Wandering Wonderment

Tides of Change

2012-01-19T22:16:00.000-05:00

Gah. (I've been saying that a lot lately)

Talk about changes. God willing and the creek don't rise- I'll be Doctor Lisa Regula Meyer in May. Some have already taken to calling me this, saying that since I am ABD (all but dissertation) I'm entitled to the honor. I don't feel worthy of it. I'm teaching as an adjunct at Hiram College this term, and my students mainly call me Professor. I don't feel worthy of that either. Those are titles for distinguished individuals who have lead charmed lives. Not poor kids from a back-woods rural road and living in the ghetto of Kent, Ohio and wearing torn, old, tattered clothes. It's been especially hard because I keep hearing so often that Kim (my sister) was so pretty. So funny. So kind. So smart. Starting to turn things around.

The whole thing seems so close but so far away. How on earth am I going to finish everything I have to do before the end of March?! And what happens then? I know I'm taking the summer off, to work on side-projects, to write for my self, to have a breather after six long years, to remind myself what it's like to not have deadlines constantly breathing down your neck. But what after that? I have applications in, including one to Hiram, for tenure track positions. Tenure track. Why am I thinking about tenure track?! I've gone insane. And I'm sure the search committee is going to see right through me. I can't fool them, the professionals. They'll know I'm not one of them. They'll no I'm not professor material. They'll see the goofy scared kid underneath. They'll know I'm not one of them. I don't belong.

And then what?

Six years. A lifetime of work. A mountain of student loans. For what? To be right where I was 20 years ago? The kid that didn't fit in? Gah.

I keep saying "Fake it 'til you make it." But then what? What if you make it and still don't believe it? When do I wake up and realize it's just a dream? Hopefully never.

Bad News

2012-01-02T21:15:00.002-05:00

There was an oversight on my part, and my petitions and declaration of candidacy has by disqualified. On December 14th, 2011, the Ohio Assembly adopted HB 369, to converge the previously decided upon two primaries into a single primary, to write new district boundaries, and to eliminate the appropriation for the second primary. On page 162 of this 167 page bill, there was a section added that read:

" (C) Any declaration of candidacy, declaration of candidacy and petition, or declaration of intent to be a write-in candidate filed by an individual seeking nomination or election for the office of President or Vice-President of the United States, member of the United States House of Representatives, at-large delegate and alternate to the national convention of a political party, or district delegate and alternate to the national convention of a political party that is filed for the 2012 primary election before the effective date of this act is null and void. The Secretary of State or the applicable board of elections promptly shall refund any filing fee paid by a person who filed such a declaration or petition.

A person whose declaration or petition is nullified and voided under this division who files again to become a candidate for nomination or election pursuant to division (B)(2) of this section is not disqualified as a candidate under section 3513.052 of the Revised Code and, if the person otherwise qualifies as a candidate, shall be placed on the ballot for nomination or election for that office at that election. "

There was no notice sent to affected petitioners, and I overlooked this provision. I own my mistake. Lesson learned- read legislative documents in their *entirety*.

For now, I'm going to keep the Facebook page up (link to the right), and keep posting relevant information on here, because I can't guarantee that I've learned the "stay out of politics" lesson from this little trial. If anything, this whole bit may have lit a flame. Some people feel called to the ministry; in my way, I feel called to trying to improve my surroundings. That's why I went to grad school- to learn more, and to apply that knowledge for the betterment of our society. I'm not convinced that positive changes can be enacted through rallies, protests, marches, online petitions, and writing/emailing/calling our elected officials- they're too out of touch with reality, for the most part. If we want change, we have to take it one step further, and put that much more effort into it, and be the change ourselves. Or at least give it a good go to make them nervous enough that they'll listen.

And let's face it- I'm just stubborn enough to try again once I set my mind to something. So far, Dwight hasn't stopped me, and he hasn't shown that much interest in trying, either. I think he just really wants to be a trophy wife. ;)

Regula for Congress!

2011-11-18T14:40:00.001-05:00

Look over at the side. No, the *right* side. Yeah, I do lean to the left (OK, if I leaned much further, I'd fall down), but that's where I wanted the "donate" button to go. Because I'm the "right" person to represent Ohio in Washington. Well, one of 16 right people. I hope you agree. And I hope you give a little to help US get a seat in the House- not me; this is a representative democracy, I'm taking my constituents with me to DC. The website, www.RegulaForCongress.com, will be up as soon as I can, and I'll show it off immediately thereafter. If you're in Portage County, Ohio and registered Democrat, I'd love your signature, just email and let me know.

Keep head above water. :ll

2011-11-14T14:50:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know, I've been a horrible blogger, yet again. But I have a good excuse! Lots of them. Well, maybe explanations is a better word. I had a baby (not mine, again). I lost a sister (as in "died," not misplaced). I defended my prospectus (and graduate in May, come hell or high water, but hopefully not both). And I decided to enter the political arena. What do you do when more than a handful of years of rallies, marches, protests, boycotts, letters, petitions, phone calls, emails, networking, and grousing don't do anything to change situations of which you disapprove? I'm not sure what the answer is for the normal person, but apparently for me, the answer is simple- run for congress. Why not? It's not like I have anything else to do right now...

(And I have to leave you hanging at that, because I have a ton of shit to do. I promise not to stay away too long this time.)

Strength as Weakness

2011-06-30T22:36:00.000-04:00

I pride myself on being strong- mentally and physically. I can take pain, and I can keep it together under stress (usually- Dwight would be more than happy to share stories of exceptions, I'm sure). I can work long days and hard hours doing either labor intensive or tediously detailed tasks. Strength is part of my self identity.

