Walking Through A Life

Walking along

2021-05-05T17:22:00.001+01:00

'Even sen

2021-04-04T20:19:00.001+01:00

The end of the world may be the beginning of a new one

2020-12-29T19:33:00.000+00:00

So it's not as close to a death, a betrayal yes but not grieving this time as I quit drinking and smoking things one last time. Again...

What a nightmare a period of such self recrimination, self examination, shame.

How? When I wrote in July how disappointed I was with myself, how much better I though felt this year would have gone without such things going on.

It's a massive let down, a fall backwards into death, my own and I can only hold my head in shame and denial would be too good for me, I can just feel the utter ridiculousness of saying any of this at all.

Addict! Guilty! Liar! Cheat, scum, I've changed. No hair, no beard, no hippy clothes, a haircut and a shave and new things to wear, a new image, new backpack, thanks to those who still give a shit about me, I've been here before but this time it was worse, maybe more acute than others.

This felt like hell and I'm not joking. Hold on this won't be pleasant. Skewed perspective, yes we've been there before. Feelings of a grandeur I dont deserve. Wanting to take on the system, the world. Show them, shake them awake and into knowledge of things I feel they need to learn, openness and honesty without thought for others or the total lack of empathy, yes empathy, when as a healer practitioner I ought to know better.

So back again, wishing the world would end only to discover it has already, no more openness, no more travelling when that's what I've been doing, looking for a semi permanent home, moving between friends places, never feeling like I could stay, wishes bot being horses and self image ruined and burnt to the ground again.

This time its hygiene, mine, self care, habits picked up on the streets, in squats, when it comes to sharing, in hippy life when it comes to caring about others, mask wearing, not doing that for a month in the summer or at all abroad. So I died again.

It could have been real but I hope I know it was just another me, from the past dying.

Songs and tv shows from my youth and childhood coming back, mental imagery I haven't seen, streets I knew vaguely coming to me, memories i haven't touched of places i barely knew but can visualise, trips and journeys i hadn't thought about, people who picked us up as hitchhiker's coming to me now, adventures as I called them.

A different idea from now on, save, earn it all, if it ever becomes possible again, clean!

Dont swear, be calm, dont have too many thoughts, out of the head, into the heart!

So, I died again, went backwards and was shown so many ways not to be. Cant be.

Do it again, be there for others, better habits, wash in the shower that's available, from caravan, to bedroom, to caravan, to porta cabin, to porta cabin, to caravan.

Back to another place I've been before, have a role, work hard, stay clean, do it.

Choosing to save, from now on, hostels.

Wild canal occasionally, get used to the cold, have a body acclimatised to the uk winter for once, no escaping to the warmer places in Europe, didnt last winter either.

Two years in spring since i was in spain last and desperate to see if a friend is alright there, save up, back pack, hostel, travel light with a day pack, santa fe, hot springs, whose there, maybe pay to see the alcazaba this time and actually get to see it this time!

Be a person not a homeless bum hitchhiker See others not notice them looking away...

The last few years are leading me on to the best of the rest of my life

2020-07-26T14:19:00.005+01:00

So, long story short, or short story long, how do i carry on? Where to begin? Leaving full time employment. Going on 'holiday' for a week to ten days in Spain, in 2017 i did all this, left my life here in the UK and ended up on a seven month adventure, four months living in a community that we built and is continually reinventing itself on a Hippy Nudist Beach called Caleta Playa, just outside the village of Maro, Near the town of Nerja, an hour or two east of Malaga, so quite accesible if you wish to see for yourself.

We 'recycled' food from the supermarkets who brought it out every evening with the rubbish, and left it on top for us to go through, share between us all and then bring back to the beach to be used immediately the day after, cooked communally using utensils also recycled from the huge amounts of rubbish the tourists and residents throw away, because they have finished their holiday, or are just after a new something or other.

Consumerists leave a lot behind when they move on, or desire a change, so much unused, unwanted stuff, just left lying around, going to go into landfill or be burnt, brand new looking footwear, lots of clothes, much of which is female, so I got used to wearing trousers with the button on the other side, or tops that were a little small, or sharing with the person I was travelling with as we made our way north eventually.

Leaving that area was easy but staying was hard work, the heat of the south of Spain, the crazy lifestyle being hounded by the Guardia Civil Police, for reasons their own, they want to confiscate drugs to seel or smoke, they want to pressurise those they see as overstaying their welcome, afraid we might try to live there permanently, the tourist dollar / pound is all important and dirty smelly hippies stink up the place.

Leaving we moved on every day from empty buildings left like that after the recession of 2008, farmhouses and all sorts of places that were previously someones home, business, a nightclub that we explored with the sorts of things left behind that suggested a long history of recent drug use, all sorts of scary vibes in some places but generally a country estate for the taking and making use of temporarily.

Overnight stays in incredibly beautiful natural places, then on to Barcelona, the destination of those who get trapped there, by thieves who love to take passports for the criminal gangs to sell on, reuse, whatever. If you don't have family or friends or your own money you can't get new documents and you will end up living there for years, becoming naturalised if you're not careful or wish to, a prisoner.

We were lucky, we lived on the streets and were accepted by others who did so and not by their own choice, begging by looking thoroughly miserable is the option of choice for most, we chose fishing for donations, a stick, a string, a cup, put shiny coins inside, fish it out onto the pavement, see who gets the joke, smile a lot, because you're happy, and spend it on chocolate, coffee for our stove, whatever.

On to Belgium where my travelling companion and i went our separate ways, i felt the pressure to protect and see this very special person safely to their home, Belgium would have to do, I then headed to France, without a passport, it's not easy to do, persuaded the nice guy of the bus company to let me on the bus, he didn't want to, they get heavily fined for carrying someone without documents, the driver was fine.

So the French driver got me to calais, from there I walked to the ferry terminal and just the photocopy of my stolen passport and a smile I talked my way past the ferry saleswoman who told me to expect a grilling from the french and british transport police / customs / border guards. No such luck ;) actually the french guy just said go for it and waved me through, letting the British deal with this errant person.

The British just checked my details, I had a police report, made back in august before my passport expired and they gave me a piece of paper to show the british border force on the british mainland and i did so, being allowed to walk straight into Dover town and right up to and into a coffee shop / hostel, i had missed my original ferry but the timing was perfect, slip into bed, good nights sleep, early rising.

Walked to folkestone and hitched back to the area i grew up in, as i recall, anyway, travels and adventures over for this year? Nope, straight after christmas, go to visit Holland, and the person I had travelled with. Stayed for New Years Eve, the fireworks are nineteen seventees dangerous out there, kids losing hands, no health and safety, everything is down to the individual over on the continent so it's better.

Better because in Spain, in the Gaudi Garden, in the north of the city, you can clamber up onto a viewing mound, and stand there, no barrier, woman in high heels wants the perfect selfie, i am aghast and have to practise my balance but accept too that in europe you can do what you like without government nannying you all the time, they respect the rights of the individual to be an idiot or a genious and life their lives.

So early the following year 2018, and i'm remembering all this as i write it in some ways, so little time to process as they say today, or actually have flashbacks in a good way, and collate all this stuff in my mind and memory and heart, but basically once I had outstayed my welcome in a good way i believe, I was off, train booked back to amsterdam, expecting to go to france and ferry or fly home to the UK or whatever.

Nope, woke up and realised, decided, intended, what the flip? Why shouldn't I just go in the opposite direction and walk back to Spain? Do everything I've just learnt from the friend from Holland in reverse, walk and hitch down instead of up? So I did, not fancying the british winter, inbetween all this I had beeen lent a camper van, a half converted long wheel base LDV Convoy 15 seater Mini bus for my home.

When I had returned the first time, after the seven month adventure, it turned out my parents liked it that way, me not being there I mean, and I liked it too, so I had asked for someone to lend me their car or van, as many winter abroad and summer festival season, i was lent the van and it became my second new home, i consider the beach to have been my first new home, the only place i'd lived apart from my folks'.

So now I'm hitching and walking and bussing it through coutries, from Holland I walked from Amsterdam, got to Utrecht, lovely guy in the Shopping Centre bought me a meal while i charged my phone, lovely guy had dropped me at the shopping centre, lovely woman who is a singer in a band picks me up from the Thumb sign, literally a hitch hiking spot in Utrecht and takes me all the way to a castle near belgium.

So here I am, walking around the caves, wine cellar, party location, in a castle with a beautiful woman, who sings in a band, meet the band, who are there to entertain the staff of the hotel chain the castle is a part of, for their staff party, free glass of wine, free cups of coffee from the professional coffee machine, leaving while they play their gig, don't want to cramp their style, or be a hanger on i walk into belgium.

Liege and Belgium, a port on the river, giant concrete construction, giant boats, they really use their waterways in europe, finding a doorway, unused at least for now, I camp overnight, squatting various locations is a talent, I have learnt so much from my adventures last year, i put it all to good use, it's a balancing act between out right breaking and entering which would be wrong and staying where you can.

So, I find places all over, in cities is the hardest as there are so many people living on the streets, and I don't have time to make friends like we did in Barcelona, oh the time the pastries came in a dustbin bag from one of the cake shops and we could eat our fill of chocolate filled croisants and other things. But anyway, I make my way south, France is too big and samey for my liking so I bus from city to city.

Immigrants in Marseille a street from the Tourist hubub, they're going through a giant pile of clothes or waiting in a line for something outside an office, just a little way from me entering a well known fast food restaurant, picking up a receipt off the floor so I can get the code for the toilet and relieve myself and have a little wash while I'm at it, my hair is growing and so is my beard, on the advice of my dutch friend.

I love it, feeling the elements touching my skin, blowing what hair will grow on my head ;) and basically looking like i've been doing this for years, tanned, oh my the cities, toulouse, no the second largest after paris, Lyon, the third largest after paris, Marseille, i may have that transposed, the other way around. But my oh my, it's miserable to be seeing so many people enjoying themselves when you're on your own.

I get donations from time to time from family and friends so I can afford a meal, i have a stove, so I can make porridge, buy oats and dried fruits and nuts or similar so i have emergency food, i can eat like a king sometimes, two portions of paella in Nerja from an Irishman, because another homeless person didn't want it, I am not homeless, I'm a traveller in worlds you could never imagine but could visit.

If you tried, if you lived as I have lived, you could stand, never having felt so manly in your life, naked to the waist, looking up at the sun, seeing it as an emerald ball, hanging there on the densely packed tourist beach of Barcelona, with the love of your life, as the waves slowly rock you back and forth teaching you something about being with a woman, as you realise you are seeing with the eyes of your heart the truth.

Sunrise over the sea, naked, having whispered softly into my loves ear, wake up, you need to see this, as we enjoy the view of a lifetime, from the ledge of a cave, at the nudist end of a tourist beach, in a nature reserve, on the south east coast of Spain, close to where we've just harvested Amethyst from a vein in the rocks, having climbed down to a completely private beach, fishing for shell fish, living the life of riley.

I digress, so back to the travelling in this world, not the next or the one we can experience when we get our feet bare to the earth and sea, when we get ourselves bare to the sun, when we bathe in salt water, and relive our truest connection, when we eat wild and foraged, and free, where we love so easily, where we go from day to day, living wild and becoming the truest espression of a wild animals with a human heart.

I got to Spain, after a trip to Valencia, saving a German guy from loneliness and giving him an Iphone 4 so he can email friends and family and get his life back on track, he likes beer too much and finds it far too easy to just ask for what he needs, either directly or using a sign, like a ticket for the latest Christopher Nolan Epic, but again I digress, we helped each other, he knew where the library was, for free charging.

I got myself a replacment souvenir from a shop, and one for her too, put them somewhere safe and went on until I got to Spain, met up with friends and new people too, back into the swing on the hippy nudist beach again, but it's never the same the second time, never go back to an old job, rarely if ever anyway. However it was a nice time in some ways, my drum was gone, i had stashed it and it's gone forever.

My shamanic drum was birthed by a man who lived near hereford, when i first saw it, i fell in love, i borrowed it for a drum circle for the full moon, said I'll have that, and immediately went back the following week with my 80 quid for the drum and carrying bag, i took it to Spain after learning how to bring through shamanic drumming journeys, by doing it, and left it there as I had so much to carry.

I had to say goodbye, maybe someone has it, and it wasn't burnt with all the rest of the rubbish, i apologised to someone who deserved it, i fell asleep when i shouldn't, i met my german friends, who look after me so well, and we travelled far and wide, back to the amethsyt mountain and beach, to a gold mine that appeared in sergio corleone movies, to a volcano caldera where you can gather garnet in Almeria.

So the adventure keeps on moving and we go back north to Germany where I learn that, (oh I've forgotten Luxembourg, maybe more about later or before, a prequal post perhaps?) Germany and Germans are lush!

