Waited in Wuzhou, Came from Kunming

Tough Cookie

2013-04-06T22:47:00.001-04:00

Ah, SPRING BREAK! This has brought much adventure to our household!

Hope and I went to Washington to visit my sister and her family. Hope also was able to visit a former friend from her foster village. Even though they were still thousands of miles apart, they were able to connect briefly in an international village for the day.

Easter morning brought us to Westminster Church with long-time friends, Lavonne Dideon and Cathy Worrell. It has been my long time dream to meet Yahoo group friends face-to-face--perhaps someday I will make it to the Eastern coast too! (Annie and Angie, I am still hoping!!!) The service was great; I was in tears more than once and the message was a topic of conversation in our family through the week.

The best part of our trip was getting to know our niece and nephew (cousins for Hope). Between the crunchy brown mice, chirping finches and growling Lilo, it was worth it's weight in gold. (Those who understand…understand!)

It was sad missing Easter with my family. The kiddos at home did staggered basket hunts, divided egg hunts, and Easter service with their holiday dresses without me. However, they did it well and the memories were worth the absence.

In an effort to "make it up" to my kiddos at home, I took them to an open-gym at our gymnastics gymnasium. We did it on Tuesday with Andrew, Hannah and Amanda, and we also repeated the excursion on Thursday. Originally I planned on picking up my eldest daughter, Hailey, from the airport during the gym time but her "special someone" Daniel asked to have the honors. For that, I am SO grateful! I needed to be present.

It was a simple mistake--Jumping to the high bar. Hannah did it (with permission first) and then encouraged Mandy to do the same. Mandy jumped, grabbed, slipped and fell--just wrong. She ended up breaking her elbow and needing surgery to put the piece of bone back into place with a surgical screw (as well as sewing a chip back into place…how do they do that??!?). My little girl who only cries silent tears didn't stop waterworks for over an hour…big indication that something was VERY wrong! X-rays showed that an early morning appointment with the orthopedic doctor was prudent…and he "just happened" to clear his schedule prior to today to accommodate for E.R. surgeries…namely, Mandy's, whose took over 2 hours.

As I mentioned, Mandy is a silent tear crier. She holds all of the "questionable" emotions inside. However, once she was given a sedative via I. V., she opened up considerably! Before surgery she was quipping about the room, the needles, us…anything she could focus on! She said I looked like I had four eyes…and I don't wear glasses. The funniest thing happened afterwards.

Dave (who "just happened" to take a day off work…anyone connect the spiritual dots besides me???) and I greeted Amanda as she woke up from surgery. Dave said, "How's my little Cookie?" to Mandy as she entered the room. With a totally perplexed look on her face, Amanda asked."I went into surgery, and now I'm a cookie?" If she wasn't so serious, we wouldn't have lost it--but she was, and we did. :) After a while of eyebrow raising and abnormally animated antics from Amanda, we were able to go home.

We are so thankful for all the e-mails, phone calls and flowers that were sent to Amanda. As she came out of her stupor, she relished the attention. Even her virtual twin was pining for the attention…as she adorned the room with signs and pictures she drew for her sister.

Hopefully the Tylenol 3 will last the night. Hopefully tomorrow will be pain-free. Hopefully Amanda will realize just a little bit more how important she is to our family. Dickens had it right: It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. This tragedy left a bunch of fertile ground for my baby to grow in.

You are surrounded in prayers, Mandy!

All my best,

Amy

New Year’s Resolution

2013-01-03T21:01:00.001-05:00

Being the mother of a collage-aged son who lives 13 hours away, I have had to learn to let go. Don’t get me wrong; my first-born has never done anything (much) to cause me grief or worry. Not knowing is half the battle—where he’s going, who’s he’s with, and choices he’s facing. The other half is knowing that bad things happen to good people, and that is the half that keeps me combating with worry and on my knees.

When my first-born received his driving license, my husband and I stayed up EVERY TIME he was out late. After a few months, we would take turns nodding off until Austin was safely home…but now we have let go of those reigns as my son has a schedule totally unknown to us. Even when Austin came home for Christmas break, we would be asleep by the time he returned home at night. Until…

One night Austin was out late. I was with the rest of the family when I was overwhelmed with fear for Austin. The previously stated phrase, “Bad things happen to good people,” flashed like a neon sign in my mind, and I was instantly trembling. I didn’t say anything to anyone else as I thought I was having a case of over-protective-mom-syndrome, but I did start praying for his protection, safety on the road, angels to protect him from dangerous situations and God to keep him in the palm of his hand. This continued until I was in bed, and I drifted into sleep.

The next day as I was chatting with Austin, I admitted that even though he has grown up so much, I was really afraid for him the night before. As the words came out of my mouth, Austin’s eyes became round as saucers and he locked them on me. He said that he had THE SAME FEELINGS the previous night! He said that he didn’t know why, because the roads weren’t as bad as the night before, but he was very concerned as he was driving.

It would be one thing for Austin to say what he did, but his reaction was what emphasized what he experienced. I don’t think that my prayers are anything special, but I do know the One whom I pray to is…I don’t pretend that I know what will happen, but I know that my God does.

My new year’s resolution is not for better fitness or losing weight or more patience. Those things are necessary, some more than others, and will happen (sometime or another). My commitment to myself, to my family, and to my Lord is to listen to His voice. I will only be able to hear Him when I spend time in His Word so it will take time and effort. When he speaks, either in the wind, the earthquake, the fire or the whisper, I need to obey (1 Kings 19:11-13). My family depends on it.

All my best,

Amy

We’re In!

