Wafflecone

2014 Dead Pool

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 31 Dec 2013 02:58:00 +0000

Christopher Lee
David Attenborough
Muhammad Ali
Abe Vigoda
Casey Kasem
Carl Kasell
Buzz Aldrin
Bashaar al-Assad
Sofia Loren
Gail Halvorsen

2013 Death Pool

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 19:23:00 +0000

Prince Phillip
Bob Dole
Lindsay Lohan
George H. W. Bush
Alan Greenspan
John Glenn
Harper Lee
Jim Lovell
Desmond Tutu
I.M. Pei

Doomsday

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 08:01:00 +0000

Watch out for zombies!

Homeopathy Follow-up

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 19 Jun 2012 04:04:00 +0000

Deadpool 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 21:13:00 +0000

Mubarak
Larry Flint
Rupert Murdock
Little Richard
Richard Attenborough
Gunther Von Hagens
Russell Brand
E O Wilson
Dali Lama
Sumner Redstone

Thoughts on Homeopathy

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 05:41:00 +0000

Today, I come to you representing a disenfranchised and persecuted minority group, the homeopaths. Homeopathy is the radical notion that drinking water is good for you. But not just any water, this water has been energized by adding some mineral, like sulfur or Natrum muriaticum (a version of table salt sold to New Agers), and then reenergized even further by adding more water. The more water the better, also if that water comes from far away that also helps. Preferably by train for some reason, because homeopaths don't how the water cycle works. But that's not their fault; clearly science education has failed them.

Homeopaths swear by the effectiveness of this elixer. They boast of numerous health benefits that come from this lifestyle, like really clear urine. As someone who regularly voids the color of apple juice, and once the color of Blue Voltage Mountain Dew, I suppose I might be proud of that too.

Recently this group of peaceful aquaphiles has been under attack by a sinister force, The Amazing Randi. This diabolical magician insists that these claims of benefit are "woo-woo," the Canadian equivalent of the word bogus. Using his power of hypnosis, he incited dozens, perhaps hundreds, of militant skeptics to exceed the recommended dosage of several over the counter homeopathic remedies. A man in West Virginia, clearly wishing for the sweet death caress of death in a way only West Virginians can, took one million times the recommended dosage. With his mass suicide failing to claim a single nap, Randi's forces of negative vibes and vehement eye rolling have declared a mild victory on the forces of pseudoscience. They have also sunk their tendrils into the last bastion of truth, Wikipedia, where the word "remedy" has menacing quotation marks surrounding it like a pack of wolves. Things fair even worse for "potentization" which gets slammed by the scourge of sarcastic italics. You know you're in a bad place when even Wikipedia is making fun of you, or rather through a series of debates and multiple rounds of voting has decided that the appropriate tone for your article is derision [citation needed].

One of the skeptics' arguments is that things which aren't medicine have no business being marketed to idiots as medicine. Or that by applying a tiny asterisk to say that they haven't been subject to evaluation by the FDA they can skirt all sorts of practical regulations and ingredients. Or that the entire concept of "molecular memory" is irreparably flawed and flies in the face of both chemistry and modern medicine. Even the most favorable scientific evaluations of homeopathy have yielded results on par with the placebo effect, that is to say no discernable effect, but so what? Sugar water is delicious, and isn't drinking water not unhealthy? Unless it's from one of those plastic bottles which are actually quite dangerous and not very environmentally conscious either. The Amazing Randi has come a long way since he publicly embarrassed a man who was already claiming to bend spoons with his mind, but trying to prevent idiots from wasting their money seems like a fool's errand. And last I checked, the placebo effect is still better than a no placebo effect. As his minions have proved, the pathies clearly aren't in any real danger of overdose in anything except magical thinking.

Not pictured: cloak and wizard hat.

So far, it's hard to tell if Randi's campaign has been more or less effective than his attempt to convince AOL users that there aren't actually 1000 hours in a month. His million dollar grand prize and beard remain untouched and bushy, respectively. It's unlikely that a demographic which believes an elementary school teacher can successfully moonlight as an apothecary will really listen to a reasoned argument about the merits of statistically measured double-blind trials. These are the same idiots who think taking a megadose of vitamin C will prevent anything but scurvy. Contracting pirate-face is a persistent fear of mine, so I'm not going to correct them, but I'm also not going tell them about all the factual inaccuracies present in the film Jurassic Park. I love that movie and whoever has been driving that custom Jeep around Eugene is my personal hero, but tearing it apart takes away some of the industrial light and magic.

