Wanderings of a Troubled Mind

What if?

2011-12-22T14:51:00.000-08:00

What would you do if you could stop time?

What if you could look down on your wristwatch

And just say

“Wait.”

The sound of the clock on the wall would stop

The sound of pretty much everything would stop

What if you create for yourself

A very own, personal, limbo?

Would you take to the streets

And do whatever you want?

Would you catch up on your sleep?

Would you read?

What would you do?

Would you drop out of college?

Who needs education?

You could steal all the food and money you want

The world would be your playground,

So would you become a superhero

And save the innocent kids from the bullies

Or would you become a superbully?

You could always be the cool scientist

Stop time and step ahead of light

Or you could become famous for your ability

What would you do?

If everything that was in motion

Would freeze in mid air

If everything that was still

Became stiller

Would you take that time

To appreciate the beauty of the world?

What would you do

If the world stops for you

Would you give in to all of that pressure

And never use that power again?

Or would you finally become free

To be the animal you once were?

Would you let the world remain frozen?

And live the rest of your life in solitude

What if someone else has already made that decision for you?

What if we all are actually frozen?

And everything seems like it’s changing, but nothing is

What if it’s all the same?

It’s all the same…

Desperately need something to do. :/

2011-12-20T13:07:00.001-08:00

So there’s this woodpecker
He pecks all day
Peck Peck Peck
Peck Peck Peck
Pecks his life away
Ever seen him stop and wonder?
At the glories of the world and beyond?
Did you ever see?
Him staring at a tree
And thinking about Joyce Kilmer?
Nope, can’t recall
Any such incident

So why should I stop
And smell the flowers I don’t see
Why should I write a poem
As beautiful as a tree
When no one else gives a damn

I should be hanging around friends
Rolling joints with the money for my rent
I should be the eternal narcissist
Like the one who sits above
But we’ll come to him later

Right now what I wanna know
Is what gives me the right to control
Everything I see
And everything I don’t
Coz frankly speaking
There’s a lot I don’t know

What gives me the right
To play with someone’s life
And blame it on ignorance?

I thought someone could tell me
Someone could answer
The stupidest question in the world
But if I ask someone
Why they’re doing something
They all say the same thing
Coz everyone else is.

Good.
So now we’ve got that cleared.
I’m doing what I’m doing
Because everyone else is doing what they’re doing
And everyone else is doing what they’re doing
Because I’m doing what I’m doing

To sum it up,
None of us know what any of us is doing
Or why they’re doing it.

Looks like we evolved backwards.
At least the apes knew what they were doing.
Sleep. Eat. Shit. Have Sex. Sleep.
That simple collection of words got what the people
Who call themselves the brainiest guys in the world didn’t:

Logic.

And I’ll tell you why they didn’t get it
Because they were the birdbrains
Who came up with the idea of a nuclear bomb
Which has really set the bar for human stupidity
No one can surpass that.

Because the ‘logic’ behind the nuclear bomb is
“You give me what I want
Or I’ll blow up your country”

People in the highest position of their respective countries
Spent money exceeding ten times the number of their population
On such nuclear bombs.

Which, in fact, they’ll never use.

True story.
Tell you the truth, I’d rather be a woodpecker.

I dream

2011-12-20T13:05:00.001-08:00

I dream

Sometimes of the world

And sometimes of other things

That are close to me

Or I want them to be

I dream

Sometimes of a girl

Who life has given nothing to lose

And nothing to gain

Except pain

I dream

Sometimes of an empty canvas

I hold the brush

But the only color I have

Is white

These dreams come to me

I don’t know how

I don’t know why

All I know is,

I dream

No Guitars in Hell

2011-11-21T11:49:00.001-08:00

I’ve been sick before

But never quite like this

I came down with a fever some time ago

And now I feel like a fish

Running out of water

I know what’s coming

It’s haunting me like a song

That’s been stuck in my head

And I can’t get rid of it

Coz it’s been there for so damn long

And I want some peace

And I don’t wanna die right now

I’ve much to do

I’ve much to sing

I’ve gotta do so much of everything

And I wanna remain on this earth

Till time ends

Till I’ve made all of my amends

Coz there’re no guitars in hell, my friend

I’ve seen my family

Crowd around me

And talk in hushed voices

I’ve seen them fake smiles

I’ve seen their red eyes

They talk to me like I’ve got other choices

No one should ever go through that

But they’d never give up hope

Even if you’re on your last rope

Never accept you’re truly gone

And that’s when they realize

The true meaning of life

Lies in loss

Rather late for an epiphany

And I don’t wanna give up hope either

Knowing fully well

I just have a few minutes

To sing you one last farewell

So here goes, I hope it fits

I hope it sums up everything

I’ve loved you all

And this is the end

I wish I could have been a better man

I’d sing to you every song I've ever penned

But I won’t,

coz as you know

There’re no guitars in hell, my friends

I'm a Human

2011-11-21T11:48:00.001-08:00

I looked at her innocent face
the unsuspecting smile
the carelessness of a child
her eyes reminding me
of the love we share
and i sank away
sank away
into a place worse than nothingness
emptier than emptiness
lonelier than loneliness
a place where no man came back from
the infinite abyss of the mind
sucking on me like a leech
eating me away
corroding me
until i'm just a lump of flesh
human for all purposes
except one, humanity.

