waiting and wishing

In laws.

2015-05-25T22:46:00.001-07:00

I have so many updates to write, but tonight, I have to get something off my chest. In-laws. Bleck. I really do love mine, but I get beyond frustrated with them. They are great, and I do appreciate all they've done for us, but when it comes to our kids they drive me CRAZY.

Today's transgression is this (and feel free to tell me I'm over reacting):

Several months ago hubs and I decided we'd take our first camping trip with the boys late this spring. Since we have two young children we thought renting a cabin within a camp ground would be best. In an effort to include both of our sets of parents in this fun first, we invited the grandparents and both immediately agreed. We live about 2 hours from our families and were hoping this would be a fun time for everyone to spend with the boys and make some special memories. I've been so excited about it for weeks, thrilled that our boys would have the undivided attention of all their grandparents, playing in the dirt, eating their first marshmallows, etc. Until tonight.

We had called my in laws to tell them we'd built the trampoline they bought the boys for christmas (a story for another day) and my MIL says to hubs that they're bringing along our 3 year old niece. Not only is said neice the topic of conversation and comparison every time we see or talk to my in laws, but they see her and spend several hours with her multiple times every week. I just do not understand why they have to take this time away from the boys. Not only that, but it adds another toddler schedule to the mix- I'm sure there will be things they can't/don't want to do because of her, and that really frustrates me. I feel like I'm being super bratty about the whole thing, but it's for my kids and I guess if I'm going to be a brat, it might as well be for them.

We're still deciding if it's the right year to do a disney trip, but I told hubs today, if they pull this for that trip they will flat out be uninvited!

Weigh-in.... Am I waaaaaaay over reacting???

holy cow- it's been too long!

2015-03-24T16:52:00.001-07:00

Whoops- sometimes I forget to push publish, this has been sitting around for awhile :)

Well, it's over. The educational autism evaluation. It holds zero weight when it comes to a medical diagnosis, but according to our evaluator, our boy shows enough autism tendencies that he qualifies for "services". I use that term incredibly lightly. In our state early intervention is a joke. With his multiple learning delays our only "services" are two 45 minute sessions per month with an early intervention specialist. Now, after the evaluation, we are granted a 30-45 minute session with a autism specailist ONCE per quarter. Which means we will likely see her only one time before he ages out of EI at 3. At that point he'll be transitioned over to early childhood special education (ECSE). It's unfortunate to go through all of this, with very little coming of it. He will be evaluated again just before his third birhday because it's required for the transition, but we don't expect the results will be significantly different.

On a positive note, our insurance does cover some autism related therapies-- but only with a medical diagnosis, which is very likely to be 9-12 months away because the waiting lists for appointments with developmental pediatricians for assessment are miles long. So we're in a season of waiting.... Again.

While it's somewhat upsetting to think about the things he may not do, or may do differently we are really taking it all in stride. He's our boy, no matter what.

So that's the update. Otherwise, things just keep pressing on- we have a few fun things on the calendar for this summer and a possible disney vacation in the works for the fall. We've had a crazy nice late winter/early spring so we've been enjoyed so many super fun weekends with the boys! They are at such a fun age right now!! An update on IVF: we are waiting-- the very soonest would be the end of the year, but I think it's more likely we'll wait until late 2016 or early 2017. I Know three people who've recently transferred ONE embryo and had it split to identicles. Holy crap- one baby I could handle right now- but TWO.... I can't even imagine!

Change of Plans...

2015-01-21T12:23:00.000-08:00

The vast majority of this post was written a week ago, it's just taken a long time to finished tapping out the words---

It is crazy how much things can change in just the span of a month. At this time last month we were coming off our consultation with our RE, preparing to get started with our FET this month-- more accurately, this week.

We had, just two days before our RE appointment, found out that one of our boys was lagging behind his peers (we were aware, just not of its extent) and that he had qualified for "services" through our county's early intervention services. We were also told at that evaluation that because of his delays we also had the option of having him assessed for autism. In the moment, I said "of course" but really didn't worry about it. I was feeling fairly certain that wasn't the case. It was just before the holiday break and because early intervention is part of the school district, the evaluation process was pushed off until the new year.

Fast forward a week, when I received a packet from our RE outlining what we were about to embark on along with the deposit bill, and I had some serious second thoughts. Hubs and I talked it through and we decided that maybe it would be best to get our footing, see the evaluations through and see how things went with our early intervention home visits before committing ourselves to more stress and appointments with testing/transfer/bed rest.

I'm not going to lie, it was a very hard decision. We were ready. So very ready. And last night when I took the last active pill in my current package of birth control I thought to myself, "this week was supposed to be so different." This week I should have been preparing myself for testing on Friday- instead, on Friday Hubs will take the day off and we will meet with our school district's autism specialist and she will explain to us how the evaluation process will look.

Obviously, we will do whatever we need to for our precious little man. No diagnosis will change how much we love and care for him. But, this week we find ourselves sorting through what-ifs. We are now hyper aware of EVERYTHING he does and doesn't do and in all honesty, it is exhausting. I'm ready to get the evaluation underway and be able to know exactly what his needs are and the best way to address them.

Of course, after Hubs took friday off, our appointment was canceled. We'll try again this evening- the specialist comes tonight to explain the process and answer our questions- she'll be back tomorrow to begin the evaluation. I'm anxious. Ready to get this show on the road, and also anxious about the results. I'm trying HARD to not put the cart before the horse, but it's tricky.

Words

2014-12-15T14:08:00.001-08:00

I haven't written about the boys in awhile because I stopped writing monthly/well visit updates. A lot has changed around here-- H is talking up a storm acquiring more words daily, communicating more and more. His language has completely blown up in the last probably two months. He had some words at 2, but only a TINY fraction of the words he has now. A on the other hand is a boy of few words-- literally. At 28 months he has about 20 words that he occasionally uses. Some we hear daily others we hear rarely. Our pediatrician wasn't overly worried, but referred him for an early intervention eval anyway at his 24 month appointment, we finally just had the appointment last week.

He scored low in several areas and easily qualified for services. We'll start by having 45 minute sessions twice a month. I'm unsure what else will come of it, but I hope more communication from my blonde boy! He was incredibly uncompliant at his evaluation. He wanted very little to do with the two evaluators and was mostly concerned with collecting all the of the non-toys throughout the room. Pens, pencils, coins ect-- all of the thing she generally doesn't get at home.

It will be interesting to see how he responds at his appointment this week since we'll be at our own house and there will be less to explore. We're looking forward to learning new ways to draw communication out of our boy and are hopeful he is just a little behind his brother and a significant vocabulary growth spurt is on its way.

Until then, I'd love to hear from you- have you been here? Do you have suggestions? Books? Specific toys or games? Books I should read? Programs we should try? Leave a comment or send me an email-- waitingnwishing at yahoo dot com

And we're off...

2014-12-13T04:39:00.001-08:00

We are generally pretty quiet about any and all baby making. We've shared in the past with our families, and it ended up being more stressful for me than supportive. Not to say our families weren't supportive, but the stress just didn't feel worth it. So, with that said I've told one person that we're starting again. She wasn't able to watch the boys yesterday for our discussion meeting, so we had to have hubs parents come. We called it a Christmas shopping date, and we were set. Our appointment was scheduled for 4pm. Then, of course, my phone rang yesterday morning and we were told our Dr would have to leave early and our appointment could either be canceled or moved to a phone discussion at noon. Wanting to get the ball rolling, we took the phone appointment and hoped we could keep the boys quiet enough (Fro.zen and a pile of snacks!) and hopeful hubs parents didn't show up right in the middle of our call.

Sure enough, not two minutes into our call someone is knocking on our door- luckily I was set up in our bedroom on the call and Hubs hadn't showered yet for our "shopping date" so we were able to dis guise his need to leave the room as needing to hop in the shower and he told his parent I was finishing getting ready and on the phone.

The call went great- our doctor, who we've always loved, was excited we were coming back and through our conversation was thrilled to hear how uneventful my twin pregnancy was and how long I was able to carry the boys. We've made a tentitive plan--

Continue on birth control.

Call with January period- start uterine testing (mock transfer and sonohystogeam)

Continue on birth control, call with February period - ultrasound & blood work and begin injectables.

Late February/early March transfer.

I'll get more details next week when I talk to my nurse, but we are thrilled that everything sounds like it's on track! So thrilled in fact, we went out and finally pulled the trigger and bought a mini van last night. So much extra room!!!!

Three years.

2014-12-05T11:53:00.003-08:00

Three years.

That's how long it's been (almost) since the boys were conceived. Sunday will mark 3 years since retrieval, Thursday will be three years since transfer and Friday will be the anniversary of the freezing of the remaining embryo from our second cycle- the boys' triplet as my OB calls it. Friday will also mark the beginning of the next chapter of this story- in one week we start again. It's just a consult with our doctor. The info gathering appointment- finding out what the plan will be, what is ahead of us and potentially getting a timeline for treatment. We're hoping to start marking things off the pre-treatment list slowly in the next several weeks. I'm anticipating a March transfer, but we're really not in a huge rush- my priority is making this process as low stress as possible!

The timing was in no way planned. Of course I knew these dates were approaching, but when I took the appointment, it was just the one that worked best for Hubs and I. We figured if we needed a sitter, we might as well have a date night too! I LOVE the idea of these dates all matching up. Somehow it makes it all feel even more right.

It's exciting that another sweet baby may be joining our family soon. The fear of 'what if' hasn't really set in yet- I'm hoping I can just hold on to hope!

Back in the saddle...

2014-11-17T14:18:00.003-08:00

I suck at blogging these days. Seriously. Everyday at naptime I think of the list of things I should/could be doing instead of laying on the couch watching some useless tv. But, everyday I determine that sitting or laying doing nothing is really what I need! Life is wonderful and busy and full of teaching two little boys lessons. So, for a couple of hours (if I'm lucky) each afternoon I just sit and check out-- fill up my tank, because so much of motherhood is about giving. Which, is not a complaint, just a reality!

I had my yearly OB appointment last week. We talked about the prospect of another baby. About my health, about my family, about how another baby could impact all of it. Because this doctor, he really is the best of the best. He's been practicing medicine since I was four years old. He's seen a lot and he knows a lot. His knowledge of women and families and babies goes far beyond obstetrics . He checked me over and said everything looked and felt good, shook my hand, crossed his fingers and said he hoped he'd see me before next November. Because y'all, HERE WE GO AGAIN!

Our RE consult is scheduled for a few weeks from now-- holy crap, this is getting really real. We're pretty sure we won't jump in for a couple more months, but holy cow. I'm excited, and anxious (mostly about the logistics of a clinic who doesn't allow children) and beyond thrilled that my OB didn't say something like " you can't get pregnant again, your uterus will explode" because that's the dream I had the night before my appointment.

So, an FET is on the horizon. Making the call to my RE's office was weird. Surreal kind of. So much different than before, but so the same. I had all the same butterflies in my stomach, but so much less fear. Exciting days ahead!!

If you know me in real life, or follow me elsewhere please keep this quiet-- we haven't yet decided if we'll share this with our families.

Too Fast!

2014-08-01T12:35:00.001-07:00

Well hello there! Holy cow the weeks of this summer are sliiiiippppping away from me! I feel like summer got off to kind of a slow start and now we're just two weeks away from my itty bitty tiny (not really anymore) babies turning TWO!

This birthday snuck up on me, BIG TIME! We've had a theme in mind for months, and the pinterest planning is done, but the actual execution-- L.A.T.E! I had been thinking about invitations and knowing it needed to happen soon, but soon kinda passed me by and NOW arrived! We ended up using evite (not my favorite, I REALLY like paper invitations) and they turned out really cute. Since I couldn't find a free invitation that met our theme I ended up choosing one of their premium options and paid the $4 for it. Still incredibly cheap when the alterative would have run us several times that price and would have taken a few more days to arrive at our guests doorsteps-- time was running out!

I'm planning to get lots of shots of the details of the party and in a couple of weeks you'll be able to get a glimpse of our little pilots' birthday bash! So far, the door wreath is complete, the plans for the shirts I'm making are underway, the menu is generally planned, now we just need to finish up a bunch of crafty projects and then we'll be on our way. Did I mention their party is two week from tomorrow? Yeah. I may be dreaming with that pinterest inspiration board... but, I work well under pressure so we'll see how much I manage to get done!

Aside from birthday party planning I'm registration planning for our local MOP.S group. I'm in charge of registration and let me just tell you-- I have Be You Brave.ly stuff and feathers ALL over the play room. Poor little boys have had their play room commandeered until registration and birthday party crafting is complete! Both events are in the same week, so hopefully both go off without a hitch!

Find Your People

2014-07-24T18:48:00.001-07:00

This morning as I was doing my morning scroll through face.book I saw a link to an article about motherhood. It is always a valid topic for me, and generally I'll click a link if it has to do with something that is current in my life. Especially if it has been shared or reposted by someone who is in a similar season of life.

Motherhood, while always at the forefront of my mind, has been more so in that last several weeks. You see, I'm in the depths of planning for the upcoming year with my local MO.PS steering team and I've been challenging myself to really think about how we as moms can uplift one another. How we can help carry burdens and how we can rejoice with other moms when success is reached-- in life, but especially as moms.

This time of my life is rich. I'm blessed beyond measure- I find myself on a daily basis appreciated, well loved, challenged and above all else needed. Sure, I may not shower for days on end, and I might think that brushing my teeth before noon is a big victory, but wow, I can truly say, nothing is better.

Nothing could be better, unless it were this. Please, please take the five minutes to click on over and read an article about what it might be like to raise your children in a village. Though I think this sounds pretty incredible, I think we have ways in the world we live in now to find a place that looks a little more like this. Moms don't have to feel alone in motherhood. Sure, in most cases it isn't going to work to live a life like the one depicted in the article, but what about working toward it?

What about finding moms who are where you are? Not just moms you connect with online in forums/through blogs and the like (though they are helpful too!)- but instead finding a group.

For me it has been MO.PS. My group has cried together, has talked through rough spots in parenting and in life, we've prayed for each other, we taken care of kids who don't belong to us and we rallied around one of our own when she went into pre-term labor at 28 weeks. I didn't know a single person when I walked in a little less than a year ago, and now, I feel supported by a group of moms who know a lot about where I am right now in this pretty incredible season of life.

The moral of this story is- find your people. Create your village. Its important- its worth putting in the work. And one last little bit- don't make your village only family members. It wasn't a choice for me to lean heavily on my family because they are a few hours down the road, and in all honesty it feels really good to know I have family to depend on AND friends.

Pinterest does it again!

2014-07-14T11:17:00.001-07:00

I use Pinterest all the time. I use it to find recipes, art projects for the boys, decorating ideas for our home, planting ideas for our yard/garden, simple remedies for most any situation, advice on lots of things and most recently I've used it a TON to help plan for our local MO.Ps 2014-15 year. In that planning, I ran across a quote, that although very simple, I can't get out of my head. It's been several days now, and it is still there, begging to be pondered, to be implemented.

Be a fountain, not a drain.

It's so simple, and easy to remember, but one of those things I think we could all learn from. For me, during this season if life, it means encouraging my family, it means taking time to see the good in situations and celebrating that instead of focusing on the hard parts or the less than glamorous pieces of mothering small children. I also think it means being a place (person) where people come to recharge to be revived- an oasis, instead of being the place people come to flush their stuff down or the downer of the party always unloading your hardships onto someone else. Inspire and renew instead of the alternative.

For me, this week I'm just focusing on the fountain part. Be that- if I'm succeeding at it, I don't need to worry about the other. Be a fountain. It works for me. Even just thinking it is inspiring.

-- Also, this makes two posts in two weeks, I'm practically Old Faith.ful :)

3 in 3.5

2014-07-09T12:29:00.000-07:00

So, as promised... HERE I AM... writing something! I can feel your excitement!

Today you get to hear about preparing for baby #3. I had literally never thought of the fact that IF we get pregnant when we are tentatively planning to (I seriously laughed out loud when I wrote that!)- Planning... you would've thought I had gotten over that a LOOOONG time ago! ok- back to my thought, if we get pregnant in the first part of 2015 like we are hoping, that will mean I will give birth to three babies in a 3.5 year span of time. Whoa. I know people do it, I just generally let out the tiniest gasp and try to conceal my widening eyes when I hear of them! I have always, ALWAYS thought those mom/families were bordering on the crazy side of things. And here I am. A nice little reminder not to judge other people's choices!

In my defense, I have twins. Its different. Or so I tell myself. But in reality, most people would likely say it makes me more crazy. That is ok. I love this hard, sticky, wet kisses, snuggling, sometimes smelly season of life. Days can be a challenge, and nights can be exhausting but I can easily say, this is what I was made for. Being a mom is my everything and I hope we are able to add to this family of ours.

In the meantime we are working hard to get into better shape both just for ourselves and for H & A, but also so carrying another pregnancy can be as successful as my twin pregnancy. To do that, I decided I had some weight to lose. Arg. Not all that fun, but hubs was on board to follow along so it is something we are doing together which is kind of fun. We, very much on a whim, decided to go all in and attempt transitioning to a paleo influenced way of life. Um, just in time for fair/festival and BBQ season, good plan... not really.

However- I cannot tell you how happy we've been with it. I'm not going to lie, the first week was a little slice of hell, but ever since we both have felt so much better in terms of overall health. Less headaches and stomach issues for hubs and less fatigue for both of us. I'd say in general we are eating paleo about 80% of the time, and for us that is working. We still feel good having a little added sugar or a few carbs here or there, but when we go off completely-- holy cow, it is amazing how quickly we are both feeling somewhat sorry for our transgression! The change in how we feel would be enough to keep me trying to maintain the diet, but dropping 12 lbs since the end of May doesn't hurt either!

I still have a ways to go before I get where I would like to be when I conceive again, but I still have gobs of time to get there!

As a side note: I want to remember as hubs and I get more and more serious about our next round of treatments, A is getting serious too. We have a big doll, like the size of a 10-12 month old. For months she has spent most of her days at the bottom of the toy basket. Until recently when A started dragging her out, bringing her to me, giving her a kiss and walking away. It is the cutest thing EVER.Then after he's left to play with other things and I've had my fill of holding a fake baby I set her down on the floor and usually within a minute he is back at my feet holding the baby wanting me to take her. Looks like at least one of the boys is ready for a little sister or brother!

Come on, write SOMETHING!

2014-07-03T09:51:00.001-07:00

Literally every morning, either while I'm still in bed willing the boys to sleep just a little longer, or sitting/laying on the couch while they play with far more energy than any person should have before seven AM, I check blogger to see what y'all are up to. Many mornings there is nothing new to read and I think to myself-- "come on, write something!" This morning, I had to laugh at myself. Me, urging you to write is somewhat comical because I write so seldom anymore. It's hard with the boys to find time to sit at the computer and allow my thoughts (uninterrupted) to find their way to all of you. And by all of you, I'm assuming the number gets fewer and fewer the less I write. I do miss it. I miss the outlet, but so often I feel like I have nothing new to say. I am, for sanity sake going to start attempting a post per week from now until the new year. At which point we'll hopefully be embarking on the journey to baby #3, which should lend itself to blogging more frequently.

Some things I'll likely be talking about:

The birthday date day
Becoming a softy
Keeping a tidy house with two toddlers
Preparing for baby #3
Feeding picky eaters
Our favorite things at nearly TWO
Birthday party planning

So stay tuned, don't give up on me just yet!

six months

2014-06-19T12:13:00.000-07:00

I just called my RE's office for the first time in a very long time. It was such a weird, surreal experience. It was like nothing had changed and like everything had changed all at once.

Instead of sitting on my end of the line proclaiming to the receptionist that YET AGAIN cycle day one had arrived and feeling a twinge of hope alongside the daunting reality that a baby could still be YEARS away, I was sitting in my living room with two babies giggling themselves to sleep a couple of rooms away. I was checking in on the absence of the annual babysitting bill for our embryos. ((Which leads me to a question, do you pay annually for the storing of your embryos? I was under the impression this was completely standard, but was told by someone recently that they do not pay an annual fee for storage.-- we pay about $350 per year, if you were curious. ))

Anyway, it was weird. Though I do desperately want another baby or maybe even two, it was different calling the office. I was mostly checking on the bill, but also looking into some insurance stuff for when we head back this fall for an FET consult with hopes of a transfer in early 2015. Somehow it just wasn't as terrifying. I get that I have two perfect babies at home, perhaps knowing the physicians already makes it easier, or maybe it is just that I have more of an understanding of what to expect. I know the drill. I suspect that come fall/winter I will find plenty of things to stress about, but until then, I am so grateful for this complete calm about what is ahead.

In other news- we're having a garage sale this weekend. How is it that every single time I forget how much work it is to have one? I know it will feel great to get several things out of our house and to gain a little cash for the things we don't need anymore, but seriously, somebody remind me next year that it is a TON of work to get it all pulled together! Thankfully Hubs is totally on board for helping so, fingers crossed, it should be an enjoyable weekend of hanging out outside and getting rid of all the things that take up every bit of our garage!

What else? The boys are HUGE. We sneak in most nights on our way to bed and cover them up and last night we both just couldn't hardly take how big they looked in their cribs. My babies will be TWO in less than two months. -- H is a horrid sleeper and wakes up most nights somewhere between 1 and 3am. He has a horrible time getting back to sleep and most of the time in the last couple of weeks he has needed to come to bed with us in order to settle back down-- unless I want to rock him for two hours, which for the record, I do not. This is one of those 'twins are way harder' areas. If it was just H, I could easily sleep in forever in the morning with him, but his stellar sleeper of a brother tends up wake up for the day just about the time H is finally calming down on the roughest nights. If you are following along that means this mama of VERY busy twin almost two year olds doesn't get enough sleep.

Does all of that sleep talk make you wonder WHY in the world I would even consider wanting to get pregnant again? Yeah, me too! But, I have hope that by the time I'm growing another babe both boys will be sleeping much better. Six months. Surely we can do it. Right?

Play Group...

2014-04-07T16:14:00.001-07:00

Taking a 19 month old, rather, TWO 19 month olds to a playgroup is an exercise in patience, physical agility/quickness and well, the list goes on.

One morning a couple of weeks ago my MOPs table group got together at the home of one of the mom's for a little playgroup. We do it every month and I've attended a couple and hosted a couple myself. I am ALWAYS on board to host at my own house. I have nothing out I care about anymore, because, lets face it, 19 month olds have zero self control and if I have to hear myself say 'No' more than I already do, I'll surely be sent to the loony bin. I also know there aren't small pieces of things laying around and in general my kiddos (and kids of like age) are safe to roam about and play without me jumping into action like a ninja with every turn.

So, back to this particular playgroup. My used to be 'Tiny' blonde boy was in rare form. Climbing has become a favorite pastime and thankfully at our house we've accommodated this and baby proofed accordingly. We currently have a bistro height kitchen table and have been thinking about getting a more average height one for months now. Note to self: wait longer. A spent the majority of our 1.5 hours of play group scaling the average height chairs and then hoisting himself up onto the kitchen table-- then, dancing a jig. Seriously. 19 months isn't exactly the 'lesson teaching' age, so it was a take him down and climb back up three ring circus. Thankfully the home we were in was one of a woman, who like me, struggled to get pregnant. She has a different out look on children than a lot of parents. She was just SO happy to have us, she genuinely didn't care that he was on her kitchen table. She joyfully took him down over and over while I sat and held someone else's baby. Its so nice to be with other moms who will joyfully give you a break and not totally judge you in the process!

Don't get me wrong, everyone in attendance wasn't exactly amused by the behaviors my children where exhibiting, but that's ok. Some days you just have to sit back and own where you are in motherhood. The good, the hard and the seemingly out of control! I encourage all mamas to find a group to be with regularly. Help where you can, encourage one another and simply enjoy motherhood together. This is one of the most joy filled times in my life, but it is also one of the most exhausting. I am so very thankful that I have a group of other moms to do this stage of life with.

Dropping...

2014-03-06T07:53:00.001-08:00

I obviously don't know what it's like to parent a singleton, but with twins, often things happen quickly. This extends to many aspects of life with two babies but today I'm talking about "dropping" things.

We've found ourselves "not being able to take it any longer" MANY times, and just like that, one more "baby" thing has been dropped. Last week I decided I couldn't take H coming to our bed at night anymore. So we started training him to stay I his own bed. Most nights one if us sleeps on the floor in their room, but he hasn't been out of his crib in the night in over a week now. Even though I haven't experienced it yet- I know I'll miss waking up in my bed without him snuggled in close to his mama. It was a decision we made one afternoon and implemented that night, so there was no soaking in of that last time (which likely won't be the last EVER, but still) instead it just abruptly ended. We're getting so close on the training and I suspect they'll be sleeping through the night in their room ALONE very soon. The last two nights neither boy cried in the night at all! Now it's more about mama cutting the cord :)

Similarly, yesterday morning I noticed the boys' wubbanub pacifiers were on the disgusting side, so I threw all four into the wash at once- something I warn new wubbanub parents against all the time. My thought being, maybe today is the day, and if not, they can get along with just a regular lollie at nap time- they'll be dry by bedtime. And then something surprising happened... H took his morning nap without any trouble, while A needed a replacement lollie. At afternoon nap, both did without. The biggest surprise was they both slept all night without lollies. So with any luck, we're done with pacifiers (knocking on wood, crossing fingers) BUT since once again it was a random afterthought decision/attempt I didn't really look at my babies one last time, standing in their cribs with a small stuffed animal pacifier hanging off their face. My babies (19m) are dropping "baby" things left and right. And while it kind of breaks my heart, it is also pretty amazing. After all, we have babies with the intention to raise them up into good, productive boys and girls/ men and women-- I'm pretty sure that can't happen if they're still bunking with mama and daddy and sucking on a lollie.

18 Months...

2014-02-27T16:15:00.000-08:00

I can't believe the boys are already one and a half! Six months until their second birthday-- I suppose it is time to start planning :)

Eating:
The boys now have three sippy cups of milk per day- probably between 16-20oz of milk per day. In addition to milk, the will eat three decent sized meals and some days they'll also have a couple of snacks. They are still loving carbs and fruits more than anything else, but will generally gobble up yogurt and cheese almost as quickly. They still have some trouble with meat and most of the time will refuse to even take a bite unless its a chicken nugget or a small bite of a hamburger if we are out to eat.

Talking:
The boys are talking more and more, but the majority of it is still babbling. I'm not overly concerned about it because I don't feel like we are at a stage yet where is in inhibiting them at all. They don't seem frustrated by their lack of speech/communication so I'm just going with the flow. I talk to them all day long and know that eventually their language will take off. Until then, H is saying: No, nose, Mama, Dada, pat (paa), Blast-off, oh, yay!, cheese, thank you, hi, hello, uh-oh, choo-choo, shoe, wow and sometimes ball. A is saying: Mama, Dada, yay!, thank you, blast-off, let's go, uh-oh, yeah, no, choo-choo, wow.

Play:
The boys are starting to play along side each other more and more and it is pretty fun to watch. They aren't really playing together, but they do like to be together while each of them plays. They continue to be pretty easy going about sharing their toys most of the time, but we have crying fits about stolen toys many times per day. Most of the time I just let them work it out and don't step in at all. Other times the toy is returned to the boy who had it first. I figure this is going to be a forever thing, they might as well get used to it now! They still play mostly with toys that can be pushed- while running behind them and with car/trucks/airplanes. Our most recent well loved additions - a shoppingcart, a singing flash light and lots of airplanes!

Sleep:
They sleep really well during the day- we are still on the two nap schedule and I am fearful for the day it will end-- which is going to be very soon. They sleep from 10-12 in the morning and again from 3-5 in the afternoon. Nights are hit or miss, but generally they are in bed between 8 and 9 and wake up anytime between 6-8 in the morning. H has been known to want into our bed around 2am, and for the most part we just bring him in. Its so exhausting to rock him back to sleep only to have him wake back up when we place him in his crib and crying it out in a shared nursery isn't really going to work either!-- I'm trying again on the sleep training of H. Almost two weeks after I started this post I've had enough. This weekend it is happening! A is off to sleep with Daddy and H and I are going to give it a go. Last night he slept all night in his crib with some waking. I slept on the floor to ease the transition. Tonight we'll either do the same, or more of a cry it out scenario. I'm totally flying by the seat of my pants on this one.

We're working on taking away their lollies. We are now down to just in their beds unless we are out and about during what would normally be naptime- then I allow them to have their lollies in their carseats/stroller.... but only if they NEEEEEED them :)

Our 'Tiny' is no longer the smaller of the boys- A weighs in at 26lbs 7oz and H at 25lbs 3oz . H is still taller than A. By the nurse's measure (of two VERY wiggly boys) H is 2" taller. According to growth charts and questionnaires the boys are growing perfectly and seem to be meeting age appropriate milestones especially for twin boys.

Liebster...

2014-01-28T11:00:00.000-08:00

I've received the liebster blog award a handful of times and I think I've played along a couple of times, and while I'm not going to pass it along, I am going to answer the questions because I think you and I can totally agree... this blog is in a SLUMP! And I'm also doing it because I want y'all to click on over to Kelsey's blog Kinder Coaster and show her a little old fashioned infertile love. She's in the early stages of this mess and could use a pat on the back, a little IF advice and the sense of community we've all grown to love... so go, give her your best IF secrets, but you can leave out the old pillow under the hips trick, I think she has heard that one before :)

1. What is a little known fact about you?
My thumbs are double jointed, my mom's thumbs are double jointed and it is looking like both of the boys may be also. Weird.
2. What are your favorite hobbies?
When I find the time/energy/creativity I love to sew and craft. I've made a number of things and its a goal of mine to sell at least one thing I've made someday.
3. What bores you to tears?
Movies that require too much thought. You know, like the kind you need to take notes during so you know what the efffff is going on. I don't mind something thought provoking- I just hate those scattered movies that go between reality and dreams.
4. Favorite genre or type of reading?
I love something inspirational-- the genre doesn't matter to me as much as the ending. I'm at a point in my life where I really just want to read happy endings. I feel like reality is so full of not-so-happy endings, I'd rather spend my free time indulging in happy!
5. Book recommendations?
The Idiot Girl's Guide To.... every single one I've read was funny- crude, but funny. I also love almost any Jody Picoult book (though those don't really fit the always happy ending rule).
6. Most annoying thing to hear as an infertile woman?
The list is looooooong! One of my least favorite things, was people speaking poorly of their children and their choice to have them.
7. Do you have pets? Tell me about them!
No pets! My husband is constantly wanting a dog but is totally understanding of the fact I need nothing more to take care of at this stage in the game!
8. Are you an Early Bird or Night Owl? By choice or by circumstance?
I'm more of an early bird, but with the boys, now I'm a bit of both... not really by choice! I tell my husband at least once a week how much I LOVE climbing into bed. It is one of my favorite parts of the day. Not because I don't absolutely love all that I do all day, but getting into bed is how I recharge and get ready for another full day with my two favorite little people!
9. Guilty pleasure/s?
Trashy TV. If I don't have a bunch of chores to catch up on around the house, I generally sit down during the boys' naptime and watch some tv while I eat my lunch. This is the time I can watch anything I want and if it is on bra.vo or E! I'm probably watching it.... and most likely thinking, 'why do I watch this garbage?!?!'
10. Best piece of advice/encouragement for others on the IF journey? AND/OR Please share any infertility-related, Oprah-style "Aha Moments."
Keep track of everything. I started a binder when I started seeing the RE. All of the handouts I received went into that binder in case I needed them at some point. Things from what to expect with procedures, information about the drugs I was taking, etc. During treatment cycles I'd also print a blank calendar to record all appointments on. That way the next similar cycle I'd be able to kind of guess when things like IUI's and ultrasounds may take place. Once I started IVF I kept up the calendar and placed pages behind it to document other info from the appointment- blood work levels, follicle counts/sizes/medication dosing instructions. These pages had room for 3-4 appointments and served as a fantastic resource to look back on when we did our second round of IVF.

