film took a rather depressing situation for the main character and interjected a well balanced amount of comedy, sometimes at the expense of other characters and sometimes simply through the surroundings.  For example one of the opening scenes where Francesca is taken to identify her husband's body and she's escorted through this huge asylum type building to a large empty room with one body, and it turns out to be the wrong body with her husband's toe tag, then they travel back down the corridor to a another huge empty room with another body.  The ridiculousness of it all was quite amusing.  

Monica Bellucci's once again gives a solid performance, she's got it all and continues to prove that not only is she drop dead gorgeous but she has some acting talent as well, unlike many models who attempt the career jump.  Bellucci manages to be seductive, strong and yet emotionally vulnerable at the same time.  It's unfortunate that she has seemed to be a little typecast in her career based on her looks and less recognized for her solid acting.  

What I found most surprising about The Raffle was the twist at the end which for some reason I didn't see coming.  I thought it was a really good way to end the film.  Overall, The Raffle is surprisingly entertaining.  Most reviews write it off as odd or unfunny, but I think they failed to understand this film is not meant to be your typical Italian comedy (which I've seen my fair share of and typically am not a fan) this is much more of a "dramedy" or dark comedy, somewhere between Ostinato destino, which Bellucci would star in following this film, and the much more dramatic Vita coi figli.

7/10

If I were suffering from the lingering stages of heat stroke and dehydration in the middle of the Sahara, Desert Of Fire seems like the type of hallucination I might experience.  That's at least the best comparison I can come up with to explain a film starring a blonde Italian beach bum with a golden guitar, a Chinese Mr. T, and French goddess Edwige Fenech, all hunting for a hidden cash of weapons in the middle of the desert.

Desert Of Fire begins with an attack by nomad raiders on a jeep carrying the payroll for a construction company working in the nearby town.  The raiders are lead by El Marish (George Wang), a bandit who wanders the desert in a cape, barefoot, shirtless and wearing a large metal necklace.  But El Marish's plans are thwarted by an unknown presence who blinds him by bouncing the suns rays off a metallic object into his eyes, stealing the payroll of cash from him.

Edwige Fenech is Juana, daughter of a Berber woman and an Englishman.  She longs to escape the desert and go to her father's homeland of England.  We soon learn that she was in cahoots with El Marish to steal the payroll in hopes of finally securing enough money to escape her nomadic life.  With that hope dashed her last chance at escaping may rest in the hands of her father, Zero,  who knows the location of the rumored treasure of weapons hidden by her grandfather (her mother's father).  Only he apparently knows it's location but there's a lot of people who would love to get their hands on it and he is too old and afraid to recover it himself.

Enter in Peter Martell as Bill (he made a brief appearance in The French Sex Murders under the name Pietro Martellanza), here as a chiseled blonde beach bum drifter who not only seems to know as much about the treasure as Zero but has a map to it.  He offers to reclaim the cash of weapons and pay Zero handsomely for them, all he asks is for a truck and one man to assist him.  The idea of not having to risk his own life and finally being able to return to England and take Juana with him boosts his spirits, but when Zero's wife finds out she sends El Marish in to intercept Bill, unaware of her daughter's involvement.

My biggest complaint about Desert Of Fire are the plot holes, either through bad editing or bad writing there is very little to no explanation regarding pretty much everything in this film.  How does Bill have a map to the treasure that supposedly only Zero knows the location to?  How does Juana know and is already in a relationship with Bill?  And how does El Marish not have a serious case of skin cancer?  These are a sampling of a few things that may cross your mind that will never be answered, along with a main story-line that never seems to go anywhere.

In the end, Desert Of Fire is probably only a film for Edwige Fenech completists, though she really doesn't play that important of a role in the film and only randomly pops up here and there standing around looking pretty, nothing wrong with that but would have been nice if she's actually had some purpose.  What makes the film mildly entertaining is the bizarre and amusing characters and the mystery of trying to ascertain where the plot is going.  The only version of this film that seems to be out there is this very low quality Greek release with English dubbing, so quite possibly this is simply a butchered release, but at the same time I wouldn't be completely shocked if this is the complete version of the film.  It's good for a few laughs, and I'd probably watch it again if a better quality version came along but aside from that there is nothing special about it.

5/10

A leather clad beauty finds herself stranded in a town of dying dreams, relying on the kindness of strangers to help her get back on her feet.  While she takes advantage of their hospitality they take advantage of her physically, fully unaware that her presence in town is not a coincidence as she lures them into turning on each other.

