WTF is on my blog

A woman White House: a Daily Show clip

2007-09-19T18:58:00.000-04:00

I am absolutely amazed by the number of times I've heard the words "Is America ready for a female president" in the news lately. Though there are plenty of reasons one might object to Hillary Clinton as president (I am more of an Obama supporter, myself), her being a woman can not possibly be one of them! Particularly given the number of other countries, several of which are considered far more archaic in their understanding of the role of women than the US supposedly is, have been led by women: Pakistan, India, Liberia, Bangladesh, Turkey, Germany, the UK, Canada, Nicaragua to name a few.

So, imagine my delight at this segment from the Daily Show last night in which uses a brilliant send up of Sex In The City to make this very point:

Make your own lipstick or gloss in five easy steps

2007-09-14T11:59:00.000-04:00

Do you have a pile of lipsticks and glosses you wouldn't be caught dead wearing, perhaps received in free gifts or bought in fits of inane trend following? Or maybe you have a few lipsticks that looked perfect in the store but didn't cut it once out of the glow of department store makeup counter lighting?

Instead of throwing them out, why not play a little game of alchemist-meets-artist and use them to make your own custom lipsticks?! It's easy, lots of fun, and leaves you with a color that's all yours.

What you'll need:

A microwave

A small cup (I like ramekins best, as they are nice and shallow, but plastic cups are also great)

A bunch plastic knives

Lots of paper towels, and something to lay underneath your work to protect your table.

Oh, and you'll want a little lip jar or something to hold your finished product. I usually use empty lip balm or gloss jars, but if you don't have any around you can buy them for next to nothing at most drug stores. This does mean that your lipstick will be the kind that you will need to apply with a finger tip or a lip brush, by the way.

A few more optional items that you might want:

Some chap stick to mix in to improve the consistency of a lipstick and make the color less heavy

Some clear lip gloss for a glossier look, and to make the color more sheer

Once you have your materials, the fun can begin:

Dive in: just start slicing and scooping bits of lipsticks and glosses into your cup to make a color you like. Don't stop until the color is just right--that is, after all, the whole point of making your own.

Use your knives for mixing, and when the mixture becomes too lumpy and uneven, just throw the cup in the microwave oven for about 10 seconds or so to melt it all down. Nuking times vary, so keep an eye on your concoction and just heat it up enough for it to melt into a puddle. Be VERY careful not to burn yourself on it--you'll be surprised at how quickly lipstick gets hot! (I say this from experience. Very painful experience.)

Once you have finished mixing your perfect color, you're ready to transfer it into your lipstick jar. Use your knife to scoop what's in your cup and transfer it into your jar.

Then pop your jar in the microwave (assuming its' microwave safe, of course) and nuke it for just as long as it takes to melt into a puddle again, thereby leaving a smooth "like-new" surface in your jar!

There may be a gooey lipsticky mess all around the jar. No problem: should all come off easily enough with a few clean swipes of a paper towel.

Tada! You are the proud owner of a fabulous new original lipstick (or gloss).

Highlighting your own hair

2007-09-12T11:12:00.000-04:00

Having just made my annual transition from blond to brunette (with bangs, no less! Going for a Veronica Lodge look, with a hint of Bettie Page) the shock of dark hair has me already thinking of taking things down a notch with some lovely highlights.

As much as there are times when a girl is willing to shell out the big bucks for a good professional foil job, there are also times when a girl wants to hold on to her hard earned cash and opt for DIY color. If you're like me, however, the DIY highlight is fraught with disaster, from blotches of color to tufts of straw, and my personal nemesis: the zebra streak look.

To my delight, I found a video on Instyle.com where renowned colorist Louis Licari gives a tutorial on how to highlight your own hair: (click on the photo to go to the site)

Time to rekon with cheese-induced summer weight gain

2007-08-23T12:41:00.000-04:00

Brief note: August has been a busy month of family vacations, work catch-up, and late summer errand-running, so my posts have been few and far between. This scant blogging period is coming to an end, however, so do tune in again soon!

