Waiting for your arrival: A USMC girlfriend's story

THE HOME STRETCH!!

2012-08-16T20:08:00.001-07:00

OH MY FREAKING LORD. The worst is over!!!!

I wish I could put into words how happy I am right now, but I really really don't know how to explain how I'm feeling. Ecstatic?! Over joyed? Relieved? AHHHH!! So Nathan has finally reached Leatherneck, and is finally safe!! No more dangerous patrols, no more crazy ops to no where land, and I can truly say I made it through a MARINE CORPS DEPLOYMENT!!

I know I still have a few more weeks left until he is actually home in America, but I am just SO happy he is out of harms way, that's all that matters to me. That he is SAFE, HEALTHY, and gets to finally SLEEP!

I wish there was more that I could say, but all I can say is praise God, prayers were answered, and I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPPPPYYY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!

2 months to go!! Prepping for Homecoming!

2012-07-12T18:28:00.000-07:00

Wow, has time flown by lately! It's already mid July! Well, I guess it's summer time finally, and the weather has been great. Except today, this weird rain thing going on...

The time has come my friends... time to start getting ready for homecoming! I can't believe 4 1/2 months have passed since I've seen Nathan. It went by pretty quick, but looking back I've missed a lot of memories with him... Birthdays, Graduation, getting a job... some days are still pretty hard. But I'm definitely looking forward to that first moment I see him, and everything in the world is going to stop (or that's how I play it out in my mind).

Good thing Nathan doesn't take the time to read these (I mean I have a hard enough time asking him to respond to my Facebook posts to not make me sound like a crazy lady!), because I thought I'd write down some things that I'm going to do in preparation for his Homecoming!!

1. Gift Basket
So Operation Help a Hero is doing this really awesome thing where they are making little gift baskets for all the Marines coming back from Nathan's unit as a welcome home present, so I thought, why not make him a personal one! So far I have (either ideas or actually finished):

- A scrapbook with all our pictures from when he came home back to California and before he left
- On one of the pages of the scrapbook I am going to glue on his 2-year 24-hour fitness pass I am going to get him!! He's going to be STOKED!
- Suggestions to restaurants we've never tried yet, and want to visit in the OC and LA area
- Coupons: For a free massage, cooking dinner together, take you shopping you know... fun things like that ;)
- Snacks: This one I'm trying to think of some good snack ideas, since Nathan and I are trying to be more health conscious, so I don't want to put in candy...

Let me know if you have any more ideas!

2. Photographer
I think having a photographer with you the day of your homecoming is FANTASTIC because they will be able to capture that MOMENT when you first see each other. I am very blessed and have a friend's boyfriend who is an amazing photographer coming along to take pictures. But if that doesn't work out, if you have an awesome friend who doesn't mind tagging a long to take pictures, that's great too! We're also going to be doing a photoshoot in his dress blues! Since Nathan's getting out soon, it might be the last time he will be wearing his uniform! And what girl doesn't love a man in uniform ;)

3. Party!
Luckily, Nathan's mom loves throwing parties, so we'll be having a huge party in his honor. I think this is a great idea because it's a way for all your Marines friends and family to be in one place and celebrate his homecoming. I'm really excited because there are a few things I want at the party:

- Photobooth: This could totally be handmade, make-shift, just a cute backdrop where people can take pictures with your Marine! Makes for a cute scrapbook too.
- Guestbook: Maybe its the Wedding Planner in me, but I think this will be a great memory for him. Everyone can sign it, saying a nice "welcome home!" or even plans on what you look forward to doing together. It's something he can keep forever.
- Kareoke/DJ: This night is going to be FUN FUN FUN! Lots of dancing, singing...maybe some drinking? haha

4. Mental/Emotional Preparation
Not sure if I'm the only crazy, paranoid Marine girlfriend out there, but as much as I CANNOT wait for Nathan's homecoming, there is a part of me that's worried about our transition. Now, I've talked to a few people about it, and they have reassured me that things wil be fine, and I think it all comes down to patience. You have to realize that they have been gone for 7 months living in a place where they're lives are in danger every single day. A lot of times, they don't necessarily come home with PTSD, but just some traumatic stress. This includes anxiety, frustration, and sometimes depression. As a loved one, your main role is to be patient. Some days, everything is going to be fine, and you'll be doing the usual normal routine. And some days, he'll just break down, not want to talk to anyone, just wanting to be alone. I think the best thing is just to be there for them when they need you. And when they want space, give them space. Things will get better, you just have to remember that they love you so incredibly much, and you already made it through the hardest part! I definitely believe Nathan and I have become so much more mature as a couple through this deployment, and I know we can get through ANYTHING. :)

late night, and I'm tired

2012-07-06T01:38:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have one of those nights where you just have so many thoughts and emotions running through your veins? Words, phrases, sentences, just keep swimming through your mind, and it's like they're attacking you.

I miss him. I do, I miss so much about him.
I miss the fact that I can't tell him how I can't sleep right now.
I miss his laugh, I miss him being angry, I miss him being a total jack ass.
And, and there's just so much. So much I want.
I want to tell him things that matter,
I want to tell him things that don't matter.
I want to tell him how my hair was a total mess today, and I don't even care that he doesn't care.
I just, want him next to me, holding my hand, like we're in high school, like we're young, when things were so new.
It's all just wanting, and missing, and everything.
Desire, and love. I love him.
I was driving today, and just had a brief moment of conscious meets subconscious.
I just thought, no I realized,
damn, I really love this man. Like truly, truly love this man.
Like the kind of love, that when you close your eyes, tears just start pouring.
And the love that drives you crazy, the love that makes you feel a million things, and you can't describe a single one in words.
It's feeling like someone grabbed your heart, and is squeezing it SO tight, yet you know you it's pure bliss.
And that you'd do anything for this guy, anything.
Sacrifices, being pissed, being happy, being sad, being tired.
Anything.
Because you love him, and you can see every future and every past.
Because you love him so fucking much.
I stay up late, I wake up early. Hoping you'd call.
I want to not miss you so much. I hate missing you.
Why can't we just fast forward time.
Why can't you just be in my arms.
I want to want to get sick of you, but I can't.
And I may never get sick of you.
I love you that fucking much.
But right now.
I just...
miss.
you.

It's time to build a strong heart

2012-06-05T19:51:00.004-07:00

So it's been kind of hectic trying to settle back in here in California. For the next 2 weeks I'm basically going back and forth from LA to OC, so much driving = so much gasoline = no bueno for poor Sara! But it's my last 2 weeks of my undergrad, so I have to some how live it up! Man, can't believe it's actually happening...but enough of the sappy stuff.
Today I started my 1st day at the gym! Nothing too crazy just running and some abs, I can't start too intense or my body is just going to break down. But it was good, I am really excited. Getting in shape is something I'm working on, especially before Nathan gets home! I've got about 3 months left, I think that's plenty of time to slim down! With the work out I'm starting to eat healthier! I made myself a delicious taco salad tonight for dinner.
*Sigh* So I haven't heard from Nathan (other than a Voicemail he left while I was in Japan) since about the middle of May :( At first I missed him SO incredibly much and my days were just sad and lonely. Now it's gotten to a point, where I can be okay every day, not to say I don't miss him, but it's more of an overwhelming amount of worry. I haven't NOT heard from Nathan like this since I've been with him. Even when we broke up for a little, he still incessantly emailed me, even when he didn't have my number (Crazy guy I tell ya! haha). So now all I can think of is their safety... Sometimes I forget that Nathan is in a war. Maybe it's too much of those military movies I watch, but I can't help but imagine the worst. I just want to know he's safe, at this point, I don't care if he's not coming home for a few months, as long as I know he is safe from hard. I always pray for God's Angels to watch over him every day, and I know they are...but it's still so unnerving. I think in the last few weeks I went through emotions of anger, sadness, loneliness, bitterness, and even just empty. But after all this, I just realize how AMAZING it is to love someone this much...
I've learned so much from this love with Nathan. I think it's taught me to be an awesome girlfriend (not to sound cocky haha). But I feel like so often, people take their significant others for granted. Those stupid fights about being late to dinner or they didn't pick up the groceries, they are so completely inconsequential. I think it says something, when a girl waits for months and months, completely and utterly faithful, holding her ground back home, while she patiently waits for her boyfriend to come home. I think it's so wonderful seeing girls that go through the same thing as I do. Because you have to look at the guy, and see how incredibly blessed he is to have something SO good at home. And I would hope all the boys know that. Not many girls can do it. I've seen other girls cheat on their Marines and it's just the worst. Those girls are damn dirty. So I am very very happy to be that girl for Nathan.

