Everyone's Blog Posts - Wives United in Prayer

Gabrielle Union comment about cheating on first husband:

2023-01-24T06:30:00.000Z

https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/story/2023-01-04/gabrielle-union-chris-howard-cheating-infidelity-armchair-expert-dax-shepard

6 Prayers to Help You After Being Hurt By Someone You Love

2019-02-08T01:52:25.000Z

Hey Sisters,

Not sure how many of you accepted Angela's invite to join in on the 7-Day Pray for My Marriage Challenge, but this is one of their posts that I thought was worthy of sharing with my Sisters:

6 Prayers to Help You After Being Hurt By Someone You Love

by Joann Fisher

The pain is excruciating and your mind can’t stop replaying the harsh words unfairly leveled at you by your spouse, or your friend, or your parent. You wake up each day and a million different emotions course through your body because the struggle is almost unbearable.

For some people, dealing with the pain is simply a matter of cutting the person off.

For others, they sweep it under the rug and choose to forget about it until it happens again.

And still, for others, all they can think of is how to curse the person out.

If you’re a Christian, none of these options are scripturally viable. The Bible says that God won’t allow you to take on more than you can bear. So, here are 6 scriptures and prayers to help guide you as you deal with the pain and try to figure out God’s purpose in the situation.

God will fight for you

Exodus 14:13-14

Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Prayer: God, I want to retaliate. I want to exact revenge on those who hurt me. Help me to be strong and allow you to fight on my behalf. Help me to be still.

You are strong enough

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for reminding me of your faithfulness. Though this pain is overwhelming at times, I am encouraged to know that you have equipped me with just what I need to deal with it. Because of you, I can and will endure it according to your purpose for my life.

You are not alone

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Prayer: Lord, when I open my eyes each day, help me to feel your presence. Help me to keep in step with your Holy Spirit and be counseled by your word. My heart aches and I am worn out from crying. Please help me rise out of my hurt and sorrow.

God is your strength

Psalm 62:5-8

Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God ; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Prayer: Lord, when I have no where to go, I turn to you. You are the rock that I stand on so help me to find my strength. I am weak from suffering and I have no where else to turn. Only you can restore honor to my name as I have been falsely accused. My spirit is shattered but help me to find hope in you.

God will use this for your good

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Prayer: Lord, I don’t know why this is happening, but I pray that through this situation, I can lead someone to you. I pray that you use me any way you choose so that your name may be glorified even through this dark situation.

Bless those who hurt you

Romans 12:14

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

Prayer: God, I won’t lie. I want to curse like a sailor. I am so angry and hurt and disappointed. But, I trust in your unfailing love and know that you desire to see everyone in a right relationship with you. So, I pray for the one who hurt me that you will bless them and help them to come to know you through my example.

In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Gisele, our 7 Day - Pray for Your Marriage Challenge is going to be a game changer for your life! Dr. Alduan Tartt will join us in the Facebook group daily for a brief prayer and devotional time that will speak into your marriage. Even if your spouse can't join you, you still need to be there. We have something special for you!

Secret to Japan couple's 80 years of marriage: Wife's patience

2018-09-05T02:57:27.000Z

Secret to Japan couple's 80 years of marriage: Wife's patience
By Kwiyeon Ha

Today in History: September 4

© Kwiyeon Ha/Reuters World's oldest living married couple Masao Matsumoto (L) and Miyako Matsumoto look at albums in their room at a nursing house in Takamatsu, Kagawa prefecture, Japan on Sept. 4, 2018.

Japan is known for its abundance of centenarians and can now lay claim to having the world's oldest living married couple, with a combined age of 208 - a feat the wife credits to her patience during 80 years of marriage.

Masao Matsumoto, 108, and his 100-year-old wife, Miyako, have been confirmed as the oldest living spouses by aggregate age by Guinness World Records, having been married since October 1937.
"I am so glad. It's thanks to my patience, really," said Miyako with a laugh, posing with Masao and other family members in front of a framed certificate at the nursing home where they live.

"I am so grateful that it brings me tears," she told Reuters.
The Matsumotos never managed to have a wedding as Japan was heading into war and Masao was sent overseas as a soldier, but that was no obstacle to having a big family - including a 25th great-grandchild who was born last month.

"They've entered the last chapter of their life. It was a honor (for them) to receive this award. I would love them to continue living a peaceful life," said daughter Hiromi.

Japanese have among the longest life expectancies in the world, with data from Japan's health ministry showing they rank No.2 on average at around 84, just a smidgeon behind people from Hong Kong.

The record for oldest married couple ever by aggregate age still belongs to Norwegians Karl and Gurdren Dolven, who had a combined age of 210 years, 1 month and 34 days when Gurdrun died in 2004, according to Guinness World Records.

When God Began Transforming My Marriage--Beginning With Me, By: Jennifer Slattery

2018-08-07T09:48:52.000Z

When God Began Transforming My Marriage--Beginning With Me

By: Jennifer Slattery, Crosswalk.com

No marriage is beyond hope. So if you're struggling, hold tight, turn your ears to Christ, and follow His guidance wholeheartedly. From a woman who's experienced miraculous marriage transformation, I promise, every step of obedience will be worth it!
Sometimes love is best displayed in hand soap and red Kool-aid, Like twenty bottles and three gallons worth, respectively. Our daughter finds my husband and I hilarious and has been known to post videos of our pantry to her Instagram story and share jokes with her friends.
“When my mom wants something,” she says, “my dad doesn’t just buy that thing. Oh, no! He buys a case of them. One in every variety.”
She’s not wrong, although … it hasn’t always been this way. In fact, there was a day where our marriage was characterized by fighting, competing, comparing, and withholding. The very thought of showing sacrificial love to one another seemed absurd, dangerous even! Fueled by distrust, false perceptions, past hurts, and manipulation, instead of giving, we strived to get. Instead of sharing, we took. And instead of building a marriage able to withstand a lifetime of moves, changes, and challenges, we tore ours apart one harsh comment, argument, and misunderstanding at a time.
Until the distance between us felt so wide, so cold and immovable, we began planning for the end—the D word.

I’m not sure anything is quite as lonely, feels quite as empty, as living with a stranger who was once your best friend.
One afternoon, with heavy heart, I set to mopping our kitchen floor, maintaining the semblance of a home while ours felt anything but. I prayed while I cleaned, and though I don’t remember my words, I’m certain they centered on all the ways I wanted God to change my husband. Then everything would work great and our marriage would thrive!
But something a preacher said on the radio in that moment stopped my poor-me rant. I’ve long since forgotten his precise words, except for this—His statement that he’d willingly die for his wife.
My typical response from that time would’ve been, “I wish I had a husband like that!” But on that day, the Holy Spirit must’ve grabbed hold of my heart, because all I could think about was how badly I wanted to be the kind of woman my husband would be willing to die for. And I knew, as clearly as if God had shined a light on every one of my past behaviors, that I was not living anywhere near like that type of wife.
And I prayerfully determined to change, embarking on a Christ-led process that was far from quit or easy (while God brought my husband on a similar journey), but one that has paid off in years worth of laughter, celebrations, and vacations. Years of enjoying a love, an intimacy, so beyond anything I’d hoped for on that quiet afternoon, almost twenty-three years ago now, that we first said I do.
How's your marriage? If you and your spouse are doing well, praise God! If you're not as close as you'd like to be, know there's always hope! God is a God of healing and restoration! When relational conflict, distrust, or distance arises, it's easy to focus on our spouse's behavior. If only they'd ... Or, if only they wouldn't ... But we have no control over their behavior. We do, however, have full control over ours. Ask God to show you how you can begin to repair your marriage and for the courage and strength to follow His leading.