Burnt

2011-10-13T10:08:00.001-07:00

I see something in your face

That no one else sees

There’s something in your eyes

No one would ever believe

You look up at the world

That looks down upon you

You want to be a part of something

That doesn’t want any part of you

Yet I see

The eternal hate that should have been

Doesn’t exist for

Another feeling that could have been

A beautiful life that would have been

If you hadn’t been burnt

I can see inside of you

What you really need

Isn’t the love or respect of the world

But something less demeaned

It’s acknowledgment that you crave

For all the sacrifices that you made

For all the hurt you had to brave

Just for being alive

It’s a different world that I see

From the one that you perceive

Yours is forever dark

But doesn’t miss the light

Yet I see

The eternal hate that should have been

Doesn’t exist for

Another feeling that could have been

A beautiful life that would have been

If you hadn’t been burnt

Broken Mornings

2011-10-10T13:25:00.001-07:00

Broken mornings scar my life

I’ve decided to runaway

I’m riding on a wave in the empty ocean

You will all soon fade away

Horizons bleak, the sun shining down

My neck, it tells me to give up

I still hang on, just for the heck of it

Coz I don’t really wanna go down in flames

Up ahead, I see a ray of hope

Which is ironic, coz it’s day

But something about it looks different

I guess I’ll take my chances, anyway

I don’t wanna be the one who’s left out

I don’t wanna be the one who always says

That, ‘You know I could’ve been a real somebody

Had my fate turned another way’

I guess this is how it feels like

To be devoid, of all senses

To put your faith in something so passionately

That your own true self feels light years away

A Stitch in Time

2011-08-25T10:31:00.000-07:00

There sits a midnight pauper with nothing much to eat
Along comes a young man; marching to his own, fine beat

The pauper raises his hand, tries to catch His attention
The young man ignores him, looking ahead (maybe into another dimension)

His eyes dreamy, His eyes glassy
Walks away from the pauper’s misery
Without so much as a thought
Drowned in his own personal reverie

The pauper keeps staring
His mouth open wide
His expression spelt amazement
His eyes terrified

For what he saw in the young man
Wasn’t as disturbing; as what he didn’t see,
Walking into the darkness,
Was just a pair of eyes, and a pair of feet.

Chernobyl

2011-08-25T10:29:00.000-07:00

Saw a documentary about the Chernobyl Nuclear Disaster today, and came up with this:

There's a person waiting for you to come back home
and sleep by her side
She waits for a future with you and her
and maybe an innocent child

You could play all day
and put him on your back
You could see the smile on his face
and spend the rest of your life like that

Do you really wanna give that away?
Do you really wanna give them away?

Or are you waiting for the world to say

Please don't kill me for you ego
I don't deserve to die right now

Remember the games you used to play as a kid?
The ones with Superman and the bad guys
You've grown up now and there's no Superman
I'm not so sure about the bad guys

Do you know how many kids are playing
that very game right now?
Do you know how many mothers are praying
for their safety right now?

Do you really wanna take that away?
Do you have any right of playing with their happiness this way?

Or are you waiting for the world to say

Please don't kill me for your ego
I don't deserve to die right now

I'm a man, I'm a common man
A faceless man, an innocent man
I'm walking on the street
Following my daily routine

Can you give me a reason
for killing me slowly?
For killing my parents, my wife, my kids
my friends and my family?

I know you can't
I know you can't
I know you can't
Coz you're the same as me

Please don't kill me for your ego
I don't deserve to die right now

Find My Paradise

2011-01-19T03:15:00.001-08:00

It is a lonely path I tread

With a couple of hopes

And dreams in my head

A lonely road

A lonely way

A lonely wind blowing my life into disarray

Is it unfair then, if I

Ak for some help

Or a piece of advice?

I’m just here to find my paradise

My paradise is a world

Where I’m not alone

With a few people I can call friends

And a place I can call home

‘tis a simple thing

The paradise that I seek

But coming across simple things is hard

Because they mean so much more to me

Along then, I’ll go

It is a long road ahead

And I still have

A couple of hopes and dreams

I won’t complain though

I’ll take life as it comes

With a pinch of salt and loads of spice

Who knows, maybe someday

I’ll find my paradise

I’ll find my paradise....