I have taken the plunge and joined a new gym after realizing that forcing myself through a wimpy elliptical session isn't quite giving my 30-year old body the fitness regime it's begging for. (And by begging, I mean expanding outwards and downwards)

It is at times like these that I wish I could go back and smack the 18 year old me for being too busy being neurotic about dumb things (ahem, under eye circles) to be grateful for the fact that my body was pretty kick ass despite a diet of Doritos, Hostess Cupcakes, Pizza, and Haagen-Dazs Chocolate Chocolate Chip ice cream.

Many people are fond of saying "Youth is wasted on the young." I beg to differ: I found youth to be quite an exhausting blend of insecurity, uncertainty, and total lack of control over my life. And I was someone with a pretty good life growing up.

So no, I would never go back to been a teenager in a million years, and will happily take my lumps at the gym in order to get rid of the lumps on my body. I like being an adult just fine. I have, however, taken to reciting my own version of the aforementioned saying: "Thin thighs are wasted on ungrateful little twits."

Man-Capris and French men: We expect more from you, Jean Pierre!

2007-08-08T16:27:00.000-04:00

Given the countless magazine covers touting the latest styles from Paris, the utter deference we give the French when it comes to fashion, and the general inferiority we feel to their claim on style, it is with a tad bit of glee that I write today about an increasingly pervasive French trend that, in my humble opinion, makes grown men look totally absurd. That trend is Man-Capris.

This may not be new, and it may be something that not everyone finds so silly looking. I do know, however, that I'm not alone in finding this particular fashion so objectionable that it puts in peril the reputation French men have for style and sexiness. How can they defend a look that makes a man look like he's mugged a child for his cargo pants? How can they take themselves seriously when they wander around looking like they're taking their fashion cues from the Incredible Hulk and Huck Finn?

I realize that this trend is not unique to France. Indeed it has taken over much of Europe, and has even been sighted here in the States. The difference is that in the rest of the world, it's just an ugly trend. In France, however, it flies in the face of what we know and love about our Froggy friends.

I just flew in from Paris and boy do my wrists smell good

2007-08-07T17:36:00.000-04:00

Duty free shopping in Europe with an American bank account makes no sense, fiscally speaking. But when you're feeling blue because your vacation is over and you've just had to say goodbye to your family, treating yourself to a lovely new perfume is one way to take your funk down a notch, so to speak.

It was with that in mind that I dragged my poor sinus-suffering husband around the airport perfume shop shoving bits of scent sampling paper at him to sniff. (After all, whose nose is more important than the one who has to live with you?)

Together we found a delicious perfume by Guerlain that has a wonderful and unique fragrance of violets, lavender, and other sophisticated notes I would describe if I knew the first thing about this stuff. (Though, as someone who does know about candy, I can say that anyone who has ever been a fan of Choward's [Violet] Scented Gum should head right over to your nearest perfumery to get a whiff of this lovely concoction.)

As for the name, I saved the best for last: Insolence. Perhaps I've been spending too much time quoting Doctor Evil and not enough time cultivating my sense of fragrance-naming whimsy, but I think that is by far the funniest perfume name I have ever come across. And so it came to be that I purchased a bottle of Insolence for 69 Euros, which, with the drop in the American currency, practically cost me (get ready for it) ... One MILLion Dollars!

Been away a while

2007-08-05T18:30:00.001-04:00

I must apologize for my absence to the few people who may care. I've been visiting my family in France for a couple of weeks, and have been in the middle of the Cevennes mountains communing with nature (which is to say that we had no internet connection--though we did have electricity and TV, so it didn't hurt that much) so needless to say, blogging was not so easy. I do, however, have delightful stories about hair frizz, French beauty tips, and much pontificating about body ideals that I will catch up with this week. For those of you still with me inspite of the absence, stay tuned!

(Also, French blogger doesn't spell check in English, so I'm sure there are a ton of typos in that short paragraph. Sorry bout that. It is, however, hilarious the terms they use for regular stuff. Eg: instead of "Save now" it says "Enrigistrer en mode brouillon." Hee.)

Purses, not Puppies

2007-07-17T09:01:00.000-04:00

I have half a mind to start an organization to rescue dogs (and other pets) that celebrities buy as accessories only to toss them aside shortly thereafter when the concept of caring for something other than their selves begins to hurt their little heads.

Britney Spears was photographed toting her latest impulse buy, a very tiny Yorkie, who she carried around with about about the amount of care and affection usually reserved for shopping bags.