Learning to Love… Sacrificially, Passionately, and Crazily!

2018-06-26T03:34:39.000Z

Learning to Love… Sacrificially, Passionately, and Crazily!

by Gary L. Thomas, excerpted from Sacred Marriage

Dr. John Barger gave an extraordinary address to a gathering of men on December 12, 1987. The address included his testimony of how he had walked the road from being a domineering husband to a serving one. The crux of the message, however, wasn’t just that husbands can do better. We all know that. What inspired me so much about his words was Dr. Barger’s message that by learning to love his wife, he got a better grip on how he could love his God.

I want to share some of Dr. Barger’s story with you:

I swaggered through marriage for many years, ruling my wife Susan and my seven children with an iron hand while citing Scripture as justification for my privileges and authority. After all, Scripture explicitly commands wives to obey their husbands.

Years of dominating my wife and children left them habitually resentful and fearful of me, yet unwilling to challenge me because of the fury it might provoke… I alienated Susan and the children, and lost their love. Home was not a pleasant place to be – for them or for me. By 1983, Susan would have left me if it weren’t for the children, and even that bond was losing its force.

Then a number of dramatic events occurred, which wrought a profound change in my moral, psychological, and spiritual life.

The first of these “dramatic events” was when Dr. Barger watched his wife endure a difficult delivery. Susan’s placenta tore loose, and she started hemorrhaging. The baby was stillborn. Dr. Barger describes further what happened:

At two in the morning in a stark, bright hospital delivery room, I held in my left hand my tiny lifeless son, and stared in disbelief at his death…. I had the power to make [my family’s] lives worse by raging against my baby’s death and my wife’s lack of love, or to make their lives better by learning to love them properly. I had to choose. And it was a clear choice, presented in an instant as I stared at my tiny, helpless, stillborn infant cradled in my hand.

In that critical instant, with God’s grace, I chose the arduous, undramatic, discouraging path of trying to be good.

I don’t have time… to tell you of all the afflictions we endured in the next four years: sick children, my mother’s sudden death, my losing my job as a teacher, three more miscarriages, and finally a secret sorrow that pierced both of us to the very core of our beings.

In the midst of these many afflictions, I found that the only way I could learn to love, and to cease being a cause of pain, was to suffer, endure, and strive every minute to repudiate my anger, my resentment, my scorn, my jealousy, my lust, my pride, and my dozens of other vices.

I began holding my tongue. I started admitting my faults and apologizing for them. I quit defending myself when I was judged too harshly – for the important thing was not to be right (or to be well thought of) but to love.

As I had made myself the center of my attention for too many years already, I said little about my own labors and sorrows; I sought to know Susan’s, and to help her to bear them. And, frankly, once I started listening to Susan – once I began really hearing her and drawing her out – I was startled at how many and how deep were her wounds and her sorrows… Most were not sorrows unique to Susan.

They were the sorrows that all feel: sorrows that arise from the particular physiology of women and from their vocation as mothers, which gives them heavy duties and responsibilities while leaving them almost totally dependent on men for their material well-being and their spiritual support; sorrows that arise from loving their husbands and children intensely, but not being able to keep harm from those they love; sorrows that arise from the fact that in our society even the most chaste of women are regularly threatened by the lustful stares, remarks, and advances of men; and sorrows that arise because our society in general still considers women stupid, flighty, and superficial, and still places very little value on women and shows very little respect for them…

Women… suffer these wounds far more often and with a greater intensity than most of us men ever realize. And unless we ask them, women generally do not speak to us of these sorrows – perhaps because we men so often dismiss their troubles as insignificant or write off women themselves as simply weak and whiny…

Can men… withdraw the sword of sorrow that pierces every woman’s heart? I don’t think so. Their problems are generally not the kind that have a solution, but rather form the very fabric of their daily existence…

One of my friends, when confronted at the end of his long workday with his wife’s complaints about the noise, the troubles, and the unending housework, snapped back at her in exasperation: “Well, do you want me to stay home and do the housework while you go off to the office?” You understand his point: He couldn’t solve her problems. What did she want him to do?

I’ll tell you: She wanted him to listen, to understand, and to sympathize. She wanted him to let her know that despite her problems, her exhaustion, her dishevelment, he loved her – to let her know that it caused him sorrow that she was suffering and that if it were possible, he would change it for her.

Dr. Barger’s earnest efforts at renewing his love for his wife and reaching a new plane of understanding worked. It took three years of “patience, listening, and growing in Susan’s trust,” spending “literally hundreds of hours talking,” but eventually Susan’s anger dissipated, overcoming her cynicism, which in turn “softened her and gentled her.”

Living in a renewed marriage, life became unusually sweet. John and Susan believed they were “on the verge of a long and happy marriage,” when tragedy struck again.

Susan was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

An eight-month battle ensued, and Dr. Barger was challenged to express his new love in very concrete ways. Caring for a seriously ill person is extremely difficult work, but John welcomed it as an opportunity “to show her how much I really loved her.”

Even though Susan was given the best care, the cancer won out, and Susan died. She breathed her last breath surrounded by her family and dearest friends, and holding the hand of her beloved husband.

Dr. Barger looked back on their lives together with bittersweet feelings. The hurt was encased in their renewal – now that they had become best friends, now that he had learned the deeper meaning found in truly loving rather than in dominating, he had to say goodbye. But the sweetness was in remembering an unusual love, knowing that he had experienced something that most of us yearn for but don’t find – true, soul-deep companionship.

In his contemplations, Dr. Barger discussed how this experience with his wife reflected on his relationship with God:

Consider the virtues I have recommended as necessary to a deep relation with your wife: patience, listening, humility, service, and faithful, tender love. I hope it is not heretical for me to claim that in his dealings with us, God acts in many ways like a woman.

Women are capable of and sometimes commit magnificent acts that manifest incredible power and awaken in us men a profound awe, if not fear and trembling. Yet when they love, they love quietly; they speak, as it were, in whispers, and we have to listen carefully, attentively, to hear their words of love and to know them.

Isn’t God also this way?

Doesn’t He intervene in most of our lives in whispers, which we miss if we fail to recollect ourselves and pay careful attention – if we do not constantly strive to hear those whispers of divine love? The virtues necessary in truly loving a woman and having that love returned – the virtues of listening, patience, humility, service, and faithful love – are the very virtues necessary for us to love God and to feel His love returned. As we cannot lord it over women if we are to know them and grow intimate with them, so we cannot lord it over God if we are to know Him and grow intimate with Him.

We cannot successfully demand the love of a woman or the love of God. We have to wait. And just as a woman’s heart is melted when she encounters in us weakness accompanied by our humble admission of it, so God’s heart is melted and He is most tender and gracious to us when He encounters in us weakness accompanied by our humble admission of it.

While this story targets males, I suspect the same principle is true for women. That terrifyingly difficult man to love just may be your gateway to learning how to love God. This is a biblical truth. The beloved disciple John lays it out bluntly:

If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And He has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother. – 1 John 4:20–21

This man or this woman seems so different from you, I know. That’s why it seems so difficult to love him or her. When you think on one level, she thinks on another. When you’re certain this perspective matters most, he brings in another angle entirely. And you ask yourself, “How can I possibly love someone who is so different from me?”