"Cause God knows we're worth it."

So I'm building up my strong heart (Maybe with even a glass of Pinot Noir? :)) and I'll get through this. Thanks you again to all of you who give me such encouraging words, it really does make me feel better, even if it makes me teary eyed sometimes! haha

I found this fantastic blog site, if any of you want to check it out.

Dear Deployment, I hate you!

All the quotes on that page make me think that someone is DEFINITELY sneaking on me! I absolutely love it! Here are a few that I find i relate to a lot:

When you wait days for a call, and then he's distant...remember the 3 hour line and 70 people in front of him and 8 failed attempts at getting his phone card to work. Remember his long hot day ,and stressful work environment. Not calling is easy, but he did it for you, even if he didn't have it in him to fake how he really feels. - DD

Sometimes everything about a deployment sucks. No advice helps. Time isn't going to heal all wounds, sometimes you have to be selfish and you feel like shit for it, but it's the way it is. Sometimes you just want to be acknowledged that you're going through a hard time too, but that never comes. Sometimes you wonder how there could possibly be any tears left. That doesnt make you weak. - DD

Remember when you're feeling unappreciated that we generally send care packages because WE want to feel more involved and not so helpless. WE want to feel like we have some control over making their deployment easier. But we also know that they generally have access to everything they want. Also keep in mind that we tend to do things for them that we would like done for us. We gather up all of their favorite things, with quotes, and notes, and songs. we write letters. remember that men and women are completely different and if you never did all of those things he would probably still love you the same, but you do it because you love him. so dont take it to heart if they dont have the reaction you would. - DD

Lots of Love and Semper Fi <3

10 things I've learned, and plan to continue

2012-05-30T05:12:00.001-07:00

So its my last day in Japan, and I have had an amazing and relaxing time. My only regret is that I ate WAY too much, and now I basically have to cut out everything delicious when I get home. Wah. But being here has also given me time to reflect on a few things. The awesome 4 year party (college) is coming to a close end and I think we all go through this constant battle between "What the fuck am I doing with my life" and "We're still young, we've got time!". As everything is ending, I feel like everything is beginning. And then sometimes I feel like I'm just stuck in the middle in the unknown. So I thought I would list out a few things I could work on in the next new beginnings of my life, in no particular order, and hopefully this gives me peace of mind or something...

1. Don't be jealous of others, instead work on being the best you can be.
I struggle with this a lot. I'll be Facebook stalking (per usual) and I see people who are going to grad school, landed an awesome job, got engaged, traveling the world, being with their boyfriends 24/7 etc. And sometimes i can't help but just wish my life would be just like theres. And then I go into this mind whirl of "Damn, I should have done that internship..." or "I should've studied harder and gotten better grades in college..." "& that's why I've got nothing going for me...."It's a constant battle and I'm finally just SICK of this negativity. I need to not wallow in others successes, but rather learn to, from the bottom of your heart, to be happy for them (unless they are a nasty person, then they can go screw themselves). Because if you can truly be happy for another person, you will feel 1000 times better than you would if you were to just sit here and bitch about how you wish your life was like theres. However, I think the most important part of all of this is to be the best YOU you can be. Don't compare yourself to others, because you will never be satisfied. Instead, set a goal, for yourself, and concentrate on that. I've learned with even the smallest details of my life, if I learn to love myself for who I am and what God blesses me with, I can live a very very VERY happy life. As my boy Will would say,

" Throughout life people will make you mad

Disrespect you and treat you bad

Let God deal with the things they do

Cause hate in your heart will consume you too"

2. Be Active. Don't be lazy.

Sometimes I just want to lay around the house, go on Facebook, watch a movie, sleep, and basically do nothing with my life. Although, this is really awesome when you've had a long day, you can't be doing this more often than you are not (if that makes sense). And honestly, it's not that hard. I always find it that the act of GOING to the gym/getting out of the house is the hardest part, and once you are out, you realize it's a piece of cake! SO I want to try to get off my ass more often, go out, and BE ACTIVE! I also am planning on doing this fantastic Lauren Conrad Bikini Boot Camp, feel free to join me! It's going to be tough but we can all motivate each other.

3. Kill people with kindness, because God is watching (in a good way!)

This is something that I've sort of picked up for a few years now. I first picked it up because I constantly found myself being disappointed in my friends because I felt like I did so much for them, yet I wouldn't receive the equivalent from them, and I just felt so unappreciated. I contemplated just being a mean bitchy person because what was the point? But after some deep talks with my mom and Nathan, I realized that was not the right way to live. So I've learned to just be kind, do things for the people I love with out being asked, and to not ask for anything in return. I firmly believe that if you do, even if that person you did a nice deed for doesn't do anything for you, some how that kindness/goodness will be returned back to you, in some shape or form because God is watching, and he's not going to ignore good deeds. I trust in Him. :)

4. Don't be discouraged if you start small, hard work WILL pay off.

So I got a job, a really AWESOME job, but it's not going to be paying TONS and I probably will have to pick up a 2nd job if I want to be living on my own soon. And yeah, it's kind of a downer when I see myself as a UCLA graduate, and not have some high-paying, super human job. But as a lot of my mentors have told me, it's NOT the end of the world. And as I look at it now, it really isn't. I've been given an opportunity to grow within a company, and although I'm starting from the bottom, AT LEAST I'm starting! And I am so excited for everything I will be learning in the business. And I think our society has been raised in this environment that pleads for instant gratification, when really, nothing that you get immediately, is actually worth it. Not just with a job, but even when it comes to fitness, I know for a fact I won't be seeing results in a week. It's going to take months to even see the slightest results, but I won't give up. Because by not giving up, in the end, I will see results and that day is going to be AWESOME!!!!!

5. Appreciate what you have.

I think so often we WANT too many things. Whether its the latest and greatest Mac product, or a boyfriend, or more money, whatever it is, it's not worth beating yourself up over. Rather, take a step back from your "crazy busy" life, and look at what you already have in possession. In my case, I have parents who, as much as I complain about them, pretty much do everything for me, a boyfriend who, although is thousands of miles away, treats me like a PRINCESS (spoils me to the core), friends who I can talk to about anything, a roof over my head, a college education, a positive attitude, a dream, and best of all, I've found love in more ways and forms than most people will ever in their entire lives. Whenever I feel like complaining (which we are human, it's weirder if you don't), I just remember and appreciate that long list of happinesses I have, and it makes me feel much, much better.