2012-12-31T11:30:00.001-05:00

A couple months ago Dave and I decided that both Hope and Andrew should join us in the Riverbank Run (25k=15.5 mi) next spring. This delighted both kids—and sent Hope to the treadmill! After she put in over 20 miles in the basement last week, Dave and I considered the next step…and signed up the four of us for a MARATHON next spring, one month after the Riverbank Run! Yes, that is a whole 26.2 miles to be run consecutively by four Fathmans with three cheerleading girls to root us on. J

As a side note, I am still healing from my foot surgery last summer, I have not run for weeks due to bronchitis, and marathon training takes a LOT out of a busy homeschooling mom’s schedule (heck, out of anyone’s schedule!)…but the marathon bug bit my dear husband and the kids’ interest were the rational to doing it now…I feel like a deer in the headlights but what can I say? We’re in this, and we’re doing it together.

What a great place to be!

Anyone interested in cheering us on this spring???

PS Although it will be in Massachusetts, my eldest will also be embarking on a run of a different sort: a “Muddy Buddy”, which blends 12 miles of running with multiple obstacles, mixing with ample mud, of course. I don’t jest when I say that the running stores received a large percentage of my husband’s paycheck this week… J Any east-coasters are welcome to root for Austin!

All my best,

Amy

Just Not Enough

2012-12-23T09:45:00.002-05:00

This week Hope and I were talking about her recent love for running. This beautiful girl, as recent as last year, HATED running with a passion. Now she hits the treadmill on a regular basis for 6-12 miles, sometimes even upping the grade to 12%! Although I never pushed running on her, she has gleaned this love from me (and her goals from her coach.) We were bantering back and forth when she grabbed my arm and told me how cool it would be if I was her bio mom. I didn’t know what to say, but she had words enough for both of us. She went on and on how much she wished I would be her bio mom—I told her that although she didn’t grow in my belly she grew in my heart, and she is more like me than some of my bios!

This has been bouncing around in my head the past few days. I am deeply touched that she wants to be my bio child—but at the same time, I am saddened because I can never be the mom that she deeply desires and needs. No child should have to endure being “given up” by their mother—made worse by the fact that her past is shrouded in secrecy. I can strive to be the best mom for her, but even on my best day, I am still, not the bio.

Even if I can’t be what she desires, I am still blessed to be what she needs…today…tomorrow…and every day I am blessed with her.

All my best,

Amy

All Fun with Games

2012-11-30T15:49:00.001-05:00

My dear Hope is such a deliberate, hard-working girl. I never have to remind her to do her homework; when the table needs to be set before dinner, she stops what she’s doing and does it without being told. If she is doing her laundry, she often empties Hannah’s and Amanda’s hamper to do with her own. I must admit, her folding is much better than my own!

One thing Hope does not do well is play. This was a real struggle when she first came home—it was something more foreign than the language. Over the years Hope has engaged in some methods of play—shooting hoops, jumping rope, going on a bike ride. Almost always she is doing it solo—no game playing or form of competition permitted. For this reason, ALL board and card games are avoided like the plague. There is not convincing her once her mind is made up! Generally when Hope resists, I can tell it is futile to pursue; she has made up her mind and nothing will change her mind. Only her attitude will change—and it will go from bad to worse!

Sometimes, however, if I detect just a glimmer of a sparkle in her eye, I know that she wants to play, but is afraid to try. Afraid to fail. Afraid to look foolish. Afraid to be the only one who doesn’t get it.

This past weekend we had ASTOUNDING victories in the “try something new” and “play” departments!

I asked her to join me and some of her younger siblings in a board game. I think she was really getting bored with her holiday weekend and was open to doing something, anything, to beat the boredom. Hey, whatever it takes, right? Even when one of her older siblings joined she was willing to try, but when this sibling’s sweetheart also joined, Hope was MORE than ready to bail. This couple is rather cut-throat in their game-playing tactics, and Hope was ready to bolt like a rabbit. Thankfully I convinced her to stay and be on Hannah’s “team” since Hannah “ wouldn’t know how to do it by herself”. All of a sudden, it was appointed work—so with much coaxing (and sitting next to me) she stayed and played.

The next day one of my sons, my husband and I were planning on going into the state forest behind our house to do some target practice. My husband and I recently received our CPL and I really wanted to know how to use what we own properly…and my son just likes to shoot. (Boys! J) Dave invited Hope to join us…again, that glimmer!...and through much coaxing, Hope agreed to at least walk out with us, knowing that she could leave at any time. We were using our garden’s leftover vegetables that had begun to rot as targets—the “carnage” would feed the deer. Can you believe Hope shot a 380, a 9mm, and a shotgun??!? Granted, no vegetables were wounded in her attempts, but she TRIED it and ended up SMILING!!!

We were on a roll! I decided to push it a bit farther and asked Hope to play a different game with us—one that required a bit more strategy than the first. Since the competitive duo wasn’t at our house, she reluctantly agreed, and she wasn’t even a part of a team. Although she didn’t win, she ended the game smiling. She did it. Or should I say: SHE DID IT!!!

It’s no longer anything big for Hope to run 10 miles on the treadmill or even 5 miles at an incline of 7% and above. That was last summer’s battle, and she conquered it. She not only has her sight set on next year’s cross country team, but she also has started training for the 5/3 Riverbank 25k Run in Grand Rapids in May. Two years ago her battle was navigating High School—in which she just received all A’s again—and maintains her 4.0 GPA. (side note, so does her brother Andrew, an accomplishment which deserves a “Whoot-whoot!” here.)

I can’t help but to wonder what this newly acquired success will bring her way. To not be afraid to try…or to fail…or to look foolish…to not have as much of the fear of man dictating what she can and can’t do.

I’ll keep you posted!

All my best,

Amy

Our New Normal

2012-09-10T13:35:00.002-04:00

Recently, we have been faced with changes and new beginnings:

Austin left for MIT.

Hailey and Hope went to work at their new cleaning business they started together.

Andrew and Dave made and shot off a potato canon (Wow! It was crazy-loud and powerful!)

Hannah and Amanda started their new “official” dog care business together. (my babies!)

Hannah and Amanda also started riding bikes with hand brakes—no more little bikes for them!!!

Hope ran 19 ½ miles!!! (she missed a day of training during the week b/c it was 88 and full sun by the time she woke up—she ran two on the treadmill, but was bored beyond tears and biked six. She made up yesterday’s run this am and today’s run this pm!)