Unfortunately, it can become so much a part of my identity that the times I need help or lose strength can go unnoticed, either by myself or others until it's too late. And that's when crisis strikes. Sometimes, I can put too much faith in myself to be strong and get the job done. Then something goes wrong, and I'm overstretched like too little butter spread over too much bread, and a very bad snowball begins rolling rapidly downhill. Suddenly, expectations aren't being met, I'm beating myself up, deadlines are being passed, and my concentration is starting to snap with all the things that need doing. It's a bad time in the Regula Meyer household. Typically, this is when Dwight comes riding in to the rescue. Because, in the end, he may not have as much strength as I do, but he has assets that I lack- perspective. He's able to keep life in perspective, he is close to unflappable with his calm and reassuring demeanor, and he has the ability to acknowledge his own lack of strength. Over-scheduling, over-demanding, over-stretching will never be his downfall.

This shortcoming of trusting my own strengths too much is one that causes me serious complications, turning a valuable trait into a self-destruct button at a moment's notice. In turn, Dwight's weakness- lack of ambition- turns into one of his greatest strengths because he has the time, energy, and resources to deal with issues that arise from time to time. This is one of the things that I love about him- his ability to complement me- and one of the things that I love about community- with more people, there's an even better chance that when one member is weak or in need, some one else will be able to step up and fill the place needed. It's this interconnectedness that I think is lacking most today, this interdependency of people on those around them. This lack of community turns one of our most important collective strengths- independence- into a weakness. It's where we've been failing for a few years now.

Now if only we could all (and me especially) recognize traits as what they are- tools. Traits are not inherently good or bad, but how one uses them is how the worth is determined. Any strength can become a weakness, just as any weakness can become a strength; all it takes is the proper use in the proper circumstances. So could we all stop looking at our box of tools and using that to define our worth, and instead look at how we've used those tools to determine what kind of impact we've made, for better or worse?

Privacy in a public world

2011-05-12T06:50:00.000-04:00

I'm an introvert. I've probably said that before, and it hasn't changed. I'm not a big social fan, although I'm trying to be comfortable with social situations and interactions. And, yes, I am on social networks- they feel "safe" to me. I can interact one-on-one with people I miss, I get to know what family and friends are doing and how their life is going, and I can easily share interesting information with people I know. I do keep my privacy levels set pretty high, for my own comfort. So when someone I know breaches boundaries on a social site, I get agitated. I don't like internet "stalkers", even if they are friends or family. I'm happy to share photos on there with my friends and family, but I'm not a fan of someone copying them to their computer or sharing with others I don't know. I love the conversation that an article on a hot-button topic can encourage, but when people I don't know start butting in, it makes me uncomfortable.

At the same time, in a world where so many people are connecting via these sites, to not be on them can be a bit, well, lonely. And yes, even introverts can get lonely. How many conversations start with "Did you see what so-and-so posted on Facebook?" or something equivalent? How many people that are important in my life would I have considerably less contact with if it were not for social networking? How many events would I not otherwise hear about without these sites? How many people whom I now consider real friends- not just internet acquaintances- would I not know if it weren't for social sites? Sure, I could make the effort to keep those connections going on my own, but that takes time, energy and contact information that I just don't have right now. Maybe after I finally finish grad school, but not right now, and even then it would be more difficult than it is with social network sites.

I guess the short version of that is "there are benefits and drawbacks to social network sites." Duh, right? So how important are the relative benefits and how annoying are the drawbacks? At a time when I'm just not feeling like expending emotional energy unnecessarily, the negatives seem to loom ever heavier. Then someone will post/share/say/do something that I absolutely love and need at that moment, one of my friends to the rescue again, and I just can't imagine not having that connection. Maybe a day will come when I decide it's no longer worth it, or maybe I'll learn to better balance the pros and cons, only time will tell. Until that time, all I can do is try to minimize the negatives and continue to appreciate the interactions I do have in that space that would not occur otherwise. Once again, being an introvert in a social species takes work, but I'm not ready just yet to be a total hermit.

ROAR!!! ~Mama

2011-05-08T08:11:00.001-04:00

"...Amma, you know, the hugging saint of India, who says that true motherhood means that all creatures are your children. That's true motherhood, and she defines that as divine love and as God." ~Alice Walker
Happy Mother's Day to everyone out there, whether a mama to a child of their body or heart or soul; whether early or late, intentional or mistaken; whether a mama to a fur-baby, a real baby, a small flock or class, or to the planet; in spirit or in fact- all y'all mama's are important.

Personally, I'm a mama that follows in here daddy's footsteps- I fix things. I fix breakfast, lunch and dinner; I fix boo-boos and feelings; I fix broken toys and broken hearts; I fix torn clothes and sick animals (pets or otherwise); I fix torn books and leaky pipes.

What kind of mama are you? What's your super power? How are you celebrating today? Whatever the answers to these questions, enjoy the day, today and every day!

What a weird world...

2011-05-03T11:01:00.000-04:00

This weekend brought an end to the life of Usama bin Laden, possibly one of the humans most feared by the US in a *long* time. He founded and was the charismatic recruiter for Al Quaida, a terrorist organization that attacked the US on our own soil and beyond. At the news of his death, there were videos of dancing, singing, whooping-and-hollering celebration in many locations, inside the US and out (mainly US-affiliated bases, embassies, etc. from my understanding). It was as if evil itself had been conquered. Even our President broke into broadcast television to announce the news and lauded the event with a proclamation of "Justice has been done."

As a pacifist and a mama, I'm torn right now. To celebrate the death of a human at the hands of another human is wrong in my eyes. We are all people, whether good or bad. And to celebrate this death when it will surely be followed by a new leader seems preemptive and presumptive. More than that I have to ask why are we celebrating like this? This is a man with many, many horrible deeds on his head, no doubt, and multiple standing criminal charges against him. If he was truly the mastermind behind the attacks on September 11th, 2001, then he has over 3,000 deaths that are his responsibility in that one day. Unfortunately, he will never be brought to trial, so we will never see the evidence for or against his involvement there. I understand that for many people, they have waited for this day since then, and this brought a bit of closure, but let's please not mistake closure for justice. I don't know many of us who teach our children that justice means "an eye for an eye" any more, and the best way to teach is by example. This celebration certainly doesn't teach our children non-violence or respect for life, either.