And yet consider, if you can ask this question with integrity, try asking yourself this one: How could you possibly love God? He is spirit, and you are encased in flesh and bones. He is eternal, and you are trapped in time. He is all holy, perfect, sinless, and you – like me – are steeped in sin.

It is far less of a leap for a man to love a woman or for a woman to love a man than it is for either of us to love God.

But I think it’s more than that. I think marriage is designed to call us out of ourselves and learn to love the “different.” Put together in the closest situation imaginable – living side by side, sleeping in the same room, even, on occasion, sharing our bodies with each other – we are forced to respect and appreciate someone who is so radically different.

We need to be called out of ourselves because, in truth, we are incomplete. God made us to find our fulfillment in Him – the Totally Other. Marriage shows us that we are not all there is; it calls us to give way to another, but also to find joy, happiness, and even ecstasy in another.

There are no lessons to be learned when a husband dominates his wife. There are no inspiring examples to emulate when a wife manipulates a husband. But love unlocks the spiritual secrets of the universe.

Love blows open eternity and showers its raindrops on us.

Excerpted with permission from Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, copyright Zondervan, 2002.

84-year-old hubby does his blind wife’s makeup like a pro!

2018-06-26T03:28:23.000Z

https://nyp.st/2JGBgfN

Being Content

2018-01-31T14:44:19.000Z

Prayer: Being Content
JANUARY 30, 2018

Dear Lord,

Thank You for the gift of today. I pray my eyes are open to every blessing You have given to me. Please help my heart to be grateful and content. I pray I would not let complaint slip out of my mouth. I know I don’t deserve all the good You have blessed me with. Thank You, Lord! May I truly appreciate You and all that You have provided in Jesus’ name AMEN!

Prayer: Having Patience

2018-01-15T00:07:05.000Z

JANUARY 12, 2018

Dear Lord,

Thank You for today. I pray You would help me see my life, my marriage, and my circumstance through Your perspective. I pray I would have patience. I pray I would be a patient wife to my husband. Help me with my responses and my words to him. I pray I would be patient with the tasks I have to do and the time it takes me to do them. I pray I would be patient with others and thoughtful about what life circumstances they might be experiencing. Please help me to slow down, to take everything in, and to be considerate of Your will in Jesus’ name AMEN!

Taken from Unveiled Wife

www.unveiledwife.com

Prayer: Building Trust After Hurt

2018-01-14T01:21:46.000Z

JANUARY 9, 2018

Dear Lord,

I know there is a ton of hurt in marriages. I know husbands and wives desire to have strong relationships, but the reality of sin is devastating, keeping marriage relationships broken. I know because I have experienced hurt in my marriage. I have also experienced Your healing hand help us be reconciled. Thank You for healing us. I pray husbands and wives would be able to build trust again. I pray they would be healed after hurt. I pray they would leave their sin and return to it no more. Help marriages get to a place of reconciliation, peace, and true forgiveness in Jesus’ name AMEN!

Taken from Unveiling Wife

www.unveilingwife.com

The SEVEN Fruits of Christmas: DAY 3 - PEACE

2017-12-21T05:42:51.000Z

John 16:33

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

Galatians 5:22

²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

The SEVEN Fruits of Christmas: DAY 2 - JOY

2017-12-20T01:30:00.000Z

John 16:20

Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy.

Galatians 5:22King James Version (KJV)

²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

The SEVEN Fruits of Christmas: DAY 1 - LOVE

2017-12-19T05:30:00.000Z

^{1 John 4:8 (KJV)}

⁸He that loveth not, knoweth not God; for God is love.

Galatians 5:22King James Version (KJV)

²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

Prayer Moves Mountains-But What About Marriages

2017-08-16T14:13:25.000Z

http://www.ibelieve.com/devotionals/encouragement-for-today/encouragement-for-today-august-16-2017.html

31 Days of Scripture for Your Marriage

2017-07-31T13:37:00.000Z

31 Days of Scripture for Your Marriage

5 Ways to Start a Love Contest with Your Spouse

2017-07-24T05:00:00.000Z

By: Dr. David B. Hawkins The Marriage Recovery Center

My wife and I have a “contest” going between us. Please understand that we are not keeping score and the “winner” never gloats. Perhaps it’s better to think of this as an understanding we have to enrich our marriage and rescue us from getting stuck in any kind of squabble.

Before I describe our “contest” I want to set the stage.

My wife Christie and I enjoy our marriage. More specifically, we enjoy the smile that happens internally when we are connected to each other, out-giving the other and showing special acts of grace. We bask in the glow of knowing we are loved by, and love, each other.

Conversely, we don’t enjoy conflict that most often stems from selfishness. We don’t relish “winning over the other,” knowing that such action costs a great deal in the form of distance and tension. Perhaps you are like Christie and I, enjoying closeness and loving connection far more than being right, “winning”, or silencing the other with our indomitable spirit.

To this end we decided we would always strive to be the first to apologize, admit wrong, and generally practice humility. We would seek opportunities to reach out to the other after a tense moment, a more protracted conflict, or time of tension. In short, we agreed to make an all-out effort to be at peace with one another.

Currently my wife is winning in our contest, as far as I’m concerned. She just made a phone call to me thanking me for helping her this morning. Her kindness brings that inner smile, that warmth of knowing I am loved and love.

Would you like to have such a contest in your marriage? Here are a few more suggestions:

First, make a goal of “forgiving first”. Consider sitting down with your mate and agreeing to be intentional about quickly resolving matters and offering forgiveness routinely. Be quick to apologize and admit wrongdoing, focusing on yourself and your part in a matter. Be first to forgive and to reset after a time of tension.

Second, cultivate a heart of humility. Forgiveness and resetting come from a humble heart. Pride is the destroyer of connection whereas humility brings us together. Humility allows us to see our weaknesses and to seek help for them. Pride causes us to focus on the wrong of our mate.

Third, reset to a positive attitude. Resentment grows where we rehearse wrongs done to us. It is easy to slide into a bad attitude where resentment and bitterness take hold. Be quick to forgive and reset to a positive attitude. Guard against anger and narrow-mindedness.

Fourth, remember the good in your mate. See the best in your mate. Remember and notice what he/she does for you that is good and praiseworthy. Notice how they care about you and what you like about them. Cultivate a positive attitude and a view of your mate that is good.

Finally, dwell on the Word of God. The Word of God has the power to change our lives. “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and intentions and attitudes of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12) If you want to change the direction of your marriage, practice these five steps, paying special attention to reading God’s word and inviting God to change your heart.

Marriage is Meant for Connection

2017-05-03T13:29:55.000Z

My daily devotional today was titled "Marriage is Meant for Connection"
Read the full passage here:

http://idailybread.com/shareDevotionalLink_1493814308146_bd5349c72763e1caf404bf4199079f59.html?breadId=bd5349c72763e1caf404bf4199079f59

How to Choose to Love Your Spouse Every Day

2017-02-23T18:31:47.000Z

How to Choose to Love Your Spouse Every Day

Malinda Fuller, Author
201723 Feb

Love is a six letter word. And it's spelled C-H-O-I-C-E.

