• • •

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Kendal Brown of Northport is one of 14 contestants
competing this fall for the title of “America’s Next Top Model.”

Does Alabama have the look? We’ll see on Wednesday, as the 15th season of “America’s Next Top Model” begins.

Fourteen women will compete in the CW reality TV show, including Kendal Brown, 24, of Northport. A student at Virginia College in Birmingham, Brown graduated from Tuscaloosa County High School in 2004. (During taping, Brown was still 23.)

The winner, who will be crowned in late November, will receive a contract with IMG Models, a $100,000 contract with CoverGirl Cosmetics and appearances in Vogue Italia and Beauty in Vogue.

Brown and fellow contestant Jane Randall landed their spots in the competition thanks to a photo contest on Tyra.com, official website of “Top Model” host Tyra Banks. Brown’s winning photo is shown at right.

Brown’s contestant bio lists a few of her favorites:

• Height: 5-foot-11
• Occupation: unemployed
• Favorite designer: Versace
• Favorite shoe: a comfortable one
• Must-have photo shoot accessory: my man
• Would never wear: animal print
• If trapped on an island, would bring: cell phone

Brown isn’t the first Alabamian to compete on “America’s Next Top Model.” In 2007, Samantha Francis of Pinson and Dionne Walters of Montgomery fought it out in season 8.

Video: “People think that no models are from Alabama,
and I’m here to prove that there are a a lot of them.”

Also:

• Kendal Brown’s Facebook profile.
• Meet the 14 contestants.
• Need more “America’s Next Top Model”?
  • The official DVDs, book and video game. [aff. link]
  • Purchase episodes from all seasons on iTunes. [aff. link]

Brown visits the CW21 station in Birmingham.

• • •

Do you have what it takes … to recap the show for us?
Contact us to apply to be our official recapper.

• • •

“America’s Next Top Model” will air at 7 p.m. Wednesdays on CW21.

• • •

On the runway: more on “America’s Next Top Model.”

• • •

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With the 2010 college football season under way as of Thursday night, it’s time to focus on the home teams. (Although UAB started with a home opener loss Thursday to Florida Atlantic, 32-31.)

Check out the full schedules for Alabama’s Division I-A teams …

[Note: Bold - home game; * - conference game]

Alabama
[detailed schedule]

• Saturday: San Jose State
  
• Sept. 11: Penn State
• Sept. 18: Duke
• Sept. 25: Arkansas*
• Oct. 2: Florida*
• Oct. 9: South Carolina*
• Oct. 16: Mississippi*
• Oct. 23: Tennessee*
• Nov. 6: LSU*
• Nov. 13: Mississippi State*
• Nov. 18: Georgia State
• Nov. 26: Auburn*

Auburn
[detailed schedule]

• Saturday: Arkansas State
• Sept. 9: Mississippi State*
• Sept. 18: Clemson
• Sept. 25: South Carolina*
• Oct. 2: Louisiana-Monroe
• Oct. 9: Kentucky*
• Oct. 16: Arkansas*
• Oct. 23: LSU*
• Oct. 30: Mississippi*
• Nov. 6: Chattanooga
• Nov. 13: Georgia*
• Nov. 26: Alabama*

Troy
[detailed schedule]

• Saturday: Bowling Green
  
• Sept. 11: Oklahoma State
• Sept. 18: UAB
• Sept. 25: Arkansas State*
• Oct. 5: Middle Tennessee State*
• Oct. 16: Louisiana–Lafayette*
• Oct. 30: Louisiana–Monroe*
• Nov. 6: North Texas*
• Nov. 13: Florida International*
• Nov. 20: South Carolina
• Nov. 27: Western Kentucky*
• Dec. 4: Florida Atlantic*

UAB
[detailed schedule]

• Thursday: Florida Atlantic
• Sept. 11: SMU*
• Sept. 18: Troy
• Sept. 25: Tennessee
• Oct. 6: UCF*
• Oct. 16: UTEP*
• Oct. 23: Mississippi State
• Oct. 30: Southern Miss*
• Nov. 6: Marshall*
• Nov. 11: East Carolina*
• Nov. 20: Memphis*
• Nov. 27: Rice*

Also:

• Tailgating, the Magic City way

Photo: justjennifer, Creative Commons 2.0

• • •

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Roast Pork Loin Stuffed with Rosemary, Bacon, and Onions,
from a recipe in “Frank Stitt’s Southern Table.”
Photos by Jason Horn.

By Jason Horn

I make a dish a week (or so) from “Ad Hoc at Home,” by Thomas Keller, arguably America’s greatest chef. Everything’s made from scratch, using time- and labor-intensive methods.

It is my summertime personal quest, The Thomas Keller Challenge, documented on the Messy Epicure.

But how would Keller fare against Birmingham’s indisputably best chef, Frank Stitt?

The plan

1. Choose similar recipes from “Ad Hoc at Home” and “Frank Stitt’s Southern Table” [aff. links]: stuffed pork roast and coconut cake.
2. Spend a day-and-a-half in an orgy of cooking.
3. Have foodie friends over to judge the fracas.