While Randi rages against superstitions and magical thinking, ostensibly for noble purposes, he also belittles the whimsical belief that we have some control over our lives. Taking a homeopathic remedy probably isn't going to prevent a cold, especially if you're trapped on an airplane, any more than me wearing my favorite shirt for a chemistry exam will imbue me with the mystical power of three wolves howling at the moon, but I'm going to do it anyway because it a little silly hope is better than nothing. Of course, I know I'm using the shirt as a placebo effect, rendering it moot, and it’s a little ill fitting. It also has a full moon and a new moon would probably be more potent. Regardless, the cold facts say that exposure is the only true path to immunity. With a significantly varied diet, a multivitamin isn't going to be beneficial either, but I'll still take those because they make them look and taste like gummy bears now. But unless I gorge myself on them, a probable scenario, I probably won't experience any negative consequences from taking them.

Certainly these people are missing out on legitimate medical knowledge and resources that might save lives, but should we correct them? No, because they don't want to be. And also because we need them to die. They are diluting the gene pool.

2011 Deadpool

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 04:34:00 +0000

Hugh Hefner
Bill Cosby
Chuck Berry
Aretha Franklin
Mikhail Gorbachev
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Bob Dorough
Tony Bennett
Michael Douglas
Adam Andrew Nathaniel Yauch

Synesthesia

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 14:32:00 +0000

Lately...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:26:00 +0000

I've had snakes on the brain. Not sure which one I like more.

Madness???

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 15:16:00 +0000

ΤΗΙΣ ΙΣ ΣΡΑΡΤΙΝΑ!!!

2010 Deadpool

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 00:39:00 +0000

Deadpool 2010

Jane Goodall
Wilford Brimley
Jack LaLanne
Nelson Mandela
Dick Cheney
Mickey Rooney
Dick Van Dyke
Mel Brooks
Freeman Dyson
Felipe Calderon

I almost put Tony Bennett and Hugh Hefner on the list, but they both still seem to be pretty active. Jack LaLanne may be on to something with that power juicer though. He's ancient.

You don't start counting at zero

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 19:18:00 +0000

Once again I failed to see the green flash.

Aside from the decade not actually being over yet, I felt I should share an epiphany which was revealed to me last night. We've been pronouncing the year wrong for the past ten years! All other four digit dates have been processed as two separate numbers (eighteen ninety-two) rather than a single numeral (one thousand eight hundred ninety-two). It's a small quibble but twenty o' one feels different than two thousand and one. At least we've mostly stopped calling it "the new millennium," which always makes me think of m&ms and vague messianic prophecies.

I got two out of ten predictions fulfilled on last year's dead pool: Les Paul and Patric Swayze. I will post the my new list after I've finished composing it.

Effective Advertising

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 22:24:00 +0000

I know this guy through a friend, by which I mean that I haven't yet actually met him but may vouch for his intentions in this ad. It is in no way authorized or endorsed by Pepsi. The guy just likes making amateur videos for the internet the same way I used to record myself hosting a radio show into a cassette player. The fact that it is still available on YouTube is likely due only to his low view count (50 at time of posting). If it were to become viral, which I sincerely hope it does, it would likely be pulled. Nevertheless, after each viewing, I feel an inkling of lust for a refreshing beverage.

Hungry for Grains

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 19:33:00 +0000

Three weeks ago I went to a zombie/vampire film festival. Among the sponsors was PopCap Games and this advertisement began the short film block:

I typically ignore video game advertisements, but this one took me to awareness, then interest, and ultimately action once I tried the free demo a few days later. I enjoyed it so much I bought it once and then again as a gift. PopCap used an excellent mix of humor, gameplay exhibition and target-specific advertising here that really worked. It doesn't hurt either that they have a history of fun/addictive games to garnish their reputation. Plants vs Zombies is no different in this respect. I feel compelled to warn you not to try the free demo until after finals week. You can also make a "zombatar!" on their website.

Take on the world

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 22:52:00 +0000

This is a super bowl ad from 2007 which I took a particular liking to. Interesting about this video is that its upload date on YouTube actually predates the game, the expected premier of most of the year’s cutting-edge advertising. Due to cost and time restrictions, the ad is only thirty seconds, but an expanded music video was created that may be viewed here. I recommend viewing this version as it more fully lists the features and benefits of the product. The song is a logical extension of the typical jingle and, I would contend, even more memorable (and an incredibly persistent earworm). The Free Credit Report songs are an excellent recent example of this as songs can be used almost equally well on radio and television spots. Although it probably wasn't necessary to create the longer video, but I suspect Garmin (as many gadget companies do) has a devoted and technology-oriented fan base which would enjoy it and the accompanying interactive features that can be found on their company blog where this advertisement is featured with trivia contests, behind-the-scenes and in-character interviews, and even a MySpace page for Garmin Man. It tells a creative narrative drawing on the Japanese giant monster/hero concept allegorizing the frustration of using conventional maps with the utility of a GPS system. And it rocks pretty hard.