It is not a feeling that hits us like a crashing wave and then takes us back out to sea when the winds change. It is not something we fall into—and then out of. Even though the songs, movies, and cliches lead us to believe so.

Love is not passion, romance, or lust. It is more than just the highlight reel that we share on social media: the candlelit dinners, vacations, gifts, anniversaries, and other sweet memories. What may start as chemistry, eventually evolves into something much deeper. Better. Stronger.

Over time, the small choices we make turn our immature expectations into selfless acts. Greed makes room for giving. Communication improves as two people choose transparency instead of deception. They expose the truth, even if it’s painful. People-pleasing is left behind for a type of servanthood that can only be birthed over time.

It's hard work that does not happen overnight. It’s one choice at a time. One moment. One day. One season. One year.

Similarly, relationships do not fall apart in a day. They disintegrate in the same way they are built. One choice at a time. It doesn’t feel like it in the moment, but the simple choices slowly wear on the relationship when we:

Omit the truth
Stay quiet instead of sharing honestly
Assume rather than ask
Continually take and not give
Live in fear instead of trusting
Choose to be rude rather than respectful

These things come naturally. They fall into the “if it feels go, do it” mantra that celebrities and social media chant loudly. If it’s quick and easy, that’s what we’ll gravitate towards. Sadly, many people have the same regard for their marriage as they do their cell phone. It is something to upgrade, toss, or trade in when the newer and shinier version is available.

Marriage for many people is a word more likely to be paired with “endurance” than “vibrant.” And though they may have a long life, they are anything but thriving. They don’t end in divorce, and many couples will stay together for various reasons, but there is no effort made for the relationship to get stronger or sweeter.

It slowly loses steam. The couple stops trying. They give up. One decision at a time. But love isn’t something that happens. It is a choice. It requires effort. Sometimes monumental effort.

When we choose to love the other person in moments where they least deserve it, and when we least feel like offering it, God smiles. We are the most like Jesus when we extend grace, kindness, and love to others, just as He does.

It is something that we often have no problem accepting, but are challenged by our need to offer it to others. Sometimes we forget that though God covers us with endless forgiveness and grace, He offers the exact same things for those we are in relationship with.

At times we are faced with the decision to love those who aren’t loving towards us. In other seasons we must choose to love in the midst of a hurt or offense. It requires strength and humility that we do not possess on our own. It demands us to act in ways that that appear foolish against the world’s wisdom, but make God proud. In those moments, love is a most definitely a choice:

Choosing to forgive when it’s easier to shame the other person
Staying when it’s easier to walk out
Asking for forgiveness
Serving without expectations
Listening when it’s easier to blame
Preferring the other person
Loving when it's easier to be bitter, resentful and proud
Choosing love, because He first loved us

3 Prayers That Will Change Your Marriage

2017-02-05T21:30:00.000Z

3 Prayers That Will Change Your Marriage

Jennifer SlatteryJenniferSlatteryLivesOutLoud.com

Less than five years into our marriage, and my husband and I were certain our relationship was over. We’d gone from passionately in love to passionate fights to dead cold silence. Eventually, we started tossing the D-word around. Though the thought of getting a divorce turned my stomach, I hadn’t a clue how to undo the mess we’d become.

One night, completely defeated, I sat in a dark, quiet living room and cried out to God: “I can’t do this anymore. You’re going to have to do this for me.” God answered that plea by leading me to say three prayers that drastically changed my marriage.

Lord, change me.

This is a painful, humble, yet powerful prayer that quickly aligns us with our Father’s heart, placing us and our marriage in the best position for transformation. We’re naturally inclined to view everything through a self-centered lens, and to assume that our spouse is the problem. This results in a “me-versus-him” mentally that drives us further from our spouse, distorts our perception, and causes us to be reactive rather than proactive. But when God began to transform my marriage, the first thing He did was zero in my focus on myself. He showed me my job was to change my behavior and to let Him deal with my husband.

According to Robert Conn, Reality Church Family Pastor and Re/Engage Marriage Conference leader, this is important for two reasons: “In short, you can’t change your spouse’s heart. Only God can do that. Further, as long as you focus on their faults, you’ll ignore your own. As long as you are thinking your spouse is the enemy, you’ll have a malnourished view of marriage. The truth is we have a real enemy [Satan] out to destroy our marriage and our spouse is not it.”

Show me my spouse’s heart.

When God began healing and restoring my marriage, He showed me many of my hurts were due to misinterpretations and false assumptions. When he’d come home and head straight for the den and his remote control, my first thought was, “He doesn’t want to spend time with me.” Similarly, if he pulled away during conflict, I’d think, “This issue isn’t important to him,” or, “He doesn’t love me.”

But then, prompted by God’s Spirit, I began to ask that He help me see my spouse through His eyes. Everything became clearer. Where I’d once seen apathy, fatigue came into view. Where I’d assumed lack of love, God enabled me to see hurt. In essence, God allowed me to see what was in my husband’s heart rather than the pain that was in mine—pain that was distorting my perceptions and creating greater barriers between the two of us.

Give me Your love for my spouse.

You may have heard it said: Love is a choice, not an emotion. Our emotions are fickle, and let’s face it; there are days when we feel rather unloving toward our spouse. When that happens, we need God to love them through us, because His love is unconditional, faithful, unending, and pure. According to Steve Hicks, Discipleship and Administrative Pastor of Lifespring Church in Bellevue, Nebraska, this helps us initiate “that first gesture of humility that breaks the ice and moves [us] toward oneness. If there’s a conflict, God’s type of love looks at the situation through your mate’s perspective.” This type of love is quick to forgive and also quick to ask for forgiveness.

Human love looks much different than God’s. We are all selfish, wounded, prideful people, and these inherent weaknesses hinder marital intimacy. Hicks stresses, “The only way to make any relationship work is to imitate God and love as He loves.” (Ephesians 5:1).

“God’s love is sacrificial and other-focused,” Hicks says. “Naturally, man’s love starts with what he likes, needs, or wants. For instance, he may ask his wife if she’d like to go to the football game with him. However, [God’s type of love attempts] to meet the needs of another. So, true love might say, ‘Hey honey, though the game is on, I know you’ve been wanting to go shopping. Do you want to make it a date?’”

Even the best of marriages are filled with tension, conflict, change, and uncertainties. Staying in love is hard—much too hard to try to build and repair our relationship on our own. If we want to stay united with our spouse and develop the kind of intimacy God desires and we need, we must be intentional with our prayers, asking God to change us, help us see clearly see our spouse’s heart, and to love our partner as Christ does. When we do that, we’ll be in a much better position to not only withstand relational tension, but actually grow closer to one another through them.

3 Things to Remember When Your Spouse Lets You Down

2017-01-25T02:50:46.000Z

3 Things to Remember When Your Spouse Lets You Down

BY: John Hindley

People are disappointing. That’s reality.

And usually the people closest to us are the greatest source of disappointment to us. When Adam saw his bride, he sang with delight over her: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2 v 23). Here at last was a companion for him—a wife he could delight in. Men and women have sung about love, compatibility, romance and marriage ever since.

But the truth is that you do not live in Eden, and so your marriage does not match up to what Adam and Eve enjoyed. And the truth is that Hollywood makes fictional films, so your marriage does not match up to a cinematic “happily ever after”. As our friends use social media to showcase a sanitized, satisfied, funny and fulfilled version of their lives, we feel more disappointed. As the TV shows give us glamor, sophistication and romance, we are more disappointed at the lack of these in normal life.