The results

I’m sad to report that our hometown contender put up a valiant effort, but came up short.

Both roasts were delicious, but Keller’s version was legendary, while Stitt’s recipe merely great. I think the brining in Keller’s instructions left the pork perfectly moist. The fig and balsamic jam stuffing was sublime as well.

Stitt won the cake battle, though only by a nose. Both versions had some issues: Keller’s cake is a bit dry, while Stitt’s cake collapsed after baking (this seven-layer cake had just five layers). Of the near-identical meringue frostings, Keller’s recipe is much easier to make. My ultimate coconut cake would pair Stitt’s pastry-cream filling and rich cake with Keller’s meringue.

Recipes, after the jump …

• • •

Fig-Stuffed Pork Loin
(adapted from Thomas Keller’s “Ad Hoc at Home”)

• Preparation time: 11 hours
• Cooking time: 1 hour
• Servings: 6

Ingredients

For fig and balsamic jam:

• 1 pound figs, stems removed and coarsely chopped
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
• 1/2 teaspoon black peppercorns, tied in a piece of cheesecloth
• Fresh lemon juice

For pork brine:

• 6 tablespoons honey
• 12 bay leaves
• 3 rosemary sprigs
• 1/2 bunch thyme
• 1/2 bunch flat-leaf parsley
• 1/2 cup garlic cloves, crushed, skin left on
• 2 tablespoons black peppercorns
• 1 cup kosher salt

For pork loin:

• One 2.5-pound pork loin roast
• 1 large fennel bulb
• Canola oil
• 1/2 cup ciabatta or other artisan bread, cut in 1/2-inch cubes
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic
• 1 tablespoon finely chopped shallot
• 1/4 cup chicken stock
• 1/2 teaspoon finely chopped thyme
• Kosher salt and ground black pepper

Fig and balsamic jam: Combine figs, sugar, vinegar and peppercorns in a large saucepan. Bring to a simmer over medium-high heat, then lower the heat to a simmer and cook, stirring gently, until jam reaches 215 to 220 degrees on a candy thermometer.

Remove from heat, remove peppercorns with cheesecloth, and stir in lemon juice to taste. Spoon into jars or other container, cover, let cool to room temperature, and store in refrigerator up to 1 month.

Pork brine: Combine all pork brine ingredients with 8 cups water in a large pot. Cover, bring to a boil, and boil 1 minute, stirring to dissolve salt. Let cool completely, then chill in refrigerator before use.

Pork loin: Pour cold pork brine into a container large enough to hold pork loin, and add pork. Refrigerate 10 hours.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place a roasting rack in a small roasting pan and put in the oven.

Remove pork from brine and rinse under cold water (discard brine). Pat pork dry with paper towels. Cut halfway into pork lengthwise, then turn knife and cut a bit further so the roast can be held open. Let rest while preparing stuffing.

Remove stalks and root end from fennel. Separate bulb into individual layers, and cut into batons about 1-1/4 inch long by 1/2 inch wide. Set aside 1/2 cup fennel (reserve the rest for another use).

Heat a small amount of canola oil in a medium frying pan over medium heat. Add bread and cook, tossing to brown on all sides, 1 to 2 minutes. Remove bread from pan.

Pour off any excess oil from pan, add fennel, and cook until tender with a bit of crunch, 2 to 3 minutes. Add garlic and shallot, and cook 1 minute. Stir in 1 cup Fig and Balsamic Jam and warm through, then add bread, chicken stock and thyme, and season to taste with salt and pepper.

Place stuffing into cavity in pork, close it back into a round shape, and tie with kitchen twine to hold it together (as shown in photo).

Season pork on all sides with salt and pepper. Heat some canola oil in a large frying pan over medium-high heat until smoking. Place pork in pan and brown on all sides, 2 to 3 minutes per side.

Transfer pork to roasting pan, and roast 30 to 40 minutes or until internal temperature is 135 to 140 degrees (it will be slightly pink). Remove from oven and let rest 30 minutes. Remove string, and slice loin into 1/4-inch slices.

• • •

Roast Pork Loin Stuffed with Rosemary, Bacon and Onions
(adapted from “Frank Stitt’s Southern Table”)

• Preparation time: 1-1/2 hours
• Cooking time: 65 minutes
• Servings: 8

Ingredients

• 1/2 pound bacon, cut into 1-inch pieces
• 4 medium onions, cut into 1-inch dice
• 2 cups crustless day-old French bread, cut into 1-inch cubes
• 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 2 sprigs rosemary, leaves removed and finely chopped
• 1 bunch flat-leaf parsley, finely chopped
• 1-2 tablespoons chicken broth
• Salt and pepper
• 1 center-cut boneless pork loin roast (about 4 pounds)

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Place bacon and onions in a roasting pan and roast, stirring occasionally, until onions are slightly golden and bacon is semi-crisp, about 15 minutes. Transfer, with all drippings, to a bowl, and set roasting pan aside. Add bread, garlic, rosemary, parsley and broth, and season to taste with salt and pepper. Let cool.