I can just imagine what that poor dog will go through: a few days of being tossed around to the sounds of "Oh my gawd, idn't he sooo cute y'awll?!!!" and sporting a dusting of Cheetos powder, followed by a period of being squashed in to a bag under a pile Kitson purchases, then being horribly maimed in an incident involving being confused for a crack pipe, and finally being neglected altogether, and hopefully passed on to a new home with owners who don't make train wrecks look orderly. (Just ask her poor kids!) Remember, it wasn't too long ago she was named Worst Celebrity Dog Owner in an online poll by Hollywood Dog and New York Dog after she ousted her trio of dogs because they didn't fit in to her lifestyle.

Another one on my hit list is Lindsay Lohan, a girl I find particularly annoying to begin with, who was quoted in a GQ "Blackberry Interview" saying (or rather, texting) "I bought two puppies today! Sober impulse buying of companions who will help me stay home etc. " and then in Allure saying "I bought them because I wanted something to take care of. I don’t like being alone at night."

That's actually pretty sad, and I almost feel bad for calling her a narcissistic cokewhore who uses helpless animals to test out her capacity for responsibility and selflessness. Except that this was in the beginning of the year--months before her constant partying and train wreck behavior led her to a month of rehab. So who the hell was taking care of her poor dogs while she galavanted around LA in a haze of intoxication and paparazzi flash bulbs? Also, what ever happened to Chloe, her much photographed Maltese puppy from just a couple of years earlier? Was he fired from her entourage for not doing a good job keeping her at home?

There are many more examples, but you get the idea. I'm thinking of naming my organization "Purses, not Puppies" where we set up SWAT teams to go in to these people's houses and rescue the dogs, leaving in their place a much more suitable accessory to fit their lifestyle.

Undereye cocktail: Part 1

2007-07-16T10:31:00.000-04:00

Picture #1: July 16, 2007. No makeup whatsoever (as if I needed to tell you)

I must be a masochist. Why else would I be willing to share close up shots of my most loathed facial feature, with out the usual shovel full of concealer, in such a public way. It is, however, in the interest of science and cosmetic adventure, and so seems worth it.

I've been using a new cocktail on my eye area for a few days now, and since it's so hard to be objective in an analysis of success, I am documenting the progress through a series of photos to see how effective it is. I'm sharing them on this site so that those of you who also suffer from under eye circles (and a general all around eye purpliness) can benefit from my experiment. And others can just use this as an opportunity to point and laugh at my raccoon face.

By "cocktail" I mean that I have been applying Vita-K Solution for Dark Circles in the morning and at night, and following it up with Aloette's Eye Recovery Complex. The former is (duh) a Vitamin K serum (which the lovely Brigita at Simisoskin.com explained is one thing that will truly help get rid of under eye circles in that Vitamin K breaks up the coagulation of blood, which is what those dark patches are. Gross). The latter is a lovely eye cream that also contains Vitamin K, but has lots of other lovely things in it to make your eye area pretty and moisten it up. Very necessary, as the Vita-K alone is pretty drying and uncomfortable.

So I've been doing this for a few days now, and I think I have already started to notice a difference. The Vita-K reviews were very mixed, but those who liked it claimed to see the same quick beginnings of effect. Maybe the difference has nothing to do with the cocktail, but rather just a good night sleep and flattering light. It's difficult to tell, but I'm pretty sure the dastardly dark patches look better.

*For the record, and to show the progress so far, here's the only other picture I have that clearly depicts my circles with no makeup to cover them up. This was taken a few weeks ago, and has only survived because Bartleby was so cute and snuggly, who could throw that away? I'm the one without the fur. (Also, I don't know why Bartleby looks like he's missing an eye--he really does have two of 'em)

Cucumbers and skin care wisdom from Mom

2007-07-10T13:23:00.000-04:00

Last weekend while visiting my mother in New York, I revisited an old trusty beauty trick that I hadn't done since the last time I was with her. This is not new information, but for anyone who isn't familiar with it, it's really worth knowing. And it's as convenient as stroll to your salad drawer.

Cucumbers are amazing for your skin and a godsend, in particular, for your eyes. They're mostly water and have the same PH as your skin, and what little of them is not pure water is loaded with vitamins. Most notable of those vitamins for those of us with under eye circles is vitamin K (which, thanks to simisoskin.com we know is the secret weapon for actually reducing the circles themselves, rather than just covering them up).