Mini-van...

2014-01-06T21:23:00.000-08:00

So, the time is coming.

Like getting really, really close.

The Sub.aru is going to get traded. My once upon a time "mom car" is already been/being out grown. It will likely be a better fit in a few months when the boys turn around in their car seats, but in reality, the amount of stuff required for traveling with twins + our monster very well loved stroller + monster car seats = a need for a much larger car! I am so excited to be able to get everyone inside the car and then worry about getting everyone strapped in and ready to go. Seriously, I HATE standing in the rain and also as the boys get older it is becoming more possible to get in and out of stores without the stroller, but getting one to stand with me while I strap the other in-- IMPOSSIBLE. Its time. I kind of didn't think I was ready, but the time has come and as we think about adding to our family I know it is one of those things that just cant be avoided.

So, my dear readers, which one do you have? Have you rented one on a vacation that you loved? We aren't planning to buy new- it is just not our style. At this very moment we are almost certain, we'll buy a Honda Odyssey.

Crib Blankets?

2013-12-10T15:48:00.000-08:00

We live in a home that has a relatively old heat pump. When the temps get low at night and either very slowly warm during the day, or don't warm up much as the day goes on, it makes for a somewhat chilly house. We have a couple of space heaters, one in the boys' room and one that is either in the living space or our bedroom depending on time of day. The boys' room is kept at 70 degrees over night and at nap time and they sleep on a fleece crib sheet in fleece pajamas. Each of the boys has a small lovely blanket they sleep with, but it is very small, nothing large enough to cover with.

My question is, when did you start allowing your child to sleep with a blanket, something larger than a small lovie- something that could provide some warmth? I'm not sure I'm ready- but I thought it might help to know what other mamas have done.

Knowing..

2013-12-09T08:24:00.000-08:00

We've been talking a ton about adding to our family lately. Honestly, ever since the early days if parenting twins we've been talking to the boys about the sibling(s) they'll have someday. We've always known. It's never really been a question, even on the most difficult if days-- this mama's heart is sure, there will be another-- at least one, maybe more.

I received an email recently asking me about having twins and how and when we made the decision that we wanted more. I never answered the email because each time I started to type, the words sounded so silly to me, cliché and canned. So unhelpful to this person several states away that I don't know. But here is what I should have said....

I knew when I was a little girl that I'd be pregnant more than once. I never really idealized pregnancy as a child, I just imagined I'd do it more than once.
Hubs and I both grew up in families with three kids, we both always assumed we'd likely have the same.
Even through the countless fertility treatments, I still imagined doing it all more than once.
When I got pregnant with twins I was (am still am) completely satisfied, but I still knew I'd like another if it was possible.
As I went through a very uneventful pregnancy with multiples, I knew I could and God willing, would do it again.
When my boys were born screaming and peeing, and I watched as my husband became a daddy- I knew.
When I held and kissed slimy babies who knew me from their first breath as their mama, I was sure.
And, my feeling have only been affirmed since then- I hope and pray it's all possible again. I am a mom through and through.

All of that said, I know it isn't the same for everyone. Some take a long time to realize something, or rather somebody, is missing from their family. One things I've heard over and over from seasoned moms who are done having babies- you will know. There will be a moment of clarity. Sometimes its in the trenches of a tough situation- sometimes its when your family just feels so right and full in a perfect moment. I obviously can't say if that is true or not, because I am not there yet. I hope that in just the same way I know I'd like another, someday I'll have a peace about being done as well.

Advent

2013-12-06T08:18:00.000-08:00

I think I've mentioned before that we've been looking -- if you can even call it that-- for a church. It's hard with two babies, and we've been making excuse after excuse about why we can't make it work each week. Bottom line, our boys still nap twice a day- they NEED that morning nap and it happens at about 10am, give or take. So either we have super fussy babies in an unfamiliar church/nursery while we look for a church, or we don't go. Generally we choose the latter.

I've been craving it though. Some connection, some spiritual grounding, especially during the holidays. Advent is such a time of waiting and expectation- it seems so fitting for me, an infertile, to find hope in these days leading up to Christmas. If you're new to the party, I wrote this post a few years ago and it remains something I think about often.

In an effort to get connected to advent I decided look for an advent devotional. I'm only a few days in, and if you're interested you'd only need to catch up a few days, but so far it has been so good. After each day's readings I think to myself- I need this today, right where I am, but gosh, how I NEEDED it a few years ago.

It's called 'The Greatest Gift' unwrapping the full love story of Christmas- by Ann Voskamp.

Not to worry, I'm not getting compensated for this, I just felt like I should pass the info along to all of you, especially those of you in a waiting period. It's good stuff.

Simple Wins...

2013-12-02T10:50:00.002-08:00

My day is filled with them: simple wins. The little things that make you smile, and make life just a little easier. Somedays it's the boys going down for two naps quickly and easily, others it's them saving the really stinky diapers until daddy gets home. Everyday they happen, everyday they make me smile.

The most recent was after getting the idea from one of you to add pumpkin to the boys' pancake mix. While I haven't tried THAT yet, I did try adding some leftover squash and carrot purees to the mix and they loved it! Yahoo, another way to eat veggies at breakfast! How did I not think of that myself?!? In addition to adding a veggie to the pancake batter, I also started adding diced up Canadian bacon to the pancake batter. I don't live having to 'hide' foods so they'll eat them, but I am still so stinking happy I've WON! This morning they won because they got to have pancakes for breakfast, but I was the bigger winner because I got them to eat veggies and protein without a fight!

Seriously, try it if you're struggling to get your kiddos to eat a balanced diet!

Last day....

2013-11-30T22:09:00.001-08:00

Oops! I was so very close to missing the final day of my 'blog everyday for a month' plan- talk about fail!

We just returned from a great weekend spent with family. We did some Black Friday shopping and hubs and I went out 4 different times to upgrade our phones, and finally today we were able to make it happen. We ate well, laughed a lot and really enjoyed watching our babies interact with our family! Now it's time to rest up for a marathon unpacking/grocery shopping/catch up day tomorrow!

Thanks for hanging in with me this month- hopefully this will give me the bug to be back in this space writing more often.

A special day...

2013-11-29T05:00:00.000-08:00

Two years ago, on the day after Thanksgiving, just before I headed out with my family to do some black Friday shopping, hubs gave me my first stimulation injection to kick off the cycle in which we made our boys! Though today isn't the same 'date' and isn't exactly two years later.... the day after Thanksgiving will always be the day we started making the babies who made me a mama!

I've always loved this day. Now, I just love it even more!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2013-11-28T04:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope you are all having a fantastic day and finding something to be thankful for on this day. Today I'm thankful for two of the sweetest little one year olds in the world, and for the hope I was able to cling to two years ago on this day. Two years ago, I was one day away from starting stims for the cycle in which I conceived our boys. I am so grateful for the opportunity we had to pursue treatments and for the science and doctors that brought us our boys!

Crossed Wires...

2013-11-27T06:00:00.000-08:00

So, the other night Hubs and I were sitting watching the circus that is our living room in the evenings. As usual, we looked at each other, smiled and both said how much we loved our family and our boys. I saw the twinkle in his eye, and I knew what was coming. 'I wonder what it will be like to add another.' He then proceeded to say- are you still planning to move forward in January.

My eyes widened, and I stopped breathing.

I'm not sure how the wires got crossed, but I assured him we would be moving forward in A January... but not this one! He laughed, reminded me I'm almost 31 (in 7 months!) and agreed that NEXT January really is a better plan in terms of the boys. I'm not going to lie- I'd be game to move forward in a few short weeks- I loved being pregnant and I adore the newborn phase, but I am not ready to have my boys be anywhere but the center of my universe. They need my undivided attention for at least one more year-- they are still babies!

I'm not sure how, after several conversations on the topic we still walked away with differing thoughts on the matter, but I'm glad we could both agree ... 13 months from now we will be hoping and praying a fall baby will be joining our family!

Tricks my kids do... part two

2013-11-26T15:57:00.001-08:00

I'll be the first to admit we haven't fully baby proofed our house. We've set up blockades and moved furniture around, but we haven't gotten totally serious about it because 'easy' baby proofing was working-- mostly.

Until today.

I was laying on the couch icing my back -- which is still a little sore from the back issues I experienced a couple of weeks ago. The boys were in and out of the living room, back and forth to the playroom. It got pretty quiet and then came a ridiculous amount of laughter from both boys. I was as quiet as I could be as I inched around the corner into the playroom. One of the blockades we'd used was an ottoman holding up a large pillow covering the bottom of a bookcase where we house some office supplies. A had gotten up on top of the ottoman before to press the printer button over and over and over, but that wasn't what was happening today.

Today BOTH of my children where standing up on a relatively small, slightly angled leather ottoman playing what can only be described at the baby version of king of the hill. I laughed first, just for a second-- then I saved their lives.

Seriously, each day we don't have to make a trip to the ER I count as a win! I'm still very skeptical we'll make it to 2 without stitches or some other dramatic event. Boys will be boys I guess!

Packing up

2013-11-25T10:42:00.001-08:00

It is holiday travel season, and traveling with kids is HARD work! While hard, it is totally doable with a little extra preparing. For us, making a list is key, and thinking of each part of our day while we are away is a big deal. I find that if we can keep up with our routine as much as possible it makes our days and more importantly nights, easier. Not to mention the transition back home again. So, here is a bit of our list for our boys at 15m.

Pack-n-play -- the place we are staying already has one crib for the other boy.
Lovies and lollies-- don't cross my babies at bedtime.
A portable highchair-- both homes we will be eating meals in has either one or two high chairs so our portable will supplement.
TOYS! One home has an insane amount of toys, the other has just a few, so we will take a good sized basket of favorites with us.
Food. We'll pick this up when we arrive, but it is so important to have things the boys will eat. When you're away from home, so much is already different, food can be one thing that stays consistent.
Obviously clothing and shoes.
Medications and a thermometer. Nothing is worse than thinking your kid feels hot when you're out of town and having to run to Walgreens in the middle of the night!
Any and all of the things that help your kiddo sleep. For us that means music and the firm little pillow H uses at night.

Most importantly take your camera or phone and snap some pictures of family and friends loving on your babies!

Baby Dance

2013-11-24T07:00:00.000-08:00

I watched a movie a few days ago while I was laying around with a sore back. It was called 'Baby Dance' and was, from my perspective, a pretty good movie. I'm not an adoptive parent, and even though I read several adoption blogs- I haven't lived it, and can't speak too much to how it all works, or doesn't work. What I DO know, is that when I watch a movie with an infertility theme, if it isn't done just perfectly and doesn't capture the emotion/heartache and speak about things in an inteligent manner I HATE the movie. So, keep that in mind if you decide to watch it.

I think it showed a lot of the things people don't talk about when it comes to adoption. Like all of the millions of feelings that go into making that choice in the first place, what you would do if the baby you were matched with ended up having some sort of issue, how you deal with the birth family, differing emotions from the waiting mother and father, etc. The movie was older and was probably set in the 80's-ish and I really have no idea what adoptions were like back then. But, as I watched all I could think was, I don't think I'm strong enough to do that.

It certainly isn't the norm from the stories I've read or heard from people I know, but my goodness, if that is how it once was, I can't even imagine. So, here's to you adoptive parents-- even though this was just a Hollywood glimpse for me into adoption I commend you for your strength when it comes to the choices you have made.

Feeding time...

2013-11-23T06:00:00.000-08:00

I need more food ideas for the boys- I'm going insane. I know there are tons of things I could be giving them, but I draw a complete blank when I'm at the grocery store and end up buying all the same things. I do not want my kids to end up as those super picky eaters that eat a PBJ or grilled cheese for EVERY SINGLE MEAL!

Here is what they eat now-- please oh please, give me more ideas, or at least say your kid doesn't eat any better!

BREAKFAST:
Pancakes - plain, no butter or syrup-sometimes with fruit mixed in
Waffles- same as above
French toast- again without butter or syrup
Fruit & spinach smoothie
Kashi fruit bar
Any fruit
Sometimes scrambled eggs- H more than A
Toast- dry, sometimes with a little homemade jam

LUNCH:
Grilled cheese sandwich
Flat bread pizza
English muffin pizza
Cubed cheese
Plain flat bread
Fruit
Smoothie
Pouches of puréed veggies
Cheerios

DINNER:
Basically everything on the other two lists, and sometimes a bite or two of whatever we are eating. They've recently decided they don't care too much for noodles, meat in most any form, beans or most veggies in finger food form.

Meal ideas to try? Snack ideas? Come on, help me out, I'm in a serious rut!

Uh-oh!

2013-11-22T15:59:00.000-08:00

As I said yesterday, H has learned to say uh-oh. It is generally accompanied with a very dramatic two hands over his mouth and worried eyes. It is hilarious.

When he wakes up, Uh-oh.
When he sets his car down gently on the floor, Uh-oh.
When A does something he isn't supposed to in another room, uh-oh uh-oh uh-oh.
When he runs out of food on his tray, Uh-oh.

You get the idea. All day long. It is the sweetest thing ever, so I don't mind hearing him say the same thing all day. I love these moments, and I feel insanely blessed to be home with them every single day!

15 months...

2013-11-21T15:49:00.000-08:00

I decided to start skipping monthly updates on the boys after their first birthday and will just do a larger update for each of their well visit months in their second year.

We're finally off formula... This week at fifteen months! It took us awhile to make the tradition, but I think we've finally done it. A didn't love the switch and we ended up just going slow for both boys because it was easier to keep track of. The boys now have three sippy cups of milk per day- probably between 16-20oz of milk per day. In addition to milk, the will eat three decent sized meals per day and sometimes a couple of snacks. They love carbs and fruit and seem to be coming around to whole veggies, but mostly still would rather have them in purée or smoothie form. Speaking of smoothies- they are obsessed. It's nice because we can get about a cup of fresh spinach in each one, which is great when they don't love finger food veggies! Meat has been really hard, and they don't care for beans too much either. Most protein is coming from dairy products these days, but hopefully they'll come around soon. Until then, we'll just keep offering it.

The boys have been somewhat slow to talk, but babble ALL.DAY.LONG! H can now say hi, mama, dada, uh-oh, yay and we've heard toddles more than once. For now, A us just saying mama, dada and yay. He generally does things about two weeks after H, so I think his language will perk up soon!

They are both loving playing with anything that has wheels. I think their current favorite us a green toys airplane they got as a birthday gift. It is constantly flying through our house accompanied with sound effects- cutest thing ever!

Sleep is getting better. More nights than not they sleep through- and our bed only has two adults in it-- WIN!! They still like music at bedtime and H now has a firm pillow in his bed because he has insanely small nostrils like his mama and with ANY congestion it is nearly impossible to breathe. He also gets saline spray before bed each night which he hates!

Our next major task is getting rid of the lollies. It's not something we are going to take on until after the holiday/traveling season. But it's coming, and I'm hopeful it will be done, or at least even more limited by 18m. Right now they get them in their beds, in the car seat and stroller.

H has 8-10 teeth. Wondering why I don't know? The kid's mouth is on lock down if he isn't eating- which makes brushing teeth a super fun few minutes. A has 10, and seems like he may be working on another, or maybe a couple of those 10 aren't completely through... The drool. Insane!

Our 'Tiny' is no longer the smaller of the boys- he out weighs his brother now by 10 oz! A weighs in at 24lbs 10oz (51%) and H at 24lbs even (42%). H is still taller than A, by a whole 1 1/4". H measures 32 1/2" (86%) and A was 31 1/4" (54%). Their heads are on the big side, which is just like both of our families- A 49cm (93%) and H 49 1/2 (96%).

A's hair is still super blonde and his eyes are a very sweet blue color. He continues to look more like Hub's family than mine, right down to his little booty. H's hair is a bit more brown, and his eyes are floating over to the grey/green side instead if the blue they used to be. H looks a lot like my family and the trend continues for him right down to his lack of a booty!

I can't think of anything else interesting, so I'll finish off with a temporary picture of the little stinkers....

The importance of preparing...

2013-11-20T11:22:00.000-08:00

I was recently talking with someone who is in the midst of infertility and on the brink of an IVF cycle. We were talking about the MANY things that go into it, and how much you really have to advocate for yourself, ask questions and become known by both your doctor and his or her nurses. I found it so very important to truly and deeply understand the process as well as the drugs. And I would encourage every single person to do the same. Yes, your doctors and nurses do this for a living and have the education and experience to back them up, but it us YOUR body, YOUR future.

In just the few minutes we talked, we touched on so many aspects of this journey:

Making a plan with your spouse about how far is too far.
Preparing your heart, mind, body and checking account for what is about to happen.
Having a plan for number of embryos to transfer prior to the sometimes emotional morning of the transfer.
Understanding your calendar and the drugs you will be taking.
Making a decision about where your drugs will come from- domestic vs. international.
The importance of cool socks.
The amount the general public knows about infertility and the IVF process.
The scary reality that even some of your IVF (or any treatment for that matter) peers know very little about what they are about to do.
The fact that sometimes participating in medical studies doesn't outweigh cost of treatment/sanity.
Balancing hope with reality. Having a guarded heart while still experiencing pure joy.
Gatorade.
Tricks for injections.

If only every person who jumped feet first into fertility treatment was more than consultation appointment educated.

Tiny Taste Test...

2013-11-19T08:07:00.000-08:00

Well, I bit the bullet and gave the boys peanut butter yesterday at lunchtime. I held my breath, took a few pictures and watched for awhile hoping nobody would stop breathing or anything crazy. I am SO hopeful it can be something new to add to the lunch list-- something with protien to boot!

I only gave each of them two small squares of toast with peanut butter, and all seemed well. Unfortunately, A had a diaper rash by bedtime, which is really unlike him unless he eats something that bothers him, like squash when he was much younger. I'm going to skip PB today and see if we can get the minor rash cleared up. Then, we'll try again before going to the doctor for their fifteen month visit tomorrow afternoon.

Peanut Butter...

2013-11-18T05:57:00.002-08:00

It's freaking me out a little! The boys are 15 months old, and we got the go ahead at 12m, but I'm worried about it. Now, don't get me wrong, I have no reason to worry. They boys don't have a single food they can't eat- there are a couple we think MAY have caused a slight diaper rash that we avoid, but in general nothing has been a problem. Neither hubs or I have any food allergies either... I think it's time to bite the bullet!

Have you givin your babes peanut butter yet?

You'll Never Walk Alone

2013-11-17T07:27:00.001-08:00

I was watching a movie last night while hubs was out with some friends. The movie was better than I imagined it would be, but what struck me, was a song within the movie.

You'll Never Walk Alone

When you walk through a storm hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm there's a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on

When you walk through the storm hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm there's a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on with hope, hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone

You'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

Such a perfect sentiment for so many of my readers- wherever you are, you're not alone. You'll never walk alone.

What?!?

2013-11-16T11:16:00.000-08:00

I've been watching the food network a lot the last few days while my back has been out. Today I heard this quote... Or close to it......

'I don't know if everyone puts boiled eggs in their turkey gravey, but we do'

WHHHHHAAAAT?!?

Do any of you do this? I've never heard anything like this! Do any of you do this? Or have any other weird traditions to entertain me with while I lay on the ice pack?!?

So, that is why.....

2013-11-15T16:21:00.001-08:00

I've realized something in the last few days. The reason the doctor prescribed me more pain meds after my Csection than I really needed was because they KNEW a mama of twins would undoubtedly hurt herself lugging around two little monsters all the time! The back is much better after lots of ice and a few really good pain pills... Thank goodness, because this mama is back on duty Monday morning!

Back.

2013-11-14T12:51:00.000-08:00

I threw my back out.... Again. I did this same thing in July and it was bad. I was pretty much confined to my bed or (outdoor) lounge chair for a week or more. The difference is, then my husband was at his old more flexible job, my mom was able to come help me for days on end and my babies were not nearly as mobile or curious.

So today, I'm here, stuck in my bed while my mother-in-law takes care of my babies. It is pure torture to listen to their day happen and not be able to be a part of it. It's killing me. Turning over responsibility of my children is not something I'm good at. In fact, just listening to hubs do our whole nighttime routine without me last night nearly killed me.

But, I need to heal. I need this time to lay and try to relax. It's almost impossible, but I'm trying. Hopefully, I'll be good as new by Monday- that's my goal. So, in the meantime, lots of rest!

Things that make me crazy...

2013-11-14T10:45:00.000-08:00

H learned to climb up on the couch. He hasn't fallen off yet, but I'm sure its only a matter of time.
Fruit flies. Seriously, tell me your secrets because I may go completely insane very, very soon.
Forgetting about a load of laundry in the washing machine and having to re-wash it.
When the UPS man rings the doorbell, during naptime.
Waking up in the middle of a cool dream.
Letting Hubs drive my car to work but forgetting to ask him to leave the stroller behind.
Junk mail.
Stepping on cheerios.
People who refer to my boys as 'the twins'... I know, I'm weird.
Realizing after I just got perfectly comfortable in my bed that I forgot to do something.
Babies with runny noses.
Making a meal for H & A and both of them refusing to eat it.
Looking outside the day following an afternoon spent raking leaves.

Baby #3... This is not an announcement!

2013-11-13T10:26:00.000-08:00

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I feel 100% crazy for thinking about baby #3 as much as I do. Like for serious.

I was talking with a group of women the other day, and was talking about the stack of totes sitting in our bedroom waiting to be put in the attic. There are six totes full of the first year of clothing that we are keeping. That, and a breast pump, a nursing pillow and a pile of clothing that needs to be sorted into the tubs or put in yet another. I joked that they'd likely still be sitting there when we had another baby. It was a joke, but with how slowly those types of projects happen around here... It isn't totally out if the question. Which, somehow thrills me.

I have a very odd sense of hope about getting pregnant again. Don't be fooled, I'm not thinking it's going to happen naturally, in fact, that probably will not be a possibility as I plan to stay on birth control until our FET. But I have a calm about it all, like its going to happen and I don't need to worry about the 'what if??' I cannot tell you how happy I am about this. I didnt realize until I was pregnant just how depressed I was when we were trying to get pregnant the first time. I have no desire to go there again, and certainly no desire for my boys to see me at that type of low.

I think we've settled on a year from now- that's when we'll start really pursuing an FET and all that it entails. I'm sure there will be tests that need to be updated and some other things that will need addressing. In the meantime, we will be enjoying everyday with our sweet boys and soaking in our time with the two of them. I'll be working toward getting as healthy as possible in preparation for another complication free pregnancy.

Life Lessons from Tiny Humans...

2013-11-12T10:28:00.001-08:00

There are millions of things to do in a day. Big, small, important, unnecessary. You get the idea.

Life with a baby, let alone twins, is hard work. There are diapers to change, meals to feed, nursing to do, bottles to wash, laundry, food scraps to sweep up, tummy time to supervise, sleepy babies to rock, dishes to do, meals to make... and those, for the most part are just the things on the must do list. Its hard and its rewarding. Its the best job I've ever had, but it is also overwhelming (especially at first) and exhausting.

I'm not saying this to complain. Not even a little.

I'm saying this to explain: there is a lot to do BUT, its ok if you aren't perfect. Because you are perfect in your baby's eyes. You are their everything. And I promise, they will not notice if your sink is full of dishes or your bathroom needs a good scrub down, they likely wont notice if your hair is a wreck or if you didn't brush your teeth this morning.

It wasn't until a few weeks into my new role as a mama of twins that I realized it. I can't do it all. And further more, I don't care. I am much more interested in being with my boys. Watching them learn to climb, discover new things, mimic things I model. Sure, I could get more done on my days at home, but I've resigned myself to the fact that my house just isn't going to be picture perfect anymore (unless we are expecting company), at least not for a few more years.

When I wake up in the night and nearly break my neck on some toy with wheels that was left in the hallway the night before, I thank God. I smile and pretty often my eyes get a little wet as I walk into the nursery to calm an upset baby. Because I have babies. Something I spent a long time wondering if I'd ever say.

Those babies, I love them to pieces. They've taught me what is important. They taught me to hold on to the very few things that are important to me, and let the other stuff slide.

Life, surprising as this may seem, is simpler now. We added two babies to our family and somehow, unexplainably so, I find life so much simpler and certainly sweeter.

Baby Art

2013-11-11T22:21:00.000-08:00

I just about let a day slip through the cracks. Good thing I didn't hop into bed the second I put the boys down tonight like I often do, thank goodness for DVR'd episodes of Dexter!

I have a random question, and because I know some of you mamas of littles have a pinterest 'problem' I hope one of you has an answer for me!

We're going to an event this week where each of the boys will get to make a tile with their handprint. The only handprint thing we've done is me tracing the outside of their hands. So, veteran paint hand printers... what is the trick? IS there a trick, or are we destined to have two fist prints this year?!?

Meal Ideas??

2013-11-10T06:00:00.000-08:00

So, as I said a few days ago- I am trying to lose a bit of weight and get more healthy. In the quest for this, I've found eating breakfast- and a relatively big one- really, really helps! Most days I have one egg, two links of turkey sausage and a piece of double fiber wheat toast. It works for me. I feel pretty stinking full most of the morning because it has a good amount of protein. I've found many other breakfast options with a similar number of calories but not as much protein leave me looking for a snack during naptime. While I'm not opposed to a snack, often it isn't something healthy that sounds good-- chocolate chips, anyone?!

For lunch I rotate between a few options, but I haven't found anything I really am set on yet. I'm the kind of person who could easily eat the exact same thing for breakfast and lunch every single day if I like it. So, ideas welcome- I'd love to find something I like and just eat it everyday, it would make my life so much easier!

As for dinners, this is where I like my variety, and its a good thing because hubs would not be pleased if I made him eat the same things over and over and over! I generally try to leave a decent amount of calories for dinner because then we have more options, but we also are trying to get into a better habit of feeding the boys what we are eating so that means having yummy salads every night isn't totally feasible for us right now. I need some healthy ideas that may also be somewhat kid friendly.... anyone?!?

In general I'm steering clear of buying snack type foods and opting instead for apples, cheese and relatively healthy granola bars. My very favorite snack lately is stove popped popcorn made with coconut oil. It needs nothing more than some sea salt when it comes off the stove and we LOVE it. Hubs and I have recently started making a pot (1/4 of a cup un-popped to share) a few nights a week after the boys have gone to bed. We share it while we catch up on DVR'd shows or play a board game. It seems like a treat, even though it isn't too bad for you, especially when consumed with a HUGE glass of ice water-- or two!

So, what are your favorite healthy meals and snacks? I'd love to find a little variety!

HI!

2013-11-09T06:00:00.000-08:00

Some of the littlest moments of motherhood are the best! This week I took the boys to the mall to wander and get out of the house on a rainy day. Since all of the children's departments seem to be on the upper floors of stores, we took several elevator rides. H has always had kind of an uneasy face when we travel in an elevator, but this day was different. He thought it was hilarious to shout HIIIIIIIIIII when the doors would open. It was too funny.

It is this simple little moments with my boys that I never want to forget!

A weighty post...

2013-11-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

It's on. I've let it slide for far too long- the postpartum weight has got to go. Notice, I did not call it baby weight, that's because I lost all that. By about 4-6 weeks postpartum I'd lost all 40lbs I gained during my twin pregnancy, then in the coming weeks after starting the mini pill, seeing a decrease in my milk supply, and losing all my daytime help... I gained about 25lbs back. Yuck! That was not part of my plan. Not at all. And let me tell you, it is hard work to lose that weight with two tiny babies at home and not a lot of time to worry about what it is you're eating!

So, the time is now. I'm starting to think about my next pregnancy (even if its a year or more off) and what I want for my body before my new little bean is growing in there. I want to start that pregnancy at a significantly lower weight, I want my body to be more fit and healthy- I want to prepare myself for the biggest gift ever- pregnancy, birth and the blessing of patenting another little human :)

I'm trying to be more active with the boys on days we are at home. Dance parties, lots of 'I'm gunna get you games', making more trips that I need to with laundry and toys to put away. On days we go out I try to go places where we can do a good bit of walking. Then there is diet. At the moment I'm just using my fitness pal to track calories without paying too much attention to WHAT those calories are. I figure once I get into a good rhythm of recording and tracking I'll take on one meal at a time and try to make most of the calories-- though really, I think I already have breakfast and lunch pretty figured out. I just need to come up with more healthy dinner ideas and fight the urge to have hubs pick up dinner on his way home one those long busy days-- which are plentiful!

I've already lost 10 of those 25 postpartum pounds and I am REALLY looking forward to getting the rest OFF... for good! If I can keep up with what I've started, I'm projecting being back (again!) at my pre-pregnancy weight by sometime in January! And then, I the work continues-- until we're ready to transfer, I'll be working on getting myself as healthy as possible in preparation of hopefully carrying another easy, drama free pregnancy!

Preparing to jump... revisitied

2013-11-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about the possibility of going off birth control in an effort to put in our 'one year of trying' so we'd line up with when we'd like to do an FET likely in early 2015.

There is big news on that front- our insurance requires no referral, or registering for infertility services. Our previous insurance required both a referral to an RE and we had to register as infertile with a specific branch of the company. At which time they asked and recorded all that we'd tried and we were cleared to see an RE. This is not the case with our new insurance. So, I am able to stay on birth control right up until we are ready to jump back in.

I am so glad it is working our this way for us. I was really worried about what my body would do without birth control. I'm not convinced met.formin would make me cycle regularly and I cannot imagine taking progesterone every couple of months with two one year olds at home- that stuff makes me SO TIRED!

So, now we don't really have to plan ahead. When we're ready, we make the appointment, and its GO TIME! If we keep with our current plan, that will be in about a year- crazy- and really exciting!

Metformin... the saga continues.

2013-11-06T13:54:00.000-08:00

So, I had an appointment with my OB the other day for just the usual annual exam. We got to talking about birth control, future pregnancies and the likelihood of us getting pregnant with out medical intervention. Then came PCOS and metformin.

The back story is my PCP prescribed met.formin a few months ago and I've been horrible about taking it. When the fiasco happened with her a few weeks ago, I decided to not start taking it again and talk with my OB about it. I figured it was a bit more of his area of expertise than hers.

So we talked at length about PCOS, metformin and birth control. Since I am not really insulin resistant, and am on birth control he said it really wasn't necessary for me to be taking it. He agreed that it could potentially help me lose a little weight, but he said it likely wouldn't be anymore than I'd lose if I just watched my diet.

He was insistent that if/when I go off birth control I will need it again. It will help my body stay hormonally balanced, or at least closer. Going off birth control... that is a post for another day-- maybe tomorrow!

So for the time being, I am back off met.formin. And my stomach thanks me!

Diapers, baby food, toys, OH MY!

2013-11-05T07:00:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! Today's post is pretty much my shameless plug for Amazon Mom. Just to get this out of the way from start, if you DO sign up using my link I will get some amazon credits which I will use for the MILLIONS of diapers and wipes we go through around here! BUT you will also win-- For a limited time new Amazon Mom members can save $25 on eligible diapers in addition to 20% off diapers, wipes and other family essentials! So, SIGN UP... and use my link... I dare you!

THIS LINK!

I really, really cannot tell you how many times Amazon Mom has saved my butt when it comes to buying diapers. It is dang near impossible to buy a box of diapers, while pushing a double stroller and buying ANYTHING else. So I order my diapers.. ALWAYS. It is just so much easier, and they come right to my front door just a couple of days later. THE.BEST.

A day in my life with (almost) 15 month old twins!