We all (minus Austin, but we thought of him frequently!) made marshmallow shooters and had a marshmallow war. Our dogs had a great time cleaning up after us!

Hailey took the ACT, swam for hardware in West Michigan Relays, and then finished at her part time job at a local ice cream shop.

(deep breath!)

Such is a day in our life.

Our days are full. Our dinner table is not. Even when we had Austin’s friend over for dinner, I felt that we were missing someone…Hailey asked who wasn’t there, and my first response was that she was…where???...who???...then I realized we were all together. Now we have a real opening at the table. Our lives are busy and full—I am not lacking anything! And yet…

I will be content with all things—but change is normal—and what will tomorrow’s normal be???

Praying for what God has in store for us!

All my best,

Amy

Called to Action

2012-09-10T13:33:00.001-04:00

Allow me to share a bit of a story. It is like the “Choose Your Own Adventure” series of books, where the reader is given several opportunities to make choices that lead to different endings. Like those books, what happens next is up to you.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away (aka southern China), there lived a poor little orphan girl. She lived with her foster family in a small village outside Kunming. While she was not living at her home, she lived at school, because it was too far away to make the journey daily. During her many years at her foster home and school, this girl made several friends, some close ones, especially with other orphans like her. The loss of parents has a way of binding people.

One day, just a few days before her 14^th birthday, she was abruptly removed from everything she had ever known, brought to the orphanage for a weekend, and then handed over to two odd-looking, big-nosed, foreign strangers. Forever.

Over two years later, this girl has grown in her new land, her new home, her new family. She has blossomed into a lovely young lady who is becoming more self-confident than before and is sweet to her core. During this time she has kept in contact with her friends in China via phone and QQ (Chinese Facebook). It happened that in one of her first calls to her foster family she talked to one of her friends. This friend had become her foster sister, as the foster family needed a replacement to keep up with all the work the orphan girl was used to doing. During the phone call, the new foster sister was crying and asking, “Why you? Why were you chosen and not me? What’s wrong with me?” Enter survivor guilt! The conversation didn’t end well to say the least. This past spring, the former-orphan-turned-daughter was able to take a trip to visit her former foster village, family and friends. She was treated like quite the celebrity! The foster sister who had originally cried and accused on the phone was hugging this girl’s neck, claiming her to be her best friend. Two other former friends also came to spend the day with the girl, reconnecting and sharing their lives for a day.

Just as school has started in the US, school has also begun in China. These three girls, the former friends and foster sister, have been given the opportunity to continue their education, which doesn’t always happen for orphans in China. Two have made the decision to go to trade schools; one is continuing on in a high school. These schools are residential; much too far to travel daily and the two friends have been removed from their foster homes. They have no other place to go.

Here is the part in the story that you have a chance to alter the outcome. Love Without Boundaries has taken these three girls into their program to raise funds for their education. Right now they can attend school—but if funds don’t come in, they will be removed.

You can see them here: http://www.lovewithoutboundaries.com/programs/education/sponsor-a-child/

My daughter was given the opportunity to give them their Westernized names seen on the site. She researched name meanings and tried out dozens while looking at their photos. J

Will you please consider sponsoring one (or all three!) of these girls every month? My daughter prays for them regularly and is waiting with anxious expectation as to what will happen next. I rarely plead for financial assistance, but as a mom of a girl who has heard the call to action, I will do my part as well.

All my best,

Amy

I am in AWE!

2012-08-12T16:25:00.001-04:00

It has been 2 ½ years since Hope has been home. When she arrived, she talked about not having to run anymore. It was a requirement in her school, and although I thought at first she missed it, she later let me know that she NEVER wanted to run again. In fact, when she and I would go on little jogs together (bonding time), she would barely be able to run between mailboxes without slowing down to a S L O W walk and breathing heavy.

Fast forward to the following spring. Andrew was training for cross country—Hope decided to try and run a mile with me too. We did more walking than running at first, but then it lengthened to two miles, mainly jogging. Not too bad, but she said that she didn’t want to run like her brother!

Throughout the school year, Andrew kept encouraging Hope to join the Cross Country team. Hope didn’t want to commit, but I took her for a sports physical “just in case”. When she didn’t sign up at the end of the school year, Andrew took the liberty to write down her name on the team’s roster. (without her knowledge, of course J) Hope took the training schedule and started it, without committing, she let me know.

Without getting stuck in the details, only two months later, Hope has run OVER 230 MILES!!! Never mind the blisters, never mind getting up at 5 am to get the run in before band camp for a week, never mind the 90-degree heat most of the summer! She even learned that running in the rain can be enjoyable, deer and wild turkey can be seen in the multitudes when you are on the road, and sometimes you can run 11 miles just because it feels good. As of yesterday, she officially “committed” herself to the team!

I am so proud of my girl!

BTW, I am also proud of my boy—he is now over 300 miles in his 2 months of training for cross country!

Way to go, Andrew and Hope!! You both have done what was formerly-considered *impossible*!

All my best,

Amy

Happy 10th Birthday!

2012-06-17T23:12:00.001-04:00

Amanda’s birthday is here! We are getting ready to celebrate her big two-digit birthday! The festivities began today, bringing cookies into her Sunday school class. Next will be her actual birthday DAY, with cookies brought in to her drawing class, followed by a trip to BWW for dinner. Dave and I typically go to BWW for our date night and I usually bring home 18 wings for the kiddos—6 honey BBQ for Hannah and Hailey, my non-spicy girls; 6 Thai curry for Hope and Austin; and 6 hot BBQ for Andrew and Amanda. Now she will be able to get as many as she wants, followed by her own birthday scoop of ice cream and a candle. Usually I wouldn’t go so lame for the cake, but we just made strawberry and strawberry/rhubarb pie for Father’s Day and Mandy’s birthday party is on Thursday, which necessitates a cake. Mandy says cake gets boring after a while: I’m glad, otherwise I will be eating more than my fair share!