As a part of her morning ritual, particularly in the summer, my mother lies on the couch with her feet up on the arm and a cucumber slice on each eye and listens to the news for 10 minutes or so. She swears it's incredibly invigorating, reduces morning puffiness, and contributes to her lovely skin. I must say, having spent the weekend partaking in this ritual, I could not agree more.

In addition to slices on the eyes, my mother always puts aside the skin she has just pealed from cucumbers when making a salad, and rubs the inside of them on her face for a refreshing late day dose of moisture. (Which she can do because she never wears makeup, but I don't recommend this for anyone wearing anything on their face that they mind getting smudged)

Just a little background on this source of skin care wisdom:

My mother has never dyed her hair, which is now gray and usually in a bun. Nor has she ever used gel, anti frizz serum, smoothing balm, spray, setting lotion... nothing. Ever. She also never wears makeup. I've seen her apply mascara a couple of times about a decade ago, and once she wore some lipstick, but mostly only because I begged her to try it so I could see what it looked like on her. How she wound up with a beauty product addict for a daughter is beyond me.

She is, however, quite the expert at skin care. Her skin has always been spotless and smooth, and only now, at 64, is it starting to show a some signs of age (which I've told her she can mask with makeup, but of course the answer to that is always "get away from me with that spackle" and frankly, she doesn't really care about the lines, and I love her for that.) As much as she eschewed painting colors on her face, she always had lovely jars face cream around the house, ready to be applied at a moment's notice. She is also a big fan of all things natural, and can always whip up a topical potion of some sort from the refrigerator when we decide to play beauty spa.

As four our diametrically opposed attitudes toward makeup, it has worked out quite well for me. Her skin care line of choice is Lancome, which anyone familiar with the brand's counter at department stores can tell you, often offers gifts of full sized makeup freebies with purchases totaling approximately the amount she pays for her favorite creams. With a Lancome habit like hers, she gets a lot of these gifts. And guess who the beneficiary of all that free makeup is...

Why wash your hair ever again?

2007-07-06T13:00:00.001-04:00

Kidding, of course.

Blogging time has been difficult to come by this week, what with the holidays and all. Do tune in next week where things will be back to normal. In the mean time, here's an easy and brilliant hair trick from my good friend Carol, whose hair never looks oily:

When my roots are oily from a work out, product overload, or no time to wash it, this trick will make me look less gross for the day: use any old hair spray and give your roots a spritz wherever the oiliness is visible. Wait for it to dry, and then brush it out. The alcohol will dry some of the oil up, and you'll get the added bonus of more volume at the roots (if you're in to that sort of thing).

Things I realized watching vintage 90210 while on the elliptical

2007-07-04T12:10:00.000-04:00

I can stay on that beast of a machine far longer while watching Beverly Hills 90210 than any other show or movie. Perhaps this is due to the hypnotic quality of dancing sideburns and highly dramatized whining.
As much as I thought I had a hip ironic perspective on the show when I watched it religiously as a teenager, I still didn't get the full extent of this cheese plate.

Do you remember Revlon's Toast of New York lipstick? I remember in New York at the time every woman, girl, and drag queen in New York lived and died for that color. Kelly and Brenda's lips also sport that bricky brown shade in their angst ridden pursed lips.
Brandon is much cuter than I remember.

Dylan looks more like a llama than I remember.

Kelly and Brenda were not nearly as freakishly skinny as their modern day counterparts (I'm looking at you, Misha Barton, or how ever you spell your name,) despite the fact that in the 90s they represented the starlet body ideal. (Though to be fair, the Kate Moss waif thin look came out about a year or two after these early 90210 episodes, and Hollywood soon followed suit.)

Seriously, you'll be amazed at how long you'll make it on the elliptical while watching this show. It's transfixing. Or maybe it's just the dizzying array of early 90s attire (sequins, fringes, and stretch lycra skirts)

I never realized how absolutely awful Brenda was to her poor suffering mother. Nor did I truly grasp what an all around annoying bitch she was. This is only interesting because Brenda was supposed to be the down to earth Midwestern straight man to Kelly's Beverly Hills Bitch.

