Voni.Isn't.Perfect ??

VoniIsntPerfect.com

2011-09-01T15:32:00.000-04:00

Look, I told you people I am not PERFECT and apparently neither is blogspot. Voni has left the building. But dont fret! I'm taking you VIP's along with me.

I am here ---> VoniIsntPerfect.com

In the meantime Like my Facebook Page

Follow me on twitter: @VoniIsntPerfect

Email Me: Voni.Isnt.Perfect@gmail.com

I am also featured on : Extreme Dreamers

Papa Smurf, Smurfette oh and Let's Not Forget NIGGAH Smurf...

2011-08-12T10:52:00.002-04:00

What do you get when you are bitten by a black fly in the land of the Smurfs?
Niggah SMURF!!! No, seriously.

The Smurfs was my all-time favorite cartoon as a young girl. Growing up there were 3 televisions in the entire house and of course I was stuck sharing with my older sister, commonly known back then as "Mean Ole Troll." Every saturday morning I'd watch the Smurfs faithfully while my sis huffed & puffed patiently waiting for her turn to switch the tube to a program I had no desire to see but was forced to watch anyways.

In my mind, I was Smurfette. Don't judge me.
Yes I know she was the only female amongst a male dominated village and that presumably makes her a heaux. However, if I'd identified with anyone Smurf-else you'd probably think I had gender issues. So yea Smurfette it is. Now imagine how nostalgic I became when I found out there was a remake coming to a theater near me. Thank God for that fandango app on my phone. Instantly nostalgia transformed into a state of shock. In the aisle of one of the biggest toy stores in America there it was ...

Is that what I think it is??

If you are familiar with the figurines given out by McDonalds in a Happy Meal, you'd know that the Smurf's pseudonyms are written on the bottom of their feet. As if we couldn't tell the one with the books in hand is Brainy Smurf. But what is the name of the only Black Smurf seemingly so angry gritting his teeth, with his arms outstretched ready to grab something up?

Niggah Smurf!!!

Oh please believe it gets worse. The black smurf was born blue just like everyone Smurf-else however; he was the unfortunate Smurf out of the bunch to get bitten by a random black fly. Immediately after getting bitten, he is infected, his skin turns jet black, he becomes stupid and with his arms outstretched he sets out to infect the rest of the population with his "blackness." Hmmmmm

As my sister and I exit Toys R Us, we can't help but laugh at how blatantly racist this all seems. Its almost like we are making jokes in hopes that it is just that. A joke. Amongst ourselves we take it to another level, blaming every "incident" that happens to us thereafter on race whether it be racist or not.

Incident #1

Did the hostess at P.F. Changs sit us all the way in the back of the restaurant nearest the kitchen because we are the Niggah Smurfs?? If so, thats some Niggah Smurf ish....

Incident #2
Upon entering the Mickey D's drive through window the employee asks if I'd like a toy for a boy or a girl. My reply...Can I have the Niggah Smurf, please?. Alright, no this really didn't happen. But could you imagine if I had?

All in all, I declined to go see the The Smurfs: 3D; however have you seen it yet? Did Niggah Smurf have a cameo? Do you think, Im over rationalizing the black x blue racial innuendos? What are your thoughts?

I Lost the Only Girl in the World that Know Me Best

2011-06-21T22:07:00.002-04:00

i tend to offer my readers words of advice and/or encouragement based of off my experiences that may seem to have a not so happy ending. But i implore you to look at the page as half full not empty. Life is hard. Love is hard. God is Hard.. Do you see where i am going with this? With out adversity there is no Happily Ever After....

May 18th 2011. I never questioned God. I looked up into the ceiling of the hospital and I couldn't fix my lips to ask God Why Me??

Eight and a half years ago I got a strange call from my sister. Away at school she never calls. Something was up. She eludes to the fact our Mom is sick with Breast Cancer. The irony to this story has much to do with the time line. She had already gone through a huge surgery - mastectomy of the infected breast. Mom was in recovery and wanted to know if anyone has told me of the news- furthermore how bad was I taking it. A parent of two beautiful daughters my mom spoiled me even during the most rotten teenage years. My sister got that type of love from our dad. This is not to be misconstrued as favoritism its just how it went. At the sound of my sister's trembling voice my heart crashed and my body did the same. I remember the day as if it were yesterday. The horrifying flashbacks still replays in my mind like a horror flick.

Eight beautiful years after she'd endured chemotherapy, radiation, a third grandchild, her hair growing back thick & long loss of her longstanding job just to be re-hired somewhere else as a Patient Navigator to aid in Cancer prevention (Gods plan) - it came back. Only this time it mastesticized to her liver. Hope slowly slipped away from me.

Anyone who goes through any form of cancer at least once deserves to be proclaimed as Strong a Fighter... Mom is all of this and more. She rarely complained, she refused to stop working, she suffered double doses of chemo every other friday, she saved her locs with hopes of returning to the same hairstyle soon as she won this battle. She believed in her heart of hearts that this battle would be won again; I on the other hand got a message from God.

Love your Mother like there is no tomorrow. Hug her every day as if it is the last. Talk with her so that you may replay the sound of her voice as if it were an unforgettable tune. And most importantly learn to pray. Pray for strength. Courage. Wisdom. Understanding.

For years I'd harbor anger towards her for not letting me hold her hand the first time she went through this. Why didn't she let me be there for her when she needed me the most? It wasn't until recently I asked God to take this selfishness from me. All of that didn't matter anymore. More energy should be spent helping her reach her normal self although she silently insisted we treat her as if she were as healthy as she were before Cancer invaded our lives.

The day my mom left this earth she was surrounded by her immediate family- my dad, my sis and I. As her breathing became unsteady and her blood pressure dropped so low it was undetectable; it was if all the tears we'd held in for the past week finally overflowed onto our cheeks poured out from our souls. In unison. I don't know if it were tears of sadness. More like the kind of tears you shed when your heart misses someone. I missed her those last few days suffering in the hospital bed. I missed her at the moment she left. I missed her the morning I couldn't zip the back of my dress. I will miss her when I walk down the aisle without her. I miss her the most when I cry at night. I will always MISS HER....

