* I fell down a wedding planning rabbit hole last night. It started at looking for and creating our invitation and RSVP card wording. Then it turned into looking at paper flower templates, ideas, and other decor for the ceremony. It wound up with me looking at offbeatbride.com for about half an hour. And then looking at my wedding dress online (again).

* Last night while working out, Knight let Jack into the garage with us and put his dog bed in the middle of the floor. After Jack sniffed every possible corner of the garage and doing a few doggie curls (aided by Knight of course), he curled up in his dog bed and watched us until we were done. It was pretty adorable and hilarious.

* In less than two months we will be in Florida for a week. I can’t wait. It’s so needed. SO. NEEDED.

* Lately I’ve been contemplating going to law school. I know I’ve already done the school thing twice but after seeing firsthand how difficult the court system can be to navigate, specifically in the area of family/divorce law, well, it makes me want to go to law school. I thought about law school a ton after I graduated with my Bachelor’s but it never happened. Time will tell but as of right now, I’m figuring out how to work into my five year plan. (And seriously, the system is so frustrating. Really makes one feel alone. More on that another time.)

* I think our issues with our phone/internet/cable are finally fixed after a whopping ten service calls. Here’s hoping it stays that way.

* This past weekend Jolie asked me if she could start doing things like “big kids,” do. I had no idea what she was talking about (I had visions of her wanting to put on lots of make-up, wear crop t-shirts, pierce her ears and stay out until midnight even though she’s only five) but alas she just wants to do dishes and help with laundry. Saturday and Sunday night she got the step stool out and rinsed dishes/loaded the diswasher with Knight.

* The Oscars are this Sunday. My mom is having her annual Oscar party and this is the first year in ages I won’t be there; Skyping and texting will definitely be in order.

What’s on your mind today?

Reasons I’m drinking w(h)ine this week:

* Dealing with difficult work situations and cross-office politics.

* I’m a worry wart and lately it’s been worse than usual. I’m trying to put a cap on my worry and only think and do what I can and let the rest go. It’s taking more time than I would like.

* Looks like Knight and I have more work trips coming up in the next month or so. I love the work trips once I’m on them, but the getting there and the traveling, ugh, I could leave that behind.

* The really creepy performance by Nicki Minaj at the Grammy’s on Sunday. For me that’s what nightmares are made of.

Reasons I’m loving life this week:

* The amazing comments and support I received on yesterday’s post. Thank you for making it easier for me to put it out there.

* Dave Matthews Band 2012 Tour Dates have been announced and rumor has it there is a new studio album coming out too. Cannot wait. This will be my 11th DMB concert assuming I can make it this year.

* The books I’ve been reading lately have been really, really good. Like can’t put them down good. I look forward to bedtime so that I can curl up with a good book for a bit. Most recent good book: Sarah’s Key. If you haven’t read it, I strongly suggest that you do.

* Having a lovely and relaxing Valentine’s Day with Knight on Tuesday. Dark Hot Chocolate at Caribou. Walking around our little town, down the main street, window shopping and laughing. Indulging in Chipotle because, well, it’s just that good.

* We are still sticking with our workout routine and I’m seeing results and feeling so much better. So glad I came up with a workout schedule that works for me and I can keep up with.

* Watching another movie with Knight (50/50) that made for more great conversation and big life contemplations.

* My good blog friend Becky is a Stratejoy essay finalist. Go read it. Fall in love with it. And then when it’s time to vote for her later this month? Do that, too.

Anything have you reaching for the wine bottle this week? What’s on your love list?

1. ris 2. Sara

3. KlutzyBallerina 4. Heather

5. You're next!

There are good divorces and there are bad divorces.

You know the good kind, the ones that are portrayed on TV in shows like the New Adventures of Old Christine and Reba where the parents don’t really get along but kind of do in an odd sort of way, mostly for the kids? Those good divorces really do exist; I have friends with parents who are like that and I think that’s awesome, I really do.