Really. 48 minutes of elliptical torment flew by like nothing. I'm TiVo-ing every episode henceforth.

Read my lips: no more painful plumpers!

2007-06-29T11:41:00.000-04:00

Very happy news on the sexy pouty lip front: on the recommendation of the fabulous Brigita, I purchased a tube of City Cosmetics' City Lips, and it is seeming like the ultimate lip gloss: lip plumping gloss that works without no pain and has long term benefits, not only as a plumper, but in general as a lip softener and line filler.

Just for fun, I did a before and after. No photoshopping was done--as you can see by the fact that I didn't fix the weird shadow above my lip that looks like a mustache (it's not, I swear). (In case you're curious, I'm wearing the "Sun Diego" shade)

I've only been using it a few days, so I don't know about long term benefits so much, but I do know that unlike other lip plumping glosses, this one does not make me feel like I've been punched in the face with a brick, and it moisturizes the hell out of my chapped lips. It doesn't have as extreme an immediate affect as some of the more painful lip plumpers out there, but it more than does its job, and does so with just a little tingle.

I had been of two minds about this slew of lip plumping lip glosses out there. The one that I found the most effective in the past, Lip Injection by TooFaced, had the benefit of giving me those lusciously engorged "blow job lips," but had the drawback of being really quite painful, and, adding insult to injury, the engorgement lasted only about as long as the pain did. The ideal use for something like that is if you have a 20 minute window during which you wanted to seduce someone with a pouty pucker. And it only works if the seduction is a chaste one, as the minute your lips make contact with the seducee, they will quite literally feel the sting in your kiss. If you don't believe me, ask my lip smarting husband.

Sneaky hair tricks: the smooth and healthy addition

2007-06-27T22:15:00.000-04:00

Just came back from the hair salon (sporting a hair color I'm not in love with, by the way, but it's nothing a tad bit of boxed dye and a glaze can't fix. In case you were worried). Anyway, I got a few neat little tricks for smooth and healthy hair to share with you, courtesy of my stylist. (Smooth hair is an obsession for me because mine is anything but. If you're one of those people who walk out of the shower with hair that dries smooth and shiny, just skip this. And also, I hate you.)

We've all heard the one about sleeping on a silk pillowcase to avoid kinks and tangles, but apparently silk has a kind of polishing effect, so supposedly if you rub your hair with a silk scarf (in a downward direction--never against the cuticle) it will encourage shine. I'm a tad skeptical on that one, but willing to give it a shot.
Instead of using a towel as a turban to dry your hair, use a old T-shirt. It's softer and won't rip at delicate hair so much (particularly helpful if your hair is brittle like mine from too much dying)
The cardinal rule for healthy hair: wash it as little as possible. I'm a big fan of this one--no conditioner in the world is going to do for you what your natural hair oils will.
If you run out of your usual frizz deterrents and smoothing balms, just use a little bit of conditioner instead. This one I can attest to as well.
For a quick dose of deep conditioning, put on your favorite super duper conditioner, then put on a shower cap and blast your head with a blow dryer. Badabing, instant heat treatment.

Tell it to the lingerie you're posing in

2007-06-24T23:39:00.000-04:00

And in Things I'm Sick to Death Of news...

Hot young starlets who complain that they're not being taken seriously because GQ, Esquire et al name them sexiest something or other of the year.

So, Jessica Alba is displeased because people are too busy thinking she's hot to realize what a smart and talented actress she is? Gosh, I hope she didn't miss too many of her Mensa meetings when taking the time to pose lasciviously in swimsuits for GQ or play strippers and bikini clad adventure go-ers in her movies, all, I'm assuming, in an effort to disabuse us of our apparently limited view of her talents.

Or lets take poor Scarlett Johansson, who responded to Esquire's crowning her the "Sexiest Woman Alive" by complaining that she would rather be admired for attributes other than sex appeal. While I can't fault her for wanting to be regarded as more than her big boobs, big lips, and impossibly perfect skin, I'm not quite ready to spill tears down my not-so-porcelain cheeks for her.

Unlike Jessica Alba, who genuinely seems to have trouble getting "serious" roles, Johansson's resume of directors reads like a who's-who of respected film makers (Woody Allen, Brian De Palma, Sophia Coppola, Christopher Nolan, to name a few.) So what exactly does she have to bitch about? The fact that in between landing plum roles and getting paid more than most of us make in a lifetime for them, she also has to contend with people finding her pretty? My god, the exquisite torture she must suffer!