Jezebel's Kiss is a melting pot of well known C-list actors most notably Malcolm McDowell and Family Ties mom Meredith Baxter.  Let's get the obvious out of the way, the film is awful.  It's so awful the entire cast seemed drunk the entire film, if they weren't it seems like an odd decision for them to be all be portraying their characters as such.  But with dialogue this bad it doesn't surprise me they'd need to be intoxicated to make it through.  While the plot of Jezebel avenging her grandfather is decent, everything else from the acting to the production value of the film (like really low audio levels) are certifiably bad.

With that said the silver lining is unknown Katherine Barrese as Jezebel.  Supposedly a former model, in her only starring role, she's no worse than the rest of the cast of actual actors and she's pretty hot.  To the credit of the writer / director, while the film is awful at least he had the sense to take advantage of the fact he had a hot model willing to bare all and actually gave her a bulk of the screen time, something those "geniuses" behind the early Pamela Anderson films (ex: Raw Justice & Snapdragon) failed to grasp.  For that reason, and the fact the script and acting is so bad to the point it's actually kind of funny, Jezebel's Kiss is a slightly tolerable "thriller". 

5/10

There's a killer on the loose in China Town, posing as a prostitute murdering her victims during sex by slicing their throats with a retractable razor blade hidden in her mouth.  She leaves behind a bloody Chinese symbol of a Snapdragon on the mirror as her calling card.  Detective Peckham (Chelsea Field, Scott Bakula's wife) is promoted from Vice squad to help solve this string of murders. She enlists her boyfriend, police psychiatrist Dr. David Hoogstraten (Steven Bauer) to assist in profiling the killer, its a favor that begins to take David down a dark path when he's introduced to a amnesia patient by a Doctor colleague and asked to help her as well.  David quickly falls for this woman, Felicity (Pamela Anderson), a soft spoken blonde beauty with nightmares that seem oddly similar to the murders his girlfriend is investigating.

Snapdragon is another Pamela Anderson vehicle that fails to understand if you're going to make a bad film with one of the most popular playmates of all-time at least make one where she receives a bulk of the screen-time.  But much like Raw Justice, Pamela gets wasted in a film that undoubtedly no one is watching for any other reason but her, in a role that maybe important to the "story" but very light on actual screen-time.  So unless your a glutton for mediocre "erotic" thrillers (which is a stretch to call this one), Pamela's thirty second skin scene, and some very limited acting scenes, isn't worth the sit through when there's no shortage of material from her that doesn't require you to sit through a film where the viewer is supposed to believe a guy who is a cross between Rocky and Joey Tribbiani is a doctor!  Not to mention the aggravating score that seems to play non stop through the entire film, even dialogue, making it almost impossible to follow an already paper thin plot.  But at least the film features a scruffy Lloyd Braun (who ironically also plays a psychiatrist), so that mildly amused me.

Overall, Snapdragon is in the same ballpark as the film Pamela would go on to be "featured" in next, Raw Justice.  The only difference is it actually tries to be serious but unfortunately has very little, to no, action and therefore ends up being boring.  I preferred her character in Raw Justice but considering in both films she's sorely underused the positives and negatives between both films negate each other.  Once again it's simply a crime to waste her on a limited role, especially in the prime of her youth.

4/10

In a post-apocalyptic world an Amazonian "goddess" helps two brothers rescue their sister from the clutches of a band of marauders known as the Norks.  While supposedly "inspired" by the classic English novel She (most well known for the 1965 film adaptation by Hammer Films starring Ursula Andress) there are very few similarities with exception of the name "She" the immortal goddess played by Sandahl Bergman.  Instead what this film resembles is a mixture of Red Sonja meets Mad Max, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

While She is far from perfect what the film gets right is the casting of Sandahl Bergman, what a shame she didn't get more roles like this in the 80's (with the exception of very minor parts in Conan The Barbarian and Red Sonja).  Bergman running around in a loin cloth with a sword the entire film makes She worth the watch at least once on that note alone.  While the film's plot is wafer thin and doesn't reach much further than the characters escaping from one situation after another on their journey to the Nork territory, it manages to interject interesting characters along the way with a decent amount of well placed light humor.

While the humor was something I felt overtook a similar genre of film like Deathstalker II, She doesn't let it get too out of hand.  It wasn't a bombardment of camp simply for the sake of it, but a balanced mixture of light and dry humor with plenty of action, and Bergman, sustaining an average level of enjoyment.  With that said I will admit I enjoyed the film a bit more the first time around, on repeat watches obvious plot holes stood out more and the film seemed a bit slow at times.  Still overall She is a decent popcorn film and being filmed in Italy manages to capture that certain production value that similar films in the USA during the same period couldn't quite get right.

6/10

If the original Deathstalker was a low budget knockoff of Conan The Barbarian, Deathstalker II is a low budget knockoff of the original.  So if you enjoyed the original film prepare yourself for disappointment (unless you're a fan of Jim Wynorski) as Deathstalker II is no Swords & Sorcery film but a sub-genre within the sub-genre that should be referred to as Swords & Slapstick. 

