Walden's Wits

There Goes the Sesame Street Neighborhood

2009-11-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

My wife came up and told me that Sesame Street had done another spoof. This time it was a skit called "Desperate Horse-wives." I got a groan when I asked if the characters were less than neigh-borly.

In all seriousness, I'm not that thrilled with how the folks at Sesame Street parody network TV shows. While I am sure that the creators mean simple and innocent fun with their skits, I believe it also sends the message that the shows they represent are normal and acceptable in normal households. I'm not sure how normal we are, but Desperate Housewives is a show that we do not let in our house. My children know that when Extreme Makeover Home Edition is over and they hear, "Previously on Desperate Housewives..." power to the television is to be immediately terminated. It's almost comical how they scramble to turn it off, as if they were diving on a live grenade.

While it may not be a grenade, many TV shows are painfully difficult for us to watch these days. Some of the shows are so corrosive, I wonder how anyone can possibly watch them. Consequently, some nights we simply don't turn on the television set. Instead, we will read a good book or play a game together, if we don't split up to do separate things. We avoid the shows not because we like feeling superior or cerebral, but because we've found that these shows actively interfere with our hearts and minds.

^8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. (Philippians 4:8, The Message)

I can't come out with a list of TV shows that I think are bad or good. The verse above should be more than enough for the average Christian, especially when it's paired with the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Each person is responsible only to God for decisions like these. However, Jesus did give us a special charge with children.

"And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck. Mark 9:42 (NIV)

To me this verse means that God takes the destruction of children's innocence very seriously. This is why the Sesame Street skits irritate me. It feels like they're playing with fire. Look smart all you want, but I would prefer if they would just stick with "C is for cookie," and the yip-yip monsters.

What? You've never heard of the yip-yip monsters?

Yip Yip

| MySpace Video Thanks Jodi!

Since Elections Are So Close To Halloween, Here's Something Scary

2009-10-30T02:30:00.001-06:00

I strongly suspect that those who would spend 30 minutes decrying Federal corruption and bureaucracy wouldn't spend 30 seconds on Google looking up who's on their local school board. If there was ever a weak point in democracy, this is it.

Thanks, Mike Rosen, for your thought-provoking commentary.

Burning Questions

2009-10-20T14:34:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine asked me what I thought of this. I thought, I hope they don't try to cook the chicken over all the glue, cardboard, simulated leather, and the myriad of chemicals likely to be in the books they're collecting.

Seriously, these folks have lost the point. If it were simply a matter of their faith being unable to accept anything but the KJV Bible, I wouldn't say anything because that's their issue that they need to work out with God. Something else is the matter.

They can burn all the books in the world except for their precious KJV and still never come to this critical realization: The problem is not in the books out there in the world; the problem is in our hearts. It's easier to burn someone's books than it is to examine our own thoughts and actions. It is true that they burned books and paraphernalia back in Biblical times, specifically Acts 19. Nonetheless, it was an outward demonstration of what had already happened in their hearts. Specifically, it was to make a clean break with the past lives they'd lived, burning the bridge behind them that lead back to the old ways. They knew that, if things got rough, their hearts might lead them back into the sorcery and divination they had been practicing. They could have sold all of their junk and received the equivalent of $35,000. That money went up in smoke because they didn't want to pass on the practices that they had abandoned.

This church's book burning is a case where the practice out-lives the meaning. It serves no real purpose, except to state their reading preferences and belief in the King James-only doctrine. Given that that statement could be made any number of ways, having a book burning is a foolish choice. It gives the appearance that small-town, North Carolina residents are intellectually backward. It plays to the stereotype that small-town southerners are narrow-minded, hyper-religious zealots. It invites comparison to the Nazis and other evil regimes, both real and imagined, that used book burning in their quest for an ideological purity. It is, in my mind, the worst thing they could possibly do to demonstrate their faith. This is exactly what the enemy would want them to do.

So what are we to do for people who operate like this? Should we correct them? Should we disown them? Neither; in fact we should pray for them, that the Holy Spirit would correct them, that he would stop them from continuing this practice. I pray that they come to a better understanding of God's love, and, in turn, move to a better expression of his love for others.

