By Keesha B.

Last week I attended Black Enterprise magazine’s “Women of Power Summit.” In a word, it was fantastic. It’s definitely one of those conferences that you get out of it what you put into it. So I put myself into it and came away with nine reasons you too should attend this conference next year:

1. 1. The Sisterhood – There’s something special about a group of educated, professional women taking over The Ritz Carlton and pressing pause on their usual daily grind to learn, grow and socialize together. Maybe it’s the spontaneous smiling and hugging or the positive reinforcement and unscripted yet welcomed advice giving. Whatever it was…it was magical.
2. The Sessions – There were plenty of workshop sessions to go around and what was great about them was the variety. Some sessions were appropriate for the new professional woman, while others were more appropriate for the seasoned veteran. Regardless of which end of the spectrum you were on, there was a session for you.
3. The Tweetups – If you’re not familiar with Twitter language, a “tweetup” is an in-person “meet up” of people who follow each other on Twitter. I had the opportunity to “tweetup” with some really cool ladies in the digital lounge including Vanessa/@thepinkboss and Keisha/@KeishaNYCPR. Both ladies are blazing trails as entrepreneurs in their chosen fields.
4. The Entertainment – Evenings at this summit did not disappoint. Two words…Eric…Benet. Say what you want but the man can carry the heck out of a tune! We were also treated to some soul stirring original poetry by several artists including Taalam Acey (@taalamacey) and HBO Def Poet Shanelle Gabriel (@shanelleg).
5. The Entrepreneurs- If you’ve ever thought about making a living off of your true passion, cutting the corporate cord and being your own boss then this is the summit for you. It was encouraging to meet and connect with so many women who had the courage to step out on instinct and faith. Black Enterprise hosts another summit designed specifically for entrepreneurs but this one helps whet your appetite for it in advance.
6. The 40 Under 40 – Speaking of encouraging. It was just amazing to see 40 young women under 40 who are already doing amazing things to advance society and business while at the same time being great role models for others to look to. Special shout out to our very own Vyne Woman to Watch and dear friend, Tamara Nall who was one of the 40 under 40. Shout out also to NBCU/Comcast for sponsoring such a worthy event.
7. The Networking – Debra Langford, who is known for her effortless ability to network (among many other noteworthy talents) led a session on power networking that served to stir everyone up and challenged us to meet….and I mean REALLY meet at least 30 other women. It was a great start to the week.
8. The Retail – Yes, the retail. Between the specials offered by Macy’s and the array of vendors, including jewelry by Cerese D, I had to contain myself.
9. The Inspiration –  All in all…that’s what this summit was…inspiring. It was inspiring to see women at the top of their professional game sharing wisdom with rooms full of other women listening eagerly and intently. It was inspiring to see movers and shakers sharing business cards and chatting through how they can partner together on an idea. It was inspiring to hear stories similar to mine and perspectives I hadn’t thought of. It was inspiring to press pause for a few days with my sisters….

By Jonathan Matthew Butler

In the many incarnations that comprise my dating life I have been many things to many women.  At times I’ve been a good boyfriend but I have also played immature games.  I have been faithful and unfaithful, and I have danced dances of empty promises and left dreams unfulfilled, but when it comes to being my best, not until recently did I know what being my best self felt like before entertaining the idea of being serious with a woman.  I recently wrote to my female friends that, “when a man is ready to be the best that he can be, then he will give you his best.” 

On my own pathway to self-discovery my friend, and recently published relationship author, Kristen Crockett gave me some advice.  She recommended, almost two years ago, that I get two friends together and that we each make a list, for ourselves and for the other persons, of things that we believe we need in a significant other.  She stressed the word need, not want, and we started out sharing up to 10 things with one another.  I continued the exercise on my own and it took me a year to create what I feel like is now a comprehensive list.  I believe my list really speaks to who I am as a person.  The important part is that the list is void of things like physical characteristics and superficial things that we tend to pick up from society, our own shallow egos, and from failed relationships.  For example, my list includes; someone who is thoughtful, someone who respects difference and is open minded, and someone who is versatile, a person who can coexist and be comfortable in different settings and around different types of people. 