Deathstalker II kicks off with a much skinnier and more wisecracking Deathstalker (John Terlesky) rescuing a recently banished Renna the Seer (Monique Gabrielle) from getting beat up by a group of castle guards.  Renna convinces Deathstalker to come with her and help her to rescue a princess whose been ousted by a sorcerer named Jarek (John Lazer).  What she fails to mention is that she is the princess and that the sorcerer has taken over her kingdom by creating an evil clone of her who rules and his side.

Deathstalker II is another early entry in the filmography of director and writer Jim Wynorski, whose early work that I've seen so far I'm not a big fan of.  My overall problem with Wynorski is he's very manic in his films and doesn't seem to know how to stay within a genre and not mix in things that don't fit into the world he's working with.  Deathstalker is supposed to be this Conan the Barbarian figure yet he recasts the perfect Rick Hill with a stereotypical goof ball surfer dude, and turns the film into mixture of The Three Stooges and Conan.  

Deathstalker was amusing on it's own mediocrity, as most low budget American films are, Wynorski ruins that by turning the film into a comedy set in a very mediocre Sword & Sorcery film, now the film is simply bad and not funny at all because the comedy is extremely forced.  It's a art that his predecessor Roger Corman so brilliantly balanced yet Wynorski can't (or doesn't want to).

What I can once again give Wynorski credit for is he knows how to cast the right people (with the exception of the main character).  What this film manages to do better than the original is the women.  Penthouse Pet Monique Gabrielle, while incredibly annoying as Reena the Seer, is amazing as her evil clone and what a body!  Toni Naples is great as Sultana, the right hand woman to Jarek the Sorcerer who wants to kill Deathstalker and Princess Evie and rule with Jarek.  And Maria Socas is breathtaking as the Amazon Queen.  So while Wynorski, like in The Lost Empire, is all over the place in terms of the film somehow he manages to do a really good job casting actresses in his films, if the script had been of similar caliber there would have been something more here to praise.  What an amazing film the original Deathstalker would have been if the actresses and Jarek replaced the girls and villain in the original.

Overall, I'll admit I'm not a big fan of American cult films in general, so that might be why I don't enjoy this film as much as others.  Corman had a skill of adapting films from other countries for American audiences so a lot of his films have some of that foreign aspect I enjoy.  Wynorski is no Roger Corman, even though he worked under him for many years, he didn't appear to pick up this skill.  Ultimately for me Deathstalker II tries too hard to be funny instead of just being a low budget fantasy adventure film that is funny based on it's own mediocrity, which is what I expect from the Deathstalker franchise.  

4/10

There's no arguing Pamela Anderson was one of the hottest women in the 90's, an upgraded modern version of Farrah Fawcett for the glam rock generation, but it's pretty clear she took about any film role she was offered, and those were bottom of the barrel to say the least.

Raw Justice features an amazing cast of low budget character actors that are sadly squandered on a sloppily written script, cycling through countless chase scenes that act more as time fillers than to progress the story, a soundtrack that consists of two songs played ad nauseam, and a script that's simply lazy in terms of progressing the story in a nonsensical manner.

David Keith stars as Mace, an ex-cop hired by the New Orleans Mayor to tail the recently bailed suspected murderer of his daughter (and Mace's former girlfriend).  Unbeknownst to Mace he's caught between a power grab as the Deputy Mayor is attempting to overthrow the current regime and take control.  Mace teams up with Mitch (Robert Hays), the man he's been hired to tail, to find the real murderer when it becomes blatantly clear someone is out to frame them both.

I'll admit it I'm not a connoisseur of direct to video releases, so the sloppiness of the story may be par for the course.  And to be clear I'm not referring to the overall camp of the film but transitions in the story which are simply cop-outs for coming up with a feasible way to progress the story.   For example the second chase scene which features Mace chasing Mitch on dirt bikes for about five minutes through shopping malls and downtown New Orleans only to lose him by flipping over a car.  Sounds reasonable up to this point, until Mace returns home and finds Mitch in his house waiting for him at gunpoint!  What are the odds that the guy who was running away from you because he thought you were trying to kill him (and has no idea who you are, not to mention where you live), would run into your house and magically find a gun no less! 

Or at the end of the third chase scene when Sarah (Pamela Anderson) is trying to escape two goons chasing after her with Mace on the hood of a car.  Of course the most logical thing to do after a chase scene is allow the stranger who stole your clothes at the beginning of the film, and whose now put your life in danger, to let him strip you down and lick your entire body!