Amanda used to follow Hannah’s lead for the birthday planning and invite list. This is the first year she has expressed her opinion as to what SHE wants. I know that her virtual twin is still influencing her from the side-lines, but it is fun to watch MANDY plan her party. My “whatever” and “I don’t know” girl is finally growing into her own opinion!

Happy Birthday, my Amanda-Panda!

All my best,

Amy

China Bound and Blessings!

2012-05-24T15:35:00.001-04:00

We always told Hope that someday we would bring her back to China to visit her family and the national treasures she heard about but never saw. God ordained an opportunity for an excellent fare on airline tickets…so the future became today! The day before spring break Hope, Hailey, and I headed for the airport for an incredible experience.

Our trip was not without mishap! Before we even left Grand Rapids, we accepted a “bump” and were awarded $400 each to take a pre-paid taxi ride to Detroit and were given vouchers for dinner as well. Once we boarded, not one of us slept, thanks to some very social passengers who liked to talk LOUDLY 4 feet from our seats. Even after I shhhushed them in Chinese (yes, I was proud of that!) another group of them gathered to socialize in their not so quiet voices.

First stop: Beijing. Miraculously, God ordained a blue sky and light breeze for us to explore the Great Wall. We interacted with other Chinese groups—they laughed with us and us with them—it was a welcome break to the panting and gasping from the steep climb. We enjoyed the sights, but really enjoyed the path PAST the allowed passage.

It was more costly than expected, but we also splurged on a chute ride down the incline.

Xie xie, Chen Tai tai!

We also visited the Forbidden City and closed it down. It was my third trip but never have I been with someone who was so interested in the famous buildings. Both Hailey and Hope recognized some of the buildings from the Chinese movies Hope enjoys so much.

The second day we visited the Summer Palace. It was a beautiful day again and we enjoyed meandering through the grounds. We walked and explored for hours! Once we decided that we were tired and wanted to go back to the hotel, it took at least another hour to find our way out—we got so lost!!!

That night, Hope was stricken with nerves about visiting her foster family. It made for a very prickly evening, but through it all, she learned values of family. It seems that every time Hope acts ugly, our relationship is refined as silver. We aren’t leaving her. Her value doesn’t decline with bad choices. The safest place is in Momma’s arms, not pushing her away.

We loved Beijing, but the next stop was Kunming! It was another Horrible Flight with turbulence, but once we arrived, Hope’s former teacher met us at the airport. She melted into tears, but it meant the world to her. The next day her teacher (and husband) insisted upon driving us to Hope’s foster village. Originally, Hope told us it was a 4-5 hour trip…I was SOOOO glad that she was exaggerating! We had planned on staying for lunch; we ended up staying for dinner as well. Hope was able to meet an aunt and uncle she never knew before; she met her younger foster brother for the first time (who was SO cute and needs a forever family) and she connected with former friends. It was quite the day—Hope was like a celebrity and people flocked around her. Hope’s “older sister” in her foster family (who she knew before but was only brought in to replace Hope’s work once she was adopted) had talked to Hope over a year ago in a call back home. She had asked Hope “Why were you chosen? Why not me?” which sent Hope in a spiral of survivor’s guilt. Now she gave Hope gifts and told her that Hope was her best friend. Hope even commented later about how her older brother (the family’s bio son) was nicer to her. We exchanged gifts; I was VERY glad that we purchased so many and Hope was tickled that she chose the right size for everyone! After the many hours, we went back to the hotel tired, satisfied, and burdened for those left behind.

The next day we enjoyed over the bridge noodles for breakfast, taught Hope the art of bartering for souvenirs, and headed back to the airport. Of course the turbulence was horrid—we were experiencing weightlessness and people were using their air sickness bags all around us. We landed in Shanghai and were greeted by a driver—very welcomed sight! He did get lost trying to find our vehicle…but we made it to the hotel in time for me to savor a glass of wine before bed.

The best laid plans are not foolproof. Hailey has been dreaming of seeing a boy she met when we lived in Shanghai 4 years ago. He was a resident of the Cere Care Center—has CP and perhaps on the spectrum for Autism. Dave has visited him with his trips to Shanghai with work and has taken photos. But, when we traveled halfway across the world to visit him… he was gone for the Tomb Sweeping holiday. Hailey was heartbroken, but I tried to console her in saying that it meant that we would just mean that we would return. J

Our first night we were treated to a Shanghai-ese dinner by a friend of Dave’s. In all our time in Shanghai 4 years ago, we never ate like we did that first night! Bruce also procured tickets to the Shanghai acrobatics show—it was as good now as it was years ago. Truly amazing what they make their bodies do!

A dear friend met us at the Cere Center and then took us out to lunch. She is supposed to be visiting Canada this month and then coming to the states this summer…perhaps she will allow us to show her the hospitality she showed us! I won’t make her eat pig’s feet, however. J

A final stop for the day was at the pearl market. I had gifts to buy for my bible study ladies and Hailey had friend that she wanted to bless. We bartered and bantered, we sought great buys and great jewelry. I was really wanting a new pair of beaded sandals but the faces of my daughters said it was time to go…so we headed out. A last minute purchase for hair accessories led to an elongated browse…and then the bartering began in earnest. Hope had learned some of the tricks of the trade and enjoyed haggling. She was definitely an asset as she spoke Mandarin, which typically got the prices lower than we could get them. I know enough Mandarin to get me in trouble, and after at least 10 minutes of bartering back and forth, I heard the shopkeeper start to tell Hope, “ Really, these things I would ask 100 kwai ($16)…” What I didn’t realize was that she was going to offer a lower price…but I blurted out, “100 kuai???” and then I zurburted on her. Raspberried. Made a very undistinguished sound in her general direction, expressing my disgust. Honestly, I didn’t mean it, but I was tired, bone tired, and exasperated to have to go through the process AGAIN to buy a simple headband and comb for my girls. PRAISE GOD that it caused everyone to erupt in laughter—including the shopkeeper! We ended up getting a lower price than I imagined—AND the girl selling the merchandise HUGGED me before I left! How uncharacteristic of a Chinese girl!!! We still laugh about it today…although the story has morphed into me actually spitting at the girl…which I will never admit to b/c it didn’t happen!