Life With FM Can Have Its Ups and Downs

2009-10-18T22:50:00.002-06:00

I just had the first day up since my last post. I wish I was kidding. Fibromyalgia often means that I can't get enough sleep. I couldn't stay awake for more than an hour, maybe two, from Wednesday afternoon until this morning, with the exception of Friday evening. It's so frustrating to know that life is going on but not be able to participate!

Contrast that with today, when, thanks to the efforts of some friends, I was able to maneuver my power chair next to my workbench and actually work my way through the years of accumulated junk! Moving my chair along the bench, I steered clear of pain and frustration. I felt like I could do what I needed to do myself. In the end, it relieved me so much just to spend three hours working on an eyesore that I have seen every time I go through the garage. It's going to take a lot more work, but I'm going to get through it. I know, because I have the support and the help of friends and family.

This Post Will Make You Hungry

2009-10-14T15:57:00.004-06:00

One of the wonderful things about the blogosphere is that, once in a while, you happen upon a blogger who you really resonate with. For me, the blog “Lisanotes” has been hitting all the right chords with me. Recently, she had a book review that I found unexpectedly useful.

The problem has been months—no, years!—in the making. My 10 year old son has had more than his share of difficulty in understanding his sisters. Disagreements and frustrations over daily occurrences, like my 13 year-old daughter’s use of the computer, have boiled into huge conflicts. Lisa’s review of a book titled, Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, which I had skimmed over, came to my mind. After reading the review, I sat down with my son and explained the concept to him. I will let my son take it from here.

If I were a food I’d be a Waffle. I’d be a Waffle because it describes how a male’s brain works and processes things. A Waffle has squares in it (as always), so does a males brain (supposedly). Each box represents a thing that a male is doing or thinking about at one time. Males think differently than females. They focus on one thing at one time. Females don’t think or do one thing at one time, they think or do it all at once. Therefore, females are like spaghetti because their minds keep on thinking about everything at once. They keep on following the spaghetti line through all the sauce and other noodles. Then they run out of noodle, and then their minds jump to another noodle that leads them to another, and another, and another, and another and another and so on and so forth. That is how I think that the male and female minds work, and that is why, if I were a food, I would want to be a Waffle.

(p.s. My Dad explained this to me, which really helped understand my mom and my sisters.)

Like a lot of boys, my son understands word pictures. Until this moment, it was really hard for him to understand the differences God has built into women. Now, instead of him wishing that girls were more like boys, which is something every 10 year old boy seems to struggle with, he allows his sisters the freedom to be who they are. The difference inside our house is night and day! I can hardly believe what a difference it has made. Instead of berating his little sister for leaving a mess somewhere, he reminds her that she should help clean up. His humor, his bright smile, his very soul seems sweeter and more mature. I have the feeling that I just did my future daughter-in-law—whoever she may be—a huge favor.

I told you this post will make you hungry. Let's go to IHOP and talk it over.

Fibromyalgia Patients Have Significant Neurological Symptoms

2009-10-12T16:13:00.000-06:00

I have long known, even before I was diagnosed, that Fibromyalgia Syndrome is not all in my head. The media has announced that yet another study confirms this. It's interesting to me that the poor balance, motor problems and tingling sensations so strongly and clearly showed up in this survey.

Every day, I have tingling and weakness somewhere, usually in my legs. It's scary when I go to take a step and my legs don't respond. I feel like a tree being felled because my balance already shifts but my feet remain planted. Once I yelled, "Timber!" right before I caught myself! I haven't fallen very far in a couple of years, thankfully. When I'm that bad, I can use my power chair to handle the difficulties and keep me safe. I used to stay in bed to limit my fall risk. That's no way to live!

I pray that God gives humanity new wisdom in the next few years on this chronic illness. Neurology is only now getting the fact that Fibromyalgia is real. They need all the help they can get!