While I'm confounded by our response to this event, I'm also baffled at the lack of perspective. I must state again that yes, this was a very bad man, but I've heard many compare him to Saddam Hussein or Adolph Hitler lately. How accurate is this? For one thing, he was never a leader of state- in fact, his own state revoked his citizenship years ago; he was a stateless leader of a stateless group. The scale, also, is far from similar. Hitler had the deaths of millions on his shoulders, and Hussein hundreds of thousands. Here in the US, we have a more similar death toll in Iraq and Afghanistan each, and yet we don't hold our leaders or ourselves responsible for those deaths. We loose more humans each year to drugs, poverty, gang violence, suicide, and malnutrition each than how many we have lost to bin Laden. Sixty-six years ago, the suicide of Hitler brought outrage that he would not be held responsible for and face trial for the murders which he instigated, and would therefore he would never face justice. Two days ago, we declared justice for orders of magnitude fewer deaths to be an assassination.

How does one person instill so much fear and hatred in an entire nation? How have we changed so drastically in the time since World War II? Have we become this much more blood-thirsty and violent? Have we this little regard for human life? Is it due to attributes of bin Laden- his skin color, his nationality, or his religion? Is it because he attacked us on our own soil? What causes people to think and behave this way? Whatever it is, it certainly isn't compassion or rationality. It certainly is nothing that I'm proud to see, let alone be a part of. How do I explain this to my son- that even though our nation is acting in this way, it is not OK for him to emulate these sentiments, and that I can not condone these actions? How do I explain this and still teach him to be proud of our country, the principles upon which we were founded, and things we have accomplished? How do I instill in him this nationalism, pride, and patriotism, when I find it so hard to continue those feelings in my own mind?

My father was raised in a country of which he was proud, and he spoke up when he saw it going a way he did not like or approve; he died at a time when we were heading in the right direction and seemed to be getting back on track. He raised me to be proud of this country, and to believe that we could change- he was sure it would by the time my sister and I had grown up. I feel like I've been let down, and like he's been let down. Worst of all, I feel lied to about what a great nation we are. My consolation is the people with whom I surround myself, and hearing voices of reason ring out above the cacophony of negativity. It's still an uphill battle, and there's still a lot of fighting left to do in and for this country before we'll be a shadow of our former self, but there are people willing to fight. We're working together, and finding each other, and slowly we will gain ground. We will because we must. We will because the US needs this change toward humanity, compassion, and reason. We will because the next generation will not be lied to.

Ha! Back again!

2011-04-16T18:46:00.000-04:00

Not much new here, but I am back again; still not much to say, but also still liking to be back in this head-space. A little more breathing room, a little less frantic, definitely in better spirits and without so much weight on my shoulders. Things are good. Life is good. There's forward motion and progress in the correct direction. Unfortunately, I don't have as much time as I would like to write and tell you all about the latest fun around Chez Assylum (yet), but it's coming. That will have to hold you for now. :)

Did you forget me?

2011-04-07T14:24:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I did too, so don't feel bad. I've been in a total non-public head space for a while and just needed to back off a bit. We introverts need that on occasion. But don't worry, things have been good here. Since my last post, I turned thirty. No, that wasn't what kept me away, but it has kept me busy. No trauma or drama associated with it, just feeling like it's time to stop playing and get real. I've had thirty years to dork around and not do jack-sh!t, now it's time to get to work. And I have! Making progress toward my doctorate. Focusing on my self and family. Deciding that I just don't feel like wasting the emotional energy some people bring with them. I need my energy, thank you very much, and I will no longer use it on people who really have nothing to offer me. Is that selfish? Is that cruel? Now don't get me wrong- I'm talking about *nothing* to offer me here. People that I associated with out of a feeling of obligation. People that brought more negative into my life than I would like to handle. People who are just an out-right emotional drain for me. So I've been focusing the energy I had spent there onto myself, which has been hugely uncharacteristic for me. But you know what? I function better now that I've been making that effort. I can't make anyone appreciate me, so I'll do it, and then not feel resentful because no one appreciates me. I'm happier, and let's face it- if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, right? And I find I have more energy when I'm happy. So it all works out in the end. All this extra energy has let me be a better spouse and parent as well, all while getting stuff done that I need to. Still not everything I would like to do, but getting closer. And let's face it, me without a to-do list is like a ship without a rudder. Easily led astray, heading for a crash, and generally a bad idea.

And do you have any idea what's coming up? Ten years. Tenth anniversary. With the same husband. O_o Yep, we made it. And we're celebrating! Renewing our vows on May 15th, and this time the "wedding" is what I want. Hand fasting to focus on the constant work relationships take, very small private ceremony, and celebrating with a community potluck in the park after wards. It's going to be a good day. I hope yours has been and will continue to be one also.

The Wai-aiting is the Hardest Part

2010-10-23T09:20:00.000-04:00

So I'm glad it's over. I'm also glad the answer is yes. Now on to the longer- but much more active- wait. Sitting on my hands and *just* waiting is a killer to me. I don't handle it well. Waiting while having things to do makes me much happier. Now I have my things to do, and I'm elated. Although I think it's safe to say that there are two people out there that are even more over the moon than I am. And that's a good thing. :)

The Human Touch

2010-10-19T16:14:00.001-04:00

We're currently living in an amazingly connected world, thanks to 24-hour news channels, satellite TV/telephone, the internet, social networks, 3G notworks, cell phone and other innovations. Because we are such a connected world, last week I was able to sit and watch live streaming broadcast of parts of the rescue of 33 Chilean miners, broadcast by a British television company. Forget two places at once, I was (virtually) in three places at once. More if you count the fact that I was on the Tor network while doing all this, so there were at least three other intermediary locations as well. In many ways, we've condensed the globe down to the size of computer chip.