But the bad kind? No one really talks about those as much or if they do, in my experience, you only hear about the “deadbeat dads,” who don’t pay child support or fail to show up when they are supposed to. I know those kinds exist too because a few of my childhood friends went through that kind of divorce. However, there’s another kind entirely that no one seems to talk about, one that Knight lived before I met him and the one we live on a daily basis. (Knight says that the post-divorce situation was even worse before I came on the scene as I thought perhaps I was the reason for her behavior.)  According to our lawyer it’s typical of only five to ten percent of divorces in the country. It’s the one where even though the divorce is over it’s not really over. The ex-wife can’t/won’t let things go, even though she’s moved on, even though she’s having a baby with the new man in her life, even though she was the one who left, the ex-wife makes post-divorce life miserable. There is no such thing as co-parenting, not in a situation like this. It’s her way of parenting/getting things from you, whether it’s related to the children or not… or the highway.  There is harassment, name calling, verbal abuse, yelling all of it bordering on stalking but yet there is nothing that can legally be done. There is a blatant disregard for the court order, even when it’s the simplest of things. There is always an excuse as to why X,Y and Z didn’t/shouldn’t/can’t happen. There is emotional stress and damage caused to everyone involved: the kids, me, Knight, probably even her boyfriend and herself, I’m sure.

We are afraid to parent, sometimes, because the kidlets are grilled about their time with us and then their words are twisted around and used against us in spiteful emails and messages that are anything but constructive. We are afraid to be ourselves as we don’t want to get the kidlets in trouble or put them in a worse position than they are already in.

Knight legally has the kids 50% of the time, which means an equal sharing in everything from finances to decision making to the time spent with them, yet we are constantly stripped of the opportunity to make important decisions about schooling, extra-curricular activities, social calendars and the like. Decisions that we would like to be involved in are made unilaterally and if one is politely challenged by Knight, it’s World War IV (or V and beyond).  There is nothing that can legally done about the situation he/we/I are in. He’s tried talking to her about how her behavior and actions impact his ability to parent and the effect lasts for a week, and then it’s right back to where it started. We have tried lawyers, court; even a communication portal to improve things but none of it has worked.  People say to just ignore her and the noise she makes, but there is a rule in our court order that says we must review all communication from her just in case there is something legitimate (so far there hasn’t been). I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to know that nine times out of ten the emails, texts, conversations that Knight has result in badgering, belittling, and making him/us feel so small. (The ex-wife may not follow the rules but if we don’t it’s the apocalypse.) Really takes a toll on a person and sometimes our relationship.

There are concerns over the children’s well-being when they aren’t with us. Health concerns. Educational concerns. Emotional concerns. We can see it on their faces when they come to our house; they volunteer up information that has us raise our eyebrows. We jot the concerns down, store them away for the lawyer and make the most of what the situation is because that’s all we can do. (People suggest confronting her. We’ve tried that. It doesn’t work.)

We play so nice it hurts. We show up when we are supposed to. We give/do/pay for what is required of us (and then some because with kids there is always a then some!). We take an active role in their lives from health to spiritual, educational to imagination and everywhere in between. We are good parents: we do what feels right for the girls, research what we aren’t sure of, and most of all we love and nurture them as much as we can. We keep our mouths shut  all of the time because if we don’t we’d surely say something mean and that’d we regret. We live with this reality that Knight’s divorce, even though the marriage is over, the aftermath is not. We live in that five to ten percent statistic. We live this daily knowing that it can’t go on, that it has to get better and in order for that to happen? Some big changes will have to take place. 

Happy Valentine’s Day!
Wishing all my friends, readers, family and loved ones a day full of cheer, smiles and knowing that you are incredibly loved by this girl and I hope you’ll be my valentine!  

In the spirit of the day and love and considering I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, I’m sharing today one of my favorite songs ever: You Are the Best Thing by Ray LaMontagne. This song will be making an appearance at our wedding as the song that Knight and I walk down the aisle to as husband and wife after the ceremony. (I think we’ll be starting around the 50 second mark.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g25ZjKBXw8Q

Photo Credit

About the book, directly from the book cover:

A London intelligence agent pursues a money launderer to expose the dealings of a shadowy Russian oligarch.

….

Deep in the Russian Ministry of Natural Resources sits a nondescript bureaucrat named Konstantin Malin. He draws a nominal government salary but from his shabby office controls half the nation’s oil industry, making him one of the most wealthy and feared men in Russia. His public face is Richard Lock, a hapless money launderer bound to Malin by marriage, complacency, and greed. Lock takes the proceeds of his master’s corruption, washes them abroad, and invests them back in Russia in a secret business empire. He knows little about Malin’s true affairs, but still he knows too much.