Eden Will Bloom

2009-10-07T18:12:00.004-06:00

I am proud to say that I know this lady. The video really grabs hold about halfway through.

If you want to hear more of Tamra Hayden's music, visit her ReverbNation site for a full preview of her album, A Day At the Fair.

Love And Grace In the Face Of Life And Death

2009-09-30T12:24:00.001-06:00

I have held off on writing this post for a couple of days, mostly because I needed time to reflect and process the raw emotions of it all. Like a lot of guys, I don't handle emotions well. I keep the lid tightly screwed down and only let off steam in a controlled way when I know it's safe, just like a pressure relief valve. This works for being a dad, usually, unless there's too much pressure, and then it's either vent or explode. I know others can identify with this. The problem for me, however, is that chronic pain and the natural stresses of being disabled (economic, physical, and psychological) have my boiler at an already high pressure. Sometimes, people feel they have to tip-toe around me, and I am so ashamed of this.

I am disclosing this very real struggle simply because this weekend, I met a family who has been through so much more than I have in the last 15 years and yet remain bound to each other by the love and grace of God.

Many in the homeschooling community know of Chris Klicka and his work with the Homeschool Legal Defense Association (HSLDA). Until recently, few have known about his battle with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Since the MS has progressed and robbed him of even the more basic functions of life, he came to a national homeschool conference to be with the leaders one last time. Last Friday, he became so ill that they hospitalized him. My wife and I were able to meet with the family on Sunday, mostly to pray with and encourage them.

It was then that God used one of the classic tactics in his toolbox. We went there to minister and bless, only to find ourselves being ministered to and blessed. I'm sure we did help, but we were witness to such love and grace that we found ourselves humbled and almost embarrassed. One of their friends said to us, "You are at ground zero. So many prayers from around the world are focused here." It was clearly evident. What could have been a time of great sorrow and frustration was instead a time of patience and prayer. Sure, there was uncertainty looking at the future, especially where Chris's future was concerned, but there was no doubt that whether he stayed or went, he would be blessed. Paul wrote the church in Phillipi with the same dilemma, saying,

If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.

The understanding is that Chris wants to leave this body and be with Christ. The only thing keeping him here is the will of God, which is tied to the needs of the believers here. Whatever God wants to work here while Chris remains, whether it is calling people to prayer or bringing some unseen fruit out of this situation, the Klicka family is submitted to it. They pray over him, read scripture to him, love on him as much as they can, but they know that God will call him home when He says it is time. So much love, submitted to God's authority was incredible and humbling! Could we face the same situation with as much love and grace? Only by God's power and strength.

While we traveled there for one purpose, it's becoming clear to me that we were there partly so that Chris' family could impact us, which in turn means that Chris himself survived a close call on Saturday night because we needed to witness God working through his family on Sunday. I do not know the future, but I know that such love submitted under God's will can only reap a bigger and better harvest in the coming days and weeks.

If you want to follow Chris Klicka's condition and his family, you can visit his Caring Bridge journal. Please continue to pray for the grace and peace to flow through and around this family!

Training Parrots Or Educating Minds

2009-09-23T11:05:00.000-06:00

This article, which was part of an HSLDA e-mail, makes a great case for educating children by helping them think on their own rather than training them to spit up answers to questions on command. We need students to think logically and consistently. Indoctrinating them with a conservative mindset without getting them to think through the reasons supporting both perspectives can cripple them when they assume their adult roles.

When my kids ask me what a specific person believes, I am under the obligation to tell them why that person probably believes what they do. For example, why is Barrack Hussein Obama pro-abortion rather than pro-life? How do we know that he believes that? What does this say about his values of human life? What implications does this have toward the current issue of medical care? Would Obama favor abortion on demand or possibly euthanasia? Taking them forward in these steps is more than asking questions and getting them to answer? It is patterning their minds to take the next logical steps. It applies as much to what they watch on TV as well as it does to understanding politics. Do the people on this show exhibit honor and value towards each other? Do we want to emulate them? What reasons do we have to watch it?

