Wandering American

New WordPress blog

2011-06-17T16:31:00.003-04:00

I've moved over to WordPress. I've looked at this blog as sort of a practice run and now I'm making a real effort on the new site. Thanks to everyone who has stayed with me over the last year or so and kept stopping by to check my stuff out. Everything that hasn't been finished here will be carried over so the Modern Monsters and Mad Mad Mad World will keep going. If you're still down for hearing what I have to say then click here. Peace, I'm out!

Looking for an English Teaching Job in China

2011-06-13T10:10:00.005-04:00

If you’re looking for an English teaching job then you’re in luck because I have some tips you might find helpful. Let me start towards the beginning. I’m taking a 100 hour TEFL course and have been looking for English teaching jobs in Guangzhou. Lately I’ve been looking around on echinacities.com which seems like a pretty good website. They update their listings everyday and they usually have a variety of jobs available for foreigners.

Anyway, following some advice from an experienced English teacher, I looked up some foreigner-owned teacher placement companies to help me out. The first one I went to seemed okay. It’s called Reach to Teach. Let me tell you about these sons-of-bitches. First, I had to spend 5 hours writing a professional résumé and cover letter to send to them. They emailed me a week later and said that they couldn’t find me a job in China so they tried to hustle me into going to Georgia. Like, Former Soviet Republic Georgia. I told them I really had my heart set on China and that I was in the TEFL program. The lady took her sweet time getting back to me and made me this shit offer:

“1. A 5 day, Monday through Friday work week. This will consist of up to 25 teaching hours per week. Please note that most teachers generally average 18 hours a week, which leaves you plenty of time to explore Chine and other interests.
2. A monthly salary of between 3,000RMB and 5,000RMB (varies depending on location/ qualification)
3. Flight stipend
4. Your apartment is fully paid for (Note: You will of course have to pay for your electric bills, internet, etc!)
5. Free Chinese lessons.”

They tried to give me $460-770 a month. Even with a paid for apartment and airfare that is miniscule. I could make more than that working for minimum wage 3 days a week. I sent them another email asking for a better deal a week and a half ago. Haven’t heard back from them and don’t expect to. This is the conclusion I reached. Reach to Teach is a scam and should be avoided. Don’t even waste your time applying with them.

I applied at another place called Teach Abroad. Unless you live in the UK or some of the big cities in China, they’re useless. They don’t do phone interviews at all. So don’t waste your time on them either. It’s probably best to look for a job on your own and just make sure you check your contract and read the fine print. When they offer you a number that sounds good make sure you convert it into your own currency to see what it really looks like. If any of my readers have some advice for me I’d be glad to hear it.

China's South China Sea Claims

2011-06-13T09:38:00.004-04:00

China’s claims in the South China Sea are completely unfounded and every country in the world knows it. The only reason China is making such a big deal out of it is that it believes there’s hundreds of billions of dollars worth of oil and natural gas in the area. According to international law, a country’s territorial waters extend only a few hundred miles off its shoreline. They call this an “exclusive economic zone”. Take a look at this map.

China is trying to claim everyone else’s territory and when they complain about it China says that they should “not start trouble.” China’s arrogance in this issue is astounding. Last year, Hillary Clinton gave China a big slap in the face, and rightly so, by saying that solving the territorial disputes in the region were in the US national interest. Not sure if I buy that but that certainly gave China pause, at least for a few months.

The CCP has made it a point to settle it’s disputes one on one. They claim the reason for this is to avoid outside pressure. But anyone with half a brain knows it’s to use their size and strength to intimidate the smaller countries that have competing claims. Today Vietnam staged a live-fire exercise in the South China Sea in retaliation to their spat with China over oil exploration earlier in the week. That’s the right approach. China needs to see that these other countries won’t just lie down and take it.

It’s ironic, isn’t it? Vietnam and China used to be BFFs but after a major war and several border skirmishes it looks like it’s all over. Now Vietnam is cozying up to the US as a counterweight to China’s growing ambitions. China dreams of being the ruler/leader of Asia but its heavy-handed tactics are driving more and more of Asia away. Pretty soon they won't have many friends left if they keep it up.

Wow

2011-06-12T11:05:00.003-04:00

OMG. Jen is hot. How did I manage that????? Things are going well with us. I talk to her on the phone at least 5 times a week and then we message a lot through weibo.com, email, and texting. Every time I call her she's so excited to talk to me, like she was waiting by the phone all day. It's good for my ego. ;) Last Friday we IMed with webcams and she got all dressed up for me. So it's all good.

Stay tuned for the next update in the Modern Monsters series. We'll be looking at Gavrilo Princip.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor

2011-06-10T00:21:00.005-04:00

I've been listening to this group a lot lately. They have a very distinct style. Here's 2 of their more popular songs. The first is "Dead Flag Blues."

The car is on fire, and there's no driver at the wheel
And the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
And a dark wind blows

The government is corrupt
And we're on so many drugs
With the radio on and the curtains drawn

We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
And the machine is bleeding to death

The sun has fallen down
And the billboards are all leering
And the flags are all dead at the top of their poles

It went like this:

The buildings tumbled in on themselves
Mothers clutching babies
Picked through the rubble
And pulled out their hair

The skyline was beautiful on fire
All twisted metal stretching upwards
Everything washed in a thin orange haze

I said, "Kiss me, you're beautiful -
These are truly the last days"

You grabbed my hand
And we fell into it
Like a daydream
Or a fever

We woke up one morning and fell a little further down
For sure it's the valley of death

I open up my wallet
And it's full of blood

Kind of chilling, huh? The next song is "East Hastings."

I've picked up a few albums and they're pretty rad. Give them a listen.

This Guy Again...