If you are married, then it would be surprising if your husband or wife was not a disappointment. It would also be surprising if you did not feel the shame and remorse of knowing that you are a disappointment to them.

If you are married, then it would be surprising if your husband or wife was not a disappointment.

It’s not just spouses though. I am guessing that you are disappointed with someone. Your parents have let you down. Your children have. Your friends have. Your church have. Your pastor has. Maybe in little ways, maybe in terrible ones, maybe somewhere in between. Perhaps you were being unrealistic. But very possibly you were not. They just fell short—far short—of what you had every right to expect of them.

1. Be shocked by sin, but not surprised

Sin is shocking. I find it disturbing how mean I can be to my wife. I am scared how angry I get with my children. Sometimes the harsh, cynical ways I talk about my friends make me angry (with myself, but perversely I often blame them for that too). Sin is shocking, and it is shockingly common. So common that we will be terribly disappointed by some of those who should stand by us. The friend who should have our back might well stab us in it. The husband we promised to love for better or for worse is most likely to be the cause of the “worse”. We will tell our children that we love them through gritted teeth.

Sin should always be shocking, but we need to stop letting it be surprising.

When we forget that others are sinful, we over-react in disappointment at their sin. We get angry, we withdraw, we stop trusting. The end of this road is emotional shutdown and relational isolation. People will disappoint you. And if you are surprised by sin and so push them away, you will end up with no one to love, and no one to love you.

2. Be hopeful in the face of sin

There is a Savior who has wrestled hope from despair, life from death, light from darkness. Jesus can redeem anyone, and any relationship. Sin is very common, but the Holy Spirit is very, very powerful. We must not be surprised by sin, but equally we do not have to be resigned to it. We can be hopeful when faced with people who disappoint us. We can be prayerful. God is greater than any situation and any sin. Prodigal children do return. Marriages fractured by unfaithfulness can be mended. Distant parents can grow warm. Things can be changed. Not by us, no—but by him.

Jesus can redeem anyone, and any relationship.

So who do you find disappointing? Who has let you down badly? It would surprise me if your closest family were not on that list in some ways; and there’s no need to feel bad about acknowledging that (you are probably on their lists too). How do you restore joyful love to these relationships scarred by past hurts and present disappointment? Hopefully the joy that comes from hope, purpose and perspective will go some way towards that. Your hope was never in that relationship, but in Christ. Assuming it does not place you in danger (and that’s an important caveat), you can offer love within that relationship, just like Christ. And one day you will enjoy only perfect relationships, in the presence of Christ.

3. Be prayerful about your disappointments

Without the Spirit, you will either strive fruitlessly to change the situations you’re disappointed with or the people you’re disappointed in, or you’ll despair of them. But the Spirit can grow fruit and bring hope. He may do it through you, or around you. So pray.

We pray so little, as though it achieved so little. What fools we are, for there is nothing like the power, love and wisdom of the Creator of all things. When such a mighty King is our Father, why would we not ask?

Let your disappointments be fuel for firing your prayers, and not the burden that dampens your love.

JAN 2017 Fundraiser Brochure

2017-01-18T01:59:31.000Z

GourmetDelights.pdf

Hey----this is the fundraiser brochure Denise passed out. It's a pdf and this was the only place I saw to upload a file. Sale Sale Sale :)

7 New Year’s Resolutions for Your Marriage

2016-12-31T17:54:26.000Z

7 New Year’s Resolutions for Your Marriage

by Lee · December 21, 2016

Some of us resolve to do things better in the next year. Why not? It’s good to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. Do it with your marriage as well.

Here are some great “New Year’s Resolutions for 2017 for Your Marriage.” Maybe you’ll pick one or two or maybe you’ll do them all. Either way, it’s a good thing and a little effort can go a long way with your marriage and spouse.

In 2017 Resolve To:

7. Text your spouse more. Ask how work is going, say, “I miss you,” send them something sexy, say, “I can’t wait until you get home,” say, “I love you.”
6. Brag about each other more. Toot your spouses horn! Brag to your friends and family about your spouses accomplishments. Maybe your spouse has lost some weight, earned a promotion, fixed the sink, kicked a bad habit, learned to dance, etc.
5. Kiss more. Find every excuse to kiss! Going to the store? “Love you, bye!” (kiss). “Good morning!” (kiss) “Good supper!” (kiss). “Sexy abs!” (kiss)
4. Have more dates with your spouse! Rock climbing, ice skating, go to a movie, feed the ducks, etc.
3. Stop the yelling! You will get mad, but don’t yell. It will tear you apart emotionally. Show love to each other even when you are angry and disagree.
2. Have more sex! It’s a way to stay much closer – emotionally and physically. You, and your spouse, deserve it after dealing with work, life, parenting, taxes, the dog, and telemarketers!

Here’s some tips on being a better sexual partner for your spouse.

1. Don’t be critical of the small things. Bite your tongue. Your spouse chews loud? Forgot to put the seat back down or back up? Left a cup on the counter? Underwear in the floor? Forgot trash day? Burned the toast? Shrunk your shirt? Ate your yogurt cup? Get over it! Let things go. Don’t verbally attack them and don’t be angry about it – it’s a small thing and life is so much more important. Think love and kindness first. Give him/her the benefit of the doubt! Make it your habit NOT to be critical of the small things!

How to set goals for the New Year with your spouse

2016-12-28T00:27:01.000Z

https://unveiledwife.com/set-goals-new

10 Fantastic Qualities Not to Overlook in a Husband

2016-11-20T22:00:06.000Z

Not sure if I'm posting this correctly but I thought this article was a great read...and a reminder for all of us!

10 Fantastic Qualities Not To Overlook in a Husband

SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND BY MARSHA BURNS(11/1/16)

2016-11-02T15:41:28.000Z

You have been in a holding pattern where there seems to be no change or progress. This time of waiting can either be fruitless or fruitful. You can do nothing, or you can take advantage of this time to examine your attitudes and motivations and make positive and lasting changes. Do not let this opportunity pass you by, says the Lord.

Galatians 6:4 But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.

SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND BY MARSHA BURNS(11/2/16)

2016-11-02T15:41:18.000Z

When you feel restless, come into My presence and seek My rest, which is far above the fray. Come in spirit and be refreshed and rejuvenated so that you can effectively face the days ahead energized and with confidence. Establish yourself in peace, says the Lord.

Hebrews 4:10 For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased from his works as God did…

8 Ways to Date Your Spouse without Breaking the Budget

2016-08-31T04:56:11.000Z

By: Whitney Hopler

Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications of Peter and Heather Larson’s and David and Claudia Arp’s new book $10 Great Dates: Connecting Love, Marriage and Fun on a Budget.

Dating your spouse is vital to the health of your marriage, since sharing experiences outside of your normal routines keeps your relationship fresh and strengthens your bond. But traditional dates are often so expensive that couples sometimes neglect dating rather than deal with the stress of paying for pricey dates, like dinner at a fancy restaurant followed by a movie.

The good news is that by using your God-given creativity, you can create big romance on a small budget. Here are 8 types of dates you and your spouse can enjoy together for only about $10:

Adventure dates. Imagine that you and your spouse are tourists visiting your hometown, and enjoy tourist attractions that you haven’t yet visited together. Go shopping together on a mission to buy surprise gifts for each other, spending no more than $5 each on those gifts. Attend a free community workshop or seminar with your spouse to learn something new. Drive some back roads in your area to explore, going as far out and back as you can afford on $10 worth of gas. Visit a local home improvement store together to plan future projects for your home.