Walking through life asking such questions will change what you do, but it will also shape minds to live by the light of reason, and not just follow their appetites, which leads to sin. On the other hand, walking with reason leads to wise choices, which leads to life, full of happiness and hope. I owe at least that much to my children.

Pain Awareness Month

2009-09-08T10:47:00.000-06:00

September is Pain Awareness Month. What does that mean? Do we all have to stub our toes or hold hot rocks in our hands or something? Nah. Pain Awareness Month is aimed at helping people understand that chronic pain exists and that if you or someone you love suffers from chronic pain, there is help out there that can reduce the pain or even remove it.

God Of The Morning

2009-09-06T13:48:00.000-06:00

I can get caught up in my own world of symptoms, side effects and economic factors. I sometimes forget that there are those with a similar vision and mission that have it much worse than me. I am grateful that God has not taken more from me. Yet Chris and I have one very important comfort. We have God to turn to in the weak times. When we wake up and feel more tired than when we went to bed, we have Him to renew us and speak words of comfort and strength. When the pain is constant and overwhelming, we have Someone Who suffered much pain to bring us to Him. He knows us, our situations, our discomfort and our hopes. He has promised to be with us always. He is near to us. He gives us each morning what we need. His eye is on us, even in the night watches. His hand protects us, even when we feel vulnerable. And when we are done, He will renew us with bodies that never see corruption. This hope will not disappoint us.

God, please bring strength Chris Klicka and his entire family during this time. Heal him, God. We know You are able to do this. Regenerate his body and make him whole so that he can bring You glory. Comfort him. Help him to see what You are doing and how You are using his situation. Be his peace during this time.

Tinkering Under the Hood of my Blog, Part 2

2009-09-02T14:07:00.000-06:00

One other effort I've been working on is consolidating my other blog about Disability into my personal blog, WaldensWits. If you subscribe to my feed, you may get barraged with the results, or--I hope--you may just see this post. Anyway, I have stopped posting that separate blog because the title, "Disablogger" was a negative title, as if I was all about the loss of ability. I'm not. I am so much more than my disability!I consolidated the ones I deemed worthwhile and filed them under Living With A Disability and other applicable labels.

So, if you are besieged by posts, I'm sorry. I only expect it this one time. Keep reading, and I'll keep writing.

Tinkering Under the Hood of my Blog

2009-09-02T03:19:00.000-06:00

Hey there, folks! Just me doing a little housekeeping at 2 in the morning. I'm doing some blog maintenance. For example, if you need to translate my page, have altavista do it for you if you want to read badly mangled English with no subtext and metaphor. I won't have it as a link on my page, however.

Recommended resources went away as no one buys books they see on blogs, at least not my readers. I'm also shaving down my labels to a small fraction of what I used to have. If you want to find something I don't hightlight there, use the search blank at the top! Yes, Google searches my Wits! To that end, I've revamped the labels into something more consistent with what I write about.

And now, I hope I can go to sleeeeep.

In the Moment

2009-08-23T18:57:00.004-06:00

This evening, my 6 year-old daughter had finished her dinner, and, as we watched a video I was watching, I gave her a piece of Hershey's Special Dark chocolate. It's a treat that I like to give on occasion. She began nibbling on the chocolate, enjoying it. I had another piece and I set it down in front of her.

"Is that for me?" she asked.

"For when you're done with the first one, yes." I replied.

Immediately, the first piece disappeared into her mouth as she picked up the second, which she began nibbling as she had the first one. Soon that one was gone too. I wiped the chocolate away from her cheek as we continued watching the video. On the screen, a person in the video was suddenly healed and their appearance changed back to wholeness.

"Someday, I hope God heals me like that," I said.

"Me too," she said. "Sometimes I wish you didn't have to have Fibro-my-algia." Both of our sets of eyes got misty at her words. Fibromyalgia is such a big word for a 6 year-old.

"But there is a good thing," I said. "Because I'm home more, we're poorer, but I also get to see more of you. I get to watch you grow up." We hugged, and like I've done so often, I thanked God for her.