2013-11-04T15:25:00.001-08:00

6am-7am: The first cry or Dadadadadada is heard and depending on time and how awake I am, I either get the baby (or both) and bring him/them back to our bed for a little snuggling or we head out to the living room to play.

8:30am: Breakfast. Lately my children are VERY picky. It hasn't always been this way, and hopefully it will not always be this way, but for now, they usually have fruit and either toast, a pancake or a waffle.

9:00-10:00am: Diaper changes and lots of playing. We are usually in and out of the playroom a million times, scooting around on push/ride-on toys and generally acting like the circus show we are. On days that it isn't raining this is the time I load up the stroller and go for a 30-45 minute walk.

10:00am: The boys have a sippy cup and milk mixed with a small amount of formula and go to bed for somewhere between 1 and 2 hours.

12:00pm: More playtime and diaper changes.

1:30pm: Lunch. Again, we are picky. Sometimes they like grilled cheese, quesadillas, flat bread, ham and cheese. They always like chunks of fruit or a pouch or pureed fruit or vegetable.

2:00-3:00pm More wild playtime, errands and diaper changes

3:00pm: Another nap- I think I may die when they no longer take two. they again have a sippy cup of milk and sleep for 1-2 hours.

5:00pm: We play, play, play and wait for daddy to get home. Change diapers and have a snack if they seem hungry.

6:00-7:00pm: Dinner. We are trying our best to start eating more as a family, but is dang hard when you run a short order kitchen trying to get your kids to eat SOMETHING. ANYTHING!

7:30-8:30pm: We play, change diapers, give vitamins and reflux meds, clean up snotty noses, drink some milk, change into jammies, sometimes have a bath, and otherwise get ready for bedtime.

8:30pm: The boys hop into their cribs, find their lollies and sleep soundly (hopefully all night!) and mama lets our a huge sigh of relief that we've made it through another wonderful day!

The day I lost all trust in my PCP

2013-11-03T16:01:00.000-08:00

There is a possibility I could have seen this coming, and maybe you will be thinking the same thing in the coming posts (the metfor.min debate!) but the day came... the day I lost all trust in my primary care physician.

A few weeks ago I went in to have my thyroid tested. I've had some trouble keeping it in range ever since the boys were born, or really, since they were conceived. I've gone in somewhere between monthly and once every three months to have it tested and to have my medication changed either slightly up or down dependent on my TSH level. No biggy. Well, no biggy until this last appointment.

I went in, had my blood drawn, and chatted with her a bit about how I was feeling. I expressed to her that I was somewhat tired, but I wasn't sure if that had to do with swinging hypo, or if it was because I had two teething babies at home. We talked a bit more and she sent me on my way saying they'd call once my results had been read and at that time they would refill my prescription with any changes. A few days passed and the medical assistant called me. She let me know my results had come back a little high (4.54) and that they would like to change my dose. I said ok, with the understanding that I was obviously being UNDERTREATED and then she said 'we'll be LOWERING your dose to 75mcg (from 100mcg)'. I quickly said that didn't seem right and she responded with, 'that is how the thyroid works, it can be confusing.' I expressed my concern again and asked that she have my PCP look over it again and then call me back. I was sure she'd call back quickly with an apology and a different dose that was higher than my previous instead of TWO steps lower.

She did call back. It was about an hour later, and when she called she let me know that my PCP was adamant this was her plan of care and would like me to be on 75mcg instead of the 100mcg I was currently taking. At this point I made sure I'd heard correctly during the first conversation that my level was 4.54 and went to work on the computer to make sure I wasn't the one who was all wet. It was clear within seconds that I was correct.

I texted hubs asking what the heck I was supposed to do, even though I knew I needed to call the practice and ask for another doctor to read my chart, or promptly change practices all together and be rechecked. So, because I knew it would take some time to get in with a new doctor, I called the practice and spoke with the receptionist. I made it clear there was a problem, explained my issue and she told me 'its uncomfortable to have other doctors checking over another's charts.' While I can appreciate this, I told her I didn't much care how uncomfortable it made my doctor, because I was FAR more uncomfortable with the fact that I was being prescribed the exact opposite of what I should have been. A short time later the other PA in the practice called and assured me that I was most surely correct, and without totally throwing her peer under the bus she told me that she was really unsure how this mistake could have been made.... twice. She then sent in the proper dose to the pharmacy and we hung up.

We haven't really loved our primary care physician or the clinic, ever, but we ended up with them a few years ago when we needed one to refer us to the fertility clinic. I was able to get in with them quickest, so that who we chose. Until now, we've never had a real problem, but now, now it is time to take a little initiative and change providers. I hate this part. I really, really hate finding a new doctor!

Tricks my kids do.... part one

2013-11-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

Recently the boys were playing in the living room while I finished cleaning up our breakfast dishes. I was just one room over and listened as they giggled at each other and banged on the sliding glass door wishing it was warm enough and dry enough to go outside. After not too long, A was no longer joyfully squealing, but kind of whimpering/whining. When I came around the corner I was surprised (to say the least) to see only half of my child.

Directly in front of our slider (who's idea was that... perfect way to lose ALL of our heat!) we have a heating/cooling vent. A had removed the cover and went ahead and jumped in. I was amused/ and slightly worried he might be stuck at first, but once I got him out more panic set it.

What if that duct work didn't hold his little body and he fell into the crawlspace. HOLY CRAP that freaked me out, Especially because we just bought the boys a bookshelf for their closet that sits directly on top of the crawlspace access... it would not have been a quick save of my baby!

Stay tuned for more 'tricks' ... and just for fair warning it is almost always A who is preforming tricks around here. If he makes it to this second birthday without an urgent trip to the doctor I will be AMAZED!

Thirty Days of W &W

2013-11-01T16:22:00.000-07:00

I am going to do my very best to get a post up every day of November-- yeah I know, we'll see how that one goes! I'm not promising depth every single day of the month, just SOMETHING... anything! I'm ready to jump back into blogging a bit more, I miss it! Plus there are about 500 million things going on in my mind and they need OUT!

Thing you might read about this month.....

spending my second Halloween in a row at my OB/GYN's office.
metformin- the saga continues.
a long story about my PCP and the day she lost my trust.
finding a new PCP... lord, help me.
'tricks' my children do.
my kids' obsession with carbs... it will get better, right?
new health insurance is not my favorite.
baby #3-- I'm not pregnant.
socks... are like Christmas decorations for the stir-ups.
weight.
realizing you can't do it all and being ok with it.
what I'm thankful for... you might be surprised!
twin tricks that make our life easier.
H & A's first REAL cold & snot bubbles.
a day in our life with 15m old twins.
many days of... what was I doing in years gone by on this day in November!
new favorite snacks.
maybe a recipe post or two.

Preparing to jump.... again

2013-10-08T11:33:00.000-07:00

As I said in my last post, thoughts of another baby are beginning to surface. Its funny, these thoughts of a second pregnancy are a little surprising to me. When I think about another pregnancy, it is in thinking about 'planning' it. So much about infertility (part one) was being a slave to not building expectations, learning to live without a plan at times and learning to live my life by a calendar someone else handed me at others. And now, now we have more pieces in our puzzle. We have seen success, and we know what (at least last time) works for us. We have three frozen embryos which are similar in quality to those we transferred during our two fresh cycles. Both of those cycles I did become pregnant, at least briefly, and because of that, I am hopeful one of those three embryos will become baby number three.

In a perfect world we would begin the FET process in January of 2015. So, why am I already thinking so much about all of this? We have fertility insurance. And while I am very thankful that we have it, it does add more hoops to be jumped. Like the fairly common '1 year of timed intercourse' before benefits can be utilized. Though I'm not sure that applies to someone who already has an infertility diagnosis, it is still very much dominating thoughts of growing our family. What this all means, is I'll need to go off birth control sometime around Christmas this year.

Its crazy. 'Trying' for a baby just a couple of months from now feels a little nuts, but we are being realistic in knowing an FET is very much a part of our plan. This may come as a surprise to some, but I don't have any desire to become pregnant naturally- nor do I think it will happen. I have three perfect embryos that I would like to give a chance to, and I'd rather not push that out longer and longer.

The three embryos we have are something I think about daily, and something that makes my husband feel somewhat uncomfortable. We aren't big fans of those babies just sitting and waiting for us for years to come. And if we're being completely honest, we aren't sure how this story is going to play out. Will we try with all three (not at once), will one or more of them not survive the thawing process, will we become pregnant with our first FET attempt or will it take multiple tries, will any of those three embryos become our third child? I'm fairly confident in the process and I trust my doctor entirely, so I do believe the boys' sibling is waiting for us. But, the unknowns are somewhat daunting.

I'm somewhat worried about going off birth control. I'm worried I wont have regular cycles due to my PCOS and I'll have to resort to the very much unenjoyable progesterone to stimulate cycles. I'm looking forward to the possibility of another baby and our little family growing, but it feels somewhat surreal to be thinking/preparing to jump back into all of this no matter how far off it is.

I don't often hear/see people speaking about their frozen embryos. I think I've read just one blog post about a family donating after their twin pregnancy/birth and I know of one blogger who fully intended to try with every embryo she had, but as it turned out it wasn't something she needed to worry about.

I'd love to hear your take on this, or what your plans are, my fellow IVFers. Either leave me a comment, or post your thoughts on your blog and leave me a link in the comments.

A little of this, and a little of that!

2013-09-27T16:15:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've been neglecting my blog. I'm not entirely sure why, but its happening. Its weird though, because although our boys are more mobile now, they are also playing together(ish) more and are seriously cool to go to the playroom for sometimes 30 minutes at a time without needing mama to be right there. It is pretty sweet!

Here is a little update on our life....

H is walking pretty well, he still drops to his knees if he wants to get somewhere quickly, but right around 13m he really took off.
A will take a few steps here and there, and can navigate a push toy like a pro, but in general crawling is still his main form of transportation.
As my babies are exiting the baby stage, I'm starting to think more and more about baby #3. I know, I have twins who are just barely one, but its true. I have an appointment with my OB in a few weeks and while we are not even close to biting the 'IVF' bullet. I do have a few things to pick his brain about. We have new insurance and I'm not certain if we'll have to "try" for a year before using our benefits or not, but if we do have to, that means trying will likely commence very soon since we have an idea of when we'd like to do an FET-- how's that for faith in my reproductive system?
Hubs started a new job about a month ago and LOVES it. It has been so nice for him to enjoy going to work in the mornings and be a happy daddy when he gets home at night.
The boys are eating more and more of what we eat and it is so fun! Just last night we let them try stuffing for the first time, and it made me so excited for thanksgiving!
A is getting some molars... its not my favorite, but I can't complain too much, my kids have been pretty easy teethers!
We give the boys teething tablets from time to time, and H has taken to doing it himself. He looks so grown up taking his pills before bed.
About a month ago Hubs and a camp-in with the boys in the living room. They slept inside out huge playpen together- seriously the CUTEST thing ever. They are doing it again tonight. I am so incredibly thankful that my babies have such a fun daddy.
A & H haven't ever really been on a schedule, but all of a sudden a few weeks ago we just kind of fell into one. I have never pushed one on them- aside from feeding them at pretty set times when they were babies. Now, at 13 months, this is what we are doing:

Wake up: anytime between 530am and 8am
Breakfast: between 8 and 830am
Playtime : from 9ish-10am
Milk & Nap: The boys are still getting part formula in their sippy cup along with some whole milk. We've had a little trouble getting used to the milk, so for now, this is what we're doing. The boys usually nap from 10am-12pm
Playtime: from 12-130pm
Lunch: sometime between 1 and 130pm
Playtime: 2ish-3
Milk & Nap: they generally sleep from 3 until 5, sometimes a little less and sometimes a little more!
Playtime with Daddy: from 5 until dinner sometime around 7.
Dinner: is usually between 7 and 730 because we've found they sleep best if they go to bed about an hour after dinner.
Bedtime: between 8 and 830 we start the bedtime routine including diapers, jammies, meds and milk. They generally go down without too much fuss and most nights sleep through the night. Some nights a quick bath or shower is tossed into the bedtime routine, but we are firm believers in not bathing everyday. Our kiddos have pretty sensitive skin and we've found that every night is just way too drying on their soft baby skin! Good ting, because there just aren't enough hours in the evening for that!

H has taken to pooping before he falls asleep for either one or both of his naps... every single day. Then he cries or stands in his bed and talks loudly until I come change him. Little stinker- literally.
The boys went to the nursery for the first time a few weeks ago while we were at MOPs. I thought they would cry when I left... not so much. I thought that would make me sad, but instead I was totally proud.
We had dinner recently with two other couples. One couple has twins and the other has a singleton. It was so weird to watch the kids. It was very interesting to see how both sets of twins just got right to playing and didn't need much interaction with the adults other than to kind of be close enough to check in from time to time. The singleton was more interested in her parents and what they were doing, wanted to stay close and was more determined to do things her way. After the moms got to talking about it was obvious that it was just one of those differences in raising twins- they just don't really get 100% of the attention, the toys or anything for that matter. While that kind seems sad, I think its also kind of a good thing.
I'm trying to think of things to get out of the house for this fall/winter. We have MOPs once per month and a play group once a month, but I feel like the other two weeks need some kind of outing for the boys. Anyone have any ideas? I've considered the toddler playtime at a bouncy house place in the area, but its for 3 and under and I'm not sure if my boys are ready for that... thoughts? Otherwise I feel like the more 'organized' things people generally take their kids to are a little hard when you have two the same age. Our MOPs group does one outing every month that is for the kiddos, but the first two are outdoors and not really stroller friendly so they are unfortunately a no go for us.
I'm fully embracing fall. Hubs ordered me pumpkin coffee and apple cider a couple of weeks ago and they are now my favorite afternoon treat. This week kicks off Soup Sundays at our house, and I can't wait to get a big pot on the stove top!
Tomorrow we're going to the multiples consignment sale. I also look forward to it because there is so much stuff and on the second day most things are half off-- talk about amazing deals!

That's all for now, and really, it is way more than I thought I had in me! I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the change of pace fall brings. While I miss the sunny afternoons in the backyard with my babies, I'll trade it in for the drizzle and cloudy skies if it means the holiday season is right around the corner. I can't wait to see the boys experience everything this year!

$42,620

2013-09-03T15:27:00.004-07:00

I know I've spoken pretty freely about the infertility insurance we were blessed with through my husbands employer. Were. Past tense, he ended his position with them last Friday and began a new position with a new company today. One of the biggest worries I had with him changing jobs was how that would impact our family building plans. With our previous policy we were VERY blessed to have 'full' coverage for 6 iui's and 3 ART courses of treatment (3 fresh or frozen IVF cycles). We live in a state that does not have mandatory coverage laws when it comes to infertility, so it was a huge blessing that Hub's company was based in a state (IL) that did have such mandates. It was a pretty big surprise to find out that our new policy would also have a bit of coverage. Though it isn't as impressive as the last package, it is something-- and money that we will not have to come up with when we are ready for an FET. Thank goodness!

In an effort to keep some info from our infertility treatment days without searching through EOBs, I took a little time today on our old insurance company's website to make a list of what we've spent on infertility and also a list of what was billed- since our new policy is a dollar amount instead of a # of cycles.

I kind of wanted to throw up when I saw that number. I talked to my mom last week and kind of off the cuff said without our coverage we probably would have spent about $40k on treatments so far. When I said that it seemed like a big number that was probably inaccurate. Guess who was painfully close to correct?

$42,620 for consults, testing, six IUIs and two fresh IVF cycles.

Oh my gosh. What would we have done if we didn't have that coverage? Found a way I suppose, but I am even more thankful now than I was then. To paint the whole picture, we only paid about 12.5% of that out of pocket-- most of which was co-payments.

Insane. It is heartbreaking to me that there are so many couples who are unable to do all that we've done because they don't have the insurance coverage we had and the money just isn't there to afford trying for the baby/babies they long for.

12 months... one whole year!

2013-08-26T09:14:00.001-07:00

I still can't believe it has been an entire year. Here is the run down of what the boys are up to these days...

Both boys are clapping-- I cant remember if I said at 11 months that H was clapping, but now we have two little clappers. Whenever they hear clapping they start in. Also, if they hear YAY! they start clapping-- so stinking cute!
A is walking behind push toys, and while H can also do it, he is much less interested. The kid can crawl so fast he doesn't care about walking!
New food loves-- grilled cheese, banana or blueberry pancakes, french toast, applesauce, peaches preferably the whole piece of fruit, every once in awhile they will eat a little deli turkey or chunks of chicken.... uh, carb lovers?
Both are obsessed with the fountain park. We have taken them a few times and each time they are more fearless with the water. Not to mention how stinking cute they are in those little swim suits :)
We joined MOPs. There hasn't been a meeting yet, but we are members.
H stands on his own for decent periods of time now and looks pretty proud of himself while he is doing it! A has started the same in the last few days, but for much shorter periods of time.
Both boys got their first haircut at about 11.5 months- talk about looking waaay more grown up in a matter of minutes!
H is pretty solidly wearing 12 month clothing with many 9m things mixed in. He still wears some 6m shorts because his waist is pretty tiny. A is wearing things ranging from 6-9m with some 12m jammies mixed in.
Both boys are in size 3 diapers and size 4 overnights-- I think both will be able to move up after the box that arrived on our doorstep this morning. --ps, diaper delivery is amazing!
H LOVES anything with wheels. At home it is cars when we're out it is strollers and anything else with wheels. When he sits in the shopping cart at costco he loves to hang himself out over the side to watch the wheels.
A likes toys he can walk behind, a ride around the back yard on a blanket, and anything resembling a blankie- clothes, sheets, he isn't too picky.
Their favorite song is Wheels on the Bus and a close second is I'll Love You Forever.
Both are starting to wave, but it is not even close to mastery yet.
They are getting so much better at napping. They'll either play in their cribs talking for a little while, or sometimes just roll right over and go to sleep when I lay them down (still twice per day). I just wish this was the case at night. We're still rocking them to sleep most nights, and H is still waking up at night to be rocked some more most nights.
They are eating 3 meals per day along with 3 bottles (sippy cups are still a problem). Until we start milk soon, they are getting somewhere between 18-21oz of formula per day. Some days they have a snack in the afternoon, but not very often because they are pretty big eaters at meal times.
The boys received a lot of new toys for their birthday-- and seem to be really enjoying most of them.
They both say Mama and Dada, but they are not always directed at us, so I'm not entirely sure it counts.
At their well baby appointment last week:

H: Weight 21 lbs 12.8oz (33%) Height 30 3/4" (78%) Head 48cm (89%)
A: Weight 21 lbs 10.2oz (31%) Height 29 3/4" (48%) Head 47.5cm (80% So, in summary, they are a little on the skinny side, H is tall-ish and A is average in height... and their heads are on the large side. In terms of meeting milestones all of the physical milestones are being met, but the boys a little 'behind' in terms of speech. Hubs and I aren't overly concerned and neither was our ped. she finds that twins have a slightly delayed speech pattern and was all for waiting until their 15m or 18m well visit before we worry too much. IF they are still running a little behind we will be referred to an early intervention clinic and be evaluated for speech. They also had their shots, which made them VERY VERY angry this time. This time it was Hep A, MMR, Chickenpox and Pneumococcal.

Since this is already super late, I think I'll stop there. Hopefully I'll have photos from their party uploaded soon so I can share the details!

Enjoying a little birthday cake!
Don't mind the red mark on A's face, we let him try a rib and the rub/sauce irritated his skin a little.

Mother of the year...

2013-08-19T12:51:00.000-07:00

Last night we tried crying it out... unintentionally.

Yeah, you caught that right.

Sometime in our bedtime routine the monitor fell into a basket of books and the microphone was covered. I'm fairly sure A slept all night as he normally does. H on the other hand... he never, ever makes it all night. I have to at least get up once to locate his lollie and give it back to him. Most nights there is some rocking, and a lot of nights he just ends up in our bed. So when I woke up this morning I was SO proud of him. Until I heard the boys fussing down the hall and not a peep coming from our monitor. Ugh. I feel horrible that my little guys could have (and likely did) need me in the night and I wasn't there to come check on them. H has been acting super sleepy today which only makes me feel worse!

GUILT!

Maybe all we needed to make our boy sleep was one, unintentional night of crying it out.... I'm not holding my breath, but it would make me feel better!

365 Days...

2013-08-15T00:30:00.000-07:00

That is how long I've been a Mama to babies on the outside of my body. Surely I was their Mama from the moment they were created, but one year is how long I've been snuggling, feeding, diapering, kissing, and taking care of every need of our boys. I can't believe an entire year has passed already. I remember that day- what seems like every single moment, right down to the words that were said and the looks that were exchanged between my husband and I in the hours leading up to our debut as parents. I remember shaking in the OR and my OB calmly reassuring me that not only would everything be fine, but that my babies would know my love for them from the moment they took their first breath on the outside of my body. I can recall how everything looked around me as I laid eyes on each of my boys for the first time. So many sweet memories from that day. I will cherish that day for as long as I live, the day every ounce of hurt, pain, longing and frustration became really and truly worth it.. the day I became a mom.

This year looks a bit different than last year. I will still be waking up early, though with any luck it wont be AS early. Instead of driving to the hospital with great anticipation, instead we'll walk down our hallway, and watch with great anticipation as they discover their birthday gifts from us and navigate a hallway of streamers and balloons. And instead of not eating breakfast, I'll join my sweet little pancake lovers for some blueberry treats. This afternoon we'll hit up the fountain park and watch them explore a place they love and maybe they'll get a little taste of ice cream when we're done playing. Tonight we'll tuck our sweet little boys into their cribs with their pacifiers and the burp clothes they treat like blankies, and instead of being slightly terrified like we were on that first night in the hospital, we'll give each other the same look we give each other every night.... the one that says 'how could we love them any more?' 'We've finally got this figured out' and 'thanks for making me a mom/dad' all in one simple little glance.

It has easily been the hardest, most fulfilling BEST year of my entire life. I wouldn't change one moment of it- I can't wait to see what their second year has in store for us!

Any Ideas?

2013-08-01T12:57:00.001-07:00

1. Sippy cups.... the boys are not good at them. I give them a sippy cup with water each day (ok, most days) in addition to their three bottles and three meals- usually they end up being banged on the tray and everyone ends up a little more wet than I'd planned. It isn't for lack of trying though- I think we have six different types of cups. If you have a favorite let me know!

2. Nighttime waking.... I am willing to admit we've done VERY little in terms of sleep training. We've broken a lot of 'rules' and I'm not really sorry about any of it. I've loved having my babies in bed with me from time to time, but we are reaching a point where H is finding his way into our bed early every morning. I'd like to fix this, but the boys do share a room, so letting him fuss/cry it out isn't really an option. When he gets picked up and brought to our room he is usually either asleep before he gets to our room, or shortly after he gets into our bed. Occasionally we do rock him in his room and put him back down once he falls asleep, but to be honest, we are too tired for that most of the time! Last night I tried not bringing him to our bed... I got up to rock him every two hours and he required a bottle to go to sleep the final time.

3. Diapers... my boys have always been more on the side of constipated than the other direction. In the recent weeks we've had some issues in that department that we haven't been used to. I can count on both hands how many times we've had to change an outfit because of poop in the last year between TWO babies... I'd say half of those have been in the last month. I don't think it has anything to do with the diapers we are using- it has to do with the poo... which I have to assume is due to the food. I fed the boys the BRAT diet for a few days and it seemed to get a little better, but then I introduced oatmeal again and this morning A wished me a happy anniversary with a full diaper and poo up his back-- gross! Could it just be a yucky stomach that needs to heal, or are our oatmeal days numbered?

4. Birthdays.... its almost the boys' first birthday and I have no idea what to get them. We just spent $800 on car seats and a new stroller, so maybe that is gift enough! What did you do for a first birthday gift, or did you skip it because they have no idea and your family spoiled your kiddo rotten anyway?!?!

5. Pacifiers... We had every intention (a year ago, and maybe even 6 months ago) to take away the lollies when the boys turned one. I'm just not sure they are ready... and I'm even more sure I am not ready! But, our doctor has told us time and time again that it is in the end easier for them the younger they are-- less attached and all that jazz. Ideas? Bottles will be happening shortly too (after we master the sippy) so if you have tips on that one I'll gladly take those too!

What do you do?

2013-07-24T15:09:00.000-07:00

The boys are almost one, and I am finally feeling like I can make some commitments and plan to do some things on a weekly/monthly basis. Hubs and I have lived in this general metro area for about 7 years, and while we have a few friends, very few of them have small children, and those who do, don't stay home with them. So, I don't have play dates (does anyone else despise that term?) on the calendar and really we spend most of our days alone at home. It is fine, the boys have a built in playmate, but I'm ready to get out some more.

I've been looking into some options, and I'm interested to know what you've done with your kiddos. Right now a few options I'm looking at are...

Joining MOPS
Getting back to the gym and leaving the boys in childcare
Going to a community playgroup co-op
Braving story time at the library
Joining the multiples club in our area

I know getting out will be good for all three of us, but I am not the best at meeting new people. We are also currently looking for a church, so maybe that will drag up some more opportunities.

So tell me, what have you done to get out of the house with your kids? Did you love it, hate it, wish you'd done it sooner?!?!?

Taking care of twins...

2013-07-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

I know I often gloss over many aspects of raising twins, touting it as the best days of my life. And while these days are nothing short of amazing, it is really hard work. I commend moms who stay home with their twins full time and remain sane, because in reality while I don't leave my home every day to take care of someone else's 36 small children as I used to, this IS indeed a JOB and it is hard work.

----
A few days before the holiday weekend I hurt my back. Though it wasn't too bad, I was noticing the pain when I bent down to pick up the boys and felt stiff in the mornings. I didn't think too much of it and we hopped into the car on the morning of the 4th to head down the freeway to see our families for the holiday weekend. 2 hours in the car without a ton of leg room was a horrible idea in hindsight. I spent much of that Thursday in a lot of pain. I nursed it, took pain medication and by the following morning I was feeling much better. We took a walk that morning in an effort to loosen things up and I was feeling pretty well on Friday. By Saturday and Sunday I was able to do most things and was really in little to no pain. Then after meeting family for breakfast on Sunday morning we hopped back in the car and drove home. When we arrived back, I jumped out of the car at a neighbors house where we were watering the lawn, and then when I got back out at our house I felt it-- the pain was back. Not horrible, but I still declined getting the boys out of the car or unpacking the car just in case. I spent about an hour unpacking a few things in the house, starting the laundry and feeding the boys lunch. After we'd completed all of our chores from returning home Hubs and I sat down with some food and watched a show on net.flix. Against my better judgement I decided to lay down on our very soft sofa to finish the show. Possibly the worst idea I have EVER had. Ouch! I started feeling like I needed to use the restroom so I tried to get up... not happening. Feeling pretty fearful I was going to wet my pants right there on the couch, I started trying to get myself to the floor to crawl to the bathroom. After probably and hour, some crying and a lot of pain I made it to the bathroom to take care of business. This was obviously way more pain than I had been in previously that weekend so I started to get worried. I tried all of my husband's low back pain tricks and nothing really helped I was in so much pain that I wasn't even interested in eating.

***sidenote, while explaining to my husband that this was the worst pain I had ever been in, he got a puzzled face, and said 'even childbirth?' to which I reminded him I'd been drugged and cut open.... Really? It hasn't even been a year yet and you've forgotten? Hilarious conversation!***

Not only was I hurting, I was also starting to feel guilty that Hubs was going to have to take care of the boys on his own while I healed. I'm not sure why this was such a worry to me. I've done it many times when he needed to be rested for work or wasn't feeling well- while hard work, it is in fact doable. I think more than anything it is just hard for me to give up the things I do every single day for my babies.

Anyway, that was Sunday, and I was in no shape to be left alone with the boys on Monday, so Hubs worked from home to help us. Then Tuesday my Mom came and stayed until Thursday evening so Hubs could go into work for a few days and then he stayed with us again on Friday and obviously through the weekend.

----

I add that whole story, because it really wasn't until I was laying on a lawn chair, with ice on my back in my living room that I realized just how hard my job is. (We don't furnish our living room with outdoor furniture it was just the only thing other than my bed that I could stand being in) When it was hubs taking care of our boys it was different, more effortless. He does it most evenings and on the weekend, so while it is still a lot of work he is somewhat used to it all. However, watching my mom who is not used to taking care of two 11 month olds all day- I was exhausted just watching her. She really did a fantastic job, but when I'm in my day I don't really notice all the millions of little things I do for the boys all.day.long. I thought MANY times, how do I do this everyday? I'm in no way trying to toot my own horn or make stay at home moms sound higher or mightier than those moms that go back to work. I'm just trying to be real- this is hard work. I vow now to no longer feel like I've failed the day if there is a load of laundry in the washing machine that is going to have to be re-washed the following morning or if my kitchen is a mess, or if I fall into my bed at night and just barely kiss my husband good night. Because I'm doing big work around here. I'm raising two little boys into what I hope will be strong, hardworking, loving men someday. And really, all those other things are of little importance when I look at the bigger picture.

Sometimes it just takes a living room lawn chair moment to bring you back to reality and remind you how well you really are doing and also what is really important.

Well, That is Embarrassing!

2013-07-16T16:29:00.000-07:00

So, for weeks I was reading blogs urging people to swap blog readers because google.reader was going to be no more. I kept thinking- gosh google.reader must be great if so many people use it-- Hmmm, I guess I missed the boat on that one. Imagine both my surprise and embarrassment when one morning I clicked on my blog reading app on my phone and... oh weird, there is nothing there. Turns out I'd been using it for the last couple of years to read blogs on my phone. Its ok, call me an idiot, I totally felt like one in that moment. I then downloaded blog.lovin' and it seems to be working ok so far, but I'm pretty sure when I try to leave a comment on a blog from my phone it isn't working so I'll need to get that figured out.

Second funny for the day-- I was just getting blog.lovin a little more organized and I had a bit of a slip and nearly added THIS blog to my pregnant and parenting group... perhaps my subconscious is onto something-- either way, it gave me a good laugh!

Eleven Months...

2013-07-15T09:25:00.001-07:00

Holy cow I can't believe this is the last monthly post I'll make before my sweet, tiny 6lb 5oz and 7lb 11oz babies are ONE! The time has flown by and in a blink of an eye here we are eleven months into parenthood- nothing is sweeter. When I think of my former self one year ago, I'm thankful today on this warm summer day, my babies are on the outside, cooling off in a tiny baby pool instead of inside my belly! Those were some pretty uncomfortably warm days last summer :)

On to the update...