But more importantly- do you know all the neighbors on your street? If you were out of flour, would you have to go to the store or could you ask a friend next door? With internet bullying in the forefront the past couple of weeks, I think we really need to consider our reactions to the virtual world and the physical world. I'm not knocking the virtual world- I think the interconnectedness is great. We can experience other cultures, get our news from a variety of sources, learn about so much more than our own little block, but it's for sure not the end-all-be-all, and it's important to keep that in perspective.

As humans, we're social beings and wired with the need for interaction with others. There's variation in how much interaction we need or want; ask an introvert and an extrovert how much time they like to be with people in a given day and you'll get vastly different responses. But besides the variation in quantity, there's also variation in quality. In person contact makes the biggest difference in our lives, with phone contact coming in close. Written letters make a fair amount of difference in how connected we feel to people, although virtual communication over the internet registers as almost nothing positive psychologically. Especially in times of stress, we need human contact. We need to feel like we belong. We need to feel like we have a place to turn. We need a shoulder upon which to cry. We don't get those things from the newer forms of communication. Instead, most people tend to feel less connected. There is no human touch like in a hand written letter, no quick response like a phone call, and definitely no physical connection or facial display of empathy. When the chips are already proverbially down, that added draw on our emotional reserves can be tragic.

Additionally, the anonymity of the internet allows people to not have to face the consequences of their actions, so the norm of being civil gets broken down. Unfortunately, it's harder to break down our need for empathy. All in all, moving more and more of our communication into the virtual world leaves fewer of our social needs met. At its worst, we end up with situations like some of the recent bullying and harassment cases, and as we've seen, potential to tragic deaths. Figuring out how to navigate this brave new world is going to have more bumps along the road, but I'm hopeful that we'll manage to figure it out.

And yes, I get the irony of writing this all on a blog instead of calling to talk to someone about it. :)

Hope, Disappointment, Despair, Outrage, and back to Hope

2010-10-14T21:17:00.000-04:00

Admittedly, I voted for Hillary Clinton in the 2008 primary, and I mostly voted against McCain in the general election, but a part of me longed for the hope and change that Barack Obama promised. I had a young child, how could I not want things to be better for him than the way things were looking? But it soon became apparent, and increasingly so, that change was not coming and hope might be futile as well. Eighteen-plus months into his presidency and Guantanamo is still open, we're still in Iraq and Afghanistan, wireless wiretapping has been expanded, torture methods are still on the books, DOMA stands solid, the wealth gap is increasing, average folk are hurting financially and unemployment is high. We did get health care reform, but the health care reform we got still leaves lots of room for inflated costs, high insurance company profit margins, and exorbitant executive benefits packages. Similarly with college loan reform and financial oversight and consumer protections. It's been too little, too late and poorly executed.

I realize that Obama is not alone in the blame, our Congress has also done their part. One party is obstructionist, and the other ineffectual. Hell, I haven't even been horribly thrilled with the judiciary lately, except for in the case of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. On that issue, the presiding judge took the correct stance and even made sure her ruling had teeth. DADT was declared unconstitutional and an injunction was declared, having the net effect of killing DADT, something that Obama has said he wants done. Simple, right? The judge took the decision out of the hands of the legislature and still got what Obama wanted. Yeah!!!

So why's the Department of Justice asking for a stay and considering an appeal of the judges decision?! They claim they have to uphold the law, but DADT is already only sporadically enforced. The judge's decision does leave the law on the books, but as an unconstitutional law, which would not be able to be enforced at all. I'm not sure that there's a functional difference there?

All of this is to say that I'm really pissed off and fed up with the lies out of this administration. Today I hit a brick wall. I couldn't help but have a good long cry. And then I hit the heavy bag for a while. I hugged my ~~baby~~ little boy (he's five in just a couple of months!?) close and promised he'd have a better life if it took every once of fight I had in me until my last dying breath. Now I'm sitting and watching Amandla while I write this, and I can't help but be inspired. Individuals can make a difference. We can change things for the better. We can start a revolution. We can love one another. We can leave our corner of the world a little better than we found it. That is all we can do, and it is all that we must do. Let it begin with me.

Now to complete my circuit back to some semblance of hopefulness, I'm going to have some spreadable chocolate. It may or may not be spread on anything.

Resourceful

2010-10-11T14:42:00.000-04:00

Lately, we've discovered duck eggs. Never many at a time, just a few here and there mixed in with our meat CSA egg orders. I love them! Their wonderfully flavored, beautiful yolks, and slightly different qualities than regular chicken eggs. In baked goods, they easily rise half again (or more) compared to chicken eggs. They're also a bit bigger than our usual, but our usual eggs are only about a medium/large size according the standards. Duck eggs are easily extra large. Just cooking eggs bring a while new dimension of flavor to omelets and scrambled eggs (although I'll admit, fried chicken eggs are better than fried duck eggs). They stand out front and center nicely.

It doesn't seem like there should be much of a difference, comparing chicken and duck eggs, especially when talking about regular old domesticated things. Farmers have most likely been selecting for similar traits in both birds- size and number of eggs, health as adults, low fragility of egg shells, etc. But the end-products are worlds apart. I would assume that it's the little details- little as in actual size. I don't think there can be many "big" details in an egg of any size, except maybe ostrich eggs. Differences in the presence or absence of chemicals, the proportions of the chemicals that are in the egg, that sort of thing. Whatever the reason, I think I've found a new tool in my cookbook.