As a whole Raw Justice is a film that has a few good ingredients such as a decent cast and average premise, it's the execution and the flow of the story itself that's poorly done.  David Keith is an excellent casting choice as Mace the off-the-rails ex-cop with a lot of wit and an itchy trigger finger, but sadly that's about as good as it gets.  The film starts out entertaining, but about 20 minutes in you start to see a pattern, which always starts with a chase scene, and begins to feel more like watching the story-line to a side scrolling video game.

As for Pamela Anderson her character really serves no purpose in the film.  From the promotional pictures you'd think she's some bombshell detective whose working with Mase to solve the case.  Nope.  She's a prostitute whose clothes he borrowed at the very beginning of the film to trick and catch a guy who skipped probation.  She doesn't appear again until about halfway through with basically the sole purpose of providing a couple extremely forced nude scenes that are setup so poorly they make those in erotic thrillers look good.  Let's be honest here, if you're watching this for the sole purpose of Pamela Anderson's ten to thirty second topless shots you're wasting your time.  

Overall, Raw Justice leaves a lot to be desired.  More Pamela Anderson, and less repetition would have greatly helped.  Swapping Anderson in the role of the dead beat ex-cop and making Keith the suspected murderer would have made things more interesting.  While Robert Hayes is a decent actor the premise that the daughter of the Mayor of New Orleans would have even gone on a date with him doesn't fly, get rid of him and put Pamela front and center.  It was clear this film was not meant to be taken seriously so why waste the best asset(s) this film has with so little screen time?  In the end, if you want a good ridiculously campy film starring David Keith and a playmate (in this case Kathy Showers) I'd suggest the much more entertaining The Further Adventures Of Tennessee Buck.

4/10

Sometimes delving through the past of some of your favorite actor's early roles leads to discovering some gems you never knew existed.  Hell Drivers is one of those films, Sean Connery's third role in a large scale motion picture.  While Connery doesn't play much of a role in the story, the film itself is an enjoyable blend of action, comedy and drama, a true diamond in the rough of 1950's British cinema.

Hell Drivers stars Stanley Baker as Tom Yately, a mysterious character who procures a job at Hawlett Trucking Company as a driver.  It's an interesting position that thrives on competition and speed.  Drivers are paid four shillings an hour and seven shillings a load (truck load of gravel), a minimum of twelve loads are required a day or the driver is fired.  Speed is the key, the faster you drive the more loads you can carry in a day, the more loads you carry the more money you make, and the person with the most loads receives the prize of a solid gold cigarette case.  But to win the gold you have to defeat the leader, the road foreman named Red (Patrick McGoohan), who drives truck number 1 and keeps all the other drivers at bay with his 18 loads a day.

Tom makes a couple attempts at breaking Red's record but quickly discovers there's no rules in this competition, anything goes for Red and he'll do whatever it takes to hold onto that record.  Tom quickly becomes an outcast among most of the drivers as he seems to shy away from confrontation, it seems to be linked to his rather shady past that's revealed later in the film.  But Tom does manage to make friends with one driver named Gino (Herbert Lom).  Gino has high hopes of moving back to Italy and taking his girl Lucy (Peggy Cummins) with him.  Lucy is the secretary at Hawlett Trucking, but she's hardly Gino's girl, in fact she's quite attracted to Tom, although Tom shies away from getting involved with the girl his good friend is seeing.  But eventually things begin to spiral out of control as the other drivers begin to make life miserable for him, and Lucy won't stop throwing herself at him.

At first Hell Drivers might not sound like much of a film, speeding around on the back roads of Europe hauling gravel, but as the film progresses the story beings to evolve into quite an interesting and exciting drama.  Other than Sean Connery and Patrick McGoohan, I've never heard of anyone else in this film, but they all give good performances.  Top performances go to the two main characters played by Baker and McGoohan.  Baker does a great job playing a rather reserved character with some secrets and McGoohan plays a very convincing arrogant nemesis.

Overall, I found Hell Drivers to be pretty unique, thrilling and interesting.  The film's first and last twenty minutes are by far the best, as the beginning is extremely funny and does a nice job setting up the basis of the story and the conclusion is very dramatic, nicely wrapping up the film with quite a few twists.  It's not a perfect film, but it's not too often I watch a seemingly unknown black and white film and can really get into it.  If you can get your hands on this I recommend checking it out, it's well worth it, especially for fans of this era of cinema.

8/10

Ostinato destino (Wayward Destiny) is reminiscent of an adult version of The Parent Trap, starring Monica Bellucci in a dual role of good and evil twin sisters Marina and Angela who attempt to pull a temporary switcheroo leading to wild hijinks and unanticipated romance.

The story begins with the death of a wealthy woman named Carolina Rambaldi, who throws her ungrateful children a curve-ball during the reading of the will when conditions are imposed upon the disposition of the inheritance.  The stipulation is whoever is married and has a child within a year and a half will gain control of all her assets.  But all three of her children don't seem to have much chance of meeting those requirements anytime soon.  Marcello is an incredibly lazy ladies man, Lucrezia is incredibly bossy and men are not attracted to her, and Cesare is gay and malicious. 