2011-06-09T20:26:00.002-04:00

I thought this guy was done but he’s started showing up in the news again. I’m talking about Muqtada al-Sadr. If you haven’t heard of him then good for you. He’s a filthy snake and doesn’t deserve one second of airtime but he’s been on all the stations I watch lately. He’s a fiercely anti-American Shia “cleric” in Iraq who fights to overthrow the imperialist Westerners and their puppet government blah blah blah. Whatever. It’s my personal philosophy to disregard anyone trying to preach jihad when they can’t even take proper care of their own teeth. It’s clear to me his only goal is to prolong the chaos so that he might somehow rise to some form of political office. That’s usually the deal. These guys start trouble and fan the flames with claims that they’re fighting imperialists or infidels or another sect of Islam or something else. He’s been in the news for saying what he’s always been saying pretty much. Let me give you a little backstory on this guy.

Before the invasion in 2003, no one knew who this guy was. He was a nobody. Afterwords, by spewing his hateful rhetoric that was critical of everything not Shia Islam he managed to gather a militia together called the Mahdi Army. You may have heard of it. It ended up growing to nearly 10,000 guys. After the Coalition Government banned his newspaper for inciting violence he led an uprising which was resoundingly crushed. That’s putting it mildly. His militia was completely fucking annihilated. He ran like a little bitch to Iran to hide for a few years instead of dying in battle like he preached to his soldiers. And now he’s back stirring up trouble. Someone should arrange a little “accident” if you catch my drift.

Personal Update

2011-06-08T00:21:00.004-04:00

Hey guys. Sorry I haven't been able to update as usual lately. I just finished that college class and have been working on getting my TEFL certification. I'm doing it online and it's kind of hard to work up the motivation to do the assignments when you don't have a teacher telling you to do it. Anyway, I'm going on an epic journey to the northeast next month. Me and some friends will be hiking in the Appalachian Mountains in North Carolina for 2 days, then head to New York City to hang with KaiWen for 3 days and then down to Washington DC on the way home. I'm pretty excited about it! I'll try to update again with something interesting soon. Stay cool.

Top 10 Dream Jobs

2011-06-03T00:52:00.015-04:00

War Correspondent
These guys are total bosses. They bring the truth of wars and conflicts to light, something a news anchor sitting in a comfy studio can never hope to achieve. They live gritty and dirty, like the soldiers on the front line. It’s a very dangerous job but I believe that showing war how it really is, grotesque and dehumanizing, can enlighten people as to why they should not be waged.

Food Critic
I love food and I love cooking. I’ve been hooked on “Bizarre Foods”, “Man vs Food”, and the other food shows on TLC forever. How else will you get to go to awesome restaurants and eat awesome food for free?

Fighter Pilot
I’ll be like Maverick from “Topgun”. Only sexier.

Cryptozoologist
I’m really interested in all that stuff. Bigfoot, Jersey Devil, all those creatures will live in fear knowing that I’m out looking for them.

Paleontologist

Ever since I saw Jurassic Park when I was a kid I've been fascinated with dinosaurs. You get to go to all these cool places and dig up bones that are millions of years old. Sounds good if you’re the down and dirty type.

Novelist

I love writing, particularly creative writing. Every time I get an idea for a story I write it down in a special notebook so I don’t forget. One of those ideas just might make me a millionaire someday.

Photographer

Photography is another hobby of mine that would be nice to make money with. With my art background I know how to get good composition, lighting, and color effectively.

Actor

I can see it now. Me and Gong Li do a romantic comedy about a hot female CEO of a Chinese company and the young laowai who they hire for kicks. It’ll be hilarious!

Travel Show Host
I wouldn’t just go to the major tourist destinations like Italy or France. I’d go to Tonga or Sri Lanka. Places where no one goes. How many shows about Paris or Tokyo do I have to watch on TLC? I’m tired of it! My show will be like if Bear Grylls did 'Bizarre Foods.'

Tattoo Artist
I love tattoos. I have one that covers my upper left arm and I actually designed a few for some friends at college. It’s cool to be able to put your art on someone for life. Hopefully the tattooist is good though.

If only I could do all those things in one life time! What would you choose? Let me know in the comments.

Bucket List #6 - Oceania

2011-05-28T22:47:00.013-04:00

Here we go. The last installment in the Bucket List series. I know you’ve been waiting with bated breath.

Sydney, Australia

I always did like Australia. Sydney has tons of things to see and do and is home to many different cultures. The largest groups being from the UK, China, New Zealand and Vietnam.

Brisbane, Australia

With lots of museums and cultural attractions like Story Bridge and Kangaroo Point, Brisbane has no shortage of activities to keep you busy. There’s even a red light district called Fortitude Valley if you’re into that kind of stuff.

Outback, Australia

I’d like to go on a walkabout (is that how you spell it?) I’ll tame a family of dingoes and choke out a croc or two.

New Zealand

NZ has native cultures like the Maori who I find very interesting but I’m all about the scenery. It looks so epic!

Vanuatu

Tropical paradise! Again, I find the island’s scenery and beaches to be very beautiful.

Papua New Guinea

Some parts of New Guinea are like snapshots from a dream vacation while others are swampy death traps loaded with alligators and venomous snakes. Good thing for me I’m the adventurous type.

Christmas Island

Home to rich biodiversity, Christmas Island is host to the infamous Coconut Crap. Don’t let one get a hold of you or it’s game over.

Fiji

I don’t think you could find a vacation spot further away from the world. Diving and coral reef tourism are the main attractions here.

Palau

Like Fiji, environmental tourism is the main money maker. There are several smaller islands to see or you can just chill on the beach or go snorkeling/diving.

Solomon Islands

A poor country in terms of wealth, however it is rich in wildlife and culture which earns it a spot on my list.

That’s it! I’m done! Thanks to all the cool people you stuck with me on this endeavor.

Macau: City in the Mist

2011-05-27T23:02:00.010-04:00

Jen, her mom and aunt, and myself had to wake up super early to get to the station on time to catch our bus that ended up being 2 hours late. The weather had suddenly gone from a pleasant 70 degrees (21 Celsius) to a biting 38 degrees (3 Celsius)! In the jungle! And it was rainy and windy. After a quick bus trip to Zhuhai, I guess that’s where we were, we had to switch buses in an underground tunnel and go to immigration. After that nightmare we took a shuttle to our casino hotel, The New Century Greek.