So what do duck eggs have to do with anything other than culinary matters? Well, I at least think it serves as a great reminder that even given fairly similar products- even the same packaging- the source matters. Whether that new T-shirt comes from a local thrift store, an organic manufacturer in the US, or a national brand made in China and sold in a big-box store, the source of two very comparable products can be night and day difference. I've heard a lot of talk lately (like this story, on our local NPR last week) about fair trade, local, and organic products. The discussion is typically framed as "Is it worth it?" or "Is it a good value?" or "Can you afford this?" and I get that those are important in our current economy. But please understand, whoever might be reading this, that in times like this it's especially important to stand up for our principles. In the case of fair trade, it's a human rights issue. Why do US workers deserve to make a fair wage, if our brethren in China, Malaysia, or El Salvador don't? Why do we deserve to feed our families more than workers in developing countries? In the case of local products, why shouldn't we band together to keep more of our dollars in our community instead of in multi-nation profit margins? Why shouldn't we help our neighbor keep their shop or farm going instead of keeping stocks high? And in the case of organics, why shouldn't we reward companies with similar beliefs to ours? Why shouldn't we support transparency instead of obfuscation?

These things matter. We matter. ALL people matter. And if we decide now that our pocket books are more important than helping our fellow humans, then we really don't deserve all the gains we've made thus far. If we can't see the forest for the trees, we don't deserve any of the products from either. It's when push comes to shove that our principles are tested, and it's then that it's most crucial that we stand up and be counted.

Dough Party

2010-10-01T12:29:00.000-04:00

It's Cookie Dough Fundraiser time at Kenny's school! Buckets come in all sorts of flavors, and are $9 each or 3 for $25. If you want to support the Kent State Child Development Center and get some tasty buckets of cookie dough- GO SOME WERE ELSE! I can even give you the contact info for another parent that is selling the junk. Kenny and I, however, will not be doing that. Instead, we're having a dough party- our version of the Boston Tea Party.

Don't get me wrong, I love his school. If I didn't, I wouldn't be spending more on his early childhood education than I'll probably some day spend on his college education. The fundraiser goes to a great cause, the Center Family Connection (our version of the PTA). The CFC hosts Free Family Fun nights every semester, topical parent meetings to help educate parents, provides spectacular supplies for the students both indoors and outdoors, as well as functions in the community through the Haymaker Farmers' Market Kids at the Market and other venues. I am 100% geeked about his school and what they do.

Except this fundraiser. I understand that it has a decent return on time/effort investment- 40% of all proceeds go to the school. At the same time, we've hosted multiple events discussing the importance of childhood nutrition. We have a school vegetable garden. The kids' snacks are healthful. They have a strict snack policy for parties and events. Then we sell this junk. Great!

If you would like to stand up with me and support Kenny's school while not teaching that hypocrisy is fine, then feel free to contact me. Kenny and I will still be taking donations for his school, and if you want tasty treats as well, we'll happily bake a dozen cookies for you- to your specs. Your flavor, your dietary restrictions, whatever. Heck, I'll even bake cookies for some else if you want to gift them to some one or an organization. Just help us raise money for Ken's school (specifically, the outdoor environmental education center that we're working on funding) while at the same time sending a message that kids deserve better. Kids deserve authenticity. Am I being a kill-joy? Absolutely. But I'm a principled kill-joy.

"Be the change you wish to see in the [playground]." Mahatma Ghandi

Perspective

2010-09-18T20:59:00.000-04:00

I got into a discussion recently with a friend of mine, and it eventually turned to surrogacy and his ambivalence toward it. When I inquired, he said that his reservations were due to his respect for the environment and his concern about over-population. As an ecologist, I can understand this point of view. Mind you, this same person drives an SUV, has a huge house and regularly leaves appliances on instead of flipping a switch. He also does some great things from an environmental perspective, but this is still a person who has a child and has a sizable ecological footprint. Needless to say, my perception that he was calling me a hypocrite stung quite a bit.

It stung for a reason- his explanation for his feelings were a canard, quite frankly. Of course over-population is a problem, but so is over consumption by individuals, and he's guilty of his fair share of that. But if we stick to over-population and surrogacy, we're left with possibly the smallest way to impact the natural increase of the human population that exists. Surrogacy makes up less than 1% of live births in the US today. Making surrogacy illegal or prohibitively restricted would cause a change in the birth rate by a pittance. However, unplanned pregnancies in the US (which includes my friend's daughter and grandson, and my own son) account for approximately 50% of all live births in the US. Changing that number would do far more good without the question the human rights and ethics entering the equation.

It was a very difficult discussion, and neither of us felt totally comfortable afterward, but I think it was worth having. We, as a species, are at a turning point right now, I feel. We can either learn to get along and respect our differences as we go forward, or we can continue the old ways of discrimination and demonizing the other. If we can set human rights as definitively a top priority, then we'll be doing much better than we are now, and there's a chance we can make it. If we can't- if we decide that competition is still more important than co-operation- then we're done. If we acquiesce our humanity, then we don't deserve to continue. I feel myself turning more into a cynical nihilist in my old age. I really dislike the people that promote this change in me.

Breaking Out

2010-09-15T10:27:00.000-04:00

I have to share, even though it's a bit preliminary, because I am *really* excited about this little nugget. This fall, I and a colleague will be putting together "Breaking Out Fair 2010". The theme is breaking out of poverty, breaking out of stereotypes, breaking out of prejudice, breaking out of negativity, breaking out of your comfort zone. The goal is to combine fundraising and goods raising efforts for two local shelters (an abused womens' shelter and a veterans' shelter) with an awareness raising campaign on KSU campus. Get students engaged and assisting with the greater community, while highlighting some of the support structures available through the university and community.