Cut halfway into pork lengthwise, then turn knife and cut a bit further so the roast can be held open. Place stuffing into cavity in pork, close it back into a round shape, and tie with kitchen twine to hold it together (as shown in photo in previous recipe).

Season pork with salt and pepper, place in reserved roasting pan, and roast 20 minutes. Turn oven down to 325 degrees, and roast 30 minutes, or until internal temperature reaches 140 to 145 degrees. Remove from oven, place pork on a rack set over a platter, and let rest 5 to 10 minutes.

Remove twine, slice pork 1 inch thick, and serve two slices on each plate.

• • •

Coconut Cake
(adapted from Thomas Keller’s “Ad Hoc at Home”)

• Preparation time: 1-1/2 hours
• Cooking time: 40 minutes
• Servings: 10 to 12

Ingredients

For cake:

• One 15-ounce can coconut milk
• 1-1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 3 cups cake flour
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 3/4 teaspoon kosher salt
• 3/4 cup egg whites (about 6 large eggs)
• 2 cups sugar, divided
• 1-1/2 sticks (6 oz.) unsalted butter, at room temperature
• 2 cups shredded unsweetened coconut

For meringue:

• 1-1/4 cups sugar
• 3 large egg whites, at room temperature
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Cake: Bring coconut milk to a simmer over medium heat and simmer, whisking occasionally, until reduced to 1 cup. Pour into a small bowl set atop an ice bath. When milk is cool, remove from ice bath and stir in vanilla. Set aside.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line the bottom of two 9-inch cake pans with parchment paper, butter the paper and sides, and coat with flour, tapping lightly to remove excess.

Sift together cake flour, baking powder and salt in a bowl. Set aside.

Whip egg whites until frothy in an electric mixer fitted with whisk attachment on medium speed. With mixer running, add 3/4 cup sugar, increase speed to medium-high, and whip to medium peaks. Transfer whites to a separate bowl, and clean mixer bowl. Switch mixer to paddle attachment.

Beat butter on medium speed to soften, scrape down bowl, add remaining 1-1/4 cups sugar, and beat on medium speed until light and creamy, stopping to scrape down sides as needed.

Add half of flour mixture to butter mixture, and mix on medium-low until mostly combined. Add half of coconut milk, and mix until mostly combined. Repeat with remaining flour, then remaining coconut milk. Remove bowl from mixer and scrape down sides with a spatula, mixing lightly until just combined.

Gently fold egg white mixture into batter by thirds. Divide batter evenly between prepared pans and gently smooth. Bake until a cake tester inserted in center of cakes comes out clean, 26 to 28 minutes.

While cakes bake, spread coconut on a baking sheet. Bake until lightly toasted, 6 to 8 minutes. Transfer to a small bowl and let cool.

When cakes are done, remove from oven, and cool in pans on a cooling rack about 10 minutes. Remove from pans, and let cool completely.

Meringue: While cakes cool, combine sugar and 3 tablespoons water in a small saucepan and cook to 220 degrees (use candy thermometer) over medium heat, stirring just until sugar dissolves. While sugar syrup cooks, whip egg whites to soft peaks in an electric mixer fitted with whisk attachment on medium-high speed. With mixer running, pour sugar syrup into mixer bowl in a slow stream. Add vanilla, and whip until stiff peaks form and bowl is cool.

Position one cake layer in center of a cake plate. Spread a 1/3-inch-thick layer of meringue on top. Sprinkle lightly with toasted coconut. Top with second cake layer, and frost sides and top of cake with remaining meringue. Sprinkle remaining coconut on sides and top of cake.

• • •

Seven-Layer Coconut Cake
(adapted from “Frank Stitt’s Southern Table”)

• Preparation time: 5-1/2 hours
• Cooking time: 1 hour
• Servings: 12 to 14

Ingredients

For pastry cream:

• 4 cups half-and-half
• 1 cup shredded unsweetened coconut
• 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
• 1/2 cup cornstarch
• 7 large egg yolks
• 5 tablespoons cold unsalted butter, sliced
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

For cake:

• 4 cups cake flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3 sticks (3/4 pound) unsalted butter, at room temperature
• 2 cups sugar
• 8 large egg yolks
• 1-1/3 cups sour cream
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

For frosting:

• 3 large egg whites
• 1-1/2 cups sugar
• 2 teaspoons light corn syrup
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 3/4 to 1 cup shredded unsweetened coconut, lightly toasted (bake at 300 degrees for 10 to 15 minutes or until golden brown)

Pastry cream: Combine half-and-half and coconut in a large saucepan, and bring to a simmer over medium heat. Turn off heat, cover, and steep 30 minutes.

Combine sugar and cornstarch in a small bowl, whisking to break up lumps. Set aside.

Place half-and-half mixture back on medium heat. (If it starts to boil while doing next steps, remove from heat.) Beat egg yolks in a medium bowl. Whisk sugar mixture into yolks a little at a time until mixture is smooth and thick. Whisk about 1-1/2 cups hot half-and-half mixture into yolk mixture to temper, then add to remaining half-and-half mixture. Cook over medium heat, whisking constantly, until thick, about 10 minutes (should register 175 degrees on a thermometer). Do not allow to boil.