Let me tell you about the New Century. It’s probably the crappiest upscale hotel I’ve ever stayed at. Its theme was ancient Greece which I thought was awesome at first until I started noticing that some of the decorations were falling into disrepair. Our room was supposed to be ready at 2pm but we ended up having to wait until 4:30 and when I started getting shitty about it the customer service guy still didn’t have an acceptable explanation. So I played it cool. I walked into the bathroom, took care of my business, broke the toilet (It was an accident!), there was a huge mess. I didn’t tell anyone about it and joined Jen in the sitting area of the lobby. About 5 minutes later a bunch of hotel staff go running to the bathroom and soon come out holding their noses and cursing in Chinese. That’ll teach them to be late with a foreigner’s room! The gambling hall was also kind of lame. It was really small and didn’t have much variety in terms of games. I also noticed that most of the bouncers were Indians who spoke English. One of them even made Jen show her ID. Ha!

We went to a free lunch buffet at the New Century which would have been good if the Chinese chefs hadn’t tried to copy western food. The spaghetti was alright but it didn’t have that Italian taste to it. Coming from a partially Italian family, I know how to do spaghetti right and this wasn’t it. It was a funny sight though. The foreigner was eating all the Chinese food and the Chinese people were eating all the foreign food. After that we went to The Sands which was about 100 times cooler than New Century. We ended up ditching Jen’s mom and aunt, who were only staying for the day, and we went walking around outside. I’m not a huge gambler. Personally, I think it’s a waste of money. We walked into a bunch of the attractions, most were smaller hotels with different themes. One was a Roman town and another was a volcano with an arcade on the bottom floor. I’m a huge Gundam nerd and there was a shooting game for it that I absolutely destroyed. Jen was awestruck by my lightning fast reflexes!
After that we took a taxi to the Ruins of St. Paul’s Cathedral which was spectacular. The cab dropped us off a few blocks away and we walked through the lighted market district. There were hundreds of people milling around, even a few couples taking wedding photos. Jen and I went up the stairs behind the cathedral’s façade and tossed coins in the windows for good luck. We went into the crypts downstairs and saw the holy relics and other artifacts. Really interesting stuff! I highly recommend it. Then we went back into the market and bought some kind of pressed meat. It came in different kinds like beef, pork, PIGLET, chicken, and some weirder stuff. Jen bought piglet. Ugh. It tasted good but I feel weird about eating a baby creature that didn’t even get a chance at life. Maybe I’m too soft-hearted when it comes to animals.

We walked from the cathedral to an old Portuguese fortress museum and then somehow ended up at the Venetian hotel for dinner. We found one of those Japanese restaurants where they cook on the grill in front of you. Jen ordered some chicken while I was adventurous and ordered prawn. It was a horrifying experience. When I think of prawn I think of little shrimp. These prawn were almost as long as my forearm. Practically a lobster. I freaked out when the cooks, who just so happened to be two young, attractive ladies, cut the heads off my prawn and they proceeded to giggle and called me a “cute laowai.” Jen didn’t really dig her food so I took her to the Häagen-Dazs ice cream shop. Oh my God. That was the most amazing ice cream I’ve ever had in my life. It’s like an art form! It was getting a little late so we headed back to the hotel and crashed for the night. Giggity. ;)

We bounced at noon and had to kill time until 7:30 when our bus would be leaving from Zhuhai. We checked out MGM, the Grand Emperor, A-Ma Temple, the Maritime Museum next to it, and the Statue of Guan-Yin. By the time we had to go we were both exhausted. I think I fell asleep on the shuttle to Zhuhai, hustled my way through immigration and then we got to wait in the cold for our bus which got held up because one of the passengers was late. But lucky me! There were 2 other white guys on the bus and everyone assumed that because we were white and each had our own Chinese girl that we were best friends. Bleh. And I’ve never seen so many beggars in one place before. There was an old lady who I guess was blind, or pretending to be, and there was a dude with one leg. I almost gave him some money but then I figured if the others saw me do that they’d swarm me. We got home late that night and slept super late. I even slept through the loud Chinese Chess games that happen outside the window all day.

What did I learn on my trip? Smog and fog combine to make a dreary vacation. The New Century Hotel is a piece of crap. Macau in general is awesome. Prostitutes use business cards there and throw them all over the place. Jen is the coolest girl in the world. That’s about it.

Tintorera: Killer Shark (1977)

2011-05-24T17:42:00.004-04:00

Where do I even begin with this film? Italian films from this era usually aren’t very good by most people’s standards but this one is in a whole other league. I’ll admit, the first time I watched this movie I hated it for about a half an hour before it started to grow on me, even when it started to get really weird.

Here’s a rundown of the plot. The movie is set on an unnamed Cancun-ish Mexican island in the Caribbean and a rich guy named Steven comes and stays on a fancy party yacht. He takes up spear fishing and goes out with one of the locals to fish for sharks. He meets Gabriella, they have sex and hang out, he starts to get feelings for her so she leaves him and hooks up with the island’s playboy, Miguel. They have sex, she changes her mind and goes for a morning swim to clear her head when she gets horribly devoured by Tintorera, a large tiger shark. Later, Steven confronts Miguel about her whereabouts. Neither knows where she is and they end up becoming bros. They go to parties, pick up chicks and have crazy group sex on Steven’s boat. Aside from the occasional boobage there’s not really any graphic sex scenes.

Blah blah blah boring stuff. Steven and Miguel start a shark hunting business and eventually meet up with this chick named Patricia. They go to the yacht and have a threesome. They come to an agreement to share each other or something weird. Polyandry is what it’s called. Gross! I could never have someone’s sloppy seconds. Anyway, the next time they all go shark hunting Tintorera appears and eats Miguel. Steven is depressed and Patricia goes back home. Steven vows revenge and leads a hunt to kill all the sharks in the area but Tintorera eats some fishermen because he’s a big balla like that.