The fraternities/sororities and any other organizations will be helping to gather goods needed by both shelters in a competitive event. Organizations and departments can participate by "locking up" someone, once the inmate raises the required bail, they get out; until then, they're stuck in one room with all the other inmates. The fair will consist of various resources available and associated with the University- Habitat for Humanity, career services, writing/tutoring services, psychological clinic, health clinic, rec center, professional development, multi-cultural/LGBT/womens' organizations, and others. I think it's going to be a great time, but I might be biased. I'll update as we figure out the details.

So what about you? What have you broken out of recently? What or who helped you do that? What are you trying to break out of? What resources do you still need to help you break out? I'd love to hear some other takes on this, and ideas that y'all may have.

Hope

2010-09-13T15:17:00.000-04:00

Humans have a vast array of emotions, not least among this palette is hope. As a species, we can be optimistic to our own detriment. At time, hope can cross over into delusion if that hope goes against every piece of data that we have available. Often, hope can be the thing that keeps us trying over and over and over again for something that we deeply want. Hope can lead to pain or fulfillment, depending on how grounded in reality that hope is. Hope is what keeps us going through the darkest nights. Giving someone a reason to hope is one of the greatest gifts that can be given. This past weekend, we went to visit some dear friends, and I think we all came away full of hope. I hadn't dared feel that for a while. It's a good feeling, to have hope. It definitely adds a certain sparkle to every day life. You know who you are, and I thank you.

May all of you have hope.

Five Years Out

2010-08-30T20:37:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was the five year anniversary of hurricane Katrina hitting New Orleans, and of the levees breaking in New Orleans. It's been called the worst engineering catastrophe in US history by some. I was a fat, pregnant, recently graduated baccalaureate relaxing at the Studio in the Woods in Hocking Hills, Ohio. My, how times change while staying the same.

Katrina wasn't a natural disaster, it was man-made. The winds and rain that hit NOLA were only a category 3, and would not have been a problem for the infrastructure to protect the city had it been properly constructed and kept up. What wrought huge amounts of damage was the failure of that infrastructure, and the systemic failure of the Army Corps of Engineers (among others) has been documented by Harry Shearer in a new documentary, The Big Uneasy. The breaking of the levees in the ninth ward lead to horrendous devastation of property and the loss of many lives. Many of the residents themselves compounded the problem by staying after a mandatory evacuation was issued earlier in the storm. After the rupture, the ensuing rescue attempts were fraught with complications, lack of funds and man power, ill-planned, mishandled, poorly targeted and slow. Even during the continued rebuilding, there have been serious issues with which to contend. The entire fiasco has been heart-breaking and maddening.

Personally, I am now the mama to a crazy four and a half year old boy, in the midst of graduate studies and research, not quite as fat, and living in Gertrude-Hyacinth House; Kent, Ohio. Socially, there are fewer differences. NOLA always has and possibly always will be the best and worst of the US. Unfortunately, in NOLA it seems the slowest things to come back, and those that get the least attention, are the best parts. The music, the culture, the arts, and the historical context. Maybe it's a correct analogy for our nation as well? I wish I knew.

Speaking of the US for the rest of this, because the tragedy of NOLA was a tragedy for the whole country. We still value lives of the well to do more than those of the lower class. We still feel entitled to do as we please, and entitled to rescuing when things go wrong with our plans. We still want cheap and easy instead of done right, more expensive and taking longer. We still find it necessary to vilify the other. We still see white and think "good" and see black and think "bad". We still punish merciful acts. We still hurt each other.

I can't help but think of the song Where Have All the Flowers Gone by Pete Seeger. The refrain begs the question "When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?" On a positive note, our troops are finally out of Iraq and stationed in Kuwait. We can have peace, if we want to. Maybe we are starting to learn.

Rights and Interests

2010-08-29T21:28:00.000-04:00

Specifically here, I'm thinking of children' rights and interests, but also the broader sense of both. We talk quite a bit about children' rights, although ironically the US is one of the few developed nations that has yet to sign the UN's Convention on the Rights of the Child (but you can help change that here), and some groups have even started talking about the rights of the unborn lately. I don't think that's a healthy place to go, personally, to consider the "rights" of the unborn, because they are dependent on another person at that point, so you'd have two competing sets of rights and you would essentially have to place a value on one over the other- and valuing people in a hierarchical way leads to bad things.

We can however speak of the interests of children before they are born, in part because interests don't have the same moral imperative- generally speaking- as rights. It is in the best interests of a child that they be taken care of by someone with whom they have a close relationship already and not to be sent to a stranger for eight hours a day, but a child simply has a right to be cared for by competent adult(s) who will not be negligent of the child while they are watching them, for one example. Rights are inalienable, interests are not.

Approximately half of all pregnancies in the US are unplanned, so I'm willing to bet that in about half of all US pregnancies no one has considered the best interests of a child until the pregnancy is underway. It's not a question tons of people think about before they have kids- "Is bringing a child into this situation in the child's best interest?" Often, the question is framed from the parents' point of view- "Is now a good time to have a child?" Maybe it's a subtle difference, but it is a difference, and there are definitely times when this distinction could lead to very different answers.

Specifically, in the case of balancing time and money. When one has the time for children, one may not have the money for children, and vice versa. Children need both, and a lot of each. As a society, we tend to say that the first scenario (time but not money) is a bad thing. We talk about children having more children to more greatly benefit from social services, or that a financially strapped couple "should have waited" and so on. The second case (money but not time), we tend to brush off as not a problem. The parent will hire a nanny, take extended leave, whatever, but the presence of money makes the scenario perfectly alright. As a society, we ignore the fact that both scenarios lead to stress. Financial stress in the first case, but time stress in the second. In either case, the child is being brought into the life of a parent or parents who are going to be under stress before the child is born. Is that in the best interests of any child?