This month the boys went on their first hotel vacation. A was a sleeping champ, H... not so much. It wasn't totally horrible, but it wasn't the best sleep I've had in my life! Days were great on our trip, so those made up (mostly) for rather sleepless nights. In H's defense he was working on about 4 teeth at once!
Speaking of teeth A currently has 6 and H has 7, and is working on number 8.
Both can crawl FAST. They both have started pulling up to stand and are cruising around the baby gate in their play area. I've caught H once standing withing holding on.
They are getting to be better and better eaters, but still would rather be fed. They have three meals per days and usually one snack of puffs or cheerios and some water in a sippy cup. The sippy cup is still sort of an elusive skill even though we have nearly every option on the market.
This month we got a new stroller and we LOVE it. If other twin mamas are wondering, we decided on the Ci.ty Mini Doub.le GT after A LOT of research. It works great and we have yet to find a doorway we can't get through!
Also new this month are convertible carseats! I was really worried about this transition, but so far so good... fingers crossed! We went with Ch.icco Nex.tfits for the boys and like them a lot. They actually allowed us to gain some legroom in the front seat from our snug.ride 30s!!! That was a BIG win! And, it took more time to remove the infant seat bases than it did to install the new seats- they are incredibly user friendly!
A continues to take reflux medication, but in the last week we've started only giving it to him at night. It seems to be fine- he is spitting up much less often these days. When the doctor told us he'd likely out grow it at around a year I didn't really believe her... turns out she may have be right-- thank goodness!
H learned to clap this month and it was often accompanied by something that sounds a lot like yay! I assume because that is what we often are saying when we clap for them.
Both A and H wave every once in awhile it is certainly not a mastered skill, but it is really stinking cute when they do it.
We left the boys with my parents for only the second time this month. This was the first time we went out alone since having the boys. We went to a nice fondue dinner for my birthday. (remember the great met.formin debate? yeah, not a good mix with fondue!)
This month we celebrated the boy's first 4th of July and Father's day! We spent the 4th with family and we did many things for father's day including the boys' first MLS soccer match (they both napped through some intense noise with their ear protection on!) went to the beach and wandered through a car show.
Their favorite toys are currently things that light up or make noise... they have the most annoying fire truck that I bought at a multiples consignment sale for really cheap that they are obsessed with. I turn off the sound all the time, but unfortunately, the little buggers have gotten smart and have figured out how to turn it back on!
We're down to three bottles per day and it makes my life SO MUCH easier! They take three 7oz bottles between meals- mid morning, mid afternoon and bedtime!
As much as I wish they did not, they LOVE TV. Mickey is their favorite, but Jake is a close second.
They are both still in size 3 diapers during the day and a size 4 overnight. They wear mostly 9 month clothes with many 6 month things mixed in especially tops and shorts for A. A even wears a few 3month summer things. H wears some 12month jammies because he is getting so tall.
H is a serious offender when it comes to pacifier stealing. It makes me excited to be done with them because it is a fight often. We'd love to be done with them all together, but I think the first transition is going to be only in their cribs or carseats.
A has a serious love of all things cozy. He LOVES a blanky (nothing specific) or even a burp cloth will do. He will often clam down and fall asleep as soon as you have him a burp cloth and his lollie.
A has had some issues with mild diaper rash since we've become more adventurous with food. We've become more relaxed about the 'one new thing per couple of days' thing so it makes it difficult to know what exactly is causing it. But I think the last two times it has been berries. I don't think he is allergic more intolerant, I'm just not sure he is ready for them. Weird though, because strawberries are fine.. it is just darker berried and raspberries. Maybe too acidic for him yet?
We went to our first splash park.... they LOVED it. The water was pretty darn cold, but they still had a lot of fun! We will for sure do that again soon.

I'm sure there are many more things to remember, but this will have to do! I'm nursing a very sore back (post to come soon on that one!) and have a million things to catch up on!

Thirty

2013-06-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

Today, I leave my twenties... forever. It isn't a sad day, I can assure you, if I were still in the throws of infertility it would be an incredibly rough day. But, here I am, waking up to two perfect boys- happily skipping my way out of my twenties. Those years held some of the best of times, but also many of the worst.....

20: I was in college. I was living with my best friend from high school- she turned out to be not exactly what I was looking for in a roommate. I continued to date my high school sweetheart and our relationship grew and grew.

21: My parents threw me a 21st birthday BBQ. Still in college- new roommate. We had an insane amount of fun together. Hubs and I spent spring break visiting his sister out of state.

22: Became engaged, planned a wedding and graduated from college! One of the best years EVER!

23: Got married and honeymooned in Mexico. Upon our return we move away from our hometown. We ended up in a more metro area than where we grew up and we enjoyed being newlyweds with very few responsibilities.

24: Hubs worked hard and I worked as a sub here and there until I got a long term position at the world's worst private school. Looking back it was probably a good experience, but those were some rough months.

25: Started trying to get pregnant. It was fun right up until every female of childbearing age in my family got pregnant. Then it just got difficult. I was beginning to realize something might be wrong just in time to celebrate all of the baby showers. Cue a round of clomid to finish out 25. On a happy note, my first nephew was born just 4 days before my birthday.

26: It started with a hopeful heart- surely I'd be pregnant with clomid before the rest of babies were born... wrong! We did 5 more rounds of clomid and then decided it was time for a break. It was a dark and depressing year.

27: I finally decided one month exactly after my birthday (on our anniversary) that it was time to bring out the big guns and see a fertility specialist. That year we found out I have a thyroid problem and PCOS. In addition we did six unsuccessful IUIs, took a very short break and then geared up for IVF#1. This year was filled with hope, disappointment and longing.

28: We did our first round of IVF shortly after my birthday. I took my very first positive pregnancy test and was able to tell my husband for the first time that he was going to be a daddy. Unfortunately, just a couple of weeks later we also had another first- a chemical pregnancy/miscarriage. This broke me- but built me up all at the same time. I was SO ready to try again. And try again we did- just a few months later. With a second fresh IVF cycle I became pregnant with my boys. I spent 6 months of this year pregnant with twins and loved every last second of it!

29: I spent the first six weeks of the year largely pregnant with twins putting the finishing touches on their nursery and preparing for our life to significantly change. Then, on August 15th, the best thing to come out of my twenties happened- we became a family of four. I spent the remainder of the year raising my boys and with struggle and sleepless night came coos, crawlers and kisses so sweet they take away much of the pain and despair it took to get here.

So while it wasn't the easiest decade of my life, it was probably the sweetest. We grew and we fell more in love with each other in the hard times, but also in the good. We watched as we became mama and dada- my life changed in my twenties and that I will always remember- maybe someday the other memories will fade, but I hope I always remember how sweet 28 1/2 - 30 were!

Ten Months!

2013-06-28T14:57:00.000-07:00

I'm sooo late on this post! The boys turned 10 months on June 15th....

Shortly after their 9 month birthday both of the boys started crawling. A was first by about a week, but brother followed suit pretty quickly!
Not only are we crawling, but also climbing... and causing near heart attacks on a daily basis.
A now has 6ish teeth and H has 4 and two more that are just now starting to show through- let me tell you I hoped for months before that they'd get their teeth at the same time and ALL at once. Watch what you wish for! But, in reality I think it really has been the best for all of us. Ok, mostly me because if I'm going to be up all night, it might as well be with two at the same time instead of just one on alternating nights :)
We now have a permanent fixture in our living room that is a huge play yard with a million toys inside that we lovingly refer to as 'the kennel'.
I made some baby pancakes for the boys with apple sauce and a touch of cinnamon-- love at first sight for A... H was not as impressed at first, but has since warmed up.
The boys are warming up to 'real' food, but often still prefer cereal and baby food.
We are working on the whole sippy cup thing. H is much, much closer to mastery than A.
Both boys are in size 3 diapers and H is wearing a size 4 nighttime diaper.
A and H continue to love their wubanub pacifiers. We are hoping to break them of their lollie love sometime around their first birthday.
This month they went to the zoo for the first time, did a lot of 'swimming' in their pool and played in the sand at the beach for the first time!
We're working toward eating mostly table foods. It is a hard transition as A REALLY wants to eat things that are mashed and on a spoon. He is trying more and more and I'm confident that soon they will both be eating baby friendly versions of my meals. Life will be so much easier!
Speaking of eating... if I step on ONE.MORE.CHEERIO/PUFF/other easily crushable baby food item I may lose my mind!
Both boys continue to take 4 7oz bottles per day.
We're working on more consistent naps, the boys generally take two per day for at least an hour each time. If I cant get them to nap at home I hop in the car and go for a drive... works every time!
We've had a lot of sleep regression this month. H ends up in bed or on the couch with me almost every night because I can't just let him cry and wake his brother. The massive teething has added a snotty/runny/stuffy nose to the mix of things and sleeping with me up on a pillow is very helpful. I cannot wait for the day they go back to sleeping through the night. Buuuuut, I'm not wishing it away either, they are growing up WAY too fast and they wont need me like this forever.

That is all for now. Hopefully I'll be back in just a couple of weeks to write their 11 month post- holy cow... the last one before their big birthday! On the topic of birthdays- birthday party planning is in full swing! Theme/color scheme has been picked and invitations will be started this weekend! I am getting so excited, but at the same time I cant stand the thought of them turning ONE!

Updates!

2013-05-30T12:30:00.000-07:00

It has been so long since I've written much other than a monthly update for the boys. So here are a few bullet point to get things caught up!

Insurance is still lame. I was denied by another company for a private policy, so we've decided for the moment to have Hubs continue working where he is. On the plus side, the infertility coverage remains, and depending on how long he stays at this job we may be able to use the remainder of our IVF benefits.
Depending on the above, baby number three may be thought about sooner than originally planned. Likely closer to a year from now instead of two this is both exciting and terrifying at the moment!
We went on a family vacation a couple of weeks ago. Nothing too grand, we just rented a great big house and hung out for five days! Relaxing and fun!
I am still taking met.formin... on the days I actually remember. I was SO good about it when I was on it and trying to get pregnant. Now? Not as much. I'm hoping to get better about it, because I know it will help.
My lack of summer clothing is somewhat comical. I was hugely pregnant last summer and the summer before I didn't buy many new things because I was doing IVF and hopeful I'd be pregnant and expanding soon. So, that leaves me with things that are a few years old, a little dated and worn out! Its time to go shopping I guess!
Over the weekend hubs and I removed some furniture from our living room and rearranged it so we could add a large-ish gated area for the boys. They are both crawling and climbing now and we had to do something before I went INSANE!
9 month sleep regression... not my favorite. 9 month sleep regression coupled with two babies with a cold... a little slice of hell.
The boys HATE finger food. H will try a few things, A turns his head and clinches his lips. Any tips tricks, food ideas?!?
We're in the market for convertible car seats and a side by side smallish (reclining) double stroller.... any recommendations?
I'm so excited for summer! Farmer's markets, festivals and fun outing with my little family on the weekends- pure joy!
We finally put both cribs back in the nursery- I love the way it looks!
I currently have one child napping in the swing that I need to return to a friend- They haven't been in it in months because I was trying to wean them from it. Buuuut, mama would do anything for a little nap time with two cranky stuffy babies
It seems insane that we are already starting to semi-plan the boys' birthday party! We are really excited and want it to be plenty special for our little guys-- I have approximately one million craft project to complete in the next three months.
My husband asked me the other day what I wanted to be when I grew up. I responded first with 'am I not grown up?' and second with 'I'm doing exactly what I've always dreamed about. Being a mom and taking care of my family.' It is not always (or ever really!) a glamorous job, but it is pretty close to perfection in my book!

Insurance

2013-05-24T10:44:00.000-07:00

Ugh.

This morning has been upsetting... I'm not sure that word even encompasses all I've felt.

In the past several months Hubs has been considering a new job. It was never his long term plan to be there forever, but it was easy to stay- the money is good, the insurance is great and he really likes the people. This past week he received a job offer. While the position is a fantastic fit, their health insurance options are not the best. Being a small company (compared to the very large one he currently works for) the premiums are HIGH... like nearly 3x what we are currently paying for amazing (infertility included) coverage. We were willing to walk away from our IVF coverage to the possibilities that were in front of us, and even take a slight pay cut all with a plan for the boys and I to get a private health insurance policy for a significantly reduced rate. Sure it wouldn't be perfect, but it would be doable. Until I was denied. I have to be honest, I was surprised. I knew infertility could be a problem, but I guess I just assumed (obviously incorrectly) that since it is not covered under this policy that it would be a non-issue. Wrong.

It is upsetting because while I do still very much identify with the infertility community, I feel like it is behind me to some extent. We have three more embryos we intend to try with, but I feel pretty resolved at this point- if they don't produce a pregnancy, I'm finished with treatments. I get that I may change my mind, but I have been in such a great place since becoming pregnant with our boys. Today, well today reminded me of the hurt I felt before. That failure feeling- because now this possibly great fit job for my husband may have to be declined because we need to stay with our group health plan- because once again my reproductive system is getting in the way of the plans we have for our family.

Thankfully my husband does not blame me in any way for this. Infertility has always been something that was an 'us' thing, not a 'me' problem. I am so very thankful for this fact, and for the fact that he sees how this all hurts me and generally knows just what to say. He has been nothing but gracious this morning, saying if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. He is ok with having to continue on at his current employer if it is what it takes. He really is an amazing provider for our family.

I just wish infertility didn't have to steal our joy once more.

Nine Months...

2013-05-23T13:53:00.000-07:00

A's second tooth- bottom left broke the surface (4/17/13)
Both of the boys have two top teeth that have broken the surface. Those gums are super puffy! Thankfully, both boys are in fairly good spirits. Teething doesn't seem to bother A at all, while H is a bit more sensitive.
The boys tried their first non-prepared baby foods. The first was mashed sweet potato.... SERIOUS HATE! Next they tried more of a finger food- avocado. They tried to feed it to themselves and I helped a bit too. They weren't too sure, but there wasn't (as much) gagging like with the sweet potato. Other finger foods we've tried include toast with mashed avocado, banana, cheerios and watermelon.
We moved their crib. Just to the other side of our room so they weren't sleeping RIGHT next to me. Shortly after, and before I had planned, we moved the boys to the nursery and into separate cribs. On the same night they began rolling over in their swaddles which is super unsafe, so the following night we went cold turkey- no swaddles, no more sharing a crib and into the nursery! It has been a success from night one. Every once in a while teething gets the best of us, but for the most part is has been great!
A needed his first band aid for something other than a shot. He tore his toenail while trying out his walker.
The boys are in love with their new playroom. We spend a lot of time in the living room, so when they start to get cranky we move the the playroom- perfect distraction for them, and I occasionally get a few photos edited!
We started phasing out the swings. I moved them to the nursery and decided if we needed to use them the boys could swing/catnap in their room. I can see out our patio door again, just in time for summer!
Both boys are now mostly in size 3 diapers (A is finishing off the 2s) and generally wearing 9m clothing except shorts... A is wearing 3-6m shorts.
The boys generally sleep 9-10 hours per night and take two naps per day each somewhere between an hour or two. Depending on when the first two naps take place there might be one quick evening nap between dinner and bedtime.
A is fully army crawling and has started to do the real crawl- H is much more content to just sit where you put him. He gets around both scooting, rolling and the occasional army crawl, but is no where near as fast or determined as his little brother!
We got the boys a pool- they LOVE it!
They both love to spend their days outside. On average we are probably outside for at least 3-4 hours a day when it is sunny and warm. Thank goodness because we seriously neglected our yard when I was hugely pregnant last summer- now we want to spend tons of time out there so its time to get it back in shape :)
When the boys were swaddled for naps and nighttime they used to get into their crib fully awake, now they prefer a bit of snuggle time and rocking with mama some days. It seems like a bit of a step backward, but I don't really mind, they wont want me like this forever.

On Food:

We are feeding the boys 3 meals of solids most days. There are days they just aren't ready in the mornings and I'm not really forcing it. They take four 7oz bottles each day, so the vast majority of their calories/nutrition are still coming from formula. We have tried several finger foods, none of which are always a hit. Occasionally they will eat something, but the majority of the time they greatly prefer something mashed up on a spoon.

Since I'm already late, this will have to do! I have a feeling these updates will be getting shorter and shorter because the boys are getting busier and busier!

We did have their 9m well exam just a few days late where we found out the boys are both growing well and continue to thrive! H is just over 20lbs now and A is just shy of 19... no wonder those infant car seats feel like they have bricks in them!

Met.formin Round Two...

2013-04-18T14:37:00.000-07:00

I went in Saturday morning to have my blood levels tested as a preliminary assessment for the met.formin therapy I've been considering. It appears that met.formin is certainly an option and shouldn't have my levels swinging too far in the wrong direction provided it is taken correctly. For my own record- my fasting level was exactly the same as it was 2010, just a couple points above the 'normal' range, and far from the diabetic range.

I've decided to give it a try with the thought that I don't have to continue taking it if at some point it just doesn't feel right anymore. I do have a few PCOS-esque symptoms floating around and I'd love to nip them now rather than try to reverse things later when we are ready for an FET. Since I'm not trying to get pregnant, and I'm not hugely IR my doctor suggested cautiously treating. I'm starting with 500 mg once a day and then once I'm ready I've move to twice a day and remain there.

I've been here before. I took met.formin for about a year and a half while we were going through treatments with our RE (500mg 3x/day) and while the stomach upset did bother me at first, it completely corrected some of my poor eating habits- which isn't a horrible side effect! After the first bit on the medication the side effects started to dwindle (partially because I'd realized what I COULD NOT eat) and the PCOS symptoms did the same. You wont hear me complaining if it also causes me to lose weight like the last time- nothing wrong with that! I'm hopeful met.formin will be helpful in getting/staying healthy and ready to carry another baby once the time is right.

I'll be continuing to take a combination birth control pill until we are ready to try again. In our estimation that is likely a couple years down the road still. I'm fairly certain my thoughts on the matter will change several times between now and then, but right now I'm thinking I'll be ready to try again sometime around the boys' third birthday. Though, if I know myself, it will be hard for me not to want to try closer to their second birthday :)

Eight Months!

2013-04-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

Time is still flying by, and the boys are growing like crazy. Each day we are on to new things and as much as I LOVE it, I know it means they are growing up and it hurts my mama heart just a little :)

This month we had several firsts--

We went to the beach for the first time- it was cold and almost rainy so we quickly took a few photos and went back to the beach house. The boys have not yet actually touched sand.
H started sitting unassisted consistently and about 3 weeks later A is following suit!
Both boys have learned rolling is a way from here to there and both continue to scoot backwards on their bellies CONSTANTLY.
A loves to lay on his belly with his legs under the couch.
We went to our first baby shower that wasn't for us!
The boys stayed with my parents for the first time while Mommy and Daddy went to dinner and dessert without them-- I realized two hours away from them was LONG ENOUGH!
The boys had their first bath in the kitchen sink! We used one of the bathtub ring/chairs suctioned down in the sink- they LOVED it!
We put them down in the grass for the first time-- A didn't see what all the fuss was about, H scrunched his face and wasn't sure at first, but then was more than willing to wrestle with his brother a little.
The first very real, unprompted kiss. H was laying on the floor with his lollie in his mouth A scooted over and studied him for probably 2 minutes, reached over grabbed his lollie out of his mouth, kissed him right on the mouth (open mouth and all!), replaced his lollie and went about his business. Meanwhile I was a complete pile of mush at the sweetness I had just observed!
We celebrated their first Easter with baskets of goodies before church. H slept through church and A spent most of the service spitting up on me- motherhood :)
They had their first taste of much thicker cereal and we are not looking back-- feeding time is significantly less messy.
We took the boys out for cart food for the first time. It was pouring down rain, but what else would we expect in the NW!
H got his first and second tooth! (For my own record : bottom R 3/25/13, bottom L 4/3/13)
A got his first tooth- perhaps that isn't quite true, his first tooth has broken the surface (bottom R 4/8/13)
We let the boys suck on (while we held it) a slice of apple. H wasn't sure about the flavor, but loved sinking his teeth into it. A just drooled all over it and made a sour face.
Both seem very close to crawling, but we'll see!

At the beginning of the month the boys were eating two large-ish solid meals per day along with 4-5 bottles of formula. We've since moved to three meals most days all smaller than before and it seems to be working out for everyone. I try to feed them in their highchairs at least once per day, otherwise they sit in the bumbo or if we are on the go they eat a pouch of food right in their carseats-- those pouches of food are amazing. In addition to solid meals they are also having 3 6oz bottles and one 7oz bottle daily.

Otherwise, things are moving right along. One of our favorite things right now is putting them into their saucers to play for a bit while we eat, watch a show on tv, or tackle any other project. They turn toward each other and scream and laugh. I know I've said it before, but I LOVE how special their bond is. They are quick to worry about/comfort the other when he is upset and it warms my heart every.single.time.

A had to make a trip to the doctor this month for a reflux checkup. He had started throwing up more again and we were curious if he needed his dose increased. That coupled with the fact that he wasn't yet sitting and often spitting up when he was put into that position to practice made us think his reflux/tummy trouble might be causing some delay in sitting because of discomfort. Even while spitting up what seems like CONSTANTLY the kiddo had still gained weight and is moving closer and closer to the average growth curve. He still remains on the tiny side in just the 14th percentile for weight, but that is a huge leap from the 4th just two months ago-- we must be doing something right! We increased his dose as he was no longer in the therapeutic range with his weight increase, so hopefully that will help the spitting up and make him feel better overall!

Another month has come and gone and I expect the next few will be much the same, especially with summer on the way. We are loving our little family of four and have such content hearts... FINALLY! It feels so good to be at a place in our lives where we can just live and be happy. I wonder once in awhile about the possibility of another baby someday, but for the moment I am so incredibly happy where we are.

Met.formin

2013-04-08T11:50:00.000-07:00

Quick question for any PCOS'ers that are still sticking around to read my sporadic (at best!) posts....

My RE mentioned at some point during my treatment that it might be a good idea to go back on met.formin after the birth of our babies/breastfeeding. We didn't talk about it too much, she just said it might help control the PCOS symptoms and I didn't give it a lot of thought at the time because it seemed like a long way off. Well, here I am. Done breast feeding and obviously no longer pregnant- and while I am no where near ready to start trying to get pregnant again, I am thinking about how important it will be for my body to be in the best state it can be once we are ready.

So, my question is this... Did you go back on met.formin after having your baby/ies as more of a maintenance medication for PCOS rather than a drug in conjunction with fertility treatments?

I saw my primary care doctor today for a thyroid check-up and talked with her about the possibility of starting back on met.formin. She was receptive to the idea, but said we first needed to check my fasting glucose level and my HA1C to ensure that the met.formin wouldn't be adversely effecting my blood sugar.

Another installment of 'If you don't have anything nice to say....'

2013-04-03T16:38:00.000-07:00

SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

Seriously. Generally moms of twins or more have a fairly good grasp on what twin parenting is like. I would say typically they are happy to commiserate, but they are also quick to build up another twin parent and be encouraging. Yesterday, not so much.

It had been a trying day already. I had finally gotten brave enough to try the library story time. It is for 0-12m olds, but they ask you not to bring your child if they are 'having a hard day' or 'leave the group if they become upset'. Well, what are the chances that both of my children will behave 'correctly' for the same 45 minutes? I decided it was time to step out of my comfort zone and just try it- if we failed miserably I gave myself permission to never go back. After making the decision I raced around the house trying to get us ready to be at the library by 11. Finally as I was sweating and putting the boys into their car seats I have the grand idea that I should double check the time-- 10:30, not 11. There was no way we were going to make it, and now that we were ready-ish to leave the house there was no way I was just unpacking them and staying home.

So, we skipped story time and headed to an outlet mall that is pretty close by. We spent the early afternoon shopping and the boys were fantastic. They both napped, chattered and easily took their pouch of food on the go. Our day had been redeemed!

Until I decided to make a quick stop at the grocery store on the way home to buy some coffee and cream. They boys again were perfect in the store. H spent his time growling at the passers by and A gnawed on a teething ring. When we got to the register to pay, the checker immediately told me that she too has twins. I smiled and asked their age, thinking this would go similar to many of my positive interactions with twin parents. It did not. From that moment on she said the following things to me.

Mine are 14 and AWFUL. Soak in this time, it only gets worse.
When I found out I was having twins all I cared about was that one of them be a girl because I would have never survived.
You have two boys, I am SO SORRY.
I'm not kidding, it really is horrible.
Do you remember how absolutely horrific the first 3 months were? Didn't you just want to give them back?
They are really cute, but that wont last.

She then just tried and tried to get me to bad mouth my children and my experiences with them thus far. Which I obviously did not give into. I just kept saying things like I can't imagine life without them, they've actually been really easy and I guess preparing ourselves for it to be really difficult paid off.

I do not understand people like this. Especially mothers. Are we not supposed to build one another up and encourage each other to do the best we can? I know motherhood doesn't look the same for everyone and judging by this woman's age she was likely pretty young when she surprisingly became pregnant with twins and may not have been blessed with many of the things that have made twin motherhood easier for me, but here is the thing... encouraging another person doesn't cost a thing, and often it is the best gift you can give.

So even though this lady obviously left a bad taste in my mouth, she also served as a reminder of the mother I want to be. The one who tries hard to see the positive, the mother who doesn't speak poorly of her children (especially to strangers!) and the woman who builds up other moms.

Seven Months...

2013-03-26T20:17:00.002-07:00

Better late than never!

I know I say it every time, but I cannot believe how quickly the days and weeks are flying by. These boys will be ONE before we know it!

There haven't been a ton on changes this month. We're mostly working on sitting unassisted- which H is super close to doing consistently. A, on the other hand, is MUCH more interested in being on his belly scooting backward everywhere I'd like him NOT to be. I'm not worried, he will figure it out one of these days! Neither of the boys have any teeth, but we are still sure they are on the way. The drool is never ending and the swollen gums are there.... as are the slightly grumpy dispositions occasionally!

We have finally gotten into a routine with solids and it has been really fun to feed the boys- they LOVE it! I can't get spoonfuls into their mouths quickly enough! We still lack a schedule, but in general I'm ok with it. Right now, that is our rough outline of a day....

the boys have a bottle roughly every 3-4 hours during the day depending on when they have solids.
for part of the month we were giving the boys solids just once a day, but by the end we were feeding them twice a day. Usually oatmeal and fruit for breakfast and rice cereal, a vegetable and maybe some leftover fruit for dinner.
this month we tried to move up their bedtime, but with teething babies it was hard and it seemed like they needed that later feed in order to make it through the night (even so, H end up in bed with us nearly every night around 4 or 5) so we switched back most nights.
between naps and feedings the boys love their saucers, anything that plays music and lights up, reading books and having me sing to them.

And because I just need to get this done before its time to write their 8 month post there are a few more things...

both boys are in size two diapers and both wear 6m clothing most of the time. A could probably still wear and few 3m things and H fits into a few 9m things.
We've tried baths a few new ways, but it seems we are all still happiest to bathe with mama.
We finished trying all of the 1st foods and are on to second foods and some yummy combos that they seem to love!
A still spits up... a lot.
We've found that Phillip Phillips is amazing for nap time. For some reason they get quiet and snuggle down as soon as I turn it on. It also works in the middle of the night. The insurance commercial that has one of his songs on it also makes them stop what they are doing.
Both of the boys get up on their hands and knees and rock like they are going to do something, but they haven't yet-- I am just fine with that. Life with two movers is going to be EXHAUSTING!
A and H are still sleeping in our room together in one crib. I continue to love having them close, and it makes those painful night time wake ups about 100x more tolerable.
We stopped breast feeding. I planned it and I knew when the last feeding was and while I missed it a little in the first week, I knew it was time-- we were all ready. The boys transitioned really well because we did it so slowly over the course of several weeks.

Making Life Easier!

2013-02-21T14:37:00.002-08:00

It is not news to anyone that life with twins is... well, it is a lot of things- but busy is right at the top of my list. In addition to being busy, it is cumbersome. Have you ever tried steering a double stroller while carrying a HUGE box of diapers? Plan on sweating. And, if you're at that in between place between maternity pants postpartum and your pre-pregnancy pants, you know when you have to pull up whatever you're wearing about every ten steps-- forget about it.

What has made my life about a hundred times easier is having diapers delivered to my house. I've used both amazon and diapers.com and both have been great. Today as I was making my order I realized that there is a referral program and I thought I'd quickly toss a shameless plug out to all of you to order from diapers.com AND use my referral code so I can cut down price of my next obscene diaper order.

Here is the thing, I find the diapers (we use pampers) to be cheaper than they are in the store (we usually shop at target) and I order them one day and usually receive them on my doorstep the next day- all complements of free shipping on orders over $49. It is AMAZING! They also sell their own generic brand of diapers and you can first order a sample of them before committing to a whole case. I did that this time, so we shall see!

Anyone who uses my referral code gets 20% off their first order on diapers.com AND any of their eight sister sites which you'll find as tabs at the top of their web page. Just enter my code in the promotion/savings code box at checkout..... CHRI809447

Also, make sure you take advantage of their new customer discount on a box of diapers (BABY7AFF)-- awesome deal!

6 months... a little late!

2013-02-20T13:55:00.000-08:00

First, how are my babies already six months old? Second, I'm a crappy blogger.

The boys are as sweet as ever. They smile constantly and are really starting to have more personality which is really fun to watch develop. Their love for each other melts my heart on a daily basis with all the hand holding, kisses, snuggles and hair twirling I am forever snapping a picture of their brotherly affection.

The droll is never ending but there are no teeth to be seen just yet. We're back on the solid food bandwagon and most days we are really good about remembering to actually get some solid food into the boys. Can I just say it is SO difficult to add/subtract things from a routine you've been living as a cycle for the last six months? Holy cow! So far the boys have tried rice cereal (like, not love- made better with something sweet-ish mixed in) prunes (like, but looks SO gross when spit up later) peas (not a favorite, but again mixed with something sweet they are tolerable) and both banana and squash are LOVED by these boys. In terms of amount, they each eat a table spoon of cereal mixed with one ounce of formula and 1/4-1/2 of a container of fruit and the same of a vegetable. Currently we are only feeding them solids once per day most days, generally in the evenings unless it is a new food, then we feed in the morning in case there is a reaction. In addition to solids the boys get five bottles per day of 5-6oz of formula and breastfeed twice, once first thing in the morning and again right before bed at night.

They are growing- both of them- finally! I think its finally safe to put away ALL of the newborn and 0-3 month clothes. A had been wearing some, but I think its time to call it quits. H is pretty well out of 3month clothes, but 3-6 stuff still fits depending on the length. Each of them just graduated up a size in diapers A is in a two and H is in a three. A weighed in at 14lbs 4oz and was 25.5" long placing him in the 4th percentile for weight and 19th for height. H weighed 16lbs 4oz and was 27.25" long. These stats put him in the 28th percentile for weight and 78th for height. They are both growing and thriving healthy boys!

They had shots again this month and took them like champs! Generally they run a low grade fever and are pretty sleepy the afternoon/evening of immunization day and this time was no exception. H was grumpy for a couple of days, but he seems to be back to his normal self now!

A & H are still sleeping in our room at night in a shared crib. It seems like they still loving being close to mama and even more so, to each other. Whoever gets into bed first lays and stares at his brother's place in the crib.... makes my heart nearly burst every night! They are still sleeping through the night averaging 7 hours then a quick nursing/diaper change and another 2-3 hours depending on the baby and the day. It is WONDERFUL, but it makes the vary occasional wakeful night REALLY difficult. Mama has gotten very used to getting a good stretch of sleep again :) We are currently working on naps. The boys have always napped in various places, the swing, bouncy seat, boppy, my arms... you get the picture, everywhere BUT their crib(s)! I decided to work on H first, knowing he'd be easier. So far I've gotten a couple good naps out of him in the nursery (gasp!) using a sleep sack instead of a swaddle (double gasp!). Once I have him consistent, I'll throw A into the mix. I'm hoping this will just transition over to night time and will help me move them from our room into the nursery... we'll see about that!

Developmentally, the boys have hit just about every milestone for their age. We spend a lot of our days rolling around on the floor, playing with our hands/feet and playing with anything that plays music and lights up! We're still working on sitting up, but it seems like its getting super close and it will likely be one of those things that just happens one of these days. A is scooting backwards and has a lot of control over his little body-- I'm sure he'll be mobile before too long. AHHHH!

The sweetest thing these boys do is lay together and H twirls A's hair while they snuggle up together. In fact, just this week we had gone to our bedroom for bedtime and I had nursed H and he was waiting for daddy to give him in bedtime bottle right next to me as I nursed A. As soon as A got into position, H reached over and put his hand in A's hair and began twirling-- these are the moment that I sit and look at my boys and hope their love for each other is as pure and simple for all of their lives as it is in this season.

