Waiting For Two

Wordless Wednesday...Koala Bear

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 13:35:00 +0000

On Waiting For Two

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 13:35:00 +0000

I started this blog when we first started the adoption process. We always knew that we eventually wanted two children.

We knew one of them would come from China, maybe even both. The wait for China became longer and longer, so as our paperwork was on the way to China we began the process to adopt from Taiwan. We were logged into both countries in March of 2008.

When we brought little M home, we put our Taiwan adoption on hold for a while so we could bond with our daughter, and give her time with just us.

Last Summer we renewed our paperwork, and began the wait again. But this time, we were not at the bottom of the list. We were open to either a boy or girl, and to a handful of special needs.

A week after we renewed our paperwork we were asked if we would consider a little boy, a very little boy with small head circumference, and low birth weight. We consulted our pediatrician, and decided to throw our hat in the ring. This program is different in that it is a birthmother program, and the orphanage likes to show multiple families to the birthmother, who then choses the family for her child.

Obviously, we were not chosen. We were sad, but we moved on to wait some more.

In January, we expressed interest in a little girl with a heart condition similar, but not as severe, as little M's. We knew we would be one of several families being considered, so we tried not to get excited. After two weeks we got a call from our agency.

It was not good news.

The orphanage officials had decided that because of a sexual abuse incident in my childhood, and the fact that I subsequently received counseling for that, we could not only not adopt this child, but we will not be able to adopt any children from Taiwan. Here, I think receiving counseling is not out of the ordinary, and even considered "healthy," but in other cultures, this may not be the norm. This was so completely unexpected, and our agency has tried several times to talk the orphanage into changing their mind...but they (the orphanage in Taiwan) have completely closed the door on adoption for us.

We are devastated, and so disappointed. We are having a hard time understanding why this would happen, and we are taking some time to just be with our little family while we decide what to do next. We know that we would still like to add another child to our family, and we know what our options are at this point. But for now, we are taking our time to grieve and be sad.

I am sharing all of this for several reasons...if our story can help anyone else, that is important to me, and I have always endeavored to be honest and straightforward here on this blog. Also, this blog is and has been a journal of sorts. Writing here is therapeutic, and is my way of "scrap-booking" our family's journey.

Of course when we decide what we are doing, I will post about it...

In the meantime, thanks for all your thoughts and prayers!

Monday Musings...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 13:27:00 +0000

Yesterday little M informed me that I was being too wild and I needed to calm down ("yoosa being too wild. Ooo hassa calm down now "). Ummm, ok.

Little M is totally obsessed with spelling...she wants to know how to spell EVERYTHING. All day long she wants to know how to spell every single thing we are doing, so I spell. I spell all the livelong day.... the other day, she was asking how to spell her body parts, and she asked me to spell hair. After I spelled it, she patted my hand and said "yeah, I know."

I think they must play lots of simon says at school, because she will randomly tell me to do things throughout the day..."touch you head!" "touch your belly!"

A few days ago, I sat down, and she ran over and told me to stand back up because she "didn't tell me to sit down."

Little M LOVES legos. She has both duplos and regular legos, and will play with one or the other for an hour at a time. She never plays with both, but will get the duplos out for a while, then put them away, and get out the legos. It always amazes me how long she can stick with these things.

Several times a day I hear "oh no, what happened here?" from little M. I always brace myself for disaster, but usually I find that she has dropped something, or there are a few drops of water on the floor. From the tone of her voice, you would think something dire has happened, but I am always pleasantly surprised.

Yesterday little M told the husband that his job was to obey mommy. I like it.

I told little M she couldn't do something last week, and she told me that she was going to "ask grandma." Then she went and got her play phone, and she totally told on me!

It's funny to hear some of the things we tell little M get parroted back to us, especially when she uses them in the correct context. She tells us to be careful when we are on the escalator, or when we are carrying something. She tells us that it's ok when we drop something, And the other day when I was trying to glue a craft together and it came apart she said "oh, you're disappointed? Let's try it again. I help you."

Journey To An IEP

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 13:48:00 +0000

Little M no longer qualifies as a toddler after her fourth birthday, which is coming up next month. I think I might be in denial a little bit, since I have trouble seeing my little M as a little girl and not a toddler. Gah, at this rate she will be headed off to high school next week! Why is she growing up so fast?