I think I understand why God doesn't show us very much of our future. If he did, it would be like laying down more chocolate in front of us. We wouldn't savor what we had in our hands. So often, we look to the future (or the past) and we don't savor the moment of now. We envision the next bar of chocolate or remember the last. Being in the moment, savoring each one, is what I want to do.

However, in order for me to do that, I have to quit thinking about the future (or the past). I have to trust God to take care of tomorrow and yesterday, the next hour, the next moment, so that I can release them and free my arms to embrace the moment. This is not easy for the schemer or the survivor to do, but it's something that the children of God do naturally. The schemer looks at the future, the survivor lookes at the past. The child of God is living in the moment, worshiping their Creator, loving those around them, and delighting in the goodness with which God blesses us.

I have been through much with this illness. I also hope that God heals me soon. But savoring the moment is what I was made to do.

The 86th Percentile - What Does It Mean?

2009-08-13T11:40:00.005-06:00

As a follow-up to my last post, here are the latest figures for standardized performance.

I think it's important to understand what those statistics mean. First, the 50th percentile is always average. It's the peak of the "bell curve," the result of the total of all scores divided by the number of tests taken. If a person's score places in the 51st percentile, it is slightly better than average. Likewise, if the score places in the 49th percentile, it is slightly worse than average. It does not mean that all of the students scored 50%. The 86th percentile means that if you took one homeschooled student's test score at random and compared it with a sample from public schools, the homeschooled test score likely would be better than 86% of the other students.

All it means is that homeschooling students typically perform better than public schooled students when it comes to standardized academic achievement tests. It should weigh into anyone's decision on educating their child, but it cannot and should not be the sole factor in choosing homeschooling. Education should be prepare a child for their future, and unless their future is taking standardized tests with No.2 pencils, this decision takes a little more thought.

Why I Believe Homeschooling Is The Best Way To Educate Our Children

2009-08-08T18:32:00.002-06:00

The smell of newly sharpened pencils is starting to appeal to me again. Wal-mart and Target have been pushing Back-To-School for a few weeks now. I guess it's a good time to remind myself and everyone else in the process of why we homeschool. Here is my uncensored, no-bones-about-it view of homeschooling!

I've come to understand homeschooling as a natural extension of parenting. Teaching my son how to count to ten and how to write his name has developed into multiplication and teaching him to type.There's never been a time where I've stopped being his parent. Handing him off to a school--any school--would feel to me like I was abandoning him, leaving it to someone else to raise him for 8 hours of the day. I'd sooner cut off one of my limbs than see that happen. I love my son and I know he loves me with all the love a 10 year-old can have for his dad. I'd never want to see that closeness wane under a time-share agreement with a teacher who has 40 other kids to worry about.

And teachers, God bless them, are amazing! I know quite a few and how hard they work. Most of us are oblivious to how much work they put in to educate children. One friend regularly worked 60 - 70 hours a week, coming home late after dinner, staying up grading papers and then going to work early the next day. There are some like that who take their work so seriously, and then there are some that don't. Unfortunately, not all school systems are able to weed the bad ones out. Some school systems barely function at all, but it's not that they're underfunded. School systems, tied down by the teachers unions, are to blame for the sorry state of American public education. It is time to increase competition, free up parents to have true school choice, and let the free market system work to better children's education across the board. After all, the most damning evidence against the school systems is that these uppity homeschoolers keep on producing these national academic champions without the help of Federal tax dollars.

This was about homeschooling, not what’s wrong with public schools, so… moving on. What really sold me on homeschooling was when I met a 14 year-old homeschooled student named Jake. He looked me in the eye, shook my hand, and related to me like a man, a human being and not the alien life form that public- and private-schooled teens typically take adults to be. He was balanced, respectful, and someone I wouldn’t have minded considering as a son-in-law if the ages of my daughters were more in line. He had a great sense of humor, intelligence and he was already skilled in a profession. You don’t get that from most schools! What’s amazing is that I’ve found that kids like this aren’t all that exceptional in homeschooling circles. They’re downright common! Boy, where do I sign up?