Motherhood...

2013-02-11T15:16:00.000-08:00

This past weekend the boys met someone they hadn't met yet, someone who is a twin and also a mother. She very candidly asked me... 'So, is it like Christmas every morning?' in the moment, without skipping a beat I said YES!

And now,days later, I get teary eyed just thinking about it. It is absolutely the most perfect description of how I feel. They are words I would have never thought to say to describe my feelings on motherhood, but they are the most perfect.

For me, motherhood feels like Christmas every.single.morning.

My Twin Pregnancy...

2013-01-29T17:12:00.000-08:00

When I was pregnant I was constantly looking on blogs of twin mamas trying to find an answer to one random question or another. Most of the time it was just curiosity about other twin pregnancies, so just in case anyone is searching my blog for information about my twin pregnancy-- here it is! Commonly wondered questions....

How did you get pregnant with twins?

It was our second round of IVF with ICSI. We transferred two day five blasts. Each baby was his own egg and sperm, making our boys fraternal twins.

How long did you carry your twins?

I carried those little buggers all the way to 38 weeks 2 days. Yes, I agree, I deserve some sort of medal for that :)

Did you have any bed rest, if so, when?

I was asked to be on modified bed rest for about 4 hours one day after a mild spotting indecent around 25 weeks-ish. It turned out to be nothing and I never had another issue.

Did you have your babies via c-section or vaginal childbirth? When was that decision made- was it your choice?

I gave birth to our boys via c-section. The decision was made at 34 weeks. We had been talking about it at my appointments for weeks because of how the boys were positioned (baby A head down and baby B transverse breech). For several weeks my doctor was more than willing to try for a vaginal birth, but cautioned me that it may end up in a 'full birthing experience' with both a c-section and a vaginal delivery. At my 34 week appointment the doctor I saw did a quick ultrasound that revealed baby B's hands and feet were pointing up toward my head- meaning in the event I needed a breech extraction, there wouldn't be much grab onto. I decided to schedule a c-section and my OB was pleased with this choice.

If you had a c-section, would you choose to do it again if it was your choice? Will you attempt an VBAC if you have another child?

I would absolutely choose to do the exact same thing if I had to do it over. Getting pregnant was very dramatic, then I had a very normal healthy pregnancy and I didn't want to end a beautiful time in my life with a traumatic/dramatic birth. Our birth, while surgical, was amazing and perfect for us. I seriously doubt I will attempt VBAC. The c-section with the boys was flawless and I really had no complaints in healing.

Healing from a c-section, how'd it go? Any tips?

Honestly? It was not difficult at all. I consistently took the pain meds for about a week or 10 days and then was weaned off of them completely at the 2 week mark. I was released to drive at two weeks and had already taken walks in our neighborhood previous to that point. I was sore, but never ever in excruciating pain. As for tips... MOVE! As soon as you possibly can have the cath removed and start making your way to the bathroom on your own. Take a shower and get up and walk the halls with you babies- I am sure this is part of the reason my recovery was so easy.

What was the hardest part of your twin pregnancy?

Waiting for them and worrying about them. I worry about them from day one, but never enough to take away from that amazing 9 months of my life. Just a mama's worry- I'm sure it will be something I do for the rest of my life. They are my babies... my very, very, very wanted babies.

Best twin advice you got before having your boys?

Get out of the house! It is SO easy to get out when they are tiny. They'll sleep the whole time and rarely fuss if you are quick to leave after a feeding and make sure to get home before the next.
Get them on the same schedule from the get go. We literally started the boys on the three hour schedule the day they were born, and to this day we pretty much stick to it throughout the day (thank goodness, not at night!).
Nursing twins is HARD try, try, try to be flexible! It isn't the end of the world if you can't tandem feed- lactation consultants, doctors and nursed will tell you it is, but know that you CAN nurse your babies separately if you want/need to. Not nursing the most efficient way does not mean you will stop in the first few weeks, if you are committed to working with your babies and being patient with yourself you can do it! I've nursed my boys at least partially since birth and they are 5.5 months old. I'm ready to be done, but I'll keep nursing throughout the day for a couple more weeks and then we'll try just nursing morning and night and see what happens. If I can't I'm ok with it, if I can, great! My biggest advice to you is don't keep nursing because you 'should'... that is ridiculous and will just build resentment of your babies. Nursing is not what is best for everyone and that is OK!

Weight gain during pregnancy and weight loss after birth?

I gained 40lbs exactly while I was pregnant with the boys, the majority was gained toward the end of my pregnancy. I then lost all of it in the first 4ish weeks not making any attempt to do so. My doctor suggested starting birth control sometime between 2 and 6 weeks postpartum and THEN I started gaining it back. This was also a time when the boys started going slightly longer stretches at night between feeding which could have also added to the weight gain/ change in metabolism. My sister-in-law totally warned me this would happen when I started nursing less. So here is my warning to you-- be prepared and change your diet accordingly!

Birth control after an IVF twin pregnancy? Really?

Here is what my OB said.... What if?? He said however unlikely you think it is, remember that it certainly IS possible if you are having sex to get pregnant. While neither of us thinks the probability is super high, it is there and bottom line- I'm not ready, my body isn't ready, my husband isn't ready and my sweet baby boys aren't ready for another son/daughter/sibling just yet.
I chose the mini pill because I was breastfeeding, but will change to a more effective pill once the boys are weaned in the coming weeks/months.
I gained weight and my supply changed when I started the mini pill, be prepared.

Favorite baby gear?

Double Snap'n'go stroller
Kangaroo Korner fleece pouch sling. Its not being made anymore so you'll have to find one at a consignment shop/sale-- seriously the BEST though. Great for both babies early on while they are tiny and perfect still for one baby at 5.5months.
Boppy pillow... or six. We have two and I'd always like at least one more! The twin nursing pillow is kind of a pain- to me, not worth the $$.
Swaddling blankets with velcro closures.
More burp cloths than you think you could ever possibly need.
Bottle drying rack... please just buy one- I promise you'll need it.
Baby saline nose drops-- they melt the goobers away and make breathing so much easier for those tiny noses that are full of goop from gestation/birth. I also love grape scented boogie wipes.
Bedside co-sleeper, less useful in the long run, but better than a pack and play in the beginning. We borrowed one and LOVED it until the boys finally grew out of it.
Paper plates, frozen meals, and someone to bring you fresh ready to eat fruits and vegetables!

The first few weeks... any tips?

Be prepared with a clipboard/spreadsheet to jot down things like who has had wet/poopy diapers which side they fed on, how much formula they drank.
Be flexible. Every day will likely be a bit different- try to not book lots of visitors too far in advance. Some days you'll want to just be with your babies and not have others around fussing over you or your perfect little bundles!
Have baskets in various places with supplies in them. We had a diapering basket in our bedroom, the nursery and the living room.

I'm sure there are several more things that mamas pregnant with twins would like to know-- feel free to either leave a comment or shoot me an email, I'm more than happy to share what I've learned in the last year!

5 months

2013-01-16T09:57:00.000-08:00

FIVE.MONTHS.OLD. I cannot believe my babies are already getting so dangerously close to being closer to ONE than their birth. I may be biased, but I think they are just about the cutest, sweetest boys on the planet. Sure we have moments when we are at odds, but for the most part they REALLY love their mama, and she loves them right back.

We are back to sleeping through the night.... most of the time. The boys are currently in a crib next to our bed. We out grew the weight limit on anything else they could sleep in together, so here we are. It isn't ideal, but with A being pretty attached to mama and wanting to be able to at least see me when he goes to sleep this is where we are. I know someday they wont need/want me so much, so I'm soaking in these days... and nights... and super early mornings :)

In the last few weeks the boys have started to really interact and it is VERY obvious how much they love each other- it makes my heart nearly explode on a daily basis! Huge kisses for each other, big smiles when they see each other and they are constantly holding hands. They are best little buddies- brothers. Neither my husband or I had a same sex sibling, so I think we probably find their relationship extra sweet- something we never were able to experience.

H can still wear a few 3m things, but for the most part is in 6m for length. He still has a tiny little waist, so pants are a problem. He is wearing a size two diaper, but I think a three is right around the corner. H LOVES playing with toys that light up or sing and is pretty good at rolling both ways, but often gets frustrated and wants help getting off his belly. I'd guess he weighs somewhere between 14 and 15 lbs.

A is still a bit on the tiny side, but after his weight check last week he is now back on the growth chart... at like the first or second percentile for weight. However, in three weeks he gained nearly 2lbs (up to 12 lbs 9oz as of last Wednesday), so I'll take it! He is fitting well in most three month clothes, but they are starting to get a bit short. He is wearing a size one diaper, but we are phasing them out as soon as the last of them are gone which should be about a week from now. A loves to be standing, and would stand on your lap all.day.long if you let him. He CAN roll both ways, but would generally prefer not to. The poor guy is still dealing with a bit of reflux and is on zan.tac to help.

This past month we've given the boys their first tastes of solid foods and for the most part they did well. They haven't outgrown the push-out reflex yet, so we've decided to give them a but more time with just breast milk and formula and we'll try again in the next couple of weeks. For now, the boys eat six times per day-

Only breast milk
BF + 4oz
BF + 4oz
6oz -- we just started this yesterday on their 5 month birthday. I'm trying to phase out breast feeding at the 3rd and fourth feeding of the day.
BF+ 4oz
BF+ 4oz

I don't have anything against breastfeeding, but holy cow its a lot of work, and when they are getting a bottle in addition every time because I don't have enough milk it seems like its time to phase out at least a couple of nursing sessions... for every one's sanity!

The boys are sleeping from 11pm-ish until sometime between 6 and 8am. Then, they wake up, breastfeed and get right back into bed for another 2-3 hours... it.is.heaven! Naps are pretty hit or miss, but generally there are a couple of hour long naps per day.

I've been working on this post for over a week now, and the boys turned five months yesterday, so I think I'll call it quits and just post before it gets lost! I'm sure there is more to write, but for now, this will have to do- there is laundry to do, bottles to wash and babies who will be hungry soon. So, here's an updated picture of the munchkins.... aren't they just the sweetest???

Wonderful, but not easy...

2013-01-08T15:46:00.000-08:00

Generally speaking, our days run like a well oiled machine. The boys wake up sometime between 6 and 8 to breast feed (depending on if they woke in the night to eat) and after being nursed and changed they get swaddled back up and back into bed until sometime between 9 and 11. After that we are on a 3 to 4 hour rotation all.day.long. It is a delicate dance of nurse, bottle, diaper, play, nap... over and over. Once per day play is replaced by solid food-- which is a complete joke at this point and is really just learning to sit in a highchair and open their mouths for the spoon. On most days the boys are up for the day by 10ish in the morning and are in our bedroom for their final feeding of the night at 10pm.

It sounds easy enough, and in reality it is easy enough- unless someone throws a wrench in it. Things like doctor appointments, fussy babies, company or occasionally something as simple as the TV being on while I'm nursing. Generally we're quick to recover, but other times it can be an hour before everyone is calmed down and ready to move on to the next step of the dance. Take today for instance- H woke up from his nap a bit early and instead of having to keep in quiet until it was actually time to nurse I just sat down with him and started nursing. On any other day, this would have been EXACTLY what he wanted... today, not so much. He proceeded to scream and then suck and whimper, then scream and arch his back, then suck for a few minutes. I had his bottle already prepared so I fixed my shirt and tried just giving him the bottle- also, not a winner. I tried changing his diaper- no dice. I even went to my typical last resort for these types of things- I turned Micky Mouse Clubhouse on... Still screaming. By now it was time to feed A, so I had to just allow H to scream and cry while I fed A.

(As a sidenote, I think this is one aspect of twin parenting that singleton parents really don't seem to understand. Imagine your absolute most frustrating moment with your infant and then keep in mind a twin parent likely has another baby to take care of at the same time. Sometimes that means remaining in the same room as one sleeping baby with your screaming second baby. Sometimes the sleeping baby doesn't wake-- other times he/she does and then guess what? you have TWO screaming babies who cannot be reasoned with. Cue a third crier.... Mama. )

I cannot say this is the norm at our house, but to say that everyday is a piece of cake, is just not being truthful. Days are trying and hard and exhausting AND wonderful. I say all of this to illustrate the point: while being a mama to twins is perfectly wonderful, it is far from perfectly easy!

A Tall Order...

2013-01-03T12:42:00.002-08:00

2013 has a though act to follow as 2012 was far and away the best year of my life. Here's a little year in review:

January:
We rang in the new year knowing we were expecting, and I was feeling pretty certain it was twins. Just a few days later my suspicions were confirmed- TWINS!! This was also the month we graduated from our RE after a 17 month relationship with her.

February:
We saw the OB for the first time and decided to see her only until about 28 weeks when we'd transfer to a doctor in the same health system who would deliver at the hospital we had chosen just incase our boys needed a nicu.

March:
We had our first real ultrasound with the OB. We found out that baby A was most certainly a boy, and baby B was most likely a boy! Holy cow, two baby boys!

April:
We started the month off finding out we were for sure having two boys and they received their names. We weren't sure who was who yet, but the names were set!! I was diagnosed with slight placenta previa, but was told it would most likely move before delivery if I was considering a vaginal birth- which I was at that point.

May:
We had two ultrasounds in may both showing healthy baby boys and the placenta issue had already resolved. In may I passed my glucose test which was a bit unexpected and also had a spotting scare. Thankfully, it was nothing and we spent the weekend with family celebrating our boys at our first baby shower!!

June:
We met our delivering doctor for the first and second time and really liked him. I celebrated my 29th and final birthday without children.

July:
I had a few more OB appointments and determine after a couple of ultrasound a c-section is the way to go for a variety of reasons. We schedule the boys' birthday- weird feeling! We celebrate our 6th anniversary.

August:
We had a couple of appointments and thought we may be having the boys a little early because of slightly elevated BP and a wacky urine sample, but when rechecked the following day, everything was just fine and we ultimately made it to our scheduled c-section at 38w2d. Bright and early on a Wednesday morning I gave birth to two perfect baby boys weighing in at 7lbs 11oz and 6lbs 5oz. -- that is FOURTEEN pounds of baby and over 1/4 of the weight I gained.
We spent the final two weeks of this month getting to know our boys and not sleeping much! It was the absolute best month of my entire life.

September:
Hubs took the remainder of his paternity leave and we kept learning everyday how to take care of two babies! Each day got a little easier.This month we had some weight checks for our boys who ended up being a bit on the small/ slow grower side after they were born. We started supplementing with more formula and we saw not huge but adequate gain from both boys. I had my first bout of mastitis- horrible!

October:
We took our first overnight out of town trip! It took a week to pack and prepare, but the boys did awesome- slept the whole car ride and did great at night too! We celebrated their first holiday- Halloween at Hub's office party. I had what I thought was the beginning of mastitis again, but it ended up being an easier fix with some Rx nipple cream.

November:
The boys started sleeping more at night and so did we! We went out of town for five days for Thanksgiving and it went really well. We also celebrated the boys with a baby shower with hubs' side of the family. We got so many great gifts for the boys and many, many books instead of cards.

December:
It was just a great ending to the absolute best year of my life. We started Christmas traditions with the boys, celebrated with family and looked back at what we were doing a year previous- finding out we were pregnant, sharing the news with our families, etc.

I know it isn't for everyone, but I can very honestly say I would live 2012 over and over again given the chance. It has been the sweetest season of life so far. Pregnancy and the first months of motherhood have been nothing short of magical. Sure it's what I've hoped and prayed would come, but I always worried it wouldn't be as perfect as I'd hoped. The good news is, it was and is even better. The fight was absolutely, without a doubt worth it.... A million times over.

So, here's to 2013- a year I hope will surpass the last, but I won't hold my breath, 2012 is a tough act to follow!

A slightly less sunshine and unicorns post coming soon- While I absolutely L-O-V-E my life right now, being a mom of infant twins is REALLY hard some days!

Growing-ish...

2012-12-20T11:05:00.000-08:00

We had our 4 month well baby appointment yesterday, and while both boys are both healthy, only one of them is putting on weight the way he should be.

H (baby A) has always been our bigger boy. He came out weighing 7lbs 11oz as a twin... that is on the hefty side for sure. He then lost a fair amount of weight before we got to come home and was kind of slow to put it back on. He now, at four months, weighs in at 13lbs 3 oz. He still hasn't doubled his birth weight, but I think he will before our next appointment at 6 months! He currently sits in the 15th percentile for weight and the 77th for height at almost 26 inches long. Even though he is still a bit on the skinny side he feels HUGE to us compared to his tiny brother!

A (baby B) is our tiny guy, always has been, likely always will be. After yesterday's appointment he has won himself a return trip to the doctor for a weight check in three weeks. We're starting some reflux medication twice a day, and hopefully that will give him a nudge to gain a little weight. As it stands right now, he weighs 10lbs 15oz and is in the 1st percentile. He is maintaining his growth pattern in height (15th percentile at 24 inches) and head circumference (16.5 inches and 38th percentile) so the doctor isn't too concerned, but we'd all like to see him beef up a little.

Otherwise our appointment was uneventful. The boys each had their belly buttons cleaned out a bit- both had some residual scabbing way down deep from when they were born so their doctor got after it with several q-tips, a tongue depressor and some cleanser.... good as new! They both also had two shots one was three mixed together and also an oral gel. They did fairly well at the doctor's office and calmed down within about 5 minutes. The afternoon however was not super fun. Hubs wasn't able to come home after the appointment like he had the last time they had shots and I was WISHING he had! There were two fussy, cranky tired boys who both wanted their mama at the same time. Poor guys!

Hopefully they will be in better moods today- I have some cleaning to get done before we have holiday visitors over the weekend. I am ready for Friday to get here- then we have hubs home for 11 days! Time for mama to have a little break!

Thought Vomit...

2012-12-19T05:00:00.000-08:00

Life with twins in exhausting, in the absolute best way.
We are a traveling freak show. So much so, that when I go out and don't get stopped by at least three people I start to feel odd.
Watching my husband interact with our boys is one of my favorite things.
We know we want another baby, and I am absolutely terrified it wont happen. I think we're leaning toward not doing another fresh cycle for several reasons that I might share more about in another post someday, so its up to three frozen embryos, a spontaneous pregnancy or a change of heart about another fresh cycle waaaay down the road.
Laundry. There is A LOT of it.
Ever since the boys started sleeping through the night and dropped a feeding I've needed to be a lot more careful about what I eat. Gone are the days of this nursing mama eating anything and everything she wants!
The boys are both drooling a TON, and constantly have their hands in their mouths. I am afraid for my nipples.
Once the boys started sleeping through the night it became very difficult to wake up with one of them in the wee morning hours. On the nights it happens I find it much harder than it was when they were tiny newborns- I guess its because back then I expected it.
One week until Christmas. We just ordered our Christmas cards. Whoops!
I think we're going to transition the boys from the co-sleeper (its a mini) into one of their cribs in our room this weekend. I have a feeling there isn't going to be a whole lot of sleep going on... for any of us!
We are working on changing our spare room/office over to a playroom for the boys. It will be really nice to have a space to keep some of the larger toys.
My hair is falling out like crazy. We figured out my thyroid was way off which could be a contributor, or it may just be postpartum hair loss.... either way, no thank you.
I really need to sew some stockings for the boys....again, Christmas is in ONE WEEK.
We've traveled for Christmas every year we've been married. This year we are not making the 2 hour drive. It will be just the four of us, and I'm looking forward to the nice relaxing holiday. Hubs is taking the whole week off, so we will have daddy home for a nice chunk of time!
The boys take 4 or 5 one hour naps per day.. I can't wait until we can drop a couple of those and make a couple of the others LONGER! It is so hard to get things done!
I would not change a single thing about my life right now. I am so deliriously happy- it makes me realize just how unhappy I was in the years we were struggling to get pregnant.

A Year and 4 Months!

2012-12-17T09:35:00.000-08:00

One year ago Saturday I took a pregnancy test WAAAY too early at 4dp5dt and saw the two pink lines that changed EVERYTHING. I wasn't sure at that point if we would be blessed with two babies or one, but I had a sneaking suspicion that there would be two. I never, even after all of the waiting, dreamed they would change my life as much as they have. Sure my days are busy and my life revolves largely around eating, pooping and trying to get babies down for naps, but it is a nice change from needles, appointments and wands. I would (and likely will) do it all over again. It has been worth every single moment of heartache, painful procedure or injection and cent we ever spent. So, if you're still trying and have a some fight left in ya, KEEP GOING!

Saturday also marked another exciting day- the boys are FOUR MONTHS OLD! They are usually sleeping though the night, nursing six times per days and drinking five bottles of supplemented formula. They both can roll from belly to back, but generally choose not to. They still love their play mat, riding in the stroller and their car seats on most occasions. H will nap in his crib sometimes, but A refuses. At night they are both wedged into the co-sleeper together pulled up next to my side of the bed. H stays in the co-sleeper all night, and A usually wants to snuggle up with mama for the last couple of hours. I absolutely love having them in our room and fear it is going to be really hard for me to let them go to their own room. There is nothing sweeter than falling asleep to sweet baby sleep noises and snuggling up to a sleepy baby first thing in the morning!

I'm sure there is more to update on, but I have two little tikes not so gently reminding me that they are the priority right now :)

Three Months!

2012-11-15T05:00:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe my sweet boys are already three months old! With every new month my heart sinks a little- they wont be babies forever. So, I spend my days neglecting my house and holding my babies- I'm ok with it, it wont be this way forever. Someday we will eat well planned meals, from a nice clean kitchen with no dishes on the counters. Until then, I just want to soak in these days- these moments that are passing far too quickly for this mama's liking!

I want to remember everything about these sweet EXHAUSTING days with my boys:

Baby A: H --- (Random question twin mamas-- is your baby A the more chill one? My OB insists he can pick A & B almost every time by temperament. A is almost always more relaxed and B is more likely to be the needy/scrappy type. SO true at our house!)

LOVES to sleep... during the day. Get the kid snuggly and he is OUT! He is so much like his mama when it comes to sleep.
Is pretty content (and usually sleeping) in his swing, car seat and stroller. Right now outings are a dream!
Likes his giraffe wubbanub pacifier, but doesn't need it most of the time.
Enjoys nursing and bottles. He almost always cries when either is over, even if he is the one to pull away.
Can play for a long time on his play mat by himself or alongside his brother.
Wakes up every 3or 4 hours at night to eat.
Misses his brother in the pack-n-play at night when A jumps ship and gets in bed with mommy and daddy.
Has the most adorable dimples I've ever seen.
Wears a size one diaper and 3 month clothes.
Loves Mommy and Daddy pretty equally.
Cries only when he needs something. He is usually pretty easy to figure out- he doesn't care too much about the status of his diaper unless its poopy, so it is usually an eat or sleep cry.

Baby B: A

Has a hard time shutting down and going to sleep. The kid is SO worried he is going to miss something!
Loves his mama above all others.
Is still a tiny guy- but long enough that we had to retire all of the newborn clothes when he reached 12 weeks old. He also transitioned to size 1 diapers just this week at 13 weeks old.
Forgets/doesn't like to/avoids pooping. The doctor says it is fine because he isn't actually constipated. We used suppositories for awhile but now he is going once or twice a week.
NEEDS his froggy wubbanub pacifier.
Usually likes riding in the car seat, stroller and swing, but often prefers the sling or front pack.
Loves to eat, but spits up A LOT. We think he is dealing with a bit of reflux, but not enough to medicate.
Has started sleeping through the night the last few nights.... if he gets into bed with us at some point.
Smiles with his whole face.
Loves to stand.
Is a more fussy baby than his brother, but often the fussy times can be avoided if I see them coming.

In the eyes of their Mama they are the most perfect, adorable babies EVER!

The Haps...

2012-11-05T08:26:00.000-08:00

It seems crazy to me that I haven't been back to write in this space for almost an entire month. Writing here used to be so therapeutic for me. I wish I could make it a priority now, but it seems like there are just too many things on that list right now. I think one day soon I'll find myself in a different stage of motherhood, allowing for a TINY bit more time for things like blogging... at least I hope so :)

In the meantime here is a short list of what has been happening...

I had mastitis at the end of September- OMG, that business is PAINFUL!
The boys started sleeping a little longer at night in October. We are no longer waking them to eat at night, but we still are waking up every 4-5 hours to eat.
We had a 2 month well baby visit and the boys are GROWING! At 9 weeks H was 10.3lbs and A was 8.11. They are still a little small percentile-wise, but to me H seems HUGE!
A & H took their vaccines like champs and had very minimal discomfort afterward. In fact A was happier than his normal self...weird!
We took our first out of town overnight trip to visit our families. It went really well. The best part was two hours in the car each way of SILENCE!
Both boys have a new love for the swing. It is seriously magical and we've borrowed a second swing so both can swing at the same time! It has the same effect as their car seats- instant sleep!
We had two little animals for Halloween- a giraffe and a cow. They were pretty darn cute at Daddy's office party!
Speaking of Halloween, we spent a chunk of time at the OB's office that day. I was having HORRIBLE breast pain, but I didn't have all the symptoms I had with mastitis. It was determined I may have some sort of breast yeast infection, but I wasn't showing any symptoms except that nice razor blade pain while nursing. My doctor prescribed some AMAZING nipple cream ( same as Dr. Jack Newman APNO) and the pain subsided rather quickly thank goodness!
I took a HUGE step and packed up the leftovers from our IVF cycle. They will soon be making their way to our RE's office for donation. Hubs was ready to do it a LONG time ago, but it wasn't until I had the boys that I was ready to give up the goods. We are fairly sure we'll do this all again, but it will NOT be happening before these expiration dates roll around!
Packing for two babies is A LOT of work. I'm already getting things together for holiday travel.
I'm not a huge fan of the mini pill.... more on that another day.

One Body, TWO Babies...

2012-10-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

I had an email from someone recently... or at last kind of recently, asking about life after giving birth to twins. Not really wondering how it was being a Mama to twins, but more about my recovery/body/mind. Since I'm finding myself this morning with two boys who are sleeping soundly, I thought I'd give you a quick list-

I gained 40 lbs exactly when I was pregnant. I had lost every last pound by the time I went to my postpartum appointment two weeks after they were born. I did NOTHING to make this happen.
While I was pregnant I got about 4 stretchmarks. Another popped up about four days postpartum- I have NO idea how/why that happened.
I had a c-section and was never really constipated in the end of my pregnancy or postpartum. However, somehow I managed to have a hemorrhoid in the first week or two I was home- not fun, be prepared!
I can honestly say I had no baby blues/depression postpartum. I have never in my life been as tired or as happy as I have been in the last 8 weeks (or 10 months for that matter).
I have never in my life (even while pregnant) been as hungry as I am now. In the first couple of weeks postpartum I wasn't starving, but since then I could eat about 6 meals a day- nursing twins is no joke!
My hair is starting to fall out (not hugely) and I'm not totally sure if it is postpartum hair-loss or in conjunction with my thyroid evening out and swinging slightly Hyper instead of Hypo.
My biggest fears going into my c-section were the epidural, the catheter, and having the staples removed- none were worth worrying about.
I'm mind is mush. I can't remember ANYTHING. For this reason we are still, at 8 weeks postpartum, writing down feedings (which side for which baby) and diaper changes. Believe me, this is important. Had we not done this we would have had no idea how long it had been since one of our little guys had poo'd when he was constipated.
I've found that I need to leave the house at least a few days a week. It can been me running to the grocery store (alone!!) in the evenings, or going out with the boys during the day- we are all happier on our busier days than we are just sitting at home all day.
I have also found that getting up, taking a shower, drying my hair and putting on make up all lend themselves to a more productive/happy day. Though I LOVE to stay in my sweats al day fro time to time, I feel like I get a lot more done after I've really woke up for the day.

And here, just because this person asked for it, is what my belly looks like 8 weeks after having twins. I'd say it is getting pretty close to where it was when I got pregnant. I was no where near washboard abs before I had the boys, so I don't think it is going to happen now :)

Just because you have two boobs....

2012-10-01T13:13:00.001-07:00

.... does NOT mean breast feeding twins is easy.

I went into breast feeding our twins much like I went into gestating two babies, with very few expectations. Let me also be clear, the expectations I did have were more negative than positive. I assumed it would be VERY difficult and I prepared myself (as a PCOSer) to have a small/ if even existent supply.

This doesn't mean I didn't prepare for the best. I bought a double electric pump, a twin breast feeding pillow and a couple of boppys. I even went as far as to purchase milk freezing bags.... ha, that last one is funny!

I hoped for the best. I wanted the best, but I never wanted to breast feed at the expense of not enjoying EVERY.SINGLE.MINUTE with my babies. I know some of you are thinking- 'it doesn't have to be one or the other', and while that is true in some situations I will tell you soon how it is the truth in others.

While we were in the hospital we heard from countless people that I really need to learn to tandem feed. These people told me that if I didn't tandem, I'd most likely not continue breast feeding. I tried, and it was just too hard. It wasn't at all a bonding experience with my babies, I saw it only as a time saver, because otherwise (for me) it was more like being a cow than a mommy. In addition to it not being a warm and fuzzy experience, it was logistically a nightmare for me- a large chested woman. Not only did I need to keep my babies positioned on the pillow correctly, I also needed to keep them awake and eating (as to not make this a drawn out event!), and most importantly I needed to hold my boob in order to not suffocate my poor children on their food source. Tell me, does it sound like I have enough hands for this?!?

So, what did we do? We did what was best for us and threw all other advice out. I nurse each of my boys individually every three hours during the day and every 4 hours at night. The nursing/burping/diapering routine takes us about 1 hour, so if the boys get to sleep quickly following a feed I have 2-3 hours to sleep/relax/eat/shower before we do it all over again. I promise it feels much more like 10-15 minutes than it does like a couple of hours.

The boys both lost a decent amount of weight after birth and were slow to gain it back. Our ped. was concerned and gave us a couple of options. 1. Supplement with formula (probably forever) or 2. Seek the help of a lactation consultant and go from there. This is when I have to say I was much more committed to enjoying my boys than I was to breast feeding. I'm guessing anyone who has/had an infant can understand how difficult it was to get out of the house to an appointment. In the words of my OB, 'this is one of the many times with twins that 1+1 DOES NOT = 2'. Though I take my boys out relatively often, I couldn't get on board with committing to lactation appointments a couple of times per week in order to get things moving int he right direction. Going out in the early days was something of an all day event. We'd prepare for hours ahead, then we'd go and then we'd all recover from it for a couple of hours after we got home. Adding more of this to our weeks sounded horrible, it wasn't as if I wasn't able to still nurse them, it was just that I'd need to supplement. So, that is what we have done and I am so happy we did.

Right now the boys are eating seven to eight times per day. I generally nurse them every feeding expect for the most 'middle of the night' feeding. For that they get 2 oz. of formula and a quick diaper and we all go back to sleep as quickly as we possibly can! If I'm out and about when the boys need to eat they each take a couple ounces of formula and then I'll pump when I get home.

I have very happy boys who have taken pacifiers, fed from bottles and breast from the very beginning and we've never had a problem. I hope that twin mamas are wise enough and brave enough to do what works best for them and their babies regardless of all of the well-meaning advice.

In the very beginning I pumped A LOT (after almost every 'feeding') in order to get my milk to come in and then to get my supply up. I cannot urge you enough-- get an extra set of pump parts!! Washing parts is not at the top of your list of to-do's when you have babies who are just days old. Having a couple of sets will allow you to always have one clean set. Also- buy nipple cream. You'll need it. I like the Medela brand best.

I know there is plenty more to say on this topic, but I have a couple of babies who are starting to wake up. If you have questions about what we've done feel free to leave a comment or send me an email. I know I was CONSTANTLY looking for twin mama blogs to find out what I should be expecting!