Anyways, back to the subject at hand. After little M is no longer in the infants and toddler program, which she receives her therapy through, she will still receive therapy through the school system.

Last week we met with our local school board to determine what our plan would be after little M turns four. This will be her IEP (individualized education program).

She definitely still qualifies for services, since she is still a bit behind, and there are so many great options available to us.

The great new is that she only qualifies for the speech program. She no longer qualifies for occupational! She doesn't qualify because she is not only caught up, but she is ahead in every area but speech! She can count, knows her shapes, colors, and letters. She not only knows her letters, but can spell and write her name and about five other words! A year ago this girl could count to three well, and five with help, and was struggling to learn her letters. I am so proud of how far she has come!

Since little M is doing so well at her preschool, and is learning language and other skills well, we wanted her to stay there, rather than go to a therapy based preschool. She has friends at school, and LOVES her teachers, so she will continue to go to her preschool. On the days she does not have preschool, she will go to a school based therapy for one hour. It will be a big change for little M...she will change therapists, no longer be at home for therapy, and I will not be with her. The school she will go to is very close to us, and I have heard good things about this new therapist. I am excited to see how this helps little M in her speech, but I am sad that she stills needs this at all. We are grateful to have had such a wonderful speech therapist for the past eighteen months, and I know little M will miss her. She has been so helpful and has invested so much time and effort into helping little M learn and grow.

Part of me really thought we would never make it to the IEP stage. Silly of me, I know, but I was so hopeful that little M would catch up quickly, and by the time she turned four she would, miraculously, no longer require therapy. She still does. Require therapy, that is, and I am learning to let go of my expectations, and be thankful for what we have. We have an IEP. And I am thankful.

Rainy Days...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 13:53:00 +0000

Yesterday was rainy, and cold, and a rare thing happened...we had nowhere to be, and no therapists coming! We stayed home all day, and read books, painted "pink and sparkly nails" ...

And played legos...

I am already looking forward to the next time we have a day like this one!

Did I Just Say That?

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 13:39:00 +0000

There are things I promised myself I would never say to my kid...and there are things I never dreamed I would say.

These are just a few random strange things I have said lately...

Please stop coloring on your cheese.

No thank you. Mommy doesn't need a darth vader sticker on her bottom.

No, I would not like you to blow into my mouth.

No, you may not hold mommy's boobies.

I don't know what that man's (some random stranger) name is.

Please stop talking to your friend and eat. (only weird because there was no friend in the chair next to her, but when I asked who she was talking to, she said it was her friend)

I don't think rocks have names. I don't think rocks have names. I don't think rocks have names. Fine, the rock's name is George.

Sure, we can pray for your owie bottom...

No, you may not put your sucker in my pocket.

That's not safe, please don't jump from the top of the stairs.

Wordless Wednesday...Singing

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 13:34:00 +0000

The Day Of Love.

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Happy Valentine's day!

Love For Friends

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 19:50:00 +0000

Little M had her first school Valentine's party today...I don't know why, but all of these school firsts, especially first parties, make me a little verklempt.

First parties are important, and Valentine's is no exception, so we did it up good...

We made cute ball valentines, because truly, when it comes to parties and sugar and pre-schoolers...less is more.

That is not to say that sugar was completely left out of the equation. Because it most definitely was not. The take-home party favors were all about sugar. I found this little idea on Pinterest (natch) and we had plenty of leftover mini candy canes...so they became heart suckers!

Preschool parties are the most adorable thing ever, and the bundle of little valentines that little M came home with...cute doesn't even cover it!

Cupcake

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 13:52:00 +0000

Our friend Kelly brought us some cupcakes to enjoy a few weeks ago, and little M was a big fan...especially of the icing.

Love Cards...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 13:59:00 +0000

Little M loves a craft, and the little girl who didn't like to be messy has changed her mind. She was all about getting her hands up in some paint, so that is what we did.

I got some blank cards, and we went to work.

We like to send cards to family on holidays, and little M has fun crafting them, and writing in them. And I like watching her liking her crafts.

Love cards!

My Half.

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Have I mentioned how much I love the husband? And also, how sweet he his?

Well, it's true...it's all true.

The husband is not a big birthday person.

But I am...so much so that I even celebrate my half birthday. And the husband, even in his barely celebrating a birthday state, puts up with my celebrating.