Steven goes to a beach party and picks up a bunch of people to go have wild “feel better” sex on his boat and they’re like, “Hey! I know there’s a man-eating shark around here but let’s swim to the boat anyway!” So guess who shows up? Tintorera! This is the scene that totally makes the movie worth sitting through. Tintorera, like a dark, avenging angel, comes to punish these young people for their promiscuous and impure ways. It’s a total bloodbath and I was enraptured but the gory special effects. I’m also really freaked out by the thought of being eaten alive so I couldn’t help but groan a few times as I saw hot women get torn apart. Steven goes to kill the shark himself and after getting his arm chomped off, manages to slay the shark. The movie ends with him in a hospital bed thinking about Miguel and Gabriella.

This movie uses real sharks and depicts actual spear fishing. Animals are actually killed on camera so that might turn off a lot of people. Keep in mind though; this movie is almost 35 years old. I thought the whole we’re gonna share a woman thing was kind of gross but that’s just me. After a while though I warmed up to the characters and I thought the whole “eternal tropical vacation” lifestyle the film tried to depict was cool and I really did feel bad for Steven during the montage at the end. The recurring theme in the film is that there is no happiness forever.

Now, as a fan of Italian cinema, I’m inclined to give Tintorera a C+ for being slow and having a retarded story. The main thing I didn’t like was that the film was maybe only 20% about the shark. I think I'm also going to have nightmares after seeing Steven butt naked and wearing only an apron. But on the other hand I’m inclined to give it a B- for effort, the shark effects, and the setting. You can see it for yourself on Netflix here. Do you agree with me? Disagree? Let me know!

PLA Propaganda

2011-05-23T07:53:00.004-04:00

I found this video I thought was rad enough that I would take the time to share with you guys. It's a mash up of a bunch of 70's propaganda films. I think it's mildly impressive. ;)

Not bad, huh? Who cares if they're just drill teams who drill all day and don't do anything else. And they teach Kung Fu to their people? That's cool but it doesn't really help when people are blasting each other from a mile away. But whatever. Job well done.

The 10 Hottest Women on the Planet

2011-05-21T17:23:00.014-04:00

In case you've been living under a rock for the last week or two, Maxim's new issue came out with a list of the 100 most beautiful women in the world. I disagreed with it vehemently so I thought I'd do a post to set the record straight.

10. Gemma Arterton- British, 25

9. Emmy Rossum- American, 24

8. Jessica Biel- American, 29

7. Gong Li- Chinese, 45

6. Maggie Q- American, 31

5. Stacey Dash- American, 45

4. Yuri Kwon- South Korean, 21

3. Nicole Scherzinger- American, 32

2. Salma Hayek- Mexican, 44

1. Lijuan Chen (Jen)- Chinese, 23

Of course Jen was going to be number one! ;-) It was tough to narrow it down to just 10 ladies but I was willing to endure the pain. Who do you think should have made the list? Holla back at me!

5 TV Shows I'm Hooked On

2011-05-19T00:26:00.008-04:00

The Office (US)
After I started getting tired of Family Guy, a friend of mine recommended The Office. I typically don’t watch cable and almost never watch popular shows simply because I think that most of them are terrible. I was sick and bored one day so I decided to give the show a chance. It’s fantastic. The first few episodes are a little slow but it picks up and the actors are hilarious. It was easy to identify with because I worked with people just like the guys from the show. If you haven’t seen it then you really should consider watching a few episodes. Six seasons are available right now on Netflix instant play.

Lost Tapes
This show is on Animal Planet but it should be on Sci-Fi. Each episode deals with a cryptozoological animal like Bigfoot or the Jersey Devil. And it’s done through the “found footage” style of film making where sometimes the people get killed by a creature and the cops find the film and make a documentary out of it. Get it? At first it might come off as campy but I’m very interested in the subject matter and it does have some legitimate scary moments. It’s worth looking into if you’re into the paranormal and pseudoscience. The first season is available on Netflix instant play.

River Monsters
Awesome show. This guy is like the dude from Man vs Wild except he’s a fisherman. A lot of the time he goes to some of the most dangerous areas all just to catch rare fish. Fish that are huge, dangerous, or huge AND dangerous. This show is way better than that crap fishing channel my dad watches. I think the whole show is on NF instant play.

Dexter
I originally wasn’t interested in this show because I think Dexter is the second most unattractive name in the English language after Keith. I know it’s a stupid reason but I don’t care. Anyway, this show is fantastic. Full of blood and guts with plenty of plot twists. It’s about a murderer who murders murderers who escape justice for murdering. Can’t you just imagine how awesome that could be? I think the first 2 seasons are on NF instant play.

Kenny vs Spenny
This show is grotesque, juvenile, disgusting and ridiculous and I love it. It’s these two guys who are apparently best friends even though they hate each other most of the time. Kenny is the diabolical genius and Spenny is the little bitch who usually gets duped. Some of the competitions they do are who can blow the biggest fart, who can stay awake the longest and who can produce the most semen. Yeah. The third or fourth season is on NF instant play but you can watch almost all the episodes here for free. Your welcome.

Possible Alien Encounter???

2011-05-18T18:39:00.006-04:00

I know that sounds strange and most of the people who read this are probably rolling their eyes. I’ve had this mark on my arm, what looks to me like a burn scar, for the past couple weeks. I don’t remember burning myself. And believe me, I would remember. I tolerate cuts and bruises no problem but I whine my ass off over a burn. I was lying in bed last night and just happened to touch the “burn.” For some reason I started thinking about aliens. I daydream ALL the time so that’s not very unusual. And then I remembered a show about alien abduction I had seen a while ago about a guy who claimed to have had experiences with extraterrestrials . In it, he undergoes surgery to remove something that’s been causing him discomfort and what they pull out is a bizarre piece of metal composed of elements not known on Earth. I looked at the strange mark on my arm and flipped my shit. I tried to rationalize it and explain it away. It doesn’t hurt like a burn is supposed to. It isn’t a ringworm. It isn’t Lyme disease. It isn’t a rash or anything.