The Lion Inequality and Fear of Roundworms

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 16:24:00 +0000

This is all I could think about during my physics class last week.

This week has been busy, which creates time for procrastination, which means a blog post. I haven't written anything of substance for a time.

Spring break was horrible in the best way imaginable. It would have been a failure, and it was, but I found it comically so, which was (a bit) redeeming. I feel I can cross road-trip off my pitiful list of life achievements. I think it could make for a darkly funny anecdote, but I'm not sure how to approach it yet. If I had to pick one highlight right now... perhaps the doll barber salon at the American Girl Store? And they have tea parties! Delightful!

I'm taking an advertising class right now that I am loving so far. There is a class blog where we are to submit and comment on various advertisements. I haven't decided what my particular advert will be yet. I have at least fifteen ads favorited on youtube, so I'm not at a loss for substance, especially if public service announcements or political campaign advertisements qualify. I think writing about a guerrilla marketing campaign might be interesting, but I may save it for a midterm or whatnot. The most fun, however, is an "idea book." It's like getting a grade for doodling! I've been recording some of my "more interesting" ideas for sometime now, and its strange having to turn them in, but I hope they enjoy reading it.

Alas, I am sad I cannot attend the Spinal Tap concert this weekend, although it's titled "unwigged and unplugged," which loses half the fun.

In conclusion: I really like it when things are proclaimed as allies. Sometimes when things are BFF's that is OK too.

36 people are not a fan. Become a fan.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 23:18:00 +0000

I've written about FaceSpace many times before and I don't have much time to elaborate on how I love this, but perhaps you will also enjoy it.

My parents are dead!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 07:12:00 +0000

I'm experiencing a blend of accomplishment and shame. It took me quite a while, but I managed to size down an ascii Batman to fit in that trite little box Facebook put under profile pictures. Behold:

(`I'M_THE_`)oo.ooo.oooooooo
(`GODDAMN`)ol\__\ooooooo
(_BATMAN!_)ool#ò_ó\oooooo
ooooooooo\,\ool#[~_] ooooo
ooooooooo____l# '- \___ooo
oooooooo/.-------.___.----'\oo
ooooooo//#####___###\ooo
ooooo//###.-.#(w¥w)#/ooo
oooool'l##/\:###.--##/#\oo

I wish I could say it looks better on Facebook, but it doesn't really. One of many recent complaints with Facebook. Foremost of them: why is there a like button but no dislike button? I want to disprove of my friends actions through the electronic ether. Seperated by space, but not from condescension!

Come back with that statue!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 00:53:00 +0000

This made me laugh a little bit.

Today has been weird. On Facebook, I found the profile of one of my current professors after he half-jokingly said he wanted to be my friend on Facebook. I assumed he was joking when he said he had one, but now I'm tempted to add him. I also stumbled on the profile of my elementary school music teacher. She's friends with someone I knew in high school. I'm still reeling from the friend request from my aunt.

Aside from these things I've spent the day counting some fruitflys and reading about a genetic origin of homosexuality. Then I spent some time trying to find this awesome sculpture at DIA on Google Earth, but it hasn't been updated. I'm a little embarassed to say, I think I found the house from the latest Real World. I think maybe later I might try to find a whale.

Oh, and this.

Ten Days to Singles Awareness Day

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:50:00 +0000

I'd be more tempted to see this if I hadn't been so let down by Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter

I dugg this a while ago, and apparently it happened in Texas. The maintenance worker quoted seemed more concerned about the traffic risks than the false zombie alarm. Clearly, they have their priorities mixed up. Also based on my experience in public works, I don't believe they really locked up the sign.

Having Fun Isn't Hard

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 18:01:00 +0000

Youtube recently revamped its search feature, but that can't stop me from finding nostalgic clips from PBS series!

I find myself blogging most often when I should be doing something else. Some people clean when they procrastinate, I tell the interblag what I found on the PBS website (Not the Arthur clip).

I just requested numerous items that probably won't arrive in time to help write the midterm I requested them for. But they still look interesting! A few of them were videos, so I may watch those if I remember to pick them up in time.

