Walking with the Duchess

Movin' on up

2005-07-24T13:53:00.000-07:00

. . . to the WordPress side (I'm not the only one who thinks this is a good thing).

Ok, I haven't been neglecting my blog. Well, I've been neglecting *this* blog due to the institution of a *bigger!!* and *better!!* blog that my beloved hubby got up'n'runnin for me.

From now on my primary blogging efforts will be taking place at http://www.ajschwanz.com. My hope for this site is that it will be a resource:

-- for those interested in discussing how to be and live out church
-- for those curious the Quaker testimony - we can be some wild and wacky folks!
-- for writers as they explore how best to "use your words"
-- for anyone interested in what it's like to be a Friend in a small town in the Northwest, chasing a little one around in order to fish inedible objects out of his mouth, baking treats for loved ones, and dreaming about the day when she might actually get to visit the Cook Islands

Please, comment away: I look forward to hearing from you!

Being church Iron Chef style

2005-07-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

My article posted at Barclay Press.

"Allez! Cuisine!" my husband, Jason, exclaimed. On a Sunday evening this could mean only one thing: Iron Chef was on! This Japanese knock-off program pits Food Network chefs against guest chefs in a cooking competition. "The Secret Ingredient" is revealed (eggs, mushrooms, buffalo, etc.) and must be incorporated into four courses prepared within one hour of the utterance "Allez! Cuisine!" (French for "Go! Kitchen!"). As Battle Trout began, I plopped down on the love seat; but rather than wondering how to incorporate fish in a dessert, I was thinking about "Doing Church."

These thoughts began percolating a few months ago while sitting in church: I looked around and noticed that I was one of the youngest folks present. My high school youth group had had a number of attendees: where did they go? I contacted a few and heard a number of explanations: "I'm too busy" to "Oh, I used to be spiritual, but my beliefs have changed" to "I can't find a church that I like." One thing remained clear: my peers no longer attended church. Ten years ago we were passionate about Doing Church - what happened? Was our excitement just a hormonally-induced phase that passes like acne and uncoordination? Or is there a deeper problem?

Jason voiced his desire for a grill pan while my thoughts drifted to a recent sermon series looking at Acts. The "Founding Fathers" of the church - Peter, Paul, the earliest disciples - lived difficult lives, but lives of giddy joy and constant activity. Their testimonies are bold, passionate like a Pancetta & Parmesan torte, particularly compared to my current lackluster experience of Kraft Easy Mac. How did they stay so upbeat, so energized while Doing Church? How did they balance worship gatherings, committee meetings, school, home, work – life? Did they not become "churched out"? I sure did.

My childhood church bustled with activity with my family in the middle of the action. My parents participated in Sunday school, potlucks, committee meetings, bell choir, backpacking trips. I loved congregating after service: adults gabbed while kids ran around hopped up on sugar cookies and red kool-aid. Like going to school, the library, or the grocery store, Doing Church was a regular event in our week.

Parents of adolescents joke about sending their kids off to a remote island until the hormone roller coaster subsides; if their church has a youth group, this wish is granted. In high school I was "shipped off" to Do Church with my friends. In this segregated state we mimicked Doing Church the way our parents had: participating in camps, mission trips, and Bible studies while balancing school, family, and life in general.

Once through the leprous state of adolescence, I assumed I'd rejoin the larger church collective. This never happened; there wasn't a reason to. Spending time solely with my peers left me unfamiliar with participants in the larger church gathering. Weary of trying to fit the multitude of activities in with my already bustling life, I burned out and barely stepped foot in a sanctuary for eight years.

What was different between my experience and that of the disciples? I thought about the early church in Acts.

– They worshiped, focusing on Christ rather than themselves.
– They taught and equipped the congregation, both spiritually and vocationally.
– They lived in community, pooling their resources, helping the poor and wounded.
– They ate together (all ages and walks of life), sharing in each other's daily journeys.
– They discerned God's will through the use of the spiritual disciplines.

I did many of these things: was it something deeper?

The television blared that five minutes remained. As the chefs creatively plated their courses to gain presentation points, I realized I could never be an Iron Chef. Creative cooking is a recreational activity: I'm not familiar enough with the culinary world to improvise recipes. But for the Iron Chefs cooking is their culture, their way of life, their everything.

Then I realized the difference between me and the apostles --

Their actions didn’t stem from Doing Church; their actions flowed out of Being Church.

The apostles' culture was uniquely dictated by God - not just worship, but the nitty gritty everyday details of life: how to live, eat, take care of the land, treat each other. Church wasn't a weekly activity; church dictated their culture.

I've experienced the opposite. American culture is driven with activities: a productive life is marked with checklists for work, family life, free time. The church, as a part of a culture based on "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness," looks much different that the church of a culture centered on "loving the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength."

God created an elaborate plan for world-wide redemption through the creation of a very specific God-centric culture. Has His intentional and detailed plan changed? Has God released me to incorporate His teachings, His Light, His Love into my nation-oriented culture? Or does God desire that I continue in the tradition of the Jews, living a God-directed holistic life as exemplified by Christ – not a way of doing, but a way of being?

My re-acquaintance with the church came through participating in a small group testing spiritual formation material. Folks from all walks and ages of life made up our group, meeting weekly to discuss our experiences with the exercises and to engage in different spiritual disciplines. I no longer felt 'segregated" to a group of peers, but rather "incorporated" in a group with layers of wisdom and depth of experiences. We shared snacks, our life journeys, our daily joys and hardships. Using the spiritual disciplines (prayer, Bible study, and meditation among others) enabled God to equip us in engaging culture in our practical, everyday lives.

Like the early church, we worshiped, taught, committed to being in an intergenerational community, engaged in daily activities like eating together, discerned God's direction for our individual and corporate lives. For the first time my activities were a result of being connected and anchored in God's love, being Christ-centered rather than self-centered, Being Church.

I felt called to go outward and share this news with others. First I re-immersed myself in traditional church by attending Sunday service. Then, I found an internal desire - to share that we don't have be burned out by Doing Church. I wanted to let others know what I had found, what the apostles had found: a joyful renewal in having our actions flow out of Being Church.

Time was up, the announcer exclaimed; all kitchen utensils were laid aside. The chefs stood next to the judges as their creations were tasted. Responses were varied: yummy noises, scrunched-up faces, curious looks as they sampled unusual tastes and textures.

The Iron Chef's final dish was trout ice cream. Trout ice cream! That can't possibly be a dessert, I thought. But it's true: the commentator listed the requirements for a dish to be ice cream: cream, milk, sugar, and a certain percentage of fat, frozen to a particular consistency. If it contains those elements, it can be ice cream. But you wouldn't find me trying it (and I *really* like ice cream).