Very early the next morning our flight home was changed from stopping in Japan to being a direct flight. It was a long flight, we didn’t sleep, but it was a necessary evil to get HOME. We hated to leave but were anxious to be home at the same time.

Once we returned to GR, our family greeted us with open arms and bear hugs. It took the better part of a week to get over the jet lag (it’s always worse returning home, isn’t it??!?) but it was good to be together again. There is something about FAMILY…and that is where our heart is!

All my best,

Amy

Virtual Twinning…Again!

2012-05-13T01:57:00.001-04:00

I am so thankful for *free* services offered by our local public school! Both Hannah and Amanda are in speech therapy once a week. Why? Because Hannah speaks like I did when I was young and Amanda speaks like Hannah. She has definitely learned her “Hann-ese” well—their speech therapist has her work cut out for her!

These girls are so blessed! They complete each other’s sentences; they are a constant companion; they encourage each other to new levels in schooling, memorization, and imagination.

I can’t imagine life without my girls. Anything else would be less-than.

All my best,

Amy

Straight A’s!!! AGAIN!!!

2012-03-01T21:45:00.000-05:00

This is a proud momma moment!

My three high school students pulled straight A’s again, second trimester this year!!!

Looks like we’ll be taking them out to dinner, our “reward” for a job well done. (Worth the investment in my opinion!)

May I add that this was Hope’s first English class in high school…coupled with Economics and Chemistry…my girl did GOOD!

Thanks for listening to me crow!

All my best,

Amy

Saying Goodbye

2012-02-28T23:15:00.001-05:00

Tonight I was the hands and feet for my son. A classmate of his was broadsided and killed by a drunk driver last week. Her visitation was very filled with friends and relatives—I chose not to go through the receiving line. I didn’t know her in life—I didn’t feel right looking at her in death. I thought and practiced conversations with her mom three dozen times in the past week—each and every one ended in my weeping—not what her mom needed at a night like this. In the end I signed the registry, including both mine and my son’s name, walked around looking for someone I knew, and stood in the back of the room, watching her mom and staring at her coffin. The photos that were in the reception room were probably still put together from her graduation open house last spring. Her videos from script-writing class are immortalized forever. Tonight I felt and still feel somber: thankful that my 5 children are at home, either sleeping or studying for exams; thankful that my eldest is at school studying his brains out and swimming his heart out. I feel indulgent that I have so many beautiful blessings, and Bethany’s mom is grieving in a way that I never want to understand. I have a wonderful sister that shares her name, one that is too far away for me to hug, which I would do tightly tonight. And tonight, I was an extension of my eldest son, who knew her briefly but will never forget Bethany.

All my best,

Amy

I Shudder to Think!

2012-02-06T12:52:00.002-05:00

Recently, a lot of our conversations around the dinner table have been retrospective about our girls’ life in China before life with us. Unfortunately, Amanda doesn’t remember much, but Hope does, and we continually learn more about her former life.

We are cautious not to belittle what she had before and to acknowledge what she endured to make the adjustment through the adoption. We were talking about her feelings when she saw us, when we took her away, living in the hotels, boarding the airplanes, etc. Hope told us that she never took off her coat while in China because she was not used to buildings having heat. Her former school didn’t have it and neither did her foster home. She was expecting to have it get cold in the middle of the night, so she wore it CONSTANTLY. She also mentioned that her former foster family didn’t have an ample water supply, hot or otherwise, to have the hour long hot showers like she originally told us. (not that we believed her, but she finally trusts us enough to tell the truth and that she wasn’t honest before.) Most sobering, however, was when we talked about her fears and feelings about coming here. She told us that she was told that she MUST say that she wanted to be adopted; that she didn’t have an option. I asked her if she knew she could say no to us, would she have done so? She said Yes, without a moment’s hesitation. (talk about a heavy silence that followed that bombshell!) But she also followed up that statement that she is so glad that she did come home with us to be a part of our family.

In light of other families returning home without their older children because the children decided at the last moment they didn’t want to be adopted, I shudder to think of our family if Hope knew she had that option. Is it really in the best interest to give a 12 or 13 year old the life-altering choice to have a forever family or to stay in China as an orphan? I know my eldest daughter still thinks she knows everything but is desperately needs her parents to give her firm guidelines and to reign her in when she wants to go astray. I could never allow her to make a monumental decision that would affect her for the rest of her life based on fear of the unknown with no regard to the opportunities she would (or wouldn’t) have. Why do governments think this is a good idea??

Once again, a glimpse of the providence of God has been revealed to us. We are SO thankful for his hand!

All my best,

Amy

Happy 2-Year Homecoming!

2012-02-04T12:47:00.000-05:00

It is SO hard to remember life without our Hope and Amanda!!! Has it only been two years? It seems like forever.

At the same time, it is incredible to think of all that the girls have accomplished in two years:

Became conversational in English (Amanda had NO English upon arrival and Hope depended on Google translate)

Found their niche in our family—Amanda as a virtual twin of Hannah J

Amanda discovered that she has an imagination (once again—NO imaginary skills upon arrival!)

Hope went from “showing effort” in middle school to pulling straight “A”s in high school

Amanda competing in Bible Quiz Bowl for AWANA and achieving 2^nd place out of 9 teams (this included standing on a stage and giving answers into a microphone!)

These are just a sampling of what they have accomplished—which doesn’t really define who they are. Hope is SO MUCH like me—I continually remark how much she is like her mom—because there are likenesses that go way beyond the physical. She is also a LOT like her closest brother, Andrew. They are probably more like virtual twins than either would admit. I hope they realize it soon and learn to embrace the relationship they could have!