The one with the best shot of obtaining the inheritance is Marcello who happens to be young and good looking, "lucky" for him he runs across Marina (Monica Bellucci) whose about to jump off a bridge to her death (undoubtedly all part of a plan to con some sorry sap).  In an attempt to stop her Marcello topples over the railing and is lucky to end up with only a minor concussion, but finds himself enthralled by the stunning Marina.

Marina is the text book definition of a "gold digger", in the extreme sense of the word.  She's not interested in Marcello until she see's where he lives and learns that he needs to be married to obtain his inheritance.  Upon learning this she eagerly agrees to marry him.  After they're married she tries multiple times to kill him in an attempt to acquire his wealth. On the one occasion she almost succeeds then she learns that he's still not eligible to receive the inheritance until they have a child.  With that knowledge Marina turns up the heat in the romance department, only to be disappointed when she has a miscarriage.  

Her twin sister Angela tells her about a clinic in Germany that specializes in embryo transplants, Marina decides to go and have the procedure, requesting her twin sister take her place so that no one learns of what she's doing.  Angela agrees unaware of Marcello's growing fear of Marina and the fact Marina might be even more conceded and evil than Marcello's brother and sister who have been making their own attempts take out Marina before she can have a baby.  But when Angela takes her place Marcello witnesses a whole new side of "Marina" and actually begins to fall in love with who he believes to be his wife.  And things get even more interesting when it appears Angela is falling for him as well, then Marina returns...

Ostinato destino is a rather odd comedy yet the inclusion of Monica Bellucci in dual roles that are polar opposites of one another make it fairly enjoyable and help showcase that she has some acting ability and isn't simply eye candy.  She does an outstanding job making you despise Marina and love Angela, definitely a challenge to portray two different types of characters in one film.  Critically and financially the film was a failure, yet I found the overall camp of the film and Bellucci's role more entertaining than her previous projects.  The only real criticism is the last 15 to 20 minutes get really bizarre with one of the main characters getting blown up, an embryo in a sphere is tossed down flights of stairs and Bellucci in a Snow White costume is chased by a man in drag wearing a witch costume...  those Italians have an interesting sense of humor!

7/10

What could possibly be worse than waking up and not knowing who you are, where you are or what's going on? Well probably all those combined with being half naked in the padded room of a deserted mental institution, with a shadow creature hunting you down... that could be worse.

Shadow Puppets is made up of a substantial cult cast of TV actors, Jolene Blalock (Star Trek: Enterprise), James Marsters (Buffy The Vampire Slayer), Tony Todd (Candyman) and Natasha Alam (True Blood).  The story opens up introducing the characters as they awake to find themselves imprisoned in an abandoned mental hospital. The catch is they don't remember anything prior to waking up and the condition of their "prison" seems to suggest anyone who might have been running the establishment are now long gone, or worse... dead. But these individuals are not alone, a demonic dark shadow stalks them among the corridors, and they must join forces to find a way of escape before they all die!

Shadow Puppets is a small step above SyFy Channel original quality, but what really surprised me is it doesn't end up being the typical awful direct to DVD horror film I expected it to be. With no scares and limited blood, this film really ought to be regarded as more of a supernatural thriller, than horror, but it does share an affinity for horrible dialogue and extreme nonsense that come with the low budget horror genre.

What Shadow Puppets does best is setup a descent twist at the end that I wasn't expecting. Does it make a whole lot of sense...not really... but I have to give the writers credit for trying and compared to the majority of the film its by far the best written part.  Most of the film is littered with poorly written dialogue and character assumptions, like Marsters' tells Jolene to take her clothes off because the monster will be less attracted to them if they're in their underwear! This "logic" is repeated several other times throughout the film but never seems to prove very accurate and only serves as an excuse to get Jolene back in her underwear (which I'm not complaining about).

Overall, I found the little over 90 minute run-time to move quite fast and Shadow Puppets turned out to be a pretty decent direct to DVD horror (or thriller) which probably finds most of it's highs in Jolene Blalock and model Natasha Alam walking around half the film in their underwear (with Alam, who would go onto a brief stint on True Blood three years later, showing a bit more in one scene). Plot wise the story does manage to "shadow" enough mystery that it should also keep you interested the entire time, and while it may be full of campy dialogue and plot holes its not that bad of a film for it's budget and form of release.

7/10

There's a little twinkle of hope for those outcast "night cleanup boys" who spend the lonely nights cleaning large retail store chains around the world. If you're truly lucky you might stumble upon the lovely Jennifer Connelly while goofing off and totally neglecting your responsibilities. Alright...so the chances of that are slim, but it never hurts to dream.