Kind, generous, beautiful people, barefoot in their village, my friend shares his home and garden house with me and i determine to build my own home and garden, and share these things with others from now.

I had a vision some years ago of the house that I would build, I haven't yet, but I'm so much closer, and land is starting to become available, near water, a spring is a must, a water source that can be drunk, rainwater collection for watering, gardens, medicinal, food, wild food foraging, temperate, i need wild garlic in the spring ;) all sorts of plans, no dreams are afoot watson! No games!!! Just living free...

So I go from there to Holland and become my friends birthday surprise, she's delighted and so is her boyrfriend and i stay long enough to be happy for them but need my space and to leave on a good note, I travel back to the UK and make my way back to where I was brought up, grew up, in the cotswolds again and heal and get ready for the next adventure, in fact it's a short stop over before I go to the NORTH!

The North of england, is new to me, I've been to Scotland once to visit an Aunt near Aberdeen but apart from that, business trips to Lincoln, Oldham, I don't really know much about the north but now i do, Love, they still call you love, they love a brew, get the kettle on, love chips peas and gravy, so did i, i even fancied it before I knew what was happening and the chippy in the village was my favourite place to go.

So as a country boy who had never done farm work, I learnt to drive a tractor, stack bales on a trailer myself up to seven or eight high and get them into the yard and barn without losing a single one! No more exclamation marks for a while, like swearing, i prefer to use them rarely or they lose their effect, strength. So the north? Great dentist, great friends, hard times in some ways but I learn about growing.

Organic Veg Gardens need to be hand dug, again and again, if you can't get it planted up immediately so we did, the little brother I made that year, which is only 2019 but feels more like a century ago, we dug and we dug and we weeded, out dock, out thistle, out buttercup, dig, weed, dig, plant finally, no fault of ours or anyones, but to turn this horse yard farm and hay growing machine into a healing retreat?

Not easy, by any stretch of the imagination, i wanted to build a little eco hut immediately on the old railway line, but instead, common sense and the local planners, given the closeness of Manchester prevailed and the manager, womanage actually, of the project was fields ahead and knew it all, in a good way, however suddenly I was expected to keep certain hours and do certain things on top of what i was.

I had fitted in here, was doing the washing up, the washing of the elderly uncle, cooking, making porridge in the mornings, lunch at hungry time, dinner at even hungrier time, walking the dog, house work, a little, appreciating my mum so much i called her i think, even though i dislike using the phone, always have, just to thank her for all the years she's cooked and cleaned and kept me in washed clothes and food and love.

So to be doing all that, and maintenance of the farm house garden, strimming and mowing, and farm work as and when it was required from the farm manager, and then to be asked to keep a timed work day, start at a specific time and do a certain number of hours aswell, well i wasn't prepared for this having finally gotten rid of an alarm clock a few years ago, and left permanent employment forever behind me.

I worked to rule for a little while, I was pissed of to say the least, I did not like it at all and I had to suck it up and get on with it, the farm owner is a friend, I had made a commitment to be there for the spring and summer and so I was going to have to like it and lump it until I could leave in september ish, so I did, we didn't manage to grow Micro Herbs for restaurants to make money to plough back into the project.

There is so much to learn, in a brand new polytunnel, which i also thought a horrible addition, finding birds, butterflies seen as a nuisance and a dragonfly stuck in there, I just hates the idea that nature was being trapped and made into bonsai herbs to sell in perfect little trays to posh knobs for a high price to sit down to a ponsey dinner in a overpriced restaurant so that we could make money off them to go eco...

Just didn't sit right with me but I loved the place, the people, the weed for weed scheme too much, a theme i have to say, over the years of travel marijuana has followed me around, on the beach it was why i needed to leave and why i'm so happy to say that when asked if i wanted to get out of there, I jumped at the chance, before I could get scared about travelling with an almost complete stranger I said YES!

On the farm there was a lot of ragwort and I could remove that to be paid in a bit of weed in return, this meant i could micro dose and have a good relationship with the medicine, a little smoke here and there, however the person providing it liked to make spliffs with about a gram or two in them and i would find myself so stoned after a toke or two, unable to resist the temptation that i could not speak or think.

I'll get on to how that has manifested in more recent times in a little while, but the quality and quantity of this medicinal plant and how it is used today, leaves a lot to be desired, we could be eating it, as a herb, as medicine, as a dietary suplement and benefitting but we choose to burn it, destroy the medicinal aspects to get a short term high, leasing to personal effects i am only too well versed in, to follow.

So, on and on, carry on, squat life, having no home to go to, meant that after the farm days, heady days of summer, memories that will live with me forever, I moved on, I can't go back to my folks, i have a caravan there but still, summers only, it's a metal box, not wind proof or rain proof exactly, not warm or heated, holes everywhere, a cold metal box in winter so i can't go there so I stayed in the squat scene.

Manchesta!!! Manchester is a lovely town, but also a hectic modern not paradise, full of homeless, i went to a shelter for them setup by the squat scene and immediately i needed to leave as I didn't feel safe, but with my friend the little brother I mentioned, I could live well, free electric, least said soonest mended, free water, free house, in fact we were squatting a pub called The Robin Hood at one point, freed up.

Stolen from the rich who wanted to turn it into apartments for the rich and gentrify the area, it was taken, and turned into a home, temporarily as commercial properties often are only squatted for a month, while court proceedings take place and then baliffs can come along and take it back for the owner, we don't damage the buildings, we don't break in, we don't damaged the property of the owner, in fact we live in it.

Art is made on the walls, they're going to be torn down or repainted anyway, listen to me justifying all this, but hey, it was a learning experience, one of many in the last few years, necessary, so that I can live anywhere, fit in anywhere, be comfortable in towns and cities when theyre the last places on earth I wanna live, but need to visit occasionally, the less often the better from my perspective going forward.

We lived in a few places, I would go off and come back, in the end one place was squatted long enough and I was around long enough to be considered for becoming a resident, in fact I was sitting around in 'my room' a little bigger than a cell upstairs, waiting for the verdict at the house meeting on whether I could stay, consider myself a tenant, wrong word, a member of the collective would be a better phraseology.

Anyway I was sitting there, waiting for them to discuss it between them, whether I could stay on a longer term basis, when there was a shout, Jon, where are you, what are you doing? House meeting time! So I went downstairs, only to be told not to be such a twat, of course I was already living there and part of the household, no decision to be made, come join the house meeting, and discuss things for the future.

We would hold partied in the buildings and raise money for things like making tshirts, to make more money, i made chocolate, which has become a thing I do, check out the post before this, and the video that shows you how to do it, lately I use licorice root in the melted coconut oil to sweeten it, then turn off the heat, add cocoa, or cacao powder if i can afford it, wait for it to set, no added sugar! What a result!!!

So we lived together, went out together, lived our own lives, went off for hours, days, work, weeks, whatever we could come and go, I learned a lot and decided it was not for me, as I love to travel and learn new things and see new people and places, constantly moving but having a base is my new normal and I hope for that to be the case for the rest of my life, however for now I'm still looking for a base.

We're up to the end of 2019 ish and Manchester behind me, holding a banner at the front of a march through town for XR, only having joined in because I was there, backpack in tow, meeting a friend i had first met on a beach in south east Spain, who was in the XR Samba band, dying outside Primark and Barclays and generally loving the Pink Boat and talks and meditation afterwards and here we are.

Fall 2019 I went to visit a friend in Poland, who had returned there after the Brexit vote, first trip to Poland, he'd been gone nearly or just over three years so it was a very welcome visit and reunion, a lovely place, beautifully friendly people, loved the mushroom soup in a purpose baked bread loaf and the mushrooms in the mountains, psychedelic and toxic amanita muscaria, more about that in another post?

Germany after Poland, hitching my way to see my german friends and medicinal guided journey there which I would have to speak to you about in person as it's very personal and indepth and wonderful and scary and needs to be heard about and known about and something you could only see for yourself but the little village life there is still amazing, recycling from the supermarket, they leave stuff lying around.

From there to Holland again, AGAIN, I know ;) but I needed to see my friend again and stay with another aquaintance who is now a friend also, and that's where I'm off next, but Holland was just a short stop before back to germany for a flight home from Berlin Airport and a little homeless life there, barefoot so the armed transit police left me to my own devices and finding war memorabilia in the woods and pigs.

Wild pigs are everywhere in europe, the germans have fenced off gardens to prevent them from entering and tearing up the place, i've been woken by piglets after my food with my friend, in the mountains above barcelona, seen them ahead of me onthe trail when i revisited that exact camp and area on my own, and then awoke for a piss, only to hear a troop of wild pigs approacing out of the pitch dark and lit a fire.

Wild dolphins, well, dolphins lets say, I saw them and needed to mention what a trip that was, surreal experience to be on the water, naked, with a naked german woman, on a paddle board, facing my fear bravely of being on the open ocean, padding out kneeling up, until we saw them jumping out to sea after the fish that the fishermen were also after, what a rush that was, by the third sighting i was a little bored.

Spring 2020 you know the rest, I was locked down, up, in the north west corner of Wales, near Bangor in a Pirate Ship themed retreat centre in an old Chapel, in the foothills of Snowdonia National Park, 9 miles as the crow flies from yr wyddfa, Mount Snowdon, and in sight of the sunset over the ocean this time, doing healing work for the people i was staying with, eating amazing food, and living free here again.

I paid what I could towards my keep, but only took a couple of bike rides out, down to the sea, all the way free wheeling, and then arduous walking and pushing and riding back up to the foothills, to a little village, learning a little of the language, making daily meditation videos using the fast internet, learning more about living in community, learning about why certain people annoy you and healing from that.

Learning enough about someone in a situation where you can't leave so you get on after all, why they deal with certain things certain ways, is it you, is it them, are you a release or is it the situation causing the stress or discomfort, eating well, a few walks, to Cae Mabon a place so beautiful with little houses built in different styles using different alternative building materials from hempcrete to straw bale, roundhouse.

Learning more about wild food, but not much, just gathering nettles to make soup, making cakes a lot more succesfully than ever before because I actually used recipes from a vegan cookbook, using an apple as egg replacement, fruit juice instead of milk, all sorts of shenanigans and mysteries, climbed two mountains, and summited Yr Wyddfa in 60-70 miles per hour winds then straight back down again phew!

That takes us to nearly today, after all that, i gave notice that i was guided to leave in two weeks but didn't know why yet, suddenly get an invite from two different people to a rainbow gathering, had a really good feeling about both of them so I now knew almost immediately why and where i was headed so i went home to pack, then walked from home in gloucestershire to nearly Wells, got a bus the rest of the way.

Arriving in Wells, I walked up the high street and suddenly had the surreal experience of standing outside the pub from Hot Fuzz, and looking right up the street to where the Vicar came out swearing all guns blazing, nice town, went from there, after being offered Homeless Outreach support from a very nice man while picknicking in the curch yard to the bus station after getting the essentials, going to Glastonbury.

I climbed the tor, hurt my knee coming down, then got a call from a friend, would i like to stay in his caravan? Sure I would, finding it eventually, sore and tired, I rested there for a week or so, eating the food lovingly prepared locally to support those living in a small community of caravans close to Saint Bridgets Mound, on Bridies Yard, did two ecstatic dances, leading to a lift to the rainbow gathering!

Glastonbury, before I get to the gathering, was heart opening, the first experience I can remember of feeling energy in my chest, what they call the heart space, not my physical heart, but the whole of my chest, opening in such a way, using a heart opening medicine, self touch, meditaton, stretching and loving myself, resting, healing and at the heart chakra of the world itself, Glastonbury in somerset no less!

So from there and lots of lovely encounters, I got to the rainbow gathering on dartmoor in devon. What can i say? A game of two halves. I got there full of enthusiam, started to offer healing, a workshop i came up with at the time, massage not so much, but offering a healing touch, in the way i was taught, and energy attunement, but all this ground to a halt because i smoked far too strong weed far too much.

My downfall over and over, going into myself, greedy, for the next smoke, the next toke, the next pass of a joint, the next cigarette, the next, the next, the next, bad thoughts, bad visions, bad sleep, no dreams, selfish actions, words and deeds, in fact the lowest ebb i can remember for years, not since the farm had i felt myself being lost and this addict returning and worse than that i failed to setup a healing space for all.

I had met some incredible healers, to give myself some due, the general acceptance of weed, i wont call it medicine as it's not treated as such here, it's an addiction, it's a coping strategy, it's a crutch, there's no drink allowed and thank goodness, the concious gatherings I have chosen to attend in recent years, choosing them over other music festivals and parties as i called them, they use this ethos too, no drink.

No drink, no drugs, just hugs is the bhuddafield way, the concious camp way, I had learned how easy it is to be yourself when everyone else is too, following this ethos makes it easy for you to be you, without crutched, or excuses, you turn up as your best self and can see where you need to heal and be open about it, talk about it, do the inner work, be the best you that you can be, so easily and feel so loved too.