I am terrified of myself

2011-01-18T04:21:00.000-08:00

It's getting dark
Night is setting in
The same old house that was
Cheery in the morn
is now getting gloomy and dim

I can hear the soft
whispers of the breeze
I can hear my own breath
Footsteps resounding and echoing
in this house of death

Every soft movement
feels like my last
every shadow; a murderer
every creak; my end
every passing moment, doubling the pace of my heart

Terrified to move
Afraid of staying alone
I look around slowly
This is the place I call home

I close my eyes
and remind myself
that my worst enemy
is my mind

I open them
and look into the mirror
a shadowy and pale reflection
of one that was caring and kind

This is my imagination
I say out loud
in a voice, not quite my own
I say it again, and again
but to no avail, nothing eased my pain

The pain of knowing
that I was being punished
Punished for my sin
A horrible sin, at that,
The sin of murdering my own kin

They are back to reclaim me
NO THEY'RE NOT
To take me to hell
NO THAT IS A FALSITY

I brought this upon myself

You brought this upon yourself
You brought this upon yourself.....

The Eyes That Dreamt

2010-04-29T13:41:00.000-07:00

In a world enveloped in darkness
Where hopes are hard to find

Where people look inside themselves to see
All the things that pollute their mind
And pray in vain
For forgiveness

For purifying themselves
And their souls
To jusify their acts
Of greed and jealousy

She looked at me with eyes
That still shone with dreams

The dreams in those eyes
Promising hope for the hopeful
And trust for the thieves
The eyes that refuse to see
The world as it is

Believing and making me believe
Nothing is as bad as it seems

The eyes that shone with dreams...

I'm always there

2010-02-27T23:45:00.000-08:00

When nothing seems to be
like you want it to be

When nothing happens
the way you plan

When everyone else is too far away
to make you happy

And all your problems
make you want to lose your mind

Remember
the door's always open
I'm there to catch your tears

Sooner or later
Everything's gonna get better
Coz it just can't get worse..

When everything you want
is just a step away

And that's the only step
you can't take

When everything you dreamed of
goes down the drain

And you all you feel like
is just a big mistake

Remember
There's someone to whom
you mean more than the world

Sooner or later
He's gonna make everything better
He'll kiss away all your fears......

Waiting for Somebody

2010-02-19T10:58:00.000-08:00

Waiting for somebody to take my hand

and say to me don't worry I'm there

Waiting for somebody to take me along

in this life that's so bloody unfair

Somebody like you...

Waiting for somebody to stand next to me

and make me feel like someone cares

Waiting for somebody to make me believe

again that a thing called love's still there

Somebody like you...

Been waiting for years

and nobody's come

Been waiting for years

am still all alone

Been waiting for years

it's like nobody cares

Been waiting for years

I just wish someone was there...

The Last Day

2010-02-14T23:28:00.000-08:00

Hoped that this day would never end
Would give me more time to make amends
Would give me another chance to defend
All that I did
and am doing
I just wanted some time
to get a shot at explaining
how sorry I am
how regretful I feel
for being the cause of your pain
I just wanted one more hour
to hear your voice
to listen to you talking
To once again challenge whatever you say
I just want to feel the ascend
of my heart beat when I am with you
And then feel it slowly descend
I just wish this day would never end........

Colors of My Life

2010-01-31T03:21:00.000-08:00

Walking on the road that day
She looked so good in black

Couldn't help but stare
and she was staring back

Walked up to her, smiled and asked for her name
Next thing I knew, she slapped me and was on her way...

Next girl I saw was wearing brown
She looked so sexy, checked her out from up to down

I'll leave out the names I thought
and'll ask her about what she bought

Went ahead and asked, she seemed easy to impress
Then she showed me she'd bought herself a wedding dress...

This time I saw a girl in red
I swore to myself I'll take this one to bed

Went over, ignored her
Instead started talking to her pet

I said 'Hi' and he let out a friendly bark
Then he bit me and I still have the mark...

It just wasn't my lucky day
I'd probably be better off if I was gay
But I'm not, I just want someone who'd go all the way,
Oh what the heck, maybe tomorrow I'll try the one in grey!!!!