Out of all the posts I will ever write based on love & relationships.... If I never find a companion who will say I do... I won't complain. The love I have for MY MOTHER is what measures up to TRUE LOVE....

Luv'n You is like a Battle.. We Both End Up with Scars..

2011-06-17T13:51:00.002-04:00

"give me back the Daytons I put on....

The tinted windows I paid for.....

The money I put into the engine
and the brakes!" - Baby Boy

Love is a crazy thing. Especially when you know it's over. What is the right way to tell someone you've been loving that the end is here. Essentially you don't want to sound cliche by saying " Let's be friends" even though that sentiment might very well be the most geniune. Think about it. Wouldn't you rather be slapped in the face than your honey tell you they're ready to drive you curbside to the "Friend Zone." But what if the shoe were on the other foot? What if you were the one who had to break it off? I've been on both sides of the fence and neither one is easier than the other. Some things just have to be done.

Love is a crazy thing. I always like to reference my relationship box. As explained in previous posts, it is an imaginary box that is filled with real-life B/S that I've chosen to forgive for the sake of the relationship. Eventually this box gets filled to the top. Some choose to disregard the maximum capacity limitations you've orginally set upon the box and hit reset. I don't suggest you do that too often or there is no point to the box at all however; I am not here to judge. If there were a way for you to see what's actually in this box I'd probably be embarassed. Good thing Voni.Isnt.Perfect is a JUDGE FREE-Zone
Read more.

I tend to you use the word "ABUSE" quite frequently when speaking on my firm stance on how one should be treated in a healthy relationship. Constant name calling, hitting, smacking, spitting, biting (all commonly referred to now as Chris Brown & Rihanna) are all obvious signs of abuse. That is not what I meant. I can recall during a break up moment when a signifcant other deemed it necessary to ask for a return of all the gifts given during the relationship. Abuse. Telling me how many other women would love to be with you as if you are the be all end all. Abuse. Ladies & Gentleman don't get this type of behavior confused with fighting for the one you believe is the love of your life. It is abuse. It is hurt, sadness, and a slueth of other similiar emotions gone haywire. If you love something let it go. If it comes back then you know.

It is understandable everyone cannot be capable of such strength. Here is another way you can fight for your loved one. Send a card with a happy memory you both shared. Not to be confused with a barrage of 2 dozen long stem roses with endless paragraphs on the pros and cons of being together. See abuse. Give him/her some space to think - to reflect. If this doesn't warrant the reaction your looking for; if he or she doesn't run slow motion back into your arms. Then atleast you have your dignity. You can safely say you've tried and lost but atleast you've tried without making a fool of yourself.

Offended Much?

2011-04-21T14:15:00.003-04:00

It is certainly very difficult to write about my relationships or any details of my life without first thinking "Will so & so be offended?" Or more importantly should I even care in the first place. For the most part I mean no harm. As you should have already gotten Voni.Isnt.Perfect nor do I claim to be. My blog is an avenue to display my thoughts for the sheer entertaintment of those who can respect it as such. Now with that out of the way.... I need to get some things off my chest.

At the ripe age of 29 I've been in about three longstanding relationships one of them I have the pleasure of holding on to for 3 long years. Oh wait- 4 relationships. Where are my manners? All except one concluded with mutual understanding. It was time. That particular one I have been gracious enough to learn alot about myself. Atleast enough to know what I want out of my next relationships. What I will NOT tolerate etc.

Never have I ever had to explain my every move to my partner. If it were a trip to the supermarket, the nails salon, or to the bathroom- I never had to do it. Unfortunately in my latest relationship, this is what was required of me or else it landed me in the dog house. Is this some sort of ego trip? Am I just used to being a little more independent when it comes to my whereabouts? I really have no desire to date my parent especially at my age however; in putting the shoe on the other foot - Am I just not GETTING IT??? In hindsight, I think it has more to do with CONTROL - gender role play. Yes, I want someone to be the provider. Yes, I am all about security, decisiveness, and a partner who is aggressive. However; there is a fine line between that & abuse.

Some other things Voni will not do or tolerate when in a relationship with YOU!

1. Cook because you think it is "my job" as your GF - this is the best way to get you Cereal & warm milk. Seriously, this is something that should be expected of a wife and even then a wife needs some sort of reprieve. Plainly put, if you can get the milk for free, why buy the COW!

2. Laundry - see above

3. Choose between You & My Friends - If this ultimatum ever comes up, you are in a LOSE LOSE situation. No, I'm not the one to run to my girls every time there is a disagreement; however due to the longetivity of any of my friendships a telephone call in the middle of the night from anyone of my girls will be heavily contemplated....

4. Loan you money - Never look to Voni to borrow large sums of money for any reason. There is something unsettling about my significant other relying on me when it comes to anything monetary. Especially when said amount is not paid in a timely fashion. This is where Voni goes from being your loving girlfriend into your angry PIMP!!! See also: Co-sign on a car, add a line on my cell phone etc.

5. Anything sexual that involves another party. Don't ask. Ain't doing it. The end

6. Wait - My future goals and accomplishments should NEVER be dependent upon whether you approve of such things - or not. This is a rule You should follow as well. Often times I've passed up an opportunity because my S.O at the time was uncomfortable. Where is the opportunity now? Long gone and so is S.O!!

7. Stroke ya Ego - My job as your GF is to HELP pick you up during the times when you are down. This should not be confused with using me to give out willy nilly affirmations and reassurances just for your sheer enjoyment. That is not only tiring but abusive!!! How is it abusive? If you need me to continiously tell you that "LIFE WILL GET BETTER", "No BABY, YOUR SHAPE UP IS FINE, DONT BE SO HARD ON YA SELF, every minute of the day - it means you have little to no confidence within yourself, leaving no room for me in our relationship. It ain't all about you!