David just mentioned that he can’t imagine life without “the girls”. I can, but the only way I could describe it would be flat. These girls have brought dimension to our family and to ME that is beyond measure. I can imagine life without them, but I certainly wouldn’t want it!

To my beautiful Asian Daughters—Hope Katherine XiFan and Amanda Beth MinZhi—Welcome Home!!!

All my best,

Amy

Cat’s out of the Bag!!!

2011-12-24T08:56:00.001-05:00

Tonight Dave was putting the two little girls to bed. He encouraged them to think about what they would write to Santa in a letter to leave by his cookies on Christmas eve. Hannah exclaimed “There’s no Santa—I think YOU’RE Santa!” Amanda chimed in and said, “Yea, and Mom’s the Easter Bunny!”

Sigh. No fooling anyone anymore!

All my best,

Amy

Homeschool Highlight!

2011-12-18T21:59:00.002-05:00

Last week I was wrapping up schooling with my two little girls (affectionately nicknamed “Thing 1” & “Thing 2”). As I was making an o-so-nutritious lunch of ramen noodles, I was quizzing them on their multiplication skills. After exhausting numbers up to 12’s, I decided to see how much they remembered from Geography last year. (We had worked on an overview of the US) Thinking it was only fair to start easy, I asked them if they remembered the name of our state’s (Michigan) capital. Hannah was stumped, but Amanda was eagerly hopping in her seat, exclaiming that she knew it. My hopes for her retention came crashing down when she proudly answered “M-I”.

As soon as we start the new year, we will have to start a language unit on homonyms. J

All my best,

Amy

Hello Again

2011-11-13T22:12:00.001-05:00

How many moments have passed by that I haven’t logged? How many milestones will go by unnoticed? I am sad that I missed writing about them, because they won’t be remembered. Nor will they be able to be used to encourage anyone else. Although I can’t recall every point that has happened in these walls, but to try to catch up:

My momentary child, Avery, has decided to remove himself from our family. Although I thought he was our forever child, we were a step in his walk of life. I praise God for the opportunity—we have grown through it all and God has shown himself faithful.

My eldest son, Austin, has made his pilgrimage to MIT. He has now discovered that he was a big fish in a small pond while at home, but a small fish in an ocean at school! He has been doing problem sets on Friday nights, swim meets all day Saturdays, and realizing that even though the food is good and plentiful where he is, there is no place like home. J He is scheduled to come home for Thanksgiving; our holiday will have new meaning this year!!!

Hailey, our eldest daughter, is swimming at state next weekend. This will be her third time of swimming at the big house…this year is at Oakland U. She has done a good job so far—at conference her times for 100 back dipped into the 1:01’s which earned her the unique opportunity of painting her daddy’s toenails hot pink with blue polka dots. J It was quite a show!

Andrew finished his cross country season and is doing dry land conditioning for swimming. He is a diver, but keeping his options open. J He also is in the school’s musical of Footloose, opening in 3 weeks. His director wanted to know if any of the boys could do back flips as a part of the dance scenes, and although Andrew doesn’t know how, he decided it was time to learn. After a few attempts in the back yard, he was able to finagle a back handspring. Now he is attempting a back flip—I hope we can stay out of the ER until closing night!

Hannah and Amanda are still two peas in a pod. They are still homeschooling, much to my delight. Amanda is working a grade behind in reading, spelling and language, but is doing splendidly in the rest of her subjects. The two of them encourage each other to better things—Amanda was completing her spelling with better accuracy than Hannah at first; now Hannah is setting the curve. Amanda is amazing at math—she memorizes her facts and remembers them FOREVER. She and Hannah are working in the same book for AWANA this year—at the same pace, out-memorizing everyone else in their class. The biggest thing, however, is the imagination that Amanda has acquired! When she first came home, she would look at Hannah quizzically when Han would try to play house, my little ponies, etc. Now the two of them can be lost in “Imagination-land” for hours! Unfortunately, our house usually shows the effect of their imaginative play! J

Hope has been emerging from her shell more and more. My beautiful daughter has entered high school and is pulling straight A’s! Although she didn’t join any sports or groups this year, she has expressed an interest in joining the cross country team next year. Andrew has been very encouraging to her; she has also logged many miles with me this summer/fall! Although she sometimes tries to compete against herself and improve her times, she also uses the 1:1 time to just talk. I have connected more with my daughter while with our running shoes on than just about any other time. J Dave and I told her that when she finally gets the opportunity to go back to China and visit the Great Wall, she needs to be in shape to be able to walk it. She took us to heart and will either run on the road, on the treadmill, or do P90X in our basement. (If Tony Horton only knew!!!) I had the blessing of taking her 1:1 for a girls morning shopping trip this past Saturday. Although it was only to one store in the mall and grocery shopping, she was introduced to the fun of trying on beautiful clothing that we had no intention of buying, getting a makeover AND free makeup from the Clinique counter, AND lots of food samples since it was the weekend. Hope had told me in the past that her foster mom NEVER spent time with her 1:1—the eldest bio son was always there or she had work to do. She enjoyed 4 hours of mom-time, but more importantly, she allowed me to connect with her in a way she never allowed me to in the past.

Whew. It is therapeutic to journal! I hear about so many other people’s adoptions and their difficult times YEARS after homecoming. My girls are perfect for us—I have a connection with them that defies comprehension since they haven’t even been here for 2 years! Have there been tough times? YES!!! Even tonight Hope was short circuiting about going to a social event at our youth pastor’s house with her sister and brother. BUT>> through it all, God is glorified, we are edified and equipped to walk alongside another family who makes the FANTABULOUS choice to adopt.

Thank you for following up on us! I hope to share more soon!

All my best,

Amy

Just checking in

2011-09-03T00:46:00.001-04:00

It has been so long since I posted. Not because I haven’t had momentous things to share; it has been more of wondering what would be appropriate.

First, the noteworthy!