Out-on-the-town dates. Eat just desserts at a fancy restaurant, enjoying the atmosphere after you’ve eaten your main course inexpensively at home. Visit a store that sells greeting cards, choose cards to give to each other, and then put them back. Tour homes that are on sale during open house events. Discover interesting books, CDs, and DVDs at your local public library together. Drive to places in your area that are significant to your relationship – places where you all created good memories in the past – and take photos of each other at those places now. Eat breakfast together at home in bed, or out at an inexpensive restaurant. Transform the errands you have to do into a date by doing the errands together. Visit a museum in your area to learn more about art, history, or science through the museum’s collection.

At-home dates. Watch a movie that you had seen during your first year of dating and reminisce about that time in your lives together. Beat the “blahs” by doing something out of each other’s comfort zones or encouraging someone you all know who is going through a difficult time. Play games that you all enjoyed growing up, such as a favorite board game. Search for coupons together that you can use to save money on future fun activities. Cook together, preparing a meal that neither of you has ever created before. Watch the video of your wedding ceremony and reception and reminisce about that special day.

The Great Outdoors dates. Take a hike together, enjoying the scenery and conversation. Enjoy a campfire or fireplace with your spouse. Stream a movie through a mobile device at an outdoor location. Go to a local youth sporting event (like a baseball, soccer, or football game) together. Walk, jog, or run together and practice adjusting your pace to be in sync with each other as you do. Go to a local playground and enjoy playing together like children there. Take a walk outside either during the morning, when you can see the sunrise, or at night, when you can see the moon and stars.

Marriage pick-me-up dates. Research each other’s family history (through genealogy websites, family Bible records, family interviews, etc.) during a date. Order something inexpensive at a fast food restaurant’s drive-through window and observe the importance of checking the accuracy of the order so you can strengthen your listening skills with each other. Go someplace you all can talk privately and conduct a marriage checkup, talking about the current health of your relationship. Volunteer your time and energy to work together on a project or helping someone in need. Compile a “bucket list” of places you both would like to travel to during your lifetimes. Identify people who have helped you all as a couple and spend time on a date expressing your gratitude to at least one of them.

Romantic dates. Prepare an elegant dinner that you serve to your spouse as a picnic under the evening stars. Enjoy a spa experience at home, with a romantic bath and massages that you give each other. Take dancing lessons at home through free online videos. Meet your spouse at the door when he or she returns home in the evening and offer to grant three of his or her romantic wishes. Visit a hotel lobby to watch the people and enjoy the atmosphere there together. Surprise each other with inexpensive objects in a place that will help you communicate a significant message of love.

Seasonal special dates. Celebrate the arrival of spring by attending a local festival together. Choose some seeds – for vegetables, fruits, herbs, or flowers – and plant them in your yard or in a pot together. Have fun with your spouse in water, such as by swimming, boating, or fishing. Visit a farmer’s market to buy some fresh and inexpensive food. Pick your own fruit (such as apples or strawberries) at a local orchard. Take a hike together in the snow if you live in a place that’s cold enough for snow. Work out together during the holidays to make up for the extra calories you’re eating then. Drive around nearby neighborhoods to see Christmas lights and decorations.

Unique and unusual dates. Have a gold scavenger hunt in your house and sell any gold you find that you no longer need. See what food you can find in your pantry and freezer, and prepare it together for dinner at home. Test drive a vehicle at a local dealership just to enjoy the experience together. Play with a pet at home together, or visit your local shelter or pet store to play with the animals there. Plan landscaping for your yard. Look for bargains under $10 at estate sales in your area.

Why Do We Say Hurtful Things to the Ones That We Love?

2016-06-29T02:13:37.000Z

Why Do We Say Hurtful Things to the Ones That We Love?

By Perky Parkie:

I tried to find a way to sugarcoat this title. Because for me, this one sentence, brings a flash of all the hurtful things that people have said to me, and all the whoppers that I’ve shot back… (Hey, I never said I was perfect! Ok, so maybe I am, but don’t hold that against me). Then I had an epiphany; there is no way to dial this sentence down, because it screams the truth.

I am standing at the line at Starbuck’s. A gingerbread latte is calling my name and I am not one just to ignore its requests. In front of me, I notice a couple that is reviewing the menu selection. I can hear the woman saying, “Just pick a drink!” The man snaps back, “I am, can I have a minute to make up my own mind?” And with that, he mumbles something under his breath. I look back to the woman who is standing with her arms crossed, tapping her foot.

A minute later a chipper blonde girl, wearing an apron bounces up to the counter and says, “Hi, are you two ready to order?” The woman rolls her eyes and replies, “Well I am.” After placing her coffee order, she turns her back to the man, and starts a conversation with the barista about the status of her Christmas shopping. She is laughing and smiling with a stranger, but had her back turned to her partner. This is happening everyday, all around us. We show more kindness to the stranger behind the counter than we do to our loved ones.

Why is this? Is this due to our belief that they will always be there for us? Always forgiving our hurtful emissions? Or maybe we blame others for our unhappiness. “If he would only do what I want him to do, I would be happy.” Then again, it might be our reaction to the hurt or anger we are experiencing internally. “If only they could hurt like I do, they would realize their actions and change.” Or it could just be as simple as, we are comfortable enough with our loved ones that we can let our guard down and show who we really are… the raw, unfiltered self.

Sometimes we take each other for granted and expect the other person to forgive and forget that we are behaving like a jackass. But when do we need to stop and hold ourselves accountable for our actions? Superficial conversations with those behind the counter are going on all around us, but those don’t matter. It is how we treat our families and our friends that defines us as a person. So maybe if we could slow down and realize that even though they are just words, those hurtful comments can cause damage that even time can’t erase.

www.parkinsonsinbalance.net

11 Ways to Show Respect to Your Husband

2016-05-15T23:33:37.000Z

11 Ways to Show Respect to Your Husband

Some wives don't understand how important respect is to a man.

By Mary May Larmoyeux

After being married for about 30 years, I asked my husband, Jim, what might seem to be a simple question: "What would you want more—love or respect?"

While both are important, his answer surprised me: "Respect."

I couldn't understand why anyone would choose respect over love.

My question to Jim was prompted by a FamilyLife Today® broadcast with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of the book Love and Respect. Eggerichs bases the book on Ephesians 5:33, which says, "Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

Eggerichs' premise is that, though every person needs both love and respect, God gave men a special, deep need for respect, and He gave women this same deep need for love. That's why I didn't understand Jim's need for respect.

In the radio interview, Eggerichs said that among church members, there's a consensus that husbands should love their wives. "But the idea of respecting a man, some women gag … because they don't feel that."

He said when a wife feels unloved she usually reacts in ways that are disrespectful to her husband. And that when he feels disrespected, he tends to react in ways that don't express love to her. As Jim and I talked, and after I read Eggerichs' book Love and Respect, I understood that the respect my husband longs for should not be based on his performance. Instead, I should honor him because it pleases God and because I know that Jim's actions are motivated by his love for Jesus Christ and me.

My husband wants me to respect him for who he is, not for what he does.