Creating lists aren’t for everyone, but there are 3 things that I believe we all must do in order to have successful and fruitful relationships.  When I claimed, embraced, and incorporated these 3 things into my life, I finally felt like I was truly ready to receive what I need in a significant other because I was able to see myself more clearly.

1) Be who you are.

Being who you are means that you have to be secure with yourself.  You have to accept yourself for all of your imperfections before anyone else will.  You cannot love anyone else unless you love yourself first, and you cannot expect anyone to be comfortable and in love with you, if you are not comfortable in your own skin.

2) Get away from the superficial.

Getting away from the superficial means that you stop saying that I want him or her to be tall, to have money, to have a good job; and you start saying, I want to be attracted to my significant other and vice versa.  It is not superficial to say I’d like to be stable financially, but it is superficial to say I’d like a man or woman who makes 6 figures and drives a BMW.  Base your desires on a person’s character not how much they do or don’t have at the present time.  Money comes and goes – money is superficial, but how you deal with money, and people, whether you have it or not is character.   

3) Always trust your instincts.

We get those warning signs that we deny and suppress regularly.  Our body gives us clues that we feel uncomfortable, we get that feeling that something is not adding up, but often times we move forward anyway.  Trust yourself.  A good way to think about it is if it feels natural then it’s probably good, but if you have to think twice about it, then it’s probably bad.

Mature men and women go through a process of working on themselves, and because of this process I am no longer afraid to be courageous when it comes to loving someone; I am more responsible with my actions and my words, and my words and actions align with one another.  Because of this process, I am more honest, true, and loyal; and I know what it feels like to be my best self, and the next woman that I am with will know she is receiving my best.

Wear with neutrals: You can easily balance bright colored denim with beige or white, which draws the eye to the color of the pant. This works well with bright colors as well as muted pastels like sea foam green and pale pink.

Wear with white and a colored scarf: Adding a multi-color scarf with a bright colored pant and solid neutral is a great way to balance the colors.

Color Block: Color blocking will continue to be en vogue this spring. Some of our favorite color combos include electric blue and yellow, gold and purple, blue and green, and yellow and turquoise.

Pair with a pattern: Something that works well is pairing colored denim with a printed shirt. Black and white work really well with colored denim – especially] stripes, polka dots, or animal print.

Most importantly – have fun with it! Check out some ensemble ideas below.

Name:

Hometown: Brooklyn, NY

Current City: Atlanta, GA

Roles you play in life: Mommy, wife, daughter, little sister, auntie, best friend, writer, teacher/mentor, designer

Education: B.A., Political Science Co-Major, Journalism – Emory University ‘00

Occupation: MAC Certified Make-Up Artist, Designer (faces, interiors, jewelry, closets, wardrobes)

Topics you write about: Beauty, fashion, trend, natural hair and skin care

3 words that describe you: ambitious, loving, right-brained

What is your favorite TV show?: Gossip Girl. (It’s set in NYC and the fashion is inspiring!) So You Think You Can Dance

Shuffle your iPod – what’s the first song that comes up?: “Last Call” J. Cole- The Warm Up

What is your favorite travel destination?: I can’t wait to visit Paris!

What beauty product can’t you live without?: Shea butter, African Black Soap, carrier and essential oils (almond, olive, jojoba, lavender, rosemary, bergamot)

Finish this sentence, “To feel more centered I…” Light a candle, Pray, in the bath, while listening to Spa Suite radio on Pandora

Who is your celebrity fashion inspiration?: Tracee Ellis Ross, Iman, Solange Knowles, Blake Lively/Serena Van der Woodson

What is your favorite restaurant?: I love ethnic foods

What words do you live by?: Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. (The Message Bible)

What is one of your biggest accomplishments?: Following my heart and spending the last eight years raising my two boys as a stay-at-home mom. Emmanuel’s 8 and Jordan is almost 4. Graduating from Emory is a close second.