And... he even sends me half birthday flowers, buys me presents, and has a half birthday card custom made. Because he loves me. A lot.

Loves...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 13:56:00 +0000

In no particular order...

~ the husband. Most of all.

~ chocolate. but only milk chocolate, not dark.

~ little M's laugh, her happy little giggle.

~ my friends.

~ indian food. Really, all food is my favorite.

~ boots.

~ pretty dresses. My favorite.

~ decorating and crafting.

~ little M's burgeoning speech, hearing her funny little thoughts.

~ funny tv shows... and if I'm being honest, vampire shows, too.

~ music...all kinds.

~ good news.

~ traveling. Thank goodness little M is a spectacular traveller!

~ presents. Who doesn't like presents?

~ spa days. Massages, pedicures, facials...love.

~ reading. Getting into a good book.

~ room service.

~ pajamas. I just love them.

~ a little girl who loves to dress like mommy.

Wordless Wednesday...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:34:00 +0000

Not A Big Girl...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:08:00 +0000

Little M has been going through a phase where she wants me to feed her. She wants me to spoon feed her every meal.

When we first brought our girl home we did spoon feeding for a while, for bonding, and then slowly phased it out. After that she fed herself independently, very well. Little M can hold a spoon, and feed herself like a champ.

Until now. She CAN do it...but she wants me to.

It's not that I absolutely won't do it...I don't usually mind feeding her, if I'm not feeding myself. I feel like it's something I can do for her that (hopefully) will not last much longer. I hope.

Yesterday we were eating lunch, and little M wanted to be fed, but I wasn't finished with my meal yet. So I told her that she was a big girl, and she could do it for a little bit.

It was the wrong thing to say...little M was completely offended.

She straightened her little body, and said "YOU big, mommy! You big! I very little girl. Very tiny little girl!"

I am wondering if she is worried because we've been talking about her growing bigger. Maybe she is worried about not being a little girl, but growing up? Now, if I ask her about being a big girl, she says she is a big little girl. Ha.

Monday Musings...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 13:10:00 +0000

Last weekend we went to a car show, and little M was thrilled that she could climb into each car. sometimes she would "drive," and sometimes she chose to be in the back. A man we don't know climbed into the passenger seat of a car she was "driving" in, and smiled at her in the driver's seat. He asked if she loved this car, and little M smiled at him sweetly, and replied "holla!" I think it was a yes. And thank you John, for teaching our daughter to say holla, it was perfect.

The other day little M climbed into my lap, and asked me to please do some "humping." After asking her to repeat it several times (because it made me laugh) I asked her to show me. Turns out humping is actually humming.

Later that day she came up to me and put both her hands on my cheeks, and said "show me your pretty smile, mommy!" Gah, the cuteness slays me!

The other day little M lost her stuffed snowman, and could not rest until it was found. After she searched for a few minutes, I heard her in the other room saying "snowman, what are oo(you) doing? Oo no hide from Kenzie!" Ironically, that was the longest sentence she had ever said to date.

Last week little M was going potty, and I asked if she needed to poop (yes, these are our conversations now), and she said, very firmly, "no poopoo mommy, only poopoo wis daddy."

Umm, ok. Good luck with that, little M.

Little M is quite the singer, and yes, Christmas music is still being sung at top volume at our house. She also tells me to "watch and listen." Something she hears at school, maybe? A couple nights ago she was singing so flamboyantly in the tub that she fell right over...then got mad.

Vader+Little M=Love

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 13:38:00 +0000

Darth Vader and love in the same sentence. I never thought I'd see the day!

Well, it appears that there were many things I did not foresee...

One of those things was that little M would not only shun playing with babies, but that she would love playing with stuffed things, like animals...and darth vader, or "vader," as he is called in our house.

Is vader lovable? Judging from the way little M cuddles him, I guess so.

Does she care that really, vader was the bad guy?

Maybe he just didn't get enough love?

Well, now he does. Get the love, that is.

Little M has never seen the movies or tv shows, but somehow, she knew who he was, and she knew that vader had to come home with her.

And In the face of such love I was helpless to deny her. So we are now the proud owners of vader. I'm pretty sure that this is not the path to playing with babies. This is the path to the dark side. Ha.