So as I went through my closet at 3am looking for my 30 year old metal detector, I tried to think about why aliens would want to put something inside me (no homo) and I remembered a little spat I got into with some UFO fanatics a while back. There’s a forum for UFO believers to share their tales or express hopes for meeting aliens one day. I was just looking up alien stuff to satisfy my momentary curiosity on the subject. I clicked on a topic regarding Nordic aliens.
Aryans from space.

There was this guy tooting his own horn about how he had all these experiences with them and these other people who stroked his ego by acting all impressed. The guy, let’s call him Dbag, was totally insufferable so I started trollin’. I reamed him. Hard. Dbag said, and I quote, “I’ve been implanted in my brain. The Nords can see what you said and they don’t like it.” This inevitably brought about more trollin’ until I got banned from the forums. Did the aliens actually get mad because I was bustin’ their boys balls? Who knows? It's probably just a bunch of hippity hoopla about nothing. I’ll update as the situation develops. In the meantime check out the world famous abductee Antonio Villas Boas. A Brazilian would be so lucky. I’m sure that story inspired an entire generation of crazy pornos. Peace out!

Adventures in Guangzhou

2011-05-17T18:06:00.009-04:00

In the days after we got back from Zengcheng, Jen and I took some time to explore some of the new attractions in Guangzhou. I was very impressed! China doesn’t fool around when it comes to museums. Most of them were free, even for me. I just had to show my passport. I’m sad to say that I don’t know the name of the really big museum we went to off the top of my head. It was pretty close to Guangzhou Tower though. That was the first time I had ever seen a dinosaur skeleton in person. Pretty cool stuff. It had several exhibits including guilt wood carving, precious gems, natural history and geology. I thought it was nice how varied everything was. Totally worth the hour and a half wait outside in the heat. They would only let about 100 people in every 15 minutes and they would run up to the ticket booth to get ahead of everyone else. I’m really competitive so I made sure we got close to the front. I sort of had to drag Jen behind me though. Whoopsie daisies.

We also went to several temples. One of them was only accessible by a narrow street and sitting along this street were several beggars. One of them was the fattest beggar I’ve ever seen. I managed to snap a photo.

They asked for money and I was like “No, no, no” just kind of smiled and shook my head. They were cool about it. We went inside the temple and I gotta say, I have a thing for Chinese temples. I like the architecture, the statues and art, and the vibe. Every temple I went to I tried to mingle with the monks. They were all good sports and even the most unfriendly looking guys I talked to were actually ok people. On the way out one of the beggars said hello to me in English. I was like, “Ummm. Hello.” And they all thrust there bowls out at me and started saying hello. “Hello!” “Hello!” “Hello! Give me money!” Jen freaked and pulled me away quickly but I wasn’t too weirded out.

One night we went walking on the waterfront. I was on a secret mission for sugar cane. If you haven’t had it you need go buy some right now. We came across a group of Indian/Pakistani/Bangledeshi/Nepalese/whatever. Let’s just call them Indian for clarity. It looked like a family of street peddlers. They were selling the usual stuff like bracelets and trinkets. I gave them a passing glace went back to talking with Jen. One of the girls cam up to us and asked us to buy flowers. We said no and tried to walk around her but she kept stepping in our way and holding the flowers out at us. THIS freaked me out. The girl grabbed onto Jen’s jacket and did that kneeling in the way bullshit. If you’ve been to China then you’re probably familiar with it. I tried to pry the girl off but couldn’t get a good grip. So I raised my fist like I was going to punch her and said in a beastly Conan the Barbarian-like voice, “BACK THE FUCK UP OR I’M GONNA TO BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA YOU!” Now whether it was my raised fist or the monstrous tone of my voice I don’t know but she bolted. Then we bounced and Jen gave me the rundown of what you’re supposed to say and do in a situation like that. And I felt a little bad for talking like that in front of Jen. I try to watch my language, believe it or not!

After that brush with extreme poverty we went for a ride on a 2-seated bicycle. I love these things. But every time we go it’s always me peddling. Jen gets tired and then stops peddling without telling me. :-/ There’s usually something going on by the river so stopped and watched ballroom dancing lessons and something else. It was a bunch of middle aged ladies doing some kind of play I guess. Then we went home and prepared ourselves for the awesomeness that is Macau.

Bucket List #5 - Asia

2011-05-17T13:32:00.027-04:00

Welcome to the next installment in the ridiculously popular bucket list series. Here we go.

Moscow, Russia
Moscow has been the seat of power in Russia for centuries and the center of the Red Menace back in the Cold War so of course I’ll have to check it out.

St. Petersburg, Russia
I like the look of St. Petersburg. It’s like a Russian take on a classical West European city. Culture, culture, culture.

Astana, Kazakhstan
Astana is the capital and second largest city of Kazakhstan. It’s also among the most developed cities in all of the former Soviet Republics in central Asia. Just look at it. It’s beautiful!

Bethlehem, Palestine
For personal and religious reasons I feel like I should go to the birthplace of Jesus. Maybe I’m just old fashioned like that.

Israel
Same reason as Bethlehem. It’s amazing to me that people have been fighting and killing each other since the beginning of civilization over this tiny strip of land. I suppose I should go see what all the fuss is about.

Dubai, UAE
One of the world’s growing mega-cities. All the architectural designs that other countries have deemed too crazy to be built get the green light here. Little known fact, the famed Burj Khalifa is copied from Frank Lloyd Wright’s Mile High Illinois, a super-building proposed in 1956.

Goa, India
A true paradise! It’s full of white sandy beaches, temples and World Heritage sites.

