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Five or six times per week, I run down to Myrtle Edwards Park and sit on MY rock.  No seriously, one time, someone was sitting “close” to MY ROCK and I just about LOST my mind.  It’s really mine!  So, today, I was at my rock and the sun is beaming, it’s a brisk fall day, (in January) there were several joggers out, but it was quiet.  Not as much OUT side, rather than inside.  I find that its been really silent these days.   I have been wondering what God is doing with me during this silent time.   I have been BUSY with the re-branding/launching of TWO businesses.

STRUT, a re-launch of my personal development company and The Majors Leadership Academy, an after school program designed to develop girls leadership.

On the outside, it looks pretty frantic at times.  But, inside, there is a stillness.  A quietness.  A silent confidence that God is doing something here!

Everything that I thought was taken from me, is now returning in order and perfect timing and delivery. I used to think that I got the short end of the stick, but now I truly understand that MANS REJECTION IS GODS PROTECTION and when you allow God to work in your life, miracles truly do abound.  I am thankful.  Thankfulness for trials bring my three favorite “F’s” – FORGIVENESS, FAITH AND FAVOR!   I was listening to Joel Osteen the other day, and he shared that from all accounts, the story of Job was a 9-month period!  He went through ALL THAT in 9-months?  But here is the kicker, you NEVER heard about him being in darkness after that.  He was redeemed and his redemption was permanent.   I am  standing in THAT truth.  This phase of abundance, joy and peace is permanent.  No more roller coasters and drama for Michelle, No Indeed!

Its amazing that 1 year ago, my life was in darkness.  Just ending a relationship and unsettled in myself; and NOW, I am actually generating business AS a Break-up Recovery COACH.  Who Knew?  Funny how God uses our brokenness or periods of pain and turn it into something uh-mazing that is beyond all imaginings.

7 months ago, I graduated with a Master’s in TRANSFORMATIONAL LEADERSHIP without a plan of exactly how to use it. Now?  I am opening the doors to a Leadership Program that is grounded in transforming girls’ leadership capacities.  Who Knew?

It just seems that moving from faith to faith has carried me in such a graceful way to a place that is turning out to be magical and wonderful.   So, it’s been pretty quiet, in here. I just move in expectancy of miracles and supernatural increase.  I have a purpose, I have the plan, I have TRUTH, I have peace, all else will be added.

I guess if I could pray one thing for you it would be WISDOM that your trials are setting you up for a testimony.  Your hurt is leading to your heaven.  Your breakdown is the gateway to your breakthrough.

BELIEVE. TRUST. ACCEPT.

In love & light!

I was searching for something… I moved to Chicago. I had been transferred with my company and for all intents and purposes, this was a new life and I was excited about being in a place where nobody knew me.

I always liked the feeling of creating a FRESH START, and being able to re-invent myself; and a big metropolitan city like CHI-Town?  Oh, it was going to be GOOD! Life was GREAT! And it was!  I made great money, drove up and down Lake Shore Drive with my top down, shopped on the Magnificent Mile, lived in an awesome apartment with stunning views. It was good. It was REALLY good! But…

I was searching for something… In 2005, I launched STRUT Image Consulting. At first, it was awesome because I made my own schedule and did what I loved. I mean, I got to SHOP for a living! If I wasn’t in your closet, I was shopping for your new wardrobe, hoping that you’d pay me in cash, so I could stay behind and shop for myself. Clients came easy, and lives were greatly impacted. I made ½ the money I made in corporate America as a telecommunications consultant, but I was happier. But…

I was searching for something… I thought that if I moved to NYC, the Fashion Capital of the World, surely, I could take my business to an entirely new level and with a new relationship awaiting me there, it just made sense that I’d find what I was looking for.  No… not so much.  I came BACK to Seattle. Still….

I was searching for something… I found THE ONE, he was great, things were good at first, but his perpetual cheating led to two women getting pregnant. It was a mess, I was hurt, angry and humiliated.