Benjamin Webster is an investigator at a London corporate intelligence firm. … Hired to ruin Malin, Webster comes to realize that this shadowy figure might have ordered her gruesome death, and that this case may deliver the justice he has been seeking for a decade.

As Webster peels back the layers of Malin’s shell companies and criminal networks, Lock’s colleagues begin dying mysteriously, police around the world start to investigate, and Malin begins to question his trust in his increasingly exposed frontman. Suddenly Lock is running for his life- though from Malin or Webster, the law or his own past, he couldn’t say.

I think the best way to describe this book: Mission Impossible meets Bourne Supremacy meets FBI thriller, only all taking place in Europe. At the outset of the book there is a lot of financial and political discussion which is a bit hard to follow (likely because I’m not an expert on the financial world) but once you get through the first 75 pages, the book takes off. I found I was no longer reading just to review the book but to actually see what happens to Lock, Malin and Webster. The characters have the makings of movie characters; I wouldn’t be surprised if a variation of this book is picked for a movie at some point because it has that movie quality. I’m thinking maybe a British Matt Damon for the role of Webster.

Jones does a good job with suspense and making the reader’s palms sweat and has successfully created a web of a plot that will keep you guessing up until the very last page. There are twists and turns, betrayals and friendships, love and loss, and interesting look into the corruption of the international business world and that of the spies who try to expose the flawed business practices.

If you like mystery and intrigue combined with the appropriate amount of love, politics and business, pick this book up. I would definitely recommend it for the male reader in your life, especially if they enjoyed the Bourne series.

Question of the day: Am I the only who pictures actors/actresses that I’d cast to play the characters in the books I’m reading?

* I have some but they aren’t things I can discuss on the blog yet. Soon, I hope. (Nothing earth shattering just stuff that will be a relief to talk about!)

* The antibiotics that I’m on for what seems like forever leave me uber thirsty all of the time. And give me headaches. I feel like a fish since I’m drinking so much water.

* Our cable/internet/phone went down about 10 times in the first two hours of the Super Bowl. I had a very angry and unhappy fiancé and I missed a lot of the commercials. Thank goodness for YouTube.

The Reasons I’m loving life this week:

* We finally figured out why Knight was snoring at night. I know this sounds silly but as the person in the relationship who stays up late to read, falling asleep next to a snoring fiancé? Really difficult. It all had to do with the way he was holding his pillow. He switched it up and now there is NO snoring. Talk about blissful and quiet sleep!

* Parenthood was new on Tuesday. Mizzou beat KU last weekend. There were some funny Super Bowl Commercials. Simple? Maybe, but sometimes good stuff happening/on tv makes me happy.

* There’s a slight chance that we’ll be headed to Florida for a few days in April. If we can make it happen I’d be ecstatic as it means a chance to see family and hopefully some friends, not to mention the whole sun/palm tree thing.

* I actually printed photos the other day. I have a huge stack of them just waiting to be sent to friends and family all over the place. I’m really looking forward to writing notes and popping them in the mail, not to mention I can update our fridge with new pictures and work on filling up our photo album. (I wonder if I’m the only person who prints pictures?)

*Chatting and catching up with friends both near and wide lately. Makes my heart happy.

* It seems like maybe, just maybe, our internet/phone/cable situation is finally fixed. (Except for the fact that I probably just jinxed it.)

What’s on your Wine & Love list this week? If you’re playing along this week don’t forget to link up below!