8. Talk about Marriage or Moving In. - I don't have any interests in conversing about hypothetical future situations. If you are really serious about either one, make sure you have a ring ready to propose and/or a lease in hand!!!

9. ~~No Friends/No Job/No Hobbies or Goals~~ - Consider yourself un-dateable. Not having the aformentioned makes for a needy S.O. by default. I definitely don't think its done on purpose but consequently if this is YOU of course you are going to want to spend every waking minute with me.. You have absolutely nothing else to do. Unfortunately,this is a turn-off. BBM not interested face.

10. Tit for Tat - This is one of my biggest pet peeves. Be accountable for your own actions. That spiteful crap will get you in way more trouble than you bargained for. Nothing more annoying to me than if I unknowingly do something you despise and you turn around try do it to me to try and prove a point. USE YOUR WORDS!!

I can go on for days however; at the risk of looking like Chilli of TLC ... I for lack of better words am going to CHILL!

Voni V.I.P

Feature Fridays: : CHYNA of Dollhouse Cosmetics

2011-04-08T15:23:00.002-04:00

As of late, I've developed a slight addiction. Makeup. Now, I know this new found addiction is getting out of hand because I find myself skipping out on lunch just so I can spend quality time with my self-elected makeup artist at the MAC counter. ((Her name I will NOT reveal. I DO NOT LIKE TO SHARE!!))

Around the time of my birthday I discovered that you can get your whole face painted if you talk a hot cup to one of the employees at the counter.

Excuse me miss... Can you teach me out to enhance the arch in my eyebrows??
Oh and while your up there, is it possible for you to apply these fab eyelashes?
It is my birthday today and I wanna look Hot.

Before I knew it my whole entire face was BEAT...

Unfortunately this is against policy so this may not work for everyone. I've gotten a couple of
Hell Nos & Misss We have a tutorial class for $50 next month if your interested.
Yea, ugh Pass!

So V.I.Ps if you're not as daring as I to try your luck at your local makeup counter, let me introduce you to Chyna of DollHouse Cosmetics

Name: Chyna

Age: 26

Name of Company Occupation: Dollhouse cosmetics/makeup artist

Three Words to Describe Yourself: Driven, creative, fabulous

What's one thing you want people to know about you: Every women should experience makeup

Advice you'd like to share: Live thru your colors your makeup should be a reflection of your personality... Get some GLAM in ya life

Twitter: @GlamMeUpChyna

Email: MakeupbyChyna@gmail.com

FASHION-ME-STA

2011-04-01T15:07:00.001-04:00

Fashionista: self-proclaimed. Credible terminology if not abused: see Bling, Pretentious. Imaginary. N/A

Fellow blogger over at Life & Times of a Stylista and I banter back and forth just a little about the over-usage of the word fashionista. Everyone is a fashionista. My Great-Aunt Pernease faithfully watches BET and guess what.. she too claims to be a fashionista. While I encourage freedom of expression whether it is via an editorial piece, through a mere opinion, or by the style of clothing you wear; I just dont think sporting the Black Labels defines one as such. As a matter of fact, I hear red-bottoms are extremely painful. I know for a fact True Religions jeans are not made for petite women with fat butts, and while I do have an LV bag I'd rather have the ability to eat at night before I go broke buying another just to keep up with the Kardashians!!! If your spending habits exceeds your need to EAT, the life of a FASHIONISTA just doesnt add up.

This is me on my FASHION-ME-STA ish...

DAY

NIGHT

Oh! The Lady Gaga MAC lipglass is uber-yummy. I've gotten so many compliments on my lips from men & women.

What do you think?

Here ends my stint on Fashion, cuz Voni aint on it like that...lol

I'll leave that up to Life & Times of a Stylista

THE GAME : SEASON FLOP

2011-04-01T12:50:00.003-04:00

After watching Season 3 faithfully, I had been convinced that The Game's producer Mara Brock Akil put the storyline of my life on blast for all the world to see. I could relate to Melanie's character so well I almost experienced an emotional breakdown when I found out Derwin cheated with Janae and even worse had gotten her pregnant. How could this good-looking charming man be so ...so much like my ex? Sure enough Mara & Kelsey Grammar were somewhere in Brooklyn hiding in the bushes with a pen and pad writing down my experience with the man I had loved unconditionally. A man who had promised me the world only to find out the heartbreaking news that he had gotten his jump prego! Yep, I was TEAM MELANIE. At this point The Game was truly painful to watch. Thoughts of given up my addiction crossed my mind several times but of course I followed through until the end of the season.

Two years later highly anticipated Season 4 premieres on a new network (B.E.T.). I guess its fitting that a predominately African-American show gets put on Black Entertainment Television however; we all know any and everything B.E.T. touches goes to sh*t. Nevertheless, I put my preconcieved notations behind me and hoped to the man above B.E.T. didn't eff this up. The first episode aired with a whole lot of drama. Too much for the time slot of a half hour. It left me a confused. Although I wasn't too happy, I tuned in the following weeks praying it would get better. Just like a roller coaster it had its ups & downs; however Mara why didn't we just stick to the script? Why is Tee Tee talking so much? Who decided it was a good idea for Kelly to cut her hair and gel-it-to-hell??? Jason is still my favorite character and for the life of me I cannot get "Dip N Pitts" out of my head but now that he quit his job and is a single father, where do we go from here Mara?

In the blink of an eye the season finale is here, which makes you wonder why was the show only contracted for so few episodes. No wonder all the storylines seemed rushed. I know for a fact I will NOT be glued to my flat screen next season because honestly I could care less. If it gets interesting, which I doubt, I can pretty much wait for a quiet Sunday afternoon when B.E.T. will air all of the episodes back to back, all day, non-stop.

