Wankerparty - The Masturbation Celebration

Blister in The Sun

Chas Diamond — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 09:45:55 -0500

Voted the "Most Essential Song of All Time" by listeners of the popular Australian radio station Triple M.

The Band claimed that the song is about a girl who likes big hands but to everyone else who's ever studied the lyric - that means wanking.

In 2005, it became the first English-language track to ever be allowed on RnaG, the Republic of Ireland Irish language radio station. This was believed to be in return for giving the rest of the world Enya.

Later on, the bass player sued the writer when the writer allowed song to be used for a TV commercial advertising burger chain Wendy's.

Some of the Lyrics:
"Let me go on, like I blister in the sun, Let me go on, big hands I know your the one. Body and beats, I stain my sheets, I don't even know why."

Addicted to (Self) Love

Chas Diamond — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 01:37:03 -0500

The Sun has a big splash about masturbation today, if you know what I mean.

Dear Deidre: not made upDear Deidre has turned her attetntions to Britain's number one hobby in addressing the concerns of an upset 14-year-old who got caught hitchhiking South at a party and is now the object of here entire school's ridicule.

Are these Dear Deidre stories made up? Maybe. But does that make them any less real?

Props to Deidre anyway who, aside from trying to punt some leaflet, tells to girl to relax - it's normal and tells her to keep on frigging like there's no tomorrow.

Power.

Until next time,

Yo!

Chas Diamond

The Boys Light Up

Chas Diamond — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 00:21:11 -0500

This song wasn't a hit in the UK but was a chart smash in the band's native Australia.

It's a suburban lady-wank number, all about a woman who stays at home all day and plays with her favourite vibrator.

The singer's unintelligible style may have helped the band get away with it for a major hit in early-80s Australia.

The video is a 1981 appearance on top Aussie pop show 'Countdown'

Lyrics

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY MOUNTAIN HOME
WHERE ALL THE LADIES NAMES ARE JOAN
WHERE HUSBANDS WORK BACK LATE AT NIGHT
HOPES ARE UP FOR TROUSERS DOWN
WITH HOSTESS ON A BUSINESS FLIGHT
TAXI IN A MERCEDES DRIVE
I HOPE THAT DRIVER'S COMING OUT ALIVE
THE GARDEN IS A DORSETTED
THAT LADY - SHE'S SO CORSETED
SHE'S GOT 15 WAYS TO LEAD THAT BOY ASTRAY
HE THINKS HE'S ONE AND ONLY
BUT THAT LOVELY SHE'S SO LONELY
SHE PUMPS HIM FULL OF BREAKFAST AND SHE SENDS HIM ON HIS WAY
WHAT A SING SONG DANCE
WHAT A PERFORMANCE
WHAT A CHEAP TENT SHOW
OH NO NO NO NO NO

CHORUS
THEN THE BOYS LIGHT UP
THEN THE BOYS LIGHT UP (X2)
THEN THE BOYS LIGHT UP
THEN THE BOYS LIGHT UP - LIGHT UP - LIGHT UP

SILENTLY SHE OPENS THE DRAWER
MOTHERS LITTLE HELPER IS COMING OUT FOR MORE
STRATEGICALLY POSITIONED BEFORE THE MIDDAY SHOW
HER BACK IS ARCHED THOSE LIPS ARE PARCHED
REPEATED BLOW BY BLOW
LATER AT THE PARTY ALL THE MPs RAVE
ABOUT THE HUMMERS SHE'S BEEN GIVING
AND THE MONEY THAT THEY SAVE
TO HER IT IS SKIN LOTION
FOR HIS PROMOTION TO
THAT FLAT IN SURFERS PARADISE WITH THE OCEAN VIEW
WHAT A SING SONG DANCE
WHAT A PERFORMACE
WHAT A CHEAP TEN SHOW
OH NO NO NO NO NO

CHORUS

Turning Japanese

Chas Diamond — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 01:14:43 -0500

Frequently cited as the classic masturbation-related pop song - the lyrics are rather sparse on clear wanking references.

The guy who wrote it said it was a "love song".

The theory is that when you wank you pull a facial expression that is like a stereotypical "Japanese" face - eyes shut tight and great big grin.

Another, equally racist reading of the lyrics can read that the singer is so into this girl that he wants to take loads of photos of her, just like a stereotypical Japanese tourist.