So I have no-one to blame but myself for falling back, i had thought it would be really strict about such things, but nope, it's down to personal responsibility and i so wish it was different, i would have loved it so much more, would have not been rushing around so much, hurt myself a lot less, on the rocks and bracken, as i chose to go barefoot the whole month, i couldhave achieved so much more for others.

That said, i made friends I hope to be in the lives of and them in mine for the rest of my life, to create a wonderful healing retreat, my home, a community, with the ethos, No drink, No other drugs, just hugs and learn from these mistakes, and earn the right to call myself a respected elder, to show the way forward, to provide a safe space for those in recovery, to create something worthy of the title conscious creation.

I'll leave it there for now as I don't wish to talk about the gathering or the people or what I plan to do next.

I'm off to make chocolate using some moulds i found in the first charity shop i walked into yesterday.

Send some of it off to friends on the continent, hoping the postal charges are less in europe.

Live my life free of addictions, food is the last one, tobacco gone, drink gone.

Medicines, well they can be consumed in lots of different ways.

As for today, well, I'm six days clean of everything.

My dreams are coming back again.

My guidance clear

and true.

love

you always.

See you always.

Making chocolate in a minute

2020-06-05T18:54:00.001+01:00

permaculture farming cultivating love

2019-05-05T21:51:00.003+01:00

when we pray for each other, when we say to each other, i love you my friend, and send the love we have for them, it connects us up, between countries and continents we have so many lands, not divided but one mass of earth and water, and we ought to realise and see with our real eyes the truth... one two is the order of the day three four is the normal thing we saw before we localised ourselves into a village because that was a lovely way to live, to give. To settle in one place for any time makes no sense, but to have roots in one area is everything to us, literally the feeling is to have a home within one seasons distance from everywhere we know and go further afield for adventures whenever we like too, to explore and to fulfill our need to know, to find out where we came from before and where we will go soon, step out of the unnecessary gloom we seek for ourselves today, step back and forward, sideways back and forth all day to enter into the realms of the unknown still sewn into the fabric of the realest world we can know, the earth the mother river that flows through it and our love of life becomes our truth. Four, directions, elements, three is magic number, two you and me, one, all, one, is all there is, one thing that we are a part of, one part of a thing that we are. Called only love...

thrown together

2019-05-01T01:03:00.001+01:00

at the last minute isn't a stressful situation, have a go and see how well you do, knowing that whatever you achieve will be an accurate measure of you, your performance, isn't important, it's that you try at all. SO prepare less, and see how you feel about things more often, basics are key here, nutrition, meditation, exercise, grounding, literal grounding bare feet, medicines, i mean sacred plants and fungi, literal sacred medicines, not recreations, not entertainments, taking your life in your hands and saying, asking what am i here for? Then going out and finding what that is, through the sacred use of things, techniques, advised preparations, working with teachers, to learn and heal, creating your own traditions and working towards a future today, that you can be happy with, right now too, be happy, find a way to smile through whatever is going on, smile because it could be worse, or smile because you refuse to let what is occurring to get you down, smile because you know you will always do your best, and improve by being honest with yourself and others, imperative integrity and authenticity so that you know truth because you know you know nothing, you are humble enough to allow others to share what they know and yet know that they may have something new to tell you, something to share, accept that you might need to keep silent long enough, even if you think you know what they will say, or think you are right.

Silent enough to let them prove to you whether you need to change your perspective, or if you are seeing the world in the correct light, and yourself too, and them, keep letting go the need to hold on too tight, to anything or anyone, don't try too hard, but do attempt things, do try new things, face fears, go for it, you can do it, face the darkness within, love it all, send love to every part of you, send it everywhere, bubble around you, bubble of the world, a part of you and you a part of it too.

Feel into the day, be honest, but patient, be adventurous but careful of others feelings, accept when you are in the wrong and apologise and mean it, choose to say what seems hard to say, it needs to be heard.

Clear the air, face situations head on, go through the pain of hurting someone and being hurt yourself to become stronger for it, get your heart broken fully, into a million pieces and more, shattered, burnt, dead, alive, the fire put out before it reignites, and see it as a flickering flame instead not some passionate bushfire, out of control, take things easier, feed your own flame gently, ticking over, don't burn all the wood at once, save some for later, take it slowly enough to get to know your situation.

The person you need to know better is you, let others open up at their own pace, don't force the issue.

Accept that doing too much for them won't help them, but do whatever you can at the same time.

In service is what i promised, watching a documentary earlier i realised how far i have come, how much i have learned, how far i still have to go, how easy it is when you listen, Listen, LISTEN!

Listen to the world, the spirits of the trees and fields, to your heart itself, to others, to them, listen.

Share what you know, say what you feel, not think! Love all as if they were your own family.

Get taken advantage of occasionally, it feels better than the other way around, it gives them a chance to do the right thing, eventually it will hurt that they didn't, it will hurt them even if you don't think it does. It will teach them a lesson that you are willing to have them learn at your expense for once.

Even if they hurt you again and again, be willing to love them, be strong and say what they need to hear, say it again, be strong enough to stand in your power silently and listen until they open up.

A balance between tough love and openness, discipline and affection, willingness to learn and teach.

Clean your teeth, with bicarbonate of soda and everything else with either natural soap or vinegar.

Bathe in the freshest water you can find, don't drink tap water if you have a spring nearby.

Always eat things that make you feel good now and afterwards too, don't eat sugar.

Don't eat anything that comes in a box or packaging, in other words products.

Produce your own food, grow it, find it in hedgerows and forests.

Don't buy anything unless you really really have to.

Notice the change in you when you do.

See the world as it was meant to be.

Feel the energy, the healing come in.

Experience the headache of sugar intake.

Let your body shiver from salt and too much.

Too many calories, your liver struggling, kidneys.

The shaking within as the blood sugar level is altered.

Your body trying to work out how much energy it can take.

Rather than how much energy you can give instead with is infinite.

So don't get me wrong, i feel as though we can choose to eat less more often.

Do more with less, less money means more creative solutions to travel and everything.

More freedom to live, to feel, to see and sense in every sense of the word as we grow internally.

The world itself opens up to us when we open up to it, when we choose to experience it truly.

I know I've been there and face the unworthiness you can feel when you become happy.

The feeling of being scared to face challenges alone instead of with a good friend.

The felt need to spend time with someone special giving you courage to do it.

Getting on with what's in front of you and letting go the need to control.

Outcomes, expectations falling by the wayside, to be free again.

Watching the worlds go by as fast as the blink of an eye and not caring as we find ourselves inside love.

Loving the world is not easy when you start to see how few do, how many don't care or don't know.

Don't see, don't hear us when we try to say what needs to be said, heard, smelt, tasted, felt at all.

Give or Take

2019-04-25T08:51:00.000+01:00

Does what you eat feed your body or take something away from your later life, make your current one worse? Junk food, tastes great right now, in the moment, of eating, consuming sugary snacks, knowing that tomorrow, today I will feel disgusting, shit through the eye of a needle, feel sick to my stomach, all takes away the pleasure in the moment, at that time of consumption, intolerance within my body to that which does not nourish it. Wild food, wild living, not stuck inside a building, square, walled, prison. That is not really living, we weren't meant to house our feet in shoes, insulated from the world by rubber soled footwear, or artificial fibres for our clothes, all these things take from our experience.

So am I creating a better world inside and outside me by not standing in my power, empowering myself to be an island of creation, a space inside and outside me for change, positive creativity, energy to transform my own life, my health, good decisions, bad ones made when induced to do so by drink or drugs, a good feeling at the time, knowing i will feel hungover in the morning or with a thick head from smoking something, that i know is for recreation, entertainment now, wasting time that could be better spent, creating a better environment around me for myself and others is the goal of this life, planet.

So, what to do, start each day with a desire, not to take but to give, not to take life from myself but to thrive and feel good, in the moment and later, knowing the changes i make benefit me, and those around me too, the world itself also, so i choose to only put into my body that which i create, or harvest from nature, or grow, or buy from a supplier who also loves this world, creates a place for us to earn a better tomorrow by honouring our own bodies today, not putting off until tomorrow what i can do better today, to bring with it a life full of energy, transformation, elation, affection for myself.

Giving pleasure to another rather than looking to get something, sex for instance, are you getting a short lived pleasure by masturbating or having sex with another, taking your pleasure from them, using their body to make you cum or pleasuring them, enjoying the moment you are in, taking a day to touch every part of their body, celebrating that they are alive, not looking for anything to come to you, then the next day kissing every inch of their skin, the next just honouring who they are by listening, by taking them into you, by becoming better yourself by giving the other person whatever they need, not desiring anything for yourself, unconditionally living by unconditionally loving, nature, your own body, leaving desire behind to see what flows from within, from outside in, by giving away all your wants, all your short term goals, to cum, which leads to the desire for another, an angry faced expression of lust, rather than a beatific featured face, body, soul, spirit, life, love, giving not taking, sharing not looking for anything but to give, but to live free of the felt need to get something, not wanting, needing only the feeling that comes from giving with no thought for yourself, what you will receive, what you can get.

If I let the choices of others sway me from what I know to be right and true I am failing them in the worst way, I need to be a shining beacon, a strong and determined example of a different way of being, carry that feeling of determination into everything I do, writing like this has been a long time coming, not angry, not anger inside, disappointment, shame, that I can make the same mistakes again and again.

SO I chose not to have sex, not to give love. To anyone I did not love, not to take anything at a cost to tomorrow, but to give, give love, give wild free food, give information freely, share what i know and have, choosing not to keep on doing what I was doing, not to cave into temptation, however good the intention of someone else, to give me what they think i need, but merely want right now, to go back or keep on allowing myself to be lead in the wrong direction, away from the affection i feel for the better me, a better them that I can see on the horizon, we will all fail to save this world and each other from each other and the world we have created, by letting others lead us, from those around us to the governments who fail to do anything other than what they think is right for them and their families and us, and for the world itself, to carry on as we have grown accustomed to behaving which is killing all life on this world for the sake of living out of harmony with nature, shitting out what we eat, consume, feeling sickened by our thoughts and actions, letting our bodies become sick, our minds, our hearts, when there really is no need, just a want, or shame, or what we did, or what we had done to us, keeping us heading in the wrong direction, making those bad choices, and for those to create a habit, inside us and around us in the world, when will we see this, become conscious enough to change it all?

When we choose as individuals to put a stake in the ground, draw a line in the sand, become sane in a world driven by crazy behaviour, such that you can only see how dark the horizon and the land itself and the life we were living before when we honour ourself, those around us, the life, the planet truly.

And I for one, don't feel good, from eating what i was eating before, or smoking what i was smoking before, or the relationships I had to people, food, every aspect of my life, was not a good feeling, leading to a better one, not a good experience leading to a better one, i get a taste of a better life now.

In the experiences I'm being lead to, by seeing the difference I can make for me, in my life, in the lives of others, by their example, by my own experiences leading me to conclusions about the ways I could be, the ways I am being, the feeling is better when I don't waste a day doing nothing, or nothing good comes from the food I eat, except the flavour of defeat, that tastes so good at the time, but i know will leave a bitter after taste in the next day or days afterwards, knowing it leads to disease, unease, illness.

We've been sold so many lies, the wisdom is out there, more importantly it's inside us, right now, the power to change is too, just listen harder, with more intent, intention is key, do you intend to watch the planet die, yourself, from ill health, from disease, dosing yourself with chemical cocktails in food or living better and better, healthier days, thoughts, coming from a choice not to feel unworthy of love, loving your own body, your own skin, getting in touch with every inch of it lovingly when you bathe or trying to hastily wash off and rush every action, wash off the sins and shame and fear of failure, every thing that we let hold us back from becoming who we were meant to be in this world, for others, for ourselves, for the transformation of a lifetime to occur overnight, we need to begin today, now.

Agent Walker of the F.B.O. (Full Body Orgasms)

2018-11-27T13:47:00.000+00:00

Follow these instructions at your own pace, play and experiment with what feels good and it will work like a charm. The great thing is that once it's worked for you once, it'll work whenever you want it to.

Do whatever feels right don't worry about following to the letter, it's your Full Body Orgasm...

Lay down where you can read on and feel most comfortable and relax, breath slow and deep with your hands down by your sides. Just be and let yourself sink into that feeling...

Watch your stomach rise as you breath in through your nose drawing it down deep and take the energy and power of your own sexual desire inside like starting a fire in the great outdoors and watching it catch.

Breath out through your mouth and allow your breathing to become slower and longer, feel all the stress of your day exhailed and your loving energy build.

Take the very tips of your fingers and run them slowly teasingly up and down your sides as far up as you can reach and as far down too.

Tickling and lightly grazing your skin, as softly as you can so that it raises goosebumps.