6. Be vulnerable.

The easiest way to live, is to guard yourself from any kind of painful experience, and live that okay "safe" life. But some of the best life lessons I've learned happened because I let myself be hurt. One of the biggest lessons I've learned is with relationships. Back in high school, I had a boyfriend who I believed that I was absolutely in love with. And with that, I decided that he was the most important person in my life, and I ditched all of my friends, to be with him 24/7. And guess what, he dumped me. And I remember as soon as it happened, I did not know who to lean on anymore. I had no one. And I felt a kind of loneliness that can only be learned through that experience. And after that, I vowed to never ditch my friends for a boy, because boyfriends will come and go (until you find a decent one ;)), but friends will/should be with you until the end. But, I wouldn't have understood any of this, until that one guy broke my heart. And as much as it sucked at the time, I am SO thankful for that experience because without that, I would not have realized how truly blessed I am to have the friends that I do. So let people hurt you. Let people inspire you. Let people need you. Let people love you. You will thank yourself later.

7. Admit it if you're wrong, and be willing to learn.

I've always acted like a know it all and I'm finally starting to see what a snob I sound like! And I think Nathan knows this best, but whenever I would say something distasteful or state the facts wrong, I would NEVER admit it. I'd just make up an excuse or just say, "whatever." Well guess what, it just makes you sound like a total BETCH. So when I'm wrong, I will admit it, even if it makes me feel so stupid. But instead of just feeling dumb, I want to be able to learn from my mistakes. Because even if you made that one mistake, at least you learned one thing new :)

8. Don't hate the ignorant, instead have the courage to teach them.

In college, I've heard some people make some of the most ignorant comments. There are so many social topics that in my mind, are super obvious, but to others, they have no idea. Things like, "You're asian, you should know." or "Internment wasn't that bad, it was a necessary evil." or people who use the word "Jap. and one that I've recently stopped using, "that's so gay." I could name a whole list of others, but you get the point. Instead of clenching your fist and puffing steam out of your ears, look at these people as students who need to be educated. These people may have said some cruel things, but at the same time, you have no idea where they came from. Maybe they were never given the opportunity to learn. Maybe they have a story to tell as well. So don't judge, but instead, have the courage to tell them another way to see the picture. You never know, maybe you'll change their mind about things. But as a disclaimer of sorts, not EVERYONE is willing to change. A lot of people will stay very stubborn about how they feel and that's when you just have to realize, "different strokes for different folks".

9. Take lots of pictures (and videos)

This one kind of seems silly, but I think years from now, I am going to be so happy looking at the 100's of pictures I have with all of my friends and family because it's how we'll remember things. But recently, I've realized, more than pictures, I LOVE watching videos (especially of me and Nathan) because we can see expressions, and verbal exchanges, and just us being us. Even if Nathan hates it, I will always have a video camera with me wherever we go!

10. Your life is going to change, revel in it.

Looking back in just the last 4 years of my life, there are SO many things that have changed. The things I expected to happen took a 180 degree turn. But at the same time, some of the most unexpected blessings have showed themselves into my life. One of the greatest quotes an amazing mother once told me was, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." And I've realized this statement couldn't be truer. Expectations are bound to change, but that's okay. Actually, it's better than okay, it makes life exciting. Friends will come, and friends will also go. So often I've had people in my life, who at the time, I thought were my BEST friends even future brides maids, but then a few months go by, and friendships dissolve, and then you realize you have no idea what they are even doing with their lives & that's OKAY. Because at our age, that's what happens. But in the end, the good ones will stay, and that's when you know who your true friends are. God has a plan for you, a pretty gosh darn good one, but you can't map it out, you just have to trust that He'll show you the right way. Life is full of walls and sharp turns. You'll be heading towards success and Bam you hit a wall. The key is to get right back up and take that left or right turn. And sooner or later, you'll look back at all your curvy path and thank God you never gave up.

So these are just a few things that I've thought of for myself, they may work for some others, may not. But these are some of the most important life lessons that I know I will carry on for the rest of my life. And maybe its the fear of the unknown that's making me write this essay of sorts, but who cares. It's something that will motivate me, and that's what I need most.

So so so much love and Semper Fi <3

Dear deployment

2012-05-28T00:21:00.002-07:00

Dear Deployment,

Go fuck yourself.
Hard.

Love,
Sara

P.S.
I hate you.

Military movies galore!

2012-05-24T02:44:00.002-07:00

Just finished watching 2 military movies. The Lucky One & Act of Valor. Needless to say, my heart feels heavy. But in a way, these movies are very therapeutic. It makes me feel more connected to Nathan, even though we are so far apart. It's the weirdest feeling not knowing what he is doing. All I can go off of is faith, and some days its the hardest thing to do.
At the end of the movie Act of Valor, they had a poem by Tecumseh which I thought was very moving and I thought I'd share.

Live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about his religion.
Respect others in their views and demand that they respect yours.
Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life.
Seek to make your life long and of service to your people.
Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
Always give a word or sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend,
or even a stranger, if in a lonely place.
Show respect to all people, but grovel to none.
When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light,
for your life, for your strength.
Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living.
If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself.
Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools
and robs the spirit of its vision.
When your time comes to die,
be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death,
so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time
to live their lives over again in a different way.
Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.
— Tecumseh, Shawnee Chief

In Japan!

2012-05-22T07:15:00.001-07:00

I'm in Japan for 2 weeks! A great graduation vacation :) It's been really nice here, the weather is great, aside from the random rain today. The food is great, and of course, the best part is being able to hang out with my grandma. I wish everyone could meet her, we are literally twins in every way.

I don't know if its just being really far away from home, or just not knowing the safety of Nathan, but I find myself literally thinking about him every second of the day. During the day I constantly wonder what he is doing, if he's thinking of me, if he's safe. I can't help but think just terrible situations, and I try to just take my mind off of it by doing other things, but its so incredibly hard.
The dreams are the worst.
On one hand, it's great, I get to see him in my dreams and sometimes I just wish my dreams would never end. But on the other hand, it just makes me realize he is so far away, and I haven't even been able to give him a hug in 3 months. I'm not one to complain a lot about relationships. Most days, I try to tell myself being sad is not going to make this deployment go by any faster. It would probably make it feel longer than it actually is. But it really IS hard. And I am so thankful for all my friends who give me encouraging words. I understand when my friends say, "I could never do what you do." I think they mean it as a compliment, that I'm a strong person, maybe stronger than they are. But when I hear that, it just makes me think, "Well, it's not like i WANT to do this!" I would trade ANYTHING in the world right now, just to be able to hold Nathan's hand. That's all. Lately, all I do is just look through pictures, watch videos of him, read emails, but it's just not enough. I want new memories with him. & most days, I just feel like dropping to the floor, flailing my arms, and just balling my eyes out (which I probably have done and THANK GOD I have such amazing girlfriends who put up with it.) But i really do try to stay strong. Because what else can a girl do?
Praying really helps. I feel like God is trying to reassure me, to keep my sanity, but I still can't help but feel lonely. I mean, deployment or not, who the hell wants to be torn apart from their boyfriend, barely communicate, AND worry about their safety? & it's inevitable for me to feel jealous and envious of girls who have their boyfriends in such close vicinity. It's so hard though, to realize what an amazing thing you have in front of you, until it's stripped away from you. But of course, I know I should feel lucky to even have such an amazing guy.
And I think I struggle with what a lot of girls going through deployment go through, and that's the feeling of appreciation. I mean part of the whole process and the challenge is that, we can't be their #1 priority and they won't be able to put as much effort into the relationship as they could if they were here in the states (well I guess for me when I'm back home). We get it. But still, theres a little part of us that just wishes they could send that extra email, or surprise us with some flowers, or even dedicate a facebook status to us. It's that small flame that keeps the fire going. Because as cruel as it sounds, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one feeding the fire. And it's a really crappy feeling when you feel like you're the only one in the relationship. Because you yourself end up being the person that is comforting you. I mean in the end, you truly learn independence, what life is like by yourself, and being okay, with being by yourself. And that's something I am very grateful for. I've learned so much, not just in the last 3 months, but in the last 3 years. As most of you know, Nathan and I have been long distance practically our entire relationship. So we've definitely had our fair share of challenges when it comes to dealing with it. But we realized how important we are to each other and how strong our love is. And I know it, I really do, but the loneliness often times prevails over my strength, and I end up just crying. And as much as I cry ALL the time, I really really hate crying. I hate showing that I'm vulnerable and weak, but I guess that's kind of difficult when you are someone who cares a lot (some times too much) about people.
I suppose the only thing that can truly "fix" all of this, is when he comes home. *sigh* I just wish that day would come sooner. My dreams as fulfilled as they are with me and him together, are starting to feel more and more sad and depressing. I just need the real thing. I just want to feel his lips on mine, and no that the hardest part in our relationship is over and that we can fully move forward. Because I just feel like we're on pause right now. :/