Photo Courtesy of Essence.com

It’s that time of year again ladies. No, not the time for single girls to avoid all Hallmark stores like the plague and certainly not the time for guys to pull the ol’ “I show you how much I love you throughout the year, so why do you need something now” excuse. It’s Galentine’s Day (shout out to NBC’s Parks & Recreation for coining the phrase in their 2^nd season)! So that means whether you’re hitched and planning something wonderful for you and your special someone on Valentine’s Day or single and planning to avoid all conversation of Valentine’s Day, we can all still celebrate Galentine’s Day because don’t we all have fabulous girl friends? Yes! So let’s spend February 13^th (the unofficial/official Galentine’s Day) showing our best girls some love. Here are a few ideas to get you started and let us know if you have other ideas to share:

Wine & Sweets – Pick out a few bottles of your favorite wines that pair well with sweets. Invite your girls to bring over their favorite desserts. You can’t go wrong with cupcakes and a sweet wine like our favorite Columbia Winery Cellar Masters Reisling.

Paint the Town in Red – Hark back to your high school days when it was cool to dress similar to your girls. Instead of the way we used to do it (e.g. wearing the same shirt but in different colors) try having everyone wear one article of clothing in red and then meet out at a vibrant bar/lounge worthy of being the backdrop to you and your fabulous friends.

Movie-thon – If you and the girls are looking for something more casual and low-key, try some good ol’ fashion take out (e.g. pizza) and watch a double header of old or current fun RomComs (romantic comedies). Or, you could go completely opposite and opt for more cynical or even funny anti-romance flicks if you prefer.

Dance Like No One’s Watching – Another casual and low-key idea is to invite your besties over for some dancing fun. You can either make a play list of some current and old school upbeat dance tunes or if you have an xbox, break out your Dance Central and Dance Central 2 games. Mix in some yummy take out and a signature drink for the evening and voila, instant celebration!

By Chiquita Lockley 

As I sit here today, finally free of the elephantile weight I carried for too many years, I know exactly how a cleaned-up crack addict must feel on the anniversary of new life. There’s an unexplainable peace that has come over me, as lightweight and invisible as a saran-wrap cloak. I feel it even now. Thank you Jesus, I survived!

Oprah often says on her show that while many are addicted to substances that completely send their lives into a whirlwind, her addiction to food was no less volatile. I can say on today that my addiction to him had me completely strung out… out of my mind. Out. Those days, months, years were absolutely an out-of-body experience. Yet I remember every detail, every scent, every touch, every word… every wound. I remember it all- the highs that were higher than any height I’d ever known, and the daily chase to recapture that high when the lows tried to swallow me whole. I guess it was like that first hit of crack. I’ve heard it said that one can never achieve the high of that first hit, hence the unending quest to recapture that moment for those trapped by addiction. I feel the same way. I’m not in anyway belittling the very real struggle that many people have with illegal substances.  I just know that this path to recovery that I’ve been on was caused by what I consider my drug of choice- him.

I would like to believe that this love affair, if you can call it that, began with a mutual experience whereby we both felt that kinetic jolt of electricity shoot through our bones as Vanessa Carlton tickled the keys for the first song of what would become “our” soundtrack of life.  Or perhaps it was the late night/early morning chats we had when he couldn’t shake the demons that chased his soul and robbed his mind of rest.  Just maybe it was all of the time and energy that we both put into his dream as if it was “our” dream… That’s what I’d like to believe, but I know that that’s not when it happened. Not really. It happened when he confided his greatest fear and became vulnerable to me without realizing that he’d done so.  It occurred when he was up against the wall and I became that wall. I fell for him when, in the midst of all the drama going on in his life, he’d ask my opinion- genuinely wanting to know what I thought, and then take my advice. It happened on a bus ride in Texas the day that he finally came to terms with my method for loving. That’s when it happened… That’s when I made the choice to not only love him, but to be in love. That’s when I took my first hit, my point of no return.