And more importantly, is it in the best interests of our society to essentially value the lives and families of the rich more than the poor? If children of lower class families are worthy of our scrutiny concerning whether or not their parents made the right choice, aren't the children of the upper class worthy of the same scrutiny? Conversely, aren't both families equally worthy of us butting out of their parent's business so long as the children are happy, healthy and well-loved? In the US, money most definitely buys added rights, it seems.

Generalizing Specifics

2010-08-22T15:25:00.001-04:00

Earlier this week, I got into a rather heated argument with someone whom I had considered a friend. We knew that we had very different religious views, mine being still in flux in the agnostic/atheist range, and hers being very much settled on fundamentalist Christian. She believes in the literal interpretation of the Bible and the unchanging nature of faith. I believe in correcting position as data indicates and in religious texts as wonderfully symbolic stories. I trust Ocham's Razor, she trusts her prayers. And in the end, she decided that I was anti-god and anti religion and called me thus. I offer my deepest apologies for coming across this way if anyone else has taken that meaning- it is not my intent, and I will do my best to not be like that.

What she didn't realize is that I am not anti-god, I just don't agree with her view of god; I am not anti-religion, just anti-her-religion. I am perfectly fine accepting all kinds of religious beliefs, until they affect more than the individual believer. The whole idea of "Your right to swing your fist ends at my nose". Everyone has the right to their religious beliefs, until those beliefs start to affect others or until it leads to the denial of reality. Then, you've hit some one in the nose instead of stopping your fist.

It's a common mistake for humans- generalizing in inappropriate circumstances. Generalizing has it's usefulness. Generalizing lets us have expectations, and gives us an advantage on knowing how to react in a situation. If our ancestors recognized all large cat-like creatures as dangerous, we don't have to wait for the first person to be mauled before deciding that a new species of large cat should be feared and beginning to run away. But generalizing our fellow humans, especially in today's globalized world where we interact with so many more people, can be even more dangerous than not generalizing large cats. False generalities can lead to incorrect expectations, misinterpretations and wrong assumptions. All of this can lead to more difficulty than is necessary as well as strife, conflict and pain.

Dealing in facts instead of Truths tends to have this effect in most cases. The important truths that Dwight and I are trying to teach Ken are Peace, Love, Honesty, Respect, Work, Humility and Community. It's not an easy battle. As a four year old, he grapples constantly with the idea of good and bad guys. He wants to know along what lines he can divide the world into these simple binomials, when simple binomials are nearly existent in humans. Even something as simple as sex isn't really neatly divided into male and female. Humans are filled with continua. For this reason, we're trying to stress to him that things people are not good or bad- god and bad are reserved for actions. Everyone has good and bad things that they do, but that doesn't define them. The same goes for things and ideas- they are not good or bad, they are tools that can be used for good or bad purposes. It's pointless to be pro- or anti-any THING. Things, people, ideas all exist, and can not be made to no longer exist, for their being here has changed the world in some way. Instead, be pro- or anti-harmful actions. Life is much more simple that way. And most likely, the pain will be less.

Play the Changes

2010-08-15T00:21:00.001-04:00

Tonight was the Yo-yo Ma/Silk Road Ensemble concert for Ken and I at Blossom Music Center. It was kind of last minute-ish as I only really noticed anything about it this week. We managed to get lawn tickets, and kids under twelve are free on the lawn for Blossom Festival shows, so it was a great cheap evening and come on- kids need to see great cellists, right?

I'll admit it was about 180 degrees from what I had expected, but it was spectacular none the less. Yo-yo Ma- my original reason for wanting to go- was there mainly as a concert master and for one encore piece only. The show was very much about his Silk Road Ensemble, a group composed of a whole range of ethnicities, cultures, and musical traditions, all sharing the common thread of being somehow associated with the historic Silk Road. Inspiration for their compositions range from traditional Chinese songs, to Persia, to gypsy to Greek influences. Lots of traditional instruments like the khaen (or a relative), the gaita, the pipa and the tabla. Really, it's fusion music to the Nth degree.

There's no hiding the fact that this summer has been difficult for Ken and I. Two passionate individuals with a healthy dose of obstinance in each, and very different goals for their time together. To say we butt heads periodically is the understatement of the year. Lately, with my time even more limited due to teaching, it's been getting worse. I approached tonight with at least a little trepidation, especially considering how the day started at home. The start to the day include blatant disobedience and much intentional button-pushing.

Come 7:30 PM, we were settled on the lawn at Blossom and discussing the evenings events. He had some time to unwind (read- go crazy) and the show started at eight. As soon as the music started, it was like a switch was flipped. He was listening intently, and asking questions (quietly, even!), staring in rapt attention at the performers. He was describing what images the music brought to his mind, and the images tied in to the actual descriptions we had read, showing that he most likely paid attention to our conversation. It was a magical and Earth-shaking night, and something of which I was in desperate need.

I never imagined myself as a mother. My image of motherhood had been so broken after dad died, I was positive that my being in that position as primary care-giver and nurturer would be a disaster. Now I can't imagine life without the title of "mama" or "parent" being part of my experiences. Being a parent is a beautiful, horrific, devastating, uplifting series of events. It's the thrill of discovery and the joy of true love and the humility of an education all wrapped into one day, or even a few moments. It's the only thing I can think of that is every bit as tortuous as it is ecstatic, with a fair share of flat out disgusting thrown in for good measure.

That's why I do what I do. Every person that desires it, deserves to have the experience of parenting. And I, admittedly selfishly, enjoy being a part of that process. I like helping others get to that point. Surrogacy and egg donation are often described as "journeys" and they very much are just that. Just as a shirpa guides travelers to go where they wish, surrogates and egg donors assist others attain what they want. It's a struggle for all involved, their are extreme physical demands, and their may be bumps, and the outcome may be less than what was intended, but together all parties involved walk side by side and help each other navigate the path.