Interstingly, the song itself is NOT THAT GOOD for actually having a wank to. Despite having an American-spelt name - the Vapors are/were English

LYRICS
I've got your picture of me and you
You wrote "I love you" I wrote "me too"
I sit there staring and there's nothing else to do
Oh it's in color Your hair is brown
Your eyes are hazel And soft as clouds
I often kiss you when there's no one else around

I've got your picture, I've got your picture
I'd like a million of you all round my cell
I want a doctor to take your picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You've got me turning up and turning down
And turning in and turning 'round

I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

I've got your picture, I've got your picture
I'd like a million of them all round my cell
I want the doctor to take a picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You've got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning 'round

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women
No fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark
Everyone around me is a total stranger
Everyone avoids me like a cyclone ranger
That's why I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
(think so think so think so)
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

Sing a Song of Wanking

Chas Diamond — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 01:26:02 -0500

Wankerparty expands today to include pop songs about wanking under the heading "songs". See the main menu.

The aim is to gather the all the world's rock hits which feature skin flutes , pink oboes or trombones and gather them into one mighty musical list - the ultimate pop-toss reference.

Yeah!

We start off with a sixties classic, Pictures of Lily by The Who, which is about wank-mags and which features John Entwistle playing the French Horn.

I'll be adding a lot more over the next few days, and if there's any you think I should not miss, then drop me a line.

Until Next Time...

Yo!

Chas Diamond

Pictures of Lily

Chas Diamond — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 01:01:26 -0500

The story goes that a father lends his son some wanking material. Son gets obsessed with Lily and wants to meet her in real life but father informs son that Lily has been dead since 1929. According to The Who's songwriter Pete Townshend the idea was inspired by a picture of an old Vaudeville star - Lily Bayliss.

LYRICS:
I used to wake up in the morning
I used to feel so bad
I got so sick of having sleepless nights
I went and told my dad

He said, 'Son now here's some little something'
And stuck them on my wall
And now my nights ain't quite so lonely
In fact I, I don't feel bad at all

Pictures of Lily made my life so wonderful
Pictures of Lily helped me sleep at night
Pitcures of Lily solved my childhood problems
Pictures of Lily helped me feel alright

Pictures of Lily
Lily, oh Lily
Lily, oh Lily
Pictures of Lily

And then one day things weren't quite so fine
I fell in love with Lily
I asked my dad where Lily I could find
He said, 'Son, now don't be silly'

'She's been dead since 1929'
Oh, how I cried that night
If only I'd been born in Lily's time
It would have been alright

Pictures of Lily made my life so wonderful
Pictures of Lily helped me sleep at night

For me and Lily are together in my dreams
And I ask you, 'Hey mister, have you ever seen'
'Pictures of Lily?'

Buffy The Vampire Wanker

Chas Diamond — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 02:03:43 -0500

Today's famous chicken choker is Thomas Wanker, who was born in Austria in 1973 and has since become one of the greatest film and TV music composers in the entire world of entertainment.

Oi: WankerWanker has dreamed up the music for Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Alien vs Predator, 10,000 BC, and The Day After Tomorrow, amongst a load of German TV shows.

As you can see from the picture, Thomas is quite a big fat musician, and possibly models himself on Vangelis.

Expert analysis of the picture has revealed that Thomas's personal wanking style is probably FAST/FURTIVE and he gains extra wanker points for having a first name which also means to have an Arthur.

Another Austrian artist, another superstar! There's something about those Alpine muesli-munchers that always seems to put them right in our line of sight here at Wankerparty.

As Midge Ure once said, "...it means nothing to me. Ah. Vienna"

Until Next Time

Yo!

Chas Diamond

If you were on Big Brother, would you have a wank?

Chas Diamond — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 02:41:18 -0500

Women Lag Behind

Chas Diamond — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 00:47:22 -0500

According to this,
4 out of 10 women experience their first orgasm through masturbation.

just do itForty per cent? Is that all? I imagine this is pretty low compared to male men for whom the figure is surely closer to ninety-nine and a half point six.

The stats certainly raise a case for deploying more sex education in schools, especially for the girls.

With so little masturbation and so few climaxes, is it any wonder that women enjoy life less than men, have lower self-esteem and get paid less? The answer to this social conundrum has bee nstaring us in the face all along... They're simply not gagging their clams enough.

RELATED WANKERPARTY POSTS:
Statistics About Wanking and Coming
Are You Normal?

Until next time,

Yo!

Chas D

The Truth About Kittens

Chas Diamond — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 00:09:43 -0500

For years we were told that every time you masturbated, God killed a kitten.

However it seems that someone got that slightly wrong as this new truth reveals:

Until Next time,

Yo!

Chas Diamond