So for the next few months, I lived in a state of drug-induced euphoria, with each text or call or visit adding to my high.  The people in my life who love me most saw the signs and tried to help, but it’s hard to help someone who won’t admit to having a problem. They saw that he’d cast a spell, and I’d been all too willing to fall under it.  They realized that he was definitely receiving far more than he was giving, since he was giving nothing. And deep down, I knew it too. My gut knew it.  There were days when my Spirit SCREAMED for me to wake up and run. I knew, but I just wanted one more hit. I kept thinking “maybe if I lose 10 pounds, he’ll love me more”, or “if I work harder on his dream, he’ll want me more”, but I knew deep down that there was nothing in me that could make a man who didn’t even love himself love me.  Yet I continued to tell myself that if I loved him harder, then maybe my love for him could compensate for the love he lacked for himself.  And so I loved harder. I squeezed harder. I think at some point I suffocated him, and he ran… right into the arms of someone else.  In what I thought was a move that would rob me of life, his intentionally hurtful words and behavior became the wakeup call I needed in order for me to acknowledge that I had a problem and do something about it.

Thus began my detox- a 12 month period of recovery and MUCH self-reflection. I had so many questions that only time could answer. I asked myself at least a million times a day: How could I, a 31 year old very intelligent woman, put myself in this position?  How could I let my life unravel to the point of rock bottom because of a man?  How could I allow myself to be treated and spoken to like I was less than nothing and had no worth?  I’d always been strong and independent, so how on earth did I let this man take advantage of my kindness to the extent that he did and never pump the breaks on our friendship, which according to him was actually a figment of my imagination and not at all a relationship of any sort?  How did I end up here?

These were the questions that replayed themselves in my mind on repeat all day, every day until I had what I guess would be considered an “aha” moment.  I decided that I didn’t want to be sad anymore about things that I couldn’t change, and so I pulled out my favorite cds, popped the “Purple Rain” dvd into the player, and became the host of my very own private party.  On that day, with 2 Krispy Kreme donuts in hand, I turned the page.  I pulled out my trusted Blackberry and wrote down all of the love and life lessons that the year had taught me, posted it to my blog, and shared my lessons with others.  Although I’m still learning and growing each day, here are some of the lessons that I learned:

*Life’s Love Lessons*

*Don’t offer your “private self” so freely to someone who hasn’t proven that he cares enough to take care of you.  (Don’t throw your pearls to swine).

*It is NOT ok to allow your mate to have sex with other women just because you feel bad about your abstinence choice being forced on him. If he can’t accept your choice as his only choice, then he is not the one.

*Don’t give the best of you to someone who’s not giving the best of himself to you.

*Don’t work for free. Period. If it’s your spouse, then perhaps. If not, then no indeed! It causes gray area.

*If he doesn’t explicitly state “I wanna be with you”, don’t assume that his actions are implying that he does.

*If he asks why you want to be with him, but he hasn’t answered that same question for you, do NOT answer! More than likely, he just needs an ego boost for that moment and doesn’t really care about your feelings… OR he’s bipolar and needs help that you are not equipped to offer.

*If he never says what you mean to him, it’s very likely that it’s because you mean nothing. Don’t assume that his silence has any significant meaning or that he’s just “not ready to talk about it because he’s dealing with
emotional baggage”. Accept that you mean nothing to him.

*Don’t EVER let him snap on you or talk crazy, using the excuse that “he’s just having a rough time or a bad day”. He’s having good days, just not with you, so accept it for what it is and recognize a manipulative liar for who he is.

*Never make his priorities more important than your own.

*Never allow him to shift the “blame” to you, making you feel that you’re inadequate. More than likely, that tactic is just a smoke-screen because you are getting too close to discovering his true self.