A similar attitude can creep in regarding different forms that Being Church might take. God is so amazingly creative: He doesn't do the same thing twice. Being Church naturally follows in that vein. From simple house churches to megachurches to traditional institutional churches, a million different ways abound that God could call his people to in Being Church. Each manifestation will not resonate with me. If it contains the critical elements - a particular consistency - modeled by the early church, it's church: just a different church for different tastebuds.

The Iron Chef won as he tends to do. Battle Trout came to a close, and I breathed a prayer of thanksgiving to the Lord that He wants to Be with me; that I might be able to Be Church to my friends, my peers, the rest of the world; that God shows me how my Christian-cultural need to Be Church can supercede my American-cultural predisposition to Do Church; that I could eat coffee rather than trout ice cream.

Queries:

– What activities do you associate with church? Which ones do you participate in? Do they fit within the criteria, the 'particular consistency,' modeled by the Early Church?

– Why do you participate in activities within the church? Are they a habit? A cultural expectation? A call from God? Do you find joy in doing them?

– Do you feel like you are Doing Church or Being Church? What would Being Church look like to you? Have you spent time discerning this, both individually and corporately?

– Do you have a spirit willing to accept that not all expressions of Being Church will resonate with you? Will you allow God to show you how to recognize and respect these "different styles for different tastebuds"?

Peace Be With You

2005-07-07T15:25:00.000-07:00

"Peace be with you" - Christ said that He left peace with us.

These words can seem flippant when events such as today's bombing in London take place; but I hope our Brothers and Sisters in England receive and experience them with all authenticity and sincerity.

From an Easter meditation given by Pope John Paul II:

"Sr Faustina Kowalska wrote in her Diary: "I feel tremendous pain when I see the sufferings of my neighbours. All my neighbours' sufferings reverberate in my own heart; I carry their anguish in my heart in such a way that it even physically destroys me. I would like all their sorrows to fall upon me, in order to relieve my neighbour" (Diary, p. 365). This is the degree of compassion to which love leads, when it takes the love of God as its measure!

It is this love which must inspire humanity today, if it is to face the crisis of the meaning of life, the challenges of the most diverse needs and, especially, the duty to defend the dignity of every human person. Thus the message of divine mercy is also implicitly a message about the value of every human being. Each person is precious in God's eyes; Christ gave his life for each one; to everyone the Father gives his Spirit and offers intimacy.

This consoling message is addressed above all to those who, afflicted by a particularly harsh trial or crushed by the weight of the sins they committed, have lost all confidence in life and are tempted to give in to despair. To them the gentle face of Christ is offered; those rays from his heart touch them and shine upon them, warm them, show them the way and fill them with hope. How many souls have been consoled by the prayer "Jesus, I trust in you", which Providence intimated through Sr Faustina! This simple act of abandonment to Jesus dispels the thickest clouds and lets a ray of light penetrate every life. Jezu, ufam tobie."

http://www.godspy.com/meditations/Peace-be-with-you-Divine-Mercy-Meditation-by-Pope-John-Paul.cfm

Workin' for Worship

2005-07-07T15:14:00.000-07:00

Continuing query: Are meetings for worship held in expectant waiting for Divine guidance? Are Friends encouraged to share spiritual insights? Are special gifts of ministry recognized and encouraged?

It's a wonderful blessing to be part of the Friends tradition: gender equality, fair practices, social justice are some of the compassions impressed upon Quaker hearts. A practice that I relish, particularly as I visit other worship gatherings, is that of open worship: a time of sharing prompted by the Spirit.

Open worship has had an interesting history. In the beginning it seems that Quakers spent time dialoguing with others, discerning if the Spirit laid a message on their heart for the greater group, preparing that message to be delivered at the worship gathering (which was an entire time of open worship: nothing was really planned). Sometimes it was an impromptu sharing; sometimes it was a very intentional sharing; but always it was to be at the prompting of the Spirit.

Then Quakers entered a period of quietism: they became proud of their practice of silence because it differentiated them from other traditions. They began to worship the practice rather than worship God. A good meeting was if it was quiet the whole way through.

Somewhere along the way as the American Church movement developed (I hope my History and Doctrine professor isn't reading this) Quakers divided and divided and divided again. Now there's meetings that consist solely of open worship, and meetings that are completely programmed (no silence), and meetings that incorporate both: I attend the later.

I feel as though my meeting is coming out of a time of 'internal viewing' - focusing inward rather than being missional. Resources, teachings, time - most things were spent buoying up the church building/structure/programs rather than going out into the community. But times are changing.

And as our focus become Christ-centered, Christ leading us to share His light, open worship has become more . . . vivid: deep: lush: fruitful. Folks sometimes use it as a “personal sharing” time: prayer requests, updates, random thoughts as they verbally process an issue. But many times the Spirit makes a message apparent through seemingly unrelated sharings.

Are Friends encouraged to share spiritual insights? I think I am. But it would be more beneficial if I spent time discerning potential sharings throughout the week - both individually and corporately. Reading and steeping in the word, sharing and being in community: being intentional in creating space and listening. Oftentimes I think a message will be given to me in the middle of worship: an instant 'bang! Something to share!' slammed into my head by the Spirit.

But it takes practice: becoming acquainted with God’s touch, the Spirit's tuggings. And it takes processing: working with others to clarify the message - if it's meant for me or the great worship body. And it takes accountability: a place to work out what it feels like when I don’t follow through with a leading.

Worship is work. It’s not a time to sit back and be entertained. It takes preparation, intentionality, and a willing Spirit. It's scary: it's a rush: it's totally worth it.

Abba Father, work with me during the week. Clearly impress upon my heart your message for our worship gathering. I want to be Your Light.

Expectantly tapping my feet

2005-07-06T14:38:00.000-07:00

Continuing query: Are meetings for worship held in expectant waiting for Divine guidance? Are Friends encouraged to share spiritual insights? Are special gifts of ministry recognized and encouraged?

Additional queries voiced in the comments: How do we who are released help release others to do as you're talking about? How do we join in together? How do we teach each other about living in day to day reality with Jesus? And, is there anyway to combat that expectation? Do we who are in released ministry contribute to the very problems we try to fight?

You know, I'm not good at waiting: in fact, I'm lousy. I dated my husband for about a year: we were engaged for two months: we got pregnant six months later. If I was going to do the whole "family thing," then I was going to jump in with both feet . . . and drag the others along with me!

But it's part of my American culture to demand instantaneous results. BK - have it your way. Pizza places that promise delivery within the half hour. Amazon offering overnight shipping of the next Harry Potter. Self-checkouts at the grocery stores so I don't have to wait in line - it might take just as long, but at least I'm busy doing something (and it has bigger isles so I don’t have to wrestle knick-knack junk away from my squirmy baby).