Feature Fridays: Can't Deny Talent

2011-03-31T22:15:00.003-04:00

This is the first installment of Feature Fridays where I share with you uber-talented people I have had the pleasure of meeting. With that said...

Check out the Re-Introduction from Poca the Papergirl's forthcoming project entitled My Clocc My Time.
Video directed by John Shotti and Maniac

I've been a fan since college and that was -_- years ago!!! Love her style and her flow???
Need contact information?? Send me an email or leave a comment.

Sleepless in Brooklyn???

2011-03-23T10:53:00.000-04:00

Yes ladies and gentleman, I've caught the lazy bug once again. I don't know how to shake it. Writing & reading are my two most favorite pastimes yet I cannot find the time to consistently do both. Between work, friends & family, life and this finicky weather (yes I am blaming Mother Nature as well); there are not enough hours in the day. Malcolm Gladwell says the key to success is to commit 10,000 hours to your craft. Diddy boasts of sleepless nights. Remember Damon Dash's reality show, Ultimate Hustler where the mantra was Hustlers Never Sleep? How is that even possible???? No sleep means I'm irritable. There are terrible bags under my eyes. Most important my mind goes blank. I'm a walking, breathing ZOMBIE. Clearly there is a way. I've read countless blogs & bios of women especially who have numerous children, pets, a full-time job, hobbies and travel all the time. With that said, I decided to reach out Carrie Pink: Modern Day Supergirl.
In such awe of her accomplishments I decided to ask her:
Just how is all of this possible?
Check out CarriePink's response here!!

Is Your Dog a Panty Droppa???

2011-02-18T17:04:00.001-05:00

No, this post is not about the infant stage of Love, Lust or Like. It’s about a Puppy. A puppy, who's favorite pastime is NOT just chasing birds, her tail, or eating Spicy Shrimp off my plate when I'm not looking. It’s about a puppy who loves to watch her owner having sex. I've never had a dog so I can't tell you if this is normal or not however; I can say it is weird and amusing all at the same time. For all of you freaks out there who are newly into voyeurism but can't find the perfect person to witness you and your beaux slapping skins - get a dog. (Preferably a small one).

The first time I met Cocoa I instantly fell in love with her and she knew it. It had been a seemingly long day at work so I must have fallen asleep on S.O.s couch. After a couple of hours of deep R.E.M slumber, I awaken to a furry, heavy breathing; wet nose puppy snuggled in my boobies. Weird... Like I said I've never had a dog before and this is the first time we've met; therefore I found it a little strange Cocoa felt that comfortable. *Shrugs*

Upon our second encounter, I happened to be lying across the bed on my tummy, most likely texting, tweeting or sending out emails. I call her over for some puppy play, giving her hugs and roughing her up a bit however when puppy playtime was over Cocoa decided she would catch her second wind on my butt.   *bbm HUH? face* Is it a coincidence Cocoa always rests on my most prized assets? What goes on in her head as she snuggles on my T & A?

This one night S.O. and I retire to the apartment after a night of great food & booze. Things are getting hot & heavy. I mean clothes are flying everywhere, music is blasting so the neighbors don't know my name, toes are curling...Well you get the point. In the midst of all this activity I get the feeling somebody is watching me.
That some-doggie is COCOA. Front row seat... Just staring with those puppy dog eyes.     S.O. yells at her to get down. She obliges. We continue... Cocoa returns... Again S.O. yells at her to go away and again Cocoa obliges.

After what seems like a couple of hours, I notice Cocoa is quiet - too quiet. S.O. calls out her name but she doesn’t reveal her hiding space. We begin searching under clothes, tables, chairs. No Cocoa.  Where could she be? I check under the bed to find Cocoa big brown eyes staring back at me. What is that she is hoarding next to her?  S.O. turns on the light and as I look closer, Cocoa has her head nestled in what seems to be my PANTIES!!!!!!!
And this right here Ladies & Gentleman is a PANTY -DROPPA!!!!

DATING CHRONICLES: Valentine's Day Cheer

2011-02-15T14:37:00.001-05:00

As I stood on a crowded bus yesterday, a fairly young man and his son politely thugged their way through the Valentine's Day straphangers. The bus was filled with white teddy bears, red roses, and huge arrangements of "V-day Doo Dads" you can purchase off the street for those of you who needed to get a quick gift for your significant other or get put out.
You know who you are.
As the young man gets to the middle of the bus, a woman who is obviously in good spirits offers her seat to the young man's son and explains she is getting off the next stop.
He replies in a fresh Jamaican accent,
“It is a day of love. I love My Sister, I love MY Mothers and most importantly I love YOU for offering your seat however; I am going to ask that you enjoy it and the rest of your day."
You could hear the smiles on everyone's faces including my own.   This shows how powerful a simple gesture or an act of love from a stranger can be. I thought this for all of two minutes until an evil woman exclaimed,
"There is absolutely no love in this world. All of it is FAKE... VALENTINE'S DAY SUCKS!!!!
Of course, this woman was without a teddy bear, candy or balloon.
Hmm I wonder why?

Interesting enough my Valentine's Day Weekend had the same reoccuring theme. What’s up with the Valentine Day Scrooge's this year??? V-day is not just another day to buy expensive gifts, dining at unbelievably crowded restaurants, or anything of the such. It is day set aside to recognize the ones you care about with simple acts of love. It just grinds my gears to hear people say that they HATE Valentine's day. Yes, everywhere you turn there is a store or television commercial that takes Valentine’s Day put on a plate and shoves it down your throat. But if you celebrate Christmas, Hanukah, or even your birthday you should be used to it already!!
A message to you V-day Scrooges: Crawl under a rock somewhere until February 15th...