Slowly as you can manage allow your fingers to explore closer and closer to all the areas that you would normally concentrate on only let them cover every inch of skin everywhere else first.

Tease yourself into nearly touching there but don't just yet, oh no you want to enjoy this part.

Let that fire inside build and fill you up, feel how strongly you desire to be touched and where.

Make small circles, and let those fingers find their own rythym, move over your thighs and calves, tickle your stomach in softest slow circles, feeling the heat that is rising and spreading .

Feel the skin of your neck and softly lightly stroke around and around and down as you get closer to your chest. Let the fire inside spread up and down your body, from your core to your extremeties.

Try using one hand on your stomach and the other on your neck and work towards each other.

Discover every inch of your legs and feel how good it is to edge closer and closer to your inner thighs and sex.

Still never touching where you really want, just teasingly exploring what feels good and let the pressure you apply grow to those areas already explored but ever so softly everywhere else.

Move closer and closer to your breasts and sex feeling your whole body engulfed by the fire within, breath it in and out allowing yourself time to feel how good it is just to be in that moment and feel those feelings.

Keep on breathing slow and deep, let it build and build until you can barely take it any more.

And when you can't... finally you can start to softly stroke and explore closer and closer.

Tease & tempt yourself, feeling that fire within ready to explode whenever you desire.

Touch yourself wherever it feels good and exert more pressure.

Never stop playing with that awesome energy and fire.

Feel it engulf your body entirely.

You're Almost There...
I'll leave the rest
up to you
<3

More to Spain than the Plain

2018-11-08T15:53:00.000+00:00

More to Spain than the Plain

I went to Spain for a holiday for a week to ten days and arrived back in the U.K. more than six months later. It surprises me but in that time I feel like I learnt more than in the previous six years and it was the longest I’ve ever been away from home beating hands down the six weeks I was away to walk and celebrate completing the Camino de Santiago in 2009. I’ve bored everyone I’ve met since then with those adventures, now I get to start over with new stories. The first night arriving in Nerja from Malaga Airport, I walked straight from this tourist town to a little village called Maro that has two beaches closeby, an easily accessible one with everything you might expect at the height of summer like a small bar and sun loungers but this was the middle of winter, coming into the spring months of March and April, the other beach is Caleta Playa and officially a nudist beach, is wild and untamed, no facilities at all and sits at the bottom of some irregularly spaced concrete steps after you’ve already walked down a fairly rustic path for about ten to fifteen minutes from the centre of the village.

I had planned to stay with a friend who was living at and looking after the Yoga / Reiki / Massage centre at the top of the hill but by the time I arrived he had already had to suffer the combined attentions of the fleas of the 20 plus cats, two dogs and two Black pot bellied pigs and the thought of staying in the house was too much for me, so I took directions from him and made my way down to the beach. I got it wrong, as usual and ended up in a farmers field while someone was cleaning their teeth and getting ready to turn in for the night. Retracing my steps I finally made it down the concrete ones and onto the sand of Caleta well after 10pm because I was later getting to see my friend than I had planned, later catching buses and later doing everything because it was all new to me and I get lost easily everywhere, even at home, so it was pitch black and with a warning having been given that I might not know who or what to expect and as I had no choice it was easy to just walk over to the fire that was lit at the far end of the beach, to get over the fears and doubts and just go.

I was thinking to myself as I approached, who would be sat around such a fire at this hour and what might they think that I’m just walking up to them in the dark a complete stranger. I immediately got on with and made friends with the four or five young people from different countries that were sitting there, some singing, playing music on guitar, or smoking and enjoying the night, we chatted and i stayed up until the next morning speaking to one of them, an incredibly enthusiastic entrepreneurial spirit called Franz from Germany with so many creative ideas, I learnt an awful lot just in the next few days about what you can make with spring water, and raw ingredients from the super markets, such as oat milk from oats.

So I resolved to stay here on the beach and the first week consisted of regular two hour plus excursions to the tourist town of Nerja with my friend from the Yoga Centre Sean, to walk from greengrocers to biological (ecological / organic) shop via the front doors of a couple of his ‘grandmas’ houses where homegrown veg and fruit was for sale, they even had scales and would weigh everything right then and there for you, I ate only raw fruits and vegetables and felt amazing although very full sometimes and we would occasionally take a trip to a raw vegan picnic called a potluck, where everyone would bring a dish or desert, in my case a badly cut fresh Mango and the food was so healthy, rich, tasty and interesting and most of all beautiful, I have images on Google that have received thousands of views, there was one particularly generous host who shared some homemade ice cream made from a special fruit from one tree in her garden and I swear it tasted like butterscotch Angel Delight, it was unreal how this fruit tasted, she even showed me around her plot and I was treated as if I had known them all for years. After that what money I had went on rebounding from such a good feeling to being a tourist for a week or two, taking myself into town to the first bakery and trying out all the cakes they sold, into the bars in the village and ordering a cana (small draft beer) and tapas (as meaty or fishy) as I could get hold of in order to satiate my bodies need for what it was used to and a cafe for Churros and Chocolate. Churros are a donut mixture, squeezed through a machine until they come out shaped like something from a play doh mould, cooked and then sugared usually then served with melted, VERY HOT! Chocolate to dip them in, so you have been warned, whilst there I saw two people I recognised from the U.K. walk by what a surprise!

Three weeks or so have passed and I don’t want to but I’m addicted to paying for things and without any more money I figure it’s time to go home. A group hug on the beach with my two close friends, a German couple I really hope to see again one day soon, filled me with such a feeling of energy I could literally feel it flowing between us and made it harder than even a normal goodbye, something I have always disliked. But I have to go and return to England to earn some money so that I can go back out to Spain to provide Spiritual Energy Healing to a friend of the friend whose idea it was for me to go out there in the first place, and I resolve to be back in a few days.

It ends up being three weeks later that I arrive back in Malaga Airport and I get chatting to two British Pensioners, I want to make them feel better because he looks knackered pushing the luggage trolley and fed up and they make you walk so far from the terminal to the first chance to leave it and as we were delayed I know there won’t be a bus and I’m likely to have to stay up all night until morning or find somewhere on the street to sleep, as luck would have it, they are headed to the town of Nerja for their holiday, the j is silent but I dare not tell them that and they don’t have any Spanish language practise so I get the cab sorted and they’re kind enough to let me come along with them all the way to where my heart needs to be and the rest of me with it. We get dropped off at their apartment way out of town because I insisted on making sure they were inside before I walked back into town, through Nerja from one side to the other and on to Maro, with my Backpack and a lot more stuff with me this time as I walk past the Roman Viaduct all lit up at night with a bluey purple glow for the tourists, it’s still a novelty at this point and eventually I get back to my home on the beach, figuring I’ll stay up to see who is still here and who is staying where so I can make camp.

You see everyone who lives on or near the beach does so for free, wild camping in the tall grass, like bamboo, also called cana, or just sleeping on the sand itself. Caleta Playa has depending on the day or night you find yourself there on and the time of year a large number of travellers from all over the world, a community of folk coming and going, residents and semi residents, high tides that were exceptional and reached the base of the cliffs above you and virtually washes away the sand and anyone there that night with it if they’re not careful, exposing the rocks, it’s a truth I never knew about the coast and just how fluid it is, how much a beach can change, how grateful I would become to the noise that kept me awake at first that I came to get used to and even miss, having grown up in a very quiet place indeed.

On my first night there a magical event occurred that I only witnessed a couple of times, a bioluminescent algae in the shallows that spark into life with light when you wade or move your hands from side to side through the moist sand and visible as a shimmering silver light on the leading edge of the breaking waves violently cause them to glow, whilst out on a paddleboard I saw wild Dolphins jumping for the first time, I really cannot describe the feeling of seeing these things with your own eyes. So some people are coming and going, some stay for a few days, weeks, months, some have been there for years and some only for as long as it takes for them to see a naked human being and turn right around and walk all the way back up again. You see we lived for free there and apart from gifts or loans from friends and family or donations for my healing work online I didn’t have to spend money either on food or lodgings or clothes, just luxuries like chocolate and things I thought others on the beach might like to share because everything else was being thrown away by the tourists in the town, and if they don’t want it anymore or care to take it home with them, whatever it is, from good food to the items they have replaced with new ones it’s discarded. Recycling from the supermarkets also means that there is a glut of anything you could wish for in terms of staple food stuff and as the days turned to weeks and months, someone was always arriving with something to share as our community developed and grew into an impromptu rainbow gathering. I took it upon myself to welcome new people, introduce myself, show them the communal kitchen (all recycled pots and food) explain that if they would like a hot drink in the morning, a meal at lunchtime or to come and sit around a fire in the evening and share a meal cooked together they could and life settled into this routine as I was also doing some gardening work and trying to fit in my healing work for my now friend Peter although he was receiving help from a healer in the North of Spain. The work I do takes the form of Spiritual Healing that replaced my own intuitional massage that I learnt by doing self healing, by learning where and how to massage myself to resolve health issues, and by practising on friends and anyone who would like to receive a massage at festivals and trance parties.

Using your intuition and instincts is a far cry from book learning or prescribed techniques and it involves a subconscious unconditionally loving connection between two people where I know where and how to touch, because they are communicating this on a level we share. As a spiritual Healer it involves no need for physical manipulation or pressure, merely the laying on / or off depending on the person of my hands on their shoulders at first to make the connection between us, and then to the area I have discerned during my body scan of them. All this was new to me although I had felt energy in my hands in meditation and had played with energy as a child, something I remembered later in life especially during the training for healing that I undertook for a year including six months of weekly volunteering at a church to provide anyone with healing sessions with amazing results, I allow healing energy to flow through me into the person and they use it to heal themselves. I learnt all this from a great friend and mentor who runs The Circle of Light Church in Uckington near Cheltenham.

My whole life has been transformed thanks to him and others especially those I have been privileged to provide with healing and a natural talent has been turned into a truly blessed gift.

If you wish to know more feel free to get in touch with me on Facebook or email me. So Spain and healing and raw food and life as a community leader and a million and one other things I would never have dreamed of or imagined or feel like talking about here, and soon the tourist season began in earnest.

Walks to the mountains eating mostly only wild herbs on a vision quest only to have fevered dreams and a cold night because it’s chilly up there and the heat of Spain finally came on strong, making it hard to think and only easy to sweat and sit and bathe in the ocean. I had met many inspirational people, one such individual was a young woman from Estonia called Aggie, who I had seen doing a Sun salutation and yoga practise first thing in the morning completely naked, not a surprise on a nudist beach of course but still impressive for her to stand in her power and it made me realise that I ought to face my fear of being naked and it lead me to ask her how she also swam far out to sea too. “Ask the Ocean to take your fear” she said. Which sounded easy so I did. Over the days and weeks I swam further and forgot to worry about what was beneath me until I could swim out to a buoy a long way out at another beach, and whilst my brain might have had thoughts I found disquieting, I still did it anyway.

At first being barefoot, walking on the beach but especially on the rocks has you feeling like a baby learning to walk for the first time, and rougher surfaces like the road or pavement is incredibly painful when you step on small stones and your foot isn’t used to it, but over time the skin hardens and your feet start to learn where they need to go, you look ahead not down. As I was to realise, we are born this way and naked skin and bare feet are our natural state, without shoes and socks we connect, lose fungal infections naturally too, become grounded literally earthing ourselves to our mother below us and connecting to our father sky above us as we stop wearing hats and artificial fibres in contact with our skin, we feel more, experience more, deepen our rootedness, our feeling of wholeness, lose stress, heal, and eventually there is no going back.

In the end I could float up a mountain by looking as far ahead as I could see, my focus on that point took away my need to be in my body and my body just wished to take me there, I also found that my knees and thighs and hips relaxed to the point of being able to place myself in the lotus position for the first time, this happened spontaneously on the beach.

No going back, not to so called ‘normal society’ or normal living, not to a job with regular hours, or a week and a weekend, five days fixed, two days off, a routine, that’s normal, that’s boring and repetitive, we settled down in one place as humans and settled into routines and since then our brains have shrunk, we are nomadic at heart, we love new things, new places, new experiences, that is who human beings really are, intrepid explorers and a lifestyle based on four walls that need to be paid for, or bills of almost any kind once you are free, why would you ever cage yourself again? I accept that some people provide the world with things that require them to stay in one place, doctors, many of us work in the area we live in, but so many fewer than in the past, the idea of a community is long gone in most cities, where very few people know each other, a real community where we work together, share our lives, those days are coming back though in places like caleta playa for a while.