The Israelites had to wait . . . for a loooong time. I'm not too up on my OT timetable (though I did only miss three on my Bible Literacy test given as part of an object lesson in church on Sunday. Yes, it was given by my old man; no, he did not give me the answers; yes, my mom scored higher than I did - she always does), but I'm thinking between the time of Joseph and the time of Moses that a significant period of history passed. Like a couple hundred years. They had the promise from their old old man Abraham (who put in his time twiddling his thumbs waiting for God to "show him the money") that they would be a great nation - and yet they were enslaved in Egypt. I don't know that they necessarily recognized Moses' miracles as signs from God; I don't know if they had given up on God. But looking at the history of Israel, it's apparent that God doesn't always work on our time schedule.

Am I expectantly waiting? Nope: I think I've given up. If God was going to move, wouldn't He have done it already? With big fireworks? And grand pronoucements? With lots of conversions and testimonials and confessions and with folks rallying "Onward Christian soldier" like they did at camp? . . . . though most of those folks have gone back to their mundane ways. Since I haven't gotten it "my way", I figure it's not going to happen.

What would it look like if I expected something to happen? My dad's explained faith as a circle consisting of three actions (hope I get this right!): faith is *knowing* what God says is true, *believing* it, and then *acting* on that belief - if any element is missing, the conduit of power is broken. Do I have faith that the Holy Spirit is present, moving among us, guiding our worship, infusing us with God's love and light, prompting us to share messages, bringing us into wholeness?

Lord, you promised to send us a Helper, the Holy Spirit. You also have told us that you do things on your own time. Abba Father, would You awaken a spirit of "expectant waiting" in my heart? I know that you move among us - I believe it - and I will wait faithfully, acting when prompted, expecting Your will and love and light to be known in my worship gathering. And I promise not to tap my feet . . . or at least to try and hold them still. :)

Pastoral Pay-Off

2005-07-05T15:10:00.000-07:00

I've decided to use Quaker queries as prompts for my entries. They're tools for discernment and evaluation for individuals as well as corporate meetings. I may linger on certain queries for a while as a means of continuing to process. I greatly welcome your thoughts and experiences.

Query: Are meetings for worship held in expectant waiting for Divine guidance? Are Friends encouraged to share spiritual insights? Are special gifts of ministry recognized and encouraged?

You know, I don't think I really expect anything to happen in church. I think of it more like school: the teacher does all the hard work of preparing materials, gathering information, and creating a palatable presentation; the students choose to accept it, reject it, or ignore it based on self-interests: does it apply to me? Will it get me further in life? Do I have other things I'd rather think about, like my grocery list or the bald spot of the person sitting in front of my or the next episode of "House"?

My common cop-out is attending a church with a paid pastoral staff: it's *their* job to wait on the Spirit and let me know what the Spirit says. Don't I pay them to do the "hard work"? And they must know more: I mean, they went to Seminary and stuff - I just graduated with a degree in the Humanities.

What would it look like if my meeting had no paid pastoral staff? I don't begrudge the pastors their salaries at all: I’m so pleased that they are freed to pursue a more intensive ministry, provide greater assistance, and focus on equipping the larger body to be missional. My dad works in the ministry; he's never been recorded (the Quaker version of being ordained) so that way he's "just a lay person" working in the ministry: he doesn't want the flack that comes from the congregation leaning too heavily on the pastoral staff, paying the ministers off for their own individual salvation.

I've thought about working in the church: being a pastor or a counselor. My present dream is to be a living, breathing resource for others who want to pursue God's missional/incarnational call in their lives - working with them to imagine what that might look like. Oftentimes folks don't realize that they're doing the work of God, or they think it needs to be some Grand Plan, but really it's the day to day interactions . . . and sometimes taking them one step further. I'd love to share ways that people are doing this, so my worship gathering could say, "Hey, I'd like to do that!" or perhaps hear the call of God through an example that resonated with them.

When I think about doing that, I automatically assume it would be in a pastoral role: have a cubical in the church office, be on the pay roll, attend the weekly meetings. But if I do that, would people lean on me to do the work that they should be doing? I'm not going to do it for them (Lord knows I'm too lazy), but would they have that expectation? Would this be enabling them to continue in incorrect thinking?

Do I meet for worship expecting that God's going to talk to me, or do I meet for worship expecting that God's talked to the pastor who will relay the message on? Lord, I want to be an "expectantly waiting" example: please correct my lazy ways.

"Emergent" queries

2005-06-26T21:28:00.000-07:00

In the emerging church blogosphere there is great buzz generated over the decision to create an organization called "Emergent", what I believe is meant to be a centralization of resources for those interested in the ec world.

I find it mildly amusing in how we are analyzing and critiquing this action. Isn't part of the whole emerging church thing recognizing some of the flaws of the enlightenment (not everything should be deconstructed, weighed, quantified, qualified)? Now those measurements seemed to be applied to evaluate whether or not this is a smart move (how to define who fits in with "Emergent" or just the emerging church movement, how to organize something that's defined by being unorganized, etc.).

What about using the spiritual disciplines to gather a sense of if/how we should be involved? What about looking at the fruit that has been produced by the folks who are spear-heading this organization (i.e. do things they touch bear fruit or wither? I’d assume if they're following the will of God, their efforts would bear fruit). Wouldn't those be the tools to use?

And isn't this detracting from the spirit of ec: being incarnational and missional? How much time is being spent pondering whether to join in with the organization or not? Whether to change the name or not? Whether we’re "a part" or not?

Isn't the whole goal to live out God's love in our daily moments, our day-to-day lives? If something's taking away from that (this seems like an internal problem: it's not equipping folks to go out but rather drawing their attention inward), that's probably not a God-blessed use of our time.

The one good thing: it's causing some conversation and some thoughts on what's important, what's equipping, what's meaningful. Now if we can use that to spread the Light of Christ in the world, that'd be *AWE-some*.

(Yes, these are a lot of questions, but hey, I come from a rather 'query'-oriented faith background). =)

(Personally, it seems like Emergent would be like an emerging library, full of resources for seekers, which I would *so* appreciate. Librarians don't shove information down patrons' throats, but they wait for folks to ask for help. I believe that's what the Emergent friends desire - an organization of their helpful materials and collective experiences/wisdom. Many many dankes for sharing!)

"Doing Church" - Bleck

2005-06-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

I've been recruited to write an article on "Doing Church", specifically aimed at talking about what appeals to my generation (young adults).

What a crappy phrase: doing church.