The plan this night is to celebrate at a nice restaurant. Indeed, I am late as usual.
I feel like if I am always late it should come as no surprise - I am sorry I don’t do it on purpose. Of course, I get in the slowest cab in America to the S.O.'s apartment and while in the cab I came to the conclusion that if I stay in this particular cab we will never make it to the city this year. So I hopped out and S.O. hails a renegade cab off the street.
Pause...
Let me explain the term Renegade Cab. This type of cab driver has no morals, will drive across a four lane street without signaling just for a fare and well... sit tight for the rest of the story.
We get in and advise him the best route to the restaurant. He pulls off (of course without signaling) asks us how much do we think we should pay him for the fare. Immediately, he begins to tell us a made-up story about how he is from Colorado and he just moved here to make a living as a cab driver. He's very new to Brooklyn and unfortunately most people get to their destination without paying him.    Although I am not buying his sob story, I take the invite to his pity-party and offer him half of the fare.
He angrily declines.
What do you mean you require the entire fare?!
We haven't even gotten to the Brooklyn Bridge!!!
Calmly I ask him if when he sits down at a restaurant is it customary that he pays for his food before he eats it?
Clearly he didn't take my sarcasm to well because he immediately stops the cab and says he is NOT taking us to the city however; he wants $7 minimum fare for taking us thus far.  At this point S.O. is about to go off.
"Yea, Mr. that is NOT going to happen. We will get out and you can go on your way."
Renegade cab then suggests that he WILL go to the city and asks that we advise him how to get to the bridge from here.
Hmmm... Why the sudden change of heart, Renegade? There must have been some truth to your sob story about how you just moved here from Colorado. But this here is a Brooklyn Girl...I'm on to you.

Renegade pulls off and locks the doors. I signal to S.O. to quietly pull up the lock and I did the same.
"Make a left turn here, please"
Oh hell, no. Renegade makes a right!!!    Again, I signal to S.O. stay calm.
Renegade races to the yellow light but stops for it as it turned red.
DUMMY!
S.O. and I hop out. Renegade is furious. His yelling is inaudible. I can hear something like
"I can't believe you left my doors open.. Biotch!!!"
I can't believe you got me acting all crazy in my 6 inch heels and its VALENTINES DAY!!!

VONI ISNT PERFECT

Twitter is the Devil's Work

2011-02-15T14:34:00.000-05:00

This may come as no surprise to you but.....
Twitter is the Devil's work.
I can't get an educated thought down on a piece of paper with Twitter luming around.
Its a stupid addiction much like cigarettes, biting your nails or popping ya pimples.
As of today, I am no longer apart of the Twitter CULT....

ok Wait.... Don't Quote Me..... lol

Begging for Change

2011-02-04T16:27:00.001-05:00

Every day I ride the 4 train to work, and I purposely try to bury myself in something interesting, to distract me from nuances the NYC subway train rides has to offer. Occasionally, I am interrupted by a male duo trying to raffle off M&M peanuts (never the plain ones), or a dope fiend accompanied by her dope fiend boyfriend; who is so swollen and hocked up on that stuff she doesn't even care that the seat of her pants are split wide the heck open - exposed for the world to see. Im just saying, we live in the age of phone cameras and the medium of social networking.

The funniest character I've come across is a tie between "Train Man" and the "Vietnam War Vet". Both are panhandlers who are a step above putting their filthy caps in your face as u try to ignore their incessant begging. Train Man has mastered the art of imitating the sound you hear as the train doors are closing. In between his impressions he tells a dirty joke or two. Vietnam War Vet immediately steps in the car and begins to sob. He starts off slow and soft and gradually gets louder and louder with absolutely no tears at all. In fact mid-way thru his spiel he looks around to see if he has touched your heart so much that you can't help but reach in your purse for anything... A penny, a nickel, a piece of lint... Something... Oh but beware... Vietnam War Vet will go off if he hasn't reached his train car quota. Pure Comedy... And, no I'm not against helping out anyone who has become down on their luck... Indeed I have given to a homeless woman once before;however I witnessed this same woman dump out a bag of coins into the seat and discard all of the pennies she had collected. Just left them on the seat of the train as if they didn't add up.
Because of this, panhandlers don't really move me....

*Voni V.I.P*

Rules to This.... Follow My Lead

2011-02-02T14:24:00.002-05:00

First blog post in a hot minute and I just have to take a page from the "DATING CHRONICLES edition... I’m still on the market however; I am dating someone really special. I've decided to dip back into the past to catch up with an old flame that deserved another go at it. Not something I normally do but the old flame is HAWT!!! We've decided to take things at a relatively slower pace than normal due to the nature of our past relationships.
In doing so, LIMBO is where we have been up until very recently - you know "NO STRINGS!!"
This, by the way is heavily confusing. No matter which label you decide to use (or no label at all) it MUST be clearly defined… or else all hell breaks loose…

Here is a scenario with different reactions according to the phase of your relationship.

You just ended a wonderful night out on the town with your beau. You share a taxi cab.
The conversation is so engaging you don’t want the night to end.
“Your house or mine?”
Back at the house, the two of you sip some wine, maybe watch a movie and before you know its 3am. He/she insists that you stay a little longer or at least until the sun comes up. Add cuddling and spooning into the mix and the night just became perfect…. Until… You hear a knock on the door.
At first it’s a subtle knock… Your date doesn’t flinch. You’re thinking it was all in your mind.
KNOCK!!!! “Hey I know you’re in there!”

What do YOU DO??!!!

NO STRINGS - YOU’RE JUST CHILLIN…..

If this is where you are in your relationship…. I’d say... Roll the hell over and act like you didn’t hear ANYTHING!!! You guys are just chilling right? This means you have no right to ask or even get mad at the mysterious person at the door just as much as he/she has no obligation to explain.