I could go on with more examples, but you get the idea. Not that I'm advocating the objectification of women or anything like that. I just would like to punch the next one of these starlets who doth protest their sex appeal too much, particularly if she's doing so having just pranced around half naked in a Justin Timberlake video.

If you're that hot, I say just go with it, enjoy it, and stop bugging us with your whining.

My skin feels like buttah

2007-06-22T11:35:00.000-04:00

Oy vey. I'm in love with a skincare product. I can't stop touching my face, and when he saw me, my husband (who didn't know I had done any particular facial treatment. Unless you count last night. Badumbum. Sorry. That's so inappropriate. But kind of funny, you have to admit) Anyway, where was I? Ahh, yes, my husband told me I looked "glowy" which is pretty awesome. Apropos of nothing, he just came in and said "You're pretty. You look glowy." (In moments like these I have hope for the male species.)

The product is Olay's Regenerist Microdermabrasion and Peel System. It gets all warm as you're scrubbing the second part in, takes all of 4 minutes to do, and doesn't smell half bad or sting at all. Cannot say enough about this stuff. My pores are tight, my lines look smoother, my skin feels firm...what's not to love.

As always with the caveats: be careful not to use this too often. Personally I think once a week is enough, otherwise your skin will be totally pissed at you. And from what I understand, any kind of over irritation through scrubby treatments will have the opposite of the desired effect. Also, I recommend using this at night and following up with a nice moisturizer. You'll wake up the next morning looking like a million bucks.

I wish I could steal my dog's conditioner

2007-06-21T20:38:00.001-04:00

I just gave one of my dogs a bath and I must say I'm very jealous of how effective his conditioner is. Not only does he smell marvelous--quite a feat for Bartleby--but his hair is so silky and soft, I can't stop snuggling him.

(Of course, he's infuriated with me for giving him a bath to begin with, so he's not all that obliging with the snuggling. Right now he's sitting across the room glowering at me, taking breaks only to run to the kitchen to see if my husband is offering any bacon treats.)

Honestly, if I could find a conditioner that left my hair this shiny with no need for blow drying, I would buy it by the silo full. I'm tempted to try this one, but I've heard that dog and human hair care products are not really interchangeable. If anyone knows otherwise, let me know!

For hair that won't look gross after your workout

2007-06-20T10:00:00.000-04:00

I'll admit it--when I'm having a really good hair day, I'm reluctant to get on the elliptical or otherwise work out, knowing that I'm kissing my good hair day good bye. (Though frankly, I'm always looking for an excuse not to work out. I'm lazy. There, I said it.)

But now I have one less excuse: I was pretty excited when my friend Elizabeth, hair whiz extraordinaire, shared this tip (and I've got to say, I do this religiously now and it works like a charm)

This looks pretty goofy, but I swear it works: when you're going to work out, tie your hair in a pony tail or loop or whatever at the very top of your head using a wrist band. You know, the kind tennis players wear. The wrist band is so wide it won't leave kinks in your hair. And because your hair is tied at the top of your head, most of it will be kept away from your sweaty noggin--most importantly, the front strands. When you tie your hair in a regular ponytail, your face framing front strands lie flat against your head, getting sweaty, oily, and generally unpresentable.
After you're done working out, wait for the sweat on your head to dry before taking out your silly looking "top knot" pony tail. This will give your hair volume, whereas taking it out before it's dry will leave it looking droopy and sad.

I always wondered what happened to Stephanie Tanner

2007-06-19T12:54:00.000-04:00

Back in the days of my crush on Uncle Jessie, I found the middle child the least annoying of the three cloying children on Full House. (Though that's like calling Kevin the least hairy of the Baldwins. That still leaves room for a lot of hair). But I digress.

For anyone who shared my curiosity of what happened to Jodie Sweetin, who played Stephanie on full house back in the day when the Olsen twins didn't look like the love children of Morticia Adams and Brett Michaels, here's a little snippet I came across on TMZ.com (I know, it's horrible that I even go to that site, but I've made no secret of my sick fascination with human train wrecks, and there's no better place to keep up with them.)