Weightloss: Good for Mama, not for babies

2012-09-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

It is a well known fact that the weight babies are when they are born is rarely the weight they are shortly after birth. This held true for both of our boys. A, our smaller guy, lost some weight but only about 4-6% of his body weight which is well within the normal range. H, on the other hand was reaching toward the danger zone as he was creeping close to a 10% loss. My milk was not yet in, and my colostrum was being split between two tiny mouths. We were advised to offer each of the boys a small amount of formula. Though I wasn't super excited about it, I knew in my gut it was what we needed to do. Thankfully both boys began gaining weight. We continued offering a small amount of formula after every-other feeding up until our first pediatrician appointment.

At our first appointment our doctor told us that we could play around with our feeding a bit and see what worked best for us and the babies. My milk was in at this point and I wanted to try feeding them just breast milk. We went along like this for a couple of weeks until our two week appointment. At this appointment we learned that in one weeks time the boys had only gained a couple of ounces each. Not great. So, she suggested doing one of two things- either meet with a lactation consultant to see what they suggested OR go back to supplementing after every other feeding with a small amount of formula. After some careful thought we decided to go the formula route. It was what my gut told me to do, and I think my mama instincts were correct. We had a weight check one week later and each of our boys gained a significant amount of weight. H gained 10 ounces and A gained 7. Yahoo!

Thankfully the weight gaining saga is on the upswing and we have one more weight check scheduled for two weeks after the last, just to be sure the gain is still happening. Hopefully Wednesday will bring good news of growing boys!

Mama on the other hand is (or rather, was) dropping weight like CRAZY. On the morning of my c-section I had gained exactly 40 pounds from the day the boys were transferred. At my 2 week postpartum appointment, I had lost 42 pounds. I can assure you I haven't in anyway TRIED to lose the weight. Life with twins is busy. I am up and down off the floor constantly changing diapers, breastfeeding two babies, eating whatever is prepared in the fridge and then starting again. It is a busy that I would not trade for any other job in the world- and if it is going to make me lose weight... heck yes! I will add that after losing that first 42, I've lost nothing more and have maybe gained back a pound or two. Life if getting a little easier as I get into a little bit of a routine and my appetite is slowing coming back. Nursing two growing boys several times a day leaves me eating pretty much anytime I am not feeding another hungry mouth :)

"Is it hard?"- postpartum encounters with an infertile

2012-09-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

As part of my postpartum care I had an appointment with the postpartum/lactation care clinic at the hospital where I delivered about 3 days after I was discharged. This was one of our first outings with the babies and we turned a lot of heads with our long double stroller holding two of the cutest (I may be biased) faces on the planet.

As we were walking into the hospital, a young nurse peeked in on the boys and asked me 'Is it hard?' to which I replied 'yes, but not as hard as I thought it would be.' She then shared with me, a complete stranger, that she was going through fertility treatments and had been told that multiples were a very real possibility. I quickly shared that we'd been there and that every single thing she'd face in the coming months would be absolutely worth it.

We were running late for our appointment and she appeared to be returning from a break, but as we walked our separate ways, we both wished each other luck and I said a quick prayer for her that she'd be as blessed as I've been.

Over-sharing...

2012-09-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

The title: If you don't have anything nice to say about twin parenting... keep your mouth SHUT, and other unsolicited advice, seemed a bit long, but that is what this post really should be called.

If you've ever shared with someone that through fertility treatments you may be BLESSED with multiples, been pregnant with multiples or had the pleasure of giving birth to multiples you've surely heard some comments about what your life will undoubtedly be like. Some of these comments will have come from people who've parented twins and some will come from people trying to 'help' who really have no idea what they are talking about. In both situations, the ass-vice is generally not super helpful.

I heard a lot of this while I was still pregnant with the boys. I usually just took it with a smile and walked away giving it very little thought. My first dose of post-pregnancy twin 'wisdom' came from the OB who discharged me from the hospital. When she came into my room on that Saturday morning, her first comment was 'are you sure you want to go home?' After we assured her that we were ready, she proceeded to lay out for me how my life was over. You see, she herself has twins, so she surely knows exactly what life if going to look like for us. Not only did she share that her twins have NEVER gotten any easier and they are now 2.5 years old, but also that I'd likely never sleep again. She told me that she 'usually' is still happy she had them. I know some of what she said was in jest, but what ever happened to building each other up as mothers? I'm the first to admit that I appreciate some honesty- even when it isn't what I'd like to hear, but to stand there and tell a woman who is preparing to take her twins home how HORRIBLE it is going to be? Probably not super helpful.

I'm thankful that my attitude toward having twins has always been- I may have my hands full, but my heart will be equally full. I can't even imagine how defeated I would have felt if I wasn't able to listen to her and laugh as she left the room.

Let this be a reminder to both myself and to you... If you can't encourage (or occasionally commiserate) with another mother, just keep your mouth shut.

And then we were FOUR part 2...

2012-09-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

Part ONE can be found HERE....

Again, I'm totally not editing this--

The trip to the postpartum portion of the hospital was comical at best. The transfer staff at this hospital left a little to be desired. The person moving me had the paper portion of our chart with us, but somehow neglected to find out before moving me WHERE exactly we were going.... super. So, while she attempted to find out what room I would be moving into for the remainder of my stay she just went ahead and left me in my huge hospital bed right in the middle of the elevator bay. Thankfully I was so blissfully happy to have two perfect boys laying on my chest I hardly noticed how weird this was.

After making it to my room the same transfer person asked me to go head and move my body from the bed I was in, onto the bed that was in my new room. Uh, did I mention I had abdominal surgery about 2 hours prior and was numb from about the boobs down? Needless to say, NOT the easiest task! It felt like it took me hours to move from one bed to the other inch by inch, but I made it. After we got settled in our new room we allowed our families to come in and meet the boys for the first time. It was fun to watch them as they saw the boys for the first time.

The remainder of our hospital stay was relatively uneventful. We had fantastic nurses day and night, I seemed to recover in record speed getting up and walking around about 12 hours after surgery and showering the next morning after getting rid of the catheter sometime in the night. The boys roomed in with us the majority of the time, but spent a couple of hours each night in the nursery so we could get some real healthy recovery sleep. I learned to breast feed, pump and generally take care of two babies. I found myself constantly looking at them and thinking about them.

We ended up staying in the hospital three nights and made our way home as a family of four on Saturday morning. The doctor from our OB's practice that was on rotation that morning was a real peach, but that is a post for another day- re: if you don't have anything nice to say about twin parenting... keep your mouth SHUT!

Posts I'd like the write in the coming weeks- if I ever find the time....

If you don't have anything nice to say about twin parenting... keep your mouth SHUT, and other unsolicited advice.
"Is it hard?"- postpartum encounters with an infertile.
Weightloss: Good for Mama, not for babies.
Breast Feeding Twins: Didn't I JUST have something attached to my boob?
First Four Weeks Favorites- things we never could have lived without.

And then we were FOUR!

2012-09-07T08:49:00.001-07:00

HOLY COW!

I can't believe it took me this long to get back to the computer and write about these sweet little boys who've stolen my heart, made me cry, changed my life and caused me many exhausted days. But, here I am almost four weeks after they were born- loving life as a mommy... the good, the hard and the mounds of diapers and laundry!

I don't want to forget their birthday, so in an effort to document it- here is the run down!

On the August 15th we woke up bright and early around 3:30am. We needed to be checking into the hospital at 5:30 and knowing that the drive would take about 35-40 minutes and we both wanted to take one last non-rushed shower we knew it would be a very early morning! We both woke up super excited to meet our boys and I was still not feeling an ounce of fear about the surgery that would be starting in just a few hours. We got ourselves ready, packed up the car, took a couple final pictures of our babies in my belly and hopped in the car to go meet our long awaited babied!

We arrived at the hospital right on time, checked in and were taken back to our room. I changed into my gown, met the nurses who would take care of me up until my surgery and then they hooked me up to the monitors to check on the boys. Both little hearts were beating and it was time to wait for my surgery time. The anesthesiologist came in, talked to us about the spinal and what to expect and shortly after my OB came in to go over what would be happening in the OR. I was still not even a little nervous, just super excited to see my boys and hear their little cries as they came out of me. Of course, just as the OB was finishing explaining the surgery, his pager went off and he quickly called the nursing station from my room to find out another of his patients was just about to have her baby just a few doors down. He assured me that it'd be quick as 'this is her third baby, this shouldn't take long'- all with a motion as if to say the baby would just kind of slide out of her. Hubs and I had a good laugh as our doctor (who we love) walked out of the room.

We ended up waiting about an hour for him to be ready for my c-section. I walked myself down to the OR, sat up on the table, was prepped for the spinal and then started to lose it. I still wasn't totally scared, it was more that I was realizing the babies were really almost here. I wanted more than anything for my babies to come out screaming so I knew they were ok, and I think that is what I began worrying about in that moment. As I sat there receiving my spinal (which, while a super weird feeling doesn't 'hurt' more than a pinch) my chin quivered, my nose dripped and a few tears were shed. Both my nurse and doctor stood in front of me each holding a hand and a shoulder. My OB talked to me the entire time reminding me why we were there, there the two most important people in that room were my sweet baby boys and that he was going to get them out safely. He probably promised me 10 times in those few minutes that not only would they be perfect, but that I was already a great mommy and my boys would already know that when they took their first breath. I guess after twenty-five years delivering babies he knows what mamas need to hear to make them both cry and feel confident all at the same time.

Shortly after the spinal was in, I was laying down on the table, drapes were being hung and my belly was being tested for feeling. As soon as it was decided I was plenty numb (SO WEIRD!) my husband was brought into the OR. He sat right next to my head and help my hand. We spent a long time just looking at each other knowing these were the final moments of being just two. It was only minutes after he arrived in the room that our first baby was born. He came out just as I'd prayed for months... screaming! My OB brought him around the side of the table so I could see him before taking him to be cleaned up. All I remember thinking was 'He is HUGE' and 'I'm a mama!' Just one minute later little brother was born. He was rather angry to have been pulled from his cozy home at the top of my uterus and screamed in protest. Along with his screaming he came out pee'ing.... not once, but three times before reaching the head of the bed for me to get my first peek at him. The OR staff just kept laughing as they'd say over and over- 'He's pee'ing again!' My first thoughts of baby B were- 'He's tiny and red!' We'd been told for months that the boys were measuring very close in size, so when I saw my HUGE Baby A (7lbs 11oz) I was waiting for another big baby. When Baby B came out at just 6lbs 5oz (big for a twin) we were all surprised.

After both boys were born and the first checks and cleaning was complete in the OR, they and my husband were taken back to our private recovery room to get cleaned up, receive their first shots and under go their first evaluations. I was left in the OR to be stitched up. My totally weird anesthesiologist proceeded to show me random picture on his phone to keep my mind off the fact that my babies and husband had left the room. He showed me his daughter trying on wedding dresses, flowers in his garden and a photo he snapped on his phone as Baby B was being born. At that point Hubs and stopped taking pictures and was just enjoying to moment with me, so it was fun to see the little man being born- especially as I was laying there in a room away from my babies for the first time EVER.

Once I was all stitched up ( my OB and the assisting OB were talking about home improvements as they put me back together) I was transferred back to my bed (super weird feeling) and wheeled back to my recovery room where my three favorite people were waiting for me.

Hubs and I watched as they both had their first bath and received their first shots. As soon as both of those things were done I was able to hold them both skin to skin and try nursing. Both of the boys were pretty sleeping but H did try his best to nurse a little. A (baby B) wasn't hold his temp as well as the nurse would have liked, so he and daddy had to make a trip upstairs for about an hour to a warming bed were he was fitted with little foot heating pads and then his feet were wrapped in diapers.... he looked like he was sporting tiny baby Uggs- made of diapers!

Once A and Daddy returned to our recovery room we were able to all make the trip upstairs to postpartum.

... In an effort to publish this before their first birthday I'll publish in chunks- and without editing, otherwise it could be Christmas before I get this done!

They're Here!!!

2012-08-23T16:30:00.001-07:00

As planned, the boys arrived last Wednesday mid- morning. They are perfect in every way! I'll write more of a real birth story one of these days, but in the meantime I have two babies to feed and snuggle.

H was 7lbs 11oz and A was 6lbs 5oz.

We are completely in love with these two little guys!!!

Ironic...

2012-08-15T04:00:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of reasons why I love blogging, one of the biggest is being able to go back to a certain date and seeing where I was in that moment. I've often looked back at the same day in the previous year to see how things had changed or not changed.

On THIS very day one year ago, I wrote about what I guess was the official end of my first pregnancy. It was the day my beta finally reached zero. Though I'm sure I was feeling sad for all that we'd lost, I was also ready to pick myself up and begin moving on. I was ready to start preparing both my heart and my body to try again- to attempt once more to find myself pregnant with the hope of carrying that baby (or babies!) until they were big enough and strong enough to come home with us.

I find it somewhat ironic that I wrote on that day about becoming 'un-pregnant', because today the same thing will happen, only this time my appointment is for a c-section not a beta. It is amazing in one year's time we've really come full circle. Dreams have been realized, and on a day that was bittersweet last year, I will this year have two sweet boys placed in my arms!

On this day...
4 years ago, we were in the midst of our first cycle of trying for a baby.
3 years ago, we were a couple of cycles into clomid.
2 years ago, we were in the process of beginning treatment with our RE.
1 year ago, we had just miscarried our first pregnancy.

And today... Today, we become parents and our family not only grows, it DOUBLES!!!!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow...

2012-08-14T10:53:00.001-07:00

THE BOYS WILL

BE HERE

TOMORROW!!!!!

Just in time...

2012-08-11T16:19:00.001-07:00

With the exception of one wall hanging that hasn't yet been completed, the nursery is DONE! We hung the final things this afternoon and we both LOVE how it turned out! The pictures are FAR from professional - super fancy cell phone photos, but it is so dang easy to go that route! The wall that isn't shown is mostly white doors, two into the closet and one into the hallway.

Jenny Lind Cribs- I made the crib skirts (gray & white hounds-tooth) and blankets- Hubs painted the letters to match the beads of the not yet completed abacus- We made the artwork that is above the cribs out of wooden embroidery hoops we found at a thrift shop, attached and painted orange.

The dresser is from Ikea- Hubs painted the green diaper pail and the A- I made the orange and white chevron curtains (I am NEVER making full length lined curtains EVER again!) Someday the huge abacus will be competed and hung over the dresser.

.... and because you all wanted to see it...

This was taken a few days ago at 37w3d- 50 enormous cm and 36 lbs.

37w3d appointment

2012-08-09T11:05:00.001-07:00

Well, they are STILL in there. I keep trying to coax them out with promises of ponies and pudding, but it doesn't seem to be working out for me. I'm beyond grateful they like it in there and that my body seems to be tolerating carrying two babies to full term just fine. As ready as I am for them to be out, knowing that the end is near (less than a week now!) makes it a little easier to function each day. Even if 'function' means laying on the couch most of the day!

Everything is still completely normal with this pregnancy. It is almost like I'm not carrying twins. I never had to be seen by a MFM, I never found myself on bed rest, no pre-term labor, very minimal swelling especially for a summer pregnancy, normal blood pressure, no protein in my urine, no gestational diabetes.... what.the.heck? Believe me, I NEVER expected this to go anywhere close to this seamlessly.

We had a VERY early appointment this morning. First an ultrasound and then a follow up with the OB. The ultrasound was fairly uneventful because these babies are wedged in there and it is dang near impossible to see ANYTHING at this point. Everything still looks good, plenty of fluid and they are still growing at a similar pace- just a 4% variance between the two. These little stinkers add up to just over 14 lbs combined and have my belly measuring 50cm- that is about what a women 50 weeks pregnant with a singleton would measure. Holy cow.

That was our final OB appointment. The next time we see our doctor it will be to deliver these boys! I cannot wait!

SIX MORE DAYS!!!

Over sharing...

2012-08-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

I've said before, there are a lot of reasons why I keep my blog anonymous. One of largest reasons, is so I am able to write whatever I want and not feel uncomfortable completely and totally over sharing.

Today is one of those days.

I have a funny story. Well, perhaps not funny, it certainly was more disappointing than funny in the moment, but now I'm just laughing about it.

So, even though I'm home everyday and not really venturing out too often, I've been trying to at least get myself kind of ready everyday- just in case these boys decide to come. For me, this means taking a shower, shaving my legs and putting on clothing that is approximately 1/2 a step higher than pajamas.

Yesterday as I was in the shower I was thinking to myself 'wow, I'm really impressed that I can still lift my foot up onto the wall of the shower in an attempt to bend less while shaving the lower section on my legs.' About a minute later I fumbled with my razor as I was shaving the upper portion on my leg and the razor fell to the floor. I didn't really think anything of it, other than 'at least it didn't cut me.' Are you seeing where this is going?

Anyway- I finished my shower, got dressed, put some lotion on my legs and headed to my perch on the couch for the afternoon. I had a contraction or two through the afternoon, but like usual, they didn't last long and weren't really in any sort of pattern. They picked up again in the evening and I felt some different feelings of pressure. When I went to the bathroom a bit later I noticed a very small amount of blood. YES! I thought 'wow, great! SOMETHING is happening' I'm sure you've gathered by my back story that something has got to give..... you're right. After checking into things a little more I realized the source of the blood was NOT the location I was hoping for. It turns out that rouge razor DID cause a cut... yeah, on my lady bits.

My thrill and excitement quickly changed to disappointment and humor.

Was that personal enough for you?

37 weeks

2012-08-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

How Far Along: 37 weeks... 9 days or less- single digits!
How Big are the Babies? They are each about the size of a winter melon.... whatever that is! I'd estimate they are right around 6.5 pounds each- we'll get a closer estimate on Thursday!

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 36-ish pounds since retrieval- no weight gain this week.

Maternity Clothes: I'm still wearing a little of both and still have one maternity shirt I bought early on that continues to be too big- that pretty much blows my mind!

Movement: Baby A spends a lot of time sleeping unless I'm laying in just the right way for him to stretch out a bit. Baby B is the feistier of the two and spends a good amount of time getting angry when anything changes in his little world-- For example, his brother having the hiccups or me resting my phone or kindle on my belly.
Belly button in or out? Still in/flat most of the time

What I miss: Not being in pain when I change positions. Sitting to standing, laying to standing... all those transitions are getting more and more difficult.

Milestones: 37 weeks- full term. I am SO READY!

Food Cravings: Fresh veggies (fresh mini cucumbers with pepper and vinegar), hummus and flat bread, donuts, super cold grapes and shaved ice.

Aversions: I ate two eggs yesterday, so maybe I'm over that!

Symptoms: Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly, leg cramps, lots of pelvic pain, lots of general soreness, constant hunger, excessively dry skin, Braxton hicks, contractions and heartburn.
Best Moment this week: Getting everything in order for the boys' arrival! Car seats were checked, bags are packs, house is sparkling clean, laundry is complete, meals are in the freezer.

Funny Moment: The look of amazement on my husbands face every time he touches my belly- it is CRAZY tight. One night be put his freezing cold glass of ice water up against Baby B to see if he could get a reaction from him and I didn't even flinch. He looked at me like I was crazy when I told him I could only barely even feel something touching me and felt absolutely NOTHING in terms of coldness.

Tip of the Week: HOLY COW- Zan.tac for heartburn! My doctor told me it would be fine to take one before bedtime (that is when my heartburn is at its absolute worst) and I cannot even begin to explain how much better I slept. I wake up my usual two times to go to the bathroom, but fall back to sleep immediately. I wish I would have asked/tried something different sooner!
What I'm looking forward to: Seeing the boys on Thursday- even if they are nearly unrecognizable in there! We'll see my Dr's partner on Thursday and that will be our final appointment before the birth of our sweet boys! I CANNOT believe we are this close!

For the record, I totally thought last night was going to be it. I was having some contractions and I felt like someone had grabbed my lower uterus/cervical area and was wringing it out like a wet towel- in other words it was PAINFUL! I sat on the ball for awhile and then finally got into bed and things slowed and ultimately stopped enough for me to go to sleep. BOO! I'm pretty sure I'll feel like I've won the lottery when I go into labor or my water breaks- I am SO SO SO ready and 9 days feels like FOR.EV.ER!

Boring....

2012-08-02T17:39:00.000-07:00

Just the way we like it- another boring week, and another boring OB appointment. I swear every week my doctor is a little more surprised (as am I) that nothing crazy has happened. But, here we are 36w 3d and everything is completely and totally normal. No signs of labor- which obviously can come on quickly and without notice- and no signs of anything that would make it necessary to move my c-section up. This doesn't mean he is convinced that I'll make it to my c-section date. He said today he would not be surprised at all if I had these boys before.

Today my weight was ok- seriously though, I have a feeling I'm going to gain more in the last few weeks of pregnancy than I did in the first 30! No protein in my urine and my blood pressure was just fine. So, unless something shows up on our ultrasound next week, we are still planning to meet these little boys bright and early August 15th.

36 weeks 3 days

Two weeks...

2012-08-01T17:20:00.000-07:00

Fourteen days from today I will meet my sweet baby boys, unless they choose to come earlier. It is so surreal to be speaking in terms of days/weeks instead of months and maybes! The babies are coming- and SOON!

I have my weekly appointment tomorrow and I hopefully everything remains as it is right now- completely and totally boringly normal! As ready as I am to meet these boys, it would be good to have at least one more weekend to tie up a few loose ends! We are incredibly close to ready after my mom spent two days deep cleaning my whole house complete with windows, mopping, scrubbing bathrooms and dusting/wiping down ever square inch! This weekend we will get the car seats checked and a couple more little things done and then these little stinkers can come anytime :)

It is crazy to think we only have four more scheduled appointments-

One regular OB appointment tomorrow.
One Ultrasound/OB appointment a week from tomorrow.
One scheduled c-section surgery appointment two weeks from today.
One post-op OB appointment four weeks from today.

I still can't really wrap my brain around all of it. Its so exciting and surreal and kind of feels like it couldn't possibly be happening to me! But, then I look down and see my big belly squirming...

9 months isn't long enough...

2012-07-31T05:00:00.000-07:00

In the past several weeks Hubs and I have been realizing our days of being a young couple are numbered. Sure we've known it for the last several months, but there is something about a house littered with baby supplies and a due date that is weeks (not months) away that makes it REALLY sink in.

We've been spending a lot of time just the two of us over the last several weeks and it has been awesome. We've made sure to do a few things that will be tricky once we have the boys with us and we've just been trying our best to really enjoy these days.

Over the weekend we celebrated our 6th anniversary. On Saturday night we grilled and sat on the deck until 10:30 just talking about everything that is about to happen. We talked about what scares us, what excites us and everything in between. I think the biggest thing we realized is, as excited as we are for the boys to be here in our arms, we aren't fully ready to give up the happy that we've finally found. We spent SO LONG trying to get pregnant- so long being disappointed- so long being sad and depressed that now that we've finally found our joy it is really hard to be ready for the next step. Don't get me wrong, there is going to be plenty of joy and happiness in the next chapter of our life, but the last nine months have been amazing. Life seemed so easy, so happy. We both just want a little longer to soak it in.

So, for the next 16 days we live as intentionally as possible. We soak in each day as if it is the last day of our 'couple-hood' and prepare for what will surely be one of the most memorable and happiest days of our life!

36 weeks

2012-07-30T09:01:00.002-07:00

How Far Along: 36 weeks... 16 days or less!
How Big are the Babies? They are each about the size of a honeydew melon. I'd estimate they are right around 6 pounds each- and boy can I feel it!

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 36-ish pounds since retrieval- between my last two appointments I gained 6 pounds. HOLY COW!

Maternity Clothes: I'm still wearing a little of both. Most pants are maternity, but I can still get away with a few non-maternity tops surprisingly enough.

Movement: They are busy boys!
Belly button in or out? Still in most of the time

What I miss: Not being in pain when I change positions. Sitting to standing, laying to standing... all those transitions are getting more and more difficult. I also am really missing life before heartburn!

Milestones: 36 weeks! It was my goal from the start to bake these babies for 36 weeks- SUCCESS!!!

Food Cravings: Shaved ice, donuts, cherries, berries... you know SUPER healthy foods :)

Aversions: Eggs..... I'm just totally avoiding them at this point. I don't even try anymore.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps, lots of pelvic pain, lots of general soreness, HEARTBURN, excessively dry skin and Braxton hicks/ contractions.
Best Moment this week: Finally really feeling ready for their arrival. There are still a few things that I'd love to check off the list, but in reality I am VERY VERY ready to meet my boys.

Funny Moment: CONSTANTLY finding food sitting on my belly inside of my shirt when I take my clothes off at night- my husband finds it absolutely hilarious!

Tip of the Week: Just take a nap.
What I'm looking forward to: Checking in with the doctor again on Thursday, but most of all.... MEETING MY BOYS very, very soon! :)

35w 4d appointment...

2012-07-27T13:45:00.002-07:00

Another week, another appointment.

I don't have much to report- weight gain is OK- no protein in my urine- and my blood pressure is back within totally normal range. My hands and feet and starting to see a little swelling and I'm not sure I'll make it to delivery still wearing my wedding ring, but I'm going to try my best!

I'm having a few braxton hicks here and there, but not many. I always question if they are really braxton hicks or if I am just trying to down play an actual contraction- either way, they never stick around long enough to be timed, and they are never painful enough to feel concerned.

We're down to 19 sleeps or less! I cannot even begin to tell you how sore and ready I am. Of course letting these boys grow and cook as long as possible is important to me, but when you are carrying twins EVERYTHING starts to hurt at this point! I am thrilled I've been able to carry them as long as I have. My goal from the start was 36 weeks- only two more days to go! 37 would be ideal since that is considered full term, and making it all the way to my c-section at 38w2d would be icing on the cake.

The doctor took a quick peek at the boys today with a bedside ultrasound and after moving a ton and a large dose of ultrasound gel she was able to find two heartbeats among the pile of moving baby parts. She also said she could see them in there practicing their breathing which is great news.

We're getting all of the final things in place over the weekend just in case they decide to come sooner rather than later. My mom drove a couple hours to come help me clean 1/2 of my house this week and will be back early next week to help me finish the other half- such a HUGE blessing. I know it would have taken me about 4 days to accomplish what we did in the first day! It will be so nice to come home to a fully cleaned house after being in the hospital!

I'm still surprised that I've made it this far and continue to remain healthy. As I left today, the doctor said 'get outta here! Keep doing what you're doing and have another boring week until we see you again!'

I'll do my best :)

Three

2012-07-25T08:22:00.000-07:00

I spent yesterday afternoon washing six garbage bags of hand me down baby clothing from a friend. As I was folding it and sorting it all out by size my phone rang. It was my OB's office and I made the assumption they were calling to confirm my appointment for Friday morning.

Uh, I was wrong.

It isn't that I wasn't expecting it, it just totally caught me off guard when the person on the other end of the phone introduced herself as the surgery scheduler for my OB. My first thought? Uh, I'm not having surgery. Ha! Then I took a deep breath and realized yes, indeed I am having surgery.... and babies.... SOON! She then rattled off H &A's birthday like it was the most normal thing in the world. Meanwhile I'm on the verge of shedding a tear that I just learned when I would become a mama of babies on the outside of my body- provided these boys don't have a plan on their own!

So, we have a birthday, or at the very least, we have a last possible birthday.

Three weeks from today.

In 21 days (or less) I'll be holding my boys!

35 weeks

2012-07-23T09:17:00.002-07:00

How Far Along: 35 weeks... most likely 3 weeks or less!

How Big are the Babies? They are each about the size of a coconut. I'd estimate they are somewhere between 5 1/2 and 6 pounds each.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 31-ish pounds since retrieval.

Maternity Clothes: I'm still wearing a little of both. Most pants are maternity, but I can still get away with a few non-maternity tops surprisingly enough.

Movement: Baby B is one busy boy! His brother is a mover too, but I think he is probably feeling a little more 'stuck'.
Belly button in or out? it continues to get more and more weird with each passing week- still in-ish

What I miss: I can't complain too much, I've carried twins to 35 weeks and have not yet had a single scary complication. I am sore and tired, but mostly I'm just happy. I know soon I'm going to miss being pregnant and feeling their every squirm.

Milestones: 35 weeks/35 days... though this does not apply to me at all. We made the decision to have a c-section unless I go into labor on my own and arrive at the hospital ready to push. Finding out that I'm starting to dilate and am about 80% effaced- things are slowly starting to happen! My first actual contractions on Sunday- not remotely time-able or even very painful.

Food Cravings: Bagels and cream cheese, s'mores, shaved ice and fresh fruit.

Aversions: Eggs..... I'm just totally avoiding them at this point. I don't even try anymore.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps, lots of pelvic pain, lots of general soreness, excessively dry skin and Braxton hicks/ contractions.
Best Moment this week: Hearing that Hubs' poison oak really shouldn't be an issue in terms of holding the boys and being in the delivery room. He got a steroid injection anyway in hopes of clearing it up quickly.

Funny Moment: Realizing how much chocolate milk I've drank during my pregnancy. We are wishing we had been keeping track of how many bottles of chocolate syrup we've gone through... I'm guessing at least 10- possibly the source of every single one of those 31 pounds!

Tip of the Week: Rest. Put your feet up and drink something. Most of all just know your limits and listen to your body!
What I'm looking forward to: My next Dr. appointment this Friday and seeing if there has been any change. But most of all.... MEETING MY BOYS very, very soon! :)

I have a new picture today for your viewing pleasure. I decided to add a picture from 5 weeks ago when I wore the same tank top for my weekly photo.

30 weeks
Notice the seams on both tank tops on the top picture seem to match up.... not so much on the one below.
Also, on the top photo I'm covering part of the light switch with my chest and still have a decent amount of space between my belly and the white door jam at the very edge of the picture compared to the lower picture.

35 weeks

34w 3d appointment...

2012-07-19T14:15:00.000-07:00

It has been an eventful day at our house.....

Hubs is working from home in order to let his poison oak wounds breathe. He made a second appointment with the doctor this morning and was on the receiving end of a needle to the rear- he now has steroids on board so hopefully he will be healing soon.

I had an OB appointment. She did a quick bedside ultrasound and it looks like Baby B has found himself in an even more undesirable position than before. Not only is he transverse, he also has his back facing down -meaning all of his 'handles' for an extraction (if necessary) are hidden. I'm ok with it, we had already decided that a c-section was the best choice for us and our boys, so this was really just confirmation.

I had my group B strep swab- no big deal, just a simple swab. It likely will not really matter either way because we are planning on a c-section.

Since I was already undressed from the waist down (back to these appointments?) she went ahead and checked my cervix. 1cm dilated and about 80% effaced.

I had my t-dap injection today- again, no biggy.

Today the doctor said to keep in mind it is considered average for a twin pregnancy to result in birth around 35 weeks. I'll be 35 weeks on Monday- I don't think it will happen that quickly, but she assured me every day/week I make it past Monday is frosting on the cake.

I made my appointments from here through the end of pregnancy... that is three more appointments. Did you catch that? I will have no more than 3 more weekly appointment- perhaps less.

We will have one more ultrasound at 37w 3d if I make it that far. This will be to check on the size of the boys and to see how they are doing in there.

As a whole our OB practice likes to deliver twins at or around 38 weeks. I'll be 38 weeks in just a little more than three weeks! These boys are almost here!

And now, I better buckle down and finish packing those hospital bags and I think we better find time this weekend to get the car seats installed in the car- H & A could be here any day now!

34 weeks

2012-07-16T07:27:00.003-07:00

How Far Along: 34 weeks... most likely 4 weeks or less!