Career Opportunities is a strange film, highly entertaining, yet very strange. The film is centered around a loud mouth 21 year old guy named Jim Dodge. Jim's life is not entirely based on reality because he spends most of his time weaving false stories around town in an attempt to impress people. Ultimately it leads him to get fired from all his jobs (because he doesn't work) and puts him on the fence with his father who is about ready to send him packing to St. Louis. Then Jim gets a job working at Target as a night janitor, and his life takes a turn for the better.

One thing Jim did not expect to find on his first night was the lovely Josie McClellan (Jennifer Connelly), who was locked in the store while contemplating shop lifting. Josie is the daughter of a wealthy real estate owner in the city, but she thinks her father is a complete jerk and has resorted to rebellion and getting herself into trouble as an avenue to embarrass him. The two outcasts seem to hit it off quite well, even though Josie's rich and Jim is poor, they're stuck in similar ruts and sometimes all you need is someone in the same situation to help pull yourself out. Things seem to go relatively well for the two as they waste the night away, until two wanted idiotic thieves spoil their fun.

In terms of 90's "romantic comedies", if that's what this would be considered, Career Opportunities is a pretty bizarre one.  The plot is definitely out there and would maybe be considered a little messy but it's definitely unique.  And the film has it's fair share of recognizable actors in minor roles like John Candy, Barry Corbin, William Forsythe and Dermot Mulroney (as one of the greasy robbers), the laughs are quite frequent, and Jennifer Connelly is completely drop dead gorgeous. The film actually moves quite fast, and I was even a little disappointed when it ended as the ending felt a bit rushed. The acting isn't half bad, and if anything the film is worth watching for the scenes consisting of Jennifer skating around the store and riding the mechanical horse.

In the end, Career Opportunities is a crazy little film most people have likely never heard of. It may not be for everyone but if you're a fan of corny early 90's comedies it's one you should definitely check out. If anything it's a must see for Jennifer Connelly fans and I guarantee after watching this film you'll never look at a mechanical horse the same way again!

8/10

In the opening moments Fatal Conflict appears as if it might hold some promise as a low budget homage to futuristic 1980's sci-fi thrillers with it's trailer style fade in, fade out opening, synthesizer soundtrack, and shots of buxom babes in their underwear polishing green gem stones.  Enter Kari Wuhrer as Sasha Burns an gun for hire sent in undercover to try and sniff out whose been feeding mobster Conrad Nash (Robert De Niro's long lost brother Leo Rossi) intel.  She witnesses Conrad shove some gems down a guy's throat in a hilariously bad De Niro routine because Conrad's crackpot sister insinuates he tried to make a move on her, which is followed by a raid on the installation by the cops and Sasha getting knocked out in the firefight.  If the film was as action packed and campy as the first ten minutes Fatal Conflict would have been something worth watching.

Instead of going down the sexy psychological thriller avenue you've likely come to expect from a Kari Wuhrer vehicle, Fatal Conflict plays out like a bad 90 minute Sliders episode without the help of the supporting cast.  Sasha is sent up to space to stop Conrad from crashing into Los Angeles after he and his sister take over the prison cargo vessel they were being held on following their capture in the raid.  After a quick pit stop to a prison planet which once again seems to be filled with sweaty babes in their underwear, Sasha is off to catch up with the prison cargo ship where she spends the rest of the film attempting to sabotage Conrad's plans.

Fatal Conflict goes from mildly entertaining and amusing to quite boring pretty quick.  Someone missed an opportunity to capitalize on Wuhrer's "will doing anything" attitude during this erotic thriller phase in her career, and at the very least they should have grounded this film and centered it around the prison planet full of women.  Instead Fatal Conflict is a stale low budget action film that looks like it was filmed in the 80's, with a guy who can't turn the bad De Niro impressions off, starring an actress whose real assets go unused in a story Van Damme would likely even turn down.

4/10

In the late 1950's to mid 1960's the sword and sandal genre was a popular money maker especially in Italy where they were churning out gladiator and Hercules films one after the other.  By the 1970's the genre was tapped out and it was not until 1982's Conan the Barbarian, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, that it received a massive shot of testosterone and magic transforming it into a mutated version of the genre come to be known as sword and sorcery.  With this rebirth came a decade worth of Conan style knock-offs all worse or about as bad as the mediocrity of their originator, with one of the first and most revered being Deathstalker. 

Rick Hill stars as Deathstalker, a blonde Conan wannabe, wandering the countryside stealing and killing to stay alive.  He's informed by a local witch of three powers of creation in the form of a chalice, an amulet, and a sword.  She tells him where he can find the sword and that the other two are in the possession of the evil magician Munkar (who rocks a cool scorpion tattoo on the side of his head) who is looking to gather all three himself and become the most powerful magician ever.