Another sneaky trick: safflower oil

2007-06-17T12:29:00.000-04:00

I had read about using safflower oil as a moisturizer on Yahoo (I mean as a moisturizer for humans, not a moisturizer for Yahoo, because that would be ridiculous.) Being a sucker for a sneaky trick, anything cheap, and feeling like I put one over on cosmetics companies, I ran right out to the supermarket and bought some of the stuff. You can find it right there in your olive oil/salad dressing/Crisco isle.

The result: lovely! I put it on my legs and elbows and it gave them a nice sheen, made them lusciously soft, and had no scent to speak of. You do need to give it some time to sink in if you're going to put clothes over it, as it is oil and it will stain. It's really ideal if you're wearing a skirt or dress, as it makes your legs look quite ravishing.

When it's not being slathered on legs, safflower oil is used in cooking, as a nutritional supplement, and can be found in many cosmetic and hair products, particularly organic ones.

Update: a couple more things to note. 1--Be careful pouring it into your hand. There is no special spout the way there is for beauty products, so accidents are likely if you're not super careful. (And I say this from experience. My bathroom floor is still a mess...) 2--You will likely want to blott off excess with a paper towel to keep from transfering oil to everything you come in contact with for 20 minutes.

A blush for the blush impaired, like me

2007-06-17T12:11:00.000-04:00

I cannot apply blush to save my life. I can't figure out how much to put or where to put it--that whole "smile to find the apples of your cheeks" trick just makes me look like a Kewpie doll.

This is why I am so pleased with my latest purchase: Nars blush in Orgasm. It looks a little intimidating in the compact because it's so bright, and so sparkly gold, but it's actually very sheer and almost fool proof for us blush morons because whereever you put it just looks glowy, not colored in. (They claim it has "transparent pigments" but who knows what that means, and frankly I always think those terms sound gimmicky bullshit.) The sparkles just leave a subtle glow, and the color is pretty universal peachy pink. Love it love it love it.

And in undereye circle news...

2007-06-15T11:24:00.000-04:00

Very exciting news of the day is that our beautiful and brainy friend at SimisoSkin.com just did a post on ways to combat undereye circles, from lifestyle changes to skin care products. If you share my raccoon torment, this is a must-read.

I shouldn't know this stuff

2007-06-12T13:09:00.000-04:00

It's bad enough that the media and pop culture have created an absurdly unrealistic and grotesquely skinny idea of what women's bodies are supposed to look like, but what I really can't get over is how much they love to jump on little speckles of cellulite visible when they shove their zoom lenses where they don't belong.

I was flipping through a magazine the other day and saw pictures the 49 year old Sharon Stone rocking the hell out of a bikini. But just when I was thinking that I'd love to have a body half as nice as this woman who is almost 20 years my senior, I noticed the accompanying caption was actually poking fun at her for having a few dimples on the backs of her thighs! Seriously? Is she really not allowed to have a couple of dimples? Is it even possible not to have them after the age of, say, 22?

I know unrealistic expectations of beauty in Hollywood are nothing new, nor is our society's tendency to adopt those same expectations for those of us who have jobs that don't include "Pillate's/yoga/kickboxing/nutritionist" as a part of our responsibilities. But with new technologies that enable a greater invasion of privacy than ever, coupled with our ever-growing insatiable lust for the intimate details of these people's lives and bodies, it seems as if the expectation for perfection has become inhumanly unforgiving.

Now, as I write this I realize that the frustration and perplexity that I originally aimed at the media and our culture in the beginning of this post is giving way to a lot more questions about why it is that we've taken this direction. I started this post as a rant about unachievably high standards set by picking apart even the most perfect physical specimens, but really that's giving the whole problem a pretty superficial and pat interpretation.

First of all, I think it's safe to say that though picking apart said perfect specimens for flaws makes the flaws on our non-expertly constructed bodies seem even greater in comparison, it is equally the case that finding flaws in bodies we think of as perfect make us feel better about our own. Nothing is more reassuring to our physical insecurities than to hear that goddesses are flawed as well. So while on one hand we create what I earlier referred to as an "inhumanly unforgiving" expectation of perfection, on the other hand we find forgiveness for our imperfections in the fact that no one is perfect, not even Angelina Jolie.