How Big are the Babies? They are each about the size of a butternut squash. As of last Thursday, Baby A was weighing in at 5lbs 3oz and Baby B was 4lbs 14oz- both right around the 50th percentile.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 28 pounds since retrieval. That is 3 lbs in that last week, so all of you who were impressed last week.... I'm pretty sure this isn't going to be too pretty by the end :)

Maternity Clothes: I'm still trying to remember that I NEED to wear maternity pants in order to hold/support this big belly. When I don't wear maternity pants I feel it later, and it is NOT worth it.

Movement: There is a lot of movement going on, but it isn't in the form of flips and turns, just stretches and jabs.

Belly button in or out? In-ish and numb!

What I miss: Living without pelvic pain. The pain is pretty intense at night when I try to roll from one side to another at night. Saturday night I was in so much pain Hubs found me crying in the bathroom. Finally at 4am I bit the bullet and took one Tylenol- that took the edge off just enough to get a couple hours of sleep. OUCH!

Milestones: Finally making some decisions about the birth of these boys, and preparing for the big day!

Food Cravings: Taco pizza, Chinese food and ice cream cake- I ate them all- that may help explain that 3 lbs!

Aversions: Eggs..... I'm just totally avoiding them at this point. I don't even try anymore.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps, lots of pelvic pain, lots of general soreness and a very small amount of hand and foot swelling after weeding for a couple hours on Saturday.
Best Moment this week: Getting to see the boys again this week. Even if it was one big bag of jumbled mess in there, it is always nice to peek in at the boys just to see they are growing and have two little beating hearts.

Funny Moment: Nothing too funny this week- just life as usual!

Tip of the Week: Support your belly as you reach the end of pregnancy. Also, weeding for 2 hours isn't a task for someone who is 34 weeks pregnant... let alone carrying twins.
What I'm looking forward to: Meeting our boys! Its crazy that we are getting really, really close. I am hoping I'm able to hold out for a couple more weeks, for both baby growing and husband healing. Hubs managed to get poison oak/ivy/something last weekend and it has spread to several places on his body including his face. He is now TERRIFIED he isn't going to heal before I have the boys and he wont be able to love on them.

33w 3d Ultrasound...

2012-07-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how to describe our babies on the ultrasound screen today.... perhaps the best description would be a ten pound bag of baby parts. Yeah, ten pounds.

Both babies are looking great to anyone with a trained enough eye to pick out which parts belong to which baby, Hubs and I just stared at the screen wondering what the heck was going on! It appears that the boys are stacked in there which makes it nearly impossible to get a decent look at baby B. The tech managed to get enough measurements to estimate the size of the boys and they are both measuring very close to the 50th percentile with only a 6% variance between them. This is all great news and exactly where we'd like them to be.

Otherwise, everything looks great. My blood pressure and urine were both fine today and I continue to escape the swelling extremities that seem to plague pregnant women at this point, especially during the summer.

So, until next week I just keep doing what I'm doing.... growing two baby boys!!!

From 19 to 33...

2012-07-10T14:08:00.000-07:00

Because life is getting pretty boring around here, its time for a photo comparison over that last several weeks- this is what 25 lbs looks like is slow motion!

19 weeks & 5lbs

20 weeks & 7lbs

22 weeks & 13 lbs
uh, two weeks and 6lbs... impressive!

24 weeks & 18 lbs
followed by two weeks and another 5lbs... that's 11 lbs in 4 weeks!

25 weeks & 19 lbs

27 weeks & 19 lbs

29 weeks & 18.5 lbs

30 weeks & 20.5 lbs

31 weeks & 21 lbs

32 weeks & 25 lbs
4lbs in ONE WEEK!

33 weeks & 25 lbs.
... dark colors really are more slimming :)

So, clearly the three of us did some serious growing between weeks 20 and 24 and then again between week 31 and 32. I saw some family last week and they both agreed that I don't look nearly as huge as they had expected at this point-- I feel plenty big, but then again I guess I don't have a singleton pregnancy to compare it to.

In other news this week is a busy one on the baby front.. Today we go tour the pediatric clinic that we've chosen, tomorrow I have a thyroid appointment to make sure my levels continue to be normal at the end of this pregnancy and Thursday we have a much anticipated ultrasound (after 6.5 LOOOONG weeks!) and OB appointment. Then comes the weekend and a few more baby tasks to be completed. Hubs and I both get a little anxious when we start thinking about the very real possibility of each weekend being our last- its time to squeeze as much as we possibly can into every free moment of just the two of us. We are both beyond excited to meet our boys, but as we keep saying- life will never ever be the same!!!

33 weeks

2012-07-09T07:44:00.001-07:00

How Far Along: 33 weeks... most likely 5 weeks or less!

How Big are the Babies? They are each about the size of a pineapple- likely somewhere around 4 lbs.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Same as last week- I'm up 25 lbs since retrieval.

Maternity Clothes: Most of the time, though I've actually worn a lot of non-maternity in the last week. I'm quickly realizing that not wearing maternity clothing is making me VERY sore. This heavy twin belly needs some support- so this week I'll need to wear something more supportive than yoga pants I guess, BOO!

Movement: They are moving all the time, and are waking each other up with their movements more and more lately.

Belly button in or out? In-ish and numb!

What I miss: I think the only thing I'm really missing is good comfortable sleep. That, and not needing to get up at night to use the bathroom-- but I can't complain about that one too much because it is just starting now.

Milestones: Over the weekend we started getting all of our bags packed for the hospital!

Food Cravings: Chocolate milk. All.The.Time.

Aversions: Eggs..... I'm just totally avoiding them at this point. I don't even try anymore.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps, lots of pelvic pain and lots of general soreness.
Best Moment this week: After an EXTREMELY painful and wakeful night of 'sleep' on Friday night I woke up to an empty bed. When I went looking for Hubs I found him sleeping on the floor in the nursery. When asked why he didn't come to bed, he said he didn't want to make my sleep any worse because he knew I was in a lot of pain. When asked why he didn't sleep on our very comfy couch or the bed in the office/guest room, he said he missed the boys and if he couldn't sleep in bed with us, their nursery was the next best thing. So stinking sweet!

Funny Moment: Being half asleep during a surprisingly long nighttime bathroom trip and momentarily questioning if my water was breaking, but then realizing I had just drank A LOT of water the day before. I also caught a glimpse of my shadow this last weekend as Hubs and I were wandering through a park.... I'm not sure why it surprised me so much, but that big round belly made me incredibly happy.

Tip of the Week: Drink a lot of water, get a good amount of rest and put some sunscreen on when your outside for long periods of time- you are MUCH more sun sensitive while pregnant.
What I'm looking forward to: Our ultrasound on THURSDAY!! I cannot wait to see these boys, 6 weeks and 2 days is WAAAAAY too long!!!

I don't have a new picture this morning... perhaps a photo comparison will come later this week :)

32 weeks

2012-07-02T11:31:00.001-07:00

How Far Along: 32 weeks... most likely 6 weeks or less!

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of a squash and probably getting close to 3.5- 4lbs each.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 25 lbs since retrieval... I guess I'm making up for lost time.

Maternity Clothes: Most of the time.

Movement: Lots of rolling, stretching and head butting/kicking the 'exit'.

Belly button in or out? Super shallow and it pops out on occasion.

What I miss: SLEEP! It is so painful to roll from one side to the other!

Milestones: I made it- 32 weeks was my doctor's big goal. We are here, and while we all want these little stinkers to stay in for a few more weeks, I am feeling a lot less anxious about them arriving early.

Food Cravings: Chocolate milk. All.The.Time.

Aversions: Eggs..... still grossing me out, but not as badly as before!

Symptoms: Exhaustion, inability to sleep at night, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps and lots of general soreness.
Best Moment this week: Hearing their heartbeats at the doctor and hearing him say that everything looks great! Shopping for all the things we still needed for our hospital bags.

Funny Moment: Nothing too hilarious this week. I think the funniest moments have been when the boys start moving and I'm sitting still with a tight top on- I seriously look like my belly has been taken over by aliens!

Tip of the Week: Sleep whenever you can!!
What I'm looking forward to: Our next ultrasound in a little more than a week. I cannot wait to see how big our boys are!

... and a 5 week comparison....

27 Weeks

32 Weeks

I wish the picture from this morning could have captured the madness that was happening in my belly while I was trying to take a decent picture!

Hospital or Home?

2012-06-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

Every few days it seems like another question comes up that needs to be answered, and this time, I'm asking you! What worked best for you, or what are you planning to do when the time comes?

We were asked this week if we would prefer people come to the hospital to meet the boys, or to our home once we have all been released from the hospital. I feel like both have their perks, but at the moment I am leaning toward having people visit while we are still in the hospital. What worked best for you?

To me, if people come to visit in the hospital, they are likely not going to stay long. The recovery rooms are seriously TINY and there isn't really anywhere to sit other than the hospital bed or the one chair that folds out into a cot for Hubs. If they come to our home, there are plenty of places to get comfy and out-stay their welcome. But, my hesitation is, am I just going to be way too overwhelmed while we are still in the hospital to have visitors in and out of our room?

31w1d appointment

2012-06-26T19:27:00.000-07:00

I saw my doctor this afternoon, and as usual (surprising as it is to me every single time) all three of us are doing great. All the usual things were checked and fine-- urine, blood pressure, weight gain, doppler. My blood pressure was elevated slightly from my last appointment, but he said it wasn't any cause for concern just yet.

It looks like we will have an ultrasound & appointment at about 33.5 weeks and then we will be seen weekly from there on out. CRAZY! My doctor said everything is looking perfect and though he hopes these babies continue to grow for several more weeks, I am just DAYS away from the big goal of 32 weeks!

The boys have been moving a lot in the last few days and I am dying to know what positions those little stinkers have gotten themselves into. Every night when I go to bed I can feel little bums, knees and elbows sticking out of my belly in every direction. Though we have no idea what each bump actually is, it is fun to feel each of their little lumps!

In other news my belly button is changing and freaking me out. Last night I decided that I would lay down on the living room floor in an attempt to pop my back, as soon as I got down on the hard surface I ran my hand over my bare belly and the bottom of my belly button had popped out- freaked.me.out! It happened a couple more times last night when I was getting up from the laying position. I have a feeling it is going to really pop out in the next few weeks. I've kind of expected it to happen, but it just feels so weird- I can't get used to it!

31 weeks- with an odd little point right where Baby B likes to hang out!

31 weeks

2012-06-25T07:53:00.000-07:00

How Far Along: 31 weeks... 7 or less to go!

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of a pineapple and probably getting close to 3.5lbs each.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 21 lbs since retrieval... and away we go I guess! I wonder what the next 7 weeks will bring!

Maternity Clothes: Most of the time.

Movement: They are moving around in there- mostly when I'd rather they sleep... like when I'm trying to fall asleep myself! I guess they are just preparing me:) It is interesting to feel the differences in their movements as they grow.

Belly button in or out? Still shallow and still funny looking!

What I miss: Rolling over at night without waking up because it is so uncomfortable.... and perhaps sleep in general!

Milestones: I made it all the way through the 30th week. It was the second 'week' goal I had for myself and the babies. Now, if I can make it one more week we will be at our third goal. I have complete faith that we can do it!

Food Cravings: Popsicles, carrots and hummus, chocolate milk and generally anything that is quick and easy to eat.

Aversions: Eggs..... still grossing me out, but not as badly as before!

Symptoms: Exhaustion, inability to sleep at night, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps, lots of soreness, ligament pain and bleeding gums.
Best Moment this week: The maternity orientation at the hospital where we are delivering. It would probably be kind of useless to some people, but given the fact that neither of us had ever set foot inside that hospital, it seemed like a good idea to at least get an idea of where things were and where we were heading in the event that I spontaneously go into labor.

Funny Moment: Walking anywhere with my husband and laughing about my condition. Not even a block into our first walk this week I told hubs that he was going to have to carry my water bottle... it was just weighing me down too much! We got into a nice rhythm- walk 75ish steps and stop to either have a drink or stretch my hips- I'm sure the people in our neighborhood will get a good laugh watching us in the next few weeks!

Tip of the Week: Drink lots of fluids and rest. I seriously do not understand how twin mamas make it all the way through their pregnancy working full time- that seems IMPOSSIBLE!

What I'm looking forward to: Our appointment tomorrow, and then seeing the boys again in a little more than two weeks.

Athlete... Ha.

2012-06-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight after getting home from a walk I proclaimed to my husband that I am an athlete. He totally laughed in my face. Why, you ask? Um, perhaps it was because it took us 30 minutes, a bottle of water and 5 hip stretching breaks to walk just over a mile. Either way it needed to be done. I need to get this body of mine ready for the possibility of a marathon twin vaginal birthing experience. We will be keeping it to a mile a couple nights a week for now, but once we get to 34 weeks we will be stepping it up to every other night and if I make it to 36 weeks we will be attempting to do it every night or pretty close.

Everyone keeps telling me the massive weight gain is just around the corner, but I have a feeling that being able to get a little exercise coupled with the absolute lack of space to eat much might just keep this third trimester weight gain at bay. Honestly, I could not care less how much I gain in the final 7.5 weeks- whatever it takes to have a couple of healthy baby boys!

30 weeks

2012-06-18T05:00:00.000-07:00

How Far Along: 30 weeks... 8 or less to go!

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of a cucumber and probably somewhere around 3lbs each.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 20-21 lbs since retrieval. It seems as if the great weight stall out may be over... we'll see! My doctor did say that I could start exercising more again at 32 weeks which makes me super happy. He said once we are out of the super high-risk zone, it would be a good idea to start working on stamina for the BIG EVENT.

Maternity Clothes: Most of the time.

Movement: They are moving less and less because the poor little stinkers are packed in there like sardines!

Belly button in or out? Shallow and funny looking!

What I miss: Rolling over at night without waking up because it is so uncomfortable.

Milestones: Finally transferring to our new doctor and feeling a little more settled when it comes to delivery.

Food Cravings: Popsicles.

Aversions: Eggs..... still grossing me out, but not as badly as before!

Symptoms: Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps, lots of soreness, ligament pain, bleeding gums and because it was super enjoyable... lets add a cracked bleeding nipple to the list- ouch!
Best Moment this week: Cooking some freezer meals for after the boys arrive. I had a couple of girlfriends come over and we made several things and stocked up the freezer! It should make the first few months A LOT easier! Also, finding out our babies will most likely be born sometime in the next 8 weeks- Hopefully as close to 38 weeks as possible!

Funny Moment: Again with the attention to detail... I put deodorant one the OUTSIDE of my shirt the other day. Impressive, right?

Tip of the Week: Plan Ahead.

What I'm looking forward to: Seeing the boys again in 3.5 weeks. Maternity tour at the hospital this weekend and finishing up the 'to-do before babies' list!

This week's comparison is between 20 weeks pregnant and 30 weeks pregnant.... mostly because the difference between this week and last week is pretty much not even noticeable!

20 weeks

30 weeks

New Doctor

2012-06-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

We had our first appointment with the clinic that will deliver our little guys on Thursday. We saw the doctor who will be our primary doctor, but there is always a chance he will not be the doctor who will deliver our babies of course.
It was really nice to finally be at the clinic where we will be until the end. Up until now, we've just kind of been monitored, its been silly to ask much about delivery or the end of this pregnancy because we've known that we would transfer doctors sometime around 28ish weeks and we were all just assuming/hoping that I'd make it past that point.
So, it was time to start asking some questions.... Just in case you are interested in the answers, here goes-

Thoughts on a birthing class? I've read mixed reviews about how useful it really is when it comes to delivering twins because things go significantly different.

Long story short, its totally up to us. There are a few benefits, but what I've read is correct- twin deliveries are different and there is about a 40% chance that we will be delivering these boys via c-section. He felt like we were pretty understanding of what is ahead of us and said we probably would be just fine without the class. Hooray- that means one less booked up weekend in July :)

Likelihood of a C-section?

Its fairly likely, like I said above, about a 40% chance. Especially if Baby B doesn't flip in the next few weeks. There is the choice to deliver Baby A vaginally and then we can see what Baby B does once he has a little more room. However, that could involve reaching in and turning baby B (uh, no thank you) or having a vaginal delivery AND a c-section which my doctor refers to as the a 'full birthing experience or the full meal deal' to be fair, in his 25 years he has only had to go that route twice.

If there are no other complications, is there a point I will be scheduled for delivery?

The date isn't set in stone. It is totally dependent on how the boys are doing, what the placentas are doing (or not doing) and how my body is tolerating carrying two babies late in the pregnancy. He did said most women are DONE by about 38 weeks which I think is fair and likely totally true. If you're paying attention, that means I will be having my babies in 8 weeks or less! Holy crap.

Overall, we were really happy with our doctor! We have another appointment June 26th with him and then we'll see his partner on July 12th in addition to an ultrasound. We've never had to go more than 5 weeks without seeing our boys, and this time it will have been six. I'm ok with it though, feeling them move constantly and knowing this pregnancy has gone so well so far makes me feel pretty confident that things are going well in there.

In other news, it appears my official due date (that means absolutely nothing) is one day earlier than we were originally told. All this changes is that my weekly updates are now switching to Mondays. So, I'll be back tomorrow with an update!

Preparing for visitors/helpers...

2012-06-16T05:00:00.000-07:00

I said in another post that we were given a lot of great tips for once the babies are home in the multiples class we took- here they are! Most of them have to do with 'managing' any help you may have and visitors.

Know what things might be consistently helpful to you, and make a list. Keep in mind that it will be up to your helpers if they actually do them, but sometimes just having a list of things to do without asking a parent who is trying feed/diaper/snuggle a newborn is all these helpers need to both stay busy and get things done that you will find helpful. -- Most of these things should be non-baby related. Keep in mind WHO you are writing this list for and what types of things they might be interested in doing. Here is an example of our list. We know the majority of our help will be from my mom or my aunt, but my dad will also likely be here some weekends too...

Load/Unload the dishwasher
Do a load of baby laundry or towels-- we prefer to do our laundry ourselves.
Make sure we have the essentials in the pantry/fridge. This should be another list -- maybe on the back of this one.
Mow the yard
Pull weeds
Water the pots on the patio and grass as needed
Organize incoming mail into bills/urgent and what seems to be junk mail/ads/coupons
Take out garbage-- leave a list of where garbage can be found throughout the house.
Iron Hubs' work shirts
Make sure various diapering/feeding baskets (living room, master bedroom & nursery) are stocked with diapers, wipes, burp cloths, receiving blankets, etc.

The other tip we were given that it is totally ok to have rules for when visitors come. Our instructor suggested making a cute note and posting it on the door. Sometimes this will be better received if you write the note as if it is coming from the baby (ies). Some suggestions we were given about this note were....

Let visitors know how long you'd like to keep visits to- 1 hour or less was suggested.
Place a basket and chair on your porch... ask visitor to remove their shoes and leave them outside- in an effort to both keep germs out and cut down on cleaning for you.
Leave a bottle of hand sanitizer on the porch also, ask visitors to also wash their hands before coming in.

This may all seem like A LOT, but I'm starting to realize more with each passing day that having all of this in place when the time comes will be SO helpful for everyone involved.

Getting Organized...

2012-06-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm pretty confident that the majority of our 'to-do before babies' list will be complete before the boys arrive (hooray!) I'm now starting to worry about how everything is going to get done once the boys arrive.

For the last couple of years that I haven't been working full time we've (I've) fallen into a routine of just getting the housework done as it needed to be done. Since we don't have a ton of visitors at our home, some things slip through the cracks and it would turn into somewhat of a mad dash to clean every room in the house the week before we had company coming. I have a feeling that spending a week cleaning/organizing/catching up is a thing of the past and will no longer work for us. Gone are the days of leaving the kitchen a mess at night so we can spend some time together in the evenings and cleaning it up the following morning after my husband leaves for work, or allowing laundry to pile up until we start running out of things to wear (which takes a VERY long time!). So, I've decided to start getting into a new routine NOW, so it will be second nature once the boys arrive.

I know that both now, and in the early days of parenting twins there isn't a whole lot of energy to get long lists of things done on a daily basis. For this reason, I've chosen three to five things to get done everyday and one of them is as simple as figuring out dinner for the following day and either making sure we have what we need on hand, or defrosting a meal/meat. Generally, I've given myself one room to clean/pickup, a load of laundry to do and some other random housekeeping things that would take far less time if they were kept up each week.

I started working from the list this week, and so far it has made my life about one million time easier. Not only do I feel like I have a plan each day, but it also feels like I have an attainable goal for each day which seems doable even when I have two little guys to take care of. Sometimes less really is MORE! I typed up the list, printed it out, slipped it into a plastic sleeve and attached it to the side of our refrigerator along with a dry erase marker. I used to make these lists on my phone, but I then realized that it would be really helpful to have a visual for both my husband and anyone else who comes to help once the babies arrive. Now, things can be kept up with even if I am not able to do them. I am well aware that there will be days when even a simple short list will be too much, but as it stands, if a couple of days get missed every week, it isn't going to be the end of the word.... as long as we aren't missing the same days every week consistently :)

We were given a lot of great tips for once the babies arrive at our multiples class and I'll share some of them with you guys in the next few days. I know when the instructor was saying them, I was thinking... 'geeeze, sounds like OVER planning to me', but now that the birth is getting closer and closer I'm feeling like the more planned/organized we can be the more smoothly things will likely run!

29 weeks

2012-06-12T07:43:00.003-07:00

How Far Along: 29 weeks

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of an acorn squash and probably somewhere between 2.5 and 3.5 lbs each.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: The great weight stall-out continues. This morning I'm sitting just between 18 and 19lbs gained since retrieval. I don't put a TON of stock in what the books say about how much weight you should gain by certain weeks, but I do find it interesting. One book I'm reading says that at this point I should have gained somewhere between 25 and 30 pounds. I'm not concerned, and apparently neither is my doctor- the boys seems to be growing just fine and have measured right at or above the 50th percentile on every ultrasound.

Maternity Clothes: I noticed this week I really didn't wear maternity clothes much, but that may have to do with the fact that I spent a huge amount of time at home sewing for these little boys! I think the only maternity clothing I wore was a couple of tank tops and some jeans. Otherwise it is normal yoga pants and T-shirts which seem to be getting a little on the short side :)

Movement: Twists and turns, fewer kicking sessions and when they get the hiccups now it is HUGE movements. I'm pretty sure my little stinkers are running out of room in there.

Belly button in or out? Shallow and funny looking!

What I miss: Rolling over at night without waking up because it is so uncomfortable.

Milestones: Getting the final sewing projects done for the nursery! It feels SO good to have the curtains done and a blanket for each baby hanging on the side of each crib. Their room is so dang cute it kills me!

Food Cravings: Corn on the cob and melon.

Aversions: Eggs..... still grossing me out, but not as badly as before!

Symptoms: Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps, lots of soreness, ligament pain and bleeding gums.
Best Moment this week: Getting a few more things checked off the 'before babies' list! Listening to Hubs talk to the boys every night when he gets home from work- sweetest thing ever!

Funny Moment: I was making a phone call earlier this week and after I dialed the number and as I heard it begin to ring I grabbed my water to take a big drink before I started talking... I then realized I'd lifted the cup to my ear and was putting my phone in my mouth. Wow. Attention to detail- not my forte these days!

Tip of the Week: It is fine to have a busy day or two, but know that the following day or two may be extremely unproductive. I managed to get a ton of stuff done early this week, but those days were follow by a couple of pretty low key days recovering from the exhaustion.

What I'm looking forward to: Our appointment with our new doctor later this week. I'm hoping we really like him. He has been practicing for years and I've read several really great reviews of him. Hopefully, we think he is just as great as everyone else seems to. I'm also really looking forward to finding out when we'll get to see our little guys again!

And just because a comparison is fun.....

25 weeks

Four weeks later.......

29 weeks

In my opinion, it looks a little bigger, and a little rounder, but overall not that big of a difference. What do you think? I guess I haven't gained any weight in the last 4 weeks- perhaps that is the reason the belly looks similar?

A little of this and a little of that...

2012-06-08T09:21:00.000-07:00

I've reached a point in this pregnancy that just seems surreal. Like it all happened so quickly, and now we are finally in the home stretch. As things get marked off the list (like making curtains for the nursery and a blanket for each of the the boys!!) it becomes a little more real that these boys are coming... and SOON-ish. At the moment there is a bouncy seat in my living room, a pack'n'play in our bedroom and a fully set up nursery. We have our hospital orientation/tour scheduled in a couple weekends and we are still on the fence about a weekend birthing class at the beginning of July.

This is all becoming very real. Pretty soon, we will have two baby boys, and those boys will completely and totally rely on us... for everything. It is no doubt a daunting task, but it is also a pretty exhilarating feeling. Soon, these babies will be here and we will be parents of babies that reside on the outside of my body! It doesn't help that the two people I've talked to recently that have twins, had them at 33 and 35 weeks. To be clear, that is 4.5-6.5 weeks from now- as in having my babies NEXT month. Holy cow.

I am praying my little heart out that these little boys will stay put until sometime in August, but I'm slowly preparing myself for the idea of them not. I'm anxious to see our new doctor next week and hear his thoughts on the when and how of our boys' birthday. I'm a planner and I love to have an idea of how things might go. I don't need it to be set in stone, but it would help me start preparing a little better, because at the moment it still feels like a very surreal day that will happen waaay in the future.

The list is dwindling and I'm nearly sure it will be complete or almost complete by the I'm 30 weeks... yahoo! This weekend my mom and I are going to cook a few things to put in the freezer, and next week I have a couple of friends coming to spend the day and cook up a couple more freezer items. I am trying to be as prepared as possible for the days and weeks following the birth of our little guys.

On a completely unrelated note... the twin episode of Pregnant in Heels? Holy crap. It was really reassuring when that a mother who admittedly had no idea what she was doing just weeks/days before her babies came said it all came very naturally once they were there- hopefully the same will be true for us! The main thing that was overwhelming to me was the stack of bottles the woman said you would need for ONE DAY! We do plan to breastfeed at least part of the time if not exclusively, but that stack of bottles really stressed me out. We have some bottles, but I'd estimate only about 14 of differing brands and styles. Is this going to be enough to get started? Sure we can always wash bottles... it isn't like it is the end of the world. Those of you who have done this ahead of me, what would you do? Also, was it a good idea to get multiple types of bottles to see what works best for us, or should we just offer one type and then have them get used it it?

Another question for twin mamas... I think the last thing on our 'to-buy' list is a twin nursing pillow. Is this something you used or would have liked to have had? In our multiples class it seemed useful for even bottle feeding two at once, but obviously I don't have any real like experience. Thoughts?

28 weeks

2012-06-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

How Far Along: 28 weeks

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of an eggplant and probably about 2.5 lbs each.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm still up 19 lbs. since my egg retrieval. It seems like I'm stalling out here a little bit- I've been hovering between 18 and 19 lbs. since 24 weeks. My doctor predicted in the beginning that I'd gain somewhere around 25 lbs. throughout my pregnancy. When I started gaining I thought she was CRAZY, but now it is looking like she may end up being pretty close to correct.

Maternity Clothes: Pretty much all the time. I have several things that are getting too small, but I pretty much refuse to buy more maternity clothes at this point

Movement: Now that baby B is head up I'm feeling his little feet in a VERY weird way. I'm not kidding when I tell you that when he kicks it feels like his cute little feet are going to come out of an unauthorized exit. Seriously, it is the weirdest feeling EVER!

Belly button in or out? It is still in, and continues to get more shallow.

What I miss: Rolling over at night without waking up because it is so uncomfortable.

Milestones: I'm 28 weeks and in the FINAL trimester of this pregnancy.

Food Cravings: Corn on the cob.

Aversions: Eggs..... still grossing me out, but not as badly as before!

Symptoms: Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps, lots of soreness, ligament pain and bleeding gums. This week I also found out my iron levels were low and I began taking a supplement. Now instead of feeling completely exhausted, I'm just feeling extra tired.
Best Moment this week: Finding out that I don't have gestational diabetes! Also, working more on some sewing projects for the nursery.

Funny Moment: I can't think of anything funny that happened this week.

Tip of the Week: Be cautious of how much activity is too much for your pregnant body. I had another spotting indecent on Friday, and while I didn't freak out, I did take it as a warning that I need to spend a little more time each day sitting in the the recliner or laying on the couch. It makes me feel a little worthless, but it is such a blessing to be able to rest when ever my body reminds me.

What I'm looking forward to: Finishing a few more items on the to-do list and meeting our new doctor in a little more than a week.

Moving right along...

2012-06-04T05:30:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I'll be 28 weeks pregnant... Um, did you hear (read) that? I cannot believe we are already here. The boys continue to wiggle, but gone are their super active days. They are just getting to be too big and with two of them in there, they are quickly running out of room to act like wild animals. Though I appreciate being able to fall asleep a little easier at night, I miss it already. I miss never having to go more than a few minutes to feel one of them kick, and subsequently knowing they are doing alright in there. Thankfully they are moving plenty so there is really no cause for worry, sometimes I just have to wait it out which is just ANOTHER lesson in patience.

We've been working away on our not so little list of things that we wanted to get done before 28 weeks. I'm starting to think I'll be pleased if we get it done by 30 weeks! Just to keep me honest, here is the revised list. Not too much more to do, but I'm sure the list will get some additions before it is actually complete!

Sew a blanket for each baby.

~~Sew one more crib skirt.~~

Sew and hang two curtain panels with black-out liner.

~~Sew a couple more changing pad covers.~~

Remove unnecessary items from the nursery (~~walkers~~, play saucer, ~~pack & play~~) and find a home for each.

~~Clean two bouncy seats and a swing that were passed down to us- find a place for them.~~

Finish all baby laundry up-to 3 months.

~~Get nursery closet organized.~~

Finalize list of things that need to be purchased before their arrival.

Finish wall hangings for over crib and changing table.

Get guest bedroom/office organized for visitors pre-babies and helpers post-babies.

~~Re-arrange master bedroom to accommodate pack & play, rocker and other baby items.~~

With any luck, the nursery will be REALLY done soon and I'll be able to share a picture or two of their first bedroom outside of their mama. It is quickly becoming one of my favorite rooms in the house and I often find myself standing or sitting in there just thinking about who these little boys might be some day.

I passed...

2012-05-30T15:31:00.001-07:00

I've always just assumed that this would be the point in this pregnancy that things would start falling apart. I prepared myself for it. I made sure to have a lot of the big things completed just in case I ended up on bed rest or something. For the most part the things that are left to do are things that really don't NEED to be complete in order to bring our babies home and here I am, not on any type of bed rest or restriction.

Similarly, I was always SURE I would end up with gestational diabetes. I've read that PCOS'ers are more likely candidates and twin mamas are also at a higher risk-- NO GD here! Yahoo. Thank goodness because my cravings this pregnancy have been for summer fruits/berries, corn on the cob and sweets (in moderation of course!)... and that would have been painful if just as they were coming into season I had to step away from them!

One more bridge crossed. Now, I start marking off the milestones in terms of weeks. Right now I'm thinking in terms of two week increments-- back to this again?!?! The first milestone will be in 6 days when I am 28 weeks and officially in the third trimester no matter what book or website you are reading. I can't believe we are already here, exciting and terrifying all at the same time!

27 weeks

2012-05-29T12:40:00.000-07:00

How Far Along: 27 weeks

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of a rutabaga.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 19lbs since retrieval- that puts me back to where I was a couple of weeks ago.

Maternity Clothes: Anytime I leave the house I'm wearing maternity.

Movement: The movements are changing, I have been feeling a lot of bums lately.

Belly button in or out? It is still in.

What I miss: I'm still missing my sweet, sweet sleep!