And finally…

I FOUND SOMETHING – ME. You see, while I “thought” I was enjoying my life and living the dream that I was “supposed to live”. You know, the dream that I went to school for. Good job, nice things and travel freedom? The one thing that I never had was ME. I mean, I did, but the ME that I know NOW? Fa-getta-bout-it!!!

I am truly grateful for every mis-step, mistake, breakdown, or hurt that I have ever experienced because all together it has made me, ME. But, it wasn’t necessary for me to experience those things to get here. I tell people, “Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning – it’s up to YOU to decide how long YOUR night lasts”. You really can choose whether or not you are going to experience miracles or messes in your life. It’s about your focus, your commitment, your actions and words that will align to either direction.

Yes, I have found what I’ve been searching for… all along.  Its ME and I was worth the search!

When I got a little older, one day my mom explained that she asked him to leave because he refused to stop using drugs and she decided that she didn’t want drugs around my brother and me.  However, what I heard was, “I wasn’t good enough, because my dad chose drugs over me,” and that was the narrative that I used to construct my entire identity.  From that moment on, I set out to prove to everyone that I WAS GOOD ENOUGH.  As a result, I was an exceptionally great kid, teenager and young adult.  I rarely got into trouble because I was determined to make my family proud of me,  and I did.

As I became an adult – that same narrative continued to play out in my life.  I was always looking to prove my self-worth (that I really was good enough) to others, I was a people-pleaser.  In fact, I was meticulous in all of my personal and professional dealings.  I always operated on a higher level and I expected reciprocity from others.  Now because the expectations were set so high, very few people were able to meet them and when they couldn’t or I felt I wasn’t being appreciated, I would immediately find the closest exit.  As you can probably imagine, I ruined many friendships, relationships and business partnerships along the way.

The Year of Correction
In 2010, I was invited to join this mastermind group that my business partner at the time was involved with.  There were a total of 5 people in this group and we each had defined and shared dreams that we wanted to achieve in life with the expectation that we would collectively hold each other accountable.  By the middle of year, 2 of the people had dropped out of the group and there were just three of us left.  We continued to meet weekly and overtime, we began to get to know each other on a more personal level.

Now, I have to admit that these two ladies were absolutely amazing women and I learned so much from them.  Listening to them speak about the love ones in their lives gave me a entirely new understanding and appreciation for the family nucleus.  In fact, by the end of the year, I had decided that I no longer wanted to harbor the anger, bitterness and resentment that I had for my dad.  I wanted to forgive him and I set out to do just that.  It took some major internal work and several months, well into 2011, before I could completely forgive him.  However, inside of forgiving him, I had decided that I didn’t want to have a relationship with him because I didn’t want to deal with his drug habit, “his mess”.  And, I was completely fine right there with that decision.

Several months later, I decided to read the Bible from cover to cover.  After a little over two months, I finished it and what I realized is that it is truly the greatest love story ever written.  It portrays an amazing narrative of the Creator, His creation and the extent He went to ensure a relationship with mankind.  It essentially begins and ends with Relationship and Love.  Immediately after reading the Bible, I read a fictional book entitled “The Shack” by WM. Paul Young, and of course it too was about Relationship and Love.

By the spring of 2011, I had gained an entirely new understanding of Love.  So I prayed, asking God to show me how to walk in love – and girl did He answer.  From that moment on, I found myself in situation, after situation, after situation of constant correction.  As a result, I cried more in 2011 than any year of my life, I learned who I am, why I do the things I do, and, most importantly, my prayer was answered because I learned how walk in love.  And my life was truly transformed.

Today, I see the world in a different light.  My relationship with God is different.  My relationships with family members is different.  My relationships with friends and others is different.  I’m different and my approach to fulfilling my purpose in life is different.

So, I will end with this – I’m a living witness that LOVE can conquer all!

So let’s explore eight characteristics of eagles and effective leaders:

1. Faithfulness – Throughout the life of an eagle, it maintains a single home and a single partner.  The eagle’s partner can trust and depend on it always being present, if alive.  From a human perspective, true leaders are faithful – they are dependable and trustworthy.  They do what they say they are going to do, period.