As "chance" would have it Munkar is having a competition, pitting the strongest warriors against each other to the death, the winner will inherit his kingdom (which consequently he stole and took the King's daughter (Barbie Benton) prisoner).  The competition is a trap setup for Munkar to thin out anyone who would stand against him once he took control of all three powers.  His hope is to lure Deathstalker to compete, kill him and take control of the remaining power.  But Deathstalker has both brains and brawn and is not easily outwitted.  He stands a good chance in defeating Munkar, gaining all three powers and saving the princess.

While Deathstalker is no masterpiece, the film is not only one of the first, but one of the better Conan knock-offs, and I'd go as far to say more enjoyable than even Conan the Barbarian itself.  Rick Hill was a good casting decision and the best of the three Deathstalker's that appear in the franchise.  While the film has it's share of camp like nude mud wrestling, half men/half boars, and much more, unlike it's sequel it manages to balance out the camp and not become drenched in it.  Like any good sword and sorcery film Deathstalker has a decent amount of skin, notably from Lana Clarkson (who will later be featured in the similar style Barbarian Queen films), and Barbie Benton as the Princess Codille.  With that said the "leading ladies" are grossly underused and relatively pointless to storyline aside from eye candy alone, this is about the only thing the sequel, Deathstalker II, manages to improve upon.

Overall, in terms of entertainment value Deathstalker is an average b-movie yet one of the more solid sword and sorcery films out there, granted this isn't saying much considering most of the films in the genre are carbon copies of each other in terms of plot and execution, so perhaps its simply superior because it was one of the first.  Either way if given the choice between Deathstalker or the film that influenced it all (Conan The Barbarian) I'd easily choose the film with boars, busts and Barbie Benton.

6/10

Labyrinth pours from the amazing mind of Jim Henson, a pioneer of modern day puppetry.  As a child born in the mid 80's and growing up in the 90's I watched Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock, The Muppets, and my personal favorite the 90's sitcom style show Dinosaurs, which to this day is still one of my favorite shows. Labyrinth is definitely worth some of the praise it receives in terms of production value, but as an overall film there are major hindrances which keep this from being a solid classic, at least in my book.

Jennifer Connelly is Sara, a fifteen year old girl stuck between fantasy and reality, she spends most of her free time reciting lines from a story entitled The Labyrinth. Sara's a little bit self involved and takes that out on her step-mother and infant step-brother Toby. When asked to watch Toby one evening Sara becomes aggravated with her little brother who refuses to stop crying, and in a fit of frustration wishes the Goblin King would come take her brother away, and to her surprise he does. Sara attempts to take back her wish but Jareth the Goblin King (David Bowie) refuses to adhere to her pleas, instead he gives her the chance to rescue him if she can adverse through the labyrinth within thirteen hours, otherwise Toby will be turned into one of his goblins.

Production wise Labyrinth is top notch for it's time, and probably only the special effects could be bettered with today's technology, the sets and puppets are all very lifelike and believable which really helps bring the fantasy essence of the film to life. Jennifer Connelly does a fine job in one of her earlier roles, it's certainly nothing amazing but she definitely proves she has some talent at such a young age. But David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King is where I have to begin faulting Labyrinth.

Bowie's acting is horrendous, and his singing isn't any better, that may be due to the fact the musical numbers are borderline awful and Bowie looks like he stepped out of A Flock Of Seagulls music video.  If the strange rock style villain was what they were truly looking for my choice would have been Billy Idol, he has the look and the voice much better suited for such a role.  

Overall, I have to give Labyrinth a mildly average score, casting Bowie as the villain over camps the movie and the songs are so horrible it drags down the enjoyment, and the ambiance of the film, which was quite high when neither was around. Also don't expect much of a story, Labyrinth bases it's entire plot on meeting the next unusual character and progressing through to the next scene, it's something that could go on indefinitely. When it comes to a darker style of film like this in the 80's I recommend The Neverending Story, or Return To Oz over this, but if your a hardcore Jim Henson or David Bowie fan you might find it more enjoyable than I did.

6/10

A team of giant insect aliens arrive to Earth on a mission to scout out the usefulness of the human species before their fleet arrives to takeover the planet.  They have three days to figure out how to telepathically control the humans into becoming their slaves or else they will resort to wiping out the species and siphoning Earth's resources.  To do this they transfer their consciousness into artificial human beings, transport down to the planet and retrieve four humans to run a series of tests on.  What they fail to account for is the natural human response of survival and that by provoking them they have no chance in discovering the key to controlling them.