I also understand that some people find nudity shocking but their attitude is outdated, and most things of the archaic are on the rise, tattoos, freedom of expression, we are wild in nature and nature would wish us to be wild and free to express ourselves and nudity is a part of that, if nudity makes you feel uncomfortable it says more about you than the person who has no clothes on, your fears are driving your reaction, or you have preconceived ideas as to what nudity, nudists, hippies, free spirits, natural humans, those without fears or who choose to face and embrace them only to conquer them are like. I have had to work through and past many of those same internal dialogues and ideas, fears and a good deal of religious dogma that says how we ought to live. Morals and right and wrong are important and taking into account how others feel, to respect them whatever they choose to believe or do, is to give that same permission to all, live and let live, set everyone free from prescribed ways of being. Manners are a standard I attribute to good behaviour and the ability to get on with other people requires humility and to become humble but also self confident is important. To be and have a balanced outlook on others and the world, to walk through life the middle way between riches and asceticism, to be and feel comfortable in your own skin and to know yourself is key.

We live as children in the west, we are comfortable, lazy, cowards compared to those tribal cultures of the past and present who have brought us here after a million years of humanity. They didn’t wreck the environment, create plastic and oil from the slowly accumulated bones and bodies of our ancestors lying on the ocean floor and beneath the bedrock of the planet or use technology and prejudice to subjugate the poor and titillate themselves at least not to the extent that we have done in the tail end of the last century and the beginning of this one.

Look in the mirror and ask yourself how much blame you can personally take for the state the world is in today? Keep looking in that mirror and try to say I love you how does it feel?

So it’s hot and I’ve found myself slipping into old habits, drinking a little alcohol, smoking cigarettes, amongst other things that are readily available here in the wilds of Spain, I had quit everything for two years previously to my travels and it reset me in many pure ways.

Tired also by now of the pressure being put on friends who chose to leave because the police would rather the beach was clear of us, I was personally manhandled by one officer of the Guardia Civil who has no respect for individual humanity preferring the tourist euro influx.

Leave or stay, someone suggested a trip back to the Amethyst Mountains of the south coast. I’ve been there and seen it for myself, so I ask to come along. The rest of the story takes in a walk, hitch, bus when the heat becomes too much, squatting in deserted buildings and living off the land adventure that included a myriad of characters, locations right out of film sets and dreams, romance, action, and the best months, weeks and days of my life.

If you want to live in fear of what might happen or fill your head and heart with stories that tell one side of this planet, focussing on the worst of humanity then continue to watch the news, continue to allow everything to be someone else's problem to solve, continue to allow technology to shorten your attention span to the length of the proverbial goldfish or accept that most creatures feel and think more than we perceive or allow ourselves to recognise that they do, please by all means just watch as the natural world continues to be pillaged to within an inch of destruction, until the environment is no longer capable of supporting anything other than a very healthy population of cockroaches, or becomes one giant desert as the south of Spain is forecast to become within the next 50 years or decide instead to travel alone or with a trusted friend, meet and become another homeless person, learn what life is really all about, experience moments of sheer bliss, heal yourself and others, through true and lasting connections, be at peace with yourself and the world around you and finally accept your place as a loved soul in a much greater universe than you ever imagined.

The journey from here to wherever it is you end up whilst fraught with perceived dangers and real ones will leave you gasping for breath at the incredible beauty of nature both human and all the other forms that life takes in this amazing paradise in the making that we find ourselves in. Life is a gift best opened with gratitude and cherished thankfully and to those who feel incapable of it I say, I was one of you and to all those who helped me to realise who I could truly be, I say bless you, and thankyou, and I love you.

home is where the fart is

2018-11-04T17:42:00.001+00:00

so im sat in a room in the only house that's ever been or felt like home. Only I have my own place, but no regular income to insure I don't have to keep coming back to 'borrow' food and boil water, no fire in the van i'm living in as yet, no cooker, just a comfy, Very Comfy bed thankyou and a driving seat. So it's my first home and I can move it around and park it here there and everywhere at a friends too. This caused me to feel lonely for the first time in a long while, that and not having any company to speak to.

Doing healing has become my main focus, whether in person or at a distance for donations, I don't often ask or mention it up front, until it became obvious for me to get my priorities right, pay people back who've helped me get back into the country recently and generally get things in the right order. Money in the bank for emergencies and luxuries and treats and loving life and for those rainy days when you need to visit the dentist at tooth hurty. Also it's great to have the time to feel lonely.

So filling that time, experiencing the feeling of being free is wonderful, to feel is great and feels like home only I never felt comfortable in anyone elses, always staying up late unable to switch off or waking early and high tailing it out of there before I have to say goodbye or connect and speak at all really and the anxiety that I never even realised made me continually find my stomach tight is there from time to time but only so that i can relax into my body and breathe and let go and flow.

So I'm tired because I had a very long day yesterday into today because I got up early and saw the most incredible shooting star, meteorite, meteor? what do they call the ones that are so low in the atmosphere that you see them burn up and fade away, with all the colours of the light that is released and heat on show and it was a beautiful reason to wake up at three wander about a bit and go back to sleep again by fourish and then wake to dream and dream awake, consciously being in a world like this at rest.

It's cold of course in a metal van with insulation but no heater but cosy when you're all tucked up in bed, the under blanket, sleeping bag, duvet all winter warmers and very welcome thanks to gifts from family over the years brought together with all the things I'd collected for wild camping and never used or rarely if ever even looked at so I moved it all into the ex minibus and drove away for the first time a little scared but very happy to have this place of my own to call home and live and breathe and feel.

I went to see a friend and we made a mushroom tea and drank it together and this was very healing for me, it gives you heat from within that burns away your pain whatever the cause however long it's been there, released emotions that were trapped inside so that you can cry and really feel emotional honestly and I have to say it wasn't what I thought it would be like, very body not visual, very deeply loving to honour and thank the mushrooms and made me sleepy as I'd been up all day without any sleep.

I had made a thing online to say I would stand barefoot and send healing energy to those who wished to take part, so I found a place under the shelter of a yew I discovered and grounded my bare tootsies and head connected to the sky hands throbbing with energy as it built, leaving the emptiness behind that comes from tuning into the people who wish to receive that leave my hands bereft of feeling there, mainly because as it build they and myself are being replenished as we flow with source connection.

what loves means

2018-09-29T19:21:00.002+01:00

What love means

What does love mean?

I am in the woods or in a caravan or summer house or squat

ive been travelling in foreign lands sleeping on the streets

What I have learnt will last me for a lifetime

What I have seen is people helping me in ways I would never have let them before and it's brought me to my emotional core to release so many things I has held onto and needed to let go of

So I have been given an extra portion of rice in a new place in luxembourg city by a woman whose generosityade me want to hug her and all she said was "you are my guest".

I've been accepted by the homeless of Barcelona and greeted as a friend of those who are marginalised like the immigrants and other people who live between the lines and read between them too. I've met many who are trapped by theft of their documents and so am I a little too.

Then the addictions and availability of drink and drugs creates a spiral of misery from which they cannot escape, one woman said "I have been to many places in the world but Barcelona is he worst"

To hear that about places so rich and so ready for another way of doing things, knowing that the difference and the gap between rich and poor allows these things to go on, being able to love well on the discarded food and clothes of others who are only consuming more and more makes sense.

But it doesn't sit well and the homelessness despite the location of an historic square that Gaudi visited daily for forty years meant I almost became a part of the daily guided tours there.

Th forest and the shore are my true home and I belong in nature not the human made forests of buildings and the lakes and ponds that substitute the natural collection of water.

The way that animals are bred Nd tamed and caged and farmed and maimed until they suffer every day from captivity as a lCk of freedom they are our slaves for meat and milk and it stinks.

So don't expect to see me ina city unless I have good reason to visit I could never live there

So some highs like meeting a graffiti artist because my travelling companion keeps on doing the things that cre me and giving me the courage to overcome that initial voice in my head that says don't

Seeing sights like a pure pink lightning above my head while wandering into an unknown town with a street dog at our heels is something I will never forget and nor should I lest it leave me like the love I have felt and continue to feel and continue to allow to grow and hare and spread until it's felt for every one I see every brother and sister whether human or plant or animal

I've messed up and I don't know how to make it right

2018-04-09T22:32:00.002+01:00

I went away and left my car with my mum and dad so that she could use it while I was gone and I'm so badly organised I didn't realise that the M.O.T. ran out shortly after I left. I don't wish to explain anything about the details except to say that this has just been another massive fuck up on my part because I wasn't responsible enough to deal with this before I flew out because I just didn't know it was due.

Now I have to wonder what to do to make up for all the things that have happened since and it's not me that has been affected by it worst of all and without going into it any further it's been an example of why I need to grow up, be more organised and sensible, think aswell as feel what I ought to do next ànd listen more and generally not leave things to others.

Womanity continuity

2018-04-04T13:11:00.001+01:00

So where did we get to oh yeah I was hitching and almost immediately got picked up by a woman who told me so many incredibly useful and insightful things like never eat pork because pigs being so closely related to humans, means they can carry diseases we can catch by consuming them and people suffering from Multiple sclerosis should cut out all dairy and protein from their diet because the error in their genetic makeup that causes the condition and deterioration uses protein to further the damage that has begun. Also I learned how high a percentage of dairy cattle put forward to be added to the meat industry are riddled with pus and are not fit for human consumption because of the way they are used all their lives meaning the milk and then other products that ome from that also are not a healthy addition to any diet. Vegans will know this already but it concretises the decision not to consume anything coming from that source.

We chatted and I explained that I do healing work with people to initiate their own body to access and use resources within to heal them.

The magic of that meeting, her willinness to take me to where I could continue on with my journey and our exchange of information was truly beautiful and I had not slept for days for longer than an hour or two so fairly rapidly after a nap and another in Friday night traffic meant I eventually ended up at another services this time on the M42 above Manchester and then planned a route from there to the monastery for the meditation weekend that had brought me home from Spain I the first place. As I walked and listened I learnt how to comport myself in a strange place.

Hearing within the guidance to walk on the outside of the pavement how to be dressed how to hold myself how to be and act.

All the while not knowing where I was but where I was going checking the maps on buss tops from time to time walking and learning and traversing a new city as I made me way with tiredness following me but a sense of adventure nonetheless and always a need to respect the environment and myself and others.

So I finally got to an area I knew a lttle and because I was choosing to trust the guidance I received i also wanted to prove to myself that I could walk up to a place I had been before also. I got to Heaven on Earth the Space. Walking around not knowing where the monastery was I asked a guy having a smoke in his doorstep and his girlfriend told him to tell me where he area of Gorton was. Ajacent to where I was and so I kept on going. Past a club with a lot of people milling around outside a little fearful of the area and people.

Drive on keep on going you can do it I heard.

Always facing the fact that I have a positive inner dialogue these days along with a need to accept those parts of myself some deny exist.

I found the monastey nestled in a housing estate with new looking houses and high value modern cars so I took myself to a bus top and fell asleep sat with my rucksack and things.

Waking up I waited until hey opened the gates and sat on a bench to wait until everyone else came to the event.

I slept through the meditations for the most part and lunchime came around. I had no money and was gifted a banana and tried to see if anyone would take pity on me further.

All I had to give were crystals I had found and brought with me from my travels so I gave them to the people sat on my table and by the end of the weekend I had given almost all of them away and experienced the Joy of meeting new people being offered a little something here and there doin some healing only to receive some surprisingly from an older gentleman called Roger and generally being muh more myself after having asked and been offered a place to stay at a flat with someone I barely knew all the while being dared to do things that have terrified me all of my life.

Askin for what I need. Facing possible rejection. Ignoring thoughts of failure.

Being able and willing to be better and succeed where before there was only ever anxiety and dread. Living life based on a reduced need for things like food and only what I had with me.

By the second day well rested although we had stayed up very late or early depending on your point of view ;) it came to the end of the day and I had nowhere to go but home finally for the first time in over a month and needing a lift a woman I had met also required a ride home, one of the people I had got to speak to because of the gift of amethysts and shared experience of the weekend. So I asked Roger if he knew of anyone going south for this woman. It would be great if there was room for two but she was more important to my mind because she had further to go and I was brought up to respect and honour women children before myself. There was! Not only that but room for me aswell yes what a day.

So chatting as we headed home lead to a meeting in Glastonbury the following week and a walk up to the tor, collecting some spring water and seein a chap whose face I knew from somewhere and my new friend was only too happy for me to go and discover where and how and why I recognised this homeless man.

We had met it transpired on the high treet in the town on New Years Eve when he had just gotten back from Spain and I was going to a party in the Assembly rooms to meet friends.

So as we caught up it turned out that he was going back to Spain in a few weeks time. To the same area I had just left. To the same village and to the very same beach I had just been living on for the past several weeks!

Incredible amazin wonderful synchronicity!

So that was a catalyst for me to choose a flight close to his knowing I will have someone who knows the area well on my return and more than that he's been to the communities I would like to visit over there and our future was set.

Bumped into someone from Birmingham who had been to the meditaton weekend who was house sitting just outside the town after that.

I was havin difficulty keeping the biggest grin from my face and feeling so blessed and happy.