Remove from heat, transfer to a bowl, and whisk in butter and vanilla until butter melts. Cover with plastic wrap directly on surface of the pastry cream, and refrigerate at least 4 hours, up to 3 days.

Cake: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour two 9-inch cake pans.

Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt, and set aside.

Cream butter and sugar on high speed in an electric mixer fitted with paddle attachment until light and fluffy. Reduce speed to medium, and add egg yolks. Add sour cream and vanilla, and mix until combined, stopping to scrape down sides of bowl if necessary. Reduce speed to low, and add flour mixture a little at a time, beating until combined after each addition. Scrape down bowl after all flour mixture is added, and mix until no lumps remain.

Divide batter evenly between prepared pans. Bake until cake springs back when pressed lightly and a cake tester inserted in center comes out clean. Remove from oven, and let cool completely in pans on a cooling rack.

Oops, this cake fell!

Remove cakes from pans, and chill in freezer a few minutes. Using a long serrated knife, slice each cake into four even layers, about 1/2 inch thick. (You will end up with eight layers, one extra in case of breakage.)

Place a layer in the center of a cake plate, and spread with a 1/2-inch-thick layer of pastry cream. Top with another layer, and spread with pastry cream. Repeat for a total of seven layers (no pastry cream on top layer). Chill cake in freezer while preparing frosting.

Frosting: Combine egg whites, sugar, corn syrup and salt in a large heat-proof bowl. Set over a saucepan of boiling water, and whip on medium speed with a handheld electric mixer 4 minutes. Turn mixer to high, and whip 3 minutes more or until mixture has doubled in volume. Transfer to a separate bowl, add vanilla, and whip 3 minutes more or until cool.

Frost sides and top of cake, and sprinkle with coconut.

• • •

Also:

• Sugar and Spice by Celeste
  • Frank Stitt’s Pizza with Mushrooms, Butternut Squash and Wilted Greens
  • Thomas Keller’s Grilled Asparagus with Prosciutto, Fried Bread, Poached Egg and Aged Balsamic Vinegar
• Bhamwiki: Frank Stitt
• Southern Foodways Alliance: Lifetime Achievement Award for Frank Stitt

• • •

Jason Horn (@messyepicure) is a Birmingham writer, sometime culinary student and big fan of zombie movies who blogs at The Messy Epicure.

• • •

Hungry for more? Check out the menu of Birmingham’s Best Eats!

• • •

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In creating a recipe that best represents Alabama, I couldn’t help but think of the shrimp from the Gulf of Mexico. The quality of the shrimp hasn’t suffered one bit despite the recent BP oil spill disaster.

I came up with Greek Salad with Gulf Shrimp, a simple, yet perfectly matched summer salad that takes a cue from Birmingham’s rich Greek culture.

The salad alone isn’t necessarily special, but the sweetness coming from the grilled shrimp adds another layer of flavor you can get only from the Gulf. For another great taste, try grilling these shrimp with Old Bay or Creole seasoning.

• • •

Photo by Brian Heptinstall.

Greek Salad with Gulf Shrimp

• Preparation time: 30-45 minutes
• Cooking time: 10 minutes
• Servings: 4-6

Ingredients

Dressing:

• 1/4 cup red wine vinegar
• 1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
• 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon pepper
• 1 teaspoon dried oregano
• 2 small cloves garlic, minced
• 1 cup olive oil

Salad:

• 1 package spring salad mix
• 1 head romaine lettuce
• 1 cup feta cheese
• 2 Roma tomatoes, sliced
• 1 jar kalamata olives, pitted, sliced
• 1 jar roasted red peppers, diced
• 1 can artichoke hearts, quartered
• 3-5 shrimp, peeled and deveined
• Olive oil
• Salt and pepper

Dressing: In a bowl, add all ingredients together except the olive oil. Mix well, and slowly add in oil while constantly stirring. Cover and refrigerate. Just before serving, be sure to stir again as the dressing might separate.

Salad: Place the spring/romaine mix in a bowl big enough to toss the salad. Add feta, tomatoes, kalamata olives, roasted red peppers and artichoke hearts. Refrigerate.

(Use your judgment in ingredient quantities for the salad. We suggest making the salad in layers.)

Place shrimp on skewers. Right before placing the shrimp on hot grill, drizzle with olive oil and lightly dust with salt and pepper (Old Bay or Creole seasoning would also be good). Grill shrimp until done, and remove from heat. (Be careful not to burn yourself when taking shrimp off the skewers.)

Add shrimp to the salad. Pour dressing, toss and serve.

• • •

Also:

• Is Gulf seafood safe? Reports from the Associated Press | Mother Jones Magazine | New York Times
• Sugar and Spice by Celeste’s recipe for Roasted Shrimp and Orzo.
• Stay Hungry’s recipe for Chile Shrimp.
• The Messy Epicure’s recipe for locally sourced gumbo.