Our eldest son is off! He is officially in his dorm room at MIT, launching frozen chickens at stone pigs, having water wars, building and racing land yachts. We endured an earthquake going out and a hurricane coming back. He had a mandatory class about how to have sex without being charged with rape.(!) Campus Crusade for Christ (CCC) has been a great draw for him and he looks forward to finding a home church.

Hope has decided to run with me! Originally she said that she would run with me in 10 years, but she decided to start now. Truth be told, Dave and I told her that she couldn’t ask to go back to the Great Wall before she started exercising here. About 2-3 weeks ago, Hope decided that she wanted to join me on my morning runs. At first it took her 27 minutes to run 2 miles; today she was at 18.45! Hope has already thought about joining the cross country team next year with her brother, Andrew.

Amanda is ready to start school this fall. We have been doing the regular back-to-school purchasing for everyone else. Mandy has decided to get her school books out early and start her learning. She also has enjoyed doing mental math in the car…she is so quick in remembering her multiplication facts! A real difference between Chinese and American learning styles. Amanda has also been demonstrating her flexibility—she can put both her feet behind her head, do a back bend and curl her head to touch her knees, and while on her stomach, not only touch her feet to her head but bring her heels to her chin! We all gave her the appropriate ooh’s and ahh’s that she deserved!!

Our newest addition, Avery, continues to challenge our previous notions that we were good parents. A good morning often results in a difficult evening; a sulky am may lead to an easy pm. We don’t know how to predict the future; every day is lived moment by moment.

I really wish I could give a glowing report about domestic adoption!!! I would love for other people who won’t do international adoption step up and give a child a chance. But it can be hard. REALLY hard. We were blessed by two wonderful girls through international adoption that, although gave us a run for our money in the beginning, are the joy of our lives now. Perhaps others are experiencing our struggles after international adoption without the back door to put the child back into the system. The shame of disruption is much more real to me now, even though our current placement is still foster. I don’t know, although I do know that pride comes before destruction, and in hindsight, I am sure we were prideful before since both of our girls are so well adjusted. Not anymore.

I love other people’s blogs that show a snippet about their lives. I also love other people’s blogs that share the real parts of their lives. I hope I am sharing a bit of the same.

Tomorrow I am sharing the morning with two of my daughters and our exchange student at the mall to do some real girl time. The evening will be spent with the family, as Andrew is planning a dinner and dessert that will put all others to shame. I am a blessed woman!

All my best,

Amy

Just What I Needed

2011-07-18T23:16:00.002-04:00

I just feel like singing! There is nothing BIG to write about, but to me, it is HUGE!

Dinner tonight was a breath of fresh air. I made a new recipe and EVERYONE liked it (besides Hannah, who said it was a little too spicy, but that is normal), and it didn’t require my oven, which will have a rest until our heat wave breaks.

Work, weight lifting, and dive camp took three of our kids from attending, but two returned for the end and the other will be in MA starting next month for school, so we are getting used to his absence.

Anyway, we laughed together while eating, either at ourselves or with each other. Afterwards, we read Proverbs 1 in the NLT, which made sense to most of our kids. Hope then read the same passage from her Chinese bible, which made more sense to Mandy.

Let me tell you, to have the word of God read in another language by our daughter was beautiful…but that word doesn’t even begin to describe it. A year ago Hope refused to read her bible in front of us…today she lead a chorus of angels singing over us! The music must have been loud enough to tickle our ears, because we then started singing hymns and kids’ spiritual songs that I sang to my original 3 children over a decade ago. That lead to teaching Avery the words to the star spangled banner…and Hannah reciting the Pledge of Allegiance…wrapping up with the kids washing dishes, sweeping the floor (Avery did it, even though just a month ago he REFUSED to sweep!), and cleaning up the rest of the kitchen. We wound down the evening with me reading a chapter to everyone from Little House in the Big Woods, squeezing four kids and myself on one couch, pausing only for everyone being able to see the pictures.

I am struck that only 48 hours ago I was griping to God about how this was a big mistake to expand our family again. I know that we are told to do everything without complaining or arguing (Phil. 2:14) but I felt I was justified to gripe and complain and argue with God. Just like the Israelites in the wilderness! But, just like the Israelites, God drew me back to his heart and gave me what I needed for the day. Now I have hope for tomorrow. Thank you, God, not only for today, but for it all.

All my best,

Amy 艾米

No More Games

2011-07-17T00:09:00.002-04:00

We have been so blessed with our children! There are so many facets to them—some mesh well with others, others are like flint and sparks fly when they hit. Some children energize and others drain.

The past month has been filled with successes and dark spots. Avery has made huge strides in assimilating as a part of our family, but still is conflicted with giving up some aspects of his past. We are not asking him to change who he is or his heritage as an African-American youth. It is more like exchanging the mud pies he is so used to eating for the good nutrition we offer here. Every once in a while he really craves mud and doesn’t like it when I won’t serve it to him. That is usually when it gets ugly. Other times he is just worried that we might forget him, so he is ALWAYS talking and seeking attention. That, plus being hyper-vigilant about keeping an eye on him with the other kids…Let me kindly say that it is zapping our last ounce of sanity!

I was griping (again) to God tonight. I have laid my burdens at his feet many times, but honestly, I was complaining. I told Him that I thought He made a mistake, that we weren’t supposed to be adopting again, that I made a mistake in hearing Him. I guess that I was looking for God to reassure me in what He was doing, but tonight I just heard…silence. Not like I was alone, but just as long as I was speaking untruth, He wasn’t going to accompany me in the journey. Just because I am squeezed-dry daily doesn’t mean that this is not what God planned for me. I was looking for the best for a boy from Detroit; God was looking at the best for ME. He never promised it would be easy, it would be for my good. I heard a quote once by CS Lewis: We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us. We are just wondering how painful the best will be.

On that note, I am glad that I am not alone.

All my best,

Amy 艾米

Baby Steps

2011-06-30T20:39:00.002-04:00

Life is certainly different here these days! I never realized how easy it was with six kids until we added our seventh!