On our return home my new friend exclaimed and we had to stop to take photos of the most beautiful magical rainbow I've ever seen.

Quoting then retelling a tale of womanity

2018-04-04T08:38:00.000+01:00

A piece written by Jill Kiefer from a book gifted to me by a friend, entitled 'The Spirit That Wants Me A New Mexico Anthology'.

The paths I now follow in my life and work invite me to explore that spree of felings, frolic and ideas which serves to continually remind me of what else is out there. It's a DETOUR from the present ROUTE of so many which, though often impressive, does get backed up with traffic and is heavily controlled. While there is, undoubtedly, potential to cover many miles in the traditions of FULL SPEED AHEAD and EXPRESS LANES ONLY, interstates also impose the rules of NO CHANGING LANES, NO STOPPING and NO PASSING. Their language is established and impersonal their construction, inflexible. The EXITS from those choices are few and far between. For all of the expediency which those ROUTES attempt to provide, I can only move forward in certain areas by taking back roads. Perhaps it is the difference between travel and journey. The journey may take a bit longer but the occasional CURVEIN the road leads to the adventures which, when added up, result in life. My life is articulated here in New Mexico--the Land of Back Roads.

I was following my own back roads which lead me to a group meditation in Manchester and a building called Francis Gorton Monastery. How I got there is the journey from Spain to Birmingham airport and a walk of a dozen miles or so with backpack and all my belongings into the city entre. Roaming around to see at 4am the revellers passing back home from a night out because like so many towns and cities there is a large population of students living and possibly studying there ;) So I find myself alone as so often in life amongst many strangers in a strange place adventurng finding new sights and sounds to be exciting despite the tiredness the aches and pains the feeling of being alone is an Energy of creation and exploration for me. New experiences drive me to leave behind the familiar the habits and routines if a life lived within television schedules or the Monday to Friday nine to five that so many need to earn themselves a place to live and shelter and feel safe. The security of that way of being is obvious but anathma to my spirit.

I saw a lot of the town from the architecture to the mass of building work being undertaken to the fact that as usual everything I would like to have visited or taken advantage of like the mseum or library were closed at least until 11am long after I wished to be much further north and far too long to stay in one place for.

I worked out a plan to go to the services at Frankley and headed in the general direction by following the path of the sun what I hoped was south and west havin come from the south and east of the city. So a long way to walk as there was another seven miles of trudging to do yet along the canal path past industrial and university campuses and old and new places along the way. Asking for directions from people who are unused to walking anywhere.

They find it hard to believe that I might choose to walk a few miles. "Oh you're a long way from there that's your general direction'. Ask the lad in the white helmet he's from that area.

He isn't or doesn't and only says a few words encouraging at least and the canal beckons me.

Dropping down away from roads to follow waterways and relax and try not to rush on.

Relax as much as you can. Your speed is good speed comes to mind which I saw as a yellow graffiti on a concrete pillar somewhere in spain whilst on the road to Santiago de Compostela. Tiredness is a choice physically mentally you can usually achieve much more than you think you can and just keep on going.

Eventually I reach a village and directions for the services. It seems a lot more than seven miles and snow on the side of getting road soothes my by now hot and blistered feet.

Swollen and sore wet bottoms allowing the rot to set in as the skin seems more like its been in a bath for days underwater socks stinking.

So I stand barefoot in the last snow and collect some in the box of the chips I bought back there. Finally managing to painfully walk the last few hundred yards to Frankley service station by going south when I mean to arrive north and Manchester as my final destination.

Charging my phone resting my feet all whilst trying not to offend with my look of tramp and homeless person torn trousers where badly patched holes have been rerevealed and coat that once was almost brand new saved from bonfire with only a tiny hole in the lining of one pocket repaired made it a welcome addition to my wardrobe faithful trusty fluffy Duffy duffle coat with furry hood intact with slightly ragged edges to the cuffs from wear.

So I fill my water bottle even though I'm more used to having a car and the freedom that brings to go and collect sprig water regularly and grateful for at least a little while to sit in a coffee shop plugged into their power outlet with WiFi to reconnect with the world at large.

They refill my bottle again before I leave even though I've made no purchase and I leave to go and hitchhike for the first time ever in my life.

It goes well considering I'm stood there with a sign that says FREE HUGS for only a few minutes and what must be the twentieth vehicle only too. Bemused car drivers and passengers listning to advce about which side of the road to stand and how near or far from the junction my ride is a woman from Poland who lives here and has only been driving on the left for six months who works for the food industry by cutting open meat animals to see if they are fit for human consumption officially.

Vision quest tres

2018-03-05T23:07:00.001+00:00

Now I'm in a hostal sitting back in bed totally loving the luxury after three days or more of heavy rain put paid to the freedom of living from day to day and moment to moments.

I like to visit spiritual sites and see the sights so I've explored and learnt the city for myself to connect hose places I knew and needed to know for fruits and vegetables and healthy beginnings to come back with investments of money and time in myself and Healing work for those here and back home from a distance.

So next is reconnection to the energies I am feeling right now spreading like a rush like a tingling from my toes up to my waist and I know that if I lay out it will reach my crown.

Because I have spent the day sayin goodbye to foods eatin them one last time I connect to a future already preexisting that I can live and feel now where I have lessened my need to eat through meditation and the learning that comes from a process of choosing to be more conscious of food and drink and behaviour.

So for the full moon a few days ago I created in a symbolic sense a feeling and a place of sacred energy to be given over to those who wish to honestly share their truth and stories and we did that and I faced my temptations and addictions of old rearing their heads and I find them to be necessary as with so many things to show me what I don't want in my life.

After a night out on the town and a tiny nightclub experience which we a great chance to dance but ultimately a waste of money but a lesson nonetheless in time management I then went and did the English pub experience and found it a tourist trap and very basic which was good as again it reminded me why I don' do that sort of thing anymore these days.

Churros and chocolate the last two days has go to be an exception I enjoyed it so much but as with so many things from the past as you grow and change they no longer feel right or have the same effect somehow losing their appeal.

In the case of the above Spanish traditional breakfast I loved it so much again and again.

The social aspect I see of friends meetin to connect before their day begins and this is love in action and a very beautiful atmosphere.

Ultimately though I know there are things I can do and choose not to anymore and some experiences teach me to leave others behind.

So onwards and upwards and lettin go to make space for the new and refreshing and exciting.

Feeling the transformational energy of creation in action the pleasing heart led decision to face facts and take a different path knowing it's the right thing for me and all as this is my focus. What is good for everyone?

Spain in the rain part deux

2018-03-05T18:20:00.000+00:00

So my friend went away and in the meantime we went to two incredible raw food potluck something I had never heard of before at all. I brought a whole papaya to the first and after trying someones raw vegan cake I got the recipe and created my own version for the second one as a thankyou present to Seany.

I learnt so much in such a short time I am really a changed person with so many lessons providing me with the fuel for the fire of transformation and creation to face old habits patterns and programming to question my ways of being to ask myself am I repeating myself from an earlier age because of trauma or a felt need to avoid harsh words or even the fear of failure or even communication itself.

So I have eaten a lot of crap since then and sugary stuff and beers and tapas with meat and basically conciously taken a few back steps like saying goodbye to an old friend or relationship that ought to end by leaving some things to be consigned to the past forever.

To heal I have met someone who has fasted only consuming a little water and one piece of fruit in eleven days and I believed her when she said that it was like becomin the air so that you feel a part of everthing again as we once were you see I feel like we left the garden by eating the wrong things only to find ourselves no longer the part of nature we meant to play to be to feel to experience to evolve into us.

I have enjoyed a weekend off where I had to book a room in a hostal to get out of the rain and avoid everything getting very wet along with all my things. Challenging myself to see the stuff I have as less and less important and accept that if I am well and I have my health my time and my freedom that is all I need.

Vision Quest in Spain and Rain Comes in

2018-03-05T16:53:00.001+00:00

Arriving at night into Nerja bus station which is a slightly grand way of saying to a bus stop I choose to walk to Cuevas de Nerja near Maro where my friend is stayin looking after a finca.

It's an end to an incredible day that began with tears as I took off and saw the clouds from above and a conversation with an ex pat couple one from the UK the other from Iran.

Being described as a free spirit makes me see things about my trip that I hadn't yet and wide eyed about every aspect of the journey I make my way to the home of my friend but it's late.

Flea infested accommdation doesn' sound like the Dream I was lookin for so I go down to the beach to spend my first night there instead to find a fire drawing me in despite my fears.

Young people around it from England Belgium Estonia Germany and me from wherever I am from and right now I'm from here so I settle in and by morning I have friends on the beach.

So the next day dawns after a lengthy conversation with an incredibly young and enthusiastic and creative entrepreneurial individual who I will know as Frantz.

I felt an energy about the place when I walked past all the fincas which I take to mean the bits of land and buildings set aside and divided up into gardens greenhouses and irrigation.

Life soon settles into a routine of eating fresh fruits and vegetables on shopping trips to town with my friend Sean who has been here two months and on a previous trip a few years ago.

That and sunbathin on the beach eating the recycled food which is anything the young folks have gathered that is being thrown out by the supermarkets or market traders that day.

Sleepin in the back of a car as it's cold at night becomes the normal I work in the garden of the massage yoga reining centre for something to do and to pass the time and feel more useful.

Trips to town are mesmerising and take hours walking from one place to another seeking ripe fruits and vegetables of quality from the only ecological shop and certain grocers.

It takes us all over the place to the home of what my friend calls the grandmothers a series of women selling produce from their doorstep and by week two I've discovered another one.

So the sights and smells and locals and tourists and travellers and passers by and van dwellers and local bar and source of spring water become part of my life too fitting them all in.

I had known I was to take myself off on a vision quest before I left the plane it became apparent sonic said as much and packed a bag with little food and water for three days also.

I hiked from our home with no phone or tech just a backpack sleeping bag and a little energy of nervousness and excitement and the thrill of adventure rushing as I chose to leave then.

I drank and walked up and into the smaller foothills to pockets of tiny by lower altitude conifers on rocky slopes of herbs growin wild and free together Lavender Thyme Rosemary.

Reaching a point high and far away from the noise of the roads I felt I'd gone far enough to make myself a little nest under one of the conifers near the top of one of the foothills.

Sleeping bag laid out I got as comfortable as I could on a bed of needles and dried mud amongst the rocks and branches as I layed back my head cleared and visual images came.

Drifting off into sleep tired from all the steep climbing I woke often to empty out the spring water and each time it was from dreams that scare and inspire but certainly teach us much.

Bringing dream worlds to life and learning from the experiences that come only to need them in the future whether distant or near and although not well rested arrivin within so well.

I was tired when the next day began early with meditation and alarms to remind me to send healing to someone at home via the distant healing technique of connecting and sending.

Sayin my prayer to connect then set an intention for it to go where it needs to whatever they need it for allowing myself to be empty of thoughts only for solutions to arrive.

To stay cold with no food would be foolish I knew it was best to travel down and although three days and nights became one night I had aimed for the stars reaching the moon happily.

As I came down a different path sometimes seein the same sights and also discovering new things like the carcass of a goat I felt reborn and healed and new and capable.

It was the adventure I was seeking and so muh more and I am so glad that I took myself off to experience it before the weather turned in the second week but more about that later.

So beach life consisted of washing self and clothes in the surf the views of crystal clear waters and sand to lay on to soak up the sun connected body and soul to the elements.

The naked young women doin yoga and their morning routines standing in their power was a beautiful feeling and inspired me to get into the water and lay there free of all outer layers.

Sunbathing by getting in touch with your skin as the suns rays nourish and cleanse your energy and body completely as the salt water and sand feed your need for minerals aswell.

Meetin so many folk of different walks of life being as polite to the locals and looking as wild and free as I felt in my hippy trousers and shirts and the rhythm of fetchin spring water.

today

2018-02-18T20:25:00.001+00:00

Evolving away from writing blog posts? yah boo! not good enough Jon, don't talk to yourself in the third person that's not good, not all the time or even now. So I have been going from the sort of person in love with my own image, even though i was never all that sure that i was anything but a pretty picture, but even so i craved to see any pictures that had been taken of me, and pick which ones i thought presented me in a good way and then share them, on social media that would mean a constantly changing profile picture, and lots of tagged photos of me usually half naked at a dance party or festival because I don't really like to wear clothes and dance with a sweat full tshirt on.

Now i've got to the point where i'm not going to those parties, they don't interest me in the same way, drinking makes me feel sorry for those who don't even know what's going on let alone remember any of it, like i used to, blacking out and finding myself having been sick, gotten home unconsciously or whatever, gloss over all that, it's childish behaviour and i find it just not nice to be around that atmosphere any more, drugs the same, now i see people off their faces and glad i'm on my face, or my face is on my head, so I'm happy not to care about sharing pictures of my face and don't take many.