• • •

Gadsden native Brian Heptinstall (@bheptin) writes the AL.com blog Food and Farce and produces how-to videos featuring his favorite foods from Walt Disney World on A Taste of Disney. A classically trained chef, he has worked in several top kitchens including Mar-A-Lago, the Four Seasons, Il Cioppino Italian Restaurant and the PGA Resort and Spa.

• • •

Hungry for more? Check out the menu of Birmingham’s Best Eats!

• • •

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Trattoria Centrale offers breakfast on weekdays, but
Breakfast ’Za during Sunday brunch only. Photo by Brad Daly.

By Glenny Brock and Brad Daly

Pizza for breakfast is often inelegant. Even the finest pie can lose its piquancy after being stored overnight in cardboard next to desiccating lemon wedges and other odds and ends in your refrigerator.

Happily, the guys at Trattoria Centrale have a decidedly different approach to early morning pizza: They put an egg on it.

“The egg functions as the sauce,” says Geoff Lockert, co-owner of the downtown pizzeria. “Even on a breakfast pizza, we could use other things for the sauce, but we feel the egg creates a good bit of texture.”

Trattoria Centrale serves Breakfast ’Za ($3 per slice) at Sunday brunch only. Lockert’s partner Brian Somershield starts the pie with dough, then adds diced potatoes, scallions, bacon, sausage, mozzarella, Fontina and Pecorino Romano. Each serving is made to order: Somershield fries an egg as soon as a slice goes in the oven.

“On the pickup, we pull the pizza out and put the egg on it right when the yolk is nice and runny,” Lockert says. “We add a little salt and pepper, and that’s it.”

The result is nearly a religious experience. Once you’ve had Trattoria Centrale-style pizza for breakfast, cold leftovers just won’t cut it.

• • •

Trattoria Centrale

• 207 20th St. N., downtown [map]
• (205) 202-5612
• Trattoriacentrale.com
• Hours: 7:30 a.m.-6:30 p.m. Monday-Thursday, 7:30 a.m.-10 p.m. Friday and 11 a.m.-2 p.m. Sunday

• • •

Also:

• Bhamwiki: Trattoria Centrale
• Birmingham News: “Za Za Trattoria is now Trattoria Centrale”
• Anthro101′s review of Trattoria Centrale
• Pavo Magazine Q&A with Trattoria Centrale’s co-owners Geoff Lockert and Brian Somershield.

• • •

Writer Glenny Brock (@glennybrock) and photographer Brad Daly (@bwdaly) launched the Birmingham food blog Stay Hungry (@stayhungrybham) in June. He cooks, she writes, and they both eat, thoughtfully.

• • •

Hungry for more? Check out the menu of Birmingham’s Best Eats!

• • •

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The marinated slaw from Zoës Kitchen pairs
cabbage with feta. Photo by John-Bryan Hopkins.

By John-Bryan Hopkins

Nothing says Southern at a family get-together, potluck or cookout like a bowl of slaw sitting alongside deviled eggs and baked beans. Coleslaw seems to be a common thread that pulls these meals together.

(“Coleslaw” is an anglicization of the Dutch word koolsla, a shortening of koolsalade, meaning “cabbage salad.”)

Unfortunately, I’ve never been a fan, being more of a meat-and-potatoes guy when it comes to Southern food. (Side dishes are those “other things” littering the table.) The first thing that comes to mind is the milky, mushy, chopped cabbage/carrot concoction — usually too sweet for my taste.

That was until I stumbled upon the marinated slaw at Zoës Kitchen a couple of years ago. My opinions completely changed in a single bite. The fresh, thinly sliced white cabbage paired with feta cheese and a little olive oil makes for a wonderful combination.

Soon, slaw went from a rare side dish to a staple in the refrigerator. It is not uncommon to find me visiting the Birmingham-based chain to replenish my stockpile of quart-size containers ($6.95).

Choosing the right side dish can make or break a meal. I haven’t found many things that don’t go well with this slaw. Zoës’ version hits it out of the ballpark and onto my plate every time.

• • •

Zoës Kitchen

• Five locations in the Birmingham area
• Zoeskitchen.com

• • •

Also:

• Bhamdining.com capsule on Zoës Kitchen.
• Southern Foodways Alliance interview with Zoë Cassimus, co-founder of Zoës Kitchen.
• Magic City Mom review of Zoës Kitchen.
• Bhamwiki: Zoës Kitchen.

• • •

Birmingham’s John-Bryan Hopkins loves talking about food facts, their origins and, most of all, what food means to us.

His site/blog is Foodimentary (@Foodimentary).

• • •

Hungry for more? Check out the menu of Birmingham’s Best Eats!