1. Smidge 2. AshleyD 3. Ris 4. Sara 5. Lauren @ laurenchanting

6. stealthypoo 7. Lauren Ever After 8. KlutzyBallerina 9. suki 10. Cait

11. Heather 12. Maggie 13. You're next!

* This past Sunday Jolie had her first playdate at our house (she’s gone to other playdates but this was her first one that she was hosting!) and that was all that we talked about starting on Friday night. Her friend was the cutest, most shy person I have ever met. Perhaps its the fact that night is 6 ft 5 and has a beard but I’m telling you if he was in the room she didn’t speak. It was until he left to run a few errands that she started to chat. Anyway, the play date went well: lots of playing dress-up, running around the house with music blaring and of course a healthy dose of coloring while watching Tangled (which is called “Rapunzel” in our house). And then suddenly the afternoon got quiet and Jolie’s friend looked terrified to be at our house. Knight was around so I asked her what was up and with tears in her eyes she said she was ready to go home. After her mom came to get her Jolie was crushed. She confessed she doesn’t feel like she has a lot of friends and didn’t understand why her friend wanted to go home (we found out on Monday that her friend has strep, so that explains it). We sat on Jolie’s bed, Indian-style and talked it out. How to make friends. How to keep the ones you have. How some kids Jolie’s age are shy and not quiet as outgoing as Jolie is. How it will be ok and that we’ll keep scheduling play dates for her when it’s our weekends. At that moment I felt like a mom; it was kind of awesome. We ended the conversation with high-fives, pinky swears and hugs.

* The Night Circus. I gobbled this book up. I’m definitely going to have to re-read it because there is just so much going on, to take in, to understand but I think this book may be at the top of my favorite books in 2012 even though it’s early in the year. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before they make this into a movie but I also kind of hope they don’t because I have no idea how they could do it justice. So beautifully written. If you are looking for a good/different/new book, pick this up!

* We watched Midnight in Paris last weekend. I wasn’t sure if Knight would like it or not but turns out he loved it much to my relief. We talked about it all Saturday night and a bunch on Sunday. What era would we want to visit? Who would we hope to see? The movie was so well done from start to finish, music, dialogue, clothing, filming, all of it. Another job well done by Woody Allen. I think this may be one of those “must own” movies.

* I’m addicted, again, to Just Dance, this time the third one. I got it for Christmas and I love the workout mode, the fact that I can unlock badges and songs, and the plethora of dances I can practice. Fun and a good cardio workout = perfect combo.

Any tidbits you want to share this week? Good books/movies/workouts that you’re addicted to these days?

From Belle, aged 3 years and two months

* “Daddy & Nora, I need my Ariel blanklet please.” (Yes, that typo is intentional. She says blanklet rather than blanket. It’s adorable every.single.time.)

* “Look! She turned into a humit!” (On Ariel switching from a mermaid to a human. Also, can you tell what our favorite movie is these days?)

* “Daddy, I don’t want you to grow any more of a beard on your chest, k?” (She says this while pointing to her chin. Suddenly she doesn’t like Knight’s beard it seems.)

* “Where is my ‘wetshirt?” (According to Belle, a sweatshirt is a ‘wetshirt. It’s really funny when she actually has spilled something on her sweatshirt so to us it has a different meaning.)

* “Hey! I found the moon where Jesus lives!” (The moon was out during the day this past weekend and apparently she’s decided that moon is where he lives.)

From Jolie, aged five 1/2 years

* “Just so you guys know, when my friend gets here? We are going to be doing the singing. Because we really like the singing. I hope that’s ok.” (She had her first play date yesterday; more on that later. There was sadly none of “the singing.” )

* “Nora, when my sister does that she gives me lots of heart attacks. Please make her stop.” (Said when her sister was singing during dinner; she changed her wording to something other than heart attack once I explained what one was.)

(Not much from her these days as she’s more focused on playing dress up and practicing reading. When she’s not doing that she’s drawing cards, notes and taking life pretty seriously.)

Have you heard/overheard anything funny lately?

When I first read the back of the book for “First You Try Everything,” by Jane McCafferty I admit I was intrigued. See you for yourself:

An engrossing tale of a marriage that’s falling apart and a wife who will stop at nothing to keep it together.

From their early days in college, Evvie and Ben were drawn to each other by feelings of isolation stemming from their wounded childhoods, passionate idealism, and zeal for music. Sheltered by their love, they weathered the challenges and trials of the imperfect world around them. But as the years passed, they grew apart. Now Ben has his sights set on a completely different kind of future—alone, or with someone else.

Convinced that Ben cannot live without her, Evvie begins to unravel, as she obsessively devises ways to reclaim the love that she cannot let go of. She gambles on a spectacularly dangerous scheme, one that may ultimately have devastating consequences.