I understand the concept of the assignment, but the pictures it conjures up is along the lines of "doing pushups" or "doing taxes" or "doing crack" - nothing very appealing. Actually, it's about as appealing as "traditional" church is (and by traditional, I mean the predominant amount of churches that are simply a once-a-week management of your (and every once in a while others') personal salvation).

BLECK!

How do you convey "doing church" to others? The most effective means, obviously, is to live it out and be in other people's daily lives (novel concept!). How have you put that into writing?

Have you been successful at painting a picture for folks who've attended church forever and ever amen, but just don't seem to get it?

Have you ever paced around your apartment and sighed so much due to writer's block that it's becoming a regular aerobic activity? :)

We built this city . . . kinda

2005-06-02T11:21:00.000-07:00

Our town has an opening on the Downtown Revitalization Committee, and I've applied to fill it. They meet next Monday to decide if I or the two other candidates fit their qualifications.

I applied out of resignation that I'm going to live here for some time (doesn't that sound so pleasantly optimistic?). =) This town and I have a less-than-sunny history, but looking at the resources and opportunities available to me, I sense that the Spirit's got something going on. So instead of being crabby for the next couple of years, I decided to be proactive: look for redeeming aspects, perhaps get involved and make a mark. Applying for this committee would be one of those things.

This could be a total projection, but this town feels rather depressed. Community pride does not abound, neighborhood friendliness is less than present. The downtown area is mostly something to travel through on the way to the beach - empty buildings and a couple of stop lights. A few shops are popping up here and there, but many go out of business pretty quickly.

Have you lived in a similar place? Has it been turned around? Have you ever experienced a concerted effort at bringing life back to your downtown areas? What sorts of projects/experiences/businesses/community outreach worked? I've heard some stories about church gatherings that opened a coffee shop or community center or art gallery that helped be missional and incarnational in the community. What sorts of examples could I give to local church gatherings (not as in "you must follow this mold" but rather "here’s an example of one community - what would that look like in ours?")? I’d be honored to hear of your experiences.

Loving more than the Mu Shu Pork

2005-05-31T10:44:00.000-07:00

This morning Judah and I were listening to NPR while partaking of a jar of apples’n’chicken and low-carb Eggo waffles, respectively. They were broadcasting a presidential press conference, talking about things from social security to Korea to the people who ‘hate America’ since they lied/tattled about our out-of-country gulogs (it took me a while to spell “gulogs” - deceptively simply, seems like it should have a lot of hidden vowels).

One reporter brought up the topic of China:

Q I appreciate that, Mr. President, thank you. My question is about China, which looms larger in the lives of Americans, sir. They finance an ever-larger part of our trade deficit, Americans are concerned about China's growing economic might, and, of course, about the oppression of human rights and religious minorities there. My question, sir, is how should Americans think about China? As an ally? A rival? Competitor? Friend?

THE PRESIDENT: I think that we ought -- it is a -- the relationship with China is a very complex relationship, and Americans ought to view it as such. China is a emerging nation. It's an amazing story to watch here. I mean, it's consuming more and more natural resources; it is generating jobs and exporting a lot of goods; it's a massive market.

And so, on one hand, we ought to look at China as an economic opportunity, and the best way to deal with China is to -- is to say, look, there are some rules, and we expect you to abide by the trade rules. And as this -- as she grows and as trade becomes more complex, you'll see more and more instances where the United States is insisting upon fair trade. We expect our -- expect to deal with -- expect China to deal with the world trade in a fair way.

Now, in terms of security matters, obviously, we just spent a lot of time talking about North Korea. China can be a very good partner in helping to secure the world. The best way to convince Kim Jong-il to get up -- give up his weapons is to have more than one voice saying the same thing. And, therefore, China is a partner in this case, in terms of helping to secure that part of the world from nuclear weapons.

China, as well, can be helpful in the war on terror. They're just as concerned as we are on the war on terror.

China is a -- obviously, there's tension on -- about Taiwan that we have to deal with. And I made my position very clear and very consistent about Taiwan. The Taiwanese understand my position; the Chinese understand my position. So, in this case, the relationship is one of helping to solve that problem, is to keeping stability in the region so that eventually there will be a peaceful solution to that issue.

And so China is a fascinating country that is significant in its size. Its economy is still small, but growing. But, as well, I believe we have an obligation to remind the Chinese that any hopeful society is one in which there's more than just economic freedom, that there's religious freedom and freedom of the press. And so, in my meetings with the different Chinese leaders with whom I've had the honor of meeting, I've always brought up issues such as the Dalai Lama, or the Catholic Church's inability to get a bishop into the country, or the need for the country not to fear evangelicals, but to understand religious freedom leads to peace. And so I'll continue doing that so long as I'm the President, and at the same time help deal with this very complex relationship.

It got me to thinking about China. I don’t really know a lot about the country. My dad’s been to visit, I’ve seen the *long* movie in the China exhibit at Epcot, and I enjoy our local Chinese restaurant - that’s about the extent.

I’ve heard some rumblings that China’s poised to be the next superpower as the U.S.’s star is fading (running out of matter to consume) into the background. They’ve got resources, people, and drive. I don’t think of it as a threat but rather the natural flow of things. Are grandparents threatened that their grandchildren who are thriving and taking the lead? Probably some, but that’s kinda silly: the old passes away and the new comes.

What’s helpful is when the grandparents offer their wisdom to the younger generation: advice from the mistakes, ideas from things that worked, not necessarily forms or structures but rather *truths* that they discovered. Knowing that China will probably shape things for the world, would it not be worthwhile to make a concerted effort to be missional and incarnational in China? Not in hopes that their government would ever adopt Christianity and advance its “policies” - I’m not talking about setting up another Constantinian-push. They will have the most effective means to influence the world, and they might not have as many obstacles (the idea that church is a building, pouring money into church administration instead of being present in the community, etc.) to overcome -- perhaps somewhat of a blank slate? (I say this in ignorance of their history - please be kind with comments). :)

Northwest Yearly Meeting has a wonderful program for folks who’d like to teach English in China. Oftentimes it's hard to get into the country, but Dennis Hagen has connections with folks who really desire English-speaking teachers. I’ve heard wonderful and powerful stories come from there as the participants encounter individuals and meet them where they’re at.

Christ didn’t move through the government or the established religious structures: he moved through the individual people. Wouldn't it be joyous to work with folks who could do the same?

Feeding your missional spirit

2005-05-29T13:46:00.000-07:00

A friend and I were talking about our weeks, discussing what sorts of events were coming up. Her church was putting on a skit night. Not feeling secure in her thespian abilities, she was reluctant to attend. I asked, “Do you have to bring something?”, seeing as how food is usually the primary lure to get folks to attend such church functions. “Yes,” she sighed: she had a lot going on already, so the thought of having to prepare a dish seemed like another line to add to the ‘to do’ list.