Shimla, India
Located in the foothills of the Himalayas, Shimla is a very popular tourist city. There are many places worth checking out in the city and if you get tired of that you can hike up in the mountains. Just watch out for the monkeys. They like to steal stuff.

Xinjiang, China
I have a thing about deserts. I like them. The Uyghur people have a culture and way of life that’s all their own and is totally different from the Han dominated regions to the East.

Tibet, China
It just looks awesome. I’ll wrangle a snow leopard while I’m over there. And then we will dance. Until the sun rises.

Chongqing, China
There are several attractions to see, both natural and man-made. I’ve also heard that Chongqing has the hottest girls in all of China so maybe I should scope it out. Of course I’ll have to do it stealthily if Jen’s with me.

Harbin, China

Beer.

Shanghai, China
The major international city of China. They call it the World’s Port. Shanghai has a long history of integration with the other cultures of the world and I would go there more for that than anything else. Maybe a little partying too but whatever.

Beijing, China
Ah! Beijing! I gotta check out those week-long traffic jams and hordes of people. Zerg rush!

Nanning, China
I really like southern China. The climate is similar to where I’m from and I find the tropical landscape to be very beautiful.

Angkor, Cambodia
When most people think of Cambodia I guess the only image that comes to their minds is Angkor Wat. And with good reason. It’s pretty spectacular.

Bangkok, Thailand
Southeast Asia’s premier party city, Bangkok has just about everything you could want. If you’re into sightseeing then you’re in luck and if you dig the party scene then you couldn’t have picked a better place. Just be careful though. Some of those ladies might not be ladies.

Taiwan
I’m curious about Taiwan. I’ve heard that its Chinese culture is more Chinese and hasn’t been corrupted in the way that it has in the PRC. Maybe I should go see if they’re right.

Japan
Like most younger people these days, I went through a phase where everything that came out of Japan was awesome. Those feelings have since died down but I’m still fascinated by the country and it’s history/culture.

Philippines
I have several friends in the Philippines and after seeing their pictures on facebook I’m itching to get over there and play in the crystal clear water and climb jungle mountains.

Seoul, South Korea
Forging a permanent partnership with the US certainly paid off for them. South Korea is one of the most developed countries in the world but it hasn’t lost its culture and uniqueness.

It's been a long haul. Next and last is Oceania. Thanks to everyone who kept up with this series. Please subscribe and leave a comment!

Modern Monsters #2 - Pope Pius XII

2011-05-17T01:49:00.005-04:00

Born in Rome on March 2, 1876 to an aristocratic family with deep Papal ties (Black Nobility), Pope Pius XII went to seminary school at the age of 18 and later went to the Pontifical Gregorian University and the Appolinare Institute of Lateran University and then he went to the University of Rome La Sapienza. He jumped around a lot so you’ll have to excuse me for not listing the rest of his schools. Over the years leading up to the first world war he steadily climbed the ranks. He even gained enough prestige to represent the Holy See at the coronation of King George V in 1911. He became Cardinal Secretary of State and formed a concordat with Serbia just four days before Archduke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated. After the war he became pretty much the under-pope of the European territory of the former German Empire. Pope Pius XI died on February 10,1939 and Pius XII was quickly elected as Pope. Things looked alright for a while when he broke Italy’s iron grip on the church by surrounding himself with a mix of nationalities who had previously been black-balled like Americans, Germans and Dutch.

He turned to the dark side in World War 2 when he offered his protection and support for Jewish officials and rabbis who had been “encouraged” to betray their followers to the Germans. Thousands of these traitors somehow found their way to Rome. The Chief Rabbi of Rome, Israel Zolli, Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem, Isaac Herzog and Rabbi Safran of Bucharest were all complicit in the scheme and were aware of the millions of people being sent to Nazi death camps. The rabbis and officials who fled to Rome weren’t just given a shack on the outskirts of the city. They were often given quarters IN the Vatican City as well as the Papal palace in Castel Gandolfo. Once new identities had been forged (at the Pope’s command) they were usually sent to Palestine or the United States. After this was done and things weren’t looking good for the fascists, Pius XII started doing the exact same thing for officials from governments and church organizations responsible for mass murder including Nazis, Italians, Romanians and Croats. This scheme has since gained the appropriate moniker “the Rat Lines.” These guys actually stayed in the same rooms that the Jewish traitors had stayed in not long before. Pope Pius XII died on October 9, 1958 in a manner not hardly as painful as he deserved. Since his death the Vatican has launched a media blitz to try to cover up his crimes which unfortunately seems to be working.

His actions aided the wholesale slaughter of the Jews and other groups targeted during the Holocaust, allowed several thousand of those responsible to escape justice and marred an entire religion. In some respects his crimes are far worse than anything Hitler or Stalin did. He was a failure as a priest and a human being. He was openly hateful against black people, Jews, Orthodox Christians, Muslims and communists/socialists. He even conferred the spiritual powers of Jesuit priests on SS officers. WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!? He was practically sprinting to Hell. Pius XII has such a long rap sheet I can’t possibly go through it all.

Crimes- Hypocrisy, betrayal, extortion leading to further crimes against humanity, inciting violence and racial hatred, unlawful enterprise, heresy, aiding war criminals.

People killed: complicit in the mass murder of 11-17 million people.

22nd Birthday

2011-05-17T00:40:00.005-04:00

That's right. I'm one year closer to a cold and lonesome death. I've found that once you get past a certain age you just stop caring about these kinds of things. Even the big holidays like Christmas lose some of their luster. I wouldn't have even known it was my birthday if my mom hadn't told me. Anyway, it was alright I guess. Got some cash and a bangin' ice cream cake. It was a small "party" at my house. When I say party I mean a bunch of relatives who had forgotten about my birthday altogether found out there was cake and decided to stop by. The real party is in Savannah on Friday. Can you say "I'm so hammered I can't feel my face"? Because I sure can.