Did you know the song "Make 'Em Laugh" from Singin' In The Rain is actually plagerized? It's true! I read it on the internet. I'd play the more you know sound appropriately here, if I had it on my soundtrack shirt, which I do not wear enough. I'll get there. Currently, I'm still trying to optimize the rest of my daily wear. I think I want to add lights -- to avoid Doomesque situations.

Anyways, the original sidetracking thought was a new PBS series I was fortunate to catch last week about (the history of American?) comedy. I only caught the tail end and it's not on dvd yet since it hasn't finished its initial run, I suppose. There's an episode tonight. They have a web-exclusive episode called "Teh Internets". I can't wait to watch it! Unfortunately, I'm in the library and don't have time (it's 30 minutes) to watch it today. But you should!

iDeadpool

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 21:11:00 +0000

This was my birthday breakfast. It was delicious. I'd like to thank Holy Taco for the amazing idea.

I'd like to begin 2009 by asking for a moratorium on using pronouns as prefixes. It's ridiculous and it needs to end. It doesn't making your product seem more hip. Stop it.

I only seem to blog when I'm procrastinating, although I maintain my moblog and twitter accounts fairly consistently. I've been meaning to muse on some things for the past month and I've probably forgotten most of them by now. I'll try to address a few of them.

Wrapping the year up: One person on my 2008 deadpool passed, Gordon Hinkley. I'm really rather disapointed in myself given the impressive number of deaths in the past year. I'm hoping to do better this year, as morbid as that is. Clearly, I don't want any of these people to die, but I also like being right and feeling slightly prophetic. You can play along at home too! Just write down the top ten notable people you feel may expire in the coming year. The person with the most deceased on their list at the end of the year gets the satisfaction of knowing they're responsible for the world being a little less bright. It's fun!

On blogging: I made 264 posts on this blog, passing the 500 and 700 post marks. I also created my moblog, which has over 3,500 posts of useless thoughts, and a comblog(?) which is a bit of both? I'll probably add a twitter widget to that eventually too, likely instead of writing a paper of some sort.

Today's procrastination is buying textbooks. Although I'm excited for the new semester, I don't especially care to get dressed, instead savoring having the apartment to myself. I'm taking one class on television genres, which I've very much looking forward to. Perhaps it will be like this South Park class? Or perhaps we will touch on Buffy Studies. I'm just excited I'll be reading House and Philosophy, although much less to be Reading Sex and the City, but I'm sure it will be interesting.

Finally, here's my 2009 Deadpool:

Deadpool '09

Les Paul

Sasha Grey
Van Morrison
Marian McPartland
James D. Watson
Ursula K. Le Guin
Patrick Swayze
Steve Jobs
Gene Wilder

Jack Kevorkian

Game Over

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 18:30:00 +0000

I'd just like to point out that one of the fifth place contender(s) in that American Apparel costume contest I mentioned before was a series of Tetris blocks. Though I didn't include any of their products in my costume and was thus ineligible (I didn't have time to buy tights), think my costume is superior since it lacks the goofy looking face windows that totally detract realism. My actual only complaint, besides the inherent loneliness of being the only block, is how hot the costume got, which was a very nice considering the weather. Fortunately it didn't rain, though I'm confident it would have held up pretty well. I was happy with it. If I can find appropriete boxes and approprietely sized friends, I might try to make more. I got the boxes for free from Target, Party City, and a few others (most places have a surplus that just get recycled although it took a while to find matching sizes). Overall, it ended up costing less than twenty five dollars with the primary expense being the three rolls of white duct tape I went through. I posted pictures on my mobile blog as I went. Drunk pedestrians really enjoyed the costume. Many wanted to talk about it, or at least confirm that I was, in fact, the greatest video game character evar, which was difficult for me as I wanted to stay in character. The L-Block doesn't speak, though I would occasionally awkwardly pantomime with my torso and legs. The strangest adjulations proclaimed their hatred of rubix cubes.

I Vote Kittens

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 00:52:00 +0000

(PROTIP: Never search a local news site for the term "puppy." You will only find sadness.)

I guess I've been following my senatatorial race too closely, the most gripping political story is unfolding and I almost missed it! If you watched Obama's victory speech, you know that Obama promised his daughters a puppy. But what breed will they get? America wants to know!

Still no word from the league btw

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 00:41:00 +0000

This was my Halloween costume. It's not as original as everyone thought.

I missed it. Actually, I didn't know Portland had one. Ugh. I can't say I would have tried to attend had I known. I know I don't want to miss Zompire this spring. I'm also a little disappointed that I can't make it to Live Wire! this weekend. I'd love to see John Hodgman and Jonathon Coulton.