But for myself, that’s where the fun would’ve begun. I love watching The Food Network (see how I’ve capitalized the ‘t’? When “the” is capitalized, that means it is of utmost grandiose importance . . . or else I can’t remember the proper use of capitalization and figure, Heck! Biggie-size the whole thing). They create these grand dishes to wow and amaze your friends and family: from easy entertaining to meals cooked in half an hour, each chef not only exhibits a gorgeous yummy cuisine, but they spend a great deal of time convincing the viewers at home that “you too can make this easy and delicious meal”. That is, if you have people to eat it.

In my abode, it’s just me and my hubby: it could take us a week to get through a casserole. True, there’s a little one who lives here as well, but his food still must be milky or squishy to ingest. Due to blood sugar issues, I stay away from white flour and sugar. Do you know how many recipes this cuts out? I don’t even know why I bother watching “Paula’s Home Cooking” except to hear her massacre the words ‘oil’ (ahwl) and spatula (spatuler).

I saw this great story in our local paper about a person I know who’s being ‘missional’ in her cooking. She and her friends are part of a cooking club in which they take a main course recipe and make ten batches that can be frozen, and then they exchange them, meaning they have a freezer full of homecooked meals that simply need to be popped in the oven. But each time they exchanged meals, they had some left over. Heidi had the great idea of donating them to a local non-profit who distributes the meals to those who are sick or need a good dinner. How wonderful is that?

What a great example of doing something helpful and fun! Maybe someday we’ll see her on The Food Network . . . maybe I can be her helper . . . or at least making “mmm, smells yummy” noises - I’m good at that.

Releasing the Need to Plan

2005-05-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

My time writing for Barclay Press has come to a close. As I wrote my last entry, I realized it relates to this blog as well. And so I’m double posting (I know: inexcusable for ‘professional’ bloggers, but hey: when you’ve got why-bother-crawling-when-you-can-walk 8 month old, you’ve got to make the most of your profound thoughts). ;)

I like to plan. Not big things, like where I want to be in twenty years or how to buy a house or ways to invest my retirement account - this humanities major says, “Uck! Tooeytooey!” But I do like to plan for the little things, like how my day is going to go. I plan for lovely little things to happen in an organized and reasonable fashion, but oftentimes the whirling dervish known as my life throws kinks into the plans. When that happens, life and I often have words, and they do not exactly follow the Quaker peace testimony.

For example, I planned to slumber peacefully through the night, waking refreshed and excited for the day. In reality, I woke up to screaming at 5:45am, gathered the noise-maker in my arms.

I planned to fall back to blissful slumber, but in reality became a human punching/grabbing/poking toy (I feel like a walking activity mat).

I planned to have a delightful breakfast of toasted low-carb eggos while listening to a book on tape. In reality, my eggos were consumed in a cold state having put them in the toaster oven, then hearing a *thunk* *SCREAM* as Judah rolled out of our bed onto the floor (I swear, I’m not a negligent parent - nobody gave me the instruction booklet for a wanting-to-walk eight month old), so I dressed, fed, and pampered him while the waffles were neglected. As for the book on tape, Judah likes to compete with the stereo to see who can be the loudest - it’s a reality show I’d rather use the mute button on.

I planned to dress Judah in a pair of adorable red overalls with matching onesie of trucks and construction vehicles given to us at a baby shower: it’s the first time it’s been warm enough to wear it, but his torso’s almost too long for it already. In reality, he wore it for a short while until I noticed a giant growing wet patch on his back where his diaper leaked: joy.

It’s kind of like my opportunity writing on this blog. This open venue is a prime place to advance ideologies, causes, agendas near and dear to my heart. Initially I planned to hit certain topics:

– the importance inner healing
– wonderful resources such as the Journey to Wholeness and New Works
– examples of folks gathering for church in ways that are different than the typical Sunday morning style
– what it might look like to be incarnational/missional
– the blessing and vitalness of connecting with folks in and around your life
– ideas of why young adults no longer attend most church gatherings

In reality I find myself not posting because the idea of blogging about these pontifications . . . well . . . bores me. For the moment, my life is completely grounded in the practical: the “deciding on a restaurant not based on what I want to eat but if they have decent high chairs and fast service”, the “choosing which service to attend not based on attenders but on Judah’s nap schedule”.

But maybe that’s exactly what I needed to focus on. Instead of talking about concepts and lifestyles and theology, I’m actually living it out in my daily moments. I’m so used to classroom learning, regurgitating facts, that I don’t realize that I’m still learning - only it’s *experiential*. I thought that being missional and incarnational, living an intentional life, would involve a lot of thought and planning and . . . well, intention: knowing exactly why I was doing what I was doing.

Maybe it’s best to simply be present in the daily moment, willing to hear God’s whisper of direction, not needing to know *why* I need to do things like go to the store with Judah everyday, but rather letting Him use that for His plans.

Excuse me, this incarnational experience won't scan properly . . .

2005-05-21T14:43:00.000-07:00

I previously posted this entry at Barclay Press but thought it would fit here as well.

Judah and I have just returned from our daily trip to the store. We parked in our usual area (not necessarily close to the store entrance but rather close to the cart return), negotiated our cart between restocking produce men, purchased some ‘starter foliage’ in an attempt to bring some lushness inside the apartment, and deftly purchased our materials at the self checkout.

Watching the folks who use the self checkout is an experience in itself. There’s the person with a few items who quickly scans items, pays with debit, and leaves the store all in one breath. Another person with a giant load of groceries and no experience with scanning will spend a good twenty minutes bumbling their way through, but they walk away with a sense of accomplishment. Then there’s the poor folks who get shuttled to the self checkout by the well-meaning cashiers in an attempt to keep the lines down and give the customer confidence in using the machines; usually these folks don’t want to know how to scan (ignorance is bliss), and so they stand there trying to get the barcode to register, listening to the “please wait for cashier assistance” message over and over, and leave grumbling and swearing off the self checkout forever.

Why do I know so much about the customs and culture of the grocery store? Cause I spend time there . . . a lot.

Have you ever heard “Be careful what you pray for?” I have, usually at camp when a speaker was telling a witty story about how they prayed for perseverance or patience or some other quality that generally involved teeth-gritting. I’ve been very careful to pray for things that I can somewhat anticipate what the outcome might be (yes, I do know how silly those words sound - I’m not *that* sleep-deprived) - offering my daily actions to God, wanting to hear His voice more clearly, etc. Praying for character-changing qualities is playing with fire because that God of ours is a tricky creative guy.