Ah, sorry for the depressing post, I don't really know what I'm looking for.. answers? advice? pity? haha Well, all and all, Japan is fantastic and I will try to post some pictures very soon :)

Lots of Love and Semper Fi <3

Can't even remember the last time I blogged!

2012-05-07T22:39:00.001-07:00

Oh my goodness, it has been too long since the last time I blogged! SO much has happened, and so many good things at that!! Well, first of all, a few weeks ago we did a Care Package making party for the boys of 2/5. Instead of sending them to random boys in his unit, I decided to take down some names of some of his friends to send to, that way it was way more personal. I was really lucky, and was able to use the help of my sorority sisters in making 9 amazing packages for the boys. We had so much fun making the packages, writing letters, taking pictures! Such a great way to bond with the sisters and do something nice for the boys over seas.

Nathans fans! :)

Oh heyy boys!

Silly!

One of the many care packages we sent!

Packing it all up!

yums for their tums!

Tri Delta loves the boys of 2/5

So that was exciting! And then I got to go to STAGE COACH- the worlds greatest country music concert! I had an amazing weekends with an amazing group of girls, and literally fell in love SO MANY TIMES over the weekends. Blake Shelton, Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, Brad Paisley, Justin Moore, Miranda Lambert, Sara Evans, Martina McBride, The Band Perry, Sheryl Crow.. just to name a few. :) Lots of boozing and relaxing, I can't wait for next year!

The girls for the weekend!

A MAZING stage

Take me back already...

Whoa derr!

Tri Delta <3

But one of the greatest things happened yesterday. Nathan FACETIMED ME! I saw my boyfriends face for the first time in 2 months!!! It was AMAZINGG!!!!!!!! I was literally shaking while I was talking to him. Who would have thought, just seeing someones face moving would make you THIS happy!! Ahh, he is truly SO SO gorgeous!!

the LOVE OF MY LIFE!

Another fun thing I did was a sushi making party with 2 of my girlfriends, and we also did home made shabu shabu. I love doing cooking parties because 1. it's ALWAYS cheaper than going out for food, 2. COOKING IS FUN! 3. fun bonding experience. Then we watched "We Bought a Zoo" AND let me tell you, get some kleenex if you are going to watch that movie. The last scene is the killer!!!

Shabu shabu in the middle! Sushi on the right

Sushi station!

Lastly, so I'm pretty dang proud of myself for the latest care package. So I decided to make this one, the super random but useful stuff package. :) I know he was saying he was kind of getting sick of the candy, so I tried to send him some substancial food and some things to add flavor to his meals. I enjoyed it very much making this one, because I felt like it was stuff that really mattered. AND I added the video that I made for him and of course our very first movie together :)

Literally, I spoil the kid

Hygeine kit!

Apple sauce! How cool!

entertainment :)

Flava flave!

All packed and ready to go!

And my nice check list as always!

Things have been pretty awesome lately, and I think it's because God is great, and he truly is blessing us all the time, to show us his love. :) Obviously, not every day is fun, most days I just wish my boyfriend was here with me, but I'm learning to adjust with it. Him being able to iMessage me for a few days is definitely making the last few days REALLY easy for me. It's just like old times :) I can't wait until he is finally home and we can start our lives together.

Lots of love and Semper Fi <3

Secret project revealed!

2012-04-18T02:11:00.000-07:00

So I finally have some downtime to blog again! :) Nannying is getting easier which is good! So some bummer things happened in the last few days... I wasn't chosen for the pageant this year... I was really upset when it happened, but when I was able to talk to Nathan about it, I felt more comfortable with the situation. He always knows how to make me feel better and knows the right things to say. And I know that God has a bigger plan for me.

Home made guac! Thansk ralphs for 3/99cents avocado!

I can't help it, I am a prisoner to Lemonade

Tried a breakfast place in Santa Monica on Ocean Park with Amy :) [Zabies]

Lentils with poached egg

Didn't make this but isn't this the cutest idea!!! Oreo cookie in the center

But other than that, life has been great. I get to cook and try new things, which keep me busy. Nathan is able to call every once in a while, which is nice, but I definitely miss him a lot. I just hate that he has to miss all these moments in my life, but as long as he's safe, my heart is sound.

This past weekend, my friend Amy took me out on an adventure around LA! It was wonderful because even though I've gone to school here for 4 years, I really am not exposed to ALL of LA, and now I have so many new places I want to visit with Nathan when he gets back! We went to this one cake/ice cream shop called "Milk" Here is the Yelp for it
I loveddd their grass hopper which was a mint macaron ice cream sandwich with mint chocolate chip ice cream, and dipped in chocolate. DELICIOUS! And their sorbets taste like real fruit, its insane! It was like literally eating a frozen mango. I can't wait to try more little cute places in LA!

The store front!

Mmmm... so many options! Like the famous blue velvet cake!

"grass hopper"

Not at MILK, but at a small bakery in Irvine called Bon epi :)

So I'm trying to, every time I go to Whole Foods to get something I've never tried before. Because we all know Whole Foods has some really funky stuff! So this time I tried this "Iced Bhakti Chai" and it was DELICIOUS!!! I was debating getting Kombucha, but I'm glad I decided on something new.

Alright, so I know it's a big secret, but I made Nathan this video. And although now that its on YouTube he may find out about it, but I actually don't mind too much because he'll probably see it faster that way instead of waiting a month to get the hard copy! So I filmed this when I was at a family friends party, and it was inspired by another girls video to her Marine. I had so much fun editing the film, I can't wait to make another one! It's not professional or anything, just on iMovie but I think it'll make him very happy :) So Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=727m3Bwa8fw&context=C4af0793ADvjVQa1PpcFPb8zsnCwWyT-UP73wmMuNVhAx_H-h9e-I%3D

Cooking & Nannying!

2012-04-14T20:35:00.003-07:00

Oh my goodness, I can't even remember the last time I blogged! I've just been so incredibly busy with my first week of nannying. It's definitely a ton of fun (mostly because I get to work with an AMAZING family) but I am EXHAUSTED. But I got paid on Friday which was fantastic. I went out and bought my parents some gifts because for the first time in my life, I CAN! And it is seriously the best feeling ever. I might be getting something for myself very soon as well :)

Alright, so over the week, I tried making stuffed bell peppers. Here is the original recipe.
I used Turkey instead of beef, but my one regret it, I needed to get BIGGER peppers! I had so much left over stuffing!

Cut the peppers in half, get the seeds out

Boil peppers for 6-8 minutes

turkey for the healthy folks

TJ's for the win

ingredients for the stuffing (brown rice, onion, tomato sauce, ground turkey)

cooking the turkey

and then add everything!

stuff the peppers!

wish they were bigger!

stick in oven for 30-40 min

voila!