The Advanced Guard is your typical Sci-Fi Channel film (before they became "hip" and started calling themselves Syfy).  There's nothing special here, it's mediocre at best, and the most noteworthy feature is they managed to sucker James Avery (Uncle Phil from The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air) to join the cast as the most accomplished actor.  The film must have failed so badly on TV, that for it's video release they opted to trickery by changing the title to The Colony, mocked up a fake Terminator style image for the front cover with a hot blonde, and spliced three separate scenes of Jennifer O'Dell (of The Lost World TV show fame) topless, oiled up and caressing herself in some sort of telepathic alien dream. 

Considering the film opens with one of these "dream" style dreams one would suspect it actually fits into the film's plot, but it doesn't. To add insult to injury Jennifer O'Dell makes no appearance in the actual story-line of the film, making these quite possibly the most obligatory nude scenes ever devised and clearly an after-the-fact addition.  Along with the other bogus changes it's clear these were thrown in to get an R-rating and sell DVD's as the film would have been PG if it wasn't for them.  But it seems to work because you end up watching the entire film waiting for some explanation or appearance from Jennifer O'Dell, which you never get.

4/10

Lost in the annals of the German cult film archives lies the little Swiss "horror" Sukkubus - den Teufel im Leib translated Succubus The Devil In The Body.  Sometimes the most obscure films can turn out to be hidden gems, unfortunately that's not the case here. In short Sukkubus should be re-titled Hirt - den Teufel in sich (Herdsman - The Devil Within), to have more accurately reflected the content of this film.

Set in 19th century Switzerland Sukkubus follows three cattle herdsmen on their journey in the Swiss alps, Senn (the leader), Hirt (the perverted right hand man) and Handrbub the teenage apprentice.  The film does a fine job of conveying the harsh weather and isolation that would have faced herdsmen on the Swiss alps, opening up with Handrbub witnessing an avalanche and discovering the carcass of a fellow herdsmen packed in the snow and being fed on by birds.  It also does a good job of illustrating the superstitious nature of herdsmen who had their rote phrases and prayers that they would repeat as a way of appealing for protection.

Along the way we learn a bit about the three characters.  Senn is a very gruff by-the-book guy who doesn't tolerate mistakes or fooling around.  Hirt is perverted and only seems to have one thing on his mind, and with no women in the alps he pushes the limits of satisfying his desires, making multiple passes on Handrbub which eventually gets him a much deserved beating from Senn.  He's also the one ultimately responsible for summoning the succubus with some ritual procedures.  Handrbub is kind of a freak himself, getting bizarre pleasures from one of the cows licking his stomach. 

But this is called Sukkubus and is supposed to be a horror film which features a succubus, unfortunately it takes the film a solid forty minutes (halfway in) to even introduce the title character.  The setup begins when Handrbub finds a piece of wood which sort of resembles a face.  He brings this back to camp and this excites horny Hirt who proceeds to assemble a life-sized doll of a woman, but he's quickly stopped by Senn. A few nights later in a drunken stupor Hirt gets the ball rolling again and this time both grown men get into assembling this woman.  As they start dancing around with it Hirt being the horny freak he is takes it too far and starts humping it and magically the doll morphs into the curvy body of Italian model Pamela Prati!

After shocking everyone and a brief struggle it turns back into a doll and they all go about their duties the next day, likely assuming it was all a drunken hallucination.  Yet the succubus appears to Handrbub later that day in the fog and freaks him out, and makes another appearance to all of them again after a huge thunderstorm.  By this time it's clear to them she's not a hallucination, and she begins to taunt them more and more, with Hirt trying to hump her any chance he can get, and the other two trying to avoid and get rid of her because they know she's evil.  Eventually she becomes violent and one by one they struggle to stay alive.

Sukkubus seems to follow a pretty common trend seen in many of these types of films, very little "creature feature" and a lot of filler.  Again the bulk of the scenes involving Pamela Prati as the succubus are limited to the last twenty minutes of the film.  If you can manage to sit through the first hour there's a high chance you'll not care about the fate of any of characters, especially Hirt, so their demise really sparks no sympathy, you'll just be happy there's finally some action and you get to see Prati prancing about. 

There's no denying Pamela Prati is hot, and likely the only reason anyone would know of, or search for, this film.  She's perfectly cast for the role and a couple of scenes, like the one where she drinks milk from a cow's utter, are definitely memorable in her limited film career.  Unfortunately it's a crime how sorely underused she once again is, which was a complaint of mine regarding her role in Transformations where she also played a succubus.  Had she been introduced much earlier in the story, and been given a larger role, it would have definitely made the film more enjoyable, not to mention make it something mildly close to a horror.  As it stands Sukkubus is 90% mediocre drama, with a lot of beautiful scenery, and 10% horror-ish content.  So the ultimate question, is a combined ten minutes (at the most) of Prati running around nude worth sitting through forty plus minutes of very little dialogue and meager character development... no.

5/10