To master this characteristic, I encourage you to intentionally explore the areas of your life where you make commitments.  Look at your commitment to exercising and eating healthy.  Look at what you promise your children, spouse, partner, family, friends, co-workers, etc.  Are you fulfilling on those promises?  Can they trust and rely on your word?  Where can you make adjustment so that whatever you commit to, you carry out every single time?

2. Focused – Once the eagle has selected its prey, it never loses focus of that prey.  At that point, the prey is as good as dead.  Successful leaders are focused on the task at hand.  For them, it is a matter of life or death.

Looking inside your world, you may have to remove things from your plate that don’t advance your progress toward the vision.  Depending on what you are eliminating, this may prove to be somewhat challenging.  However, the goal is to remove the excess so that you are not distracted from those items that are important – leaving you free to focus on the vision.

3. Sharp Vision – Eagles have keen eyesight which enables them to spot and tune in on its prey from long distances.  They rely on their vision to pinpoint prey from afar, so that they can attack before the prey even realizes it.  Leaders must have vision. They must be able to clearly see where they are going, in order to create an effective game plan.  Once the plan is in place, the leader attacks or executes the plan.

If you are not a planner – I highly recommend that you make planning a part of your life.  Start small, maybe with something like creating a grocery list before going to the store.  Eventually, you want to get to the point where you are planning just about every hour (if not all) of the day.  What works best for me is to plan my upcoming week on Sundays.  It gives me an opportunity to clearly manage my time effectively, ensuring that I accomplish everything that needs to be completed.  The plan helps to give me direction and keep me focused on the vision.

4. Selective – Eagles are extremely selective in the prey they choose.  They won’t eat prey that they didn’t kill; therefore, the prey must be alive, warm and active.  True leaders search for and connect with people that can bring life into circumstances.  They don’t hang around the walking dead – those that are negative, destructive, and going nowhere.

Set aside some time and take inventory of the people that are in your inner circle.  What are they doing?  Where are they going?  What type of deposits are they making into your life – negative or positive?  Once complete, you need to make some choices and accept that not everyone will be continuing on the journey with you.  Please note that this is very important!!!

5.    Courageous – Eagles are fearless creatures.  They give no consideration to the size or strength of their prey.  They will go up against animals that are considerably larger than them with no reservations.  Leaders are not afraid to eat the elephant, instead they tackle it one piece at a time.  They don’t let anything, including past failures, stop or slow them down.

Essentially, you must get to the point where you are comfortable and secure in who you are.  Therefore, no matter what you come against – you are able to plunge forward without reservations or fear.

6.    Persistent – Eagles have the ability to not only sense the arrival of storms, but use storms to lift them higher.  Unlike other animals that run for cover as the storm approaches, eagles fly directly into the storm.  They adjust their wings and allow the strong winds to carry them to greater heights.  Essentially, they end up soaring above the storm.  At some point, everyone will encounter storms in life.  Often times, life’s storms have a tendency to slow most people down or completely stifle them.  Yet, leaders are able to cultivate the ability to ride the storms in their lives.  They use them as tools for personal growth and development.  Joyce Meyer’s stated it this way, “there is value in the storm.”

So the next time you find yourself in a storm, look for the value – and use it to enhance your positioning.  Look at the storm as a stepping stone that takes you to the next level.

7.    Nurturing – Although eagles are considered savage birds, they are excellent caregivers to their young.  Mother eagles know the perfect time to train their young to fly.  They fly high up with their young on their backs, then shifts from under them.  The eaglets begin to fall straight down and begin to realize what their wings can do.  The mother eventually swoops under the eaglets and repeats the exercise until the eaglet gets it.  If the eaglet is a slow learner, the mother eagle places it back in the comfort of the nest, and then proceeds to ripe it apart leaving nothing for the eaglet to hold on to.  Good leaders are able to effectively teach, train, motivate and encourage their organization.  They prepare their team to fly solo and achieve greater heights.