Now, there are homeschooling mistakes and horror stories out there, and usually they start with, “we tried homeschooling but…” Experienced homeschoolers know that there is no single, one-size-fits-most approach. It isn’t even a one-size-fits-one-family, sometimes. The homeschooling failures that I have run across usually have tried a “school-at-home” option with a charter school that requires a specific curriculum and teacher oversight of the parent. In fact, some families even try re-creating a school room at home, complete with flags and chalkboard/whiteboard in the belief that the schoolroom is the only approach. This usually ends with the child frustrated at learning and the parents ready to pull their hair out. It doesn’t have to be that way.

For me, homeschooling has come to symbolize my children as individuals with their own individual learning styles and traits. One child learns by reading, another by exploring and doing, and still another learns by stories and discussion. These methods can be blended to expand and grow our children’s minds.

Homeschooling also goes beyond the three Rs of reading, writing and arithmetic. For example, this morning, our six year old began organizing her marker collection on her own initiative. She saw chaos interfering with her ability to create, and she said in her six year-old voice, “I just need to get organized!” Then, by emulating what she learned from her mother—she certainly didn’t learn it from me!—she began to take steps to bring order to her life. That’s a life skill she can use her entire life, and that is homeschooling, even on a Sunday.

Finally, homeschooling has changed our lifestyle. We are much more integrated as a family as a direct result of our time together. If we have committed to activities, we go together and support each other. If we go on field trips, we learn together. I don’t know how many times we’ve learned something in an experience homeschooling and then called on that experience while confronting a new challenge together. This lifestyle really stands out when I compare it with the alternative. We aren’t spending weeknights pouring over homework, grinding away at a curriculum that a teacher assigned to us. We spend time together as a family or we do other things we enjoy. Neither do we spend time instructing our kids on how to placate schoolyard bullies or how to negotiate the surreal social cliques that seem to exist only in schools. Homeschooling is easier and produces greater rewards, especially when you take these factors into consideration.

Is homeschooling life nothing but roses without thorns? No, there are challenging times too, like this year when we found that a math curriculum wasn’t working for our oldest. Yet, we weren’t locked to that curriculum for the rest of the year as we would have been in a traditional school. Truly, there are moments where we get tired of books. But there again, we have the freedom to take a break and go on vacation for a bit. Even in its shortcomings, homeschooling offers the flexibility that we need to enjoy life together as a family.

My wife and I would never dream of dropping them off at school and trusting others to do our job. Educating our children is a God-given responsibility of the parents. The Bible commands parents,

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. (Deut 6:6-8 NIV)

We cannot give our children the instruction God commands by putting them in a secular school. We cannot afford a private school that claims to give children a Christian education, and why would we want to? Even if money were the last thing on our minds, homeschooling would still be my first pick.

I couldn’t have picked a better way to raise my family than to educate them at home. We are daily living an adventure and a journey together. We have life together that we could never have by separating for 8 – 10 hours a day. Homeschooling has made our lives richer and God has rewarded us for taking his commands to heart. It's why I believe homeschooling is the best way to educate our children.

Seeking Contentment

2009-07-31T10:24:00.003-06:00

I have been extremely blessed by Lisa Notes the last two days. Lisa has listed 5 Reasons To Seek Contentment and 5 More Reasons To Seek Contentment. Contentment is the amazingly simple answer to so many issues that seem to push Christians out of God's will. Please take the time to read them!

Getting Good Advice The First Year Homeschooling

2009-07-30T00:18:00.005-06:00

Denver's Newbie Homeschooling Examiner, Melissa Caddell, looks at first year curricula by going trial-and-error the cheap way. She's got some good advice for new moms who might be overwhelmed by the choices and prices.

Speaking Boy

2009-07-29T02:59:00.002-06:00

Marsha speaks Boy, and I speak Girl. Parenthood is amazing stuff!

What Was I Saying?