Both Avery and Hope are in summer school—Avery for math, Hope for English. Hope enjoys the structure; I enjoy my son having something to do under someone else’s authority! Some days Avery is up on time, ready to go (other than needing to pull up his pants)—other days I am pulling him out of bed 5 minutes before we need to leave and putting a granola bar in his hand for breakfast. Neither one really dislikes school—it is a lot of educational play that adds to their learning.

Avery is very proud of himself—he stayed awake during church last Sunday without me making him stand through the service. He also said that he learned from the sermon, so much so that he e-mailed the pastor and told him such. He was singing a song from church on the way home—he couldn’t remember all the words, but he said he really liked it. The chorus is:

You are stronger, you are stronger, sin is broken, you have freed me;

It is written, Christ is risen, Jesus you are Lord of all.

Of course, the day he was singing this was also the day that he was being defiant and argumentative about EVERYTHING. The devil didn’t want to lose his foothold! But the words are working their way through his mind and into his heart.

This evening I had the opportunity to show Avery how to use a Bible. We looked up Ephesians 4:29 (a family favorite!) and talked about what it meant. At first he thought I was punishing him, but I explained that I wanted him to see that we didn’t make up our family rules just to bug him—rather, it was based on something much bigger than ourselves. I think he liked at least some aspects of it, as he leaned against me and watched TV for a while after we were done.

Hope has been reading some Christian romance novels. (I know, I know…not my first choice, but they seem to be capturing her interest and she is reading 300+ page ENGLISH books that include scripture and are biblically sound. It is a lot better than what she could be reading!) She has asked me what the verses mean that are included in the stories as they are written in KJV. I have been blessed to be able to explain what it means in Matthew 7:21-24. The door was cracked—I pray that the Holy Spirit did a better job illuminating the scripture to her heart than I did. I am glad that it was important enough for her to ask instead of just skipping it.

Hope and Amanda have settled in and seem so much more permanent now, especially since they are not the “new” ones any more. Avery has been here only 2 weeks, but it feels much longer. Yet I know that we have a long way to go. As Austin prepares to go away to school in the fall, I am desperately trying to not squander any moments with him. I pray that God gives me the same motivation for ALL my children—my blessings—my gifts from God himself.

All my best,

Amy

He’s Here!

2011-06-14T21:49:00.002-04:00

Today’s the day!

Avery is here to stay!

Yea!

Stay tuned…

All my best,

Amy

Pictures!

2011-06-04T23:09:00.001-04:00

Still here and…

2011-06-04T22:56:00.002-04:00

It has been months since I have posted and so much has been happening! For a while I was afraid to post, as I didn’t know what was permissible and what was against the rules. Now, I think I may proceed!

It is true that once your eyes and heart has been opened to the blessings of adoption, you are forever changed. It’s not that I am discontent with my family; I am not lacking anything with the children that I have. The problem is that there are thousands and millions of children who ARE lacking and who want/need the basics of life…food, safety, a family. I can’t promise designer clothes, big vacations and cruises are out of the question, and even ordering anything off the dollar menu at Mc D’s on the rare occurrence that we go is forbidden! BUT, I can offer a place in our family, a place to come home to, a place to belong. I can offer my heart to be stretched to encircle another, my arms for a ready hug, and my prayers for a lifetime.

It is for these reasons as well as others that I can proudly announce that we are adopting again! This time our foreign land is Detroit, MI; our new child is a 14 year old boy. Avery has been visiting us since April 1^st (no fooling!) and will be with us full time by mid-June. Being an older boy, he knows that adoption for him means that some past behaviors, vocabulary, music and activities must be left behind. He also knows that exchanging those for what he has offered with this forever family makes it a very tempting deal.

What has been interesting has been watching Hope interact with Avery. Hope, being a very reserved girl, is forced out of her comfort zone with Avery, who is very much “in your face.” Instead of retreating more into her shell, Hope has been blossoming into a more self-confident, smiling young lady. This is just another example of how God’s hand has been in the midst of the adoption…and there are many stories to tell!

Hope has been enjoying everything so much more here. She has started reading English books (and really liking the Shadow Children series!) and rarely misses an opportunity to watch English movies, even over her Chinese movies and books! She still is in contact with her Chinese friends, but also has a lot of fun with her new friends from church and school. She has been blossoming into such a beautiful girl, inside and out.

Amanda is still Hannah’s virtual twin. They dress alike, play alike, and even talk alike! Last week I brought out last year’s summer clothes for the girls to try on, thinking it was going to take about 30-40 minutes to complete. Instead, they took 2 hours trying on the clothes and giving me a fashion show, complete with naming the outfits, coordinating hair styles and props, and walking up and down the sidewalk as their catwalk. There is rarely a dull moment, as Amanda’s imagination has developed as well as her English skills. For a little girls that could only recite “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” in English when we got her January of last year, she has completed her first grade reading curriculum and spelling with excellence! Her 9^th birthday is coming up next month and the planning for her party has occupied both her and Hannah’s imaginations for weeks. She doesn’t want much, just treasure hunts, pool parties, music recitals, slumber parties, petting zoos, and bike races, all rolled into one extravaganza. I love a girl who can dream big!

Often people ask about the girls, and inevitably they ask how their transition has been. I can honestly say that we have two girls that fairytales are based upon—if I were to write a book about how well things are going, no one would buy it because no one would believe it. Things were TOUGH in the beginning, but that has all faded away. I only hope I can be a good enough momma for my girls, as well as all of my kids.

On another note, we just finished cleaning up after Austin’s open house—he just graduated from high school on Thursday. Hannah is already crying daily because he starts college in 90 days (she‘s counting) . He has finished the race of high school well—academically, socially, and spiritually. I am excited for his opportunities at MIT, but the natural sadness of missing him definitely creeps up on me when I’m not looking.

Well done, Austin! I am so proud of you!

All my best,

Amy