DATING EXCLUSIVELY……

I had to ask around for the definition of dating exclusively as I have never had the pleasure. I’ve always went from “Just chillin” straight into the commitment phase. To my understanding this stage is when you are very much interested in settling down however; you are uncertain of with who is worthy. Unlike the NO STRINGS phase, here is where feelings are present but you try your best not to let emotions surface. In my opinion it never works. You’re going to get mad… You’re going to feel away. And in regards to whomever it is thinking it’s cute to knock on the door 3am in the morning - well there is nothing you can do at this point either. Flying off the handle is just going to make you look crazy because as it stands you’re only dating right? If this situation ever happens to you, I would wait until the next day or two to iron out some details. Clearly someone forgot to mention something somewhere.
My advice for those of you who are currently moonlighting in this phase is not to stay here too long. The longer you’re in this particular phase the easier it is to act as if you’re committed while using the excuse that you are not whenever you see fit.
Don’t ride the lines or you will get hurt.

COMMITMENT - BF/GF

Like in any other relationship phase, I believe you should treat others just like you would like to be treated. Always put everything out on the table -no surprises. If there is an ex out there who still attached and is bold enough to knock on doors at crazy hours of the night- let it be known. The first time this happens you might get a pass but trust it will go in the “IM THROUGH WITH YOU BOX”* I’d like to think at this point in the game all loose ends are tied up and forgotten about however; there are exceptions to the rule. Messy doesn’t make for great relationships and in the end you will look untrustworthy.

*The “I’m through with you box” is an imaginary box filled with “oh no he didn’t or she betta not try that again!!” To explain further, when in any phase of a relationship especially the commitment phase, I don’t believe that everything is worthy of an argument or a fight. Those that aren’t get tucked away in the box and are filled until you are completely over it. In reality, break-ups are not easy. If you are able to just break-up with your significant other at the drop of a hat then the commitment phase was not for you. The box is my way of justifying why I am leaving you. *giggles*

THE EX
Oh don't act like because you are broken up the thought of doing it one more time never crossed your mind. Indulging in such guilty pleasures is dangerous no matter what the circumstance of the break-up. Consequently, if you are the Ex and the above scenario happens to you. You’ve been played... Get up and Get out NOW!!! Thoughts of getting back together should have immediately escaped your mind... It’s not going to happen.

It is safe to say no matter what label you and your significant other agrees on, the idea of someone knocking on the door at 3am (which is booty call hours might I add), is unsettling. Unfortunately there is someone out there who is unaware of your motives should you be the party responsible for such actions. The overall message here folks is to be clear with everyone. None of the above phases is an excuse to be a jerk.

*Voni V.I.P.*

Dont Let Your Dreams go in Default like a Forgotten Student Loan...

2010-11-30T15:14:00.002-05:00

I realized my dream a little later than I'd expected. In no way do I regret the paths that I have chosen to get here however; it is later than I'd expected. At 28, dangerously close to 29, I thought I'd be a top record exec on a big Music Label. I am not. I dispelled that dream immediately after I obtained my Bachelor's degree with a concentration in Music Business. With various internships at Sony BMG starting from high school, I had a great entertainment resume. But I didn't want that anymore.

I knew I was a good writer very early on when I was asked to forge attendance notes for my friends in high school. In college, i began to write spoken word, performing at various open mics. The idea of writing down my thoughts over instrumentals in front of an audience, who welcomed what I had to say so well, they cried; should be terrifying. For me it wasn't. In one word it was Euphoric. As the story continues, I've made some decisions in my life that caused me to put this dream on hold. I've got responsibilities; I've got real-life issues, circumstances in which a dream needed to be deferred.

Have I gotten it all together? Probably not. I am ready to take this dream head on, cover my eyes and jump over the cliff of the unknown. Hell yea. You won't know unless you try.

Often times, we let our surroundings hold us back. Ever choose a night of drinking with your besties over sitting home to hone your craft? Ever stay up until the wee hours of the morning talking on the phone with your significant other rather than study for a big exam? Ever let someone you love and admire give you advice that is good for them and not you??

A good friend of mine always says "Never let anyone put you in a box. Because they will hold you to it. There is no room for change in a box. A box is where dreams go to die." I am alive and at 28 my dreams are realized.

Here is another quote I'd like to leave you with... Followers are not meant to lead. Leaders are not meant to follow. Lead your dreams because if you choose to follow them they'll forever be behind you.

Like I've said ... writing is my therapy... I wrote this for me...

Voni V*I*P*

Family Over Everything

2010-10-29T16:19:00.008-04:00

My favorite time of the year is when the sun is out, the smell of BBQ resonates through the summer air, frozen drinks are the beverage of choice and relatives you haven't seen during the cold-weather months, drop by unannounced looking for some free air conditioning. We are all guilty of having the family member who may be way too loud no matter the topic of discussion; or had one to many alcoholic beverages and now he/she just has to share just how much they love you; or the one who enjoys the great times we share but always seems to sleep throughout the festivities. Although I am old enough to know all the "family stories" by heart, I am guilty of having my favorite stories retold over and over again. It's all about nostalgia, being able to relive the memories as if you were there yourself.  It is also about being able to laugh at the children my family members once were. Sometimes that one crazy relative allows you to have your own story that must be retold - for laughs of course.

Uncle G is loud all of the time. Morning. Noon. Night.   No matter what the circumstance he is always shouting DAMN!!!!

Let me give you an example.

Its Thanksgiving. The men are in the living room watching the football games, the women are in the kitchen whipping up an elaborate dinner all except for my mom. Weird.
Out of no where, Uncle G screams DAMN!!!!
No one is alarmed. The team he was rooting for has seemingly lost the game and Uncle G is just disappointed or mad. I can't tell. Two minutes later the children run into the kitchen begging for candy or sweets of some sorts. They are turned away by their mothers because dinner is almost ready and their appetites should not be spoiled or all the work putting together Thanksgiving dinner would be in vain.

"But NuNu (my mom) is eating candy over in the corner! Why can't we have some too???"

Two seconds later, M&Ms go crashing, scattered like pinata candy.
The children dive to the floor.

"DAMN!!" - There goes Uncle G.... "DAMN Nunu..You're Busted!!"