2009-07-27T21:09:00.002-06:00

I read this quote today in PluggedInOnline.com's newsletter:

"[Adolescents live in] an institutionalized culture of interruption, where our time and attention is being fragmented by a never-ending stream of phone calls, e-mails, instant messages, text messages and tweets." —Maggie Jackson, author of Distracted: The Erosion of Attention and the Coming Dark Age [usatoday.com, 6/23/09]

I'm not sure what's worse, this news or the dark prediction of her book title.

Working And Battling A Chronic Illness

2009-07-26T14:00:00.000-06:00

Keeping your job when you're battling chronic illness is a serious concern. The NY Times has an article with some tips.

Homeschooling in Canon City

2009-07-16T12:47:00.002-06:00

Nifty article on a family homeschooling in Canon City, Colorado. The beauty of it all is captured in this quote toward the end,

“It can affect your family. For us, our life before homeschooling was harried,” she said. “We were always rushing here and rushing there. Now, we’re still busy, of course, but we have a lot more quality of life. We’re busy, but we’re not trying to squeeze” in sports, homework and other activities.

Life is not about fitting everything in. It's about doing what's important, and not necessarily what's urgent.

Parents Provide the Patterns For Confronting Grief

2009-07-15T13:28:00.011-06:00

This little, somewhat cute video is a reminder to me that kids process losses differently, but they take their cues from their parents. This child lost another fish the week before, so she knows some of the "customs" her father likely introduced, such as saying a few words over the departed. It's really interesting when the child and "mommy" switch places and she helps a somewhat detached parent say a few words over the fish, which are the same as what she said at the start of the video and quite possibly close to what the father likely said the week before.

Patterns and traditions help us process grief in the little losses as well as the big. Losing and grieving are part of life and pets are a way of introducing our kids not only to the responsibilities and emotions of caring for a pet, but also the natural loss and grief that will eventually come. When other, larger losses occur, we fall back on what we were taught by our parents and others around us who shared these small griefs. This can be a blessing, as in this little girl's life, or a curse of following a pattern of denial, avoidance and anger. In that case, it would be better for a person to be thrown into a patternless void where they are forced to find their own way of coping, in the hope of stumbling onto a friend or "life coach" who can help them find their way. Jesus said it this way:

[On the other hand,] if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.

We can't be perfect, but as parents, we shape the future of our children by how we live our lives, in love and hate, involvement and indifference, attention and neglect, gain and loss, gratitude and grief. Giving them healthy patterns to follow is a gift of love and hope.

GB: Five Steps to Use Twitter as a Pain Log Tool

2009-07-01T13:57:00.000-06:00

Guest Blogger Lisa Copen shares this idea about using Twitter

If chronic illness or pain is a part of your life, the odds are that at one point you have been requested by a physician to keep a log about your activities and pain levels, especially what led up to your pain being most intense. He may have suggested that you write down specific activities, your diet and exercise behaviors, and even your patterns of sleep.

If you have attempted to take this on and do it thoroughly, you know that it can be an overwhelming feeling to keep track of all of your activities and still maintain a sense of normal life. He can be extremely helpful, however, to you and your medical team, to have a written record of your activities, diet, etc. to help discover what is it is causing you the greatest pain. Was that extreme flare caused by a minor food allergy, the weather conditions, or that you were up all night with friends?

It is somewhat ironic that while we may find it a burdensome task to record what we are eating, who we are with, how much we slept, and how we are feeling, millions of people are doing this daily on Twitter. They write what they ate for lunch, if they have a migraine, and if they are up at 2 a.m. working. . . and they call it fun!

If you have a chronic illness, Twitter can be an amazing tool to use as a pain diary. This social networking tool has been successfully used to help people maintain logs on their diet, exercise, and even the commitment to stop smoking. Why should we not use it to keep accurate records of our chronic illness and pain levels?