So then I prayed to be involved in God’s action, where He’s moving. I became part of the Board of Evangelism for our Yearly Meeting. I met John and Karen Macy, and then it all went downhill. They talked about this concept that tweaked my thinking, opened my eyes, excited me and gave me hope for the church in a way that I’ve never felt. They talked about Incarnational Living.

Incarnational Living involves acknowledging that God’s Light is in us, that we are His bondservants which involves living disciplined lives, listening for and trusting in His direction which gives us freedom to be in the present moment without having to know ‘why am I doing this?’ or ‘where are we going?’ Incarnational Living involves relationships: sharing the Light of Christ, being present with others. And not in another country, but rather *simply being present to the folks in our everyday, walking about, working with, living around lives*.

What a great idea, I thought! What a radically simple way of living! God, that’s what I want: I pray that You teach me how to live incarnationally. And here’s what it’s going to look like: I’m going to quit my job, have this baby, look into doing some job that I have more control over the hours (like grant writing or fiction writing or something creative but solitary) and work part-time from home while my oh-so-content child plays with toys and entertains himself, and I’ll research this whole incarnational living thing and tell folks at church about it. That will be great! Pleaseandthankyou, amen.

[You can take a few moments to chuckle quietly to yourself at my ignorance. Or go ahead: laugh outloud: foolish, foolish mortal that I am.]

You know what happens if you pray for living incarnationally? An extrovert inevitably enters your life. For me, I happened to give birth to one. Judah *loves* being around people. We were in Kansas City a while back for Jason’s mom’s birthday. At a reception Judah floated around the room for three hours being passed from stranger to stranger - he flashed grins, performed rolling tricks on the floor, and not once did he cry or even glance to see if Jason and I were in the room. This kid loves people.

Having a child who loves people does not allow me to stay home very much. I’ve gotten rather frustrated with God: why won’t You let me stay home by myself and look into this whole incarnational living thing? How am I going to tell others what it looks like? (I used to work at a library; researching and sharing information is a bit of a hobby for me, but I rarely use the info for myself.)

God’s kindly answering my prayer. By having to leave the apartment, I’m getting to know my community. Judah and I have made friends with all the cashiers at the store. We’re meeting the little girls who play in our apartment parking lot. We’re getting to know the folks who frequent the library. God’s not only letting me know about living incarnationally; He’s helping me to do it!

So be careful what you pray for, or you may be standing in line at the self checkout with me at the store (I can show you how to use it - it’s really not that hard).

Is there a 12 Step Program for Worship Expression Addicts?

2005-05-15T19:53:00.000-07:00

Is the church an addict? Am I along with my fellow gatherers addicted to the way we worship? Is the way I choose to worship more important than being in the relationship with God that He desires for me? If I decide that my worship expression takes precedence over God’s desires, it becomes an idol: I pour myself into the style of worship, expecting to get something back out of it, when really I should be focusing on experiencing and glorifying God’s grace.

Albert Einstein espoused the lovely idea on insanity – doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. Each Sunday I expect to: be greeted at the door, look through the bulletin while listening to the prelude, sing a few hymns and worship songs, listen to announcements, participate in the obligatory and awkward meet'n'greet time, listen to a message, pass the offering plate, sit and ponder during open worship, and walk out the door feeling like I'm on the edge of experience true worship but falling short. Each week is greeted with the same troubles and lackluster passion for life. And yet every Sunday I along with many others continue to go back.

But many have given up. What does it say about an organism when its young leave? I wouldn't say that that's too healthy. Something has to change. The church is limping along. Church worship tweaks things here and there, but tinkering with the expression isn’t going to help: we need to get back to the reason *why* those forms were used in the first place. The truths behind the expression are what truly matters.

What would happen if I and my church congregation applied the 12 step program to our Sunday morning gathering? What would God reveal to us about ourselves? Alcohol isn’t bad: it’s just an object. *Abuse* of alcohol is bad. Hymns or praise songs or contemplative prayer or group prayer or times of silence or times of worship aren’t bad: abuse of them is bad. What are we abusing? What are we using to get our weekly 'fix' so that we can struggle through until our next Sunday hit? Can we admit that we can’t control our abuse? What will cause us to hit rockbottom? What will it take to cause an intervention?

Lord, please open my eyes to your creative expressions.

I was gonna be a HouseMama, not a MunchkinMama

2005-05-12T12:17:00.000-07:00

I’ve been struggling with living incarnationally. Do you know how hard that is to do with an eight month old munchkin? My days are spent mostly managing fluids (going in one end with the excitement element being trying to anticipate which end fluids will then come out of) and finding items or activities that invoke the longest period of quiet (toys, kitchen utensils, trips to the store, naps, the Food Network).

I’ve been looking at the Biblical character of Anna, the widowed prophetess who is mentioned in Luke when the infant Christ was presented at Herod’s Temple. Anna rocks. Only three verses are mentioned about her, but man, they pack a punch! She lived a completely incarnational life! Which is something to admire, especially after considering that she was widowed at such a young age and didn’t have kids. One would think she wouldn’t have a lot to offer her culture, but Anna and God turned the negatives into positives:

Rather than becoming bitter, she practiced spiritual disciplines.
Rather than withdrawing, she lived in the center of cultural community.
Rather than leaning on her relatives for support, she completely trusted God to provide for her needs.
Rather than balking at being bestowed such a wonderfully complex spiritual gift, she used her prophesying gift.
Rather than remaining only in the temple, she was a member of a seeking faith community to whom she could share this joyous news.

As a child this probably wasn’t the way Anna would’ve imagined being able to live God’s love to her community. If she had children or remarried, most likely her time would’ve been spent focusing on her family. She could’ve focused on all the things she couldn’t do. But she creatively worked within what she *could* do: to be in the temple, to have free time to fast and pray, to share God’s word of Truth to her people.

I always thought that I would be the later-Anna. As a kid, I never dreamed about getting married or having kids: I wanted to write, and I always figured I’d do stuff by myself - a sort of Jo March before she hooked up with Friedrich in the end. In fact, my stock answer in college as to the “so, whatcha gonna do?” question was “Go to Europe. Open up a boarding school so my friends’ kids can get some culture and my friends can get a break.” My friend would be the housemother for the girls (they don't smell as bad), and I'd take care of the boys (they're less psychological). All my dreams involved seating for one, and I was really quite content with that picture.

Well, one husband and one eight-month old later, I’m not so much alone. I know I’m meant to be married and be a parent in an innate feeling-the-peace-of-God-in-the-situation sort of way. The way it came about – not desiring or demanding it, but rather being pleasantly surprised that these things happened in my life - affirms me that I'm moving in God's will.