Discipline...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:17:00 +0000

Almost nine months ago I posted about discipline, and how I had no idea what I was doing a lot of the time, and how I worried about doing the right thing for my precious girl.

We have read a TON of books about discipline, and we have watched friends (and sometimes even strangers), and came up with our own little method.

Please don't think we went into the whole being parents thing without any discipline plan in place at all...we had basic plans. We knew what behavior we wanted, and we knew what we wanted to do and not do...let me explain...

We knew, for instance, that we would not be spanking. We knew that for us, it would not work.

Am I against spanking? Yes and no. We have friends that spank, and it works for them, so no. For us, yes, I am against it. The husband and I were in complete agreement that we would not spank, for a couple reasons: one, the husband did not feel comfortable with this form of discipline because of how he was raised, and two (and most importantly), we knew our child would be older, and would most likely come from an orphanage. We didn't know how our child would have been disciplined, but knew that she would most likely have been spanked. Her past treatment could cause her to misunderstand the reason or purpose of a spanking. Add in all of the trauma that comes with the huge change of adoption, and spanking could cause regression, problems with attachment, and even more trauma... so that was not an option for us.

We knew that we would be using some form of time out/time in, and we would also incorporate natural consequences, a la Parenting with Love and Logic.

When redirection doesn't work we use time outs, but these time outs happen in close vicinity to us, and we try to be consistent, firm, and empathetic. As child psychologist Karyn Purvis explains, children who come from hard places need us to be empathetic, but also firm, disciplining in a loving manner.

We do a lot of "re-dos." After talking to little M about a behavior, we have her "try again," modeling the correct response or behavior.

For more severe behaviors, she sits in a corner. This gives her, and us, a chance to regroup and calm down before coming back together to talk and try again. Even when she is in the corner, we are close by, in the same room. Our goal is not to ever have her feel isolated, so she will most likely not ever be sent to her room. Being sent away from us as punishment can send the wrong message, that she is undesirable or unwanted because of her behavior.

And lastly, we try to give her grace. Just like we adults need grace from each other, when we are tired or cranky, or just having an off day, little kids need that. Little kids need to be extended the same grace we give to adults, the same courtesy and understanding we give to each other. And yes, I have to remind myself of this daily. Ha.

Being a parent is hard. It brings out all of my less pleasant character traits, and often makes me feel like a failure. But I love my daughter, and I want her to be fun to be around. I also want her to grow up to be an adult who has balance and self control.

I want the very best for her, and I want to be the best mom I can be to this precious little M.

Disclaimer: I am in no way an expert on discipline, and do not claim to have the "right way." I have no idea what the right way is. This is just what works for us, in our family, with this child right now.

Growing...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 12:43:00 +0000

Our little M is no longer little. Gah, it makes me sad even to write that!

She is growing up so fast, and I love that she is growing and healthy. I do. But I also miss my squishy tiny girl. I never had little M as a baby, and I know it might sound funny, but I miss that. On the other hand, I am very much enjoying the little girl that little M is becoming.

She is sweet, smart, and funny, and I enjoy being able to talk to her, and I love that she is starting to be able to communicate. I love that she is starting to ask questions, and especially, that she is starting to answer them!

A year ago little M could neither ask nor answer questions. Every time she wanted something, it was a game of charades and limited sign language. Now, if she can't tell me what she needs, she has the word skills to tell me that she wants to show me.

I used to think that little M would be small-ish. I thought she would be a small girl, because a year ago she was not on the US size charts.

Well, let me just tell you...little M is now on the charts. She is above 60% on the weight chart. And she is about 20% on the height chart. Our little girl is not so little anymore.

The little girl who weighed 24 pounds is no more. Our girl is now almost 36 pounds.

Seriously, people, my arms and my back ache ALL the time, because a certain three year old thinks that is is perfectly appropriate to be carried all the livelong day.

And how can I tell her no? I can't.

The difference between that little M of a year ago, and the little M of today is huge. And little M herself is huge.

And I do so love my giant little girl!

Wordless Wednesday...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 13:26:00 +0000

If You Don't Have Something Nice To Say...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 13:23:00 +0000

Little M, my little girl, is the most beautiful little girl I know. She is beautiful, confident, and strong. And she loves to wear her hair up. Little M loves pony tails and braids.

She LOVES them, and I am happy to give her whatever hairstyle she likes.