Now that I think about it, Uncle G encompasses all the characteristics of the crazy yet well-loved family member. Uncle G is in his 60s yet he doesn't look like a typical 60 year old. His favorite topic of discussion is always family. He believes in his heart of hearts that we are each others best friends and protectors - that's the true definition of family.
One hot day we are sitting on the porch listening to Uncle G rant about how we need to do better as a family unit because we no longer take summer vacations together. The conversation gets heated when my cousin disagrees with him on the basis that not attending costly family trips shouldn't define how much we love each other.   Uncle G gets so heated he screams "DAMN" with so much force his front teeth fall into my lap then on to the floor.   He quickly retrieves them and shoves it right back into his mouth.   We are all shocked. No one knew he sported dentures not to mention the fact that it wasn't securely locked onto his gums.   My great aunt breaks the silence.
DAMN!! G so your not gonna wash that before you put it back in your mouth.
Come on in this house let me clean that for you!!!

- Good Times

Minx & Mani's: Paperdoll Boutique:

2010-10-28T13:50:00.000-04:00

You're never too old to play dress-up

Hey Ladies & some gents, PaperDoll Boutique wants you to tell-a-friend to tell-a-friend to come and enjoy Minx & Mani's TODAY!!!!!
You can't beat this price if you wanted to...trust me!
Oh, and while your at it check out the dope clothes they have to offer.
This is V*I*P*APPROVED!!!!

Aint that some Bull

2010-10-25T15:58:00.004-04:00

Does anyone knees hurt after a night of heavy drinking and dancing?? Ever since 2009 when I ended up in the hospital with 16 stitches on the bottom of my foot from dancing barefoot on tables (channel Coyote Ugly) I get chronic numbness of the toes when I stand in heels for way too long? Tell tale signs of a great night!!!

My good girl friend / name twin celebrated her 25th birthday this weekend. Although she was almost 2 hours late for our reservation at Johnny Utah's (named after Keanu Reeves' character in Point Break)some of us got the party started without her; at the bar of course! If you are unfamiliar with the bar & restaurant Johnny Utah's, it is mainly famous for its mechanical bull perfectly situated in the middle of the venue. The drinks were just O.K. as were the appetizer wings.

Will I ever go back?? Maybe. Maybe not. If I had to give J.U. a V.I.P. rating, it would only receive 3 stars. I understand restaurants being a stickler for rules. I also understand the sheer obsession of EXCLUSIVITY but to have a mandatory BOTTLE SERVICE after 9 pm.@ a bar is ridiculous. I would like to know the type of patrons that dare go in their pockets to spend money on bottles at a place like that. Not to mention, J.U. had three bouncers and a guest list at the door. *confused face* This place must get really busy despite the fact that it isn't particularly easy to find.

Us girls finally got our act together for part 2 of the night. Well, I was on part 2.. the late birds were just beginning and were in a desperate need to catch up! Words cannot describe how much fun we all had. Especially when you NEED pictures to relive the priceless moments. It just proves that women can have drama-free , caddy-less nights... Yesssss they do exist.

To My Late Night Text Receivers - I meant every word!!
To the Birthday GIRLS & guy.... let's do it again NEXT YEAR...

What You Eat Don't Make Me.... Sh*t

2010-10-25T09:44:00.000-04:00

I stated in my first post that I am a chronic blogger and while I have resisted the urge for about 18 or so posts.... I now have 2 blog sites. Why do you need another one Voni? Well, this weekend I had obscene amounts of fun with my girls and upon looking at the pics to reaccount most of the events that went on for the night I noticed that I am getting a little chubby. ~~NO BUENO~~....
With that said, VoniIsntPerfect.tumblr.com is a blog about my eating habits. Hopefully, this will curb my cravings for Old Bay Seasoned French Fries, Double Stuf'd Oreos, Rice, and any other devil related foods. Unfortunately my first post didn't go so well.. I NEED HELP!
Read | Follow | Comment ----> What You Eat Don't Make Me... Sh*t

Willow Smith - Whip My Hair

2010-10-20T21:57:00.003-04:00

If you haven't heard Willow Smith's new single entitled "Whip My Hair" then you will not relate to this post. One of the most catchiest songs in a long time, you will most likely hear grown adults humming this adolescent tune. The minute I listened to this song in its entirety I began to feel a sense of empowerment. Yes I know it's just a song most likely written by a seasoned writer and not Willow herself; however, Willow is who we identify with and you nor I can deny that whomever is behind her is something like a genius. Let me explain.

I recently travelled to the MD/DC area to celebrate my nieces 13 yr old birthday. During my stay I quickly realized that she is indeed at a very impressionable point in her life. Very soon she will be off to high school, where she will have to face boys, the popular girls, puberty and decision-making -if she has not done so already. If I could describe that particular time in my life I'd say it was overwhelming to say the least. Something as simple as picking out the perfect outfit for the day may have resulted in a mental breakdown.

How does this relate to Willow's song? "Whip My Hair" is an anthem for pre-teens and teens growing up in a world where opinions are often given without regard to one's feelings or circumstance. It is a song that suggests "I can do what I want , where what I like, be who I am, un-apologetically. Such a powerful message coming from a 9 year old don't you think? Critics seem to believe that this may be too much weight for a young girl to bear. I think the opposite. Who else can they relate to? Beyonce? Nicki Minaj ? There is something slightly irritating about young girls reciting lyrics that are age inappropriate.

I spent an entire day in the mall shopping with my niece. Intrigued by a 13 year olds sense of style I never once tried to influence her clothing choices. At one point, she picked up a shirt that I particularly didn't care for. She turns to me and says "No one in my school wears anything likes this.... I want it!"
For this I blame Willow Smith.