8.    Resilient – Approximately 30 years into the eagle’s life, its body has physically deteriorated.  Calcification forms on its wings, slowing down its flight and speed.  Its claws aren’t as flexible, hindering seizure of its prey.  Its beck becomes dull, decreasing its power and ability to tear flesh for eating.  Essentially, it’s no longer as effective.  However as opposed to giving up and calling it quits, the eagle undergoes a painful transformation.  It spends a considerable amount of time on the mountaintop literally tearing its body apart.  It hits its beak against the rocks until the beak falls off and then proceeds to pull out all its claws and feathers.  Each of the body parts grow back anewed and stronger, allowing the eagle to survive another 30 years.

Good leaders are also resilient and transformative.  They are always seeking personal growth and development opportunities; whether that comes in the form of books, audios, seminars, conferences, etc.  I once heard Myles Monroe state that he read four books every month.  Now I know that may be extreme, but look at where he’s positioned in life.  Maybe you don’t tackle four books a month, but what about one book every month or every other month?  What about tuning into educational programming and eliminating some or all of the useless entertainment programs?  At the end of the day, the world is constantly changing and the level to which you grow and develop is completely up to you.  As an effective leader, you don’t want to become obsolete.

With that being said, as we enter into a new year, I encourage you to set aside time this month and create your goals.  In the spirit of living a successful, prosperous and balanced life – you want to define goals for each area of your life.  For your convenience, I have defined the steps along with a sample outline detailing how to proceed.

GOAL SETTING OUTLINE

Step One: Define Ten Power-Packed Action Words that Describe You
Pull out your dictionary and thesaurus, if necessary, to find ten positive words that describe you presently and/or the person you are striving to become. (i.e. hardworking, determined, responsible, etc.)

Step Two: Define Ten Words of Affirmation for You & Your Purpose
Words of affirmation are positive words and sayings that vividly describe what and who you are presently or to be in the near future.  You can be as creative as you like and you can also use biblical references for your affirmations.  I challenge you to get bold with your words of affirmation.  (i.e. I am a blessing to others, I am the apple of God’s eye)

Step Three: Create a Vision Statement
A vision statement is defined by Rodger Constandse as “a vivid idealized description of a desired outcome that inspires, energizes and helps you create a mental picture of your target.” The vision statement should state what and/or where you want to be in the future.  Make sure that it clear and precise.

Step Four: Define 1-5  Long-Term Goals
Write specific, measureable long-term goals.  Write exactly what you would like to accomplish when it is all said and done.  I encourage you to go way out there – there are no limits or boundaries.  In fact, the only limits and boundaries that may exist are the ones that you set yourself.  These goals should intentionally be big and possibly extend far beyond your current capabilities.  (i.e.  I will discover the cure for HIV/AIDS)

Step Five: Define 5-10 Specific Short-Term Goal
Write what you want to accomplish within the next twelve months. It is very important that you are extremely specific with these goals.  Next, you want to create the steps/actions necessary to achieve these goals.  And, lastly, each goal should have a target deadline when you want the goal to come to fruition.  They each should be a stepping stone to get you to the overall vision.

In contrast, when we open our hearts up to love of any sort, we automatically expose ourselves to a degree of vulnerability.  That same door through which love enters, also is opened to hurt.  In instances where the hurt is the result of offence, depending on the severity of the offence, hurt can be paralyzing.  If it’s not dealt with or resolved, anger and unforgiveness creeps in.  Inside that duo, not only does the flow or energy of love become clogged, but it’s the recipe for destruction.

When people hurt us, anger is usually our attempt to regain control, and unforgiveness is the result of harboring bitterness and resentment in our hearts.  It is that bitterness/resentment that over time eats away at us physically, emotionally and psychologically.  Joyce Meyer stated it clearly, “many people ruin their health and their lives by taking the poison of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness.”