Twice, in the last couple months, someone has mentioned little M's hair...and her ear.

One person, whom we know and whom should know better, mentioned that little M should wear her hair down to cover her ear. Ugh.

Last week, someone else (whom should also probably know better), whom we only know in passing, asked if we were getting her ear fixed. I said it was fine and didn't need to be fixed, but we would have it reconstructed if that was what little M wanted. This person replied that little M would be much prettier when it was fixed.

And then, in my mind, I choked him a little bit. Maybe even a lot.

I replied that I didn't know if my little girl could be more beautiful, and that she was already perfect.

But I was so mad. And I wanted to cry. Because my little girl may be missing an ear... but she has no trouble hearing. She hears what people say, and she understands it. She may not speak clearly, but she understands 100% of what she hears.

Adults should know better...and adults need to watch what they say in front of kids, because kids can hear. And this mommy might have the potential for violence if my child is hurt by someone's words.

I do NOT like my daughter hearing negative things...especially negative things about her perfect little self. It makes me feel sick that she can hear someone say that she needs fixed, or that she would be prettier if she were different.

Because my little M? Is perfect...just the way she is.

Monday Musings...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 13:15:00 +0000

We pick the husband up from the metro close to our house after he gets off work. Little M is very serious about looking for her daddy, and every time someone walks toward our car, she says "is that my daddy??" Then she says "that's NOT my daddy! Where my daddy?" I love that little M gets excited to see her daddy, and looks for him with such enthusiasm.

The other day she told her kitty that the husband was HER daddy, "not kitty's."

We have good friends who are expecting a baby soon, and we have discussed this with little M...that Kelly is having a baby, and the baby is in her belly. I thought it was making a little sense, but last week little M asked when Kelly was going to China to get her baby. I explained that Kelly's baby was in her belly, and some babies come from their mommy's bellies, and some come from China. When I asked her about Kelly's belly getting bigger, she told me that Kelly has an "owie belly." Clearly, this is something that will take time for her...but how adorable that she asked about China!

Last Friday, when I picked up little M from school, she asked me to carry her, so I did. When I picked her up, she hugged me and said, "I miss you , mommy!" Ahhh, heart melting!

The other day little M was goofing around, and I told her she was silly. She cocked her little head at me, and said, "YOU silly, mommy! You big silly!"

Yes, I have often thought my silliness was big.

The Giving Tree...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 13:15:00 +0000

I'm sure you know the story...the tree keeps giving and giving, until there's nothing left, and still she's happy, because the boy she loves is happy.

Well. Little M is completely enamored by this story, and has the whole thing memorized.

I tried to capture it on video, and she did most of it. My favorite parts are when the tree has no money and no house. Little M says "I havva no money," and "I havva no house."

It cracks me up. Every time.

I Love Love...

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 13:40:00 +0000

So we have had Valentine's decor up for a while now...what do people usually do after the Christmas stuff comes down? It leaves a void, and I must fill it.

So I do. But not too much...because I also enjoy after Christmas clean house.

But hearts, and pink things, those don't create unnecessary clutter. And I do so love pink things.

Anyways, let's look at the Valentine's decor, shall we?

I made this heart last year. I'm all about recycling the decorations this year. So green of me.

Hearts everywhere.

And chocolate. What's a holiday without chocolate?

Same printable from last year...how very 2011 of me.

Even the throws have hearts...and they are pink!!

These blocks were at Target, and they switch around to make multiple words. And they stack to make a tower (for the three year old).

A little Winter quote. I will have to find something about love. Underneath is a hippo climbing at a park. Thank you little M.

Hearts, sticks, and a lovebird pillow. I think the sticks really scream Valentine's. Maybe I will paint them pink, or something.

I love love. yes, I do.

Gym Time

noreply@blogger.com (Joanna B) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 13:01:00 +0000

So Little M started gymnastics yesterday. Oh my goodness, you guys, she was so precious.

I am pretty sure that in the history of gymnastics no one has ever been so happy to be a budding gymnast as little M.

She spent the whole class squealing with delight. Squealing, and laughing. Sometimes she just ran around in circles waving her hands in the air. Because when you are very happy, that's what you do.

She told me that she wants to go again and again. Her favorite was the "thomerthocks (summersaults)."

Next time I will get pictures...for now these will have to do!