I'm creating a lot of poems, floems, poetry, floetry, whatever you want to call them and those are going on my Patreon account, basically an online museum for patrons to visit to see my works and if they choose support me regularly with a monthly donation of any amount and at regular levels they can receive some kind of reward for that support, whilst I provide spiritual healing for free as always.

So that is good and my life has become more like other peoples, so busy with chores and daily stuff, that even without a full time job, i find myself with little time for anything other than creating, sharing, caring, supporting others, visiting friends, having them visit here, it's all very exciting and i'm not scared as much as i used to be, not as stuck in patterns as though i can work through lessons to get passed the layers of the onion that were holding me back, no fear, calm dawning over the land of me and me working as hard only smarter and with my time feeling more like a life lived well.

Going back to basics, being there for others, maintaining relationships, creating new ones, getting people coming to me for help, healing, reassurance, being myself openly, without that fear there, whatever comes will be, feeling better every day, healing chronic wounds, painful injuries, physical, emotional maybe, deep hurts i caused that i can't take back that i live with and have to carry around.

Whatever, at least this isn't rhyming, seeing people occasionally, bumping into others, really experiencing moments, of pure joy, mostly in nature, freedom to be, to choose, the live, to feel, to connect with nature, meet trees, barefoot on the ground, it's harder but more fun and better for me.

So my creative side is blossoming and i get to share that, i can't remember what i said to who so that's a good sign and something i wasn't experiencing before, i now speak to so many people it gets me passed all sorts of problems so much so living in the moment takes you right through whatever thoughts you might have had, no time to think, just get on with it, being dared to do things that i might have talked myself out of before, call this person, speak to that person, stop and talk to that person, beep your horn and wave, connect, smile, don't be afraid, get involved in life, live more.

That's it for now as i regularly do a live broadcast on facebook at 9pm for a group healing meditation for anyone to join in with wherever they are, shared into groups online, sit or lay down with the intention of receiving healing energy, whatever you need it for, take it in, it's coming to you, my intention is to become a conduit for it to flow through me to you, whoever you are wherever you are.

www.patreon.com/MedicineManWildWalks my patreon for e patrons of my online museum of writen and video artworks, often with pictures and words added that come through me for anyone to enjoy

facebook.com/FreeEnergyRevolution for the Free Energy Healing Page, regular group healing meditations on a monday at 6pm, every evening live on facebook at 9pm for anyone to join in

So that's the bottom line and i'm off to Spain for some Holy Days for the first time since I last went on a pilgrimage in 2009 and before that my last package holiday in 2008/9 christmas and new year.

This time its free form, no plans, just meet a friend in the area, explore a lot, hiking into the national park, live in a cave maybe, see what happens and what i can happen to, live cheaply, and free. Swim.

So without all the need to take pictures and the freedom to just live in the moment it becomes a less stressful idea, in fact there are no ideas, no thoughts, only experiences to be had and enjoyed more.

Less thinking more doing, I shall see you when I get back and now that this is a blog again i hope to have a very small number of photos to share possibly, but a lot of stories to tell and i wish you well.

In the meantime, today I went hunting for an invasive species to help a friend heal from a pest species, I gave away a load of herbs dried and growing that I've been aching to share and give to a good home, we sat and had tea and just chatted and i can tell you it's been ages since I just did that.

The party seen is so shallow, lots of hugs which are great but so little real interaction, just going from one to the next was amazing don't get me wrong, i don't wish to insult any drinkers or druggers, get on with your life the way you choose, i just don't feel that anymore, it's not for me, i dip in occasionally, I miss the faces and the smiles but there just wasn't anything long term in it for me.

This feels better, special and real time, quality time with a few people, those who wish to better themselves, not that there's anything wrong with the way others choose to live their lives, but i feel as though i'm on the right side, the pendulum has relaxed into the middle from two extremes, so it's a happy medium where i generally just live a gentle happy life, full of healthy experiences and magical times, where time is not an issue, just allowing things to flow, feelings to grow and everything to expand naturally until i feel complete, growing, expanding into space, and full of life, healing too.

My personal space, the body, the energy i am, the way i feel, all says that it's on a positive note and i love the song that it's singing, facing the habits that still aren't good, but they are less damaging than those that were there before, deeper layers of the onion, smaller loops, uncovering truths, being.

As for anything else to say we'll see what happens in Spain and I hope I've made enough lavender pillow case enhancers because i've spent an awfully long time sewing them to give away as gifts.

Journeying to the centre of me

2018-01-21T22:29:00.002+00:00

Let alone to the centre of the earth, the sky, the feelings i have and wonder why it's taken so long?

But before this becomes a poem again, or some kind of rhyming thing, I will finally have the strength and time to change my mind and find the rhythm of writing normally again as in a blog post for you.

So tonight i was guided to take folks on a journey and magically, beautifully it was shared to a group and i waited, chatting with a friend before really getting into the drumming, quietly because I didn't want to disturb the relatives here, and loudly enough to hear the beat of the drum with my finger tips and send myself into a state of calm relaxation, people there, somewhere in the world listening and joining in as i quietened the mind, the rational bit, and emptying it out i found a story coming in.

A story of a journey away from towns and cities to the forest, on a dark moon unlit night, with the darkness causing the eyes to become accustomed to the lack of light, the sights are lost except for the stars, a very wintry scene and scary for some in foreign lands i would think where wolf and bear and their kin wander freely, on this occasion we travelled to the deep woods, away from prying eyes and human beings, into the woodland tracks and clearings, up a hill to visit with the mountain air and trees and finally arriving at the summit of a hill to see the starlight raining down, a clear night sky, a shooting star, connections near and far, to the stars as they wandered into view, the night sky alive and the ground becoming a way to cleanse and find peace in this life, as the mushroom mycelium and crystals and earth beneath the feet gather energies to be renewed and earthly life to be regenerated.

It was a chance for me to lead a journey, to honour the directions, the elements, the seasons and the self, to begin a journey without and within, to share this with others, to let my imagination become one with the all that is, to bring healing to those who took part, and to myself, to continue my healing journey as a medicine man, a spirit worker, guided as i am, being myself really for the first time ever.

Feeling the responsibility, the joy, the passionate embrace of the energy, the beauty of giving, living free, being me, working for others, sending love, making connections, giving affections, energy.

You see this is the culmination and feels like the end of a story, the end of a trip, the coming together of two vehicles in space, the sky falling on me, and yet it's also the best thing that's ever happened.

I'm lucky, grateful, blessed, and feeling like i deserve it for the first time in a long time, if ever.

I am very teary as i write this, a lump almost forming in my throat, things have happened, been happening, I've been so close to this before, narrow escapes, false dawns, ways that I've expressed this kind of creativity, these visions of a healing journey. the idea of creating sacred healing space.

A lodge, a place for folks to be held and healed and for their true self to be revealed, no more rhymes here, let's concentrate on truth and love. So here I am with the courage to continue on, create, build.

No fear, having faced the dark for real out there, now to face it inside more, I wrote about the shadow several years ago, now promised journeys into the wilds, walking pilgrimages to the river where i was born, to follow its course, all the way there and back. To greet and make an offering to it, and to visit and walk the length of the spine of the ridge of the nearest hill to where i was born, the edge of the Cotswolds hills, a path trod by many before me and many after i am sure, another part of the same mission I am committed to take and I will, backpack packed with hammock, tarp, cooking utensils.

So I will finish my training for now knowing that the real work begins with those who wish to visit, who wish to receive healing in person, after a year of training in spiritual healing and years of doing it before that intuitions leading me to guidance and experience, knowing, and being, a natural healer.

Creating sacred space, opening and closing, ceremony, energy work, healing, wild food foraging, meeting the ancient forest trees, sitting in connection with nature herself, meeting each other, people.

The worst of animals for much of my life, to me, anyway, I have struggled, out there I was happiest.

But that nature is only a step away from who we really are, wild and free, healing me has been to return me to my place in society, to bring me back into the bosom of my family, ancestors, history, herstory, the revelations and the mystery, the stories, the creations, the preparations, the training.

All bringing me to this day, to the drum, to the beat, listening in, sharing out, trading, energy for love.

Love for energy, giving healing away for donations is my way, to allow others to receive the love.

We are all one family, one world, we must realise that, be one again, to survive, to heal, reveal us.

To live in truth is to see the reality behind the things we see, and smell, taste, touch, feel, sense.

The experience, the senses only take us so far, the bare bones and breath, breathe deeply, let go.

Where will that take us, where can we end up, what will we do, can we all move on, evolve, grow?

I believe so, I am willing to give my life in service to nature and to my fellow beings like I promised.

So many years ago when I walked five hundred miles in a foreign country alone and learnt my path.

Love New Things

2018-01-19T22:22:00.002+00:00

Went out today to ground my feet, and burn a fire to keep my hands warm, practise gathering the materials as I would if I were showing someone how, to start a fire from scratch, so that they know too, and enjoy the experience of doing it themselves, getting to light it once and tend it to help it on its way, much harder in the winter, the wood is often wet through or damp in the centre, the cold stops it from taking quite as easily as it does in summer, and the cold keeps the oxygen levels down, low to the ground, the moisture being forced out of the firewood as it sizzles and spits and smokes and chokes you if you're not careful, so you are but get covered in the smell and the addition of pine branches, helps to drive out parasites, and cleanse the skin, and breathing in the resins clears the chest because the cold gets in there too, creates an issue when you can't heat your place and the breath is cold air coming in, the body dry and needing to drink more water to replenish that which keeps the breath hot and the skin moist which is why we get chapped lips, sore skin, wind blown and burnt.

Bare feet on the ground to give back, to earth myself to let go the extra static electric from being in a house all the time, and not wandering for hours barefoot on grass like in the summer months, creating a great healthy feeling and an energy often lacking when the sun is less strong and our skin doesn't take it in, but mostly that's a lack of going outside, wrapped up warm to get our outside time in nature because we don't feel like it in a vicious circle cycle of not wanting to face the winter winds, and then that becomes not spending enough time out in it, unless it snows because we find that fun, but anyway it was good to go and watch the sunset or at least gaze from up in a tree on a hill, favourite place for me now, the hill closest to where i was born, the ridge of the cotswolds edge, gaining in popularity with me since I did a workshop on connecting to the sources of energy within nature of my birth, creating relationship to the land and the waters of my birthplace, my birthright, to be connected.

I do healing then often, because i feel as though i have done some for me, on myself, just by giving myself time to be there, feel there, energise and become ecstatically happy again, smiling, laughing, childlike not childish, i like to make that distinction, wondering, feeling wonder in, inside, outside, seeing more, feeling more, connecting, and running, climbing a tree, running down a hill, something i have been guilty of judging others for in the past, jealous probably, seeing someone carefree and loving their life, seeing the shadow, the inner self, the liar, the lied to, the lie, lies, laying deep at the bottom of the shadow of the self, wherein is the light that we really are, the gentle self, the true self, and going there, is where i am at, to finally keep going until there is only darkness, only the smirk, only the child who tries acting but smiles because they know they are pretending, to reveal the real.

To reveal the self who can say their truth, without feeling as though they are making it up, act real, be real, trace every thought to it's programming, trace every image to it's fantasy, go deeper, inside, by journeying, by being mindful a word i have come to despise like veganism, isms are a lie too, just be you, just do what you feel is right at the time, and don't judge others because when they see you eating a sandwich made of white bread and butter, and cheese they will doubt your truth, they will wonder if you ever meant what you said, so will you, and cave sometimes to old habits, because you think they will give you the pleasure that they used to but they don't because you do not enjoy that anymore and never did, crisps though, walkers salt and vinegar they were still good, things that taste good may not be good for you, but they sure taste like they are, the distinction there is the truth and the lie too. But you learn as though it were a test, whatever i was getting at when i started this i don't yet know, eventually i usually magically manage to circle back and tie up loose ends.

Becoming the true self you leave behind what no longer serves you, because you are in service to the truth which is love, i hasten never to use someone elses phrases or words, or lies, or cliches, if i can i would prefer to turn everything on its head, sentences backwards, no fire without smoke sort of thing, and keep that going, to reveal some hidden truth about this topsy turvy world of mine that i live in.

We all live in something strange, rearranged gradually or in a rush, slow down, breathe, find the stomach is tight again, panic setting in? It's a deep wound, coming to the surface just like all the consciousness that is becoming like the waters of a lake, serene as times these days, chronic never, acute sometimes, the ripples are gentler, the waves lapping gently, on the shores, journeys undertaken and meditation coming in not out, i clear my mind, spirit talks to me, enters into my open body, to my mind, through my heart to be processed with love, to see the truth which is love, to feel it too, in the form of bodily sensations, vibrations, healing, freeing, seeing, being, doing, entering into a new stage of life, where i fail to see the patterns of others as a problem for me, you be you, i'll be me and i no longer have to explain that to others, be their mirror as much, because i'm not around those who do not wish to discuss death as readily as life, or spiritual matters as much as the physical energy we are.