• • •

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1. The only political or social cause you’ve ever been involved with was to legalize stronger beer. (@david_carter)
2. You can’t stop wishing corruption didn’t kill City Stages. #didanybody’schecknotbounce? (@sandybirmingham)
3. You’ve never used public transportation in Birmingham. (@bwdaly)
4. You go to a “meat n’ three” because someone said that they have “good vegetables.” (@rebecca_morrow)
5. Your panhandler rides a nicer bike than yours. (@WadeOnTweets)
6. You think Surin is a really nice restaurant. (@Iva4Gov)
7. You’re a judge with a law degree from an unaccredited law school. (@bwdaly)
8. You can do an impression of Bill Bolen saying “Momma.” (@bwdaly)
9. You are sitting around trying to think up clever sayings for #You’reSoBirminghamIf. (@filamentartists)
10. You say “Vulcan” and not “The Vulcan.” (@CreekRat)
11. You’ve never lived in a real city and don’t understand how bad things are here. (@bwdaly)
12. You used to drink beer at Norm’s. (@CreekRat)
13. You grew up 30+ miles out in the suburbs, but still claim the ‘ham as your “hometown.” (@feralparakeet)
14. You know the truth of Birmingham retail: If you can’t park and see it, the shop is unlikely to survive. (@politicalparlor)
15. You’ve ever wanted to get the clippers after James Spann’s hair to shave that little center part off. (@StaceyHood)
16. You bought your 205 jersey at a yard sale or Goodwill. (@WadeOnTweets)
17. You voted for Ruben, Bo and Taylor. (@sandybirmingham)
18. You constantly tell people how awesome Birmingham is, even though you know it’s a lie. (@david_carter)
19. You don’t know how to get over the mountain without using 65 or 31/280. (@bwdaly)
20. You can drive from downtown to the Inverness Target without getting on 280. (@piercingwit)
21. Anyone you ever elected went to jail. (@WadeOnTweets)
22. You discussed how sad you were when the Stallions and the Fire folded, but you never went to a game. (@MellowBHAM)
23. You wish the Iron Bowl was moved back to Legion Field. (@Iva4Gov)
24. You’ve always wanted copies of the Legion Field lions to guard your driveway. (@theCapNdavid)
25. You’re one of the badasses from @BAAMfest who proved you don’t need the city government to put on a successful festival. (@bwdaly)
26. You have to fly through a hub in Atlanta, Memphis, Houston, etc. to get to the West Coast. (@Iva4Gov)
27. You judge the severity of severe weather by how James Spann is dressed. (Coat off, sleeves up: Better pay attention!) (@kristenmstewart)
28. You went to an all-white or all-black school. (@bwdaly)
29. Your only political trope is race. (@bwdaly)
30. You’ve ever heard slot machines described as part of the civil rights movement. (@chris_depew)
31. You prefer faith to knowledge. (@bwdaly)
32. You’ve had a supermarket checkout person refuse to sell you beer at 11:53 a.m. on a Sunday. (@messyepicure)
33. You remember going to Century Plaza! (@briancauble)
34. Your megachurch has its own ZIP code. (@WadeOnTweets)
35. You’ve dressed up as a former Jefferson County commissioner for Halloween. (@UrbanPat)
36. You confess to friends that your parents were racists … “but I’m not!” (@collirp)
37. You pick a lunch place solely based on its dancing sign guy. (@WadeOnTweets)
38. You have a favorite Mike Royer hairpiece. (@joey__t)
39. You kill the messenger. (@bwdaly)
40. You believe “progress” requires the destruction of our history. (@tbdcreativeinc)
41. You don’t valet. (@Iva4Gov)
42. You’ve moved out of the city, but still keep whining about its leaders. (@seankelley)
43. The compass on your iPhone points toward Vulcan. (@andyspain)
44. You have hope and work for change despite the naysayers. (@bikeskirt)
45. You are so paranoid about what outsiders think you can’t laugh at your own expense. (@chris_depew)
46. You drink Grapico and Buffalo Rock. (@Iva4Gov)
47. The new Bass Pro Shops store is a destination for you. (@aathu)
48. You look forward to seeing what Mickey Ferguson is going to do on Halloween! (@Iva4Gov)
49. Your life was enhanced by Cecil Whitmire. (@bwdaly)
50. You do that ghetto “Electric Slide” to every damn song. (@yendisak)
51. You know not to read the comments on AL.com. (@Owsley9)
52. You go off-roading on unpaved city streets. (@WadeOnTweets)
53. You know Marty and Ona really well. (@aathu)
54. You whine that criticism is part of the problem. (@bwdaly)
55. You can’t find the humor in the negatives. (@filamentartists)
56. You use Dale’s Steak Seasoning. (@Iva4Gov)
57. You have no idea of the pernicious effect of college football on Alabama’s public university system. (@bwdaly)
58. You remember seeing Survivor @WrightCenterSU. (@WrightCenterSU)
59. You’ve known or met at least two people that have worked for EBSCO. (@rebecca_morrow)
60. You whine about metro traffic but would never dream of taking a bus. (@AR_Kirby)
61. Your favorite sports team is at the college level or below. (@khcreative)
62. You pop a woody every time a new chain store or chain restaurant opens. (@bwdaly)
63. You helped elect Larry Langford mayor without a runoff. (@bwdaly)
64. You grew up wanting to live in the big city and ended up in Birmingham. (@WadeOnTweets)
65. You recognize something good must be afoot, if the naysayers come out play. (@Owsley9)
66. You wish the Birmingham Barons played more games at Rickwood (and actually in Birmingham). (@politicalparlor)
67. You’d drive downtown for hockey but not to Hoover for baseball. (@WadeOnTweets)
68. You’re generous. Birmingham is ranked as the most charitable city in the United States! http://bit.ly/aEiJXW (@alabamapossible)
69. You have the front of Vulcan as your view instead of the butt. (@motionmind)
70. You confuse tourists needing directions and say, “Follow me …” (@aathu)
71. You know the steam table at Fife’s. Yum. #ILoveBirmingham (@Jerry_Griffies)
72. You remember when Dreamland only had ribs, white bread and sauce. (@StaceyHood)
73. You’ve ever spent a week’s pay on a tailgate party. (@chris_depew)
74. Your political campaign has distributed flyers calling your opponent an Uncle Tom. (@bwdaly)
75. You give and understand directions that are nothing but numbers: 31, 280, 459, 150, 119 … (@KnowTea)
76. You write a blog post for @aldotcom about this hashtag. http://ow.ly/2vmWd (@KristenHeptin)
77. You’re addicted to Milo’s sweet tea. (@aathu)
78. You are a struggling freelancer. (@filamentartists)
79. You learn that you and the person you just met have seven mutual acquaintances. (@AR_Kirby)
80. Your “minister” was part of Richard Scrushy’s Amen Mafia. (@bwdaly)
81. You miss Ollie’s barbecue. (@DrNemoJr)
82. You have no sense of irony. (@bwdaly)
83. Everybody in your circle is banging one another. (@yendisak)
84. You think Pam Huff has been on TV for too long. (@aathu)
85. Your parking meter is actually a sawed-off pole. (@WadeOnTweets)
86. You are sick and tired of hearing the word “potential.” (@filamentartists)
87. Your sewer bill could pay for clean drinking water for three African villages. (@sandybirmingham)
88. Most of your tweets are about shopping. (@bwdaly)
89. Everyone you know — grannies, hippies and pastors included — is in at least one football pool. (@chris_depew)
90. You don’t tell your customers who you pull for in the Iron Bowl because you don’t want them to hold this against you. (@APPRAISALSOURCE)
91. You have a favorite BBQ joint, sports talk show, hot dog place, high-grav brew and wing shack. (@WadeOnTweets)
92. You had a dream last night featuring Jim Skinner. (I did.) (@bwdaly)
93. Your former mayor is a shopping addict. And is now in jail. (@cmhallua)
94. You only spend money in the Lakeview District drinking. (@aathu)
95. You buy sweet tea at the grocery store. (@juliesenter)
96. You’ve ever felt sick when you heard someone say “the neighborhood changed” and realized what they meant. (@glennybrock)
97. You call Pam Huff “Ham Puff.” (@bwdaly)
98. You have more square feet of TV than linear feet of books. (@bwdaly)
99. You aspire to live in Hoover. (@aathu)
100. You jus’ got you one o’ nem “tweeter pages.” (@aathu)
101. You ignore the fact that most of the city’s population is poor and struggling, while you just care about lunch/bars/events. (@david_carter)