I'm in love with cooking right now! I'll post my lentils for another post :) Also, things are looking pretty good for my future. A possible career in wedding planning? We shall see!

Nathan has been at his base for a good while now which is great cause I hear from him at least once every day or two. He tells me how on post, he talks to the boys about how much he misses me and loves me :) Isn't that a great thing to hear from your boyfriend? The care package making party will be in a week! I'm so excited, pictures to come for sure! :)

Okay, I'm exhausted! Hopefully I'll have some more energy next week to blog more!

Lots of love and Semper Fi <3

Fresh new beginnings!

2012-04-08T21:21:00.001-07:00

Alright, so I got to spend a week of not being a real person and it was great! But now to start full-time nannying for a while to make some cash money!

Some great blessings have happened this week! First of all, I got an Assistant Coordinator job for a wedding coordinating company I've been interning for!!!! So fantastic. Part-time but at least I'm getting paid for what I do now :) And then I got to hear from Nathan, which was FANTASTIC. I cried hearing his voice haha.

This past Easter weekend I spent with Nathan's family and family friends, basically my 2nd family! I love their home parties so much. I mean first off, its getting to eat tons of delicious Filipino food, but I also get to hang out with such an amazing group of people. It made me miss him a lot just because it was the first time I was at one of these events with out Nathan. But it was fun nonetheless! I also got to work on a little project for Nathan. It's still a surprise but here's some cute photos from the party.

Now for some Spring time resolutions! I have been SLACKING at working out -__- and eating healthy! I've definitely been pigging out so I'm going to start eating healthier. Something I tried today was a tuna and Kale sautee. Delicious! Will post pictures soon but its healthy, cheap, and SO good! Going to start my workout tomorrow, go running or some sort of Cardio! I definitely need it. Just printed out the Group fitness schedule for the quarter, and since I work in the afternoons I'm going to have to wake up SUPER early to make the classes. -__- more motivations I suppose!

Can't wait to post the video soon!

Lots of love and Semper Fi <3

Package #3 is on it's way!

2012-04-04T23:26:00.001-07:00

The last few days I've just been relaxing with my family. Went shopping, bought a few dresses and ate some really yummy food! Sushi twice in one week, I am SPOILED! I sent out CP #3 today! He told me that you can pretty much send anything, so I added some things he can try to use in his Jetboil. I sent him some soup, some "just add water" mashed potatoes and some rice (he can get creative with that). And of course some yummy snacks, a magazine, and some more paper so he can write me more letters! hehe I got a phone call from him last night which was wonderful, I just love hearing his voice, especially his laugh. I LOVE making him laugh, it makes me feel like I'm helping ease the stress of being away for him.

I'm super cheesy... lol

I know he's going to like this!!!

Some filipino food at the mall! BBQ pork, chicken curry, pansit and fried rice

Abalone sushi. Crunchy! nom!

I also stopped by a used-book store today. I could literally spend hours just browsing through books. Not just the novels and stuff, but the self-help ones (because let's be real, it wouldn't hurt to read those!), cook books, do-it yourself, journals, planning books etc. Here are some interesting ones I found!

Veggie patties can do no wrong!

Doesn't every girl kind of wish to do this?!

Read Skinny Bitch! It'll make you want to go Vegan...for a day.

I ended up buying one book and a DVD. The book I bought is called the Blue Notebook. It's a novel about a 15 year old girl from rural India who is sold into sexual slavery by her father. It sounds great, and Khaled Hosseini had some good things to say about it and i LOVED The Kite Runner. It was only $1!!!And then I got a little something for Nay. So 3 years ago, on our first real date, we went to go see "Four Christmases"(which by the way if you haven't seen it, is HILARIOUS), and that was the night we both decided that we wanted to go to the snow together and he promised he'd take me. And I think that was the moment I knew I was going to fall in love with this guy. And whadddayaknow, I sure did! So I'll be sending those along with some other DVD's like my film I did! :)

Love this movie!

If you are reading this I just want to end with PLEASE PLEASE send your thoughts and prayers for the boys of 2/5 Echo Company. They'll really need it this week. <3

Lots of love & Semper Fi <3

Back from Spring Break, first day of real life...

2012-04-03T22:39:00.001-07:00

Hello! It's been forever! Well there's been a lot of fun things happening in my life lately, but I guess i can start with Spring Break. I went on a Carnival Cruise with my sorority sisters to Ensenada, Mexico. It was an AMAZING time but I think that will be the last time I will be going on a cruise. haha. I just could not handle the rocking of the boat. I was talking to Nathan on the phone about it and he just said, "Well, I guess I can cross of cruise off of my list of things to do with you." haha sorry babe! But it was a great week of fun and drinking with my best friends in the world. I can't wait for annual trips with my girls once we all graduate!

Our first drinks on the cruise! Ole!

Trying some escargot!

lovely Emma being sugary and sneaky!

Vanessa, Me, Mori, Emma, and Lena at the Bufadora!

Serenading us with our stashes!

Delta Love!

So now that I'm back from my cruise and out of school, I have one week of "doing nothing" slash mostly updating my resume, cover letter, applying for a job... being a real person. *sigh* But something I've always been into that I decided to incorporate more into my blog is all the yummy foods I eat! I have an obsession with taking pictures of my food, and I know there definitely is a community of people who like looking at pictures of food haha. So here are are some yummy foods I've had lately:

Sushi at Koto!

Chirashi

Indian food at a wedding! Macarons <3

"Yuzu-Omoi" Yuzu juice and Sake

Sushi Chef!

Oyster shooters: OMG I'm in love

"Ankimo" Monkfish liver

Yellowtail

Maguro

Uni

Softshell crab roll

Spring roll, Shrimp Vemicelli, and Fried Rice

Lemonade: Salmon, Ahi-tuna and cabbage, mango thing? haha

AMAZING dinner at Lemonade: Spicy Tuna sandwich, Kale salad, Lentils and apple salad

Take home box! Definitely coming back again.

Homemade Tempura! Ika, Oba, and Renkon

Homemade sashimi salad!

So I love food. haha But for my birthday, one of my best friends took me out to this restaurant in Brentwood called "Lemonade". Here's the Yelp reviews. It is DELICIOUS! and so healthy. You definitely walk out of there feeling very organic and you did your body good. :) And then the rest of the night I went out with my sisters and had a great time celebrating 22. :)

I'm starting to prep for the Tri Delta Care Package making party for the 2/5 boys! I'm so excited and from what I hear, that's ALL the boys have been excited about!! It makes me happy knowing that we're able to bring a little bit of sunshine into their lives. I'll be doing the party on April 23rd!

I also got news of the Mid-way party for the boys deployment!!! I AM SO SO SO excited!!! It's not till June, but it's still something to look forward to and it'll be like the Journey song. "Ohhhhhhh, we're half way thereeeee!"

Missing you love!

Now he can have multiple little pictures of us!

So I've been meaning to send Nathan a miniature wallet size picture for his front little pouch thing, but then his mom told me about MyPublisher. Seriously amazing! For less than $4.00 you can make a 20 page wallet size picture scrapbook! It's a really easy program, you just choose the pictures you want in the booklet, and the program basically does it all for you! So definitely a great idea for deployment Marines, because its small enough where they can carry it around anywhere!

The Hyatt hotel ballroom

"Enchanted Forest" theme :)

Wedding seasons back! That means assisting weddings again!! I had an amazing internship with a wedding coordinating company this past summer and now I get the lovely pleasure of working with them! I worked my first wedding for 2012 this past weekend and working these really gives me a lot of ideas for my own future wedding! And seeing the real thing is much more interesting than Pinterest! (Although, Pinterest is STILL amazing) I definitely want to save up for some sort of open bar and DEFINITELY hiring a videographer that does same-day edits. I watched their same-day edit for this wedding and I was going to cry! And I didn't even know the couple! Ah, weddings are spectacular.