That journey continues into parenthood, with the parent and child taking up the hiking staffs. Ken has risen to the challenge of me, and I have risen to the challenges that are parenthood. We have stooped down to pick each other up when we fell. And together we continue- up and down, right and left, creating a dance that is every bit as creative and destructive and just as important as the dance of Shiva and Kali. Together, we have grown a hundred feet taller than I ever thought either of us could be. I would not be the person I am today without him, and he would not be the person he is without me- for better or for worse. All I can do is fight the human parts of myself and try my best to ensure that there are more notches on the "better" side than the "worse" side of the equation. All I can do is try my best to help him to be better than me, and to leave the world a little better than we found it.

Yes, I still exist; no, I'm not in London

2010-07-20T21:06:00.000-04:00

If, we've emailed in the past, you may have received an unfortunate email from me recently. This email stated that I was in London, England, had been mugged, and was receiving no assistance from the embassy or the police. The simple reason I wasn't getting any help from anyone- I wasn't in London. I was at home. The person who sent the email was also not in London, but in Nigeria (not joking!). My email account was hacked. It's now back under control, albeit in much disarray. The perpetrator not only sent out fraudulent emails, but ransacked my space by deleting all contacts, sent emails, my inbox, and all other emails in that account. They also changed a bunch of security settings and forwarded my email address to lkregulla@yahoo.com (note the two "L"s). I'm back in the process of restoring order to my cyber-world.

Proximally, no harm was done. No one with whom I've had communication sent any sensitive information to the scam artist. There was no rash of slander, libel, absurdity, or meanness. I did, however, hear from many people with whom I don't have as much communication as I would like, through no fault of anyone's, just the byproduct of hectic lives. That was the only upside of the whole thing- the outpouring of concern and reconnecting.

Ultimately, the episode has severely shaken my faith in humanity. I've heard of internet scam artists, I've been the recipient of fraudulent emails, but I've always viewed it with an air of humor. Surely, no one believes these emails, right? Everyone knows enough to be skeptical about requests for money or claims of international lottery winnings, right? And the email addresses utilized for this end are dedicated emails without an honest, real person on the other side, right? How wrong one can be.

I had a strong password. I used different passwords for different accounts. I don't use public computers. I thought I did everything right. Again, how wrong one can be. I'm thankful that there was no horrible, or even a bad outcome to this situation. I'm hurt to be reminded that people do engage in malicious and fraudulent behavior. I'm glad to know that if push came to shove, I have friends that would have my back. And they can recognize me from some stranger- mainly due to having the "mouth of a poetic sailor", my good grammar, and my invulnerability. I <3 my friends.

I mentioned earlier that the scam artist was most likely from Nigeria. This assertion is based on their IP address, and I do realize that IP addresses can lie (not that I have any experience- cough- Doctor Who- cough). But it seems ironic that this particular person originated from Nigeria, the stereotyped home of internet scams. Nigeria also happens to have a history of violence and economic disparity possibly worse than our own economic divide. There's arguably a reason people are desperate and resort to desperate measures there. Is this what we want for more of the world? Ethnic/sectarian divisiveness, economic and social oppression, and general melee to make individuals resort to tactics of last resort? This is a globalized world, and national borders no longer contain criminals, violence, oppression and hopelessness. National boundaries also cannot contain hope, justice, love, equality, freedom and tolerance. Which world are you helping to create? How are you helping to shape the future?

Really briefly

2010-06-22T06:47:00.000-04:00

Another blogger is celebrating her 1000th post, over at Ni Hao Y'all and to celebrate she's giving one dollar for every comment to An Orphan's Wish. Go help her spread some love to kids that really need it. Thanks also to Rarejule at Mining with Rarejule for pointing out the comment-a-thon, she really is a rare jewel.

Perfection

2010-06-20T17:28:00.000-04:00

In today's world, it's easy to get wrapped up in flaws and short-comings. There is a huge selection of "self-help" books based on the premise that you should do better. Diet industries point out our physical size and proportions. Tutoring and test-preparation services point out our intellectual needs. Seminars, retreats, and meetings exist to help us overcome our flaws.

At the same time, we are shown by marketers an ever increasingly false depiction of humans. Airbrushing, Photoshopping, extensive makeup, multiple "handlers" and specialized clothing (support garments, for one) give the impression of perfection when trying to sell us products. The message is that "Perfect people buy this. You can be one step closer to perfect if you do, too." We are pressured to be our best and recognize all our faults- that's how producers make money. Many entrepreneurs are billionaires because they could recognize a way to make money off of insecurity.

Contrast this with the message of "Love is blind." I'm not going to go into the religious aspects of it, because I think the phrase itself has come to mean something far bigger than just its spiritual ties. I'm also not entirely sure that I agree with the statement. I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiments, but not the exact words. Love between humans does see flaws, but loves them as part of you, or wants to help you overcome them, not that humans delude ourselves into thinking our beloved is faultless. Real, true, deep love is about the person, and flaws are a part of people. To love while not seeing flaws is to worship blindly, and in human relationships, that isn't a healthy thing. That leads to some pretty big disappointments. Love means loving the person, faults and all.

All that being said, I think everyone deserves one person in their life who equates them with perfection. One person that idolizes you and worships you. That person may come into your life and leave, or they may eventually come to love you as they discover the flaws, but to have that feeling that you have no flaws, you have no short-comings- that is something that everyone deserves at some point. We all also deserve to learn from the pain that comes when we're found out to be mortals. We only grow by challenging ourselves to do better and over coming obstacles.

Who is your perfect person, who idolized you, and how did those situations resolve? For me, my father was my perfect person; I learned of his mortality through lyposarcoma.