The equally disturbing issue is just how much access we have to the intimately private details of people's lives and bodies, and just how much we devour it. There is something terribly wrong with the fact that CNN interrupts their coverage of real news for a long lens shots of Paris Hilton's driveway as we wait to catch a glimpse of the heirhead's tear soaked face getting into a police cruiser. (I'll admit, I did a Paris Hilton post, but I felt dirty afterward.) Even creepier are the pictures surfacing everywhere of celebrity crotch shots and nip slips. The genital shaving habits of a 20 year old starlet should not be something we are familiar with. Ever.

Now, ask anyone who knows me, and they'll tell you I've never been one to shed a lot of tears over the plight of celebrities being followed by paparazzi. The way I see it, these people lead lives of extraordinary privilege, and forfeiting a regular private life is a part of their job description. Moreover, it's pretty well known that the relationship stars share with the paparazzi is much more complex than the one sided feeding frenzy of photographers one imagines when we hear the likes of Scarlett Johansen complaining about not being able to leave a restaurant without her picture being taken. There is a far more interactive dance going on there than we know about, and it's being choreographed as much by publicists as it is by the editors who buy the stories.

There is a line, however, and it's not all that fine, between a public figure opening up their life, and inappropriately intimate details being splashed all over the place.

What really baffles me is why we eat it up. And when I say we, I count myself in there. In all honesty, I love this shit. I know it's horrible, and I can practically feel a brain cell wither away with every time I find my interest piqued by a dumb tidbit of gossip about some overpaid vapid celebrity. It's not even a matter of liking these people or wanting their lives. Frankly I think it looks pretty miserable to be constantly being picked apart and judged by your looks and your ability to sell an image of yourself before your time is up and you become a has been by the age of 35. I really couldn't tell you what it is that makes them even remotely interesting, and yet here I am, able to tell you who Justin Timberlake is dating, and whether Cameron Diaz has issued a death warrant for her. I am well educated, a voracious reader, have lived all over the world, am able to talk at length about international and domestic politics, and I know my Hume from my Husserl. So why, pray tell, is it that I give a rat's ass about the fact that Brittney Spears shaved her head?

I have to conclusion to this post. It's an open ended question. I have lots of theories, some of them simple (they're pretty!) and some of them a little more involved (in a world of increasing anonymity and decreasing community, we use the community of celebrities to fill the void) but for now I have to get back to work. I'd love to hear your thoughts ...

Nail polish for those who can't color within the lines

2007-06-12T11:11:00.000-04:00

Another sneaky trick, this one for nail polish:

Staying within the lines is always a challenge for me, and those little "correction pens" are no match for the massive amounts of nail polish that spill over on to my fingers. So rather than make myself crazy, I just go with it: I slather on nail polish like a 3 year old, just making sure the coat is even and not worrying about how much of it winds up on my fingers.

After it's dry, I put massive quantities of baby oil, olive oil, Vaseline, or any other oily product, on my finger tips and let it sit for about 10 minutes. After that, I swear I can just scrape the polish off my skin, easy peasy. And it has the added benefit of intense moisturizing. Or, if that sounds unpleasant, it will also come off if you just soak your hands in warm water long enough (or just hop in the shower).

Sneaky beauty tricks from Anne

2007-06-09T21:07:00.000-04:00

My good friend Anne is always gorgeous and put together, and smart as a whip to boot. She was kind enough to share some sneaky beauty tricks she has come accross. Hooray for Anne!

One of my favorites...I got from a men's magazine...flaky skin on your face - if it doesn't go away if you drink tons of water and slather on moisturizer - is probably (ugh) DANDRUFF! You can get it completely gone if you wash your face for a week or so with a good dandruff shampoo.

Another...Don't buy an expensive eyebrow brush (they're too small and wimpy anyway)...use and old toothbrush instead (washing with soap first might be a good idea). The wide set of bristles really gets your eyebrows in place with just one or two sweeps. Spray a little hairspray on the ends of the bristles and your eyebrows will stay put for sure. Also great for de-clumping mascara.

Another...combining two kinds of acne medicines is usually better than just one. I like using 10% benzoyl peroxide wash in the morning and a moisturizer with salicylic acid at night. I really notice the breakouts coming back if I manage to forget one or both of my favorite "Face Condiments" when I travel.