Alright, enough is enough! Time to go look for a job!

Lots of love and Semper Fi <3

2nd CP and Spring Break!

2012-03-25T22:55:00.000-07:00

Ah, it's been forever since I've blogged last! Finals took over my life! I was very unlucky and got the stomach flu on Monday, which shot a whole day of studying for me. No bueno. But my finals are over, my film was screened (thank you for everyone who was able to come out!), and I'm done with college. Feels surreal, or I guess, it doesn't even feel different yet. I think it'll hit me once everyone is still taking classes and I'm forced to look for a job. GAWWSHH I hope I find a job, because I KNOW eventually I'm getting kicked out of my house. -__-

So it's been kind of a funky week for me and Nathan. I don't know if he just became incredible busy, but I haven't heard from him in a while. He was able to call on Sunday for like 10 minutes, but that was in the middle of the night. Before that was last Wednesday. I really hope he calls soon, I miss him voice so much. I just wish I could even get a Facebook update on what's going on with him, if he's okay, he's getting his care packages, etc.

So instead of buying him an "Easter/St.Patrick's Day/I love you" card, I decided to make one! I found my scrapbooking box and BOY do I have a lot of scrapbooking material! The reason why I gave up scrapbooking 4 years ago was because it was SO expensive. Still is, but maybe I can make one for some upcoming events I have (Cruise with my sorority sisters, graduation, Nathan's homecoming..) When it comes to arts and crafty stuff, I just LOVE using stickers! I have a sticker book that I used to have a ton of stickers and organized by theme, but it's looking a little sparse, so I'll probably start it up again. I also found these stickers that I was supposed to use for my Senior year scrapbook, but I ended up not putting on the stickers, so it gave me an idea! I told Nathan when I talked to him on the phone that when he gets back, I have to make use of the stickers some how, so he has to take me on all these dates :)

Front! Both holidays he's missed here

A bajillion miles apart...and missing you with all my heart

The back: I put some cute quotes

This weekend was fantastic! On Friday, I went out with some old high school friends to a local bar/club, and just got to catch up. Then on Saturday, I had lunch with Nathan's mom and we walked around Old Town Orange looking through boutiques and getting a bunch of ideas for parties we want to host and gifts we want to make! If only we had all the money in the world! Then we went into the cutest cupcake store called 'The Perfect Circle Cupcakery". Apparently they won "Cupcake Wars" before, which is pretty awesome. Their cupcakes were delicious!!! Can't wait to go back soon.

Delicious :)

The cupcakery!

We tried to make it like a photo frame haha

Then this morning I went out to brunch with one of my best friends Dahra and had mimosas :) It was a great way to start off a lazy Sunday. Then I finished up my package for Nay, I'm going to send it off tomorrow before I leave for my cruise!! It's going to be a funfilled week with girlfriends, no phone, no internet, just gooood ol' relaxing :)

Nay's has such a sweet tooth! Wouldn't be surprised if he got some cavities haha

Always gotta add the checklist!

Sending him some pictures from home :)

Last night when I wasn't feeling entirely ecstatic about my love being gone, it's like God sent me a little miracle. Nathan called me at 3AM! granted I was super tired but we still got to talk and it was so wonderful. I was honest with him and told him I just felt discouraged lately and just needed reassurance of his love, and he told me he'll try harder <3 He'll be sending me a letter soon! So excited. And he got me excited for my birthday coming up too. He's seriously the best thing that has ever happened to me, and being able to talk and just be ourselves makes this whole waiting thing, worth it. He's the only person in the world that understands me, and makes me feel like I'm the most important person in his life. I don't know what I'd do with out my boo. He's my Angel. <3 So I just have to pray and have faith, and love him unconditionally, and faithfully. Alright, time to pack up for my cruise tomorrow! See you in a week.

Lots of love & Semper Fidelis <3

Looking through my old photos!

2012-03-17T22:36:00.000-07:00

So i'm trying to send Nathan an online photobook so I'm looking through all our old photos and videos and found this gem:

Somen Salad & Studying galore!

2012-03-16T00:12:00.001-07:00

Alright, so I've been trying to motivate myself to study for my last finals ever, but it's definitely not going as great as I had hoped. Today, I had my last lecture at UCLA as an undergrad. Wow. I can't believe 4 years have gone by so quickly. I know I have so much to look forward to, but wow.

So to pass the time and get my mind of off Nathan being gone, I'm trying out new things. So cooking is one thing that I'm trying to get into! I was looking through my pantry and I knew I had a lot of left overs that I could use, and I decided to make some SOMEN SALAD!

Here is the recipe I got off the internet: Somen Salad!

So I started out with a few simple ingredients.
-Somen noodles
-Green Onion ( I cut them up ahead of time and then froze them in little 1 serving packets so they don't go bad as easily. Trick that my mom taught me!)
- Lettuce
- Spinach (something new I tried)
-Cucumber
-2 Eggs

Ingredients for the salad

Dressing
- Vegetable Oil
-Soy Sauce
- rice vinegar
- Sesame Seeds
- Mirin (instead of sugar)
- a touch of salt

dressing!

So first things first, I boil the noodles. You usually want to take them out a little earlier, because if you over cook Somen noodles, its really nasty. And somen cooks FAST.

Already soft!

Rinse in cold water! Or else they'll get really clumpy and gross

So while I cool my noodles, I cut up all my ingredients. Now, I still need to work on my cutting skills, so the cucumbers were a little chunky. haha But i chopped up the lettuce and added some spinach slices. I wish I had ham or cha-shu, but I was too lazy to go buy some, so I just kept it a veggie somen salad.

chunky! hehe

Then after I cut up the veggies, I made the eggs. Basically I just heat up the pan, beat the 2 eggs and then pour it into the pan. Then when it seems slightly cooked, I fold one side over so its like an omelette. Everyone has their own way of cooking the eggs.

not as pretty as I wanted it...

nom nom slices!

Lastly, you just put everything in the bowl, add the dressing (which I made separately) and then mix! Such a simple dinner, but so yummy!

before I stirred it all up

mixing with a shamoji!

Dinner is served

I feel like picking up a new hobbie is healthy, and how can you not love cooking! My next challenge is healthy homemade mac and cheese :) Haven't heard from my love for a few days, but I'm always praying for him. Little things make me think of him, like passing by Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, or stupid things he used to get mad at me for, or doing absolutely nothing and being SO happy. I just want time to fly by so much faster than it has been. I can't wait to send him his second care package!!!

Alright time to study/watch Happy Feet Two hehe.

Lots of Love & Semper Fi <3

Only HAPPY things to say!!!

2012-03-13T22:32:00.002-07:00

Oh my gosh! Tonight is the best night ever! Well first off, I went to step class with Christina and sweated my boooty off!!! And then I decided to be ambitious and make this goat cheese pasta I found online. It was DELICIOUS!!!

Falafels too!

Here is the link to the original recipe! I changed it a little, I didn't use all the goat cheese just half, and I replaced Asparagus with Spinach because I'm not asparugus' biggest fan. The lemon really adds that zest to it. I posted some other foods I make. I usually try not to eat out as much so I can save money. When I'm not feeing lazy it usually happens haha.

Gyoza, Kabocha (pumpkin), edamame and rice! Bento box!

Shrimp Udon noodles!

So anyways, I took a fresh shower and was sitting in my bed, just staring out photos of me and Nathan. And I was sort of talking to the photos (I know, I'm soo weird, I get that a lot), and just telling Nathan how much I love him and miss him, and hope he's doing okay.