Why your respect is important to your husband

I asked some men to help me understand why respect is so important to a husband. Here are some of their responses:

Respect expresses a wife's trust. One friend wrote, "Respect won't exist unless trust exists first."
Respect gives a husband the belief that he can do hard things. One husband said that receiving respect from his most intimate friend, his wife, reduces his fear of failure and of being inadequate. Another explained respect this way: "It is like wind in my sails. No one knows me like my wife does. Her level of respect for me is a very accurate barometer on how I am doing, and my confidence to do hard things is very much connected to that."
Respect acknowledges his leadership and discourages passivity. Giving respect shows the husband that he can be a leader in the relationship (Ephesians 5:25-30). One husband said if wives would express love to their husbands through respect, "I am convinced that men would be better leaders and passivity would be less commonplace."
Respect provides encouragement and makes him want to love her even more. One man said that when a wife does not respect her husband enough to listen to him, he feels defeated. Another said that when his wife respects him, it makes him want to love her even more.

Chad said that his wife expressed her respect for him the most when he was at perhaps his lowest point in life. He had lost his job, and felt demoralized and discouraged. Yet even after many disappointing interviews, his wife remained supportive. He says, "She spoke words reflecting confidence to me and hope of what will come."

When Chad took odd jobs just to make ends meet, his wife told him how proud she was of him. "I did not mow lawns because it was my life's calling," he said. "I did it because I needed to help pay my bills and feed my family. She allowed me to do it without shame or guilt."

Practical ideas for giving respect

How does a wife show her husband unconditional respect?I asked Chad's wife and some other women that very question. Based on their responses, here are 11 ways a woman can give her spouse the esteem he longs for:

1. Look for opportunities to show your husband honor and build him up. Kris began her marriage thinking that respect for her husband needed to be earned, and she often had a critical attitude toward him. She says that changed because "God's Word taught me that respect is an unearned gift."

2. Accept that you married an imperfect man. If your husband makes a bad decision, avoid saying "I told you so." Trust that God will somehow make even his bad decision work out in the long run (Romans 8:28).

3. Focus on what your husband does well. Ask God to give you an attitude that looks for the best in your husband and responds in ways that build him up. Tell him what you appreciate about him. As you begin each day, ask yourself: Is my heart in the right place? Am I following the humble example of Jesus Christ, counting my husband's needs more significant than myself (Philippians 2:1-4)?

4. Speak well of your husband. Don't belittle him to your girlfriends or make him feel unnecessary or incapable.

5. If you have a blended family, support your husband's discipline of your biological children. Sabrina says there are times when she doesn't agree with the way her husband is disciplining her biological children. But instead of correcting him in front of the kids, she waits and talks with him later. "As a result," she says, "I've seen him become more and more sensitive to my children's needs, and the kids have learned to see his word as authority in our home."

6. Encourage your husband when he gives spiritual direction to your family. Affirm him for his efforts, no matter how small. (If your husband is struggling in his spiritual leadership of your family, read Dennis and Barbara Rainey's article "How can I motivate my husband to get right with God and become the spiritual leader of our family?")

One wife told me about a time when she took over the biblical training in her home because she didn't think her husband was doing it right. She had hoped her actions would encourage him to step up his spiritual leadership. However, her strategy backfired. She says, "Doing this left him discouraged and feeling, ‘Why should I bother if she wants to do it?'"

7. Think before you speak. Sometimes life's decisions are really hard, especially when men and women think and reason so differently. One woman suggested that a wife should strive to understand her husband's thinking as he considers different options. Another said, "Often, if I make snap judgments or comments, that's when I disrespect my husband." Proverbs 21:23 (The Message) offers some good advice on this topic: "Watch your words and hold your tongue; you'll save yourself a lot of grief."

8. Consider the three T's: Text (what you will say), Time (when you will say it) and Tone (how you will express your words). Before discussing something difficult with your husband, Shannon suggests asking yourself three questions: "Is it true? Is it right? Does it build up?" She says to consider the best time to talk with your husband, and to ask God to give you the right tone when communicating.

9. Tell your children the positive aspects of their dad's character, both as a husband and a father. Regularly doing this in front of your spouse not only shows him respect, but also helps the kids develop a loving, respectful attitude toward Dad and marriage.

10. Remember that your touch tells your husband that he is worthy of your time and concern for his well-being. "When I know my man is tense or stressed," Joanie says, "all it takes is a massaging touch to his neck, shoulders, and back along with a fully engaged, listening ear. We give glory to God as we care for one another."

11. If your husband travels regularly, give him tangible reminders of your love for him. When Ashley's husband was discouraged about leaving home because of a job-related trip, she surprised him by tucking a special note into his suitcase. She expressed how much she appreciated his work ethic and commitment to providing for the family. The result? "When he came home we … felt connected at a deeper level. It was definitely an example of my respect for him."

Respect is what men yearn for

There are many times when it's not easy for a wife to give her husband respect. As one friend said, "It takes lots of prayers for me to let God take control of me and make me able to make wise choices when it comes to respecting my husband."

This friend says her unconditional respect for her husband has paid great dividends. Why? Because, respect is what men yearn for. As Ron Deal, director of FamilyLife Blended™, explains, "Respect is like chocolate to a man's soul."

5 Steps to Reset after a Marriage Meltdown

2016-04-22T17:40:11.000Z

5 Steps to Reset after a Marriage Meltdown

By: Dr. David B. HawkinsThe Marriage Recovery Center

We’ve all been there, done that. We’ve had a marital meltdown that left us woozy and wondering what our next step would be. I’ve written about this before, but felt compelled to write about it again since it is such a pertinent issue.

I certainly wish it weren’t such an issue. I wish all of us experienced day in, day out marital bliss. I wish the wild-eyed, early days of courting would last forever. But, alas, they do not.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not about to give you the “Passionate Love Can’t Last Forever” speech. I actually believe passionate love can last forever. I believe love can grow deeper, stronger, even more passionate with every passing year. But, I digress.

Sandy and Thomas came to The Marriage Recovery Center much like other couples seeking assistance. Bearing down on 40 years of age and 20 years of marriage, they were the stereotypical couple seeking my help. They were reasonably settled financially, had a solid faith background, a nice home and three children of whom they were proud.

“But, when we melt down,” Thomas said, “we have a hard time getting back up. We don’t melt down that often, but when we do, it lasts for days.”

I asked for more information, wanting to focus at this point on how they handled the post-meltdown blues.

“Tell me not only what happens leading up to the meltdown, but how you handle the meltdown once it has occurred.”

“We don’t do anything,” Sandy said. “We avoid each other and wait a few days to begin talking again.”

“Well,” I continued, “you actually do do something. You wait, avoid each other and I presume you harbor grudges?”

“Oh yes,” Thomas said. “We sure do harbor grudges. At least I know I do.”

“So, we’ve got to change this pattern,” I said. “We’ve got to change several things: avoiding each other, harboring grudges and failing to reset and make good contact with each other.”

“That would be nice,” they both said.

Here are a few additional ideas for resetting your marriage after you’ve had a marital meltdown:

First, anticipate the meltdown. As much as I’d like to say you can avoid any meltdowns, it is unlikely. This doesn’t mean you have to be pessimistic about your relationship, but rather practical in assuming you will have tough times.

Scripture tells us that in life we will have troubles. The Apostle John said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Notice that John has an optimistic perspective—“take heart,” he says. The Lord comes into our lives to give us both hope and peace.