Another important variable with unforgiveness is once it moves in, it can be somewhat difficult to evict; even though it causes more harm to us than it does to the offender.  Overtime, the remnants of unforgiveness show up in all areas of our lives: relationships with family and mates, jobs, social interactions, etc.  Basically, we end up becoming slaves, living in bondage while the offender goes on to live in freedom.  So how do we remedy that?  Good question, I just so happen to have the answer.

In my personal quest to free myself from the years of anger and, what had become a burden, of harboring unforgiveness toward my dad – I begin to search for answers.  I had heard many people say – all you have to do is just forgive him, but no one told me how to do it exactly.  I would tell myself and even others that “I forgive my dad.”  However, when I thought about him, the anger was still present.

Through trial and error, I eventually discovered a viable process that worked.  In general, the process of forgiving someone who has offended us can be complicated, but overtime it is possible.  It can be successfully accomplished with a plan similar to 4-step process outlined here:

STEP ONE – Mentally Decide to Forgive
The very first step essentially entails you making the conscious decision to forgive, starting with self and then the offender.  Self-forgiveness begins with the acknowledgment and acceptance for the way you decided to act or respond to the situation.  Take that and ask God to forgive you and release the baggage that you have been carrying.  Then believe that He is faithful and just to forgive and release you.
Next, it is time to address the offender.  To help in this portion of the process, you must alter the way you interpret the unforgiveness you are harboring.  As opposed to viewing the unforgiveness as the answer, you must begin to view forgiveness as the answer and the resolution to the problem.  It’s not that the offender deserves your forgiveness nor that you are letting the offender go without punishment – instead, you are choosing to release the burden and forgive for your own personal benefit, period!

STEP TWO – Confront the Defender
In order to move forward, you must confront the offender.  Now understand that this absolutely does not have to occur in person.  In fact, I recommend that you do not confront the offender in person unless absolutely necessary.  The overall recommendation is that you sit down and write a detailed letter to the offender (that you will tear up or burn once complete).  The objective here is not to look for an apology or to necessarily ball the offender out, but to honestly express how their actions impacted you.  Essentially, you want to get the situation/occurrence all out of your system unto the paper.

STEP THREE – Uproot the Negative Emotions
In this next step, you want to override the negative emotions associated with the occurrence, with positive emotions.  Now I understand that this is easier said than done.  So let’s start with thinking about all of the positives that came out of the experience.  Maybe it afforded you the opportunity for growth, or it revealed who your true friends were, etc.  Whatever positive outcomes you come up with, record them on paper.
Next you want to show empathy for the offender.  I know exactly what you are thinking – “why on earth would I do that?”  Remember, it’s not for them but 100% for you, and this does not mean that you agree with what happened in any form or fashion.  However, you want to try to imagine the possible circumstances surrounding the offender’s actions.  In layman’s terms, you want to try and walk in the offender’s shoes.  For example, perhaps they were going thru an extremely difficult time in their life.  Maybe they experienced some sort of hurt and as a friend once told me, “hurt people hurt other people”.  Or it could be that they didn’t know any better, etc.  You must dig deep down inside and challenge yourself to come up with possible circumstances that could explain why they offended you.  Once you pinpoint at least one, write it down.  It could read something like this, “I understand that my father abandoned me because he didn’t know how to be a father.”

STEP FOUR – Establish a Visualization/Mediation Routine
Ok, so the last step in the forgiveness process entails the development of a visualization/meditation regimen.  You can do this in any format you deem sufficient.  You can create affirmations, define positives words, utilize scriptural reference, etc. as long as it enriches or uplifts you.  It is recommended that you start with the following statement – “I choose to forgive   (insert offender’s name here)   for what he/she did to me.  I unclog the flow of love in my life and from this day forward I will live a life filled with joy, happiness and freedom.”  This statement can be recorded and replayed or simply written down on paper and recited on a daily basis.
In conclusion, love in all of its intricacies is truly a wonderful phenomenon.  It is the cornerstone for our creation and it is an important component in each of our lives.  A positive flow of love plays a major role in our development as children and who we become and remain as adults.  If we are to live our lives to the fullest, it is extremely crucial that we ensure the flow of love remains unclogged; therefore, leaving no room for bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness.