Milestones: Seeing my local OB for the last time. We will now transfer to the doctor who will hopefully deliver the boys. We've also moved on to appointments every two weeks instead of four.

Food Cravings: Corn on the cob and brownies- hmmm, hopefully that GD test comes back negative!

Aversions: Eggs..... still grossing me out.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps, lots of soreness, ligament pain.
Best Moment this week: Seeing the boys again this morning and finding out they are both over 2 lbs. now!

Funny Moment: ???
Tip of the Week: There are coupons EVERYWHERE for baby stuff. Find them and use them!

What I'm looking forward to: Meeting our new doctor in a couple of weeks and hopefully seeing the little munchkins again SOON!

27 weeks

Lists...

2012-05-25T09:24:00.001-07:00

I said awhile ago that my intention was to have most of the big things taken care of by the time I reached 28 weeks.

For anyone who is keeping track, that is about a week and a half away. Um, how did that happen?

So, I thought I'd compile of list of things that still need to be done and you can all laugh, point and ask me how I intend to get all of it done in a little more than a week when I have out of town guests coming twice in the middle of this time frame, and have about the same amount of energy as an infant.

Sew a blanket for each baby.
Sew one more crib skirt.
Sew and hang two curtain panels with black-out liner.
Sew a couple more changing pad covers.
Remove unnecessary items from the nursery (two walkers, play saucer, pack & play) and find a place for them.
Clean two bouncy seats and a swing that were passed down to us- find a place for them.
Finish all baby laundry up-to 3 months.
Get nursery closet organized.
Finalize list of things that need to be purchased before their arrival.
Finish wall hangings for over crib and changing table.
Get guest bedroom/office organized for visitors pre-babies and helpers post-babies.
Re-arrange master bedroom to accommodate pack & play, rocker and other baby items.

That might be all, but I feel like I'm missing a thing or two. I have about 12 days and my list has 12 items on it... maybe, just maybe it is do-able??!?!

26 weeks

2012-05-22T12:38:00.001-07:00

How Far Along: 26 weeks

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of a head of lettuce.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 18lbs since retrieval- which means I lost a pound this week somehow. I promise you I'm not sure how this happened. The number of baby shower cupcakes that I consumed was slightly obscene.

Maternity Clothes: Anytime I leave the house I'm wearing maternity.

Movement: These babies kick all.the.time. When they calm down for long periods of time it freaks me out!

Belly button in or out? It is still in, and getting shallower. The weird part is that it is now getting kinda numb... SO WEIRD!

What I miss: Sleeping well at night.

Milestones: Having my very own baby shower! It was amazing and my family did a fantastic job with every single detail and to top it all off, we ended up with a ton of great gifts!

Food Cravings: Still cake, those cupcakes at my baby shower were pretty much AMAZING :)

Aversions: Eggs..... still grossing me out.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps, lots of soreness, ligament pain and the return of the horrible heartburn.
Best Moment this week: Probably hearing both of the boys' heartbeats after the spotting scare. Talk about relief! Then, within hours I was sitting at MY baby shower. After a scary Friday, the weekend ended up being pretty amazing!

Funny Moment: Finding myself with a q-tip in my nose when I was meaning to put it in my ear.... my attention span is about 2 seconds these days.
Tip of the Week: Doing six loads of laundry in one morning may be too much for a body carrying two tiny babes. Spread out the work, even if you've finally found some energy.

What I'm looking forward to: Seeing our sweet boys again in a week :)

Everybody is ok!!

2012-05-18T17:04:00.001-07:00

The boys are both fine... Cervix is closed, firm and long. Better safe than sorry :)

Ps... It would be ok with me if I never felt another speculum in me while pregnant. Holy crap!

Spotting...

2012-05-18T13:37:00.001-07:00

Never something that is welcomed in pregnancy, and at 25.5 weeks it has won me a last minute appointment this afternoon.
I thought for sure when I called to report the very small amount of spotting (only there on the toilet paper) that is just pinkish and not red, the nurse would tell me to take it easy and not worry too much. Instead she told me they'd like to see me this afternoon, and to lay down until my appointment.
I'm doing my best not to freak out, and I keep telling myself they are just being cautious. Hopefully we will leave the clinic with orders to take it easy, but still be able to leave town for our shower this weekend.

Horizontal Stripes...

2012-05-17T08:38:00.000-07:00

...

22 weeks

24 weeks

25 weeks

It looks like the boys spread out somewhere between 22 and 24 weeks, now they are just GROWING in every direction. I'm still wearing a few non-maternity things and when I put them on I always get a good laugh. Things like jackets are always the funniest. Since I'll be the largest during the summer, I don't feel like I need to buy maternity jackets, but it makes for comical situations when I try to zip the outerwear I already own!

In other news, the boys are constantly hiccuping and I find it to be about the cutest things ever... until about the 7th time in one day especially because when one little monster has them there is this super weird feeling down LOW (I'm assuming their heads) and then an aftershock with his feet up higher. After this goes on for a minute or two, his brother wakes up and starts dancing around making my belly into some kind of three ring circus. Hubs was able to feel them hiccuping last night and it was a pretty fun moment :)

25 weeks

2012-05-15T08:45:00.001-07:00

How Far Along: 25 weeks

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of a head of cauliflower. Each should be somewhere around 2 lbs.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 19lbs since retrieval, that is one pound for this week.

Maternity Clothes: Anytime I leave the house I'm wearing maternity.

Movement: Lots of it! My nurse was talking about kick counts at my last appointment and while it isn't totally necessary to be doing them at this point, I've found myself counting a couple times a day right after meals. The general rule is 10 kicks/movements in two hours. I typically get ten in less than ten minutes.

Belly button in or out? It is still in and feeling SO weird!

What I miss: Sleeping well at night.

Milestones: Surpassing viability. I was always afraid I'd wait and wait to get to 24 weeks and then I would get there and everything would come crashing down- so far so good!

Food Cravings: Garlic bread, cake- healthy, right?

Aversions: Eggs..... still grossing me out.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, leg cramps, lots of soreness, ligament pain and the return of the horrible heartburn.
Best Moment this week: Best and worst get mixed together this week... Over the weekend we sat out on the deck and washed a ton of toys and baby gear that we got second hand from various sources. It was fun to get everything all cleaned up for the boys until we realized that THIS is the year after a lifetime in the PNW that my body decided seasonal allergies would be fun.

Funny Moment: Nothing this week.
Tip of the Week: Listen to your body. If your body tells you to rest, DO IT.

What I'm looking forward to: Our baby shower this weekend!

I'll try to remember to take a new picture today and either add it onto this post, or post it tomorrow!

24 weeks

2012-05-08T07:23:00.001-07:00

How Far Along: 24 weeks

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of a cantaloupe.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 18lbs since retrieval. My doctor has not said a single word about my weight gain, so I'm just assuming I'm on track.

Maternity Clothes: Yep, and I may need to buy a few more things.

Movement: They are moving a lot and those four little feet LOVE the right side of my rib cage!

Belly button in or out? It gets a little more shallow with each passing day!

What I miss: Sleeping well at night.

Milestones: VIABILITY!!!! I don't want to see these boys on the outside of my body anytime soon, but it does make me feel so much better to have reached this point. I feel like time is going to fly from here on out!

Food Cravings: Melon, chocolate milk and cereal.

Aversions: Eggs..... still grossing me out.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, leg cramps, lots of soreness, ligament pain and the return of the horrible heartburn.
Best Moment this week: Seeing the boys again, feeling a lot of movement, and finishing one crib skirt.

Funny Moment: I can't think of anything specific, but I always think it is funny when their big kicks catch me off guard and cause me to jump.
Tip of the Week: Back to the water... I feel SO much better when I drink enough to fill a kiddie pool in a day. It means a lot of bathroom trips, but it is worth it.

What I'm looking forward to: Our baby shower- a week from this Saturday!!

23 week ultrasound

2012-05-01T16:36:00.000-07:00

The boys looked perfect this morning! Both were playing nice and allowed the tech to get all of the measurements she was looking for- which was a nice change from their usual antics! I did end up getting dizzy and hot during the ultrasound and had to turn onto my side, but she managed to finish the majority of the ultrasound with me turned away from her.

The boys are weighing in at about 1lb 4oz and 1lb 5oz. Both of those little buggers looked like they were growing right on track. I always love to see how they are positioned. I guessed right, both of their feet are right together and spend A LOT of time kicking each other (and me in the process!). She also confirmed that they were stretching up and getting really good at finding my ribs- little stinkers :)

After spending about an hour getting all of the important measurements and just watching them be so dang cute we moved on to every one's favorite the wand! Thankfully we managed to get a great look at my cervix which was plenty long and not funneling or opening at all. We also found that Baby A's placenta has moved away from my cervix and is no longer in the danger zone. So, at this point we don't have anything (other than being pregnant with multiples) that will inhibit a natural-ish childbirth.

We have one final appointment with our current OB in four weeks at 27 weeks. That appointment will be a long one- glucose test, ultrasound and a follow-up with our doctor. Then two weeks later we'll start seeing the doctor that will (hopefully) deliver the boys. It seems crazy that we are just four weeks away from starting two week appointments!

Question for multiple mamas out there.... did you take a childbirth class? We've heard from some that it was a little useless for multiple pregnancies, but from others that it was worth the time and money to take it. Anyone want to weigh in on this one???

23 Weeks

2012-05-01T05:40:00.000-07:00

How Far Along: 23 weeks

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of a pomegranate and about 10.5 inches long.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 16lbs since retrieval. I guess the weight gain is going to come in spurts.

Maternity Clothes: In general I'm pretty much in maternity all the time... at least anytime I have to actually look put together :)

Movement: They move pretty often and are finding their way to my ribs... not my favorite place to feel their sweet little movements! We're starting to be able to see their movements from the outside too... creepy, but so fun!

Belly button in or out? It gets a little more shallow with each passing day!

What I miss: Sleeping like a normal person.

Milestones: 23 week ultrasound! I'll be back later with an update :)

Food Cravings: Chocolate milkshakes.... protein, right?

Aversions: Eggs. Still grossing me out.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, leg cramps, lots of soreness and ligament pain.
Best Moment this week: Finding some really great things (for great deals!) at consignment sales. I've tried not to buy too much considering we have a baby shower coming up, but I keep thinking what if we get loads of clothes and none of the gear- better to just grab it now at cheap prices.... right?

Funny Moment: I was at the grocery store this week and stopped on the pickle aisle, I stood there looking for a couple of minutes deciding what I wanted. I noticed that there was someone else standing there looking also, but I didn't really pay any attention until an older gentleman walked by with a big grin on his face kind of chuckling under his breath. I then looked to the left and noticed that it was me and another visibly pregnant woman standing there both with our hands on our bellies looking at pickles that left this man laughing.
Tip of the Week: There is no reason not to get prepared for baby (babies) nice and early. The more you are able to get done early on, the more you'll be able to rest in the end. And for twin mamas that could mean the difference of keeping the babies in a couple more weeks. Totally worth the planning ahead!

What I'm looking forward to: Our baby shower! It is so surreal, but I'm SO SO SO excited- 2.5 weeks!

Change of Heart...

2012-04-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

What a difference a month makes. A little over a month ago I wrote this post about consignment sales. I had just returned from my first, and to say I was overwhelmed is an understatement. I think it was partially because I had NO IDEA what I wanted/needed for the boys and I was still on the edge of being excited and terrified about having twins. Now I own the fact that the next year or two of my life is going to be one crazy, exhausting adventure.

Since that first sale I have gone to three more. One was super small and I only found $6 worth of clothing for the boys... nothing too exciting. This past weekend my husband and I went to a multiples consignment sale about an hour before it closed on the first night. Sure, it was totally picked over in the gear/furniture/carrier department, but it was not at all overwhelming and there were no crying children! We found a couple of books for the boys, a bouncy seat, two wooden toys and several clothing items. We ending up spending something like $50 which seems like a pretty good deal to me.

Yesterday I hit the third sale. It was advertised as an 'upscale' consignment sale only accepting higher quality brands. I decided that today I'd go in with a list of things I'd like to find and zero expectation of actually finding any of them. My mission was a very specific discontinued sling in the proper size, a boyish boppy cover, a bumbo and any random clothing items I might find after first focusing on the other things. MUCH to my surprise I found the sling I wanted. We used it at our multiples class over the weekend and I fell in love with the secure feeling of it. After trying it out and being able to see my life easier with it, the instructor informed us that the company who made them is no longer in business and you can now only find them at resale shops. I've been searching for one online and was prepared to hit up some baby consignment shops this weekend, but thankfully I found one in the proper size and a good color at the sale instead! Yahoo. I could have found nothing else that that point and my day would have been made, but I managed to find a great boppy cover, a couple of outfits and two unopened crib sheets in the color I was looking for.

All this to say, I take back everything I said about consignment sales. They can be really overwhelming, but they can also be the jackpot for things you're looking for. Thankfully this good experience came just days before the biggest sale in my state. I'm sure I'll be updating you on my love/hate relationship with consignment sales after Friday's adventure!!

22 Weeks

2012-04-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

How Far Along: 22 weeks

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of a papaya.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 13lbs since retrieval. Thank goodness the trend from last week didn't continue, I kept thinking about what I'd look like at delivery if I gained 5 lbs a week from here on out... it was scary!

Maternity Clothes: Mostly maternity- sweats, jackets and a few shirts are non-maternity.

Movement: They are moving a TON and I love it! I often wonder how it differs from carrying just one baby, with these boys it is kind of like WWF in my belly!

Belly button in or out? Getting more shallow, kind of sore and a little itchy.

What I miss: Not needing a nap everyday.

Milestones: Taking our first baby preparedness class. We took a two day class over the weekend about multiple newborn care and breastfeeding. I'm so glad I found this class in time, I feel like we learned a lot about what it will be like to come home with two babies. It wasn't a TON of new knowledge, but I do feel like we are much more comfortable with what is ahead of us now.

Food Cravings: Jumbo Red Vines.... preferably after they have been sitting open for a few days and are a little stale. Is that gross?

Aversions: Eggs. Still grossing me out.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, leg cramps, lots of soreness and ligament pain.
Best Moment this week: Hubs feeling BIG kicks from the outside. He has felt them several times in the last couple of weeks, but usually has to ask if he really felt something. There was no guessing with these movements- both of our eyes welled up a bit. Such a sweet and exciting moment. Another big moment was getting the invitation for MY baby shower in the mail! Holy cow, I'm SO excited!

Funny Moment: This is an old one... but it gets brought up at our house all.the.time. When I was about 15 weeks pregnant a friend of ours let us barrow their doppler. I think it was our first time using it that my husband heard the progression of a gas bubble from the inside. He claims he will NEVER be the same again. Now if we ever listen to the boys' heartbeats he always asks before if I'm feeling 'gassy'.
Tip of the Week: Protein, water and rest. I'm fairly certain these three things run my life these days.

What I'm looking forward to: One more week until we get to see our boys again. I'm really looking forward to seeing how much they've grown and changed!

A moment...

2012-04-22T13:43:00.000-07:00

..or maybe it was many moments. Either way I had one.. or several this afternoon.

When we purchased our house there were many things that made us choose this one- a great big back yard for our someday babies to play in and a nice big walk in shower were at the top of that list. This morning was nice and toasty outside so the Hubs and I spent a couple of hours in the backyard, him planting and me scrubbing baby items to let sit in the hot sun for the afternoon. The entire time I was out there the boys were kicking (someone has found my ribs!) and I was daydreaming about how much fun those little brothers would have in our backyard exploring and playing together. It was sweet and a feeling that I longed to feel for a very long time.

After a couple of hours, I hit my heat max and came inside to take a nice refreshing shower. That walk in shower that we've loved so dearly has been out of commission for over a year awaiting some tile/grout work and we FINALLY had it taken care of this week. Today was my first shower in there in a very long time. I spent a good portion of my time in there ~~crying~~ sobbing this afternoon. You see, that used to be my crying place. The place I'd run to when we'd find out once again that I wasn't pregnant, the place I'd go when it all got to be too much. My husband found me in there countless times just sitting on the floor sobbing. So today, when I got in there and recalled this place I hadn't been in so long, it was a very happy moment to see water rushing down my growing belly and know that this time I was crying happy tears after years of sad tears in that same spot.

Random Thoughts...

2012-04-18T14:15:00.000-07:00

I'm becoming more and more excited (which at this point doesn't even seem possible!) about the arrival of these boys with each day that passes. Over the weekend Hubs managed to get a TON done for the boys' room. We're making a great big abacus for the wall over their changing table, so he painted all of the wood beads for that, painted the metal garbage we're using for the diaper pail and also painted a piece of furniture for another room in the house. Meanwhile, I was able to get hostess gifts for the three women who are throwing my baby shower in a few weeks, hit up a tiny consignment sale and visit with a few friends.

The curtain fabric arrived on Monday and I love it (orange and white chevron). Now, I just need to find the proper hardware for the curtains so I know exactly how long to make them.... I can't wait for another piece to be DONE in their room. I start freaking out when I read about women who deliver their twins at 32-34 weeks or end up on strict bed rest around 28-30 weeks. For the record, I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to both avoid bed rest and get the big things done by 28 weeks.

This weekend we are taking a newborn care and breastfeeding class. I know its a little early, but it is a class specifically centered around multiple pregnancies and this is the last time it is offered until next fall- which seems a little late :) I read that it provides a bunch of good information on sleep with multiples and I think it will be interesting to meet other couples who are expecting multiples.

Our shower is 4 weeks from this Saturday. I know it is early (I'll be 26 weeks), but since it is out of town we decided that it was best to get it in before any possibility of partial/full bed rest. There are so many benefits for me when it comes to the timing of this shower. Not only will I likely be fine when it comes to traveling for the shower, but it also gives us plenty of time to make any returns or fill in the gaps on what we are missing over the next couple of months.

I cannot get enough to eat these days. I am so stinking hungry it is absurd. It is hard to get much food in me at one time, so it feels like I am constantly eating. Seriously. I ate breakfast twice yesterday. Followed by a lunch and about 4 afternoon snacks. SO HUNGRY! Perhaps this is why things are starting to pick up all of a sudden in the weight department.

Also, did you see this week's episode of Private Practice? Be warned. Holy cow.

21 weeks

2012-04-17T07:33:00.002-07:00

How Far Along: 21 weeks

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of a banana.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Soooooo, this morning the scale says (liar!) that I'm up 13lbs. post retrieval. Ladies, that means I've gained 5-6 pounds in a WEEK. So, this is what being pregnant with twins is like. I've been thinking for weeks this was bound to happen.... it appears I've arrived. Don't take this as me caring about the weight gain- anything for these little stinkers, it just surprised the heck out of me this morning!

Maternity Clothes: I'm wearing mainly maternity.

Movement: Loving every single one of their little kicks!

Belly button in or out? Getting more shallow.

What I miss: Feeling rested.

Milestones: Baby furniture IN MY HOUSE!!!

Food Cravings: There was one day that I couldn't live without a bean burrito... at least it was lots of protein!

Aversions: Eggs. I keep trying, but they are still totally gross.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, leg cramps, lots of soreness and ligament pain.
Best Moment this week: Getting the cribs set up and in their room!

Funny Moment: While hubs was putting the cribs together I was sitting on the floor 'helping' him. He got up to go do something and I fell asleep sitting up with my face in the slats of the crib.
Tip of the Week: Listen to your body- do what it needs. It is totally not worth it to make your body wait.

What I'm looking forward to: Two weeks until we get another peek at our sweet little guys!

*I'll do my best to remember to add a picture later.

Belly...

2012-04-12T10:40:00.000-07:00

I think it looks pretty much the same... maybe a little higher, a little fuller and kinda pointy? I am feeling their little kicks MUCH higher than ever before, but only occasionally. It seems like I'm carrying really low, which seems to be 'typical' for boy pregnancies- and unfortunately I'm feeling every ounce of them in each and every one of the bones in my pelvis. Thankfully I've figured out what makes the pain worse and what helps to make it a little more bearable. Good thing they are totally worth it :)

19 Weeks

20 Weeks

Getting Real...

2012-04-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

Every week or two I get this 'holy crap this is really happening' feeling. It seems like it has been happening a lot more in the last few weeks than it did in the first several, and I have to assume that has to do with all the nursery progress and purchases that are being made for these baby boys.

I have a nursery. In my house there is a room that is specifically for babies. Not just any babies, not hypothetical someday babies.... OUR baby boys!

Holy Crap.

The feeling happened when we cleaned out their room. It happened again when we bought a dresser/changer for them, when we painted their room and it happened again this week when I placed the order for their cribs and mattresses. They will be arriving Thursday and at that point I will have cribs in my house. For babies that are mine. For Andrew and Henry.

Did I tell you I almost started crying over the weekend when we were on our way to create our baby registry? I probably would have been fine if I hadn't looked at my husband and said how happy I was, and how I wondered for so long if this was something we'd ever get to do.

In the last several weeks I've been soaking in the happy. The true happiness that my little heart has been flooded with in the last 20 weeks, well, I guess maybe 16 weeks. I've said it to my husband over and over and thought it probably everyday. Happy feels SO good. I had forgotten this feeling. I can't say that I wasn't ever happy during all the trials of that last 3.5 years, but I can say for certain it wasn't like this. I didn't wake up every morning sore and exhausted, but still smiling and thrilled about our future. There were moments of happiness, but it if someone where to ask how I was, I wouldn't have answered with happy. Now I'm a lot of things... sore, tired, feeling huge but more than anything else, I'm deliriously happy.

20 Weeks

2012-04-10T07:30:00.001-07:00

How Far Along: 20 weeks

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of a small cantaloupe.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up about 7 pounds post retrieval.

Maternity Clothes: I'm wearing more and more maternity, but a lot of my pre-pregnancy longer tops still work.

Movement: They are on the move, and I LOVE IT! I don't ever tire of feeling their little kicks and jabs.

Belly button in or out? Getting more shallow.

What I miss: Feeling rested.

Milestones: HALFWAY! I'm guessing I'm a little more than halfway since there are two babes in there. Registering over the weekend for OUR BABY SHOWER! It is just 5 short weeks away!

Food Cravings: Nothing that really stands out.

Aversions: Eggs are slowly getting better. I've eaten them a couple of times now.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, lots of soreness and round ligament pain.
Best Moment this week: Seeing our babies again, finding out that they are both boys and both healthy!

Funny Moment: I was breaking down a box from something that had been shipped and popped a couple of air pillows that came in the box. The first couple didn't make much of a sound when they popped, but the last one sure did. It was right next to my belly when I popped it, and somebody inside got scared and gave me a good solid kick!
Tip of the Week: When you are going to the bathroom and feel like you are almost done emptying your bladder, lean forward as far as the belly will allow. This is a HUGE help in fully emptying your bladder so you don't have to make another trip to the loo ten minutes later!

What I'm looking forward to: Our next peek at the boys.... I'm always looking forward to seeing them again - 3 weeks from today :)

Easter

2012-04-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a fantastic Easter! Ours consisted of church (more on that later!), a waddle through the grocery store, a lavish (ha!) taco bell lunch in the sun, a traditional Easter dinner and the evening ended with me icing my crotch. Seriously. Ouch.

We've lived in this city for over two years now and have had every intention of finding a church, but never have. This morning we tried out a church. We arrived a little early and sat in a row by ourselves. Soon, a older woman came in next to us and struck up a conversation with us. She asked if we had children (this is the root of the reason I've been so reluctant to find a church) and I replied by saying "I'm pregnant with our first and second." It gave me an immense amount of joy to smile as I looked down at my belly and rubbed my baby boys. She asked if twins run our family and she also said "there are so many twins these days- I know a lot of them are those artificial ones. You know, like the ones the movie stars have." ha! The entire time hubs was squeezing my leg. In the past this conversation would have irritated me. Today, not an ounce of what she said to me mattered- I had two sweet baby boys in my belly kicking away.... That, and I'm pretty sure she just called me a movie star :)

Next up was a trip to the grocery store to prepare for an Easter dinner that we hadn't really planned on cooking for the two of us. I'm pretty sure the pregnancy waddle has begun. Everything in my pelvis is sore and this belly is starting to throw off my center of gravity. After grabbing everything we needed for dinner, we decided there was no way we would able to be able to wait a couple of hours to eat while everything cooked, so we decided on taco bell for lunch... a new Easter tradition in the making? Probably not.

And finally, my evening ended laying on the couch with an ice pack on my lady bits. Yes, that is how sore that area is. It is excruciating pain when I change positions in bed at night, get up from a sitting or laying position or walk farther than about 20 feet. As sore and uncomfortable as I am, I'd do it for 40 more weeks if I knew that my babies were safe and growing in there... thankfully I only have a maximum of 20 more to go!

To to sum up the day... my babies are 'artificial', I'm a movie star, taco bell is an appropriate holiday meal and nothing ends an evening like icing your crotch.

Registry...

2012-04-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

We are planning to start our registry over the weekend, and while we generally know what we want/need if any of you mamas out there have favorite items (especially mamas of twins!) please feel free to comment! Also, are there items that you wish you would have had more of... crib sheets, changing pad covers, pacifiers, swaddling blankets?

Au Natural...

2012-04-06T05:06:00.000-07:00

Since becoming pregnant I've been asked a million times if I plan to have a natural delivery.

I always laugh.

Every time.

Here are my thoughts in no particular order.

I'm having twins- I may not have a lot of say in how it all ends up.
I have ZERO attachment to having a natural birth.
I do not see myself as less of a women if I choose not to 'do it the way millions of women have done it' ahead of me... without drugs- in fact, I fully intend to have an epi.
I want these babies to get here safely. If that means drugs and knives I'm ok with that.
These babies got to my uterus via massive amounts of medication, hormones, a plastic catheter, ICSI, 5 days in a lab and many, many people other than my husband and I... nothing about this process has been 'natural' I'm guessing that isn't going to change now.
I may or may not have placenta previa on their birthday complements of Baby A... if things don't move I will not have the option of a vaginal delivery- like it or not.
I don't want to have any expectations of their birthday. They will be deciding how their day is going to go- there is no sense in me trying to write it down and prepare for it. Let's remember that I planned on them being here about 3 years prior to their arrival date- obviously they are in the driver seat.

So, there you have it, my thoughts on the birth of these sweet little babies. It is weird to think that we're getting close to the halfway point of a normal 40 week pregnancy and likely have passed the halfway point in this twin pregnancy!

I know I have A LOT of natural delivery Mamas as readers. Please know that my thought of birth is 'to each her own' we all have differing feelings about birth... these are mine :)

19 week ultrasound

2012-04-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

... there is sure to be an enormous amount of dirt, wrestling, farting, burping and grass stains in this house of mine. That's right, I'm about to be totally outnumbered- TWO BABY BOYS!

And, because you all have been asking for it for WEEKS.... here they are in all of their glory. The belly feels huge to me, but I can only imagine what it will look/feel like in a few weeks. I'm sure I'll look back at this picture and laugh hysterically that I thought I was 'big'!!

Everything looked great on the ultrasound. Both babies are measuring a little ahead- this is always what I hope for considering twins have a tendency to come a little early. I think they were both measuring between 10-11oz each. They were crazy in there and moving a TON, so the tech had a little bit of a hard time getting images of the legs and feet, but from what she was able to measure, they looked perfect! I had a quick visit from old wandy at the end of my ultrasound appointment to check on my cervix. She didn't give me the measurement, but she did say that it looked great and was nice and long. The only slight concern at this point is Baby A's placenta is 1.7cm away from my cervix. The ideal is more than 2cm (I think cm was the measure?), so that could possibly pose an issue for a vaginal delivery, but as we all know (or did I forget publish that post?) I have ZERO expectations for the birth of these babies.

I'll see the same doctor again in another 4 weeks for a quick appointment and another ultrasound (what will I do if I have a singleton after this twin pregnancy!?!?). After that, I'm not sure if we'll transfer to our delivering doctor (at a hospital with a nicu) for our 27/28 week appointment or if we'll see our local doctor one more time and then transfer. I was worried about this before, but this pregnancy (knock on wood) is progressing so easily and with nearly no complications so I feel completely confident sticking with our local doctor as long as things stay the same.

19 weeks

2012-04-03T05:00:00.000-07:00

How Far Along: 19 weeks

How Big are the Babies? They are each the size of a mango.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up five or six pounds post retrieval, or 11 or 12 pounds overall if you count what I lost and gained back in the beginning.

Maternity Clothes: I'm wearing all maternity on the bottom (unless I'm wearing sweats) and just a few maternity tops.

Movement: They are moving, and I'd love to feel them more often! Now that I'm feeling them, it freaks me out when I go a few hours without feeling that gentle tapping. Baby A's movements are few and far between- I wish that dang placenta would move so I'd be able to feel his movements more.

Belly button in or out? Still in. It did crack and bleed this week.... I suppose that means it is stretching.

What I miss: Feeling rested.

Milestones: Anatomy scan today! Update to come :)

Food Cravings: Nothing really this week. Fruit still sounds really good.

Aversions: Eggs are slowly getting better. I've eaten them a couple of times now.

Symptoms: Nausea when I get hungry, the never ending stuffed up nose, occasional heartburn, tailbone pain and overall fatigue. OH! and this crazy soreness/pain in what feels like the my crotch bones... anyone have this one??
Best Moment this week: Seeing the nursery all painted and ready to be decorated! I can't wait to get started. I think we'll order the cribs this week :)

Funny Moment: We painted the nursery over the weekend and were finishing up around lunch time. As Hubs put the finishing touches on the room, I said I'd run out and get lunch. I was starving! I ordered our food at the drive up and when I reached the window they informed me that they were not taking any sort of card as payment. WHAT?!?! As usual, I had no cash and I had to come home and find something at home to make for lunch, but not before I was nearly in tears in the car on the way home. Who does that to a starving pregnant woman?? Hubs looked at me like I was CRAZY when I told him how upset I was!
Tip of the Week: Protein and water fix almost anything.

What I'm looking forward to: Seeing our babies TODAY and finding out for sure if we're having two boys or a boy and a girl!

18 weeks

2012-03-28T15:01:00.001-07:00

How Far Along: 18 weeks

How Big are the Babies? They are the size of sweet potatoes.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up four pounds post retrieval.

Maternity Clothes: I'm wearing all maternity on the bottom (unless I'm wearing sweats) and just a few maternity tops.

Movement: I feel them tapping from the inside when I'm sitting quietly. If I'm up and moving around, I'm a lot less likely to feel their gentle movements. I almost always feel them after I eat.

Belly button in or out? This whole belly button thing is so weird to me. I started with what I would consider a fairly deep belly button. This morning when I was laying flat on my back in bed I noticed that is getting very, very shallow. I can only imagine what it is going to do!

What I miss: Feeling rested.

Milestones: Getting some work done in the nursery. We bought the dresser/changing table and got it all put together and in their room. We also started painting and will likely have that finished up sometime this week/weekend!

Food Cravings: Corn on the cob and watermelon.

Aversions: Eggs are still off the list.

Symptoms: Nausea when I get hungry, the never ending stuffed up nose, occasional heartburn, tailbone pain and overall fatigue.
Best Moment this week: Getting the house a little more prepared for the babies, and a couple of fun dates with my husband.... better get them in while we still can!

Funny Moment: I was watching some show about crazy obsessions on TV the other day- the guy was obsessed with being/acting like a toddler. I was just getting ready to change the channel when both babies kicked at the same times as if to say 'stop watching this garbage!!'
Tip of the Week: Protein and water fix almost anything!

What I'm looking forward to: Seeing the babies again in less than a week and finding out the genders for sure. I'm about 99% sure we are having at least one boy, and I waver back and forth on baby B, but most of the time refer to them as 'the boys'. It will be great to feel SURE!