THEN.

I get a phone call!!!! Totally was not expecting one today!! And the best part of it, we talked for 40 minutes!!!Ahhh!!!! We got to talk about just random things, and it felt like he wasn't even that far away!!!! We told each other how much we love each other, and added to our list of things we are going to do when he gets back.

BUT THEN.

He told me he got my CARE PACKAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!! It only took 11 days! How crazy is that. He said he loved everything in it, but the best thing was that my letter smelled like me. :) I sprayed it with my perfume! I can't believe it still smelled good :) And now that he has his letter writing kit, he has no excuse but to write me letters! tehehe.

Oh my gosh, today has been such an amazing day. These are days when I know I am surrounded by God's Grace. Small little happinesses. This is when I know, patience pays off, and you REALLY TRULY get what you deserve!

Ahh, nothing but happiness in my heart today. So, so, good.

Lots of love and Semper Fi <3

Me and Nathan's younger brother, thinking we're special ops

People call these things imperfections, but they're not, aw, that's the good stuff.

2012-03-12T01:55:00.001-07:00

You could be having a perfectly "okay" day. Made CPK pizza at home with my roommate ($5.00 for the whole thing!!!! insane), cut up fresh fruit and veggies for lunch tomorrow, and edited my film.

yum!

But I crawl into bed at 2AM, look at pictures of my love, and I just start tearing up. I pray and I cry some more. Short bursts of tears to just let it out. I miss him so much. Staring at pictures, watching videos-sometimes it can make up for them being gone, but ultimately, I just want him right next to me. He doesn't have to say anything, just sit by me. So i can feel his warmth. I can touch him. I can hold him. And I can know he's safe.
Watching/Hearing about the news is no good. My mom calls me today and shes says, "Are you okay? Did you hear about the American military?!" And my heart just drops. Of course, it wasn't about his unit or Marines at all, but life can change in an instant. I could be talking to him one day, and then the next day, who knows what can happen. I just wish he could come home. I miss him so incredibly much. Some times I have to hold my heart, because it feels so heavy when I think of him.

Please, oh please. Let time go by faster.

Lots of love & Semper Fi <3

Finals week, crunch time!

2012-03-10T21:17:00.002-08:00

Alright, so as most of you know, I'm graduating in a week and a half! Ahh! I'm so nervous! I can't believe my 4 years of college has gone by so fast... It seems like just yesterday I was a freshman in a dorm, trying to figure out this dance called college, and now, here I am, about to graduate... I know I've grown a lot since then. I've figured out a lot about me as a person, my strengths, my weakenesses, my passions, and my drive. I've fallen in love, reevaluated my love, and then fallen back madly in love. I've realized how important friendships are. I've seen the good in people, and the nasty. I was superficial and very hard on people, and have learned to be more accepting. I've learned that love is universal, spreading kindness never hurts anyone, and doing things for other people feels great. I'm learning to accept faith into my life, and know that it doesn't have to be an immediate process, and have accepted that it may take my whole life to understand it, and I'm okay with that. I've learned patience. I've learned that hard work will always be rewarded. I've learned that everything happens for a reason, even the things we wish did/didn't happen, there is always a reason for it.

I feel like the last few weeks I've been trying to get in as many hang outs with my friends, make memories to last a life time-but at the same time, me doing all this scares me, because it makes me feel like I'm running out of time. Or that- this is it. That was college, & done. I can't believe it. But looking back, through all the crazy drama and hardships, I would not change a single thing. Over the years, I've realized what it means to be a Bruin. Priding ourselves in everything that we do. Holding ourselves to the highest of standards. Being involved, and putting our whole heart into what we do. Never half-assing. The things that I have learned in the last 4 years, will carry on for the rest of my life.

Meeting Nathan has been one of the greatest things to happen to me, I know it sounds cheesy but being with him has changed me for the better. I think initially in our relationship, we were SO infatuated with each other, we couldn't stand to think of a life with out each other. But at the same time, we were so young and naive, the way we thought about love, that there were so many things that were out of order. The words we said were I love you, but the meaning behind it was not what we both wanted. And I think the time that were apart, we learned so much about ourselves. I've learned what I wanted in love, in a relationship, what I deserved, and I think Nathan realized what he lacked in as a boyfriend, what he needed to work on. I realized that a military relationship is NOT EASY. Not at all, and it really takes dedication and patience to get through it. Once we both came back together, we weren't completely different people, but definitely grew emotionally and mentally. I learned that I need to understand the situation that I'm in, and to be patient with him. He learned to start showing his emotions and him appreciation for me. And we started falling in love again. And the last 6-7 months back together has been the best ever. Getting to see him every weekend was so different from how our relationship was before, and I loved it. We got to be "normal" and I wouldn't take back a single day of it. Of course we argued like normal couples, maybe sometimes more than we should have, but that's what makes us, Us. Nathan & Sara.

Now that he's away, things are REALLY different. When he was in Maryland, he was away, but I knew he was safe. Now, I worry about his safety. I wonder what he's doing, what he's eating, what he's seeing. I pray every day, and some days are better than others. But for the most part, since he's been gone, he's able to call every 2 days, so I patiently wait for 2 days to get that random 6 digit number, and when I get that call, it lights up my life. There is no better feeling in this world than knowing that the love of your life is safe and healthy. When I talk to him, I try to just stay positive, bring up happy things, make jokes, tell him what I did that day. & We make it a point, that every time we talk on the phone, he tells me 1 thing he is excited to do when he gets back. :) That way, he always has something to look forward to!

Alright, that's enough for tonight, back to editing!

Lots of love & Semper Fi <3

My sorority sisters out on the town!

Can't sleep

2012-03-08T01:08:00.003-08:00

I know I need to go to sleep because I have early class tomorrow, but I can't get myself to. I think it's because subconsciously I hope Nathan will call me. I hope he is able to get is SPAWAR account set up, because I just would love to hear his voice :) I don't know if anyone else gets like this, but I literally have my phone on me at all times. When I'm in the shower, I'm thinking "What if he called!"

But I guess I just want to just free write for tonight. About love.

A professor once told me,

Thank God for Love.

And at first I just nodded and said, yes, absolutely. But when you really think about it, Love is Amazing. Love makes you laugh. It makes you smile so much it hurts. It makes you cry until your heart feels tight. It makes you feel things. It makes you feel alive. Love is powerful. I could watch Nathan do something so mundane, so normal, and know for certain, that's love. Love is all knowing. You could be miles apart, but knowing that 2 hearts feel just as strongly for each other, that's what keeps the fire alive. Love is making sacrifices. No one said this would be easy. No one said waiting for him to just email you would be easy. But we do it. Why? For love.

Love doesn't mean you have to be strong all the time. When you're sad, let it out. When you miss him, say it out loud.

I miss you so much Nay.

Let yourself feel these emotions. That's love telling you it's okay. Because when you cry, that just shows how much you truly and deeply care about this person. That's how madly in love you are.

You know that feeling-minutes, seconds before you see him? When he's getting off the plane, when he's driving up your street. Those butterfly feelings that, even after years of being together, just seem to flutter back into your stomach every time? Yeah, that's love. Or how about that feeling when you're just watching a movie all cuddled up, and he reaches for you and brings you in close, and kisses you. Love is everything.

Love is in your prayers. We pray to God, knowing that He loves us. We pray to God, for our boys to be safe. We pray for little miracles. I pray to God to show Nathan, someway, some how, that I am thinking of him. And because God is there, I know what love is. Love is you and me baby.

So really. Thank God for Love.

Oh dropped calls...