Here are 5 steps to put this into place:

Create an account at Twitter just for your chronic pain logs. If you already have a Twitter account, make a new one, and let it remain private. If you look under “settings” you will see the option to make your account private, meaning that you will have to approve any followers before anyone can see your Twitter account. Since this is private medical information, we recommend not approving anyone. If you are already Twittering this can seem a bit strange because you typically want to increase the number of followers.
You are now ready to start writing your posts. You cannot write more than 140 characters, however, this keeps it a simple task and not too overwhelming. Feel free to use it in any way necessary, for example, submitting more than one post to describe a special circumstance. You can send posts from your cell phone, not just from the computer, so set up this option in your account to make the most of it.
If you don’t know where to start, begin by posting about any major events or behaviors that are not part of your typical day, and how your body responded to them. For example, if you awake feeling horrible, ask yourself has the weather change significantly? Twitter the weather. Are you taking the same amount of medication as you typically do? Were you active or solitary yesterday? Post whatever information may be valuable to you and your medical team at any right in your treatment.
Before you go to a doctor’s appointment, log on to your Twitter account and print out the posts if your doctor would like acopy. Highlight any major changes in your patterns of pain.
If you already use twitter for personal or business reasons, consider using a service that will post to more than one account at a time so that you are regular tweets that share where you are and what you are doing can also post to your twitter chronic pain log without any additional effort.

The market for Twitter applications will continue to grow and there is no doubt that’s those considering medical Web 2.0 tools will come up with some fancy (and complicated) ways to record your pain levels. But for now you can have a thorough log of your chronic illness and pain levels in just minutes at no cost. You can’t beat that!

Lisa Copen is the founder of Invisible Illness Awareness Week held annually in Sept and featuring a free 5-day virtual conference w/ 20 seminars w/ 20 speakers. Follow II Week on Twitter for prizes and info. Blog about invisible illness on your site, be a featured guest blogger, meet others, read articles and lots more. Make a difference!

Heart Surgery And Healing Wounds

2009-06-25T11:11:00.006-06:00

I have been laid off as of the first of this month and for the last few days, I've been doing some real soul searching. My wife usually lets me process stuff like this on my own, but by yesterday, it appeared that I was stuck. And I was stuck. What's worse, the enemy was taking pot shots at me and my heart. That's the worst, because recovering your heart is nearly impossible in those situations.

Being stuck is no fun. You don't have an answer and the longer you go, the uglier it gets. At issue was my role as a provider. For so long, my love as a father and husband has been expressed in that. Since my disability, it's been difficult, no... next to impossible to find ways to do this. It's not like I have the option to grind my way through 40 hours a week. I tried that and my body gives out on me. I need more than just the weekend to recover and employers don't like paying you a 40 hours-a-week salary for less than 40 hours of work, sometimes a lot less than 40 hours.

This fatherly need to provide for my family doesn't diminish even though my ability to do so has diminished. I can't stop providing for my family because I have this inner drive to do so that is as real as a mother's need to nurture and care for the daily needs of her children. It's real and I can't stop it from deeply affecting me when it is denied or squelched in some way.

My wife and I finally connected yesterday, which was overdue, way overdue. It's amazing how much of life's activities two people can share without talking about what really matters. The ingredients are two people and a quiet room, and we had the two people, but the quiet room took a while to get. When we did, we undid the lies the enemy had been slinging at me like drinks at a bar. It essentially came down to who my hope was in. My hope could not be in myself or my abilities. My hope couldn't be in a system that man created. My hope had to be in God and His plan for me. That's the "head" part; like I said before, the heart was much more involved and God took me and gently worked on me yesterday. The cynicism, the darkness, the anger built up out of frustration, and the poison malaise of indifference all had to go. I was getting hung up on the meaninglessness in life (Ecclesiastes, anyone?), and that's something only God can fix. He welcomed me into His arms and He held me while He worked on my heart. His love and grace for me through Jesus knows no bounds!

Today, I feel empty, but it's a good empty, like a blank sheet of paper ready to be filled up with drawings, musings, or folded into a wonderful paper airplane that soars across the room. I don't know what's next. I know my desire to provide is a good one and it has to be accommodated somehow. I know that I love to write, communicating God's love and spiritual truth. Beyond that, I'm ready for God to use me. My prayer is that He lets me do what I enjoy. Please pray for vision and clarity for me, if you think of it.