A Hero Named Larion

2010-01-27T12:19:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you a story
of a hero named Larion

The bravest of the three worlds
but his name never carried on

There was no one like he
Nearly no one as high

For he could shake a mountain
with the breath of a sigh

The seven seas bowed to him
The Gods bore him allegiance
The lands split at his will
Even the Devil swore obedience

There was only one who did not kneel in his presence
Only one who defied Larion's divine might
He broke all the laws of the land
Doing only what he thought was right

For he was as strong as our hero
Almost as big as he
But the only difference that was between them
was the evil in his deeds

As every story must have a villain
to justify the hero's good
I now bring you to Dementis
A man whose name even the Gods spoke in fear
Because of the infinite evil that Dementis could

This story is about that day
or rather that legendary night
When Larion chose to overpower
the man who nearly equalled his might

The battle was fought
the land was torn
Every shred of strength that both men possessed
had now been worn

But, listen on my friend,
The end is still far away
For far away, hidden in the valleys
hidden from view await

Followers of Dementis,men ordered to be there
Flanked by the many wicked creatures
that Dementis created when he had time to spare

With the knowledge of having an hidden army,
Dementis smiled in satisfaction
He drew back from the fight
And ran away from the action

Ran away to the place
where his secret army lay
Where he could see his opponent's death
As clear as day

Larion took Dementis's departure
as an insult to his pride
Now he could not rest in peace
unless his foe died

He followed Dementis
followed him to the place where he ran
He crossed the village of Demero
But didn't see a beast nor a man

Thinking of this as strange
Together with the flight of Dementis
He now began to comprehend
What had begun as a brilliant plan
must now come to an end

Looking over his shoulder
He saw Grim standing there
"Worry not, my friend," said the Grim,
"It is not for you that I'm here"

With that the Grim vanished and
Larion continued his chase
The eagerness to kill Dementis
had now become a craze

He took a different path
and could see each soldier
as the moon now shone
he snuck past every one of them
to the point where Dementis stood alone

Blinded in a wave of fury
He swung his blade
The villain's head was on his feet
and the scream that he made

Echoed across the valley
echoed inside every head
echoed across the whole universe
and shook the graves of the dead

Dementes's General rushed inside
saw his master slain
saw the sword in the killer's hand
and knew fighting would be in vain

Still, in a valiant effort
he held his head up high
and told the brave warrior
to surrender or to die

Larion laughed at these words
looked down upon the General in disdain
killed every person and beast in the army
and was never heard of again

Farewell Song

2010-01-27T10:26:00.001-08:00

Muskaane kuch hain kam si
AAnkhen bhi kuch hai nam si
Chehro pe udasi hai
Jaise khushiyon ka pal ye akhri hai

Yad hai har wo din
Jo bitaya yaaro ke beech
Yad hai har wo rat
Jab padhai ne sone diya nahi

Aj main jo bhi hu
Tumhari wajah se hu

Kal jake jo bhi banu
I'm never gonna forget you

I'm gonna miss my school
I'm gonna miss my friends
I don't think my life
will ever be the same again

Yad hai pehla pyar
Uske bad ke dus barah bhi
Yad hai sare proposals
Unke bad ke thappad bhi

Ab main jahan bhi jau
Ab main jahan bhi rahu

I'm always gonna come right back to you

I'm gonna miss my school

I'm gonna miss my friends

I don't think my life

will ever be the same again

Ye samay beet jayega
Zindagi kat jayegi
Chahe phir kuch yad aye na
In dino ki bahut yad ayegi

I'm gonna miss my school

I'm gonna miss my friends

I don't think my life

will ever be the same again

Your Attention Please

2010-01-26T05:32:00.000-08:00

Your Attention Please
Attention to the matters at hand

Your Attention Please
Attention to the flowing sands

of time
It flows away
Like water from our hands
Like trust from our lands

With time so less
And tasks numerous
All that was your job to do
Is now up to us

Your Attention Please
to the people dying
to the people crying
to you for help

Your Attention Please
to the people suffering
like bloody canines
with their final yelps

Your Attention
to the chaos spreading around

Your Attention

to the nations going down

Help is all we need

It's our lives versus all your greed

All we want is some lasting peace

Instead you declaring war

Against everything you see

Your Attention Please

Attention to the matters at hand

Your Attention Please

Attention to the time flowing outta your hands

Attention to the tyranny you unleashed

Attention to the trust of millions you just breached

Attention to the fact that unless you start making serious amends

We're gonna take things in our own hands........

The Morning Sun

2010-01-26T05:15:00.000-08:00

A new day has begun
I can see the moon
And I can see the sun

The birds are calling
And I am falling
in love with the dawn

I just saw some birds
with blue feathers
they were flying together
Going on and on forever

And it's a new day
New in every which way
The sky's not grey anymore

And I am sure
I'll remain as pure
as this wonderful day

The moon's starting to fade
It's a new day
It's destiny
And I know it's a part of me
I know it's a part of me.......