The full list of #YoureSoBirminghamIf tweets from Aug. 26, 2010.

• • •

Read more Wade’s 101.

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Miss Myra’s Pit Bar-B-Q serves chicken superior
to the other joints in Birmingham.
Photos by Jason Horn.

By Jason Horn

One barbecue rule we’ve found to be universal: The more anthropomorphic the pigs on the sign or in the restaurant, the better the food. Don’t laugh, it’s true.

Miss Myra’s Pit Bar-B-Q has shelves covered with dozens of pigs, doing all kinds of human activities. This red-roofed cathedral of smoked chicken sits just a couple blocks from the Summit shopping center, in the Cahaba Heights section of Vestavia Hills.

Inside, the place resembles all great barbecue joints: a little dingy, a little dark and featuring at least two photos of the legendary Bear.

But the food.

It’s chicken that makes Miss Myra’s the best in town. This restaurant’s version is five times smokier than anyone else’s, perfectly juicy and the reason Alabama white sauce was invented. (That’s a barbecue sauce based in mayonnaise, rather than tomato sauce.) A dark-meat plate ($6.25) consists of a leg and thigh, bread, a pickle and two side dishes.

Make sure to order a deviled egg for one side dish. They’re the absolute best we’ve ever had: nice and mustard-tangy but still creamy and dense.

And don’t forget a slice of home-style pie ($2.75). Four or five kinds are on display daily, from Key lime to coconut to a lemon meringue that’s a good 4 inches tall. All are delicious.

Key lime pie is one of the handful of varieties
available at Miss Myra’s every day.

• • •

Miss Myra’s Pit Bar-B-Q

• 3278 Cahaba Heights Road, Vestavia Hills [map]
• (205) 967-6004
• Missmyrasbbq.com
• Hours: 8 a.m.-8 p.m. Monday-Thursday and 8 a.m.-9 p.m. Friday-Saturday

• • •

Also:

• Reviews of Miss Myra’s Pit Bar-B-Q from Boston Globe | Gastronomy | Marie, Let’s Eat | Wall Street Journal.
• Birmingham News: recipe for Miss Myra’s white sauce.