*Keep your spiritual gauge on the table. Listen to your gut instincts. If he isn’t interested in or never makes comments about a relationship with God, regardless of how often he goes to church, this is a sign that his priority
is NOT God.

*If it’s all “give” and never “receive”, it won’t get better later. It’s likely that he is selfish and self-centered, which is a character flaw that you can’t fix.

*If he doesn’t encourage you in your dreams and goals, forgetaboutit!

*If it’s not meant, let it go. Like for real, just let it go! Wish him well and release it so that you can move on into what God has purposed for your life.

*Don’t compromise your God-standards to win a man because there’s always going to be someone somewhere who can do it better, look better, cook better, etc than you.

*Laugh… A lot… It’ll make the good days great and the bad days…??? Well, laughing is like doing crunches, soooo, your waistline will thank you even on the bad days;-).

This is what I gained from my self-detox program.  And while I know that there’s a part of me that will always love a part of him, I am CERTAIN that I will never take that hit again.  With each single passing day, I’m better and stronger than the day before.  And on today I have the peace that I have and experience the immense joy that I feel knowing that I harbor no bitterness or ill-will towards him or our situation.  I have forgiven him, and I even pray for him that he finds love from the inside out—because I have.  I’m FREE!!!

Name: Tracie Isaac

Hometown: Born in Auburn, AL but grew up in Rochester, NY

Current City: Brooklyn, NY

Education: Studied Advertising & Communications at New York’s Fashion Institute of Technology

Occupation: Dancer turned model turned Designer turned beauty/fashion and model editor of Essence turned boutique owner turned advertising agency exec turned executive producer turned marketer turned agent turned magazine editor-in-chief turned entrepreneur of TopNotch, Inc. In a nutshell, Tracie has made a career out of following her creative instincts, working on projects that she was passionate about, and reinventing herself at the drop of a dime.

Tracie’s Who’s Who: Diana Ross, Susan Taylor, Martin Scorsese, Tyler Perry, Gordon Parks, Bill Cosby, Suzanne de Passe and Donna Karan – all names that came up during our conversation with Tracie. During her career she has worked with some of the most prominent entertainers and public figures around. Some highlights include coordinating a photo shoot with Diana Ross for Essence on top of the World Trade Center, styling Arsenio Hall during the Arsenio Hall Show days, as well as seeing Bill Cosby wear a couple of sweaters bought in her boutique on the Cosby Show. She also talked about working and helping Tyler Perry connect with major brands for product placement deals and conceiving and producing a multi-media exhibit and tribute for Gordon Parks before his death.

Quotable: “I always find an opportunity where there is a void.”

Three words that describe you: Kindred, Renaissance, Visionary

Favorite pastime while not working: Reading

Favorite travel destination: Egypt

To feel more centered I…: Meditate

Favorite Cuisines: Italian and Caribbean

Style inspirations: Josephine Baker. When she went to Europe she developed a sense of high fashion and self-expression that brought out the best in her.

Words you live by: Integrity, being true to self and giving to others

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for spring to get here already. This past week I was in Las Vegas and got inspired by all of the bright, colorful blazers I saw. So, in an effort to bring you all a little bit of spring early, here are some blazers that can help you get into the springtime mood.

1. Vince Camuto Single Button Blazer

2. Don’t Pink Twice Jacket

3. Nanette Lepore ‘No Contest’ Ruched Pocket Blazer

4. Stella McCartney One Button Blazer

5. Around the Corner Blazer

6. Ted Baker Tailored Jacket

7. Nanette Lapore Ring Mistress Blazer

UPDATE: Cause of death – Read More Here

Some of our favorite Whitney Songs/Videos:

“I Will Always Love You”

“Just One of Those Days”

“Saving All My Love For You”

“All the Man that I Need”

“So Emotional”

“I’m Your Baby Tonight”

Images courtesy of http://helloblueivycarter.tumblr.com/