So life is better, more relaxed, coping with a feeling of lack, knowing im showing signs of the past, but those were dry runs im getting so wet, don't talk about it because spoilers! Get there in your own time, this life or next, whatever, fool no, joker no, not labelling, never liked names, you are you, hi.

Wondering why comes less often, now it's experiences more, time no, it flies away from me, being is the way to be, i do more but seem to be getting less real work done, it takes so much of life to look after oneself better, and do all the chores, and communicate with others other than me which i never much liked, not on the phone, not in person, but it's what i must do, because i love it really, sharing, caring, being there for them because i see through their issues right away not mine so much oh well.

Create solutions based on holding them in a warm embrace, letting them play, be free outside, that will do, wait and see, hold on, for them to feel it and come to me, no pressure, no friction, just wait, do some temporary whatever if i have to, because i dearly wish to travel for a holiday and be me.

Not take the spiritual transformation with me on my journey, be me, the person, not the god self, not take everything so seriously or immediately go to the deepest level of reality, or meaning in a word.

Not take people as though they were seeing and feeling as i do, that they wish me to join them there, but actually allow them to be them, not having to join me, or make me feel less or more than i am, because they can just do their thing happily, the banter, the chat, the small talk, enjoy it all please.

I'm just me again more than ever, finding my own enjoyment in experience, not shopping but walking around seeing people, things, once in a lifetime experiences like a bird coming closer than ever before. Goldcrests, fluttering like bumblebees, i can't persuade anyone the desperate nature of nature so they will just have to realise it for themselves, as they obviously are choosing not to now so that's that. Not my business to explain anything anymore, try to offload the revelations and information, just be me, relax into that, try to see if there's any enjoyment to be had in just catching up with them.

Feeling less like a business like experience, you know i'm here for a reason, let's see what it is, something i need to say to you, you need to say to me, forget that quite so much, let the innocence of being be, let the talk talk, but at the same time it's hard for someone like me who is a conduit for love.

A Journey to the Moon and back

2018-01-14T20:03:00.000+00:00

I went into my hut and got the fire burning with pine, cleansing myself with sage harvested last year and dried, i said my greetings to the four directions and elements, the north winds of winter, the spring sun rising in the east, the south seas of summer and the west autumn lands, asking for them to be present as I did spiritual healing for myself and then for those who have requested it from me, to pass it on after saying my prayer, and attunement completed i felt energy in my hands as usual, with the intention that is goes to those individuals, each time moving from one person to the next and then finally having done the work i said I would do when I promised to give my life in service to my fellow beings, I got to the point of the journey. I got my drum out and heated the skin by the fire until I felt ready, I had just to sit and get comfortable so that I could lose myself in the beat of the drum, find a rhythm that was not too fast and not too slow, and as I heard it throb and vibrate and resonate near my face I let myself become empty, I slipped into the river of consciousness and my spirit left my body, as the physical was left behind to be cleansed and healed my spirit floated down stream with the current and then rose and soared from the waters into the sky, to fly up to the Moon.

Circling at first like the light of the sun when you gaze at it first thing in the morning or last thing before sunset, you see a coloured line chase it's tail in either direction, I call it ouroboros and i see myself circling before spiralling inwards, like being drawn down through a vortex until i enter the centre of the Moon, to find a dark abyss, a blackness so deep that nothing escapes not even light.

It's a place of such intensity and energy that everything is destroyed that falls into it and I am too, so much so that I am unaware of my body until I am shot out of the black hole, only to know that I have gone through there to connect with the centre of the galactic central sun, to see it with my eyes closed, like a beautiful crystal lake, flat calm, then as though a pebble has been dropped into the middle, suddenly there are concentric circle ripples moving outwards, the energy of infinity, and I am there, in that very spot. Being the energetic equivalent of a sun, seeing myself as sending out waves of cosmic light and love and truth, cleansed of everything that has gone before to be in the now.

Coming back to my body I sit there eyes closed, the light of the flames of the fire licking my eyelids so that I can see this display, being the focus of the practise of sending energy out to everyone around me, into the world, from my heart to the world, to the solar system, wanting nothing more than to see the earth herself, and all who live here healed and for the truth of life to be revealed to us all to feel.

Back in my body again I slow the drum and send the waves of sound through my head, down through my body, shoulders, arms, chest, trunk, lower self, legs, feet, legs, body, neck, and back to the head.

I let the drum beats go right into and out the other side, vibrating my self and as i finish i thank my allies and am full of humility, humbled by my experience, I feel renewed, regenerated, reborn again.

I wash myself in sage smoke naked next to the fire with my bare feet again planted on the soil, grounding myself as I have been connected to the earth, my head connected to the cosmos.

Then with the smoke of the connifer branches and sage finished i add some lavender to perfume and prepare me for sleep later in the evening and get dressed after heating my body with the last flames.

I leave my hut, replace the door as the fire burns itself out and retire to write about my experiences.

you

2018-01-04T12:56:00.000+00:00

root and branch, trunk and crown
aint nothing gonna hold you down
jump up feel free with your energy
be good, to yourself, so we can see
this excitement this is natural bliss
from where it went from where it is
fitting us more and more perfectly
leaving old habits, that are unruly
come from within feeling it truly

medicine man walks wild

2018-01-04T11:36:00.001+00:00

when you were born they said how beautiful and perfect you were then and are still if only someone says it is so, you can believe it again, feel it and know it to be true, in this way, i tell you, i love you.

so i started a patreon and it's called that because you can become an electronic patron (patrEon) of my poetry and writing and the videos I make, the website allows me to put all my eggs in one basket.

it's become clear to me that I need to go whole heartedly into the healing side of life and so i quit my job and since christmas i've been given the time to actually read a book, learn about natures calendar.

working so hard has it's benefits health wise but i think there is a case for over working and burnout there if you aren't careful, this last year I made time to go to healing camps and festivals too.

i took time off, met amazing inspirational people and created a new life for myself working with and for all sorts of folks all over the world, I send distant healing to people all over the place also.

so it's been a year of transformation and creation, giving myself new ways to find my lifestyle and allow others to support me in that, and also allowing me to be free to go into nature and learn.

using the instincts and intuition I recently met with some yew trees and tasted the bark and leaves, learning what is true is much more important than taking someone elses word for everything.

i didn't swallow I hasten to add, just chewed and spat out the leaf matter and bark, very bitter but I can tell it has a lot of medicinal properties and as you experiment in a safe way you learn a lot.

so my videos are of the poetry i make up on the spot, and writing too comes to me and i get it out there, so I am also looking to set myself up somewhere new, in nature and provide healing there.

some of the videos are of the spiritual kind, i say this because they can be journeys within the mind, they can be attempts to pass on healing in a way that shows others it's ok to be free with your self.

the writings and poetry, or floetry as i call it comes out in a long stream, im not a rapper, so it's not quick, but it is being made up on the spot, inspired by whatever, whoever i have been experiencing.

basically i am going to be spending this year getting my foot in the door of festivals and that brings me nicely to my next point of interest, which is the door to the divine nature and spiritual truth.

during our regular by monthly spiritual development meditation circle, which is designed to help us to become mediums in the long term, i prefer to do healing but i do bring through messages also.

when i'm working with someone or chatting with a friend, i tend to say what i feel is right, but i can't take all the credit for what I say, or don't say, it's a bit like being edited and inspired from outside.

what comes through is often far better and more helpful than i feel i could come up with alone, solutions to problems, what someone needs to hear, not wants to know, allowing them to heal.

if i have to be a source of tough love and tell someone how it really is rather than the perspective they are carrying around with them blinkering them from seeing the truth of the situation then so be it.

it isn't easy to be the one to tell people this sort of thing, but it feels right, and i'm good at it, i like being able to give someone the information they need and however it affects the relationship it must.

i'm there to be their best friend, we are only together for these few short minutes or hours, i am there to be the one who is willing to tell them the truth, so that they can learn and heal and deal with it.

in many ways it feels like exactly what i always knew i was meant to be doing but shied away from because i burned out from being only what others needed and not looking after myself properly.

i dampened my talents and feelings and senses using drugs like alcohol so that i didn't have to be like this, experience the things I am capable of seeing and feeling now, the energy coursing through me.

i feel it in my hands and have done since i was a kid, back then we are so close to birth, so close to perfection, so innocent and so full of everything we need to be whole and healthy, all the elements.

our mothers give us everything we need, all the different bits and pieces for our bodies to work just fine and over time damage from what we put in and lifestyle choices and environment kills us.

we become less than we were then, we become incapable of the miracles of mind and body we were doing so easily, feeling energy between my hands when i was young, and again when i was 40.

it happened at a festival in wales, i was sat there, and felt energy as i meditated, pulsing in my hands as though it were falling on my face up palms from the sky and collecting there to be used and felt.

so i knew it was there for a reason, i played with it, focussed it, looked on others and with my intention sent it to them, working with their own energy, to see how they could get what they need.

since then i worked with people on the other side of the world, i sent energy to them, i sensed where they needed it by closing my eyes and having them in my minds eye whilst my hands explored.

my hands would work up and down as if i were there providing them with a full body massage and scanning for areas where they required energy and where they were already replete to help them.

like having an M.R.I. scanner in your hands, capable of making a three dimensional picture in your mind of where they need help and where they are fine and then advising what you feel for them.

from there it was a case of learning the legal aspects of being a healer, from the innocent and naive person i was to accepting that you need a code of conduct and practise in a safe environment for all.

working with those under my belt has created so much more self confidence, that I know what i'm doing and that I can help people to help themselves, heal themselves with the help of healing energy.

now it's just a case of continuing on the path i am on, keeping good habits, early to bed, stretching, energy work for myself and others, passing on the lessons i learn, the information that comes to me.

working with the energy i feel, connecting up with others who are also doing the same and being a shining light out in the world of what we can achieve when we get together and treat ourselves well.

so a very long story shortened to this line would be that i no longer post my poetry here so much because it's coming out on Facebook, then shared to my Patreon and my Free Energy Healing page

if anyone would like to check out the things I write, the videos i create, check my Patreon link below or if you are interested in some other aspect of this article add me on Facebook as Jon Walker

if you would like to see what Energy Healing is all about I run a group on Facebook check it out, the page is called Free Energy Healing at www.facebook.com/FreeEnergyRevolution

we get together on a monday evening at 6pm gmt every week in order to meditate on the idea of healing from whatever it is that leaves us feeling less than our best selves so feel free to join in.

otherwise i will keep posting some of them here, but only those that i feel are worthy of putting out on my blog, i would prefer for this to become what it once was a diary of sorts of my life time.

www.patreon.com/MedicineManWildWalks is where you can find my subscription service where i am offering to create handmade books of my poetry and other things for a regular payment.

and if you have ever received Energy Healing for Free in person or at a distance feel free to make a one off donation which can be made to my paypal account at www.paypal.me/walkerjp123

In the meantime I am working in the local area and attempting to find worthwhile means of supporting myself, in terms of ethical and ecologically minded ways of healing the world.

Volunteering, creating and running my own workshops and providing healing at festivals around the country and in some cases around the world, I have put my name down to work in Portugal this year.

It's all very exciting and i am grateful to those who have taken an interest in this blog and my work, i call it work but it actually feels like many good things, cooking, creating, more like playing and fun.

Love to all those who regularly read this blog, i know there aren't many but whoever you are, I hope it's become something that gives you peace, enlightenment, wonder, interest, excitement and fun too.

If you know of somewhere near water, with woods and land capable of supporting a healer and a healing lodge let me know as I am keen to move into nature and provide healing on a daily basis.

tomorow is now

2017-12-30T14:14:00.002+00:00

what you are now you see yourself being tomorrow too that's a lie you tell yourself until it's true, let that fiction go be the real you and realise that we can dream a brighter then today, see it, feel it, be it now, let all else fall away, until there is only the energy that you really are, the body gets a rest, get everything off your chest, say it to the clouds, the trees, the sky, don't waste time wondering why, see the next moment as you see this, a feeling of pure bliss, underlying all the lies and untruths that we've been told, you don't have to get old, you can be forever young inside whatever the outside looks like, it's a choice, a feeling that you carry with you all your days, in so many ways there are better things to be doing with your life, so take a moment, imagine something good, see it, feel it, be it and don't give anyone or doubt a second look, this is what you learn from being human and it wasn't written in any book, it's you, it's them, it's us, it's goodness knows what with no explanation necessary, it's love, it's truth, it's everything you wished for when you were young, so see the new shoots of spring that are already sprung, feel the life grow inside you, from your spirit to your bodily self be true, be renewed and let the dying of the light end, be your own best friend, say who cares to what others say and see the light of day come back, because they're longer now and your imagination is so much energy for the making of a better brighter future for you :) + <3