• • •

Jason Horn (@messyepicure) is a Birmingham writer, sometime culinary student and big fan of zombie movies who blogs at The Messy Epicure.

• • •

Hungry for more? Check out the menu of Birmingham’s Best Eats!

• • •

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Actor Adrian Grenier is returning for another opening night in Birmingham.

Sort of.

The “Entourage” star directed the documentary “Teenage Paparazzo,” which opens the 2010 Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival on Sept. 24. Grenier also stars in the movie. He was also in the 2008 Sidewalk opening night film, “Adventures of Power.”

“Teenage Paparazzo” features 13-year-old photographer Austin Visschedyk and Grenier as they develop a relationship based on fame, celebrity and mutual exploitation. Grenier turns the tables on his pursuer by filming Austin and his budding career as a paparazzo.

Also added to the lineup:

• Closing night film “Brotherhood,” with Jon Foster and Trevor Morgan.
• “The Disappearance of McKinley Nolan,” by director and producer Henry Corra.
• “Dogtooth” from director, producer and writer Giorgos Lanthimos,
• “Black, White and Blues,” starring Michael Clarke Duncan, Luke Perry, Taryn Manning and Alabama’s Morgan Simpson, and directed by Mario Van Peebles.

• • •

‘Teenage Paparazzo’

• Starring Alec Baldwin, Lewis Black, Noam Chomsky, Matt Damon, Whoopi Goldberg, Jake Halpem, Paris Hilton, Perez Hilton, Martin Landau, Lindsay Lohan, Eva Longoria Parker, Mario Lopez, Rosie O’Donnell, Michelle Rodriguez and Jaleel White.
• Directed by Adrian Grenier.
• Official site | IMDB | Facebook | Sidewalk page
• 8 p.m. Sept. 24 at the Alabama Theatre.
• Scheduled to attend: co-producer Evan Ferrante.

• • •

The Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival takes place Sept. 24-26 in downtown Birmingham. Tickets: three-day pass, $50, $40 for members and students; one-day pass, $20, $15 for members and students.

• • •

The lineup is set, but which movies will you see? Let us know in the comments.

Action! Complete Sidewalk Festival coverage.

Stock your pantry with the right ingredients by
exploring the Asian markets across Birmingham.
Photo by Jen Barnett.

By Jen Barnett

The Birmingham grocery-scape has become increasingly dotted with Asian, Latin and other ethnic markets. Foreign by nature for many of us, they can seem especially intimidating if you’re accustomed to today’s massive chain supermarkets, where products are mostly familiar and layouts are homogeneously streamlined to move you from buggies to produce to meat.

Why would you need to visit an Asian market anyway? After all, Publix has rice noodles and coconut milk.

But it carries only one brand of coconut milk, one kind of rice noodle. It’s like buying groceries at the gas station.

Plus, the convenience-store selection also carries convenience-store prices. Shopping at the Asian market can save you 20 percent or more on ingredients such as sticky rice, seaweed wraps and fish sauce.

(One caveat to newbies: Some markets have a unique fishy smell you might not be used to. Tolerable, maybe, but not always conducive to browsing.)

Asian recipes are often quick and easy, especially if you have ingredients on hand. We visited several Asian grocery stores across town and compiled this list of favorite markets to get you started.

Asian Super Market

• 3065 Lorna Road, Ste. D, Hoover [map]
• (205) 822-0140
• Hours: 10 a.m.-9 p.m. Monday-Saturday and 1-6 p.m. Sunday
• Note: Very friendly owner who will answer any questions.

Super Oriental Market

• 243 West Valley Ave., Homewood [map]
• (205) 945-9558
• Superorientalmarket.com
• Hours: 10 a.m.-8 p.m. Monday and 10 a.m.-9:30 p.m. Tuesday-Sunday
• Note: Huge store with food plus gifts, cookware, appliances and the Red Pearl Restaurant.

Chai’s Oriental Food Store

• 2133 Seventh Ave. S., Southside [map]
• (205) 324-4873
• Hours: 10 a.m.-7 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday and 1-6 p.m. Sunday
• Note: Nice people in a small shop next to Thai House, which is also recommended.

Asian Food Market

• 22 Green Springs Highway, Homewood [map]
• (205) 941-1009
• Hours: 10 a.m.-9 p.m. Monday-Saturday and 1-7 p.m. Sunday
• Note: Small Korean restaurant next door with affordable prices and friendly owners.

• • •

Also:

• The Messy Epicure’s recipe for Sichuan-style braised eggplant.
• Okra Cola: “East meets South: The Korean-redneck dinner table.”

• • •

Jen Barnett is the managing editor of VisitSouth.com, a travel hub with tips on where to stay, what to do and where to eat in the South. Her favorite dish in Birmingham is her mom’s fresh veggie plate, but she didn’t bring enough for everyone, so she won’t mention it again.

• • •

Hungry for more? Check out the menu of Birmingham’s Best Eats!