Voni V*I*P*

White & Black Sexual Negotiations

2010-10-20T09:52:00.001-04:00

Read. Laugh. Joke. Pass it On!!! Oh & Click the Link!
V.I.P. D. R. Bussey is too funny.
Check out her take on Sexual Negotiations between a White Man & a Black Woman.
It Just Comedy People!!!!

Nightlife vs Real Life

2010-10-18T15:29:00.003-04:00

I must admit I couldn't stand to hear people say " You should have been partying when the Tunnel was poppin' or some other old club I was probably too young to get in to. How the times I have changed. I now find myself saying those same words to the youth.
"You should have been around for Etoile, or the Supper Club. They definitely don't have parties like that anymore."

I started going to nightclubs a little earlier than the suggested age of 21. My greatest nightlife memory is of The World nightclub (now the WWE gift shop, I think). My best friends and I stood on this long line like fiends to get in the party so we could catch a glimpse of Nelly in his Vokal attire. At the time, his single was Andale Mami. How did three under aged girls get in the club you ask? My two girl friends have always been mistaken for sisters although they look nothing alike to me; however their plan was to use the same I.D. hoping the security wouldn't notice. Of course he didn't. Me on the other hand, I slipped in through a back door. I had no choice. Passing around the same I.D. THREE times was a great way to get embarrassed and kicked off the line. Not to mention I am short and dark-skinned, the total opposite of the person on the card. Today, that would have NEVER worked!! Security guards are no longer JUST security guards. They also moonlight as Cops equipped with a handheld device that checks identification cards authenticity. Nevertheless we were standing on couches in no time. We finagled our way into V.I.P..... and that began our career. From sneaking into the hottest venues to promoting these same venues & top artists under the promotional moniker of GLAMsquad.

GLAMsquad. A group of women in 2004 who decided we were going to make money from something we loved to do - partying & meeting artists/celebs. Half of the all girl crew was living in Brooklyn while the other half (myself included) attended school in Long Island.   Could you imagine travelling from Long Island to the city, spending all night & morning in the club - to travel back to Long Island just to make it in time for 9 a.m class and do it all over again the next night?   That was the life!! A good party then consisted of dancing all night long non-stop, sweat out perms / outfits, no fights and leaving the club when the lights came on... maybe.

This regimen continued long after we'd graduated college. It was an addiction. One particular night in Brooklyn we made about 12k without any celebrity appearances or radio-related DJs. *along with other female promoters* It seemed as if the possibilities were endless.

Now if you were to ask me the last time I've stepped foot in a nightclub I would have to remember a close friend who may have celebrated their birthday recently. I no longer promote or frequent nightclubs for recreational purposes. So much has changed. It could be that I have matured. The same things that excited me then no longer gets the same reaction now. Naturally people's preferences change and they move on to bigger and better endeavors.   That should be the meaning of life right?

Honestly, I can't get jiggy with the idea that Diddy can pen a rhyme that goes " ..all I drink is my sh*t, Ciroc by the case load" and now you have people struggling to look cool for 2 hours or until the Ciroc is gone. Not knowing that the manager or the owner of the club has ordered the bar maids to sabotage your $200 Ciroc with house liquor. The idea is to get you to buy more liquor at this ridiculous price, meanwhile you have no idea you are drinking Ciroc flavored water.

Photos of the night used to consist of DJs doing tricks on the 1s & 2s; of you and your girls dressed appropriately for the night; you and your boys arm and arm minus the unnecessary "no homo" caption underneath the frames.   Gradually it progressed to unwarranted hate messages in the comment section directed at the persons in the pictures to seeing the same "hood celeb" in all the clubs every night. What about the things aforementioned would entice anyone to hit the nightlife scene?

Behind the scenes is just as ugly. I've witnessed other promoters making deals with club owners to make sure no other upcoming promoters could ever book a club without first going through them. Female promoters are treated unequally and often times struggle to make as much money as their male counter-parts. *but isn't that in almost any industry*

As for the partygoer, there is no real fun to be had in a setting that suggests you stand around in your high end fashion attire hoping no one spills champagne on you should a fight break out. Too many people have lost their lives in nightlife over who has more bottles on their table or street beef that spilled over in to the club scene. Nightlife in my opinion is a dog eat dog world and I am not in the least bit interested in the fight for scraps. Voni V*I*P

Making Strides Against Breast Cancer

2010-10-17T16:18:00.000-04:00

Today marks the annual Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk in Prospect Park. I have been personally affected by this disease for many years, and I am blessed to say my mom, aunt, neighbor & "my Mona" are all SURVIVORS. Thank you to all who has walked & donated in support of loved ones, friends, & family.

Never Leave Home Without It

2010-10-14T11:00:00.002-04:00

In my spare time I do read other blogs, and one thing I've noticed is that I love to know whats in other peoples purses/pockets. Call me nosey blaaaaaaaaahhh!! You want to know too!!!

I can NOT leave home without the Following...

Have you ever left home without your phone?? Has to be the loniest feeling in the world!!!! I will admit I just might be late for just about ANYTHING just to go back and get it.

I love the smell of this lotion. This is perfect for me during the cold weather months because my skin tends to peel. So Annoying..!

Definitely need a good book for the arduous rides on the train. Although the NYC train systems is the perfect place to get material for V.I.P. sometimes I just want to escape the madness. Besides this particular book is therapy!!

You just never know when you will be in need of that good ole polish change. I ~~never use the nail polish from the salons~~. They fill them up with nail polish remover so your manicure ends up being dull and never lasts!!

One of the best gifts I've ever gotten. I renamed this my SPY CAM.. Don't get CAUGHT!!!

Why does the bottom of my bag look like the end of the rainbow???.. I think I can spare some change for every panhandler in NYC.

Always have lip gloss in my bag.. This is another item I would die without. Get Rich Quick by Mac. I also have a DUANE READE brand just in case of emergency...

There has been an on-going debate on whether us ladies should wear these DAILY??? What are your thoughts???

There you have it NOSEY!!! Whats in your purse/pockets???

Voni V.I.P.