Modern Monsters #1 - Mao Zedong

2011-05-13T18:05:00.006-04:00

Hello and welcome to my new 10 part series. In each entry I'll detail the lives and crimes of the worst human beings to have walked the planet in the last hundred years. Let's start with our buddy, Chairman Mao.

Growing up as a spoiled rich kid to a Buddhist family in Changsha, Chairman Mao was a poor student and terrible athlete. During the 1911 Revolution when he was 18, instead of joining the fight as claimed by communist propaganda, he hid out at home until things settled down and then went to a teaching academy in Hunan. After somehow making it through school he received a letter of recommendation for the super exclusive Peking University from a family friend. He was refused flat out for his poor grades. This brought about inevitable butthurt which would lead to his persecution of the academic community later on. Too ashamed to go home in failure he pretended to be a student at the university by working in the library for 2 years before being exposed. He returned home and got a job as a teacher at his old school and again, contrary to communist propaganda, he never became principal due to his poor academic performance. The butthurt he felt of being rejected from Peking got him more interested in radical politics. He ended up joining the Nationalists (Yep. The guys who actually kinda knew what they were doing) and somehow got elected local delegate for the National Conference. However, he got butthurt for the second time when he failed to wow anyone in the office and was given minimal authority. He never became executive of the Shanghai branch like the CCP would like you to believe.

What turned things around for him was when he got a job with the propaganda department. He soon left however due to his disgust at the corruption between land barons and the Nationalist Party. He made up his mind that he wanted to become a communist revolutionary but the problem was that he was widely known as a propagandist for the Nationalists and the only reason he wasn’t killed on sight was because of his daddy’s influence. Looking to get respect from the communists he started dressing and acting like a peasant and organized the Autumn Harvest Uprising in Changsha. It was a total failure. He escaped into the mountains and for some reason he was emboldened by this failure???? He talked some insurgents into joining him and thus the Red Army was born. After a while of guerilla warfare he proclaimed the Soviet Republic of China in Jiangxi. However most of the communist party hated Mao and wanted him executed. To counter this, Mao used even more brutal tactics which led to some 180,000+ people being killed. Tortured more often than not. By June 1932 Mao had enough soldiers and guns to force his leadership on the other communists and gain the attention of Chiang Kai-Shek who mobilized his armies. The Nationalists defeated the Red Army several times and eventually got the other communist leaders to stage a coup. All were defeated anyway and Mao fled like a coward in “The Long March.”

Luckily for him the Japanese soon attacked and kept the Nationalists busy while Mao regained his strength. Contrary to popular belief in China, Mao did VERY little fighting and let the Nationalists do the dirty work. After he finally overpowered the weakened forces of Chiang Kai-Shek he went to work settling old scores. He persecuted academics, supporters of the Nationalists, and anyone else who posed a threat. And in his mind everyone posed a threat. He was also the genius behind the “Great Leap Forward.” I’ve read the actual forms that outline the policy and I knew instantly that it was totally retarded. How anyone could think of something so brilliantly stupid is amazing to me. I thought it was a joke at first. I laughed at it out loud! But then when I realized it was real I was sad. :-( The GLF was the most crushing failure in human history. He pretty much forced absurd farming and working practices on Chinese people that caused untold human suffering. Mao was a terrible man who by some bizarre twist of fate was given control over a country when he wasn’t even fit to rule a rice paddy. Case closed.

Crimes- Political assassinations, extrajudicial killings, torture, implemented policies that caused mass starvation, supported expansion of communism through war, destroyed Chinese academia, repression of human rights (duh).

People killed: 42-72 million

It's a Mad Mad Mad World #3

2011-05-12T11:36:00.000-04:00

Sorry it’s been a while since my last update for this series. Been busy with the Bucket List. Anyway, I’ll keep it briefer than usual.

1. Democrat’s Pro-Gay Speech- For those of you who don’t know, I am pro-gay marriage. There is no reason why gay people should not be allowed to get married and whenever they start the debate people against it always use the religious argument. Well the United States is a secular country so automatically that argument is invalid but that’s what keeps derailing the push for equality. Recently a politician said something that made so much sense I was blown away. Here’s the video. Not bad. If only everyone in this country used their brains instead of thumping a bible.

2. Despite Economic Growth, India Lets It’s Girls Die- So you know how China has a huge gender imbalance with more men than women? Well India’s is worse. Like, a LOT worse. As of right now there are 914 girls under age 6 for every 1000 boys. In 10-20 years there is going to be social chaos. And it’s all their fault. Sex-selective abortion, neglect of young girls and other barbaric practices are at fault. If the Indian people don’t wake up soon they’re going to be creating the Perfect Storm. Of shit.

3. Pakistan Aiding Osama bin Laden?- And of course the big news that everyone is still talking about is Osama bin Laden’s death. Good riddance. But that success created some problems. Firstly, no one knows whose side Pakistan is on. I’ve been saying they were playing a double game since 2003 and no one listened to me. Now, they’re trying to divert attention away from their own cowardice and inability to pull their own weight by trying to make the US look like the bad guy. Nice try Pakistan but you’re running out of friends. To understand how much of a failure Pakistan is as a nation you need to know some things about its government. There are three sources of power. The military, who throws a coup about once a decade, the ISI, who are like the organization Quantum from the James Bond movies, and the civilian government who holds the least amount of power. That’s not how you run a country. In the US, and most other western countries, the power of the civilian government is absolute. The military has no governing power at all. With the way Pakistan is run, the military and ISI do their own thing and actively choose not to obey the civilian government. So they run the country and the president has no hold over them. And each organization wants something different. No unity at all. That is what makes Pakistan a breeding ground for fanaticism.

4. Pakistani Agenda in Washington-While we’re on the topic, evidence has surfaced that Pakistan is using lobbyists in Washington to influence lawmakers opinions into believing that they weren’t helping bin Laden. Of course they were. They’re using our aid money that we gave them to battle terrorists to brainwash our leaders. PAKISTAN IS THE ENEMY.