And yet my dreams of living incarnationally still reside in those dreams of old: going off to do missions in Africa or Ireland, spending countless hours writing, having a full-time ministry job or a full-time volunteer position. My idea of serving God is in a solitary sense. Perhaps it’s because it’d be less-cumbersome that way, less dynamics to deal with, less people to be accountable to. Perhaps it’s because my family and I tend to be ‘lone wolves’ - we do our own thing. Perhaps it’s because my dreams contained elements I could expect, anticipate, control.

I don’t know how to be incarnational as a wife and mother of an eight month old. I can’t do what I’m used to doing: volunteering, writing, even sitting in silence. I can't get out in the community that I knew of old. But just as Anna’s position in life allowed her to serve God and her community, I have faith that my position will do the same. Doors are going to be opened that I can’t even imagine. I pray that I have the wisdom to walk through those doors rather than peering through and fearing the unknown territory.

Oh, to be my father's daughter

2005-05-06T13:25:00.000-07:00

I’ve been pondering more regarding my Yearly Meeting workshop: I know - what a shock. :) Most presenters probably aren’t putting this much thought into their hour or two hour slots, but this topic is something that’s been nagging at my heart as well as something to look forward to in the current driven- by-daily-routine-rather-than-extraordinary-activities state of my life.

It’s been such a blessing to be in contact with folks who care as well, who’ve had experience presenting and sharing the passions of their heart, who are actually interested. I recently had a conversation with my husband regarding the fact that I don’t want to be my dad. Now, that’s not completely true: he’s a man who seeks after God’s will with such vigor and driven-ness that others tend to put up shields of defensiveness or apathy. Each year at our Yearly Meeting sessions he would give his Sunday night superintendent’s address, and each year he had a message that would ‘rock the boat! Cause big waves! This could be the year I get the axe!’ And each year people got crabby, but the majority just shrugged their shoulders and went “Enh.” If they truly heard and understood the radical nature of the message, they would’ve been blown away. But generally they didn’t grasp the message or they chose to dumb it down: conscientious apathy is a wretched thing to overcome.

So I was pondering what direction to take my class: the ‘nice’ route, or the ‘Dad’ route. The nice route is scratching the surface: see if folks have young adults attending their churches, if they know where their young adults have gone, if they can think of ways to connect with them one-on-one - build relationships - be missional and incarnational - what that might look like.

The ‘Dad’ route is digging to the core: see if folks have functional churches, if young adults aren’t the only population leaving, if they spend most of their time on administrative duties rather than evangelizing and discipling, if their worship gatherings are a time of celebration or the only time they’re being fed during the week, if their board and committee structures get anything done or sap time and energy from folks, if the structure of the church and yearly meeting is functional or an eroding model from a previous generation/culture/time frame that no longer applies, *if we worship they way we do church and business more than we worship God*. Offspring tends to leave unhealthy areas: should we get to the absolute core of the problem? I mean, if we’re going to talk about stuff, let’s not tip-toe around and use band-aids: let’s dig out the infection and get this healed up properly!

The response could be one of three things: received with the love, grace, and concern that it was intended, prompting folks to seek if God’s saying the same thing to them; received as a personal attack, thereby causing shields to go up; processed as a ‘nice message, but not realistic’ - deadly apathy!

My husband, so wise for his years, lives out the principles I so greatly appreciated from Nouwen’s “Teaching” chapter of Creative Ministry. He offered up the idea of class involvement: put the question out to them. As opposed to the ‘teacher’ knowing everything (unilateral teaching), the teacher recognizes that the students have as much to offer as the teacher does (bilateral teaching). That’s been my paralyzing fear: I don’t have all the answers. And what if the way I express my thoughts and hypotheses cause folks to shut down rather than further explore? Jason voiced the opinion that folks don’t often like to be told what’s wrong, but they often have an idea of what’s not working and enjoy pointing it out themselves. Plus, it creates involvement by giving to the conversation rather than simply receiving, as well as discussion makes it more applicable and personally relevant to their situation. Such a brilliant and helpful husband of mine.

So my perception of the workshop has changed. Perhaps it shouldn’t be so information-oriented as much as a forum for folks to discuss the current state of their young adult attendance. I don’t have to have ‘the answers’ as much as create the space and provide some tools for folks to explore themselves. Interesting ... .

I think I dropped my hammer . . .

2005-05-02T15:02:00.000-07:00

Creative Ministry by Henri Nouwen
Chapter 1: “Teaching”

“In fields like medicine, sociology, psychology, chemistry, biology, economics, and even theology, there is an amazing preoccupation with manipulative devices and the degree to which they satisfy immediate needs, relate to urgent problems, and keep an acceptable balance in the style of our lives. ‘Getting things under control’ is what keeps most teachers and students busy, and a successful teacher is often the individual who creates the conviction that man has the necessary tools to tame the dangerous lion he is going to face as soon as he leaves the training field” (5).

I’m facilitating a workshop this summer for our annual area denominational sessions. How did an introvert such as myself fall into such an uncomfortable role? At our mid-year sessions I got into a discussion with fellow Board of Evangelism members on the topic of young adults: why are there so few in our yearly meeting? Where are they at? Our middle and high school programs seem to thrive, but once graduation comes, there seems to be a big, black hole. Some feel that we’ve thrown lifelines; others feel we’ve cut lifelines - what does the picture look like now, and where could we head from here?

I don’t know how to lead this discussion. I don’t have the answers. And perhaps that’s the best way to start. When my mind begins to sort through information, experiences, hypotheses, and other tid bits I’ve collected along the way, I assume that they will fall nicely into place and paint a beautiful, grand, Big Picture with The Answer. But as my fathe’r’s told me, “Figure out where the young folks are going, write a book, and you’ll be set for life.”

My initial inclination is to be a teacher that has everything “under control”. I want immediate answers. I want folks to leave feeling encouraged and strengthened rather than discouraged and questioning.

How silly is that?!!? Hello: am I leaving any room for the Spirit to work? That’s a bit daunting - creating room for a Being that can’t be weighed, measured, or controlled to move, encourage, strengthen, plant seeds, bring to fruition.

Perhaps I should be happy, thankful, leap with joy if folks leave the workshop:
– uncomfortable. . . with the status quo
– with more questions than answers . . . that will pick at them to keep seeking
– discouraged . . . and turning to the Spirit for direction

I keep feeling like things need to change in the Yearly Meeting, or else it will die. But could the greater question be: has God blessed the Yearly Meeting to remain in existence? Is He desiring for this group of Quaker gatherers to take a different shape? I don’t have all the answers or the tools or the means to control: but I do have listening ears, a willing Spirit, and a desire to follow.