Before considering marriage, or getting seriously involved in a relationship, I personally believe we should check references. Much like a prospective employer checks references for a job applicant. Think of all the time, money and heartache that would be saved if we knew the real story from the beginning. After all, checking applicants’ references is one of the most important procedures in the hiring process for a job. Is marriage really any different? You want to get the goods on your mate before you tie the knot. Yes, I’m saying make an educated decision about the person that you will spend the rest of your life with, especially when it comes to financial matters.

Numerous studies have shown that money is the No.1 reason why couples argue and it is a substantial complaint for those who find themselves in divorce court. So why focus on your potential LIFE PARTNER’S credit? Well, as a Banker, one of things that we realize is that past performance is indicative of future behavior. Like it or not, credit can tell a lot about a person’s character. Now let me add a little humanity here. I completely understand that there are situations and circumstances that can impact an individual’s ability to have spotless credit. However, I also know that sometimes there are patterns of negligence and irresponsibility that are not all based on life’s circumstances.

I believe it is imperative that we make choices that honor who we are and what we are intending on getting ourselves into. There will be enough things that come up after you have tied the knot that will require your attention. So checking credit upfront can help you avoid any unwanted surprises. So, why check your potential spouse’s credit? Here are few things to consider:

1. The first question you want to ask yourself after you see your potential spouse’s credit is – were they honest with you regarding where they stood upfront? If there is a vast difference between the way your future partner portrayed their credit score and the actual score, for me, that would be a red flag. If your partner does not feel comfortable sharing where they are before they tie the knot with you, what will happen if financial trouble comes up once you’ve said I do? Will they hide it?
2. If your future spouse has a credit score that is lower than acceptable to you, this may be a good time re-evaluate your relationship. Credit issues do not go away overnight. I believe that in order to change what’s being reflected on your credit report; you also have to change what’s going on the inside. Ask yourself if you are up to walking down that journey.
3. Your spouse’s credit score can also have a major impact on future decisions, goals, and dreams that you personally have of creating with your spouse. If your credit score is better than his, will he be ok with you being the only one on the mortgage when you’re ready to buy a home; or will he want you to wait until he is ready before you all make that move. I’ve seen it happen!
4. Credit also impacts so many other areas of our lives that, often times, we are not aware of until we are actually met with a situation. Did you know that many companies do credit checks before hiring prospective candidates? Did you know that the monthly payments of insurance increases based on the tier of credit rating that you and your spouse may fall into?
5. Am I saying don’t marry someone who has bad credit. No, I’m not saying that. I am saying be aware of the financial position that you are placing yourself in before you say I do. Here are a few things that you may want to consider before your wedding day, regarding good ways and bad ways to handle finances, that I found in the Wall Street Journal some time ago.

Merging the Finances

• The Wrong Approach: United we stand, divided we bank.
• The Right Approach: It’s yours, mine and ours.

Dealing With Debt

• The Wrong Approach: Your debt will ruin us; you must find a way to pay it off.
• The Right Approach: It’s our debt: Let’s decide how to pay it off together.

Keeping Spending in Check

• The Wrong Approach: I’m a saver and you’re a spender. That’s the problem.
• The Right Approach: We both spend, but on different things. Let’s budget.

Investing Wisely

• The Wrong Approach: You’re a risk-taker, I’m risk-averse. Hands off our retirement savings.
• The Right Approach: Let’s think in time frames and take as much risk as our goals allow.

Keeping Money Secrets

• The Wrong Approach: What my spouse doesn’t know will never hurt him/her.
• The Right Approach: Big financial secrets can ruin a marriage.

Emergency Planning

• The Wrong Approach: We’re fine. We don’t need to worry about money.
• The Right Approach: Anything could happen. Let’s plan for emergencies.

So, Girl check his credit before you say I do. Allow both your heart and mind to help you make your choices.

“In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he has.” Proverbs 21:20