Second, initiate contact to your mate. Let your mate know you wish to have a connection with them. Reach out to them. Even if you are initially rebuffed, don’t let that deter you from doing your part to make positive contact. Again, be the first to reach out.

Third, take responsibility for your part in the meltdown. Humility is the great elixir for a healthy marriage. You simply cannot wait for your mate to make the first move or even to necessarily own “their stuff.” They may and they may not. This, however, need not stop you from taking responsibility for your issues. Let the ownership start with you and notice the positive shift in emotional connection.

Fourth, renew your commitment of love. After taking ownership of your part in the melt down, and making positive contact with them, let your mate know that you love them. There is little more important in reconnecting then letting your mate know they are loved. A warm hug (if accepted) or tender words are often enough to melt a cold heart.

Finally, discuss what you learned from the situation. In order to avoid the recurrence of the meltdown, or to at least mitigate the severity of the next trouble, learn what there is to learn from the troubled situation. After the situation has settled and a bit of warmth has returned, arrange to sit down and talk about how to handle the situation different next time.

Why is it So Hard to Pray With My Spouse?

2016-03-03T03:30:00.000Z

By: Cindi McMenamin, Author

Admit it. You’d like to be one of those couples that prays together daily, conducts family devotions regularly, and models to others what a spiritual home should look like.

But if you’re like us – and most couples we’ve talked to – you’re not quite there. But that doesn’t mean you can’t ever be.

Although my husband was a pastor for more than 20 years and I continue to be heavily involved in ministry too, it took us a good 20 years before we started setting aside the time to pray together regularly. And when we did, we realized it was the single most important factor in creating a closer connection between the two of us.

And yet, why did it take us so long to prioritize praying together? The reasons – or maybe I should say, excuses – abounded.

As my husband and I began researching and writing our book, When Couples Walk Together, we interviewed many couples on the subject of praying together and learned we were not alone in our struggle. Nor were our reasons unique for finding it difficult to come together to pray.

The Schedule Dilemma

We found the number one reason most couples cited for not praying together was conflicting schedules and the inability to find the time to do so. For years, my husband and I cited this excuse, too. He was up earlier and out the door for work while I was helping our daughter get ready for school, which made morning prayer together nearly impossible. And praying at night before bed was out of the question as he would fall asleep much earlier than I would. But we realized that we make the time to do what is most important to us, so we had to start getting creative. Other couples we talked to also struggled with making the time, but once they did, they found another difficulty arose.

The Intimidation Factor

In talking with many couples about why they don’t pray together, the schedule is often the first excuse. But lying underneath that is the feeling that one’s spirituality will be measured by the length or depth of one’s prayers. Many wives expect their husbands, as the spiritual heads of the household, to initiate prayer, to comfort their hearts through prayer when they are feeling misunderstood, to be their spiritual strength. And those kinds of expectations can be intimidating to any man. Likewise, wives can feel intimidated, too, if they feel their prayers don’t match the spiritual depth of their husbands. Some spouses tend to be more verbose in their prayers, while others feel more comfortable internalizing their thoughts and pray silently to God. Prayer makes anyone feel vulnerable, especially if someone other than God is listening in.

The “Unseen” Battle

Finally, praying with one’s spouse is difficult at times because the enemy of our souls doesn’t want us praying together. Anything that strengthens your bond with your spouse and causes you to come together in like mindedness will be considered dangerous to Satan; he’ll do what it takes to prevent it – through distractions, misunderstandings, interruptions, feelings of intimidation, personal fatigue, and so on. That doesn’t mean every time your prayer time is interrupted or needs to be postponed that it was the work of the devil. Nor does it mean each time your spouse needs to cancel or doesn’t feel like praying it is his or her fault, either. It just means that our battle “is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens” (Ephesians 6:12).

Pushing Through the Obstacles:

Just as there are many reasons why it’s difficult for couples to pray together, there are equally as many ways to push through the barriers and incorporate a habit that will draw the two of you closer to one another and closer to God.

1. Pray it through. Talk to God first about your desire to pray with your spouse. 1 John 5:14-15 assures us that “whenever we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears whatever we ask, we know that we have what we have asked Him for.” So, ask God for the time in your schedule, for wisdom in how to suggest it to your spouse, and that God will prepare the heart of your spouse to desire this time with you as well.

2. Set a time. By setting an agreed-upon appointment for prayer with your spouse, both of you are more likely to keep it. But, as with any appointment, there will be times you or your spouse will need to postpone or reschedule. That’s life. So be flexible and extend grace.

3. Ease into it. There’s a reason prayer is considered a spiritual discipline. And as with any habit or discipline, it will take work. So ease into it. You might even start with praying together once a week for a brief time, then gradually increase your prayer time to two or three times a week until it becomes a part of your daily schedule.

4. Keep it short. There is nothing wrong with limiting the time that the two of you can spend in prayer, especially when you’re first starting out. There are jobs to attend, tasks to complete, and children to care for. Be respectful of each other’s time and put parameters around how long your prayer time will be. My husband often instructs couples in prayer as he would a team of backpackers. When a group of backpackers hit the trail, there’s a general rule of thumb that says everyone should walk at a pace that is most doable for the slowest-moving member of the team. It’s the “leave no man (or woman) behind” motto. So let the spouse who tends to pray the shortest set the tempo.

5. Keep it simple. You can keep it short and simple by limiting your prayer time together to the basic or most pressing needs on your heart. A couple’s prayer time should never replace an individual’s prayer time. And in my opinion, our prayer time alone with God, one-on-one, should far outweigh the amount of time we pray with our spouse. God is always there. He’s always available. And you don’t need to schedule a time to talk with Him. But that’s often not the case with your spouse. Respect his or her time and pray only about pressing needs that concern your family, such as job, health or financial issues, the salvation or spiritual life of loved ones, the behavioral issues of your children, and so on. You might even consider praying together for certain things on certain days: Monday – God’s provision; Tuesday – family and extended family; Wednesday – ministry opportunities; and so on.

6. Keep it safe. Remove any possibility of intimidation by letting your spouse know that your prayer time together is not an arena for judgment or assumption. In other words, anything that is prayed for is “safe” – and won’t be analyzed, critiqued, shared with others, or brought up again in a non-supportive way.

7. Keep it light. I don‘t mean to sound irreverent here or to imply our prayers should be shallow. I mean “light” in terms of encouraging. Praying with your spouse about sensitive issues in your marriage or situations in your past that may cause him or her to feel regret or remorse might not be best. Save the heavier, deeply personal issues for God. He can handle them and many times your spouse won’t know what to do upon hearing prayers that might be directed at him or her and any trouble or anxiety they may be causing the marriage. Aim for a goal of togetherness and encouragement as you pray. If your goal, after praying together, is that both you and your spouse emerge from that prayer time feeling more powerful and strengthened together, then you will know what to address with your spouse and what to keep for an extended prayer time with just you and God. As you begin praying together regularly, the Holy Spirit may impress upon your hearts to pray about deeper issues and, when that is the case, you both will simply be following His lead.

Finally, you can apply the principles of Philippians 2:1-2 as a guideline in praying together by “thinking the same way, having the same love, sharing the same feelings, focusing on one goal.” That one goal should be that each of you emerge from your prayer time together feeling stronger, more supported, and more unified in order to take on the enemy of your souls.