Baby Mozart and Life Preparation

2005-05-01T21:54:00.000-07:00

Creative Ministry by Henri Nouwen
CHAPTER 1: “Teaching”

“If teaching means providing man with enough academic weapons to outdo his fellow man, to make more money, to have a better career, and more esteem in his neighborhood, we had better start asking ourselves if there is any word from God that supports this approach” (3).

Being a mom in this day and age is hard. It’s probably been hard since time began, each generation having their own societal challenges and expectations to either succumb to or overcome. A current hurdle: too much information. Science attempts to quantify and qualify all elements of what leads to the ‘ultimate parenting machine’: are you stimulating your child 24 hours a day? Is it the proper and edifying stimulation? Are they involved in enough activities? Playgroups? Mommy-and-me yoga classes? Are you listening to Baby Mozart while playing with Lamaze stacking blocks and Leap Frog animated books? Are you talking to your child while changing their diaper so they can start to grasp pronouns and objects?

This type of ‘helpful parenting’ suggestions makes me inadequate and weary. I feel like it is solely my responsibility to adequately prepare Munchkin for the Big Bad World. What’s bothersome is not trying to manage the abundance of activities and hints that are suggested as much as the threat of what will happen if they aren’t followed. My child could be destined to live a life of mediocrity and insecurity due to an inadequate amount of infant massages. When should I send him to therapy because I let him cry in his crib for five minutes past the recommended time?

The other unspoken fact lies in the competitive spirit that has made this country ‘great’: if you don’t do it, someone else will. All parents have access to this information: it’s the *good* parents who best put it fully into practice. It’s not so much about making Munchkin a whole and happy person as it is equipping him to compete with his peers. By teaching mastering the ABCs in his toddler years, he’ll advance farther and faster in school, boosting his self-esteem and confidence which buoys him into a competitive college and masters program, helping him to land that ultimate job which gives him a profound sense of self-worth and a meaningful life experience. If he doesn’‘t, his classmates will excel beyond him, dooming him to a life of flipping burgers and resenting his parents for not properly equipping him to do battle in the real world.

The type of thinking makes sense in a petty, small-minded, insecure world. What if Munchkin’s peers were not competitors, but fellow journeyers? What if the most important thing to be learned is how to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength; and to love your neighbor as yourself? What if the prime directive is not to land the perfect job and the perfect life, but rather to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with our God? How can these ‘helpful parenting tips’ work into that larger picture? Gives a different approach to teaching, don’t you think?

Why the Duchess?

2005-05-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

I love Alice in Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass and have since I was a young tyke. My folks purchased the tale for me on tape, and I would spend hours playing it over and over. Much time was spent scrounging for batteries to replenish my red and yellow tape recorder so that I could listen while being a 'good child' and playing outside (multi-tasking begins at such a young age).

While the fondness for this childhood tale is nothing extraordinary (the story is beloved enough to have been Disneyfied), my persistent affection is somewhat odd in that I've never really related to or associated with Alice. Most of my favorite stories contain characters, storylines, situations that had a comforting sense of familiarity: Diana Barry (Anne of Green Gable's best friend) was chubby, Jo March wanted to be a writer, Beezus Quimby couldn't draw, etc. Many writing classes promote the idea that the characters in a story must evoke some sense of empathy - the reader will not engage if they cannot relate.

Alice is a young dreamer, but she is a character that has few similarities to my life experiences: a blonde, British, younger sister who's dense enough to think that she was going to fall through the earth to Australia [anyone knows that if you're falling through the earth, you'll land in China]. =) Perhaps the fanciful characters bring me back; perhaps the lure of the 'cult classic' calls; perhaps I needed an answer to 'what's your favorite story' and this story elicited the most favorable response among adults; perhaps I'll never know what ties me to this surreal fairytale.

As I pondered the title for my weblog, my mind drew a blank. What could sum up thoughts regarding:

-- my walk'n'talk with Christ -- emerging church -- postmodern culture -- what does church gatherings look like for young adults? -- is Quakerdom being responsive to the moving of the Spirit? -- ramblings invoked by the readings of Nouwen, Merton, L'Engle, etc. -- desert mothers and fathers in the 21st century -- simple church movements -- authentic living -- finding my identity in my Abba Father -- mysticism -- being who God calls me to be -- ??!!??

What could encompass these elements of my rambling lifewalk?

The Duchess is a character known for wanting to moralize, or sum up, conversations: everything must have a meaning. “Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it.” However, most of her conclusions are utter nonsense that don't relate to the present discussion, or are meanings that are convoluted by excess words flowery notations. I have a framed card sitting on my desk that summarizes a quote by the Duchess:

"'Be who you are,' said the Duchess to Alice, 'Or, if you would like it put more simply, never try to be what you might have been, or could have been, other than what you should have been.'"

In the midst of all her wordiness the Duchess’s intention and meaning are good and exactly what I truly desire: to be as I have been created to be. The Duchess also serves as a reminder that a) not all situations require a ‘lesson learned’ and 2) keep it simple, stupid.

And so as I wander through the madness of my daily activities, who better to wander with in the quest to be real – authentic – true – my God-created self?

An Henri Fix

2005-04-30T20:56:00.000-07:00

I’ve been aching to read Henri Nouwen as of late. I know that it’s a God-leading ache because I haven’t read very many of his writings, and yet his name kept echoing through my head. This morning I loaded up the stroller and headed to the Fox library to see what their collection looked like. His Creative Ministry stood out to me: seemed relevant to the “Where Have All The Young Adults Gone?” workshop I’m facilitating at Yearly Meeting this July - something is leading them elsewhere: what is our church gathering lacking?

His introduction points out the necessity of balancing inner and outer spiritual practices - nothing really new, but a good reminder when focusing on leadership (xvi). I’m currently struggling with getting ‘outward’: it’s so easy to whole up and saturate myself with information and experiences from books, blogs, friends, websites, etc. I feel like a lab scientist who never gets in the field to put this knowledge to use. But the experiences should be real and meaningful rather than artificial and forced: the world is not my laboratory.

“Prayer is life; prayer and ministry are the same and can never be divorced. If they are, the minister becomes a handyman and the priesthood nothing more than another way to soften the many pains of daily life” (xx). And we wonder why folks leave church gatherings feeling empty, or why the church limps along living something that is not even close to the abundant life we’re called to.

“If the desire for silence, for moments of contemplation and meditation, is not born out of our concern for this world, we will soon become bored, not understanding why we have to be subjected to so many pious exercises” (xxi). That could sum up many Open Worship experiences for folks, I would bet. I know that I get so tired of the seemingly endless driving circle of self-reflection: turning my thoughts and concerns outward seems the only way to exit safely. Perhaps it would be good to remind folks of the Queries that are usually stuck to the front inside of our hymnals.