Without spoiling the book, McCafferty wastes no time getting into the meat of the book: from the outset Evvie appears to be emotionally unstable, though to what degree is unknown and Ben, well he has a bit of a wandering eye and a taste for the good life, even if that means he spends most of his days in an office. Within the first few chapters, Ben leaves Evvie and your heart can’t help but hurt for her. As the book progresses the point of view switches back and forth between Ben and Evvie, a style of writing I’ve always enjoyed because you can really get to know the characters. I found my loyalty to the characters switching back and forth with each passing chapter although at some point I started talking to Evvie and giving her advice on how to handle the separation from Ben. Evvie takes my advice, but not exactly in a conventional way. Instead she embarks on a journey that takes Ben along for the ride and the book quickly goes from good to intense (in a good way) and I was rooting for the crazy scheme of Evvie’s through the end of the book.

Her writing is spot on throughout the book, with  my favorite part being her dialogue and the memories that Ben and Evvie recall of one another throughout the book, and all the parts of the book that involve Ruth, their dog.The only thing I didn’t enjoy is that it took close to three-fourths of the book to get to what I thik was the really good part when the book really takes off, but I realize it was part of the character and plot-building.  McCafferty does a good job of forcing you to ask yourself what you would do if you were in Evvie’s position. When is it acceptable to keep fighting for your love and your marriage? How far is to far? How do we move on after heartbreak?

This book won’t be for everyone as it deals with a heavy subject: the potential dissolution of a marriage, adultery, mental health issues, and some political overtones, but it’s incredibly thought provoking. If nothing else you’ll want to know what happens to Ben and Evvie and if you’re like me, have you thinking what you would (and wouldn’t) do for love and marriage.

If you’ve read this book, what did you think? If not, what would you do and how far would you go to save your marriage?

Disclaimer: All reviews in this blog are my own and I was not paid to write the opinions herein. I did receive a NFR copy of First You Try Everything from TLC Book Tours in exchange for my honest thoughts.

* The dreaded sick germs are floating around our house again. After being sinus-pain free for almost three months, it hit me again on Tuesday. Hoping the local ENT I found can help today! On top of that, Jolie is sick with her third ear infection + fever in three months and Belle has the nagging cough/cold that just won’t seem to go away. Apparently our vitamin taking, juice drinking, hand washing and sleep getting isn’t quite enough to keep the germs at bay. We’ll be taking Jolie to an ENT next and I’m thinking Belle has wicked allergies so lots of doc appointments in our future I suspect.

* Because of #1, I’m not totally up to par and on my blogging mojo. Which means all the things I want to write about is going to have to wait yet another week. Gah.

* Being faraway from some of very best friends during their birthdays. It sucks.

* Sometimes the fact that E (my best friend’s brother) is no longer with us hits me at really odd times. His Memorial was this past weekend and though I couldn’t be there I spent sometime on the phone with Kris (his sister/my bff) recalling memories and laughing, tearing up and just finding solace in talking with her.

Love:

* Getting a few more wedding items checked off the list: planning the day/event with the DJ, finalizing the hotel blcok for out of town guests, and booking our suite for our first night as a married couple. Next up: get the bridesmaids final decisions on dresses, order and then get the groom & groomsmen situated as well for their suites. And invites!

* A fiancé who brings home the cutest M&M candy thing when I’m feeling sick and under the weather.

* Receiving a movie I’ve been dying to see via Netflix (Midnight in Paris!).

* Working from home, especially when sick. It’s still not fun to stare at a computer screen or talk to clients when I don’t feel 100% but it’s easier when I’m in sweats and on the couch. (Side note: so tough to take a sick day when I can’t get away from my “office.” Feel guilty!)

* I think I’m really, finally in my workout groove. Knight and I are keeping each other accountable and marking the five days we are working out a week off on the calendar. We have the time blocked off, we have a plan and so far, so good. We are two weeks into this new regimen and it seems to be working well. That and I already feel more toned which helps as a motivator.

* There will be no Super Bowl party for us this year but I have a small list of appetizers I plan to make for us to enjoy while we watch the game (Knight for the football, me for the half-time show & commercials).

What’s on your Wine/Love list this week?

1. AshleyD 2. Lauren Ever After 3. Lauren @ Enchanting 4. Heather 5. KlutzyBallerina

6. Suki 7. michelle 8. Paula 9. Liz 10. Butterfly@ Burrbrook

11. Sarah 12. Kelly 13. You're next!