2012-03-06T22:55:00.000-08:00

UGH. I'm so frustrated. So finally Nathan called! And I was so happy. It was from this weird number, and I was like ohhh myyy gooodness, he called! We were able to talk for maybe a minute, and then the phone call dropped :/ And I thought he would call back, but I guess he got busy...

BUT THEN!
JUST NOW.
He called back!!! I is soooo happy!! He is safe! OMG I'm so happy. It's these little happinesses that make deployment so much easier :) He sounded good, which makes me heart feel lifted. Ahh. The best.

Here is an article that one of my girlfriends posted on her facebook and I thought it was so sweet. When I talked to him on the phone, I told him we should write letters to each other once my stationary package gets there. I'm quite excited! Well check out this article:

READ ME!
Lots of Love and Semper Fi <3

My first iMovie video of me and my love :)

2012-03-05T21:40:00.001-08:00

Hello!

So I am feeling so much better now! Just been working on little projects and getting back on track with my life to keep myself busy. The only unfortunate thing that has happened recently is I can't find my Country Music Hall of Fame cup and Disneyland sweatshirt, both which were gifts for me from Nathan! I don't know where they went, hopefully they will turn up soon :(

But in the mean time, so as I mentioned before, I am in a documentary film making class, so since I am on my way to finishing up my first film, I've been really into editing films! So I decided to take some photos and video clips from me and Nathan's road trip from Maryland to California we did over summer. We are both originally from the AMAZING state of California, so when I heard he was being stationed at Pendleton, I thought it would be so fun to make a roadtrip out of it! It was 3 days long since we sped through most of it, but it was definitely a once in a lifetime opportunity. You definitely get to bond with your partner on a whole new level, since you are on the road for hours at a time, you are able to talk about things that you may not get to talk about in a normal couples situations. That meaning, we definitely had our arguments along the way, but it was so great being able to go through states that I wouldn't usually get a chance to! I loved going to Nashville, even though we only got to stay for an hour or so, it was so fun! And it rained randomly, but we got through it. I remember when we went through Amarillo, I was SO excited because of Jason Aldean's song, but boy was I wrong. That place was tumbleweeds galor. We stopped by pretty much every single Sonics we passed by since Nathan loves slushies (I personally could care less...). I remember one of the Sonics, we went to the drive thru, he asked for a slushie, and they told us no. So we left to go use the bathroom at a convenience store, and 10 minutes later, Nathan went back and asked if they had slushies. -___- lol My boo is a silly man. The pictures are definitely only a fraction of the photos, but I just wanted to be able to put it all together some how. From September till February, it has been so wonderful having Nathan home in California. It was so different from what our relationship was like, seeing each other every 2 months, to seeing each other every week! We got to do normal couple things like, watch a movie, take a nap, do absolutely NOTHING and not feel guilty. It was the best pre-deployment gift any girl could ask for.

Today has been a good day. I'm almost done with my film and I can't wait to start getting started on my next one about Marine girlfriends/wives/fiancees/moms. :) If you have any ideas for it, message me and let me know! Especially if you are in the Orange County area, there is a possibility I will ask you to be in my film :)

Also, my sorority decided to make a sisterhood/philanthropy event out of making care packages for Nathan's unit and I am SO SO SO excited. I know the boys will really appreciate that. If you are in a sorority, you should definitely make it an event! Not only are you supporting our troops, but you are supporting your man, so it makes it more personal :)

Alright time to write my paper that's due tomorrow. Oh the woe's of graduating...

Lots of love and Semper Fi <3

Maybe some girls can relate...

2012-03-04T01:49:00.003-08:00

This is going to be a venting post.
So I just balled my eyes out... I hate it when I cry, but I know I need to let it out.
Nathan will be pushing out very soon, and maybe its because I watched the PBS documentary called "The Marines" and when they started talking about Urban warfare and everything, I just started getting more and more worried, and my heart was already feeling heavy. He was able to call me for a whole 25 minutes, and I know I should be so grateful and so happy he can even call me at all. So I recently found out that most likely the FOB he'll be at won't have wifi so even though it's been really nice being able to iMessage him for the last week, for the next 6 months, it didn't really matter if he had an iTouch or not. & I'm not going to lie, there was a part of me that was like, well it kind of sucks I spent $250 on something you can only use for a week. But I promised myself that I wouldn't complain, wouldn't start meaningless fights, or talk about anything negative when we get to talk on the phone because I only get a limited amount of time to talk to him, so I should make the most of it...right?

So that's exactly what I did. I made a few comments like, "Well I wish we could have known earlier that you weren't going to have wifi..." and I knew he was getting a little frustrated, and that's the last thing I want is for him not to be able to focus on what he has to do. So i said, "you know what babe, let's just stop talking about this." And we did. But the entire conversation after that was just kind of awkward silences and me trying not to say anything negative like when he told me his company might be the only one that doesn't get to come home earlier, and to that I said, "Well, that stinks, but that's okay." I'm trying really really hard to be supportive. But let me tell you, it's so fucking hard.

I had a huge head ache while I was talking to him, and I knew he knew something was wrong, because he kept asking me what's wrong and I just told him I'm feeling tired and maybe dehydrated, but really, I'm just so frustrated in myself and the situation. I'm frustrated in myself because I SHOULDN'T be upset about a stupid iTouch and everything else and I SHOULD be happy that he's safe, but I have to mask that frustration with fake happiness and positivity, and sometimes I wish I could just throw in the towel and be upset. I know that if he weren't on deployment, and we were just in my room, or on the phone, I could get away with complaining and being sad, and then getting over it a few hours later. But now, I just don't want to waste the precious time that we do have to communicate, over being sad or frustrated. But when I do that, I just get frustrated that I have to be this strong, supportive person. I feel like I have two opposing forces within me and I hate it. I made an effort not to cry while I was on the phone with him though, so I managed to do that.... but I wish this were easier.

It's just so hard not being "normal". Not being able to fight like a normal couple can. Not being able to get frustrated in each other. I KNOW he's feeling the exact same way, so I have no reason to complain. I know he has it tough, and I need to be strong for him. It's just that, sometimes, it's really, really, hard to be the bigger person. It's really hard to fake a smile. It's really hard to have to tell myself everything is going to be okay. It's really hard not to cry every second, of every day.

I know the healthiest thing to do is just to let it out, not in front of him, but on my own time. And as much as I am so happy I have such great friends, when I'm at my lowest and most vulnerable point, it's really hard to reach out to someone. I think it's just my personality, but when I'm vulnerable, I get really hesitant to reach out to people for comfort. I just don't want my unhappiness to ruin their day, or I don't want them to feel like they are obligated to make me feel better, it's just hard to find someone that wants to help, because in my mind, all I can think is, "but do they really want to?".

I didn't fall in love with the Corps, I fell in love with the man, and when you love someone you make sacrifices. & that's what I'll do. <3

Just having one of those nights, but I hope everyone else is having an amazing weekend.

Lots of love, and Semper Fi <3

Waiting for your arrival: A USMC girlfriend's story

THE HOME STRETCH!!

2 months to go!! Prepping for Homecoming!

late night, and I'm tired

It's time to build a strong heart

10 things I've learned, and plan to continue

Dear deployment

Military movies galore!

In Japan!

Can't even remember the last time I blogged!

Secret project revealed!

Cooking & Nannying!

Fresh new beginnings!

Package #3 is on it's way!

Back from Spring Break, first day of real life...

2nd CP and Spring Break!

More videos of me and my boo!

Looking through my old photos!

Somen Salad & Studying galore!

Only HAPPY things to say!!!

People call these things imperfections, but they're not, aw, that's the good stuff.

Finals week, crunch time!

Can't sleep

Oh dropped calls...

My first iMovie video of me and my love :)

Maybe some girls can relate...