5. Crucified South Korean- And on a weirder note, police found a 58 year old taxi driver crucified in an abandoned quarry. He was dead. Apparently he was a willing participant and whoever helped him set it up used an electric screwdriver on his hands and feet. Hey, whatever works for you.

That’s it for this edition of MMMW. Comment and let me know if there’s something YOU think should have been covered. Thanks for reading!

Bucket List #4 - Europe

2011-05-11T23:28:00.000-04:00

Here's the exciting next installment of the Bucket List!

Amsterdam, Netherlands You know exactly what people do when they go to Amsterdam.

Macedonia
The homeland of Alexander the Great, even though Greece would dispute that, Macedonia claims to have the most untouched landscape in all of Europe and it certainly appears to be the truth.

Greece
Of course I’ll have to visit the birthplace of Western civilization. There are many places I’d like to go there. Athens, Corinth, the ruins of Sparta, Thessalonica, Crete and Rhodes just to name a few.

Running of the Bulls, Pamplona, Spain
It’s widely believed to be the wildest, most dangerous Running of the Bulls in the world. If you’ve seen a video of someone getting gored by a bull during one of these celebrations then chances are it was in Pamplona.

Poland
Poland has had it rough. Over the centuries they’ve been under attack almost nonstop. The people have become strong and resilient and it shows in their buildings. I really like the look of Polish castles so I’d go see them all.

Switzerland
Switzerland is where it’s at! I absolutely have to visit the place that gave ol’ uncle Adolf Hitler the finger when he was knocking on their doorstep.

London, England
The Tower of London, Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, Scotland Yard. London has so many cool places that it was impossible not to add it to the list.

Cumbria, England
I seriously have a boyhood fascination with castles and palaces. If I were an English Lord I would force my serfs to till the soil without mercy or respite.

Neuschwanstein, Germany
Look at that place and tell me you don’t think there are ghosts in there. You can’t, can you?

Berlin, Germany
I’m pretty sure Berlin is the beer capital of the world. The nightlife is supposed to be pretty spectacular and it also has several museums, art galleries, as well as the world’s most diverse zoo.

Marseille, France
Marseille is the second largest city in France and is located on the Mediterranean coast. If you’re a history buff like I am then you’ll go crazy for the medieval architecture.

Paris, France
The heart of Europe. Say what you will about the French but they’ve got an impressive capital city and it’s easy to see why it’s among the most popular cities in the world for tourists.

Stockholm, Sweden
I’ve always thought Scandinavia was interesting and it’s cool to see how far they’ve come over the centuries. In my mind, Sweden is the quintessential northern European nation.

Venice, Italy
The Floating City. Venice is famous for its art, music and unmatched beauty. While considered by many to be a tourist trap, many more believe it to be a living museum.

Rome, Italy
Needs no explanation. It’s Rome!

Istanbul, Turkey
Once the greatest city of the Eastern Roman Empire, Istanbul has developed an identity of its own with a mix of Christian and Islamic influences.

Next up is Asia! I'll try to keep the list to a reasonable number of places. But we'll see how that works out. Thanks to everyone who comments and follows my blog. You guys are champs!

Super Awesome Chinese Adventure

2011-05-09T20:55:00.003-04:00

This is an old video I put together last year after my first trip. I know it's corny but I still like it!

Bucket List #3 - Africa

2011-05-08T23:48:00.012-04:00

Here’s the next part in the epic Bucket List series.

Cape Verde A former Portuguese colony, Cape Verde is an island country off the western coast of Africa. Tourist attractions include white sandy beaches, diving, windsurfing, sailing and hiking. There’s also a volcano! Ooooohhh.

Ruins of Carthage, Tunisia Carthage was once a Mediterranean super power before it was destroyed by the Romans. They also sacrificed children to their dark gods so maybe they had it coming. Regardless, it looks really interesting.

Egypt
Truly an ancient land! I’d travel all over. Some locations on my list are Alexandria, Siwa, Giza, Luxor and maybe even a cruise on the Nile River. Of course I’d have to get a tan and grow a beard so I’d fit in and not look quite so American.

Kenya
It’s every child’s dream to go on safari. Good thing Kenya has several National Parks and preserves with some of the best tours available on the continent. I’ve seen pictures of the Great Rift Valley and I have to say it’s pretty spectacular.

Senegal
Aside from the pristine beaches, wildlife parks, luxury hotels and a 160 ft statue, Senegal claims to be leading the African Renaissance. I guess I should go see what it’s all about.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, Tanzania One of the largest mountains in the world, some have said that it is second only to the Himalayas in terms of skill required to trek. I might have to leave Jen at home for this one.

Antananarivo, Madagascar Already a developed city even before the colonial age, Antananarivo is centrally located on the island and only a short distance away from the mountain jungles. Or you could go to the beach and lay in the sun if you wanted to be lame.

Mauritius
Mauritius is awesome. It’s an island off the east coast of Madagascar that is renowned for its coral reefs, sport fishing, beaches, and all that great stuff. You probably couldn’t find a better spot for a tropical vacation. And the people are super nice.

Sahara Desert, Morocco When most people think of a desert this is what they imagine. A barren wasteland of sand and wind. I want to walk around in it and ride a camel with some traveling Berber merchants. Something cool and adventurous like that.

That’s it for Africa! There are other places I would like to visit but as we all know, Africa is a dangerous place. So until they get there mess squared away I won’t have any part of those places. I’m talking about you, Nigeria, Libya, Sudan, Congo, other Congo, Ivory Coast, and Zimbabwe! Please, follow me and leave a comment. There’s plenty more still to come.

Guest Post on LoveLoveChina

2011-05-08T15:06:00.005-04:00

My good friend Crystal Tao was nice enough to allow me to write a guest post for LLC. It's about getting your Chinese girlfriend's parents to like you. There's some good tips in it and I know that there's quite a few guys out there who could use the advice. You can read it here.